chapter 55 sneak peek!
Wandering aimlessly, she started walking through the maze of corridors and decided to take the long way up to the owlery to see Hedwig. Halfway up, though, she realized that she was right outside the Defense Office.
She stared at Professor Lupin’s door, her nose crinkling. She’d thought a lot about what Snape had said — and not said — and it hadn’t really added up to much, the more she’d thought about it. He almost never talked about James — Dad — she didn’t know what the bloody hell to call him anymore, even if it was just inside her head — but Snape’s utmost loathing of James was almost palpable whenever it came up.
Potter was a fool —
Your father and him had quite the rivalry when they were in school together —
They were reckless and often cruel —
Professor Lupin, however, was a completely different story. Why would he have offered to help her with the Patronus Charm if he hadn’t cared? He’d given her all those books over the summer — he’d seemed concerned about the Boggart, more than any professor might’ve been. It made sense if Professor Lupin had been friends with her dad, but it didn’t make sense why he’d suddenly revoke all of it.
She was soon presented with a way to get some answers when she heard the sound of someone whistling coming from around the corner. She turned just in time to see Professor Lupin coming around the bend, his hair windswept and robes a bit more disheveled than usual. He must’ve been outside.
“Hi there,” Ariel said.
Professor Lupin stopped short — if Ariel didn’t know better, she would’ve thought he’d left skid marks on the stone floor.
He smiled — it looked almost pained. “Hello,”
They stared at each other for a long moment. All Ariel could hear in her ears were Snape’s warnings —
One does not have to intend harm to cause it —
Gave up on you already, has he?
Lupin, with his own afflictions to bear —
So, she decided to take the bull by the horns.
“Why are you avoiding me?” Ariel asked, very matter-of-factly.
Professor Lupin made a strange choking noise. It would’ve been rather funny, had Ariel not been so annoyed.
“I —” he shook his head for a moment before he frowned. “Where are Ron and Hermione?”
“Hogsmeade.” Ariel responded automatically.
“Ah,” Professor Lupin motioned to the door with his head. “Let’s discuss this inside, then. I’ve just taken delivery of a Grindylow, anyway.”
“Alright,” she said, her voice clipped. She watched him grimace as he murmured something against the door and heard it unlock, ushering her inside.
Ariel followed him to find a very large tank of water in the corner. Inside it was a sickly-green creature with its face pressed up to the glass. It bared its teeth at Ariel as she wandered closer, inspecting it. She bared hers back and it blinked before burying itself in a tangle of weeds.
Professor Lupin sighed, causing Ariel to turn, and motioned for her to take a seat. He sat down behind his desk. His mouth opened and closed several times, like he was considering his words carefully. Ariel felt a twinge of guilt — had she come in too harshly? After all, even Snape had admitted that talking about it — the memory of them — that it might be too hard.
"I must apologize for my distance these past weeks," Professor Lupin finally said, after clearing his throat awkwardly. "It was not my intention to give you the cold shoulder, as it were."
She shrugged. “I know you haven’t been feeling well. Did that potion Professor Snape give you help?”
He stilled before leaning back in his chair. “It did,” he said slowly. “Although it's not a cure-all. I will have my good days and bad, regardless. But enough about me,” he said, attempting to change the subject with a forced smile.
Ariel, however, was not so easily distracted. “I wasn’t just talking about that.”
Lupin sighed, his smile fading. “I thought you might not be.”
She studied him for a long moment. He looked — exhausted. Well, he always looked like that, but even more so now.
“Why did you stop helping me? Ariel asked, her voice steady despite the anxiety twirling in her stomach. “With the Patronus Charm?”
For a long moment, Professor Lupin didn't respond. He looked away from Ariel and out of the window, into the gloomy evening falling over Hogwarts. He started to speak several times, stammered, cleared his throat, rubbed the back of his neck.
Finally, he let out a sigh and leaned forward, resting his forearms on the desk and intertwining his hands. "It's not you, Ariel," he began haltingly. "and it's not because I don't want to help you. Believe me, it's quite the opposite."
“I know,” Ariel said simply.
He blinked. “Oh?”
"I mean, I didn't at first. I thought you were just — writing me off." Ariel confessed, her shoulders slumping. There was silence as she toyed with the sleeve of her robe. "But then Professor Snape said something.”
Professor Lupin's eyebrows shot up. "Severus? He spoke to you about this?"
There was an unreadable expression playing on his face. She had to be careful, now.
“Well, it wasn’t exactly a conversation,” Ariel said, picking at the finish on the wooden chair. “He doesn’t like me much, because of my dad.”
She trailed off. Even saying "my dad" aloud made her insides squirm.
Professor Lupin didn’t even blink — he looked like he was trying to out-stare her. “I see,”
“Did you know that?”
He shifted in his chair. “Which part?”
“That he hated my dad.”
A long moment of silence stretched between them. Lupin's gaze drifted away from Ariel, a terrible sadness etching deep lines into his face.
“Yes,” he answered, so quietly that she almost didn't catch it. "I did."
That simple, whispered admission dropped into the quiet room like a stone in a pond, rippling outwards. The room seemed to shrink around her.
“You knew him, didn’t you.” Ariel could hear her voice tremble, just a tad, just around the edges, like the aftershock of an earthquake. It wasn’t even a question — it came out more as an accusation. “My dad.”
There it was again — my dad my dad my dad —
Lupin's eyes met hers again, as warm and worn out as they were. Her eyes stung but she didn't bother to blink — it wasn’t worth the effort.
"I did," Professor Lupin admitted, his voice hoarse.
“That’s why — when I told you I heard him — with the Dementors —”
He put up a hand, as if he could physically stop her words from reaching him. "I should have told you sooner.”
There was an almost tangible regret sitting between them, a phantom presence that seemed to seep into every corner of the room. Even the grindylow was watching curiously from the weeds, like he was watching some entertaining show on the telly.
Ariel's hands clenched into fists in her lap. She felt like she was precariously balanced on the edge of a cliff — one wrong move and she might fall off to a place where she would never be able to pull herself back up again.
"You should have," she agreed.
He swallowed hard, his Adam's apple bobbing.
“Did you — know me?” Ariel asked in a small voice.
Professor Lupin's expression changed so subtly that Ariel could have missed it if she hadn't been watching him closely. His eyes softened slightly, the graven lines on his face easing a bit. A light seemed to flicker behind his worn-out gaze, like something precious surfacing after years of being buried.
"Yes," he answered after a pause that felt like centuries. "Yes, I did." his voice was soft and carried itself like a summer breeze. "I held you as a baby."
Before Ariel could process — that — a knock at the door interrupted them. It opened before Professor Lupin could call whoever it was to come in. Ariel didn’t bother turning, not trusting herself to be able to school her expression back into something normal. She wiped frantically at her face as Professor Lupin’s face — changed.
“Ah — Severus,” he said, a little louder than needed.
A jolt of something cold jammed itself down Ariel’s spine with so much force it bordered on painful.
10 notes
·
View notes