#im fucking over it and thats what matters now

[arsenicflame]

i think the reason izzy can be so blasé about his relationship with ed is not because hes taken to blaming a shark instead, but because hes actually already done a lot of the processing in the previous episode.

hes mourned his leg, hes had his drunk crying rants. hes gone through the five stages of grief. and then? the crew reaches out to him, offers him their support. they make him a new leg, they nominate him their new figurehead. when he stands there on the prow of the ship, leg on, letter in hand, thats his acceptance, thats his moving on.

#sure maybe then deciding to erase ed from the situation isnt healthy- but it is conducive to his continued healing #it helps him not carry the weight #maybe he needs that to be able to live on a boat with ed #its obvious to me that he has blamed ed for this- he voted him off the boat. #but now? now he needs to move on. #the crew has him. they proved that they have him. #he looks so fucking happy stood there as their new figurehead and maybe thats all that matters #that he finds a new way to be happy #nyxtalks #ofmd #our flag means death #ofmd s2 spoilers #izzy hands #israel hands #is this obvious to everyone else and im just slow on the uptake orrrrr #idk i felt like. yeah hes actually already done a lot of what lucius is doing now. hes processed! hes over it #or. not over it but found a way to fit it into his reality. to be able to keep going about his day #idk!!!!! #slight clarification- i definitely think. he should keeo working on it! he needs to like. actually speak to ed; for a start #but i just don't think hes completely ignoring the whole situation i think he has properly processed the trauma he just is avoiding #specifically the 'ed' part of it

[anxiously-sidequesting]

To me personally malistaire is the funniest and most pathetic villain wizard101 has ever had AND I MEAN THAT SINCERELY!!! Between doomed children who have been manipulated, groomed, and isolated into becoming products of their environments, someone scorned who has been punished unfairly by having your biological heart torn out your chest and turning your children and all of reality against you to satiate their own ego, a nonhuman entity so powerful and so clueless they unintentionally threaten the lives of everyone around them, Malistaire FELL DOWN BRO. Like yeah you're bitchless now. You and me both. Get in line. Everyone in this room is bitchless. We are ALL living that ✨💅🏾💃🕺 Single Life™. You are a middle-aged man. Cope

#this post is lighthearted btw JELAJWODJTU i aint actually mad #but like...... malistaire as a villain is kinda mid though im sorry. IM SORRY ill take the L opinion if i have to #its one thing if he lost his wife to unfair systematic negligence or thru someone else's doings or smth but. no she just got sick bro 😐 #HWMSNFLEKSDIDOA EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE I WILL GIVW A BAD OPINION AND THIS IS ONE OF THEM. i cant be right ALL the time /j #like if i dont focus on malistaire's motives and just his ACTIONS he seems super metal #but then he does ALLLLL of that heinous shit because his wife died. like thats absolutely very sad but damn get a grip #(fandom starts breaking in my windows and drags me out into the street) IM SORRY IM SORRY LOOK ITS JUST NOT MY CUP OF TEA #ive never been invested in those Mr. Freeze types of villains where a person they love dies due to normal circumstances- #and they go fucking BERSERK. they LOSE IT. they go like “well okay fuck the entire world i guess nothing matters” and then kill people #LIKE IF IT'S DONE IN A CERTAIN WAY I CAN BE INVESTED but more often than not to me? its just kind of funny #like “okay damn there was only ONE person keeping you from being a national criminal? okay” #and you know what? thats a mood actually. thats a mood #without my cat i probanly would have become the president by now #for some reason its a little diff for me if its like a child you lost and idk why #like if malistaire lost a kid instead of his wife id probably be more inclined to feel bad and thats terribly fucked up JSLSJSJSJ #you know what its also bias because in some shape or form i relate to all the other villains. morganthe and duncan especially #whereas in malitsaire's case i have never been married. which i mean doesnt stop me from tryna be more synpathetic i guess but im just not #ONCE AGAIN FEEL VERY BAD FOR HIM AND SULVIA. like losing someone to sickness or any reason really is a serious thing #but in terms of a fictional setting with fictional characters where one of them decides to commit genocide over it? 🧍 like okay boo u do u #i will gladly give up my mantle for the “most reasonable opinions” guy in the fandom foe this one. i deserve it #wizard101 #w101 #wiz101 #text posts #malistaire drake

[trainingdummyrabbit]

yes yes the inherently difficult and complex nature of angelas development and her intrinsic instinct to be guarded at all times But Also . i just want angela to get a fucking hug. or like. a pat on the shoulder, or Something

#piktalk #projmoon #im gonna drive myself up a fucking wall i just keep thinking abt it . #girlieee. girlie youre doubling down on your inability to connect with those around you in a horrible feedback loop that makes itself worse #haha girl noooo youre distancing yourself from the closeness youve desired from day one haha girl noooooo #someone please get over there and ruffle her hair or something she needs it #haha youre submitting yourself to this otherness and making yourself a pillar out of instinct and habit? #lol thats funny girlie heres a reminder that you are in fact present and cared for in the eyes of your peers whether you think so or not #heres a seemingly juvenile expression of how despite everything you Are acknowledged as being present and part of the group #no matter what you see yourself as you are still just as much one of us as anyone else #AND its ruffling your stupid lil haircut. get scruffled IDIOT. get acknowledged DORKUS!!!!!!!!!!! #. anyway getting out of bed now see u all in a few minutes ✌

[mxwhore]

mutuals. i am getting caught in my own bitterness again...

#ill vent because this is basically my bedroom #my younger older brother is caught up in that phase of romantic love when nothing else matter but girlfriend #thats fine i guess it happens #the thing is he forgot about my birthday and i was sad. then he remembered that he forgot and called and said #heyyy lemme make it up to you. lets go grab dinner this weekend (last weekend) #he forgot he even said me and went wine tasting with his gf. so now im double sad AND pissed because #i said no to my friends who actually wanted to see me because i was under the assumption that we were going out #so i sent him a passive aggressive message like heyy dinner was great thx for that xd and he was like what dinner?? #long story short he realized he fucked up again and invited me to dinner for realsies this time #but like. he isnt really inviting me? he and my niece were going to a kiddy place he promised he would take her and said i could tag along #i told him i realize now he just invited that to save face and to forget about it #but now im even sadder cuz i love my niece and she is always happy to see me... i just feel like im stupid or something #theyre going tomorrow and im debating on whether i should swallow my pride and go for her #i probably wont #im still not over it #anyway whatever i got work to do

[jinstronaut]

this is also why i stopped using my tracked tag for a while tbh

#and i might do it again bc its just #a reminder that no one rly cares abt what i do / who i am etc #which might sound over dramatic idk how else to describe it tho its just hollow #it feels very much like a Chore and a Task and if i dont reblog things fast enough from my tag #people get very angry and/or upset with me even tho theres just #so much content and i have 0 time so everything gets queued no matter what #like this whole experience feels like a chore lmao #and it never ever used to #but now theres so much animosity if i dont behave / interact with things Properly #or whatever the make believe rules are idk #this dash can just be so negative like have we all truly descended into madness during this hiatus #bc like i get it ive been up and down and all around too but ive never been straight up MEAN to anyone in this community #and i never want to either so this entire situation thats been bubbling for months just feels like shit #bc what the fuck changed and how do we get back to where we were #i never ever ever ever felt this way before like idk the middle of last year #but ever since like last fall its just been idk. Bad #once again im sorry if ive ever done anything to upset anyone but my silence / absence doesnt mean i dont care #ive just been Incredibly busy due to some real life changes that are out of my control #i might not have energy to answer everything but i do Read everything and it does make me smile #and i save messages that are kind in my heart so i can be reminded of the root of what this blog is supposed to be #a space for something im very passionate about and previously had nowhere else to express said passion #so like idk if we all like the same things why does this weird feeling of competition linger over us lmao #why do all ccs have to fight???? each other???? when we all love and do the same things???? #i have nothing against anyone personally but what i Do take issue with is the way that ive been doing this since 2021 and im fully just #ignored and shoved aside by so many people for reasons i fully dont know or understand #so yeah idk this is a novel i just woke up from a spontaneous nap bc im so exhausted i can only stay awake for 3 hours at a time #but yeah anyways idk ! #be nice its so easy ! #tbd

[coldvampire]

oh im gonna hsdgfjk

okay so three+ months ago i discovered I had a Fun Condition called perioral dermatitis. basically, just this Extraordinarily persistent face rash that looks like a bunch of small pustules in a circle around my mouth, but it also went around my nose and eyes. reacts to literally fucking Everything, deeply annoying to treat, even with antibiotics it takes weeks but usually months to clear. causes are ?? can be anything from inhaled steroids, face cream, toothpaste, hormones, etc. basically impossible to pinpoint. i have some guesses about what triggered it but ofc no real way to know for sure.

i go on 90 days of antibiotics. cool, whatever, condition dissipates but doesn't go away entirely. i think nothing of this bc I know even With oral antibiotics, it can still take months.

halfway through this treatment i develop arthritic symptoms. i also think nothing of this bc I have Some sort of illness undiagnosed anyway + family members have it so while I am definitely not happy w this development, I'm resigned.

i finish the pills.

less than 24 hours later, dermatitis has Returned. i know that allowing this to happen makes it worse and last longer. i cannot stress enough how bad it will be for my mental health if this happens. yes this probably sounds overly dramatic but I'm pretty sure watching my face flare up in any way is a legitimate trigger atp after dealing with cystic acne.

anyway. i book an appointment with my gp bc the pharmacist cannot refill the antibiotics. great except the appointment is at the End Of The Month, and I know this is going to be bad in a few days time. like, in the last few hours the inflammation has already accelerated, who knows how bad it'll be then, I'm assuming it'll be like I never even took the pills to start with. i am going to have a nervous breakdown.

mysteriously, the arthritis symptoms have Also started to decrease after stopping the antibiotics. that's weird, I think, that wasn't brought up in the list of side effects when I asked, but the timing is literally exactly when my face started flaring up so I know I definitely don't have those in my system anymore. i look this up, to see if there's a link.

'''acute polyarthritis''' also described as 'drug-induced lupus' are you Fucking Kidding Me

so i am now back as Square Fucking one for this shit, my skin is about to be so goddamn inflamed & I apparently can't even take the drug that was working to clear it up. because it causes inflammation in my joints.

and like i cant really express properly how mad this makes me lmfao because of Course. i spend a solid year on Accutane finally after being deterred for nearly a decade, i get maybe 4 months of enjoying my skin after I'm off of it and then This Shit. can i win?? can i Fucking win??????? no one else in my genepool seems to deal with this shit its just me and ohhh my god i am This close to walking straight into the ocean.

#the frustration is actually getting to me. #like. holy fucking christ. #and for what??? for WHAT. #i havent even been really going out or wearing makeup At All bc its the internship semester so !!! there was No Fucking Reason for my skin #to react to ANYTHING in the first place #its so shallow i feel so stupid but like I've actually cried multiple times over this #n o t h i n g i do works. every treatment every attempt it doesnt matter #it TANKS how i feel about myself. i cant help it. #and like idk what to do!!!! #looks like im gonna try to see a derm again but that's always a multi-month waiting process. #the thought of still looking like this when I graduate is so so upsetting. i want Pictures I want to look good. please?? fucking please??? #thats several months away now but the timeline for curing this is so slow and that's assuming your treatment works anyway. #90 days of an antibiotic Should have done it idk whats wrong with me #anyway fgfhjh i Am going to cry now lmao I hate this.

[frecklystars]

i hope ryan gosling has the best birthday ever 🥺🥺💙💙💙

#i have been shedding actual tears over how much i love Ken and Driver for the last 4 days #my god!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #ill literally just be listening to music and thinking about them being sweet to me #and then i start crying. they saved my life. not to be dramatic but YES to be DRAMATIC #I FUCKING LOVE MY BOYS they saved my life this year!!!!! #i am cherishing his characters so goddamn MUCH 😭😭😭 #even when this hyperfixation ends... i will always be so grateful #bc his characters have been helping me thru the worst fuckin time in my life #this has been the worst year. but barbie/ken breathed some life back into me #and now six/sebby/driver/etc everyone is all one by one helping me out #i feel like myself when im with them #i feel like Me again. thats all i can hope for #one day the feeling of safety will not be unfamiliar to me anymore. wont be as foreign of a sensation #and ryan's characters all have a part of it #and no matter what happens in the future im always gonna look back on these characters #and think to myself. oh my god. you. you saved my life. i love you. thank you for holding my hand thru that hell. #woof

[jamesunderwater]

Just got called ma'am by a customer.

I don't understand.

My hair is short my chest is as flat as I can fucking get it my voice is LOW, like DECENTLY LOW, what the FUCK DO YOU WANT FROM ME, DO I NEED TO WEAR A GOD DAMN SIGN ON MY NECK THAT SAYS I AM NOT A WOMAN. I LITERALLY LOOK LIKE A FUCKING BOY

#and now im hiding in the bathroom battling with the voice in my head that says im just being dramatic #'theyre from another generation they dont know blah blah blah' #'youre the one letting it ruin your day just get over it and move on' #'you know youre a man and thats what matters' #all shit ive HEARD from other people to somehow try to make me feel better but guess WHAT #sometimes it just gets in my head and i dont want to talk to anyone for the rest of the day!!!!!! #like he didnt even look confused. he didnt even flinch. there was no pause. no confusion. just thank you ma'am. what. do. i. have. to. do. #FUCK #trans shit #charlie chats

[pezpenser205]

3am monday morning mood

#insert garfield i hate mondays joke here #op #........................................................................................................................................... #........................................................................................................................ #...................................................................................................................... #....................................................................................................................... #........................................................... #............................................................ #sui mention tw if you read further for some odd reason #was highkey wanting to change my mind before the date came but now im not so sure thats gonna happen #i dont have a lot of time #2 days is not enough to get a job or change my mind so i dont even know what im gonna do #i feel like im dreaming all the time #'i dont know what im gonna do' is for sure a lie though i damn well know come on now #its simple a + b = c math #(im a waste of resources) + (i dont even like being here and am not a person anymore) = (i shouldnt be here) #i think my family will get over it like none of them even talk to me anymore (not that i make it easy but still) #i have nothing that somebody else cant have or do better than me its not that big of a deal. #like literally i cant fucking comprehend what anyone would like about me anymore #everything bad about me so clearly outweighs the 1/10 times i can be funny or dependable or considerate. #im just taking advantage of others' compassion at this point #when i say 'i am not a person' i mean that with 100% sincerity #i get surprised and scared when people talk to me and have no concept of self and no real hobbies. im just empty im not even angry anymore #im beyond unhinged tbh i have zero self awareness and feel like im the only person like me that exists and im rambling- #-and oversharing all the time and talking over others because i fail to even really understand or consider what theyre saying anymore #-and simultaneously i feel too unremarkable to be worthy of life #i feel like im playing my entire life in VR like nobody and nothing here is real. none of you are even real. #this feels the same as typing in a word document i just always feel alone no matter who im talking to or what im doing #i feel like the only real person in the world and the only one that shouldnt be here #i cant even bring myself to feel scared of death. im just. nothing. even when im crying i dont feel anything at all

[transgenderdragons]

never coming home, never coming home!

extras^^^^^

#ray toro #the ghost of you #mcr #my chemical romance #i KNOW the main focus is gerard. but ray was the one HOLDING MIKEY while he DIED ok. im normal about it #it was HIS JOB to save mikey it was HIM who had to see the life leave his friend's eyes. whatever. whatverwhateverhwtaevr I DONT CARE #and now he has to deal with the weight of that. hundreds of people die in war everyday but none of them were his friends. #because that would never happen right? because when this was all over they were all gonna go out for drinks again. #they were going to laugh and cry and hold each other and be together. be whole. #and now. something's missing. someONE is missing. #and no matter what anyone says. no matter what anyone tells him. in his heart. he will always believe it was his fault... #ANYWAYS. WHO CARES NOT ME. #tried to give him a thousand yard stare sorta look thats why his eyes have so much highlight i wanted them to look very empty... #the proportions are alittle fucked bc this was originally just a sketch but i liked it enough to color it so. love wins? #the bg is an edited screenshot from the video btw #my art

[babygirlcowboy]

Guy at the bank was a fucking asshole 25 year old but I still got everything I needed to done so 👍

#he asked me what my major was and i was like 'oh im doing bio!! :D' #and he went 'thats what i did.....and now i work here :|' #like oh okay douche bag #and then when I told him I was 20 he was like show me your id no way you're that old like yes yes I know I look like I am 14 #but i have double D's and I was born 20 years ago so please can we just get my fucking shit done so I can go back home and climb into bed #like Jesus bro I'm so sorry i came in right at closing but you were the one who said you didnt mind helping me so come on man work with me #but whatever I'm over it #((<- guy who is about to write all about in her journal)) #anyway tho got it done thats all that matters 🥹

[martyrbat]

playing an ongoing game called ‘learn whats acceptable to say in someones tags or get blocked’. a lot of you are losing.

#i know i can be cringe or annoying but like. theres a difference between joking on something vs fucking insulting someone you dont know #is this person talking about something they enjoy that you dont? filter the tag and post content and go on with your day #if theyre too annoying then just unfollow for a bit and check back later even #is this person a fan of a character you hate?? put it on your own post instead of coming onto someones account to bitch in their tags #you are literally insulting a real life person over a fictional character. over a show. over a comic. what is wrong with you. #unless the thing they like is actively rooted in real life hate (racism sexism misogyny ableism transphobia etc) that will reflect #and cause real life harm then it literally doesn't fucking matter if you disagree with someone. #youre not making me want to read and consider your opinion about something i literally consume for fun and because haha autism s/i #by calling me an idiot or by saying how i (a disabled person) am ‘braindead’ because i have a different opinion or whatever. #youre just being mean because you feel like you have an excuse to pretend youre superior to someone #like idk how to break it to you but dick grayson isnt going to suck your dick despite you insulting a real person over him lmao. #anyways. im going to block you if you insult me. im going to block you if you see my post on something i like thats harmless and tell me #how much you personally hate it or disagree. i dont care. make your own post because now you cant make it on mine. #and my anon is temporarily off (sorry shy mutuals </3) because a lot of ppl dont have common decency on what's okay to say or demand lol

[animutate]

man i dontthink i can be in a real relationship ever again im just starting to process how everyone has treated me HORRIBLY

#and by everyone i mean. like 2 people. both of them were bad to me #godd i stayed with this one guy for like 4 years and he never even kissed me. but he was my first boyfriend so i just thought it was normal #he was so distant and i didnt even realize it. and then the second person came along right after he broke up with me and they #were super touchy super affectionate which i loved after being neglected for so long. but then they left me after a month. #and i never talk about it ever because i HATE talking about relationships it makes me feel like a loser. #''ohhh im so touch starved ive never felt truly loved'' what are you some kind of incel #and i need to sotp getting so attached to people who show me any kind of affection i cannot handle a relationship no matter how much i #think i want it. a friend kissed me a couple weeks and now its to the point shes been appearing in my dreams. #theyre really vivid too. i dont even know if i see her that way im not trying to process what my subconscious wants right now. #but its happened like 3 times now and i think it was because i ended up kissing her neck too. thats the main thing that happens in them. #it was so quick it didnt mean ANYTHING but my head wont let me forget about it. what the fuck ever man. #anyway. at least i can laugh about the fact the first guy broke up with me over amino

[bidaryl]

the thing about twd fic dying off around s6/s7 is that plot lines and characters beyond that are barely incorporated and included so now we're forever stuck reading about fucking negan being the biggest baddest killer to ever walk the earth and the whisperers and reapers and governors are left in the dust. for once i just wanna read about negan being the Alexandria Outcast: Hated By Most, Needed By Some, and let alpha or the fucking commonwealth be the monster at the end of the story. please

#like don't get me wrong he truly was that bitch for a hot season or two there but please. #im too tired to word any of this right i just think that having negan as the only villain in fics is boring #and i would instead like to read about #the trials and tribulations of him trying to co-raise a child with a guy that thinks showering is Optional #and would also like to go into the whole negan and judith being friends and daryl raising judith and daryl and negan #having grief with each other over shit that genuinely fucking matters and is impossible to sweep under the rug but also the fact that theyre #both trying so fucking hard to do right by the kids #that doesnt make sense. Whatever #IN THE HOT TIME TRAVEL FIX IT AU that lives in my head #where everything from the start til the finale happens #with some extra bits and pieces too #where everyone that survived til the end wakes up at the start again and Remembers #but everyone thats dead forgets #negan rocks up at the prison gates with actual lucille by his side #laura and franklin behind him #knocks on the gate all little pig little pig let me in. cos he thinks hes funny. and its a prison #and daryl. whos on watch. is like. No. Fuck this guy. Fuck no #and maggie's like. Absolutely not. Fuck no x2 #and negans like. I had a choice. And I Made it. and now I'm here. #i told you what i'd do if i could do it all over again. turns out; i can't. #if you wont take me i get it. But you gotta accept lucille. brought her all the way here cos i knew if she fucking stood a chance; #it'd be with you lot. #OKAY WELL shit it more complex than that but this is tumblr tags and also im tired. but u get the jist #anyway. fic where negans with team family from earlier on the road and then they all have to sort out their Feelings and shit

[maschotch]

is anyone else a little weirded out by hotch calling his kid the same thing foyet did? anyone?

#what does it mean.gif #i know there's some freak writing up a hotch x foyet essay in their basement someday thinking about this moment #asjdkhg idk ab all that #but it means SOMETHING #6x06 #5x09 #aaron hotchner #jack #cm caps #cm parallels #whats that thing thats like.. someone left such an impact on your life that you carry fragments of their soul?? #something like that #something like.. hotch unwittingly absorbing things foyet #god now im thinking ab how hotch wakes up every day and takes medication he knows foyet also had to take #pulls a shirt over scars that may fade but will never go away completely #foyet made sure to insert himself prominently and permanently in hotch's life #so even if foyet died he would still be alive in hotch #and no matter what hotch does--he can never undo it #im gonna go fucking crazy akjshdgljsd

[empyreanmirror]

sunflowers in our hair

#in a cathartic way. Children of the Sun came on and that was a Yahar'gul song and i need to get over - i mean no. i Am getting over #the fact that post-false-memories im going to have complex feelings about that place. especially meeting Agnus there and he showed me #his studio and i know it was mindspace stuff but it was one of my early post-cult spiritual experiences and like #his studio ITS NOT... REALLY ACTUALLY A THING. it isnt astral. BUT its been a big inspo to my art since i saw it and #like. idk. it may have been mindspaces... both Lull and Agnus' but it was a nice place when it was Agnus and also #im struggling against false memories by saying ''literally nothing happened none of it was significant'' i think its more helpful to say #that the story was important to me. the fiction felt like home. doesnt matter that it was fictional right now what matters is it felt like #home and ill go from there. i enjoyed the story. and. you two alongside other spirits saved my fucking life #agnus if you hadnt fucking come in when you did id be dead. that goes for multiple people but like. each individual experience #of saving my fucking life deserves to be honoured lmfao. #OC: Agnus #as in. #Spirit: Eastern Sun #Spirit: Red Sky #<- in fictional masks bc thats all i would listen to when i was a pc pagan #Primogenitor's Child #<- going to be my bb tag instead of brutally butchering the world. i wont be using it often but #Spiritual Art