#im in unbearable pain!
sootnuki · 5 months ago
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doodles i made while finishing third life :-)
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ohsotragical · 5 months ago
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“you’ve encountered [this spell] before” (forced truth) + dorian’s tendency to drink/make rash decisions when he shares more than he’d like = This
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australet789 · 4 days ago
Someone needs to slap in my brain that if i feel pain i SHOULD say something about it and not just...try to ignore it and be like "eh, it's gonna pass"
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wiseartbookslibrarieslover · 4 months ago
I'm not trying to start anything here but I'm genuinely curious/confused. I get shipping destiel as in oh yeah they're cute and flirty but how can you seriously ship them like they're so in love and would die for each other because I don't see it. I guess Cas would die for Dean (I also believe he would do the same for Sam or even for some random person because the guy has some seriously overblown sense of duty, not unlike Dean, except it kind of is but not the point here) but I don't think Dean would do the same for him. More importantly, I truly believe Dean is incapable of having a long-term (as in more than one hour) romantic relationship because he could never even pretend to care about anybody more than he cares about Sam. If he had to choose between saving Sam and literally anybody else, Sam would always win. (Although you might argue that in the first season or at least pre-series, John might have been more important but I don't think I have enough information to really judge that.) I'm not saying Castiel isn't his friend or that he's not important to him. I'm also not saying Dean's attracted to or in love with Sam in any way because I don't think he is, but you don't have to love somebody romantically to value their life more than somebody else's life's not that simple (or (pseudo-)romantic, this isn't Romeo and Juliet).
In other words - how can anybody seriously think destiel could ever be cannon while Sam is still breathing? And even if Sam died, Dean wouldn't just stop being Dean. He'd probably sacrifice himself (can we call it indirect suicide because that's pretty much what it would be), throw himself headfirst into some reckless fight with a vampire or some other monster and be happy to die because I don't think he even knows how to live without his brother anymore. Regardless of whether Cas was still alive or not. But if it was the other way around, I don't think Dean would deal with Castiel's death any worse than with Charlie's or Benny's or any other character's that was important to him but wasn't Sam (again John might be the exception here but there's more to it than just him being Dean's dad, it's also Dean blaming himself for his death).
Fanon is one thing, I don't care what you ship, but people are so adamanet that Dean and Castiel are in love and it's so obvious and I don't get how we can watch the same show and get such different impressions of what kind of guy Dean is and what his priorities are??? Especially because, while I'm not crazy about Castiel, he seems to be aware of what a weird, codependent relationship Sam and Dean have, and I can't even imagine him wanting to get between them. He's not blind, nor is he an idiot, I can imagine him wanting to be with Dean, but he'd know that Sam always comes first and I think he'd be cool with that (not sure I can say the same about Dean but again that's not that important right now).
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that-foul-legacy-lover · 2 months ago
aaaaa i’ve been doing a lot of my own brainrot recently instead of answering asks like i should be please forgive ;-;; brainrot strikes late at night and i feel bad if i answer asks so late </3
anywho late night concept GO
you being a devout follower of the Tsaritsa, with a place in the Fatui akin to a Mirror Maiden due to your genuine worship of the Cryo Archon. you don’t fight often, instead staying in Snezhnaya to keep order, and when you do fight it’s in the Tsaritsa’s name. you believe your place and the Fatui to be safe and securely good, wholeheartedly trusting your god and superiors.
one day you’re walking around the main Fatui HQ when you come across a door, slightly ajar. it’s Il Dottore’s lab, somewhere you normally stay out of simply because other Fatuus take care of the clean up (or Dottore himself is in there doing Archons know what), but now it’s silent and empty, so you shrug and walk in.
you’re on cleaning duty, after all.
when you walk in your nose crinkles at the sharp scent of chemicals and the sound of glass underfoot, but it’s nothing you can’t handle. you wear gloves for a reason! and you’re in the process of cleaning up (making sure not to touch any bottles or equipment) when you hear something like a whimper in the corner. curious, you walk over, finding a large cloth covering something and yanking it down. you’re met face-to-face with an enormous Abyssal monster, cowering in the far corner of a too-small cage. it’s curled into itself, shivering with fear and chill. there’s a paper attached to the bars.
Tartaglia, Eleventh Harbinger, status: Abyssal Transformation, experiment 254.
Part 1 for brainrot i guess???? help i’ve already come up with more for this i already have an ending in mind why do i do this to myself >:0 i can definitely expand this into a full length thing honestly tell me if you wanna hear more <33
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pepprs · 11 days ago
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tess pepprs current moment in time moodboard
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art-of-mathematics · 3 months ago
I turn more and more into a fucking egomaniac asshole. It is saddening. Today my sister confronted me with a bunch of clear indicators of my damned autism. I am so self absorbed. Our interaction has no 'nutrition', as I always complain about daily trivial stuff. And that I never recognize when she feels bad, simultaneously that she hates me asking her how she feels, because she always doesn't answer it in the way I intended the question to; I want to know HOW she REALLY feels, not smalltalk shit, no lying. because I suck at empathy. I can't smell how she feels, but she also does not understand the social difficulty coming with the autism. And I am so so sad. And feel guilty for only using 'my, me, I"...
And I feel so bad about....As I asked her WHAT she wants to talk about with me, she dismissed it. And I told her I don't know what to tell her or what to ask her about, what she would like to speak about. Also, she instantly proposed I believe she is 'too dumb for my special interests', which is not the case... But I am unable to communicate it in a way that people outside my own head can understand. And it makes me sad that people often feel intimidated (?) by my theoretical bullshittery... also, I suck at people interrupting me entirely or going into topics I despise. I am confused everytime.
Yet I finally know why people often react disgusted at my communication: And I understand the reaction actually. It is an awful paradox combination of incomprehensible intellectual pedantry and hyper-emotionalized exaggeration of my pointless feelings. I appear like an arrogant narcissist. And it makes me so sad. Too head-heavy while also hyper-emotionalized... She told me I appear like a joke because of that and can't be taken seriously. I appear shallow and artificially exaggerated. But I don't intend to. I don't intend to be awful. Maybe I should get rid of my voice and become mute forever.
Am I really just a sociopathic narcissist? I never intended to hurt her. But we seem too incompatible. She does not understand how autism affects all that at least to a minimal degree.
I gave up on telling her why it is difficult for me. She only dismisses it as rebellious anti-everything and my "addiction to negativity".
Everything I say.... she seems to not understand. She only puts things between my lines that never were, nor were ever true in any means. Maybe I'm just awful. The only thing I can do is avoid the contact mostly. But then she complains I won't do anything with her. But when I finally take all my strength to meet her, she complains as well. I appear too absent-minded.. She always insists on watching movies that literally make me drive nuts, and the inner aggression is unbearable. Last time I couldn't stop touching and rubbing my shitty ear, until my damn lobe piercing got infected. And I feel so sick. Watching movies is literal torture, my fucking mind dissects every shitty scene, finds every logical inconsistency, and often I also despise the overall entire topic and execuzion... Most things many people find calming, I find stressful and exhausting. Where others watch movies and 'consume' I indulge in work and creative output. I find consumption so exhausting. It stresses me so much like a normal person would get stressed if they had a paper due tomorrow or something... I would rather work all day than watch one movie in a week. And I sound fucking exaggerating, but the internalized hyperactivity gets so intense and unbearable, often I also tend to hurt myself somehow as I can't control the literal pain. It's like you can hear every shitty neuron in your brain killing each other...
And my need for my routine is also really difficult. Currently I only survive each day by adjusting my life on what I am capable to achieve, I have accepted that staying up til 6am is okay. Ironically my sleep is far better since I have a clearer sleeping routine, although my 'day primarily consists of the night'... But the darkness and silence, literal deceleration helps me calm down. It is difficult to come to know which routine works for me, when everyone says it is so bad to stay up that late and the stuff I enjoy is bad and I should "chill more and watch movies etc"... ... I can't use the advice of most neurotypical people. I attempted to use these so often, but everytime it severely increased the negative aspects and symptoms. How can I find my balance and literal equilibrium when the interference with the world around me is so harmful? It feels like I am a bunch of antimatter stranded in a world of matter only surviving by being in my own little cloud of vacuum... debilitating isolation. ... or like I stranded as alien here on earth and would suffocate if I try to breathe the air. Then humans come and insist you to put off your helmet, because they hate it and think you wanna be special, narcissistic. Then you take off the helmet and almost suffocate. Then they can't imagine it is real and insist you to fake it to get attention. Then they bully and exclude you because you have to wear that helmet, and they think you do it to be special... when in reality it only guarantees plain survival... Either you die by suffocation, or by chronic isolation and debilitating loneliness.
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whentommymetalfie · 5 months ago
saw the season 6 trailer and im
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lateaugustpdf · a month ago
the like shitshow ordeal of having a conversation with someone that i was in love with and finding out they have known that i had feelings for them this whole time. lovely.
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bramstokersdracula · 3 months ago
sorry for all the batman posting. mutuals who survived summer of 2019 with me you are so strong but herstory repeats itself
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browntrait · 4 months ago
hi besties
i dislocated my hip 🙃…so ive been on bed rest. i tried to post from mobile but the formatting got all messed up so imma have to post tomorrow. this week just keeps gettin worse n worse and im overwhelmed but hopefully, it’ll get better soon. i hope u guys are having a good weekend so far!!
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otbharrys · 6 months ago
time to read nothing but spiderman fics <33
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bilbobagginsomebabez · 6 months ago
while i am drunk and an american lit major, i just want to make a few things clear about ernest hemingway okay
1. please shut up about hemingway forever and i am not kidding. i know he was scarred and traumatized by the war and how it was so tragic he resorted to using simple sentences but i cannot stress to you enough that he spent the remainder of his years after the trauma following pablo picasso around so he could have sex with groupies. did you ever read a hemingway novel and think ‘wow this guy is a misogynist!’ ? it’s because he was a misogynist who literally structured his life around sleeping with groupies. you do not have to respect a man who structured his life around sleeping with groupies even if he was so traumatized that he used simple sentences in his Big American Novel. you really don’t. have to respect him. you don’t. i promise you that you do not.
2. ernest hemingway DIED in 1961 ok. they did not have KEYBOARDS in 1961. they had typewriters AT BEST and that shit was still clunky. at the time that he lived, hemingway’s “write drunk edit sober” shit required A LOT MORE MOTOR FUNCTION THAN NOW. ok you still had to be able to hold a pen and string together thought OR tap out one letter at a time on a big ass typewriter. you literally had to be more sober in order to write. i can personally sit here and clack clack on my keyboard and i need to move my fingers in a very peck-peck simple motion for that. physical writing and typewriters are not as easy. this is not a defense of ernest hemingway just a reminder that he wasn’t as drunk as he made you believe when he was writing simple sentences. he just wasn’t very imaginative even when drunk. it’s a mark against him
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clubpenguinkiller · a month ago
Entire fucking body is doing that awesome thing where its mimicking the sensation of a sunburn in every area where fat is deposited
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razzberryfunhouse · a month ago
trying to post art every day is real hard when im experiencing some of the worst pain ive ever felt im gonna be honest
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pepprs · a month ago
it’s like i made it this far only to completely fucking crash and burn and give up right in front of the people who believed i could do it and who i made to trust me to do it. awesome
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serqent · 9 months ago
every time i think abt the elevator scene its head in hands. staring into the eyes of the person you have come to trust, love, and put faith into, the person who has risked their life for you countless times unprompted and without reason, thinking of all the things left unsaid, how you'd be unable to say them anyway because there's simply no time left, knowing you're giving yourself up to death in minutes' time but still having these stolen moments charged with what could have been. my heart is breaking 100 times over
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g-a-y-g-o-y-l-e · 2 months ago
every once in awhile i get to play the game “am i experiencing second puberty growing pains or are these aftershocks from the lead poisoning”
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unnonexistence · 2 months ago
thinking about how art is a way of freezing part of yourself in time. like people can see art you made when you were in a dark place a few years ago and go "oh shit me too" and find solace in that even if youre not there anymore
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moonwich · 3 months ago
Me: whining and complaining over my hurting knee, sharp pain shooting through it, making me clench my teeth
Also me: goes for 3 hours long walk with my dog because it didn't hurt that much for a moment
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