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#im just to tired of it and so sick of coming to hate everything i once loved
thebirdandhersong · 3 months
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It is some consolation that one day this will not make me bristle
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silenthillbunni · 5 months
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📖🖊❄️
#journal dump bc i have too much on my mind#1) i HATE my neighbors. theres never one quiet moment. they stomp around and slam cabinets all the time it feels like#2) ​i've been reading more recently even if concentration's hard bc of noise. but i also feel like there r too many books i wanna read#but yeah. too little time. so instead i cant settle on a book and kinda dont even read as much as i want to. a stupid problem really#3) it's crazy to say but i wish i had a part time job. sitting at home 24/7 for 5/6 years has been SO terrible for me.#everything feels meaningless. every day is the exact same. im not LIVING. im rotting away and all my issues get worse. im also so fkn bored#and i dont wanna sit at home and do assignments (even if thats what i technically should be doing)#i want a job to go to which takes me away from home + gives me money#then i can come home and sit and rot and ENJOY it. bc now my lazy time is only smth negative and bad for me :/#ofc i hate the mere thought of having some soul sucking utterly pointless job and our capitalist society is a slave hellhole. but.. as it is#im not even able to enjoy ANY of my time bc all my time feels bad. plus im only getting poorer and poorer so i cant afford to buy anything#4) im so fkn bored and going crazy from eating the exact same food every single day for the third month now. im sick of it#everything tastes so bland and disgusting. it's genuinely making me depressed 😭 i wanna eat REAL food. im so tired bc no nutrition :((#i cant do anything except wait for my appt w the doctor next week and hope they put me on a waiting list for surgery.. but ong im sick of it#5) i miss my sisters :/ we live in the same apartment but its like i've completely ceased to exist to them#except when they need to be passive aggressive to me. lol. i miss them. but they just dont wanna talk to me :/#but tbh. most of all... i just want my health issue to be over so my body can function normally again.#i can face anything in life if i can come home to a cup of coffee nd some chocolate ^-^ <333
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dromaeo-sauridae · 2 months
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yall i feel bad. BAD bad. i dont know why
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was gonna type out a long bad post but instead i will simply say tfw avpd and leave it at that
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kavehater · 7 days
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I wish I could inject pasilyo into my brain so I can have permanent happiness
#There’s this specific part of the song#It srsly alters my brain chemistry#Anyways#i hate tumblr sm#Idk like I Gen hate being on here sm#No matter what account I make no matter if I tell ppl about it whether I don’t tell ppl I just hate this place soooo much#Like if I have a following it sucks because it’s rlly lonely if I don’t it’s still lonely and then if there’s nobody at all it’s lonely#Loneliness is what got me to discord boy so like :D#The fact I am genuinely missing him sm I’m gonna krill myself 😻🙏#Also I think I hate talking to minors cause these kids be letting themselves get groomed all the time I’m so tired of seeing it#The creep in my course is being so weird to Raisa who is a minor … I can’t help but think it’s all my fault … I invited her to the pharm gc#To show her how messy it was ….#I didn’t expect her to follow and accept requests of everyone …#Anyways I just am so annoyed. Like I wish I could have one person just one where I can be confident in being their no.1 but every time I th#Think I’m maybe somewhere high up on someone’s list of important ppl I realise I overestimated my position even tho I’m rlly self conscious#And being myself down over that. Also I still hate Eid. I hate Eid sm. How do ppl genuinely enjoy Eid. Idk if I’ve ever been excited for Ei#It’s like I’m just suddenly getting more sick of ppl by the day. I Gen don’t like talking to ppl at all even tho I used to rely on talking#To others like its sustenance now it’s just such a hassle to me because I’m so sick of being unimportant to literally every single person I#Have ever known. Literally everyone except maybe dahlia idk. the only person who has never gotten mad/snapped at me o is dahlia#And knowing my luck that will soon be taken from me too. Anyways good riddance to tumblr i loathe this site and im sick of the mind games#All the time from just existing on here. Gen makes me feel ill. I’m so sick of that girl I like and sick of everyone. The only time ppl car#Is when I cause a scene. And ykw atp I loathe being showed sympathy and pity for these sorts of posts because it just feels like a big joke#Cause why couldn’t you just care when I was fine. Why do you ONLY care when I’ve had enough of your bad behaviour. How does one make someon#Like me go mad with all these things#Istg if I come back to this dumb site whether to this acc to the tora one or my other account everyone has permission to beat me up.#dora daily#Tldr;I HATE ppl and everyone ever + I’m just sick of pretending like everyone doesn’t suck cause how can ppl be so insufferable intolerable#Insane horrible in every way and ppl like them. How do they live with themselves when they’re this aggravating. Every day I hate ppl more#Because their mannerisms their everything is just so embarrassing.#Essay tags 😻😻😻
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be-good-to-bugs · 26 days
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:( the universe hates me or smth
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boyywithluv · 4 months
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.
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seithr · 5 months
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no 1 i regularly chat with is on tumblr so im shouting at the wall here where im Not As Seen But Feel Someone Can Hear so I'm not talking to myself in a depression hole manner tjat is mildly even more depressing than screaming in a corner. Sorry im not sure what this is
#things are getting Worse again. tomorrow my family is going to gather in person and talk about whats going on.#about our house. family divorce. how to keep affording the house/food. confronting how my own worst pain was wielded#to make my mom cry and feel worse. everything. the clock is ticking closer to the end of the year and the nausea is coming back.#i refuse to go ask my doctor for medication because it's an additional price when we're pressed and it's more stress#when no one needs to see that. no one needs to panic. my grandma is already hospitalized. there is so much more going on i wont add to it#im so sick. i feel so small. i feel stupid like a child for wanting to beg things to be okay. beg people please be kinder#i hate this haughty disgust i feel for the idea of this stupid christmas tree being put up early because we desperately need something nice#i hate that i let myself enjoy a slice of cake when i dont deserve that and questioning if we should even be buying these stupid things#tryin so hard not to go back to calculating how much it costs my family to have me live if it would be easier if the expense werent there#i hate this stupid fucking fight in my honour and name that has only ever made me feel worse for being here#im so fucking tired. i want to cry. i dont have the right to. i worry my mom is where i was this year. i dont know.#i don't want to be here as in- in 2023 in this state of my family and our livelihood. everything just gets worse. i want to be alright...#sui ment#i guess. implied is enough. im ill.#stupid ass kid crying about his parents divorce. i feel like nothing
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cascadianights · 5 months
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I hate how much of a constraint my body is I hate that I've been planning on these two rain free days to finish the roof for a week and we've gotten so much less done than I wanted and my body hurts so much and there's still so much left to do!!
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wabblebees · 9 months
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these dumbass fucking military recruiters wont stop FUCKING TEXTING ME and the most recent one i finally snapped a little harder than just "take me off your list do not contact me again im not interested unsubscribe me"/etc & blocking the number
instead! i said "hey two things: 1) dont call me my deadname again. update my contact information to use Bee as my first name if you refuse to stop harassing me. and 2) it was hard enough escaping the cult i was raised in, i have no desire to voluntarily join another institution of abuse. unsubscribe me. have a day."
and this asshat dickwad shitlips bitchless FUCKER. replied with just "thank you for responding, [deadname]. have a nice day"
fuck offffffffffff eat my entire gay ass. fucking hate it here lmfao
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technicolorxsn · 1 year
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ugh come on
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gaberoothekangaroo · 1 year
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apparently the sibling might have hypothyroidism as well. they discovered it while at urgent care and then at the er trying to figure out what was happening. theyve got a heart murmur
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thatdeadaquarius · 1 year
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sagau with the language barrier issue except... the creator is sick and tired of trying to ask for things so they do everything themself.
and it gives their followers mass anxiety bc they can't even ask what you're doing... bc they know they won't understand anything...
SUCH A GENIUS NARVI 10/10 GOOD WORK SORRY IM SUPER LATE BUT THIS IS *chefs kiss*
Like, that's literally how I feel like I first played Genshin LMAO
Also this has a cont. Part 2 at the bottom bc tumblr fucking hates me UPDATE I FIXED IT THANK FUCK
Paimon was like "and then we go to Mondstadt- ! NO, not Wolvendom, to Mondstadt! NOT THE THOUSAND WIND TEMPLE WITH ENEMIES OUT OF UR LEAGUE, ENTER MONDSTADT FOR THE FIRST TIME BEFORE U EXPLORE THE REST OF THE MAP!! >:("
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SO MANY IDEAS YET SO LITTLE WRITING SKILL GUYS HELP-
Also warning this is ROUGH in terms of spelling and editing and im so sorry abt that! I have my art show today so you're welcome to come back if you want to see it a little more readable tomorrow lmao
Edit Update 4/6/23:
Revised and fixed all the bad spelling and grammar (hopefully) so make sure to give another read if you havent read the cleaned up version lol
I dont have a beta reader so its just me trying my best ok-
Everything was like kinda chaos tbh at first
WOW- MY FIRST 1,000+ NOTES POST??!?! U GUYS, WHAT ARE R YOU DOIN??!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH!! IM GLAD U GUYS ENJOYED IT SM!! Also look out for more encoded stuff in the future since i mentioned wanting to continue stuff like this + ARG stuff :) <3
Edit 9/7/23: 2,000+ NOTES?? THANK YOU???
Like u wake up under the Irminsul, and u think ur hallucinating a goddamn gacha game for like a solid 5 minutes, or ur lucid dreaming, 
but once u actually took what felt like hours to process that u might actually be in fucking Genshin Impact-
Nahida came running from, somewhere?? Its kinda just very floaty dreamy in here so, unclear, she’s beaming with a giddy little smile (💘)
It’s… so much more than what her game model could manage.
I mean, you knew that, of course you did, but- to see the tiny goddess smiling in person, her cute chubby arms waving in the air, her cheeks all plump with baby fat from her excited smile, pretty green eyes that sparkle only in the way excited toddlers do-
It was just…wow. 🥺
You can’t help it, her sheer carefree excitement, exactly like a child but you know that she must be really overwhelmed with joy if shes letting herself act like that so blatantly, you feel ur muscles tug gently into a smile, you try to muffle it but ur happiness leaks out anyway
She's panting as she stumbles on short chubby legs to reach you.
After just staring at you with those big green clover eyes for a few seconds, she physically shakes her head to knock herself out of it,
Nahida places her hand over her heart, and bows elegantly, going back to looking at you with a small but bright smile, her voice is kind of quiet, muffled in a soft way, much like her game depiction,
“Hzozn! R'ev yvvm dzrgrmt gl nvvg blf! R wrwm'g gsrmp blf dlfow wvhxvmw fmgro R dzh zg ovzhg z uvd gslfhzmw bvzih low!” *
…Nahida begins to look a little concerned… her eyes get impossibly bigger.
…Oh no.
Nahida had apparently quickly spread the news that you can’t understand them, but luckily it seems like all the characters still know you!
Alhaitham is pretty much a constant by your side, you knew he was vaguely studying linguistics in the akademiya… but that knowledge still didn’t prepare you to be intensely stared at with his diamond pupils for hours. 💀
Then he’d tap your shoulder or something, and you quickly picked up that he wanted you to just try and say something.
Then he would scribble for hours.
Turns out they can understand you about as much as you understand Teyvat language (s? You can’t even tell if there are multiple languages, that’s how unrecognizable this language is, damn)
The more extroverted or friendly people, like Venti, Yoimiya, Kazuha, Jean, Noelle, Amber, Xingqiu, Hu Tao, Zhongli, Ganyu, Barbara, Beidou, Collei, Ayaka, Gorou, Nilou
At least attempt to talk to you, and try very hard to watch what you gesture with your hands or body language
They're pretty much ready to play charades at all times for you lol
Interestingly enough, they only ever understood you when you typed in the chat (with other ppl)
But even then not immediately, 
Sumeru scholars basically had to make a whole new department (regardless of how much you play with others) to decipher your ancient language (to them) like those old clay tablets with cuneiform we’re still translating?
Like that, your words appear in elemental magic heavy places (so like that abyss lang. It’ll appear on walls or structures, so like Andrius’ stone colosseum? in Wolvendom gained some of your chat replies inscribed and glowing a rainbow of colors on the top edges of the walls)
Much like the abyss language you see throughout genshin, most Teyvat scholars (across nations/internationally) agreed your language is the oldest form of language known!
It’s like modern languages having roots in older ones, like English with Latin, greek, or German roots, or Sanskrit and the Prakrit for Hindi language today
…so of course no one really speaks the root languages anymore, because they’re so old, so those ancestors who spoke those languages would have little to no understanding of their modern counterparts…
Occasionally if you turned your mic on for whatever reason there would be a gentle whisper on the winds in Mondstadt of your voice,
or your laugh in the waves washing ashore in Inazuma and Fontaine,
your startled noises or screams from battling bosses mixed with the landslides in the mountains of Liyue
So they know what you sound like, but that doesn’t mean they understood your language :/
Nahida had been hoping that you’re actual physical form being here would help improve the language barrier
But unfortunately, those things remained the same, but at least you were physically here to talk to now and give more content for the scholars to study rather than them having to make do with your snippets of language from chats
…so needless to say, it took you a long time to realize they viewed you as a god of sorts.
You kind of knew something was up when at least two allogenes were by your sides at all times, or eremites would replace them if they really couldn’t stick around
You figured they knew you weren’t nearly as combatant-ready as they were at all times, hell you obviously didn’t have a vision hanging off you somewhere, and you only really had a knife strapped to a belt, courtesy of the Thirty Corps
You are still kind of convinced that the people of Teyvat, or Sumeru at least, are just pretty polite (and in the allogenes case, very kind or friendly, even people like Alhaitham or Cyno, resting bitch faces they have, seem to soften a little when they’re walking around with you… maybe you’re just imagining it…)
And as much as you would love to wait until they understand you to do something more fun, as you can see the frustration on Tighnari’s face (and his ears try to flatten back hehe) as he looked like he was debating heatedly with some of the Sumeru sages who insist you stay in the city
…so why not go?
It’s not like they’re going to get it anytime soon, and it’s still too frustrating for yourself to charade things or draw things for them because you can’t even hear their guesses 💀
You can totally handle being like the traveler too, 
You still have access to your inventory afterall! Plus, lucky for you, you still find a pass for the Serenitea Pot in your little pocket dimension!
So now you have somewhere to sleep at night, and while most of your stuff went to the traveler’s pack, the things like Primogems
(which.. Okay now you really want primogems bc theyre so pretty and shiny irl)✨️
And other high-level things, or just objects of no use for the traveler (so basically all your hoarded level up stuff and infinite amount of weapons lol) came along with you
So you did have to wander the first week or so around the city and even commission the Adventurer’s Guild to grab you food supplies to cook with
Filling up, along with a few big waterskins, you’re off!
...and everyone collectively has a heart attack!
When you show up in Ghandaraville essentially all “✨️💖☺️✨️” on Tighnari’s doorstep-
He chokes on the tea he’d been sipping on before he opened the door lol
He looks a little frazzled so you try to just gesture with “calm yourself small animal” energy with your hands
“Tivzgvhg Oliw! R'n- R- sld wrw blf-?! Mvevinrmw, xlnv rm, xlnv rm, ivhg! ...R mvvw gl hvmw z nroorlm ovggvih mld gl ylgs gsv vmgriv xrgb lu Hfnvif, gsv Zxgrmt Tizmw Hztv, zmw gsv Nzgiz nlhg orpvob…” he began out looking at you and talking and gesturing to his small dining table (the game sucks, his house looks great and has lots of cool rooms filled with interesting plants… oooo…so pretty...) 
But then he kinda just devolved into rambling, no need to understand, you can read the vibes and just know that's what he's doing lol
Collei eventually ducks in, and she looks a little panicked?
She’s quickly followed by Cyno, pushing past her to call out into the house,
His voice seems hard and stressed, looking at Tighnari, “Grtsmzir, szev blf hvvm gsv Tivzgvhg Oliw zmbdsviv, gsvb dviv hvvm xlnrmt gl Tszmwziezeroov ozhg-” 
Cyno stops and blinks.
Collei’s mouth is slightly dropped open, she also just, blinks.
You blink. 
Tighnari blinks tiredly, he looks like he’d rather be done for the day, you think.
The doctor sighs, and moves his head to nod towards the other dining seats.
Sumeru foods are so much better looking in real life, and they’re so good too, your practically bloated by the end of dinner, 
As a thank you, bc u cant say it obv, you just gesture for Tighnari to stay sitting, and he gives you a raised eyebrow and a suspicious ear twitch
But stays still, and you reach out to finally hit the eight-pointed star hovering over his, and all playable characters chests at all times.
Like you suspected, it brings up a holographic character menu, but rather than his full model, it kind of hovers in front of Tighnari’s face, replacing his old 3D model self with framing the real thing for a portrait just in front of his face
The poor Denro user nearly jumps a foot out of his chair as he looks in shock at your screen, you do the same “chillll boy” gesture with your hands and press his shoulders for a second to remind him to not run off or panic
Cyno and Collei had done the dishes and put up leftovers, and are now standing behind Tighnari, watching with equally wide eyes,
“...Dszg ziv gsvb wlrmt gl blf?
Cyno’s voice is even deeper and quieter than usual, you feel goosebumps run up your spine
“Ziv blf tvggrmt yovhhvw, Nzhgvi Grtsmzir?!” Collei’s sweet voice is also hushed like she’s witnessing something sacred, Tighnari gently shakes his head negatively in response, his shoulders shrugging,
“Nzbyv? R uvvo... z orggov hgilmtvi, zmw nb Erhrlm rh zxgrmt fk zh dvoo…”
Though he’s replying, Tighnari’s eyes haven’t once left your ancient magic? technology device? hovering in front of him,
and as he crosses his arms and squints to try and look closer at everything floating in front of him, you can see the childlike gleam of awe in his green eyes, (so cute) in fact, now that you glance up and look, both Collei and Cyno have the same quietly excited and fascinated sparkle in their eyes too
With a displeased sneer, you chuck his old level one bow into the material grinding spots, hope he wasn’t attached to that…
Oh well, he’ll like the new one better, afterall, with no characters, all your best weapons and artifacts are ready to use!
With a small smile of reassurance, you finally finish gearing Tighnari up, tap a miniature version of that 8-point star in the corner like an “X” button, and it retreats like a classic TV set📺 turning off into his chest, he startles but then carefully stands
You decide to just start making decisions bc its worked out so far ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
And grab his hand and haul him out into the forest, Collei letting out a surprised squeak, her and Cyno hurrying after
You reach the nearest clearing, and gesture at Tighnari like a bow and arrow firing, he gets it, and your glad he already trusts you, because he doesn’t take long to summon his bow
He takes aim at a smaller tree about two cars length away
You can feel them all holding their breathe, as Tighnari charges it with Dendro, the arrowhead glowing, (it looks so cool and badass irl god you feel envious even tho ur already here-)
The ranger lets it fly, it streaks neon green, whistling through the air, it hits the tree-
and it fucking explodes.
Vines and leaves and the trees roots all rapidly swell like theyre filled with water, like it literally got hit by a superhero with plant powers, which, not that far off actually.
The green floating Dendro seeds make a ring around the tree its so full of elemental energy-
You give a wild grin, you still got it, hell yeah. >:)
Your grin widens as you look over at Tighnari, Collei, and Cyno
Cyno has a smirk lighting up his face, eyes eager, Collei’s jaw has dropped and she’s just frozen staring as the tree finally settles from the burst of the dendro powered arrow
…Tighnari has lowered his bow, and his mouth is only slightly open, his ears perked straight up into the air, shaking with excitement? Happiness? Interest? You don’t know how peopl-animal-hybrid ears work,
and you STILL cant talk to any of them to ask what they thought, so looks will have to do >:/
Tighnari is the first to move, his head snapping over to look at you, the brightest, kinda feral tbh, smile taking over his face-
“Blf pmld, dv xzm'g fmwvihgzmw blf, zmw blf fh, bvg R xzm'g dzrg gl hvv dszg rm gsv dliow blf'iv tlrmt gl wl mvcg. Blf'iv znzarmt."
… and you just 🙂? Cool!
And give a thumbs up👍LMAO
Bonus:
Alhaitham was literally running around Sumeru City trying to find you when you left, tho you did try and leave a translatable-in-3-to-5-business days-note, he didn’t have time to translate that because you were gone.
Or worse, lost in the city, and he would never forgive himself if he lost you, esp as Acting Grand Sage-
Kaveh got a letter a day and a half later from Tighnari letting them know you were having a sleepover in Ghandarvaville lol
Kaveh also had to hunt down Alhaitham to give him said news, then force his roommate to go sit or lay down for the rest of the day to recover lmao
(Haitham honestly kinda freaked Kaveh out bc he’s never seen him that... desperate, it was like seeing a statue emote lol)
ARE YOU KIDDING WE ALMOST HIT LIMIT AGAIN?!
Bro has anyone else had this problem???
I literally had to switch from PC to mobile and copy and paste it there to get all my shit in and tumblr not throw a hissy fit???!!!
FUCKING TUMBLR- SUCK MY BIG FAT- 👹👹 UGH
ANYWAYYYY SO I FINALLY CAVED 
And started doing ciphers for when you dont get teyvat’s language! I meant to do something fun like this for awhile but I wasn’t sure if that would be kind of annoying, but if you’re interested in learning what they actually say (which the whole point of this is that dw it doesnt rlly matter lol) here’s a hint:
*hint = Atbash
:> good luck!
Wish me luck on my art exhibition today!! Then I’ll be homefreeeee 😭
Safe Travels,
💀♒
♡ the beloveds ♡
@karmawonders / @0rah-s / @randomnatics / @glxssynarvi / @nexylaza / @genshin-impacts-me / @wholesomey-artist
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shotmrmiller · 3 months
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WHAT YOU WROTE WAS AMAZING PLS IM SOBBING I LOVE IT SO MUCH GIVING U SMOOCHES
but okay so you sleep by yourself that night he comes home. you know he goes out with the boys — mostly on the weekends but sometimes the weekdays too — so when he comes home just a bit later than usual it doesn’t ring any alarm bells even if you pout a little. and you damn near run into his arms and snuggle into his neck only to smell — not him. something, someone else has touched what you thought was yours.
you pull back from the hug to look him over further. clothes mussed up, lips looking like they were bitten, a little flushed. a little like when you two —
you swallow thickly, throat lining with glass and tears as you suck in a breath. you find that you can’t actually form words for a moment, worried that only bile and venom would come out.
“did you fuck someone?”
he looks panicked — guilty — and you don’t even need him to say it for you to know what he’s done.
“who?” you ask, voice barely there, only able to be heard over the icy silence that followed your question. he replies one of the other pets. you nod, more to yourself than anything, trying not to scream your heart out at him.
but your heart cracks the moment he opens his mouth.
for the first time since you began living with him, you slept alone.
(you did scream at him. tripping over your words and panicked breaths and streams of tears. how could he do this. he didn’t call, didn’t ask. did he even think to? did he even care?)
you’re exhausted. too tired crying like you’ve never cried before, feeling like the weight of betrayal is crushing you as you sleep.
you almost fear that it’ll kill you.
the next day — friday — he knocks on your door before he goes to work. he tells you to have a good day. you don’t acknowledge him.
but you miss him. you absolutely fucking hate him but you miss him so much, it hurts. that particular ache is almost worse than the one of betrayal.
almost.
by mid day, you figure you should give him a chance to talk. he obviously feels guilty, and you love him. despite everything, you love him.
so you clean yourself up and try to look a little pretty for him, wearing a cute slip lingerie dress and bows on your ears.
you clean up around the flat a little. you fold his clothes — he’s been grumbling about it lately and always say he’d do it later. so you do it for him, folded with precision and left to sit on the edge of the bed.
you’re still upset and anxious and everything in between. the nerves make it hard to feel anything and you feel too sick to eat. but you nibble on some bread, knowing he wouldn’t want you to neglect yourself. you love him.
when it starts getting later, you decide to make him his favorite cookies. it’s been awhile since you’ve made him anything, and you’ve always enjoyed making these for him. the sweetest kisses tend to follow.
the night rolls around to the point where you know he’s off work. it’ll take him a little to get home, so you settle on the couch and wait.
but as the hours tick by, later and later, the worry grows and gnaws and threatens to split you from the inside out.
maybe he’s out with the boys again? you’d think, given the circumstances, he’d want to come home to you. but old habits die hard, you suppose.
but it gets later. and later.
later than he ever would be out even when things were perfect between you two.
it shatters you. where was he? what was he doing? was he —
the thought makes you sick.
he comes home after midnight. after you wretched in the toilet and cried yourself to sleep — again.
didn’t he love you too?
he sees the cookies put away in a container and a pit grows in his stomach, a void ready to eat his heart. whatever is left of it, anyways.
there’s a note sitting on the top.
“sleep well.”
the writing was shaky and it looks like a few tears spilled onto the words as you wrote them.
your usual xoxo at the bottom was crossed out.
you beat me to it:)
you bloody beat me to it. Fool me once.
your eyes are blank as if the life had all but faded from them, and in a way, they had.
Sitting him down, you calmly, (calmly, because there is nothing in you left other than acceptance, and youll be damned before you ever beg a man to want you) say, "I'll be leaving in the morning."
He tries to say something but nothing he could ever say will fix what he chose to break. "No, the fact that i'm even bothering to tell you is a courtesy you don't deserve. You've made your bed, now continue to lie in it with whoever you keep seeing after work." Smoothly, you get up and walk towards your room.
There is no rancor in your heart for whoever it is he's been with. After all, the one in the relationship with you was him.
You stuff a towel under the door, covering the gap, and clutch your collar to your chest, letting the last tears youll ever cry over him track down your cheeks. He doesn't deserve to see nor hear your pain.
You call an uber while he's at work and disappear.
When he comes back home, the place is dark and empty. He sits at the dinner table alone, with two fingers of whiskey in front of him, and in his hand is the last note you left him, stiff with dried tears and an xoxo at the very bottom.
What makes him crumble is when he sees the glint of your personalized collar on his nightstand, and it finally hits him that you're gone. For good.
listening to eurielle while writing epic sad is just chefs kiss.
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tan1shere · 1 month
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Rest
Ellie Williams x female reader !
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A/n: Ellie Williams x sick stubborn reader !! Thought this would be cute because sometimes I don't like to admit when I'm getting sick as I hate it so much. Especially when something exciting is coming up- but anyways I won't blab any longer, enjoy the story beautiful people <3
Summary: you were slowly developing a cold but you were incredibly stubborn and kept saying you were fine, but the freezing winter was only making it worse, Ellie had to make you stay home so it would get better.
Warnings: fear of puking (I sadly suffer from it- and yes I can't remember what the name is 😃.) Just ellie being a sweetheart:( fluffyness !!
Masterlist
It was a cold winters day in Jackson. Snow drizzling every so often. You and Ellie were currently out on patrol at some random building. Night was beginning to come, and you and her were on your way back. "It's so cold out." You mention, hugging your jacket close to you. Ellie looks at you. "Babe, you should wear more layers." She speaks going to wrap an arm around your shoulder. You sink into her touch keeping more warm. "Im fineee." She lets out a hum. "I heard you coughing back there." You go to push her gently away from you. "I had a tickle in my throat big deal." You let out a small laugh, but she gets serious. "Well it is getting cold out I'd hate for you to get si-" "I'm fine Ellie I promise." That didn't seem too believable. As you approached the gates to the small town you lived in, you and Ellie split ways eventually. Going to your little home and flopping on your bed, getting under the covers wanting to sleep as you were exhausted from your long day.
The next day rolled around but you were glued to your bed, you knew you had to get up. Letting out a groan, opening one eye ever so slightly. You look out your window gazing at the falling snow. "So tired." You figured it was from your big day yesterday, but you were definitely wrong. Sitting up almost immediately as you begin to have a coughing fit. Just like you began to have yesterday. Weird. Once it slowly died down you look around, feeling a tad faint. When all of a sudden there was a knock at your door. "Baby, you up? It's almost 9, you've slept for awhile." You shake your head out of your small daydream and get up, going over to your door and opening it. You look at Ellie but she widens her eyes. "What?" You were confused by it. "You look incredibly pale." She had worry in her tone, coming inside and shutting the door. "I'm probably just cold Elli-" That was cut short when you felt a soft and cold hand on your forehead. "Uh uh you're burning up." This made you even more confused. I mean, you did feel a bit off. But you had so much to do today, you couldn't take a break or anything.
After all it was probably nothing... right? "Ok, well I'll be ready in a second." Which earns a shake of her head. "Ellie-" "you're so stuck in your ways huh? You're clearly sick." You roll your eyes. "I am not sick, I swear." Once again this woman believes nothing that's coming out of your mouth. "You're full of shit you know that." You attempt to ignore her and head outside anyways, but she instantly blocks the door. "Let me out." "Nope." You huff. "I told you I'm not-" you couldn't even finish that argument because you start coughing like a crazy person. "You were saying?" Letting out a long groan you get back on your bed. You just wanted to go out, you loved doing your little jobs, and the snow. It bummed you out when you were sick. But you were really glad that Ellie was the type to not take no for an answer. Because after a few minutes had passed you were getting worse.
You only wanted to get some water for that pesky scratch in your throat, while Ellie was reading something on your nightstand, laying in your bed. Her attention turns to you as she notices you gripping the sink in the small kitchen you had. "Baby?" You don't reply trying to calm your aching skull. "Hey, everything alright?" She asks again, more concerned. "I just got really dizzy.." You sigh out, trying to stand properly. Ellie gets up going over to you. "Why don't you go lay down and rest, I'll get you these things ok?" You want to nod but knowing your head is pounding you settle for an 'mhmmm' She watches as you take your drink going to walk close behind you, making sure you don't get too light headed. This is when Ellie goes full protective girlfriend mode. She makes you lay down under the covers, wanting you to have as much comfort as possible. "Are you too warm or cold?" You ponder her question. "I'm quite cold." She begins to bundle you up in the blankets, making sure you're warm enough but not to the point of overheating.
Next she will dampen a cold cloth to put on your burning forehead, in hopes it'll ease your growing temperature. "Have you got a thermometer anywhere." You didn't find it as necessary but she still wouldn't take no for an answer. "Probably in the first aid kit in the bathroom." You'd respond. She goes to grab it, coming back over to you. "Mouth open, tongue up." You give her a look. "Ellie come on-" "I need to see exactly what you're at." She'd reply. "You're ridiculous." But you do as she said, feeling the cool glass hit your tongue, keeping it there for however long it needed to be. She takes it out looking at it. "Maybe we should get Maria or Joel- this is concerning." You put a hand on hers. "Baby, I promise you this is all ok, I'll be fine." But you keep proving your points wrong when suddenly you sneeze randomly. She gives you a 'I'm literally right' sort of look. Resulting in you just shaking your head, leaning back against your bed.
You got to admit tho, you wanted to stay strong for Ellie, but you were quite scared. Yes you hated being sick, colds, stuffyness. But one thing you dreaded the most was puking. As the day went on you were convinced it was just a runny nosed cold. When you felt a hurling ache in your lower stomach. Which soon started progressing higher, making that watery feeling arise. You swallow getting really worried. You avert your eyes to Ellie who was folding some of your clothes. She had been doing little things around your home all day to help you out. You try so incredibly hard not to let this feeling out, but your anxiety increases as the feeling does too. "E-ellie." You try to get out worried if you open your mouth in the slightest something might erupt. Your hand makes its way underneath your breasts. Rubbing circles, hoping the horrid feeling will just fuck off. "Yeah my girl?" She softly replies. But you don't think you can answer. You need to get the message across but you're so scared.
She whips her head around to look at you, seeing your skin getting even more pale and noticing your actions. Her eyes widen as she soon realizes. Ellie knew your fear, ever since the first time you puked infront of her she hated the gut wrenching cry of pain you let out once you had, your tears hurting everything inside of her. Stopping what she was doing she makes her way over to you, sitting on the bed. "Hey, look at me baby." Her tone was still as soft as anything. "I'm scared." You blurt out. "I know, I know. But maybe you need to. Get out all of those icky bugs inside you." You were instant to shaking your head. "You don't need to be scared I'm right here. I promise." She speaks, holding your hand. You let go of a shaky breath, taking in her gentle words. "Let me get the bowl ok?" She gets up going to do just that, bringing it over to you. It took a few seconds for you to just give into the thing you were dreading, holding it back. Once you do she was quick to putting your hair back and out of your face.
Putting it in a small bun, knowing this wasn't the last time you'd be puking that day. Not long after she hears your soft cries, and that gut wrenching sound of absolute pain. "Ellie." You make a disgusted face, tasting the horribleness. "I know my baby, I know." She gives you a small frown, wanting to take all this pain away from you. "Everything hurts." She rubs a soothing hand on your head moving to set the bowl down and clean it out soon. "I'm sorry Els." But she shakes her head. "You can't help being sick angel, just hurts to hear your cries and pains." You nod. "I hate it." "Me too darling. Being sick is the worst." There was a small silence. "Want me to lay with you precious girl?" Your heart melted at how caring this woman was. "You've done so much for me today- I really don't want to get you sick-" But she puts a finger on your mouth shhing you. "Don't be silly babe, I'd rather get sick then leave you here all by yourself. That's horrible to even think about." She goes to get into bed with you. Immediately you snuggle close to her. "Thank you." She smiles. "No need to thank me love, I'm always here for you." You let a smile spread across your face feeling exhausted. "Why don't you have a little nap and then we can try to get you to drink something when you wake up." And you couldn't agree more to that nap. Sleeping almost instantly.
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