#im just thirsty for rapiers

[discopiratetanis]

So... I've been thinking. I saw a few posts describing Jaskier how he learns to fight and that Geralt buys him daggers so he can protect himself. Other posts pictured Jaskier using a bow. And I like all of those ideas!

But.

Listen.

Jaskier using a rapier.

This thin, elegant, and glamorous sword made for thrusting but also for cutting and blocking the opponent's strikes. In skilled hands is no match for the common man’s sword. Imagine Jaskier in his full Viscount of Lettenhove mode unsheathing his rapier slowly, as a warning. Imagine him engaged in a duel and winning hands down because, yes, he is a bard, and he doesn't fight and hunt monsters, but he knows how to fight humans perfectly.

And.

Just imagine Geralt watching him using his sword, and being turned on because when Jaskier holds his rapier he is suddenly much more confident, cocky and aggressive, in a graceful way.

And-just-imagine them training, Geralt with his long, heavy sword, Jaskier with his thin and light rapier. Imagine Geralt trying to not hurt him, but Jaskier is fast, faster than Geralt would think, and Geralt, even with his witcher senses, doesn't want to hurt him. So Jaskier goes feral, fierce, harsh, because the rapier is his weapon, a sword made for him and his hands of bard. And he doesn't win, because it's hard to win against a witcher, but he makes Geralt kneel, kneel before him, with the rapier sharp point at his neck.

And Geralt has his heartbeat running faster than ever, and he knows it's not because of the combat. So he knocks off the rapier with his own sword and hits Jaskier behind the knees, making him fall.

The rapier clinks.

And Jaskier breaths in, breaths out, and smiles, licking his lips, tasting his own sweat. Then Geralt helps him to get up, and they lock eyes, still break-breathing, still with a fast heartbeat pumping in their chest. And Jaskier, still feral, still fierce, clicks his tongue, pulls Geralt down by the shirt and kisses him, hungrily, lustful.

And Geralt kisses him back, dropping his sword and unbuttoning his doublet. Fast, faster.

#geraskier #the witcher #geralt of rivia #geralt x jaskier #jaskier #dandelion #fanfic ideas #my fanfiction #im just thirsty for rapiers #it's my favorite sword

[the-chaos-katzlein]

Siege of Vesuvia 1.5

(Basically just Weapon and armor description) @move-im-vesuvian-thirsty here you go

Rhea:

Steel plate armor

Dark red Gambeson with chainmail that sits underneath the plate

A black half surcoat hangs around her waist, adorned by a golden Fleur de lis

(Half surcoats arent a real thing, don’t try to look it up)

Weapons:

A Ruby Rapier with a Golden hand guard that resembles wings and vines

And a straight shafted tomahawk, the wood was ash, with dark leather wrapped around the upper shaft

Ahoratos:

Scale Mail that replaces the chainmail that the rest of the soliders use, it allows for extra maneuverability. The scale mail is reinforced by Tréstál (Wood Steel) that is as hard as cast iron itself but light as a feather

Weapons:

A hunting knife decorated with a treeline, a stained handle adorns the knife

an Ash bow with black leather strips wrapped around where the hand was supposed to hold it, for comfort

A bullwhip specially designed to disarm or tear armor from a combatant as well as causing whelts against the skin

#the interworkings of a madman #Rhea #Ahoratos #weapon and armor references

[microfeelings]

Well you know what they say, if you want to get things out there you... have to get things out there

So Fantasy AU with Game Grumps

Tbh i dont know how this started... It might have been something along the lines of Dan would make a great bard, and Suzy is totally a druid... and everything went downhill from there, but also, who knows how my brain works there is like 4 trains of thought at the same time and they're all roughly have the same thoughts if that makes sense? So I'm thinking of something in 4 different ways and its hard to pinpoint from wich train the idea came from... yall still with me? Cause I tend to ramble when I'm panicking (and also dont know what I'm doing)

The idea is basic dnd party doing missions all over the fantasy land and nearly dying/accidentally destroying cults in the process of getting to the big plot (WICH I DONT HAVE LMAO, remember that comic about the "oh man, two cakes" guy? This is me presenting the ingredients of the cake and calling it a day, I am so sorry, my brain is way over the place to get you something better)

So far I have three paragraphs and is like 80% rambling, I feel like a deer in the headlights. Anyways so the characters;

Arin: half orc barbarian, dont know how to describe my decision other than.... big arms. And also, not to be thirsty on main he would look so good with tusks (sidenote: I love half orcs, never played dnd but honestly i would probably only ever play half orcs). Basic adventurer, left the place he grew up with when he was of age to find himself and get stronger, also since he kinda didnt like himself he tried to get rid of his tusks and long hair, but eventually left them to grow. Always travels with a companion and that doesnt always end well. Sweet, kind and funny, he makes friends wherever he goes, but also lots of enemies (like a lot of people want him death, even demons, and Arin still doesnt understand why cause hes not the worst person ever come on) its hinted through foreshadowing (i talk like this is a fucking show) that he is a vessel for an old moon/sun god, or is the moon/sun god reincarnated and he hasnt remembered yet. And by implied I mean, I've been playing with the idea, but I dont know if I'll follow through (at least its a plot)

Dan: elf bard, of roughly 250+ years, hes got the most experience in the bunch as an adventurer but also feels out of time because he slept through 50 years straight cause he was sick, when he woke up he found out lots of people he knew had died and that kinda fucked him up. Diplomatic in a tipical bard fashion (he will fuck his way out of the mess) but an experienced swordman as well (with both a longsword and a rapier). When he first woke up he got the first job that he could manage (mercenary) where he met Brian, he later left the job because it didnt feel right with him, and started travelling on his own, he met Arin and started travelling with him cause friendship and also barbarian here to make sure you dont die in battle you squishy elf

Suzy: elf druid, keeper of a forest near where Arin lived a season, befriended him when he was younger, never left the forest cause it was her duty to protect it, but it got invaded by a group of mercenaries and it got impossible for her to drive them off (like come on, she is strong, but its really hard to drive off like 50+ people) she tried to ask for help in the nearby towns but nobody came to her aid for being the witch of the forest, until eventually Arin and Dan accepted to help her, she later joined them in adventures. Her body is covered in tattoos, and is trying to convince Arin and Dan to get one as well (pls). Her favorite forms to take are bear, snake and spider (to scare Dan)

Ross: tiefling warlock. The first person to travel with Arin when he was younger, they met when Ross initially tried to kill Arin but failed, they became fast friends and also ride or die for each other, and Ross would never tell him that his patron ordered to kill him and his initial intent was to do it, but ended up liking Arin too much to get trough with it. Loves to antagonize Dan for the sake of it and sometimes gets jealous of him (I was his friend first) wraps his tail around Arin when he gets scared/is sleepy and Arin thinks its adorable

Brian: human rogue. Part of a mercenary crew that is absolutely despicable, met Dan when he first woke up and accepted him as the only partner (he killed all the others) since Dan fell asleep below a tree near the town Brian grew up with, and troughout his life he always saw Dan sleeping under a tree and now hes awake asking for a job here? You stick with me, I promise not to stab you (too much). Since he has a wife and daughter he want to leave the life of mercenary, so Arin agrees to help him kill his own boss (A+ on the handling things boys)

And then there is Barry, who I want to be a recurring character but I never really got into GG until he wasnt there so I dont know a lot about him, and theres a bunch of other characters that are definetly a part but also there is only so much I can write here and theyre kinda more like background

I write like those old fanfic writers who are always interrupting their own work but instead of pluging in something like 'lmao im crazy' im having a panic attack

Also I feel like I need to say this, this is technically polygrumps? But like most romance in any tv show, it add nothing to the plot, I just like shipping

#egobang #polygrumps #fantasy grumps

[the-chaos-katzlein]

Siege of Vesuvia pt2

[Minor Fluff]

“Welcome Generals” She and Lucio heaved the large door open grunting as they did so “To the Grand Armory of Vesuvia”

Ahoratos smiled as he looked upon armors gleeming with metals he had thought were folktales, cloaks and capes made from the finest materials all of them bearing a different animal, swords, spears, and shields made from the sturdiest materials around.

“Dibs on that plate armor!” Rhea shouts as she runs towards the armor mounted on the wall

The older general walks towards decorated leather armor, mumbling “These old bones can’t hold what they used to”

The younger general walks around for a minute before claiming the most extravagant, bright, not really protective armor

Ahoratos finds some discarded scale mail that looks as if it hadn’t been shown as much care as the rest of them.

“That there is of elvish nature, I guess it shouldn’t be a surprise that you were drawn to it” The Older General said as he walked over

“And how did you come across this armor? I can already tell it wasn’t just laying there when you found it” Ahoratos said looking down at the mail

“It belonged to an Elvish woman, a mother of 5, of course at the time I never knew that she was protecting her infants...all we saw was the enemy...I threw a tomahawk at her head for a quick kill, but then I saw the 5 faces that looked out behind a pane of glass...I left that day, leaving those children motherless. If you choose the Scales, wear them with honor and pride, for all your ancestors look down upon you.”

Ahoratos then took the scale mail and thanked the man for his words as he walked around a bit longer, finding Tréstál. Ahoratos held the scale mail up to the Tréstál and smiled slightly

“You may all try them on to see if they’re to your liking” Nadia said

Ahoratos put the scale armor on, it still held the shape of the woman who wore it last, after flattening the chest the armor took the shape of Ahoratos’s body, hugging each curve and feeling like an extra layer of skin. Ahoratos then reached up and took the Tréstál bracers and tightened them around his wrists, he put on the breastplate and tied it around his sides, he attached the pauldrons to his shoulders, and the greaves around his legs, before finally putting the helm on

“It feels as if it was made for me” Ahoratos said looking himself over

The older general spoke “Well from what I hear most elves have the same height and body structure”

“Shhh, let me have this” He whispered

“Everyone finished?” Nadia asked

A collection of Yes’s and Yeahs came from the group

“Good, then follow Lucio, he’ll show you to the weapon stash”

The group of four followed the count to a large wall lined with weapons of many sizes and shapes

The older general grabs an Arming sword and a round shield

Rhea grabs two identical ruby rapiers along with a tomahawk

Ahoratos grabs an Ash bow, a hunting knife and a bullwhip. Ahoratos tests the whip out, cracking it against a sturdy looking blade, cracking it in half

“Ooh, Ahoratos likey” he said looking down at his new favorite weapon

The younger general grabs a golden battleaxe, and he shows it off like it won’t shatter trying to cut paper

“I give him 5 minutes to live” Ahoratos says

“I’d say 30 seconds” Rhea remarks

“He’s probably going to flee at the first sight of a weapon” The older general says “And I’ll bet 20 gold on that”

“Deal” Rhea and Ahoratos say in sync

The older general laughs “I’ve already won this bet, and you kids don’t even realize it yet”

“You guys done yet? It’s almost dinner time, and I’m not missing out on the cookies tonight”

The older general joins Lucio, shortly followed by Ahoratos and Rhea. Once Nadia rejoins them carrying two sets of armor do they all depart for the dining room. Everyone sat down in their assigned seats, all of them eating quietly, a certain level of anxiety making itself present at the table.

Nadia spoke up “Asra, Muriel, we have one last ship ready to take you both away to Nopal, you won’t get another chance...”

“Should we send our familiars away too?” Ahoratos asked

Nadia looked up towards Chandra and nodded, before turning her attention back to Asra “That would be best, if you wouldn’t mind of course”

This time it’s Muriel who speaks up “Yes, we’ll take them”

A few hours later

Asra and Muriel are putting the last of their supplies on the ship, Chandra and Camio perch on the ships masts, Mercedes and Melichor walk up the ramp alongside Fur and Queenie

Asra gave Everyone who came to see them off a long hug, before saying goodbye as the ship slowly drifted away

Nadia told Rhea, Lucio, and Ahoratos that it was getting late, and they all returned to the palace, where Nadia and Lucio went to their private bath and Rhea and Ahoratos took turns in another bath

As Ahoratos steps out of the bathroom still drying his hair He spots the Older General leaning against a wall who says “I’ve been told to escort you to your room, make sure you don’t get lost”

“Uhh, thanks? But shouldn’t the palace staff be doing that?” Ahoratos asked

“Probably, but they ain’t exactly here right now, let’s go” the Older General says as he places his hand on Ahoratos’s shoulder and began to walk him to the room that he would be staying in that night

After a minute or two of walking the Older General stopped in front of a door

“Here we are” he said smiling

“Thank you for the help” Ahoratos replied as he pushed the door open and stepped inside

As the door closed behind him he looked at the bed and saw Rhea laying there, book in one hand, wine in the other

“Ah” Ahoratos said “It appears as if I entered the wrong room” Ahoratos reached behind him and attempted to turn the door handle “My mista—and the door’s locked”

“Oh yes how unfortunate, it’s clear that someone has set us up” Rhea remarked

“Ugh, guess I’ll sleep on the floor”

“I think the bed is plenty large enough for two people, come on” Rhea said patting the spot beside her

Ahoratos sat down beside her a flustered mess, and the robes that the palace provided weren’t helping any. Eventually the pair of them closed their eyes and drifted to sleep, while they slept Rhea’s legs wrapped around Ahoratos’s as her arm fell off the side of the bed. First it was his head, and then the entire upper half of Ahoratos’s body hung off the side of the bed, with all four of their legs tangled inside of the blanket.

When dawn arrived that’s how they woke up, Rhea earlier than Ahoratos, so as Rhea tried to softly untangle the blanket from around His legs, Ahoratos fell to the ground with an “Oomph”

“Morning Sleepyhead” she said stifling a laugh

“Yeah” Ahoratos says with a grunt as he cracks his back “Mornin’” As Ahoratos yawns and stretches the robe falls down from his arms and hangs on around his waist showing various long scratches and burns

“What’s the story behind those?” Rhea asked pointing at the burns

“Well, when you’re an ‘exotic’ specimen you tend to get branded before they even try to buy you, there’s a reason why I try not to visit the South Side anymore” He said as he started putting on the Scale Mail

“Yeah, it’s a bit strange really” Rhea said with a sigh

“What is?” He Asked

“The fact that all of this, the palace, The southern end, our shops, it...we could all be gone tomorrow”

“Yeah, that’s why we’ve gotta make the most out of what time we have left”

Ahoratos finishes putting on his Scale Mail “Alright” He said stepping back and looking down at himself “What do you think?”

“Spin” she requested

Ahoratos slowly spun around for her

Rhea thought to herself “This is getting emotional, I might cry, I have to ruin it somehow”

She spoke aloud “Nice Ass”

“Uhh, thanks...you too?”

“At least try to be original”

“ Ahoratos thinks for a second, before saying “Nice hair, you have beautiful eyes, nice umm, boobs? What do you wanna hear?”

“I’ll take those, now let’s go, I need my coffee” Rhea said pushing Ahoratos out of the room which was now unlocked

As they entered the dining room now only three people, Lucio, Nadia and The Older General

“Let me guess...” Ahoratos started

“...He fled” The Older General replied

Ahoratos and Rhea sighed as they tossed The Older General the agreed upon bet

“What?!” Lucio shouted “I didn’t know we were placing bets! I should’ve placed a bet...” He whined

Ahoratos now sat beside Rhea offering her a blueberry muffin as she drank her coffee

1 day

[Again thank you @move-im-vesuvian-thirsty for allowing me to use Rhea]

[And hopefully the very little amount of fan service with hold all the people over who were asking those thirsty anon asks]

#the interworkings of a madman #the arcana #the arcana game #Ahoratos #Seige of Vesuvia #Rhea #fluff