#im gonna have this birthday and make stuff to eat and eat a meal i like n everything | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

dawnowar · 4 months

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Feeling good

I don't know if I'll remember to do it, but I have found out today that theres a way to cross post from instagram that doesnt take too many more clicks than not cross-posting so I'm gonna try and keep my tumblr up. From the day I first found tumblr in the very beginning, I have always preferred this as a format than any other way to post my stuff online.

No one looks at it but not only is that fine, it keeps me very unguarded here since I don't have to worry about which assholes on my friends list are gonna argue about things I say here or who is going to see my opinion about them or whatever so I've been using it as a place to vent.

Anyway I just got back from my 2nd workout of 2024 and I'm just logging here that my fitness level is much higher than it usually is when I start my January diet. Probably because I just did 17 classes in like 21 days to get my 2023 shirt before the end of the year.

It's good. I'm also a lot flabbier than i usually am this time of year but i feel like its very realistic to think that by Valentines Day i'll be considerably less flabby.

I always do January diet and exercise till Valentines day when i begin celebrating my birthday for way too long. Till im sick of it and then i go back to being normal, meaning some balance of eating and exercising till the holidays when it all goes out the window.

I got sick back in October and then again and again and again 5x till i just gave up and was like ill go back on a diet in Jan. Theres no way to be sick and on a diet. anyway i've been eating whatever for so long im flabby as i was before i got serious and took it off last summer so I gotta do it again. Which sucks but I also feel like I know how and I'll do it.

So i just cross-posted most of 2023 over here and had to take the time to look at everything i did all year.

It's a scrapbook really. I think tumblr started out with that premise. That you should use it as your scrapbook. Ive always seen it that way. its just a public-facing scrapbook.

Only things I really left out were some failed relationships. I started or tried to start or meant to start and i think ultimately all of them, even though they were all completely different, failed because I just wanted to do my own thing. I think I've been on my own a long time, and as much as I'd like someone to fall in love with and live happily ever after with, i also have my own agenda and its hard, after so many years to coordinate time and spending money for other people.

And again, I spent all this time on diet and exercise only to have to do it over again now... but romantic dates = eating for some reason and I'm so stressed out spending time and money on meals. I like company but I need to save money and exercise and this is my priority now.

I do girly exercise so its not like i can exercise with a date and its too damn cold to go for walks or whatever. I hate gyms and i dont think theyre a good place to get to know each other anyway.

I just logistically can't make it work.

Oh im sure there are other reasons I'm not trying to publish that things didnt work out with any of these guys but it really is just so much easier and less stressful to not try to date and to eat right and exercise.

So thats what ive been doing and thats what i intend to do for January and into the first two weeks of February and then i guess maybe ill reevaluate.

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pizzapizzadickz · 3 years

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#haaaaah. im sorta really nervous/amxious about my borthday again.#disordered eating #diary #personal #like.#im gonna have this birthday and make stuff to eat and eat a meal i like n everything #but just think of the calories ;-;#like. im honestly more worried i wont be able to forget for even a day just how much i want to restrict my food intake n everything #like. will i be obsessive n nearly have a breakdown. or will i be fine.#sometimes it do be a coin flip on these things.#but usually im fine? idk tho.#i just have this horribly obsessive personality that isnt satisfied unless im always in control #even when im not in control i like it to be structured not in control #it doesnt even make me happy. thats the sad part #idk why im so bad like this but i hate it sometimes.#i rly do.#and my bunny got sick so its been sorta sucky.#i honeslty just hope he doesnt get worse so we can at least have a nice weekend or something

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its-really-dry · 2 years

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ты когда-нибудь спал с моей дочерью?

part 3 of THE HYDRA BABY?

part 1 - part 2 - part 3

yall are really eating up this "barney au" like it's your last meal 😭

it was suggested by @nerdreader to make this into a series, so expect a part 4 soon!!!

a special tack så mycket to all the wonderful asks, requests and ideas that you beautiful baristas sent over! here's a corn ->🌽

tags for the besties - @wandaspov @adi06lena @tashakink @inlovewithfaberry @nerdreader @mymommawanda @yelenabemylova

natasha romanoff x supersoilder!reader guys

now it's been a few days since you bought barney back to the compound, and to say the team are loving it, is an understatement.

not of them wanted to go by 'auntie' or 'uncle' except from, pietro, peter, bruce, thor, carol, and well, bucky? but he didn't really ask not to be called uncle-

"BUCK BUCK" barney screams as she waddles into the gym where he and steve were training.

"oh, hey kid! how's it goin?" he asks, picking her up. barney smiles and hugs him,

"я тебя люблю buck buck!" she mumbles into his shoulder, making bucky laugh.

"я тоже тебя люблю barney. y'know, for a 2 year old, you're quite smart."

"well her mommy is an x-redroom assassin." you say as you walk into the gym with some paper work and yelena following you close behind.

"dr. cho wants us down at medbay. remember that liquid she said she saw? well, turns out it seems extremely close to something she's worked with before."

"did she tell you what it is?"

"that's the thing cap, she said she doesn't want to tell us until she's certain."

"i see."

"but she does need us to give her our blood samples."

both steve and bucky look at each other and then back to you with a smile,

"let's go then!" bucky says and gives barney to yelena.

"ok then, you three have fun! im off to pick up my parents from the airport. they're coming down for the week to celebrate natasha's birthday."

"oh yeah! i actually forgot about that." you mutter while rubbing the back of your neck. yelena's eyes grow wide,

"does that mean you didn't buy the cake? you forgot about your own girlfriend's birthday?!"

"no i didn't lena. i just forgot about your parents..... and maybe the stuff hasn't been shipped in yet?"

yelena gives you an uneasy look before signing.

"well, natasha's out with maximoff so it will buy you some time alright? just get it done. please."

"you got it boss!"

"alrighty then. let's get this show on the road."

_________________________________________

"tasha and yelena are back so we better get going." you tell helen and she nods with a smile,

"alright then! the tests shouldn't take much longer. i'll notify you as soon as they are ready!"

you three thank the doc and make your way to the elevator. you sigh, feeling nervousness take your body over and the boys notice it. this will be your first time meeting natasha's parents and you want to make a good impression.

"do you think they'll like me?" you ask which makes bucky chuckle,

"of course they will y/n. why wouldn't they?"

"i dunno. just a bit nervous, that's all."

steve shakes his head at your words and places a firm hand on your shoulder.

"y/n. you are one of the best people i know. both melina and alexei are gonna love you. no doubt in that. just be yourself, and don't sweat the situation too much, alright?"

"yeah, steve's right. you'll do just fine."

"oh god, you boys are the best." you laugh and hug them tightly before the elevator doors open and yall walk out........

"BARNEY PUT HIM DOWN- NO! DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH KATE'S ARROWS! THEY'RE DANGEROUS!"

"ARE THOSE YELENA'S WIDOW-BITES? LENA I TOLD YOU TO PUT THEM AWAY!"

"oh my gosh this is too funny."

"GET OFF YOUR LAZY A$$E$ AND COME HELP YOU TWO!"

you, steve and buck stand there in shock as you look around the room. it's a total mess. but what shocks you the most, is when you see barney running around, holding pietro up above her head, nat, wanda, melina and kate chasing after her, trying to stop anymore accidents from happening. and then there's alexei and yelena, who are sitting on the couch, feet up, eating cheetos, apparently the current situation is amusing to them both.

"ahh! i have got you now honey!" melina says as she corners barney and picks her up. barney giggles as they walk over to you, bucky and steve.

"hello! you must be y/n? it is nice to meet you." melina says with a smile. you give her a smile of your own and shift your weight from each leg awkwardly.

"yes, that's me. how are you miss um... miss vostokoff?"

"oh no! no formalities! call me melina ,darling, i plead!" she waves and you nod,

"s-sure miss vost- i mean melina." you correct yourself which makes melina laugh. just then, alexei stands up from the couch and walks over to you with a stoic expression causing you to gulp. he looks you up and down with a somewhat, disapproving gaze and asks when his eyes catch yours,

"so, what are your intentions with my daughter?"

the question takes you aback slightly and you clear your throat as you calm yourself down a bit,

"uhh..... n-n-nothing bad. all good things."

"is that so, huh? so you have never hurt my daughter?"

"oh no never sir! i would n-never do such a thing!"

"hmm... okay then. ты здесь только из-за статуса, или ты здесь, потому что на самом деле любишь мою дочь?"

"uh..... no- нет. Я очень люблю вашу дочь, сэр. Я здесь, чтобы дать ей все, что она заслуживает."

alexei glances over to melina who gives an approving nod. alexei looks back to you with a raised eyebrow.

"ты когда-нибудь спал с моей дочерью?"

your eyes widen and you begin to stutter which makes alexei let out a loud and hearty laugh. he slaps your back, which in fact, does sting a little, but you let it pass, laughing awkwardly beside him.

"you looked so scared! did you think i would eat you? are you not a super soldier? scared of me?"

"well in their defence, you are the father of their girlfriend. so obviously they are going to be scared." yelena says as she rolls her eyes.

"hello suka."

"belova. KATHERINE ELIZABETH BISHOP!"

"Y/N Y/M/N Y/L/N!"

you push past yelena and run to kate, picking her up,

"how is it going?-"

"REALLY BAD. I THINK BARNEY BROKE MY BACK." pietro calls from the floor, where barney had thrown him onto. everyone laughs and wanda helps her brother up,

"i'll take care of him."

"and buck and i shall let you have a bonding time." steve smiles and the four of them leave the common room.

alexei's eyes follow steve as he leaves with a snarl,

"captain america."

_________________________________________

after tidying the mess in the common room, you all take a seat at the dining table in the kitchen and melina starts up the conversation.

"so, y/n, how did you and natalia meet?"

"oh. she saved me from a hydra, lab testing, super solider making facility in belgium."

"me, and the team." nat corrects you and you grin,

"yes but the question was about you and i. not them!"

"well, how long have you had barney for?"

"only a few days. though she's warmed up to the compound pretty fast."

alexei smiles and hums,

"never in a million years would i have ever thought to be a grandfather."

"and i a grandmother! you are the sweetest thing dorogoy!" melina adds and pinches at barney's cheeks.

"i think it's cool to be an aunt to a super soldier niece right kate bishop?"

"agreed. though, is she actually a super soldier? i mean, she did pick up pietro for about 15 minutes with zero struggle."

you look to nat who shrugs and you follow suit,

"probably. that might be what the so called 'liquid' the doctor was talking about."

"it seems as though it runs in the family." alexei beams and you nod.

suddenly, your phone vibrates. it's a message from maria.

< we need to pick the stuff up now y/l/n. turns out the d0uch€s sent it to the wrong address. please do not ask my why or how, just get your a$$ down here asap >

"oh no." you mumble.

"what's wrong detka?"

"MARIA GODDAMN HILL!"

"ALREADY DOWNSTAIRS!"

"hill? what's she doing?"

"no. before you answer natasha, answer me, HOW THE HELL ARE YOU FRIENDS WITH AGENT MARIA HILL!?"

you ignore yelena and get up off your chair,

"i'll be back in a few minutes baby. i love you."

you give natasha a quick kiss before rushing out of the kitchen.......

part 4 soon baristas 😭

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getofy · 3 years

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bakugo as your boyfriend would include...

request: what would dating bakugo be like?

gn!reader (but there are slight fem themes if you squint); fluff; headcanons; no spoilers

character: bakugo katsuki

a/n: this goes out to my one & only <333. ilysm deku kinnie pls enjoy! also, @ bakugo simps i hope this feeds u well. he’s sm fun to write for. headcanons + a short playlist are under the cut.

*ty to my bakugo kinnie/simp friend for helping me write this. i appreciate u. A LOT of these ideas r hers!!

FALLING IN LOVE WITH HIM SOUNDS LIKE:

01. TEENAGE DIRTBAG by WHEATUS

02. GUTTER GIRL by HFHW

03. BOYFREN by LOVE LEO

04. IN TOO DEEP by SUM 41

05. TOUNGES by THE FRIGHTS

06. R U MINE? by ARCTIC MONKEYS

katsuki is a very emotional person. he feels incredibly deep and profound things, but has trouble expressing it in a healthy manner. this being so, him as your s/o would consist of a lot of subtle displays of affection! such as...

-> SHOWING YOU HOW TO DO STUFF:

he’ll teach you small things about his hobbies. will 100% show you how to play the drums, mountain climb, etc.

literally you learn so much with him it’s insane. he claims it’s because he couldn’t stand dating an incapable person, but in reality it’s just because he likes feeling useful/needed HAHA.

-> TOUCHING YOU:

this man is lowkey super clingy...so he will always find a way to be physically close to you.

a BIG fan of putting his arm around your shoulder fs. don’t mention it to him though because he’ll IMMEDIATELY stop doing it.

-> LETTING YOU SIT ON HIS LAP:

if you’re comfortable with it, he’d adore it if you sat on his lap!! like fr if you walked up to him when he was lounging on the couch and did it this is how it would go...

“what’re you doing?”

“sitting down, why?”

he just stares and then grunts before going back to whatever he was doing

don’t let his indifference fool you, he is very pleased.

probably looked up at the ceiling and thought about it for an hour once you left

he thinks about you a lot

-> ALWAYS COOKING FOR YOU:

he pretends like it’s a nuisance, but it genuinely makes his day when you eat the stuff he prepares. literally if you’re hungry just ask him to make you smth and he’ll do it. he actually gets angry if you decide to cook without him.

one time, katsuki seemed really tired because of training and school. so you tried to make something for the both of you guys to enjoy together. it uh...didn’t go well...

“what are you doing?!”

“cutting vegetables...”

“no. you’re doing it all wrong. give me the knife.”

“excuse me??”

“GIVE ME THE KNIFE.”

you ended up giving him the knife

the meal was great!?? but he scolded you for like 30 minutes after PLS.

-> SHOWING YOU OFF:

he’s proud that you’re his s/o, so of course he’s gonna brag about you to EVERYONE.

it’s not overbearing or in an annoying way either. it’s moreso him talking about your accomplishments and stuff like that.

he literally only shows you off for his own benefit. NEEDS everyone to know how cool you and him both are.

it’s an ego thing.

i take back what i said abt it not being annoying. it’s a nuisance to everyone who ain’t you.

-> SITTING NEXT TO YOU:

like i said before, he needs to be close to you at all times. sooo he always sits next to you. no questions asked.

expect to see a pouting, petty katsuki if you decide to sit next to somebody that isn’t him.

“are you seriously mad that i sat next to deku and not you on the bus?!”

“‘COURSE IM MAD.”

“you’re impossible.”

“HUH??????”

-> LETTING YOU WEAR HIS CLOTHES:

PRACTICALLY CHUCKS HIS SHIRTS AND HOODIES AT YOU. LITERALLY JUST- PELTS YOU WITH HIS CLOTHES UNTIL YOU PUT THEM ON.

you took his hoodie without asking ONE TIME and now he’s hooked on seeing you in his clothing.

he’ll always pretend like he’s doing you a favor though.

gotta love how annoying he is!

-> GIFT GIVING

i wouldn’t go as far to say that gift giving is his love language, but he’ll buy things that you bring up in causal conversation a whole lot.

he just kinda bashfully shoves the gift in your hands and watches as you fawn over it.

“awww! how’d you know??”

“you wouldn’t shut up about it.”

he loves seeing your pleased expression!! +100 boost to katsuki’s confidence.

-> HELPING YOU WITH ACADEMICS:

we ALL know how smart this man is.

he will 100% help you study for school if you’re struggling!

don’t expect him to go easy on you though.

if anything, he’ll probably be harder on you because he really wants to see you succeed.

he basically carries you through math

-> KNOWING MUNDANE FACTS ABOUT YOU:

i can see him knowing EVERYTHING about you. your birthday, your morning routine, your favorite snacks, your favorite songs, etc.

it doesn’t take a lot for him to remember this stuff either???

like, he thinks you’re unforgettable, so he just knows

-> WANTING TO IMPRESS YOU:

he wants you to know how cool he is so bad it’s laughable.

he’ll show off during training exercises FOR SUREEEE

bakusquad teases him abt it when he does lol they ALLL know how whipped he is for you

kirishima: wow, you’re really into it today bakugo!

denki: well (y/n) IS watching

bakugo: SHUT UP.

MISC HEADCANONS!

-> you enable him so much...like way too much. please get on that. someone needs to hold this stupid man accountable. he probably likes it when you scold him despite his protests so don’t be afraid to tell him off baby.

-> your approval makes his heart go $$/!/?!!!error??77776. like, even before you two started dating, he would ALWAYS feel flustered whenever you would compliment his outfits, fighting style, etc. now that you guys are dating, he still feels extremely dazed when you dote on him.

he’ll probably act super cocky about it though

“ ‘course i look good, idiot.”

he’s trying his best to suppress the stupid smile trying to take over his face. eventually, he lets it out, and tbh everyone in 1A knows that it’s because of smth cheesy you told him.

he is SUCH a softie for you it HURTTSSSS GAHHHH!!

-> katsuki is a very protective boyfriend.

this goes for everything, but especially applies during intense situations.

will literally lay his life down for you without thinking twice about it. don’t fight me on this. it’s canon.

if you’re going on a dangerous mission, you BEST believe this man is tagging along with you.

if for some reason he can’t go, he’ll make it a point to stay up way past his bed time waiting for you to come back.

when katsuki chooses you over sleep just know that you’ve won at life.

he doesn’t see you as inferior in any way. he knows you can handle yourself, but he really wants to keep you safe bc if something bad happened to the love of his life he would be in shambles.

on a lighter note, if mineta bugs you, he’ll absolutely wreck him. will literally punt that grape boy into the next stratosphere.

also!! he’s not the type to care about what you wear. if you’re wearing smth a bit more revealing, the most he’ll say is that you look hot. literally is so unbothered.

he trusts you a lot so it’s like 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

protective ≠ possessive

-> dates w/ him are super all over the place! one weekend, you guys will just chill in his dorm and the next he’ll be laughing maniacally as he chases you down during an intense round of laser tag.

-> he’s big fan of competition, so he’ll turn everything into one.

let him win.

-> his hands are really sensitive because of his quirk, so if you kissed them he’d turn to mush.

im literally begging you to touch this man. help him. he is so touch-starved it’s not funny.

-> he runs hot so cuddles w him are so nice and comforting :(. will pull you in close and tight and NEVER let go.

in short, while dating katsuki definitely comes with it’s quirks, it’s a beautiful relationship. he respects you endlessly and will do anything to ensure your happiness. treat him right and he’ll do the same!!

have fun dating explosion boy!

*do not repost my work without proper credit and my explicit permission

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#my hero academia #anime #bakugo fluff #bakugo x you #bakugo x reader #mha headcanons #boyfriend bakugo #bakugo x y/n #bakugo katsuki #katsuki x y/n #katsuki x reader #katsuki x you #bakugo katsuki x reader #bakugo katsuki x y/n #bakugo katsuki x you #bnha #mha x reader

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mintseesaw · 4 years

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huling sandali

translation. last moment ⇀ an entry for paraluman playlist

pairing: namjoon x reader genre: angst, est. relationship au word count: 2.2k warnings: themes of insecurities being triggered, emotional struggles, a break-up drabble a.k.a not a happy ending // pg-13

drabble request by @jim-parkin with “pighati + namjoon” hi hjdgdhsgsg im sorry it took me 3254 years to write this :((( i hope you like it. Also, happy belated birthday, alyssa!!! huh i just found out like 10 hrs ago prior to posting this on my first attempt hfdkdjdh im a horrible friend but ily ;-( *unedited

Namjoon arrived home by the time you started packing your stuff. He found you sitting on the living room floor, casually sorting things and putting them in labeled boxes laid in front of you.

You were supposed to ignore him, just like what he’s been doing in the past week. You realized, days of argument after argument before seems better than a whole week of silence in the apartment. The loneliness becomes greater, the glassy tension— unbearable, and his passive treatment more than anything else, hurts you the most.

You couldn’t look at him, having no will to possibly see the indifference on his face while he watches you gradually removing your traces in his place.

As seconds turn minutes since the distinct click of the door closing snaps shut, you took notice of the prolonged silence without the tap of the heels of his black shoes on the granite floor resonating through the living room. With your curiosity suddenly distracting you out of your focus, your head tilted on your side to peek behind you.

There he was, standing so tall and so formal with a frown on his face. His eyes shone not because of the lenses of his glasses but from the unshed tears on his eyes. When your gazes met, he was quick to crane his neck to the opposite side.

You open your mouth to call him to gather his attention. But he was already walking away out of the living room.

It’s been a whole week since you told him you’ll move out. He perfectly understood the implication of it. He objected, tried to convince you not to leave. When his attempts went futile, he did stop trying. Then fostered the silence between the two of you.

He avoided you while you try to make things right by keeping the break up somewhat acceptable on both terms. His refusal to speak with you seemed to convince you that, somehow, he had given up, silently giving you the signal to proceed on your plans.

Half an hour later, you began emptying half of the wardrobe in the walk-in closet. Coincidentally, he was in the shower at the time. After work, he’d routinely clean himself up before he rests or eats dinner with you. However, he stopped taking meals with you nor stayed in the bedroom to read the day you broke the word to him. With his persistence to avoid your presence, you’re almost sure he would let you be in peace while you packed the last bit of your clothes from the closet.

You’re supposed to leave days ago. The tenant of the apartment complex you found weeks prior has been non stop bugging you to move in.

However, you cannot just leave without a proper goodbye to him. In fact, he should be the one leaving you, not the other way around. But he couldn’t do that. Because he owns this place just as much as he owns nearly everything here including your heart.

Namjoon would never ask you to leave, even if he wants you to. That’s how much goodness there is in him. You just happened to take advantage of it and live comfortably by his side.

With your emotions at bay, a silent tear spid down your cheeks, leaving a dot of patch on the fabric of your folded clothes as you fill up your luggage on the bed.

Mere seconds later just as you hear the bathroom door opening, you feel the familiar, strong arms snaked over your waist from behind making you still instantaneously on the spot.

“Namjoon—“

“Don’t… don’t leave.” He says to you for the first time in a week.

His wet hair quickly drenches the spot on your shoulder where he laid his forehead.

Squeezing his hand pressed on your stomach, you smile weakly without facing him. “We talked about this.”

You felt his forehead grazing your shoulder blade as he shakes his head, “I don’t agree with this.”

“We both need this. We need to give each other time to breathe.” You murmur under your breath, nearly admitting the real reason behind your decision. That you knew. You knew he was suffering, and he was trying not to show it to you.

“I don’t need it if you’re not with me.” Namjoon says back, the grip of his arms around tightening.

Sighing, “You’re smarter than me, Joon. You know it’s been tough for the both of us. You’ve been so patient with me and I know you’re getting tired.”

“We can s-still make this work. Fighting is normal. Arguments allow us to speak of our minds. We learn but we move on from it because we love each other.”

“We tried, Joon. So many times. So many times that there’s nothing left of me but doubts and insecurities.”

Namjoon plants a subtle kiss on the side of your head. You remained pliant to his embrace, almost not wanting for him to let you go. For him to insist his place in your life despite your determination to fulfill what you need to do.

“I can wait until you’re ready to love yourself, again.” He attempts once more. He’s always honest with his thoughts so you know he’s sincere when he speaks his heart out.

“That’s not how it works.”

“Then tell me what I should do, please don’t give up just yet.”

His words are like a twisting fire of a knife in your chest, slithering your heart apart and burning the shreds into ashes. The room suddenly feels suffocating and stiff.

Disentangling his arms around your waist, you turn to finally face him. If you’re not only so emotionally invested with the confrontation, you could have stared at him and let your eyes admire every detail on his face until he shies away from your peer that cheeks bloom with crimson tint. Just like the old times.

But your chances have run out, moments have fleeted, your time with him is almost over. Your palms harshly wiping wet traces on your cheeks, refusing to cry in front of him. With a tilt of your chin up, he struck you with his sorrowful, pleading eyes.

“Do you really want someone like me? Someone who depends on you— financially, physically, emotionally? You meet a lot of successful women and I fear that I’m not gonna be enough for you. Joon, I’ll always worry and pick up fights with you.”

Tears brimmed on his eyes, shaking his head to stress his disagreement. “You are more than enough for me. I didn’t love you because of what you have. I fell in love with you because of what’s in here,” he points at your chest.

“Why, it’s you who has a pure soul. You have everything a man could have asked for. Any woman would fall at your feet to earn your attention,” your voice deteriorating as your head falling in morose, suddenly losing the ability to hold his stare with the facade of a strength you’re putting up. “You know, I’m so lucky to have you. I’ve always told you that. But now, things changed. You’re suffering because of me. It’s how I realized I have to let you go because I want you to be happy, again.”

He gathers your face with his palms, forcing you to look at him. “No, no, no. That’s not true. You make me happy.. Please, stop this, you’re everything to me…”

His warm breaths fanning your skin with his heavy, calculated breathing.

“It’s me,” you pause, “You’ve taught me how to love but I chose the wrong way, I loved you too much than what I’m capable of giving. Now I’m lost and I don’t even know who I am anymore.”

He inches his face closer until his nose is touching your cheek. “I’m sorry,” he whispers, “I didn’t mean to change you. I thought I was doing the right thing for you. I want you to dream, I want to see you soar high with your chosen profession. Please, baby don’t leave me. We could fix this.”

No, he was getting the wrong impressions. You didn’t regret going back to college when he pleaded you to. You didn’t regret setting aside your passion for art to continue the education you once took up before you left ran away from home. None of the ugly thoughts poisoning your mind were his doing. It was you and your insecurities.

“It’s not your fault. You saved me, remember? I met you at the time I was drowning in grief. Then I started dreaming. And the day you confessed your feelings to me, you made my dream come true. That was more than enough for me, Joon. Every inch of you became my happiness and it pains me to see I’m the one making you suffer.”

“Listen to me, _____. You make me happy. There’s no perfect relationship. But you’re perfect to me. You’ve always kept me grounded, made me think of my future, made me thrive for our future. No woman has had me at my worst, they only want the good things in life. You’ve been through tough times. But the kindness in your heart remains immeasurable, do you hear me? You deserve everything I have offered and so much more, baby.”

His thumbs patiently brushing the tears away.

“I can’t keep dragging you with my downfall.”

“I don’t want us fighting but sometimes, it gets out of hand. I stay at an arm’s length but it doesn’t mean I want you gone. Because at the end of the day, I’d want to go home to you even when we’re not okay.”

Your eyes fluttered close, not bearing to see the tears free-flowing on his cheeks. Namjoon rarely cries in front of you. Even before when you were purposely trying to aim his heart with your sharp words, nothing could seem to break him down. It’s always you who’s end up losing. Crying.

Silence filled the air for a moment until you heard him shifted. Then you felt a pressure on the side of your thighs and when you caught up what he did, your knees almost gave out.

“Namjoon— w-what are you doing? Stand up!”

His fingers dug deep on the skin of your thighs, head hung long, “Don't leave,” he begs.

“No, stand up!” You sob in disbelief. He couldn’t do this when you should be the one begging for forgiveness for failing him.

Hurriedly, you shuffled on your knees, fisting his shirt as you sobbed on his chest.

His arms gave you warmth as they enveloped over your back. As the room starts to drown with your muffled cries, he cups your face and in a matter of second, Namjoon’s lips are on yours, swallowing your sobs and murmuring sweet I love you’s while keeping your connected lips with his.

Seconds turned into minutes and minutes turned into hours, your insides are a mess, dreading for the end of this moment. With his concern to your plan, he refuses to loosen his hold on you. Even when you urged him to lie down on the bed with you, he didn’t move not until you tugged his body down beside you.

The rhythmic brushes of your fingers on his hair have calmed him down but with his arm secured over your back. It was only when he finally fell asleep when the grip of his arm loosens.

It’s been hours. You haven’t gotten a wink of sleep, and the sun will soon rise in a matter of an hour or two.

It doesn’t resolve the issue. It won’t because you know the next day, things will be the same. Same insecurities will eat you up alive until you burst your anger at him. And then the fight starts, arguments will inevitably tear you two apart. It’s an unending cycle of toxicity that not even yourself can control. Not until you allow yourself to heal.

Until then, you deem yourself unworthy of his love.

You need to leave before he wakes up. You know, it wouldn’t take long before you regret your decision.

“Meeting you was the best thing that happened in my life. I’m sorry for failing you, for failing myself. I hope,” you choke as a lump forms in your throat, “... you’ll be proud of me when I get better even when you have found someone else.” You ended your parting words with your lips pressing gently on the back of his hand.

Your shoulders slightly shake, your hands tremble as sobs threaten to break from your throat.

Your thumb carefully caresses his knuckles, watching him sleep so peacefully with your blurry vision. Suddenly, you couldn’t find the strength in you to pull yourself up.

“Why is it so hard to leave?” You whisper, looking at his sleeping figure.

He is your strength. Your happiness. The owner of your heart. Your dream come true. Someday, you’ll return and take your heart back from him. But for now, you’ll have to start living without it.

With one last look, you stood up with all your might and let the tears fall mercilessly as you fought back the urge to run back to him.

~~~

That moment still remains vivid in your mind, as fresh as the wound in your heart a year later. If you could only turn back the time, you wish he was awake to stop you from leaving. Now, all you could do is watch him from afar at his favorite coffee shop with someone else. The same one he used to take you at. He looks genuinely happy. At least, the break up did him good.

Every time you stood up from your seat to leave, you keep reminding yourself it’s the last time you’ll hope for your paths to cross. Somehow when the pain gets too much to bear, you always find yourself coming back here. Hoping. For another chance. You have the answer to that now. Someone else has already taken your place in his heart.

Inside the coffee shop, the girl sitting across him huffs while watching you walk away out of the establishment. She shifts her gaze to the man in front of her whose attention has speechlessly zeroed in on your figure through the glass walls.

“When will you actually start talking to the girl? You’ve been dragging me here for over a month now. My time is precious, Kim. It’s so obvious you’re smitten for her!” She glares.

Namjoon didn’t answer, only because he doesn’t know how. How do I win her back?

#bayanihanboost #bangtanarmynet #hyunglinenetwork #btsbookclub #btswriterscollective #btswritingcafe #btsguild #cypherwritersnet #houseofddaeng #namjoon x reader #namjoon x you #bts x reader #namjoon fanfic #namjoon angst #bts fanfic #bts angst #bts imagines #bts scenarios

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mooifyourecows · 3 years

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hiya gorgeous!

so this is my first birthday, Halloween, basically all of the holidays away from home & the thought of making my own traditions is pretty intimidating but also exciting 👀 for example, my thanksgiving feast might just turn out to be a day I cry while I look at my mom’s Facebook and wish meals could be mailed…

anywaysss, do you have any kind of traditions or ways you celebrate the upcoming holidays?

This is actually my first time away from my family too. Back when I lived closer to my parents I would just go over to their house for Thanksgiving and Christmas and I used to go to my uncles house for Halloween because he always makes a big deal out of it every year

But now that I'm 24 hours away from my parents, I'm gonna have to figure some stuff out for myself

Though it sounds like my parents and brother might come to my house for Christmas? Maybe? I'm the one thats kinda in the middle of them all so it would make sense lol

Also im definitely not interested in traveling for the holidays so if they want to see me, they gotta come here 😅

I haven't really decided what we are going to do for holiday stuff from now on yet. But apparently I now live next to a famous serial killer's pig farm?? So I might check that out around Halloween time 👀

Other than that... I might look up some haunted houses or corn mazes and stuff for the weeks leading up to Halloween and then on the day itself, just stay home. I'm not really in a neighborhood situation where there will be trick-or-treaters (unless my neighbors bring their grandkids over) so I won't need to give out candy. I'm thinking about doing some decorating though! Like maybe make some of those chicken wire ghosts and stuff 👀👀👀👀👀

If not though, it'll just be a relaxed year.

For Thanksgiving, ill probably cook a meal but I'm not really much of a chef so who knows how it will turn out lol

As for Christmas, if my family decides not to come visit, we will just get a Christmas tree, do some decorating, maybe look for some light displays nearby... stuff like that.

I think it'll take me a few years to really develop some good potential holiday traditions, especially since I honestly don't know what this place has to offer in terms of holiday things

I kinda wish I can just zip back in time to when I was little and these holidays were super fun and spent with all my cousins and aunts and uncles. Christmas at my grandparents house was always so fun. We always played a big family football game and had snowball fights and tied sleds or an old recliner chair to the back of the 4 wheeler and would go riding on the river bank. Ahh man good times...

But now all the grandkids are older and our parents no longer try to hide how much they hate each other and nobody can stand to have a family dinner together soooooooooo..... oh well

Maybe I'll just adopt a bunch of queer loners here and have a new family to eat a big dinner with 🤗

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gallickingun · 4 years

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reality-is-often-disappointing x denki || gallickingun matchups

@reality-is-often-disappointing : I, have shamelessly came here on note for a first tier matchup. MHA, my hobbies are a wild variety that includes mainly singing -as i have an ' amazing' alto voice- writing, drawing -in pencil mainly but also acrylics on canvas- I'm good at cooking -better thank baku if I do say so myself- reading fanfics obv, fangirling/gushing over hot guys with the girls yk? my dress code is ultimate modesty as i dont like showing skin, yet it's classy chic, very picky while shopping yes. my favorite colors are blank and vintage pink. aesthetic is more cutsie unicorn colors -my rooms main colors- but i actually only ever like wearing black. i do know how to swim but cant because *da-dun* i have dry eyes/also wear glasses. my favorite food is dark chocolate w/ those bits of cherries or oranges. as a first date i'm open to anything from a movie in or out, to walks on the beach or even just the arcade. i'm a she/her, and currently feeling like i'm going for a guy as a match triggers: only degradation or backtalking, it makes me anxious, a paranoid mess and i'll most definitely end up crying without even noticing. 165cm or 5'5 dark natural black hair (the 80s lion cut up to collarbone & a fringe) eye color, theyre black/brown when in sunlight. im white with a med and warmish olive undertones, natrually rosy cheeks -holy dark circles- full brows and what i've been called as "doll-like-eyes" or "cat-eyes" since theyre big and long naturally curled lashes. My birthday is on 31st of october, scorpio, INFP personality to cut short for you! I'm a child-free spirited but also am like-mature at maximum effort. I either sleep 3 or 16 hours there is no inbetween (once slept for 24 hrs but I'm not going to talk about how that freaked everyone out) I've been singing since I was three or since I've remembered. Secretly wanted to go on those x-factor shows but bleh, no. Fame is not really for me. Anywho, love you! Have fun with this and drink water! 🎵

Thank you so much for sending in the request for this! You’re such a gem, I really appreciate every time I get the pleasure of interacting with you, darling 🧡

― Denki would love the fact that you sing! He thinks you have a beautiful voice, and even if you’re across the house, if he hears you start to pick up a tune, he’ll join in! ― I think the two of you would pull all nighters together some nights, and other days sleep until you’ve passed the whole weekend by without doing much of anything. Denki can stay up until the sunrise, or he can sleep until noon, whatever you want to do! ― He loves your free spirit, it makes it easy to take you on adventures and experience the world with you.

⁂ Denki will randomly offer to pick you up from work, and the two of you will drive a couple of hours to the countryside or the beach - windows down, music blaring, singing until your throats are numb - and you’ll spend a night or a weekend away from the world, just wrapped up in each other.

⁂ He’s a horrible cook, absolutely terrible. Kaminari loves that you cook dinner most nights, because not only does he get to eat your delicious food, he also gets to praise the heck out of you for preparing a wonderful meal. He really adores it when you make too much and he gets to take the leftovers to work the next day. Of course he brags about you to all of the other heroes, and he really loves the note you leave on top of the tupperware.

⁂ Even if the two of you aren’t actively together, you’ll still stay up late. Sometimes you watch Kaminari while he plays video games, laying on the couch with your legs over his lap while he mashes the controller buttons and speaks to whoever is on the other side of the headset. In between each match or round, he’ll slip the headphones off his ears and run his palm along your calf, massaging your leg, “Whatcha doin’, babe?” And he’ll listen to you drone on about whatever YouTube video you were watching, whatever thing you’re reading, or whatever social media event has gotten your attention.

⁂ He learns how to harmonize in order to compliment your voice better. He shows it off one night when you’re singing along while cooking dinner - Denki sidles up behind you, arms around your waist, and starts to harmonize in your ear along with the song you’ve been captivated by for the last few weeks. You feel warm at the sound of his voice, and even more so due to the effort he’s put in to prove to you that your interests are his interests. And boy, is he interested in you.

⁂ Kaminari will be down to try all kinds of fruit chocolates with you - you guys even play a roulette style game where you have to guess what kind of fruit is hidden within the chocolate. You win, mostly, because Denki just wants to stuff his face with sugar so fast that he doesn’t recognize the fruit chunks. But he still plays and is in awe of you getting every single one right because you never fail to amaze him.

Denki slips in through the doorway, sliding off his shoes in favor of his house slippers as quietly as possible. He notices that the television is still flickering on and off, images bouncing off the glass of the window panes scattered throughout the living room walls. A chuckle parts his lips when he sees you curled up in one of his old hero merch designs - a hoodie that is too large for you, so big that it would seem it has swallowed you whole. Your legs are curled into your chest and your head rests on the arm of the couch, gentle snores making your nostrils shudder.

He tries to pick you up, slipping his arms carefully beneath your frame. But somehow you stir, your eyes peeling open lazily as you smack your lips, slowly sinking away from the realm of slumber. A gentle smile tugs on your lips and you frame his face with your hands, “Another late night?”

“Duty calls,” his voice does not sound as excited as it once did to get those midnight rings from the agency. Now, he just aches to be at home with you at the decent hours of the night, where he can hold you and fall asleep with you and remember why he fell in love with you all over again, every time he gets the faintest of whiffs of your perfume or your shampoo.

“Dinner is in the oven,” you are murmuring, your head lolling against his chest as he settles you into his hold, “I waited for you to start the next season.”

Kaminari is laughing, but the sound of it sobers you up and you grab him by the collar of his jacket with the one arm that is listening to you tell it how to move, the other pinned between your bodies, “H-Hey, don’t laugh at me! I waited for you to start it, now we’re gonna start it.”

Somehow you’re settled back into the couch, hands desperate for him as you search his torso for somewhere to find purchase. Kaminari leans down and kisses your forehead and then the tip of your nose, his lips hovering just above the bow of your mouth as he whispers, “Whatever you want, honey.”

Please check HERE to see if I’ve done your matchup already. Remember, I will also post your matchup with the tag: “#emoji-matchup”, using your emoji in place of the word, so if you can remember your emoji, you can search my blog for that tag to see if I have completed it already!

#kaminari denki #bnha #mha #my hero academia #bnha matchup #mha matchup #kaminari matchup #kaminari denki matchup #morgan does matchups #reality-is-often-disappointing #🎵 matchup

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mollydollyjournals · 3 years

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It's March 2nd and I'm 157lbs. I'm on my period so that's partly to blame, but then there's also the fact that I drank quite a bit on Feb 28th, and binged. A lot.

I decided I'm going to try to do 30 days of no alcohol. Or maybe all of March, idk. Given that the last day I drank was the day before march 1st it's kind of nicely rounded off so I'll see. But realistically, it's a really long time for me. I might only make it a week. Who knows. I want to say something to my friends and properly document if and stuff, but I'm afraid of failing. I'm already known for being flaky and not following through. I don't want people to just never take me seriously. I even feel nervous about that here, but I should remember this is literally supposed to be an anonymous blog where I can talk about the stuff that troubles me that I can't talk about elsewhere. Alcohol will also tie into food and weight stuff anyway.

I can't remember what I last said here...I know I said about doing loads of cleaning as a workout, and that I wasn't sure if I should try a higher intake with more exercise seeing as I never actually lose anything. Anyway, that. And also that Im basically permanently on a higher antidepressant dose now, which helps me with my energy levels. I hope it doesn't fuck with my metabolism too much more.

So I bought an A5 ring binder planner thing and I decided to use it as a proper weight loss and food diary. They're so damn expensive - I normally get scrapbooks or sketchbooks and use them as kind of joint planner/journal/sketchbook/whatever, but I wanted something where I could easily rearrange the pages. I love cute stationery so whenever I need to motivate myself to do something it's always good for me to do something decorative.

I think I'm going to base the contents kind of on something like this but I want a different look to it and also some different actual contents. I also won't commit to 90 days because I know I do better with smaller increments, and 30 days is already a lot. Or 31 or whatever. I really love the look of Milkjoy planners but they only make them in A6, and sometimes they have sweets as decorative stuff, which I love but I don't want anything that might make me crave junk food. So I'm staying away from food motifs unless it's lemons or carrots or something.

I'm going to have an initial section with info and stuff to reference, so I'll have a list of meal ideas and their nutritional info, a collection of recipes, a place to write out a weekly meal plan (and maybe make a grocery list? But I tend to use my phone for that irl so maybe I won't bother), and a list of various workouts that I could do. Then something relevant to me like nutritional goals (eg calorie limits, protein etc) and places to record my weight, measurements, body fat, overview stuff like that. Then the daily pages with all the stuff I want to do each day and whether I actually do them, weight, food intake etc. Maybe a recap page at the end of each week.

I'm also tempted to put a thinspo section in my info bit at the front, but to do that I'd have to arrange a load of photos to be printed and actually go print them out. My laptop is kind of dead so it'd have to be from my phone which I don't like doing. But then also if I'm gonna keep doing this sort of planner I'd like to draw myself up some proper graphics to print out so I'd have to print stuff anyway eventually. But then to do that I need my laptop working. Idk.

So. It's really my last chance to make any kind of change before my birthday. I feel like I should just push harder at restriction and stuff, but recent experience tells me that's not working. I kind of have nothing to lose (except 52lbs) by trying something else. The idea is I go for a standard "diet" amount of food, so like in the 1000-1500 range, but I do a lot more exercise. This is kind of what I meant to do when I first started this account, but I'll have more exercise this time. When I started this page all I could do was light cardio (see Reps to the Rhythm on YouTube, he's great for when you can't do intense workouts but want to do something) and light stretches and just all light stuff - now with less alcohol and more Prozac I'm able to do a lot more. At least I hope I still am. Going by the cleaning and stuff I did recently, I think I can start doing more in terms of workouts. Idk. I'll have a base amount of food to eat and only eat more if I start getting too weak or tired to do my workouts - essentially, the priority will be having the energy to exercise, rather than restricting my intake.

This is why staying away from alcohol will tie into it a lot. I'm past bad withdrawals so at this point not drinking will help my energy levels and metabolism etc. Today is the 2nd day since I drank, and I don't feel terrible, which means I haven't made myself really sick again. Thank fuck. I drank too much and I started feeling not great and I was scared I'd fucked up again. Last time it took 2 days for me to get really ill so I've been nervous. But I think I'm past the risk zone now.

I do still feel sick and a bit tired. But I think that's also due to my period. I always feel terrible on my period. I'm going to do what I can but I need to know not to push myself too much. If I do that I get exhausted and have to rest and recover and it ends up worse than if I just stayed gentle with myself. Today Ive put my laundry up to dry and I'll try to do something else again later, idk what. But I'll also keep building my planner. All these bits of advice to myself will go into it. I'll write out all the stuff I've been thinking so that it's all in one place and I don't have to remember it all or go between different sites and pages looking for it. I'll move some things around in my studio and make space for my exercise bike because I think I can start on that again soon, and space for proper upper body workouts. I might even set up a PS2 in the lounge so I can play DDR again. Idc what year it is, that is the best HIIT I've ever done and I miss it and I lost so much weight when I used to play it. So I should build myself up to be able to do loads of exercise and see how my body changes - I know that even if I don't lose weight, I'll look better and less flabby and gross. But we'll see how that all goes.

#minus50 ref

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mypimpademia · 4 years

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hi rat😋 ilysm hehe i am here to make a request. hcs for hinata, noya, suna, and kuroo w a s/o who’s having a birtgday😽

Hinata x reader, Nishinoya x reader, Suna x reader, Kuroo x reader

TW: Swearing

Note: hi rat 😚 ily more

And your birthday was like 3 weeks ago, im sorry I took so long😭

HINATA

He planssssss

Like a whole month ahead

Hes more excited for your birthday than you are tbh

But he 100% tries to keep it a secret

Butt it all slips out the week before your birthday

Hes invited the whole team, people from other teams, has a whole cake planned, decorations, etc.

Then when he finishes he realizes he accidentally told you about the whole thing

Hinata gets so sad :(

"I'm sorry, it was supposed to be a surprise."

You just tell him you'll act surprised the day of

So next week on the day of your birthday, thats exactly what you do

Hinata wakes you up with breakfast in bed

"Happy birthday, baby!"

He'll feed you if you let him

Hinata does want you to lift a finger on your special day

You probably chill at home all morning

Then go out to a nice lunch

Its at a cute lil restaurant in town that has your favorite food and makes it immaculately did he taste test before taking you? Duhh

Then he takes you on a quick shopping trip

And before you know it, its time for the party!

Walking into the house... you didn't have to act surprised

He did a full 180° on the surprise

"I had to switch everything up so it could actually be a surprise... I hope you still like it."

The whole team plus more was there, and it was decorated with your favorite things

"I love it."

NISHINOYA

Like, Hinata he plans

But unlike Hinata, he tells you on purpose

He doesn't tell you everything

But he tells you a lot

The theme, the cake, whos gonna be there, all that

Hes like 666x more excited for your birthday than you

"Theres gonna be your favorite cake, the whole team and more, and its (insert favorite theme) themed and ahhhh i just can't wait!!!"

Youre gonna get a daily earful about how excited he is about your birthday

At some point, he might annoy you about hearing about your own birthday

But its all worth it

Because the day of is everything you could imagine

Youre gonna sleep in, and if you have school you'll be skipping that day

You and Noya make a nice breakfast together with all your favorite things

He takes you out to lunch

And then when party time comes, he takes you home

And when you walk in, there are all your friends, its decorated just like he said, but better than you imagined, and the cake is huge

You nearly cried

Noya kisses all over your face and hugs you

"Happy birthday, babe."

SUNA

Its no secret that Suna is very deadpanned, and that doesn't change too much on your birthday

But he plans a few days before, because it is a special day for you

He doesn't tell you about it, because its nothing too grand, and he wants it to be a surprise

10/10 teases you

He says you're getting old😔

"Baby, your birthday is coming soon– actually, maybe I shouldn't call you baby anymore, you're getting pretty old, huh?"

But the day before, hes actually really nice

He only teases you like once and hour instead of every 5 minutes, he cuddles with you, and does whatever you wanna do

And the day of, you both sleep in for a longggg time

And he knew it was gonna happen, so when you finally wake up, he tells you to get ready because he has brunch reservations scheduled

Its at this cute lil place not too far from your house (but yall still drive bc hes not about to walk for shit)

You tell them its your birthday to snag some free dessert

You chill at home for a few hours again, then he makes you get ready to gonout again

He takes you to a nice ramen place, and when you get there all your friends are there!

You all hang out on a private room, talk, stuff your faces with ramen, and just have a lot of fun :))

KUROO

Just as excited as you are

Its not even a birthday

Its a birthmonth

Whatever you wanna do, hes down for

You wanna go shopping? Hes making sure hes got his card

You wanna eat at a restaurant? Hes looking at the best ones

You wanna go swimming? It doesn't matter if its winter, he'll figure it out

You're gonna be SO spoiled by the end of the time your birthday comes

Youre gonna have a whole new wardrobe and won't even crave the same food after Kuroo is done with you

But your actual birthday is another story

Of course, you'll do what ever you want like you've been doing, but Kuroo also has his own plans

As soon as youre up, he takes you out to breakfast at this amazing breakfast place

They'll literally have the best pancakes you'll ever try and it'll never be topped

Then he might take you on a lil shopping trip or take you wherever you ask him

Lunch is small, because he's got something planned for dinner and doesn't want you to be too full

Because what happens at dinner?

He takes you to this expensive ass restaurant, where you meet up with all your friends

And I mean expensive like 2 appetizers, 5 course meal, and 3 desserts

But its more like 4 desserts bc you guys 100% snag a free birthday dessert

But you save it to take home because when you get there, he puts on your favorite movie and you both relax while splitting the giant dessert they gave you

"Happy birthday, baby."

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bangtansfavwriter · 4 years

Text

💘bangtan as boyfriends: jungkook💘

-oh my god this soft boy

-still can't quite believe you guys are dating and sometimes still blushes very heavily when you kiss him

- it took ages for him to ask you out and he probably wouldn't have done it without a pep talk from seokjin who hyped him up before you and jungkook went on a date together

- he was so timid and tripped over his words a lot, so when you asked "are you saying we should start dating?" he went "oh my god yES PLS"

-he know tells everyone that you asked him out first bc "the golden maknae of bts, bangtan sonyeondan, behind the scene, world's best band tbh has to be asked out"

seokjin: makes sense, bc said golden maknae looked like he was gonna pass tf out before you two met

jk: .. hyung why you.... I asked y/n out!

seokjin: lies

you: he did... kinda

seokjin: LIES

jk: I find your lack of faith disturbing, hyung..

seokjin: nerd 😚

jk: 😔✊🏼

- a nerd indeed, but cuteee

- very loyal, it already took him long enough to call you his, so he sure af won't give you up

- also very selfless, he loves helping you out with whatever you need help with... even when you don't ask for it

- like when you had a project due and you were stressing out about it bc you had no time for anything else and stuff... he was really worried you'd skip meals to do your work, so he made sure that you'd eat by either coming to your place or calling/texting you, whenever he couldn't come over personally

-he was afraid he'd bother you while you do your work so he was always very cautious but you reassured him it's fine

-but you felt bad bc you couldn't talk much while doing your work... he looked at you and smiled: "it's ok, I'll write some lyrics maybe.. and you do you. we'll give each other strength with our presence, alright?" he started laughing when you got up and cozied up to him. you spent the next 10 mins cuddling, as this was the only reasonable thing to do after he was being so sweet. "so much for no distractions, hm?"

- you still got your work done btw, so no worries

- movie nights are a huge thing for you two, your range is broad af but mostly consists of marvel, disney and studio ghibli. he has a thing for 80s movies tho, felt ferris bueller on a personal level

- cried when he watched the princess diaries for the first time and will end u if anyone hears about it

-rather savage irl but he cries during some movies, especially when he's tired, he gets emotional and even whiny

- for example: he was very sleepy when you first watched the mandalorian together and you swear he started weeping when he first saw baby yoda and he's been obsessed ever since btw

- very thoughtful and caring

- remembers the smallest things about you, will bring you your fav ben&jerry's when you feel down and enjoys the fact that you look at him like the saint he is

- also memorizes your habits and reads your body language so well that it still surprises you even after all the time you've been dating

-you poke his cheeks on any given occasion and kiss his nose, he's not quite sure why but he enjoys it too

- his hugs are just warm ... they make you feel like everything will be ok

- many pancake mornings together

- will never ever forget any birthday or anniversary, he once did tho and he still beats himself up about it but he was busy as hell during that time so you were ok with it in hindsight (which was greatly appreciated bc he truly felt awful)

- very down-to-earth, it doesn't have to be all fancy with him, he's doing just fine with netflix and ramen

- your personal laundry fairy

- looots of laughter and giggles with this one, always cracking jokes

- you guys have like 48394 insides jokes

you: hey.. hey

jk: ?

you: second goose right left

jk: LMAOOOOO WOFT

you: LMAOOO

jk and you: -dying-

rm: this sounds like some terror code

hobi: or a stroke

- sends u memes at 3am, his go-to are kermit memes as reaction memes, he sometimes forgets to use actual words tbh

you: kook, i can't come over today, working late :( but tomorrow is fine tho, you free ?

jk: -kermit crying under the shower meme-

you: jungkook, words pls

jk: oh sorry babe, yeah im free 🤗

- either uses the cutest nicknames or the weirdest which are pretty cute when he explains it (like left shark "bc you stand out")

- displays of 'strong manly man' when he picks you up, and spins you around only to kiss you --- displays of 'babie boy's when pouts until you give him attention or your last pockys ("we can share, you know 👀" - "oh worm? 👀")

- a true romantic deep down, he once surprised you when he decorated your entire house with candles and flowers bc he knew you had a tough time and you legit just started crying. he was overwhelmed for a sec but knew this was just bottled up emotions and relief coming through so he just smiled and hugged you until you calmed down."it's alright, love... let me take care of you." you nodded and smiled at him, while wiping your tears away. "you're the sweetest, you know that?" - "well, obviously. but fire safety was never my forte, so let's be careful, ok?" he said and you both started laughing.

-sings to you very very often, get used to it, even when you're not right next to him you can still hear him humming from afar and it makes always makes u smile

-you two are fiercely competitive, there is no "it's just a game"... you guys play mario, sonic, rayman etc and there's always a whole lot of screaming

-there was a time namjoon jin got so fed up with this that he took the playstation away (+ mario kart) and jungkook and you had to find other gaming options

-some examples of truth or dare sessions between you (in the safety of your own home):

you: i dare you to dance to begin

jk, in his pyjamas: wha- ... no!

you: truth it is, then. what was the dumpling incident about?

jk: nevermind, I'll do the dance.

you: squeeze the ketchup bottle empty with your thighs.

jk: ?????? jesus, you take your kinks to a whole knew level. choose something else, the stains will be nasty as hell.

you: wear booty shorts👀

jk: you wants thighs and booty, huh? 👀

you: you bet 👀👀

(a blessed day for u tbh)

jk: babe, i dare you to dance to fire.

you: ?????? well, I can try, but you should get me an inhaler, my lung capacity may not suffice for this

(jungkook laughed so hard when did it that he was the one that needed an inhaler)

-takes lots and loots of pics of you when you're together and of the location you went together , posts the view on twitter sometimes and jokes about you two being official (to fans) without really being official

- you two go on walks together, have coffee shop dates, go to concerts (and go fckn feral when u go see iu), visit art galleries where you mostly imitate everything and touch things you shouldn't touch, go to karaoke places ... and you also do art together! that was actually his idea were he bought a shitload of acrylic paint and huge linen sheets and you had your first painting date, which has become a tradition ever since.

- something that jungkook absolutely loves and appreciates is that you guys never run out of topics to talk about

-the intellectual stimulation he gets from you is pretty much unmatched and that's also something that made him realise he's into you before you started dating

- 2 sides of the same coin: smart, charming and kind // absolute crackhead (remember the vid with his goggles? vids like that are now your exclusive content from yours truly)

- once chased down chickens when you visited a village together and ran away screaming when a huge ass rooster chased after him ( u filmed it ofc)

- lives for dramatics, gains new life power on Halloween when you two do shenanigans on bighit's annual party

- he loves the fact that you're still a child at heart and that you're not too stuck up to scare hobi and jin with michael myers masks on (but you did feel pretty bad about it when hobi almost fainted)

- you're super savage when you want to be and he loves it when you are... ngl... you being assertive and all kinda turns him on lmaoo

-your green card to get him to laugh whenever was saying "you sexy beast" and he'd forget whatever issue you were having before, as long as it wasn't something too important obviously

-loves you show you off, especially when you guys are all dolled up and ready for a night out "look at us being all sexy and shit, like, how dare we look this hot, jimin-hyung hates it when someone looks hotter than him" - "hmmm kook, imagine if I'd have jimin as my date today, the place would burn up" - "...." - "kook, i was joking..." - "right shark" - "I WAS JOKING BABY" - "........say it. you know the deal." - "i would rather die" - "go hang with hyung then, i'm gonna stay home" - "you...." -

👀👂 - "YOU SEXY BEAST" - jungkook laughed until he couldn't breathe when yoongi, who just passed by you two, and you stared at each other, completely mortified. you: how to unsay things... / yoongs: how to unhear things/ jk: -on the floor and in dire need of an inhaler"

- you couldn't face yoongi the whole night, whereas jungkook occasionally stared down jimin who had no clue what the heck was going on and munched on some appetizers

- jealousy is not a big thing for him but he still doesn't quite like it when someone is too touchy with you

- he trusts you, absolutely no doubt about that or he wouldn't have even entered a relationship with you, as he has high standards about who to let into his life, especially with potential lovers

-that's why everyone knew you guys were serious about each other and it was hardly surprising that you got to meet his family shortly after you guys started dating (his mother loved you btw)

-has like 200 pics of the day you met gureum

- an absolute sucker for you, you could say you want the n seoul tower to flicker in purple and pink lights and he would get it done somehow

- very sensitive to touches so ......👀

- loves your room bc he says it always smells like your lotions and laundry

- you sometimes surprise by setting the mood with some smooth music and nice fragrances and the world comes to a halt for him, it's just him and you

-shower him in affection and he's putty in your hands, legit, when he first performed euphoria and did the high note at the end you spammed tf outta your messenger and hyped him up and he actually got so hype he jumped around backstage after the concert and sprinted to you when he saw you, twirled you around and, for the first time, kissed you while the guys were there

-he still gets teased about it tho, but he doesn't really care bc your support means the world to him and he values it too much to care about the guys

-you guys went home that night and he serenaded you while you were cuddling. you guys started talking about songs, especially your favourites. you got sleepy when he started talking about 'home' and softly sang it to you, until he realised you dozed off. he smiled to himself and caressed you hair, as you had layed your head onto his chest. admiring your sleeping figure, closely entangled with his broad frame, he said to himself: "this is home..."

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kiwismoon · 3 years

Text

OKAYYY THIS IS A RANT. tw tw tw,,,, food stuff below:

basically i want to say i HATE THAT WE HAVE TO EAT TO LIVE. I WISH. I WISH FOOD COULD BE OPTIONAL. I HATE..... HAVING THE CONSTANTLY MAKE THE DECISION "do i eat today or do i wait and eat another time? whats being made for dinner tomorrow? are there any holidays coming up where i'll be expected to eat a meal? is my family going out any time soon? what about friends? will they make me eat? will i be forced to eat?" AND LITERALLY FUCKING P L A N OUT WHAT DAYS I'M LIKE OKAY WITH EATING AND WHAT DAYS I WANT TO GO WITHOUT EATING TO MAKE UP FOR THE OTHER DAYS I'M GONNA HAVE TO EAT. LIKE.... I HA T E THAT I CAN'T JUST,, NOT EAT EVER AGAIN WITHOUT YOU KNOW,,, D Y I NG . i hate it so much its not even like OOPS haah anymore its like SHIT LMAO WELLP,,, like i dont think i've been so horribleanfelkni ihattee it i hate that thanksgiving is something we celebrate and that i'm expected to eat and that its so close to christmas which i'm expected to eat and then that's so close to my birthday and im expected to eat and i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate being forced to eat or people like i'm having to eat because,,, i can literally feel my stomach b u r n i n g itself and im constantly nauseous because theres so much stomach acid right now and im gonna !!! cr y !!! !Like for real im gonna just sob and punch the wall and hit the floor and sob <3 fsdjlkjf DSFKLE

#tw food #tw food mention #tw ed #tw ed mention #tw ed behavior #im crying last time i broke down like this i legitimately like punched my chair so hard that i dislocated my pinky and i had to... relocate

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strawberryspeachy · 4 years

Text

So on the last day of july i went clubbing

Almost immediately met a cute boy and he asked me to go to a hotel with him. I debated but ultimately went with him. He asked if i wanted to go on a date because fucking japanese assholes equate date with hotel.

Went. Hooked up. Then. He said he wanted to go back to the club because otherwise “it would be a waste of his night”

Yeah

So... went back.... watched him look for another girl. And felt like shit

Eventually a boy that was ok looking talked to me. I didnt ignore him and he got excited over me talking to him after having ignored other boys. I didnt intend to continue talking to him but he was so excited the entire time and was nice so i just stayed with him.

We left together and sat on some sidewalk and talked. I saw that both his arms had cut marks all over them

And as a fucked up person... i stupidly think that other fucked up people will be as empathetic as i try to be and my depressed friends back home

He told me some of his shitty homelife - apparently he doesnt have parents

He asked me to go to a hotel with him and i said no... so we went to eat instead...

He kept being overly nice (in words) told me that he works at an old folks home and that he wants to learn english and come to america and help me take care of my mom.... in a sudden way

Rationally im not stupid and know that was a line. But im pretty stupid in general

He kept asking me to be his gf and i told him id need to go on a date with him to decide that

I just wanted to say no but...

He didnt pay for my meal - ya im one of those girls that that bothers

We seperated and he continued to text my the next few days. We set up a date. He asked me to go to him in yokohama - an hour away from tokyo

Since id never been there i said yes. But this meant i had to pay an expensive train ticket

He did pay for dinner and afterwards convience store for me... mostly... asking if i had change

He wanted to drink at the pier and insisted i get a drink but didnt pay for it

And then took me back to his apartment

It ended up being fun

The next morning while he was showering i was just poking around at his stuff. Not actually looking for anything just curious about the things he has

I looked at his wallet (honestly to see the design but i also always wonder why japanese guys are so comfortable leaving money around who is generally a stranger)

And then. I found. Picture from a photobooth. Him amd soem girl. It was dated from a week before.

He told me the night we met that he broke up with his ex a year ago. But this picture looked very much like a couple

I asked him about it and he just said sorry and threw it in the trash (not a real trash. It could easily be taken out) he said it was from a year ago

After. Bit i took it out amd pointed at the date. He literally hummed and refused to comment ...but he told me hell only see me...

I shouldn’t take that as enough but i did and told him when i got home that ill only se him too. I told him i liked him - and to this point he kept saying he likes me over and over. He has not said it since this. Just said he was happy that i used his name.

After that i went to okinawa for a few days. He told me his sim card broke and he doesnt have wifi unless he goes to a convience store (as an excuse to text slow)

I got back the next week and stayed home all week from a yeast infection that i think he gave me. When he barely responded i told him that

Then he responded continuously telling me that i just got it on my own and hes healthy so it wasnt him

That weekend i went drinking with some friends and messaged him. He responded immediately and i called him. Asking when his phone got fixed. He told me the day before

Then he told me he has pink eye and sent a picture. He said he cant go out of his house because of it

The next week was my birthday. He said hed be cured the day after and we could celebrate. Then he cancelled saying the doc told him hes still contagious

A few days after he sent me a picture of him with makeup on and contacts in saying he went to the salan. I responded immediately asking if he was still contagious and tried to call. He ignored me

I tried to call more throughout the day

Nothing

Over 24 hours pased so i used another account to say hi to him. After 2 hours he responded to the fake account asking who it was

And i flipped the fuck out. I told him a bunch of reasons why he sucked and that he did and fuck him

Then he responded to me with long messages. Many of which i couldnt understand (hes used incorrect kanji before that which makes translation strained)

His excuse was that he felt sick and slept for 20 hours (but he ignored me for over 27)and that he wanted to answer his texts in order. That he doesnt look at him phone much and then got mad at me for not being worried about him and instead getting mad

He didnt addresss any of my complaints like the fact that if im his gf i should be a priority

But because im a sucked i felt bad for trying to hurt him and apologized.... he said hed forgive me if i buy him an accessory next time we hung out...

Yeah. Red flags. I too if i had other options... would have said. Thats a weird way to accept an apology.

Also before (on that first date) when we talked about our bdays cause his was a bit before mine. I asked him what hed wanna do as a late celebration. He immediately told me he wanted yakiniku (an expensive meat meal) and clothes or accessorys from an expensive brand he likes...

So he continued to take over 24 hours to reply to me. With very small responces - he never asks me questions. I asked him to call the night before i went camping and he said he couldnt because he was too drunk from drinking with friends. I went camping and came back and got him on the phone. I demanded him to call and he said he couldnt cause he was tired from work and would the following day

I told him it makes me upset that he doesnt talk to me and that i constantly dont feel good because of him. He just said sorrry. I planned to say this is over if he didnt agree to meet me. But he agreed to a date the coming sunday... the day before i began work again. He said hed come to tokyo and and had a plan. It sounded fun.

Well come sunday morning.... he cancelled. He said he didnt have money. I tried to call him several times and he ignored me.

I confronted him in person. He got mad at me for it. Said he got some sort debt collection and got frauded... someone used his name to take out money and he has to pay court. He said he doesnt have money because of it.

I asked why he never tells me whats going on with him (because im dumb and beleive this... actually i dont. I hope hes being honestly and just has really bad luck but)

This time like last time i told him the way he treats me is how really awful boys who are using me and playing with me treat me. And i cant trust him if hes like this but doesnt tell me why

Well...i was there... i offered to pay for out date.... besides the 11 dollars it takes to get to him

He asked me to put 5 dollars on his train card.... it takes 3 dollads to get to and from where we went. He... mad sure no matter where we would eat it would cost 40 bucks - wanting to drink alc and such. It costed 43 dollars. He wanted starbucks but i kinda said no by saying i dont rlly like starbucks - but he still wanted to get a dessert - 3 dollars

And... he wanted me to buy him that aftermentioned accessory... a ring. He looked at very expensive ones... i... would not have paid for even as stupid as i am.. the one he got was 15 or 25 I forget which...

The thing is... if he wasnt actually... if i wasn’t comfortable being with him i woulda stopped this before... unfortunately. As usual. Despite initially not being attracted to him i really enjoyed his company and find him to be fun...

He said that we should go home at 8 i asked about going back to him place and he said no because hes tired and has work the next day. He knows i also do too. At the same time. And i tried to convince him and he kept saying no. Then i asked doesnt he wanna have sex. He said that we should go to a hotel. And i protested that hotels are expensive and his apartments free and just a cheap train station away. He said hes too tired and just wants to sleep at his apartment but hotels are exciting so hed be awake at a hotel.

He pushed them and i said at that point id be spending like 100 dollars on the day and he knows i also dont have a lot of money.

We awkwardly went to a manga cafe that was only 5 dollars but it wanted you to make a card that costs 5 more dollads. And then i got fussy because too much stress literally makes me lose control of my emotions.

It fucking sucks and i hate it. I have no fucking control over my emotions when my stress is bubbling (which it almost always is) and boils over.

I asked him if he can even pay just the 5 dollars and he said he has no money. I asked how hes gonna get to work with literally no money and he said his conpany pays for it (yea japanese conpanies pay AFTER you go )

We left. It was a bad mood. He didnt storm away from me even though i was basically crying in the street (i have had this happen with even friends. I start crying and they just walk away so even though it should be expected of someone claiming to be your bf... ya)

Anyhow i told him i just wanted to cuddle and talk and kiss

He looked annoyed but i guess he thought those wants were cute and looked for a isolated place

Because were in japan

Couldnt find one cause we were in a city and he again just started saying lets go home. That hes tired and not in the mood.

But we were in a quiet enough play.

And im bitching here but ill take a quick break to say i kept hugging him and stuff which he liked despite saying he was really embarrassed

He told me ealier ok that because of this debt thing hes gonna work two jobs

Which. Terrified me. The first guy I went on a date with in Japan asked me to be his gf and to move in with him and said he had to work two jobs for a month to afford to move so he wouldnt have time to see me. He told me his progress for two weeks and then ghosted me.

This boy told me hell make time to see me when i complained about not doing anything physical when i wouldnt see him again for who knows how long

Welp. Todays saturday and that was sunday. And while at first i thought he was trying because he replied to my messages in or at 24 hours for a few days. Its gone back to the 17 hours

And i asked him to talk on the phone

And he just said not tonight because after his current job hes working at home too

And because im dumb ive waisted my whole saturday waiting for him to reply and crying.

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junietuesday · 4 years

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I'm going to write a Be More Chill fic and I was wondering what some things are that I should include for Michael being Filipino? Like common Filipino things, parts of the language he might use, and especially what to avoid doing? Thanks!

note: i’m full filipino, while michael is mixed, so if any mixed filipinos have anything to add, feel welcome! im gonna start with the “donts” bc getting salty kickstarts my brain. formatted for readability

don’t make him call his mom “ina”. we don’t use that. that’s a word for like, essays (and the national anthem apparently according to my dad). “nanay” (for tagalog speakers) is a more casual word, and shortening that to something like “nay” is even better

dont make him fluent in tagalog. most of the filipinos raised in america i know can’t speak it at all, only understand it, and the ones who do know it had to consciously learn it as a foreign language. you can have other people speak to him in it, but likely he’ll be replying in english

there are some words we use tagalog in though! usually it’s words english doesn’t have a one-word exact translation for, which deserves its whole own post tbh so i wont go into that here. oh and yes there are proper tagalog conjugation rules but who cares about those, just use english conjugation

i’ve said this before and i’ll say it again: rice. rice is a staple in like, every filipino meal. plain white rice btw, maybe garlic if you wanna get fancy. a rice cooker is a must-have in any filipino household. you can eat any meal with rice if youre not a coward. oh “ulam” is the word for stuff you eat with rice and “papak” is to eat something that you’d normally eat with rice without rice, two more tagalog words we do use. we eat w spoons and forks (including meat, we cut the meat with the side of the spoon). and you can look up filipino dishes for bonus points but 1) we also just eat stuff like chicken or whatever with rice, you dont need to do a crazy amount of research and 2) we eat all kinds of food, not just filipino of course, which don’t have rice. dont worry if this point intimidates you its not as important

superstitions are a nice touch, bc filipinos are very superstitious people. we eat noodles on birthdays and on new year’s bc they symbolize long life, and we jump up and down on new year’s to make ourselves grow taller, and we leave coins on windowsills to invite riches, and we spin our plate around if someone leaves the house during a meal or else it’s bad luck, and we can’t sleep with wet hair or we’ll go blind. that kind of thing

OH IMPORTANT: we call older sisters/cousins “Ate” and older brothers/cousins “Kuya”, usually the oldest is called the honorific alone while the rest have a nickname attached. it’s not seen as overly formal or anything, tbh it feels weird to be called my name by my younger siblings. basically the only time you wouldn’t do it is if you felt uncomfortable being overtly filipino around someone. the word for aunt is “tita”, uncle “tito”, grandma “lola”, and grandpa “lolo”, used the same as they are in english. you also use honorifics for friends of your parents (sadly i dont know of any nonbinary options)

more for oc making but filipino names tend to be an english first name paired with a spanish last name. there’s a long history there (you can even look up a list of the last names spain permitted filipinos to have) but yeah this formula is pretty sound. oh and you know namesmushes we use for ships? yeah filipinos sometimes give namesmushes of them and their partner to their kid as legitimate names. i have multiple aunts named this way. (also not a namesmush but my dad seriously considered naming me “bambina” until my mom shot him down so uh take that how you will)

OH ALSO IMPORTANT: filipinos have this thing called blessing, a way for showing respect to elders. basically, the older person holds out their hand, palm-down, and you take it and put it to your forehead. idk where it came from but it’s not an old-fashioned tradition, well it is but we still do it a lot so

that’s all i can think of for now, here you go! you can also go to my “#filipino” tag for more, such as insight into shitpost worthy filipino culture

edit: i didn’t prioritize well originally so i moved a few bullet points down here bc they’re less important but kinda just. things i want to see in filipino characters fjdgdjfhdg

parents. pointing at things. with their lips. it’s a thing and i do not know why. either you know exactly what theyre talking about or youre totally bewildered. no in-between

in the philippines, christmas starts on september 1 and goes to like, halfway through january, so often even if we don’t actually celebrate christmas that long, many jokes are made. idk i just want to see more filipinos making christmas jokes

#@mx. super rad sunglasses #bmc #michael mell #writing ref #THANK YOU FOR SENDING THIS #RAMBLING ON ABOUT FILIPINO MICHAEL IS MY FAVE THING TO DO #asks #june speaks #filipino tag

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pchangposts · 4 years

Text

a melancholic realization.

its about 12 am on a saturday night and i hadnt received a single snap, text message, or fb message today. as i watch all my friends having fun with each other via their social media, it starts to dawn on me where my place in their lives is. ive always been envious of people who have some tight group of friends they can always rely on to hang out with and just have fun together casually. i feel like i was always the kid that people knew and was friends with, but i was never really included in like a “best friend” type of group where people would just hit me up and ask to hang out. that was until i joined PBL and everyone was constantly asking to hang. even though i was introverted, it felt nice to be a part of a tight friend group for once. and then i took that for granted when i started to join APO.

all of a sudden i started a new friend group with my $ fam and before i knew it, i had drifted away from my old PBL fam. even in their social media stories today, i see them hanging out all the time, going to events together, grabbing routine dinners with each other. part of me thinks, what if i had just stuck with PBL. would i have been included in all these close friend group routines? i definitely do miss these friends right now but at the time i joined APO, i didnt much care about these thoughts because i felt so happy and tight with my APO fam/friends. hung out everyday, went to events together, could hang out with anyone at any given time. yeah, i was happy. I developed some of my closest relationships during APO and im grateful for it. i guess i just wish that it lasted even after college. i see all of them hanging with each other in their stories, with my self absent and uninvited. i appreciate the times i do get invited to big parties or events that are thrown, but at the same time, it feels like those might be the only things i may be invited to in the future. they all celebrate birthday meals with each other and just from simple stuff like that, i just miss being able to casually hang out with them. but i know i have no right to impose myself on stuff they dont feel the need to invite me to, i get it. life after college, definitely gets lonely. it was a lot easier with my roommates in oakland right after college. they were fun, inviting, and very easy to get along with. after they moved out i think i just felt that a part of me left with them. i definitely miss them a lot. i love my roommates right now too, but at the same time, i feel as though i have to tread carefully and hold in a lot of my thoughts. just recently, i was scolded for saying my first thought (which i thought was a very trivial one at that). i felt bad and so now, i feel as though i dont want to say anything as to not start any trouble. i want to be able to hang out with the roomies but theyre all so busy, i feel the house is empty half the time. i find myself alone in my room for periods of time, hoping for someone to message me to hang out or even grab a simple bite to eat. but im starting to lose all these connections and i start to receive fewer and fewer messages every day from people. and its making me think: maybe my time up here in Bay Area is over? anytime someone asks me when i would consider moving back to SoCal, i always proudly tell them, “in several years, when all my friends in SF have moved away”. maybe i was naive thinking that “moving away” had to be a physical connection. i now realize, its more of an emotional connection and if i were to move back to LA, probably no one would rly care? i wish it were as simple as that but unfortunately, i have no one back in SoCal to return to either. everyone in high school had cast me out like a loner and an outcast. that was part of the reason i was excited to move to berkeley for school for a fresh start. guess everything came full circle huh. definitely the one friendship i regret losing the most would be with serena. she was a loyal friend and one i could count on. i just wish i hadnt taken it for granted. i wish i hadnt taken all of these friendships for granted. saw some quote somewhere “i wish there was a way to know youre in the good ol days, before youve actually left them”. maybe if i knew that, i couldve done something different to maintain my relationships with friends.

lol or maybe im just being super angsty right now because im taking accutane, which are meds known to cause depression. which is ironic cause im taking the meds since i was self conscious and depressed about my acne and it helped get rid of my acne. but yeah, id say if you were to ask me if i was happy with life, i could quite confidently tell you no. ive lost a lot of the meaningful connections with my friends, and it only gets harder to make new ones as you grow older. im not really sure what to do with myself and i dont know how im gonna survive. but watching some throwbacks on Disney Plus is at least helping a little bit. i hope i can be happy again one day. i hope i can read this in a couple years and be able to tell myself, youre gonna be ok.

#personal

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