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#im feeling tired and affectionate
starscelly · 1 year
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happy birthday tyler seguin (:
31 random (mostly giggly) gifs for tyler’s golden 31st birthday ⭐💛
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sciderman · 7 days
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Sometimes i remember a comics moment i randomly came across somewhere, where Sam Wilson mentiones a musical and Steve Rodgers says he doesn't like musicals, to whitch Sam goes "Guess that means you really are straight" and even tho i don't care about Cap America or the Avengers, the moment stuck in me for that quote by Sam. And like....Sci, any ideas if straight men actually don't like musicals or is that bullshit?
actually i think i know more gay men who hate musicals than i know straight men who hate musicals. i've had a drag queen stop me point blank when i was about to sing a barbra streisand song, and i know so many gays who pointedly hate abba. so based on my experience i think the inverse is true. most of the straight men i know are kind of impartial about musicals, but gay men? hate.
my theory is that a lot of gay men don't want to fall into stereotypes, maybe. but thaaaaat's just a theory! a gay theory.
#sci speaks#i'm trying to understand the gays. they are a mystery to me.#i've seen a lot more toxic masculinity coming from gay men than i have from straight men.#i think it makes sense. they have less women in their lives. so they reckon with a lot more masculinity. more dick measuring.#also gay men have some of THE most unhealthy romantic relationships i've ever seen in my life.#this isn't a blanket statement on everyone but just from what i've seen. it's such a strange pattern i've observed.#lesbians? healthy. straights? usually healthy. gay men? universally a tire fire that makes me say “if you hate each other so much ??”#“why are you together??????????”#i have never met a cis gay mlm couple in real life that was healthy. every single one of them made my eyes widen in horror.#i want them to be healthy. please treat each other better.#the number of bitchy bitchy fights i've seen between mlm couples in public that make me so terrified#but i know mlm relationships in general are usually less... affectionate than wlw relationships. even and especially friendships.#just an observation.#i hate to say that there is a definite difference between amab vs afab experiences when it comes to relationship dynamics but.#of course there is. there is. as much as i want to say gender and sex do not matter. it really does.#it makes a difference. it does.#which is kind of why i'm glad i was born in the body i was. when people say “trans means you feel you were born in the wrong body”#im like.. i don't think that's true. i don't think that's true for me.#i wouldn't be me if i wasn't born the way i was. and i want to be me. but i'm a boy. i'm a boy but in the body that i have.#my body is still a boy's body. because i live in here.#sorry this went off on a tangent.#but yeah i know my brain would be different if i was amab. and i don't want all those other issues.#i think the only reason i'm so peaceful and serene is because i'm afab. and afabulous.#i see cis guys and im like.. yeah i don't want what you got.#once again! lucky to be me! i'm lucky. im lucky i have a vargooba. thank fuck for that!#couldve been so much worse off. could've been born with a dick and would be fighting for my life right now.
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wolfcamellias · 2 years
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how do you picture qpr shadowpeach? your ideas about them fascinate me
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@blood-king asked: *cough* So uh, completely unprompted totally didnt see a post or anything; How would QPR shadowpeach work? (Also /gen question cause ur thoughts on them are always interesting lol)
WELL! I’m so glad you asked! Bare with me that I’m working with canon material and even then I have to take into consideration that S4 might erase all of this and produce something different for ShadowPeach  ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ 
[insert “no fear” / “one fear” meme redraw here]
BUT! Anyways! Let’s look deeper into these freaks now shall we 
First let’s dissect everything we got thus far on Sun Wukong and Macaque’s canon dynamic before diving into the QPR aspect of it all 
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Season One 
I want everyone to remember that besides the iconic line of “You are such a gem” has more meaning behind it than we realize. We don’t have much to work with in terms of Season One material and at this base level we can consider the fact that it was.. Just a crackship by this point, they only have one brief interaction and Macaque was never seen again. During that moment we can see that Sun Wukong and Macaque are treated to be “equals” in this instance solely because Macaque was able to absorb Xiaotian’s powers and render him immobile for a while. In this instance we can see that Macaque was copying Sun Wukong’s moves aside from the shadow clone-summonings and the Shadow Puppet creation. 
This implies Macaque was well adept into mimicking Sun Wukong that he was capable of copying all of his moves without pause and heart beat but also managed to “outwit” Sun Wukong by using the fact that he cares about Xiaotian as a stepping stone and tries to get the upper hand constantly on him during the fight. 
“Wukong! How ya doin’ bud? [Scoffs]” “Aren’t you ever going to get sick of living in my shadow?”
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“Oh god is Rhy going to psychoanalyz—” yes now sit down. 
Macaque’s tone is mocking all the way during this small exchange, even mocking Wukong’s “bud” that he uses to address Xiaotian, attempting to edge him on and get him to engage with him. Right from the start he’s trying to instigate him, he wants Wukong to react in a way that’ll lead to a fight, that will cause some wreckage, he wants Sun Wukong to see him and think “I want to engage with this person for the rest of my life, I can’t stop thinking about him” when in truth Macaque is the one chasing Wukong’s attention constantly.
Sun Wukong’s tone is something I’ve analyzed once, twice, several times before. Wukong’s tone here is stressed and non-intimidating—he’s more disappointed than you realize. Sun Wukong witnessed Xiaotian’s personality change to someone who snaps back at him, tells him he’s been training with someone who’s actually teaching him when Sun Wukong knows Xiaotian’s mortal and has his limits. Had Xiaotian gotten incredibly hurt, his reaction to Macaque’s mocking would have been worse. Because Wukong does not instigate fights. He doesn’t try to play into the bait that Macaque leaves him, he asks him if he’s tired of repeating this cycle. It’s true, it is a cycle and we see it throughout most of their relationship: Sun Wukong takes a step back and Macaque takes two steps forward. He’s the one keeping Macaque at a distance.
And something that’s very interesting when it comes to Wukong’s word choice: he says, ‘living in my shadow’. Which is interesting! It implies that Sun Wukong does not want Macaque to be in his shadow. He does not want Macaque around let alone being his shadow—he wants him to step out of it. It’s interesting to see that Sun Wukong does not seem to think he was the one who put Macaque in his shadow — it’s interesting to see.
“It’s time to give back what you stole.”
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Again, Wukong gets straight to the point: “You hurt my successor, a mortal, and I can tell you’re not going to talk through this so I’ll resort to your level.”
But he also does not engage Macaque immediately. Only does so when Macaque continues and says this:
“You are such a gem. It's going to be so satisfying, killing you with your own powers.”
Did you know that in JTTW Macaque was mirroring all of Sun Wukong’s powers? He was basically an exact replica in that moment and thus it resulted in a stalemate for a long time?
Macaque is A) admitting here that he’s using Sun Wukong’s own strength against him thus making him his equal in that instant, more so with the fact Sun Wukong is canonically holding back at this point, meaning Macaque’s frustration with him later makes sense because he knows Sun Wukong is holding back—he just doesn’t know by how much and B) he’s once again instigating Wukong by calling him a gem, something he only does once throughout the show before he switches to other forms of taunting. 
Sun Wukong is a stone monkey, he was born from a rock. He was treated as more of a piece of coal throughout the entirety of the Journey by both Heaven and his pilgrim brothers and even his master at times (not to say that’s the exact way the Pilgrims and Tripitaka act in the show but I digress) and to call him a gem.. Is purely amusing considering how he then proceeds to say Sun Wukong was gifted with all of his abilities and powers in the following season. He’s not complimenting him—and even if he was, it probably lost its value in the moment, considering the situation they were in.
“Seriously? You fell for that?”
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Macaque instigating Sun Wukong and further trying to get him to get angry and stoop down to his level? More likely than you think.
“Come on. Show me the real Sun Wukong. The old you would have leveled this whole mountain range to stop me, but you're scared of hurting some kid? Pathetic.”
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Macaque proceeds to try and urge Wukong to go back to being his old self, he wants Wukong to be that reckless, capricious, overpowered guy whom he (for lack of better platonic based term) fell in love with in terms of admiration and, amusingly, it’s also something he clings on to because that’s a recurring theme with Macaque: being stuck in the past.
Sun Wukong is not reacting how he wants him to and that’s what irritates him the most. He wants them to go back to their past and that’s the unhealthy aspect of him: he doesn’t realize people can change for better or worse—or, at the very least, he doesn’t want to acknowledge it with the way he witnesses Sun Wukong protect Xiaotian and worry over him more than he pays attention to Macaque himself. He doesn’t want to believe Sun Wukong’s changed as a person and that he  needs to change before they can make anything work.
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Season Two
Sun Wukong is absent throughout most of this Season due to his quest to find a weapon to fight against LBD and then the subtle timeskip of Heaven’s days and Earth’s years working a little funky. 
Of course then we dip our feet into the very shallow pool that is Macaque’s view of how Sun Wukong’s character works despite not having had a proper conversation with him over the past five hundred years or so. 
“The hero and the warrior were like the Sun and the Moon. Their light, a protective glow, shining upon the world. Together, there was nothing that could stop the two of them. Either in the Celestial Realms or on Earth. As time went on, the hero attained power beyond comprehension. As the hero's light grew, so too did his shadow. And soon, the warrior was cast in that shadow. In the darkness, the warrior was forgotten by the hero.”
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Shoutout to Lego Monkie Kid for being able to write biased narratives throughout the show. 
Macaque’s word choices are interesting: he’s glorifying the past (again) and putting the Hero (Wukong) on a high pedestal and repeating he was abandoned and forgotten and cast in the shadows. The interesting point is noting that Macaque is a strongly biased narrator, he views Sun Wukong as lesser than him and wants him to come down to his level of petty words and constant fighting when Sun Wukong does not react nor chase him around. And something to note about Sun Wukong is that he values and cares genuinely and strongly for his friends; to say that Sun Wukong purposefully put Macaque in his shadow is a stretch.
The theory that Sun Wukong told Macaque to stay behind while he went to the war against Heaven (thus fighting with Nezha, Muzha and Erlang) led to Macaque taking it as ‘you are weak and can’t follow me’, twisting Wukong’s words and his perception of him is the most likely theory taking into consideration how LBD was confirmed to have messed with Macaque’s memories and that Macaque later states that Sun Wukong didn’t work hard for his powers.
Unless Lego Monkie Kid rewrote the starting chapters of Journey To The West where Sun Wukong spends years training for his immortality, several more reigning over his kingdom and then the inevitable trauma and imprisonment? Sun Wukong worked very hard for his position, regardless of whether or not he was cocky or gained a high ego over it, and Macaque just turns away from the truth and only sees what he wants to see.
We don’t talk about the fact that he proceeded to project onto Xiaotian and said he did not have abandonment issues and that he forgot about the friends that Macaque himself kidnapped. 
And of course we get the moment where Macaque gets a flashback of Sun Wukong punching him, correlating to the somewhat confirmed theory that Sun Wukong murdered Macaque during a certain point in the JTTW arc of the show.
And then it’s not addressed again until Season Three.
Season Three
(I’ve typed Macaque 37 times and Wukong 48 times and idk how to feel about that)
Sun Wukong is emotionally and mentally and physically drained the moment we see him back at the start of the Season. He’s focused on securing the map and gaining the Samadhi Fire for the chance of defeating Lady Bone Demon and Macaque on the other hand, as we can see in the flashback that occurs later in the season, was leashed and held with a dagger to his neck when moving closer to Wukong.
Macaque and Sun Wukong’s banter is.. a singular moment where he allows himself to fall into Macaque’s cycle. “Always the comedian,” implies Macaque is well aware that Wukong is masking his tone and overall stability to show he’s holding himself together when in truth he very much isn’t. Wukong continues to taunt Macaque because this is what he wanted, he wanted a true reaction out of him — to which I mean, he wants Wukong to react in a negative sense, he wants them to fight, he wants to instigate fights with him because that in itself is a distraction from talking about their past. 
Wukong avoids Macaque and even warns everyone about him, tries to keep Macaque away from Xiaotian and the others as much as possible to the point of making himself bait for the sake of them getting away during the train station scene. 
Genuinely, Sun Wukong saw Macaque as someone dangerous to Xiaotian due to the trauma that Macaque gave him during his introduction episode where he threatened to kill Xiaotian for the sake of getting to Wukong.
And that’s not without discussing the fact that Wukong was able to make Macaque freeze at the change of tone. During the ice scene with Nezha, Wukong tries to instigate a sort of scuffle with Macaque this time, repeating the same tone and mask he used back during the airship fight. Because he wants him to fall back into that little cycle of theirs that Macaque was constantly chasing.
What he didn’t account for was Macaque not following the same path he usually does. The reason behind Wukong’s anger when he reaches to choke Macaque isn’t just because he started the ritual: he didn’t listen to Wukong (again), he tried to shift his blame onto Wukong, he hurt Xiaotian, he threatened Xiaojiao, and pushed Tang into starting the ritual. And, yes, Wukong was watching all of it despite not knowing what it is they were saying, but he is very much aware of Macaque’s actions when he went after them clawing for survival.
It’s also important to remember that it’s heavily implied both Sun Wukong and Macaque must have done something to cause their relationship to become so estranged. Because Macaque is the one who leaves this time, Macaque is the one who tried to get away from this situation, Macaque is the one who tries to escape and that’s what ticks Wukong off further. 
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Because Macaque is a coward and that’s something he needs to work on excessively. 
Yes, there is the looking back scene, there is the moment where Macaque and Wukong look at each other in the Samadhi Fire episode but just because they took one step does not mean they’ve finished climbing up the ladder to mending their relationship. 
However.
Sun Wukong was still holding back during his fight with Macaque.
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Because despite this intense power imbalance, despite the fact Sun Wukong was possessed, he was still conscious, he was still aware of his actions. Knowing how roughed up he managed to get Macaque it's only safe to assume he was choosing to hold back in an attempt to delay the end result of the fight.
And afterwards we get a cleaner conclusion: they put their differences aside to help Xiaotian and end their last interaction with Macaque falling back into edging Wukong on and ignoring his actions throughout the Season and calling him selfish—as harsh as it may sound, he’s not yet accepting the fact Sun Wukong has changed and thus Sun Wukong will not consider him as someone he can be comfortable around or someone worth having an actual conversation with. 
See: When talking to Xiaotian he drops the masks (slightly) and admits he has never had a proper successor before nor has he ever been a mentor. Even when Xiaotian reveals he plays dumb to lighten the mood, Sun Wukong just laughs and brings him closer rather than pushing him away. He does not do that with Macaque because he doesn’t even consider him someone worth trying for.
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“Break Up” Stage
“But how would they work?”
They need to separate first.
Sun Wukong and Macaque require a lengthy break from each other, both without mentioning or seeing the other let alone engaging them because the chances of them actually communicating is slim to none. They need to work on themselves and separate to work on their individual trauma before they can even begin to discuss their own issues.
Sun Wukong is closed off and Macaque is self-centered in the way that, Wukong does not address his trauma and even then plays it off as a joke while Macaque makes his own personal issues seem more important or drastic than others (whether intentionally or not).
Macaque is also heavily focused on Wukong while Wukong can easily look away from Macaque lest the latter mocks or taunts him.  They need to be away from each other for a while before even beginning to take those steps towards friendship.
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Things they need to work on first
Sun Wukong needs to work on his communication skills, emotional and mental stability, learn how to make healthy coping habits for his trauma and actually talk to someone about his trauma. He bottles everything up and then often uses himself as bait/a shield for everyone (especially Xiaotian) and that’s taking a toll on him. He even openly declares he’s going to sacrifice himself when asked what his plan was about the fire and then immediately joked about it to numb it down. 
He constantly lets others snap at him without defending himself not because he can’t but because of trauma when speaking out towards others if they stick by JTTW lore (when contradicting Tripitaka’s actions, he would be punished with the tightening spell, etc.). He needs to get better at this before even beginning the idea of rekindling a friendship that must have heavily hurt him enough for him to not want to engage with the other party again. 
Macaque needs to work on his emotional and mental stability, learn not to trauma dump onto others, learn to let go and learn that his actions heavily affect others. He berates Wukong for seemingly “making things worse for Xiaotian” and then proceeds to hurt, manipulate and traumatize him and his friends. 
He gets away with it and that’s something that.. should not have happened? His actions throughout the series have consisted of kidnapping and borderline traumatizing a stranger to him who looked up to him and then proceeded to ask if he missed him. He’s mocking him, he’s mocking everyone and Wukong is not exempt from this.
Macaque needs to work on learning how to engage without seeing things through his own bias-tinted lenses and realize there are other people around him who are suffering from his actions and that being traumatized is not an excuse to be a shitty person to others.
Otherwise, the entire relationship could be toxic.
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Things that could work with them
Sun Wukong opening up to Macaque about why he doesn’t engage with him 
Macaque calling out Wukong on his past actions in a way that isn’t meant to be seen as an attack
Sun Wukong and Macaque (after being separated) finding each other when they’re in healthier environments and talking/discussing their past and how they can move forward together
Macaque apologizing to Wukong first
Macaque realizing Sun Wukong is traumatized from the Journey
Wukong realizing why Macaque chases after him so much and setting aside boundaries so they can engage without it becoming overwhelming
Sun Wukong and Macaque addressing the fact they’ve both hurt each other and realizing it can’t work unless they both put an effort into it
Macaque being Wukong’s shoulder to lean on; Wukong being the one to call Macaque out when he pushes things too far
A normal non-romantic involved QPR or friendship
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Things to consider
The reason why a QPR works so well with Sun Wukong and Macaque is a bit simple but also complicated: 
Sun Wukong throughout the course of Journey to the West and all its past and future iterations have always had him be uninterested in both men and women. There are multiple instances where he’s capable of courting women and he instead backs away or does not pay it any mind; aside from this he’s heavily implied to only care about familial love and friendships. He does not see his pilgrim brothers as anything more than family and he views Tripitaka as a mentor rather than someone whom he was chained to (coughs). 
Sun Wukong is always been heavily coded to be on the aro or ace spectrum in media and Lego Monkie Kid focuses more on the platonic aspect of relationships and Sun Wukong being in a Queer-Platonic Relationship would be more impacting than a regular romantic one. He does not understand normal human customs being a monkey and all and creating a type of relationship that’s unique to him and Macaque alone would be far more comfortable to him than to have a relationship that follows rules.
Macaque also has shown no signs of romantic attraction towards any of the cast and, considering the idea that they continue this fact, him being on the aro or ace spectrum would also be an incredible move on their part. Not only because he’s meant to represent the other side of Wukong’s metaphorical coin but because it’d be the first canon aro or ace villain character thus far in a kids’ show.
This and the fact that— both Sun Wukong and Macaque are over a thousand years old. Why on earth would they have a normal type of relationship? Giving them a checklist of what passes on as romantic and platonic when to them the line is so blurred it’s barely existent to them is amusing. 
Sun Wukong and Macaque having their own weird relationship where it changes from frustrated best friends to partners to angry middle aged demons to the tired traumatized immortals who sometimes cuddle while marathoning weird stupid comedies or tragedies on netflix is much more appealing than the average type of relationship media often portrays. Having Sun Wukong and Macaque see each other as equals on all known terms is interesting and good.
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Differences in giving and receiving affection (HC on Macaque’s part)
This one is a tad short considering how little we have on the matter but both monkeys resort to verbal praise — however there is a big difference in this.
Sun Wukong’s love language is acts of service (Journey), verbal reassurance, touch and familiarity with one’s actions and quirks. 
Macaque’s… are genuinely unknown seeing as his verbal praise is just a manipulation tactic but it’s somewhat twistable into something more.. Genuine if you take into account how he could just as easily turn Wukong’s words against himself when he spares Macaque a compliment.
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Final Message
This took me way longer than it should have.
Buy My Silence.
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trashpawz · 3 months
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Tumblr is basically my vent now
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audliminal · 3 months
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I stg if I see one more person call the goddamn honeymoon phase of a relationship "love bombing" I'm going to chew through the earth's crust
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creativebrainrot · 3 months
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what annoys me the most is how complicated it is because i just kind of feel this way no matter what i dont even feel it about all of like my friendships. most of my friends im like No we're well into the point where me annoying you (on purpose) is Affectionate and i. the complicaations upset me. they upset me like pick one bitch please xd are we the most annoying ever or are these three people Safe(tm) stopit
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princekirijo · 4 months
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2024 might not be my year but it is gonna be the year I start treating myself with even a little bit of respect
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swankpalanquin · 3 months
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that butterfly artwork reminded me that along with hearts, i also liked to draw butterflies when i was little, again because of the symmetry thing... i was such a little weirdo lol
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brighteyedbushybrowed · 10 months
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Don't let yourself feel bad or guilty for having emotions that aren't positive or for expressing your emotions when you reach the end of your tether. Sometimes you reach the limits of how much kindness you can give and how much good you can see in somebody and that's okay. Let yourself feel. Don't let someone else make you feel guilty or shitty for wanting explanations for why they did things they did that tested your kindness capacity and drained it dry.
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I don’t like to get personal on here often, but tbh one of my pet peeves is when I try to open up about something (especially something about feeling anxious or depressed) to someone, and they immediately ask something like “are you mad at me?” or “what did I do?” 
I know people really stress about whether or not they’ve done something to upset me, but most of the time there really isn’t a reason I feel this way and it just kinda sounds like they’re not even listening they’re just making the whole thing about them.. 
#personal#you can rb i guess i dont mind#not sure why you would though#maybe theres some sad antisocial people out there idk#ray rants and junk#im actually having this vent because my s.o complains that i never tell them how im feeling so today i tried to tell them how i was feeling-#and i told them that i feel very out of touch and lonely and isolated and ive been getting really depressed because they're literally the-#only person i have a meaningful connection with anymore outside of my parents and all my mutuals on tumblr (as depressing as that sounds)#(jk i love you guys lol)#and they were immedately like oml did i do something?? am i not enough??? are you breaking up with me??? a#and tbh it was kinda annoying because i was just trying to tell them how i genuinely feel and its really hard for me to talk about this sort#of thing and i dont expect them to understand or relate or whatever but as soon as they make the whole thing about themselves and about our-#relationship it just sorta feels..#invalidating? like theyre not properly listening?#and like if they can't understand why I wouldnt need more than one meaningful relationship in my life then theyre completely missing the-#point. Ive never been angry at them before and we've never had a fight but honestly this really frustrated me and im having a rant on the-#hellsite (affectionate) to you guys before it becomes one#but its 1am here and im fucken tired so someone please stop me before i say something i'll regret in the morning lol#anyway
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mooshkat · 1 year
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lmao
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circuslollipop · 2 years
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tbh im really happy about sarah z’s video on h/gh guardian spice bc i watched all of the show and kinda really enjoyed it,,, like sure it’s not shakespeare and it definitely has its flaws but it’s cute and fun and colorful and combines three of my favorite genres (dnd, magical girl, and magic school) and i really liked snapdragon’s arc and also the last episode left me wanting to know what happens next. tbh i would love to draw the characters at least once but i’m still afraid of getting dogpiled if i ever make any content about the show that isnt like Show Bad I Can Do Better ksjfhksjh
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anxiously-going · 2 years
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Fun ways to know the Level Headed One ™️ is around: You hear someone sigh in exasperation when you glance around an empty room before dropping the single socks back into the laundry hamper.
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the-kipsabian · 2 years
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work is dead (thank god) so i was thinking i could finish this blorbo quiz finally
turns out i never thought what i want this to be in the end lmao. like am i writing descriptions for these results as who they are or who the quiz taker is? is this ‘get yourself a bitch’ or ‘what kind of a bitch are you’ quiz? whats the end goal here, i have no idea
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goredinner · 1 day
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Ik he doesnt love me like that and never will but what am I supposed to do about that? Stay friends? I would like to. I would like to see him as a friend and nothing more. It would definitely easier and for the best esp for my mental health. But. I cant force myself to feel differently. Believe me I've been really trying to let it go while not letting him go. Im afraid that I need to tho in order to stop feeling constant heartbreak over all the time. For a while now it has been sucking all the energy I have out of me to pretend and try to ignore myself just to hold onto him. Im really tired all the time and it's honestly bc of this shit. He is totally fine with how things are, but im here wishing things were different and im tired. I love him but im tired and he's never going to get it. He's never going to understand how hard it is on me and i dont think he's going to want to try to. I feel like I haven't been able to explain how I feel and why for a majority of the time we've known each other. I wonder if he even knows me at all bc of that. I haven't been able to be honest bc he never wanted to deal with it I think so I quit trying to talk to him about how I feel and I quit trying to communicate bc even tho I did my absolute best to it never went anywhere. So why have I tried so hard all this time knowing he wasn't trying near as much? Like how did I think that if I tried enough something would come out of it? I just got hurt literally everytime bc im so unrealistic thinking maybe if I just quit being a problem and maybe if I catered to him enough something would change. And I still keep trying and its just fucking sad. I just keep hurting myself. Its starting to feel like its on purpose like I hate myself that much to keep setting myself up like that. Ik nothing will change so what am I even doing anymore seriously
#im so fucking tired of myself and how i am#i literally know that its all useless and ik that im so unrealistic thinking that anything would work out with him#even on the off chance that HE started trying even half as hard#even if both of us wanted it how would i even feel#im so used to the fact that ik hes never going to want me enough to try make something work#i would honestly not believe it if it happened and if he was serious i would probably be too anxious and scared#but no honestly i love him enough that i'd do it all scared i wouldnt care#and that feeling is so one sided#i can just imagine tho how i'd end up like one of his ex's#i probably would just go insane with how distant and unaffectionate he'd be#which is funny bc main reason i fell for him at first was bc he acted so kind and understanding and acted like he'd be affectionate#so this whole time i think ive just been chasing that fake person that he initially presented to me#lol#ig i thought maybe i could see that person again if i tried hard enough but that was never him was it#im insane enough that i chased that fake image of him for 2 years#i am so fucking stupid lmfao damn#he's never going to be that kind and patient person that i thought he was when i met him#no maybe just will never be that for me bc he does not want me#still#what am i supposed to do about it#i still have feelings for him despite knowing all of this#and being friends is just too hard#so#what do i do#other than cut him off#im not willing to do that#idc how much it hurts im not willing to let him go#idfc#ik i should but idgaf#im so fucking stubborn and too loyal for my own good and maybe its wasted on him but im probably not meant to be happy anyway
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snowshinobi · 1 month
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"there's no blame for how our love did slowly fade/and now that it's gone, it's like it wasn't there at all" says DCFC, like that's a bad thing. as if forgetting isn't a soothing balm to a battered mind. what exactly were you hoping for? the door to slam behind you? passionate proclamations? you want stress, my guy? you want broken hearts? a love that slowly fades is a love that glides past you, like the tail of a cat that has finished nudging you. it lets you process its passing gradually rather than dumping the feelings on you all at once. like, god. that sounds like a relief. it is a kindness to be left wanting. no open wounds to lick. just a heavy heart to cradle in your hands. and it wakes up feeling new. like there was no pain at all. how is this a bad thing, Deathcab. how is this not the best case scenario.
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