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circuslollipop · 3 years

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Jester and Essek?

JESTER:

Why I like them: ksdjhf where do i BEGIN. she's that one character who was INSTANTLY my favorite; i fell in love with her voice, her demeanor, her personality, everything! but i also love her and relate to her on a deeper level--how she's seen as less mature because of her likes and hobbies, how she represses her negative emotions for fear of making other people hurt or uncomfortable, growing up isolated. also i really love her creativity and her growth from someone sheltered to someone with a bit more worldly experience who takes initiative, but in that growth she never lets go of her love for unicorns or fairy tales or the color pink or her joy and kindness and belief in the best of people! i love her so much

Why I don’t: literally nothing i can put here she's great

Favorite scene: the tarot reading on lucien that was INCREDIBLE

Favorite season/movie: i cant pick a favorite arc w her shes great all the time!!

Favorite line: "something must end for something new to begin" but also "let chaos reign"

Favorite outfit: ALL OF THEM but if we're going by purely official art then her xhorhas outfit. but if we look at my tweaks to the outfits then the winter one becomes my favorite

OTP: JESTERMAUK but i also ship her with beau, yasha, and calianna

Brotp: jester essek besties for the win also team cleric good

Head Canon: bi grayro/grayce jester my beloved

Unpopular opinion: kinda wish we got more time for jester introspection/inner conflict in the travelercon arc? it got kinda wrapped up pretty neatly and i do wish we could've gotten more conflict. i do like that her friendship w artagan was reaffirmed in the end, but idk i do wish there were some more challenges thrown her way in that regard and that would make it all the more satisfying to see her rise above it all and fight for her beliefs and win in the end. also ngl some of the shipping discourse i see is Weird and im just gonna leave it at that. also there's more to jester's humor than d!ck jokes and i kinda don't like how one-note it all started to become in the later episodes

A wish: continuing from the first point in the unpopular opinion section, would have LOVED to see the timeline where the traveler actually was taken to the feywild and jester turned to the moonweaver for help. while her faith in artagan is definitely strong in canon i feel like that kind of arc would have made her faith feel even STRONGER. also i wanna see her feywild adventures

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: please don't let her """mature""" out of her hobbies and interests let her become a little old lady who still loves unicorns and stories and pink

5 words to best describe them: chaotic, vibrant, joyful, strong, lively

My nickname for them: another canon nickname but i do call her jessie or jes sometimes

ESSEK:

Why I like them: oh golly gee ANOTHER character i relate to! gifted kid burnout syndrome my beloathed. mainly the experience of being considered a prodigy early in life and then expected to preform to that standard every time. also i LOVE essek's arc and his character development, he grew from someone cold and isolating to someone who cries over a person he didn't even know (mollymauk) and all that growth was SO satisfying to watch. easily my favorite character arc

Why I don’t: n/a

Favorite episode (scene if movie): episode 91 was SO GOOD

Favorite season/movie: despite being a Molly Stan, essek was easily my favorite part of the aeor arc! (mostly bc the molly and lucien stuff made me stressed and emotional while watching; essek was nothing but satisfying to watch) anyway i loved being able to see that growth in real time!

Favorite line: "it's not fair" AAAH the heartbreak and also i cant remember any other essek lines atm RIP

Favorite outfit: out of all the different interpretations of his mantle i do like the munchkin interpretation (aka kyotosparty's) the best!

OTP: SHADOWGAST but i do also like shadowmauk

Brotp: jester essek besties

Head Canon: short essek fave essek

Unpopular opinion: i dont think i have one?

A wish: if the m9 ever get an animated series, i hope essek gets more lines and more chances to give his input once they get to the aeor arc! i understand that matt was juggling SO MUCH at the time so i def see why it didn't happen during the actual show. also i would love to see more adventuring essek as well as an origins comic

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: that after the m9 are all gone, that he doesn't ever find happiness again and slips back into loneliness. i would like to think he's able to find more friends, more adventures, and more love while still honoring his old ones, and he's able to live a long and happy life

5 words to best describe them: complex, relatable, flawed, hopeful, ninth

My nickname for them: i dont have one for him i dont think

#mryarra #thanks for sending!#jester lavorre #essek thelyss

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mrs-nate-humphrey · 3 years

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I am curious: what are your favorite scenes from your main ships (date, dair, derena...)?

scenes involving milo don't count, sorry!

for me, it's really not just scenes, but body language & just in general, how they are with each other, you know? dan and serena grin at each other and hug SO much, you can tell that being around each other in s1 made them both so happy, and even after that glow fades the way they look for comfort in each other... top level stuff. the way blair looks at dan... we never see her as radiant at any other point. she was not looking at anyone else like this. and gosh, dan and nate. they're both so comfortable around each other that there's absolutely nothing weird about like. discussing that one ex girlfriend whom they both share AND both were in love with. there is literally no other duo who trusts/enjoys each other's company so much that they're comfortable in a love triangle. (probably because they're more in love with each other than with the girl, but that is not the point. or is it?)

anyway, more specific answers. under the cut. this is one of the longest answers i've ever written on this blog possibly but you KNEW that would happen when you sent this ask, didn't you? (affectionate)

derena: i tagged one of my ds reblogs as 'the grumpy one is soft for the sunshine one' and like. look at them! this hug from 1x10 kills me in the best way. they are both the literal embodiment of :D when they see each other! i love 1x10 as a whole moment, their entire thing at cotillion is so sweet and they're both so happy. the fact that he is talking about his chemistry teacher during this kiss in 1x07. that bit at the end of 1x05 when they talk about their siblings (being there for their sibling because of fallible parents being a derena parallel makes me simultaneously really sad and really soft, tbh). 1x05 gives me SO MUCH SECONDHAND EMBARRASSMENT but the way they walk off together arms around each other does something to me - these are two people who are still getting to know each other but who really like what they see, and who trust each other and. are just having a good time together! back when derena was my OTP, the 1x11 "your story's about me?" was absolutely a fave, too, and i still adore it, albeit in a different, more nostalgic way. i like a dan who writes cute stories about serena. no empty shell sabrina van skoneker bullshit. she is so much like you, daniel! you'd be shattered if she did this to you. don't do this to her. tbh, most derena moments from s1 are just A+ romance. the bit in 2x02 in the jitney is so funny, they're SO bad at being exes. the bit in... 3x03 i think?? i don't remember... on the contrary. when they're talking about dan's fling w/ georgina and serena's relationship with carter, the ease with which they talk and how happy/supportive they are of each other's new relationships... yeah. love to see it.

i also really like any instance of them having honest/open conversations. 1x13, talking about how serena is concerned about blair. 1x08, serena talking to dan about feeling jealous of vanessa. this bit from the touch of eva or whatever that episode is. 4x04 i think. this is the conversation everyone is trying to get dan to have and he's avoiding EVERYONE else. derena interactions in 3x21 (can't find a gif right now) - the fact that dan is with serena when her dad abandons them, the fact that he goes all the way there with her. 2x07, "i'm really glad you're nate's friend. he really needs someone like you right now" (though i'm cheating, that's technically a d/n moment too klhdflkgf). there's a bit in s4 where he's advising her against having an affair w/ colin, i don't remember the ep number, but the way he takes her side so easily and naturally and puts due blame/responsibility solely on her professor... yeah. 4x10 i think this ep is?? idk. but like my tags say, im sentimental about this moment because while what dan was doing was irresponsible, sneaking her out of the ostroff, he was the only person in this episode who was actually talking to her and listening to her and taking her seriously. nobody else was doing that!!

i probably have more moments i'm not remembering, but we're only 1/3 into this answer and LOOK AT THE WORDS, good lord, i'm sorry.

dair: my favourite dair episode is hands down despicable b (5x21) which i have heard is an uncommon answer. i just love the conflict resolution of it all, okay!!! 1x04 & 2x08 are like. standard answers any dair shipper will give, and i'm no different. i love dan being able to give blair advice and blair actually taking his advice even though they're not friends yet!!! be right back, yelling at the intimacy of it all!! 5x16, with their getting together (this little kiss and dan being so startled by it), blair admitting a flaw she genuinely does have and dan saying it's not awful because it's her, which is just. romance at its finest. those vows, good lord. 5x18.... they're having fun! blair showing up at the loft in lingerie for dan... the delight on her face.... (i know this moment blows up in their face but when she's there she looks so happy and proud of herself and this was like THE moment when i was like. oh. dair is really the heart of this garbage show huh).

i think for me, the thing that really sells dan & blair together is the serena of it all. both of them love serena more fiercely than anyone else, and that is what brings them together. (fwiw i definitely think nate loved serena this much and this deeply, too; the writers just wanted to pop the serenate balloon, which even i think was extremely unnecessary and ooc.) but (& i have so much meta about this) their relationship grows beyond serena. their entire s4 arc is SO good. i love how comfortable around each other they are, in such an adult way, in the sense of like. they both bring so much stability to each other? morgan tagged this edit "the marrieds" and like. yeah. b offers to help him shave. they're having breakfast & reading the paper together.

all the love declarations we got that weren't a simple 'i love you.' be your charming wonderful self (how could she not love you/ tell me what would make you happy, dan) i told chuck he doesn't have my heart anymore (you spent your life earning the keys to set you free when you were free all along!!!!) dan's pep talk to blair in 5x21 (already linked a gifset earlier, here's another one if you want i guess). there's definitely more... but honestly, the way the dair arc was executed was so good - while i do have my complaints, i also think keeping those aside, it was SO close to perfect. i love dan & blair's banter and gradually becoming closer and closer and closer. it felt very organic and real and GOSH. the way penn & leighton looked at each other while playing dan and blair...... it's just SO MUCH.

date: this is the hardest, because it's. *screams*. maybe you saw me losing my mind over those 2 seconds of nate handing dan a waffle? i love almost every scene with these two, even the hellish s6 breakup scene. my favourite episode for d/n (& also favourite gg episode in general) is 2x06 - i love the homoerotic subtext of it all. nate pretending to be dan because dan's name is the first name that came to his head. dan flirting w/ nate while tied to that thing, in his underwear. them becoming friends. and 2x07 as a follow-up to that! dan getting nate to live in the loft with the humphreys for a while. i am so soft.

4x09 is a terrible episode in general, especially for serena my beloved, but the d/n moments in that one? off the CHARTS. this weird overly macho flirting, in some ways THE most iconic d/n line. this entire finish each other's sentences nonsense. someone (i think it was ana but im not sure?) compared the energy of those scenes i just linked to the book blairenate love triangle resolution, blairena choosing each other over nate in the books, date choosing each other over serena in the show (if only! RIP.) after the saints & sinners ball, this cute little moment of 'youre the only one who understands me. please tell me they went home together. i mean. how could they not have.

3x07, them watching vampire porn together. a tag i used on ao3 (& also on here, once) is 'nate brings out the himbo in dan'. here is a prime example. 'is she levitating?' i don't fucking know, dan, what do you think?? (i was telling my partner that that's what i love abt dair vs date. around blair dan is an intellectual, a librarian, an art historian, a museum curator. around nate it's like dan is competing to be #1 himbo on the show. can my girlfriend actually fly? i don't know, dan. i can't believe you're seriously asking such a question.)

3x12 pep talk. (sorry about the shitty quality!) essentially nate telling dan that he (dan) is hot and that he shouldn't talk himself down so much.

dan making nate gay in his book. you know. his book from which blair found out he was in love with her. nads (who i will not tag in this billion word long gushy meta, because i value her sanity) once called inside "wish fulfilment' and. i mean. yeah

nate checking dan out at the derena wedding continues to be hilarious. hilarious in the same way as dan sexually fantasising about nate. canon really went 'let's give ivy some special easter eggs' and i appreciate them a lot!

i love the way they are around each other - so quietly attuned to each other. i showed my sister my date!husbands gifset, and she was like. yeah they're so married. and it's just stuff like how dan looks for nate over his shoulder, it's not even an active action, it's as easy and natural and intuitive as breathing, checking to see if nate is still there.

oh, that wasn't as hard as it could've been! okay. cool. im SURE there's more things i could scream about, because it's DN, the fact that they're non-canon makes me THAT much fiercer about them than dair/derena, to be honest. so many dots to connect!! anyway.

#meta #derena #dair #date #anon #this is SUCH a gushy essay but like. what did you expect #how else could i have answered this #this took. an embarrassingly long amount of time #but i had SO much fun so #citations for my ships #don't mind me *whistles under my breath*

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foryouthegays · 3 years

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Nothing goes wrong. [Dream SMP] liveblog

ok im not gonna say anythin abt before 20 mins in bc its p standard but i will say that as SOON as phil messages techno chat spams blood for the blood god and it barely stops the entire time, its incredible

kills: 00:37:25, 00:37:40, 00:55:20

i LOVE his ‘if theres no other way, I CHOOSE BLOOD’ line at 00:37:00. its just,,,,,it shows his new justice system where he treats others how they treat him even before he makes that speech i love it so much. also he spams potions like how he does in skywars and it makes me happy. honestly a lot of this stream reminds me of skywars like how he went through quackitys stuff and ran nd stuff. maybe ive been watchin too much techno skywars

also durin that first fight, techno only looses half a heart. against FOUR PEOPLE hes too powerful

does techno saying “bs” count as swearing (00:39:40)

techno insultin his kidnappers is the funniest thing to me like hes outnumbered outgeared and he still makes fun of them and theyre still scared of him asdjkfsdalkfj

00:55:00 I HAVE A PICKAXE, AND I’LL PUT IT THROUGH YOUR TEETH i need some fanart of that right now wljdflkasjf also durin that fight techno looses 2.5 hearts at the end. in iron armor. against a diamond axe. using a netherite pickaxe. with a bad fov. why is he like this.

techno on his horse by the ocean gives me big ‘beating minecraft with tnt falling on me every 10 seconds’ or w/ever vibes. if u havent watched that stream, u should, its great, he has a horse named rocket w diamond horse armor and i love him.

just realized my head hurt bc i was clenchin my jaws so much. whoops

techno literally has a boat in his inventory when hes like “theres a boat!!!! :D” skdfjlksajf (01:02:20)

the whole raccoon innit thing starts at 01:08:20 btw :)

techno gettin distracted w the skeletons killin each other is so funny to me hfdgksal (a min or so after raccoon innit happens)

01:09:45 tommys scream is so funny to me can someone find how many hearts he looses from that bc i am crying ghfdjksla

i think techno has the alphabet memorized. not like, the alphabet song, but like he knows what letter are around each letter without going through the alphabet and idk why but it makes me laugh. i think this bc at 01:16:11 tommys like ‘what, f?’ and techno says, not a second later, ‘no. close to that, though.’ and that is NOT enough time to go through nd find f in the alphabet nd then find where e is compared to it. therefore, he is a nerd. also i love him

01:20:00 this is everything to technoblade: Phil, Carl, and then his items.

im so gay for technos yelling voice. like. hhgnng he

“if we’re being serious, for a millisecond, dickhead,” :LDSFJLKSDJ I LOVE TOMMY 01:22:25

technos ‘join me.’ at 01:23:25 is SO GOOD AHHHHHHHH

vault/welcome home theseus is at 01:27:10 :D i might start calling it theseus’ vault bc that sounds cool to me

ALRIGHT so in the vault techno has 167 skulls on display. thats 56. withers. they r gonna cause SO much chaos i love it. AND thats probably not all of them ahhHHH I LOVE TECHNOBLADE SO MUCH. LMANBURG IS SO SCREWED A;LDKJFALK

also thats only if i did my math right a;lksdfjaslk

i have decided that the best trio is techno, tommy, and ranboo. they all just jump all over the place with topics and i thin the convo at 01:56:25 shows it p well

Tommy: Technoblade, why havent you face revealed yet?

techno: I-I have

Tommy: well, answered that quick

ranboo: *laughs* that answers that question

techno: that was resolved really easily!

tommy: why don’t you do it again?

techno:....what would be the point?

ranboo: yeah, what would be the point??

tommy: because then it would be like -stutters- it would be, you know, easy, good video because there’s so many people who dont know what you look like

techno: ehhhh ill find a good moment at some point

tommy: you could face reveal with me, bro!! we could face reveal together!

techno: ahhh finally, we’ll know what tommyinnit looks like

ranboo: -laughing- thank god! that was one of the unsolved mysteries of the world

techno: unsolved mysteries of minecraft, what does tommyinnit look like

ranboo: what does tommy actually look like?

tommy: hey! speakin of unsolved mysteries, lets talk- lets talk psychology. what- what would be- you know, not the worst one you know, but just the worst word?

ranboo: I’m going to- I- if i hear this question one more time i’m going- i dont know what im going to do. i can’t do anything at this point

techno: ....cactus.

tommy: ????cactus???

ranboo: that is a bad word, i cant believe you said that,

tommy: -unintelligible- it is cacti, my friend, not cactusus

techno: I’m sorry

ranboo: how could you say that on stream?

techno: I’m sorry

tommy: it’s not cactusus, technoblade, its cacti

techno: i- i am aware

ranboo: you- you gotta stop sayin it.

tommy: cacti almost sounds like a terrible, terrible slur right now

techno: please, please stop saying that- please stop sayin that word

tommy: what, cacti?

ranboo: AHHHH cmon, cmon tommy

techno: you cant use that word!

tommy: AYYY IF I SAY IT OFF STREAM I CAN SAY IT ON STREAM

techno: WOAHHHHH WOAH WOAH -laughs-

ranboo: NO THATS NOT HOW ANY OF THIS WORKS

techno: thats just not how this works, tommy!!!

tommy: eyyy man im just me, im just me- OOOH i have a novel to write!

ranboo:....where did that come from???

tommy: HOW TO SEX 3 BABEYYYYY

techno: i thought you were already...done with that?

god theyre so chaotic i love them so much

also yall are WRONG abt eret soundin like techno. ranboo sounds like techno. not in like, a really big way, but when theyre both monotone they sound similar and i love it. this is great

this is actually the most ive laughed at the smp in so long PLEASE go watch the entire techno ranboo tommy interaction its so funny technos just *long, long sigh* ranboos just ???????? and tommys just !!!!!!!! its amazing im crying

technos such a dad to these kids oh my god his voice at 02:12:40 was so disappointed just ‘do not do that.’ he sounded like a parent on a trip to disneyland and his kids r like, hanging out the window of the car or smthing adjfaslkfkadsl techno :handshake: phil [being tommys dad] and also ranboo is bullying him its so funny i love it

AHHHHH HIS VOICE AT 02:20:35 I AM IN LOVE YALL HEAR THAT???? YALL HEAR HIM??????? AHHHHHH

“in the small event that your internet goes off or you get hit by a car,” TOMMY THAT IS NOT A SMALL EVENT WHA T 2:21:30

A;LSKDJFASL RANBOO AND TECHNO HAVE SUCH SIMILAR HUMOR I STG TECHNO LOOKED AT RANBOO WAITING FOR HIM TO SAY ‘enchant?? just a wild guess’ AT 02:23:00 A;DLKJFASLD;JF I LOVE THEM PLEASEEEE KEEP INTERACTING IK I WAS A RANBOO HATER LIKE A WEEK AGO BUT ALSO I WOULD DIE FOR HIM ITS FINE

this is so fuckin funny this end of stream stuff is gonna be a comfort stream

“what does the moon make you think about?” “it makes me think about the moon” ALSFJDSKJFDSL 2:32:10

techno makin fun of ranboos defense of bein peer pressured,,,,,,,m’dude that was the reason u killed tubbo how is that ANY different (2:33:50) (yes i know he mentions it but FHGJKSDL)

TECHNOSWEAR TECHNOSWEAR TECHNOSWEAR TECHNOSWEAR 2:35:25 HE SAY THE CRAP WORD

#stream post

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sortavibing · 3 years

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helloo!! i would like to request a male romantic matchup if thats alright :)? there r so fun to make and i wanna know who i'd be best with LMFAO. my name is siena and my pronouns are she/her and im bi! i'm tiny (5'2) and filipina with long dark hair with bangs and dark brown eyes. i'm a taurus and an enfp-t.

oikawa is one of my top kins and i think kenma is pretty high on my list too. my top kin is marceline from adventure time, idk if that really makes any impact but !! im a pretty upbeat and passionate person, id say! i'm social and love to be with my friends, and am the type of person to start a convo easily. and i tend to be on the more talkative and extroverted side? i'd also say i'm very very sarcastic and super stubborn and self-assured. i'd say im a pretty emotional person, or i'm intuitive with my emotions, and try to help others to be the same. i hold myself to a high standard, especially academically, so i tend to do well in school.

i really like fashion and dressing up and putting together outfits overall, as well as music and singing. i've been a singer for as long as i remember and it's one of my passions!! and i've always loved music too. i also like movies and tv, playing guitar, and staying up really late (i'm a huge night owl).

in relationships, i tend to lean towards best-friend dynamic relationships in a way? someone i truly can be myself around and be super lazy and low-key with. just being in their company but still having fun with them is my dream. my love language is honestly insults and a sense of humor; im very sarcastic and appreciate someone who i can insult the crap out of and i'll receive the same energy back. i also really appreciate little acts of kindness instead of big gestures; i'm an outgoing person but always more private with my romantic relationships. i've never been too into pda / mushy (??) type stuff in general but little, private moments together are always really cute. i would love someone who i could go on midnight adventures with but also stay home late talking and listening to music. <333 thank u so much in advance!!!

hi siena! thank you for requesting! i wish i was doing well in school😐 i aspire to have motivation like you- anyways, here’s your matchup!

i match you up with tsukishima!

what first drew him to you was that you were sarcastic just like he was, so he wanted to get to know you better so you guys could absolutely demolish hinata with just petty comments and shady insults. it also helped that you are pretty extroverted, because you were easily able to help him get to know you better.

you and tsukki do not hesitate to insult each other at every chance possible, and they get so intense that yams is always on standby because he thinks you guys are going to beat each other up, but you and tsukki both know that the insults are your own special way of flirting with each other.

tsukishima isn’t too big on pda either, because he thinks publicly affectionate couples are gross and a little cheesy, but he still likes to hold your hand, or lock pinkies when you guys are walking around with each other, because he wants to show everyone that you are his and his alone, without being too over-the-top about it.

the first time you sang in front of him. he stopped what he was doing and just stared at you, because he was amazed about how good you were. after you noticed that he was staring, he told you to keep singing, and while you were singing, he secretly recorded it, and now he listens to it with his headphones whenever he wants to hear your voice.

since both of you are pretty smart, you guys always study together, taking turns choosing the music, sharing notes and snacks, and reviewing everything you guys need to know. the sessions are actually really helpful, and sometimes yamaguchi joins in to cram on a new topic you guys just learned.

since tsukishima is a foot taller than you, he constantly makes fun of you for being shorter, and if he sees you are trying to reach something that is too high, he will not hesitate to pick it up and take it for himself, or hold it just out of your reach, because this bitch loves to make you struggle and get mad at him.

one of your favorite dates you had with tsukishima was when he wanted to take you out for dinner, but the restaurant he was planning to take you was all booked, so you guys had to take a train to another place to find a restaurant, but when you got there, it was closed, so you guys spent almost the rest of the night trying to find a place to eat, and when you finally did, you found the best restaurant you ever have been too, which made the night actually pretty good, because the entire time you were searching, you guys just talked about whatever you wanted, and tsukki visited a small shop to buy you a little gift while you looked for a restaurant.

please help tsukishima learn how to dress well- like have you seen the official art? concerning i tell you. tsukishima first didn’t really like that you were giving him fashion tips, because he thought he dressed well, but after a while, he finally listened to you, and when he wore the outfit you put together for him, he actually really liked it, so you are now his personal fashion consultant.

every few weeks, you and tsukki have a movie night, where one of you chooses a movie, and for the entire show you guys just roast the hell out of the characters and their decisions. there is only one series of movies he refuses to insult, and that is the Jurassic Park series. you make fun of him for it, but he just ignores you because he thinks that they are amazing movies.

overall, you guys are a couple that don’t have to be super romantic or sappy to still enjoy each other’s company, and you both trust and respect each other a lot. you guys also aren’t afraid to call out each other’s shit, or just make fun of them, because both of you know that you don’t really mean any mean thing that you say to each other, which is a really fun dynamic to have in a relationship.

i hope you enjoyed!

#haikyuu #haikyuu matchups #tsukishima kei #tsukishima headcanons #haikyu #haikyu matchups #tsukishima x you #tsukki #tsukishima imagines #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu headcanons #haikyu imagines

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muwur · 4 years

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idk if this counts as an emergency or comfort request but ive been havin a REAL bad body image week nsnnnsnnnsnn could i maybe request headcanons for either oikawa or kuroo (u can pick if u wanna) with an s/o who is rlly self conscious about being chubby/has a really hard time with food and mayb feels like worthless because theyre not the ideal body type? idk sorry if thats dumb aaaah thank u sm if u choose to do this

self-love

♡ scenarios ♡ for oikawa and kuroo

❧ gn reader

✎ 3.7k words

a/n: hey hun, im sorry to hear you’ve been having a rough time lately. this kind of request actually rlly hits close to home, and if u ever need anything, ur mor than welcome to reach out to me :) i can also help look for resources for help, anything really. this goes for all y’all! i dont want none y’all to feel alone with anything ur going thru cuz we’re in this together! and no need to thank me, the pleasure is mine luv 🥰💕 nothing about this is dumb, ur feelings are valid. i hope this will bring you n many others some comfort. also,, FUCK BODY STANDARDS MAKIN US BELIEVE THERE’S AN IDEAL TYPE BC THERE IS NONE N Y’ALL R BEAUTIFUL N IF U DUN THINK SO I WILL COME OVER DER,,, ok im done 🥰🥰 (more notes at the bottom of this, i talk a lot n think its important, didnt wanna add it up here bc it was too long lolol) tw: mentions of bad body and implies disordered eating behaviors

oikawa

♡ Oikawa was pretty keen, so when he observed a gradual shift in your behavior, he definitely took notice

♡ One day when you showed up to lunchtime empty-handed and sat with your two friends, casually chatting, Oikawa and Iwaizumi gave you a questioning look

♡ “Where’s your lunch, y/n?” Oikawa asked

♡ “Oh, I, uh, ate it already, actually.”

♡ Iwaizumi raised an eyebrow and offered you some of his, but you declined, thanking him and stating you were already full

♡ Later that day in class, however, Oikawa couldn’t help but notice the absence of your boxed lunch container in your unzipped backpack

♡ The next day, you came empty-handed again, blaming it on your forgetfulness during your rush to get to school

♡ However, it became a normal occurrence over time, and while you seemed fine, uneasiness began to prick inside Oikawa’s stomach

♡ Those smiles you wore appeared fragile, and the laughter that rumbled from your throat felt restrained

♡ You seemed more tired and unfocused than usual

♡ Preoccupied, withdrawn, and distant

♡ He could sense something was bothering you, no matter how much you may (or may not) have tried to hide it

♡ On his way to school one morning, he made sure to stop by a convenience store to pick one of your favorite snacks, thinking it was a simple gesture to brighten up the somber aura he’s been detecting from you

♡ “I have a surprise for you, y/n~” Oikawa announced with excitement, rummaging through his bag to pull out the snack and show it to you. “Look, it’s your favorite!”

♡ You could only offer him an uneasy smile, “Oh, you shouldn’t have...” You really shouldn’t have...

♡ When he noticed the tension in your body and expression, a frown appeared on his lips

♡ “Y/n? Is something wrong?” He reached out to place a comforting hand on your shoulder but you swiftly flinched away

♡ ”I’m fine..!”

♡ Surprised at your sudden movement and outburst, you both felt a split second of apprehension crackle in the air before you started to gather your items in a rush

♡ Sighing, you repeated, “I’m fine.”

♡ He wasn’t sure whether you were speaking to him or yourself

♡ “Thanks for the snack, but I’ll pass. Have it for me. You need it more, anyways; you have volleyball practice. I’ll see you tomorrow, Oikawa,” you offered him a solemn smile and left before he could even reply

♡ Some time had passed before he could finally get you to open up to him

♡ And when you did, it crushed his heart to see how much your insecurities broke you

♡ It hurt to hear how low you thought about yourself; how you couldn’t see the beauty in your being; how you deemed food, your body, and yourself as your worst enemies

♡ Thus bringing you to the conclusion that maybe you’d be happy and like yourself if you could just give up that midday snack or your school lunch

♡ Even raincheck a cafe date you were supposed to have together

♡ Maybe also skip dinner, sometimes breakfast the next morning as well

♡ You could manage on just water

♡ Little sacrifices to shed some weight, feel better, and get closer to your ideal body goals

♡ You admitted, however, to questioning whether any of it was worth it

♡ The constant states of hunger, pain, and defeat you lived in

♡ Only to feel as though you were getting nowhere

♡ Oikawa was well aware of today’s beauty standards. I mean, he himself was often praised for his natural charm and beauty

♡ And you felt you could never reach that ideal

♡ “Oikawa, you’re too good for me.”

♡ His eyebrows knitted in concern as he lifted his right hand to caress your cheek softly. “And why do you say that?”

♡ Tears threatened to prick at your eyes. All you could was stare at the ground in silent shame

♡ When you still said nothing, he leaned in closer, his brown gaze softly pleading

♡ “Y/n, look at me.”

♡ When your eyes flickered up to meet his own, Oikawa asked, “You know I love you, right?”

♡ His question was met with a meek, “Yes.”

♡ From your clouded glaze, he could tell that you had a hard time believing in your own response

♡ “Do you know why?”

♡ But before you could respond, he was already answering his own question

♡ “Well...” he began, glancing up in thought and wearing a small smile

♡ “Something about you makes me want to be by your side. I love to see your smiles and hear your laughter, but I always want to be there to hold you when you’re crying and in pain.”

♡ “You’re supportive. You understand what I need, and I don’t always have to explain myself to you. You take your time with me and make me feel like I can be myself. Not many people have stuck around to actually get to know me. Because of that, you’ve never failed to make my day a little better with just your presence.”

♡ “You’re strong and caring. I can rely on you to have my back, and I hope I provide that same comfort to you as well.”

♡ “I love being able to lazy around with you or go on adventures and discover something new. It’s comfortable and exciting at the same time.”

♡ “Your hands feel like they were made to hold mine.”

♡ He reached down to squeeze your hand gently

♡ “Kissing you makes me forget about everything else on my mind. I can just live in the present with you.”

♡ He moved close and gave you a peck above your eyebrow

♡ “You make me want to work hard and be a better person. You help motivate me to try my best, and you never give up on me. Why would I ever give up on you?”

♡ “I learn something new with you everyday. Like right now, I realize that I’ve never met someone who could so easily make my heart race as they could make my heart break.”

♡ “When I look at you, all I can think about is how beautiful you are and how lucky I am to have you in my life as a partner and one of my best friends. Nobody else could fill the gaps within me the same way you do.”

♡ Leaning over to brush his lips against your forehead, he muttered, “I’m going to love every part of you, inside and out. You’re already my ideal. I couldn’t ask for anything more. I could go on about every detail on why I feel so strongly for you, but I’m here to show you everything there is to appreciate about yourself because you’re worth every ounce of care and effort. And if you can’t see it in yourself right now, I’ll love you more than enough for the both of us until you learn to love yourself. I’m here to help.”

♡ And after crying out your tears into his shoulder as he held you close and rubbed your back, you both went to his house to relax and have some dinner

♡ He was patient with you, taking into account how having a meal may have made you feel anxious

♡ It was something small and simple that you two agreed to prepare and share, after some tender coaxing from Oikawa

♡ He later made a list in his journal about tips to keep in mind:

♡ ‘Check up on y/n often to see how they’re feeling’

♡ ‘Encourage them to eat meals/snacks. Don’t be too pushy, but be patient. Try to have eat with them when you can!’

♡ ‘Remind them they don’t have to earn the right to eat, and that their body doesn’t define their worth‘

♡ ‘Look into some mindfulness techniques!’

♡ ‘Don’t overvalue physical appearance. Also focus on all the other redeeming qualities y/n has! But of course I’m always gonna tell them they look cutee--’

♡ True to his word, he remained understanding

♡ He’s there to listen to you, or to sit with you in comforting silence

♡ During lunch he would share his food with you, reassuring you that it wasn’t something you had to avoid

♡ Some days he succeeds in encouraging you to share a milk bun or your favorite snack with him

♡ And on days you really didn’t feel like it, he never forces anything onto you and instead made sure you at least hydrated

♡ Oikawa spends some time doing research and gathering tips on how to help you

♡ Always reminds you of your worth and how you bring out the best in him

♡ He’ll never hold it against you if you ever become hostile, irritated, or in denial. He knows you’re hurting and doesn’t take it personally

♡ Sends you cute memes with all those emoji hearts

♡ Also some food puns (Oikawa: “I’m soy into you. Please brie mine. We are mint to be. I ap-peach-iate you. You got a pizza my heart. Olive you--” ; You: *puts a hand over his mouth* ; Oikawa: 🥺 ; You: “...olive you, too”)

♡ Always ready to give up what he’s doing to make sure you’re okay

♡ Will stay up with you late at night to talk on the phone

♡ Reminds you you’re beautiful at least 8 times a day

♡ If y’all ever go shopping and you try things on in the fitting room,, Oikawa would be your #1 hype man

♡ One time you tried something on, and you were almost too ashamed to step out and show him

♡ But when you did, you were met with his surprise and excitement

♡ “dfghjklkuyfuh” was all you could process from his incoherent speech before he insisted on treating you by purchasing it for you (Oikawa: “Can you wear this for me, like, everyday?” ; You: *weird look* “Why are you like this??” you love it tho--)

♡ Gushes internally over how cute you are during your movie + cuddle sessions, mostly pays attention to you rather than the movie

♡ Mid-movie be like:

♡ Oikawa: “So, uh, what’s happening again?

♡ You: -.- “You might as well google the whole synopsis instead of watching it”

♡ Oikawa: “...it’s not my fault you’re distracting, babe”

♡ Always politely excuses himself from his fangirls to get to you. Also reassures you he much prefers to be with you than anyone else and that you’re the best catch ;)) (You: “Oikawa, no” ; Oikawa: “y/n, yes”)

♡ Suggested doing some meditation together once

♡ You listened to a recording and you sat side by side on a mat, but Oikawa thought the person’s voice sounded funny so he had a hard time focusing

♡ But it ended with y’all laughing and making jokes as he lay his lead on your lap and you played with his hair

♡ Y’all get better at it tho

♡ Cooking dates! To try to show you that food isn’t an enemy and can bring people together :)

♡ Puts music on so y’all can jam together (Oikawa: “Oh my gosh, y/n, this is my favorite song, you’re not even rEADY to see me perform-- ; You: “Oikawa, t-the food! It’s burning!!”)

♡ Cooking dates also show that you should never leave the stove unattended

♡ Every once in a while he suggests seeking professional help. He wishes he could take away your pain and help you all his own, but he knows this is more complicated and required outside help, too

♡ Has help resources READY

♡ As well as small snacks like granola bars for you if you ever feel faint

♡ He doesn’t hesitate to confront you when he feels it’s necessary and he’s worried about your habits

♡ He handles things well, though, and often convinces you to take care of yourself more, even though he’s there to look after you

♡ Has made it his mission to help you win against your battle with insecurities

♡ Overall, he’s very caring and empathetic, hoping one day you’ll see yourself the way he sees you 💖 : strong, amazing, breathtaking, & perfectly imperfect

kuroo

♡ Occasionally, you would think about the day you broke down in front of him

♡ Your body racked with repressed whimpers as you tried to wipe the tears from your eyes and describe the recent state of your mind through choked sobs

♡ Lately, your thoughts were being especially relentless in making you feel miserable

♡ Oftentimes you’d be able to shove the negative thoughts to the back of your mind and carry on your day as usual, expertly acting as though everything in your life was going smoothly

♡ However, you found yourself fighting a losing battle against your own conscious, heavily preoccupied with thoughts of your own worthlessness

♡ And so you tried to cope

♡ But you were painfully aware of everything you felt was wrong with you

♡ You felt uncomfortable in your skin

♡ Every time you passed by your own reflection, you couldn’t help but mentally recoil at the image looking back at you

♡ Your clothes didn’t fit right

♡ Even when you opted for baggy clothes, you felt like you were taking up all the space in them

♡ Maybe it was the weight gain. You could see and feel it in your face, your arms, your stomach, your legs... everywhere

♡ You just wanted to hide away your shame

♡ Perhaps it was the dessert you allowed yourself to eat the other day. Foolish of you to think then that you wouldn’t regret it as much as you did afterwards

♡ As a consequence of those foolish actions, you made mental notes about anything and everything you ate. What it was, how much of it you had, etc

♡ Trying to restrict so that maybe you would lose some weight and come to like how you look

♡ Your obsessive thoughts of food and weight overtook your mind like a dark cloud

♡ Your favorite foods, which before would never fail to brighten your mood, taunted you with shame and guilt

♡ Exercise? Sometimes it was an activity you genuinely enjoyed. Other times, a chore that made you feel shitty or numb and reinforced your unhealthy desire to lose

♡ And you sometimes found yourself crying over your last meal, one you know you didn’t need. One you didn’t deserve

♡ And each time you released the reins on your self-control, you felt pathetic going against the vow you made to yourself

♡ At this rate, you’d never be beautiful or be happy with yourself

-You’d remain unworthy, fat, disgusting--

-But before you could continue, your story was cut off by the impact of Kuroo’s embrace

-Your surprise silenced your sobs, and you could only stare wide-eyed at the space in front of you as you felt his arms squeeze tightly around your frame

-You both sat there for a few moments on your knees, with your back lightly leaning against a wall

- “I’m sorry for the pain you’re experiencing,” he begins softly. “Thank you for sharing with me. It must’ve taken a lot for you to do that.”

-He was right. It was your first time reaching out to another person about this. It was the last thing you thought you would’ve done today

- “I want to let you know that you shouldn’t be ashamed for feeling this way. Reaching out is important and brings you the help you need to get better. I know you might not want help right now or think that these thoughts and behaviors are a problem. However, telling me about all this shows that some part of you is recognizing there’s something wrong and you can’t always handle it on your own.”

-There were many reasons you kept this to yourself. You didn’t want to bother anyone else. Your problems seemed so trivial. You worried saying them aloud would confirm your beliefs. You were scared people would see you differently. You--

-The intrusive thoughts never failed to make you feel ashamed

-However, it was oddly comforting to release the pent up emotions. To know you didn’t have to bottle up this burden anymore, and that you weren’t alone

-You were about to murmur in response when,

- “Also, you’re an idiot, y/n.”

- “Wow, thanks, as if I don’t already think that about myself,” you bit back in response

-You were about to shove him away just when he released his grip around your body and placed his hands on your shoulders

-His eyes shone with determination and a faint, inviting smile spread on his lips

- “You are the one of the single most important things in my life. I just mean you’re an idiot in the sense that you’re overevaluating one aspect to define your whole self. You’ve forgotten about all your other redeeming qualities that contribute to who you are.”

♡ “Your size, weight, shape; none of that matters. What matters is your health and happiness. Neglecting yourself in order to reach an ‘ideal’ that you’ve concluded is the answer to your self-worth is only bringing you farther away from what you truly want.”

♡ “I don’t mean to downplay any of your emotions or how significant this is to you. Your first step was to put your trust into someone else about this. That’s done. Now, I’m here to help you undergo self-evaluation and serve as encouragement on your journey to self-love and acceptance.”

♡ “I also want to remind you progress is not linear. There will be times when things are harder, and that’s okay; it’s part of the process. If you’re open to getting better in the future, I’m sure as hell going to be there every step of the way.”

♡ And with a soft peck to the forehead and another hug, he nuzzled into your neck and muttered, “I love you. And I want you to love yourself. So, please, allow me to help you through this and I guarantee that by the end of it all, it’ll have been so worth it.”

♡ Unsure what to say, you gripped his jacket tighter, buried your head in his shoulder, and muttered, “Thank you.”

♡ While the negative feelings about yourself remained afterward, you were relieved that your boyfriend was supportive and calm

♡ He treated you the same as always, teasing you over dumb things while making you feel like you stood among the highest peaks on Earth

♡ The day after, he had shown up to your house, weary-eyed and carrying his backpack

♡ “Kuroo? Why are you here? Also, why do you look so tired??”

♡ He stepped into your house with a yawn. He stretched his arms, then reached for his bag and whipped out his laptop

♡ “I stayed up a bit last night to do some research, babe! I also learned a lot about nutrition and molecular gastronomy, so I could help you come up with a meal plan that you’re okay with!”

♡ You were touched he was educating himself on how to help you

♡ But you drew the line at the science jokes-- (Kuroo: “You know you love them.” ; You: “‘Na’ I don’t.” ; Kuroo: :ooo “Did you just-- Marry me.”) (Na = sodium lol)

♡ His nutritional research helped you to learn the contents of food beyond calories; mans explains the vitamins, nutrients, amino acids, etc in them that you need and their benefits

♡ “Trout, avocados, and almonds have vitamin E, which is good for your skin! Oh, and don’t get me started on bananas. Yes, they have carbs (which your body needs anyway as a source of energy!), but POTASSIUM?? Shit’s gonna regulate your fluid balance, maintain heart health, stimulate normal muscle function, AND help your brain to communicate with the rest of your body!”

♡ ALSO cooking dates; just as chaotic (“Aw mannn, the egg exploded all over the microwave!” dont ask y it was being microwaved)

♡ Over time, he’s taken mental notes about your thoughts, feelings, triggers, etc

♡ He’s quick to pick up on your mood and will always ask you how you’re doing

♡ Tries to do something special for you on days you’re especially not feeling well, like taking you on a spontaneous date! (You: “Do you know how to ice skate?” ; Kuroo: “Uhh,,, after today, I will hopefully”)

♡ But will also opt for staying in with you and cuddling when you don’t want to go out (Kuroo: “I heard this movie is soooo bad! ...wanna watch it?”)

♡ Invited you to the beach with his team during the first week of summer

♡ You were unsure about this, since that meant going out in public, potentially with minimal clothing

♡ You initially sat on a beach towel under an umbrella, wearing the security of a T-shirt. He’d been aware of how you felt ever since he asked you to come, so he would sit with you and link an arm around your shoulder

♡ “I’m lucky I get to spend this day with you,” he’d say. “You look gorgeous. You always do. Now, I wanna see you smile and have fun. Let’s go take a dip, yeah?” He offered his hand, which you shyly took, and pulled you up

♡ Then immediately picked you up and started running to the water to get you soaking wet, and you were forced to ditch the heavy, waterlogged shirt

♡ However, you silently thanked him for his sweet words, making you feel secure enough to just forget your worries and enjoy the warm sun and cool water

♡ He also tries his best to lessen your anxieties over food and often shares/eats meals with you

♡ Reminds you everyday how much you’re worth to him and that there’s nothing about you that needs to change

♡ This sweet, protective, n smart boi will treat you how you deserve. It’s a guarantee he’ll be there through thick and thin, and he’s excited for the day you realize you’re just as amazing as he knows you are 💕

a/n: oop this was rlly long lol mb, i just may or may not personally know a bit about this so i went oFF

also neded to some som silly n fluff bc we all need dat

also, these r like kinda hc’s ?? but also a deconstructed oneshot/scenario?? bc they provide some rly brief bg story? one from more of the character perspective while the other more on y/n before we get to the hc’s about how he treats y/n. how everyone struggles w body image is different n i wanted to portray a bit of what it felt like and how it could manifest in ppl’s behaviors/thoughts. however, this is not to say that everyone feels exactly like this. what i wrote only represents a fraction of it all.

by providing some sort of bg i hope im not making u feel like this isnt u or that u cant relate, pls lmk if i need to change anything to make it right for u <3 ok now im actually done sry long author’s note rfguhofe this is just rlly important to me y’all , stay safe n take care, much luv for u <3

#haikyuu x reader #haikyuu reader insert #haikyuu x reader angst #oikawa x reader #kuroo x reader #oikawa tooru #kuroo tetsurou #haikyuu x reader fluff #tw

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choihaiyun · 3 years

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hey there! may i request a ship with en-, skz and txt, please? ill try my best to avoid grammar errors but be warned: im not a native speaker :p

im an 04 liner, but i rarely get along with people my age, they have to be really mature for me to enjoy being with them. im 5’5 (166cm), wavy long black (tinted, originally dark brown) hair, hourglass figure, long neck, small hands and feet. infp.

an obsessed cat person who actually likes dogs too, idk it seems like a big part of who i am lol been swimming since the age of 2 and still a rocket in the water. i know a lot about a lot of areas, as learning new things is my favorite hobbie, im also into dancing, singing, writing, reading, creating oc’s, design and high fashion. as for my entertainment, im into books, animation films, romance dramas, some animes, dc comics, simulation/rpg games, languages, discovering new songs and/or genres and sleeping, yeahh i love sleeping so much.

im known for being the “no effort kind of nerd”, always top of class for doing nothing (too lazy bro), if i ever studied hard was for competitive reasons (yes, im that bratty). truth is, i learn fast but frequently face hardships when something i cant understand pops out, i get very annoyed and ambitious at the same time but i eventually manage to get it.

exploring my deep self, you could say im kind of a decent human being, i always try to get in people’s shoes, knowing them or not, liking them or not, them being in the society’s good side or not, i prefer to observe the whole picture and the details to create a solid opinion about everyone and define what the perfect approach is and i take every single mistake as a learning opportunity. i absolutely am not easily hurt, even though i think about my actions and quotes a lot, judging them with really unbiased standards (i try), in a way that can improve my visions about the world and not get me in a bad, insecure mood, thats something i completely despise and if someone makes me feel this away, purposely or not, bridges will be burn with no second chances. speaking of which, i dont give second chances, like, ever, its really A THING if i believe someone has changed, words are definitely not enough for me, which makes forgiving real hard if you messed up bad. i have zero remorse for cutting ties, people are out there and no one but me has exclusivity in my own life. that makes dating somewhat hard, but its not like i have any commitment issues, if i ever fall, i fall HARD and dont hold back when trying to conquer a crush. my shyness come out with individuals im in love with, i laugh a bit too much and stare at them with no shame at all, when i hang out with friends, all i talk about is them and thats on always thinking about how cute they are and how we would make a great couple.

i dont hold back my thoughts if they’re required, but i also dont share them with people who dont care enough or arent ready to take them with responsibility, by that i mean sparring time to stop and analyze the comment like a competent rational being. i hate superficial, narrow-minded, ignorant people more than anything and i usually dont mind them as in being clearly annoyed and shitty in their presence so that they wont come to me for a conversation i obviously wont have the patience for. im pretty easygoing if i see you have minimal decency and give all my attention to the person im speaking to, being a good listener and enjoying that social position. im a fan of watching whats happening instead of being involved, not because im anxious or anything, but because i love to just admire other people being alive and vibrant, thats just too precious to me idk. i get soft for my loved ones very often and cant seem to show them enough, my number 1 priority is making them feel loved and appreciated like the royals they are.

as i said, i dont just make friends out of nowhere, i have my criteria and thats why i almost dont have any issues with them, we get along so well that small misunderstandings or incompatible issues get solved with fast and simple discussions, i try very hard to adapt myself to them and the other way around. communication is always the key and being honest plays a important part in those situations as well. its hard to see me mad, i dont like to waste my time blaming no one, even myself, everybody has their feelings and motives, good or bad. specially if our personalities dont actually match, i wont judge you, i dont even care enough to spend my time with your reasons. if its needed to a friend of mine or a personal conclusion though, im pretty confident in interpreting everyone’s thoughts.

besides my dislikes in somebody’s nature, im fond of everything else, no more, no less, just the person as they are, im in for helping them improve their temperament (if they’ve got any issues with it), for supporting their hobbies, dreams, likes, if they are comfortable and enjoying my presence during their happy moments, so be it, im glad to be part of it (even just thinking about it made me smile :’) ). misfortunes are out there and nobody’s safe, i hate seeing people i love having a hard time, but instead of trying to solve their problems im more on the side of just being there for them, if they want a distraction, ill provide it, if they just want to hang out and talk, ill clean my schedule just for them, if they want to confront the problem with confidence and be scary enough to make it go away, ill hype them up and be by their side like its my own trouble and thats where great communication comes just in hand. i do whatever i can to help and big part of the job is always keeping them safe (physically and mentally) and with their privacy untouched.

im a bisexual cis female, i dont seek romance anywhere as im, for sure, not interested in dating experience or just some skin touching with anyone, i seek company, sometimes it comes with benefits, of course, but i prefer to keep my distance from short-lived relationships and feelings without that much meaning. if im ever dating, its because i trust the person very much and they also show me the same attitude. its not even a thing for me if it consists of just some casual kissing and/or skinship, please, thats called hormones, i absolutely wont date someone im not ready to treasure as much i treasure myself, so my partner must be as smart and interesting as i am. the first thing i notice in a stranger is their smile, not the alignment or whiteness of their teeth (of course a good breath helps lol), but the sincerity of their smile, i think that smiling is such a sweet and uncontrollable reaction that our bodies have to happiness, an innocent and genuine smile always gives me butterflies (the prettiest and kindest ones). regarding character, i dont go well with impulsive, judgmental, insensitive, selfish people, id dump them in a week, but, on the other hand, too calm, kind, pure, oblivious, fragile people would gladly dump me as soon as my mouth opens. from experience, i dont go far with a crush that doesnt put effort in making us a thing, unilateral love is not with me, even after some affectionate moments with them, i dont hesitate to let go. also, i.wont.EVER.date.a.parent. ill live my life just as ive lived until the relationship started, my partner wont ever own me and they’re not on the position to make choices for me. i love my freedom as much as i love them. its the same on the other side, i might baby my s/o like theyre the most beautiful thing in the world, but do not ever expect me to take care of that said person, that annoys me so much it hurts, not an “eww” kind of annoyance, but a “let go of me, youre not a baby, if you were, i would’ve never dated you in the first place”. by the time we’re dating, the person probably knows that if they were to depend emotionally on me, oh boiiii, how they would be disappointed. i dont have a problem with getting married, BUT i must be SO SO SO certain of that decision, the person must be ✨SPECIAL✨ to me like no one else ever was, we both must’ve donated ourselves so much to the relationship to reach this point, its almost an impossible dreamy situation, but it could definitely happen.

thats it! thank you for reading this and im so sorry if i made any dumb mistakes along the way or if its too long, its completely fine if you dont want or dont feel comfortable completing my request, i can totally understand :) hope you’re doing well :]

Hi! From Enhypen I ship you with Sunghoon. He’s very reliable and hard-working which I’d say fits your standards. He’s quite intelligent and straight to the point which would fit you, as he isn’t a himbo. He’s reliable and observes a lot so he’d be bale to know you inside and out.

From Stray Kids… Well, this is a hard one but I’d say Seungmin solely because he’s intelligent and can mix between being smart and joke around. He seems like a bland person at first so I think there would be hardships with you two regarding your views on things, but he dislikes fighting so you’d be able to talk it out quickly.

From TXT I ship you with Taehyun because he’s very reliable, doesn’t falter for unimportant stuff and he stands for his opinions. He’s intelligent but doesn’t brag about it, he’s instead very polite. If you ever struggle with something personal he might not understand fully but would still respect you and give you the space you need.

#txt #tomorrow x together #skz #stray kids #seungmin #enhypen #sunghoon #minawrites #mina #kpop #kpop x reader #mina's cafe #choi haiyun

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msuowen · 3 years

Text

hello hello!! this is super belated, but i unexpectedly got swamped with some school/irl things after acceptances so late intro is late. i’m excited to finally have the chance to jump into things, though! anyway, this is the bane of my life, owen kang. he’s one of suseong’s senior prefects, majors in healing, and is a part of too many clubs! on the surface, he seems like the friendly, reliable, big brother type, but his ~persona~ has been carefully crafted and refined over the years. underneath that, he’s just kind of a mess.

i have his about and background pages up, but i’ll drop a quick intro under the cut. i don’t have a plots page yet, sadly, but i’ll list down some possible connection ideas under the cut as well! pls hmu if you’d like to plot! i check tumblr ims pretty regularly, but i also have a twitter (dm for @) if you’d prefer to plot there! ooooooor, you could just like this post and i’ll slide into your ims instead!

QUICK FACTS:

twenty two, 1/2 of suseong’s senior prefects, majoring in healing with a minor in potions

he’s also president of the herbology club, and a member of the swimming team, ancient runes club, and potions club! like most other people in his major, he’ll also help out in the hospital wing for that ~experience~ so he keeps a #stacked schedule

former hogwarts student - was in ravenclaw. his hogwarts self was markedly different than the person he is now (a lot more like, shy/introverted/quiet/meek), so if you know from back then... no you don’t ♥

like i said, comes off as a responsible, reliable big brother type. super friendly and personable, will help you out if you’re in a crisis. he seems a little uptight, but he’s an all around good guy who not many people have a bad word to say about - and works really hard to cultivate that image, you know?

has stellar grades, always participates in clubs, consistently does well on his sports team, etc. vulnerability and seeming less than perfect is a no-go for him, so he puts a stupid amount of effort into stuff that doesn’t really matter in the long run

so yeah!!! he’s fake - is actually super bitter and cynical underneath his perfect good boy exterior. gets exhausted easily and hates dealing with people he deems not worth his time... which is most people. really heavy on the self-loathing and insecurities because he thinks he’s a shitty person and worries a lot about not meeting the arbitrary standards he sets for himself!!

keeps most people at a distance - like yeah, he’s friendly, but he doesn’t have many friends. it’s really hard for him to trust people and be honest with them!! doesn’t mean he doesn’t have like... a very small inner circle but it’s (waves hands) hard, you feel?

anyway just don’t perceive him and everything will be good

as a brief background: born in wales, grew up in the uk region. ended up moving around a lot in his childhood due to his dad’s condition. to cut a long story short, his dad is a werewolf, and the family didn’t always have enough funds to pay for wolfsbane so there were many full moons where his dad went feral and owen and his mom just had to keep him contained. after a few years of this, his mom (who was a poor muggle, rip) just up and left which meant owen had to keep his dad contained when there was no wolfsbane!! that left him a bit traumatized and terrified of werewolves though he’s ashamed of this... really ashamed

(it’s fucked up to be scared of your own dad, right?)

so hogwarts/mokseong is kind of an escape from ~reality~ though he still wants to help his dad somehow... so he’s trying to focus on researching a complete cure for lycanthropy. his dad’s condition is a secret, but most people do know about owen’s research goals and he’s super gungho about like #werewolfrights. it’s just that no one knows why! or that he’s secretly scared of them!

anyway that’s him. my bitchass son

CONNECTIONS:

people he knew from hogwarts, mostly because the dissonance between his kinda quiet/reserved image and the assertive, involved prefect he is now is kind of funny

friends... or more like shallow(ish) friends he talks to often but they really don’t know shit about him. maybe they don’t realize it and think they’re besties! idk, he’s fairly friendly and approachable, so i see him being on good terms with most people

maybe like (1) or (2) legit inner circle friends who’ve gotten to see beyond the mask owen puts up and like him in spite of his bitchy soul

enemies?? would love some academic rivals like yes we will get into a debate in the middle of class over this super niche subject let’s GO. more serious enemies are fine too - love some drama so if you wanna hate him (or want him to hate you), i’m down

club and team friends!! esp from herbology club since owen spends a ton of time in the greenhouse and takes his role as prez super seriously

exes maybe?? i love ex plots - can’t see him dating much but i feel like he has and it usually ends kind of messily because he’s either too busy or not willing to be vulnerable in a relationship rip. maybe some of them he actually liked a lot fr

he’s smart so people he tutors, or helps out with shit otherwise - you can come to him with the most random problem and he’s likely to help you out!

suseong folks i just want some cute house plots ): esp with younger students since owen is really good at taking care of people!!

little specific but someone who ends up in the hospital wing all the time and it drives owen crazy because he’s worried about them and hates that he’s worried (and okay maybe he has a cr*sh but that’s not important)

idk i will put up a legit plots page soon but please plot with us :’D

#ooc #arrives 15 minutes late with starbucks #or owlbucks #idk #what do wizards drink #also it's like 2 days instead of 15 minutes but whatever #hi #plot with us?

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rivkahstudies · 4 years

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Hi, i've been having big troubles with wanting to be better at academia and stuff but im not really sure how to get started... i sorta feel like an imposter a lot but im trying to not let it affect me but sometimes i just have moments of excruciating executive dysfunction where i can't move because I want to do so many things and my body is fighting against me... Idk if i even have a question really but it feels better to tell you this... i really look up you a lot and have for a long time...

Hi nonnie! It’s incredibly brave of you to drop this in my inbox. Yes, even anonymously. It takes a lot to even type that kind of honesty out. So thank you, and I hope you take a moment to thank yourself.

Secondly, thank you for touching my heart by your kind words. I hope you realize as you look up to me that I have the same kind of feelings, as do many studyblrs–and I’m dedicated to being honest about it so you don’t feel as if you have to live up to a perfect (and impossible, and fake) standard. I go to therapy regularly despite being in a lot better place than I used to be, because it’s almost like going for a mental check-up or gym session, and my therapist helps me sort through even tiny things so I can build better habits and mindsets. But I still remember feelings of dysfunction well, and I still battle with imposter syndrome!

The most important key ideas here are attainable goals and self talk. Both of these ideas don’t come easily, they do take work, but they’re tools that make other difficult things easier over time, with persistence.

When your body is fighting you (and really, more than anything with executive dysfunction, your mind is fighting you and making your body less functional), even baby steps can be difficult. For you, it could be anything from exercising to studying to eating to showering. Big or small, it’s totally valid that you may or may not struggle with it, and it doesn’t make you desperate for attention, or fake, or pathetic.

Let’s take your desire to “get better at academia.” That could mean a lot of things, so I’m going to latch onto one facet of it as an example. If it doesn’t apply with that exact example, that’s completely okay! Just alter it to apply to what you are struggling with, or desiring.

1. Big, abstract goal: to get better at academia

2. What that means (for this example): developing better study habits

3. What kind of things constitute that? That’s still a big, abstract goal that sounds quite formidable and unattainable. List out as many things as you can that you are striving to do or would want to try. Not everything might work for you!

Managing time better

scheduling study time

being accountable via apps or with family/friends

being efficient or effective (i.e. not getting distracted

Finding study habits that work for you and for the class’ requirements

flashcards

typed computer notes

handwritten computer notes

handwritten paper notes

infographics

youtube videos

interactive online exercises

conversations with classmates, tutors, or professors

podcasts

mind maps

journal entries

presentations

self-made study guides

practice tests (self-made or provided, online or on paper)

Feynman’s technique–writing a summary of what you’re studying, and then comparing it to the actual material. Whatever is missing is what you need to focus on, because my mantra is that it will always appear on the test.

ranking the subjects or topics by what you know most to least and studying from the bottom up. I can post a more detailed guide to this if you want! just hit me up again.

Also changing the way you treat and care for yourself

setting a stable routine

eating better (this means different things for different people–maybe you need more Vitamin C, so you should focus on more fruits in your diet, or iron, so vegetables, etc… consult with a doctor or registered dietician, not a nutritionist since they don’t have to have a degree or certification)

going to bed at a routine time

if you have to choose one, make the wake up time set. that way, if you do go to bed late but wake up at that time, it’ll reset your body clock to be sleepier earlier the next day. it’ll eventually even itself out.

drinking more water

setting up or revising your skin care routine

taking measured and unmeasured breaks away from studying to allow the information to set in your brain and to give your mind and body a much-needed reprieve

setting limits on how much screentime you want yourself to add

Self-talk

This is the big one I want to impart on you before this post is over.

You can’t just try to implement these better habits. You also have to focus on what you’re thinking when you’re doing or not doing them, and how you’re psychologically treating yourself. This isn’t easy! It takes a lot of time. And that’s okay. You aren’t going to be free of this stuff overnight. I’ve been working on this stuff actively since I was about 17 and I’m still struggling with it. But I’m also much better at addressing it than I was almost three years ago.

Be aware

Recognize when you’re treating yourself harshly. Acknowledge those times you say “I’m not good enough” in the very back of your mind. Because a lot of times we aren’t even fully conscious of how much we say “I hate myself” or “I’m stupid” or “I can’t do this.”

Once you’ve done that, start calling attention to it.

Hold yourself accountable. If this were someone hurting a friend of yours, you would likely be calling them out for the whole world to know their cruel behavior isn’t acceptable. It’s the same thing for yourself! Those awful thoughts in your brain might live there from self-doubt, mental illness, or other reasons, but you do get to decide if they pilot your actions and your mentality, even if they’re whispering awful things about how you don’t have a choice but letting them be in control.

I will freely admit on here that I’m attending therapy, because I seek to destigmatize it. I’m not at rock bottom. I’m not pathetic. I just noticed some things about me that I need to change, heal, and/or improve, and I wanted a professional to help me! Much like if I sprained my ankle or got a cold and needed to see a doctor. And one of the things that my therapist told me was as much as my anxiety felt debilitating, I am the one piloting my body and I am the one who gets to decide whether my self-talk is going to change.

And do it gently.

Not “you’re an awful person for saying these things about yourself.” You don’t solve bullying with bullying, and you definitely don’t solve putting yourself down or feeling like an imposter but doing more of the same. Instead, show compassion to yourself.

Have a conversation with yourself.

“Why do I feel like this?”

“Where is this coming from?”

“What makes me say that?”

“What can I say instead?”

“What would make me feel better?”

“What could change my mindset about this problem?”

The choice is up to you how you do it. But pretend you’re pulling someone who is misbehaving or acting cruel aside, and instead of reprimanding them, you just gently put your hand on their shoulder and say, “I’m here. What’s going on? What’s causing this behavior?”

Do the same exact thing with yourself! Offer that compassionate hand. If you’re anything like me, your imposter system is probably coming from undue pressure on yourself, self-doubt, previous bad experiences, fear of failure or rejection, insecurity, anxiety, or any number of other things that could make you doubt your beauty, your talent, your work ethic, your ability to succeed.

And a lot more people have it than you think! Just don’t compare yourself to others when, even if you know them well, you can’t know them 100%. I’m sharing my experiences because I want you to know that you’re not alone. And I also want you to know that you can only fix yourself, you can only control yourself, and the same goes for others–they have no business (and probably aren’t thinking of having any business) judging you or controlling you. If they are, screw them. Your job is to take care of and focus on yourself.

Once you know where it’s coming from, start substituting the language.

You can’t do this. “You may not be able to do this yet, but with some effort, you’ll be able to–or, you’ll be close to being able to.”

You’re a failure. “Everyone makes mistakes or fails. It doesn’t define you.”

It was just luck that got you this far. “It was hard work, passion, and effort. Keep hanging onto those things.”

You’re not good enough. “You are enough, and you don’t exist for others. You exist for yourself.”

People will get bored of you. “You don’t exist to entertain or please others.”

There’s a million more I could go through, but hopefully these examples are enough for you to apply it to your own doubts.

This might be a good exercise to journal. Because then you actually have to get the thoughts out instead of them staying scrambled in your brain. Feel free to do a bulleted guide for yourself like this one!

Etc, etc, etc… Any one of these single bullets could be an entirely distinct post, but I hope this is enough to start you off, nonnie. I want to apologize for taking my sweet time responding, but I really hope you’re still out there, somewhere on tumblr, and you see this post. You are loved, nonnie, especially by me, and I’m always here if you need something. If you message me again, call yourself something, like “self talk nonnie,” so I know I’m still talking to you.

You are all loved! You are all enough! You are all valuable and beautiful as long as you stay true to yourselves.

#anonymous #rivkah answers #my advice #executive dysfunction #studying with mental illness #imposter syndrome #mental illness #studying #student #studyblr

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nomadicbeard · 5 years

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Hi! I saw on one of your posts you said that you used to be a stucky shipper. I actually started off as a stony shipper but then absolutely fell in love with stucky but I like both . I was just wondering what made you "jump ship" on stucky lol. Sorry if this comes across as annoying or anything im just curious!

Hey! As you can see a couple of people have asked me this over the last couple of weeks and I’m really lazy and haven’t got around to responding yet, but the people deserve an answer so here we go. Before we start a quick disclaimer: I’ll only be talking about the ships themselves, not the communities or any of the discourse surrounding them. This is not a ship-bashing of any kind and please do not take it as such, it’s just my own personal experience surrounding these characters and these relationships.

Buckle your seatbelts kids, this is a long one.

I first got into Marvel c. 2015. I’m European so I’d never really watched any marvel movies before that, I watched Age of Ultron on a plane and remember being vaguely aware the Steve/Tony was a thing (what is pretty interesting is that to this day I have no clue where that knowledge came from) but was mostly just excited by the superhero stuff. I then got home and watched The Winter Soldier and fell in love. I love the Winter Soldier, it’s probably still one of my favourite marvel movies (it got kicked out of its top spot by Black Panther last year unfortunately) and to me no other marvel movie could hold a torch to it at the time. So I came onto tumblr, searched up The Winter Soldier and was just inundated with Stucky stuff, as expected. I rolled with it, got invested just from constant exposure (it was also around the height of the Stucky ship) and as far as I was concerned, that was that. I was super into Stucky for almost six months and was pretty much your average shipper, I didn’t understand stevetony, loved Steve Rogers, was close to creating a Stucky sideblog wit some ridiculous pun as my username, I was gone over this ship.

Then one day, I sat down and read the man on the bridge by boopboop on ao3. You’ve almost definitely heard of it, but it was the most popular fic in the Steve/Bucky tag on ao3 at the time (for some reason I had just never got around to reading it until then, it was long and I didn’t have the stamina I have now). It was your pretty standard Stucky fic, Steve gets Bucky back, they have to deal with his trauma which results in Steve and Bucky declaring their long lost love for each other etc. etc. What was different about this fic, was that it was all told from Tony’s point of view, and since Steve and Tony were on the same team at that point, their dynamic was a huge part of the fic. And I found myself falling completely in love with Steve and Tony’s dynamic. I went back to the fic for this post (and god it is a good fic) and pulled up the first couple of chapters and instantly just found so many instances of that dynamic

(grade A stevetony arguing over each other’s safety with a side of flirting from Tony)

(Idk why but the image of Steve and Tony not going to sleep, but rather staying up and brewing coffee together was such a vivid one when I first read this fic, I still remember it to this day. )

(Tony picking Steve flowers while trying to desperately play off that he didn’t aka. Tony caring while trying desperately not to care)

(Everyone knowing that Steve would definitely come to Tony, apart from Tony himself.)

Now obviously, this is a stucky fic and I went into it knowing this, but I found when Steve and Bucky finally got together I felt honestly a bit bored, a bit cheated. I had no idea why at the time. I remember very clearly x-ing out of the fic at the end and feeling really uneasy, I came onto tumblr, went straight back into the Stucky tag and all was well.

When I next went back onto ao3, I started out with a couple of oneshots in the Stucky tag, but for some reason it wasn’t working for me anymore. I remember sitting there, a little bored, not at all invested in this relationship and just missing something. I figured I was probably missing Tony’s presence in the fic and so filtered in Tony Stark’s character tag. I read a few of those and all was well but I realised the same thing was happening as had happened in man on the bridge, the moment that Steve and Bucky got together, the fic lost something for me. Desperate at this point, and a little annoyed at myself I conducted an experiment and went into the Steve/Tony tag on Ao3 and as they say, the rest is history. If you go onto older posts on my main blog there’s a pretty drastic, almost overnight shift c. January 2016. I have to admit, I expected Civil War to be a conversion so I enjoyed stevetony without consequence for five months, while still labelling myself as a Stucky shipper because I expected to be pulled back to Stucky after civil war, the reality was that somehow I came out of civil war shipping stevetony harder than ever before. From there, I spent two years reading my way through the stevetony tag on ao3 and finally set up this blog in 2018, with a really obscure reference as my username and it’s been stevetony til I die ever since.

I just couldn’t read Stucky anymore. That’s what I mean when I say on this blog that stevetony has ruined me for every other ship, because it has. Steve and Tony’s firecracker dynamic pulled me away from what was fast on its way to becoming my favourite ship in 2015, all because they had a bit of banter on the side in a fic. It’s kind of depressing really, the sort of hold that Steve and Tony’s dynamic has over me,

It’s strange you say you fell in love with Stucky, I fell absolutely out of love with it. I have thought a lot about how I ended up falling into stevetony and why I was so drawn to them instead of Stucky in the first place and I think it all comes down the the story itself. To me, Steve and Bucky’s relationship carries much more weight as a friendship, I still have no doubt that Bucky is one of if not the most important person in Steve’s life, but having that be a lifelong friendship is way more powerful and impactful to me, (especially since what I know I misconstrued to be Steve’s obsession with Bucky is actually Steve’s obsession over the past. I’m not saying Bucky isn’t dear to Steve and he does want to obviously rescue him, but looking back on it there’s more to Steve’s obsession with Bucky than just love, it’s a fear of change and it’s him desperately trying to hold onto a past that’s gone.)

Conversely, I feel like adding a romantic element to Steve and Tony’s relationship enriches the story being told, if you look at something like civil war (either MCU or 616 tbh) in the context of Tony being desperately in love with Steve, it makes a lot more sense, especially with things like The Confession in 616 or the stuff brought up in that strange conversation in the conference room in the MCU. There’s lines from Steve like “I’m home/you gave me a home” or even straight up “he loved you” and his tormented behaviour throughout infinity war and endgame that just really makes you wonder, not to mention lines from others like “you two still gazing into each other’s eyes/sounds like both of you got into bed with the wrong people” and they did have to share a bed at Clint’s farm after all lol. The tragedy of their story is heightened if you look at it through the context of them being absolutely in love with each other, just never having actually got around to telling it to each other’s faces. This tragedy is heavily implied in The Oath/The Confession in 616 when they confess their deepest darkest secrets to the other’s comatose/dead bodies, and apparently it’s always been that they love the other person. Actually you could easily introduce a romantic element by making relatively few changes to the MCU, but that’s a post for another time (I have a long and comprehensive list in my notes app on how little you actually need to change to make that happen, it’s literally the matter of a few lines of dialogue and one major story change at the end of IM3, an interesting thought exercise to say the least).

Finally, there’s a quote that came up on my dash the day I made that fateful venture into the ao3 stevetony tag, “your soulmate isn’t someone who comes peacefully into your life. It is someone who makes you question things, changed your reality, somebody that marks a before and after in your life. It is not the human being everyone idealized, but an ordinary person, who managed to revolutionize your world in a second” to this day, it resonates so strongly with me about stevetony. It’s everything I love about this ship just compressed into a quote.

So yeah it was basically a bunch of happy coincidences, but thank god it happened. As a writer, stevetony has taught me so much about character and dynamic, stuff that is honestly invaluable. When you have long fics that basically detail the day by day life of Steve and Tony post-civil war in rural Italy and consists of them sleeping, crying and working through their repressed feelings (looking at you @silkspectred ), it is the characters and their unique dynamic that drive the entirety of the story. Steve and Tony, in the hands of a compelling writer, can keep me hooked over a frankly embarrassing number of words. I still have a bit of a special place for Stucky in my heart really, it did start me out in marvel after all and it was one of my first ever ships, but your first love is only so good until you meet your true love, not to get all sappy but stevetony has completely destroyed my ability to ship anything else. I might get a bit flirtatious with some other ships, like sambucky (I still love Bucky, and I love Sam!), or the riverdale ships (beronica and jarchie or bust), or even the game of thrones crack ships (daensa til the day we die), but I’ll always come back to stevetony.

So yeah this escalated into a far longer post than I intended to make but I’ve never really spelled out on this blog how or why I ended up jumping Stucky to Stony when I know it’s usually the other way around. I guess it just comes down to stevetony catching me out when I least expected it, and never having let go of me since.

#and WORD #jesus this is a long post #stony #stony meta #stevetony #what i should be doing: maths. what i'm actually doing: crying about stevetony. it's an average day #ask #answered #anon #idk whether to tag it as stucky or anti stucky tbh #i'm going with neither and pray i don't get shouted at #steve rogers #tony stark #superhusbands #long post

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whetstonefires · 4 years

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"the top three of its forty floors are filled with brass telescopes of every size, pointing in every possible direction, including several that do not exist within the normal three dimensions of space." thats SUCH a cool image / "If any harvest will come." ooh i wonder whats going on / "The roofs are of red tile, the stucco of the houses painted in shades of blue. It stands empty, but has not had time to fall into disrepair." the little bits of detail getting added to the picture im LOVE (1/?)

I’m gonna do these all as one post but broken up for ease of reference, I think.

Thank you! 🥰 Deciding the theme for the Tower and giving it that visual anchor really helped to pull things together. If you consider the whole setup, it seems unlikely the Tower was originally built as an observatory, since those tend to benefit from height (especially if you’re looking around you rather than up, but for the up ones also) and the builders could easily have put it on top of a mountain or at least some hills, but instead put it by the river. It’s above sea level, and it’s away from light pollution, but there were better locations. Nearby.

So either it wasn’t an observatory, and it’s been refitted as one, or they had so many observatories they didn’t care about locating them optimally, there was some other factor making having the tower there important even if it was suboptimal in terms of observation capacity. Or, potentially, it’s been moved since it was built!

:} Yay thank for being interested by the foreshadowing. I tried to put just enough in without actively overshadowing the actual place-setting-up and making the reader impatient with the description.

"If you look through an enchanted telescope you may see trees without needles fail halfway up the nearest of the great peaks, and even these fail before the top, though there is a span of nearly barren stone past that line, before the snow begins." you: mentions different plants living in different climates me: :0 / there's so much good description!! its all so pretty!! (2/?)

sflka;l;jlk i mean yeah, that’s pretty straightforward isn’t it. But! It establishes How Much Mountain it is visually rather than by saying ‘it was a big fucking mountain’ or ‘it was tall enough for the thinness of atmosphere near the top to create a small tundra region.’

o(*￣▽￣*)ブ

<3 Thank you! I kinda cut loose lmao.

"blocks veined with every color, pale blues and purples, reds and greens and golden-duns all mottling toward white and grey and black" god i want to live there so badly!! this tower is meeting all my standards!! cool pretty magic tower with rad telescopes!!! / "make a remark no one present understands about a Doctor named Seuss. His guide, the dousing tracker Amnaphi, will assume this person to be a famous astronomer from his homeland." im love!! misunderstandings about references!! (?/?)

💗💖✨ Yay! That’s an important feeling to create in fantasy, imo. The wanting.

I really enjoyed playing with the standard forms for ‘thing made of marble’ here, because all these marbles really exist, but in spite of the existence of the word ‘marbled’ our narrative uses of it tend to be tied up with Neoclassical aesthetics. So very white and smooth, yeah?

Also idk if it’s obvious to the reader but this Tower is to some degree in dialogue with Orthanc, which made a great impression on my mind as a child as the iconic wizardly tower, and while I don’t disagree with any of Tolkien’s use of symbolism for the purposes he was deploying it, there’s so much potential in Isengard as a setting that LotR had no space to explore, even if Tolkien would have noticed those angles at all.

Like...the parkland around the Tower is shown being despoiled for the orcish war machine and then reconquered by the forest, but of course it wasn’t forest to begin with. What was it for before Saruman lost his shit? Ordered gardens, for peaceful contemplation? Who dedicated the space that way? Who maintained it?

Did Saruman employ a gardener? Did he design his own gardens, or did they come with the keep, which we’re informed was built not by him but by the Numenoreans?

(“I liked white better” is still one of the greatest lines in a fantasy novel, Tolkien does not get enough credit for his contextually hilarious one-liners that rely on pointed code-switching, but Saruman’s evil rainbow oil-slick robes also sounded really baller and it’s kind of a shame they were not attempted for the movie lol.)

The fact that this is a world designed around a kid getting portal-fantasied into it and staying for 30 years really gives me some options which are fun to deploy but also like. Risky lmao. Because it encourages the reader to surface from the setting-logic and apply their own perspective, which can really break up the magic.

Being able to zoom out on the Tower after all that detail and be like ‘it’s awesome but also it looks like something Doctor Seuss would draw’ was fun though.

"Within the even hexagon of its outer wall, the Tower encloses a great parkland, enough that if it was all put under cultivation it could easily feed as many people as could live in the Tower itself." the tower has PLANTS i love it so much / "Ten Years’ Winter" god PLEASE tell me this is going to get into the agriculture and society stuff game of thrones didn't about long winters that would be SO cool / "Watchers of the Stars" AND they have a cool name holy shit (?/?)

Plants are important! As is food supply. As everyone who’s been reading this blog for a while already knows I think lol.

I mean, it’s not about that, really? The Ten Years’ Winter is a historical event--the most recent meteor impact severe enough to have global climate fallout. The dust it kicked up took a while to settle, and the famines were pretty severe.

But the cultural consequences of something that happened a hundred and fifty years ago exist, and are important, including the relationship between governance and disaster preparedness, which varies a lot regionally as you may imagine.

Astronomy has a long history as a wizardly sort of activity in the real world, both because it’s had continual overlap with astrology and just because the process has always been mystical and abstruse. In this setting, with a history of both devastating meteor impacts and being invaded from the Moon, but also actual magic, it’s got more obvious practical importance. Although since neither of these are remotely everyday occurrences, the average person on the street might not agree lol.

So it’s on the one hand a purely descriptive title, and on the other hand a serious boast, suggesting as it does that they are primarily responsible for Watching The Sky For Stuff. While also having broader philosophical implications and just sounding nice lol.

You gotta have good marketing if you want to persist as a wizardly order, because if talented students aren’t motivated to come to you how will you gain new members? Natural replacement is not an ideal strategy to say the least. That’s how you turn into a cult instead of an intellectual powerhouse.

"The northern third of the Tower’s park contains neatly regimented orchards, apples, pears, plums, and a few rows of carefully tended peaches and apricots, all clipped flat against low brick walls angled south and slightly west." hhh t r e e s / "wizards, while enthusiastic about innovation in the abstract, hate change." me too, wizards. me too / "The Tower grounds are filled with refugees." ooh now we get to why everything was empty earlier (?/?)

Trees! Which are also food!

And technology lol. Greenhouses built against fruit walls with good insulation are so much more sensible than ones heated from inside. Obviously as a passive solar-powered technology these only work when the sun is available and not, for example, cut off by a giant dust cloud.

These people are fairly acutely aware of their dependence on the sun and it figures prominently in a majority of their religions and their magical theory, even more than in ours.

There seems to be a mild consensus that the wizards are relatable. In truth: we are all wizards. :D

Yup! At long last lol.

"This division corresponds imperfectly to the usual split of the town by the course of the Meroda." because people!! take comfort!! in what normalcy they can find!! / "Makeshift pallets line the spaces between every fruit wall—the injured are being laid out here, now that the Tower is full, to get the benefit at night of the warmth meant to mature fruit." the awesome magic tower people trying to do everything they can for the injured who come to them for help in case i thought i couldn't be (?)

more in love / "Half of them are making ready to turn south along the Meroda." oh nooooo / "but the Moon People are the successors of the ancient magics, and just because they could not break the walls the last time they came, according to legend, does not mean they have not worked out a method now." im so worried for the people oh no (?)

Yeah! It really seemed natural. But of course they also aren’t recreating it obsessively; lots of people are grouping up with relatives who normally live across the river, or with people in the same line of work on the river, because people also adapt to circumstances.

No institution is ever perfect, of course, but I’m glad the Watchers have come across this way so far. They’re broadly well-intentioned and mostly well-organized.

And they were not ready for this.

A significant fraction of the reason for the order of the Watchers to exist at all, particularly in this observatory with its great eye fixed ever on the face of the green moon, is to be able to warn the world if this ever happens again. But the Moon People knew they were being watched, this time, and they kept all the build-up to mobilization that might have given them away on the far side of the moon until the last minute.

What the Magister is doing, as I hope was made clear or at least successfully indicated--I wish your commentary on the ending had come through!--is summoning what turns out to be an actual child from another world to do hero stuff.

Even if he’d gotten an adult that would be kidnapping someone to help with your problems, a routine element of the portal fantasy whose ethics have been addressed in a variety of ways, most famously ‘is Lion Jesus and always right.’

The reason they need a hero from another world is that the Moon People build a lot of their wards and their offensive and disabling magical attacks around a targeting system based on what planet people are from, because even though they’re originally from the same stock--they’re the descendants of ancient moon colonists who evacuated ahead of a major meteor impact somewhere approaching four thousand years ago--on a magical level having been born and raised on the planet or the moon makes a pretty huge difference.

So no one can get into the place their magic space elevator is anchored and fuck it up so they can’t keep bringing troops and supply in and loot out. Their single supply line is their only strategic weakness, and they’ve taken appropriate precautions.

Getting someone in from a third location is the best idea anyone’s been able to come up with in the very limited time available. Since no one can figure out how to turn one of the Moon People against the cause they came here for, on short notice, when they aren’t even stopping to talk to anyone so far. Like, that’s clearly not going to happen.

Heron Yl Fanult isn’t unaware that it’s ethically questionable, but he’s doing it anyway.

So I’m glad the ominous imminent oncoming of the Moon People can really be felt, because that atmosphere is fairly essential context for the decisionmaking going on at the top of the Tower.

"Young wizards sit in their bunks, six each to rooms that were previously individual, and hold lighting cupped dancing in their palms." a quick break from being worried to point out that this is rad as hell / "some with their heads decorously covered..." cultural differences!! especially with regional purposes like the Hedro!!

Thank you! 😆💖 I thought so too lol.

It also establishes the parameters of the magic system a little more. Throwing lightning bolts is pretty iconicly high-powered, right? And here it’s what most of the student wizards are practicing in anticipation of a battle, because most of them aren’t specced into combat and this is actually one of the easier lethal spells to master, especially if you have an academic background.

‘Electrocute’ isn’t a very flexible spell and it’s easy to lose control of, but it’s actually easier than, say, ‘set on fire to a significant degree in a non-electrical manner’ because concentrating a lot of heat in a certain location takes a lot more brute force than encouraging ionization.

You can pull most of the actual destructive force for the palm lightning spell out of the physical air and/or earth if you grasp the principles, which is much easier than channeling a comparable amount of magic directly because it doesn’t have to go through you.

The limiting factors on magic in this setting are how much power you can tap into and how much of it you can actually use without hurting or killing yourself. It’s not usually a lot, though the amount can be increased by things like choosing your workspace, prepping your workspace, and a whole lot of practice and meditation and things like that.

Magical traditions that get bundled under the heading of wizardry tend to focus on force multiplication, obtaining enough contextual understanding of a subject to make whatever power is applied go further. This means a lot of studying theory and using magic to make observations (such as the existence of microorganisms and their connection to disease) and often results in making clever devices based on what you’ve learned that may not actually wind up being magical at all.

Which is why the solar greenhouse proposal is considered ‘more wizardly’ than the fruit walls, which are wizardly in the first place even though the technology is pretty widespread at this point--it’s carried the principle of minimizing the energy you have to invest to get the result you want to the logical conclusion, where you don’t have to do any magic at all, you just set up the situation and get out of the way and the sun will do the work for you.

Other schools of magic, particularly religious ones, are more likely to emphasize just getting better at handling energy for yourself, which tends to yield a lot more in the way of immediate practical dividends and in a lot of quarters wizards who don’t do something obviously practical like physic or smithcraft with their theoretical background are considered crackpots or dilettantes

An impression helped along by the fact that being taken on as a student of wizardry at a basic level tends to focus more on your reading comprehension than your ability to actually do any magic, so in places where religious and wizardly institutions coexist the most talented students have a tendency to gravitate toward the religious life. This is particularly marked in areas religiously dominated by the Compact of the Golden Circle, wherein full ordination is contingent on being able to pull off certain fairly hefty rituals, so if you aren’t physically or mentally up to that kind of magical heavy lifting your religious career will stall out in one of the lay fraternities. In some of the cities on Sutouchel, the landmass to the southeast where the Compact is based, a slang term for wizard is ‘sanctum washout.’

But of course force multiplication is something that can scale up pretty far, and studying theory doesn’t stop you from also putting work into your practical skills, and not having talent isn’t the only reason someone would choose not to seek out a clerical career, if it’s even an option. Religion along the Meroda is pretty localized; communities tend to have local deities who correspond to a natural feature like the nearest mountain or the river or something, and if that deity rates a fulltime shrine the keeper also tends to be the major local medical provider, and since the wizards got settled in at the Tower it’s become pretty popular for shrinekeeping families to send their kids there for a year or two to get some educational polish in addition to what their parent already emphasized.

So depending on where you live and what your personal experience has been you’re going to have very different ideas about what wizards are good for.

Hrm. I’ve gone on a tangent. But that wound up taking so long you came back! :D I love it when being turtle works out in my favor.

Or was this actually the meta I was supposed to be doing in the first place? Aaaaa who knows.

im fairly confident you said eight asks survived so this is number nine? anyways onwards! "The hale survivors of the First Battle of the Second Descent sit waiting in their leathers, jack-chains and helmets laughably inadequate armor against the coming danger, and yet the best hope now just as they were on Carun Tol once the wizard fell" i have a lot of emotions about how their best bet is also a terrible bet but its all they have (9/?)

Yes 8.

Woo, thank you! ^^ & I love that you described it that way because that also describes the ‘summon alien’ spell Yl Fanult is casting and echoing the same emotional theme throughout the scene was very much the goal here.

"Threads have escaped from the braids pinned across the top of her skull: she has not had the chance to take them down for two days." god just the continuation of how desperate everything is / "He leans forward to peer through the narrow glass that has been turned on its articulated base to face the middle of the room, and relaxes very slightly. At least there has been no catastrophic alteration there, either." what does that one do id assume theres no approching army in the middle of the room -

:D Yeah, the fact that one of the chief medics available is already overworked to the point of neglecting nonessential personal hygiene and the enemy isn’t even here yet I hoped would resonate.

Well, remember how some of the telescopes at the beginning point in directions not included in the normal three dimensions of space? :}

- "trained as it long has been upon the face of the moon" also forgot to mention their enemies being from the moon is Rad As Hell / "He snaps his fingers for a spark that falls into the deep circular groove full of distilled spirits, and steps through that as well. He is not burned." ooooh whats he doing / "At his feet lie a glittering piece of gold ore, a moonstone, and a carefully sanded round of pumice." i see the connection to the moonstone bc moon army but i wonder about the others -

Thank you! It took a fair amount of poking before I decided it was a solid approach; it provides just enough physical alienation that there’s no direct cultural relationship and you can have that ‘everyone in the entire world Disliked That’ vibe, without needing to create any complicated magical and cultural explanation for such a long run of isolationism. They were out of contact because they were On The Moon.

Also I really get a kick out of putting space invaders in a fantasy setting in a way that stops just short of turning into sci-fi.

I’m glad the ritual lead-up is exciting! Even if the foreshadowing wasn’t as obvious as I thought it was lol. That’s fixable.

Gold is for the sun, moonstone is yeah for the moon lol (although in other circumstances people also use jade, because it’s been a long time since the moon was uniformly silver on account of it having been terraformed a few thousand years ago) and pumice is for the world--it’s a stone full of air that floats on water, so it’s popular as an anchoring device for rituals that call on all three local celestial bodies.

"He cannot take much time. He has only until the ring of fire dies." whats he doingggggg / anyways i love this so much!! the descriptions are gorgeous and im so invested in all of everything!! i hope you write more im so curious about it all!!

XD Ok I covered this already, I would have saved it for down here or Been Mysterious if tumblr hadn’t eaten the last few asks the first time lol. Thank you so much again! For encouragement! Before and now! I’ll try! To keep it going!

Here’s hoping this successfully posts, tumblr just kicked me onto New Dashboard again and disabled the turn-it-off button, so now my alternate posting strategy is borked up too. 🤞😅😘

#hoc est meum #ask #worldbuilding #a nonny mouse #the tower of sight #people say nice things #long post #<3

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purge-that-urge-rhackathon · 4 years

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Anon questions: 1. What is the CIA business you've mentioned? 2. Is it okay living with your parents? (sorry but reading all the abusive stuff they've done to you made me worried..) :( and 3. How are you truly??? Drinking enough water?? Therapy? All the best to you you're awesome ♥️

you are a sweetie anon xD I rambled so i put it under a cut ahahah!

1. So when my job contract with the japanese government ended, i planned to work for the CIA once I returned to the states :) I worked in japan for 4years, and that job application took an entire year to apply (extensive federal background checks, medical exams, pages upon pages of questions, requirements including a 2 page essay in japanese about why i was qualified for the job, and an interview at the US embassy in los angeles with a japanese diplomat, an american diplomat, and someone who held the position i was applying for). I scored extremely highly among those accepted.

Getting into the CIA was going to be relatively simple in comparison (im one of those ‘college was easier than high school’ kids lolol) xD Then the election happened and i said fuuuuuck that shit i have a soul im not working for this administration. Now I bartend xD

2. YES! i understand its not at all normal or ‘okay’, and nothing ive said or been super upset about has been untrue, but i understand my place in life and how much im at the mercy and charity of others or not, and how to deal living in this type of environment and choosing my battles wisely, but im not paying rent, im aware of how much resources i use here and how i contribute to the household, so i mean i know i have it way better than a lot of people, but stuff from the past cropping up now and then in other behaviors does make me relive trauma so like... idk im good i guess? Im trying to pay down my debt so staying here helps me do that. A lot of the abusive stuff like objectively its bad, but subjectively, i mean i have a good life now in comparison? especially considering that i think what i went through as a child was way harder than what im going through now. My standards arent very high tho ahaha i mean what im comparing how good life is now compared to how it was, i should have no complaints xD I can take food from the fridge or cupboard when im hungry without getting beat for it, hot showers, meat regularly, and i have my own room with a bed that always stays where it is so thats cool. It’s extremely hard to reconcile the way i grew up with what i experience now and knowing i had it worse then so why does it hurt so much worse now? or like idk ahahha i mean i love my family even if they’ve been responsible for some of my very darkest moments of my life. It’s just more obstacles to understand and adapt around haha im dead inside but doing fine since xmas is over! Whenever the bar gets sets lower, it just means it takes that much more to disappoint me, which conversely means i understand how good the good moments actually are so im very very easily pleased bahaha!

3. I AM FINALLY REHYDRATED!! And my friend called that therapist i wanted to see multiple times (she never picked up; im assuming she was away for the xmas/new years holidays) but no i havent been able to get in yet, but im feeling mentally so much more balanced now that december is over and january is almost done. They’re not good months for me whatsoever and only now do i realize just how excessive my drinking/smoking was by the fact i actually still have beer in the fridge from weeks ago right now xD I suddenly dont need it, and that realization tells me a lot about my mental state, sooo im optimistic i think? haha anyways im super excited about going to Wondercon this year and hanging out with friends, and i have two kitties (who ive got trained to put themselves in their crate at night xD theyre not even 1yr yet xD) and i managed to make a considerable dent in my debt this year (as long as nothing happens with my teeth again this year i should make a lot of progress!) so like, ive got some things to look forward to. Working on stress management too haha but we’ll see! ♡ ♡ ♡

#poisonjack answers #you picked some good ones anon! ahahha thank you for letting me ramble. i dont got the therapist yet but this functions the same xD #check out Open Source Officer. thats the position i was gonna go for haha xD SUPER fucking easy job. i was already doing it in japan xD #ive had my hands on many a government document lololol i know how to gather intel. ive been doing it at work for my OSHA complaint xD #i know things >_>#im just a busy body where information is concerned. im the person who completes videogames 100% through all path options xD

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shewasanamericangirl · 5 years

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ok it’s time for me to FUCKING SCREAM about kamen rider zi-o episode 35 because there was a lot of good shit in it! many many screencaps under the cut.

so our dramatic opening scene right away made me think of kamen rider ryuki--a convict doing time for murder, frustrated with being stuck in a cell, receives a surprise visit from a shady individual offering the power of a kamen rider.

hora and tsukuyomi both have such dope manicures? can 2068 be all that bad if standards of living are still high enough to have pretty nails?

then woz begins the intro IN THIS PINK SWAN BOAT spying on yuko and tetsuya

apropos of practically nothing. he’s in the cute pink swan boat, by himself, watching a cute couple from a distance like a creepy loser.

now, im used to woz being Dead Serious About Everything but idk if ive ever seen a phrase like “first love” uttered with such a sense of gloom.

junichiro will make such a good bride someday. preferably mine. marry me junichiro.

this whole apple pie scene is the CUTEST SHIT EVER. i love that geiz and tsukuyomi are so close that he knows silly stuff like this?? and look at that HAPPY “i just took a bite of amazing apple pie” look on her face

look at this beautiful girl enjoying her pie. blessed image. tsukuyomi is such a cutie. so kissable.

look at this beautiful boy enjoying his pie. he is barely holding back the urge to stand up and IWAE. do it, woz! give junichiro’s baking the recognition it deserves!

the forbidden ship is alive and well 👀

he probably gets too little sleep as it is with all these nerds’ shenanigans day after day. let junichiro sleep!

sougo, trying to sound profound, utterly destroys the mood

woz has been slamming that pie so hard that he starts choking when sougo brings up the subject of love

geiz: unable to process that this actual baby boy child has, in fact, discovered girls at the young age of 19 years

tsukuyomi: supportively tending to her verklempt friend who has inadvertently inhaled his pie

look at this fucking chad. sougo, nobody’s questioning that you have time for romance. all you do is sleep and be a kamen rider.

geiz being surprisingly genre savvy for a defrosted ice queen

sougo: smitten kitten

junichiro, geiz, and tsukuyomi: “that’s...it?”

woz: got over his coughing fit sometime during the flashback and is now SHOVELING that pie

sougo confirmed neko. im sorry fellow shippers, you’ve been writing your zi-o smutfics all wrong.

silence junichiro you are in the presence of a certified pussy slayer

this screenshot is good for many reasons

woz acting all chummy while sougo looks awkward as hell

the pie stuck to both their faces

you can barely see it in this picture but the big blob of pie stuck to woz’s right thumb

more than a few men have fallen too im sure right woz?

oma zi-o confirmed manwhore

yuko knows what’s up; if you’re gonna be queen, you gotta start with a full on spa treatment so you look your hottest.

yuko is another character with unusual powers that don’t come from being a kamen rider

superhuman sense of smell (along with the ability to identify slight nuances in scent)

super strength (she stopped that car with her foot)

exceptional observational/inductive ability

i love when she points

me, easily distracted by colorful shit

i fear for our future if the overlord of space-time is so easily won over by a good chin scritchin’

boy oh boy do i want them to kiss and boy oh boy do they hate each other

kanesaki practiced for this

no sougo. no no no. do not be this dumb. i’m not saying she’s guilty--i don’t think she is--but a crush you had back in elementary school is by no means evidence that yuko would not commit murder. did she or did she not attempt to kill that lawyer right in front of you?

i feel you woz...my crush is thirsty for yuko too...

thank you, geiz, for reality checking sougo

more cooler point this time

sougo idk if you’re thinking with your dick chin or just being a fucking pollyanna but you need to snap out of it right this minute. yuko is dangerous. im pretty sure she doesn’t even remember who you are.

listen to geiz! not only does he know a thing or two about vendettas, but he looks cool pointing at people too!

hers is a good face and does not deserve such violence

sooner or later, yuko is going to wind up somewhere that she isn’t close to a manhole. when that happens, she’s gonna be in trouble!

add retrocognition to the list of sougo’s abilities. i wonder how it’s triggered? but enough of that. EARTH TO SOUGO, GEIZ NEEDS YOUR HELP

something something, ginga looks cool as fuck but i didn’t wind up taking any screencaps. i’m digging his retro-ish design, deep purple, and pretty attack SFX. can’t wait for woz to get that power hohoho

sougo could you please use your words instead of just yanking your friends into your fusion? that’s not cool my guy.

the synced movements between trinity’s suit actor and the three personalities within is awesome. now if only they were in better sync with each other.

you said it girl

error? im glad they let yuko’s actress change into some sensible shoes for the purpose of stomping around on rocks 😂

and now, the preview! why all the groveling? zi-o squad and time jackers alike? weird to see the future king kneeling lower than anyone else, even given how highly he clearly thinks of yuko. it feels almost sacrilegious to see black woz bowing down before someone other than sougo, too. 👀 not surprised that hora and geiz aren’t feeling too reverent.

sougo, if yuko needed an umbrella, she’d just kick up another manhole cover and hold it over her head.

kiva, schmiva--we get ginga woz AND an iwae next week! yaHOO!

and some thoughts:

i’m usually reallllly not fond of when a character we’d never heard of last week suddenly has a main character crushing on them (her, always a her) this week but i like how it’s been handled so far. junichiro, geiz, and tsukuyomi are very aware that sougo still fixating on his first crush from childhood is Not Healthy (and a clear symptom of how friggin lonely sougo has been.) woz’s response to the matter seems kind of mixed--maybe he’s more focused on when he gets to eat his next slice of pie than his overlord’s love life, lol

i wasn’t sure what to think of yuko, but i’m enjoying her arc so far! she’s a determinator villain who’s clearly got an intriguing backstory that led her to see herself as the heroine of her own story.

intriguing, too, that woz seems to have time traveled to investigate said backstory, if his (hilarious) stakeout during the introduction is any indication.

and then ginga came out of nowhere. okay then...he seems like a pretty badass adversary! i wonder how zi-o and friends will be able to counter his power? or has trinity perhaps been weakened by the discord between the three?

as always, i look forward to what happens next! in the meantime, i have five episodes of ex-aid left, so by the time the next zi-o subs show up i will probably have finished watching!

#kamen rider zi o #pie over love!

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