Tumgik
#im just so tired of beimg so scared all of the time
idiot4idiot ยท 3 years
Text
long incoherent vent twtw u can ignore infact please do i just needed to explode
i dont want to die i just dont want to live like this in this world the way it is now. it drives me fucking wild how am i expected to get a job and work my life away being miserable because i dont have the time or energy to do anything else besides work. if i dont get a job i cant survive. if i somehow managed to get on ssd i cant survive. thats not enough money to sustain a humans life. and right now the only thing keeping me going is expensive as fuck and i have no income and every day im scared and im angry because theres no point i live for what???? working??? to keep a roof over my head???? eventually when i get kicked out of my dads house for beimg useless ill just go live with my mom again !!!! and she can go back to treating me like shit and drrain me even more. i feel so hopeless lmfao howwwww am i supposed to get a job i am so scared of covid which btw one of my brothers is antivax and its stressing me.out because i keep thinking about him getting covid and i cant deal with it. i keep thinking abt going and getting help in a psych ward but all i cannthimk about with thst is anxiety of notnbeing home not knowing anybody not having Any control what would happen with my meds??? theyd mess it up imnsure and would they eben help me literally nobody i know has had a positive experience and bc im publicly trans thats a whole other thing and then i have to deal with life after you get back and its awkward andnthen youre labelled as unfit anf whatever and just thinking about everything is so much and thr only solution would be killing myself thats the only thng i keep coming back too i wouldnt have to deal with anything but i dont know what happens when you die and i cant think about that anf it stresses me out and im just notnfucking okay!!!!! i think about everything all tbe time im fucking loosing it i dont do anything all day i can barely walk now compared to when i was in highschool my muscles have ngotten so bad im so embarrassed by all of this i can barely function and i hate it i wisj i wasnt like this i feel so horrible all the time i am so scared of life its so stupid i wish i could just be normal and happy i want to experience good things in life but i have no motivation i cant im stuck and i feel like im gettimg steadily worse and i domt kmow how to actually deal with it so i just dissasociate all day until i go to sleep and then i repeat but im still putting on a face going places i want to do things but i dont enjoy anything anymore and im tired and disconnected from my whole life
0 notes