hi im anon from (734828727660412928/npd-culture-is-deciding-to-give-up-on-friendships?source=share) (hopefully that link works, I don't use tumblr often so I'm not sure how to go about following up asks on anon). just came back to read this blog during a really bad crash im having right now because it cheers me up to know im not alone in having symptoms of this disorder and saw my ask got posted...
(update on friend situation) just today they said in the group chat theyre all drawing gift art for each other and other friends... i'm still waiting on the paid art from them but they're doing art trades and stuff for free so i feel kind of like trash. im a bit of a bleeding heart though so im gonna give them like one more month before telling them not to bother finishing the art for me... id love my money back because it did cost a LOT of money but i dont want to be a dick so im just going to express my disappointment by telling them not to worry about the commission at all. i want to feel like i have some right to be mad in this situation but im very soft hearted and dont really have any other friends so if i lost these friends id have literally nobody else in my life :( and that kinda feels like hell for me to think about... i feel like im being treated like dirt but im still going to go christmas shopping for them.............. even if i feel like shit, i feel shittier if i dont get people gifts and stuff because i just think to myself, like, "i feel like crap if nobody buys me shit for holidays or my fucking own birthday and i dont want other people to feel that way".....
also im feeling a little sad because whenever my friends talk about their friends they dont even refer to me by name theyll go "[friend a name], [friend b name] and oomfie are in our server" or something. im not even a name to them... i feel like the last kid picked on a team but not even the last pick. like have you guys ever been on a sports team and you kinda got awkwardly waved over to one of the teams because nobody even wanted to pick you? yeah.
i wonder if im just really dense and need to pick up on hints that people dont even want to be around me. i even tried to post this video game i started working on lately because i thought it was really interesting and cool and i put my soul into it but everyone just ignored it in the group chat.
i think the social outcast route is probably my best bet at this rate, i think. im going to be pretty fucking depressed about limiting my social interactions but i think the depression from isolation isnt as bad as getting constant narc crashes from people not putting even a tiny bit of energy into friendships. like.. i honestly am not asking for very much. i get fucking narc highs if someone uses my fucking name in a conversation. i get highs from literally the bare minimum fucking interaction of anything directed in my direction im so desperate....
i wasnt going to write up a follow up ask but i just wanted to say thanks to this blog for existing and making me feel like im not completely alone and thanks for the nice comments in the reblogs and tags, it cheered me up. you guys are really nice to me and i'm a complete stranger to you all, it makes me feel like theres some hope for nice people existing out there. im just a little too tired to carry on. thank you all, i hope you have a really good day. keep on surviving out there, it's not a kind world to any of us, and it's tough to stay alive at all.
(apologies for another vent but thanks for posting my asks <3 i wish you all the best and nice days to come. also sorry this isnt in the npd culture format, but i just rly wanted to say thank you for the support on the other ask)
sending hugs (with consent) nonny 🫂 i'm so sorry honestly you deserve way better than how your friends are treating you :( i hope at some point you can talk to them about how they're making you feel and improve the situation because it sounds like you deserve better
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I posted 199 times in 2022
That's 199 more posts than 2021!
71 posts created (36%)
128 posts reblogged (64%)
Blogs I reblogged the most:
@orphiiiic
@sabyy701
@mintmochii
@spaceybastard
@y2kprincessx
I tagged 64 of my posts in 2022
#our life beginnings & always - 21 posts
#cove holden - 16 posts
#shitpost - 13 posts
#i dont know - 6 posts
#yass slayy - 6 posts
#rant - 5 posts
#our life - 4 posts
#ow my tummy - 3 posts
#cove my beloved - 3 posts
#im still hyped to see my friends - 2 posts
Longest Tag: 108 characters
#like do i seriously have to jump thru all these hoops to make sure my insides stop trying yo become outsides
My Top Posts in 2022:
#5
we should get together and form the Church of Cove, hereafter refered to as CoC
we will congregate on our shared love and devotion towards cove holden. we will forfeit all mortal possessions to cove.
68 notes - Posted May 22, 2022
#4
cove hc i think hed be absolute trash at making memes but theyd be so terrible that they accidentally end up being really funny every time but never in the way cove intended them to be
88 notes - Posted August 3, 2022
#3
Cove Holden Headcanons that I Made Up
hed get into flower crowns, like REALLY into flower crowns one day after seeing mc making them one time, so he learns how to make them and will want to make matching flower crowns for mc and himself whenever the opportunity comes up
if the mc owns sundresses cove would ask if he can wear them sometimes. it takes some getting used to but he ultimately really enjoys the fit of sundresses and how soft and flowy the fabric is. hed jump and twirl around a lot just to watch the fabric move with him
hed try high heels to go along with the sundress(es) exactly one time before deciding that theyre too awkward and uncomfortable and make hin feel too much like a baby giraffe. after that hed just wear like a cute sandal or something
he wouldnt have a large social media presence probably, just messenger and instagram and thats it for the most part
hed would however have a lifestyle type blog where he posts about swimming and surfing and all his other hobbies and things like that and i think thatd end up accidentally doing really well. if he dates mc hed probably post a couple (hundred) entries on his blog all about how much he loves them
hed be reallly good at taking pictures. like INSANELY good. itd prolly be the main reason why his blog would do so well. people would suggest he becomes a photographer but thats not rlly something he wants to do as a job
that being said he is HOPELESS at taking selfies. EVERY single one of his selfies is at your average dad selfie angle and he looks like this every time
hed make a frienship bracelet for all of his closest friends (including mc of course) featuring his and their favorite colors
hed have a matching phone lock and home screen with mc. yanno like one of those where its 1 picture when you line the phones up next to each other
hed use some emojis but never in the expected or popular way someone would use emojis, hed just kind of assign his own meanings to the emojis he uses the most based on vibes. anyone who isnt close to cove would need to ask mc or his family or his closest friends for the unofficial cove emoji thesaurus
111 notes - Posted August 22, 2022
#2
my twt moot lmaooo 😭 (all of these are public twitters so im not censoring)
117 notes - Posted June 4, 2022
My #1 post of 2022
they need to make cove holden as a our life merch
not like a plush or a body pillow or anything like that i want to be able to spend money to have a whole ass 6'4 adult man with wavy eyebrows and green hair delivered straight to my door
137 notes - Posted May 13, 2022
Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →
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I'm in love with involuntary validation of a relationship. My best friend saying "our spot", my brother saying "our cookie recipe" or my mum saying "our song". Like YES I LOVE YOU TOO. I'm so soft for it.
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Away From Home
Characters: Zhongli, Diluc, Kaeya, Childe, Thoma/Tohma (fem!reader) (fic)
Synopsis: (office!au) Even your boss Zhongli has moments where self control goes out the window to make way for carnal desires.
Warnings: not sfw (18+) reverse harem, (an orgie?), semi public sex again, creampie, oral (giving), petnames (angel, princess, gem), squirting, umm? did i miss anything?, not proofread because im lazy if you catch any errors feel free to shoot me an ask,
A/N: This is a part two to Office Adventures but t's not necessary that you read it before this. I don't know if people were expecting a direct continuation of the last one but I took some creative liberty because I felt like that would be boring and instead created a whole new scenario, I hope you all enjoy it just the same!
⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⊰⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅∙∘☽༓☾∘•⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅ ⊰ ⋅•⋅
The sexual tension in the office since that (ahem) eventful meeting had been nothing short of palpable, as Lisa had been ever so kind to point out. Even Jean and Eula were starting to grow frustrated with the way Childe and Kaeya made it painstakingly obvious their lust for you, and as you explained to Jean apologetically, they just wouldn't seem to take your request to tone it down seriously. Though you couldn't deny that even you often found your mind wandering as you sat alone in your office, frequently coming to remember the way you wobbled out of the meeting room that day, cunt quivering and leaking cum.
Luck seemed to be on Jean's side however, because this week you found yourself away from the office on an important regional business conference accompanied by none other than the men themselves, leaving her alone in charge of the office for a few days. The adventure of being in a new place was always exciting; there was light in your eyes as your plane touched down just outside the city, the skyline stood shimmering off in the distance. Though, as Diluc so gracefully reminded you, this was not a vacation but a business trip and most of your time would be consumed by meetings and other work-related affairs.
"(Name)!" You heard someone call from behind you. You were walking back to the hotel after another boring day of drifting in and out of meetings with people you hardly knew and topics you hardly cared about.
"Hm?" Your head turned to see three familiar figures waving at you as they approached.
"Care to join us for dinner? It'll be our treat." Childe asked once they had caught up to you, falling into step beside you.
"Where are you guys going?" You asked. You silently took in the appearance of the boys beside you. You hadn't gotten a chance to see them all day since you greeted them at the complimentary hotel breakfast bar this morning, and you had to admit they cleaned up nicely. You admired the three's formal dress, remembering the way Zhongli had specifically lectured them on the importance of appearance at an event like this. You notes Thoma's expensive looking watch and Kaeya's tailored button-up shirt that was, of course, unbuttoned halfway now that the workday was over. Childe had his suit jacket thrown over his shoulder, one hand holding the jacket the other shoved in his pocket.
"Mr. Zhongli found this fancy looking French restaurant a few blocks away, he wanted us to get there before we missed our reservation time." Thoma answered.
"Where is he?" You asked, taking note of his and Diluc's absence from the group.
"He and Diluc got caught up in some last minute business they had to attend to. It's times like these I don't envy the higher up positions of our company's cofounders." Kaeya answered you this time. "No matter how attractive the pay increase may seem, I can only handle so much overtime."
"You can say that again." Childe chuckled in agreeance, "I can't tell you how many times I've left the office only to come back in the morning and find Zhongli still hunched over some paperwork."
"Hey, guys, I think this is the place." Thoma motioned to the building you were approaching, and you immediately realized that 'fancy looking' was an understatement. "Will you be joining us, Lady (Name)?" Thoma questioned, extending his hand as an invitation to you.
"I don't see why not." You flashed him a smile before placing your hand in his, allowing him to tug you along. Kaeya opened the door for you, gesturing to allow you to step inside first. You were awestruck by the inside -- if you thought ‘fancy looking’ was an understatement for the outside, then the inside could be described as nothing short of grandiose. There were round tables covered in white cloth and fancy silverware, a fountain sat in the middle of the room behind the hostess desk and elegant trimmings lining the staircase off on the far side of the room. You quickly quelled your shocked expression as the hostess approached you.
"We have a reservation for six under the name Zhongli." Childe told her. "We'll have two more joining us later."
She checked her ledger and quickly crossed off the name. "Right this way, sir." She said to Childe with a polite smile. She led your group away from the main room, opening the door to a nicely decorated single-table room with a pleasant and romantic vibe, most likely accredited to the soft lighting.
“Thank you.” Childe told her as you four took your seats. One side of the table had booth-style seating and the other side had individual chairs. She closed the door with a click, and before you knew it you were sat in between Kaeya and Childe on the booth side, with Thoma directly across from you. You picked up a menu and began flipping through it to get a feel for what items might interest you. Before long, Childe’s hand had found its way onto your thigh. You looked down at it before looking back at him, a silent prompt for an explanation. “What?” He inquired mischievously, thumb rubbing your skin gently.
You opened your mouth to respond, but before you could your server opened the door with a brief knock. Childe’s hand stayed firmly in place as the server introduced themselves before asking if they could get you guys anything to drink. Thoma and Childe ordered regular fountain drinks, and requested two extra waters be brought out preemptively for Diluc and Zhongli whenever they should arrive.
“Ah yes may I have a glass of your finest red wine.” Kaeya asked with a smile once it came his time to order, earning a look from you. “What? It’s coming out of Diluc’s pocket not mine, might as well make good use of it.”
"And I'll have a..." You started, feeling Childe's hand inch upwards as the servers gaze remained fixed on you. "Just a r-regular glass of water please." You managed to force out while trying to ignore the growing feeling of need that Childe's attention was causing you. You smiled at the server as they stated that they'd be right back with your drinks.
Moments after the server left, Thoma's phone started buzzing. He answered it and paused for a few moments before he stepped away saying something about needing to meet Diluc and Zhongli in the lobby. That left you alone trapped in a booth with two mischievous gazes focused on you. "I must say, (Name)," Childe started, "you look absolutely stunning tonight. You really took Zhongli's 'Dress to Impress' speech to heart it seems." His flirty demeanor was predictable, earning a chuckle and an eye roll from you. His fingers were tracing patterns into the flesh of your inner thigh, head resting in his other hand as he studied you. You felt Kaeya's arm snake around your torso, hand coming to rest on your hip.
"He's right, you should wear this outfit more often." Kaeya whispered into your ear.
“You know, typically you’re supposed to wine and dine me before you-“ A knock resonated from the door, cutting you off and causing Kaeya to pull away from you but neither him nor Childe made any effort to remove their hands from where they were situated. The server entered with the table’s drinks on a tray, dishing them out to their respective spots on the table before asking if anybody was ready to order. Kaeya told them politely that we would wait for the rest of the group to join us first, and with that they turned and exited the room again.
You watched as Kaeya reached for his no doubt expensive wine, taking a sip and letting out a satisfied hum. "This wine is absolutely divine, it's not often I get the chance to indulge in such luxury. Would you like to try some, angel?" Kaeya asked you while his fingertips traced your hips.
"Sure." You hummed back, reaching out to grab the glass but Kaeya stopped your hand. You looked at him quizzically, watching as he dipped two fingers into the glass and let the crimson liquid pool at his fingertips. He brought his fingers to your lips, waiting for you to part them. You did, but only ever so slightly, letting your tongue drag along his slender fingers with a hum of delight as you maintained eye contact with him. Once upon a time you may have been flustered by his actions, but ever since the incident in the meeting room you have become no stranger to these types of occurrences. You pulled away before pressing a kiss to the pads at the tip of his finger.
"Divine indeed, captain." You added teasingly, the nickname a reference to a costume he wore to a halloween party last year that had caught on and stuck around even months after. You watched his unreadable expression closely as you awaited his response. He grabbed your face, tugging you toward him so he could plant a firm kiss on your lips while he caressed your cheek gently. You felt Childe's hand inch upward yet again further and further before finally reaching your clothed sex. Your breath hitched as Kaeya deepened the kiss, Childe rubbing you through thin material at a teasingly slow pace. You shifted your hips, trying to gain more friction from his fingers.
Kaeya pulled back from the kiss to let you catch your breath. "You know, there is one thing that would make this wine taste better." He kissed along your jaw and down your neck, breath fanning your skin as he continued. "If I could pour it over your chest and lick it off of you, slowly, inch by inch while you squirmed under my touch. That would make this experience undeniably perfect." You felt a shiver run down your spine, hand intertwining with his hair. As if working in tandem with Kaeya, Childe took this opportunity to slip his fingers past the barrier of fabric, your slick making his fingers run smoothly over your folds. Your free hand extended over to Childe's lap so you could palm him through his pants, thumb caressing the imprint of his erection. He let a breathy moan right next to your ear, fingers slipping into your heat.
"This is our reserved room, correct?" Zhongli’s voice resonated from just outside the door before the door swung open. He stepped in, followed by Diluc and Thoma. Your eyes met with Zhongli's as you tried futilely to push the lustful duo off of you. You filled with embarrassment when you thought about how sleazy you must look with Kaeya's lips attached to your neck and Childe's fingers squelching in and out of you. "Thoma, switch with (name), please. Evidently these two are incapable of practicing self control."
"W-what?" You protested, stomach sinking at the thought of disappointing your boss.
"Seriously, you two wouldn't know good timing if it hit you in the face. Your hotel rooms are literally a few yards away from each other." Diluc scoffed, tossing his suit coat over the back of his chair before pulling it out and sitting in it.
Childe pulled away from you, frowning at Diluc's words. "If I'm not mistaken, it was you who was moaning her name last night while you were alone in the shower, no?"
"And if I'm not mistaken, I'm still your boss. Watch how you talk to me." Diluc shot back immediately, crossing his arms over his chest. You scooted out of the booth, over Childe's lap, effectively pulling away from the two.
"Sorry.." You fiddled nervously with the hem of your skirt, still trying to recover from the embarrassment.
"You misunderstand me, gem, I'm not upset at you in the slightest." Zhongli smoothed over some of your hair comfortingly. "I specifically had a talk with these two about keeping things professional on this trip. This has nothing to do with you or your actions." You stared at him for a second before nodding. You took your place in between Zhongli and Diluc, directly across from where you had been previously sitting.
"How did your meetings go?" Zhongli asked you, tone much softer than the one he had just taken with Childe and Kaeya.
"They were boring for the most part, I managed to make a few connections though so that's good. What about you?" You responded, tuning out Diluc and Childe's bickering in the background.
"Stressful, I had many presentations to give, and only few bode over well."
"That's just how it goes." Thoma chimed in. "Tomorrow is a new day filled with new opportunity, I'm sure you'll do better."
"Stressful, eh? Fortunately for you, I know of the perfect way to relieve stress." Kaeya, ever the troublemaker, fixed his gaze on you pointedly for a few seconds to allow his point to get across. He just couldn't help himself when the ball was set up fo perfectly for him to spike it. You studied Zhongli's expression, his face remaining stoic as he processed Kaeya's innuendo.
"Unfortunately, the rules I set for you two apply to me as well. It would be wholly unfair to not hold myself to the same standard I hold my staff." Zhongli answered effortlessly. Seems like all these years of press conferences seemed to have really sharped his ability to form charismatic responses. Wait, 'unfortunately'?
"C'mon, Zhongli, (name)'s had eyes for us just as much as we've had eyes for them. You should see the look they get on their face when they're alone in their office." Childe laughed after ending his bickering session with Diluc. Your eyes went wide at that, having whole-heartedly believed you were being careful about when to indulge in your fantasies. "Besides, doesn't fucking them senseless sound like the perfect pick-me-up after a long day of meetings."
Zhongli seemed like he was still struggling to process his comment, resolve chipping with every second. He couldn't deny the nights he spent replaying the image of you bent over that table while he pleasured himself, and tonight was shaping up to be no different -- well, that would have been the case had he not attended this dinner. His eyes shifted over to you, inner turmoil apparent in them. Evidently, your response would be the deciding factor that pushed Zhongli to either side of the fence.
"He's not wrong." You shrugged, offering Zhongli a small smile. It was a simple sentence, only three words and yet… You watched his expression darken in that moment, his half hard erection already apparent in his pants.
"Thoma," you immediately noted the way his voice seemed to have dropped an octave. His gaze never once left yours.
"Yes boss?" Thoma responded almost instantly.
"Lock the door." Zhongli growled. Your heart skipped a beat, you felt heat rush straight to your core. The way Zhongli was looking at you made you feel bare even though not a single article of clothing had been removed from your form, at least not yet.
"The waitress is going to come back to place our order though." Diluc seemed to be the only voice of reason in this scenario. Thoma returned, scooting back into his spot in the booth, forcing Childe to be the one trapped in the middle this time. "That's gonna look awfully suspicious."
"Frankly, I can't seem to bring myself to care about that right now." Zhongli stood from his seat. He turned toward you, motioning for you to stand as well. "We'll tell them I had an important announcement that I didn't want getting interrupted or something." He lifted you at the hips and set you down on the table, placing himself in between your legs and pulling your core to meet his crotch. His lips caught yours, deep and breathtaking, as his hands roamed over your body. He tugged your shirt to untuck it until his fingers came into contact with the hem. He pulled it up, breaking the kiss to allow him to discard your shirt.
You found yourself rocking against him as his lips worked down your neck and chest. A new pair of hands hooked themselves under your bra clasp. You looked back to see Childe's arm extended. He pushed the straps off your arms, allowing the bra to fall away and expose your breasts. The cool air made your nipple perk instantly. You felt Childe's hands tug you down gently, allowing your back to lay against the cool cloth. You looked over to see Diluc's hands full of your table's drinks as he set them off to the side to avoid any accidents. Thoma eagerly took one of your nipples into his mouth while Kaeya's cold hand cupped the other.
Childe scooted the table away from him to provide him with the room to stand up. Your cheeks burned as you found yourself face to face with his still clothed erection. He chuckled at your expression, fingers caressing your cheek. He let his pointer finger trail delicately down your jaw to your chin, and then from your chin down your exposed neck. You shivered slightly at the way it tickled.
You felt someone tug down your skirt and your underwear, cool air rushing over your core. Zhongli had managed to free his member from his pants and was pumping himself outside of your field of vision. His other hand was pressed to your hip. He admired the way your chest heaved. Thoma and Kaeya littered your skin with bite marks and kisses. You watched intently as Childe followed in Zhongli's lead, freeing himself from his pants. Your lips parted slightly in anticipation, breath fanning the tip of Childe's dick with every exhale. Zhongli lined himself up with your entrance, you clenched your fists when you felt his tip push in. He sunk the rest of the way into you, a sigh of relief falling from his lips. He silently thanked Kaeya and Childe for prepping you so well before he had even arrived. Childe repeated this same process with your lips, slowly sinking into your mouth and relishing the feeling of your warm tongue wrapping around him.
The men both started thrusting at the same time but at very different paces. Childe was eager and less restrained, holding you steady while he fucked your face. He was also louder, not seeming to care if the staff or other patrons heard how good you were making him feel. Zhongli on the other hand was slower, drawing all the way out of you before slamming back into you. Though, after a few moments he seemed to compromise with himself and picked up the pace slightly, only drawing partially out of you, but still enough to let you feel his tip hit deep inside of you with each powerful thrust. You felt Diluc's familiar fingers come into contact with your clit, rubbing you in just the right way to make you clench around Zhongli and moan around Childe. Diluc left kisses all over your lower half, his long hair spilling over his shoulder and tickling your stomach.
The lewd sounds of slapping and kissing and sucking were all that could be heard in the room, along with Childe’s occasional unrestrained noises of pleasure. He moaned your name, head thrown back and mouth agape. His cheeks were flushed bright pink, and they only seemed to glow brighter the closer he got to cumming. Childe's pace became sloppy and erratic as he drew near to his own orgasm, thrusts becoming shallow as he chased euphoria. He pulled out right as he hit his high point so he could paint your chest with his cum. He moaned your name particularly loudly as he did, using his own hand to slowly lower himself down from his peak.
Kaeya pulled back and marveled at the marks he left on your skin, the imprints of his teeth visible in several spots. "My turn already?" He hummed, fingers tracing over the splotches and bruises on your skin. "A shame, I wasn't finished with my work of art yet." He stood up nonetheless as Childe fell back on the seat behind him, still trying to catch his breath. Kaeya quickly took his place, much to Thoma's disappointment. Kaeya's signature smirk hadn't left his face once while he admired the way your breasts glistened with a mixture of sweat and cum. He slowly undid the button to his pants, pushing them partially down his legs before moving to his underwear. You swear his cock bounced when it sprang free, tip flushed and absolutely beautiful. It seems this man truly didn't have an ugly bone in his body.
You felt Zhongli slowly coming undone inside you too, his cock twitching more and more every time he pushed himself into your smooth walls, even more so whenever Diluc's added stimulation made you clench around him. You felt yourself rock against his fingers, your own climax on the horizon. Zhongli gave one final thrust into you before you felt him spill his hot seed into you, his fingers digging into your hips in an attempt to ground himself. You moaned at the feeling of your walls being coated white. Kaeya took this as an opportunity to muffle you with his cock. He stuffed your mouth full of him, watching in a sort of satisfied sadistic fashion as you choked slightly on his length.
Zhongli pulled out of you after he finished cumming, panting heavily. You whined around Kaeya's cock at the loss of contact, hole clenching desperately around nothing. You squirmed your hips and mewled, hoping someone would get your wordless plea for some form of stimulation. Diluc, ever so observant, was the first one to pick up on your discomfort. "Aw, does my little princess want to be filled up again?" He asked tauntingly. "Do you want my cock inside of you?" His fingers continued to push you toward your orgasm. He chuckled at the way you jerked your hips into his touch, whines becoming louder still even with your mouth full of Kaeya's erection. As he felt your body start to tense, he withdrew his hand from your clit before you could cum. You pressed your thighs together while a groan left your lips, feeling frustrated tears well up in your eyes.
Diluc switched spots with Zhongli and unzipped his pants loud enough to get the anticipation in your stomach building rapidly. You heard fabric bunching and shuffling, and in turn took advantage of the adrenaline rush you were getting to eagerly please Kaeya. You hollowed your cheeks and allowed your tongue to work over him, lewd sucking noises escaping your lips. Kaeya groaned in response, his grip on your head tightening still as he bucked his hips into you frantically. You felt Zhongli's rough hands run over the skin of your breasts, centering on the nipples. You felt him wipe some of Childe's cum off you, and moments later the feeling of his fingers got replaced with his tongue as he sucked slightly on the soft flesh.
You sucked in a sharp breath when you felt Diluc's tip at your entrance, face contorting as you prepared for him to stretch you out just like Zhongli had. You paused as he pushed in -- not all the way, just an inch or so -- to truly revel in the feeling the he was providing you. He sunk in a little bit more to let you get used to the feeling of him in your tight sex, he was a little more girthy than Zhongli. Finally, he pushed into you until he bottomed out, filling your cunt to the brim with his member. A quiet groan escaping his lips; you would give anything to see the blissful look on his face right now.
You squirmed as he started to move. He went slowly at first, letting himself become coated in your slick to make his job easier. He took a few moments to find a good rhythm, one that was much different from Zhongli's. He was steady and consistent, pulling out an inch or two only to push back into you. He lifted one of your legs to give him a better angle, you let out a muffled moan as his tip kissed your sweet spot. Kaeya groaned again at the vibration of your voice. You felt Kaeya’s thumb press slightly against the center of your throat where he could feel himself thrusting in and out of you. You swallowed around him as he gave his last few thrusts before he was sent over the edge, cumming in spurts over your tongue. He let out a long moan that you wanted to keep on repeat forever.
You caught sight of Thoma eagerly awaiting his chance to feel your mouth around him. Kaeya pulled out slowly, stepping to the side (albeit a little bit grudgingly) to let Thoma have his turn. Thoma has already freed himself, precum leaking from the tip. He seemed a little nervous as he found himself finally aligned with your awaiting mouth. “Are you sure this is alright?” He asked, closely watching your face for signs of discomfort. His gentleness was refreshing after the way Kaeya and Childe so unceremoniously face-fucked you.
You giggled, kissing his tip causing his ears to flush red. “Mhm, of course. You’re so good for me~” His eyes went wide at your praise. You let your mouth hang open as an invitation for him to enter you, a high pitched whine escaping him almost immediately after sinking into you. He cupped your head gently, pulling out of you slowly before pushing back into you, truly appreciating the stimulation you were giving him.
Kaeya truly could never sit still with an opportunity so grand in front of him. His fingers found their way to toy with your clit, his cold fingers making you squirm under his touch. Childe, who was still on the couch, had gotten hard again and was pumping himself as he watch you slowly get your holes stuff full of cum. You moaned as Diluc’s dick hit your sweet spot again and again, Kaeya’s cold fingers causing your head to spin. You could feel your orgasm coming fast, and it felt like it was going to be an intense one. You arched your back off the table, whines becoming increasingly more frequent the more pressure built up. Diluc also seemed to be nearing his release, you could always tell by the way he moaned your name. A few more thrusts into you was all it took for you to come undone. You cried out, thighs quivering as you squirted all over Kaeya’s fingers and Diluc’s cock alike. Diluc followed a few seconds after, burying himself inside of you as he came hard, eyes intently watching the sight of you during and after your orgasm.
Thoma’s cock twitched as he watched you make a mess over Diluc’s cock, his breathy moans of your name getting louder and louder. He knew it wouldn’t take long for him to finish, not with the way your tongue traced his veins and your hand assisting him with whatever he couldn’t fit in your mouth. You felt the knot come undone and Thoma’s sweet cum flooded your mouth. He pulled out, gently wiping the spit from your face.
The room was filled with nothing but the sound of heavy breathing as everyone came down from their highs. Zhongli was even nice enough to grab your water from where Diluc had set them off to the side and offer you some as he dabbed away some of your sweat with a napkin. Diluc finally pulled his now softened member out of you, admiring the way your cum-filled hole leaked. He had to fight the urge to fuck every last drop back into you.
A knock resonated from the door, causing everyone in the room to freeze. “Um, sorry to interrupt,” the servers voice sounded meekly from outside the door, “you guys reservation time is up…” You cringed at the idea of having to walk back to your hotel room in this state, legs still wobbly and cum all over you.
“I supposed to ‘important announcement’ excuse won’t work now..” If you didn’t know any better, you’d say Zhongli sounded amused. “No need to fret, I’ll just pay them a generous tip to overlook this little.. endeavor.”
“You mean I’ll pay the tip.” Diluc cut in flatly. You all were lucky the company had the money to be avoiding scandals like this or else you’d all be done for. Maybe he could convince you to, uh, thank him for it later…
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everything happens for a reason part one - zuko x fem!reader
I am not your concern
masterlist | part 2
summary: as a servant in the fire nation, you’ve learned that life is often unfair. but as you venture through a tumultuous relationship with a certain prince, you come to learn a very tricky lesson: everything happens for a reason.
a/n: im so excited about this guys you dont even know. i have so much planned and i hope you all love it as much as i do - just for reference, in this first chapter y/n is 9 and zuko is 10
wc: 2.3k
warning(s): mentions of a raid, reader and zuko both being little shits lmao
chapter title comes from not your concern by the hush sound!
Y/N sprawled out on the grass and sighed contentedly as the sun shined down on her and her mother. Today was easier than most as they had been given the day off, an occasion that was rare in the royal palace. She closed her eyes and breathed in the fresh scent aerating their surroundings. Her senses were blessed with a mix of sea salt and fire lilies, an ever present reminder of the two worlds she walked in.
“Y/N,” her mother chided as she glanced down at her daughter from her sewing. “You shouldn’t lay in the grass like that. You know how hard those stains are to get out; I don’t need even more work on my plate.”
“Yes, mother,” she sighed as she sat up with mock exasperation. “I just feel like I should take advantage of this! We spend all day inside, and now that we’re out here you’re worried about things like stained clothes.” Y/N pushed herself to her feet and spread her arms out as she spun in a small circle. “Life is short, and I already spend all of it sewing and healing. Don’t you think I deserve some grass stains?”
“Did you find your way into the poetry books again?” she joked. “Of course I think you should have fun, but you know how things are here. I’m just trying to keep you safe.”
She continued to twirl, the soft breeze a welcome sensation on her skin. “I know, I know, but you don’t need to worry! I can—”
“Dear, watch where you’re going!”
Her mother’s warning didn’t reach her in time, a fact that became known to Y/N as she collided into the boy in front of her. A small gasp escaped her as recognition filled her now wide eyes.
“Prince Zuko!” she exclaimed, nervous hands finding their positions as she bowed. “Please forgive me for the accident, I didn’t realize you were there.”
Y/N had never spoken to the young prince directly — she mainly shadowed her mother while she did her work around the palace or honed her healing abilities under the watchful eye of Rika, their most skilled healer — but she knew enough to understand that she was to never disrespect the royal family in any way.
“Don’t worry,” he said with a small smile, alleviating the tension that had built up in her shoulders. “I’m sorry too, I wasn’t paying attention either. I actually came here for some help.” As she straightened her back, she noticed the bundle of fabric he was holding. “Are you Kura?”
“Oh, no. That’s my mother.” She pointed behind her where her mother greeted the prince with a respectful nod and smile of her own. “Did you come to get something fixed? She’s the best seamstress in all of the Four Nations.”
“My daughter flatters me,” Kura chucked. “What is it that you require, Prince Zuko?”
“She’s right, actually.” He held up the bundle of cloth which Y/N now recognized as one of the many outfits he owned. She didn’t consider herself a jealous person, but the prince’s extensive wardrobe was an exception to that rule. She had one set uniform for her work supplied by the Fire Nation, and a threadbare set for everything else that her mother had bought for her after saving up what little copper they had to spare. Y/N didn’t mind it too much as she was able to practice her sewing whenever the seams broke, but she was sure that her handiwork made up more of the outfit than the original by now.
“I tore one of the sleeves while I was training with Azula,” Zuko expressed with a frown. “I showed it to my mother, and she said that Kura would be able to fix it. I had to go through every single servant to find you, so I really hope you can. ”
Kura set her current project down and took the cloth from the prince, examining it with the skillful eye of a seamstress before meeting his eyes with another smile. “Of course, dear. I should have it ready for you by tomorrow; my daughter will deliver it to your quarters around midday.”
“Do it well,” he demanded. “I can’t focus on my training if my clothes are falling apart.”
“Hey!” she spoke up, scowling as she crossed her arms. It was like every shred of sense Y/N had disappeared the moment he talked down to her mother. “This is our day off, so you should be thankful that my mother is taking time out of her day to do this for you. Be nicer to her.”
“Y/N!” her mother scolded, her tone frantically apologetic as she turned back to the prince. “Please, forgive my daughter. She speaks her mind far too often, she doesn’t mean any disrespect.”
“No, you’re right.” A thoughtful expression found its way onto the young boy’s features, his eyes trained on her own displeasure. “My father always talks that way to the servants and I guess it came off on me. I’m sorry. It’s not nice.”
“Apology accepted,” Y/N said reluctantly.
“Thank you for your help. I’ll make sure to tell all my friends about your work.” The young prince smiled and walked off, though not without a curious second glance at the girl who righted his wrong.
As soon as the prince was out of range, Kura began to berate her daughter. “Y/N, by now you have to understand that under no circumstances may you ever speak to a member of the royal family like that! Do you know what kind of punishment you could’ve gotten if anyone else was around to hear that?”
She sighed and settled back on the ground, plucking a blade of grass from the ground. “I know, mother, but he needs to learn manners, prince or not!”
“That’s not how it works here. Our job is to serve the royal family without question. Sometimes they say mean things, but we can’t do anything about it. Apologies are not yours to demand or accept.”
“That’s not fair,” she mumbled as she wrapped the strand of grass around her finger. “Back home I could say whatever I wanted.”
“I know, honey, I know. But we’re not at home anymore, so the rules there don’t apply. We have to follow the rules that are put in place here. Can you promise that you’ll do that for me?”
“Yes, mother.” It was a phrase that seemed to always be at the tip of her tongue now that constant apologies were littered throughout her days, usually accompanied by a sigh.
“I miss home,” The murmured sentiment was almost too soft for Kura to hear and her heart sank. Her daughter’s gaze was trained on the ground, idle fingers tapping against her legs, and she put a momentary pause to her sewing with a sigh.
“Dear, don’t you have a healing session today with Rika?”
“You know I don’t,” she grumbled. “It’s my day off, which no one seems to remember.”
“Y/N.” Kura’s voice was more firm and she now understood that it wasn’t so much a suggestion as a demand. “I think you should pay Rika a visit.”
She heaved an exasperated sigh and stood up in a far more exaggerated gesture than necessary. “Alright. I’ll see you later tonight, mother.” And as Y/N began her walk back to the palace, a sour feeling brewed in her chest.
Kura watched on, unable to prevent the fear that permeated her thoughts. They were fortunate that the young prince was generous, but along with his mother they might’ve been the only two who shared those views in the royal family. She hated having to constantly admonish her daughter — the girl was too young to constantly live in fear, especially having already been through so much — but in the Fire Nation they couldn’t afford to do anything less. A spitfire girl like her daughter was constantly treading on thin ice, and it was all she could do to keep her safe.
Kura feared the day when she wasn’t there to protect her.
-
After a short walk that consisted of muttering things to herself and taking her anger out on the pebbles unfortunate enough to be in her path, Y/N found herself back at the palace. She let herself into a side entrance meant only for servants and set on her way to the infirmary when she collided with someone else — an apology was already on the tip of her tongue when she recognized it was Prince Zuko once more. She truly had rotten luck.
Y/N shot quick glances around to ensure that they were alone, then lowered her voice just for extra security. “My mom says I’m not supposed to talk to you like this, but I don’t care. Just because you’re the prince doesn’t mean you can just go around bumping into people!” she whispered angrily.
“But— you were the one who bumped into me the first time!”
She could feel her face heat up from embarrassment and she crossed her arms. “Just— whatever! Do you want something or do you just like popping up in places you're not supposed to be?”
“I guess I just wanted to talk to you,” Zuko shrugged. “I’ve never really seen you around before, and you’re interesting.”
Y/N scrutinized him trying to find out if he was tricking her somehow, but after staring at him for a solid ten seconds she finally caved. “Fine,” she said, already beginning to walk. “But you’d better make it fast. I have to get to a healing session.”
He took a few quick steps to catch up to her and frowned. “I’m the prince. Technically I could order you to stop and you would have to listen.”
“Yeah, well when it’s just the two of us, you’re just another boy. I don’t have time to talk to boys for hours.”
His brows creased for a moment as he thought about it, then ultimately shrugged once more. “Okay. You said you were going to a healing session- does that mean you’re a waterbender?”
She nodded, and Zuko waited for her to explain further. He heaved a sigh, realizing that he was going to have to carry this conversation. “Well.. what’s a waterbender doing in the Fire Nation?”
She fixed him with a puzzled look. “I’m a servant. That’s why I’m here.”
“I know that,” he frowned. “But most of the servants here are from the Fire Nation, and there are hardly any around your age. I’m just trying to get to know you better.”
Y/N sighed heavily — she now knew that the child prince of the Fire Nation had zero sense of boundaries, and if she wanted to get him off her back she had to answer to his satisfaction. “My mother is a waterbender from the Northern Tribe. She left home when she was young to travel the world and help who she could with her healing, and eventually she fell in love with an earthbender. That was my father — they ended up marrying and settling down in his village where they had me a few years later. Last month, my village was raided by the Fire Nation, and my mother and I were captured after they discovered we were waterbenders. And now I’m here, being annoyed by a prince.”
Zuko frowned once more — it seemed if he continued hanging out with this girl the expression would be stuck permanently on his face — and he suddenly felt ashamed for pushing. “I’m really sorry,” he muttered. “I had no idea.”
She heaved another sigh and shook her head. “Yeah, well they probably keep a lot of the bad things they do from you. It’s easier to send raids to destroy families when your children don’t know.”
“What happened to your father?” he questioned.
Y/N’s body stiffened, and she had never been more thankful to see the infirmary door. “Save your questions for next time,” she grumbled.
Zuko’s eyes lit up, her earlier stumble going unnoticed, and a small smile found its way across his lips. “There’s gonna be a next time?”
She managed to cover up her own growing smile with an ambivalent shrug. “As long as you don’t bump into me again.” Y/N opened the door and gave him a polite parting nod before disappearing inside.
“Good afternoon, Master Rika,” she said with a small bow. “I know this is unexpected, but my mother insisted that I come here to—”
“Let me guess,” the older woman interrupted with a raised brow. “Kura got tired of you and sent you here to annoy me instead?”
Y/N chuckled and rolled her eyes good-naturedly as she pushed the sleeves of her tunic up to her elbows. “When have I ever annoyed you?”
“That’s a question you don’t want me to answer,” she joked as she rummaged through the closet to get supplies. “Besides, what was that smile for? Meet a boy on your day off? A girl?”
Her eyes widened momentarily and she felt the heat rush to her cheeks intensely. “I don’t ask you about your life while we heal, you shouldn’t ask about mine!”
Zuko, who had been eavesdropping by the door in an extremely un-covert fashion, felt an even bigger smile. The girl was prickly as a cactus, but he found himself strangely drawn to her — not in spite of it, but because of it. He was so used to anyone he talked to outside of his immediate family and friends bending at the knee to fulfill his every will, and it was exhausting at times. But this girl — Y/N, as he had learned — was the complete opposite.
He started to walk away, sure that he was late for some kind of session of his own. Zuko found himself thinking of the glimpse of a smile he got, already finding himself scheming up ways to make it return.
And despite her request, he was almost certain he would try to bump into her again.
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𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝔀𝓸𝓾𝓵𝓭 𝓬𝓻𝔂 𝓽𝓸𝓸, 𝓲𝓯 𝓲𝓽 𝓱𝓪𝓹𝓹𝓮𝓷𝓮𝓭 𝓽𝓸 𝔂𝓸𝓾
character(s): izuku midoriya x gn!reader (x katsuki bakugou)
a/n: gosh i love angst (quick note!! i edit to the best of my ability, however it’s easy to miss things, and i type 100 words per minute, so im sorry if i miss some things!) this ain’t a poly relationship btw, i don’t feel like i could write that well (no shame to people who do!! personally i feel like i would butcher it)
reblogs are greatly appreciated!
based off the song: it’s my party by lesley gore
summary: y/n realizes going to katsuki bakugou’s wedding was a mistake
genre: angst all the way shawties
warnings: light cursing, heartbreak, alcohol, one-sided pining (reader), aged up/pro-hero au, sad reminiscing bc ahaha bakugou made us sad :’) and a crap load of references to the song, friend zoning (eesh)
word count: 2,566
ik yall are waiting for a part 2 of brutal and part 3 of you’re not my boyfriend but this idea just struck i had to get it down pls
- - -
“let’s raise a toast to our finest lovebirds, my best friend and his wife, katsuki bakugou and ochaco uraraka!” kirishima took a sip of champagne.
you lifted your beverage in unison with the others seated at your table but did not drink. you blinked down at the fizzing beverage.
“we wish you all the best,” kirishima said. “you and your best buds have no doubt you two’ll be known as some of the most indestructible symbols of peace.”
another wave of applause passed among the crowd. the last toast was finished and the music resumed. your entire table left you sitting. it wasn’t like you knew anyone here, anyways. nobody except for the few classmates bakugou was still in touch with.
those people consisted of izuku midoriya, who was sitting at the table across from you, as well as across the dance floor.
the lights twinkled up again, red, blue, and green flashing along the floor.
you couldn’t deny it. bakugou in a red suit, uraraka in a wedding dress fell just above her knees, a red bow tied around her waist. you did not doubt that if you were to be sold as a healthy person on the black market, that dress would still be worth more than you.
the only comfort you had was midoriya, who had greeted you when you came in, but the two of you had exchanged no further words. but he looked equally as miserable as you.
uraraka and bakugou were perfect together. they looked happy. and you were happy to see bakugou happy. happy to see uraraka happy with him.
bakugou dipped his newlywed wife to the beat of the music. her back arched perfectly into his large hands.
what hurts the most was that, while you wished it was you instead of her on that dance floor, you knew it wouldn’t work out.
not that you and bakugou wouldn’t have worked out. the two of you were a perfect couple!
what hurts the most was that it was a wish, and in every near universe, you still didn’t have that ring.
uravity and dynamight simply looked...happier.
-
you stormed out, shaking. why was your katsuki kissing her? holding her when it should have been you?
deep down, you knew you had no right. you and bakugou were barely a couple. throughout his years at yuuei, he’d calmed down immensely. so much that he could strike up a conversation with nearly everyone. as it turns out, introverted katsuki bakugou was a shameless flirt.
the two of you exchanged flitting glances from time to time, but it was never anything serious. at least to him, it wasn’t.
you knew he’d never taken the flirting seriously, and you also knew about his aching feelings for uraraka. how he covered his mouth whenever she walked by. how his voice raised just a bit, and how soft his eyes got.
you shouldn’t have been surprised. he never even hinted that he might have had romantic feelings for you.
the entire room erupted with applause as he kissed her. the katsuki bakugou, kissing someone? pfft, only in dreams.
for some, the dream would be good. like uraraka, who had shamelessly kissed him back.
for you, it was a complete nightmare.
the blaring music, the lights, the balloons, the ‘happy graduation class of 1-A!’
you drowned it all out. you curled your knees to your chest. you had no right to be hurt. not at all. they were his emotions. you had no control over them.
loneliness clouded over you. your chest screamed with longing. a longing to be held. be wanted by him.
you were alone. nobody was coming to comfort you. nobody was-
the door opened, clicking shut just as quickly. someone sniffled.
your eyes flicked up from your knees.
“y/n? i...i’m sorry, i had no idea anyone was out here...i can leave...”
“it’s alright, izuku.”
-
izuku took a swig from a bottle containing something much heavier than champagne.
that same tug in your chest came about. you were tired of seeing the billboards, the magazines. tired of seeing the unquestionably perfect relationship, perfect love bloom right before you.
dynamight and uravity this! dynamight and uravity that!
the music was loud enough, the lights were busy enough, and the people were ignorant enough to neglect your crying figure.
this was supposed to be my party. he loved me first.
-
“you okay?” you asked, swiping your nose.
izuku looked back at the graduation party. “no, y/n. i’m not.”
“then we’re both absolute shit.” you let him help you up. “why’re you crying?”
“just...just uraraka.”
“for me it’s just bakugou.”
just as bakugou had calmed down during his years at yuuei, izuku had earned a sense of sarcasm. “are they just oblivious or stupid?”
“goodness, izuku,” you joked, pressing a hand to your shuddering chest. “calling uraraka stupid?”
he gave you a sad side-smile. you listened in silence as the upbeat music played on.
“i guess we’re the stupid ones.” he sighed, chest heaving a little.
“i guess,” you agreed. he pulled you into a hug, and you let the tears flow. your sobs corrupted your chest as you curled into his arms. “why? why did it have to be her?”
“not all heroes end up happy, y/n.”
you looked up at him, eyes puffy, sniffling. “why can’t we be part of that small portion of heroes who are?”
izuku looked up, trying to neglect the water pooling in his own eyes. “i guess...well, not to be a narcissist—” he let out a breathy chuckle, “―but if you noticed, all the greatest heroes die with some kind of regret.”
“maybe i don’t want to be a good hero.” you ignored his efforts to lighten the mood.
“heroes don’t always get to choose whether they’ll be good or not. some things just happen.”
“i’m sorry, izuku.” you swiped at your eyes. “you’re hurt just as badly as me. i don’t want to make it—”
“hey.” izuku gently pried your hands away from your face, fingers ghosting over your wrists. his emerald eyes gleamed as they stared into yours. “don’t invalidate your feelings just because of me. we’re both hurting, but that doesn’t mean i won’t listen to you.”
your sobs came back again, and you fell into his chest.
-
bakugou spun uraraka, laughing gently as she twirled in his arms. his eyes lit up whenever he saw her. they twinkled. he sparkled. his smile was dazzling. and he was everything you never had.
you were a heartbroken mess, even after all these years. there was a list of all the reasons you were mad at him, and yourself.
your sobs were almost uncontrollable, and at this point, you were shocked nobody came to check on you. not that you cared very much. even if you were making a small effort to hide your face, it still would have been nice to feel a touch on your shoulder, someone perhaps shaking you gently to make sure you were awake.
not that you’d tell them what was wrong. you just wanted to know somebody cared, and to have the option to talk to somebody if you needed to do so.
but here you were. cheesy, upbeat fifties music echoed along the walls of the room. bakugou had secretly adored artists from back then, and you’d often catch him dancing and singing along to long-forgotten oldies.
if you weren’t his best friend, you would have blown off coming here and binge-watched ‘my best friend’s wedding’ and sobbed.
your head was down, forehead leaning on the backs of your forearms stacked upon each other. tears were streaming down, your shoulders shuddering with each weak breath sucked in and released.
until bakugou chose you, you had no reason to smile. at least not now. by no means were you desperate. love sometimes did that to people. made them look needy, look unwanted.
you’ve had plenty of options in the past, but the one person who you wanted didn’t want you back. didn’t even care.
since the graduation party, uraraka and you had been a bit tense. a part of her felt like she knew how you felt, and how bakugou mattered to you more than anyone in the world.
after the first year, she began abandoning izuku and ignoring his emotions towards her. after she and bakugou found each other, they had already known they would settle with one another.
you and izuku had never been close, but you were both good friends and were there when you needed one another.
he had walked you through your pain of senior year, and you’d helped him reach a lot of his goals, too. but bakugou just didn’t seem to care anymore. not even about becoming the number one hero. he looked at uraraka like she was his goal, his new dream, the reason he was happy. he looked at her and saw that he had the world in his hands and wanted to keep it that way.
you? you were pluto. exiled from the rest of the planets. exiled from the rest of his options, when you used to be his first.
-
“y/n?”
you and izuku backed away from each other. you’d both been crying for quite a bit. how long it had been, you were both unsure.
uraraka now stood at the door. you peeked into the window, leaning back a bit and catching glances of the blonde, who was currently being clapped on the back by his friends, congratulated for ‘getting the girl’.
“are you guys okay?’ uraraka asked.
“would you cry, uraraka?”
she tilted her head. “what?”
you pushed yourself off of izuku. “do you think you’d cry if you saw me kissing him, too?”
“what’re you―”
“you would cry, too! you would be sobbing!” you stabbed an accusatory finger at her. “you were my friend! you knew how i felt, and you’re kissing him?”
uraraka’s eyes widened. “i...i’m sorry. it all just happened, and i—”
“shut the hell up, uraraka. you ruined this party. for me and izuku.”
perhaps you went a bit far, but in your heart and your mind, you knew she deserved it. she knew. uraraka had known.
izuku gave uraraka a sympathetic look before pressing a hand to your back and leading you away.
-
it still came as a bit of a shock that uraraka had let bakugou invite you to their wedding. gosh. little, domestic bakugou, sealing invitations and batting his eyes at his oh-so-sweet wife so he could invite his best friend.
little domestic uraraka sweetly kissing her fiance on the cheek and pouting as she said, “how can i say no?”
it was disgusting, and everything you wanted to have with him.
you allowed yourself to be selfish this one time. after all, you deserved it. you’d endured hours of bakugou blabbering on about how sweet uraraka was. everything you weren’t.
you took the bottle to champagne. your ankles were aching as you stumbled out of the room. your vision blurred, becoming foggy with tears. not one person stopped you. you guessed because nobody noticed.
like graduation night, you slumped down right outside the doors to the party, the music, lights, and laughter muffled. the only difference was that you had a bottle of champagne and the man of your dreams was gone. for good, this time.
-
“i wish she noticed me. it was like, after first year, the uraraka i knew just vanished.”
you nodded. you and midoriya were wandering the streets, cool air brushing down your neck and on your face as cars passed.
“uraraka was so sweet, but she lost feelings so fast and...ugh.” midoriya ran a hand through his hair, ruffling his curls. “i’m still a bit...baffled. i know people change, but she and kacchan both switched up so fast.”
“i don’t want to say they’re jackasses, but they’re kind of jackasses.”
izuku rubbed your shoulder as you leaned on him while the two of you walked. “don’t say that.”
“sorry,” you breathed.
“no more being sorry. being sorry all the time leads to shit like this.”
you chuckled. “yeah, it does.” you sniffed. “did i take you away from the party? you can go back if you want.”
he shrugged. “’s all right. i don’t mind.”
“do you want to be here or would you rather be in there?”
“out here with you. i can’t be there right now.”
“me too.”
-
“let me guess.”
you looked up and scoffed softly.
“this was supposed to be your party?”
you nodded. “my party, my groom. i’m not supposed to be crying at my party, am i?”
your friend shook his head. “not at all. cheer up, y/n.”
izuku slid down the wall, sitting beside you. he rested his arms on his knees, twisting open his own bottle of champagne. “you look like a mess.”
“and you look like you need anger management.” you smiled.
he grinned back. “do i now?”
“yeah, you do. you should have seen yourself sitting there. all alone, the one person drinking something that wasn’t the fifty-thousand yen drinks.”
“54,795.75 yen, to be exact.”
you raised an eyebrow. “you’re insane. you kidding me? why do you know that?”
“i was the weird kid who took notes on everyone in the class. of course i would know this. i’m offended you think i wouldn’t.”
you tilted your head back in laughter. “gosh, izuku.”
“mhm.”
there was a pause. comfortable silence filled the space, broken by you sigh after gulping down your drink. “so they’re gone?”
“i’d rather not dwell on it.”
“how old are we now?”
izuku gave a breathy chuckle. “twenty-five.”
you smiled. “really, now? and i thought i would be married by now.”
“me too. ‘s a shame.”
“how about, if we’re both still not married by the time we’re forty, we get married to each other, adopt three children and we become hot parents.”
“three?”
“yeah, we can have a mini hero agency.”
“that’s horrifying. but i agree. having a mini hero agency would be pretty amazing.”
“i’m glad you agree with me, izuku.” you brushed a curl from his eyes.
“can’t wait until i’m forty,” he smirked.
“me neither.”
“maybe by then we would have forgotten all of this?”
“we’ll be fighting a villain, and we get our memories erased, and then we fall in love because we wake up beside each other in the hospital. we’re both equally confused.” you peppered him with jokes. “it’s a journey we will go on together.”
“can’t wait until my memory gets erased.”
“do you wanna get out of here?”
izuku shook his head. “it’s their wedding. we can’t. we shouldn’t.”
you gave him a silly look.
“you’re always such trouble, y/n.”
“if you hate it, then wipe that stupid grin off your face.”
izuku’s features softened. “maybe i like it. but only sometimes.” he took your head and lead you out, leaving his drink behind while you took yours.
a single tear rolled down your cheek. he didn’t erase all your pain, nor your feelings for bakugou. it wasn’t what you needed, no.
you just needed a friend. a real one. one that wouldn’t steal your dream from you. and that’s what you knew you had right now.
besides, things could happen in the future, right?
you smiled, and let the cold air touch your skin.
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jealous treasure (asahi-junghwan)
🔅i’m gonna use another member in each one because it’s easier than making up a whole new person and explaining a bit about them for each one if that makes sense. but this is just for fun, it’s fictitious, remember that pls🔅
find the other members here
🌷 asahi:
“it’s wednesday” junkyu announced. it wasn’t out of the ordinary for him to say whatever was in his brain, but today the other boys decided to humour him a little and asked him to elaborate.
“we should wear pink” he clarified as if everyone should know. asahi rolled his eyes, you’d been pestering asahi to tell junkyu to watch mean girls since well, forever, and that now he’d finally watched it, he wouldn’t shut up about it.
“but you’re not wearing any pink” asahi pointed out after scanning his whole body.
junkyu corrected him by fetching the hoodie he was expecting to wear. it was a soft, baby pink colour, with a little heart on the pocket right in the middle. asahi recognised it straight away.
“where did you get that?” he asked. junkyu couldn’t lie, he’d been caught red handed.
“from your closet” he confessed “but you always wear it and i thought i might look cute in it, can i wear it just for one day?” he begged with pleading eyes.
“hm let me think” asahi put his hand to his chin with sarcasm written all over his face “no” he snatched it from junkyu’s hands. “why would you wear y/n’s hoodie anyway?” he asked
“i-” junkyu stuttered “i didn’t know it was theirs” he said while assessing the situation “but are you really jealous right now? i didn’t know you were the type” he laughed, drawing the attention of the other members.
“no” he scoffed, “i’m not jealous, i just don’t think that they would want you wearing their hoodie. you smell” he spat out, turning his back and heading for his room.
“someone call y/n” junkyu said, wanting you to hear what a jealous man your boyfriend really is.
“don’t you have something better to do, like finding your own pink hoodie, you know, like the one you never take off your own back?” asahi snaps back, referring to the infamous pink hoodie from junkyu’s trademark outfit. as he leaves the living room, asahi takes a hesitant sniff at the jumper, hoping junkyu hasn’t infected it with his scent so much so that it no longer smells of you.
🍄 yedam:
having been stuck inside your house for what felt like a year, you were grateful and willing to accept any invitation to leave. today’s invite came from your boyfriend, yedam, who’d recently been too busy working to come and see you, which was completely understandable. he’d asked if you’d like to join him and a few of his friends on a walk around a nearby park, you of course said yes.
with beautiful scenery came the chance to take beautiful pictures. noticing that your boyfriend was too preoccupied by the ice cream van, you asked one of his friends, jeongwoo, to take a picture of you by the fountain. he agreed and instructed you on how to pose so that it wouldn’t look awkward. you followed his advice and managed to get a few shots. you walked back over to jeongwoo, who innocently stood with your phone in his hand, when you saw your boyfriend come rushing over.
“what are you doing with their phone?” he questioned “they let you take photos of them?” he spat out in a hurt manner.
“yes…” jeongwoo replied before you stepped in.
“how much are they?” you asked, pointing in the ice cream van’s direction, not understanding what all the commotion was about.
“apparently they’re all out of ice cream” he mocked “but why did you let him take photos of you? that’s my job” he pouted with a soft tone to his voice.
“ooo our yedam is all soft for y/n” jeongwoo jeered which, judging by the look yedam gave back to him, was not appropriate. “it was just 3 pictures” jeongwoo clarified “the model isn’t that easy to work with anyway, they have no fresh ideas of their own to spice up my business” he scoffed jokingly while handing your phone back to you, causing yedam to finally crack a smile.
“⅕ stars, pictures came out wonky and the photographer is bossy, unlike my lovely yedam” you smiled, playing into the joke. it wasn’t long before yedam was back to his usual cheerful self and had also finally decided that an iced tea was a good substitute for ice cream too.
🧶doyoung:
there was a lot of things in your house that didn’t make sense, but the worst was definitely the paintings hung up in your room that you’d never gotten around to taking down, mainly because you couldn’t reach them but shhh. you’d always been too shy to ask doyoung, knowing he’d laugh at you and tease you for being too short to reach them, and given you hadn’t been together for that long, you weren’t sure how much you’d appreciate that being your first inside joke.
a friend of yours, jihoon, had come over to your house while doyoung was there, which wasn’t exactly an issue, he knew you and jihoon were friends and he respected that. the three of you often gossiped and gamed together, it was a common thing these days.
“i tell you this every time im here but those are so ugly y/n, please take them down” jihoon glanced up, locking eyes with the spooky man in the painting and shuddering.
“i can’t reach” you joked, forgetting your boyfriend was also there.
“i’ll do it then” jihoon announced, standing up and reaching each painting easily.
“i could have done that” doyoung whispered under his breath while staring at you. you turned to your left to see your boyfriend's unimpressed face. “why did you let him do it?” he questioned, seeming really quite angry.
“he offered, i wasn’t gonna say no” you defended yourself. jihoon took this as his queue to leave and take the artwork elsewhere, he didn’t know where, but anywhere was better than being in that room with you two.
“is it because of his big muscles? is it because you value his opinion more than mine?” doyoung asked, laughing at his own thoughts and how ridiculous they were but possibly true.
“no” you rolled your eyes before making eye contact again “its because he offered” you repeated.
“and if i offered?” he asked, expecting you to say that you would have declined.
“obviously i would have said yes” you replied, “they were horrible i don’t care who got them down i just wanted them gone”
“oh” he sat back and relaxed into the pillow “well i’m glad they’re gone. i didn’t like to say it, but they were creepy” he laughed with you. “the next thing to go is him though” he joked, seeing jihoon walk back into your room, which of course was replied to with a scoff from your sassy friend.
💥haruto:
your sleeping pattern was well and truly out of the window, so you decided to stay up and call one of your friends that you knew would be awake, hyunsuk. he was just like you, you both slept at 4am and woke up at 2pm, so he wasn’t that shocked when you called, wide awake like him.
“where’s haruto? wasn’t he supposed to be staying at your place tonight?” he asked, genuinely concerned about his friend. you flipped the camera to show your bed, where a certain sleepy haruto lay, peacefully entering dreamland. “he’s so cute” hyunsuk giggled, you cooed in agreeance, he really was the cutest.
you stayed on call for about an hour. you were currently laughing about the tiktok he’d just sent to you, your humour was exactly the same too so it’s wasn’t hard for you to crack the other up. all the commotion woke your boyfriend, whose bed head was clearly visible in the reflection of your opened laptop when he sat up.
“did we wake you?” hyunsuk laughed upon hearing a groan from his friend.
“we?” haruto responded in a sleepy voice. “who’s we?”
“uhh us” you pointed between you and the phone.
“y/n? hyunsuk?” he snapped out of his sleepy state quickly. “why are you two up at this time and on the phone together?” you looked at hyunsuk on the screen and smiled, trying to hold in your laughter. “turn that off and come to bed, i want cuddles, and i want you to get some sleep, unlike him” he flung himself back at the bed, only inches away from hitting his head on the headboard.
“wait for me” hyunsuk joked in a teasing tone.
“no, not you” haruto whined. “just y/n please” he smiled closing his eyes and opening his arms, ready for you to join him.
“i guess this is goodnight then” you said to hyunsuk, which haruto followed up with a goodnight for his friend too before you put the phone down.
“now, cuddles please!”
♟jeongwoo:
for jaehyuk’s birthday this year, he asked for a small gathering, just close friends, which you of course are included in since you and jeongwoo had been together for over 2 years now. when you arrived, you quickly gauged the atmosphere of the party was pretty light and fun, it wasn’t oppressive in the slightest. usually parties you attended were fully kitted out with loud music, dimly lit rooms and a bunch of strangers in every room, instead your friends were in the living room, just chatting and laughing.
“you came!” jaehyuk screeched, running over to hug you. “oh and you bought a plus one, jeongwoo” he joked around with your boyfriend, who just rolled his eyes in response.
it wasn’t long before the boys delved into the games cupboard and pulled out the “who’s most likely to” box. the oldest of the boys shuffled the cards and took the top one which read “who’s the funniest”. whenever you played, this one always seemed to come out first, so you changed your answer every time to please everyone.
you turned around your board with the name “jaehyuk” written on it. your eyes scanned the room to see almost everyone had his name written on their boards, probably because it was his party after all. you quickly diverted your eyes away, however, when you saw that jeongwoo had written your name, which should have made you feel happy but instead, you felt quite guilty for not writing his.
the game went on, and your name wasn’t written on jeongwoo’s board ever again, despite you putting his for almost everything positive. the rest of the evening, jeongwoo didn’t come near you at all, everyone noticed, everyone questioned it, it was so obvious that he was jealous, but there was no way he was admitting to it.
as you got ready to leave, you glanced over at the boy who was supposed to be staying with you tonight, sat firmly in his place on the sofa.
“jeongwoo, aren’t you coming?” you shouted from the door. “jaehyuk is staying here so you don’t have to worry about him” you teased, everyone else smiling at you and giggling silently.
“fine” he grunted. you made up on the way home, he couldn’t even remember how it all started, he just “wanted to make a point” which, sure, he did.
🌍junghwan:
you and junghwan never got to spend much time together before you became friends with the members since he was always with them or at school, which is why he’s never complained or showed any jealousy when you are with them.
today you headed over to their dorms to relax and play when you remembered, today was the day of junghwan’s english exam. you pulled out your phone and dropped him a quick good luck text before continuing your journey.
yoshi brought you up to his room where he said you could chill for a bit since everyone else was still sleeping, other than those who had school of course. yoshi began to ask you lots of questions, you learnt a lot about each other in that hour or so, and the conversation was flowing so well that you didn’t hear the door.
“y/n, you did remember?!” junghwan asked excitedly, clapping his hands while smiling from ear to ear. “you came all the way here to see me after i finished?”
“remember what?” you asked, bewildered. “your exam? yeah i sent you a text, i’m sorry i didn’t realise until i was over half way here else i would have gone to see you first” you confessed, feeling guilty. his face dropped at your honest words.
“you mean you came all the way here just to see yoshi?” he asked. “everyone else was in the kitchen, but you two were in here… alone…?” disappointed in your reasoning and forgetfulness, he slowly backed out of the room. he wanted to cry, but he couldn’t. he wanted to feel sad and upset, but did you really do anything wrong, he thought. “you couldn’t have just turned around and gone home”
“well i didn’t want to, i wanted to see my friends. i didn’t realise that most of them didn’t get up until the afternoon” you walked closer to him, praying that he didn’t try and get away. “i’m sorry i forgot about your exam”
he shuffled closer to you. you’d never argued before, and he wasn’t sure how to respond, so he hoped a hug would go down well. as he hugged you, he whispered his own apology into you hair “i’m sorry for jumping to conclusions”
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Plesse tell me about queerness in the get down!!
okay okay queerness in the get down let's fuckn goooo
disclaimer: I havent watched this show in full for like 5 months at least, probably gonna get something wrong and/or forget some more important bits. also this wasnt proof read I just word vomited
tws: period typical homophobia, abuse mention, f slur use, bury your gays trope, overdose mention, mention of a creepy possible age gap (the age gap hasnt been confirmed so that's why its possible), cops
going from least to most prominent queer characters, let's start with mylene cruz!
so, from the beginning of this show she has an established romantic relationship with ezekiel (although the status of their actual relationship changes frequently throughout the show) and though this was a relationship she was hesitant to pursue, it is clear that she does have romantic feelings for him and if not for them both having growing careers in very different music genres (zeke specifically working in a genre that she repeatedly labels as bad because she thinks they're ruining records + that it isnt real music because they're using someone elses piece and rapping over it, that's not really important here tho lol) they probably wouldve had a much healthier, smooth sailing romance. that being said theres a few things that happen in the show that, while not explicitly clear, or even really good coding at that—to the point where you wont catch if you really arent looking for it (and trust me, I always look for coding, hers was just so little that it flew over my head until I saw someone else mention it)—are still cool to think about!
so, for starters, I wanna mention the toy box performance, which was performed by mylene and regina, who are best friends. that's all cool and shit, and you dont really think much about it...until you hear about the fact that the show runners purposely colored a lot of the scenes in that performance with the bi colors. like. the writers after the show ended basically said "oh yeah there was plans to make her coding more explicit, but our shit got cancelled soooo" and then dropped the fact that she was gonna be bi (or at least implies bi) in the series, which puts a new twist on a few things.
now, besides the bi coloring in the background of the toy box performance (which was mostly on scenes with her and regina, which involved a lot of uh,, lowkey lewd dancing. with each other. in very revealing outfits. wooooo), there's her music! I dont tend to read too much into this one bc, like I said before, her coding is fucking light and the writers themselves said they didnt really get to do much with it, but I think some stuff with her music is interesting. specifically how her, yolanda and regina's song set me free blew up because dizzee, resident (lowkey enby coded) bicon, got their song played in a queer club. also that the song was majorly important to dizzee and started playing literally right as he kissed a boy for the first time and realized "oh shit I like boys that's bonkers". also that the song can be taken in a gay way since literally the entire thing is about becoming your true self, fully and unapologetically, which is what both dizzee and mylene's entire character arcs are about. dizzee (and a lot of other queer people, apparently), heard this song about being set free and it resonated with them so much that they got that shit most of its popularity.
speaking of dizzee and mylene, they parallel each other a lot in the way that their arcs are about them realizing who they are, coming into themselves and no longer just letting people treat them like shit in a sense (dizzee starting to tell people essentially that they can call him weird all they want, they can make fun of how he acts, what he likes, how he dresses, etc. but he likes how he is and quite literally saying "it's okay to be an alien" as he has consistently compared himself to one throughout the show vs mylene learning that if she wants to be a disco singer she needs to put her foot down, not let anyone, not even the love of her life, not even her abusive father, stop her from achieving her dreams, etc. and continuing to pursue her career with or without their support). one more little parallel that I think is interesting is during I think s2 towards the end of the show is when dizzee and thor are shown together having fun with each other, painting all over the building and each other and are basically just being happy and in love together and then they have these clips of them being interspersed with clips of mylene at a party where she is starting to realize that if she wants to get anywhere she needs to be her own main priority and that she needs to put her career and her dream, which is what makes her the happiest, above all else if she wants to succeed. idk I just think how the show made these two into a weird parallel, accidental or not, is neat. maybe not an explicitly queer parallel, but I think at least how her music and whatnot helped dizzee, the main queer character in this show, blossom, is important.
moving on we got shaolin fantastic also known as "oh no your internalized homophobia is showing-"
so, heres a quick list of...interesting shao facts:
Consistently referred to as fag/faggot (shaolin fanfaggot is my personal favorite); he gets really defensive about this despite nobody actually thinking he's queer, it's just people being assholes to be assholes, and he is the only character consistently referred to using a slur, especially a homophobic one, especially for a "straight" character. dizzee, a canonically queer character, is called a fag less than shaolin is even though dizzee actively goes to gay clubs, has a not so secret dude he "hangs out with" and wont let anyone properly meet, paints his nails, wears less than straight clothes even by the 70s standards and is just all around the definition of fucking queer (and I mean like in the weird way, not the gay way). in fact theres only like once I can remember him being called a fag and it had nothing to do with him actually being gay it was literally just like thrown out there the same way you would call someone a bitch.
Has only shown sexual interest in women, yet refuses to have deeper relationships with women in general (possibly because of trauma but who knows) but takes his relationships with his "brothers", specifically zeke, very seriously
Tells zeke and zeke ONLY his real name when zeke was planning to stop being his friend bc shao more or less got boo boo, a like 14 year old black kid, arrested for selling hard drugs; he was clearly scared and trying to do anything to keep zeke around, literally chasing him down the street and hounding him until he got zeke to stop and argue with him
Kept threatening to beat up zeke in the end but couldn't actually bring himself to do so, instead saying that zeke is "fucking lucky" before walking away
Let's zeke get away with things that nobody else can, in general just has a weird soft spot for ezekiel that he shows with nobody else
when shao found dizzee with thor in a vaguely compromising situation (like they were just shirtless covered in paint sleeping next to each other but shao had also seen everything they painted on the walls ((which some of it was sus)), it was clear they had painted on each others bodies and dizzee had been routinely disappearing with this guy for weeks now yet not producing nearly as much art, at least, as far as we audience members know) he didnt judge him but instead, waited for him to get cleaned up and then told him something along the lines of "theres a reason why im so secretive blah blah blah [not everyone needs to know everything about me]", which, in context, kinda implies that he might be a lil. a lil homiesexual. jus a lil.
whenever even the possibility of zeke leaving him comes up he absolutely loses it. he has literally cost ezekiel life changing opportunities because he thought zeke would just up and leave him for them. this could be abandonment issues bc he's a severely traumatized character, and that probably does contribute to it, but it also is just not a reaction he has to any of their other friends just randomly dipping in and out of his life soooooo
generally speaking, this mfer has got either bisexual with a big hard on for zeke coding or homosexual with terrible internalized homophobia and still a hard on for zeke coding. either fucking way, that nigga gay. he gay as hell. gay as fuck man. there wasn't really much to analyze here tbh bc the coding is just so fucking obvious if you look for it or you are/have been a gay person who's dealt with at least a little bit of internalized homophobia.
also, just a sidenote, idk how fucking old shao, but I'm praying hes like at max 19 bc I'm pretty sure zeke is a minor in this show and shao definetly is not so the whole him being heavily implied to have a crush on ezekiel thing is kinda. oof. not oof if zeke is like 17 but any younger than that? OOF.
edit: apparently the characters are only supposed to be a year apart in age but i had no clue about that before writing this post and since shaos age was never actually stated in the show i naturally assumed he was an adult since his actor Looks Like An Adult. this is definetly on me to a certain extent, but i also never saw anything about this when trying to find our their ages so 🤷♀️ maybe i just didnt look deep enough, sorry!
now moving on to the main event...marcus dizzee kipling :]
so, first things first, let's talk enby coding bc him being bisexual was already confirmed!
um, to start off, I just wanna say I dont think this enby coding was intentional or even really coding, it's just moreso me being a dizzee kin on main and knowing as a transmasc enby he has very transmasc enby vibes. for example:
cool, gender neutral nickname that everyone calls him
paints nails various different colors
the whole wardrobe is just a transmasc enby heaven...fishnet shirts, jean overalls, jackets and cuffed pants galore, the big colorful pins, etc
gender neutral hairstyle (when I had my fro it was very sexy and made it easy to transition between hyper masc and vaguely fem, which is pog)
comparing himself to/representing himself consistently with an alien character (though this is meant to represent his sexuality, it could also double as a gender thing too, not neccesarily bc of the whole nonbinary alien trope but bc an enby who likes aliens might heavily identify or compare themselves to whatever their idea of an alien is, whether that just be a genderless entity or a motherfucker with fly style and no need to be perceived as anything other Wacky As Hell)
moving on from there, let's talk about how his queerness is presented to us and how, while it may be a really good piece of representation, especially coming from netflix, it still lacks in A Lot of places.
so, let's start with good things!
i personally really like the get down's queer rep with dizzee bc it's (for the most part) nonsexualized and very very soft, about dizzee figuring himself out and realizing there is a place where he fits in, and about two teenagers in the 70s falling in love over their shared passion for street art. it also features an interracial couple where both boys challenge stereotypes both about queer men and men of color, which is epic poggers and very sexy. this piece of rep specifically is very important to me bc I am a queer black person and even tho interracial relationships are mostly normalized now, I've still had people give me shit for primarily dating white people in a town that is...primarily white lol
mm anyways, I can also appreciate how in the get down, dizzee being represented by rumi the alien is not a thing specifically related to gender (as it often is) and instead is about his sexuality and just in general weirdness and how it has led to him being alienated amongst his peers, poc or otherwise. him seeing himself as an alien is not about just his queerness, which is important, it is about him being a queer black man who talks different, acts different, dresses different and is "soft"—he isnt a walking black male stereotype and he wouldnt have been seen as masculine back in the 70s by any stretch of the imagination. this can be relatable to a wide spectrum of queer poc, from queer black men currently who still have to deal with this shit or to people like myself who are afab neurodivergent mixed race enbies that have always been signaled out as weird and alienated for it. dizzee is god rep bc while he has a small part in this show, his parts are very impactful, hard hitting and show queer poc of all ages that they arent alone and that it's okay to "weird", you just need to embrace it because somebody will love you for you, as thor did for dizzee.
that being said theres um. some minor problemas here,,,
namely:
dizzee and thors first kiss
the lack of development this pairing got
the way dizzee was confirmed bisexual off screen, he never said the words himself, just showed interest in both genders
the way dizzee and thor were never even confirmed boyfriends or just fwb so most of the fandom just calls them boyfriends bc Why Not
dizzee was implied fucking DEAD??? AT THE END OF THE SERIES?????? AND THOR WAS IMPLIED ARRESTED?????????????
now, these might have been things that wouldve been fine had the show been given it's full run but it wasnt which is why we are now left with probelms.
so, from the top, let's go over these: dizzee and thor's first (and only "on screen") kiss was one that was shown in a montage of other queer people making over and doing other vaguely romantic/sexual things, one of those things being a whole ass naked titty being mouthed at, but the actual kiss...was just not shown? like they really did just say "yes they kissed <3 you know this from the context clues of it being in a montage with kissing, hickey giving and titty sucking <3 but no we will not show it <3" LIKE HELLO? I SAW A NAKED BOOBIE BUT NOT TWO MEN KISS??? HUH????????
also, dizzee and thor were both fucking high as hell during this bit like this isnt a terrible thing but it's also like sometimes you do shit when you're high that you wouldnt do sober and they just never kissed again on screen so like?? like idk that's not that bad but it does kinda irk me since they deadass got no other on screen intimacy after that unless you including painting on eacher other or sleeping next to each other on a shitty mattress but not touching at all during it bc they were both at opposite ends of the mattress like half way off it
so yeah, that was trash. then we got lack of development, which kinda goes with the "dizzee being a bisexual but he never says it in canon" thing cause like...okay dizzee was already sort of a side character from the get go like he wasnt the mc by any means, but he became way more of a background character as things continued until we basically only saw him for performances or when he was with thor, yet they got no fucking development as a pairing other than "dizzee realize he gay, he like thor, he and thor spend time together and ig probably do some gay stuff but we dont really know bc we only ever see them do graffiti together now" like?? tf am I supposed to do with that shit. answer. quickly. and then theres dizzee not being confirmed bisexual, which is just a running problem with shows literally doing everything to say a character is bi except for having the character just...say they're bi? which would be so easy? like a good way dizzee and thor couldve had some development is by thor teaching dizzee things about the queer community that he didnt even know existed, thor couldve helped him understand what being bi meant and helped him label himself and whatnot but instead we got an off screen confirmation that the writers had bisexual in mind when writing him. which is garbagé.
the whole thor and dizzee never having a confirmed relationship status is also a development problem cause like literally nobody knows if they were just friends who made out, maybe fucked, who knows, or if they were dating bc dizzee does give a love confession but a love confession doesn't mean there is a relationship, especially since thor didn't say he was in love either (as far as I remember, I could be wrong, plus whether or not that really happened or was apart of dizzee literally overdosing during a performance is unclear so 🤪)
and now for the biggest issue...bury your gays trope.
during the season 2 finale, dizzee and thor are chased by cops after they are found doing graffiti, one of the cops is able to catch thor while the other chases dizzee into a train tunnel and there is a train seen headed straight for him before the show cuts to black on a train horn. the show writers claim that if they had gotten another season, dizzee wouldve been alive but since they didnt and since that's essentially super fan trivia knowledge, most people dont fucking know that and instead had to watch a black queer teenager chose death over being fucking arrested by a white cop. on top of that, thor didnt see any of that shit because he was caught and the cop started hauling him off while dizzee was still being chased so thor literally has no clue where his friend/possible boyfriend fucking is or that he's likely dead in a goddamn tunnel all alone, unless you count the fucking pig that chased him in there who wouldve died too. this shows rep was so fucking good as far as most shows go on not having major fucking problems, on not being toxic and over sexualized, etc, etc. and then they just. killed a black queer teenager for no fucking reason. like it was literally the last episode ever, it would add nothing to the plot, it would just devastate fans and devastate it fucking did. I dont cry easy but seeing a character I identified with, who I had hyperfixated on, die because he'd rather that than be arrested is terrible. it fucking sucked.
so yeah. that's my all too extensive thoughts/analysis on the get down's queerness. theres definitely stuff I missed, or misinterpreted, or looked too much into, etc, etc., but this was a fun thing to spend time writing sooo yeah!! thanks for the ask anon, sorry this was just a big rambley info dump, but hopefully you get some enjoyment out of it since it took like 3 hours at least 😭😭 feel free to ask clarifying questions lol
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can you write about gray noticing his gf’s scars for the first time and kissing them
{tw- self harm &poor father relationship.}
hope you don’t mind i put these two requests together! angels, if this is something you deal with, please remember you are not alone. you’re loved, you’re worthy and you desever peace. i know my words probably mean nothing, but my dms are always open if you ever need to speak or find another, healthier way of coping🤍.
you were standing in front of the mirror of your shared bedroom, changing out from your workout clothes after a heavy session with your boyfriend, to a more comfortable baggy and freeing attire- grayson’s boxers and his oversized t-shirt to be precise. you had stopped to lift your current drenched in sweat t-shirt over your head and expose your torso when you heard graysons voice cut through the slience of the room.
you hadn't noticed his presence until now, his sweaty out of breath, rugged appearance before he made himself known with a question that made your stomach drop. something you had been able to avoid until now. you knew instantly what his focus was on and what his words were referring to when you saw his gaze intense on one particular area of your body.
“baby, what-what are those?” grayson’s voice was below a whisper, not wanting to startle you anymore than he already had. his long strides meeting your fragile body until he was pressed closely behind your own. his chest hitting your back as his warm hazel eyes stare at your reflection through the glass with an almost sympathetic look on his face.
you silently communicating with him, your own eyes pleading with him to drop it and carry on about his day as if he never noticed. yet this was grayson dolan, your overprotective, loving and extremely attentive boyfriend who was an overthicker at the best of times, and those little red and white, irritated scars on your hips, didn't help in your favour.
your scars were something he had never noticed before, you were always so careful to avoid him inspecting your body intently whenever you got extremely intimate. you never once showered in front of him, got chnaged in front of him or took your top off when his focus was solely on you- and this was why. you had managed to keep your biggest insecurity hidden for the last four months of your relationship, however today your worst nightmare was unfolding before your eyes.
you sigh, deflated as you knew grayson wasnt going to give up anytime soon. he turned you around in his arms, careful with your body as he felt the slightest wrong move would cause you pain or discomfort he wished to never cause. his hands however, were subconsciously tracing delicately along the scars adorning your body, making goosebumps appear all your skin and your heart rate to pick up at the sweet gesture.
“i was 15 when i started self harming,” you swallow, hands gripping grayson’s becipes as you finally felt ready to tell him your deepest darkest secret. he was confused at first, but when he watched your own eyes trail down to where his hands were firmly resting on your hips, he knew and swallowed the lump in his throat.
“my dad, he-we never really got along. we would constantly argue. everyday was a war between us, that in the end i just couldn't take it anymore, i needed an escape. he would wear me down, tell me i was the biggest regret of his life, how he wished he never had me. he- gray, he would tell me no one would ever love me, that im going to be alone forever and it’s what i deserve.”
“you’re a waste of space y/n, no man will ever move you,” you mimic the vemon in your fathers tone. words that cut deep and you have never forgotten still to this day. “after a while i guess you start to believe it, huh. if the one man who’s sole purpose is to love me- doesn’t, what hope do i have.” you try and lose eye contact with grayson as you felt like any moment you could throw up. tears welling up in your own eyes as you finally felt a weight being lifted from your tense shoulders.
“did he-?”
“no, never. only verbal abuse. i got lucky there i guess.” you calmed his nerves instantly. grayson fear of your ‘father’ hitting you was bubbling up the more you spoke. he wished he was there to protect you, to love you and tell none of your ‘fathers’ words were true. but he didn't even know you existed back then, let alone what you were faced with day in and day out. he vowed in that moment to make up for all the lost time he wasted not being able to love you and care for you like you deserved.
“baby, im so sorry. that’s no father and none of what he said was- is true,” grayson was beyond pissed. he was having trouble reframing himself from tracking the poor excuse of a man down and making him pay for what he did to his girl- his own daughter for crying out loud.
“the only thing that would take the pain away from his words, was the pain i inflicted on myself,” you sob into grayson’s chest. his arms wrapping around your body to hold you steady and be the anchor you needed in that moment when you felt your legs give way beneath you. his own eyes filling with tears the more he thought about what you went through. how lonely, isolating and difficult your childhood was.
“hey, hey angel, look at me-“ grayson lifted your head to meet his eyes with a gentle hand holding your jaw. that same hand then reaching up to wipe away the tears that broke his heart as he witnessed them fall. “you’re enough, baby, you’re more than enough. you’re loved, so incredibly loved and i can’t believe im the man lucky enough to love you.”
“these scars, they don’t define you. they don’t hold you back and they certainly don’t change the way i look at you. you’re it for me, baby, and i promise to spend every day for the rest of our lives proving your father wrong and showing you what it feels like to have someone believe in you, love you and worship the ground you walk on.”
grayson sinks down to his knees, face level to your scars and sighing in relief when he doesn’t fell your retract your body away from him like you normally would. “my prefect, brave, stonge, beautiful girl. mine, all mine.”
more sobs leave the back of your throat, but this time they are happy cries. tears of complete shock and disbelief that this was real life, that grayson dolan was down on his knees kissing each and every scar that haunted you. his lips so soft and gentle you had to focus deeply on the feeling to even feel them brace your skin. his hot breath was almost like a cure, it hit your skin multiple times as the butterflies you felt only intensified with each kiss.
against each scar, each peck and display of affection, grayson whispered over and over again that he loved you. that you’re safe with him. that you never have to worry about your father and feeling so low ever again. he’s got you, he was your guardian angel, your sanctuary and no scar, childhood tumour or the way you thought so poorly about yourself, was ever going to cloud his judgment that you were his saving grace. his own little heaven of earth that he was going to protect and care for as his life depended on it.
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hallo have a full enbyctechno timeline w/ some other stuff. taggin @cryptoidfuxer bc pog seems to like ect juuususttt a bit /s
also im sorry abt the weird capitalization i just do not care enough. also also it becomes kinda fic-y at the end instead of a full timeline but i do not care
and before anyone gets mad at me for this....the entire au is called enbyctechno because it is a nonbinary character technoblade au. i am in no way saying that the actual person (or canon character) are nonbinary, im just doin some good ol projection onto a comfort character
ill be usin xself pronouns for techno most of the time
ok so first, some things about language.
in standard piglish, there is no ‘he’ or ‘she’ pronoun, theres four pronouns: respectful singular they, standard singular they, plural they, and it. RST is mostly used for piglin brutes and other fighters, but anyone who’s undergone any hardship or has some power over the speaker can be called it. SST is for younger people and pretty much everyone else, PT is for multiple piglins, and it is for objects and theoretical concepts (ex, ‘i wish a hero would come and save us from these hoglins, im sure it could take its out easily!’ (and hoglins/other animals are referred to as it as well) (and when i say it, i mean in that language, ‘it’ doesnt directly sound like ‘it’)
‘overworld common’ is the most common language spoken by people, mobs, and villagers in the overworld. it’s a mix between english and galactic, but most of the english structure stays, including ‘he’ and ‘she’ pronouns. the writing is completely galactic. neopronouns are a bit more common in overworld common. not as common as singular they is in our english, but common enough so that most people have at least HEARD of them
so! techno is a piglin (not piglin brute) who lived in the nether until x was eight (human) years old (which is...about 10 in piglin years). when x was eight, xs parents were killed, and x was banished from the colony because x had challenged the brutes, as they hadn’t protected xs parents. x wandered until x found a nether portal.
x went through it and found xself in the coldest place x had ever been. it was freezing, and things were falling through the air, almost like a Basalt Delta. techno shivered, not used to the temperature, and started walking away from the portal.
techno walked, and walked, and walked, and eventually found a town. no one was outside, and x could see smoke billowing from the homes, probably to heat the home to a reasonable temperature. techno kept walking, and found a small barn. it was fully covered, and the creatures inside would keep x warm, so x decided to stay there until x could find a way to communicate with the people.
days came and went, and x slowly began to understand the overworld language. they greeted with a ‘hello,’ their food was called ‘bread,’ and they yelled ‘GET OUT’ whenever they saw techno in their yards. x started to recognize the villagers, including a kingly person who walked around with baskets and baskets of food, distributing it to the poorer people. techno was intrigued by this generosity. why would someone willingly give up their food, x thought? food is power, why give it up?
and so, x started getting in line for the persons food. at first, the person was hesitant, quickly throwing the food at x before moving away, but they started to warm up to techno, and eventually asked...someting.
---
“where do you live?”
phil stared at the little piglin. it had been asking him for food for a while, almost a month, and phil was getting concerned. he was sure that piglins shouldn’t eat bread, they had to be carnivorous or something, but it seemed happy with the small amounts of food phil was giving it.
the piglin was small, only coming up to around phils waist, and the clothes it was wearing were not suitable for the freezing antarctic storms he could feel forming. phil looked around, and finally decided to take the piglin home.
---
techno watched as the person, who had pointed to itself and said ‘phil,’ started to walk away from x. ‘phil’ turned around a few steps down the road and waved their hand wildly. techno slowly walked toward them, and phil bared their teeth. techno returned the threat, and the persons eyes widened in slight fear. techno nodded, satisfied, and followed ‘phil’ to their house.
it was warm inside. not as warm as the nether, of course, but warm enough that techno was able to start feeling xs hooves again, and the breath that came out of xs snout didnt cloud in front of x.
‘phil’ pointed to themself again and said the same word, ‘phil.’ they then pointed to techno, who responded with a soft snort, tech, a deeper grunt, no, and sharp intake of breath, blade.
seeing phils blank stare, techno pointed at their sword, and did the same intake of air.
‘sword?’
the same deeper grunt. no. x paused, and tried to remember the villagers body language. they...shook their head for no, right? techno tried it, and phil smiled
‘blade?’
x did the other head movement, a nod, and phil smiled again. techno could go by blade until x figured out how to speak in those strange words
techno slept as close to the fire as x could get, finally feeling close to home and safe again.
techno woke up to phil saying ‘hello.’ so it was a greeting, techno figured, and x responded with a soft headbutt to phils elbow. phil tenses, and techno steps back. was that not a thing in this world? x tries to imitate phils ‘hello,’ and gets...somewhat close. nowhere near the word, but phil could tell x was trying.
over the weeks, techno got closer and closer to sounding like overworld common. x couldn’t have full conversations, but techno was able to ask for basic things, like food, water, warmth, and, strangely, potatoes. there was a lot for techno to learn, but for now, x was content tending to phils farm, brushing the horse, and slowly learning the written language of Galactic. in time, x would be one of the most feared fighters, rule the world, and have wars over pronouns, but for now, x could rest, away from the nether and in a new home
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Hello yes, could you elaborate on the Comte wedding event pleease. Crying and fangirling and dying are all acceptable. I missed it and I adore your rambles about Comte? Thank you either way.
!!! I’d be delighted to!! And awww, I’m so glad :D I love to write about him in any capacity, it makes me so happy to know people enjoy it when I do! Tysm for the full license to cry/fangirl/die because lbr it ain’t a Comte event if all three of those things don’t happen .Please don’t worry, I don’t mind talking abt it anyway! 💕💕💕
Okay my fellow Comte stans, you know the drill! I’ll be placing the details of the Wedding Story Event (jpn version) below the cut! Please don’t read if you want to wait for the official translation, and I hope you enjoy if you do take a peak! c:
AIGHT Y’ALL in fair Verona where we lay our scene-- This event begins on a lovely summer day with Comte and MC at a boutique picking out a wedding dress for their upcoming ceremony. As usual, she provides a bit of background as to how we got here. Comte doesn’t have a proposal event (as far as I know) like the other suitors because he actually proposes marriage in his MS. I won’t go too far into details just in case, but they essentially swear their love to each other in a church at night--just the two of them. (I’m not 100% sure, but I think this event takes place on the anniversary of the vow that they shared, what Comte called becoming “a vampire’s bride.” Yes it’s as hot as it sounds AND I LOVED IT). Now, despite their private promise to each other, Comte does specify that he fully intends to have a public wedding whenever she feels comfortable doing that. As such, this event is picking up from there.
With all the nitty gritty settled, it’s time to get to the fun bits. So Comte is weaving in and out of the dresses, trying to find the perfect one for his beloved. MC is equal parts exasperated but amused, and she notes that it reminds her so much of when she first debuted in high society (reference to the beginning of Comte’s MS). Back then, when she agreed to debut, he told her that he would immediately send word to his tailor to make the necessary preparations. It’s a kind of nostalgic moment; she remembers how thorough and excited he was (”I’ll be sure to show off your every charm”), and he’s effusing that energy in the boutique too. Eventually he settles on two of them and requests that they both be prepared, and MC sputters. She’s like Comte???? W H Y we only need one dress???? And he insists that, since it’s a special occasion, there’s no harm in it is there? He also goes on to say that it is in line with her culture’s tradition of “dyeing the bride in the husband’s colors.” MC shoots back that the tradition doesn’t entail several wedding dresses for the bride, but he pays the correction no mind. Y’all. I loved this part because it just emphasizes how much of a LIL SHIT he can be. Like he’s 100% harmless but I was like BOI IF U DON’T--I WILL KISS UR CUTE FACE. YOU STOP THAT.
I find it interesting especially because it remains in line with a trend about Comte that is so arresting for me, something that I find so endearing about him. I’ll note other places in the event I find it, but in this moment he is revealing something critical: for all of his capacity to play with the language and expectations that other people have/use, he only ever uses it for good. Here he’s purely being playful (with a stark note of respect and awareness); he has no intention of overwhelming her or undermining her cultural expectations of what a wedding means. Especially because MC, even in her monologue, isn’t truly upset--she honestly seems to find it adorable and funny more than anything. It’s also clear that Comte is working within her comfort zones. While he would buy the entire damn boutique if she let him, he settles on two because he knows it would stress her out otherwise (MC tends to be p pragmatic, not really about extravagance she is a mood).
And so they make their selection and exit the boutique, and they’re walking arm in arm back to the carriage. Comte laments narrowing it down to only two, but he’s happy they found something nice. MC thanks him for bringing her along, but he says it’s only natural--he wanted to pick out the dress the world would see together, he would never be happy with it otherwise. MC melts (WHO WOULDN’T) and says she’s really looking forward to wearing them, and he’s shook AF.
(OKAY BUT I NEED TO SCREAM ABOUT THIS. DOES HE UNDERSTAND HOW TOUCHED I AM. DOES HE KNOW. His route hammers home this idea that for Comte, being with someone absolutely means being on the same page. It means being there for each other yes--but it also means making sure the other person feels wanted and included. He could have so easily just picked his favorite and been like “yeah this is what we’re going with.” But not only does he not do that, he refuses the very idea of a ceremony without it. He wants this to mean something for both of them, and he’s more than willing to put in the time and effort to ascertain that. I’M FUCKING TENDER OKAY. HE CARES SO MUCH AND I SOB)
He asks her if there’s anything else that she really, really wants for their wedding, and she thinks it through. It’ll be a reasonably sized wedding, with the men of the mansion in attendance and most of their closer high society friends. They’ve picked out a dress, the venue is set, the people closest to her will be there...she really can’t think of anything else? So she asks him if he has anything he really wants to do for the wedding, and he replies in the negative too, saying that “My only ideal wedding can be one in which I can see you at your most happy." ARE YOU KIDDING ME--Before MC can recover from that, he goes on: "Even now, I'm enjoying the preparations, and I want to do whatever I can for you." MC feels like she can never win against his sweet affection, so she nearly kills him with her answering line: "It’s more than enough. More than anything, being able to swear our love together again--to renew our vow--is the best part of it all." Comte is visibly shocked and is quiet for moment (MAN DOWN!!!!!!!!! VAMPIRE DOWN GET THE DEFIBRILATORS!!!!! LEONARDO PUT THAT LIGHTNING ROD AWAY I SWEAR TO GOD--) before he just replies with a “Is that so :>>>” And translating this nearly killed me [At the sight of his gentle smile, I smile back.] IM GOING TO SCREAM THEY ARE JUST SO TENDER IM SOFTE????????????
As they’re walking, Comte asks MC to tell him about weddings in her time. What were they like? He wants a reference point. She goes on to describe how ceremonies really range from formal to more informal affairs, and gets to a little custom that’s apparently held in Japan. When a groom intends to marry a bride, he will go to the bride’s family to ask for their approval. Comte visibly seems concerned about it, and I’m pretty sure he feels bad denying her that experience; not only did he propose to her without knowing any of that, her family isn’t within range to be able to honor it properly now. Even so, he keeps listening and comments now and again with a great deal of interest, paying close attention. He asks, what happens if the groom is rejected by the family? MC goes on to say that it’s a kind of test of perseverance: the groom is expected to ask/prove himself until he gets an answer in the affirmative. Internally, she notes that such a thing rarely ever happens irl--it’s mostly dramatized in movies and TV shows. She used to dream of how thrilling it might be to have someone do that for her, but it was mostly just a silly little fancy, nothing she was obsessed over. Comte, being a literal fucking legend, senses this emotional shift in milliseconds, and starts musing about something. When she tries to ask what’s up, he’s like not to worry leave everything to me.
PLEASE CUE THE CIRCUS MUSIC. BECAUSE THIS IS ABSOLUTELY GOING TO TURN INTO A CLOWN FEST.
So it cuts to them back home and Comte is asking Sebastian to give MC’s hand in marriage. Sebastian is utterly bEWILDERED and is like “I mean I understand I’m probably the closest relative she has right now but also WHAT!? YOU’RE MY BOSS/LORD I’M YOUR BUTLER FOR CRYING OUT LOUD”. Comte 100% is undaunted by this very normal reaction and insists that class/status has no place in matters like this, and Sebastian and MC are desperately trying to stop him from bowing his head/kneeling. MC notes she never expected him to take it to heart, tells him "Comte, you really don't have to go that far, it's a custom not a duty--" (IT’S SO FUCKING FUNNY????? YOU CAN FEEL THEIR MOUNTING CONCERN AND I CAN’T BELIEVE COMTE WAS STRAIGHT UP JUST “i am not above begging” AND THEY’RE LIKE YOU SHOULD BE YOU SHOULD BE ABOVE BEGGING)
The circus only escalates when Leo comes in LAUGHING HIS ASS OFF "damn...bahahahhahahaaaaa now THIS oughtta be good/interesting." MC (and I simultaneously) start yelling at him and he replies "What? Comte's already ready and willing, why stop him?" For whatever reason, this gives Comte an idea (NEVER A GOOD SIGN) and he’s like you know what? That’s actually perfect, get everybody in here I’m gonna ask them for permission too :D
Several things I want to say about this. 1. COMTE LITERALLY DOES NOT EVEN REACT TO LEO’S MOCKING HE JUST “omg ur face was useful for smth for once this gives me an idea” 2. META TIME. First and foremost, I seriously can’t deal. This man knows MC has nothing because of her traveling through time, no friends or family--he’s always so, so aware of what she’s sacrificing to be with him. It is never outside of his thinking. Not only does this decision solidify her presence as a member of their family (I’m just so UGLY SOBBING about the fact that he does not consider them all ANYTHING LESS--THEY ARE HIS CHIRREN AND HE LOVES THEM AND I’M SOFT) this is also such a brilliant, strategic move on his part. Not only is he doing this to fulfill her younger wishes of having someone be so confident in their love for her that they would insist on it in front of her family/loved ones--his doing this also solidifies her presence as his wife within the mansion from here on. There can be no mistake; this is an unquestionable statement as to how her identity has shifted in meaning, a powerful allusion to his possessive streak. (and WE LOVE THAT FOR US HELL YEAH)
Furthermore, I continue to be fascinated by the way he keeps subverting traditional or expected forms of supplication. While many could see this as a yielding of his pride (and in some ways he undeniably is) this choice to acknowledge her culture’s customs yields much more valuable dividends for him. 1. MC--notorious for never betraying the things she wants, having trouble asking for anything--is have her dreams fulfilled even if they were just silly little fantasies from when she was young. He’s actively making her happy, and he gets to openly gush about how much he loves her (FOR HIM THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF A WIN-WIN YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND--) 2. This is a way for him to make amends and do proper respect to the marriage customs of her place/time, and that’s infinitely important to him. He’s trying to set a precedent; that even if he ever does make a mistake or neglect something (even if accidental) he will do his utmost to make it right, pride and money be DAMNED.
While it can be argued that he’s just being silly and over-the-top, when you look closely this is 100% a clever, very mindful approach to their future. While it may partially have been executed on an emotional/excited whim, he is also claiming MC as his own in the most clear and respectful way possible. And tbh that’s the hottest thing I’ve ever seen
So, after Leo walks in on them everyone else starts filing in one at a time (OKAY YOU CAN’T CONVINCE ME THAT THEY WEREN’T ALL HUDDLED UP TO THE DOOR SQUIRMING TO HEAR WHAT WAS GOING ON AND AT SOME POINT LEO SAID “omfg i gotta see this dumbass bitch on his knees” AND BLEW THEIR COVER/MADE THEM EVEN MORE CURIOUS):
Jeanne: "It's so noisy in here."
Mozart: "What's going on?"
Comte: "Ah, excellent timing. I want to get permission from everyone."
Vincent: "?????? Did you do something wrong Comte?? What could you possibly need forgiveness for?"
Isaac: "A mistake made/wrongdoing by Comte?...Why am I dreading what it could be..."
Dazai: “Ah yes, yes I see, you are asking for a young lady's hand in marriage” (IM WHEEZING BC EVERYONE ELSE IS SO LOST AND HE'S JUST 100% ON THE BALL KNOWS EXACTLY WHAT'S GOING ON THE NARRATIVE DISSONANCE IM CRYING)
Theo: Young lady??? The hell are you going on about
So things are getting increasingly chaotic and MC is just [jfc this is getting out of hand, Comte they don’t even know what you’re asking them to do]. She tries to explain but falters, and Comte puts an arm around her--signals that he’ll give them the context. So he tells them "You all know that our wedding day is approaching. As such, I'm asking you all for your approval in taking MC as my bride. No matter what happens, I promise to make her happy forever--for every moment, every second of our time together. Please, forgive my taking her" (WHEN I TELL YOU MY HEAD WAS IN MY HANDS IDK HOW MC DIDN’T DIE ON THE SPOT S I R. SIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) MC: [...Comte...My heart melts at his confession, at his earnest plea. It feels like every single iota of our feelings are infused in every word he speaks, teeming with the love shared between us in overwhelming measure.]
For a little while silence falls until Napoleon speaks up, and honestly? It was so sweet ;-; I tear up every single time: “Forgiven. You know how much I dislike formalities anyway. And besides, who could say no to le Comte?” MC notes that everyone murmurs in agreement and a kind of warmth settles in the room. Arthur notes that MC will be a Comtesse very soon and MC just. I’m going to be a WHAT now (”C-c-comtesse??”). And it’s so FUCKING FUNNY YOU CAN FEEL THE RED EYE EDIT MEME ON COMTE WHEN HE GOES “Oh? Is there anything wrong with that? Everybody said yes, after all :>” MC internally accuses them of ganging up on her, but reveals that more than anything she’s a little overwhelmed by the outpouring of love in the best way:
MC: [Overwhelmed with feeling; touched, a little shy, embarrassed, but also full of joy--my eyes burn at the edges with tears] “I'm glad everyone approves c:”
Comte: Agreed :> your country/homeland has a nice custom. A v important step to inviting my loved one into my life as my wife :>>>>
So it then cuts to them in Comte’s room after the circus and MC thanks him for the sweet confession in front of everyone, tells him how happy it made her. He insists that it was only natural he would, and that it isn’t even enough.
Comte: “I am the one...your life, your time as a human being; I'll be taking all of it from you.”
MC: [...Comte? He took my hand with a very serious expression]
Comte: "As I said before, I will make you a vampire someday."
MC: “Don't call it that--a price. I want to live with you too!”
MC notes that while she hasn’t made the leap yet, she knows she’ll be ready for it soon enough.
Comte: “Thank you. But the last thing I want is to take things from you, I want to do everything I can to make you happy, to make you smile. Whether that means weddings, requests--anything in my power.”
COMTE REALLY SAID "she is entrusting me with her future and that means I have the responsibility of not only ascertaining her happiness, but proving my unwavering devotion to it" AND IM HOLLERING????? LADIES GET YOU A FUCKING MANS. MC finally begins to understand this, and she’s like OMFG is that why you went off so hard this afternoon???? And Comte’s like :>>>> guilty as charged, though I think I'm also just still excited about the wedding too, haha! They hug it out (YESSSSSSS LET ME H O L D) and MC asks him again if there’s anything he wants for the wedding too. Aight y’all I would be irresponsible if I didn’t warn you beforehand, get fucking tissues. I’m still upset abt his answer and I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL. He thinks about it for a bit, before kissing her forehead and saying “I suppose, can you pray for my happiness too? That's enough."
AIGHT IMMA GO BACK TO THE EVENT IN A SECOND BUT I GOTTA SAY. BITCH. BITCH ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME????? COMTE THAT ISN’T OPTIONAL THAT’S A GOD DAMN PREREQUISITE?????????????????? OFC WE WISH FOR YOUR HAPPINESS WHAT THE FUCK??????????????? THE A U D A C I T Y. I’VE NEVER BEEN MORE INSULTED IN ALL MY LIFE. OKAY RANT OVER.
MC is surprised but naturally agrees to it, having wanted that for him even without prompting. She continues to think on it, insisting that she wants to do something for him too. An idea sparks but it only says that she made preparations without telling him anything for now, preparing a tangible sign of her love for the wedding.
The premium end begin here. She’s getting dressed for the wedding, and she’s--as usual--in awe of his perfect selection of accessories/jewelry to go with the gown. She’s about to put on her shoes when she notices something odd, and there’s a knock at the door. Comte enters to ask if she’s ready, and they both freeze and stare at each other. They both sheepishly admit to being completely taken with the sight of the other, and they laugh about it together. Comte tries to ask if she’s ready again, and she assures him that she is--just that she found something unexpected in her shoes.
He explains that the coin is an English six pence. Sebastian told him that they are no longer made in her time, and Comte explains he acquired it about three hundred years ago in England when he was living there (he says that he kept it back then because he liked the design on it). He explains that there is a tradition, that the English would put a six pence in a bride’s left shoe in the hopes of wishing her good fortune and prosperity in her oncoming union. MC has her understandable and customary (JESUS I FORGET HOW OLD THIS MAN IS SOMETIMES) and he places a hand over hers that’s holding the coin when she starts staring at it.
Comte: "Hey, MC....Time goes by, and various things will continue to change. Among them, it is only vampires who survive without dying or changing."
MC: "Comte..."
Comte: "I used to think that made it--made us--empty. But...I don't think that's the case anymore. I'm proud of being able to keep this undying, unchanging love for you."
[He put the coin back in my left shoe, and offered them to me--gentle as though they were made of glass(Cinderella's)]
MC spends this exchange on the verge of tears, but keeps it together for the wedding. It depicts their loved ones all around them as they walk down the aisle, and skips to the end of the ceremony. The priest tells Comte he may now kiss the bride (WHEN I WAS TRANSLATING IT SAID “KISS YOUR BUSINESS” AND WHEN I TELL YOU I WHEEZED), but just as he’s about to lift her veil--she stops him in his tracks. He’s confused, and says her name, but she reassures him that she just wants to offer him a wedding gift before he lifts it. Hidden in her bouquet are two pins that she had made, and she pins them to his jacket. They were made from preserved flowers, encased in metal to render them undying/everlasting.
MC: [Me too...I want to wish for your happiness...]
MC: “For you, things might feel fleeting--like they just pass you by, are lost before you can grasp them. But even so, my feelings won't change; just like this preserved/undying flower and the life of a vampire--dedicated to [Comte's real name] in everlasting love."
COMTE.EXE HAS CURRENTLY SHUTDOWN. REBOOTING.
MC notes that his eyes get misty and he leans his forehead against hers.
MC: [Comte's real name]?
Comte: .................I want to hug you as tight as I possibly can, but I'd hate to ruin the flowers/your gift to me
BITCH WHEN I TELL YOU I SOBBED. WHEN I TELL YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 1. I CANT GET OVER THE FACT THAT HER GIFT IS NOT ONLY CANON BUT ITS LITERALLY ON HIS WEDDING SPRITE, HER LOVE IS A VISIBLE MANIFESTATION ON HIS PERSON ALWAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 2. THE FACT THAT SHE ONLY ADMITS TO BEING THE HAPPIEST SHE CAN BE WHEN SHE SEES HIM SO HAPPY TOO. THIS IS SO MUCH. SO M U C H
And so Comte lifts her veil and kisses her gently uwu cover ur eyes chirren, the hall erupts in raucous applause and the crowd starts congratulating them!! Comte then encourages everyone to have fun, and the reception takes on the vibe of a kind of social gathering. MC notes that he seems to prefer this level of interaction, just relaxed and everyone chill, and she turns to tell him that it seems like it’ll be fun! Before she can finish her sentence, he kisses her fiercely before leaning back with a sigh, "It's still not enough, but I'll save the rest for later tonight." BITCH!!?!?!??!??!? HOW THE FUCK CAN ANYONE FOCUS ON A STUPID PARTY WHEN YOU SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT, HELLO???????MC notes: [Everyone from the mansion that saw the kiss made fun of me endlessly, and I hid my face in my bouquet] SAVE HER. Once again, it skips to the end of the reception and they’re now in Comte’s room. (I will blink twice if I think you need tissues BLINKS TWICE)
Comte: "Yup, perfect." [He places the flower pins I gave him next to THE hourglass in the room, looking pleased HNGNNGNGNNGGNGN MY EYE HOLES ARE SUFFERING
MC: "I'm glad you liked the gift c:"
Comte: "It is proof of your unchanging love, of course I cherish it :>"
She’s just so happy to see him so delighted with it. He asks how she liked the ceremony, and she gushes about how much she loved it. He hugs her (AWWWWWWWWWWWW) and then he notes that while it was fun to celebrate, all he wants now is time with his wife (AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA). He starts kissing her like the world is ending, and she says she needs to get changed--but he doesn’t care, says she’s fine as she is and that he wants her right now.
Aight usually I don’t get into epilogue territory, but honestly, this shit was JUST too good. Now this man made of magic asks MC if she’s wearing her bridal garter (you know, the one that usually comes with the whole bride ensemble in Western tradition). And she’s like ???? Uh, yeah, of course? Why... He says that he saw something interesting at a friend’s wedding reception once upon a time, and explains that the garter is usually removed and thrown to the bachelors (analogous to the bride’s throwing her bouquet, and whoever catches it will be the next to get married). PLEASE NOTE HE IS KISSING HER FOR LIKE 90% OF THIS IT’S AMAZING
MC: "So it's like the bouquet toss?"
Comte: "Yes. Now then, how did he remove the garter...?”
HE DUCKS DOWN AND SHE’S LIKE COMTE!?!?
Comte: “...Ah yes, the groom removes it with his teeth >:D”
And so this man HAS THE TIME OF HIS LIFE tugging it down slowly under her dress, caressing her legs and loving every part of her. MC’s face is on fire, and she’s torn between being turned on and embarrassed. Eventually he reappears after teasing her MERCILESSLY and admits that he didn’t do it at the reception because he didn’t want anyone else to see her reaction. Blushing, shy, desirous--all of these feelings are his to keep and enjoy. (I!!!!! LOVE!!!!!!!!!! HOW SUBTLY POSSESSIVE HE IS AAAAAAAAAA) MC notes internally that she feels the same way about him, how he only shows this intensely passionate side to her. Comte is uncharacteristically impatient and frenzied that night, and they both go at it.
It skips to midnight where the two are cuddling in the aftermath, just being cute and happy. Comte, the absolute MADLAD is already thinking about how to celebrate next year--and she just giggles at him (he’s a wackadoo but he’s her wackadoo LMFAO MOOD) and he laughs with her. They essentially swear to promise their love over and over in the future, and it just ends on that wholesome note :>>>
Also can I just. The fact that he lived for so long alone, but was always, always paying attention to all of these little things that are done with a person’s loved one ;-; that he would remember his friend doing that at his wedding and be like BROOOOO I WANNA DO THAT IF I EVER GET MARRIED!!!!!!!!!!! I just. It’s so heartbreaking and touching at the same time, I just want to hold him forever ;-; the fact that he doesn’t seem to worry as much about his own happiness, seems absolutely floored that MC would do anything in return. I JUST LOVE HIM WITH EVERYTHING INSIDE OF ME
THIS IS WHAT PEAK PERFORMANCE LOOKS LIKE
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there it is! kama interlude analysis by a kama fan!
WELL. LIKE IT SAYS IN THE TITLE: this is just my own thoughts!! youre free to think whatever u want !! i am just putting my own knowledge into words because i genuinely love kama, and i would like for kama’s depth to be understood by the NA fandom a little more!! i try to stay as close as possible to their character in everything i do because i believe that the more in character they are, the funnier/more interesting content ppl will produce.
and hopefully i understood them well ???!!!! HOPEFULLY ?!
i will be screenshotting the translated reddit post under this read more and stop whenever something i find interesting to develop pops up ! or else it’ll get way too long lol if you wanna read the interlude for yourself heres the link!
with that said, let’s go!!
kama’s interlude begins with guda passing the hell out because of exhaustion and then waking up in a dream sequence where kama treats them to some relaxing adventures, stuff to take their mind off heavy things!! first dream sequence is kama roleplaying a highschool setting where they’re dating.
i like this because they openly admit that its an illusion, breaking the immersion but as long as youre okay with roleplaying, they’ll continue it LOL at some point, caesar mentions the student council president and arjuna appears behind him
since this is an illusion that kama made, i’ve been wondering about the fact that the way servants conduct eachother in this interlude is mostly because that’s how kama envisions they would act in a highschool setting, in an amusement park and finally with eachother (mostly for confirmed couples such as siegbryn, consort yu and her hubby etc...). suzuka and sei being gyarus is obvious, but arjuna as the student council president... is so cute???!!! i MEAN IT FITS ?! THATS A GREAT IDEA KAMA!!!! ANYWAY
this is kama’s first monologue and since they’re primarily the god of lust, all of the more vanilla stuff they mentions such as sharing a pair of headphones embarrasses them since its so tame. ITS CUTE !!! kama expects you to be horny in class !! what are you doing thinking about hand holding !!! medusa saves u from that tho with a direct reference to her relationship with kama’s vessel
this is interesting !! and reassuring !!! i think that kama as a character has a lot of depth and just reducing them to “sakura” would be a waste and this interlude shows how different they are from her. but they’re also similar! sakura went through a lot just like medusa says and kama does have trauma related to shiva. its not the same circumstances but the same kind of suffering which explains the nuance here. and what i like about chaldea is that there’s been multiple instances where its been proven that servants can grow thanks to their relationships with guda (most common example: leveling up your bonds) BUT ALSO, saint graph evolution (alts). and as a kama fan i’d like to see them happy someday and this interlude as a whole is proof of their healing/coping because of the time they spent in chaldea and how they interact with others. more on that later !
here, they don’t recognize medusa which is normal since they’re not sakura (someone else entierly), but...
they care about her ! because of sakura’s influence being a part of the servant called Kama(assassin). the difference here is important !! but i’ll come back on this in a bit. quick mention to the greek cupid <3 kamadusa nation we were fed (i clap by myself because im the only one who has 57575757557 kama rarepairs-----)
kama is a delinquent whos horny in class but still takes a few notes, enough to do well on their tests! and thats tea<3 smart horny lazyass !! theyre a gift
SO ARJUNA WAS OUT FOR BLOOD ????? ANYWAY, this is right after the actual fight against weirdo terrorists, and im happy to know that kama DOES enjoy a good fight (as proven in their voicelines as well) but theyre not a farming unit because it’d be too much work (single target NP..)...!!!!!!! lavish god of love....
FINALLYYYYYYYYYYY THE REAL DEAL !!!!!!!!!!!! “it feels wonderful to be your girlfriend” christ, kamadeva was so used to being a husband and a good lover, it reflected in their servant version.... but ree what do u mean by servant version???
I MEAN THE OBVIOUS !! kama explains it very well in the screenie just above !
“You know very well how servants work.”
KAMA ASSASSIN (the servant in your chaldea) is neither KAMADEVA or SAKURA MATOU or MARA. they’re a MIX OF PARTS OF THE THREE. creating an entierly new person(in this case, servant) !!!! it might sound like i’m repeating myself, but this is important!!!!!!!!! i will say this multiple times so people remember it !!! and if u already had this figured out: GOOD JOB I LOVE U !!!
Kamadeva (the god) has many stories, ones where he was born from concepts (dharma and shraddha), one where his parents are brahma and sarasvati, one where his parents are vishnu and lakshmi, stories about his reincarnation after his death where his parents are krishna and rukmini, his love with Rati and so on. We all know Sakura’s backstory since this is nasuverse. And Mara is a demon, an entity that tried to corrupt Buddha and prevent him from reaching enlightenment/stray from the path. Kama assassin has parts from all of these entities which explains why they have a vague longing for Rati, why they have a soft spot for Medusa and why they have an affinity with Kiara(and also like talking about corrupting u !).
they then mention how a japanese highschool setting is fun and all i have to say is: i’m gonna make an indo fam delinquent vs student council au out of this one folks !!!!!!!! i gotta !!!
OK next
TIME FOR THE SECOND DREAM SEQUENCE WHICH I WAS VERY VERY VERRRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYYYYYY AFRAID OF BEFORE THE TRANSLATION CAME OUT.
THE PART WHERE KAMA ACTS LIKE YOUR CHILD.
well with their stage 1 it was expected but without the translation i have to say that i was scared shitless! because people hate thinking! and even if kama clearly tells you that it’s a charade, u know a JOKE. A DREAM SEQUENCE. DONT BE A CREEP. KAMA INTENDED FOR IT TO BE WHOLESOME. i know some ppl wont use their brains. but u know its fgo and degenerates are everywhere.
anyways. family bonding time ensues until another monologue appears!!
exactly like before, kama mentions myths that belonged to kamadeva. Meaning that the Kama in our chaldea isn’t the Kamadeva we know and is not Pradyumna either but the fact that the writers chose to have kama acknowledge it is very reassuring !!! Because it means that they’ve chosen to make it a part of their (complicated) history. Kama says that Pradyumna is the myth about themself they know the least, once again proving us that the Kama in our Chaldea (Assassin) is a different entity and that they were summoned to the throne upon their death, the moment they were burned by Shiva’s flames and became Ananga, in any case they’re still familiar with all of their own myths. it allows us to keep heroic spirits separate from their original myths. Obviously! And in the case of pseudo-servants, it allows us to keep them separate from their vessels. Cuz this is a fanservice japanese game. Andddd the fandom likes forgetting this fact quite a lot i’ve noticed. As a person who loves thinking about tons and tons of headcanons for fun, this allows us a lot of space ! Because this is fate/grand order at its base. Nasuverse.
I’m glad that the interlude explains it so clearly, it’s very good !! Because the majority of myths from every culture are confusing, family trees are confusing, names are confusing, powers and attributes are confusing... its a mess !!!! the fgo characters we know are just cut from their own respective timelines/historial figures so the writers can organize themselves more easily. Like cutting halves from a big cake. Kama (Assassin) is the Kama that died from Shiva’s flames and became the universe ONLY. In Nasuverse, Arthur Pendragon is a woman. Anastasia Romanov NEVER had a demon familiar named Viy in real life despite the creature being part of russian folklore. u know ! im russian i can testify dude !!
hopefully everyone got this bc i wont be explaining this any further dude, its exhausting !!!!!! bangs my hands on the table !!!!!
ANYWAYS kama mentions “eternal pain that turns [them] into ash” being their key element. Their trauma is at the center of their heroic spirit self, what they are as a servant. This suffering is tied to everything they do, why they’re so lazy, why they’re so lax, why they’re so detached from their job.
But they’re not detached from their role.
And “job” and “role” have different connotations here. They refuse to work as a cupid because of obvious reasons. BUT. They’re not detached from their role as the God of Love, as the God of Passion. The embodiment of those feelings. This whole interlude is proof ! They’re giving u free therapy because they Love you. Passion. They feel your love. Passion. They acknowledge how much fun you’re having. How passionate you are about certain things. They might seem extremely detached and hateful, but they aren’t. They’re one of the most empathetic servants there is. And their ability to love everything, even the things they hate is what makes them so miserable. Because it’s a part of them. Because the concept of Kama in hinduism is linked to them. Be it lust or simply the passion born from anything you do where you’re enjoying yourself. (quote: “ the term also refers to any sensory enjoyment, emotional attraction and aesthetic pleasure such as from arts, dance, music, painting, sculpture and nature “. R. Prasad (2008), History of Science, Philosophy and Culture in Indian Civilization )
... I’d like to say that this contrast with Mara is interesting. And that i’m glad the writers chose to add in Mara to the kama assassin Beast mix.
Because the anger Mara feels can become a drivepoint for Kama. I’ve always believed that anger and sadness are two sides of the same coin, it’d explain how layered Kama is and how valid their emotions are. Constantly torn between love and hate. An eternal grudge (i don’t deserve to be hurt like this) and an eternal misery(maybe i do deserve to be hurt like this).
i wish they were my roommate <3 oh fuck ree got emotional wait where were we.
OH YEAH
i think kama saying that they dislike being involved with other indian servants because theyre linked to shiva is a feeble attempt at trying to keep up a strong front because they still love them in the end. cuz that’s how kama is ! after a while they’ll get bored of bullying ganesha and ashwatthama. they’ll get interested in rama because their respective mythos are linked even if their servant selves have no connection. hell, at the end of the interlude they talk about parvati and how they themself changed and realized things. BUT OH WELL, THATS STUFF FOR ANOTHER POST HEHE thats just ree wanting kama to b happy yall move along !!
.....THIS ISNT A COLLEGE STUDENTS ROLEPLAY BUT ITS A CUTE JAPANESE COMPANY BOSS/UNDERLING SETTING AND ITS CUTE SO I THINK KAMA WEARING A PENCIL SKIRT AND POURING U ALCOHOL IS CUTE. CUTE.
further proof of kama’s overflowing affection and what i detailed above!! hopefully u all knew this one simply from reading this interlude/their profile page and dont need me to write it down for u. HOPEFULLY !!!!!
(I START BEATBOXING VERY RAPIDLY AND RUNNING TOWARDS YOU) KAMA IS A SADIST AT THEIR CORE AND I WILL NEVER STOP !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! they’re easy to fluster because theyre not used to being so vanilla, but whats underneath is how they truly are !! a beast turned servant, the sweetest sadist !! theyre very mature and this interlude is so well written (wipes my teears
this is directly linked to what i explained above, by burning you away, you’ll melt into nothingness just like they did. When they were the universe, they felt both everything and nothing.
But was it really relief ... ?
... IT WASNT.
AND PARVATI SAVES THE DAY !!!!!!! phew!! thank u paru, it’d still like to be able to touch kama’s huge titties and i cant do that if i turn into ashes (falls down the stairs
ok she summoned lovey dovey canon couples to annoy kama since they’re exhausted of seein them!!
...............(I TAKE OUT A KNIFE) TAKE THAT BACK. DONT TALK TO THEM LIKE THAT. TAKE THAT BACK !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ohhhhhh im obsessed i love when theyre angry<3 i love when theyre fighty <3 i think they should beat the living shit out of a boxing bag DAILY to let out some of this steam. they’d be a monster on the ring... aaa kama in training boot y shorts aa a .. .uughg hg ouu... (you all shove me into a locker)
ok this is interesting !! i think that the interlude showing us that parvati feels a semblance of guilt is character dev. proof for what i mentioned before!! in ookuu parvati felt quite ..unsympathetic to me, even if kama is a beast who wants to annihilate humanity, when u think about it, at their core their grudge is because of her and shiva’s betrayal. and here, she properly apologizes for making kama so upset. this is heartwarming to me since i dislike thinking that members of the indo fam hate eachother :( same goes for arjuna and karna, at some point i’d like for them to act like bros normally and finally be comfy. but anyways !!
u wake up from the dreams and da vinci, mashu and paru are here to tell u whats going on. But its fine bc u remember everything and u have to go thank someone for helping u out!!!
CUTE !!!!!!! THEY CARE ABOUT U !!!!!! but whether it be because of their role or because theres a deeper meaning is entierly up to your own interpretation because...
of what they say here.
and here !!
ohhhhhhhhh this is so important !!!!!!
this is actual proof of kama’s growth as a servant and how servants evolve in chaldea !! chaldea is not the same as a grail war, its a special, cut-off place and thats what makes it even more relaxing to think about. Everytime u summon a servant in ur chaldea u give them a chance to have fun with you, to have fun with other servants, to make amends, to start from scratch, to discover things they would’ve never known in their time (movies, video games, tons of different foods etc...), u give them a chance to relax. to grow !! this is the headcanon that im most attached to and im glad to see it be confirmed in the interlude of a character i love tbqh i had to stop and talk about that.
everyone say thank u kama !! can we roleplay a college roommate coffee shop slowburn au next time <3
ANYWAYS if you’ve read it this far: thank you !!! im sorry if you expected something very serious, im not that type of person hehe im jus here to have fun and look at things i like, and the interlude itself was quite lighthearted and refreshing. By talking about the myths and all of kamadeva’s stories, the writers basically gave lore nerds a huge thumbs up like... “its ok now !! u can go ape now !! go be insane<3 love u<3″ and all of this kama characterization GENUINELY makes me so happy because i think they really needed that. kama assassin... (i blow a kiss to the sky) is a little mess of a servant... a god, human crumbs and a demon... a total mess... im in love with them...
..............tho now the wait for a summer alt where they interact with the entire indo fam begins (im sitting in a chair unmoving)(i have a gun in case minase begins acting gross
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hey there! golden trio era, please! my name is miliane, but i go by millie or liane. i’m a ravenclaw, 5”4, i have long dark brown hair, and light morena skin. i have brown eyes. i’m an asian, filipino but i’m fluent in english more than my mother tongue, seeing as i was raised with people who only talks to me in english, but im just as good in filipino, like any other person born here. i’m a weasley simp, no surprise there seeing as they’re all charming and good looking. i’m a sarcastic and witty person, a bit cocky when with friends, but i’m really a softie tbh, i care deeply about the people i love. i’m an INFP-T, so kinda explains. i love eating, although it would seem as i may never become fat, bc of my body complexion. i love to read! like i have tons of novels perked up in my study table, 20 and counting. i love anything connected to arts; music, movies, paintings, drawing. my sense of style is appreciated, like i rlly love styling my clothes, and even if we’re going somewhere unimportant and simple, it would never not give me a reason to be extra ;) but i shift to different styles every now and then, looking for the right one as i’m indecisive sometimes. i tend to be rlly shy when i’m around new people, and i usually have to spend a good amount of time with them for me to be myself around them. i love spreading awareness about societal issues, it’s a big part of my life and i’ve been spreading about them ever since i was 12, i keep on learning each day about it and discuss it on socmed. i have trust issues, due to some past problems, and once i get past that with someone, it would shift to abandonment issues (friend, or relationship wise). i would love a guy who’s gonna be willing to put up with my impulsive bs sometimes lol, like sneaking out in the middle of the night to eat at the kitchens, watch movies together and dance like we’re the only ones left. he wouldn’t force anything out of me til he and i know that i’m ready. and i would rlly love if he would give me one or two of his hoodies, and he would spray them with his cologne bc he knows that i love the way he smells, and maybe sneak in a small note for me to read in the pockets. i love forehead and nose kisses, i’m a goner for those. pet names are one of my weaknesses, (love, lovely, darling, babe, baby)— and i’m yours. i’m not much of an affectionate person as i didn’t have much of it during my childhood, so simple handholding and hugs would make me a bit flustered and awkward but very much appreciated.
thank you, i hope you have a great day, i rlly appreciate u for doing this, ily and all ur works <33333
Thank you for the details, they make these so much easier to write lol.
i ship you with...
Fred Weasley.
how you meet
“Miliane, you’ll be partnering up with Fred for our next assignment, please take a seat next to him.” Professor McGonagall smiles as you pick up your book bag and make your way next to the red head she must have been referring too.
Fred was busy tinkering away at something under his desk when you sat next to him. He lifted his head expecting his twin, but instead came eye to eye with a girl. Dreamy brown eyes and a blue tie on your neck, Fred loses his train of thought as concern adorns your face.
“Oh my apologies, I’m fred. What’s your name darling?” He smiles as your face tints a faint pink and your lips pull up into a gentle grin.
“Miliane, but please, call me Millie. We’re partners for the project.” You nod towards the blackboard at the front of the classroom.
“Well then Millie, we better get to work then.” Fred grins, pulling his wand from his pocket as you pull out a textbook.
For the rest of the period you and Fred do your best at the project, practicing your incantations and wand movement as McGonagall writes on the board.
You find it hard to concentrate at the task at hand with Fred constantly trying to make you laugh. Transfiguring flowers from the tip of his wand, throwing paper balls at his brother’s back and just joking with you quietly. You weren’t complaining though, it was nice to get a break from the work load you got from each of your classes.
After that transfiguration class, the two of you meet up often in the library, though it turns into more of a hangout than a study session. You roam the shelves and you show Fred your favourite books and poems as he tries to balance as many books as he can on his head. Often times you’ll relax at one of the library tables in between the shelves to drink pumpkin juice and eat sweets over conversations about anything and everything and in a heartbeat, Fred realizes he’s falling in love.
He fell for your sarcastic jokes and your soft personality. He loves your passion for reading and the arts, he could listen to your reading voice for hours.
Fred adores your sense of style and has awkwardly asked you to style him before
Even before you’re dating he gives you his sweaters when ever you’re cold
it becomes a habit to spray them in extra cologne because he knows how much you like it
When he notices you getting a little distant from him, he hugs you close and reassures you he isn’t going anywhere. You eventually tell him about your past and how it hurt you
It got him in quite a few fights, but he was willing to go any lengths to show the assholes who made you cry who they were dealing with.
Fred took his time to prove himself as a friend before a lover, he knew you fell and got hurt quickly in your past relationships and he wouldn’t let that be the case with him.
He joins you in your midnight snack runs whenever you ask of him. He even enchants his alarm to wake him if you were ever on your way to the kitchens at night
The two of you feast on desserts and left over dinner from the day as the house elf’s just kind of giggle at the two of you.
He loves calling you petnames and he knows you love them. Your face goes the most beautiful red and he can’t help but drop it into every sentence
“How are you love?”
“Darling you’ve got something on your face.”
“You look stunning love.”
“my darling have you seen my tie?”
He does his best to make lasting memories with you even on the most ordinary of days
“c’mon millie!” Fred laughs as he pulls you through the halls of the school to the empty courtyard before gathering you into his arms and waltzing you around the yard like it was the Yule. “Freddie, we’re going to get caught!” You laugh, rolling your eyes, but allowing yourself to be twirled around the square. “See if I care darling. For all I know, we’re the only ones here.” He chuckles, speeding up your dance until your dizzy from spins and laughing with joy.
Leaving little notes for you in his hoodie pockets and in the pages of your books became a fun little activity he came up for you. They ranged from ‘I miss you.’ to ‘remember to give it back so i can spray more cologne on it.’ You kept every note
Sometimes he’ll have you help him with his tie in the morning just so he can see your cheeks light up and your eyes darting back and forth trying not to make direct eye contact as he stares lovingly at you
Hugs. He’s a sucker for hugs and he loves it when you kind of just muzzle closer to him. He likes to pepper little kisses across your temple
One night he takes you stargazing and simply holds your hand as the two of you stare up at the stars
A shooting star passes and he sees your eyes close to make a wish
He dies the same and when you open them again you turn to Fred
“What did you wish for darling?”
“I-I wished for happiness what about you Freddie?”
“I wished for you darling.” He smirk, bringing his face closer to yours.
“I’m right here silly.”
“Not like that Millie. I wished for you to be my girl. My lover.” Fred sighs, inching closer
“Can I kiss you?” He smiles, gazing into your brown eyes.
“Yes Freddie, you may.”
Fred connects your lips together in a slow kiss, smiling as you respond quickly and cup his face in your hand.
You pull back to smile and cuddle closer to Fred’s chest as his arms wrap around you and he kisses your hairline.
“you’re mine darling.” Fred teases lightly almost in disbelief
“I’m yours Freddie.” you giggle, pressing kisses up Fred’s jawline.
Hope you like this!!🤍🤍
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1143
survey by brock-checkitout
Do you like cheese?
Yeah but not to an obsessive extent like most people on the internet seem to be. I have a lower tolerance when it comes to cheeses with stronger or more pungent flavors, and I like sticking to those on the creamy side, like feta and burrata.
What type of shampoo do you use?
Dove.
Do turtles make you happy?
I mean not as much as dogs would but they are animals, so encountering one would still make me giddy and happy :)))
Name one person who snores in their sleep.
Both of my parents, which is why I used to dread whenever we’d book a trip and there’s only one main room available for the 5 of us.
Would you walk around a grocery store with a bra as glasses?
Sure, if I was gonna do it for like a cause or something. Or if I got paid for it. I can’t imagine why I’d ever have to casually/randomly do it. Also how would that even work, if it actually had to work as glasses???
Can you do the HoeDown ThrowDown?
That movie came out when we were in the midst of moving houses and everything was super hectic in my little 10 year old life, so I never got to wach it, actually. I missed out on the whole Hoedown Throwdown craze and I distinctly remember jealously watching over my classmates as they danced it together.
Do you like Hershey's Chocolate bars?
Just the cookies and cream variant.
What smiley face do you use the most?
:) I very rarely use others.
What type of cell phone do you have?
I have an iPhone 8.
Do you listen to rap?
Not so much. For the most part, I stick to my tried and tested albums, like Jay-Z and Kanye’s Watch the Throne.
Look at something green, does it have batteries in it?
That would be a nearby alcohol bottle, and no, it does not need batteries.
What's the first thing that comes to your mind when I say: PRINTER?
Ink and paper.
What is the last cuss word you said out loud?
Not so sure, but since I commonly say shit and fuck they could serve as safe enough guesses.
Do you like cows?
Sure.
What kind of car does your mother drive?
These days we split ‘my’ car between us since we sold our third car, which used to be the one she’d usually drive. The new arrangement used to bug me at first because it meant I now had to notify my mom in advance whenever I planned to drive out, but I’ve since gotten used to the setup.
What do you get in your tacos?
I don’t eat tacos. Not that I dislike them; there are just many other Mexican dishes I find more filling.
What is your opinion on blueberries?
As a flavor, it’s fine. But I actually tried an actual blueberry for the very first time last week when my aunt sent over a blueberry cheesecake - I really wanted to give it a chance, but I still found it nasty :( I really don’t know why I hate fruits so much lmao.
Are you currently wearing lip gloss/chap stick?
Nopes.
Is there a bottle of lotion near you?
There isn’t.
Name one person that you know that smokes.
Sam smokes superexcessively. Like I’ve completely forgotten how much she can smoke in an evening until I hung out with her again a few weeks ago. It was half impressive and half terrifying; and my clothes ended up smelling because of it.
What's your favorite season?
We don’t have the usual four seasons, but based on what I’ve seen in media, spring and winter look and feel the most pleasant to me.
Are any of your friends vegetarians?
No.
What is one phrase that you hate hearing?
“All lives matter” really pisses me off.
Can you name four presidents right now?
Rodrigo Duterte, Ramon Magsaysay, Fidel Ramos, Diosdado Macapagal. But because I’m guessing this meant American presidents...George W. Bush, John F. Kennedy, Andrew Jackson, Harry Truman.
What is the first thing you think of when I say: HOOD?
A jacket.
Do you currently own a cat?
Nope.
What do you think of Ulta?
I think of the fact that I’ve never heard of that before and I don’t actually know what this is referring to.
Have you ever walked into a club and asked for a Coke?
No.
Do you like classical music?
Sure, some.
What is your opinion on Oreos?
I had the biscuits like a billion times as a kid to the point that I got sick of them. I will always pick the Oreo flavor in other desserts though, be it cheesecake, cupcake, cookies, milkshakes, tc.
Do you like Chips-Ahoy?
No, tastes too artificial/processed. I’ll always go for freshly-baked cookies.
What did ya think of this survey?
It was fine. I *think* I haven’t taken this before either, so that’s a plus lol.
--
survey by carolynnnnonia
1. What time did you wake up this morning?
Around 6:30ish.
2. When did you take your default picture?
It’s not a photo of me, it’s a still from BoJack Horseman. Years ago I saw someone on Twitter use it as a default and I found it hilarious, so I decided to do the same thing for this blog.
3. Are you hungry?
Mmm not so much right now actually. I had a midnight snack that I only got to finish by like 2 AM so I still feel pretty filled.
4. Have you ever cheated on a test?
Yup but just once. When I ended up perfecting the exam I cheated on, I felt like a fraud and I’ve never cheated since. I’d rather get an honest 99 than get a 100 that I’m ashamed of, lol.
5. When was the last time you ate ice cream?
I think it had been last week when we had a cookies and cream tub in the fridge.
6. What computer game is in your CPU?
I don’t play PC games and it’s been a hoooooot minute since I’ve seen a CPU.
7. Do you like Audrey Hepburn?
You’ve come to the right person :))) Yup, obsessed. Have watched her entire filmography except for the ones that are impossible to find DVDs of or online.
8. What color is your winter jacket?
9. Do you have any siblings?
Yup.
10. Would you call yourself skinny?
Not anymore. I’ve filled up a bit over the last few years but I’m still usually seen as thin. I was a lot skinnier in my teens.
11. Does your phone take pictures?
Yes, 2008 survey, it does.
12. Who is your favorite neighbor?
They’re not really neighbors, but the construction workers who are currently working on a new house from across ours are crazy over Cooper and love to greet him and give him a few pats when I take him out. My actual neighbors are rather quiet and we tend to keep to ourselves.
13. Do you wish at 11:11?
No.
14. Have you ever gotten a detention?
We don’t have detention here.
15. Do you still watch Disney Channel?
Nah, we took out our cable last year because no one was using it anymore. And I doubt there’s anything watchable on Disney Channel for a twentysomething?? Lmao I usually stick to the shows and movies I grew up with, so.
16. Who did you last IM?
Angela.
17. Who is your least favorite teacher?
Whoever hated me for no reason in middle and high school. Then in college, I had to power through a misogynist, sexist, delusional Duterte-supporting professor for an entire semester as well.
18. What were you doing six hours ago?
I was winding down and watching Good Mythical Morning videos to eventually doze off.
19. What is your ringtone?
Just the default iPhone ones.
20. Does your door have a dead bolt on it?
I had to look this up haha but yeah.
21. Have you ever been to a show?
Like, a live shooting of a show? Hmm....I don’t remember ever going to one yet. I remember being invited to one because they needed seat fillers, but I had school at the time and was never available on the day of the shoot.
22. What are some details about your first kiss?
Innocent, pure. Even though that person ended up disappointing me, I don’t regret having my first kiss with them.
23. What college do you want to attend/currently attend?
I went to UP.
24. Have you had any soda today?
No and I most likely won’t.
25. What is your favorite scary movie?
Carrie, The Shining, and Evil Dead are some good ones.
26. Do you own a Wii?
We used to and it was a big part of my late childhood to my early teens. We had thrown it out years ago, though, because it stopped working.
27. Did you wear shorts today?
I currently am wearing shorts, yeah, and I plan on wearing shorts for the rest of the day.
28. Anything fun happening this weekend?
There’s an official Kim Seonho fanmeet happening tonight on Facebook and I’m so excited for it lmaaaaaaoooo
29. What shoes did you wear today?
One of my sneakers.
30. What is your favorite type of Pop Tart?
We only get 5 flavors here in the Philippines, but my favorite is the chocolate fudge one.
31. Do you subscribe to any magazines?
Nope.
32. What was the last television show you watched?
I didn’t watch it on TV, but I watched a few clips from this show called Caught in Providence on Facebook. I have such a soft spot for that show.
33. Do you know any other languages?
If I’m not speaking in English, I use Filipino, yes.
34. Are you wearing anything green?
No.
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Expecting
Summary: Luke becomes a dad
A/N: So @cxddlyash and I made these like comic book character pictures. And I thought it was funny how the text we put for ourselves went together like we personally were having a conversation. And it’s good dialogue I didn’t want to waste. So here’s a sequel to Period Pains that no one asked for just so I can use 2 lines of dialogue that really have nothing to do with the actual “plot” of whatever cute shit this is.
Content: Soft cuz you know no one does it better than your gal(cal) Bri
Word Count: 1.5k
And away, and away we go!
__
“Hey, Lu?” Caroline asked.
“Hmm?” Luke hummed in response over the rim of his coffee cup.
“Remember how back a few months ago, you joked there was a way to stop my periods?”
He set down his cup with a shaky rattle. “What about it?” he croaked.
“I’m two weeks late…”
He gripped his hands tightly together to control the shaking, forcing himself to stay calm. “H-have you taken a test?”
“Yep. Took one just now, actually.”
“A-and?”
“It’s on the bathroom counter.”
Caroline wasn’t sure she had ever seen the man move faster. In fact, she wasn’t sure someone like Luke could move that fast without tripping over his long limbs. When Luke’s scream shook the house, she slowly made her way to him. “Good yell or bad yell?”
When he turned, his blue eyes were glossy with held back tears, his curls disheveled from his hands passing through them so many times in the last minute. “Is this the only test you’ve taken?”
She shook her head. “I’ve been taking one every day for a week.”
“And they all say the same thing? They all say yes?”
“Yeah.”
“YES!” Luke’s voice cracked as it went high too fast. He rushed across to her, tears falling freely down their faces as excitement took over and they jumped up and down screaming. “Oh,” Luke spoke softly when he caught his breath, his fingers soft against her cheeks. “I love you so much, Care.”
She tilted her head in his touch, lips brushing against the palms of his hands. “We love you too, Lu. Can I ask you one thing?”
“Anything, baby.”
“I know we’re both excited, but can we keep this to ourselves for a bit?” Her question held all the fears she didn’t want to speak into existence. Fears about their loved ones getting too invested like they already were when she was too early along for anything to be certain.
Luke placed a gentle kiss to her forehead. “Of course.”
~~~
It was hard on both of them to not shout their news from the rooftops with each passing doctor’s appointment that assured them their baby was developing right on schedule. Caroline and Luke passed the first three months combining her office with his music room, and then discussing how to decorate the newly freed up space.
“What do you think of this?” Caroline asked, sliding her laptop around so he could see the teal and grey nursery template.
Luke set his guitar aside and peered over at the screen. “You don’t want to go with something brighter? Something that will get their attention?”
“You know babies can’t really see color that well for the first few months, right?”
“They don’t?”
“Have you read any of the books?”
“Yeah!” he answered with fake indignation.
“Mhm, which ones?”
“The one with all the names…” he admitted with a sheepish grin.
Her eyes lit up. “Did you find one you like?”
“I found a lot of the ones you like,” he teased, referring to how the book was filled with blue-inked hearts next to yellow highlighted names.
“And?”
“What do you think about Charlie Hemmings?”
“Oh, that one’s my favorite!”
“Ready to tell everybody about Charlie?”
“So ready.”
They told their parents first, swearing them to secrecy until it was publicly announced. Within a week, a giant care package was delivered on their doorstep, courtesy of both their moms conspiring together.
From there, the parents-to-be decided to tell the godparents. Luke had suggested Ashton for godfather, while Caroline suggested her childhood friend Britt for godmother.
“But they’re not together. Are you sure we shouldn’t go with Mike and Crystal?” Luke wondered.
“It’s Ash and Britt. They’ll get together.”
“Care, you’ve been saying that since they met.”
“Well if Ash would pull his head out of his ass…”
“If Britt could string more than two words together around him…”
Caroline laughed. Neither of them were wrong. Their two dearest friends were… rather stubborn when it came to each other. “We don’t have to decide this now. We can just tell all our friends, and figure out godparents later.”
“No,” Luke shook his head. “I trust Britt and Ash.”
~~~
“Care?” Britt’s voice called out as she pushed open the door to her friends’ home. “Luke?”
“You invited Britt?” Ashton asked, raising an eyebrow at the woman’s voice. “Is everyone else coming over, too? What’s going on here?”
“I know you’re home,” Britt continued to talk as she walked deeper into the house. “Your cars are in th- oh! Hey, Ash.” Her voice squeaked as she caught sight of the black haired man sitting comfortably on the couch.
“Hey, love,” he greeted with a two-fingered wave that caused the woman’s cheeks to turn pink. “Did Care tell you what these two idiots are up to?”
Britt shook her head as she sat down next to him. “N-no.” She turned her attention to Caroline, her friend’s ever steady and soft gaze stilling her nerves she felt whenever she was in Ashton’s presence. “Care, what’s going on?”
Caroline’s cheeks burned from holding back her smile as she looked over at Luke. “Tell ‘em, Care.”
“We’re pregnant!” She clapped her hands over her mouth as the words tumbled forth much less eloquently than she had planned in her excited state.
“Oh, that’s great!” Britt squealed with her.
“Congrats,” Ashton smiled, reaching forward to give Caroline’s leg a small squeeze. “But that could’ve been a text.”
“We want you to be the godparents,” Luke spoke up.
Ashton choked, his hazel eyes flying over to Luke. “What?”
“Uh, a word, Care?” Britt asked, rubbing her neck.
The women left Ashton staring slack-jawed at Luke. “What’s wrong?” Caroline asked, worrying her bottom lip.
“You can’t do this to me…” her friend whispered frantically, looking over her shoulder at where Ashton was still coming to terms with the news that had been dropped in his lap.
“Aw, are you jealous?” Caroline teased good-heartedly.
“Yes!” Britt hissed. “No! I’m happy for you and Luke. But making me godmother with Ash as godfather? What the hell do you think you’re doing, Care?”
“What you and Ash are too scared to do yourselves.”
“I can barely be in the same room with him without sounding like an idiot. Now I’m gonna share your kid with him?!”
“Oh, would you relax? Luke and I aren’t dropping dead. This is just a symbolic title.”
“One I share with Ash!”
“Would you rather share it with someone else?”
“No!” Britt answered far too quickly.
Caroline grinned. “That’s what I thought.”
~~~
“You okay?” Luke asked, concern lacing his tone as Caroline gasped.
She took a few deep, slow breaths, her face pinched in pain. “Another contraction,” she winced.
Luke gripped her hand in his, squeezing lightly. “You got this, baby. I’m right here.”
“Lu?” she panted, sweat coating her face, tears prickling in the corners of her eyes.
“Yeah?”
“This is so much worse than period pains…”
“I know, baby, I know,” he soothed, using his free hand to push back her hair and wipe away some of the sweat.
“No, you don’t!” she hissed through gritted teeth, her fingernails digging small crescent shapes into his hand. “You don’t have a uterus that throws a fit every month unless you’re growing a human inside of it. A human you then have to push out of you!”
“You doing so good, Care,” he smiled a smile that has rarely left his lips the last 39 and a half weeks. A smile that bore nothing but total admiration for the girl by his side and complete amazement for the life they were creating.
“Ow…” she whimpered, loosening her grip as the contraction passed.
“Where does it hurt the most?”
“My back…”
“Here, sit up, and scooch forward,” Luke told her, standing up from where he had been sitting on the edge of the hospital bed. Caroline did as he directed as he squeezed himself in behind her, stretching out his legs on the outside of hers. “Try to relax as much as you can,” his voice remained soft and low as he started to rub at her back. He stayed that way, with her back pressed against his chest, alternating between rubbing at her back and her arms, always whispering reassurances in Caroline’s ear until there was a small cry and a bundle was placed in her awaiting arms.
“Oh, hi there, Charlie.” Tears ran a path down both their cheeks as Caroline cradled the baby close to her, Luke’s hand reaching over her to gently run a thumb over Charlie’s soft cheek.
“There are so many people waiting to meet you,” she cooed.
“They can wait a little longer,” Luke said, holding his family close to him.
“At least get Britt and Ash in here.”
“Shouldn’t you get some rest first?”
“Oh, please, Lu?” Caroline pleaded, turning her head upwards to look at him. “I feel fine, I promise. I want them to meet him.”
“Alright,” he gave in. “Scoot forward so I can get out.”
Caroline lost herself in the dark grey eyes of her son, with his little pixie nose and soft curls, until Britt’s gasped “Aww!” filled her ears.
She looked up to see the other woman, hand in hand with Ashton, grinning so wide, Caroline’s own cheeks hurt just looking at her friends. “Well, come meet Charlie. We’ve been expecting you.”
__
Tag List
@frontmanash @goeatsomelife @flameraine @creator-appreciator @cxddlyash @1-irwin-94 @sparkling-calm @tea4sykes @youngblood199456 @5-seconds-of-obsession @gosh-im-short @aquarius-hood1996 @talkfastromance4 @itjustkindahappenedreally @philthepegacorn @boomerash @teenwolfss24
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around and around - five
pairing: cho seungyoun x reader, kim wooseok x reader
au: idolverse
warnings: none
wordcount: 4.6k
description: you’ve had a one-sided crush on your close friend seungyoun for who knows how long, but things don’t stay so black and white when he introduces you to his new groupmate kim wooseok.
next
Jamiezzz
*sent image*
everyone look at our baby seungyoun at this photoshoot manz looks a fool
Beoneon
I think hyung looks good though?
Hyunggu🤪
Hansol can you read the mood. She’s trashing Seungyoun-hyung because he actually looks good
Beoneon
Oh ya I see it now
Jamiezzz
y/n y/n y/n where are you
respond
dont leave me alone here with these boring men
You sigh, reading over the recent messages in your friends’ group chat. Shaking your head slightly, you set your phone down in your lap, watching through the large mirror in front of you as your hairdresser lays the bleach onto your hair.
“I’m surprised you finally agreed to going blonde!” she says, looking excited to do something more interesting with your head. You tend to stick with a darker look, because it’s easier to take care of.
“I just want a change,” you tell her, smiling.
And it’s true.
You almost feel like one of those girls who has gone through a crazy breakup, and does something drastic to her hair to try and cope emotionally.
You’re just not going through a breakup, and also not doing it yourself so you don’t piss off your management.
You glance down at your phone again and see a few more texts.
Hyunggu🤪
Boring? BORING?
Jamiezzz
boring boys can you tell me if it’s just me who thinks seungyoun and y/n are acting weird
this is a necessary callout bc its making me feel uncomfy
Beoneon
Do you have to make them feel awkward…
Jamiezzz
so you DO agree
Beoneon
I never said that
Hyunggu🤪
I agree
They keep ignoring us in the gc
Whichever one of you shows up here first is not a loser
Jamiezzz
boy are you 12? tf kind of tactic is that
Youn
There’s nothing wrong. Sorry I haven’t kept up much with you guys the past couple of weeks!
Hyunggu🤪
“tF kInD oF tAcTiC iS tHaT”
You read over Seungyoun’s message a few times, your eyes drawn to his name, to his contact image. It’s one of the only pictures of him that you’ve taken yourself- from one of the first times you’d even met him. He put on these dumb sunglasses and pushed his hair all the way back and flat against his head. It looked stupid, but at the time you thought it was funny and endearing enough to set at his photo.
There’s nothing wrong.
For some reason, you can’t bring yourself to believe that he actually feels that way.
You still feel sick to your stomach when you think back to his expression that night, when you told him you didn’t want him to take you home. Not that you didn’t want to be taken home… that it was him that was the problem.
He’s probably confused.
But you can’t explain it. You can’t.
“I think a more silvery blonde will look good on you,” your hairdresser chirps, cutting into your thoughts. “Would you be open to that?”
“Oh, sure,” you answer, knowing your voice sounds a little half-hearted. “Can you cut some layers too? I’m curious what that would look like on me.”
“Totally!” she says, folding up a foil. “It’s going to look so good!”
A few hours later, when your new hair is completely bleached, toned, colored, cut, and blow-dried into a flowy and shiny curtain of silver-blonde, you post a picture of the new look on your instagram, feeling a little better from seeing yourself look so different.
“Y/N-ah!”
You turn to see your group members, who all came from the dorm to get you from the salon so you can all get lunch together.
Eunmi oohs and ahhs at your hair, running her fingers through it. “It actually looks soft!”
“That’s what happens when you don’t bleach the shit out of it like me,” Jiseo says, pinching a piece of her own hair, currently a faded minty green color, and cringing at it.
“Yeah, you should cut it, Unnie. Your ends look bad.” Soohyun says to the oldest, who sticks out her tongue.
“Now three of us are basically blondes,” Eunmi pats your head. “I’m the only brunette left.”
“Don’t worry, Y/N won’t last long,” Jiseo jokes as she takes your hand, slotting her fingers in the spaces between yours. “She’s just going through emotional turmoil.”
“I am so not,” you mutter as the four of you start walking through the building towards the parking garage.
“Y/N-unnie isn’t going through emotional turmoil, she’s just trying to look good for her new man,” Soohyun says, snickering even before Eunmi and Jiseo snap towards you, eyes wide.
“What?” Jiseo exclaims, and all you can do is glare intensely at Soohyun.
“That is also not accurate,” you grit your teeth as you talk.
“It so is,” she sing-songs, swinging her bag in front of her as you all keep walking. “His name is Kim Wooseok. Don’t worry, he’s handsomer than Cho Seungyoun.”
“Don’t say that about Seungyoun,” you tell her with a frown, but she just shrugs.
“It’s not like I called him ugly.”
“Isn’t Kim Wooseok his groupmate?” Eunmi wonders aloud, seemingly over the fact that Soohyun referred to him as your man.
“Yeah,” you answer simply.
“Is that who you’ve been meeting up with the past few weeks?” Jiseo asks, which nearly makes you jump out of your skin, stopping in your tracks with wide eyes. Your leader glances over at you, a knowing smile on her face. “Y/N, did you think I didn’t notice you sneaking out whenever we had time?”
“I…” you trail off, a little embarrassed. “Um… yeah… I thought that.”
“Ooo-hoo-hoo!” Eunmi grins, and shoves you gently. “So it is like that?”
“Like what?”
“Like that,” she says suggestively, and you smack her arm.
“No, it’s-”
“Y/N-unnie sends him selfies,” Soohyun adds, making you groan and the other girls ooh and ahh even more.
“Yah, L/N Y/N!” Jiseo physically grabs and shakes you, her lips pulled into a wide smile. “I know as a leader I should scold you, but this is great news. You can finally get over Seungyoun.”
“Why does everyone keep saying that?” you whine, throwing your head back in frustration. “We are just friends!”
“Oooookay,” Jiseo hums, as you all exit the building into the parking garage. “Anyway, check out this spot I got. Someone was leaving right as we came in.”
“Lucky,” you comment as the car comes into view, glad of the change of topic.
The four of you get into the car, you and Soohyun automatically going to the backseat as you have done since the very first time you all went somewhere together.
You glance down at your phone as the girls start discussing where you should go to eat, and are surprised to see another notification from your groupchat.
Jamiezzz
*sent image*
so y/n can post on insta but not respond to her best friends i see how it is😔
Beoneon
Woahhhh Y/N your hair
Jamiezzz
you can compliment but she’s not gonna respond😭😤
You sigh, your front teeth latching onto your bottom lip.
You feel bad, to put it plainly.
It’s not like you’re intentionally trying to ignore all of your friends… you just feel uncomfortable talking when you know Seungyoun will read it.
You
thanks vernon :)
sorry weve had a lot of shoots and stuff recently i dont have much time to be on my phone
Hyunggu🤪
She’s alive
Jamiezzz
wait y/n are you sleeping and eating :(
you were sick
You
im ok
Jamiezzz
take care of urself and ur new awesome hair girlie
You
sure thing
“Y/N-unnie,”
You turn your head to see Soohyun looking over at you, her brows furrowed. “You look stressed.”
“...No,” you smile, shaking your head. You reach over and take her hand, squeezing it. “I’m totally fine.”
“And then they made me wear this,” you find the picture you’d been looking for in your camera roll and turn your phone around, displaying the bizarre outfit you’d had to wear for a recent magazine spread. “Like, what is that? I’m embarrassed that documentation of this even exists.”
“It’s not that bad,” Wooseok hums, taking a bite of his cake. He does it delicately, and with a degree of elegance, like he does pretty much everything.
You huff, turning your phone off and setting it down on the table. “Well, thanks, I guess. I’m still in shock though.”
“By the way, Y/N,” Wooseok starts as you dig your fork into your own dessert, lifting a sizable chunk of the cheesecake to your mouth. “Why do you keep asking for me to meet up with you?”
You frown as soon as the words leave his mouth, setting the fork with your cake back down on the plate. “What?”
He shrugs, but it almost looks tense. Wooseok avoids meeting your eyes as he talks, instead trailing his fork around on the plate in front of him. “We agreed on me not spying on Seungyoun for you anymore. That was the whole reason we met up and ate together, but you’ve still been contacting me.”
You lean back in your chair, regarding him with furrowed brows and teeth latching onto your lower lip. “I don’t… are you saying it’s bothersome to meet up with me?”
Wooseok’s eyes flash up. “I didn’t say that. I’m just-”
“Well it feels like you’re saying that.” you cut him off, grip on your fork tightening as you look down at the table. “You could have just turned me down if you don’t like seeing me.”
“You’re not a bother, Y/N,” Wooseok says, and since you can practically hear the apology in his voice, you glance up to meet his gaze. It’s one of the few times you’ve seen him truly frown. “I shouldn’t have said it that way. I’m sorry.”
“I don’t really know what you’re trying to say,” you mutter, looking away again. “I didn’t just cut you off after the ‘no more Seungyoun updates’ thing because I like you and I want to be friends with you. Sorry if you didn’t feel that way.”
“Y/N-ah,” Wooseok says, clearly trying to get your attention, but you ignore him, because you feel a little hurt. “Y/N-ah. That’s not what I meant.”
“Okay, then what did you mean?” you ask, knowing bitterness is seeping into your tone.
“I just thought that… you might be trying to make up for asking me that favor in the first place.” at this, you look up, confused. Wooseok fidgets a little, which is uncharacteristic for him. “I could tell that you were feeling uncomfortable about it that day that I came to get you from Jimin-ssi’s place. I thought you might be feeling guilty, so I was going to tell you that you didn’t have to be.”
“...Oh.” you say.
It’s quiet for a second, because as a somewhat emotional person, you need a moment to recover from what you thought was about to become a total betrayal of your friendship with Wooseok, and you think he might feel a little awkward.
After you’ve had a minute to contemplate what he just told you, you sit up and take that bite of cheesecake you’d been preparing before, looking at Wooseok with all (probably not all, realistically… but most) of the distress wiped from your face. “You’re kind of right. I did feel guilty about it due to certain circumstances, but that’s not why I keep in touch with you. I just like you. And it’s fun having a friend that isn’t friends with the rest of my friends.”
One corner of Wooseok’s lips turns up, in that almost smirky way that he often does. Subconsciously, you think. “I’m glad to hear that.”
“...Can you apologize one more time though? Because that kind of upset me for a second.”
At this, he chuckles quietly. “I’m sorry, Y/N.”
About twenty minutes later, after Wooseok has documented the outing with a picture of you and the food (he says he likes doing that because he can’t post pictures of most of his idol friends on social media) you leave the dessert cafe and head out onto the streets of Seoul together. You’re in a quieter area with a lot of parks, but since it’s nighttime, there’s not many people around aside from the occasional group of teenagers or drunk couple.
Eunmi is currently covering for you by having told your manager that the two of you went out for dinner together even though she’s actually just at her brother’s house, so you’ll have to meet up with her soon and go home. But for now, you’re enjoying walking around in the cold air with Wooseok.
He’s been quiet for a few minutes, though, and you’re considering questioning it when he finally speaks up.
“I know you said that day that you didn’t want to talk about it,” Wooseok starts, looking straight ahead as you two walk through a park. “But I can’t lie that I’m not curious. What made you not want to hear about Seungyoun anymore?”
You glance over at Wooseok, biting hard on your lower lip. You’re not sure if you really want to say.
He looks to the side to meet your gaze, and holds it. “He’s seemed uncomfortable too, the past couple of weeks. He was in his room when I got back after taking you home that night, and Seungwoo-hyung said he went straight there when he came back to the dorm. Did something happen between you two?”
You tug on your fingers, pulling at the fabric of your gloves, and look away from Wooseok, coming to a stop. “Not really. I mean, a little bit, but it wasn’t like…”
You sigh, feeling without being able to see the judgemental look Wooseok is definitely giving you right now. “Basically, Seungyoun-oppa brought a girl with him to this get-together thing. I didn’t even know he was coming so it was kinda a shock, but she seemed nice and Jimin-unnie even said they were friends so I went with it. But this girl got me alone with her at one point and asked…” you sigh again, clasping your hands together. “She wanted me to pretty much do what you were doing for me. See what Seungyoun was saying about her, get him to like her and make her look good to him. I guess that… it just made me regret having asked that of you. Maybe it’s also because I was kind of drunk, but I almost threw up, too.”
“...Oh. I see.” Wooseok says plainly. You glance up to see his expression, expecting the judgemental look, but he just looks… concerned? “You never asked me to make you look good to Seungyoun, though. You just asked me to tell you what he says about you. Those are different.”
You shrug. “I guess. It felt the same, though. That’s why I wanted to tell you that you don’t have to anymore right away. And I really wanted to leave. There was no way I was going to be able to hang out with this girl after she told me that she’s in love with him.”
“In love with him?” Wooseok scoffs. “What’s her name? That seems dramatic to me.”
You crack a smile. “Her name was Sahee.”
Wooseok gives an unimpressed look. “Well he’s never even mentioned her, so I doubt that she’s that important to him.”
You shrug again.
After a moment, Wooseok continues. “So nothing happened at all between you and Seungyoun?”
You rub your arm, sending a grim smile his way. “Geez, you really want to know, don’t you?”
He tucks his hands in his pockets. “It’s just that I can tell something is weird between you two, and I don’t even see you at the same time.”
“Well, it wasn’t much,” you say, accepting your fate and just deciding to tell him. “Sahee must have told him I was feeling sick, so he came to check on me, and wanted to take me home. I told him I’d take a taxi… that was after I texted you. He was insisting at least on taking me downstairs but I didn’t really want to see him in that moment, plus it’s not like I was actually planning on a taxi, so…” you shake your head, sighing once again. “I don’t know. I guess I kind of hurt his feelings in the process.”
“If you were rude to him you should think about apologizing,” Wooseok says bluntly.
Wow. Absolutely no mercy.
“Yeah, I mean… I figured…” you mumble, crossing your arms. “I don’t really know if it was rude though. It was more like… uncalled for.”
“That means rude in most people’s vocabulary,” Wooseok says with a sigh, then starts walking again, which means you have to as well to keep up. “Anyway, he keeps being mopey so even if you don’t apologize, text him or something.”
“Can’t you tell him to text me first?” you mutter, not intending for Wooseok to hear, but you guess that he does by the glare you see him shoot you from your peripherals.
“No.”
You groan. “Okay, maybe tomorrow. No promises though.”
“You’re such a kid,” Wooseok says, but when you look over, he’s smiling. “Want a ride home?”
“You don’t have to,” you say, but he shakes his head.
“Just accept. I’m avoiding going back to the dorm for as long as possible because Eunsang and Dohyon decided they wanted to host a ‘video game night’, and I don’t want my ears to bleed from the inevitable noise.”
You laugh loudly, already being able to imagine how much that would get on a lowkey person like Wooseok’s nerves. “Alright then. I’ll accept the ride home.”
You have a preliminary recording session the next day for your group’s next album, which is set to come out in March. Jiseo wanted you all to come in just to check out the current tracklist the company has agreed on and maybe start recording some vocals to see if it feels right.
You’ve been at it since the morning, and now that it’s lunchtime, you’re sitting in the room connected to the studio with the girls, who are all on their phones like you. You finished eating a while ago, and now you’re just staring at the messages you have with Seungyoun. You’ve never deleted his tab on your phone, so if you scroll up far enough, you’d be able to read the first ever text you sent him. Which was, if you remember correctly: “Hi Seungyoun-sunbaenim! It was nice to meet you :)”. That was the day after you were first introduced.
You sigh, setting your phone down and dropping your forehead to the table.
“What’s up with her?” Jiseo says with her mouth full.
“Maybe you were right about emotional turmoil,” Eunmi muses.
You lift your head up. “Do you have to gossip about me when I’m right here?”
“Duh.” Soohyun says, so you reach over and smack her arm (gently, you may add), which she whines dramatically at.
“What? Did something happen with Kim Wooseok yesterday night?” Eunmi asks, and you groan.
“No, unnie. Can you stop trying to act like he’s my boyfriend?”
“No, I cannot,” she responds, sticking out her tongue.
“Leave her to her emotional issues,” Jiseo says, once again through her chewing. “Eunmi-yah, Soohyun-ah, let’s go back in since you’re done eating. Y/N-ah, just come when you’re ready.”
“Thanks, unnie,” you tell her honestly as she leads the other girls out of the room, Soohyun scrunching up her nose at you before she closes the door.
You grab your phone again and look at the screen.
It’s been a while since you last texted Seungyoun. Not since November. It hits you that it’s been months since you had a real conversation with him, and you feel bad all over again.
Hey :) I just wanted to say sorry if I was acting weird at Jimin-unnie’s house that one time. I felt really sick and I think the alcohol was getting to me.
You type out the message, but your thumb hovers hesitantly over the send button. You end up pressing and holding on delete until the whole thing is gone.
Oppa, sorry for being rude that night. I wasn’t feeling well.
You read that one over a few times, and delete it too.
Seungyoun-oppa, I can’t remember well, but I think I was kind of rude to you that day at Jimin-unnie’s house. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean anything by it
You bite your lip, and then in a sudden moment of “who gives a fuck”, just hit send.
And then immediately groan at what you’ve done.
“Dumbass,” you mutter to yourself. “You remember everything.”
With a shake of your head, you get up and start gathering the takeout your group members had left on the table, probably thinking they’d just clean it up after. You throw everything that’s empty away, and then close up the containers of what isn’t done, stacking it in the middle of the table.
And then your phone starts ringing.
You nearly knock over the stack of styrofoam boxes it surprises you so much. You hurriedly walk back to where you were sitting, and pick up your phone, going cold when you see who’s calling.
“Fuck,” you whisper, your screen enveloped by that dumb picture of Seungyoun in the glasses. At least he’s just calling and it’s not Facetime.
You hit answer, unable to actually miss his call on purpose, and bring the phone up to your ear. “Hello?”
“Y/N-ah?” Seungyoun’s voice sounds out immediately, and the tension in your body skyrockets as you sit back down in your chair. “Is this a bad time?”
“No, I have a few minutes,” you answer, glancing through the window in the door to the recording studio, where you can barely see Jiseo and Soohyun with headphones on, Eunmi most likely recording some background vocals.
“Oh, good,” he breathes. “You… you got home okay that night?”
“Yeah, um, there were tons of taxis around,” you nod even though he can’t see you.
“Good,” Seungyoun repeats. “Were you really sick? Or did it pass the next day?”
“I think it was just the alcohol,” you try to reassure him. “I hadn’t drank for at least a month before that.”
“You don’t always drink like that, right?” he asks, then sighs, almost sounding a little strained. “It kind of worries me.”
“Why would you worry about that kind of stuff?” you ask, frowning. “You know I don’t get drunk easily.”
“Yeah, but look at what happened,” Seungyoun retorts. “You looked like you were about to pass out but you didn’t even want me to take you home. Someone in their right mind doesn’t act like that if they’re not totally wasted.”
You nearly let the words slip out: “There was more to it than that”.
But you snap your mouth shut before they do.
“I just feel like…” Seungyoun sighs again, sharper this time. “You never let me be worried about you. You brush it off every single time. It’s frustrating, Y/N.”
You’re at a loss for words.
Just... what?
“That’s not-” you start, then let out your own sharp sigh. “I don’t see how that’s a bad thing, though. You already have so many things going on, and I don’t want to be a burden, so-”
“When did I ever say that you’re a burden?” Seungyoun exclaims, interrupting. “You just assumed that! It’s like you want to be friends, but you don’t want me to actually care about you or be there for you!”
“That is not true,” you snap, your grip on your phone tightening. “You don’t know what you’re talking about, Seungyoun.”
“I know exactly what I’m talking about,” he responds, note of frustration evident in his voice. “You haven’t been the same the past few months. You just haven’t.”
“Whatever,” you say, knowing it’s bratty. “You think you know everything but you can’t even see how oblivious you are.”
You know you’re edging on dangerous territory here, but the way he’s talking to you is making a frustration at him swell up that you’ve never felt before.
“Oblivious?” Seungyoun scoffs, a sharp laugh following. “Come on, Y/N.”
“What, you think it’s funny?” you question, hearing the hostility in your voice. “Did you stop to wonder what your friend Sahee was saying to me on the balcony? Did you even notice we were out there together before she went to tell you I was sick?”
“What are you even talking about?” he asks. “This isn’t the point right now-”
“It’s exactly the point, you don’t think you’re oblivious, but you were friends with her for years and never noticed that she’s in love with you!” you snap, your voice rising in volume over the sentence.
Seungyoun is silent after that, and the sense of regret starts to seep in instantly as you realize what you’ve done.
“...What did you say?” he asks, his voice quiet this time. “Sahee told you that she’s in love with me?”
You don’t answer, but he must take it as a yes.
Seungyoun is quiet still, but you can picture him, wherever he is, throwing his head back, pushing his hair through his fingers in agitation.
“Fuck,” he finally mumbles.
“I’m sorry,” you say, your voice small as your throat starts to close up. “I shouldn’t have said that.”
“No fucking kidding, Y/N,” Seungyoun says sharply. You can hear his grit teeth through the closed sound of his words.
You breathe in a heavy breath, trying not to start crying even though you can feel the tears welling up. “I’m sorry. Oppa, just pretend I didn’t say that-”
“L/N F/N,” he says, and you stop immediately. “Just don’t.”
You sniffle, holding the phone away from you so he can’t hear you as the tears start rolling down your cheeks.
“Fuck,” you hear Seungyoun repeat. “Fuck, I can’t believe this… all that time and she never told me?”
You hold back a sob, almost choking on it.
It almost sounds like he’s talking about you.
This is why he can never find out.
This is why you’ll never be able to tell him.
You let out just the first broken part of the kind of shuddering breath you take when you’re crying, and Seungyoun’s mumbling stops.
“Shit, Y/N-ah? Are you crying?”
You can’t find the voice to answer him, just trying hard not to openly cry.
“Y/N-ah,” he repeats. You hear Wooseok’s voice in your head from yesterday. Y/N-ah. That’s not what I meant.
“Y/N-ah, please don’t cry. Fuck, fuck.”
“I’m sorry,” you manage to get out, your voice tight and thin.
“No, it’s okay,” Seungyoun says quickly. “Don’t cry. I’m sorry. I’m not mad at you, I’m just shocked, listen, it’s okay, okay? Y/N-ah, don’t cry. I swear I’m not mad.”
“I’ll hang up now,” you say, taking another shuddering breath. “Please don’t tell Sahee I told you.”
“Don’t hang up,” Seungyoun scrambles to tell you. “L/N F/N, please don’t hang up right now-”
You pull the phone away from your face and tap the red button, and set it facedown on the table. It starts ringing again right away.
“What the hell is going on in here?” Jiseo’s voice sounds out from the doorway to the recording studio. You look up, and she gasps. “Yah, Y/N! Why are you crying?”
“Unnie,” you whimper, wiping at your eyes. “My heart really hurts right now.”
“Hey!” Jiseo shouts into the other room. “Everyone get in here!”
She walks over to your, pulling another chair up and quickly wrapping her arms around you, the ringing of your phone becoming background noise. “It’s okay. Whatever it is, it’s okay.”
Ring.
Ring.
Ring.
It doesn’t feel okay to you.
You are still in love with Cho Seungyoun.
And he will never know.
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