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keyotos · 9 months

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loved you every single day

summary ⎯ what is love for the xianzhou guys? that's basically it. very sappy and tender and sentimental.

includes ⎯ dan heng, blade, jing yuan

tana's words ⎯ hi...

dan heng

⎯ dan heng had a vague understanding of what love felt like. before the astral express, he never really knew what love really felt like due to memory loss. but he learned, eventually.

⎯ he found love when himiko always offered to make another coffee cup for him (this time, with the blend he enjoys). he found love whenever march/stelle would check on him during the late hours of the night, knowing he'd be buried in books. he found love whenever welt offered to shoulder the burdens of keeping watch during trailblazing missions.

⎯ but he has never felt love like this before. not with you anyway.

⎯ there was a sense of loyalty he had for you. of course, he was obviously also loyal to the crew, but it was different with you.

⎯ you made him want to follow you towards the end of the universe. you made him want to run with you into the light or whatever awaits the both of you later on. he was willing to do all of it.

⎯ why? a lame question to ask, he thinks. there are hundreds of reasons why, and he could list them easily. was your smile and the way it instantly warmed an entire room enough reason? or should he add onto the fact that you were practically made of stardust and cosmic radiance? that you have some kind of miraculous or even transcendental ability to string words so brilliantly that it manages to calm the harshest of voices down?

⎯ and love was scary for dan heng, at first. there were too many hindrances and difficulties in his life. for one, he could not let you get caught up in his past. he wouldn't: he would make sure of it. for two, he wasn't very used to love.

⎯ yeah, there was the express crew. but there was also you. dan heng thought that he would spend the rest of his life alone. he still has not settled into his room on the express because he reasoned that he'd stay until the archives until he was ready to leave. but you challenged all of that.

⎯ how is it that one person could make him want to stay by their side forever? how is it that you have such an enormous effect on him, yet you aren't even aware of it? every wall or barrier he's put up, you've always managed to erode it down. you allowed him to be vulnerable and you allowed him to be carefree. you allowed him to relax. to breathe.

⎯ loving you, was to breathe, for dan heng. you were the gasp of air that he needed while he was drowning beneath the waters. finally being able to decompress and unwind; he felt lighter around you. less stressed, less worried. less stoic. less somber.

⎯ he has never even thought of love like that before he had met you. but you changed him. and he is eternally grateful for that. eternally grateful for you. you are his home, his safe space, his sanctuary of security.

⎯ so he repays you often. he knows what kind of tea you drink and how to make it by heart. he makes a cup for you every morning. you have your own shelf in his archive. hell, you have your own damn space in there as well. there's an indent of you in every corner of every room.

⎯ or maybe, dan heng is so accustomed to you that he sees you in everything.

⎯ he lets you read from his shoulder. he has a shelf filled with all your favorite books from various worlds in his archives. he lets you sleep on his body rather than the flacid mattress on the ground, because he wants to keep you as comfortable as you've kept him. his fingers trace your body every night you stay with him, to ensure that you are safe and you are here, and he is home.

"are you sure you're comfortable like this?" you ask, situated on top of dan heng's body. you're partly afraid that you'll crush him with your entire body weight on him, and that his back would hurt after tonight, "wouldn't it just be smarter to crash in my room instead?"

his chest rises and falls underneath you, getting slower and slower as time goes by, "if you'd like. we can go."

you bite the inside of your lip in thought. it would be safer to do so, for both your and dan heng's safety. but, to be honest, you were very comfortable and tired. "is your back gonna be okay after this?"

"it'll be fine," he brushes off, "besides, you've been sleeping on me for the past few nights now. i can handle one more night."

"huh???"

blade (contains lore spoilers)

⎯ love was something blade has always lived without. as a child, with war and battles as a constant on his homeworld, there wasn't any room for affection or anything similar.

⎯ but then you came along, practically shaking his entire world. there you were, dragging him off to drink god awful mung bean soda. to force him to go outside on days where he was over-occupied with work. to let him enjoy something for once in a while. to let him rub his thumb over yours in the quiet hours of the night, forgetting about work and all other duties.

⎯ he had never thought that loving could be so easy until he met you. it seemed as though time would stop in his tracks whenever he saw you. blade thought it was a myth coming from romance novels (one he had heard from you, ironically enough), but it proved to be, in fact, real.

⎯ and everything was easy. up until everything wasn't. it was one thing, then the other. baiheng passed, jingliu was extremely distraught. it was wearying to see everything go so downhill, so fast. nobody was ever the same after that period.

⎯ yet even after all that, you still had the same look in your eye. you looked at blade the same way you looked at him all those years ago. so much has changed between the both of you, and you know that the both of you would never be able to return to the past.

⎯ though, even after all of that, some things remained the same. for example, the way you never failed to take his breath away. seeing you for the first time in years had him going through a plethora of feelings: distraught, appalled, and slightly less dejected.

⎯ but most importantly, there were still parts of the other's heart still beating for each other. even if you couldn't love him anymore, you still cared about him. you cared about him the same way you did all those years ago.

⎯ you went out of your way to find him. you went out of your way to offer him solace, even if it was for one last time. why? he didn't want to know, he didn't want to ask. he has a mission: he has to pursue it, always. nevertheless, he still found himself underneath the sun's rays, as it managed to follow him wherever, saying, "i'm here. even if you don't see me sometimes, i am still here."

⎯ and if you still cared... well, there was still hope, right?

he's leaning over a rail, looking over the xianzhou skies and the starskiffs racing by. he hasn't been back in ages. it feels... strange; it feels as if he's experiencing his first day all over again.

blade is so fascinated by the sight that he fails to hear your footsteps come closer, now reaching his side. he only hears you after you clear your throat. he's startled, for obvious reasons: but, when he sees you hold up a mung bean soda in surrender, he's surprised at how fast the panic dies down.

"aren't you going to arrest me?" he took a step back from you. you didn't move, but instead held out the drink.

"i could," you dragged out, checking your watch, "but... i'm not on duty," the corners of your lips turn up ever so slightly, like you were happy at the fact that you were having a drink with a criminal. you pull open the tab and take a sip, then offer it towards him.

he blankly stares at your hand. remembers the feeling of it in his. now, his mind is skewed. maybe even grotesque if he wanted to sound dreadful about it. but there are few happy memories he can recall, as well as the feelings during them, and it seems like you are recreating one of them currently. and oddly enough, there are no feelings of bitterness that follow him this time.

he takes and drinks the mung bean soda, and to his surprise, it’s not as bad as it was many years ago. maybe it was because your lips were on it, or maybe it’s because the once atrocious drink did get better. and when he looks up and is greeted by your curious face, he hopes that love is like that as well.

jing yuan

⎯ years ago, if you had asked jing yuan what love was, he'd say something benign: love is indescribable. a simple answer for a simple man in love. but oh, has time took its toll.

⎯ it isn't to say that love isn't indescribable. on some days, he finds it worrying that he may love you too much⎯that his willingness to give you the world was a bit concerning at times. others point it out, but jing yuan chooses to be blindsided. but he is always aware.

⎯ aware. jing yuan is nothing short of perceptive. he has been around for centuries. he has been there for wars, for battles, for decrees. and it sticks with him: forever. he does not simply forget, yet he is forced to stay in one place forever. immorality may be a blessing for others, but a curse for xianzhou natives.

⎯ he does not give himself a moment to fully relax. even if it seems that way a lot (the dozing general needs his power naps), he is always back to his duties.

⎯ however, it's different with you. with you, he has no burdens to shoulder. he has no secrets to keep from you. there is no wall of tension blocking between you. with you, everything is for grabs. his feelings, his emotions, his heart.

⎯ vulnerability. many look down at the vulnerable. and in jing yuan's line of work, the cost of vulnerability comes with a substantial price. his guard has to be up at all costs, because if not, there would be another catastrophe. his act as a lazy general is just a rouse, because there is so much that's weighing on him inside.

⎯ in a city that flies, jing yuan feels rooted by the weight of the luofu.

⎯ so imagine the amount of unconcern he feels when he's around you. the feeling of rocks suffocating him has subsided, and you are here to remove them. and one by one, he begins to feel lighter and lighter as you hull them off.

⎯ and you don't get tired. you're still here. you keep picking off the rocks, even the smallest ones. you relentlessly continue until everything is gone, and the only things left are just you and him.

⎯ by now, he understands what love is. it's when he knows how your fingers have ran through every crevice of his brain, every knot in his stomach, every knot in his soul. it's understanding. it's being able to shoulder the weight of the world with another. it's someone staying to help you get the rocks off of your body.

⎯ love is being met with soft touches instead of daggers. love is being met with mhms and reallys while retelling a story from this morning. love is being able to speak about the past, the truth of it all, and allowing the light to peek through instead of the darkness. that is what love is.

"and then, get this, i found him in the midst of a fight with blade," jing yuan throws his head on your shoulder exasperatedly, disregarding the fact that you were halfway through your novel.

"well, he was doing his job," you counter, looking back towards your lover.

"i know," he slides a hand across his face, "it's just tiring. and i don't want him to get hurt." like others, is the unspoken phrase here. it's on the tip of his tongue, you know it.

you place a bookmark in your book before shutting it. you finally turn your full attention towards jing yuan, "he's strong. you trained him."

"but," he sighs, "what if it's not enough?"

you decide the mood is a little too melancholic, so you decide to lighten the mood a little bit, "then i'll take over as general of the luofu," you grinned. jing yuan smiled as well: your smile was infectious, how could he not?

you ran a hand through his hair, "you are good enough. i hope you know that. you won't fail yanqing. he's tough and stubborn... he sadly gets that from you."

jing yuan chuckles, a real chuckle, and pulls you closer to him as you grab your book once again. he presses a chaste kiss to your temple as he reads along to the same words on a page as you.

yes, things will be okay, he thinks.

hi y'all! i have been sooo busy w sm stuff lately, like i've been preparing for college and i've been going to the gym and i've been doing sm. updates have been scarce except like the 3 alhaitham posts (i couldn't resist). but hopefully during these last few weeks of summer i can get my grind back on!!!

#tana writes (∗´ ᨔ `∗)#honkai star rail #honkai star rail x reader #hsr #hsr x reader #dan heng x reader #dan heng x you #blade x reader #blade x you #hsr blade #jing yuan x reader #jing yuan x you #im back from the dead #ive had sm stuff to do like i had the college talk td and man o man o man #tbh some of my metaphors DID NOT make sense. i wrote this at 3 am like all my other fics #missing when i used to pump out hcs before 12 am 🙁🙁🙁#honestly blade's is a little short but i'm still trying to figure out his character so i promise u blade lovers i will feed u soon hehe

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satworo · 1 month

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long live brazil hinata

#haikyuu #manga #manga coloring #hinata shoyo #oikawa tooru #hinata #oikawa #karasuno #aoba johsai #dailymanga #anime #sports anime #.mine #im back from the dead #its fun #im trying something ok

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themistdragon · 18 days

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Ethari: One of the things I always nagged my late husband about was how quiet he was. He walked around silently and would always scare me. I would give anything to be scared by him again :(

Decoined Runaan right behind him, about to give Ethari the worst heart attack in the history of Xadia:

#tdp #tdp memes #ruthari #ruthari reunion #ethari #runaan #the dragon prince #the things i would do for this to happen #also hi #im back from the dead

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axquiva · 11 months

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maybe weird conservative Twitter lady had a point

#im back from the dead #byler #stranger things #will byers #me feeling like ive abandoned tumblr because i didnt post for 2 weeks #noah schnapp #gay #pride month #pride #gay pride

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jaxperson · 1 year

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It™ be wildin

Designs by @rhadko I think

#im back from the dead #tsp #the narrator tsp #stanley tsp #the stanley parable #stanley parable #stanarrator #narrator tsp #tspud #tsp adventure line #idk what happened ngl #Pretty sure I blacked out for a couple years and woke up to thi s on my screen

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k1ra0nloose · 28 days

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"The sun doesn't shine when it's alone. It's burns"

"The moon cannot shine on its own. It's merely reflecting sunlight"

New au y'all, but this is based off the angsty tiktok planet lore slideshows</33

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koiblossom5 · 1 year

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mushitaro: my life is in the hands of an idiot! atsushi, pointing to himself and kyouka: no no no, TWO idiots!

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nallhir · 1 year

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yearning

#sxf #twiyor?#family hehe #im back from the dead #no not really

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ku-ratio · 5 months

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secret life!!

#secret life #grian minecraft #evo grian #hermitblr #trafficblr #traffic series #watcher grian #grian #im back from the dead #yes i will leave for long periods of time #uni is killing me but so is watcher grian lore #i plan on staying in hermitblr for a while so jrwi fans im sorry but ive moved on o7

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alice-the-kittycat-yt · 6 months

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#im back from the dead #babitim #bendy and boris in the inky mystery #art #inky mystery #the inky mystery #inkymystery #quest mugman #qftim mugman #mugman #chapter 308 of the inky mystery #back from art block #hello!#scary mugman

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shiro249 · 1 month

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Warmth

Toji x Mamaguro TW!: DROWNING/SUICIDE ~~~~~~

12:31 AM

Toji was finished with one of his missions and is now staring blankly at the endless sea that’s waving harshly as if it’s mad and his feet touching the cold, bare sand. He always wishes the sand would always be warm, just like before, which is always futile, but it would elicit warmth when the salty water touches slightly to his toes, reminding him of his wife, who always had a warm smile etched in her face. Then, his mind began to play with the memories they had without his permission. The moonlight shone down at them, where a woman was playing in the salty water and a man was standing on the shore as he watched his wife fondly, their feet feeling the warmth of the water and sand.

“Toji, come on! The water is warm!" She exclaimed, looking at the man who stayed on the shore as she smiled brightly while she splashed the salty water with her pants rolled up to her knees. Toji sighed and reluctantly joined her in the sea, as he couldn't really have the desire to refuse his wife, not forgetting to roll up his pants as well.

He gently held her hand as he finally reached her. A fond smile reached his face as he continued watching his happy wife giddily splash the water, listening to the sound of the waves crashing on the shore, and the warm laugh of his wife echoed in the deserted sea with a pleasant smile.

Toji numbly took a step on the water, as if his consciousness suddenly turned off. Not bothering to roll up his pants as they got soaked in the water and reached up to his ankles as he continued going forward, his memories kept playing. She playfully splashed some water on the man who’s staring into space before flinching as he felt the water hitting him, which caused him to go wet. The man scowled like a cat as he looked at his wife with a disapproving expression as the water dripped down on the tip of his hair and his shirt made out big, wet patches everywhere, which made the female laugh loudly but yelled in shock as the water splashed back in her, courtesy of the black-haired male who’s grinning in victory and mischief. “Payback.” He said, smirking at the female, who huffed with a pout.

The water was now on his waist as he kept going; he doesn’t care anymore whether he drowns or not. He just wants her back. His mind still whirred their memories, flashing every second.

Their banters.

Their fights.

Her death.

“Take care of Megumi, okay?”

She whispered, gently caressing the male’s face while smiling softly despite the death nearing her. He doesn’t understand why she kept smiling; he wanted to yell out his frustration to the gods and kill them for doing this to her.

“I love you.” “...” He finally submerged under the water, letting the warmth touch him as his body slowly went down to the bottom of the sea as he exhaled his last breath, a small smile plastered into his face at his final moment.

“I’m finally with you.”

_____________________________ I FINALLY POSTED GUYSS AHSAUJAJDBA

I KNOW I SAID TO POST MY DRAFTS BUT THIS WAS A DRAFT BEFORE AND JUST DECIDED TO CONTINUE IT EVEN THOUGH ITS NOT GOOD ENOUGH. I PLANNED THIS BEFORE TO POST AND FINISH FOR HIS BIRTHDAY BUT I FAILED BUT YEAH I FINALLY POSTED THIS! I HAVE ANOTHER DRAFTS TO POST SO BE READY TO ENJOY THEM AND I MIGHT CONTINUE TO FINISH THEM SOON. ALRIGHT, I'M OUT AND BYEEE!!

ALSO, LIKES AND REBLOGS ARE HIGHLY APPRECIATED! AS WELL AS CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM!

I MIGHT ALSO DO SOME MASTERLIST AND OTHER LISTS TO REDO AGAIN - > -

CHECK MY OTHER WORKS TOO EHEHE <33

Masterlist!

#jjk #jujutsu kaisen #toji fushiguro #fushiguro toji #jujutsu kaisen angst #zenin toji #mamaguro #toji angst #anime and manga #jjk angst #angst #im back from the dead #tw: suidice #tw: death

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borntoyearn · 6 months

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spooky season w/ simon is the absolute best!!

decorating your home because both of you didn't have the chance to fully embrace the holiday when you were children. skulls are a must, of course.

a trip to the store so you have candy and little trinkets to give away for the neighborhood kids.

you have two costumes: one for handing out candy, and another for a spooky, slutty night out w simon. he's proud that he can save his coins by just slipping on his skull balaclava -.- (and his black leather jacket you gifted on his birthday).

you request a spooky basket, to which he rolls his eyes and says it's silly and juvenile. on halloween though, he has one sitting on your shared bed. its so endearing to imagine him buying everything and putting it together oh so intricately. he listened to what you wanted and went out of his way to make you happy– to give you everything that you couldn't have growing up, even if it is a silly spooky basket, on an even sillier holiday.

#MY POOKSTER #halloween is simon's fav holiday #but he sweaaaaars he hates it #oh and #im back from the dead #simon riley <3 #simon ghost riley #simon riley x reader #ghost x reader

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lemonebar · 6 months

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• Doc fanart •

#my art #digital fanart #digital art #hermitcraft #docm77 #hermitcraft fanart #docm77 fanart #artist on tumblr #im back from the dead #hermitcraft has been a new obsession of mine #ill probably make some more fanart once exams are over #btw I should be studying physics but this is more important lol #not my best art #it will be better lol

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justalost4girl · 7 months

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BETWEEN WORLDS

words: 2.65k

You pick her up at home wearing a tuxedo. She finds it funny and pulls you by the tie for a kiss as you step out of the car to open the door. She's radiant, and you're sure you want to spend the rest of your life with this woman. The box in your pocket weighs a little heavier as you close the door behind her.

You get into the car and start driving towards your favorite restaurant. It's a pleasant, starry night, and she tells you how her boss miraculously gave her the day off today. You smile as you listen to her talk about how she missed you; Natalia has always been your source of happiness. Always will be. She puts on her favorite playlist, and you both sing along to the songs as if embarking on a journey towards the sun. It's easy with her, it always has been.

Arriving at the restaurant, she notices it's empty and turns to you in surprise. There are violinists playing her favorite symphony, and there are flowers, lots of flowers, all her favorites, in this life and the next. You propose to her, and she accepts, of course she does. She loves you. Almost as much as you love her. Even if you don't say those three words, she knows.

While you sip wine, she slowly reaches out towards you, revealing a dazzling engagement ring. The sparkle of the central stone captures the candlelight, making it twinkle like a distant star. The pure and radiant diamond is surrounded by smaller diamonds that resemble a halo of stars, symbolizing the love that surrounds them. The delicate band, made of gleaming white gold, seems tailor-made for her finger, adding a touch of elegance and sophistication to this special moment. On the side of the band, there's a tiny red hourglass, her favorite symbol, intricately carved, reminding you that your time together is eternal.

It's a perfect night.

Your hands touch across the table, and there are tears in her eyes. You've given them to her. Tears of happiness.

Always of happiness.

Plans for a beach house, adopted pets, and how to balance your schedules resurface as you wait for your favorite dish. You get lost in her eyes, and all doubts about the resignation letter you sent this morning disappear. You'll give up your multiversal missions for her, and Fury will understand. He has to.

"Baby, are you listening?" She says with that raspy voice you adore.

"Sorry, got lost in your eyes," you say, caressing her hand in yours.

"Silly. I've always loved that absent-minded side of you, but love, I need your full attention. We need to choose our trip." She holds your chin, smiling, and you look into those big eyes again. Tell her what you feel. Tell her she's your soulmate.

You sigh and gather your courage.

"Natalia, I-"

A red laser catches your attention as it reflects behind her. You instinctively turn your head to see what's happening. The tranquil atmosphere of the restaurant is abruptly shattered as an armed group storms in. A tear gas grenade is thrown. Chaos unfolds before your eyes as you pull your fiancée to the ground.

Her eyes widen in terror as events unfold faster than you can process. Your gun is in your bag, but before you can react, dozens of shots ring out in the restaurant. The world around you seems to slow down as you notice guns pointed at you and Natalia. You flip the table to shield her and engage in hand-to-hand combat with the attackers, using your combat knife.

The sound of rolling metal grabs your attention, and time seems to freeze for a terrible moment. Two fragmentation grenades roll toward her.

Your heart races as you know you need to act fast. With all the strength left in you, you throw yourself over your fiancée, covering her with your own body, like a protective barrier. Your eyes squeeze shut, anticipating the imminent impact of the explosions that would change everything.

The air is torn by the deafening sound of the grenades exploding. The force of the impact shakes both of you violently. When the smoke and chaos begin to dissipate, you slowly open your eyes.

You can feel the fragments on your skin, but none of that matters as you look down, realizing the tragedy. Natalia is lifeless, unable to withstand the explosions. Tears mix with dust and smoke as you watch her, unable to believe the devastating loss you've just suffered.

Pain and shock mingle as you helplessly watch, unable to use your healing factor to save her. You feel pain, not just physical, but mental. You feel hatred. You rise with difficulty, killing one member of the tactical group after another. Bullets tear through your skin and lodge on it, but all you feel is Natalia's blood beneath your hands.

Then, you feel nothing.

★

A casket is positioned in the center of the room, and the medications in your system aren't enough to make you ignore the looks of pity your friends direct at you.

You see the quiet Maximoff twins sitting on the stairs, accompanied by their niece, Kate. They don't smile. None of them do.

No one in the room does.

Everyone misses her, you know. She's gone, leaving a void in your chest. Your eyes wander to your own hand, finding the gold ring she gave you as a promise of the future. A future that never came and that the body in the center of the room announces will never come.

Steve comes to you and crouches to meet your eyes. He speaks, but you don't understand. You realize that his eyes have always been similar to hers; she has beautiful eyes. She had beautiful eyes. You need to get used to using the past tense again. You always do.

Steve stops talking and just holds your good hand. Your body has scars from the night of the attack, and even though you're medicated, his touch hurts, even if it's comforting. It's not soft enough. Nothing ever will be. His hands aren't as gentle as hers. Hers, cold from the absence of life. Still, you lean on him as you shed another waterfall of tears.

Steve holds you tighter.

Wanda, your best friend, takes over after a while. You dive into the woman's embrace, knowing all eyes are on you.

The silence in the room is deafening, and you want to scream. You want to scream the pain you feel for having lost the love of your life once again.

"Tragedy will follow you when you allow yourself to love her."

The words echo in your mind, like a dark reminder of a painful past. The curse of love, a prophecy that seems to haunt your existence. You remember the first time you heard it, when an ancient seer looked deep into your eyes and whispered this warning.

You should have believed it.

The urge to scream overwhelms you; you want to break everything. Every picture chosen by her, but instead, you take a deep breath and try to remember something that brings you relief. A memory. Like your Natalia taught you.

☆

You remember how you got here. Nick Fury gave you a mission, and you completed it. You always did, but a stray bullet found its way between your ribs. Hearing your strange breathing made your agents panic, and they brought you unconscious to the medbay.

Even though you had said that was forbidden.

You didn't want to meet her again. That red-haired woman, Natalia, had been assigned to your battalion. You were sure Fury had pulled some strings to make it happen.

"A gift," he said. After completing so many missions successfully, Fury found it interesting to bring her back into your life. Since you started working for him as a multiversal agent, meeting the current version of that woman was something that happened often.

She was your canonical event, the only standard thing that remained independent of your universe at the moment. Sometimes it took a while, and you had to travel to distant lands to find her, other times you could meet her in a cafe. After several encounters in different universes, you stopped searching for answers. Maybe she was your soulmate, but you had lost enough to believe in that.

"Look who finally showed up," a familiar voice interrupts your train of thought. "I was starting to suspect you were just a ghost," Natalia says, raising an eyebrow.

It's the first time you've heard her make that joke, and a smile escapes your lips. It's easy to laugh with her. It always has been. And your smile makes her smile even wider.

"Did you hope I'd get hurt? What kind of doctor are you?" You playfully retort, hiding the pain you felt.

"Don't say that, you silly. Let's see what you've got," she says, cutting your blouse with a half-smile, exposing your skin, which still struggled to recover from the wounds. Courtesy of the bullet that was still lodged in your rib.

"Just pull it out and let it heal; it's not a big deal. I would have done it myself if I hadn't passed out," you say, playing with your fingers. You don't like seeing her worried; it makes you anxious too.

"I read your file, and I know your super-healing won't save you from an infection. I'm going to do this right. Need anesthesia?" She looks at the rest of your body, searching for other places that need attention.

"No, I'm used to the pain," you say, trying to appear brave. It's not entirely a lie. You're used to the pain and prefer the feeling of a foreign object being removed over a needle piercing your skin. You hate needles.

"It shouldn't be like that. No one should get used to pain, not when science created this," Natalia smiles and shows you a syringe. "Local anesthesia. I'll need to locate the bullet inside you; it might take a while, and I don't want you to feel it."

"It's not necessary. I really don't mind the pain," you try to smile and look strong, but Natalia's eyes light up with realization, and you know you've lost.

"Are you afraid of needles?" She looks amused, and you nod with closed eyes.

"The feeling of something piercing my skin hurts, but the needle hurts me. As it goes in, my skin tries to heal, and that hurts. I don't like the sensation. I'd rather take ten bullets than have something stuck in my skin," you admit, looking at her. Her eyes are beautiful, you realize. They always have been.

"What's your happiest memory?" She says after a few seconds. You think she got lost in your eyes too. "Can you think about it for a minute for me?"

You nod and close your eyes, thinking of a beach afternoon you had with a green-eyed woman when the world was still simple, and you were good. You met her in a bookstore and invited her for coffee. The day ended up at the beach for some reason, with both of you barefoot, shouting at the sea.

"Ready. Injection applied," Natalia says, smiling, proud. And you can't believe her. She always surprises you, so you decide to give her a chance and say your name to her.

"Fury talked about you. Impressive healing factor and honor in missions. It's a pleasure to meet you. I'm Natalia Romanov," she says with a smile, still focused on removing the bullet from inside you.

You smile as you feel her fingers touching your bones, but it's gentle and tickles. You offer to buy lunch. ☆

"We need to take her," Wanda whispers softly in your ear.

You nod and wipe away the tears. Approaching the casket, you observe her lifeless form, a peaceful expression on her face, and you hold her hand. The stiffness hurts, but you know this is your last chance to touch the woman you love in this universe. Your Natalia. The sweet and gentle woman you've loved since that morning.

You kiss her cold forehead and step away with teary eyes. The casket is closed, and you hate yourself for not having died with her that night.

☆

When Fury comes, two days later, you are sitting on the bed. Knowing he was coming, you organized your belongings and wrote in your journal. The room is quiet, the pain still overwhelming, but your determination remains unwavering.

Nick Fury enters the room, with his characteristically serious gaze and an envelope in hand. He observes you for a moment, understanding the magnitude of what you've just been through. With a silent nod, he approaches and hands you the envelope.

"I have a new mission for you," he says, with a mix of respect and regret in his voice.

You accept the envelope firmly, even though your heart is heavy. Inside it, you find detailed information about the next mission and the new universe you will be sent to.

"You don't have to do this," Fury adds, watching you fill a notebook.

But you look into his eyes and reply with determination, "I will do it. I will ensure that the next person to take my position has all the necessary information."

With that, you continue writing in your journal, sharing details, secrets, and strategies that only you know, and you wonder if you will ever be able to break this curse, to find the happiness that seems so elusive. A new you will replace you by morning, with a copy of all your memories, but you want her to be perfect. The twins deserve a godmother who remembers their favorite ice cream. Kate, a guardian. This universe, a sweet companion.

You leave the journal on the bed next to your wedding ring. Saying goodbye to the room one last time, you put your sketchbooks into a backpack and tie Natalia's ring on a cord around your neck. You will always remember her, you always do. It's your curse. The new mission represents an opportunity to get lost in a new universe, but deep down, you know a part of you will always be with your fiancée, in the memory of a love that couldn't be erased.

A portal opens, and you look at yourself in the mirror one last time.

And follow Fury through the portal.

☆

The SHIELD headquarters building is impressive, with its imposing architecture reaching towards the sky. It's your first time in this universe, but you are still in mourning, carrying the memory of the tragedy you left behind. This universe is destined for defeat in a few years, and you must prevent it.

As you walk through the well-maintained gardens surrounding the building, your legs moving almost automatically, you find yourself lost in thought. The green trees provide a glimpse of nature amid the rigidity of the concrete structure. You wonder what it will be like to work in a place like this, in a world so different from your own.

Suddenly, a soft voice interrupts your thoughts. "Hey, you're the new recruit?" It's a feminine voice, intriguing and confident. You turn to find an elegant woman with red hair and eyes that seem to capture all the depth of the universe.

"Yes, that's me," you reply, your voice slightly trembling with surprise at being approached so abruptly by the woman you buried a few days ago.

The red-haired woman smiles, an enigmatic smile that reveals only a small part of what she must know. "Welcome to SHIELD. I'm Natasha Romanoff. I'll show you how things work around here."

Even as she speaks, you can't help but feel that something is wrong in this universe. You take a deep breath and follow Natasha, determined not to repeat the same mistakes of the past.

#natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff deserved better #black widow x reader #i will never recover #im back from the dead

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xatsperesso · 8 months

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Hi, I read your "iruma is manipulative as a survival mechanism" posts and really liked them!! It really really makes sense to me. If a child is left in a neglectful place where they have no protectors, the child can very well choose their method of protection as being perceived as extremely nice, likeable and good. Pretending to be "good" and "happy" might be a trauma response or a survival strategy for him. I hadn't thought of it through this angle before, so I really loved your posts on it!!!

Thank you!! I've had this idea for so long but i cant commit to it right now and im afraid that when im ready to commit to a long fic I'd have lost my love to m!ik

And the idea of iruma choosing manipulation as a survival mechanism (i really like how you worded it im stealing that) just makes so much sense to me! Like what can a child really do? With their short legs and weak arms that makes them so so weak? With adults always undermining them and humouring them and just controlling their lives whether it is for the best or for the worst?

The best thing iruma could've done is to play nice and play cute. Never let anyone know how his home life is because he doesn't know anything other than the neglect. Grows up a bit and goes from collecting fruits to hunting fish, from living in the wild to learning that the city has a lot more food that is a whole ass lot tastier! From acting very cute in front of street vendors for some food to stealing from shops and selling what he stole "to raise money to charity!". From being his parents slave helper to being a big source of money to them

He grows up some more and realises that other kids dont do what he does, that they don't give their every second to pay back to their parents, but he also realises that there are kids who have a lot worse than him. That most of them go unnoticed, and that those who are noticed and rescued usually dont get what they are promised. Not when they're so old, so bitter, so untrusting

And so he keeps on hiding, acknowledging that he's owed a lot more than he was given, but doesn't utter a word in fear of the unknown, because at least he knows what to expect in this household.

He gets mad and angry at his parents, at the world and at every adult who does not notice the pain that he's in, but doesn't hold ontothe resentment for long as it is very hard to hide a hatred that runs deep into your bones.

So he smiles and laughs with his peers, he respects and does what his teahers ask of him, he steals and sells and works and works and works for his parents in fear that one day he'll become of no use to them. That one day they'll abandon him before he's old enough to survive truly on his own

And that's exactly what they did, didn't they? They pushed him off the nest before he could soar on his own. Threw him at a pack of wolves for money that could barely get them through one year, and these are people who have not worked for over ten years.

And to be fair to them (Which is a very hard thing to do) iruma did agree. Maybe out of fear, maybe out of hope, maybe out of curiosity, or maybe because he lost hope in the world that he lives in, but he did agree to be sold.

And now it'd take time for him to truly believe that he is safe. That he is wanted. That they aren't just pretending to get something out of him. That he is truly, utterly and wholly loved by everyone around him

Btw iruma in this au will keep on pretending and convincing himslef that sullivan doesn't love him until the heartbreaker arc when sullivan hugs him out of pure relief and fear. Iruma would so hesitantly, so tentatively raise his hand to hug him back, but the second he does his hands latch onto his suit, his whole body starts shaking and he tries to hide his face into Sullivan’s shoulder to hide the fact that he's crying, because no one has ever cared this much about him.

And you can bet that at this moment sullivan would not let him go. That he would craddle him in his arms and hold him as closely as he can without hurting him, that even whe they're in the saftey of their home (home! Not house! Home) sullivan wouldn't let him go, until Opera comes and tells him that he needs to sleep. That he could take iruma to his room if he wishes to, but both of them need sleep

Anyways, thank you so much for telling me how you feel about this idea! And I may have rambled a bit but i didn't really know what to say but i really appreciate your ask!

#hey #im back from the dead #hopefully #and i am filled with ideas!#watch out timblr #mairimashita! iruma kun #welcome to demon school iruma kun #mairimashita iruma kun #m!ik #iruma kun #mairimashita manga #sullivan #manipulation au #sounds about right

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