i slept with someone from corroded coffin and all i got was this stupid song written about me.
ROCKSTAR!FBOY!EDDIE X READER
summary: fooling around with a famous rockstar who's a notorious playboy sounds perfect on paper, until you catch feelings for him. that's why you decide to end things, to not get your feelings get hurt, and its all going perfectly, until eddie releases a song, written all about you.
warnings: smut, p in v, MINORS DNI!!!!, pet names, praising?, lovey dovey, kinda angst and arguments, drgs & alcohol mention, swearing? idk this is kinda cheesy n cute with a mix of fluff sprinkled honestly!
author's note: the indented parts are texts between steve and reader and thenn reader and eddie. they look confusing as fuck im sorry i just wanted to make them look unique but they look stupid. also yes. i patted myself in the back after i found this title (thank you fob). and yes the lyrics are inspired by i don't care im on a fob kick sue me! and ofc fboy!eddie isn't actually that much of a fboy bc if i can't write lovesick eddie ill die. this is super cheesy so i still struggled a lot but UGH. not proof-read ignore all mistakes
also credits to @dumplingsjinson for the prompts! (i changed them but still!) and @saradika for the dividers! pls like + rb + interact w me in anyway to support my writings!! ty!!
DINGUS
sent you a spotify link.
did you listen to this?
yeah.
its kinda romantic.
no.
the lyrics are insane. n all about u
okay?
are u at the party rn?
yeah. u comin?
soon
he’s there too
u already knew that, didn’t u?
false accusations r rude, steve.
You click your phone off with a groan, but he was right. You couldn’t stay away from him, and maybe, just maybe, this was your way of running into him, accidentally.
Because ever since he released the song, the tabloids had gone crazy with it, half of the lyrics screamed you and all of the old headlines pointed at you, the mystery girl Eddie used to be seen with, and you really were growing tired of seeing your name next to “Munson’s new girl.”
Because you weren’t his new girl, you weren’t his anything. He was a cocky asshole who was good with a guitar and was even better at fucking. And that was something both of you could relate to, the only thing you had in common with him. Or, so you thought.
But of course, as with everything else, the things between you changed, you started staying over, he started staying over, and the two of you even went on fucking dates, disguising them under ‘we were just hungry, is all.’
You tried to keep up the cool girl act, like you could fuck someone and not catch feelings. Every inch of you itched not to care, to act like it was all fine, but it was all fucking bullshit, you cared, so fucking much that your chest ached. The more you got to know him, the more you fell for him, and the more you fell for him, the more you realized there was no fucking way this would work.
Cocky rockstar who spent more time doing drugs than sleeping, with girls all over him? The imaginary red flag bells rang in your ear, even now. He wasn’t looking for a relationship and you knew that. That’s why you ended it two months ago. Or at least, you started ignoring him two months ago.
Yet, he had been calling and texting you, wanting to meet up, drunken slurs of nonsense, gibberish voicemails, and yet you never answered, because if you did, you knew you’d be back to pathetically swooning over him.
Until today, just because of that stupid song, like it meant anything. That douchebag probably wrote songs about every girl he fucked.
You weren’t special.
Another ding sound from your phone almost startled you, the contact name made you groan even louder. “don’t FUCKING answer.” That didn’t mean shit. It was just something stupid to make you feel better that you couldn’t stay away from him, because you knew, deep down that if you really didn’t want him to contact you, you would’ve deleted his number, and blocked him. You were too chicken shit to do that, and still desperately wanted to hear from him.
So you settled on that contact name. Like it made a difference, like it changed anything.
DONT FUCKING ANSWER
did you listen to the song?
Don’t fucking answer. The contact name should be enough to convince yourself that.
Too late.
no.
don’t lie to me, sweetheart.
why would i lie?
You sink into the couch, a much quieter corner of the party, not even bothering to socialize. Your brows furrow, index finger flying to your lips anxiously, as you chew on it to patiently wait for an answer.
You sip on your drink with a nervous gaze on your screen, barely noticing the way the couch sink further when someone else took a seat next to you.
“Hi.” The gravelly voice pulls your attention away from the screen, making you set your drink aside as you look up, finding yourself face-to-face with him.
Shaggy bangs cascade onto his forehead, and with your exaggeration, it looks longer than the last time you saw him. Black jeans cladded with chains. A graphic tee messily thrown over his heavily tatted chest, that you could still imagine right about now—pathetic. He looked just about the same, the deep dimple adorning his soft cheeks had seemed to disappear, wearing a scowl instead, that tiny voice in your head told you that was your doing, that maybe he was just as miserable as you. Maybe your feelings weren’t fully one-sided.
Shit.
“Eddie?” Squeaky, and annoying, you were sure that’s how your tone sounded, yet he didn’t seem to comment on it.
“‘m glad you remember my name, sweetheart,” he scoffs sarcastically, leaning further into the plush couch, elbow propped at the side, eyeing you with frustration.
“W—what the hell are you doing here?” You stutter as if you weren’t expecting to run into him. Full of bullshit.
“Did ya really think you could ignore me forever, huh?” He tilts his head slightly, almost expectedly, earning an eye roll from you.
“I wasn’t ignoring yo—”
Eddie tuts quickly, his gaze locking onto yours with an intensity that cuts through the ambient noise of the party, “I thought we said no more lies, huh?”
With a huff, “Why are you here, Eddie?” you mumble.
“Am I not allowed to party?” He banters, brows slightly raised, making you huff out an exasperated breath, your eyes bore into him, almost to signal him ‘Take this seriously.’
“I wanted to know what you thought.” He shrugs like it was normal to just come running after everything just to know what you thought of the song.
“The song?” He nods in confirmation.
“Didn’t like it,” you confess, avoiding his gaze, but your brows betray you, lifting ever so slightly.
He tsks, shutting you off quickly, “You see that little quirk your brow did? That only happens when you lie, you can’t help it. You do that when I ask you if you ate the last pizza slice, or when I ask if you watched the next episode of the show we were supposed to watch together, or when you—”
“Fine, fine! I liked it,” you groan, interrupting him and suddenly standing up from the comfort of the couch, being so face-to-face with him immediately making your nerves bubble.
“Just liked?” He tilts his head slightly, a smirk curving on his lips.
A deep sigh of breath, “what do you want, Munson?”
He stands up with you, making you back away from him with a heavy footstep, the entire party was too loud and crowded, yet, in this stupid corner, it was just the two of you. “For you to admit that you loooved the song, and how much you missed me,” he sing-songs, taking a step closer to you, musky smell invading your senses, making you take a deep breath.
Both of you stand near the wall, and it should be awkward, it should be enough to make you leave, but all it does is draw you closer to him.
“You’re annoying.”
“Is that why you’ve been avoiding me?”
“I wasn’t avoiding—” He tuts, with his stupid index finger up, rejecting your lie.
“I—I don’t know what you expected.” You shrug, so nonchalantly that his gaze narrows, chest aching with the implications of your words.
“We both knew this wouldn’t last forever, didn’t we?” You chew the inside of your lip to stop those tears that had been begging to flow ever since you listened to the song, wiping off that smirk on Eddie’s lips.
“Would’ve been nice if I got a reminder, and not have been just fully ghosted, huh?” The brunette grumbles with a downturn of his lips, shaking his head in disbelief.
“Oh, don’t act all high and mighty, isn’t that what you do all the fucking time?” you snap, gaze narrowed, and arms crossed against your chest.
“Fuck girls and then leave them? Did it crush your ego this fucking much that I did before you could?”
“What the fuck does that mean?” He retaliates.
“It means I was smart enough to pull myself away from your bullshit,” you rasp, disdain written all over your face.The room seems to shrink as the distance between you decreases.
Another step closer to you, and you didn’t realize your back had hit the wall now. “My bullshit? God, that’s fucking rich, if I seem to recall correctly sweetheart, you were in this as much as I fucking was!”
“Oh, was I?” You bark out a chuckle, cruel, mocking, “I don’t remember being okay with you fucking half the city.” Realization of how bitter and jealous that sounds, dawns on you much later than the words leave your lips, and thankfully, Eddie’s too fucking immersed to realize the double meaning of your words.
“Are you fucking kidding? No strings attached! Non-exclusive! That’s what you fuckin’ signed up for!” His voice echoes, mirroring his frustration, and you open your mouth.
But he doesn’t let you speak further, cutting you off sharply. “Is this all because of that new guy you’re seein’?”
“What? What guy?”
“The one who was all over you earlier,” he bites out, jaw clenched, and you can almost taste his bitterness in the air.
“The same one you fucked at Jeff’s party.”
“Are you stalking me, Munson?”
“Did you just want an excuse to end things? Are the two of you serious or somethin’?” His voice wavered between anger and desperation, gaze pathetically searching for yours, to gauge your reaction.
You scoff. Did he really think you’d end things because of a stupid fling you had which in the first place occurred just so you could forget him? He was so goddamn clueless it drove you insane.
But what you didn’t realize was that you were just as clueless, if not more, because why would he write a song all about you, if this was just about sex? Because who would get so jealous of someone they didn’t care about?
Say my name and his in the same breath.
I dare you to say they taste the same.
The lyrics from his stupid song swirled your thoughts, yet you were still too stupid to see it, weren’t you?
Another step closer to you, a dangerous game the two of you liked to play. He smelled alluring, a fucked up mix of nicotine, his musky cologne, and that damn leather jacket. “Do you really think, he could compare to me, sweetheart?”
Say my name and his in the same breath.
“Tell me he’s fucking better, and he’s actually what you want, and I’ll fucking leave, I’ll bury all the other songs I wrote, tell me, and I’ll be out of your hair forever.”
I dare you to say they taste the same.
And just like that, all the defenses you put up, all the times you ignored him, they are cracked, disappearing into thin air. You hate it, you hate that he has this effect on you, you can feel your mind getting hazier, eyes blinking rapidly to process what the fuck is going on, and his face is mere inches away from yours. You knew their names didn’t taste the same. And you knew he could never ever compare to Eddie.
“Tell me,” he encourages, dares you to. You fail to notice how much emotion his gaze carries, how the corners of his lips twitch, just at the thought of you finally admitting you don’t want him. His stomach turns at the thought, this is his last chance, he knows that, and he can’t fucking lose you. He can’t.
And you don’t know any of that, but you knew, know that no one else could compare to him. And you hate yourself for thinking that, you hate yourself for falling for him, the world stops rotating on its axis when he’s in your peripheral vision, and it’s fucking disgusting. Pathetic. Stupid. Because you know the two of you have no chance. But here you are.
“H—he is b—” Of course, your brow quirks up almost immediately, betraying you quicker than you can even attempt to lie.
That dawning smirk appears on his lips again, it’s mocking, and just as much smug. You want to wipe it off of his stupidly pretty face. “Tell me,” he dares you, again. This time much cockier and confident, and you suddenly realize how small you feel under him.
“He isn’t,” your meek voice is barely audible.
And you don’t register the shaky breath he draws when the words leave your lips, giving him the confirmation he needs. You wanted him, he had no fucking clue why you ghosted him, yet you still wanted him. Just as much as he wanted you.
Both of his hands were placed on the wall now, towering over you, making your breath get caught up in your throat. “Speak up.”
“No, fuck! You know he’s not, you know he could never fucking compare to you, you fucking know tha—” He shuts you up with a rough kiss, lips pressed against yours messily, letting the petty comments die down your throat. Because this is all he wanted, needed to hear anyway.
“Up,” he grunts into the kiss, tapping your thighs, hoisting you up from your waist to help you wrap your legs around him, tight, he wants you at his mercy, locked to him.
You wrap your legs around him, barely, the melty sensation in your knees making you so shaky that he barks out a laugh into your lips, holding you close, firm, the butterflies in your stomach traveling all across your body.
He lifts you up as if you are weightless, arms wrapped around you strongly as he carries you to the nearest empty bedroom, impressively without hitting your back anywhere, so roughly that your core throbs at the feeling of his arms around you.
“Baby,” he mutters as he lowers you down on the bed swiftly, smooth, gaze darkened and pupils blown wide, all the pent up desire waiting to explode.
“Eddie,” you beg, shaky voice sounding purely angelic to his ears once he got rid of his shirt, shrugging it off with a huff, his fingertips grazing against your top, feeling your hardened nipples, causing gasps out of you, he’s quick to pull it over your head while you run your fingers up the grooves of his stomach, the tip of your fingertips almost burns everywhere you touch.
He groans at the sight of your bare breasts, “missed thi-you,” he corrects himself, because that’s all he wanted anyways, you.
He nips at your nipples, tongue good at giving attention to both of them, all wet and warm, making you squirm under his touch, you’re quick to get rid of everything else, leaving you in your panties, making him grunt.
The pad of his thumb rubs against your left nipple, leaving goosebumps in its wake, while his other hand travels down your chest, then your stomach, finally drawing circles when it stops between your thighs, ghosting over your panties before he tugs them down your legs, spreading them apart with a slight hum, pupils blown so wide that you can’t admire those chocolate hues anymore.
He visually drinks in that sight of you, laid down on the couch, eyes squeezed shut, back arched, and he hasn’t even touched you yet. You’re completely at his mercy and his chest aches with need. “So pretty like this f’me,” he coos into your chest, pushing his middle finger inside of you. Making you feel so good that you can’t stop the gasps coming out of your lips.
Pleasure shivers through everywhere he sucks and touches, his finger eases into you when he adds another one, a moan escaping you quickly. “Need to be in here, sweetheart, d’ya have any idea how much I missed this?”
You don’t. You don’t know about the sleepless nights, the drunken ones, the drug-induced ones in an attempt to recreate the high you gave him. It’s fucked up, it’s insanely toxic. Yet, he can’t get enough of you.
His gaze upon you is dangerous, maybe it’s because he had missed you so goddamn much, or maybe because he didn’t know where this would lead, but it felt fucking sentimental, different somehow, and he could feel you, everywhere on his skin.
Your hips start rocking up against him when the pad of his thumb flicks over your clit, making you arch your back, whines, mumbles leaving your lips. And all he can muster is, “so goddamn beautiful, look at you whining for me.”
You can feel his bulge rub against your thigh every now and then, it’s distracting, almost agonizing. You desperately need it inside of you, you had missed him, missed his touch, missed the feeling of him filling you to the brim, you missed seeing his face contort in pleasure when he was inside of you, you wanted him to never forget you again.
That’s why you feel so numb, can barely speak, and of course, Eddie notices, how unusually quiet you are, and he wants to make this unforgettable, just so you have another reason to come back to him. Just so you don’t leave him, just so you stay forever.
“Gone too quiet on me, honey, tell me what you need,” he coos down at you, thumb still caressing your pussy, and all you can fucking do is chew down on your bottom lips, eyeing his bulge that was begging to get out. And he barks out a goddamn chuckle, “P—please, Eddie.” Pathetically leaves your lips.
And normally he would make you beg, tease further, but he reaches to tug down his pants quickly, because fuck, he had missed you. And he can’t bear the thought of not being inside of you any longer.
Thinking is not your strongest suit right now either, your brain is mushy, all the nights and days spent thinking about him, about this explodes into your body. Your pussy aches when you finally see his cock again, a sound of need leaving your lips as you eye his length, so big that pleasure ripples through you, especially when you see his gushy tip, glistening with pre-cum.
You want every fucking inch inside of you, and Eddie’s more than ready to oblige, “What do you need, baby? Tell me.”
“Need you, Eddie,” you moan, all fucked out, his fingers slip in and out of you still, but it isn’t enough for him. He needs more, he craves your validation like he never has before.
“God, you’re soakin’ my fingers, princess,” he grunts, wedging himself between your thighs, weeping cock drips onto your inner thighs, making you moan breathlessly. “Tell me exactly what you fuckin’ want, honey.”
“Eddie.” His name sounds like silk, even when it’s so lewd, Eddie decides, and it makes him let out an impatient huff. “P—please. Need you to fuck me.” It’s so goddamn desperate that you can feel heat rise to your cheeks, but it’s everything to him.
“Want you to fuck me like you mean it.”
“Oh, that’s easy, sweetheart,” he grunts, lining his cock through your entrance, coating himself in your slick, enjoying your mewls before he doesn’t hesitate to push his cock inside of you, inch by inch, relishing the way you cry out for him.
Greedily, you rock your hips into him, making him let out a frustrated groan. “Have no fuckin’ idea how much I missed this greedy cunt, sweetheart, shit.” He thrusts in a few more inches, and breathless moans and babbles of his name fill the air.
“Suckin’ me right in, baby, fuck, you’re so pretty like this, mhmm.” His cock moves inside of you, and your hands are wrapped around his back, desperately clawing at it, the fullness making you want more, “you like that, baby, like bein’ full of me?” A heavy sound leaves his lips, pathetic and you pulse around him.
“S’so good Eddie, and s’big,” you barely manage to let out, and he watches you with that burning amber gaze, thrusting all the way in without hesitation. Those plushy lips that hang open, that filthy mouth, the prettiest fucking features—you, were going to be the death of him.
Maybe it’s because you had missed him, or maybe because you hadn’t experienced this in a long time, or fuck, maybe, just maybe that the song had created a new type of need between the two of you. Using sex as a sort of connection that the both of you desperately needed. But, shit, was it this different this time.
He felt different—his lips, touch, skin as it slapped against yours, it was different.
Full. You feel so fucking full that your back involuntarily arches against him, fingers clenching desperately, your screams and cries filling the room the more he plunges inside of you, deeper, hungry, and just as greedy as you.
“Yeah, better than that asshole?” It rolls off his lips so bitter and jealous that you can barely register it. Not being used to this possessive side of him, and it’s glorious, especially when he’s pounding his frustrations and insecurities into you.
“Mhmm, so much better.” You clawed at his back, every thrust of his hip making you feel higher and higher, mind filled with nothing but him.
“So pretty like this when you say my name, sweetheart… so goddamn beautiful, and all mine, yea?” He wants a confirmation, and wants to hear you say it, his head ducking between your breasts again to kiss, taste, suckle them. Make sure he never forgets it.
“Wanna hear you say it.” He hums, the vibrations reverberating through your chest straight into your core, cock plowed so deep inside of you that you can barely speak through your cries, hitting that sweet spot that every other asshole misses.
You’re too scared to give him what he wants. But you feel him, everywhere, and you still want more, of course, you’re his. That’s all you fucking wanted anyway. Plushy lips shake as you gaze up at him, his amber hues are so sticky-sweet that you still struggle to process it, words come out in a ramble “All yours, Eddie.”
His mouth crashes onto yours roughly, desire coursing through both of your bodies, almost interconnected. “Shit, fuckin’ hell sweetheart, ‘m not gonna last long.” His thrusts are getting sloppier, yet you feel the ravaging desire coursing through your veins.
“So perfect,” he murmurs, the kiss he lays on your lips just as relentless, not letting you breathe or think for a goddamn second, you’re so goddamn close.
And you wonder, how the fuck did you even go two months without this? Without him?
“Eddie!” You cry out once you feel the pad of his thumb rubbing against your clit, eyes squeezed shut as your orgasm washes over you. Pure bliss overtakes you while you claw at his back, his body tenses, and cock flexes as he cums inside of you, groans and curses left in your hair.
Minutes pass of you lying next to each other, breathless, processing everything that just transpired. And you should feel guilty, embarrassed, and should run to the hills for doing this with him again.
But you’re obsessed, addicted. He’s like an excitement that you’re sure you’ve never felt before, running through your veins, like a fucking drug.
Both of you get dressed in silence, the party booming outside is quick to bring the two of you back to reality, and out of the trance that he pulled you in.
He breaks your bewilderment with a slight “Fuck.” Standing on the opposite side of the bed before he fully turns to you. “This wasn’t—I was supposed to talk to you.” He mutters, fingertips anxiously running through his tousled hair.
Caught off guard and awfully curious, you mumble, “About what?”
“The song…”
“I told you I liked it.”
His brow furrows deeper, and he shakes his head in frustration. “No, that’s not it—uh, did you not listen to the lyrics?”
“I did.”
“And?”
Your face searches his for some clarity, you take a step closer to him, the distance between the two of you was still awfully much according to him. “What are you asking of me, Eddie? Did you really think one song would just solve everything?”
“You don’t get it, do you?”
“W—what am I supposed to get Eddie? You wanna have your cake and eat it too! And I just can’t fucking do that, not anymore.”
“That’s—that’s not it!” His voice wavers, with urgency, and desperation in his tone. He takes a step forward, attempting to bridge the emotional gap, feeling so fucking frustrated that he wants to rip his hair out.
“Then fucking explain it to me!” You plead.
“You want an explanation, fine! Fucking fine!” His frustration echoed through the room, pacing back and forth, making you take a deep breath.
Was he… actually gonna do this?
“You wanna know what the fuck I’ve been doing ever since you ghosted me?” He ran a hand through his hair, scared, gaze all mellow and vulnerable in a way you have never seen before. It makes your shoulders slump when you nod.
“I go to those stupid Hollywood parties, meet asshole rockstars—the most interesting shit, yet somehow someway the thought of you will pop up in my mind, uncalled for, might I add, and then I can’t stop thinking about it, can’t stop thinking about you the whole fucking day.” Your eyes widen, trying to absorb his revelation, yet he won’t stop rambling and you feel your chest tighten with each word, fuck, he’s finally doing it.
“I—I never—shit! I never thought myself capable of feeling things like this, but fuck, you came along, with that goddamn smile, throwing a manicured middle finger right in my face, a—and just put up with my bullshit.” His voice softened, and he couldn’t help but trace the contours of your face, to desperately know if you were on the same boat, and you look at him with such glistened eyes that his heart leaps to his stomach.
“My world flipped upside down, and you have proven me, so goddamn wrong that I don’t even know who the fuck I am anymore!” The tears almost welled in your eyes, because, fuck, there was no way this was real.
You reached out instinctively, the corner of your mouth twitching uncontrollably. “E—Eddie, please… please stop saying things you don’t fucking mean.”
“Things I don’t mean?” He gives you a breathy chuckle, ironic, and nowhere near funny. His eyes bore into yours, intense and searching. “Do you think I like feeling whatever the hell this is? I fucking don’t, you have me acting like someone I’m so unfamiliar with, to the point where it scares me. All I can think about is you, you, you, because you occupy every single space of my mind.” Your eyes soften, the room seemingly pulsing with his emotions, making you feel hot everywhere on your body.
He felt the same way.
Eddie felt the same way.
“B—but fuck I’m scared, honey, I’m so goddamn scared,” He admits, the vulnerability in his voice cutting through the tension before he’s at your side, calloused hands grabbing you by the shoulder, so softly that you melt into him.
“Because what if—what if all of this comes crashing down one day?” His voice trembles, gaze avoiding yours, he was scared, so goddamn scared of losing you. Forever. He doesn’t want that, he couldn’t afford that.
“Just two months away from you fucking sucked. I didn’t—I don’t wanna feel these things, but you make it so hard not to.” His forehead rests against yours, making you suck in a deep breath, it’s all so fucking sentimental, and all you wanna do this kiss him, tell him you feel the exact same way. Tell him about your fears.
“And now I can’t fucking stop, fuck,” He confesses, admission punctuated by a frustrated sigh.
“I wrote you a song,” he gently caresses your cheek, and you’re so scared to look up at him, to meet his tender gaze, because you know you can’t hold yourself back.
“I came over to this party in a frenzy when I found out you’d be here,” he continued, his fingers tracing a delicate pattern along your jawline. “I—I just I haven’t even been able to touch another girl.” Your eyes snap open, you’re sure they’re almost heart-shaped now, with the adoration you look at him.
“And, do you actually fucking think I'd write songs for just anyone—” His question lingers in the air before you shut him up with a kiss, rough, sweet, and making Eddie feel dizzy all over, his head struggles to comprehend it all, breathless but he manages to react just in time.
The booming music becoming a mere background noise when he had you, mind swirling with all the possibilities and mouth begging to never stop tasting you. He wants to let you completely engulf him, feel you everywhere.
Everything he wanted and more.
He fucking hates himself for doing this, but he pulls away, mesmerized, eyes so wide that you can’t believe this is Eddie, he’s all flustered, salmon pink. And it makes a wider grin sit on your lips. “So… you—uh, what does this mean?”
You smile at him, lips widely stretching into a grin, as you shrug. “It means I feel the same, Eddie.” you admit, tone a tender reassurance. “That’s why I tried to shut you out… to try to move on, because I was scared—fuck, but I feel the same way.”
“So, does that mean we're dating now?”
“We can take things slow, figure everything out?” you mutter with a shy gaze, lips itching to twitch into a smile, again. “But I—uh—I like you, I really, really like you.”
“Gone soft on me already, sweetheart?” he mumbles with a stupid grin, making you elbow him softly, with an exaggerated playful huff.
He’s quick to flinch, rubbing his arm as if you even delivered a powerful blow. “Ow—what the hell is wrong with you?”
“You think I’m going soft? You’re the one who wrote his feelings as an exaggerated love song!”
He leans further slightly, his grin widening when you gave him those adorable eyes, finding you both equally amusing and endearing. “Oh… just you wait.”
You arched a brow, curiosity piqued, “What the hell does that mean?”
“The album is coming out soon, sweetheart. If you think this was an exaggeration, you should hear the whole fucking thing.”
That glint re-appears in your eyes just as quickly, gaze softening as you melt into his embrace.
“You’re an idiot, Eddie Munson.” You tease, scrunching your nose at him, so adorably that he leans down and presses a gentle kiss onto your hair.
He's an idiot, a total complete fucking idiot, but he's all yours.
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your thoughts on goromi and kazumi? :3c
ok sorry it took me a day to respond it's because when i saw this (and periodically afterwards when i remembered this ask) i legitimately just (out loud, late at night) went
GOD. FUCK. GOD I LOVE WOMEN!!!!!!!!! I LOVE WOMEN I LOVE WOMEN I LOVE WOMEN!!!!!!!!!!! AND I LOVE MY GENDERQUEERS AND I LOVE MY TRANSVESTITES AND MY TRANS PEOPLE AND MY DRAG ARTISTS I LOVE THEM!!!!!!!!!!!
because i didn't know how to verbalize this image that appeared immediately in my mind but which i also had to make myself
literally any of those interpretations of goromi and/or kazumi are incredible gorgeous scrumptious. i was gonna end it there but i gotta reiterate some things actually oh my god i love them so so much
i figured out i was genderfluid right before i first played kiwami so goromi literally changed my brain chemistry
like i don't think i CAN put it into words how much goromi means to me. she's incredible. what the fans have done with her is incredible. i never finished it but i was planning on making a massive post on my relationship with gender and goromi and what she means to me but i can sum it up. im gonna (numbered) list some needs and then talk about how goromi hits each one. (so like 1-4 (general) then 1-4 (goromi))
i have never encountered nor heard of a genderfluid character within canon media. not even a character that uses multiple pronouns. the closest situation to it are shapeshifters, and even then their other genders are more like disguises than "openly same person just different gender/expression", so it doesn't scratch that itch for me and i never really related to them much, nor to even the occasional fictional nonbinary person. i didn't really relate much to transmasc people and their experiences either. honestly, the stuff that grabbed me most were transfem stories, which i didn't understand because im afab (turns out im transfem AND transmasc. i know that's unconventional but you're just gonna have to trust me on it bc im not elaborating rn <3). it's not as if i don't have transmasc-typical experiences or feelings, but it's like. it's different. hell my genderfluidity doesn't even present very much like what I've seen from other ppl. what the fuck. so basically no man is an island except for me okay.
when i go into media expecting queer rep, i tend to be underwhelmed by it. im not sure why exactly, but i tend to enjoy non-canon stuff more for whatever reason, even as i yearn for actual representation. the result of this is that the rep i tend to be most affected by is stuff i stumble into on accident, canon or not, so my expectations/feelings develop more naturally. it's not an exact science, but it's there.
(i think some of the aforementioned issue also comes from the ways rep is done. like maybe they're sapphic, but they're usually both cis and gender conforming (not even gay-looking femme either, like. cishet normie style. hallmark type gay, for lack of a better term) and neurotypical, so their experiences are vastly different from mine. i just tend to latch onto them less than I'd like (i imagine this goes even more for poc because oh my god is (western) sapphic . media like. very very white). basically, i lack investment in them because they lack the texture i need to get a foothold in it)
one of the main problems i have faced as a genderfluid person is a lack of direction in regards to transition. I've never seen it talked about but there's no way for me to ever get a body i am going to be consistently satisfied with, given current technology. the best i can do is try to straddle several common gender demands and compromise between them. if i want to cut my hair, i have to live with it tomorrow, when it might give me dysphoria. if i take hormones, it'll be slow to take and slow to stop. surgery is permanent. it's not that there's no solutions, but i just. can't be the person i want to be at all given moments, or even most of them, because doing anything at all takes from something else. and so when the closest thing we have to genderfluid rep is shapeshifters, it doesn't feel like rep to me because it's a completely unattainable fantasy, and one that disregards one of the primary issues i face given my identity, one I've never seen represented
I've never seen a character that a significant amount of people headcanon as any kind of genderfluid or multigender. i don't really know that many people with such identities either. so even within fandom spaces, where queerness can be more evident/daring, it's a rare thing to see, and never reoccurs within the same character much
im not gonna lie i just really like majima in general okay. and kiwami hyped me up so hard on its queercoding so any little thing got me howling and crying and pointing vigorously.
speaking of which i FUCKING LOVED YAKUZA back then (still do <3) but i literally knew no one who played it and didn't engage with it online other than scrounging pinterest (which was rough but also shoutout to that comment on a majima post that was like "so there's this he/she 😳" you literally actually changed my life and also made me soo so much more transgender. lime it was already there but it got multiplied. thank you i would actually kiss you in real life mwah) so like any queer rep that's good or close enough is gonna rock my world. I'd already talked to rina (that sapphic hostess) and kiryu saying gay rights and her talking about her actual issues was fucking. i cried actual tears over that man it meant a lot to me. not the point rn though
okay i think that's enough. here's how goromi engages with these points
look idk what it is but goromi FUCKS gender wise. big scary gruff nasty yakuza man in the streets, absolute BABE in the sheets. she's gender nonconforming as fuck and she's. god i love her. she's so interesting, the way she's both a disguise and fully just majima for real in a way the other disguises aren't. like she puts so much more design and thought and personality into goromi's clothes when she coulda just gone to party city and grabbed Hostess #1 y'know? she's the same person, but her mannerisms change in ways i relate to. it's intentional and it's not intentional and i love her she's complicated and again gnc femininity is actually super my jam apparently so that's it that's the itch scratched. more in point 4
full disclosure i technically knew about goromi beforehand and was very prepared to fall in love with her, like heart racing clearing my schedule kinda prepared, and i wasn't disappointed. i wasn't expecting it to be like... so good, y'know? like i got my hopes up, i just was kinda also bracing for something queerphobic to happen (which can happen, but it didn't for me), and instead the encounter was really affirming and tender and wonderful and romantic and i really fucking liked it ok. maybe she wasn't supposed to be more than a gag character, i don't know. but there's a lot of genuineness in what she says and how she acts. she feels real, she makes sense like this, and im not alone in seeing that significance. and people took it and ran with it beautifully, because they found something meaningful in that (see 5)
it helps that i was already really invested in majima as a character. he has a LOT of texture and frankly this series can't write or treat its women well so like. we'll make one i guess (transes your fave). a lot of female characters (and a lot of mainstream queer ones as well) tend to be kinda sanitized in certain ways, or just don't have a lot of room for personality elements that could be divisive or non-marketable, if that makes sense. they can't be "ugly" or "annoying" or "cruel" or "gross" or "bitchy" or anything else. my favorite female characters are ones that are allowed to be weird and unpalatable!!! they're wonderful!!!! let women be shnarsty 2k23. and goromi is anything but bland <3
this one's big. goromi has to wake up tomorrow and be a patriarch. she has to keep her men in line. for all the confidence and glamor of the butterfly of the night, she's gotta take it all off tomorrow. maybe when she's not ready for it. maybe she can't do all the stuff she want to with her presentation because of her job, or because she's predominantly guypilled, or whatever. a lot of it for me comes down to her goatee. it's not just that she's gender nonconforming (though that reading is in and of itself deeply refreshing), it's also that she may face some of the limitations in expression that i do, in a way I've never seen expressed before. she has to pick and choose. is she gonna want that goatee tomorrow? is it worth it to shave it off only to feel weird without it? is it worth the time it takes to grow it back? she's no shapeshifter, and it can very well cause her problems. but she still radiates beauty and confidence, y'know? i love her :)
this one's really important too. i have never seen so many people see my (often OUR) experiences in a character like this before. she's WIDELY headcanoned as bigender, genderfluid, etc, and people love her so much. i am not alone in loving her for very gender specific reasons, and the fan content I've seen really resonates so much with me. sometimes when im down I'll just... dig through goromi content. she's a great pick me up, even when her stories aren't completely happy. the myriad ways people interpret her and her identity and how/when it came to be, the self discovery, the confidence, the insecurity, the compromise, the vulnerability!!! the GENDER. (god the outfits they put her in. stop im already dead. im so endeared to her you have no idea. but you probably do and THATS the magic, baby) i have found solace and camaraderie and belonging in people's content of/for her, and im not alone. seeing that passion and excitement is so profound to me, even more so than it usually is with art and community and fan spaces (which is already a lot). when i mentioned i was making a "what goromi means to me as a genderfluid person" post (the one that got scrapped oops lol), someone responded saying they, as a bigender person, also really loved goromi for that. it meant a lot to me to see. genderqueer readings of goromi are obviously not universal and there's for sure transphobia within the rgg fandom, but I've never seen such a large force of people united in not just a trans interpretation, but a genderqueer AND genderweird interpretation. WE THE GENDERFUCKS LOVE HER IS THE POINT
not much to say here besides: this is why marginalized rep matters in all media (rather than just designated gay zones), because seeing it grow/appear in media that means a lot to you makes you feel like you're being seen as a fan. you matter and are a part of that world. i think it especially makes sense as part of a big/long running franchise as well, as a part of adapting to a changing society and an acknowledgement of past gaps and work to correct it. it's also good to get a wide variety of voices and experience portrayed, and that's easier when more people are doing it.
related to above but this one's short but it's one thing to have a side character in an rgg game be queer and accepted, and it's another for a main character to be so queercoded, and accepted within canon, at that. i think that's part of why people care so much about how mine's lines and story are translated and depicted, as well, though that's another tangent for another time
umm other goromi points speed round
number one i have SUCH a big lllllllesbian crush on her oh my god. i love womne. two the visual art these people make of her is insane. like they UNLEASH. three the fan writing surrounding her is also so good mwah thanks y'all four i watch the goromi all answers somewhat frequently fun fact about me five if any character is getting a shrine in my house it's her. kiryu's a second. i need to see this woman all the time im not fucking around six her voice is soooo pretty to me seven why did they put her in the worst lighting in her intro. not important she serves always but that was really strange like she's pretty don't be scared of it. embrace it seven 80s goromi content drives me insane I've posted about it before but it's so fuckinf good eight t4t kazumaji is always going to be incredible and flavors where goromi exist are impeccable. same for saemaji. equality nine i love how she screeches and cackles and wears "gaudy" clothing i love how instead of trying to be the "perfect woman" she's like fuck it im gonna be myself it's like that post about that trans guy who wants to be one of those men who's house has a bunch of disassembled cars in its yard just loving the mundane and the unconventional or unconsidered elements of gender because it feels so good to explore that even if others take it for granted ten HARUKA + AUNT GOROMI CONTENT >>>>>>>!!!!!!!! eleven i love women and i love queens and i love queers uhhh i think that's most of it for now
kazumi time
i also love women. i love kazumi. i love her so so much. much like goromi there's a handful of ways to interpret her identity-wise and they're all fantastic.
something I've noticed about the series while trying to scheme up sapphic/"genderbend" (i mean it's? not the most accurate term but it's as close as i can get. "sexbend but they're cis" is i guess also it but like. they don't have to be cis? anyway) content for these characters is that a lot of the ways they live their lives and express themselves are very tied to a particular kind of masculinity. so like, take kiryu. kiryu's pretty gender conforming, and his job is to be a big strong man who protects the weak. he's expressed feeling pressure due to gendered expectations before. how would one go about an "everyone knows she's a woman + transphobia is not relevant (i.e. a cis woman kiryu or i guess just. really early transition kiryu? idk)" version of her? because she would not have these same expectations living as and being seen by the world + the yakuza as a woman, right? is she gender conforming, or gnc? is she butch or nah, i guess. and i think majima's relationship to goromi has some overlap, with like,, how he is only able to do yakuza things as a man and fun girly stuff as a woman, how she's an outlet/persona (or everyone just thinks she is).
this is to say that people seeing goromi (as she's allowed some wiggle room by being both more mischievous/deceptive and queercoded in a more feminine way) and seeing her and kiryu's dynamic and going oh bitch. it's makeover time and pulling him in is GREAT because it's fun and hrngh women sexyhot but also fascinating in regards to like,, how kiryu as a character relates to gender. I've seen a few interpretations (namely @squishylemonbubbles ) that view kazumi as a sort of way to put the sword and shield down and just... be. be taken care of, even. to be softer in ways she can't be as a man due to her environment. and i LOVE that shit. and then some people are like idk she's a bad bitch though let her have some gender too and that's ALSO GREAT. i like it when people explore her with goromi as a guide/catalyst, though i think it'd be cool to have her do things a little more independently of goromi/majima/kazumaji stuff just for the sake of it. i love her. people should draw/write about her way way way more often and maybe just exclusively from now on and i think maybe I'll be satisfied. i should do that too
bonus thought: we should do this for way more yakuza characters. you're telling me NO ONE has done saejima yet. I've never seen her. no daigo no akiyama no ichiban etc (i was gonna say nishiki but i actually HAVE seen hostess nishiki..... once... <3). c'mon. t-boy swag/drag king haruka also has a lot of potential but i think ppl never do it partially because there's no women in this series so like. endangered species
anyway im not kidding i actually was derailed for a while just going OUHOUUUGHHH I LOVE WOMEN when i first got this and it was a delight getting to answer this, thank you x (also sorry it was so long? anyway im gonna edit this and link to some of my goromi and kazumi content, of which there is too little, because i love them so so so so much. ok bye)
(ok here's some of my goromi and/or kazumi posts. some of them are old and im not proud of them all anymore but that's okay. they may not much but they're honest work. in approximate most recent -> least recent order)
NEW and referenced in i think the tags of this post: 80s goromi kazumaji disco meet cute (meet ugly? tbd)
misc doodles ft 80s goromi AND girlboss nishitani
goromi pink truck dialogue
squishy's kazumi design 1 (ft goromi and haruka)
squishy's kazumi design 2 (but it's just kazumaji this time)
she was a boy and he ate. worms
screaming into the void about drawing kazumi
^^similar but for goromi (actually im redrawing this atm bc i never posted it)
80s goromi text post
another goromi wip i didn't finish oops lmao
wigless goromi wigless goromi
goromi kiryu post-fight printcircle
misc goromis
aunt goromi
unfinished wip teaser i was super confident about and then never finished oops lol anyway it's more goromi
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