I'm revisiting a part of The High School Survival Guide: Making the Most of the Best Time of Your Life (so far) by Adam Palmer. It's a Christian book despite the fact that the title makes it seem totally areligious, and I read parts of it when I was in high school. It was the first time I ever read about being gay in a book. I found a free version online and while I didn't think the Bible could shock me anymore my mouth dropped open at this:
Apparently the MSG version of this passage really says the quiet part out loud. Gay people aren't even human / lose the knowledge of how to be human. Not sure how that works. There's such a dissonance between the tone of this verse and the tone of the text in the book too.
GEE I WONDER WHY??? How strange that Christians, who believe their sacred text claims that homosexual acts strip people of God, love, and their humanity, view homosexuality as 'icky' and 'gross.' In fact, I would think they'd think much worse in that scenario and treat gay people far worse. In fact, it kinda seems like you're downplaying the absolutely brutal treatment and systemic discrimination of gay people that was carried out in the name of Jesus.
And all of this is being aimed at (presumably Christian) teenagers who think they might be gay. There's no real advice here other than to surrender to god and to seek accountability.
I was keenly aware as a gay Christian that I was at the center of a culture war I did not want to be a part of. People out beyond my religious community were fighting for an acceptance and celebration of homosexuality that I thought was harmful and sinful. People inside my religious community had all kinds of incorrect ideas about gay people and I didn't think there was much space for me to be "out of the closet" even if I stayed single, celibate, and god-fearing. And I had no idea what to do about any of it.
I didn't come out to anyone until after high school. I prayed and I prayed and I prayed, and the weight was still heavy. God did not make it easier, did not lift the burden of homosexuality from me. I had plenty of accountability in my life, constantly watched by helicopter parents with Internet filters, confessing sin regularly in men's groups (both before and after I started to tell people I 'struggled with same-sex attraction). 'Accountability' only served to intensify my shame.
The only time things got easier was when I started to take God out of the equation, when I started to see my sexuality as a part of myself to embrace rather than excise. Christians will drone on and on about how Christ sets people free from their sins. In my experience, to be free of my sin I had to first be free of Christ.
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literally all I'm asking for is tia pepa or literally anyone to tell Eddie what to look for in a forever partner or whATEVER because he's been out of the scene of looking for something serious for so long.
and then we get a montage while pepa or whoever is listing things like "someone where you don't have to strain to laugh and smile and force yourself to be comfortable with" "a person that you can see yourself just sitting there in peaceful silence with" "someone who's always there for you unconditionally" "a nice little lovely lady who loves Chris and you and knows how to balance time with him and you and not be overwhelming or pushy and insert herself into your life"
and the whole time we just see multiple scenes of buck being that person and we get shots of all the buddie heart eyes and secret smiles when no one's looking and when they're finished listing all those things, Eddie's smiling distantly and is just like "huh. so that's what Ive been looking for"
and then the listing person is like "yeah so hurry up and get out there, these things take years to get to that point"
and Eddie just leaves and he goes to find buck but oH NO BUCK ISNT AT HIS LOFT SO EDDIE RUNS TO MADDIE'S HOUSE AND OOPS HE JUST MISSED HIM BUT MADDIE SAYS THAT HE SHOUDL BE ON HOS WAY TO EDDIES HOUSE RN ACTUALLY SO EDDIE GOES BACK HOME AND HE WALKS IN AND BUCK IS STANDING IN THE ENTRYWAY AND HE TURNS AROUND AND EDDIE STOPS ON THE WALKWAY AND HES SWEATING AND OUT OF BREATH AND BUCK WALKS NACK OUT TO HIM AND IS LIKE "Maddie and I had a talk about, well, a lot of things but Eddie I've realised that you were mentioned a lot. I mean, I mention you a lot when I'm talking to Maddie...and hen...and chim...and Bobby and Athena.... hell even Carla... but the point is, I'm always talking about you and when I'm not and thinking about you or Chris or both. because ever since you let me meet him, and join you two, my life has changed for the better. Eddie I can't imagine my life without you... and Chris. and I'm not sure why it just hit me now but I don't think it's— I mean, it's not just me admiring you, or wanting to be close to you. you're my family, Eddie. you and Chris are the ones I chose, and will continue to choose everyday of my life. and I just need to say that now because it's burning me up inside and what I'm trying to say is—”
and then Eddie steps closer to buck and puts his hand on bucks shoulder, briefly hesitating before shifting to cup his jaw. and both of them are holding their breaths. and both of them can't look away. and then Eddie puts his other hand on the other side of bucks face and buck grips his elbows and they are sharing breaths now because somehow they got too close to have their own individual source of oxygen.
and then Eddie says "buck. evan buckley I choose you too. always."
and then they just know and it's all over from there.
the crescendo hits and they're together. someone leaned in first. or maybe they both did, who knows, who cares. but their lips are together. they're pressed together as much as physically possible. and it's everything and more.
they pull apart and brown meets blue and then they're both grinning like they won the lottery. because, not to be cheesy, they kinda did.
so yeah, that's what I want.
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oooo i would love to prompt you from that duolingo list:
"how did you lose your phone?" OR "please take my jacket."
for (she pretends she likes any other pairing over obikin) i guess...obikin?
How did you lose your phone (like I could write anything other than obikin, let's be real here lol) Please enjoy this silly little meet cute.
(1k)
Obi-Wan had thought he was being subtle, watching the man at the end of the bar from the corner of his eye. The brunet had been playing pool all evening. He’d absolutely devastated everyone who tried to challenge him, pulling trick shots and showing off the whole time. His arms, biceps bulging in a shirt that was at least one size too small, had captivated Obi-Wan immediately. When Obi-Wan had managed to drag his eyes away from the man’s long fingers wrapped around the wooden cue and the ripple of muscles under golden skin, he’d found his face equally entrancing.
“Here, take this and then go talk to him already,” the bartender says with a smile, pushing a shot glass across the countertop to Obi-Wan. ”You’ve been pining all night.”
Obi-Wan flushes. Apparently he wasn’t as subtle as he thought. He’d usually say no but, two and a half drinks in, it doesn’t seem like such a bad idea. Making up his mind, he takes the shot, wincing as the burn of cinnamon whiskey slides down his throat, and slams the glass back onto the counter.
“Thanks,” he flashes a smile at the bartender, “wish me luck.”
She snorts and turns away, taking an order from a couple that had just wandered in.
Obi-Wan takes the cocktail glass he’d been sipping and swirls it nervously as he makes his way to the end of the bar. There’s an open stool next to the beautiful pool player, and he slides onto it quietly.
“Hello there.”
The man tilts his head towards Obi-Wan with a curious look on his face. “Hi? If you wanted to play a game you’ll have to come back this weekend, I’m done for the night.”
“No,” Obi-Wan laughs. “I’m afraid I wouldn’t be a challenge at all. I just wanted to talk to you.” He flashes his most charming smile.
“See, everyone who says that usually has a few tricks up their sleeve,” the man says, turning to fully face him. “You look like you know how to handle a few balls.”
Obi-Wan chokes on the drink he’d just taken. The stranger watches him struggle with a bemused smile, eyebrows wrinkling. Clearing his throat, Obi-Wan rallies and looks up at him from under his eyelashes. “Well, a different kind of balls, but I’m told I’m pretty good.”
“Oh? What sport do you play?” the younger man asks earnestly. “Please don’t tell me golf, you don’t look that boring.” He pauses for a second to flag the bartender over. “I’m Anakin, by the way.”
Crestfallen that the man actually wants to talk about sports, Obi-Wan orders another drink from the woman as well. “I’m Obi-Wan,” he says after taking a moment to finish the remains of his first cocktail. “I play in a local tennis league.”
The bartender sets their drinks in front of them and sends Obi-Wan a sympathetic smile. The drink, when he tries it, is much stronger than his previous one. She must be able to tell how poorly his attempts at flirting have gone, he thinks.
Anakin scoots closer to the edge of his stool, his knees bumping against Obi-Wan’s. “That’s cool,” he says. “My sister plays tennis too. She’s tried to get me to play but I swear whenever we play she hits me on purpose. She says I’m just not good at it, of course,” Anakin laughs, his eyes crinkling at the corners.
Obi-Wan’s spirits lift and he jumps at the chance to turn the conversation around. “Maybe you just need to learn to play with the right partner,” he suggests.
Anakin hums and leans towards Obi-Wan. “Are you offering to teach me?”
Obi-Wan can’t help but notice how impossibly blue Anakin’s eyes are as he bats his eyelashes coyly. He loses his train of thought for a moment, alcohol and desire clouding his mind.
“Darling, I’d love to teach you,” Obi-Wan closes the space between them until they’re just a hairsbreadth apart. “Let’s exchange numbers, you can text me and we can set up a date?”
“Oh, um. No, I can’t.”
Obi-Wan pulls back, smile dropping off his face. “I’m sorry if I’ve over-stepped.” He slides off the stool and puts a little space between them. “Enjoy the rest of your evening.”
A hand snags on his sleeve as Obi-Wan turns away.
“Sorry, I meant no, we can’t exchange numbers because I lost my phone.” Anakin eyes are wide as he stares at Obi-Wan.
“It’s ok, Anakin, you don’t need to make up an excuse.” Obi-Wan tries to tug himself free but Anakin’s hand curls tighter on his shirt.
“I really did lose it! Can’t you, like, write your number on a napkin or my arm or something?”
Obi-Wan steps back towards to him, hopeful that maybe he hasn’t completely misread the situation. “You might have to let go for me to write it down,” he says wryly.
Anakin blushes, but pulls Obi-Wan a little closer before releasing him. He reaches across the bar and snags a pen from a cup next to the cash register. He hands it to Obi-Wan before offering up his forearm as a blank canvas.
It feels a bit high school-ish to be writing his number on someone’s skin, but it makes Obi-Wan’s stomach jump a little nonetheless. Anakin’s skin is just as warm under his touch as he’d imagined. He writes carefully, making the lines as legible as he can.
“How did you lose your phone?” he asks curiously.
Anakin bites his lip. “Promise you won’t laugh?”
Obi-Wan lets go of Anakin’s arm to curl their pinky fingers together. “Pinky promise,” he says solemnly.
“It’s kind of a long story, we should probably sit back down and order some food,” Anakin coaxes Obi-Wan back to his bar stool. When Anakin sits down himself he scoots even closer, one of his knees sliding between Obi-Wan’s. “So it started this morning when I was getting ready to go on a hike. I was trying out a new backpack, which won’t be getting a good review…”
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