#im at my breaking point yall

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

im so Normal. totally not shaking and crying rn

#its nice to be this excited about something again! to the point of nausea! #and i Mean That #this is the good kinda stress. tis a welcome break from the usual brands #all week i've been having moments of 'ohhhh god New Information Incoming' and i have to sit down every time #and measure my breathing to chill tf out #is this unhealthy! maybe! i am trying to keep it Contained!! tightly leashed if you will #BUT OH FUCK ITS ALMOST HERE AGH AGH AGH #absolutely unprompted #welcome home #i will probably be unable to discover secrets bc i am bad with computers and the like #but hey! ill try! #if there's like... a spoiler tag yall want from me ill make sure to tag any Update Posts with it #then again wh is a unique scenario of like... Are there spoilers #bc it feels like a 'a couple people uncover stuff and then show/tell the rest' thing #but what would i know! this is kinda the first update! #LETS GO GAMERS I HOPE THE NEW STUFF IS TRAUMATIZING FOR BOTH US AND THE CHARACTERS #alright im getting to excited again im gonna go lay down #gonna be refreshing pages every ten seconds even when its completely illogical and meaningless to do so

[unforth]

Hey if you're a white person (as I am too!) and reading the stuff about End OTW Racism (@end-otw-racism) is making you uncomfortable CONGRATULATIONS THATS THE POINT bipoc have been uncomfortable in fandom for decades and some of yall can't face being uncomfortable for five seconds and still have the gall to have shit like BLM in your descriptions.

Put your money where your mouth is. Be uncomfortable. Actually read what they're talking about and what changes they're proposing instead of jumping right to BuT wHaT aBoUt My DaRk FiC (they want to protect your dark fic and help ensure you're safer from harassment over it!)and ThEy'Re PrO-cEnSoRsHiP (they are explicitly not).

I'm so fucking tired of having my posts and those I reblog on this topic largely ignored on my personal account, but ESPECIALLY I'm furious about how ignored posts on racism in fandom are when I put them on the danmei art sideblogs.

I see racism every single fucking DAY as part of running those accounts. This isn't some nebulous thing happening elsewhere, this is us!

If you don't care, I really need you to take a long hard look in the mirror and ask yourself WHY DONT I CARE?

Because YOU SHOULD FUCKING CARE.

#unforth rambles #end racism in the otw #end otw racism #i was already at my breaking point on this issue a month ago when i started talking more about microaggressions in the mdzs tag #now seeing how impossible it is to get people to give a shit ive moved to fucking FURIOUS #WHY ARENT MORE PEOPLE ANGRY I DONT UNDERSTAND #(i do understand #its racism taking rhe form of complacency and disinterest #from people who have the privilege to ignore it because it makes them uncomfortable and doesnt harm them directly #im honestly gettibg so disgusted #do better white fandom) #im a jewish white woman with biracial kids #it horrifies me to realize that im genuinely not sure if the circles im in would be safe for my half black kids to join #im genuinely not sure i can let my kids join fandom when they get old enough #for fear of what they'll be exposed to here #do yall even realize what a fucking indictment that is? #note this is mostly not aimed at my mutuals #yall are awesome and ilu #but i only have about 75 mutuals #what about the rest of my 1900 followers like wtf guys

[lemongogo]

hi

#yall ths art block is so bad its actually making me so stressed out😭😭😭 #its been awful plenty of times before BUT THISSS???IT FEELS NEVER ENDINGGG #so fucking frustrating-__- and i was finally working on smth i had started to like yday #but i hit this mid point where i didnt know How 2 break thru from like .. rough > finished #and im like T__T . brah . head in my hands #IDK WHAT TO DOOOOOOO . < lamenting . < woe is me . #sry i luv talking abt it . its therapeutic tbh . what do u guys do when u are in this position #i also try to go back to basics and j do gesture studies until i feel more capable #but im like shakig the bars of my cage . let me do smt fun again. please ❤️ PLEASEE ❤️ #i think part of it is also imposter syndrome whre like .. u see so many people u look up to doing so many cool things w their art #and its like . falling back into the trap of comparison and feeling like nothing u make can replicate the feeling of seeing those other #things ykwim🤔 #sick in da head . i think its also a twt issue #like ever since i started posting on there ive been feeling like i have 2 make . quote unquote good things which . obviously dookie sentimen #bc any art is objectively good art there isnt like . U CANT BE BAD YKWIM HELP #but when i j posted to tumblr it was like . u send it off like slapping a horse on the ass and u see it ride away and its so lowkey #and fun.. the community here is so muchc fun .. j dont feel pressured here #smiles sweetly #<gi influence #maybe ill delete the app 4 a while until i feel normal again #guys we need to kill all social media #guys we need to go back to drawing sheep on rocks (<giotto ref( #if i had 2 elaborate ig it feels like . i am following the path of most resistance -__- like wading hesdstrong in2 waves that keep pushing #me back . theres so much i want to do Wish i could do but its like damn i can barely draw like two complete things over the course of 2-3 mo #from how HARD IT ISSS🚶and my aphantasia compounds it . fumbling arnd in a dark room hoping smth sticks #graa.. i think its the realization that i couldnt ever do art professionally bc im such an obstinate artist T_T #tbh saying all this now its like looking up in2 the eyes of all my art insecurities looming over me #CASTING 100 FT SHADOWWWW🧍 #whteve . check back on me in 2 months hopefully i feel normal ab it then

[anachronistic-falsehood]

i feel like a fucking. investigative journalist. im talking to crows and tubblings trying to get all of this shit sorted out in my brain. the gist of it is basically: some things were definitely taken way too far by accident, a shitty immature april fools joke by a teenager left its bubble, said teenager was threatened with doxxing, other tubblings are now being accused of harassment and stalking, more tubblings may be getting doxxed, and i don't know what has happened on the crow side since kami went to sleep so i am a little clueless there rn but the crows appear to be afraid of being stalked and/or harassed as well. this all started because one teenager made an immature and kinda shitty april fools joke by mocking another blog. what the fuck is even happening anymore

#whiskey yelling into the void #do yall need a fucking auspistice at this point because jesus fucking christ you guys #none of this warrants doxxing #i don't want to get involved tbh. i really fucking don't. but i have mutuals on both sides and im not breaking the mutual with anyone #-unless they break the mutual with me first. i already did that in a panic once today and im not doing it again #i don't want my one mutual getting harassed like they have been and i don't want my other mutual accused of cyber stalking #im tired of this. anyway goodnight <3

[al13n-fr34k]

blog #1

Working hard for something for my moots today!

Bin's part is done :)

Next is Goober :D

#basically im doing the chime meme with my moots- #thats it- #all of Bin's frames are done and have line art now im doing Goober's #also im not tagging them cus i want to tag them when or if the animation is finished finished #ill just make an animation blog at this point on here #so whenever i animate/work on an animation yall get to see the process of my work #plus you guys could actually help me by telling me to stop doing something stupid so then i dont mess up too #and I NEED to start animating not just for you guys (even tho i love you all) but for the fact that this is my dream job #and I'm not gonna give up that easily #i even have art assessments and art homework to do i need to practice more! #but ill give myself small breaks every now #im not tagging them cus i want them to be tagged when my animations are actually finished

[owlf45]

A couple comments on Candor going like:

“Doesnt this mean he could have escaped the entire time??”

Or

“So none of it mattered”

Or

“He didn’t have to go through all that”

THATS THE POINTTTTTTTT!!!!!

#candor fic #some of yall bitches would rather die or go through hell and back than love yourselves!! thats the point thats the POINT!!!!!!!!! #the pain and misery you jump headfirst into just because its routine and easier than having to forgive yourself for being you!!!! #the fact that you perpetuate cycles of self harm and abuse!!! because its all you know!!!! and having to learn to break that cycle because— #no one else can do it for you!!!! #self hatred is the epitome of irrationality of COURSE it was the pretty option of COURSE it could have been avoided #but you can tell someone who beats themselves up all the time that theyre fucking stupid but you KNOW they arent listening to SHIT #thats the POINTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!! #*screeches at the top of my lungs* #okay. im good now 😤 #im totally down for people to interpret my works however but my god is it a struggle when someone literally explains the main theme without- #understanding it #and rather than not commenting something else they take that misunderstanding and speak of it like its a flaw in the actual work #delete later

[dustandshadows-if]

okay im in the midst of my tmi reread, and im fully drowing in the shadowhunter brain rot. so while i wait for tumblr to let me back into the embers of hope account, this is gonna be my focus. love you pookies💞💞🫶

#emma thoughts. #yall can ask me literally abt this game at this point #im frothing at the mouth abt my little shadowhunters #made the mistake of deleting tumblr when i needed a break and it let me log back into three out of my four accounts😿 #idk whats going on🙁 #anyways! #im thinking abt changing the age rating but im not sure #i really hope that one mean anon ive seen on other peoples accounts isnt blowing up my inbox asking where the update is

[widevibratobitch]

my god. skinny people really just have like. No Idea huh just absolutely not a single clue lmao it's almost funny to watch fr but then id lie if i said i wouldn't fucking kill to be able to be that ignorant

#girl i am SO sorry people react with surprise when you say you're studying to be an opera singer because you're #*checks notes* skinny and attractive. so so sorry that must be literal hell for you huh how will you ever recover :(((( #no no please keep talking about how equally bad that is to the brutal fucking fatshaming and ED glorifying #in the industry that me and the only other fat girl in the room were talking about before you interrupted us <3 #anyway. we were talking about this one review of a quite famous professional music critic whose only comment about a fat mezzo in the cast #was 'miss xyz.... lose some weight'. not a single word about her singing/acting/whatever. but yeah no you're too sexy for an opera singer #and THAT is the real problem here girl i totally understand yeah <3 thoughts and prayers dearest. #earlier that same day this same girl was standing next to me in her bodycon dress and went #*pointing at her stomach that's so flat its almost concave* 'ughhhh what do i have to do to not look pregnant in this dress 😩😫' #and i said 'girl' and just looked at her and like the sudden horrified realisation on her face was lowkey hysterical #like omg you really did forget you're not talking to your other skinny friends with whom you can pat each other on the backs #and reassure each other that 'dw girl ur not fat at all ur so so sexy!' huh sjshsjshsjs #but yeah i dont like making people uncomfortable irl so i did reassure her she looks hot and pretty and skinny as all shit #let at least one of us have a nice evening and not feel Absolutely Fucking Disgusting ig <3 #and the day before that after i saw our (last ever btw never photographing myself with them ever again <3) picture and had a mini break down #the other even skinnier and smaller and petite-er crouched down next to me with the most guilty fucking expression and quietly asked me #if im alright and do i want her to delete those pictures (that she posted on two separate social media pages) and like #the look of immense fucking pity on her was even worse than seeing those pictures #like i know she meant well and was trying to be nice but my god. this really is how you all see me huh #like looking like me would be fate worse than death for yall #not even gonna mention the thing i just learned this friday that the retired ballerina who leads our ballet classes said about me #trying to cheer up the other fat girl who happened to have a bit of an emotional breakdown in the middle of the class :))))))) #like i am sooooooo so glad and honoured to be an inspiration to you. really. always happy to help. the exemplary Fat Girl Who Fucking Sucks #But Doesnt Let It Bother Her <333333 #like on one hand. yeah it really does make me wanna jump off a cliff. but on the other. its just hilarious sjdgsjsgsj #you sure are right miss ma'am. i sure don't let this bother me at all. i am famous for my uncanny ability to Not Be Bothered by all this <33 #but shes new. its ok. how could she know about the last two years when i was getting panic attacks and sobbing myself to sleep every tuesday #but yeah no. [lauren cooper voice] am i bovvered? am i bovvered tho? i aint even bovvered!

[fourteenthz]

Here's him for reference !! If u have seen critical role campaign two NO YOU HAVENT (might change to wild magic btw not sure)

#alright alright ill admit (i say as if that wasnt the goals): #he has like STRONG caleb vibes. so fire coded but I do think his alignment is just a mesh of caleb and essek tbh ??? #HAVE NOT watched the 2 campaign btw so I might be saying stuff wrong... but I just am obsessed with the idea of caleb I have in my tiny min #so there's that. his gardian is between purple tiefling and a drown.... dont look at me. my bg3 durge my rules. #but right lets go to the romance like I narrowed down btw i pretty much have an idea of character for the other ones #and I also want these the most. MOSTLY gale tho and this SUCKS bc I'm pretty sure durge and gale don't match AT ALL #i could make him worse vs i don't think the game allows me to make him THAT MUCH WORSE and for the playthrough I'm planning #im just scared he will break up with me at some point LOL on the other side I think Shadowheart SPEC justiciar!shd is a good choice #i want to take her parents home this playthrough as well so like... it might be nice to see them... yeah. #minthara is just there bc I will have her in my party this time !! idk shit abt her so who knows i might fall in love #karlach is there for the same reason as gale. I'm fixated on her platonic love and how absolutely well written it is. i want to see how #it goes with the romance. but also I'm scared she will just break up with me at some point for manipulating ppl and all that... #i kinda want a durge that's not EVIL but he's like going from “i want the best for me” to “i want the best for us” #nd this involves them being their “best” version aka the fucked up versions :) ascended astarion/justiciar Shadowheart/god of the weave gal #etc etc. so yeah that. if anyone that knows how the romances really go and want to give me some tips I'm open for them 👉👈 #on the other hand... i have a backup character for gale already... she's competing with halsin on big half elfs in the camp :D so yeah #like ik I prefer the idea of “huge elf girl monk” x gale more than durge x gale... but also i get giggly thinking abt wizard x sorcerer SO #YOU KNOW... THERE'S THAT. my monk girl IS stunning tho I'll show yall her someday !! I'm still unsure abt alignment and personality tho #which isn't the case for my durg NOR the one I started playing already... she's a chaotic good halfling and I adore her. #she's kinda of the mom of the group but also not ?? fun aunt maybe !! bc she flirts with everybody that isn't her tadpole gang and is jusf #so fun... sorry if all my references ate critical role related but think vax before raven queen happened. that's her. #she's a ranger btw and i genuinely CANOT wait to start romancing halsin with her. NO ONE TALK ABT SIZE DIFFERENCE I'll not hear #I already care them so much. haven't even met the big guy in this playthrough and yet i can see the hcs so lively. #halsin didn't go back to the forest in my first playthrough like I heard that could happen ??? so I'm excited to see WHAT'S GOING ON THERE #until then... I'll let yall know how the romance will go.... get ready for screenshots tyty #but this was DEFINITELY NOT ABT HER OH GOD I'm just procrastinating the bad endings ill get with my durge... help... anyway. #let it be known that if gotarsh was a romance option that wouldn't be a question. alas HE ISN'T so pls help me pick pls ty #knowing how the companions end I THINK I have preference for minthara (not sure ill ever play with her again) and shadowheart #(same for her and justiciar) theres that. I CAN be convinced to play god!gale more but i also can be convinced of anything with him SOO #kelly plays bg3

[lyricalambrosia]

I love writing normal well adjusted men (aka another snippet of the final chapter of Can You Feel The Sun?, the first two chapters of which you can read here!)

#i wrote this to 'angel of small death and the codeine scene' which is a surprisingly good millionsummers song #trigun #millions knives #legato bluesummers #millionsummers #anyway this'll probably be the last snippet for a while!! i dont wanna give too much away #but also im still only in the beginning half of the chapter so 🙊 #also i hate these two because they do NOT want to take it slow. which like fair i guess theyre both impatient people #and nai especially has a history of being impulsive #but cmon man. i dont want anyone saying yall got back together too fast because youre stupid in love with each other give me a break #doing my best to hit the brakes but at a certain point it just stops being in character cause neither of them would wait. you know. #am i the only one that feels that way. anyway im running away now #once again i hope i did the link right. i may be 25 but fellas im so not savvy when it comes to embedding links. idk why #my writing

[undefeatablesin]

Sin I cannot emphasize enough that I have not stopped thinking about your latest drawing, specifically how unbearably cute Ruza's face is,,,I love her expression so much I can't even contain it. Where did those scars come from!! I'm almost afraid to ask because I feel like I might know!!!!

Hey there!! Omg I'm so happy you enjoyed the latest piece! It was just a silly idea but I had a lot of fun making it, especially with rendering dear Ruza's lovestruck face, so good to know you enjoy it as much as I do lmao 😂 In general though, I'm honestly delighted you like her and think about her so much!!! I seriously didn't count on people having so much affection for her, but I am beyond grateful that you and a handful of others indeed do 💙✨️

But anyways!!! You and a couple of others asked the same question, and I am more than happy to answer! I think I can imagine what your guess might be as to the origin of Ruza's new scars, and you might be half right, at least. The one on her lip came from a certain church-goer's blade after the blood moon rises, with no thanks to Ruza's ailing heart making her hesitate in the conflict. Ordinarily, a regular person couldn't hope to land a blow on a seasoned hunter so easily, but it was certainly not an ordinary situation. The fact that her outfit has changed and the badge of her creed from her scarf is now missing are also both consequences of that same, sad state of affairs.

But the scars on Ruza's eye were actually not acquired until her second hunt, and the cause of which was a lot more mundane, for a hunter at least.

She was unable to leave the dream the first time after completing her hunt, despite asking to and wanting quite dreadfully to be set free, and was thus dragged right back to square one to start all over again. This time around, she took her first foray into the Hunter's Nightmare, which to be frank was a little more dangerous than she had initially prepared for; and while trying to acquire her Beasthunter Saif, she was ambushed by a beastclaw hunter. It was something of a challenging fight for her, particularly because she had no more vials at her disposal and was already worn down from the road she took to get there. Lucky for her, she is still a force to be reckoned with. Unlucky for her, she suffered a blow to the face among several other injuries in the process of taking that hunter down, the scars of which still remain! However, she was aided by a ✨️mysterious cooperator✨️ that was drawn to the skirmish and who ends up being revealed to be extremely important later on. So while the cause of these scars were mundane, the aftermath definitely was not!

Have a bonus sketch while I'm here lmao thank you for enabling my Ruza brainrot 💝

#sinbox #bloodborne oc ; ruza #(its lore hours with sin yall!!!) #(every time i receive asks or questions about ruza i cry a lil bc im so!!!! FLATTERED!!!! people are interested enough to ask!!!!!) #(i love sharing my babygirl with u guys AAAAAAAAAAA) #(so you kno...thank u for being so engaged and for giving me opportunities to ramble omg....so grateful!!!!) #(no points for guessing who the cooperator is!!!!!!!!! especially not when i update ruzas bio lmao it will become plainly obvious) #(poor ruza cant catch a break!!!!!! except in my feel good aus where she goes back to jharaval with arianna in tow!!!! MY COPIUM AU) #(and yes i am FULLY SUBSCRIBED to the idea you cannot leave the dream for real...) #(at least not with the yharnam sunrise choice. which is what ruza chose. f) #(ITS FINE. ITS FINE!!!) #(she has a happy ending. happy by bb standards at least.) #(i have some cute sketches of her to share later too THE FABLED SMOOCHES!!!!) #(SHE RLY DESERVES SOME HEALING SMOOCHES!!!!!)

[prettypurplepoison]

guys just so you know tag your zadr as zadr and zadf as zadf and if they are Kissing do NOT tag it as Zadf I DO NOT WANT TO SEE THAT WHILST SCROLLING MY ZADF TAG!!!

#invader zim #use ur fucking tags #i feel like yall need to get this in ur brain #because seriously #im at my breaking point #i do not want to see zim kissing dib i want to see him being silly.

[im-still-watching-anime]

BLUE EXORCIST ANIME COME BACK??????????

#blue exorcist #ao no exorcist #im screaming and crying #some of yall KNOW that blue exorcist is one of my absolute favorites #im so happy i was so scared it would never come back #been up all night at my breaking point dealing with personal stuff #and this news has just been SO needed #something good and nostalgic and something to look forward to #i cannot begin to express how much i love blue exorcist #sorry for the dramatics i have just been trying to break the spiraling all night #and this news did it immediately #begging yall to go watch or read this one it’s so so worth it #i literally cannot believe its coming back i have been checking the news for it for YEARS

[dorkousloris]

//wip

hi im not dead o/

#dorkous wips #i took a week break off here and now i feel okay so im back o/ #...unforunately my eepy times is fucked so yall will see me up late at some point #and im still drawing- just between stuff ig

[munamania]

things have not been normal. im so tired.

#i nap all the fucking time cause im so tired and my body is like making me get rest one way or another but then i wake up #and everything is still just waaagghghghggh you know. i am fucking sick of it! #i am not just a normal amount of tired i have been on the verge of shutdown since at least mid semester hanging on by a fucking #pinky nail like im going to be fucking insane. i NEED a break. if i need to check into a psych place to have that happen so be it #one way or another yall will leave me ALONE. #tired of people holding it over my head like when they've done shit lately esp when it's bc of how badly ive been fucking struggling #im not just being lazy!!!! im losing it!!!!! and that makes me feel like i cant reach out or rely on others cause i'll always fucking owe #them something or im always gonna be on thin ice in potentially fucking things up #like i need two seconds to get back to myself i need time to reconnect i cant fucking do this anymore #i love myself i dont like how im acting rn bc im just desperately in need of a break #and god yeah fucking arent we all but i need someone to see that it's bad and just. Be with that. not shame me or make me feel like shit #or fucking less of a person or like i need to like Bring it down a notch or whatever idfk. #just kind of saying things now. i need to journal and cry i think. #abby talks #i dont LIKE napping my days away i dont like not having time to do things i enjoy other than like laying around watching stuff #or being on my phone but i have genuinely not had it in me to do anything else. #anyway. i think i seriously need to be okay with being 'meaner' aka just prioritizing MY feelings and being ok if people r mad at me #cause it honestly feels like ive gaslit myself so many times into thinking im crazy to the point where i struggle in the most basic #situations. uggggghh.

[myownprivatcidaho]

thoseve yall who were here a year ago might remember that a year ago He was liking tweets like "idk how people can cheat when im in love im obsessed😍" and "the honeymoon stage rlly doesnt die if youre with the right person🥰" and he was liking stuff like that up till recently now shit like this is in his likes something is BROKEN in him

#i feel bad. i dont even mean it in a conceited way but i cant help but feel like a bit of this is my fault #hes so bright eyed and ambitious that the idea of him losing any of that idealism is nothing short of a goddamned tragedy im sorry #yes this is the guy who lead me on (unintentionally???) and flirted with me for a year despite seeing TWO people during that time #the latter of which became his girlfriend (who i told Everything to ...) #and like. he never apologized he never explained what was going on or why he acted like a fucking simp for a year #but basically we're not talking now and we're on bad terms and angry at each other #(me because. well yall were there for that . hes angry because i ratted his flirty ass out ) #god that all stings so bad i havent talked about the details of what happened to anyone...... #but yeah i just. even still after all this time i hope he stays bright eyed. the idea that he wouldnt is heartbreaking in and of itself. #that one crush situation lol #idk if theyre still together. it was early novembet i reached out to his gf and laid the whole thing out for her #& she said theyd 'take it from here' (??????) and was uncomfortable with me and him communicating with the knowledge that THAT ALL happened #even while they were together. i told her i could respect that (even though i wanted to ask her who the FUCK she thought she was. anyways) #and then i reached out to him one last time to clarify i wasnt dredging it up for retaliation or to break them up but bc she genuinely #deserved to know. then he sorta said fuck my feelings and then reiterated what his gf said that we shouldnt be talking anymore #its been radio silence since then from bothve them. if they did break up id feel bad (cause how COULDNT i?) but if they didnt. #that means the only factor that changed here was. well. his 'relationship'/chances of a relationship/flirtationship/friendship with me. #i dunno. im not gonna act like i have all the facts and im not gonna act like he hasnt screwed me over #but getting back to my main point. imagine knowing him and watching him lose his idealism. try not being heartbroken over that.