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corpsentry · 3 years

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january: an art retrospective

i did some stuff last month (but it’s a lot of stuff and there’s a photodump + some Serious Fucking Reflection, so it’s all below the cut)

so ok, let’s start with this. here are some heads. each head has a red arrow. that red arrow is what i call the red line of the devil. it’s the slope of the face from the side of the eye to the cheekbone and then down towards the chin. up until like 2 weeks ago, i couldn’t draw it. i couldn’t fucking draw it. i would edit over that part of the face over and over again until i was frustrated and tired and i had a raging homosexual headache and it still never looked right. notice that each head is different. notice that each head looks wrong.

at the start of 2021 i finally admitted to myself, as per the image above, that i was deeply, deeply unhappy with my art. what was the problem? i dunno. but i decided i was going to fix it and i was going to do so via another one scribble a day event wherein for every day of january i would find a photo of a human head, and i would draw it.

january 1st, 2021. i was embarrassed to tweet this even on my private account where like 5 friends and a rock would see it. in retrospect, you can also see all of my bad habits emerging like dicks from a hole in the ground. it’s disproportionate. the brows look flat. the eyes are slanting upwards. the entire drawing looks flat, like this isn’t a 3d person but a caricature of one.

january 2nd, 3rd, 4th:

on the 2nd i decided to start a separate thread for doodles and applied learning. here’s the first set of tests

the rest of the week is kind of uneventful so we’re going to skip those. fast forward to january 11th

this one is especially bad. i am acutely aware, suddenly, that i am not changing anything at all. i’m stressed and miserable about it because i’m still trying to see people as people and trying to draw people that look attractive and proportionate and hot. my friend, leny, reminds me that i need to think about faces in terms of planes. i have a moment. my other friend masha sends me some links to anatomy tutorials. i have another moment.

january 11th. applied sketch

january 13th is when i start the troubleshooting process. the link above drives me mad because i’m pretty happy with the face but then i realize that there’s something very fucking wrong with the shape of the head LOL and then i realize that i’ve never had any idea what the proportion of the face to the rest of the skull is so i grit my teeth and i open a new canvas and i

bald studies. it seemed like the right thing to do. can’t draw heads? ok draw some heads. look at some photographs. i traced each photo but tried to stick to straight lines so that i could replicate the shapes more easily. i broke each face down into shapes. i thought about airplanes

i got really excited. i started doing studies, then applied studies, then stylized studies.

sketches. i’m not sure what’s going on (as always) and it’s very rough, but they look different from the sketches i did on january 2nd. that’s a start

january 16th’s daily study. looks more like a person now. juuuuuust a bit

more applied studies

on the 18th i take a break and go stare at some lips because i don’t understand how the fuck they work. again, i focus on shapes, on volume, on the fact that these things exist in 3d. holy fuck lips exist in 3d. holy fuck we are real

january 19th. i’m working on it.

january 22nd. some sketches + a daily study. it has finally occurred to me that heads can tilt up and down and that things look different accordingly. yes i was not aware of this before. yes i have been drawing for over a decade.

january 23rd. by this point after doing my daily sketch i almost always go back and do an applied study which is basically to say i drew a lot of fucking links. this one looks kind of okay. i’m kind of proud

january 25th. links. trying to make sense of everything i’ve learned

26th, 27th, 28th. daily studies

january 1st. january 31st

The End Of The Photo Dump (dab)

ok NOW i get to talk about what i discovered while studying the shit out of human beings

FIRST OF ALL, there is something precious and magical about drawing shit without the explicit knowledge that you’re going to tweet that shit out to 45 people later. it takes the burden of perception off your shoulders and that does something to you, or at least that’s my theory. i told myself i wouldn’t post any of this stuff until the end of the month (if i wanted to post it at all) and kept everything off my public social media accounts and that meant i could draw ugly as hell without worrying about who would point and laugh, which i absolutely fucking did. a lot of these are fucking trainwrecks. most of these are fucking trainwrecks. why do they look like that?? why??? this doesn’t look like the work of someone who’s allegedly been drawing since they were in kindergarten, does it?????

here’s why: because that person took a huge motherfucking swing at everything they’d ever known about art and spent a month building something new in its place. the abstract explanation is that i grew up on shoujo and weird old anime and my understanding of anatomy was unironically kamichama karin and while i love kamichama karin, when kamichama karin is your rule even if you try to break it, you’re going to end up going nowhere. “you have to know the rules to break them”, yeah? well i didn’t know shit. the abstract explanation is i’ve been miserable about my art for a few years now because i saw other people doing things effortlessly which i couldn’t and instead of going back to the basics, i tried to do what they did (not plagiarism, mind you, i mean i literally tried to copy the red line of the devil i mentioned above because i couldn’t even make that happen) and then i fucking failed.

the simple explanation is this. i had to unlearn everything, and relearn it again (like some kind of new renaissance clown, what the fuck is this?)

take this for example. all my life i’ve drawn faces in the order: eyes, nose, mouth, face shape, head. this works for some people, im aware, but it was something central to how i had always drawn, so i decentralized it. i said fuck you to the old me and changed the order up. now i start with the nose, then the eyes, mouth, the chin line, and the sides of the face. now i force myself to think about the human head as a series of parts interacting with each other instead of a bunch of disparate features which i want to look pretty.

or let’s use this zelda from last year. something about this looked wrong last october, the way something about all of my drawings looked wrong, but i couldn’t pinpoint it for hell the way i couldn’t articulate Any of my feelings about the visual arts. now, looking back, here’s what i see. that nose is sticking out far too much given how she’s not really facing very far away from the camera. that ear at the back shouldn’t be there. her forehead is too big. she doesn’t have a forehead. what the fuck is up with the shape of her head?

so apparently reject modernity embrace tradition has its roots in alt-right terminology and i’m not very horny for the alt-right (you understand), but the spirit survives here. you know sometimes you have to admit that you have no idea what the fuck you’re doing and draw people for 31 days. i’ve spent my whole life drawing stylized people and while again there are artists who have no issue with this, i veered off the track of the Good and the Holy and couldn’t get back on. i had no point of reference because i’d never thought about what an actual human being looks like, so i had no way to fix what i knew in my gut looked wrong but wouldn’t come out better.

this was hard. this was like oikawa tooru swallowing his worthless pride and admitting that ushijima wakatoshi had gotten the best of him for the last time in his high school career, but in haikyuu!! by furudate haruichi oikawa tooru fucks off to argentina and then joins the argentinean national team, and you know what, i think i’ve made it to argentina (not the team just the country). as per the golden rule of dont fucking move until you’re at least two thirds of the way through the month, i only started trying to draw Shit shit on like the 22nd or something, but i was happy with that i created. i am happy with what i’ve done. i’ve posted like 2 things this month that involve people with what i now call ~applied Knowledge~~ and they’re, like, not perfect obviously (perfection is an unattainable ideal), but i’m fucking proud of them. i didn’t spend 5 hours hunched over my laptop adjusting the red line of the devil because it’s not a devil’s line anymore. because i finally sorta get how people work. because i sat down and i said ‘we are not going to fuck with this misery shit anymore’ and then i did that. it’s just a line now.

here are 2 collages tracking my painstakingly carved out progress from january 2nd to february 2nd because i’m a slut for collages

and here’s what i’ve done to my art! the same person drew these but also Not Really! you know! for the first time in a year i don’t immediately hate what i’ve drawn. you know what guys? art is fucking fun. zelda’s forehead doesn’t scare me anymore because i know how foreheads fucking work now, and i don’t know everything, and i’m going to keep troubleshooting stuff as i go (i want to draw a skeleton. like a. i want to draw a goddamn skeleton guys) but i’m honestly and genuinely proud of what i’ve done in the span of a month, and i’m also in disbelief. i started this month-long challenge out as a last ditch effort to make peace with my art because i’ve been tired for a long time and i was ready to kick the bucket on drawing people altogether. i didn’t think anything would happen. nothing’s happened for years. i’ve been miserable for years.

this was the caption for january 1st, 2021. i was super, super fucking embarrassed and it looks like super fucking shit, but you know what, i think i did in fact triumph over the bullshit. surprisingly enough, when you put in consistent effort into something, You Will See Results. didn’t see that coming, did you? i know i didn’t.

this isn’t a success story. it’s a happiness story. i never gave a shit damn about the institute of art or whatever, i was just mad at myself because what i saw in my head didn’t match up with what was on the canvas. and now it’s getting better. now i’m calibrating the compass. now drawing not just backgrounds but also people is exciting to me, and i can stick my links in your face and tell you ‘they hot’. i’m going to keep doing that. i’m going to keep going until i drop off the side of the earth and then spiral towards mars like some kind of fairy, and then i’m going to create something beautiful.

thanks for reading. here’s a pr department link for sticking around until the end

#my stuff

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toothpastecanyon · 5 years

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We Walk Like Humans Do, Chapter 2

The Transcendence has been, on the whole, a good thing for magical creatures... for the ones that walked on two legs and fit in doorways, at least. Lacie has other problems to overcome before she can live in the big city.

Thanks to @feferipeixes for help editing this chapter! Go check out their awesome stuff!

See most updated version on Archive of Our Own.

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Oh, my stars. Alcor hasn’t laughed this hard in lifetimes.

Chapter 2 of Wizard Animago’s Not-So-Secret Spellbook - Everything You Already Knew About Transfiguration and Literally Nothing Else

Hi, I’m 18Lacie5 and I wrote another chapter for you humans. Everyone was really confused on my last post and seemed to think it was a joke, so I’ll start out by answering the five most common questions you had.

1 - Yes, I am a basilisk.

2 - No, I am not the basilisk from Harry Potter.

3 - No, I do not live in the Chamber of Secrets from Harry Potter.

4 - No, I am not the horcrux snake from Harry Potter.

5 - No, I am not in any way related to Harry Potter.

Are we all on the same page now? Good, because holy shit some of you really missed the point here. I got a visit from one of you with a replica of Gryffindor’s sword, and that was so annoying I didn’t even feel bad killing him - like dude, all that tells me is I KNOW you read my post about not coming down here, and then decided to come down here anyway ‘cause fuck me, right?

(The sword wasn’t even that good. It was made of cheap plastic, snapped like a spine.)

Anyway, despite all this the last post was fun to write, so I’m doing it again. Also it seems like the number of visits from treasure hunters has gone down since I posted, though it’s hard to tell. There’s not really a consistent number from year to year, and the day I start keeping a deathcount is the day I give up on life and buy a mirror to see if I can kill myself with my own reflection.

For science, you know?

Alcor’s read the entire blog by now and it’s just perfect. The snark, the sarcasm, the casual disregard towards human lives that could only have been written by an ancient and powerful being - it’s hilarious! And the spell entries… man, he could listen to Lacie tear apart someone’s Latin any day of the decade. If only she could come to some of his summons; she’d have so much material to work with there.

With a chuckle, Alcor looks up and glances around the darkness of the Mindscape. He needs to show this to someone. But who? Mizar? She’s only a year into the current reincarnation… hmm, she might be a little too young to understand it. Lucy Ann’s somewhere around; he probes for her, and finds her - dammit - during naptime at some kindergarten in Portland.

Anyone else?

…

No one else.

There’s absolutely no one else in his life right now. That’s… that’s a fun reminder.

He sighs, and sits back on the fabric of reality. Maybe some cultists’ll summon him; he could read them a blog post, see if they laugh. That’d be fun, right?

Al narrows his eyes at the great nothingness before him. It’d be something, at least.

...You know, he can feel a little tug now.

A weak one, just one summoner, and no circle. That confuses him at first - even the real amateurs usually manage to scribble out some sort of rounded shape - and when he looks closer, he sees it’s holding one of his summoning cards, holding it in its… hand?

No, not quite a hand, and Alcor jolts right up as he realises shit that’s Lacie trying to call him, shit he didn’t think she’d call him back so soon! How long did he keep her waiting? It’s been a couple hours - shit!

Alcor tessers over to her in an instant, his mouth already open and spilling apologies: “Oh my stars Lacie, I am so sorry for the delay! I got distracted and I didn’t think you’d call back so soon so I wasn’t watching as closely as I-”

A deep, rumbling growl cuts him off. It’s a deafening sound, coming from a creature lounging on a pile of bones and gold with teeth the size of Alcor’s entire body; he can’t help but cringe at that. He takes a deep breath, remind himself that he’s an all-powerful demon who definitely doesn’t need to be scared of some mere mortal… even if she is pretty scary for a mortal.

You know, relatively speaking. He isn’t scared, he just thinks she’s scarier than, like, a human. Like a human from that pile of human skeletons she’s smashed into the wall. Yeah, that’s not scary at all. That wouldn’t kill him… looks like it would hurt, though.

He double checked he isn’t standing near that spellbook she’s bound to, right?

Just as he’s thinking this, Lacie lets out another even louder growl, and he jumps back with an undignified yelp.

“Hey, whoa, Lacie!” Alcor watches her head shift to the side. “Lacie? Hello?”

She doesn’t reply, and he looks to her face for an answer. He sees one of her eyes now: it’s closed?

Closed.

The realisation washes over him as she lets out another slow, rumbling snore.

“Oh. You’re… you’re just sleeping, aren’t you. Duh.” He straightens, and casts a glance around the room as he fixes his tie and straightens his hat. “Glad no one noticed that… Lacie?”

She doesn’t stir, and Alcor makes a face. He’s never turned up to a summons and had the summoner fall asleep; would she want him to wake her up? Her dreams feel pretty peaceful to him, and even though that thing - is that a giant laptop? - she’s using as a pillow doesn’t look particularly comfy, it doesn’t seem to bother her in the slightest.

Yeah, it looks like he should just let her call him back… but there is something. Embedded in her sluggish thoughts, he can feel a sort of drive, a sort of desperation, and that makes him hesitate. He looks for her tail, and spots it still wrapped around his summoning card, still squeezing it in a death grip.

Alcor frowns. He watches her snore one more time, then makes up his mind. With a deep breath, he reaches out and prods at her thoughts; they immediately begin to stir. He prods again, and Lacie lets out a grunt. Her eyelid cracks open, and she drags a sleepy glare across the room.

Her gaze meets his, and he feels pain, pain in his soul, his soul feels like it’s being pushed out through his ears ow ow OW- and he recoils, unable to bear it for a second longer.

Wow, he thinks, that really is potent. What on earth makes it so powerful?

Before he can wonder about that, there’s a noise. Gold coins clink against each other as Lacie jerks up, blinking hard, panic flashing in her aura. Alcor holds up his hands.

“Hey, hey, it’s just me!” He looks down as she fixes her eyes on him. “Sorry if you, uh, didn’t want to be woken up, I just thought… you know, you called me, and… what are you doing?”

She’s cast the summoning card aside and is now wiggling the touchpad on her laptop. He cocks his head.

“Whoa, I’ve never seen a laptop that big. Where on Earth did you buy that?”

Lacie doesn’t acknowledge his question. She starts typing something, and he floats closer to see her login screen.

“18Lacie5. Heh, I like your username.” He watches her click on the password box and slowly, painstakingly jab each key with her tail. “E… Y… E… What? Why are you looking at me like- oh. Oh, I’m so sorry!”

There’s a faint snort from Lacie as he turns away. His cheeks redden.

“Sorry, I forget hu- uh, mortals? Mortals tend to like their privacy on stuff… it’s kind of useless since Al-V can hack into pretty much any computer on earth - um, the Alcor Virus, that’s Alvie.” He hears the typing stop, and suddenly wishes he’d chosen literally any other topic in the world. “Um, not that I would make him hack into your computer! I’m just saying he could, and he probably has already… um, I just made him to get rid of Twin Souls though, you’re fine! O-or you should be fine - you don’t, by any chance, happen to like Twin Souls, do you? It’s, um, this book - well it’s a movie now but it was a book - and Mizar - who is my sister by the way - well, that’s why I hate it, because it has my sister and I, umm…ugh, sorry, it’s gross, my sister and I, we’re- huh?”

A low hiss makes him look back, and he sees Lacie - ow - staring right at him. She gestures to the screen, which has a word document open on it with big, bold letters.

“Oh, you want me to read that?” He floats closer, and frowns as he reads the first line:

Im pretending 2 type rite now 2 see how long u wil ramble 4 wtf youre still going and now twin souls no nono why r u explaning i actually cant take the awkwardnes i got 2 stop u

Alcor blinks, then shoots her a dirty look. The noise coming out of her now sounds an awful lot like snickering.

“Wha- I was just-! I just wanted to clarify the hacking thing I said, I-!” The snickering gets louder, and he rolls his eyes. “Yeah, yeah, I guess I’m a little rusty at small talk, very funny. I’d like to see how awkward you’d be if the only practice you could get is on a bunch of cultists in basements. They’re not exactly social butterflies either, you know!”

Lacie just keeps laughing, and Alcor… well, he puts on a show of crossing his arms and heaving a long-suffering sigh, but he’s fighting a smile.

It’s strangely nice, being here. Lacie’s strangely nice to be around; she already feels - and he has to remind himself he’s only met her twice - almost like a friend? Maybe he just has a low bar these days, but he hears her laughter, and… it’s just very, very nice. Nice in a way that’s hard to describe.

Nice in a way he hasn’t felt for a while.

The feeling lingers even after Lacie’s chuckling dies off, and he’s still smiling as he watches her reach for the laptop again. She jabs the down arrow a couple times, and some more, better punctuated text comes into view.

I have revised the terms of our deal, it starts, and Alcor clears his throat, squares his shoulders, tries to get himself back into business mode. He reads on: and I would like to exchange the human bones that are currently in my room for a human disguise I am capable of putting on and taking off at will.

He raises an eyebrow as he reaches the end. This is not the deal he was expecting to make. A human disguise… he can tell she’s no demonologist, that’s for sure; there’s so many interpretations of that, so many wonderful ways to tw͏is͡t her̡ ̵w̢or̵d̸s ͏a͟g̢ai͘n̸st͠ ̢h͝er-

No. He shakes his head to clear it of his worst instincts, but they won’t leave, not in the presence of such an enticing deal. Suddenly, he’s glad he doesn’t have to look her in the eyes right now; he trains them on the ground instead, and starts to speak.

“So, um… when you’re saying a ‘human disguise’, what do you mean by that?” He can’t see her face, but he can see a bolt of frustration flash across her aura. “Huh? What’s- oh right, can’t talk, uh… well, do you want me to make an actual, convincing disguise? You know, instead of, like, a wig and some sunglasses?”

Lacie nods vigourously. He watches her tap the caps key and add ‘CONVINCING’ before the human disguise bit. A part of him screams at all the opportunities he’s giving up - willingly! - but he forces a smile and nods.

“Cool, I can do that. I’ve made a few humans before- human bodies, that is, not… um.” Alcor coughs. “Anyway, I can give you a convincing human form for those bones of yours. How does that sound?”

She taps the screen.

“What…? Oh, yes, I’ll make it so you can switch back and forth at will. Good catch. Now, do we have a d̕e͇̪͍̜̻̪͘a̙̻̬̦͔ͅl̲̝͓͔?”

He doesn’t extend a hand to shake, but blue sparks spurt from his fingertips as he watches Lacie mull it over. Her aura fizzles with nervous energy, but it only takes a couple seconds for her to tamp it down and give him a firm nod. The rush of a newly made deal makes his grin go wide; he tries not to let it go too wide as he claps his hands together.

“Alrighty, then,” he says, rubbing them until those sparks turn into a full-blown fire. “One meatsuit coming right up!”

He extends a hand to the pile of bones in the corner of the room, and with a flick of the wrist he rips the energy from them all and absorbs it. The sacrifice warms him like a good meal, and he turns back to Lacie, ready to put that newly-gained power to use.

He steps back and sizes her up with his hands, a gesture that makes her aura simmer with uncertainty. She makes a low, nervous sound, and he waves her away.

“It’s alright, I just… need to remember how big a human is, how much I need to squish you down... Got it!!” Alcor readies his fingers to snap. “Okay, I’ve only done this on myself before, so there might be some kinks I haven’t thought of! Don’t worry, though, I’ll probably be able to fix them!”

Before Lacie could respond, he snaps his fingers, and his magic rushes around her like a cloud. Skin forms over scales, hair grows over horns, and the figure that remains when it disperses is unmistakably human.

It’s also falling to the ground from the height of Lacie’s head, and oh shit catch her catch her catch her - he freezes her momentum a couple inches from the ground then lets her plop, safely but definitely not gracefully, into a puddle.

“Oh, my stars! Are you okay?” Heart pounding in his chest, he dashes over. “I am so sorry about that fall, how are you- ow, okay , I’m gonna need to get you some sunglasses or something - how are you feeling? Here, let me help you up!”

He extends a hand, and Lacie… just stares at it.

Just stares at him, not moving, and he can feel panic flaring up in her aura as she can’t move, oh stars she’s so tiny right now and she can’t move oh fuck-

Alcor blinks. “Oh, right. Um, don’t panic-”

Don’t panic??? DON’T PANIC??? FUCK THIS SHE’S LIKE FIVE INCHES TALL RIGHT NOW AND SHE CAN’T FUCKING MOVE OH MY STARS WHY DID SHE DO THIS TO HERSELF THIS IS THE STUPIDEST FUCKING IDEA SHE’S EVER HAD IN HER LIFE-

“Lacie? Take a deep breath… Lacie? Lacie!” He cringes when Lacie’s eyes fix on him again. “Okay, um, I can see this is… a little stressful for you?”

She nods vigourously.

“Alright, um… don’t worry, I made it easy for you to change back! You just, y’know, gotta think of yourself being a basilisk again - or is it pronounced ‘battle-isk’? ‘Bas-til-isk’? Heh, that’s a weird word, I’ve only ever seen it written down-”

Lacie ditches her human disguise as fast as she could, shooting back out to her original form and cutting Alcor off mid-tangent. He jumps back, watching relief flood through her aura as she could move again, thank the stars she could actually move and everything’s normal sized again… fuck, everything’s normal sized again. She wasted her deal!

The relief’s spiking up into another panic, and Alcor clears his throat. “Alright, so that deal didn’t go to plan. No worries! I can’t exactly do refunds, but you’ve still got plenty of good stuff to sacrifice in here! Doesn’t bother me if this takes a few tries, heh.”

But that doesn’t calm Lacie in the slightest, because now she has to think of another deal, her mind’s blank, she’s got nothing! But she’ll fall asleep if she makes Alcor leave again… maybe she will have to go for that deal.

It’s hard to read her thoughts when they go quiet, but Alcor definitely picks up something about that deal as they’re retreating into a murky bubble of disappointment. He sees how she hangs her head at the idea, then lugs her laptop over to her, begins to peck away at the keys.

He sees that, and frowns. “Hey, uh,” he starts, and right away her eyes dart over to him. “If you don’t want to make a new deal, I’m sure we could make this one work?”

Lacie cocks her head.

“I mean, I’ve been… I know a thing or two about being in a human body. It’s been a while, but maybe I could… y’know, show you the ropes?”

She doesn’t say a word. The silence stretches, and Alcor laughs nervously.

“I-if you want. I mean, it’s been a while, but maybe I could show you enough to get around? I did technically promise your disguise would be ‘convincing’, so a couple human lessons should be easy enough to fit in, without… without another deal... um, I don’t know if you like this idea or you want me to stop talking? If you do that’s fine, I can do another deal, just give me a-”

There’s a sort of fwoomp sound, and the coils and coils of Lacie’s body seem to twist out of existence. At the same time, a human takes shape where her head was, and falls right into Alcor’s arms before he has time to blink.

“-a sign?” He finishes, and stares down at her. She stares right back, and he’d admire the steely resolve, the carefully-controlled fear in her gaze a whole lot longer if it didn’t make his soul want to push itself out through his ears.

“Oh, Okay. Wow, you’re, um… diving right in, huh?”

Lacie gives her closest approximation to a human smile, and Alcor’s caught off guard by how quickly he finds himself grinning back. An actual, genuine grin stretches across his face for the first time in too long, and he chuckles.

“Alright, Lacie, I like your gumption!” He summons a pair of sunglasses, and sticks them over her eyes. “Let’s get humaning!”

________________________________________________________________

Humaning. Lacie had taught herself many human things over the years; she’d taught herself to read, to type, to write - heck, she’d even managed to summon a demon (and in proper human tradition, had made a poorly thought-out deal with it.) She was no novice in learning how to human.

Maybe that’s why she thought the whole human form was a good idea. She was great at humaning! She’d taught herself so many of their skills, educated herself on so many of their customs, she was able to pass as one of them online… sometimes, it really didn’t feel like she was all that different from them.

After all, if she could read like a human and write like a human and think like a human, how hard could it be to walk around like one, too?

…

As it turns out, hard.

Very, very hard.

Duh.

Everything, everything is different in a human body. Sure, she thought having arms and legs would take some getting used to, but how about all this hair? How about her cramped little mouth and her stubby tongue? How about her skin? Her skin is stupidly sensitive without scales; when she was lying on the stone, she could feel every little bump in it, could feel water soaking her, making her shiver - and shivering, ugh! What an awful sensation! Even though Alcor’s got her propped her up in a chair now, her skin won’t stop whining to her that, gasp, the fabric’s a little itchy!

Whoop de fucking do, skin. Hopefully she grows a thicker one soon enough, because this is driving her crazy. She’s laughing at the Lacie of a couple hours ago who thought she’d just be able to stand up and walk out of the sewers, and oh, speaking of walking ?

Hah! Try moving them at all!

Lacie’s been without these strange appendages all her life, and moving them would be like a human trying to nod with a second head they’ve just sprouted - sometimes she’ll get lucky and hit upon whatever bundle of nerves is controlling each of these limbs, and after two hours of Alcor’s patient coaching she can make them twitch on a somewhat consistent basis, but she’s not getting anywhere fast with them any time soon.

She can only lie here, with her blunt teeth, with her papery skin, with her useless limbs…

Helpless.

Absolutely helpless.

Alcor looms over her whenever he stands up… and that scares her more than she thought it would. Everything looms over her in this form; the - she called it little - pile of treasure she sleeps on now seems like a great mountain, the ceiling she often bangs her head on is higher still, impossibly high. She sees her spellbook resting on its lecturn, and it’s about the same size as her now; she remembers how tiny it once seemed, and- OH FUCK WHAT’S GOING- oh, she’s shivering again.

Lacie frowns at that, and she lets out a noise that’s weirdly squeaky in this throat, and Alcor taps her shoulder.

(And she feels that, holy shit skin it’s literally just a hand)

“...need to take a break?” He’s asking. Frowning. “Lacie?”

She nods, quickly, and he takes the sunglasses off her face before scooting back. Closing her eyes, she thinks of being a basilisk again, and all these alien sensations fall away with a flood of relief. Lacie is herself again; she takes a long moment to savour it, to lounge across her sleeping pile, to listen to her scales scratch against the stone floor, to open an eye and see Alcor as a tiny figure in her field of vision.

“That looks comfy.” He says. He’s grinning, but she can barely make that out. “Darn, I should’ve moved the chair, too.”

The chair? She lifts her body, and finds the chair she’d been sitting on, crushed beneath the weight of her coils. With a little chuckle, she sweeps it out from under her, marvelling at how tiny it is - how tiny she was.

Alcor laughs, too. “Sheesh, you flattened it. I think it’ll be easier to make a new chair.”

Laying her head on the ground, she lets out a lazy snort.

“…um, when you’re ready, I mean.” He adds. “Or we can stop, if you’re tired? I can-”

She heaves herself up. Ugh, she is tired - it creeps up on her. She can’t sleep though, not when she’s so close, so fucking close to getting out of here.

“Oh, okay… are you sure? We’ve been at this a while, I really don’t mind taking a break…”

Lacie tugs at that mental link in the back of her mind, and feels herself switch back into human form again. Unlike switching the other way, this form greets her not with a flood of relief, but with a host of silly little complaints: her back hurts, the stone’s not comfy on her face, it’s cold, she’s wet, on and on and on and she just wants it all to shut up… but, she will admit, there is one thing she likes.

Alcor hoists her up on one of those tiny little chairs she’d been laughing at just a second ago, and she stares at him, and she feels awake.

Completely awake.

She can’t remember the last time her head’s felt this clear, and it’s a pity she has to spend half her human time fidgeting in a seat because otherwise it’d be amazing. Is this really how bad the energy situation had gotten down here? Wow, she really needed to get out of here, and fast.

“Hey, Lacie?” Alcor’s saying something, and she looks over at him. “So I know you said - or, uh, indicated, anyway - that you didn’t want a break…”

He pauses expectantly, and then, seeming to realise she isn’t going to follow it up with a ‘Yes?’ clears his throat.

“Right. Well, I kind of would. Like a break. If that’s okay with you.”

Lacie blinks.

“You know, we’ve been doing this for a while, and I’m thinking maybe we could do something else? You know, it could be something fun! It could be something like, um, like… oh, do you play Scrabble?”

She shakes her head.

“No? Oh, I guess that was a longshot… how bout chess? I know there’s like, online chess… no?” He frowns at her continued head-shaking. “Alright, well… What do you do for fun down here?”

Lacie thinks on that for a moment, then turns her head towards the laptop.

“Oh, your laptop? Nice, nice.” He grins at her. “I love your blog.”

Wait, her blog? He’s read that? He likes that? The surprise must be showing on her face, because Alcor starts laughing.

“Yeah, it’s hilarious! I was actually so caught up reading it, I didn’t realise you were summoning me! I love just how sarcastic it is! It’s amazing!”

Lacie blinks. Is he… gushing? Is Alcor the Dreambender gushing about her blog?

Is this her life?

“Man,” he rambles on. “that joke about a killcount, that was great. I just don’t get why it’s not more popular! Humans, they just don’t have any taste… they’re, heh, they’re too busy reading Harry Potter, amirite?”

He nudges her like he’s made some kind of clever reference, and she snorts at him. Okay, wow, demon or not, this guy really is an absolute plonker. She loves it.

“Haha, yeah! They’ve been, uh, playing Quidditch too much to read your stuff! Yeah! Or they’ve been, um… making swords? Making- I should stop now, shouldn’t I.”

With a big dumb grin on her face, she nods.

“Yep, that was getting out of hand.” Alcor rubs his neck. “I just wanted to say I really liked it a lot. It was funny.”

Lacie’s grin got even bigger.

“So, uh, you really have been down here all your life, huh? Dealing with treasure hunters-” He chuckles when she rolls her eyes. “Hah, I can imagine that’s not fun! Yeah... so, uh, have you ever been outside?”

She shakes her head. Maybe before she was old enough to remember, but that was a long, long time ago. Alcor makes a face at that.

“Yeah, yeesh. No wonder you want to get out of here, no wonder…”

He trails off, and Lacie watches his eyes go distant for a second before a thought seems to strike him; he blinks, frowns, then, slowly, he starts to grin. He turns to her again, and she raises an eyebrow at the shine in his eyes.

“Hey, Lacie,” He says. “Want me to take you on a little tour?”

#transcendence au #Lacie #fanfiction

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idletcwns · 6 years

Text

light footsteps patter as a five year old ezra clifton makes his way across the hard wood floors of his bedroom. after a long day at kindergarten, the young tyke had napped most of the remnants of the afternoon away. the sun was now setting as the boy gazed out the window, the sky a conglomerate of vibrant pinks, reds, and oranges... however, his attention wasn’t on the sky. instead, his viridescent hues are fixed on a certain brown-haired boy playing in his backyard.

for as long as he could remembered, ezra had remembered his parents wouldn’t let him play with the boy next door, though he never understood why. the many times he’d asked to go over and play with him, his mother always told him firmly “ no. ” even when he questioned her, she never failed to rely on the infamous “ because i’m your mother and i said so ” bit. ezra couldn’t seem to understand what the harm could possibly be in playing with another kid could be. they seemed to have no problem with any other kid... in fact, they even encouraged him to at school, so it was all a mystery as to why he was forbidden to play with alistair — at least that’s what he thought his name was; that was what one of his friends at school who happened to be in his class told him.

footsteps approached little ezra’s bedroom, prompting the brunet to turn to face his mother. once again, the boy couldn’t resist asking to go play with alistair. there could be no harm in it, right ?

“ momma, ” the kid began, his arms wrapping around his mother’s leg, “ can i please go next door and play with alistair ? i did all my homework and cleaned my room. i think i should at least get to have some fun. ” his little arms were now crossed against his chest.

once again, his plans were brought to a dismal halt. “ it was too late. the sun’s already down, coração, ” she had said. “ besides, you’re not allowed to play with him anyways. don’t question me on this. ”

a sigh escaped the tiny boy’s lips as he climbed onto his bed. maybe one day he’d play with him on the playground at school. yes, that was it. he’d play with alistair at school. he’d bring his pokemon cards too, just in case the boy was interested in that. ezra was determined to be friends with him, even if his parents disapproved.

of course, the young boy never managed to do it, though he thought about it every day until he entered middle school.

his pencil tapped steadily against his desk as he attempted to focus on the lesson his geography teacher was teaching. though he was a good student, ezra didn’t seem to quite care about the climate of new england. hell, he’d been to new england, so why the hell did it matter, and why the hell was a whole lesson devoted to it ? ezra would never understand the inner-workings of the ms. sanderson’s mind, especially not in freshman geography.

rather than the foliage of vermont being on his mind, ezra opted to, instead, think about something else... red. alistair greendale always seemed to be on ezra’s mind, lingering in the back of his mind even during the tasks of the utmost importance. but he’d noticed that the boy must’ve dyed his hair over the summer because it was a bright ginger now. it was adorable, in ezra’s opinion, though he’s not sure he could say it out loud... no, he knows he could never say it out loud. surely if ezra dared to call him adorable, his ass would be pummeled in seconds, if not by alistair himself then by a nosy straight boy listening in.

ezra couldn’t admit it at the time, but he’d developed a small crush on the slightly younger boy long, long ago. every time he thought about alistair, he could feel his stomach drop as if he was on his favorite roller coaster at disney world. his notebooks, while mostly filled with color coded notes, even featured quite a number of doodles of alistair’s name or his initials alongside ezra’s encompassed in a heart. his notebook for more personal things, which was hidden under a loose floorboard in his bedroom, featured more doodles of that sort and writings — mainly ramblings but the occasional poem made an appearance too — about the ezra-declared “a greek god that graced an undeserving planet.”

even now, he was staring at the boy when he should’ve been focusing on the presentation ms. anderson was babbling on about. it was embarrassing; they’d hardly ever spoken to each other... still, his eyes were glued onto him, captivated by the way alistair’s hands moved as he scribbled notes onto his paper, the rise and fall of his chest as he breathed, his voice when he spoke to his friends... he could go on and on for hours about the redhead, and he would internally, at least.

ezra couldn’t even escape him in his sleep; he dreamed about him at the fewest once a week, and that was just what he could recall. he couldn’t count the number of times a dream that had gone awry somehow ended up wit alistair saving the day and sweeping him off his feet... how ridiculous did that sound ? alistair was probably straight; according to everyone around ezra, he was dating luna. he couldn’t help but be jealous of her, even if he didn’t really have any grounds to get upset.

his train of thought was interrupted by one of his soccer teammates and best friend alexander waved his hand in front of him.

“ class is over, ez. hurry the hell up, i don’t wanna lose our table at lunch. you know the junior assholes like to steal it, ” he barked at him, but it went through one ear and out the other. the boy was still thinking about alistair, and he did for the rest of the day... in more ways than he ought to.

after two years of hard work, sweat, and a lot of running, ezra clifton had made the varisty soccer team, and he was already rising in the ranks, quickly becoming one of the coach’s favorite players. they practiced almost every day with the exception of thursdays and fridays — the latter which were saved for games. this was no exception the day the school was abuzz with rumors of a fight that had gone on earlier that day. usually, ezra didn’t give a damn about any fights that were going on in the school; he thought they were petty and a waste of time that could be spent learning... however, once he learned alistair greendale was involved, his demeanor changed.

the team was gathered around in the locker room, watching videos from bystanders of the altercations. needless to say, ezra was proud of his man... well, in his mind, alistair was his man.

“ so, uh, what caused all of that ? ” ezra inquired, not to anyone in particular, but he hoped that someone knew.

“ apparently, it was you, ” one of the seniors named jimmy answered.

“ me, how the hell did i start a fight i didn’t even know about ?? ” he shot backed, a puzzled look on his face.

“ word is that the other kid said somethin’ about you, and alistair just started hittin’ ‘im. ‘s all i know. ”

ezra couldn’t believe it... alistair hit someone over him ? he thought he was worth getting expelled ? well, okay, ezra figured that wasn’t too high on his priorities, but the thought of it made it seem romantic to him.

it was all he could think about on his drive home and as he was making his way into the house. somehow even his parents knew about because he heard them discussing it in the kitchen as he walked into the house. setting his keys on the table, their attention soon turned to him.

“ i don’t want you hanging out with that greendale kid, ezra, ” his father spoke firmly. “ that boy is nothing but trouble. ”

“ that’s not true, dad, and you know that. we’ve lived next to him for how many years, and he’s never given us any grief. i’ll hang out with him if want to, ” he retorted.

“ ezra warner clifton, you listen to your father... and don’t talk back to him, ” his mother snapped. “ meu deus, meu filho vai ser um encrenqueiro agora, ” she muttered under her breath.

“ não seja tão dramático, ” ezra grumbled before he was commanded to go to his room.

preferring to be alone, he spent the rest of his night in his room, only coming down to grab a snack every so often. most of his night was spent hunched over a piece of paper scrawling words over and over again. his trash can was filled with balls of paper from letters to alistair he’d deemed unacceptable for one reason or another, be it he didn’t like the way he crossed his t or he made a grammar error. he hadn’t even began a letter he was happy with until he saw the boy in his backyard. the light barely illuminated his face, but even from his window, ezra could make out the cut on the boy’s face. his stomach twisted as he had to look away from alistair for the first time in his life out of of sheer guilt. he did that.

the ink start flowing as ezra finally began his perfect letter. every loop was perfect, every t crossed and i dotted. he’d even gone so far as to write the thing in cursive.

alistair,

i know we don’t speak at all, but i wanted to write you to let you know how much i admire you. you’re very courageous and never back down, and i think you are just phenomenal... but before i get too far into this letter, i want to say thank you, if the rumors are true that this whole fight started because of me. if that’s not true, well, please don’t continue on, or else i’ll look a fucking fool... excuse my language.

for more than seven years now, i’ve always been captivated by you, and i didn’t realize why until i was in the ninth grade, i think. i’m sure you’ve caught me staring at you across the lunchroom or classroom, and i know it’s absolutely rude to stare at people... but i can’t help it. you’re gorgeous, and i’ve developed a crush on you, i think. i guess i should keep that to myself, but something is telling me that you may like me too. i’m putting everything on the line here really to just write this. i’d never live this down if anyone on the team found out i was gay... but i think i can trust you from what i’ve observed these past few years of being in class together, like i know when your birthday is, what you drink at lunch everyday, what color pen you use most often... all that kind of stuff. god, i sound like a stalker, but i promise i’m not... i just really like you, and i hope you like me too... and if not, well, you can just throw this away, but please, don’t tell anyone. just pretend you didn’t ever read this part of the letter if that’s the case...

love, ezra

the next morning, ezra gave the letter sealed in an envelope to one of their mutual friends in his chemistry class... little did he know that the letter would never make it to a certain ginger-haired boy.

#* // THREADS: ezra.

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warmau · 7 years

Text

{Special College!AU} Mark Lee

major: children's education

minor: creative writing

sports: was invited to the schools hockey team because he’s good on skates, but turns out mark lee isn’t all that good at contact sports (that and taeyong got so worried about him mark just decided to join badminton club instead)

clubs: book review with doyoung - but more than anything he just likes to hear doyoung talk lol, secretly part of a magic the gathering thing but only sometimes,,,,like ,,,,, once a week shh

when mark was applying to colleges, a lot of people were telling him to pursue majors he didn’t really like

“be pre-med!” “do law!” “business is the only place were there’s real money!”

but mark knew what he wanted to do with his life,,,,,he wanted to be a teacher

and even though people would always assume his shy, easily embarrassed attitude around others would be hard to overcome if he was like a highschool teacher or something

mark knew that he could do it - plus he’d always kind of wanted to be a kindergarten teacher,,,,,kids were always just so much more creative and interesting

and one of the things people had told mark since he was pretty young was that he was a natural born role model

from breaking up arguments between kids on his home block, to encouraging his friends to do their best, just being laidback and so easy to talk to - yet still working his hardest

so why not put that to use,,,,,,sure it might have been corny to say outloud but mark wants to inspire kids and be someone they can really learn from,,,,

even though he’d never admit it aloud because for some reason he’d know someone (johnny) would fake cry and clap about his emotional speech

which sOMEone (johnny) does a lot,,,, like mark will go “if anything, we can all agree on pizza for lunch” and johnny will wipe a fake tear and be like “the hero we always needed,,,,”

mark sometimes wonders why he’s friends with such dramatic people,,,,,,,,actually a lot of people wonder that

because mark is popular, people just see him as this approachable, adorable guy and he totally is

which is why taeyong is always sweating over the fact that mark is TOO nice,,,,,he doesn’t want mark to get in any trouble

ten is always like taeyong please, mark is a grown man he knows-

taeyong: mark - don’t talk to strangers on the internet, mark have you ever heard of catfishing, mark did you know your computer could be HACKED

taeil: someone please distract him ,,,, like sicheng spill some coffee or sneeze on him so he’ll stop

but mark has known his closest friends for the longest, and he’s got this sense of loyalty that’s seriously unbreakable

it’s one of the many things that is so great about him,,,,honestly how can someone be so genuine and nice,,,,,,,

mark’s roommate jaehyun sometimes finds mark sitting up at like 2 am - desk lamp on - scribbling notes down

and he assumes he’s studying or something,,,but mark also has another goal - he wants to write a kids book

although his drawing is sub par,,,,,ideas for the book have always been floating around in his head

and even if it’s 2, 3, 4 am he has to get up and write a good one down

he never shows them to anyone though,,,,because it’s sort of a secret the only person who knows is another bestfriend of his, haechan, whose still in high school

mark would totally pen pal haechan if he went away to college - don’t argue with me on this

as a children’s education major,,,,there’s a program that allows mark to TA in an actual school for a bit - only half a semester but it’s something he’s really looked forward too

there’s two TA’s per class and mark gets assigned to a first grade homeroom

which is where you actually first meet,,,,,

you get there super early, afraid you’ll be even a second late and make a bad impression - the anxiety of working under a teacher you don’t know makes you a little sweaty

and as you slide down the wall outside classroom 127, catching your breathe because you bet you ran here

you look at your phone and sigh,,,,,,,7:05,,,,,you’ve got another 25 minutes

it takes you a while to realize,,,,but there’s someone else in the hall with you.

across from your room,,,,sits a boy - he looks vaguely familiar but he seems just as nervous as you are

glancing at his watch and tapping his foot, eyes wide with wonder when you finally meet each others glances

embarrassingly, he scrambles up to his feet and so do you

“h-hi,,, im mark. im with 127,,,,”

he awkwardly stretches his hand out to shake yours and you notice that he avoids direct eye contact again,,,,,,,,it’s kinda cute

you introduce yourself back, telling him you’re with 127 too

there’s a short pause and then he blurts out “do you think the kids will like us?”

out of all the things to be worried about,,,,it’s somehow fitting of mark’s biggest fear to be of his impression left on the kids

something about his question makes you feel ,,,,, like there’s something different about mark

something almost pure,,,,,,

you smile “i hope they do.”

at 7:30, you and mark hear the padding of little feet. the excited voices and sounds that could only mean one thing - class 127 is on its way

the teacher, a kind looking older women, brightens up when she sees you two

quickly, you and mark politely bow and introduce yourselves. she seems so happy to have you two and you mentally high-five yourself in relief

you catch mark’s eye and he pretends to wipe a sweat from his forehead which makes you giggle

as the kids pile into the room, taking their seats the teacher has you and mark write your names on the board

beside yours, you put a smiling face and notice mark pick his chalk back up to add a flower beside his

mark goes first, introducing himself by his full name

one of the kids shouts “mr. lee!!!” and mark almost turns bright red,,,,,,,,making it hard for you to keep a straight face

the introductions go smoothly and the teacher sits you at one table full of kids and mark at another

the day goes by exceptionally well, all the kids seem fond of you - clinging to your hand and feeling comfortable enough to share favorite toys or books with you

during recess, one of them was feeling tired and had plopped themselves in your lap - which you were fine with,,,until they almost fell asleep

tbh there was only one kid who was a bit rowdy, sometimes too loud and too physical with other kids

but you could see mark had no trouble handling him

actually,,,,you were kind of shocked to see how diligently mark had committed himself to helping this kid - even on the first day

and when school was over, mark even took the time to wait by the kid till his parents arrived

it had only been the first day and you were already growing attached,,,,,,,,,you knew time would fly with the kids

but for some reason, as you walked to the bust stop to catch it back to campus,,,,,,you could only think about one of two things; all the cute kids or,,,,,,,

mark

the first couple of weeks are a piece of cake really, the teacher was so knowledgeable and sweet plus the kids had accepted you that you couldn’t believe this was a college program

like you were getting credits for this,,,,, you had even told mark at some point “this makes me want to be a teacher even more!”

he’d smiled, agreeing and added that if anything - this class was probably the best class you two would ever have

at the end of one day, you and mark had stayed back to clean up and when he’d asked if you were taking the bus back you could feel a small flutter in your heart

“yeah i am, i wanted to go get some dinner to take home and then go back to the dorms to study.”

mark seemed hesitant for a moment, but then you decided it couldn’t hurt to make a first move - “do you want to eat with me and then we’ll catch the bus together?”

mark’s shoulders seemed to relax, he agreed and you guys finished tidying up the room before locking up for the teacher

“im on a budget for dinner though, i hope you’re not like super against fast food,,,,”

you mumbled, walking the streets with mark by your side, backpack slung over one shoulder

“that’s ok, i usually don’t eat dinner anyway. i live off ice-cream and bread my friend taeyong hates it,,,”

mark chuckles and you shake your head “you gotta eat, keeping up with kids is hard”

mark smiles, following you into the mcdonalds that you find cramped between two cafes

you order a burger meal and mark just gets some fries, you frown and he just shrugs “im serious, i don’t really eat dinner”

you settle into an empty booth and start eating, for while it’s silent till mark asks you cautiously if you can tell him something

you look at him, the fluorescent bright lighting in this place makes it hard not to focus on how cute he is - you can see his smooth his skin is, and how bright and big his eyes are

you swallow and snap out of it, “sure, what is it?”

mark mentions the rowdy child from your class,,,,,he plays nervously with the edge of his ear and goes “do you think he’s ok,,,,,,,sometimes i notice that he’s pretty thin. im worried about how much attention he’s getting at home.”

you maul it over for a bit, leaning back in your seat. it is true,,,he is one of the smaller boys in the class,,,,and sometimes when kids are loud it is a cry for attention,,,,,

“maybe,,,,,but we can’t jump to conclusions. i feel like if something was going on the teacher would have already known,,,,”

mark’s eyes that had clouded over a bit with seriousness brighten when you say that

“i never thought of that, but you’re probably right,,,,,,”

you lean over, stealing a french fry from his tray and mark crinkles his nose “hey!”

you laugh and tell him that when he gets back to his dorm he better have some actual dinner

you and mark part ways on campus,,,you guys still have regular classes on the days when you’re not at the school so you know you won’t see him till you’re back with the first graders

for some weird reason,,,,,even though you just saw him,,,,,you kinda already wanna see him again

when you finally do - you learn that the class is going to be having a fun outing day to the park on friday

you and mark grin at each other, just as happy as the kids are to be getting out of a classroom

that following friday,,,,,,,you come in to see a couple of parents in the room with some kids. one of them is the father of the boy mark was worried about

mark appears at your side and you can see he’s watching him too,,,,,

in reality if something is up, what can you and him - two college students - really do

but at the same time,,,you get the feeling that mark won’t let it go,,,,,,

you want to say something, but you feel a small hand tug on yours and ask if you’ll take them to the bathroom

you look at mark one more time, but with that you have to do your job

the park is fun - the kids are all energetic and you’re pretty sure you and mark have played hide and seek 435342 times

when finally the boy mark was worried about joins in, running right into mark’s hands

his father is talking to the teacher,,,,,a look of sadness is apparent in his face

and you look over at mark who frowns

at some point throughout the day, when the kids have settled down for lunch

mark is seated beside the father and the kid,,,,,,,they’re talking so far away from the group that you can’t hear a thing

but when lunch is over, mark rejoins the group while the father lifts up his son and they walk out of the park

the teacher tells you two they had an emergency, but your eyes flick over to mark who looks more distraught than ever

after a while, the day comes to an end,,,,,you and mark gather all the kids together but the teacher lets you two off early - the parents and her can handle them from here

but you and mark don’t leave the park, instead he calls you over and you sit beside him on one of the swings

the autumn afternoon is chilly, but mark seems so lost in his thoughts that you hope whatever the father of that kid said,,,,,isn’t too bad

“he’s sick.”

mark starts off, the dread in his voice makes you feel just as bad

“is it really serious?” you ask, already knowing the answer

mark bites his lip, but nods

you drop your head and whisper that that’s horrible,,,,,

sitting beside each other,,,,you and mark silently think the same thing - no one so young should suffer

but finally, mark gets up as you hear the creak of the swing

he doesn’t say where he wants to go, but just asks “will you come with me?”

it’s already getting dark when you and mark get out of the subway, you’re in the busier part of the city - the streets crowded with people in stores, restaurants, cafes, and arcades

mark weaves through the crowd easily, but you lose sight of him a couple of times

you don’t want to be separated so at some point you reach out and grab his hand

mark looks back,,,,,and you’re scared he’ll let go but instead he only squeezes it tight and keeps going

you end up out back of a bustling arcade, there are old claw machines and mark points to one of the toys inside

“he really likes that cartoon, i want to get him something before the program is over,,,”

mark looks over at you and scratches his neck,,,,, “do you think that’s a bad idea-”

you dig a couple of coins out of your pocket and dump them in the slot with a smile “no. i think it’s great.”

neither you or mark has all that great luck,,,,,tbh you both SUCK at this game

but neither of you wants to give up,,,,,you can’t,,,,,,,

and finally,,,,,,,you get it - “mark, mark the claw got it mark!!!”

he rushes over, putting his hands over yours on the joystick of the game

muttering under his breath,,,you two carefully move the claw together till it’s right over the opening and with a press of a button

the toy drops and you and mark break out into celebration

you high-five and then before you know it,,,,you wrap your arms around each other

and it’s so nice,,,,,mark is the type that pulls you in close and it’s so,,,,,warm

but also short lived because you both push away in embarrassment,,,,

you grab the toy to break the awkwardness and turn to mark “mission complete!

mark gets both your bags off the floor, slinging them over his shoulder as you two walk back toward the train

when you’re back on campus, mark asks if you’ll keep the toy safe for him till you guys see each other again

you agree and think that this should be the right time to say goodnight,,,but for some reason neither of you do

“c-can i,,,,,,,,,,do something?”

mark stutters,,,,clearing his throat and you look up at him “sure?”

he shifts a bit and adds that he needs you to close your eyes for this

clutching the toy to your chest you do so,,,,waiting

until you feel it, mark’s lips pressed against the side of your cheek

he pulls back and when your eyes flutter open you can see the blush on his cheeks

“was that for helping you win the toy?”

you ask sheepishly and mark nods,,,,but then stops

“it’s also because i ,,,,,,,,like you so,,,,”

you can’t help the smile that grows on your face when he says that,,,but you hide it behind the toy

“i like you too mark lee,,,,,,,,”

like a puppy, his eyes widen and he stares at you for a second before a goofy grin spreads on his face too

“o-ok awesome,,,well uh,,,,but um,,, good night for now,,,”

you nod “good night mark lee,,,,,,,,”

you want to turn around but then you hear mark’s voice

“i,,,,want to ask you out on a date,,,but i need to think of a good one-”

“this was a good one. i liked this one.”

you say, referring to the time spent today. mark grin’s even larger

“ok,,,,,well then ill plan another one soon.”

you agree and turn to walk toward the dorm,,,,,when you’re at the door you turn to see mark is still there. he waves and you feel your heart flutter again

the last week of your program comes fast,,,it’s emotional because you’ve grown to love all the kids and you know mark has too

even the teacher gets worked up,,,saying you two are one of her best TA duos,,,,,,, “it’s even cuter that you two like each other!” she adds and you and mark almost melt into puddles of blushes

it’s also finally the day mark gives his favorite kid the toy,,,,,,

when he does - the look on the boy’s face is something you can only see on christmas

he practically tackles mark with a huge hug ,,,, the fact that he’s much smaller saves mark

but the scene makes your heart wrench,,,especially when mark promises to come back and visit him and the boy mumbles that he never knows how long he has

you and mark both pass the program with flying colors, you both get pictures with the whole class and with all the kids who run about to hug you two and say goodbye

and it’s heartfelt,,,but it just reminds you and mark why you chose your majors

walking to the bus for the final time, mark takes your hand

which kind of surprises you because,,,,he’s never been big on public pda

“have i ever told you i wanted to write a children’s book?”

mark asks and you gasp because it’s news to you

“about what?”

“i had a lot of different ideas,,,,but i think ive picked one i really like. i want to write a book about a fearless kid, who can overcome anything.”

you stop in front of the bus schedule and you rub mark’s thumb with your own

“do you know the main characters name?”

mark shows a hint of a smile,,,,, “i do.”

the name,,,,,,,,is the same name as the boy from class 127

when you get back to campus, mark shows you some of his other ideas and small sketches that he’s done

“im no artist,,,but im sure i can find someone to help. jaehyun’s pretty good though he won’t admit it.”

you smile,,,,looking through mark’s messy notes and stick figure panels

“i think it’ll be great, mr. lee”

mark scrunches up his face, playfully poking your arm at the nickname you haven’t forgotten from your first day in the TA program

when it comes out that mark is dating you,,,,there are mixed reactions

taeyong has 100 questions for you, yuta is devastated that mark is in a cute relationship first, jaehyun is super happy, ten is a little too happy, johnny goes ‘your growing up, son’ with another fake tear, taeil and sicheng congratulate you and haechan sends mark like 30 texts demanding to konw every last detail of how it happened

at some point you ask mark how he deals with this,,,chaos

but he just whispers “grin and bear it”

you guys stay in contact with the 127 teacher, getting updates about this kids along with cute photos and stuff

you and mark both ask about updates on the boy,,,,who thankfully isn’t doing any worse. apparently everyday he brings the toy you guys got him with him to class

mark turns out to be super low maintenance,,,to a point where people jokingly go “are you dating or just existing next to each other?”

which isn’t ,,,, like a bad thing

you and mark just don’t like to flaunt it with pda, couple items, instagrams full of each others faces

honestly you two keep it comfortable and simple,,,,

your dates are classics like the movie theater, picnics, walks through the city, even just sitting in the library together typing away on your computers or listening to headphones is enough

because what attracts you to mark is his work ethic,,,,and who he is as a person and what he’s passionate about

so you don’t need much,,,you’re just happy being able to support him and see him grow as this amazing person

and mark feels the same way about you

even though he gets cherry red whenever you give compliments or cheers of support,,,,,in his own way he gives you those too

and so what if doyoung is like “mark, take them somewhere exciting. i heard they’re opening a haunted house downtown in time for halloween~~~!!!”

you and mark would rather chill in his dorm, eating ice-cream out the carton playing video games than getting high blood pressure at a haunted house

(except you totally both go and mark lee gets so scared that when he comes out of there you’re like ‘mark, look some white hairs’ and he’s like honestly i love you but this isn’t funny we almost dIED)

haechan actually really takes a liking to you, because you both - in very loving ways - known how to tease mark lee

although pda isn’t mark’s thing he does like it when you rest your head on his shoulder

you could just be tired in study hall, wearing a sweatshirt and pajama bottoms - curled up at his side or you could be falling asleep on the bus ride home,,,,,,having you close like that makes mark happy

because he knows you’re safe - and that’s the only thing that matters

actually,,,,even though couple items make mark cringe a bit, he’d still probably buy you matching hats because when does mark like not wear hats

he’d be like “im going to convince you that hats are the best” and you’ll be like “but hats don’t look good on m-”

mark: “hats make anyone cute, and you’re already cute, they make you double cute ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, don’t tell anyone i just said that”

if mark is eating bread again and taeyong comes around, you always hide it for him and you and mark just smile like angels up at him

and taeyong knOWS something fishy is up but you two are sooooo darn adorable

but also you text mark to eat dinner until he sends you photo-proof he did

“if you write a book and they turn it into like a cute cartoon movie - i want to voice a character”

“i,,,,haven’t even written the book yet,,,,”

“mark lee - i know you’re capable of it and you will do it. just promise me i can voice someone.”

when no ones around mark will kiss you, but it’s always fast and just a little peck

and you have to pull him back in by the collar or something because c’mon no one is watching,,,,,

the amount of times you’ve done something cute like peck his nose and mark has hid himself behind a book is uncountable

face masks with mark while you’re quizzing each other for tests

jaehyun told you mark sleep talks and once said he’d like to marry you

and you were like oh and mark was like “jeffery, i will ship you to canada where the moose will get you”

^the most threatening thing mark lee has ever said. probably

you both like cold weather,,,,and tbh am i saying hot-chocolate dates in cozy sweaters ,,,,,,,, hell yES

i think mark tries to hide it,, but he’s just as excited about holiday’s as little kids are hehe

you have this habit that if you’re talking about something and mark scrunches his nose, you scrunch yours

and he’s like hey!!! that’s my signature face and you’re like you gotta kiss me to get it back!!

(he does kiss you ,,,, after pulling up his hood to hide you two like pleASE mark lee,,,)

sometimes, you and him volunteer together instead of going on dates and johnny is like that’s wild,,,,yall are like mr and mrs obama and mark is like that makes no sense and johnny is just like i love my giving children

you and mark looking at each other like what is happening

skyping mark’s family and everyone keeps wanting to talk to you and mark is like hi hello im here it’s me your son - ok fine i get it my s/o is cuter than me,,,

cuddling!!!! is super rare but also super amazing!!!! and mark is embarrassed for the first 5 minutes but then it’s just holding you close, lazily looking at you scroll through your phone and then mumbling “i love you,,,” into your hair

mark secretly tries to get better at claw machines to impress you on dates to the arcade

totally tries to be subtle,,,,but you can see from the corner of your eye that he’s staring when you’re just reading or fixing a strand of your hair

tbh mark lee has major heart eyes for you,,,,,,,,,as described by ten

mark actually teaches you to do more chores and you’re like babe,,,,whY and he’s like a messy dorm is horrible we’re basically living in small closets

he’s the kind of boyfriend that just makes you a better person,,,,it’s really refreshing

you guys have inside jokes and sometimes it’s hard to hide so you have to bury your face in mark’s arm or something to not laugh out loud and sometimes he has to bury his face in your hair

“haechan wants us to take more photos together”

“ok, let’s take one!”

“ok come over he- why are you wearing my maple leaf sweater”

“to show support for my boyfriend :-)”

mark keeps finding little notes in his bags and books from you, reminding him that you love him and he keeps them all in a small tin jar

sometimes he doesn’t know how you’re so cute - it seems impossible

holding hands under the table when you and all of nct is out for lunch???? yes

(does doyoung catch you, but just wink and pretend he didn’t much to mark’s utter embarrassment- also yes)

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