#im coming for your ass
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NO CABER???? YOU MEAN NO SEXC 222 HITS??????????
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Thinking about Edward Elric as the Amestrian Military's specialest little unfireable boy
State alchemists can be fired for underperforming. We know this up front from the likes of Shou Tucker. And this makes a ton of sense from the homunculi's standpoint since the state alchemists are sacrifice candidates, and the homunculi would want to cull the weakest candidates and focus only on cultivating the strongest ones who stand the best chance of opening the portal.
........Then there's Edward. Who's already opened the portal.
There's no need to cultivate him. No gamble taken on whether he's good enough to open the portal. He passed the final test already. Graduated 4 semesters early.
And as such, has a free pass to do Absolute Fuck All.
And I'm imagining how funny this is from like an outside perspective.
Some newish state alchemist who'd only ever read up on the stories of Edward Elric, ready and excited to start their career of being paid handsomely with endless freedom to research and travel and do anything they want in the pursuit of science... surprised and confused to find themselves put on probation their first month for things like "ignoring orders." Which is, as best they had thought, a famous Edward Elric pastime.
Roy showing a slight bit of stress about his yearly state alchemist report, and Ed just snorting and rolling his eyes at Roy because every year HE just hastily does his on the train ride over (canon in the manga, a travesty it was left out of the anime) and it gets rubber stamped. Ed not realizing that other alchemists' reports get genuinely scrutinized and torn apart while Ed is free to turn in whatever absolute bullshit he thinks of 36 hours ahead of time. One year his report was about whether alchemy could be done via dance (conclusion: no it can't) and no one cared. Roy WANTS to tell Ed there's some kind of unknown favoritism around Ed making him literally bullet-proof but Roy has no way to phrase this that doesn't sound like he's just in denial and mad at how good Ed's train-reports are.
Guy from the Internal Amestrian Affairs sector who's responsible for auditing other internal military personel for any suspicious activity hitting about 1 million red flags for Edward Elric, issuing a STRONG and URGENT recommendation to suspend the alchemist pending further investigation into things like "literal bunk-buddies with two members of the Xingese royalty (enemy nation)" and "spent $10,000,000 of his stipend on a librarian to make her re-copy (what he seemed to interpret as?) military records in some extremely transparent effort to unearth state secrets (it was a recipe book but he was literally asking her about state secrets)" and "literally has never once obeyed an order, ever, not even once in his career, and is on public record having said 'I do not care about the goals and protections of the Amestrian Military. I am in fact only pursuing my own interests several of which are diametrically opposed to the safety and well-being of the governing body of Amestris'"
The issued recommendation is intercepted before it even reaches its intended desk. President Bradley himself has taken issue with it and denies it before a single set of eyes has seen it. The President's veto stamp is a terrifying hammer, used rarely, and it is now sitting on the auditor's desk.
The auditor sleeps with one eye open from then on out.
#fma#fullmetal alchemist#fullmetal alchemist: brotherhood#fma:b#literally anything about the dynamic between edward and the amestrian government is so so so funny to me#im begging you to come pick up your alchemist he keeps committing treason#Roy: absolute perfect ass-kisser and career-man playing the part 24/7 to disguise his treasonous ambitions and still#not flying under the radar#Edward on his public Twitter: bored. might tear down the Amestrian government for fun.
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thinking about hitting my babygirl till she cries, cums, or both
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what kind of fucked up stage of capitalism are we in that you are encouraged to watch ads and play mobile games and daily check-in and spin a wheel to save money on your fucking bills.
#not serious but fuck this is the shit that makes me want to burn shit down#im literally so fucking mad#boost mobile#im coming for your ass
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okay but like. I just had the weirdest thought about that ‘don’t look I’m naked’ comic. Which is that that’s essentially the same thing Adam and Eve did after they ate the fruit of knowledge of good&evil. So I feel like the theological implications of that could kneecap Gabe if he doesn’t think V1 is a being with free will.
yeah ok. i dunno man. is this anything
((side note. this isn’t necessarily meant to be in-character or story-accurate or take place at any particular point in time, just a way to explore some Thoughts. i was also imagining more that V1’s words aren't actually spoken, more like Gabriel’s more articulate interpretation of whatever garbled mechanical noise V1 is using to communicate. I think an angel could do that.))
and then they fucked nasty the end
#my art#my writing#who fuckin sent this. fuck you. come off anon so i can kick your ass. (the thoughts this ask sparked consumed almost 3 days of my life)#i dont know what this even is#i just work here#disclaimer i don't come from a particularly religious background so like.#most of my knowledge of christianity comes from when my mom sent me to vbs for cheap babysitting in middle school or absorbed via osmosis#so i have no idea what im talking about except for when i do! hope this helps#i love how i say that like i expect biblical scholars to tear apart my ultrakill gay fanfiction#if you are a biblical scholar and you want to tear apart my ultrakill gay fanfiction please know i am not going to read the bible for this#ultrakill#v1 ultrakill#gabriel ultrakill#gabv1el#blood#love tagging ultrakill stuff with blood. hmm yes the floor here is made out of floor
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Part Two / Part Three
Ao3
It's 8:45 am.
The Red Barn, which is neither red nor a barn, has been open since 7, catering to the early morning crowd with rounds of coffee and pancakes.
It was no Benny's, but given the size of Hawkins and the lack of alternatives?
No one was complaining.
They were all too happy someone had opened up another watering hole for the working class man (or lass, as Foreman Shelly will dutifully remind you) which meant the place was packed with both day and night shift regulars, passing each other in staggered waves.
It also meant Wayne was sharing the packed breakfast counter with a warehouse worker by the name of John Cheese on one side and Police Chief Jim Hopper on the other.
He doesn't mind it.
Wayne's a man on a budget thinner than his shoelace, but he's also a man who understands that small indulgences need to be made in life or you didn't truly live it.
This is how he convinces himself to get a coffee at the Barn after work everyday, reading the morning newspaper and chatting with the other regulars before he heads home.
Bonus, it gets him out of the rapid-fire franticness that is his nephew in the mornings.
(All the love in the world wouldn't change the fact that all that Eddie came with a lot of noise.
The kind of noise that was a tried and true recipe for a headache right after a long shift.)
As a trade off, Wayne went to bed early so he could wake up in time for dinner with Eddie.
It was a nice little system that worked for them.
A routine Wayne was reminiscing fondly on, when the pager on Chief Hopper started to chirp. With a sad moan, the man fished out a few crumbled bills and threw them on the counter, abandoning his coffee to trudge out to his truck.
This was not unusual.
Particularly recently, given they were but a scant few weeks past that whole mall ordeal. A fact all too easy to remember when one caught sight of the Chief’s still healing face.
What was unusual, was when he came storming through the doors a minute later, face now a furious shade of red with his hat clenched in his hand.
The energy in the room shifted, taking on something a little watchful as Hopper swept his gaze from side to side, like a dog on the hunt.
Judging by the way he stilled when he caught sight of Wayne, the latter assumed he found what he was looking for and could only pray it was the person behind him.
(He liked John, but Wayne had enough trouble this year and he wasn't looking for any more.)
"Munson." Hopper called, striding over and dashing all his hopes. There was a choked fury emitting off him, and given the way John audibly scooted his chair away, Wayne knew everyone had clocked it.
"Chief." Wayne greeted, inclining his head towards him.
Idly he wondered what the hell his nephew had done this time.
'So help me if he stole all the town's lawn flamingos and put them in that damn teachers yard again….'
Wayne didn't even get to finish his threat, the Chief was already next to him.
"Mind if I have a word outside?"
Dammit Eddie.
"Ah hell, what's he done now?" Wayne asked with a sigh, eyeing the coffee he had left morosely.
There was still almost half of it left and the pot had tasted fresh for once.
"What?" Hopper said, and then Wayne got to watch as the man ran through an entire chain of thoughts, each one punctuated by things like; "Oh," and "No. "
"This is something else." He finished, flushed and fidgeting, anger making him antsy.
Wayne stared up at him.
"Something else?" He repeated, not sure he heard.
"Yes, something else." Hopper snapped impatiently, before leaning forward, voice dropping low. "This doesn't involve your nephew, but we both know you owe me for how many times I've let that kid off, Wayne. That's a damn big favor I've been doing you and I'm calling it in."
If it were any other cop, it'd sound like a threat.
It was Hopper though. The same Hopper who Wayne had gone to school with.
They'd never been friends exactly, but they had been friendly and remained so. Even now, after Wayne had taken Eddie in, who’d gone on to be an undeniable pain in the local PD’s ass.
Hopper really did let the kid off easy.
Wayne really did owe him.
So he put down his coffee with a sigh, passed his newspaper over to John and stood up, motioning for Hopper to lead the way. Got into the Chief’s truck when he waved him in, and didn’t make a big fuss when Hopper tore out of the parking lot like hell was about to open up under them.
"Not a lot of the kids involved in the mall fire could be identified, but a few of them were." Hopper started, which felt nonsensical given the utter lack of context.
Wayne hummed to show he’d heard.
“Some of them got banged up more than others, and a lot of people wouldn’t be surprised if they didn’t make it.”
A pause, Hopper white knuckling the steering wheel as he swung the truck hard around a turn.
“For certain people, those kids dying is the preferred outcome.”
A mix of fear and warning swopped low in Wayne’s gut.
"Jim." Wayne said, dropping the use of a last name because if any situation called for it, it was this one. "What exactly are you saying here?"
The Chief chewed on his split lip.
"I know you're smart, Munson. I know you, and plenty of others are aware that something's happening, been happening in this town."
Which was a hell of an understatement if you asked Wayne. Plenty of the upper classes might be able to bury their heads when it came to the military parading about and the flow of “accidents” they brought in their wake, but then, they didn't see all the other signs of trouble.
The absolute oddity that was Starcourt’s construction.
How it had been built using primarily outside crews and anyone who'd taken a singular look at the site could tell you they were building it weird.
Weird as in it looked like it would have a multi-level basement, and not what a mall should have.
Then there were the constant electrical problems. The backups upon backups that failed. The late night delivery vans headed out to the Hawkins Lab.
The things in the woods that kept spooking all the deer and the weird markings they left behind that unnerved even the hardest of hunters.
This didn’t even touch the Russian military that more than one reputable person swore was hanging around.
The very same Wayne himself had seen, on more than one occasion.
(And you couldn’t deny it; those boys were military. Past or present, it didn’t matter. They moved like a threat, and Wayne treated them like one, staying well clear.)
"Yeah." Wayne admitted. "I also know better than to stick my nose in it."
"That makes you a smarter man than me.' Hop complained under his breath, but the anger was self directed.
"The point is, there are some government types crawling around, doing shit they shouldn't be doing, and more than a few of them are in the business of making people disappear.”
This was absolutely not where Wayne had thought this was going.
Hopper took a breath. Than another.
A third.
It was starting to make Wayne nervous, in a way he hadn’t felt since a social worker had brought Eddie to him for the last time and final time. It was the feeling that things were about to shift in a way that would change the course of his life.
"Steve Harrington is sitting in my office right now, beat to absolute shit.” Hopper admitted.
Wayne gave him the floor to talk, letting him go at his own pace without interruptions.
“He's there because some of those government types finally figured out his parents are never fucking home.”
Wayne sucked in a breath.
"We both know his parents, Wayne. Harassing them to come back and take care of their kid won't work, and frankly, I’m beginning to think all the phone lines are tapped anyway.” He winced here, like voicing such a thing pained him, and Wayne understood.
It sounded a little too out there, a little like he was buying into a conspiracy.
Except he wasn’t. Wayne knew he wasn’t.
Jim Hopper might have been an alcoholic, a man living in pain and unconcerned with his own life, but if there was one thing he was solid for, it was shit like this.
He didn’t jump to conclusions. Didn’t believe the first thing people told him. Even at his worst, he did the work to see what was really happening, and made his decisions from there.
(Even if that decision was to accept the occasional bribe, or drive an intoxicated 13 year old Eddie home instead of hauling his ass into the drunk tank.)
“Harrington won’t admit it, but he’s got a hell of a concussion if not a full blown brain injury and he’s not reacting as well as he should to Suites trying to run him off the road.” Hopper continued. Angrily, he added, “Damn kid didn’t even come to me until they tried to break into his house last night.”
His fingers squeezed the wheel so hard Wayne heard the leather creak in protest.
“I’d take him, but my cabin is being renovated from…” He trailed off, heaving a sigh.
“A storm, so me and my kid are bunked with the Byers right now and we’re full up.”
Hawkins hadn't had a storm like that in years, but Wayne wasn't going to call him out on the blatant lie.
“I need a place to stash him for the next few weeks, until I can work with some of the higher ups sniffing around, and get them to call off their attack dogs.”
“And you want to stuff him with me.” Wayne finished.
“I know you don’t have the room.” Hopper admitted easily, stopping his truck at a red light and locking eyes with the other man. “But I also know you’ll be the last place anyone would look for him.”
'Ain’t that the damn truth.'
“You’re really gonna go this far for a Harrington?” Wayne asked, instead of the million of other questions leaping to the forefront of his mind.
This one, he figured, was the most important.
“He’s not his dad.” Hopper said, as firm as Wayne had ever heard him. “He’s not either of his parents, and he saved my little girl.”
Wayne hadn’t even known Hopper had another little girl, but he also knew better than to ask where the guy had found one.
It wasn’t his business, just as nothing else Jim was involved in, was his business.
Except, apparently, Steve Harrington.
“I’m gonna need my own truck if I’m takin' Harrington home.” Wayne said easily, instead of bothering to ask anything else.
If Jim said the kid was different than his daddy, then he was--because when it came to things like that, Jim didn't lie.
No point in it.
“I know. Just needed to talk to you first, without anyone overhearing.” Jim said, before swinging the police truck around and heading back to the Barn.
“I’ll stay in contact with you, and I’ll make sure Harrington pays you for the pleasure of your hospitality. Just--” Here Jim cut himself off, looking like he was struggling an awful lot with the next thing he wanted to say.
Once again, Wayne waited him out.
“Don’t let Steve fool you. He’s good at fooling people, letting them think he’s okay. Too good at it, and between the two of us, I have a real good idea of the reason why.”
A memory came to Wayne unbidden, of Richard Harrington and Chet Hagan, beating some poor kid in the highschool bathroom bloody. The grins on their faces as the poor guy wailed for them to stop.
How they almost hadn’t.
“Alright.” Wayne agreed.
Hopper swung back into the Barn's parking lot, and Wayne moved right to his own beat to shit truck, ready to follow Jim back to the police station.
He wasn’t a praying man, not anymore, but Catholisim wasn’t a thing that let you go easy.
He found himself sending up a quick prayer, fingers flicking in a kind of miniature version of the sign of the cross.
Considering his own kid’s history with Harrington, and the sheer small space of the trailer?
Wayne had a feeling it was needed.
#this has like t wo more parts#pre steddie#wayne as a BAMF#wayne and Hopper both as psuedo parents to Steve#ya'll are gonna have to put up with my weird ass jumping all over the place warm ups sorry lol#Gary's fourth piece is coming no worries#and then this will either take its place or the other one I have will#you CANNOT look me in the eye and tell me all the blue color workers arent aware shits going down#like 100% local crews took one look at starcourt and went what the fuck#nevermind you know the local power plant lol#and with demo critters running around its not like they were tearing through brushes and shit#your local hunters are gonna know somethings up#anyway#beat to shit Steve Harrington#my beloved#hes gonna show up busted to shit with a major grade concussion and Eddie is gonna shit himself#steve harrington#steddie#I spelled collar color and im not changing it#outsider pov#wayne pov#I will write the first person who knows where I pulled John from a prompt of their choice#catholic wayne munson#jim hopper
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#1 rule of homestuck. if there are stairs, someone will fall down them
#my art#fan art#art#katnep#karnep#nepkat#karkat vantas#nepeta leijon#karkat#nepeta#not sure why i used such a trickster ass palette#i think im going to keep trying to use variations of green/red for these comics to keep up with the katnep theme?#but i will probably grow tired of that so dont hold me to it#also youre meant to read karkat's 'neepeetaa' like 'alllVINNNNN'#not sure it comes across like that#tryina get better at comics 💪#oh my god i forgot to tag this homestuck#im so sorry#homestuck
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he’s the worst 😭
#*＊✿❀talk to moon❀✿＊*#but also that’s him at any wedding no matter who the person is#he begs you to come w him to be less bored but ends up holding onto your thigh and having his hand smacked off your ass the whole night#‘im bored lemme grab onto it’ ‘get ur hands off of me ppl are staring!!’ ‘and? its not like no one knows youre mine’#i love him😭#hanma shuji#tokyo revengers
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wear headphones :)
Wasn't expecting another one of these so soon huh.
Transcript and context under the cut
Transcription: Fuck. Goddammit. K-Ugh. *whimper* Come on...
Context: An inside joke between some people on twitter resulted in them commissioning artists to draw gabe failing at pottery and it became a trend for a bit. This is him voicing that specific scenario
Audio source (Yeah I edited it a little to make it worse. I will not apologize.)
Link to a thread of the pottery fan art. This isn't all of it but this is the only collection I can find to link to. -> Link
If anyone has more that wasn't included here feel free to drop a link in the replies :0
#ultrakill#gabriel ultrakill#thank you anon for naming this one#that 'come on' okay. bottom.#eat up u animals (is also an animal myself)#im gonna delete the posts from earlier about naming it#ill leave the asks though to confuse anyone who stops by later >:)#why does he do this for the most random ass requests#its not nearly as bad if u listen to the og one im just insane and made it worse#sadly very short but with YOUR HELP you can accidentally create more :) (threat)#voice post
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Cheer Up Tickles >>>>
!!!NSFW/KINK/BLANK/NON-TK BLOGS DNI PLEASE!!!
((Click/tap for better quality!))
((Reblogs give me 🧡motivation and serotonin💜))
MORE TK ART FROM ME???? FINALLY?????? REAL???!!!??!????!?!?!?!?!?
ANYWAY THE LEE!VINCE GRIND DOESN'T STOP 💪💪💪 SHOUTOUT TO MY MOOTS ON DISCORD WHO'VE BEEN CONTINUOUSLY SCREAMING WITH ME ABOUT HIM HAKGNAOFN
Edit: oml how is this post still getting notes 👁👁 (tysm for liking my silly little tk comic about my silly little OCs HSJGJSHFH)
#Anyway proceeds to come back from my grave with a whole ass tk comic heueue im so sorry being a graduating student gets really busy hsjgjsfd#Love how the poses came out with this one#i still have no idea how the head angle of the first page came out decent on the first try. like no joke hsjgjsjgj#but my fav detail of this whole thing is the hand holding at the end jsjgisogisjf like-#hand holding during tickles >>>>>#esp in a platonic sense too (which this one is btw)#basically affection /pos#i am (not) sorry to anyone with ticklish tummies out there 🙏 Just cope with the butterflies and tingles for now okieee? <3 /j#tickle#tickling#tickle art#my art#my ocs#oc tickles#Vince Ticone#Third Satiro#soul squad#i love these two sm your honor i love their dynamic sm they are so precious I hope nothing bad happens to hem#them*#(totally not foreshadowing canon events hahahaha-- 👁👁💦)
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🥵🥵
#im actually speechless........this set of pixels is the hottest shit alive#the Sassy Hip RETURNS......god bles#hunter#the bad batch#star wars#bad batch spoilers#HOT DAMN#R&Rphotoset#come out here and get y'all juice...bc i know you's THIRSTY#can't wait to see other ppl's thirst tags... they're my fave lol#it's ok bby i know u get your ass handed to you 5 sec later but you're still hot af 🥰
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NAH WHO THE FUCK SAID THAT MEXICO GOAL WAS OFFSIDE 🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪
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guys we only have 4 more episodes, how the hell are they ganna do this??
#CAD BANE???#hemlock i swear im beat your lil bitch ass#TECH DARLING BOY COME BACK TO US#the bad batch#tbb#the bad batch omega#tbb omega#tbb hunter#tbb wrecker#tbb crosshair#tbb echo#tbb tech#tbb batcher#the bad batch wrecker#the bad batch hunter#the bad batch tech#the bad batch crosshair#the bad batch echo#the bad batch batcher
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THE HUSBANDS 😍😍 (they are just standing not even next to eachother)
they come in a set do not separate
#transformers#transformers one#shockwave#soundwave#wavewave#you bet your ass im going to buy their figures#if they ever come out#soundwave why is your facemask so weird
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no really ALL im saying is if aziraphale was infront of ME and me only and even gave me a smallest amount of attention i would've already confessed right there. wouldn't have taken me 5 minutes let alone 6000 YEARS. nuh uh. especially if he slutted me out while dressed like THAT in 1793 or rizzed me up in 1941. i may be oblivious but im not dumb as fuck and i would've taken THE FUCKING HINT. unlike SOMEONE. ugh if only i was in crowley's place this shitshow wouldn't have taken more than aziraphale's eyelashes to flutter once and i'm done for the wedding is already in full swing oh lookie here a priest appeared completely out of nowhere how odd how mysterious!! anyway we must not waste this opportunity let's just get over w it for completely normal regular reasons YEP!! nothing to see here just a perfectly regular every day wedding !! like come on man atp u gotta blame urself for wasting opportunities like that
#lets all be completely absolutely dead fr rn. if aziraphale smiled at YOU and complimented YOUR stars u would've fallen ass over heels in#love too dont deny it now#just SOME OF US would actually do something abt that shit rather than sigh and yearn and crave and whatever tf that simp ass got up to#im joking btw but COME ON he's soo pretty i wouldn't have been strong enough to wait any time at all#im reading a fic where everyone is under a love spell over aziraphale and fall immediately in love w him the moment they look at him and im#just now realizing that's unironically how i'd act around him if he was real and that's embarrassing as shit#good omens#good omens s2#azicrow#crowley#aziraphale#ineffable spouses#aziracrow
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Gibson Girl, Rust Cohle (i)
🥃: HD link, (ii)
#the tags asked for it & my mind couldn't shake it off🧎#im nothing if not a victim to the inner circle. this happened to my buddy ledoux#yk the drill click on YT for HD & come back here for part ii cause tumblr forced me to split this into 2 parts#this was done in -12 minutes and has the consistency of benadryl fuckin#icba to snip & trim this any prettier so you get exactly half#as my bush so too my videos or something#true detective#truedetectiveedit#true detective s1#rust cohle#marty hart#maggie hart#MAGGIE MY GIRL!!!!! your ass too perfect your choices too bad your swag too tough they'll killyou#she was a joy to edit but i said it before & ill say it again. who dropped her between two kinsey 5's in a midlife crisis n left her there#literally worst family dynamic to be in in all of louisiana. short of the actual childress house mayb... im so sorry 4 all that maggie#for this (1) video cohle is not only a lesbian to us but also a homewrecker soft butch
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