#im legit so fucking stressed about this you have no idea
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How they react to you being pregnant!
Characters include : Sal Fisher, Larry Johnson, larry isnt in this, and im working on his part rn :)
everyones alive in this, and its AGED UP ofc so sal isn’t a murderer in this :)
Sal
When i tell you this man is in a state of shock with a mixture of happiness, he almost passes out.
Its such an overwhelming feeling for sal to know that he and you created a mini human
You and him both, ofc, told EVERYONE.
Im talkin Larry knew, Ash knew, Todd knew, your parents knew, Lisa and Henry knew, fuck even GIZMO knew.
Everyone showered you both with praises and things like “im so proud of you both!” And some other things like “congrats!”
It made you happy to know that you and Sal were going to start a family. Ofc, you were somewhat scared, and so was Sal. But it was okay since your happiness overrode the feeling of unease:)
And trust me when i say, Sal is catering to your every need, HE IS ZOOMING AROUND THE FUCKING HOUSE TO GET YOU YOUR SLIPPERS SO YOUR FEET ARENT COLD😭
He really doesn’t mind the funny craving or the mood swings
What does kinda get him is the morning sickness
I dont portray Sal as a morning person, so waking up early in the morning to hold your hair back while you blow chunks isnt his favorite way to wake up
Nonetheless, he still does it because, its you ofc, and he loves you, like legitimately is head over heels
Every night, this man would cuddle you and whisper sweet nothings into your ear, praising you about everything you were doing. Saying things like “you’re going to be such a good mother, sweetheart”
When your water broke, this man was STRESSED. Like he was good at hiding it, but his body betrayed him and soon enough, bro was sweating BULLETS😭😭
He eased you through your labor and did those breathing exercises with you, calming you down
When the baby was born, LEMME TELL YOU, this man was so emotional that he started crying, without even fucking realizing it💀
Once you both get home, this man is doing EVERY 👏 THING👏👏👏
Feeding the baby, burping it, putting it to sleep, and to top it off, still giving you the attention and care you need (I stg he is such a fucking cinnamon roll😭)
He’s the kind of dad who plays with his child non stop. Like making it laugh, playing with the little baby toys it has, omfg its so cute🥹
When the baby said his first word? Tears.
When its first word was papa? On the floor.
When it took its first steps? Sobbing.
I swear this man is more emotional than you when you were pregnant after you gave birth🥲
He loves to show you off to Ash and Larry. Proudly boasting that you and him created a mini version of yourselves.
When the baby was born, Sal was so happy to see his baby with the same blue hair as him, it was so cute😭
Will legit do anything this kid asks. Pick it up, play with it, do its hair, and omg does he love to do its hair
Overall, Sal would be such a sweet dad, like, cavity inducing sweet😭
SORRY THIS WAS SO SHORT, I DIDNT HAVE A LOT OF IDEAS FOR THIS😭😭
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just a rant post about my manager (feel free to give input) but every time she comes up to talk to me and says hey i say hi back and turn my attention to her (obviously bc she needs to talk to me/tell me about something) and she always looks intensely into my eyes for a second and laughs and is like “you okay??” and i’m like “yeah…” since i’m confused as to why im being asked and she’s like “you all there??” or “you awake?” (disbelievingly?) and laughs again and i have to be like “yes! haha” but its happened almost this exact way like 5 different times and i have no idea what she thinks i look like or why she thinks somethings wrong…. like is it resting autism face or lack of sustained eye contact i legit dont know.. and its so fucking awkward because i always avert my eyes several times while we’re having this interaction because i hate the eye contact but then i become hyperaware of how that comes off as lying or hiding something even though i dont mean anything by it which then scares me because she must think im…. lying?? acting weird?? i dont know NONE OF IT MAKES SENSE TO ME i think im just looking at her normally but every interaction is stressful
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i have been home for an hour now, and the number of times i've written, deleted, and rewritten this post is embarrassingly high. because guys, i just don't know what to say. i'm literally speechless. like...your generosity, your thoughtfulness, your kindness means so much to me i can't even begin to express it.
guys. all of your donations made it possible for me to buy groceries not just for the week, but for the month, and still have enough left over so that when my gas payment comes out tomorrow, my account won't be overdrafted and i'll be able to pay my rent AND my car payment (which is also something i was stressing about ngl). i just...i'm in tears. legit i cried driving home just thinking about how amazing all of you are, and i'm legit tearing up right now as i type this. i couldn't possibly think of any way for me to repay your generosity and kindness except to promise i'll always be there for you in your time of need. i'm just seriously so floored...god ;lajdf;ajlka like.
okay listen, so it's small - like stupidly small and not even that impressive - but if you guys want to tell me what you would like to see in part 2 of my brother's bestfriend, PLEASE let me know. like ideas, plot points, lines of dialogue you want inu or kagome to say, certain phrases, settings, fuck even kinks or smutty things you'd like to see me write. anything. i know it's not much, but i mean it's a small way for me to show my appreciation, my love, my utter gratitude.
now i'm gonna go to my kofi page and thank every single one of you personally who donated, and i hope you know that all of you who couldn't donate, but reblogged and showed me love in the tags or signal boosted, you have my love and gratitude as well. it truly means so much to me that you care and i just...ajdfklafj fuck im crying again aaaAAAHHhhh
no for real tho. i really, really hope you all know just how goddamn grateful i am. to have friends like you that care that much...i don't know what i did to deserve you all, but i'm so fucking blessed and grateful and i know i sound like a damned broken record but fuck it's all true. you all mean the world to me, and you bet your ass i'll be returning the favor someday.
i love you all so very much. thank you, thank you, thank you, from the bottom of my heart. you all deserve the world, and more.
❤️
#iM CRY#I CANT ;AKSJDF;LKAJF#😭😭😭#❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️#SO MANY FUCKING HEARTS#ALL OF THEM#I LOVE YOU ALL SO FUCKING MUCH#I DONT KNOW WHAT I DID TO DESERVE YNOU#BUT FUCK AM I GLAD I HAVE YOU GUYS#❤️
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The things I did by Lolo-ro fic review
Chapter by chapter, until i got distracted by the story lol.
Still fairly new to marauders but am loving it.
summary review: I truly adored this fic, probably my fave Wolfstar so far. I thought the worldbuilding was fantastic, as well as the characterization of baby Harry. Fairly angsty, but with plenty of fluff to make up for it. The raising Harry idea is becoming one of my favorite tropes, and this fic did an amazing job of weaving parenthood into a world that is still filled with complexities and evil, as well as lives outside of the main characters.
SPOILERS BELOW BEWARE
Chapter One
Again, the aftermath for Remus is getting me
So so so sad, and him believing Sirius innocent makes it worse
The traitor shit is horrible to deal with emotionally im sure
I am upset to realize just how much remus ignored harry in the books/canon
Like thats ur nephew fr come onnnn
Chapter Two
Aw he’s doing a good job as a dad
This fic is making him out to be very forgetful, fully forgot about both harry and Sirius
The pacing is much more clear in this which I enjoy quite a bit
Cutesy Christmas, cutesy harry
ALSO I LOVED THE HAGRID MOMENT
I do feel like we need to get the Weasleys involved tbh baby Ron and Harry is PEAK
Chap 3
Pls dont let that annoying ass bitch be important, if theyre in trouble bc of this shit ill kms
Shut up Hagrid he needs everything he wants his parents ARE dead brother
Okay actually I like that annoying ass bitch a lot, this is very good
I guess he actually is spoiling him tbf
Ok so he’s actually forgetful as fuck. Forgot Harry’s birthday, forgot about Sirius AGAIN.
Like actually what is going on is his brain damaged
This chapter has been depressing
The fight IN AZKABAN how will this turn into legit wolfstar if they are so mad they fight WHILE SIRIUS IS IMPRISONED
But also he didn’t talk to a single person for 12 years in canon im gonna kms
Marauders is making me realize just how shitty and sad canon was bruh, remus and Sirius were like ALONE, obvie remus did shit and wasn’t a complete waste but its just so SAD
OKAYYYY I TOLD Y’ALL I LOVE A GOOD MOODY MOMENT
Literally obsessed with alastor moody he’s so fucking cool and we BARELY KNEW HIM in the books because of FUCKING CROUCH
This chapter was incredible, good baby harry, good angst, good FIGHT (love romantic arguments, make me nostalgic) (imy [REDACTED] we fought so cutey)
Ok I think I complained earlier about this, but it’s important for there to be conflict and issues when there’s this much trauma. Great plot choice. Also makes it 20x more interesting
Fuck Peter. I fucking hate Peter.
Chapter 4
Ugh stupid muggles messing everything up
Someone should try to kill them all off or something idk they’re getting in the way
But this is shaping up to have some LEGAL ISSUES which I LOVE because im a fucking NERD <33333
Harry is so cute. I actually prefer this to the last baby Harry bc he has sm more personality.
Almost forgot the meat of this chapter omg its good im getting distracted
Sirius and Harry together was a NEED bruh actually so cute
And I talked to you kate about this earlier but remus has been different in other fics and I do kinda like him in this one, he’s more depressed and stressed than normal, but the forgetfulness almost lends itself to aloofness in a way that fits him
I very much appreciated him being so kind to Sirius. While I understand him being pissed at him for thinking he’s a traitor, the man is in Azkaban, like you’ve got to chill out, talk to him about this stuff when you have more than 15 minutes and less dementors
Anyway that scene was nice, I like the idea of their little family
Chappy 5
Good shit again
THIS is the perfect chapter length, not so long I forget what happens but no so short I have to stop reading every five seconds to review
The werewolf prejudice is a big thing in this fic, im not sure how I feel about it. Obviously from an equality standpoint, werewolves should be seen as human. Yet, there is something to the idea that the actual transformed wolf is very dangerous. I’m worried the wolfsbane study will be viewed as Remus “hiding himself” or something like that, when it should be viewed as a solution to the one thing holding werewolves back.
This can’t be compared to real life discrimination. You can’t be like “so you hate minorities” because none of the minorities I know turn into wolves once a month bruh
Anyway, Dumbledore being morally grey-ish, making mistakes but always anti-voldy. He’s such an interesting character. I like his presence in the book as well. Hagrid should come back soon he’s so nice.
Chap 6
Permanent pass <3, so cute. Having to abandon muggle friends? Not cute. Fuck Dumbledore, but only like a little
Not a dumby stan or hater tbh hes just a little silly in both directions
I’m so conflicted on this situation. Yes, it SUCKS that Sirius thought remus was the spy, but it’s not necessarily damning. It’s likely he convinced himself of it because it was the most painful option so it must’ve been the truth. It seems like fear, almost, and jealousy of the wolves over him? Might be over analyzing and overomanticizing but that is what im seeing atm.
The teaching position goes fucking CRAZY man, If remus was my history teacher my life would be GOLDEN
Do you think remus lupin would be a good addition to upper H hall yes or no
Chapter 7
Jesus fuck I forget how sad all this shit is sometimes
To begin with, the teaching position seems great. I do wish Remus would understand that he’s qualified for it
Speaking of teachers, I would love to see who the DADA teacher is, I know its not permanent but still fun
Anyway, I think 7 kids would be the end of me. I love children, and I still relate to Remus far more than Arthur in that scene, there’s actually no fucking way.
Like yes give me a shot I cannot do it, the strong drink joke was a good cover because I am sure its Arthurs greatest desire
Also, love him just dropping interest about muggles, would love to see that chat actually play out but it seems unimportant
But maybe it’ll be how he catches worm tail …
Azkaban visit was good, Sirius is being less racist, and Remus is being kind. Wish they would love each other again already but slow burn wins <3
Also you could just tell that Sirius missed harry, very cute
Chapter 8
Heart hurts, poor Sirius
I said that remus should be nicer
Chapter 9
Okay, information has been gained
Sorry for short 8 summary
So Sirius FORGOT that he and remus broke up, which is CRAZY
There’s a whole lot of forgetting in this fic im realizing, very relatable
I would actually kill myself
I’m sitting here pondering how I would react in this situation and genuinely tweaking just imagining it
He needs to go break it off with him, he can explain, there’s not really another option for him. If he maintains this it’s going to end poorly. I’m assuming he’s going to do that anyway, as it creates the most drama and is fantastic for the plot
I do think Remus is underestimating the importance of being taken even somewhat seriously by the Wizengamot. I know it’s not what he fully wanted but it’s legitimate progress.
Chapter ten
WHAT DID I SAY HE’S NOT GONNA TELL HIM
This chapter INFURIATED ME
Also im gonna start skipping chapters bc otherwise the review will be long asf
Snape is a piece of work, obviously. Like Remus isn’t being shitty to you and you were a fucking death eater man. Also he despises children which is a red fucking flag
Just let him pet your stupid cat motherfucker
Unless its secretly regulus as an animagus that would be sick asf I saw fan art the other day where he was a cat and it was good
Moving on, im appreciating the slow burn on discovering Peter. Like they easily could have discovered him 3 chapters ago when remus was first there.
Chapter 11 & 12
The enchanted parchment
Leaving him on delivered is crazy actually
Literally reads exactly like the GHP texts between me and [REDACTED] LMAO
“I guess I’ll talk to you later, assuming you’re at soccer, imy!!”
Actually devastated reading this im going to be honest
Lots of shit going down, forgetting and memory issues are such an interesting plot device, it makes any part of the story unreliable, and confuses the reader just a little bit. It also creates a lot of dramatic irony, which can often be very sad and tragic
Also, order members calling voldy “Voldemort” all high and mighty is a bit strange considering that they all chewed harry out about calling him “He Who Shall Not be Named”
Snape stole the parchment read it and slipped a potion into lupins chocolate that he would give to Sirius to sabotage their relationship
Bc Dumbledore told Snape everything as his extra special spy obviously
Ok so I was wrong it was dementors again. And remus told Sirius about the breakup. Which is, the right thing to do I guess
This is so hard for everybody man, Sirius’ perspective is heartbreaking
At least it shows his chats with dumby, who happens to be the funniest person in this fic
Chapters 13 & 14
Reconciliation came a bit too easily but thats alright, I want them to be happy
The amount I would give to receive a cat for Christmas. I want that so bad bruh.
Ok at least they’re acknowledging how bad Remus is with dates
Okay him being a dog seems helpful, I do feel like that should have been noticed a while ago
Honestly am feeling a bit lost in the romance, long distance pining is not my fave but hopefully Sirius will be freed before long and they can be happy for once.
I just am so curious as to why they broke up, I know thats the point but it just doesn’t make sense
Also ignore my random theories I keep throwing about, I dont actually believe snapes cat is regulus or that Snape poisoned Sirius its just fun
Chapters 15-16
They explained the plan so I know it will go horribly wrong
HELL FUCKING YEAH THEY GOT HIM THAT SNEAKY LITTLE CUNT HATE THAT MOTHERFUCKER FUCK PETER I HATE PETER
Still not happy. I dont know what I expected
2 chapters and they’ll kiss, im expecting a huge fight in chapter 17
Chapters 17-20
Ok this is strange. The relationship dynamic has developed very differently than I thought it would. They really need to figure out this memory I’m sure it all a misunderstanding or some stupid shit like that
Someone thought someone else killed somebody else
Also why is this so mirroring to me and [REDACTED] from like July forward
Distant over text/parchment, not allowed to say I love you, basically only physical, guilt for things I couldn’t remember
Except for the baby and trauma and everything
Last fic was me and remus being the same this time it’s Sirius. When am I going to consume content and not think about [REDACTED] again Im tired of him being in my brain
Chap 21-22
KATE I TOLD YOU NO I LOVE YOU FICS I HATE THIS
I also talked about [redacted] with ppl for like an hour and a half last night it was terrible
Did it again the next night bro why is that rat still in my head
23-24
The memories are throwing me for a loop. On the one hand, everything is devastatingly sad. On the other hand, they’re all being emo and need to get it together
Sirius getting “lost in his memories” is a cool idea though, I’m liking the new magic thats being explored in this fic
I need them to have a huge blowup fight. Like a massive fight that sucks and is terrible. I don’t know how they’d do it but I need it
Also I think I can take one more “oh poor Sirius” memory until I blow my brains out. Big whoop your plan failed and you were insecure about it, I’d reach out to the closest person to blame to. I blamed [REDACTED] for not winning an award at model un, not his fault. Sirius can blame Remus for his plan failing and have a moody moment then move on, trust can be rebuilt.
Last five chapters
Ok everything is happy again and the reunion went FANTASTIC
The one thing I feel like I haven’t commented on enough in this fic is Snape
His character is well done, he’s so mean and bitchy but not like completely evil which is just hilarious, I love his and Remus’s dynamic its very good
I also think his relationship with Harry is funny, and I’m glad it’s not as shitty as it started out.
“Harry, friendly and bright-eyed, took the opportunity of silence to lean onto the counter, put his face right up to the goblin’s, and say, “Meow.”
Remus pulled Harry off the counter, embarrassed, and plopped him on the ground. “Don’t meow at people, love.”
That is actually the silliest cutest thing I’ve ever read in my entire life. Literally would birth a child rn bc of how cute that is. Jesus fucking christ bruh
Can they stop making out in public. Like in front of one other person in public. Its so awk
I KEEP TRYING TO GIVE KUDOS THIS IS LIKE SUGAR BRUH SO SWEET
My criticisms are growing though, there are a few things im concerned about but im gonna finish the story before I discuss
Why can I not escape my Draco phase. One sentence about “the little Malfoy” and harry going on playdates and I RUSH to think about how that changes their school dynamic and how they treat each other and all this shit
Looks like they’re leaving some loose ends on purpose, telling not showing a lot here at the end tbh
I WANT A CHILD HE’S SO CUTE
This is the first time ive actually been obsessed with a child character hes ADORABLE
Gonna read the epilogue before writing my final review, but don’t want to take it in for my review
FINAL REVIEW:
Ok. Done. Having to write this a day after finishing because I fell asleep right after
My favorite parts
ANGST: very well done, miscommunication can sometimes be overdone but I feel like it worked this time. I loved how easily apparent the love that was still there was.
Humor: This fic made me laugh out loud multiple times. This was mostly Harry, but there were a couple of moments from the doctor guy and Arthur that made me giggle
CHILD: literally have never seen a child portrayal that was this good. Like literally from beginning to end it was good. I’m sure some people would read this fic and say 2 yo harry is too advanced, but he’s so bright and I feel like growing up with Remus would breed him to be a talker. The accuracy of the 8 yo and 11 yo at the end was good as well, it ticks me off when people fuck up ages of a child, especially one so parenting-focused as this
Depth of world building: I could truly see this world, like I understood the flat, I understood the weasleys, I understood the dorm at Hogwarts. The scene at their graves, everything was great.
Now my weaknesses
Some underdeveloped plots
Peter: they brought up having to talk to him, made it a big deal with getting a memory and then just abandoned it and said “remus had the perfect memory.” Then, the memory was SO MUNDANE. I’m sure the author just fucked up and had to figure something out, which is fine, just was a little dissapointing.
Poison: this is another where I think the plot just ran away from the author, but I was expecting something more than “Sirius asked them to fix it and they did”
Some(?) characterizations
Remus was perfect. Sirius was a little too nice, he’s volatile and little bitt crazy and I got less of that in this fic. Sometimes it was perfect. This isn’t really a criticism, more “it could be a little better”
Overall: 8.3/10
I truly adored this fic, probably my fave wolfstar so far. However, I know this is just because I love children and loved baby harry so much, so my rating is attempting to be unbiased.
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Ho boy what a past two couple weeks am i right guys??? This post will just be me throwing my thoughts at the wall dont expect any sense of consistance im going to be topic hopping probably also just to let you all know this post wont have much if any neg because i honestly font hold those feelings towards purgatory sorry xD however if yall do have neg stuff feel free to have an open discussion in the replies i wanna study yall under a microscope
THOUGHTS BELOW
Alright first of all lets give it up for Bolas guys lets be honest no one not even they themselves thought they were gunna win fr
As a sole Bolas watcher ill have to say these streams have been the most fun ive had watching a stream in a while ive legit fixed my sleeping schedual just to watch these streams lemme tell you
I know that alot of people are unhappy with the ending that we got today but just to remind everyone that i dont think the admins or quackity would do anything TRULY permant without discussion with the cc's
Maxs death was obviously planned days in advance and seeing as the cc's didnt know anything about the eggs conditions or whereabouts i think its safe to assume none of them are actually dead
I trust quackity and qsmp not to do something that would obviously be so unsatisfiying to both the players and the fans, mostly because several months of build up definitely wouldnt lead to that
I think purgatory will be used as a learning experience for qsmp staff as how to make events more enjoyable, and i have no doubt that the week(s) inbetween this purgatory event and the next will be spent working out bugs and making qol changes, we cant expect everything to go perfectly without making mistakes
I think that the ending to purgatory played into the whole theme thats been hammered on over and over again by quackity both in and out of game: this event is made to make you unhappy and uncomfortable. It was tailored to brew conflict and make you unsatisfied, whivh judging by peoples reactions worked very well!
This event is definitely going to make past and future experiences sweeter. Were going to look back on pre purgatory as the good ol days before disaster and look at post purgatory as the catharsis period after a disaster. Puragatory is defintely the growing pains need to bring new life into the server, ots the absence that makes the heart grow fonder.
I have a serious question to ask people down in the replies: how many of you came back to qsmp or started WATCHING qsmp because of the purgatory event. Ill be honest after the first couple months i only tuned into mr charlie slimecicles streams and those were few and far between but after puragtory started i began to feel the insatiable lust for more qsmp so i began to watch recap videos and vods at a horrifiying pace. I started watching other povs because of how well bolas played off of each other and i didnt want to miss a single second of their shenanigans.
This single event has made me more excited for qsmp content then anything in the past couple months. I got a fucking twitter account for christs sake just because i wanted to know wehn people were going live and to see recaps on what the other teams were up too.
I know these past two weeks have been stressful and uncomfortable for some people so i ask yall to take a step back and detoxify so we can come back to this with clearer and fresher prespectives so we can focus on the fun and intruiging aspects of the event
Lets wallow in the angst and let chaos take the wheel with theories and ideas on how everything will pan out from here, i have hope that everything will turn out in the end even if its brought about woth blood sweat and tears :) as long as we all have fun in the end thats all that matters yall
#qsmp#qsmp purgatory#guys is this even anything#im honestly to sleepy rn this my be indeciferable does this make any sense???#i dunno but imma go to be ill make a much clear post in the morning but i am eepy and i wanted to get my inital post purgatory rhoughts out
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bored. thoughts on literally all the dna stuff
jackie- "i can fix her"
hyunwoo-i kinda get weirded out by the power dynamic in the sheer idea but tbh. it's nice i think. i just want this boy to be a little happier, man
jenny-i am DYINGGG SHE BOUGHT A BAIENGIACA
xiukai:i cant believe that, to sissela, hed be the grandma who makes you feel like you need a second stomach once you visit. funny. he's 34 with the vibe of a 70 year old
aya-what are her thoughts on fentanyl. i wonder. btw it's always funny when someone goes "NO drugs. but alcohol is great". like mate thats just drug lite
alex-now i'm curious what his disease is even supposed to be, i don't recall anything about that. if it's just some sort of chronic fatigue thing then i'd easily say fuck it and headcanon POTS just because but. i'd like to know
leon: "don't bring gifts for me >:( i'm not a kid >:(" the repression is strong on this man
chiara:i think itd be funny to have an alliance where it's zahir, chiara and aya. impossible to understand a damn word. also "i can fix her" part 2
shoichi:you know how it's canon that chidi anagonye is buff because whenever he felt stressed he just did pushups
sissela:she likes strawberry. noted. also ngl i do find the thomas sissela dynamic sick now that i think about it. for a solid second i felt so mentally ill remembering that he brought her to the experiment because he wanted her to get actually cured and not be in pain
rio-i feel VINDICATED. every time. i want to put that "rio to yuki" voiceline on my forehead. they don't get along on such a fundamental level. they have not had a single good interaction. that's why i feel feral when i see anyone ship them, she hates himmmm. also the delivery is bad but in a way that's good because it fits her, she sounds robotic but it feels like it's just how she be OHSFKSDF SHE DOESNT EVEN LIKE DOGS!!! SHE ACTUALLY FUCKING HATES HIM IM LAUGHING
echion-"i see the hesitation in your fists" about hyunwoo is making me mentally ill. also "don't be pretentious" to magnus IS SO FUNNY. he really went "stfu i'm gonna hit you". the things i dislike is also extremely funny. this sign can't stop him because he can't read, guys. though, he sounds like hunter toh to me in a way that makes me like him by association now. past me is crying but current me thinks this mans is funny as hell
tia-im crying. "what's wrong with my hair (┬┬��┬┬)". danny boy roasted her so hard. that "can i draw you ◕_◕ " to jenny though. i see you
daniel-even daniel cant believe it when she says she's a doctor. the doubt in this man's voice. also it's so funny how he reads people for their appearance (like "your hair is a mess) and then with yuki he just roasts him for his personality. does he think that bowl cut ass hairstyle is okay enough to focus on something else
eva-"nah i don't feel like getting a haircut quite yet" as he definitely fucking SEETHES
bianca-"oh my god a fellow weirdo!!!". four person alliance between aya chiara zahir and bianca actually. impossible to parse a single word. and it's funny that she goes gentle on sissela (i assume she's too skinny, so) and with echion she plain goes "you have literally no body fat"
johann-YO????? i am mentally ill about that one for sure. johann is so about trying to be the sort of christian who doesn't suck absolute ass and the interaction that has with the extremely complicated relationship isol and rozzi have with church and religion is so interesting to me rn
laura-how did they get away with this "things i dislike" line. also the bizarre thought process i had with aya and laura is so vindicated. police officers are her favorite
aiden-he did not just "we're not so different you and i" her. his luke is funny as hell though. "you get paid to clean? 🤨" do i need to explain society to you???? he sounds legit confused. hKFJNSDKFJ THEY JUST SHOVED ALL THE FUNNY MEME LINES ON HIM HUH. IT'S NOT LIKE I LIKE YOU OR ANYTHING BAKA
elena-she and rosalio allying would be nonstop complaining. they'd either hate each other or be like soulmates. "i hate the heat but i hate the cold" "me too" and then a look of understanding
felix-he did not hit elena with the "you'd be prettier if you smiled". i like him but. girl freeze him. also confirmation that magnus does not use steroids. weird-ass way to ask though. what if he met a trans person mid transition? would he hit them with that exact line as the poor fucker is like "yeah???"
#not a quote#i'd have to record it to save it so. oh well#learned my lesson the hard way on the first close. you HAVE to be thorough#i don't feel like it right now. might start getting it done later
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I've seen some people shipping entp x infp and that took a genuine laugh out of me
I have a group of friends composed by 6 people, 2 of them are of those types and they are really really close, been friends since they were still in nappies, but honestly I'm yet to understand how...
infp is extremely touchy, she loves hugs, kisses, hand-holding, meanwhile entp hates being touched, infp kisses her randomly (I'm guessing just for the sake of taunting) and gets slapped for it, but then whenever they're saying their goodbyes entp gives her the awkwardest hug I've ever witnessed in my life, it's comical
entp speaks as though she owns the truth, she doesn't "think something", she knows it. and... the thing is she's right most times , which annoys the shit out of infp, who's all "you can't just assume stuff all the time, specially when it's about people's feelings or identities, you're entitled to have your own opinion on matters, but not to expose them however and whenever you want, that's disrespectful" and entp goes "I'm right, and I'll absolutely rub it in once it gets confirmed", and in the few occasions she's actually wrong, she just... I don't even know, she says a bunch of senseless stuff to try to convince you that she wasn't all that wrong, and she'll twist everything that comes out of infp's mouth simply to stress her out, and it always works, I don't know anyone who can get infp as worked up as entp does, it's chaotic
infp cries easily, be it of joy, sadness, anger, gratitude, she just cries whenever she feels like it, entp doesn't know how to deal with people crying at all, she always starts with some random shit to try to help without having to approach an actual conversation on the matter, she's all about "ignore your feelings until they go away" and infp is more of a "let it out so you can move on", but infp doesn't like to make people uncomfortable or concerned, so she usually isolates herself when she's not doing well, entp goes out and party. tell me about unhealthy coping mechanisms
entp is (I don't know if this is unusual for the types) very non confrontational, she just uncomfortably laughs things off, infp almost never stands up for herself, but when it comes to other people she becomes a whole personal lawyer, so she defends entp a lot, which is confusing because I swear to god she's the one fighting entp the most lol
I could give so many of other examples as to why I find entp x infp such an odd pairing, and I know that any type could go well with any type, that doesn't really define a relationship
and, I mean, these friends of mine do get along in their own way, they laugh a lot together, they fuck around and go along with each other's stupid ass ideas, they share interests and stuff, they always do almost everything together, they seriously sit across from each other to keep talking when one of them is using the bathroom, which... jesus christ. they advice each other and talk about everything (even though they never follow each other's advices) but mostly????? no, it's not very healthy in my point of view, they're too different to work out
seriously, if anyone thinks this pairing is a good one, explain to me like I'm 5 because I legit don't see it
-
this is. SUCH A GOOD STORY....
but ngl i do love these dynamics of these friends you told us about like its actually brilliant im dying i kinda love it
i haven't really thought too much about this but i do still feel like this pairing could work out yk? quite chaotic one lol but yeah... because i guess i feel like even though an entp would always annoy the hell out of an infp they'd like deep down respect infp's boundaires maybe with the inferior Fe function (that values other's feelings (e.g non conforntational) and deep down wants the validation that infp can give) . like at the end of the day they'd really care baout infp and i think that would turn the tables - like with the awkward hug yk that im sure means something for infp. and like yeah other way round as well because as you said like infp doesn't usually stand up for herself but can really stand up for entp and at the end of the day so long as that dominant Fi (function that focuses on [own] feelings and values) values entp a lot a lot - i think they'll be set.
@audience feel free to pitch in :)
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ALRIGHT GOOD IM GONNA TALK ABOUT THE OUTSIDERS CHARACTERS AND THE SEVEN DEADLY SINS SO LETS FUCKING GOOOO
i’m gonna make a master list for this lil series cause i am NOT doin all of em in one go, i’ll do 3 or 4 characters a post, and if u wanna see a character in the next post u could just like tell me SO YEA🫶🏽
alright, ponyboy i feel like is envy bc throughout the whole book you can see that he always compares things (for example he has a big thing for comparing looks) a huge example if this in the book is with sodas looks and his, he sees soda as moviestar handsome but when he talks about his looks he lowkey does put himself down quite a bit up up to the point where he legit doesn’t see that he’s actually quite attractive himself (as stated by johnny in the lot that one time and what mark said in twttin, pony canonically does not see himself as attractive) so i believe that bc pony compares himself w other ppl so much wishing he had this that and the third, he tends to put himself down in the process and he comes up w this version of himself nobody else rlly sees bc it’s honestly just all in his head due to all the comparisons he does, he sees things in black and white most of the time and thinks that if he doesn’t have it, it’s bad or somethin like that, so basically just bc he’s comparing and contrasting himself w other ppl it’s gonna lead to his downfall at some point bc he’s coming up w different versions of himself and essentially other people instead of seeing them for what they actually r bc of what he does when analyzing other ppl, so he’s the sin of envy
now with darry i feel like he’s pride, not exactly the typical version of pride, shit it might not even be the best word for him, but i still believe it’s pride. i say pride bc we all know that darry is seen as superman in the gang and he pretty much takes that role seriously as he is the oldest and essentially physically the strongest in the gang, so he sees himself as like the protector, especially after his parents died, he had a bunch of grieving ppl and ppl who r abused in their family homes to take under his wing, so he always felt like he had to put on this persona of being like closed off and “unshakeable” and it’s led him to just bottle up all his feelings so he would keep that wall of security up. now as we all know this pretty much leads him to close other people off and just not let ppl in and bottle up his emotions and we honestly kinda see the consequences of that, bc of all the stress he got over the few months we all know darry slapped pony out of anger (u could also say he was overwhelmed but like u still get the idea). so yea, because darry always put up this wall of strength to come off as like a protector bc that’s what the gang honestly sees him as in a way, this leads him to bottle up his emotions and while he’s he is a patient person eventually bc of all that he one day just breaks down and that leads to his essential downfall, putting him as the sin of pride.
on to sodapop curtis!!!!!!i think hes hes lust, now i do not think hes lustful however hes the closest to the idea we can get there w him soooo yea. but anyways with sodapop i personally feel like he always gets caught up in the idea of live that sometimes he just lost in it, hes pretty much a hopeless romantic and he’ll do anything for the other person (ofc he has limits and standards but mf u get what im sayin here) even if it means changing himself just a lil bit, but i specifically said that hes lust because of the way he acts when someone he desires just leaves him (yea im talkin about sandy LMAOOOOO) like think about it, he was ready to pretty much do anything for sandy, even wanted to marry her all at like 16, shit i think he even had a plan for it, showing that hes lowkey ready to do anything and everything for someone if he wants them enough, and what im saying especially goes for after sandy leaves, he goes in a fucking spiral and he honestly just doesnt know what to do w himself. soda is a social person and i feel like he depends on other ppl for his energy (this also helps w my headcanons for steve and soda l, but i wont go into it here, if u want me to do that i could do that on a whole other post) and mood and that leads him to being basically kinda like a ppl pleaser, and in doing all that he kinda loses himself, so like i said while he might not the thee best person for lust, he is right in their alley
#ponyboy curtis#darrel curtis#darry curtis#sodapop curtis#the curtis brothers#the outsiders headcanons#the outsiders hcs
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Tbf as much as I don’t trust TV writers, I have no doubt Maria will be fine. Part of Tommy’s storyline is that he actively chooses to leave her when he goes on his revenge quest and when he returns a broken man, the one thing he has left is his marriage, and he ruins that too and without that, and that pain will only be doubled with a 4 year old kid as well.
It also makes the contrast to Ellie leaving Dina and JJ more poignant, and maybe even backs up Tommy’s decision to go to the farm more as in ‘I left my wife and kid for you, you can leave yours for me’.
So even though it would set Tommy down a darker path, I actually think it’s pivotal Maria is alive for the revenge quest because of that choice to leave, which is easier if she’s not there and I think a lot of Part 2 is about choices and if the costs are worth it and if his family are dead, Tommy doesn’t really have any ‘costs’ left but if they are, his choices can actively haunt him since they’re alive but he’s still lost them
these are very awesome and legit points!!!! i think its been a while since i last watched a tlou2 playthrough as well so thank you for the reminder of how his game/season 2 story kinda reflects ellie’s in those ways
i think part of the reason im just major major offput about them adding a pregnancy for maria in s2 in it just makes things so much more sad and stressful for maria????? like her whole life has just been loving people and then getting left behind. imagine finding a husband you love and having a child with him and then losing them BOTH to a goddamn zombie apocalypse. id already be devastated. joel lost his child and it completely ruined him; maria lost a child and their father, who as far as we know she had a happy life with. fucking brutal
but THEN she picks herself up, dusts herself off, and finds the strength to keep going. builds a place that she would’ve been maybe happy with raising kevin in, if she could, and she opens her heart up to tommy. she falls in love, and theyre happy, and now shes pregnant. shes having another baby that she gets to raise and lose with a husband she adores
THEN HIS BROTHER GETS MURDERED AND NOW HES JUST GONNA LEAVE HER THERE????? WITH A WHOLE ASS TINY CHILD??????? for REVENGE??????
like im sorry, i love me some good ol revenge as much as the next guy—i really do. the glory was my favorite show, and the first time i watched a tlou 2 full play through i was rooting for tommy and ellie to honestly take out EVERYBODY in joel’s name—and i also know firsthand what kind of distorted thinking tommy’s level of grief can cause. but i just HATE the idea that tommy would leave a CHILD to go after anyone, even the people that killed his brother. and i think if joel saw him do so, he literally would smack him upside the head and drag him back to jackson
it also just doesnt fit what i imagine tommy would do in the instance that he has a kid???? like this is the same tommy that watched joel devote his whole entire life to his own daughter from jump, who wouldve done anything he could to protect his first daughter and DID do everything he could to protect his second. tommy knows from joel that when you’re a father, you’re kid comes fucking first. fuck everything else
so i just can’t imagine tommy leaving both maria AND his child???? like tbh i could understand him leaving maria in the game, as much as i didn’t like it—but his own baby???? he knows joel wouldnt ever want him to do that, no matter what happens to him. to me it just wouldn’t make sense for tommy’s grief over joel to take him so far that he makes a choice he knows joel would hate
(and i know ellie made the choice to leave jesse and dina, but i think a big reason she did that was bc she had the additional guilt of having jesse on her conscience and knowing that tommy wouldn’t physically be able to do it after being shot. tommy’s circumstances for leaving his kid would be different)
so like for those reasons on tommy’s side, it doesn’t make much sense to me that he would go after joel unless his own child was out of the picture, and i don’t see his child being out of the picture unless maria i also out of the picture
NOT SAYING ID RATHER MARIA BE DEAD THAN PREGNANT BTW I WANT HER TO BE ALIVE AND HAPPY AND SAFE. i am just so confused about the hbo writer’s intentions with making her pregnant like!!!!!! feels very sus to me!!!!!!
especially bc of the track record for the way nonwhite tlou characters are brutalized in the game/show too. like @clickergossip ur tags on the reblog were so so so so so so so SO right on point. them making maria a PREGNANT black woman just makes me so nervous that something terrible will happen, esp considering what we’ve seen happen to the other Black characters in the game/show
and i totally understand brutality and gore and death is all part of tlou anyway, but i feel like with joel and ellie, the violence is almost always balanced out witth a degree of love/humor/lightheartedness. unfortunately rutina wesley’s maria hasn’t had much opportunity at all to partake in those lighter moments, which makes me think either the writers have a LOT of good stuff coming up for her or that they think she’s expendable. idk idk idk idk this does even have a point, im just rambling and thinking about it a lot aand very on edge as a maria-truther 😭😭😭 as much as i want to have confidence, i have many many doubts she will be fine
#i refuse to talk about the possibility that they lose that kid#nope nope nope#not possible just choosing actively to not think abt that ever#asked and answered#tysm whoever u are for trying to reassure me im so sorry that this was my response 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#i am made of anxiey#tlou#tlou hbo#tlou hbo spoilers#tlou 2#tlou season 2#maria miller#rose tag
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eidos 2021 gotg game stan nonnie back at it again
Very glad my ramblings were coherent enough, though I am still a bit curious whether buying the game (still on sale!) is a possible option for you? I'm not sure any "perfect" playthrough actually exists online, especially since any video of this game on youtube is forced to have streaming mode enabled because of copyright reasons (meaning no licensed music, and no licensed music for a guardians game is heartbreaking). After all, the best play-through is a play-through of your own!
I suppose if I HAD to recommend one, it'd either be maximilian dood's (with commentary) or rubhen925's (no commentary), or maybe even both to see different choices and lore tidbits that the other may have missed.
your “ramblings” were not only coherent but perfection. im grateful for them & for you taking the time to share!!
i’ve considered buying the game and haven’t fully written it off yet but a, uhm, very cool fact about me is that playing games gives me
✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* anxiety *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧
board games are worse but i’ve legit only played like two video games in my life (stardew and cozy grove lol. and killing the slimes in stardew still stresses me the fuck out). the idea of playing the gotg game would be… um, aspirational to say the least.
i do enjoy watching play-throughs though! my cousins used to play a lot of games when i was a kid staying with them, so it’s nostalgic for me! though i hear you about the lack of music… i’m sure that will make a big difference. (i did try to convince the partner to let me get it for them so i could watch THEM play through, but alas, to no avail lol) still, i really do appreciate the recommendations ♡ and will be following up on them! thank you!!!
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I keep thinking about Kaname so I wanna rant about Him
(Following contains mentions of S.A and child abuse)
Y'know what's weird?
I don't hate Kaname
But I DO hate how his characters is handled as both a concept and throughout the story.
On paper I like the idea of this kid who's pressured into doing so perfect in school in order to succeed what his dad never could 'cause of his existence. It's such a wonderfully fucked up concept and could work as a great tragic character (somethin' like the idea behind My Ordinary Life).
I'm also not against him having a mild God complex, granted I think it's handled like a fake dog turd at first, but the idea of his inner monologue being his actual personality and external dialogue giving off a facade might make for an interesting concept, as long as it's done sparingly to give us the viewer a sense of danger with him. We get snippets of what he actually thinks about certain things and people but never consistently.
Hell even his bootleg Madoka Kaname name is kinda cute when you realise Kaname roughly translates to cycle/circle, as in the cycle of abuse his dad puts him through.
Here's the problem with Kentaro though. The man's got the character writing IQ of a tapeworm. So instead of an interestingly fucked up character, we get immidately ass pounded with his treatment of the main character that already snipes some of the sympathy we might get towards him. There's no subtly, no nuance as to how he's pissed Aya gets off scott free.
Too much work. He just keeps, beating her ass to the point we don't give a shit about him, so we WANT to see him suffer. And he does after he gets kidnaps by shit cop (I don't wanna remember his name).
And THEN I start feeling sympathetic towards him. Not because they give him any character depth, but because Kentaro huffed too much glue and thought "I'MMA GET 'IM ASSULTED!". Just straight 50 Shades of Grey levels of uncomfortable, like I'm very opinionated on male S.A getting played for laughs of a valid justice. That's bullshit, regardless of gender this kinda stuff shouldn't be seen as anything good.
But it's fact that after this his character kinda falls to the wayside until he gives Aya a half assed "hey sorry I beat your ass a lot". Even Ichi taunts him about the S.A and the fact he WILLINGLY PUTS UP WITH THE SHIT COP?! My man pummel his ass like your dad's after he died!
Jesus Christ why doesn't Aya just nuke her dad, no one fucking likes him and he's the reason your adopted brother's like this!
Can you tell I'm furiously mixed on this man? Like again the idea of a stressed out teen who can't handle his outlet for his stress is a legit brilliant idea as both a critique on certain parenting methods and in the context of a magical girl show.
Hell I only mildly tolerate him, I wanna smack him 'round the back so hard he goes Fansworth but it's only 'cause his later abuse is so intense I can't hold that much hate for him! That's not how you redeem a shitty person KENTARO THA-
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OH MY GOD.
i just realised.
this is my blog.
i can do whatever i want.
so heres a giant fucking ramble with as many thoughts on Shenggou Ye as i can manage (who if you dont know is an oc belonging to my wonderful best friend reese aka rai aka rai.diate and her story universe Liar Liar Chaos Fire 😁 she doesnt know im doing this, this is for me):
if you dont know how did you NOT know shenggou ye accidentally became a biiiiiiit of a hyperfixation for me (exaggerating). reese and i can't exactly pinpoint when it started but we think its around the time we started a zombie apocolypse roleplay with us two and another friend <3
i love him so much i daydream and fantasise about him every moment i get. i see the colour red, or a wild dog or hyena, something to do with kung fu, or any obscure thing that i manage to tie him to and i go absolutely FERAL. hyenas are now my favourite animal because of him. i see a ricecooker and laugh at how he loves rice because his asian ass is so goofy (just like me fr). i love the colours red and teal which are his main colours. my favourite songs are loose cannon by set it off and mama by mcr which are his songs. he is TAKING OVER MY LIFE /POS
i feel bad that i dont get like this with other characters, especially my other friends and even my OWN, but thats just what ended up happening and i cannot seem to control myself lol
i even made up a list of why i kin him do you want to see it well too bad youre seeing it anyway i told you this is a megapost megalist mega fuckfest okay not a fuckfest but you get the idea:
SHENGGOU KIN MOMENTS:
- large hearts, both literally and metaphorically
- imposter syndrome (self-doubt, feeling like a fraud/liar)
- scared of being disowned/losing loved ones
- making jokes during serious moments (struggling to cope so makes light of the situation = ends up brushing it off/ignoring it)
- loving our best friend from high school fr fr /gen /pl and being so excited when we see them <3
- saying fucky ass and baybee (im the reason he says it LMAOOO)
- gayass motherfuckers (both bi)
- WE BOTH HAVE PUSSIES LMAOOOO and we aren't really dysphoric about it hell yeah (im trans and sheng is intersex 💪)
- lying lying chaos crying (i know a lot of them lie but shhhhhh)
- not being good at voice regulation/shutting the fuck up LMAO (apparently its a sign of autism... shenggou ye autism real!!? /j)
- having silly laughs <3 idk my mama makes fun of my laughs and he has a silly laugh it counts sshhhh
- he probably sits on surfaces weirdly or on places you wouldn't normally sit on, and i sit weirdly so YEAH
- sex jokes? yes please (they are funny !!!)
- dramatic as hell but its because we are silly goofy
- annoying as fuck but its slash pos
and thats all i had but theres probably more in fact im doing things because he does them, like saying "L" LMAOO BUT i mean it in an endearing way 🫶
ive also been calling my mother mama a LOT more like thats WHAT ive been calling her exclusively and i know for a fact its because shenggou calls HIS MOTHER mama and the song mama by mcr again. tsk tsk this hyperfixation is legit taking over. but i love it so much.
hes all i want to daydream about. we (friends and i) have a running joke that he is my husband, i love calling him my dearest darling husband shenggou ye. its great. but i like thinking about him with me during the day, maybe doing something stupid or dangerous and laughing at him, him helping me calm tf down when im stressed. its a weird coping mechanism but strangely effective!! i prefer keeping to myself but thinking about him with me makes me feel more seen and heard and loved. and reese is a bit like him, so its also like having my best friend with me even if shes not really. i like to think i can tell shenggou anything because thats how i feel about her. again, its all really stupid and cringe but its really nice and fun
im only now realising this is probably just turning a friends oc into a para. or like. something like a para. i mean the daydreams do get vivid.. Huh!
anyway thats about all i feel like sharing, i dont expect anyone to see this like all my other posts, i just enjoy screaming into the void and seeing if anyone screams back. let it be known, having weird coping mechanisms is cool and youre so.valid. /gen biggest hugest thank you to my bestie reese for creating this goober i am obsessed with. without her art that captures his handsomeness and her writing that demonstrates his personality i would never have fallen so deeply in love with him to the point of delusion.
Now if you'll Excuse me. i am going to dream the Best dreams (shenggou will be in it). thank you and Goodnight ^_^
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hey i'm still alive
👀
uh so. how's it going. thought i'd give a little life update in case anyone was curious or interested >> tho probs not ;lajdfk;l
yeah i know i've been mia for like. a long time now, and tbh there's no particular reason why. i know i've lost some followers because i've been so inactive and haven't written anything in a long ass time. i do apologize for that. a lot has happened in the last few months and i guess i just wanted to give my friends and follows a brief little overview of what's been going on in my life and to prove that i am indeed still alive lol.
so most of you all know by now that i finally landed a good paying remote job yeah? and at first it was amazing. now? not so much. the schedule sucks ass, the management is balls, and the actual work sucks even more. i'm not happy there anymore so i'm currently looking for a new job. and im so desperate to get out of there i'm looking outside of remote jobs as well.
right now i'm waiting to hear back from an office technician job right here in my town that pays $27 an hour. TWENTY. SEVEN. guys that's $8 more than what i'm making right now ($19 an hour.) oh my GOD if i made that money i'd be able to finally move out of this god awful house with a flea problem that i CANNOT get rid of (my poor babies :( i've legit tried everything, even fucking professionally treated this house with orkin to get rid of them, had both of them get flea baths by a groomer and STILL i cannot get rid of the damn fleas. it's so fucking stressful y'all you cant even begin to imagine), finally get new tires for my truck, and live comfortably with extra spending money without having to worry about paying rent or buying groceries for the month. i'm PRAYING i get this job. even if it's not remote that pay would make it SO worth it.
anyway. moving on.
i've also gotten into a relationship with someone i was desperately in love with, then got my heart broken because he ended things. it hurt a lot. i got over it though, with the help of some pretty amazing friends, and one of my best friends. and right now, i'm currently dating that best friend lmao. so i'm in another relationship, and i'm very happy with him. our relationship began at the end of june, i believe. (i'll never forget the day he asked me to be his. y'all my hearT MELTED 😍😍)
it's a long distance relationship as tom lives in canada, but he did recently come to see me as evidenced by the photo above. i love this man y'all. he's amazing. there is one thing i'm kinda worried about with our relationship, but i won't get into that because thinking about it upsets me. but anyway he makes my very happy. ❤️
so that's pretty much what's been happening. i just haven't really been inspired/motivated to write at all lately, and i do apologize for that. it's just been a very overwhelming few months, with dealing with this damn house, ending a relationship and starting a new one, stress from a job that i'm really beginning to hate, trying to find a new one, and just a few other small things that aren't worth mentioning.
i do hope you all know that this doesn't mean i've abandoned writing or abandoned any of my stories. it's just been difficult to write anything lately but that doesn't mean i don't want to. i still love inuyasha. it's still my favorite anime. i still read fanfic (on occasion, when i have the time as i'm pretty much in a 24/7 discord call with tom except right now because he's at a dentist appt which is why im taking the time to write this -3-) and i still do think about my stories. hell, sometimes i even get an idea for a good oneshot and think to myself "shit i need to write that down" but then i forget about it and hate myself for the next 24 hours -_-
so yeah. that's what's been going on. i'm still around. i still get on here and reblog a few posts, mostly the ones i'm tagged in or some nice fanart. i do miss y'all and i hope my absence hasn't upset anyone or made them think i'm done with the inuyasha fandom. i'm most definitely not. it's just...sort of taking a backseat for now until i sort some things out in my life. definitely not preferable, but it is what it is, y'know.
my dear readers, followers, and friends, i love you all so much and i'm glad you've stuck around this long even though i haven't been around. you're the reason why i'm still here, why i want to someday get back to writing and giving you more content to enjoy and gush over. thank you for your patience with me and still giving love to my stories after all this time. i still get the occasional review for one of my stories, and trust me, i read every single one of them and they make my entire day. it's so nice knowing people are still reading my work and enjoying it. maybe it's selfish, but i hope you never stop, because reading those reviews gives me a huge boost when i'm feeling down on a particular day and it makes me feel like i haven't been forgotten, though by every right i should have been.
okay i've rambled long enough. in short, i just want to say thank you. you're all rockstars. i love you all. ❤️
until next time, my lovelies.
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I was scrolling through my pictures and found a guide for things to study to prepare one of my students for moving to america
Its pretty detailed and makes me wonder if im getting stupider as time goes on because i forgot about several things that i came up with without even researching 2 years ago
While looking at it i remembered
The boy asked me actually. He asked me about school in the states and he was worried about some of the classes. I tried to put his mind at ease for the transition and assure him that he’ll have help for most things.
He was half white and his dad was american. His dad was a writer actually and he told me about his books during a speaking test. So he spoke english fluently. Actually that was something he was worried about. He said his dad told him he has an accent - he really didnt.
But on that I started to ask him about things we do in English class back home. He had no idea about even the basics. Not surprising. They dont do things that involve critical thought in japanese schools.
I started briefly explaining some things to him and told him id make him a guide
Then. We were cut off
The teacher came and told me he needed to go eat lunch.
Later she came and apologized to me because he told her that he asked me for advise and that he was nervous realizing that he wasnt prepared for American English classes.
She thought i just went to talk to a kid. Stopped him from going to lunch. And was stressing him out.
Not because i do that but because thats how japanese teachers see foreigners here. Being weird idiots that bother ppl
And the thing is id forgotten about that till just now.
I HATED that feeling as an ALT. Im s weird person - but not a fucking weirdo who harasses children to talk me. I hated when the teachers tried to make me do that. And i hated when they assumed thats what happened whenever a student came to talk to me.
Theyd always look worried and annoyed when students were talking to me and theyd shoo them away. And i couldnt say its ok or anything. I couldnt say or do anything. Just smile and encourage the kid that the jaapnese teacher had a good reason for telling them to not talk to me
The thing is. I liked the teacher i just mentioned. She was one of the nicest ones i worked with as an ALT. I forgot about all the shitty times with her. She got nicer to me after my mom died. All the teachers did. I noticed and i know. But somewhat also forget.
It took a horrible thing for them to see me as a human. And to just look at what i do as another person and not a strange alien they must protect the children from.
I came to japan for a paid vacation. I wanted to explore and enjoy traveling going to concerts meeting ppl and just having a good time.
Id planned to go home and take care of my mom. I thought i could write stories while i was here and look for a job back home.
Then corona hit and ruined everything. I never even got to see my mom again
Never got to feel stability
Now the money ive saved up is worth half the value back home
I have nothing to fucking show for my time here
I cant afford to go back to america
My moms not there
I dont even have a house to return to
Im so much worse off now than when i left if i go back
But i also cant deal with that degrading treatment again. Even as a legit teacher in a school working through a company middleman im treated as less than.
As an ALT i was treated like a fucking idiot mascot play toy. Like equipment. Not a person.
And as a native teacher - last year - god do you know how fucking annoying it is to have ppl who can’t speak your native language tell you whats correct?!? To be told to keep students in line, motivate them, teach them, and entertain them all while having someone undermine you at every turn. Them complain the students dont respect you. I mean that was only with 5 kids in 432 students. And thats the other fucking problem. Last year my schools students were wonderful. They were friendly smart motived and kind. Except 2 bitchy girls and one boy - the girls turned like 3 more kids in their class against me. But the rest of my students liked me. And because the PE turned English teacher didnt like english he bitched about me and used those few kids against me. I have more than 420 actively improving their assignments and having full english conversations with me. I have the two loud classes all the teachers hate because they refuse to do their work - coming to me and asking if they did my assignments correctly and asking when they need help - but because a handful of kids dont like me - that teacher turns me into a bad guy and gets me the boot.
And thats the shit to expect with even the better job i have.
The school im not rn has a native teacher who uses his charisma to make life better for the native teachers at the school. This is the best im gonna get
I cant find another job. Im trying but too many ppl want to come to japan rn
I really cant afford to go back home
And im entirely out of the patience to be treated like a fucking slave. Literally at this point. Between the shit wages that keep going down and high costs. I cant afford the shit job that wants me to act like the japanese assholes dog. Treating me however they want and i have to just smile back
I want my mom. I want to go back to when i had my pets and my house and lived near my friends.
I keep saying it but its true. Im living the future that i used to have in my nightmares and wake up screaming from. I want to wake up again back before 2011
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doing a fatal amount of coping on this fine saturday night
#text!#tma#tma act 3#jonmartin#im legit so fucking stressed about this you have no idea#just thought about how there's no happy ending to tma#day ruined
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YA GIRL JUST GOT HERSELF A GODDAMN JOB!!!!
#personal#ITS ONLY FOR THIS MONTH BUT IM SO EXCITED#IM GONNA BE A SCARE ACTOR FOR HALLOWEEN#A BITCH IS BLESSED#god you guys have no idea how stressed i've been about finding a job and now that i've got one............fuck#i'm so happy and so relieved#plus it's for something i love doing too#legit crying rn
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