#im just a useless piece of shit

[autisticlee]

that feeling when you're so unwanted and dismissed and disliked by everyone around you...when you offer help and suggestions or try to join conversation or anything and the response you get is always "no/go away/I didn't ask you/etc" it feels horrible and when i ask what the problem is and why they hate me they just say "I never said I hate you/there's no problem" but the way they talk and act SHOWS ME THEY HAVE A PROBLEM OR HATE ME. you can't insult me every time I walk into a room or dismiss every single thing I say without even hearing it all and then say you don't hate me or have a problem with me! it doesn't work that way! either prove me wrong by showing not telling, or just be honest.

#family problems #i hate these people get me out of here #lee rants #tired of trying to get along with them and help them and they dismiss and insult me #like my sister trying to prepare for her wedding. im very good at planning things and solving problems #they keep hitting so many problems and dont know how to plan stuff and amd i offer logical solutions and just get “NO.” #no thought about it. instant immediate dismisive response #isnt it normal for siblings to help with wedding stuff???? why is my sister a piece of shit? maybe i shouldnt even go to it #just plan something else that day and not show up. she obviously doesnt want me to be part of it. #i like helping out. i like being part of things. getting dismissed and pushed away feels like shit. especially when im good certain things #and KNOW I CAN BE USEFUL. BUT THEY TREAT ME LIKE USELESS SCUM AND DONT LET ME DO ANYTHING AND IT FEEL SO FUCKING BAD #ugh. i hate it here. i rather be somewhere my existence is appreciated and wanted. thats obbiously not here.

[soldier-poet-king]

What to do when you want to *** but you're "not supposed to" drink yourself silly BC it's 11am, and also you can't leave your room without running into family and also you are useless and pointless and can't do anything right and that's just. How it's gonna be forever.

#franposting #ignore me. its just #oh it sure is a day #this was supposed to be a good long weekend #i really just want to be unconscious for the entirety of it and then also forever after permanently #i cannot spend the whole weekend drunk but i want to #and im supposed yo go see hamilton sunday as a bday gift with my mother which like #1 seeing it w my mother hell. shes gonns fuckin flipm she doesnt know abt the cheating plotline #and in my fucked family??? god i shkuld jjust kms #2 even if i wasnt going with her im just. depressed and useless and want to do notbing but lie in a hole and wait to die #bc i cant escape myself #anyway its just :) #physically i am fine pls dont worry #im just. well. u know #a piece kf shit. AND failed my highway test again. which is 90$ a pop. bc i cant do basic child shit #or bc everyone in the goddam city drives so bad and i dont even WANT TO USE THE HIGHWAYS #and the ttc sucks ass and i cant afford to live somewhere where u can just use transit (ie. parts of europe. parts of asia) #anyway!!! just.!!!! wow i hate it

[magnoliamyrrh]

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#i <3 wanna fucking die <3 all the time #all the god damn time i wish i could just kill myself im so sick of it #but noo bc that's like not good in theological terms nooo my best friend would be fucked up noo i cant cause even #more stress to my family but im so fucking tired and done #lifes been exhausting as shit and im sick of it #and on top of all the fucking health issues this useless piece of shit body is going to hell too #like great!! great! abled ppl can often barely manage to make it by in this country and economy or they #get so fucked by work they become disabled lmaoo i already fucking am #i dont want to even fucking try. i dont even wanna try. most of this life has been pain and mystery and wanting to die! #and feeling like im fucking suffocating #and i can go on and on abt how oh u know u live for the little things life is pain inherently it is what it is and whatever but i just #wanna god damn fucking dir #the years of my life when i was the least physically sick were spend being abused and being fucking exhausted to hell and back #now im almost 24 and ive what. barely managed to finish a univerity with a useless degree which in my parents eyes means basically #nothing compared to what i was supposed to do #its too fucking late for anything im too fucking old my health is too bad and i dont have the fucking energy to #do this shit enough to even just get bt much fucking less have it be anything that id even 5% wanna live for

[running-in-the-dark]

I've set myself 10 alarms so there's a tiny chance I might wake up early enough to somehow get this shit done today. I would bet that I still won't hear any of them, sleep for at least 12 hours, and then feel so fucking awful that I don't get anything done, though :)

#because im a fucking piece of shit #I'm also on 3 medications that make me sleep soooo yeah there is no way to wake me up earlier #fuck I just want to sleep and not have to deal with this #just go into a coma. then it's not my fault if I fucking fail #I'm so useless

[i-mode]

half the day of watching manlybadasshero play yiik and downing two bottles of beer does things to a man

#Edit: ignore literally everything ive said about the game here . I was in my I Hate On It Because I Dont Wanna Be Made Fun Of era #i fucking hate this game so so so much the long useless monologues piss me off so bad and the mc is a piece of shit but i cant stop watching #they have something going on with the story and i absolutely must know how it all ends #havent felt this much affection for a piece of media i absolutely despise in forever. sorry #also i absolutely love the fact my style just completely changes while im drunk . its like the demons take over me its a lil funny #not putting in any main tags #because frankly im embarrassed #my art

[verved]

i’m trying so hard not to hate myself but it’s really hard when i’m failing at life so spectacularly why can’t my brain just do what it’s supposed to. it’s like determined to ruin my life, and i just have to watch it happen from the sidelines and explain to others that no, i actually don’t want to be a useless person incapable of functioning normally, but i have Stupid idiot disease and so i’m a stupid idiot and that’s just reality for me and i get it. it’s annoying to have to witness and accommodate my failures but guess who has to deal with them 24/7

it’s like. why would anyone want this.. why would anyone want to be seen as pathetic and immature and irresponsible well into adulthood.fucking no one. im really fukcing trying but i get that it looks like me being whiny and pathetic and lazy but i litearlly am bashing my skull into a wall rn bc i hate the useless piece of garbage inside it so much

#idk how to explain that i am literally mentally disabled but bc it manifests in ways that inconvenince others #and that just bc im capable of certain kinds of intelligence that doesn't negate the fact that the organ that controls my functioning #as a person is a useless piece of shit in my skull

[mingot-studios]

i hate my myself so fucking much

give me attention give me something give me pity just PLEASE SEE ME

#im a horrible selfish greedy lazy ungrateful bitter apathetic piece of shit #go on i need pity from you that will feel insicere ad naive to me because I'm a fucing black hole that sucks up any kind of happiness #and spits it out #the oly way oi get by is pretending its not there because I'm a useless loser who cant do anything but sit around and feel sorry for myself #i have no future #id off myself im too much of a goddamn pussy #i just want to dissapre #god i cant even spell right #im failure

[bingotime]

sad. bitter realization that i am still haunted by people of the past, got recc'd a show a guy i knew really liked and would recommend to me. and i figured i would at some point, but now even the thought makes me irrationally. something. unsure. uncomfortable? bitter? upset? overwhelmed maybe. i want to watch it, but i can't really tear two and two apart. just feels like a punch to the face

#just a little bitter about it yk #i dont wanna feel affected but i do #the whole show reminds me of the guy and it just makes me irrationally angry and uncomfortable to even look at #how does that even happen man #sorry cyberpunk edgerunners you do not deserve to be caught in the crossfire #no doubt its a very good show. i just know its gonna open a pandoras box of shit associated with that guy #its immature and silly but ill work through it #just thinkin about it. fuck man #half of my insecurities came from that guy tearing me a new one for some fuckin reason #hed be an asshole to me and id LET him. and i just. let him. whyd i do that #he always made me feel stupid and less than and he never cared abt anything i said and nothing i cared about mattered to him and i figured i #i did just figure i was stupid and i should even be grateful that he wanted to be friends with me even if he hated who i was #and im not like that anymore but i will admit he made me feel like the most incompetent useless piece of shit and i still do but im getting #better abt it. he fucking sucked #it is a whole box of unresolved feelings

[thelazytsundoku]

the daemon who murdered his wife, why would he try to choke another one?

#anti daemon targaryen #my sweet angel nyra #you did not deserve any of these #bitch your wife just pushed a dead baby out of her vagina #and also your baby you useless piece of shit #im angry #hotd #hotd spoilers

[izzy-b-hands]

the big Vent post abt my family today and that post i saw went to my fandom vent blog instead, ur welcome lmao

#text post #best thing i ever did but it sucks bc i feel like my feelings and ideas are valid here re: some of the fandom stuff #i just have been slapped back down enough to know that stepping out of place to bring it up is useless for me #but there's always the vent blog #where everything is privately posted no one gives a fuck and the points don't matter lmaooo #legit tho the vibe is so 'yall dont wanna hear me u just wanna dance' to paraphrase from the song so truly i sit here like #if u create in the fandom ur feelings increasingly matter less and less what matters is if ur making anything and if it Matches #the current Most Perfect Least Problematic trope that's the obsession of the week #whatever im done with it for now i need to clean up and say hi to the roomie and try to feel not like total shit the rest of the day #maybe ill pop some of my tumblr only stuff over on ao3 today finally #folks there have been perfectly polite and just leave a kudos and dip and tbh? that's been some of the kindest interaction ive had lately #and im so grateful for it thank u to those folks for keeping me writing #and to the folks here who give the tumblr only thus far pieces a read and a like u guys have kept me going very much too. thank u

[the-kipsabian]

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#well. guess whos job application got rejected #i mean i didnt have very high hopes in the first place i was just glad i applied for something i thought i could do #now i dont know. is there anything i can do? #i know its just one job but also its the only one ive found so far so... #im just meant to be a useless piece of shit idk #night is an absolute mess on main

[gender-euphowrya]

googles what kills houseplants not so i know what to avoid but so i can commit premeditated botanical murder

#i have Had it with my mom's stupid piece of shit fruitfly-attracting waste of leaves #i don't even know what it IS it's just 3 miserable twigs that barely sprout from the dirt and sit by the sink doing nothing #so im thinking that bitch is gonna get a daily intake of Very salted boiling water perhaps also with dish soap in it <3 #we have been having fruit fucking flies all over the damn house FOR A SOLID YEAR #moms not doing shit about it. i keep complaining and she just keeps having fugly useless plants that they can lay eggs in #it's just me and her. someone's got to fucking take matters in their own god damn sinful little bitch hands

[swordcoasts]

,

#i'm so. frustrated with a friend #every time i share something positive (like stuff i've learned in therapy that's been making me feel less shit abt myself or today the #masters acceptance thing) #she just counters it with some variety of 'wow good for you it's such a shame im such a useless piece of shit and would be better off dead' #and like. firstly not everything HAS to be about you this is so fucking. rude. idk. i don't expect confetti and celebrations but you could #at least pretend you care about other people lmao #secondly everyone around her (including HER OWN THERAPIST) has been telling her that negative self talk is a self fulfilling prophecy and #she could at least TRY to work on it but she's just not willing to even try #idk i'm so tired of this constant barrage of 'woe is me AND ONLY ME' #don't get me wrong i know mental illness isn't cured by just 'thinking positively' or w/e but there comes a point at which you need to be #willing to do SOMETHING. ANYTHING AT ALL to get better #ok i needed to get this rant out of my system thank u if u read through this jumbled mess ily #misc #dee.txt

[team-rnjr]

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#maybe don't read if you like. actually know me #i feel so alone #and i feel bad because when friends do try to reach out i can't hold a conversation at all #i just #feel so fucking useless #no one wants me around #I'm only here because i don't want to hurt the one person who actually likes me #i have no clue why she does #i just feel so fucking broken and alone #i don't terrapin want to talk about this #im just a stupid broken piece of shit who's never going to get better

[sprinklethetangerine]

It's so weird to me when I sleep in class and a teacher tells me to go wash my face.

Like, yeah, buddy, sure I'll go wash my face. And when I come back I'll be wide awake. You're right, surely now that my face is wet, I don't want to go to sleep anymore. How could anyone still be sleepy with a wet face?

#i get that your body releases some adrenaline when you splash cold water on your face #but that tiny little bit of adrenaline im sorry to say doesnt do much #especially if youre really tired #honestly it doesnt make sense to me that people so admantly believe washing your face is going to wake you up #sure maybe for a moment but youll drift right back off to dreamland afterwards #its really just useless. i always go right back to sleep immediately after reentering the class to make a point about it #if your student is sleeping in class maybe you should ask if they slept well at home #maybe you should ask if they feel sick #maybe you should idk be concerned for them in any way shape or form instead of immediately antagonizing them #maybe instead of telling me to wash my face and stop sleeping you should try being less boring #try to be actually interesting for once. i know its hard since you dont have a real personality but i believe in you #just stop being fucking boring and a piece of shit to your students its not that hard

[kirakirabug]

This stupid ass website "oops try again?" maybe let me download images you piece of shit . Shut up.

#kirakirabug talks #dont go oopsy woopsies with me you piece of shit #maybe try and fix actual problems instead of making useless updates nobody gives a shit about #sorry im so mad rn im being a hater i just want to download images is that too much to ask for