#im also worried it could be weird to have a real person instead of some dumb in-between frame from a show

[silencesscreams]

i can see you

james potter x best friends sister!reader (smut)

summary: james develops a strange feeling for sirius’ sister (reader) when she comes to london once her job required her to move. he first off thought she was a shitty person, an awful one with an awfully pretty face. so when sirius offers for her to stay in their loft until she finds an apartment, he decides he’s going to make her want to get out of there as fast as possible, until he wants her to stay more than anything in this whole world.

a/n: omg im so sorry this took so long, i tried my best w this one. also, english isn’t my first language so sorry for any mistakes. inspired by i can see you - taylor swift

warnings: mdni. smut with plot, afab!reader, use of she/her pronouns in reference to reader, use of y/n (I AM SORRY), afab!reader, being shorter than james, muggle & modern day!au, chef!peter, ships included (dorlene, marylily, wolfstar), swearing, cuddling, mentions of alcohol and drinking, a lot of physical touch, kind of public??, kissing, praise, v soft dom!james, fingering, oral (m receiving), light choking, size kink??, penetration, unprotected (don’t do this please), overstimulation

for the past two years, you started to have weekly calls with your brother, to update him on your life and know what’s happening on his.

you got transferred to london because of your job, you couldn’t find any apartments online and you were supposed to move the other week, being really desperate you told him about it, hoping he knew a real estate agent or something like that, but you were incredibly caught by surprise with his answer.

“thats such nonsense, you should just stay in my empty room until you find another place.” sirius said, his phone on speaker as he made a sandwich in the kitchen. james eyed him with a confused look on his face, but sirius decided to ignore it.

“really?” you ask, hopeful, you really could take a break from looking for apartments.

“of course. i mean, remus has practically moved into my room, so we just need to take some stuff of his out, but yeah, its no big deal.” james couldn’t help but look at him like he was crazy, remus’ room was right next to his, hell, remus’ room had a bathroom adjoined to his. james was starting to feel faint.

as soon as sirius got off the phone with you, he started blabbing.

“what the fuck, sirius?!” james said loudly, sirius sighed, putting his sandwich harshly on the plate.

“what now? i’m really just trying to eat here”

“your sister? really?” he looked like he was about to faint.

“she’ll pitch in on the rent, don’t worry about that” your brother tried to get him calm.

“oh please, i dont care about that! you know how i feel about sharing spaces” he was getting stressed, he couldn’t help it. “and you know how i feel about your family, i have been telling you to be more careful these past years but you don’t listen at all!”

it really had to be remus’s room? couldn’t peter just switch rooms and lend her his instead?

“she’s not like my parents, and neither is regulus, they didn’t do anything” sirius paused, “do your best friend a favor, will you?” and he knew he was going to.

“she’s not messy or nosy or anything like that, right?” james asked, giving into it fully.

“please, shes a cleaning freak, she’s worse than my mother” he paused. “that’s an exaggeration but she’s not messy at all, i swear. you wont even notice she’s around.” james doubted that, but he knew how much sirius missed his siblings, and he knew how fond sirius was of you.

james swore to himself he was going to get you to leave either way, he didn’t want you there and he didn’t care if he had to pay more rent because of it. he didn’t like you, he never did. even in school, before the whole sirius moving out thing, he felt weird around you. and he remembered that feeling very well, even if it was many years before, he didn’t feel like he could forget.

-

your moving truck arrived at the building a few hours before you, but when you got there, sirius had already arranged your furniture, which did make you a bit emotional. he had even bought a toothbrush, carefully arranging it in the right side of the cabinet, the side that pointed towards the door of the bathroom that led to your room.

the boys came to pick you up at the train station, you recognized them from sirius’ social media. they were everywhere.

you were extremely confused on why all of them had come and pick you up, you were hoping to see your brother standing awkwardly, instead he was there with all of his roommates. you felt like you were a teenage girl again, trying to talk to your brother during lunch, but his friends were always around.

you recognized remus from the photos he sent you, and peter was always on the background of your calls with him baking something.

and then there was james.

james potter. you didn’t know how to feel about him anymore. when your brother first introduced you, you found him attractive, but then you hated him.

when your brother ran away to his home you couldn’t help but hate him.

sure, your house wasn’t the best place in the world, but he took away your older brother, how were you supposed to feel?

as time passed you started to tolerate his presence. now you really don’t care about him, but he sure looked better than he usually did many years before.

-

you felt like you could kill him.

after living with james for a month you found him obnoxious, rude, annoying and a few other things you were too lazy to mention.

but the thing you hated the most was how invasive he could be.

you barged into his room, he was laying there, crumbs all over his red shirt.

"you should learn how to knock" he rolled his eyes when he said it, your brows furrowed.

"you ate my brownies." you had baked a few because it was bring your kid to work day and you were in charge of the snacks.

“they were really good, i thought peter made them” james paused. “he runs a restaurant downtown, you know, he’s always baking and-“

“i’m gonna have to make a whole new batch. you ate like ten of them.” you were about to get a really bad headache depending on his answer.

“i told you, they were really good.”

if you were in a cartoon you would’ve turn red and there would be smoke coming out of your nostrils and your ears. you had no comment.

you hated when he did that, just compliment you so you couldn’t really hate him that much anymore.

he used your shampoo, but it smelled really nice.

he ate your leftovers, but you really know how to order chinese food.

he even wore one of your biggest shirts you bought when you were in college because you were too lazy to buy pijamas and suddenly that shirt was really nice, because, sure, james potter actually listened to avril lavigne.

he even shrunk one of your favorite sundresses, you almost cried that day and he never even apologized.

the list went on and on, and somehow, every compliment of his sounded like he was taunting you, making fun of you right in front of your face and all you could ever do was thank him.

maybe that’s just how you were, polite no matter what. but you sure didn’t want to be polite to james that day.

“no, you don’t get to do that” you felt like you were being crazy.

“what do you mean?” he chuckled. he so did not chuckle.

“you don’t get to compliment me! that doesn’t bring my brownies back!” the word brownie sure sounded stupid in that moment.

“i’ll bake more for you, but they’ll suck, you know that” he actually sat on the bed to argue, how kind of him.

“the kids will probably die if they eat your brownies.”

“you’re feeding children? where do you even work?” he looked so confused and you kept getting angrier.

“do i really look like the kind of person who would eat a hundred billion thousand brownies? god, james, why can’t you just not touch my shit?”

“that’s not even a real number and there were a lot of them! i thought it wouldn’t make a difference!”

“it wouldn’t, if you had eaten one or two, but you ate half of them!”

“oh please, lets put it to a maximum of 25%, alright?” you felt like you were going absolutely insane. he was probably going to get you in a mental hospital and you’d be walking around, looking half dead, murmuring ‘brownies brownies brownies, i want my brownies back’.

you decided to just give up, slamming the door the hardest you could while heading out.

-

as halloween came around, the bickering with james stopped, you didn’t quite know if it was because of the season or you just got used to each other, but you didn’t mind it much. he could be very exhausting when upset, and you were sure you could too.

you loved fall, maybe it was that you were in a great mood. pumpkin flavored stuff, candles and everything else included.

on the day before halloween, you woke up early, you had to go apartment hunting and once you got back you would try and help peter make deserts. even though your ghost shaped cookies look like very sick jellyfish, you wanted to help. it was the most you could do, you weren’t paying rent, sirius wouldn’t let you. and they were going to throw a party on the next day so you wanted to help them get everything settled.

when you got home you were so incredibly tired, you had spent all day out and it was already 9pm. you had to walk so much you felt like you were your feet would fall off because they were used more on that day than they were your entire life. you were more upset you didn’t get to help with the food though, the pain didn’t really matter that much compared to that.

you just wanted to lay on your bed, put your feet up and-

giggles.

there were giggles coming from your room.

and then you remembered it, the neighbors, a few girls that went to the same school as you and were very good friends with your brother were staying over. a big slumber party of some sort, you and james were sleeping in the living room, because, of course, the four girls formed two couples and they would sleep together separately. no actual bed for you tonight! you really liked them though, so you couldn’t complain.

you knocked on the door to your own room and marlene opened it, cheeks flushed, and you could see dorcas on your bed, doing something on her phone.

“hi, lene” you decided to call her that because sirius called her that, it was cute. “sorry for bothering you both, i just wanted to get my pillow, my blanket and change real quick”

“oh sure, come in” she opened the door and you went straight for the drawer under the bed, grabbing a light green heavy one, you usually used that on winter but it was a cold night and you didn’t really want to bother them by taking your usual one from off the bed.

you never changed clothes so fast, tossing them in the laundry bin along with a shit ton of james’ shirts that were on his side of the sink.

“thank you, have a nice night”

you sighed while going to the living room, to find james sitting on the armchair, shirtless and wearing sweatpants, drinking a beer and watching that 70s show (again). you decided to ignore how good he looked and just get some rest because you really didn’t want go think about james in that moment, or ever as a matter of fact.

you lay down on the couch and throw the blanket over your head.

“you know what bums me out about this show?” james says abruptly, like you would really like to know. you grunt, waiting for his answer. “they really didn’t know when to stop it, its only good until what? season-“

“james, im really tired, i just wanna get some rest, please” you get out from under the covers to say that, so he ignores it fully.

“how did apartment hunting go?” he asks, pausing the episode and asking alexa to turn on some playlist with songs a sad dad would listen to.

“shitty, theres not one good place up for rent in this city, its actually sick”

“yeah, thats tough” he pauses for a brief moment “come here” he said, patting his knee. was he asking you to sit on his lap? was he going fucking crazy?

“i’m sorry, what?” you were so confused, since when was he like that to you?

“get up, sit here with me a little.” were you dreaming? was this one of those weird wet dreams you had in high school?

“james, i’m really tired, my back hurts and i really want to lay-“

“i’ll give you a massage, it’s whatever” he answered, a sad puppy look on his face.

you gave in. you walked over to him and sat on the arm of the chair, but he pulled you onto his lap.

“i need to be close to you, if i’m not it’s really awkward and uncomfortable.” some song you didn’t know was playing.

it was slow and sounded old, you didn’t recognize it.

“james come on, im really tired.” you say, smiling though, you didn’t know why he was doing this. he must’ve had an awfully good day.

“just for a bit.” why were his hands on your waist? why were you nervous. you nodded, you felt that if you opened your mouth to speak, nothing would come out.

you could feel his breathing on your neck, his hands roaming your waist as he lead them up to your shoulders.

his hands were on the low of your back, under your shirt. that was certainly new, and that was really not a massage, but you weren’t complaining.

you looked back at him, wide eyed, what was he doing?

once you turned your face to look at him, you couldn’t look away anymore.

maybe it was how nice he looked in the paused lighting of the tv, maybe it was how warm he felt, when the weather was so chilly recently, whatever it was, it hooked you.

he was looking straight into your eyes and you felt so open to him, it was weird to see him like this.

you felt like you were back in school being head over heels for your brother's best friend.

you heard keys jingling outside, so you stepped away, leaving him sat by himself wondering what he did wrong. sirius opened the door abruptly, scaring james, who looked at him confused.

“sorry, mate, the door was … hey! is that my instrumental playlist?” james turned a bit pink.

“yeah, I was just...” he looked at you. “forget it.” he turned it off. you were pretending to be unbothered, looking at something your phone.

you couldn’t quite wrap your mind around what had just happened.

you unfolded the sofa into a bed, getting comfortable on the right side, but then you felt his eyes back on you as sirius went into his own room.

“oh, sorry. do you want the couch? i can sleep on the chair, i don’t really-“

“we can share. don’t worry about it.” you nod at his comment. what had gotten into him? he turned off the lights, leaving the tv on. you were trying to calm down, sleeping in the same place as him, being nervous about it was so silly, but, still, you could feel your heartbeat.

“you wanna pick something?” he interrupted your thoughts, you didn’t want to watch anything. you wanted it to be over as soon as possible.

“no, you can just go back to your thing, i don’t mind it.” you answered. he laid down by your side.

fuck.

you were going to share the damn blanket.

he unpaused the tv, putting the remote on the right arm of the couch, that was your side. his arm went over you, he wrapped his arm around your waist once he went back to his side, though half of it was empty.

was he trying to spoon you? you could feel yourself getting nervous, your body starting to feel hot.

you (stupidly) decided to test his actual intentions with that, turning to your side to see if he’d pull you in, he quickly did.

you could have died right there.

he had never even hugged you before, was he really horny or something? and so you felt it.

‘oh my god.’ you thought to yourself repeatedly.

you felt his hand on your waist, pulling you closer to him, which was basically impossible with your ass already glued to his crotch.

you ended up sleeping like that, waking up in the morning to the ‘are you still watching?’ screen.

the day was fine, and you found out you and James had a lot in common, you ended up talking the entire evening, he spent the whole party next to you.

you slept in separate rooms at night, but you still spent a while with him in his room talking about all sorts of things. you never imagined how you and james could be alike. you never imagined how could be so sweet, funny and nice.

after the fall holidays you and james became closer and closer, when labor day came up you realized how much you liked him and when thanksgiving came around, you realized how you might actually be falling for him.

he didn’t help with that at all. he was always touching you, you even ended up cuddling when you would watch some awful movie in his room.

you never really got if he liked you as a friend or he wanted something more, until christmas.

you carefully placed your gifts under the tree on christmas eve, so in the morning when you saw a little box with your name on it, you were incredibly excited.

everyone was sat on the living room floor, opening gifts. in the little box was an envelope and it was from all of the guys. there was something written in the paper inside but you didn’t want read it in the moment.

“thanks” you smiled, but you didn’t quite know what it meant.

“we all talked and we want you to put your name on the lease.” sirius said quickly, looking at you anxiously.

“like, actually?” you ask, starting to feel extremely happy because you loved living with them.

“yeah” remus answered, smiling.

“thanks, i really appreciate it.” you couldn’t stop smiling, it felt great to know they wanted you there. james, who was sat next to you, gave you a one arm hug and a kiss on the forehead.

“so you’re gonna let me pay rent now?” you ask to your brother, smiling.

“i guess so.” he replied. you knew he was happy too. “gonna get you an actual gift though”

they were planning a big christmas party, they invited some people from work, the girls and some other people you didn’t really know, so you were expecting to spend the night with james. you went all out, put on your favorite red dress which was short but still fancy for the event.

once you were ready, half of the party was already there, including all of james’ coworkers and friends. you sat next to him on the couch, they were all there all talking about something from his work you didn’t really understand.

they were all dressed up too, but what shocked you the most was that james was wearing a suit, sure, his necktie was already loose and the buttons on his shirt too, but he looked amazing.

“can i stay with you fot the rest of the night? i don’t really know anyone here.” you whispered into his ear, nervous about the answer.

“sure” he nodded. “hey, henry” he called for his coworker that was sitting on the couches arm.

“yeah?” the guy answered.

“this is y/n, the friend i was telling you about the other day.” james gestures to you. you can’t help but smile awkwardly and wonder what he said about you.

“oh, hi! pleasure to meet you.” he got up from his chair and shook your hand, smiling at james and nodding. what did that mean?

“pleasure to meet you too.” you smile at him.

“i’m just gonna get some drinks, i’ll ill be right back. do you want something?” james asked you.

“just a soda.” he gets up and heads to the kitchen.

“so, tell me, how are your brownies?” henry jokes, you look at him confused.

“good, i guess, but thats a biased opinion.” you answer, curious on how he knew about your brownies.

“you know, james talks about you all the time.” he comments, you were sure he already had a few drinks.

“really? what does he say?”

“when you first moved in he hated you, you know? he always said it was fun to make you mad and all. but since october he’s been so nice when he talks about you, i personally think he fancies you, but i wouldn’t know. i don’t think he’d tell me if he did, specially because you’re his friends sister and all.” he was rambling but you really enjoyed the part he said about james seeing you as more than a friend, you enjoyed it so much you didn’t even pay attention to what he said after that.

“i doubt it, we just turned into good friends, that’s all.”

“nah, i think he wants to make you into something else.” henry might’ve just made your entire night with that phrase. you couldn’t hide your smile anymore.

“here’s your soda, a beer for you, henry” james handed the drinks and took a sip of his coke. you sat next to him, holding your soda in both of your hands, looking down at it nervously. “did something happen?” he asked you.

“no, just thinking ‘bout something” you answer, looking into his eyes now. he smiles, wrapping his arm around your waist. that makes you so flustered, you feel your entire body getting warmer and that’s just the start of it.

for the rest of the night, he stayed by your side. his hand resting on your waist, thigh, around your shoulders, wherever he wanted them. you could feel your heart beating in your chest for most of the time. he had never done that before, not in public and surely not like that, not in a sexual manner, at least that’s how you identified it, because one thing was a friendly touch, the other was what he was doing.

he made you feel needy, aching for more - he was making you want him.

did he notice? did he ever even perceive how he made you feel? how could he not?

goosebumps covered you once he grazed your thigh for the first time out of five, the fifth was when he finally let his hand stay put there.

it made you feel crazy, it really did.

you didn’t know if he meant it as you took it, but you really hoped he did.

the party was still going around 1am, james had disappeared and you were left sitting on the couch, waiting for him to come back.

you couldn’t stop thinking about him and it made you feel kind of silly. you were a bit disappointed that nothing happened but you sort of expected it. you knew nothing would actually occur, but still, it made you a bit sad. maybe the touch lead you on, but it-

you looked at your phone once it vibrated and you felt the absolute need to scream because of how excited the text made you, but you didn’t.

‘James: come to my room once you read this, please.’

you didn’t think much of it, though you would’ve come if he just asked you to like he normally did.

you finished your drink and knocked on his door. he opened it but didn’t look at you, his eyes were focused on your knees, he looked nervous.he was still wearing his pants and the dress shirt, except it was unbuttoned. shit.

“y/n?” he was looking at you now.

fuck.

“yeah?”

“you look really good tonight.”

“i clean up nice sometimes.” you smile.

“oh please, you always look good” he turned a bit pink once he said it. “and thats a really nice dress” his voice was low when he said it, was he actually hitting on you?

“thank you” you whispered, you couldn’t help but feel anxious as his body got closer to yours.

“you know, i’ve been thinking about something for a while now” he says. you could feel your stomach start to twist and turn because you were so anxious on what he was doing next. you hummed, making sure he would continue what he was saying, but he didn’t.

he just kissed you like it was the easiest thing in the world. he pulled you into his room and closed the door, locking it quickly.

the feeling of his lips on yours was something you craved for a while now, you needed it so much you started to wonder if it was normal for you to need something this much.

you couldn’t stop once it started. his hands were on your hips and you tugged onto his hair desperately.

kissing him is redefining the whole concept of kissing to you, and probably ruining every other sexual experience you could have for the rest of your life.

he pushed you into the door, his hands now on your ass.

“shit” he let out quickly as he stopped kissing you so roughly and started giving you quick pecks. “you have no idea for how long i wanted to do this.” you hummed. “you’re so fucking hot, it makes me crazy.” the praise was making your stomach twist again, a wet spot being formed between your legs.

he carried you with your legs around his body and took you to his bed. the same bed you have used to lay down to watch movies, to just gossip or discuss things, to do whatever.

he sat down and kept you on his lap, straddling him, but you needed more. as he kissed you roughly and messily you would casually rock your hips, causing friction. after you did that a few times he laid you down on the bed, telling you to stop being such a tease, he got on top of you, supporting himself with his knees, one of them between your legs, causing friction and making you more aroused.

when he started playing with the strings that held the dress together, you knew you were done for, so you let him undo the bow, kissing your neck. he was messy, sometimes he would bite and it would send bolts of electricity down your spine.

“james…” you let out as he bit you again.

“tell me” he said, trailing his kisses down to your clavicle. “can i take this off too?” he asked, playing with your bra. you nodded but he didn’t move an inch.

“i need to hear you say it. can i take this off?” he was such a fucking tease, it made you go crazy. he loved to hear your voice, he knew you wanted him to take it off, he just liked to hear you say it.

“yes, please” you struggled to hold in a moan once he started sucking on your neck.

“thank you” he answered, looking back to the hickey he gave you. “hmm, that’s gonna leave a mark, sorry baby” baby? he had never called you that, you hummed as he took off his collared shirt and then proceeded to take off your bra . he groaned at the sight of you, which drove you mad. his growing bulge was exposed.

he was big.

you immediately regretted every single time you had made a small dick joke (sure, there were only 2 times but they did happen).

he was on his knees, towering over you.

“you’re so pretty”, he leaned down to kiss you again, this time more eager than ever. his right hand cupped your jaw as his left one roamed your body, making you ache for more and more. “i really wanna touch you” he whispered and went back to kissing you, his left hand now between your thighs, waiting for permission to move.

“please” you whisper, stopping the kiss briefly. he kept on kissing you as he stimulated you through the fabric of your underwear, but that didn't happen for long, specially because of how wet it was, he needed to touch you, he couldn't help himself. the dress was so hiked up it looked like a shirt, but instead of helping you take it off, he pulled it down a bit, so he had access to your chest. he immediately started kissing around your left tit, making you go absolutely insane. and that combined with the sudden touch to your clit? yeah, you were getting fucked up that night.

he was better than anyone had ever been to you. sucking in your nipple and fingering you slowly, he was making you go crazy, needing him more.

he stopped sucking on your nipple and went back to your neck, his hand not stopping at all. the right one went to cover your mouth as you moaned.

“be quiet, hm? want everyone to listen? don’t wanna stuff that pretty mouth of yours too” his non dominant hand went to your neck, choking you lightly as his other one fucked into you. you were so close to cumming, with his thumb stimulating your clit as his other fingers went in and out of you, he knew that you were close, specially with the way your pussy was tightening around him. “so fucking tight, aren’t you? can’t imagine how you’re gonna feel around my cock” he stopped and took his fingers out, making you whine, missing the feeling of him.

“jameees” you moan, finding the courage in you to pull him in, giving him a kiss.

“take it off”

“what?” you’re confused.

“the dress, i really wanna fuck you in it but i don’t wanna ruin it.” he lets out. “take it off” he sounded like he was ordering you, and you loved it so much, you wanted to give something back to him.

“i will, but can i suck you off first?” you ask, looking at him doe eyed, and how could he say no?

“you really want to?” he asks, furrowed brows, you nod, quickly getting on your knees as he unbuckles his belt, throwing it on the carpet. he got up and pulled his pants down, staying just in his boxers, he climbed back into bed with you, kissing you sweetly.

you were on your knees in front of him, pulling his cock out of his underwear, stroking it lightly then kissing the tip. you take him in your mouth, using your hands to stroke what couldn’t fit, which, frankly, was about a bigger portion of it. he was the biggest you ever had.

“fuck” he groaned at the movements you were making, using his left hand to get strands of hair out of your face, as his right one supported him on the bed. he was trying not to thrust into your mouth but you were making it so hard. “your mouth was made for me, baby” he whispered, looking into your eyes. his free hand went to your neck, choking you just a bit, as your head bobbed up and down, taking as much as possible.

“so good, your mouth feels so goddamn good honey” he groaned as he finished the sentence and you used your non dominant hand to cup his balls. he was moaning a bit and it was the hottest thing you’ve ever seen or heard, though you were sure you would see hotter things that same night. he started thrusting lightly, he couldn’t help himself, specially with how good your mouth made him feel.

“stop” he ordered you, and so you did, a pop sound being made as you stopped sucking and looked up at him.

“did i do something wrong?” you ask, brows furrowed. his hand hasn’t left your neck, and so he pulls you in by it. his tongue went straight in your mouth, he needed to taste him on your lips.

“i wanna fuck you” he said, looking into your eyes, waiting for any kind of response.

“yes. please do” you quickly say, kissing him quickly.

“the dress” he remembers and you quickly take it off, not stopping the staring for a second.

“want you down on all fours” he says, getting on his knees. you do as he commands, getting in an arch position as he’s on his knees behind you. he can see that you still haven’t taken off your underwear, he bites on your ass cheek and then pulls it down with his teeth.

“you don’t mind if i keep this, don’t you?” he asks, helping you take it off fully. “it’s already ruined”

“it’s yours” you look back at him, he’s smirking like the devil. he throws your underwear into his bedside drawer.

“gotta keep it safe” he whispers. you can feel his bulge through his boxers as he leans in to kiss your neck, you whine, needing him more.

“patience, i’m gonna give it to you, sweetheart” his right hand gave your ass a smack. “up” he said, signaling for you to arch your back even more. as you do so, he groans, pressing his covered member against your wet cunt.

“you’re so pretty like this, all for me?” he asked, using his hand to play with your clit.

“y-yes, all yours” you said, trying not to whine mid sentence.

“good girl. mine” he gave your shoulder a quick peck. “gonna put it in now, okay? tell me if you wanna stop” he took his dick from out of his boxers and pumped it a few times. you could’ve fainted once you felt his tip lined up to your entrance.

he went in slowly, he was way to big for you. every time you thought he was done, there would still be more of him left.

“jaaames” you would whine

“just a bit left; don’t worry, princess” once he was fully inside of you, you felt amazing, like you were in heaven. “you’re so fucking tight, ‘feels so good” he said, trying to to groan, his voice was raspy.

if took a few thrusts for you to get used to his size, but as soon as he picked up a pace, you were a mess. you couldn’t hold in your sounds, the way he was stimulating your clit was absolutely killing you.

“be fucking quiet” he demanded with a groan, “you want everyone to know who you belong to, huh?” he didn’t stop, he just went quicker as a matter of fact.

“fuck!” you squealed as he pinched your clit, his thrusts began to be more rough, you couldn’t even focus. you’re eyes kept rolling back, your mind was fully blank and the only thing that was coming out of your mouth in that moment was a mixture of james, fuck, shit and a few other curse words.

you were in ecstasy.

“you like this, don’t you?” he was grunting lowly in between every few thrusts. you were so close, you felt your high coming to you, the way he was fucking you was not helping with you trying to hold it.

“james ohmygod james, im gonna cum” you say, trying not to stumble over your words.

“ask nicely and i’ll let you” he said, stopping the stimulation on your clit and thrusting harder. he was close too, the way your tight pussy would clench around him was making him go insane.

“please let me cum, james. need it so bad” you blurted out in between whining and moaning. he grins and goes back to stimulating you.

“good girl, do it” he went faster and didn’t stop playing with your clit. your eyes rolled back and you let it go.

your walls clench tight around him, he didn’t stop as you made a mess all over his dick.

as you finished, his thrusts only got harder, you were feeling so overstimulated and you felt like he was close too.

“fuck, sweetheart. gonna cum inside you, that’s alright?” you moaned in answer.

his hips stuttered and you felt his cock twitch spilled inside of you, his juices mixing with yours.

he made sure he got rid of every single drop.

your legs were shaking as he pulled out and tucked himself back into his underwear, you collapsed on the bed and he laid down next to you.

“wanna go back to the party?” he jokes, looking into your eyes.

“shut up” you reply, looking at the ceiling of his room.

“gonna clean you up, okay?” james assured you as he threw you a shirt of his that was under the bed. you put it on but pulled him closer to you.

“okay, but just stay with me for a while if that’s alright.” you asked.

“always” he pressed a kiss onto your forehead and you knew that this was not going to be a one time thing.

#lila writes #james potter x reader #james potter fic #james potter smut #james potter x y/n #james potter x you #james potter oneshot #james potter fanfiction #james potter imagine #marauders x reader #silencesscreams

[destructionray]

Hobie Brown/Spiderpunk Relationship HC's

spider-punk relationship hc's?? This is the first time I've shared my work so sorry if it's bad i genuinely don't know how to write stuff </3 also i tried to keep the reader gender-neutral but i might be a little biased because im transmasc (fuck fem!readers i actually hate yall/j) i also tried to keep it spoiler-free

1.3k words

warnings: none (okay maybe a tiny bit of curse words)

ALWAYS sharing earbuds. there's not a single time this man will let you sit next to him without listening to some of his jams

I KNOW THIS MAN GIVES A GOOD CUDDLE!!

hes usually the type to only give half-hugs, having just an arm around your shoulder or waist when you're just chilling

but when you ask for a real hug?? It'll literally be the most comforting thing.

pulling you in to his chest and wrapping his arms around you tightly, one hand around your shoulder and the other on your back, pressing his body up against yours tightly

and he kisses the top of ur head!!

BUT hes a little pissed that he has to take off his jacket every time because of how spiky it is

he can't count the amount of times you've tried to rest your head on his shoulder but ended up getting poked by the spikes on his jacket.

he LOVES hugging you from behind

he's not super touchy, but when he's around a lot of people he'll always be touching you in some way.

having his hand in your back pocket, having a hand on your hip, holding eachothers pinkies

i swear he has a a thing for hips or waists/j

ESPECIALLY touchy in front of authorities, he'll make out with you in front of them just to piss them off.

the hand placement when he kisses yoy oh my godddd

either a hand on your cheek and/or around your waist, or when you're making out he has his hand on the back of your head, pushing you closer to him

neck kisses <3333

there's almost no way you could be taller than him, my guy is 6'3 AND wears platforms.

prepare to be used as an armrest for him.

you like his piercings? He'll do one for you.

that man has never paid for a single piercing in his LIFE.

insisted on doing piercings for you, especially if you had never had any done before.

he'll do stick n pokes for you aswell if you're interested in getting a tattoo.

if you're an artist, he'll let you do some on him aswell.

BEGGED you to get matching tattoos and/or piercings

he's so cute, how could you say no?

calls you "love" ALL THE TIME. You're not entirely sure if it's because he loves you or if it's just a weird thing brits do

your dates are mostly going to strange or abandoned places and hanging/having a picnic/listening to music/mildly illegal stuff, or sneaking into a movie theater to watch stuff without paying.

if you're a Spider-person too, you guys definetily have had a romantic moment on top of skyscraper before.

if you're afraid of heights, he'll hold you in his arms the entire time he takes you to a place high up. he'll never let you go

he noticed that you miss him a lot, so made you your own watch to travel to his dimension or the Spider-society at any time

he totally has a ton of pictures with you in his room, printed by some cheap shitty polariod camera

When he gets injured, he immideately resorts to you instead of going to a hospital or proper medic

He doesn't like seeing you get worried about him, but he'd be lying if he said he didn't love the extra attention and care you gave him, and the time you spend together patching him up.

Shows his love instead of telling you

Only says "i love you" in special moments (which sometimes could just be spending time cuddling & relaxing together after a bad day)

Literally all over you when he's tired or after a day of being Spider-Punk

Has 100% yelled at or completely ignored Miguel for calling him on a mission while he's with you.

You play an instrument? He'll practice with you every single day.

If you don't have any motivation to, he'll be your motivation. He loves hearing you play.

If you were interested in playing guitar, he totally sat for hours and teached you chords.

Holding your hand to make it press down on the strings, and saying "good job" or other little praises whenever you got it right.

You're interested in playing drums? He asked Gwen to come over and practice with you, and he was you two's hypeman.

He loves seeing you get along well with his best friends.

If you tell him your favorite song(s), he secretly learns it on his guitar until he's perfected it and then plays it for you.

Your reactions are always so amusing to him, and he loves it.

Makes you playlists with both his and your favorite songs so you can listen to them together

Spotify playlists? Nope, he dowloaded all the music (probably illegally) and burned them on CD's.

He gave you a portable CD player so you could listen to his playlists at any time.

At his gigs, he always makes sure you're as close to the stage as possible so he can keep an eye on you

You're always invited to his shows, no matter what, and he'll always play better and show off more when he sees you in the crowd

Brings you backstage just to give you a kiss between songs

most likely wrote you a few songs (or more cough cough)

Gave you one of his studded bracelets and said it looks good on you, even if it totally clashes with your style.

He loves seeing you wear it, and it's like you're being constantly reminded of him whenever you wear it.

Ever try his stuff on? It's yours now.

Clothes? no doubt. Jewlery? Yours. Literally anything else? You can have it.

He even gives you guitar picks from his shows, even if you have no use for them

He'll totally nick some of your sweaters or accessories once in a while though.

On the topic of gifts, he always steals small things he sees you looking at for a suspiciously long time in store

He's like a crow, always stealing shiny things (jewlery)

Yeah, he's definetily a bit of a kleptomaniac.

His criminal record must be insane just bc of his stealing habit

He totally makes you custom pins or patches with your favorite bands logos

Hes a very "DIY" kind of guy

He doesn't wanna spend money on things that are overpriced simply because it's popular, so a lot of the gifts he gives you are handmade

VERY skilled at making things though

That man does EVERYTHING.

Crochet, sewing, knitting, drawing, painting, handicraft, sculpting, you name it.

He's also surprisingly good at cooking/baking. (But sadly he doesn't believe in expiration dates/j)

MATCHING NAILS!!!

he usually colors his nails in with black sharpie, but he'll 100% let you paint his nails with actual nail polish

Pulling up at your place when he's drunk isn't an uncommon occurence.

He's a very affectionate drunk.

Especially if he's tired.

He'll tell you how much he loves you, joke around, and always has at least one arm slung around your shoulder

Never uses the front door to your house/apartment.

Always climbing through your windows, because he insists it's easier than knocking on a door.

Plus, if you still live with your parents, it'll make sneaking in at night WAY easier.

He doesn't believe in marriage. Says it's a way for the government to control your relationship and a waste of money

He loves stuff like promise rings though

His accent is so thick, so you're like a translator for him whenever someone doesn't understand him/j

Not related to Hobie, but Pavitr ships you two HARD. He NEVER let you hear the end of it when he first saw you guys kiss.

Pav's always making stupid cute and petty little remarks about your relationship, but he finds you two absolutely adorable.

feel free to give advice or anything in the comments because i genuinely dont know if this is good or nah,,

#i wrote most of this at 1am yesterday im so in love with him i cant even #hobie brown #i need him so bad #spiderpunk #across the spiderverse #spider punk #spiderpunk x reader #spiderpunk headcanons #spiderpunk x you #spiderpunk atsv #spiderpunk x y/n #god i hate the term y/n #hobie my beloved #hobie x you #spiderverse #hobie brown x reader #hobie brown my beloved #hobie brown fanfiction #hobart brown #i giggle every time i see his full name #i love him #i love him so much #hobart my beloved #im deeply in love with hobart brown

[hiemaldesirae]

Arrax here: this idea is kinda funny/weird, but I'm in a weird mood so: (also Hannibal/Hazbin Hotel crossover) Vox has NEVER told anyone how he died. EVER not even Alastor knows....well one person knows. Lucifer. Vox and Lucifer made a deal--because Hannibal killed Vox. Vox at least wanted to know if 'the fucker,' ate him. (The answer is no. Why did Hannibal kill Vox? The FBI team picked up Vox the Priest cough-cult leader-cough as a suspect, and Vox figured out who the real killer was via the clues given in his interrogation and because of Hannibal's fucking name.) ("Like, Hannibal the Fucking Cannibal? He was right there, the whole TIME! AND THEN THE MOTHERFUCKER DIDN'T EVEN EAT ME!") The deal with Lucifer is simple show Vox what happened to his body after death, and Vox will be....Lucifer's best friend?? Uh, okay whatever his majesty wants.

It goes well during the 7 years Alastor's gone. It's okay during his return, as most of the dates? Friendship meetings? Are at the palace and they play video games and just genuinely fuck around having fun. (Vox may give Lucifer ideas on how to fuck Mammon over, time to time. It is funny.)

However, do to helping Lucifer deal with Mammon Vox gets pulled into something....else. Apparently, some sinner is playing dad with the princess, and Lucifer doesn't want his first visit with her in ages to go wrong. So he takes Vox along--Vox doesn't want to go--AT ALL, but a deal is a deal, and....in all Honesty Lucifer is one of the few beings he can call a friend now. So he goes, thinking it's probably Husk or Maybe Angel Dust--easily dealt with sinners for the King of Hell with his overlord best friend cheering him on.

This unfortunately is not the case. Vox feels his suspicions rise when Lucifer winks at him and says wait out hear for a minute, and don't worry about anyone sensing you. I've hidden you.

It's not until Vox it literally summoned into a middle of a song off-- "Have you met my bestie, Vox? (Shared duet between Vox and Lucifer with Vox in his Priest outfit:) They say, when you're looking for assistance (Vox takes over every electric device and broadcasts Lucifer's Voice, here, cutting out Alastor's parts.) It's smart to pick the path of least resistance

Others say, that in your needy hour (here Vox drops to his knees in prayer while Lucifer unfolds his wings and surrounds Vox with them)

There's no substitute for pure angelic power! " They finish their part of the song off, with Lucifer gently picking Vox up and setting him on his feet, easily giving the TV overlord a side hug.

With Lucifer's right arm around him, and the sudden screech of radio static mixed with angry stag echoes through the air as the princess claps her hands--"Dad, you have a friend?!? Besides the sins?!?"

Vox however is wide eyed at the very angry Alastor, whose radio dial eyes are on the King's arm, still wrapped tightly around Vox's shoulders.

It's then, the TV overlord realizes he really should have taken the damn joint Val offered him that morning.

IM GONNA CRY. where the HELL did that first part come from arrax your mind is wonderful LMFAOO i can just imagine the absolute shock and indignation on voxs face (screen??) when hes going like 'MOTHERFUCKER DIDNT EVEN EAT ME??' thats perfect. thats great thank you so much for that contribution

OH MY GOD. alastor would be fuming at the part where vox starts praying i just know it he'd be like '...whys he not praying for me. why is it for that 4'2 little gremlin absentee father BITCH' im going to scream and cry this is SO FUCKING FUNNY HAHAHAG

like. like. look at what i see okay i will illustrate it (metaphorically) for you guys

vox: heyyyy uh. luci, your majesty, big man, could you consider letting me go since the song's done and all.... (very vehemently not looking in alastors direction)

lucifer: no can do bestie! so, char-char, have you been introduced to my Best Friend (has also noticed alastor's Very Negative Attention and instead of looking away is locking eyes with him)

charlie: um! well.............. about that......... (thinking back to the meeting with valentino) so. uh,

meanwhile alastor looks like a rabid animal in the background

#ran rambles #hazbin hotel #radiostatic #i think. this is what you were going for right #general asks #lucifer/vox bestie au

[steddiehickeys]

crushing on / dating eddie munson hcs <333

requested by: @tomz17-blog

pairing: gender neutral reader x eddie munson

warnings: eddie munson being adorable, mentions of weed, steve harrington

a/n: this man has us all wrapped around his mf finger and i am not complaining. so here’s some things i think would happen w u and eds <3 also just pretend eddie has been part of this group the entire time lol

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ *:･ﾟ✧*

before dating / crushing on each other :

alwaysssss finding ways to compare hand sizes

“you have baby hands, y/n. come here, i’ll show you” as he’s holding his hand up to you

literally is constantly asleep on you. whether it’s his head on your shoulder during a movie or his head in your lap while you two smoke

says you playing with his hair while he’s high is the best thing ever and it puts him to sleep in 5 minutes

i feel like he’s a touchy person in general; but since he likes you, it’s amplified. he always needs to be in contact with you someway

you being way too intimidated by his outgoing and enthusiastic personality to ever say how you feel about him

you don’t have to when he asks you if you’d wanna go see a movie with him

“yeah of course, eddie! we always go out though, why do you look so weird about it?”

“i was thinking this one could be…a date?”

you could fall to your knees right then and there but instead you just blush a shit ton and nod your head

“i’ll pick you up at 7:30, sweetheart.” he smirks at you showing off his dimple and walks away

when you guys are dating :

this man never stops kissing you

always grabbing your face and kissing the top of your head and all over your cheeks bc he loves you so much

same as before, his favorite place to fall asleep is somewhere on you. preferably your lap

sprays your body spray on his wrists so he can smell you throughout the day <333

gives you your own guitar pick necklace with “E + your initial” on it

tries to teach you how to play DND, gets frustrated, gives up eventually

it’s okay bc you’re fine with sitting there during hellfire watching your cute boyfriend

gives you free weed. duh

always makes sure “i love you” is the last thing he says to you for the night

even if you guys are having a sleepover

dustin teasing you guys for how close you guys constantly are

“are you guys worried that if you’re not like within 4 feet of each other the earth will implode?”

you ofc tease him back

“turn around…look at what you seeeeee”

he walks away so fast after that

always boops ur nose bc he likes how you scrunch your face when he does it

this man is TICKLISH

if you so much as graze your fingers over his abdomen he will start writhing around and cackling like a mad man trying to grab your hands

likes to pretend like he’s not but sometimes you’ll taze him in his side in the middle of a sentence and he’s basically falling over

he likes to wear your clothes; he just loves being engulfed in your smell

steve being so mad that eddie somehow got someone before he did

“what can i say, harrington? the munson charm is a real thing im telling ya.”

he’s just such a goofball i literally love him sm

#stranger things #stranger things 4 #stranger things volume 1 #stranger things volume 2 #eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson hc #eddie munson headcanons #eddie munson x gn!reader #eddie munson smut #eddie munson headcanon #stranger things headcanons #stranger things headcanon #steve harrington #steve harrington headcanon #dating eddie munson #i love this man so much oh my god

[mccnstruck]

tag , you're it !!

akito shinonome, an shiraishi, kohane azusawa, toya aoyagi + reader

notes: ooc?, hurt/comfort, some personal headcanons added, reader can access street sekai, swearing, platonic vbs

a/n: zion going through his drafts?????? for real????? ok but actually this has been in my mind for how long but yea enjoy !!! (also you know how fun it would be to play any games in the sekai??? like hide and seek??? i would be so down for that)

( also this is my first time using honorifics, please do tell me if i messed up because i did my research but im still worried :') )

the days were long; and practicing for the new event next week was at full speed.

practices took more time and were much harder in order to improve their confidence and to assure them they were prepared for this.

yet as 'ready steady' played and you were all taken to the sekai, you notice something was.... off.

kohane shoulders scrunched in on itself, toya was silent, and an and akito weren't bickering with each other. in the short walk to the crase cafe, you observe their mannerisms and realized how tired they looked.

morale was significantly decreasing, and you could only scrunch your face in worry as miku greeted you all, her smile turning to concern as well.

"welcome back! would you like... are you all alright?"

akito sighed. "yea, just need to practice more."

meiko sighed and smiled lazily. "good performances need good meals. would any of you like anything to eat? i just made some pancakes recently if you guys wanted to try?"

all of you looked at each other to decide if you wanted anything to eat. when you opened your mouth to speak up, akito was faster. "i'll pass on that offer for now, thanks."

now that was weird. akito? skipping pancakes?

you lightly teased the group. "all of you don't want to try the love that meiko-san poured into her stuff?"

an tirely smiled. "we'll just practice a little more, yea?"

everyone nodded their head in hesitation and walked out of the cafe.

"hey, you guys never usually reject meiko-san's coffee... actually, you've been looking all sad. and tired. how much sleep have you guys been getting?"

kohane spoke quietly. "we've been so focused on our performance next week.. we've been out of it a little...."

quiet, yet cold words left akito's tongue. "and yet, we're not even close to performing half as decent for next week."

"our synchronization hasn't been as good as we need it to be. and our choreography is still in practice," added toya.

silence. everyone was in thought and in distress at the realization.

uncharacteristically, an mumbles out, "i'm not one to back down from a challenge, but should we... should we sit this one out?"

akito snapped out a response. "what? we've been practicing for so long now, we can't just back out now!"

"look where we are now! do you really want to go in next week looking like a dumbass?!"

silence, once more. akito and an glare at each other, before looking away. an clicks her tounge. akito pressed his lips together and huffs under his nose. kohane and toya stay silent. you watch as the once dedicated group slowly fill their ambitions with doubt instead.

you couldn't let them lose their momentum to some temporary doubts. so, you were going to solve this your own way.

by acting childish.

you gently tap akito's arm and whisper.

"tag, you're it."

akito deadpans at you and twitchs his eye. "seriously out of all times, [name]-san?"

"if your slowass is gonna quit, you might as well say im faster than you."

at your remark, akito's competitive side sprang up and soon enough, a gingerhead started chasing you down street sekai. the memory of him winning a race while carrying tenma suddenly rings in your mind, and you have a regret of tagging akito out of all people.

he suddenly stops, and turns the way he came from. you furrow your eyebrows in confusion...

until an's scream echos through the sekai. your smirk grows as you hear running echo afterwards.

akito yells out, "shiraishi's it!"

loud footsteps echo throughout the sekai as everyone spreads out.

"you- i swear i will haunt you to your grave!!"

as you make your way through the sekai, you walk cautiously to make sure no one's behind you.

but someone creeps up to your back and...

"holy fucking shit!"

you turn back to see kohane alarmed by your profanities.

"i'm so sorry, [last name]-san! i didn't mean to scare you..."

you let out a sigh of relief. "it's alright, kohane-chan. i didn't mean to swear that loud either...did you see her?"

kohane looks back her path. "i saw an-chan, but i ran off just in case she saw me. i don't know if she did though."

"phew... we can finally catch a break."

"are you sure about that?"

an ran from behind and her grin widens with pure evil.

"holy fucking shit, run!!"

you instantly felt bad, but in a time of life or death, you grab kohane's hand and run for your life. you both part ways at two paths, hoping she would go for kohane.

your hopes were crushed when you still feel the heart dropping tap to the shoulder.

"[name]-san's it!!" before running off to her own safety.

you groan, and drop your arms in disappointment.

"fine then. my turn to cause chaos."

a few minutes of searching for someone turned out to be not too fruitful. you thought of sacrificing your dignity and giving up, until you see rin and len walking towards you.

"hey! what's with all the commotion?"

"oh, hello! we're playing tag, wanna join?"

len sighs. "i don't think i'll play.."

rin huffs. "fine, do whatever 'grown-ups' do," she air quotes and mocks len, "but you can't stop me from having fun!"

len sighs. "fine..who's it?"

you innocently smile. "oh! who's it...? it's..you!"

you tap len's shoulder and run off. "len-san's it!"

you snicker as you imagine len's face, and soon you hear rin's laughs echo throughout the sekai.

the game went on for quite a long time without hearing anyone get tagged. cautiously, you make your way towards crase cafe and wait for any scream or tag. but surprisingly.. you don't hear anything.

you walk around to find toya in the same predicament as you.

"oh, toya-kun!"

toya smiles. "hello, [name]-san."

"do you know who's it? i haven't heard anyone in a while."

"i don't know, actually..."

you laugh a little, but create a distance between both of you. "are you sure you're not it..?"

toya's eyes widen. "what do you mean...?"

you laugh and walk faster from him. "toya-kun, you've never been good at lying."

he sighs. "...it never came naturally."

he dashes for you, but you were much, much faster. like, are you sure he was trying?

when you look back at him, he was breathing much more deeply, and you couldn't help but chuckle.

"pfft... toya-kun, do you wanna tag me?"

toya sighs again and high fives your hand. "i promise i'm not this bad.."

you laugh, and shrug it off. "don't worry about it, toya-kun! now, we just have to find the others.

you walk back to crase cafe to see miku and meiko sitting near the entrance. coincidentally, akito, kohane also walk back.

akito smiles. "[name]-san, who's it?"

you rubs your hands and grin in mischief. "me."

you catch up to akito and he is left with a wall behind him. he scans for an escape, but he is left with only calling defeat. you grin widens, and you start to creep closer. he runs to the left, and you put all your force into finally tagging him...

until he suddenly runs to the right. you try to turn around too quickly, but you accidentally stumble into an. she trips, yet finds balance, while you fall head first.

"damnit- oof!"

your head hits the floor first, and you groan in pain. you see an, kohane, and toya quickly rush to your distress.

"omg, [name]-san, i'm so sorry! i didn't mean to trip you.... are you alright?!"

"yea.... although i'm gonna get embarrassed thinking about this later."

you hear howling laughter coming from akito a bit further. "the way you fell....i swear i saw terror in your eyes!" he laughed even harder, while you could only stare at him with disappointment.

"shut the hell up, akito-kun! that dirty ass move should have you going to jail!!"

you laugh with the adreadaline racing your body, and soon, everyone is laughing along with you.

miku walks up to you with smile lines evident in her face. "you alright?"

"yea, thank you miku-san."

she holds her hand out. you grab it and pull yourself up, dusting your clothes afterwards.

you look back to see an, akito, kohane, and toya, but you only see confidence in kohane's shoulders, toya's laughter, and akito's and an's bickering once again.

when you see the crinkles of joy in their eyes, you smile in relief. you've done your part.

"now, what do you say? we feeling ready to surpass RAD WEEKEND?"

an's smile only turns into determination in how she clashes her fist again. "oh hell yea! let's do this!"

the rest of vivid bad squad gently laughs, and you could only laugh and look back at miku and meiko, who were smiling with coffee in their hands. rin and len are grinning and laughing while walking.

the days were long, but with your closest friends by your side, you knew surpassing RAD WEEKEND was turning from a childish wish to a event worth seeing.

and you couldn't wait.

all rights to mccnstruck. any reposting or translation is not permitted.

#vivid bad squad x reader #akito shinonome x reader #an shiraishi x reader #kohane azusawa x reader #toya aoyagi x reader #akito x reader #an x reader #kohane x reader #toya x reader #[ the lost library ] #vbs x reader #vivid bad squad #project sekai x reader #pjsekai x reader

[greenerteacups]

Hello! I wanted to let you know how amazing your fic is, it seems my life now revolves around Friday mornings. I think it may be one of my favorite series ever, not just fics, your stuff is better than most published works I have read. I really could go on and on. Suffice to say, thank you x1 million for just putting this out there for us.

I had a couple curiosities! Is it ever hard to restrain yourself and just post 1 time per week? Or is that necessary for your creative process?

Also, your fic is rapidly growing in popularity, do you ever get worried about how that might change your audience?

Thank you again for the amazing thing you've written, I feel super lucky to be reading it in real time because I know this is going to be one of those legendary classics.

Thank you so much! You're wonderfully kind, I really appreciate it, and I hope I can live up to your expectations!

Weekly posting: Posting once a week is actually something I started for my own sanity — posting it regularly/serially is better for audience response, so there's a natural incentive to do it, but it also gives me more time to write ahead. And having all of a book prewritten in advance is really important for me creatively, not only so as to avoid the possibility of cliffhangers, but also to feel immune from the pressure to change the story based on what audiences want.

Growing audiences: Oof, it's been wild. I've been sort of boggled by the response to my little fic; it was entirely unexpected and the most I can do is work hard to deserve it. For the most part, an increasing audience has been a wonderful, wonderful thing, and I've been so grateful for everyone who's been offering support and praise. I'm seriously insanely lucky. My only point of frustration is that, in general, as a fic grows, readers seem to perceive increasing distance between themselves and the author. For instance, people in my comments have increasingly started to address each other instead of me, or have left comments seemingly without the expectation that I'll read them. But when someone comments on the fic, they're still sending that message directly to the author, and I think that some people might... well, they either don't know that, or they don't care. Like, the audience/author distance might be greater than it is for a fic with only 300 hits, but it's not like I'm a showrunner, or some other media production bigwig who'll probably never see 99% of the feedback generated by fans; it's still my pet project that I read basically every scrap of feedback for.

And sometimes (rarely — most of my comments are just so wonderful, and I don't want to sound ungrateful, but) people do say weird or unnecessary things. One comment for the last chapter read, "if krum dies im gonna drop this fic ngl," and that just irritated the hell out of me. Like, if that's your opinion, cool. Your reading habits are none of my business, and I sincerely encourage everyone who needs to take a break from Lionheart — or, hell, even loses interest — to go find something that sparks joy instead. Reading fic should bring you pleasure. No hard feelings, swear to God.

But my frustration with that comment, in particular, was: you do realize that you've sent that message directly to my inbox, right? You realize that was the first thing I read when I opened my comments section after a long afternoon of writing? Someone directly informing me, the author, that a narrative decision (which, either way, I already made about 4-5 months ago) will lose me a reader? And how does this person expect me to react? "Oh, no! I have to go back and rewrite 90,000 words of the story — God forbid I lose you, Single AO3 User Who Left No Other Comments! How can I live with myself if you're not here??"

It's just a bit frustrating. And, to the point — I say this politely, with respect — but if you seriously can't handle seeing characters die, then maybe don't read the fanfiction that's rewriting a series where very many characters die. Just a thought.

#someone left a similar comment after I posted Chapter 30 #which just made me roll my eyes #these clowns act like they're the author's personal muse #'unfortunately i am no longer enjoying your fic and i must stop reading' ok? have you mistaken me for your book club president? #anyway. thank you for a kind ask sorry it got salty at the end

[hostilemuppet]

Hello, long time regem follower here, I was wondering: Since the non-human characters change their appearances when they go to the overworld, do they also use nicknames or can they just say "Hi, I'm Zircon" and everyone else is cool with it? If they use nicknames, what are they?

it depends on the character! both in terms of their personality (would they care enough to come up with a fake name to hide their real identity?) and whether their real name could pass as a human name

i think zircon still goes by zircon. it feels like itd be a name a cool faux-punk artsy chick would pick for herself, and thats the vibe she wants, she WANTS men to think she can be their manic pixie dream girl so she can pick them off easier

sunstone, she cant exactly go by sunstone if she wants to make it big online and not be laughed off as a run-of-the-mill weirdo, so she instead goes by sunny. moonstone doesnt have a "name"; he tells every girl he pursues a different name, and when sunny mentions her manager she only calls him "luna"

amber is already a human name so theyd have no problems there. aquamarine REALLY wouldnt care but i think amber and maybe cinnabar would get worried about it, so maybe they call her "marina", which she thinks is dumb. cinnabar could probably get away with being called "cinna", or maybe cindy

jade, again is already a name

sapphire i think would go by ms sapphire, with it being her surname. she would not answer when asked for her given name

bloodstone is tricky, bc she doesnt really... interact often with any humans other than isaac, but isaac would still need a name to tell people about his girlfriend, and bloodstone isnt exactly a rock you can easily get a name out of. im thinking something super on-the-nose goth, preferably vampiric sounding bc. yknow. bloodstone and isaac are vampire themed. id want it to be very thematically sound even if it wouldnt be used as much as some of the others, bc shes a very theatrical character! maybe "ambrosia" bc of her goals of immortality. itd also be really funny to just call her shiela though, since she is "australian"

alexandrite can just go by alex / alexandra, except i think the russian version of it is aleksandra? and shes "russian", so maybe itd be cute to have her spell it aleksandra

kyanite wouldnt have to worry about a name bc she already looks fucking weird enough on her own, same with corvid. dragons breath opal is already mostly just called "opal" anyway

rhodizite, they have a stage name, they are rocky rhod. serpentine and obsidian also probably have stage names but i dont know yet. maybe they can also be ice cream flavours or other desserts that reference their actual rocks

ruby and jasper are already human names. pyrite doesnt even bother with a human form (he is never shown wit it ever, he will remain the shlubby little critter forever) so he also wouldnt bother with a name, except for how the humans who discuss the rumours of him in hushed rumours know him only as "fool's gold"

the tourmalines would still just call themselves the names the nicknames they use back home: cherry banana and kiwi. maybe banana goes only by "nana"

and finally, 2ircon goes by bunny, which is the nickname isaac gave her bc he felt bad calling her numbers

#ask #regemption #i think those are all the characters that spend a significant amount of time on the surface

[questionablepastries]

large vent

tw: suicidal ideation

I need to type this out for my own sanity. But also the entire purpose is on the off chance that someone reads this and, in some way, relates to what I'm experiencing. Not the entirety of it, but a part of it, would be enough for me to justify sharing my experiences. Normally, I would have written this out in a diary but something tells me that by sharing it and letting people they are not alone would be more beneficial than keeping this to myself. To preface everything, these are first world problems. All of this spiraling - ok first off my behavior towards what is really the most minor of all triggers is annoyingly blown over. All that happened was that someone i thought i could have befriended more given time and more chats- just one day decided i wasnt worth being (and i hate typing this) mutuals with.

What made me laugh was the idea of describing my lil hissy fit emotional tantrum to my boomer absolutely not online coworkers and they would all most likely laugh about it. But the more i thought about losing this mutual, the question i kept going back to was why? why was i blowing this out of proportion? what even caused this big of a reaction in me? well first off, i was really riding on the hope to get to know them better. i really wanted to be friends with them. the great thing about online friendships is that it eliminates any barriers that would be present if someone tried to make friends with you in person. you dont worry about smelling bad, looking weird, stuttering, bad posture, etc. so truly i was thinking if our interests aligned enough and we cracked some jokes we had something, that could blossom into something cool. instead it didnt and they just dropped me entirely out of nowhere, and me being my silly self thinks somehow its my fault.

honestly though im sure they were going through something - like they would constantly post about wanting ppl to unfollow them and me going oh that cant be about me surely, nah it was most definitely about me. i cant nail down what it was though, did i not reach out enough? did i joke too much? was i too little was i too much. unfortunately, with the lack of a physical barrier im taking this as a personal fault that I Really messed something up. Something about me as a person is inherently undesirable and therefore not worth putting in the time or effort to talk to -- there must have been something off about me for this to have played out the way it did, right? I keep running scenarios in my head like oh what if i reached out more, or what if i responded in a different way that one time -- as if it can change the outcome of what has happened but. all of this. all of this emotional self inflicting stupid reaction im having stems from my own struggles in real life to make friends. this has been a running trend all my 28 years (yeah 28!) and.. to bring myself back to reality and to keep my emotions from spilling over. I came up with a good strategy.

I always ground myself by saying to myself in a silly voice as if one would calm down a pet "are you punishing yourself for having become the person you are today due to your shitty environment/upbringing that you had no control over" and "are you punishing yourself for factors out of your control Again? eye roll come on now" and thats literally how ive been grounding myself this entire time whenever i get really uncomfortable with how i am as a person in real life. and yeah honestly my upbringing sucks ass it sucks soooo much. i have no extended family and it has never been more obvious since i became conscious as a toddler to this day that my extended family on both sides absolutely does not give a shit about me nor my immediate family. my immediate family being my mom and my sister. my mom and my sister are my ONLY family. side note and i mean this semi-jokingly: if you have a family fuck you. when my coworkers talk about their uncles or their aunts or their grandparents or how they were raised by their grandparents or how they hung out with their cousins and how they went on vacations, or how they spent time with their dad. i feel this massive vacancy in my heart that is a placeholder of what i want so desperately to have happened. i feel like those scenarios they describe to me are just not possible, families only exist on tv shows, and christmas specials, thats not a real thing. it has never been a reality for me. unrelatable. all of it. and as a first generation child from immigrants (lets not even get into my dad we havent spoken to him in over a decade) my only memories are of food stamps, being smelly in school because my mom could literally not afford the time to take care of me or afford a baby sitter, my stuttering, my inability to join extracurricular activities due to money, all of it added up to my ostracization throughout the entirety of my school years.

& as a child on welfare it was very much drilled into me that the only escape from poverty is through education and i took that very seriously. im a fucking scientist now i passed the national exam to get where i am. where i failed socially didnt matter to me back then as long as i had good grades, grades were All that mattered to me. and i succeeded. but not without some draw backs. ive always been an awkward person. i have a couple of friends few and far between in person. its literally three people that i keep in contact with in real life and i am extremely grateful that they reach out to me but its also like. i gotta do better lol one of them forgot my birthday this year and the other one only texted me 'birth' on my birthday, the last one he's a keeper - we're basically brothers and he always checks in on me, but he doesnt live in the same state as me. so all of that is to say. When this person broke mutuals it kind of made me, or rather for my own sanity, seriously re-evaluate my relationship with how i spend my free time, and who and what exactly am i placing value in. this person absolutely does not care about me and i dont expect them to. and given what little we had in terms of an online friendship i guess i let my hope of a cool friendship with them blind me to the reality of what we actually had. time and time again i have placed more hope and love into online individuals that do not reciprocate - and usually they just drop the ball on me. which is like ok. im sure i was either too little or too much i can never accurately gauge how intense i am due to, you know, Lack of Real Life Experience. oh right the suicide thing, so like for the longest time i struggled with suicidal idealization - it only stopped until i graduated about two years ago. In my pre-teens to late teens i told myself that if i was in the same scenario where my mom and my sister are my only family but we were well off i would definitely have killed myself.

I decided as a pre-teen that my only worth was how high i could get into my academics in order to lift my mom out of poverty. that was the Singular Only driving factor that kept me alive. kinda. damn that sucks to write out lol but its true! that was my mantra back then and i would repeat it anytime something shitty happened to me or someone was mean to me. im not sure where im going with this. i just wanted to get it out there, that i was and still am very lonely in person, and whats funny is that im not even like ugly im just average, i hung out with my sister and dolled myself up a bit for my birthday and we went to the mall and three guys hit on me unprompted so its definitely not a looks thing - SPEAKING OF when i got into uni and moved into an apartment with four roomates i was like this is my YEAR, im gonna go out SO MUCH im gonna walk around campus im gonna go out late and do school clubs!! and then covid happened. the apartment lease was worthless. i stayed indoors exactly the same amount as i always did only this time it was justified, but it sucked because that was the time i had decided i was going to break my cycle of staying inside holy shit that fucking sucked. and then my senior year of college i didnt need to stay in an apartment anymore because i was required to be in a hospital four days out of the week for training so i ended up back at my moms. i think there is something wrong w me tho bc im not saying it was being poor that led to me being awkward. but it didnt help, and im gonna go ahead and blame my lack of a support group - family wise, my entire life, on how uh. i came out. lately im trying to reel back how blunt i am. which. uh. hmm. i actually have a large language barrier with my mom. somehow i picked up on understanding spanish but not speaking it perfectly, it improved, im way better at speaking it now.

but i could hardly communicate with my mom while growing up, and she never expressed interests in my hobbies or who i was as a person, to this day i am and will forever be a 7 year old toddler in her eyes. she still shows no interest in me as a person or who i am. which is fine with me, ive accepted that she wont change, because she grew up in a more messed up environment and this entire time only until Recently, she had been on breadwinner providing for my two daughters survival mode. um. so , like i mentioned. that person breaking mutuals just shone a light on how, broken i am as a person? you would think, without physical barriers the sky is the limit when it comes to befriending people but no i still struggle i cant do anything right i suppose. i just need to focus on improving my life outside of online spaces. people online will reach out of they want to and can so im trying to lessen my hopes in general. and um. idk im at a loss for words currently. i simply dont know where to begin when it comes to , anything? living? hmm. i only just escaped school so i feel like i can breath - air for once. im no longer under the scary pressure of - if i fail at school im better off dead- ohh i think i know what i can add - offline people are WEIRD. ive had a couple of hiccups with friends irl that i literally dont talk to anymore! one of them became a misogynist red pill guy, another guy kept trying to touch me every time we hung out! and the last guy kept telling me to fuck off when i asked how he was doing!! hmmm. yeah this is just circling back to my current mantra which is to not be overly mean to myself for how i am currently due to my , situations leading up to now. I DONT KNOW. here's hoping..!! something !! anything is nice to me!! ohhhh i remembered something else. recently my coworker exchanged numbers w me saying something about haning out with other coworkers in the future. i am so desperately trying not to get my hopes too high up. always happens tho!!!!!!!! i get my hopes up when it comes to making friends both offline and online!!!!!! and guess what keeps happening again and again!!! HAHA………..can i have hope this time??? do u know once i tried reaching out to a mutual i wanted to befriend and get closer to (we were calling each other friends by this point) on Three Separate Platforms i knew they were active on only for them to Not respond to Anything i sent? AND i didnt even reach out three times in a row I Spaced It Out like a Normal Person. Only for Them to Tell me how they were having Fun in Their Friend Group of Other Online People talking about our Mutual Interests. Do you know how fucking stupid i felt at that moment. Oh im sorry am i not cool enough to be invited to that. Am i too stupid what is it about me thats so repellent??

I know its common courtesy to not be straight to people and tell them whats wrong with them but damn i wish someone would be straight with me and Not leave me hanging UGH. I realized at that moment tho that I never wanted to BE that desperate EVER AGAIN. I felt like such a stupid asshole holy shit. I never want to be that desperate for some onlines person attention ever again oh my god,, i dont think ill ever forgive them for that. its all on me though!!!!!!!!! mY FAULT!!!!!!!, for placing Value and i guess getting my Hopes up that i could make friends again WHOOPSIES i forgot im fuckin uhhh Ultra stinko Stupid Bitch who cant maintain any sort of relationship!!! back to the ditch on the side of the road i go to drink my stupid pond water like the unlovable unwarranted piece of shit nobody wants to hang out with again!!!!!!!! MY BAD!!!!!!! SO SORRY TO BOTHER. well its whatever i got money now, i have a job. and as much as i would like to say well earning money is all that matters right? its not. im a greedy greedy jealous little sniveling BITCH and my heart will never stop yearning for what others take for Granted. SO YEAH LOL. this has felt great to type out!! if you relate to any of that...um... Im sorry!!!!! we all in this together. but maybe not really im just gonna be kept at arms length with literally anyone i try to befriend offline due to me bein a little weirdo who cant relate to anything haaa,,, i want to end this on a positive note but fuck that! This is where im currently at and this is my current predicament! Will it improve? sure if i put some effort into myself and spend less time online and stop putting rakes on the ground to step on. i literally set myself up for getting hurt everytime ill figure out a way to make the pain hurt less.

#as far as the tw goes DONT WORRY #currently not struggling with it #its just something i talk about in my post

[spoiledlemonsbiggestfan]

SORRY I DISAPPEARED

Hello there! It has been way too long since i updated you guys on how i've been doing, and i've probably only got myself to blame on this one. But i have FANtastic news to share! (get it? Cus i'm fan? Genious, i know.) I finally managed to get a job! And a decent one this time, no more cleaning mediocre school halls for me! (Horrayyy!)

So this entire hiatus hasnt been for nothing, i've been very hard at work finally being able to persue the thing i love the most, writting! Now i can officially call myself a journalist instead of an amature blogger. The self-improvement sure is real, love to see it. Sadly, I am constantly restricted from putting my heart and soul onto the paper in favor of transmitting what could be classified as useless information to whoever is bored enough to watch the news. And that constant restrain has made me miss the days of the good ol' Fan blog, so i guess you could say that's the reason i'm here. I've missed writting whatever i want to without the need to always double or triple check my work, its fun to not worry if every single word i type fits into my current streams of thought and stuff like that. But you don't wanna hear about all of that do you? You wanna hear about the funny stories! The authentic work experience i have gained! Atleast i hope so, because if not then youre probably in the wrong blog. But if that IS what you came here for, bluckle up bukaroo because im about to tell all about the working woes and friendly foes!

First off the job aplication process was VERY off-putting, my 2 future bosses took care of the interview and they asked... odd questions. They were also always a little too...rude. But thats ok! Nothing that i havent already handled. On the job i have met some interesting personalities such as suitcase! (I was given permission to state her name, duh) suitcase is very kind and funny, but she also has social anxiety, which is weird considering she is one of the few reporters we have, the type that usually goes out, interviews others and deals with harsh weather conditions for some reason. Suitcase is always busy going from one place to another so she can grab the needed fotage, and since im normally the one who writtes her scripts, i get to go with her sometimes! The news channel utilises this totally not ominous and cramped mini-van to cary all of the needed equipment and people. Surprisingly enough, my supervisor is the one who drives the van! She's quite chill, her voice is so smooth that i have to stop myself from yawning when i'm around her. Dont get on her bad side though, i once saw her almost yell at our make-up artist. Speaking of that, they both have some weird relationship going on, i genuinely have no idea if they are friends or enemies and at this point i am too scared to ask suitcase about it.

Working there is pretty chill, i tecnically dont need to phisically be there but hey, a bit more of social interaction wouldnt hurt. Besides, i wouldnt have met suitcase if i only sent my scripts via e-mail! So its a win-win! What else do i have to say abt work? Hmmm.... oh yea! I have a funny story to share!

On my first few days, suitcase told me that the make-up artist was an extreme chatter-box that preferably likes to "spill the tea" on everyone. But if you've been following this blog for a while now, you'd know that im not really good with understanding these types of frases, so for the longest time i thought that this guy actually spilled tea on people on porpose. (he looks really refined, so i just assumed he would be the kind of guy to like tea) So i, being extremelly cautious to not get tea on my lovely red paper, avoided him for like 5 days straight! He eventually caught on and complained to suitcase about it, she then told me so, and i explained my conundrum to her. After she explained what the frase actually meant, we couldnt stop laughting! I never actually apologised to the guy, i sure hope he doesnt hold grudges!

[aroacesigma]

By all means ignore this if you'd rather not talk ab the show, but what exactly makes the loki series bad? Genq bc I'm kinda on the fence about it

dont worry i am ALWAYS happy to talk about why the show sucks . sorry this will be very long

basically it boils down to two things: straight up transphobia towards gfluid people , and character assasination . andddd the rest under the cut cause i tend to ramble ab this .

so, for a while now its been canon in marvel comics that loki is genderfluid. fans obviously were calling for this to be acknowledged for a while, actor seemed on board (still seemed on board . gonna be real w u hes the only member i dont blame he didnt seem particularly pleased about a lot of choices), blah blah . so obviously the producer gets asked and the dick michael waldron says yep ! yessir we have rep .

the rep in question was splitting the character into a male and female version, giving no indication towards any genderfluidity whatsoever (having all the 'male' variants be shocked that theres a female one like wtf), and then pulling some good old selfcest between the two at the end to really seal the deal . the bi representation that was also promised was a one off easily missable line but thats a whole other can of worms . it got worse after the show, whenever prompted about it people involved would say very weird shit. kate herron tried to pull the cis queer card a few times if im recalling correctly. dont even get me started on sophia di martino .

second problem, characterisation. at that point in the timeline we have loki straight out of avengers . which means you either have evil and a bit crazy loki or you have an opportunity to confirm the popular fan theory of mind control . neither happened , instead i think they were trying to speedrun his ragnarok/infinity war character development, fucked it up spectacularly and rather than making him a more morally grey but still a little bit yknow, loki, made him like...really wimpy for some reason? a lot of his actions were extremely out of character . theres a lot of focus on him being full of himself (hence the selfcest), which is kinda fundementally misunderstanding him as a character . the self obsession is a front which is obvious to anyone who watched even half of thor 1 . yknow, the very first movie hes in . side note michael waldron said he didnt watch thor 1 ? i cant tell if he was joking or not but on god it did not seem like he was from the show.

also more related to comics synergy, just sylvie as a character . they mashed up loki while fem presenting (why.), amora, and sylvie lushton when they couldve just had amora for a romance plot ??? sylvie lushton also fucking sucked like the comics community generally has a low opinion of her . her ass is homophobic and annoying and an amora knockoff . you could really see the inspiration shine through .

honestly the agent of asgard run is a very good example of how the variant concept can be handled well, and without blatant transphobia . honestly they shouldve gotten al ewing to write the whole thing hes the only person i trust to write loki .

so yeah sorry for the very long paragraph 😭😭😭 this show just drives me up the wall SO BAD

#asks #calicocoffee101 #also no one rb please i never want to be involved in this discourse ever again

[sunshinestardrop]

A NEW Daydream about welcome home because Im insane:

New (Neurodivergent) character comes to home, unexpectedly and without a house of their own. OC knows there something wrong because they were from the real world and know about the ARG but because its new they had no effen idea whats going on. So they start to sneak around, they stay suspicious about their neighbors but especially about Wally.

Wally and them don’t really butt heads, but there’s this weird tension when theyre together. OC thinks it’s mostly them because they’re hyper aware of everything around them and no one else is (except said puppet) Where Wally does know there’s something wrong with this new comer and is told by house/ He really isnt trying to intimidate them but OCs paranoid just makes it seem like he is.

So OC goes about their day, stays ‘kid friendly’ cause everyone else does but still has mindset of someone from our world. They eventually really start to like this world because they dont really... need anything. They can keep doing their hobbies without worry, they eat when they want to but dont seem to need to, and the neighbors are sincere with their kindness! if they were a simpler person they could really just live like that.

But they cant. So they keep digging further (It’s at this point that Wallys appearance seems to deteriorate and while he says he’s ok he just seems all... fuzzy and out of it) They go out at night more. They stir up some trouble, and one or two times accidentally drop their little kid friendly act and set the Neighbors on edge. it would have been shrugged off if Wally didn’t catch onto it... and by extension Home.

So eventually OC get’s into Home for some reason and pretty much goes through a horror-esk situation until they reach the basement and kill Home. They get out as Home is set ablaze and watch as it burns down- screaming all the while.

And then the rest of the neighbors come out, along with Wally who OC thought they accidentally killed in their struggle, just to watch the house burn. It’s revealed that the town- all individually without each other knowing- were aware that there was something deeply wrong with Home, and it was affecting Wally but no one knew how to stop it. As all of them were on the more ‘cautious and scared’ spectrum of personalities everyone was too scared to take the next step to get rid of Home for good. Because of OCs impulsive personality they were able to go in and take care of the threat- of course not without incident. The conclusion would be that if they had all spoken to each other instead of trying to protect the outward appearance of this perfect little neighborhood things would have turned out better. But since whats done is done they now have to move forward.

 And move forward it does! OC gets a place of their own and the Neighbors welcome they with opened arms (Again!) Wally takes up residence with Barnaby while also trying to get closer with OC. He dosnt feel like he ‘owes’ them anything but he is very thankful that they nosed their way into the chaos and honestly really likes them! The world starts to settle into something still kind of kid friendly but without the pressure to keep up the ruse they had going before. OC, who wasnt very friendly or willing to open up before, starts to become more extroverted around everyone. They share hobbies and communicate their feelings more. The townspeople also start to communicate their concerns more instead of hiding behind an ‘always happy’ charade. Its very cute.

And sure, there’s the possibility that whatever that thing was will come back, but theyre ready for it, Because this time they will face it head on- together! 

#Welcome home #writing this before I go to bed #because I'm #hyperfixateing #on this shit #This is just a daydream i have #with no actual connections to the ARG #wrote this before bed #while im on meds so it may be a lil funky

[gir-posting]

tell me about your oc julian? 👀

:D!!!!!!!!!!!!!

im so excited u dont even get it

so full disclosure i only kind of consider him an oc bc for some reason in my mind tabletop/dnd characters count Less for some reason. but i made him for a curse of strahd game i did with some of my very good friends and it so far has been one of the most satisfying and fun campaigns ive ever been in

(also warning for some mentions of body horror/gore and violence it was in fact a horror game. shocking that i really enjoyed the horror game ik! also some spoilers for curse of strahd HEHE)

to start with here are some visuals, i drew all of these but the heroforged pic

^^pidlwick more properly to scale here. + some doodles of the other party members hehe

so to start with curse of strahd is a very dracula flavored campaign; the land of barovia is cut off from the rest of the world by a thick suffocating mist by a powerful vampire lord, strahd von zeravich. he has also cursed barovia with eternal night so that he can thrive without having to worry about the sun. he is also a huge bitch. here is a funko pop i bought of him at a convention because i am not immune to capitalism

julian (or his serial code JL-9) is a warforged created by a mad scientist named molostroi. molostroi was worryingly adept in making flesh homonculis. so he murdered a looooot of people to make his creations. that includes julian, who contains the organs and brain of a person that molostroi murdered For Science. he was also created specifically to murder people, with a built in weapon and everything (that shield you see him wearing in the pics earlier is mostly there because he was hiding the armblade embedded in him. he did NOT take it or his armor off willingly ever.) the goal was eventually to replicate julian in many many many more murder machine robots so that molostroi could execute a siege on strahd's castle

however, unfortunately for everyone, due to the fact that julian has a once human brain, he is sentient! and has been picking up some very clear lessons on morality by reading children's books about a divine hero and how to Act Heroically like him. (this sets up in his mind a pretty clear dichotomy between Heroes and Monsters. heroes protect innocent people while monsters attack them without any real care.) so when eventually he gains enough of a conscience to realize he is fully murdering people and that is very very bad, he lets someone that he was assigned to attack leave unscathed. this does NOT go over well with molostroi and he's almost immediately set to be dismantled and reworked over this.

except, uh-ohhhh, julian was made to kill people, so he turns right back around and murders him instead in a fit of panic. whiiiiich immediately makes him break down because he knows that murdering people is very wrong, and he just did it again, and he must really be a monster if he's still capable of doing such a horrible thing while knowing it's wrong. all of this makes him cry out for forgiveness and help (something he picked up from one of his stories about the Divine Hero) and shockingly someone answers.

the morninglord/god/the sun (whose forced absence is what created the endless night across barovia) answers his prayers and knights him as a paladin, because he can sense his passion for good and doing right by others. it's not very clear in those drawings aside from the second-to-last i suppose but his armor is branded with this symbol as proof of his devotion:

after this happens and he leaves the lab he develops some reactions to his trauma, if something happens that reminds him of the things he's done he'll just. go insane for a minute. his head starts spinning around and he sounds like an exceedingly loud tea kettle. (the first time this happened (other player dumped blood on him because they are weird and insane) i asked the dm to play this song on the music bot because i am a giant predictable geek)

also, in case there was any doubts about how horrible molostroi is here's some journals we found when we eventually had to go back and find something in his laboratory (lovingly and expertly written by the dm. ily hal i can't wait to play with u again when you're ready)

so on the academy: molostroi had a colleague named blinksy, who we meet at his toy shop some time after leaving strahd's castle for the first time (it went very poorly we lost three party members. two of them were only gone temporarily but oh baby. rip *sneeze* we miss you you funky little kenku.) while we were there we found a weird little clown robot dude who liked to follow us around, named pidlwick (shown above. he's very different in the source material but plllbbbbtttttt we have our own version and we like him.) we had to very quickly find some manner of engineer because while we were there he got injured and there was. blood! coming out of him. we got blinsky to take a look at him and he veeeerrry quickly recognized molostroi's work. then he took a closer look at julian and was able to recognize that him and pidlwick were made in the same horrible way.

all this to say blinsky became kind of a father figure to julian and pidlwick. after all was said and done and we defeated strahd, allowing the sun to come back, the scene we leave julian on is him fishing with blinsky on the lake.

that's kind of a rough and dirty description of him especially near the end there lol but god its very hard to summarize dnd characters when there's soooo much to cover in entire campaigns. but either way my boy i love my traumatized robot boy so so much

#one thing about me: i love robots #hal if ur reading this ily

[xian-1502]

Responsive post: When it comes to living out being old, i have no qualms about it. It is rather the experience of being old. Feeling my flexibility and strength leave me, that makes me unsettled. To spend all that time with my beloved(s) is something far beyond anything i could be grateful for or ask for. I just don’t think i could enjoy being old for just being old. Rather what comes along that path with the people and experiences of my life. Albeit inevitable departure is something i don’t look forward to at all. But what can be done about that.

I also have no experience with seeing old happy couples so i have nothing to really gauge it on or reflect upon concerning it.

Arranged marriages i imagine do eliminate some off the variables that cause chosen marriage to split off. I also imagine just the mindset towards marriage and settling despite one’s satisfaction or always feeling like there’s something you’re missing out on/being unsure of enjoying your commitment is pretty indicative of a romance climate that’s not receptive to building strong healthy relationships. i imagine the best kind of bonds come from having the doubts eliminated and being able to decide on your partner concretely and then building up from there, as other anxieties and endeavors are pursuits that tend to not be directly helpful to said relationship or are just harmful instead. Such as worrying about infidelity, or constantly questioning if you could be getting more (albeit at that rate i can’t imagine you should ever marry someone if you ever think that about a potential future spouse. Me personally i want my future spouse to be like all over me or me all over them. Just seems like not the vibe to go that far with someone if either of us feel like that.

“Are we in the same league” what a garbage question. maybe if you shut up and got real for a second you’d see that us together is like an x Megan Foxx or x Scarlett Johansson plot. One of those “my hot dreamy boyfriend gave me a shot cause im weird and off putting”

Opening message was god awful but in context it was alright and stuff. It’s just more so wild how we talked for literally hours for days on end. Like it started moderately, with gaps in between the days occasionally, and i thought in those gaps “oh it’s over i figure, we are no longer interesting enough to talk like that” and then he’d say something out of nowhere within 2 days at most until we had like some month long streak of talking daily that broke for one day only to be filled in by a call. Quite a wild way to hit the ground running but man did we.

…like unequivocally so. As in back during act 1 (change) i was like on edge cause “dude oh my god oh my god oh my god he’s hotter than I thoughttttt😞” but played it off anyway. Cause man i was like

Despite how mellow i made it out.

[free--therapy]

Sorry for sending so many asks! I'm sorry if I'm annoying. I have something I'm really confused about, so I'd like your advice on this.

So like before my anxiety went overboard, I was still the type of person who worried more than some people usually would. But it was never to a point where it affected my life in any significant way. Just more a worry type person. So back then too, I must've had irrational thoughts right? Because since everyone has irrational thoughts (since they are a part of worry and anxiety) but then what makes it different from anxiety disorder?

Because suppose if my parents go out at night and tell me they'd be back by 9 but it gets 11 and they're still not back or not receiving my calls, I'd start worrying. Of course a lot of worst case scenarios would pop up in my mind like "what if something happened to them?" "What if there's an accident?" So these are all irrational thoughts right? But this is the kind of worry that many people may have in that situation. But bach then when i had these thoughts, they wouldn't affect me like my irrational thoughts do now.

But suppose a worry I have like "what if i'm actually willing to do stuff shown in that nsfw video?" This is something i worry about but i know it's an irrational thought (but i still feel its real bcs anxiety) but usually, people without an anxiety issue wouldn't worry about something like this even if they watched that content too and i didn't used to before anxiety either (that's when i watched it) but now years later, im suddenly worrying about it.

So what makes the above two situations/worries different? Because in both, there's anxiety, overthinking and irrational thoughts involved.

I'm asking this because I'm kinda confused on how I should navigate this going forward? Because suppose I tell myself that up until now, everything that I've been overthinking and ruminating about...all the irrational thoughts....about the mistakes, guilt, me being weird, content i watched, what is right or wrong, etc. all these things have passed and now every irrational thought i get related to any of these is just anxiety induced and i don't have to or need to worry about it.

But in the future as well, there may be situations where i may worry but again....there are situations where it's natural to worry or have irrational thoughts (like a loved one being ill) and everyone does but then there may also be other more irrational things i may get worried about like "what if i have cancer?" just because i had stomach ache twice or something and these irrational thoughts are not based on anything....it's just irrational worry....and this is not something that everyone worries about. So how do i differentiate between them?

I know anxiety disorder is when we get too worried about everyday things to the point where the worry takes over and it starts causing worry about other irrational things too. And i know have it right now.

But for example- i was worrying a lot about my past mistakes and wrong actions and what i could do about them now to the point where that's all i thought about. that is irrational thinking. but this was in the past so now i don't need to do anything about it, i can just let it go.

but what im confused about is- we all may take a moment to reflect on our present self though. so if now, in the present, if i act bad with someone or hurt or manipulate someone or act toxic without realizing but then i realize i was wrong and apologise....or if i reflect on why i acted that way, to understand myself if i was jealous or insecure, if that's why i acted like that. in those cases, reflecting on ourselves helps right?

but since my anxiety takes over in those situations too sometimes and instead of reflecting on it normally, i end up having intrusive thoughts like "why am i like this?" "What's wrong with me?" "Am i the worst person?" "Do i deserve nothing?" etc. So this is definitely the anxiety taking over right?

So when I'm worrying so much about past situations or memories, or when I'm thinking too much and worrying too much about my action now- that's the anxiety right? I mean, the normal reaction could be when for situation of worry like me being really ill, etc. i may worry which is normal but if i can solve it (like going to a doctor) then i should and then later let go of it. But with the anxiety, every random pain seems serious like having some stomachache twice in a row might get me overthinking if i have cancer or something which isn't a normal "healthy" reaction right?

Similarly, i worry about the nsfw content i watched and i think "oh am i really willing to do this irl?" And then i might try to convince myself i don't by imagining my reaction to it irl but that reaction always seems normal because im desensitized to it then my mind goes "does this mean im willing?"

I know that my mind tries to convince me by making me feel or think that way when its not real but now this worry is totally irrational. I've never thought about this ever before anxiety. So around the time when i did watch that content, even then, i never even thought about it until now when i remembered it and started getting anxious about it.

But this worry is totally irrational and again there's no need to worry or overthink about this right? Because it is just anxiety making these thoughts feel real when they are not.

So I'm confused because while worrying a bit about stressful situations like health problems or exams or job to a healthy amount is normal but it becomes a problem when it becomes all we think about. Similarly, thinking about how i feel about certain people, things or situations is normal too because I'm a perceptive person and i like to think deeply about some things. I like thinking and analysing and reaching a conclusion and since we tend to understand ourselves more when we think about how or why we feel or act a certain way in some situations. But that's the problem. Normally, i think deeply only about things i want to think about.

But now my anxiety makes me think about things i don't want to think about too. Like there are things that i truly don't need to worry or think about but my anxiety makes me feel like if thinking deeply about certain things makes me understand myself better then i should be thinking about these anxious things too.

So while i tend to think how i acted rudely in a situation and why i acted like that and how i feel about that peraon involved....this is normal because its not based on anxiety but rather something i want to analyse and understand better.

But when it comes to more irrational thoughts like "do i have xyz illness?" Or "am i willing to do things i watched in that nsfw content?" Or "i don't deserve good things because i did bad things" for thoughts like these, i don't need to analyse or think deeply right? Because these thoughts are totally stemming from the anxiety so i don't need to take these seriously or seriously think about these like i do with the other more normal thoughts.

So how do i approach this? Since I'm very confused about this. First of all, i know i don't need to worry or overthink aboit anything from the past because that's all anxiety making me worry and overthink about unnecessary things. So no matter what thought it is- about mistakes or anything else, i don't need to worry or ruminate or think about any of those, right?

But for behaviour in my present, im confused, what is anxiety and what is not? If i get worried or anxious or have some irrational thoughts about exams but if that doesn't affect my daily life then that's normal worry? I mean, there are situations where worrying is normal so its expected unless the worry goes too extreme?

And if i try to understand myself by thinking about how or why i acted a certain way, that's not anxiety behaviour unless it's causing me worry and overthinking to the point that it affects my life?

And what about things that aren't even normal thoughts but like thoughts that I'm totally worrying about only because my anxiety is making me like me worrying about having heart attacks every time i feel breathless or have chest pains? This is so random its not even something I'd normally worry about but now i do because my anxiety makes me 😭

So in that way, there are things that before anxiety i would do or think about normally and not as a "problem to be solved" but now, it becomes an irrational worry. Then there are things that i did worry about but in a healthy amount but now, the worry is much worse and unhealthy. And then there are worries which are so irrational, they come out of nowhere and yet i can't help but overthink because my anxiety makes them seem real.

So going forward, how do i navigate through this? How do i differentiate between what's normal and healthy and what isn't?

How do i differentiate between which are normal natural thoughts and which are irrational? And which do should i actually think about and which should i not?

Because if its something like my relationship with someone, my exams, someone's health or my inner self, my behaviour that im worrying about or even just thinking about then to a certain point, some amount of anxiety helps because it leads to solution and action taking but then sometimes the overthinking gets bad and starts affecting me in a way that's not healthy anymore so in that case, i need to take it back to the healthy levels where i only thought about it and not "worried." But then there are situations that i don't even need to think about because they don't help me or serve any purpose and are stemming purely from anxiety like health anxiety thoughts or any of my worries like mistakes, nsfw content where i keep worrying about if its true or what i should do about it. In normal healthy state of mind, these are things i won't even think about let alone worry, so these are things i don't even need to look into?

So there are normal thoughts that have become worse and anxiety inducing now and then there ar totally new thoughts that have stemmed because of anxiety. Should i deal with these differently? Or should i deal iwth them the same way?

How do i navigate through this? I'm really confused. Sorry for sending in such a long ask and troubling you 😭 it's just that for the past two weeks, i was finally starting to feel like it was finally getting better and that i was finally getting a direction at least but now, when i think about moving on to my present, the thought that comes in is "but in the present and future, you may have worries too. So how do you know which are worth thinking about and which are purely anxiety disorder messing with you? And how do you know that which is anxiety based and which isn't? What should you believe?" And this is making me feel stuck again 😭

Anon, please don't apologize! You're not annoying.

I think you were still dealing with anxiety back then too, but you didn't have the awareness that it was anxiety. Usually we deal with things for a period of time before finding out the name for it. Something like anxiety is usually unconsciously taught to us at a young age by the sorts of things our parents/elders tell us how to view the world or even how they view the world, all has influence on how we view the world. We don't usually understand how burdensome it can be until we come to understand the world a little more.

So what makes the above two situations/worries different? Because in both, there's anxiety, overthinking and irrational thoughts involved.

Anxiety is always going to be something we deal with. It's a survival mechanism that we were all born with so we can never get rid of it completely. I think there's such thing as healthy anxiety and unhealthy anxiety. The part of our brain that sets off anxiety cannot tell the difference between an actual threat (like a car coming your way about to hit you) or a perceived one (the thoughts you tell yourself that send you into a cycle, worrying about your parents, etc.)

It's healthy to worry about your parents when they're not back when they said they were because you're worrying about their safety. Like you said, this is normal to worry about because most people would be worried in this case, however, some people will worry obsessively and start calling or going to find them, or some people will rationalize the worry by saying "maybe they're stuck in traffic or decided to stay longer because they were having a good time". I assume your parents came home that day and that's probably what stopped the worry for you because you could see that they were alright. In terms of the other situation though, you still haven't given your mind that closure or proof that everything's okay. This is why I say you have to start challenging these negative/unhelpful thoughts that you're having because you need to give yourself that proof to tell your mind that everything's okay until it actually starts to believe it. These take longer because there's no physical evidence to ease your mind, so you have to rely on changing your thoughts. Of course this becomes a challenge when it comes to having worries of "what ifs" because those are things that could potentially still happen, but you have to power to make sure that they won't.

but what im confused about is- we all may take a moment to reflect on our present self though. so if now, in the present, if i act bad with someone or hurt or manipulate someone or act toxic without realizing but then i realize i was wrong and apologise….or if i reflect on why i acted that way, to understand myself if i was jealous or insecure, if that's why i acted like that. in those cases, reflecting on ourselves helps right?

Yes, it's always good to have self-awareness on your actions, but it doesn't have to be to a point where you punish yourself because you feel like you may have done something to harm someone else. It's very easy to worry about those things, but unless a friend of yours brings something up to you, I wouldn't worry about it. Your friends are old enough to be able to communicate with you if something you did didn't seem cool to them. You gotta stop beating yourself up though for being human. I know you're still young so you're still figuring things out, so be okay with making mistakes every once in a while ;)

But with the anxiety, every random pain seems serious like having some stomachache twice in a row might get me overthinking if i have cancer or something which isn't a normal "healthy" reaction right?

When I was in my early 20s, I also thought I had a lot of problems and things wrong with me, so this is honestly normal. Because your mind is stuck in that survival mode or being anxious all the time, it's searching for reasons for you to be worried, whether it's something physical or mental.

Yes, anxiety is always going to bring up old things that you've already told yourself that you're over. You just have to keep fighting the thoughts that want you to keep worrying about it and tell them you don't have time for them anymore.

for thoughts like these, i don't need to analyse or think deeply right?

Yes and no. Some thoughts are worth getting to the root cause of them because they'll help you to come up with more reasons and evidence to give you closure or to combat the thoughts that keep coming up for you. For example, "I don't deserve food things because I did bad things": why do you believe you don't deserve good things? Is it because you were raised to believe you were a burden or not good enough by your family? Were you punished because you did something that your parents made you believe were bad? Questioning your thoughts and how deep they go can help you to understand why you're even having them in the first place. The best way to understand something you don't know is to learn more about it.

But for behaviour in my present, im confused, what is anxiety and what is not? If i get worried or anxious or have some irrational thoughts about exams but if that doesn't affect my daily life then that's normal worry? I mean, there are situations where worrying is normal so its expected unless the worry goes too extreme?

Anxiety = living in the future and also not being able to control things that are out of your control. It's healthy to worry about how you're going to do on exams because they're something you don't know how difficult it's going to be. But how do you help fight that anxiety? By studying the subject you're being tested on and getting to know as much as you can about it with your notes. This gives you the confidence to know that you know your stuff so you can do well. With other worries, it can be looked at the same way, however you have to go and find the knowledge you need to tackle the worry. It'll be more challenging, but it's no different than studying for a test. When you don't have what you need though, that's when your brain starts getting creative and starts thinking up all these scenarios. Knowledge is power and when you actively strive to understand the things you've been worrying about, you'll have a better chance of overcoming these worries one by one.

In normal healthy state of mind, these are things i won't even think about let alone worry, so these are things i don't even need to look into?

So one common misconception about having a healthy state of mind is thinking that you will never have these thoughts. That's absolutely incorrect. The thoughts will probably come up less often, but with a healthy state of mind, you'll be able to handle them better so that they don't become a bigger problem for you. To get to that state, you have to start working towards being able to combat the thoughts, which takes time, practice, and patience.

So there are normal thoughts that have become worse and anxiety inducing now and then there ar totally new thoughts that have stemmed because of anxiety. Should i deal with these differently? Or should i deal iwth them the same way?

They can all be dealt with the same way :)

#ask #answered #anon #anxiety #anxiousness #irrational thinking #intrusive thoughts #rumination

[familiaanteomnia]

~continuing the brain rot whoops~ -nathan hating himself for needing to drink blood (it doesnt exactly do good things for his mental illnesses/worries he’s a terrible person etc) especially the thought of drinking directly from somebody. so he’s grateful can have actual food etc to not be fully reliant. *yet dude does forget in general/when it comes to drinking blood is stubborn about not doing so unless it’s necessary -meanwhile xav constantly just like “sooo i can help you with your bloody nose but would it be cool if i like put all your blood you’ve lost in a vial” . which people certainly raise eyebrows at but usually most just go yeah sure it’s just him being odd. (he also does blood bags+ plenty of hook ups and even some situations where he’s genuinely drank from somebody. *with permission/typically without saying he’s a real vampire but not lying -as such some of xav’s added weird dealing with physical altercation tactics is if he spills some blood, he just might lick the bleeding location, (admittedly one exception to his morals etc is fucking with jerks). he’s had one of his rings cut somebody on the face in a fist fight then just licked at it usually it diffuses the situation into “what the fuck weird shit” -nate avoids media with vampires (as much he can) and thusly most his knowledge is unwillingly known/from others and especially from his brother. which xav is very !!!!! i have so much vampires not being straight media at my disposal, ones who on screen say they are bisexual and like that’s hot -xav, drinks more blood than he has to and nathan doesn’t get it. (though xav also will have streaks he’s like lol how long do we think i could go without any+lots of hating himself/being a vampire) -nate is a little curious about smoking with somebody, then drinking a bit of their blood (xav is a whole warning light to not dabble in that all too much but nathan can’t help think shotgunning with a cute guy and then getting that added little high from blood drinking+their intoxicated blood would be real soothing) -which xav’s drank bad blood (some blood is yucky) he frequently given his party nature has situations where he’s hit nathan up like ‘advance apologies but uhhh please come pick me up i have so much shit in my system it’s agony’ -likewise the first time, if ever happened that nathan drinks from somebody it’d be so awkward,etc and probably a little messy. -meanwhile xav is a seasoned pro. he’ll wink while wiping trace blood on the corner of his mouth, with his thumb into his mouth. other flirty tactics. however if it’s somebody noticing that he’s not interested in, or doesn’t know. like a friend he’ll be a little bit more smooth in the let me deal with this in a way you won’t freak out or ask about it -xav’s less bothered by things like somebody getting a papercut even if he’s really hungry (same with things like the extra loudness of the world given he already keeps noise cancelling headphones on hand etc) yet if certain people get hurt and bleed he’ll remove himself from the vicinity *if its an ex or anybody with any emotional tie -he frequently has a problem with keeping his fangs in check, if he’s super excited for example xav’s fangs will be very present (he doesnt know why can’t control it and nate has really no issues with it) likewise given his favorite month of the year he’ll leave them present *instead of custom fangs like in most verses with real ones he rocks them the whole month -to go along with that, xav has gotten his fangs stuck in things like cans and been like :( about it even after resolving the problem *thankfully a good liar so if somebody witnesses it he’s just like lmao im unhinged -both have to pair with their nightmares done things like bite through themselves in their troubled sleep with their fangs and woken up like ‘-’ at the realization (especially if its still bleeding/pierced through entirely+a fang still not retracted from where it sunk in) -it made xavs childhood habit of chewing at himself even more “how about we don’t do to that” from his parents which more than understandable especially when he’d get his fangs stuck in his arm then be too upset to handle it (likewise xav even more finds comfort in gnawing at people’s fingers etc in this verse but per as in general doesnt ever bring it up cuz people suck and its a vulnerable need etc)

#drug use cw #drugs cw #addiction cw #self injury cw #long post cw #headcanons #brotp: prescott boys #(i could go on for ages lmao) #(wanted to post this one so it didnt join the content that collects dust in the drafts smh)

[absolutelyfizzing]

angels and demons

warren worthington x reader fluff

@shuckfaced-fangirl Hi! can I request a warren worthington x female mutant reader where her powers are shadow summoning? So I guess everyone in the school kind of views her as some sort of demon? With a lot of fluff? Thank you!!

Description - Y/N is a shadow summoner and is isolated from her peers. Warren helps her see that not everyone fears her and that she is worthy of affection.

warnings - its so fluffy. fem pronouns. some angsty stuff (isolation, depression, sadness), one innuendo, devastating fluff, warren being an angel. i tried to make it POC inclusive, please let me know if it feels restricting or excluding and i will edit it.

word count - 3700, i got carried away

A/N - im so sorry this took so long, i took a break from writing while i am working on moving to college. i will still be spotty for the next few weeks but hopefully, i will post a few more things in that time and then get back on a normal schedule. also, thanks so much for this request, i had a lot of fun writing it and i hope it is something you enjoy reading!

MASTERLIST

You walked through the halls with a lowered head. You knew that you made others uncomfortable and so you chose to try to make yourself as small and unthreatening as possible. You had been 'gifted' powers with which you could manipulate and create darkness. You were a shadow summoner. That wasn't a name that many found reassuring or comforting.

There were a few who could see past it and who was close to being what you might call friends but those people were few and far between. There were overwhelmingly more people who believed that you must have been a scary and mean person, that you were some sort of demon. This couldn't have been further from the truth if one were to look past appearances. Your shadow was larger and darker than that of your peers and it trailed behind you with a mind of its own, moving and growing without you even meaning for it to happen. Your hands were constantly covered in something darker and dustier than the rest of your skin, a deep and pure black. It trailed from the tips of your fingers and faded on your forearm so it looked as though you had just dipped your arms into a chimney or that shadows were crawling up your arms.

When you first got them, you thought they were sort of cool. They made you look sort of goth and that was fun. That feeling quickly faded when you saw how others, even your family, reacted. They said it was a curse from hell. You were barely convinced otherwise.

You sat away from others at the school during free periods. During lunch you sat alone and in the sun when you could, you hoped it might make others be less scared of you as it might make you look brighter but your shadow, dark and ominous, maintained a spot near you. You wore clothes that made you look more approachable to try to maintain that you weren't scary. Your brightly colored outfit didn't ever seem to work though, no matter how hard you tried.

You looked down at the food in your hands, the sandwich only half-eaten, and you noted your hands. They were so normal looking, your nails were well kept and you thought they were a good size. That they might even be a good size for someone to hold. The only thing was the unnaturally colored dust that seemed to cover them. It was a cool black, it glistened and sparkled in the sun when your fingers moved. It never moved or transferred to anything else, always stuck securely to your skin. You were distracted by the way your fingers seemed to shine when a shadow came near yours, wings outlined in it. You looked up to see a tall blond boy above you with curly hair and bags under his eyes. He nodded to a spot on the grass near you.

"Do you mind if I sit here?"

You shook your head and even scooted away from the spot to give him more space despite the fact that you were in a large field.

"Do you want me to move?" You asked gently, wondering if maybe he wanted this particular spot and you took it from him unknowingly.

"I mean, I think that would sort of take away the whole point of me trying to sit with you." He smirked and you felt blood rush to your cheeks. "I like your hands" He hummed and you looked at him in shock. When his eyes met yours you tilted your head a bit.

"They don't bother you?" You tried to speak softly.

"No, I think they're awesome. They make you look punk." He smiled and you felt the corners of your mouth tug up a bit too.

"I like your wings." You almost mumbled as you allowed your gaze to move to the large feathery wings behind him. They moved in the wind and you found yourself wanting to run your fingers through them. "They make you look like an angel." You smiled and he groaned dramatically.

"I'm trying to look grunge." He pouted and you giggled a bit. At the sound, he looked up at you and blushed a bit. "Maybe we should trade."

"If I could trade you I would. Everyone is scared of how I look." You gazed back at the grass.

"I'm not." His simple statement made butterflies erupt in your stomach and you smiled a bit. You looked back at him and made eye contact for a moment.

"What's your name?" You asked and he maintained his gaze into your eyes. It was the most contact or conversation with someone else you'd had in a long time.

"I'm Warren." He smiled a bit and stuck a hand out to you to shake. You looked at his hand in shock. Nobody ever voluntarily touched your hands. Most of them worried that whatever was on them would spread. You hesitantly brought your hand to his, purposefully giving him plenty of time to remove his hand if he felt uncomfortable. But he didn't. Instead, your hand reached his and he shook it before letting go as if it was no big deal.

"I'm Y/N." You smiled a bit more and you felt a giggle come out of you from the joy of realizing this wasn't a dream, that someone was trying to talk to you and they weren't afraid.

"Is my name that funny?" He teased.

"No, I just-" you paused to think, "it's been so long since anyone has done this with me."

"Talked to you?" He questioned, obviously expecting you to say no and explain what you meant. Instead, you just nodded and his heart clenched for a moment. "Well, you can stick with me then."

"I don't know if you want your reputation to take a hit like that."

"My reputation is 'the angry and damaged kid', I'm sure it can handle the breaking news of me talking to a nice and pretty girl." He reassured before he even realized what he was saying. You could have cried at the feeling that rose up in your chest.

After that day, you stuck to his side like glue and he took no issue with it. The more you got to know him the more you appreciated the fact that he had taken you in. With his help, over the coming months, he helped you develop a stable friend group. That group included people like Ororo and Jane who had heard rumors about you and never bothered to check and see if they were real. They apologized profusely, especially Jean as she felt like she could have easily found out that you were kinder than she thought with her abilities but just had never done so, and you gladly accepted, just happy to be within a group.

You and Warren had developed a reputation. He was overly protective and gruff while you were overly nice and empathetic. You balanced each other well and if you were honest, you were in love with him. That always felt weird to say, you'd never been in love with anyone before but every second you spent with him made you more and more sure of your feelings.  

When you and Warren were together, you would daydream about what it would be like to be in a relationship with him. Being held by him and wrapped in his wings. Getting to play with his unkempt hair. Holding his hand.

Sometimes he would try to encourage you to hold his hand. He would hold it out to you when he was helping you jump down from somewhere high. He would ask you to hand him things and then make decisive contact as he took it from you. He knew that it meant a lot to you, you practically gasped and blushed every time he did it. He had never met anyone so touch starved. He wanted to give you all the affection that you craved.

Unfortunately, Warren was rather oblivious, especially towards things like feelings and emotions. He had no clue that you had any interest in him, even though he hoped you did every day. If he wasn't so attached to your friendship, he might ask you out. Instead, he tried to maintain a friendly distance so he didn't cross any lines while also being as affectionate with you as he could be. You followed a similar path.

The person caught in the middle of this was poor Jean Gray. she had watched you pine over each other since you met and had heard every thought that went through both of your heads. She knew you would never complain or ask for help about anything so she liked to keep tabs on your thoughts every once in a while to make sure you were okay. Still, she tried her best to not listen very often or when you were thinking about anything very personal, she honestly did. But she was a romantic. All she wanted was for you two idiots to get together but you were both oblivious. She decided, probably 3 months into you becoming friends, that she had to do something about it.

She was sitting on your bed while you sat across your bedroom on your small couch. She fiddled with her thumbs while she tried to ignore your constant thoughts about Warren, his hands, his wings, his smile. She was exhausted. she took a small breath while she planned how she would try to say this to you.

"Do you want to know what I heard today?" She called and you looked up at her from the book you were pretending to read.

"Do you mean heard or 'heard'?" You laughed and she rolled her eyes.

"Either." Then she tilted her head. "Both."

"Yeah, I wanna know! What's it about?" You asked while leaning forward in your seat. Jean always had the best gossip to tell because she could literally hear it.

"Warren." She stated simply and watched your reaction. You flushed and stopped breathing for a moment.

"Wha-" you stuttered, "what about him?"

"That he has a thing for you." she winked and you flushed even more.

"You're lying." You assured, a questioning look on your face.

"I'm not and I'm tired of watching you two longing after one another while the rest of the school watches." She smiled and your heart picked up.

"I thought I told you not to look in my head!" You scolded but you weren't actually all that upset. You knew that it was very hard for her to control.

"I cant help it! Both of you think so loud. And I wouldn't have to anyway, Ororo mentioned it to me the other day and she definitely cants read minds." She giggled and you smiled a bit.

"Does he actually like me?" You almost whispered in disbelief.

"Yes! He's been obsessed with you since you started talking."

"But like he would want to actually go-"

"Y/N, I swear to god. If you don't go and talk to him right now I'm going to have a fit." She laughed and you glared at her.

"Okay okay fine, I'm going," you grumbled as you stood and walked toward your door. "If you are wrong I'm gonna be so upset with you."

She just laughed again and you started to walk down the hallway. You thought he might be in his room or outside. You decided to check his room first.

You knocked on his door but you were met with silence. You tried the handle and it moved.

"Warren?" you paused, "I'm coming in," you warned and pushed the door open. When you looked inside, he wasn't there. You took a moment to gaze around his room, it wasn't the first time you had been in there but every time was a bit exciting as you got to see all of the things he had that represented him. He had a boombox and a CD collection on his dresser. Some of his clothes were thrown around his room haphazardly and some of his drawers were open. You looked at the wall next to you where he kept photos that you took. You would carry around a camera or take pictures on your phone of everyone around campus. He always asked for them and then printed them out so he could hang them up. He had even managed to get a couple of you. You smiled a bit before heading back into the hallway, closing the door behind you.

You instead moved towards the door to get out onto the lawn where you thought he would probably be. He often sat under the big oak trees or on the roof if he wanted to get away from people. When you made it outside, you looked around for him.

"Y/N!" you heard him shout. You turned to look for him and saw his silhouette flying from the roof. You paused to admire him and his wings. He always looked so angelic to you. So powerful. You thought about how your power emanated darkness. That you would never appear angelic to someone and would more likely look like a demon. You looked down at your hands for a second, a habit you had when you were thinking about your powers. They sparkled a bit in the sun but it did little to quell the distaste in your mouth.

Suddenly there was a shadow in front of you that was not part of the darkness that surrounded you.

"Y/N?" he asked gently. "Are you okay?" he tried not to startle you. Being empathetic wasn't something that came naturally to him, but he tried extra hard around you. he noticed the way you were staring at your hands. The growth of your shadow as you thought about your powers more. He moved to touch one of your hands but you flinched back a bit. He brought his hand back and looked at you with concern. "Whats wrong, angel?" He asked lightly and you looked up at the pet name. He had started calling you that soon after you became friends. You thought it was out of irony but he really was convinced that you were some sort of angel. He also loved the way that your eyes would light up when he said it. You stared at him for a moment in silence.

"Do I scare you?" You asked quietly and your voice shook. He looked surprised by your question and you were surprised too. You didn't know why you were suddenly getting emotional. Why this was now all you could think about. Why it had to come up now when you were trying to express your feelings for him. Instead of responding he reached out to your hand, holding onto it when you let him, despite flinching away slightly. He started to walk, leading you toward the same tree you had met under. Once you both reached it he sat down and looked up at you, waiting for you to sit down too. You did, maybe a bit farther away from him than you needed to be.

"Do you think you scare me?" he asked genuinely and you took a second to think, looking back down at your hands which were now pulled back into your lap.

"I scare me," you stated simply and paused.

"That's not what I asked."

"I don't know." You mumbled. "I think I freak everyone out. Including you I guess." Your voice was quieter than you meant it to be. you really hadn't thought about it in a little while. It had been on your mind plenty when you first started talking to him. You were extra conscious of not pushing him to be around you or near your shadow. You knew that he would move away if he needed to but you also had so many memories of everyone around you fearing you, running from you, telling you that you were a curse. Instead of responding he held his hand out in between the two of you, palm up. You knew that he was inviting you to take it but that he wouldn't push you to. Instead of taking it, you placed your hand near his on the ground and he left his next to yours, not trying to take it if you didn't want him to.

"You don't." He let out, sounding sure of himself and slightly pained. "You don't scare me." You looked at each other. He had tears in his eyes. He was never one to get emotional so you were surprised. "Do I scare you?" he questioned, already knowing your answer but trying to prove a point.

"Of course not." You sighed.

"You have a lot more reason to be afraid of me than I have to be afraid of you." he looked at your hand again. "I'm the one who has a rough history, I'm the one who is angry and has a reputation of being aggressive."

"But, Warren, your mutation is-"

"Mutation has nothing to do with it, Y/N." he sighed. "You have control over your abilities, I have control over mine. The only difference between us is our personalities and I have never had any reason to fear you or dislike you. You're the kindest person I know and everyone in your life who has let you think that there was something wrong with you was terrible. And that was on them."

Your hand reached for his and you laced your fingers together. He squeezed your hand and ran his thumb over the back of it.

"I love you." The words came out of your mouth faster than you could think and you sucked in a breath, almost hoping he didn't hear you. When you glanced up at him he had a gentle smile on his face. He brought the back of your hand up to his face and kissed it before placing it against his cheek.

"I love you too, Y/N" He reached out for your waist and pulled you toward his lap, giving you plenty of time to give him a sign that you were uncomfortable. Instead, you put your leg over his waist so you were straddling his thighs. You held one of his hands in between you and fiddled with his fingers, admiring how your hands contrasted with his. Somehow, him holding your hand made it seem less out of place. You almost felt pride.

You were suddenly surrounded by warmth and shadow, the sounds of the quad around you becoming muted. You looked up around you and his wings were wrapped around the two of you, closing you off into your own little world. You felt the urge to reach out to them but you had never asked. You had never seen him let anyone touch them and you didn't want to make him uncomfortable.

"Go ahead." your eyes snapped to his in shock.

"Warren, you never let any-"

"I want you to," he admitted and it was true. He had thought many times about asking you to run your fingers through his wings. He would never complain about it but they were a little high maintenance and also sensitive. He never let anyone touch them because most people weren't gentle or he didn't trust them. He knew though that you were the gentlest person on Earth and that he could count on you to be careful.

At his reassurance, you smiled a bit. You reached a hand out to the part of his wing next to his shoulder. You both gasped a bit when your fingers made contact. Warren was a bit surprised at how sensitive they were to your touch and it had been a long time since anyone but himself had touched them. You were entranced by how soft they were. The feathers were delicate and there were so many. You were very careful in how you moved your hand along his wing, looking at him often to see if he was uncomfortable. As you were carding your fingers through his feathers, one came out. You gasped slightly horrified that you had hurt him.

"Hey, it's okay!" he rushed out as he saw your panic. "They just sort of... shed sometimes." He almost seemed embarrassed. Feathers would come off occasionally and he would often have to brush through them himself to release all of the loose feathers, sort of like brushing your hair. He reached to pick up the feather and held it in front of you for you to take. You gladly did and you twirled it in your fingers. "Maybe sometime, if you wouldn't mind, of course, you could help me brush through them?" he asked quietly and you smiled.

"Yeah of course. They seem like they might be a lot of work." you were touched that he trusted you to do that and you thought about how hard it must be to take care of them by himself when they were so big and most of his wings were behind him.

"You should see what it's like to shower with them," he grumbled and then his eyes widened at what he had said. He hadn't meant it to be an innuendo but now he was worried he offended you. Instead, he looked into your eyes and you fell into a fit of giggles.

"I might have to take you up on that offer." Your gentle gaze made him blush. He had never felt this comfortable with anyone. This safe. He decided right then that he would do anything you ever asked of him.

After that day, you and Warren became the cutest couple at the school. You were opposites in multiple ways and your relationship was more wholesome than any of your friends could handle. You got more confident in yourself and your abilities and he allowed himself to be more vulnerable. everyone agreed that you were a match made in heaven.

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