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infinitelytheheartexpands · 3 years

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Responses from the Opera Screencaps Captioning Quiz

Hello, everyone, and thank you for taking my quiz! I had SO MUCH fun reading your captions-- there were several times I literally started crying from laughing so hard at the amazingness of your work! With that in mind, the captions (which I will continue to add onto as more people take it):

(also, thank you to @dichterfuerstin for translating the German captions I got)

originally taken from: the Wiener Staatsoper’s 2020 production of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart’s Die Entführung aus dem Serail, featuring Regula Mühlemann (center) as Blonde, Michael Laurenz (right) as Pedrillo, and an unnamed extra (left) as the Grim Reaper

Responses:

(Backstage warm-up) “ok so someone dropped the pulse”

me and my friends watching the fire burn after doing arson

Introducing the polycule to the parents

*boom* ... did...you guys hear that too?

Ma Signor !

Knight in whinging armour gone wrong, look at how he holds the egg. Polyamory with weird knight and death.

the father, son and the holy ghost are very gay

the gays meeting for brunch, 2021, colorized

chicken lady forces death and a very flamboyantly homosexual anthropomorphized pink bird to be parents of her egg (they dont want to be)

That’s just me and my friends on our night out (before covid rip)-- closest

A Good Friday night

good omens (2019)

["the pocket guide to boy/girl/mischief" meme] who's the boy and who's the mischief though????

Papageno and Papagena take their first-born egg trick-or-treating

Angry Birds - The Musical. A pig stole an egg and the bird unites with death to take revenge.

I love my bird wife

Someone got murdered during the funky chicken dance

throuple murders child and steals sibling of said child

When you and your friends have widely different tastes in literature

angel leading twink to his rightful place (hell)

draco malfoy from a very potter musical and a death eater are very much in the wrong show

What have I gotten myself into

Mlm/wlw solidarity but I’m not telling who is who

A woman stands with a pink dipshit with an egg and a reaper.

A bird-couple makes a pact with Death, sacrificing their first-born bird-child in order to bring good luck upon their unborn bird-baby

There are three types of people on Halloween:

Uh oh, I don’t think the mother hen is very happy about this...

oh god, they’ve invented seussical. It’s too early!

gay brunch

Three little maids from school are we

guys maybe if we dress gay enough we can distract everyone from the dead flapper bee in the back

those three killed a duck for her egg and are facing the conswquences.

Duck has egg with human, shocked and upset due to biological impossibility

When you bout to make a banging omelet so you invite your fellow queers

"No mortal man could pass that egg, but heaven shall repair your rectum."

originally taken from: the Salzburg Festival’s 2007 production of Hector Berlioz’s Benvenuto Cellini, featuring Maija Kovalevska (left) as Teresa Balducci, Laurent Naouri (center, in chimney) as Fieramosca, and Burkhard Fritz (right) as Benvenuto Cellini

Responses:

“In this same interlude it doth befall That I, one Snout by name, present a wall; And such a wall, as I would have you think, That had in it a crannied hole or chink, Through which the lovers, Pyramus and Thisby, Did whisper often very secretly. This loam, this rough-cast and this stone doth show That I am that same wall; the truth is so: And this the cranny is, right and sinister, Through which the fearful lovers are to whisper.” - a midsummer night’s dream, act v scene 1

"ah yes a prime specimen. see here, right in this box is our one of a kind hob goblin that can be all yours for the low low price of your soul"

what, YOU don't have a special eavesdropping chimney window?

Hänsel und Gretel plotting against the witch

man takes a wrong turn and ends up in a chimney, catches his girlfriend cheating-- closest

when you end up third wheeling the straight couple

lady cheats on her leather jacket wearing scummy boyfriend and when he unexpectedly comes home she hides the lover in the chimney

A straight girl and her gay best friend gossip about stuff idk

Idk Shakespeare?

experimental couples therapy feat. the chimney mf from mary poppins

Area Couple Inadvertently Traps Santa-in-Training in Chimney as they Attempt Rooftop Flirting

Landlords laugh over student renter's misfortune

I never asked for this

Ay yo lil mama lemme whisper in your ear

voyeurist listens to sandy and Danny from grease

Psssst! Did you hear about Susan? You won’t believe it!

lady and the tramp meets beauty and the beast?

human trafficking

And for just $30 you too could have your own tiny brick cage!

Psst I’m wearing assless chaps under this dress

A couple tortures a man in a box.

It's all fun and games being stuck in a chimney until your greasy uncle steals your crush from right above you-- okay ngl this could actually be a great Don Pasquale concept

Taking eavesdropping to the next level

Will you two stop being lovey dovey and let me out? SUMMER LOVIN, HAPPENED SO FAST—

overhearing how people talk about you when they think they're alone puts you in the shithouse

Does he know we can see him?

dear god, i am so fucking hungry, yall please just do whatever heterosexuals do so i can go eat a popsicle

the human version of the trash man from sesame street is realizing that those two are going to fuck on his trash can

Tmw you capture an angry short dude and start trashtalking him where he can hear

Omg what if we kissed but we actually kissed the lil goblin man under us

"Remember, don't feed him after midnight"

originally taken from: the Théâtre de Capitole du Toulouse’s 2017 staging of Giacomo Meyerbeer’s Le prophète, featuring Leonardo Estevez (right, on fake horse) as Le Comte d’Oberthal

Responses:

“When I said we needed to drain the swamp I didn’t think there were people actually living there”

horse? what horse? no sir i dont know what horse youre referring to.

definitely don't have a napoleon complex going on

King stole La Scala‘s Lohengrin set

king breaks all his horses, has to use statue dragged by servants as transportation because he’s too kingly too walk

Emperor Söder and his subjects on a carnival procession

man on horse makes a big deal out of being on a horse

That’s not Zeffirelli because the horse is not alive

Who the fuck put a horse on the stage

isn't this that picture of napoleon on the horse

Area Count Thinks Citizens will be Intimidated by his Extremely Fake-looking Horse Statue-- closest

Everyone wants their turn on the giant plaster horse. Police are there to make sure everyone waits their turn.

Night out with the lads

Local royalty horrified at the state of his own damn kingdom

gay army fights different gay aesthetics-- hi author how does it feel to be the funniest fucking person on this quiz

Well at least I LOOK badass

ceasar if he hadn't gotten stabbed (colourised)

some soldiers jumped out of my kindergarten fairytale collection book to burn the don carlos flemish deputies at the stake

It’s just a model

Is that how you feel pulling up in your Honda Civic, Madge?

Someone rides a horse statue in public.

Just a normal party with the bros.

what is this, some kind of crossover episode?

Terribly sorry for all the fuss, it’s just, that is, my horse is afraid of neck ruffles. I’ve tried to talk to him about it, but he’s—whoaaa there—he said he was a french courtier in a past life and he’s allergic to English fashion

Horse seller, listen to me! I am riding into battle. I need your strongest horse. - We have horses at home. - The horses at home:

All hail Incitatus the king

we are not ripping off shakespeare’s henry viii. what the fuck. this is about lenny xi you uncultured swine, go drown in a pit of your own farts

oh god is that hamilton

Guy Removed From Art Museum For Sitting On Statue, more at eleven

Gay <3

Officer: This horse... is a virgin! Crowd: *cheers*

originally taken from: the Parma Verdi Festival’s 2017 staging of Giuseppe Verdi’s Stiffelio, featuring Maria Katzarava (left) as Lina and Luciano Ganci (right) as Stiffelio

Responses:

That One kid in class

its a mEntAL BreAkDowN *final countdown but kazoo*

*record scratch* yeah, that's me. you're probably wondering how I got here-- closest

Dad keeps monologuing, teenager is done

left: all of my concerned friends, right: my emo ass having a very public mental breakdown

the demons in the corner of my room when im just trying to sleep

lady gets mansplained to (do i need to say more, we've all been there)

It’s probably an area baritone telling off an area soprano-- sorry; it’s a tenor. soprano is right though.

That was a fake horse in the last photo right?

child comes out as gay to father at a particularly bad time

dissociation solves everything

I can't believe it's not butter

Honey we talked about this

My sleep paralysis demon is Crowley from supernatural

child has nightmare of boring job

When you start dating a singer but he won’t stop practicing at night

just an average day in a hetero marriage

what do i do my wife's having period cramps again

Stop having an existential crisis. It’s time to sing!

“No son of mine will kin Gomez Addams under MY roof”

Crowley stares into space while a teen has post nut clarity.

When he wont stop reciting jordan peterson monologues!!

Do you realize how effed you are?

Ugh, not this lecture again! Dad’s Practicing For His Experimental Indie Band Again

asking your parents for help with your own personal situation and them just ranting off about what they went through instead of helping in any way

Will he shut up already!

no one tell him he’s yelling in the wrong direction, no one tell him plnsbdjddhdj

this kid is tired of his dad listening to rush limbaugh (a man who claimed to be pro life but died anyway)

Me internally vs externally

Daddy issues

originally taken from: the Grand Théâtre de Genève’s 2020 staging of Giacomo Meyerbeer’s Les Huguenots, featuring several chorus members

Responses:

It’s the deadly eye Of Poogley-pie. Look away, look away, As you walk by, ‘Cause whoever looks right at it Surely will die. It’s a good thing you didn’t … You did? … Good-bye. - shel Silverstein

why the fuckith? my good sir, i beg of you to put your pants back on

I hate this itchy hat

Titanic Extras hear that they have to do extra hours

people waiting to board the titanic watch someone fall off the plank

pov: you’re a time traveler

guy in the flatcap is embarrassed by patriotism and pathos

No idea. For some reason Le Marseillaise comes to mind

Is this from Harry Potter?

disneyland main street usa workers on strike

local tries to hide behind Newsies cap to avoid unpleasant but inevitable conversations. meanwhile, some very fashionable ladies look on.

"Thank fuck, 2020 was just a dream after all"

“We gather here today because this bitch got exactly what she deserved” “heaven!” “Stfu Stephanie she’s going to hell and we all know it”-- not quite but this basically happens later on in the opera (and act) so yeah (except the person in question very much Did Not Deserve It)

dc movie filter on bridgerton

america?

looks like my history teacher paused the prohibition documentary again

Who still wears page boy hats bro?

Coming out to a room of people who Already Knew That

Bitches are relieved at some party.

Several drunk people exiting getting off the subway attempting to seem sober and rational but realizing they have somehow lost all of their possessions

How tf do I act natural in this situation-- closest

“do you think any of them noticed that I don’t know the pledge of allegiance”

It's too fucking hot outside for this outfit

when hyyh yoonkook ending just hits different

pedestrians watch in horror as the triangle shirtwaist factory burns and the workers throw themselves out of the windows from a dozen stories up

Starting the pledge of allegiance be like

He's having a heart attack oh no oh god oh fuck

originally taken from: if I remember correctly, the Semperoper Dresden’s 2018 semi-staging of Johann Strauss II’s Die Fledermaus, with Jonas Kaufmann as Gabriel von Eisenstein

Responses:

“William Shakespeare wrote: "To thine own self be true And it must follow, as the night the day Thou canst not then be false to any man" I believe this wise statement best applies to a woman A blonde woman Over the past three years she taught me And showed us all That being true to yourself never goes out of style Ladies and gentlemen Our valedictorian: Elle Woods!” - legally blonde the musical

eat ass, suck a dick, and sell drugs

woooooorrrrd

Finally Jonas has graduated! It’s about time, considering he’s an international star.

what my professors think they look like

Prof. Dr. Dr. When someone tells him there are more than two genders

'and since you've now graduated high school, you'll be entering college etc. blablabla' .........meanwhile, there's a whole row of graduates daring each other to chug the cheap vodka one of them has brought in gallons (yes that happened at my graduation, lol)

Jonas darling baby <3-- can’t argue with that

I just realized I have no idea what the actual fuck happens in an opera

ok this one is just what jonas kaufmann always wears you can't fool me.

"as valedictorian i will share with you the importance of loving the floor"

"Yes, mother, my art degree will make me money!"

Graduation speakers are out, singers are in

Senior year takes a new meaninbg

mansplainer professor explains the concept of feminism to women

Your Prof when you finally turn in that missing assignment be like

younger boris johnson (derogatory)

jonas kaufmann retires from opera and takes up motivational speaking

What a fine graduation evening we’re having today

-70 points for slytherin you all have no swag

A man with a college hat sings.

An obviously greying actor trying to play a university student in a low-budget porn parody

How it feels to graduate high school after being held back for years

East High is a place where teachers encouraged us to break the status quo and define ourselves as we choose. Where a jock can cook up a mean crème brûlée, and a brainiac can break it down on the dance floor-

I may not have been "cool" in high school, but in ten years you will all be working for me!

I finally got my GED!

that one guy in ur intro to cultural anthropology class who mansplains to the professor somehow fucking graduated

he;s just graduating and taking his speech too serously idk

Graduation speeches with that one dude who got held back 3 times

Smrt

originally taken from: the Metropolitan Opera’s 2011 staging of Gioachino Rossini’s Le Comte Ory with Joyce DiDonato (left) as Isolier, Diana Damrau (center) as Countess Adèle, and Juan Diego Florez (right) as Le Comte Ory (disguised as a hermit)

Responses:

There is something very [disturbing grunts] About polyamorous couples - polyamorous, Chris Fleming

jinkies

femme fatale (including to herself)

I’ll have a threesome soon !

Hot guy walks by, everyone swoons.

thirdwheeling friend does not realize the other two are having sex

When your girlfriend had „just two beers“ again

jesus is exasperated about having to drag the two ladies towards doing what he needs them to do instead of purple dramatically declaring suicidal intent over the smallest trivial matters and red being equally dramatic about declaring that it's not the way! stay alive! i love you!!

The throuple is thriving

Get off the milf

orgy

my last three braincells because im a horny slut

countess receives too much love and is confused on how to react

Rasputin's lesser known romp with a much older czarina of russia

Woman's soul leaves body

Jesus and co. are worried after another woman gets pregnant without having sex

bisexual looks at photos of celebrity couples

When you go to the party to socialize with new people but your weirdo friend group starts getting clingy

Jesus cumming

one of those weird church christmas pageants but everybody's drunk

What have I done

Hozier??????????

Jesus assfucks some purple lady being hugged.

This time, the chick IS the magnet

An affair/threesome gone awry (2019 colorized)

What do you mean they canceled GLOW?

“I TOLD you it was cashmere!”

Are you wearing the - - The Gucci dress? Yes I am.

It's not what it looks like!

jesus is fucking that one cheerleader who grew up to be a suburban mom with one (1) super cool dress she stole from her kid who is desperately hugging her middle begging for it back because the spring fling is coming up and jason might actually make eye contact with her for more than three seconds.

jesus and mary magdaline and some other bitch

I’m at a bar and these drunk girls are flirting with me, do I lOOK GAY?!

Shrek 5, jesus's return

c. 2025 First attempt of an Officer and his Wife with a Handmaiden (colourized)

just about all of these are close lol

originally taken from: the Bolshoi Theater’s 1993 staging of Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky’s The Maid of Orléans, featuring Nina Rautio (left) as Joan of Arc and Vyacheslav Pochapsky (right) as Thibaut d’Arc

Responses:

Don’t look, I’m still pooping

yall, the audacity of this man. he fuckin talked to me

*i can't even tell you how wrong you are* *it would be insulting to ME*-- closest

Cospeto!

„No I’m not talking to you, you keep cracking bad jokes!“ - „But I got another!“

when you’re mad at him but he says he’ll buy you food if you cheer up

When I’m wallowing in self-pity but my friends won’t comfort me

right: wanna fuck ;) left: yeah, fuck OFF lmao

Her face is screaming “don’t tell me what to do”

Yeah I got nothing

gay man tries to hit on a lesbian bc he thinks she's a twink. she's not amused but she's watching this happen anyway

me tired of MET's bullshit and them organising a Netrebko, known blackface apologist, a recital during Black History Month. (sorry im still fucking salty lol)

"stop smiling at me like that I'm trying to pout over here"

"I got fleas, you got fleas... wanna fuck?"

I have the best idea!

Haha nooooo don’t hit me with that bat you’re so sexxyy

lesbian is bothered by dilf

Me trying to flirt

if call me by your name was hetero and set in america

how many more dad jokes can i take before i explode

So. You’ve gotten yourself in a little pickle again.

What if we fought in the Russian revolution together ✨???????... unless??

Two people flirt in a poor place of town/

"If you ask me what I've got under this dirty, shapeless tunic one more time I swear to god I will kick your rotting teeth in"

You look like ur gonna kill me but ok

Really? You again?

Okay, I’ve been sitting here for 20 minutes, do you think it’s safe to—oh god, he’s still there.

Have you seen Godot?

she is tired of everyone’s shit. she has done so many derivatives it physically pains her to see a variable. dont test her. ur icarus rn.

idk pick better pictures-- I HAVE DIED THE SHEER AUDACITY AND HUBRIS I LOVE THIS

200% done with your crap

Homeless man has fucking legs of steel n is gonna show off his Russian dance moves

originally taken from: the Théâtre de Capitole du Toulouse’s 2019 staging of Paul Dukas’ Ariane et Barbe-bleue, featuring Sophie Koch (right) as Ariane and I don’t remember who the person on the left is rip me

Responses:

The knight who wore this into battle sure was swaggy

dear god its hiddeous

Capitalism

Knight in shining armour gone even more wrong.

ghost contemplates the safety of spiky motorcycle helmet

„Stop! He feels bullied!“

'this is my newest take for jesus's crucifixion crown ...... what do you mean they already put him up'

That’s probably a really expensive magic helmet idk. IDK-- closest

Omg I love the adventure zone!

minesweeper (windows xp)

"Okay whatever you do don't touch the shiny spiky ball" "It's so shiny I wanna touch it"

Taking down the trash way too late

IT'S NOT A PHASE MOM

Darth Vader got stuck in the freezer.... again. Leia isn’t happy

Star Wars 2030

“And here is the very latest in motorcycle helmet trends” “Look, I only came to the mall for a pair of socks “

futuristic kkk

long-suffering jewelry store attendant really wants to retire

Put it down put it down put it down

“Hmm no you should see a doctor about that”

A weird ass crown is presented

The creation of sars-cov-2: an experimental Eurotrance nightclub art piece gone horribly wrong

How it feels to want something that u cant have

AND WE WILL CALL IT—SPIKE MAN actually do you think that’s too obvious?? Because of the—yeah, because of the spikes?? See, that’s what I’m worried about. I want it to be SCARY

I know it's risky but... lube me up

use the force luke.

that is a weird fleshlight

When you get an ugly gift and need to find a way to get rid of it, so your family member/friend offers to smash it

Touch the orb

originally taken from: the Opera Vlaanderen’s 2019 staging of Fromental Halévy’s La Juive, with Nicole Chevalier (left, with bottle) as Princess Eudoxie, Enea Scala (center, under table) as Prince Léopold, and Roy Cornelius Smith (right) as Éléazar

Responses:

When no one comes to your birthday party :(

fantastic, day 487 of mischief and they have yet to find my masterful hiding spot

i really wonder who he thinks he's playing footsie with

Marriage crisis. Reason sits under the table-- closest but not in the way you think (after all, the man under the table IS a tenor).

the last supper afterparty after jesus left

When you order the last supper on wish

espionage at the Politischer Rosenmontag

Probably the wrong opera but is that Leporello under the table

Now THIS is a Good Friday night

this was every birthday party i went to between the ages of 5 and 11

that awkward moment when you drop your fork under the table but when you re-emerge everyone else has left except one drunk lady and the guy trying to deal with her

After the last supper

Tfw you arrive to the dinner party too early and have to hide until a more fashionable hour

When the cishets aren’t home

waiter hides from customers

Nobody: My dog every time I’m eating:

what's left of the homies Jesus had dinner with

university chem lab experiment gone terribly wrong

I’ve been under the table FOR 30 MINUTES

Set your friends up by tossing them off under the table, they’ll think it’s each other n fall in luv

Someone hids under a table

"You're about to see an surreptitious-under-the-table-dick-sucking master at work"

5 yr old me trying to eat the desert under the table without my parents finding out be like:

They never invite me to their parties!

Just another girl’s night in

Oops! Didn’t notice you the table.

dionysus - bts (2019, colorized)

just a normal episode of eric andre (eric is the one under the table)

Just a normal day with the boys

Thievery

originally taken from: the Théâtre de Capitole du Toulouse’s 2017 staging of Giacomo Meyerbeer’s Le prophète, featuring Kate Aldrich (left, surrounded by women in white) as Fidès and John Osborn (center, looking like a Jesus doppelganger) as Jean de Leyde

Responses:

Hold up, is that Eggman above Jesus?

holy disco

Looks like Tannhäuser. Our lord and saviour Richard Wagner. Now I need to be saved from that.

catholicism

me defending pineapple on pizza (THANK YOU)

jesus but hes about to be abducted by the alien ufo above him

Emmmmmmm Heaven? Idk

Lord of the rings?

ewww christianity gross

"behold, I am Important"

"Seriously?? It's not ACTUALLY pyjama day? Fuck you guys!"

Jesus at the Disco

Jesus Finds The Molerat People Who Live Under Bethlehem

disco is heaven

Want to join my new religion?

the kkk

church christmas pageant where everyone's sober but it's based on the director's fever dream

Am I the only one who sees the giant demon? Just me? Okay...

“Oh god I think I’m starting my period”

A party is held with a priest in the middle

"Let's get this secret Vatican sex party rolling!"

The new avengers endgame set is looking great!!

You know, guys, I try not to be a bother but...I can’t help but feel like I missed a dress code memo for this wedding??? It’s cocktail, right??”

Jesus visits Hogwarts

I must really stink if no one will even come close to me

the extra ass funeral i DESERVE

star wars life day

A cult at it’s best-- closest

Shrek 5, Jesus is still there I guess

originally taken from: the Royal Opera House, Covent Garden’s 2013 staging of Giuseppe Verdi’s Les vêpres siciliennes, featuring Bryan Hymel (left, standing) as Henri, Lianna Haroutounian (center, kneeling in the black gown) as Duchess Hélène, and Erwin Schrott (kneeling to her right) as Jean Procida

Responses:

When the director’s like “great rehearsal guys, just a few notes before I let you go” but it’s already 9:13 and your mom’s waiting in the parking lot

loyalist of subjects

bow before your queen

They forgot to take down the stage boxes after the Vienna opera ball but the show must go on.

somebody forgot to book chairs for this funeral

Me sharing God’s (Hayley koyoko) word on the discord server

mass execution bc the oboe solo sucked ass-- closest

That’s too many black suits I can’t see shit

I can’t even tell what’s going on here

8th grade school assembly about how it's uncool to shit on the walls at school

let's all get fancy so we can go to the opera and sit on the stage (idk this one's hard lol)

"Yes i am a time traveller, now don't freak out"

Tfw you forget to pay your lighting bills

White guys make decisions that will benefit them and screw someone that’s not a white guy over-- OUCH but that is too real (although not really in context here)

dead man gives speech at his own funeral

brotus and the boys ??? last meeting before the stabbing

high society social function ends in mass murder-- right opera, wrong scene

Someone walks into the talent show stage with a dog

Black-dressed bitches worship a man.

Worst school assembly of all time

POV:You're the window in the classroom and someone said "its snowing"

When the conductor shows up fashionably late to the orchestra concert

That's what you get for choosing the cheapest ticket option, get back in the mud where you belong

theyre just trying to jump into a grave at a funeral leabe them alone this is normal

oh my god he really whipped his dick out in front of everyone, this is just like in 1776 guys, except some women are actually in the room this time,

A funeral, stop wearing so much black

I want to slap their bald heads like rice

originally taken from: the Teatro Real Madrid’s 2018 staging of Gaetano Donizetti’s Lucia di Lammermoor, featuring Roberto Tagliavini (right) as Raimondo

Responses:

Crowd “haha!! Looks like someone missed the all-black memo!! Now it’s laugh-in-your-face time! / Guy on the floor (whispering to guy against wall): go, save yourself! I’ll hold them off...”

if i leave now i wont be a witness and can tell the police i had no idea

it was the best of times, it was the worst of times

Guy in the back pretends to help but is to far away to even know what’s going on.

priest walks in on beginning of an orgy, contemplated joining but is too scared-

when someone brings up capitalism but you’re just trying to play minecraft

lol lets trample this guy while the judge isnt looking

Again. Too many black costumes

Loved this Dostoevsky novel

i would know if opera directors were more creative with clothing choices ngl

me on parties lol

"imma just sneak out of here while everyone else is distracted"

"Where did he get this flooring!? Amazing!"

Everyone act normal!

The tell tale heart but they got REALLY drunk

man tposes to ward off vampires after being caught undercover

boys ???? night

the priest really shouldn't have visited the insane asylum-- closest

He’s FINE everyone’s been hit by a car before

Something happens in a room.

Perks of being a wallflower

There's always that one person in the fight whos trying not to get involved when they really wanna

Oh good, they’re all posing for a Rembrandt painting, I can just sneeeeaaak out the back here...

The gamer livestreaming Resident Evil + everyone watching the stream ? waiting for him to open the door just knowing it will trigger a chase scene

Quick!

the guy t posing in the back is regretting his every decision.-- also accurate

the us senate jumps ted cruz, some other wack ass gop senator is trying to sneak away

...I spoke too soon, however this is a James Bond mission

Queers help fellow queer do math but it's a struggle

#opera #opera tag #results #screencaps #captions #caption #caption this #caption contest #this seems to have gone over well and I am Pleased

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bookofmariokingofmaiami · 3 years

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This is the second time making this post because i am angry as fuck because for some reason when I added the names it didn't save so I'm doing this shit again

Hey! I had a stupendus idea, the past few days I've gathered a bunch of mitten squad quotes and captain sauce quotes

Soooo, I'll put wich book of mario characters would say each quote and we'll see what happens

Yes I know 99% of the mitten squad quotes is gonna be bolivia and carbon

Also, some quotes reference characters and locations, so I'll put an [ ] with what I think the book of mario counterpart would be

MITTEN SQUAD SEGMENT

Lewis:"I have successfully turned an ordinary kitchen utensil into the most valuable fork in the known universe, no one man should have this kind of power, but I am not mortal man, as a sexualy identity as a big rock being thrown into the ocean"

Princess of peaches, talking about 1 TEC-20"The robot wasn't able to pick the lock and I lacked the fire power to blow the bitch open"

Marc:"I left a broom there too so my bucket wouldn't be lonely"

Carbon:"Calm down vegetarians I am talking about animals in video games, animals in real life matter way less"

Barney one:"Killing it isn't the hard part, the hard part is getting away from the explosion of the goddamm Nagasaki bomb strapped up its ass that was rigged to explode once it died"

Bolivia:"Todd Howard [barbie], even in death you find a way to fuck me"

Bolivia:"We came back to the little shit with the ant problem and killed most of the ants, I left one alive for the boy, either he becomes a man or that ant will have a very good day"

Goomb:"Me brain fixed gud no hurt no more"

Marc:"Picked up trash for the make a wish kid"

Bolivia, talking about maria:"Because she hits like a bull with down syndrome and has the personality of a piece of plywood"

Belize:"You might be wondering, who is the boy and who is the girl? I won't give it away but I will say this, the knife is a whore"

Maria:"I had armor, i had supplies, i had pockets full of room temperature tomatos"

Bolivia:"For some reason I thought that stupid the horse v2 could fly, bad decision on my part"

Carbon:"For some reason this shrapnel character had 200 BB's, what a weirdo, who caries around 200 BB's?, anyway, I talked to daddy and brought my 300 BB's and headed off to clear off the Jefferson memorial"

Goverman::"Get a juice box and strap on your helmet, because we're going to hell"

Carbon:"I punched a puppy to death"

Marc:"My iq is similar to that of a 14 year old block of cheese"

Lewis:"Theres an oxygen exhaust pipe, the second best tipe of pipe to suck on to keep yourself alive, for those who need hand holding, that was not a drug reference, this is a family friendly channel, it was a suicide joke"

Bolivia:"I got an amazing slow motion shot of dogmeat getting fucked to death by a nuclear warhead"

Maria:"My only option was to become a vampire, wich sucked"

Bolivia:"But just as when like how every virtual dog goes to hell when it dies, what the fuck does that even mean?"

Carbon:"I took advantage of a unconscious military officer and beat him to death"

Barney one:"Nothing else says more victory than overdosing on drugs after a war"

Prof. Ceasar reality:"And decided to go to the much bigger and much more research facility x-13 research facility facility center, WHAT? I think I had a stroke"

Bolivia:"Used more than 3% of my frag mines to blow up a dog"

Carbon:"The last few coursers ran for their non existence lives and I went after them because I'm not letting anyone get away, one got away"

Maria:"I got a warning saying that nuka world is intended for those level 30 or above, Mathematics show us that me being lv11 is close enough to lv30"

Carbon:"Killed a pain-maker and got a glimpse into the big G in the sky who manifested himself as a fire axe floating in the air, this voodoo shit has no place in zion so I chopped of the pain-maker's legs and arms so If there is an afterlife he will be a cripple in hell for all eternity"

Goverman:"Its head turned into jelly, I threw its egg down into the nightmare bellow, and then I jumped after it"

Carbon:"A herd of big hornets paid the ultimate price for being alive"

Goverman:"Used his gun to turn off a woman"

Maria:"Me being the player can't open the door, theres a know you have to twist it its a whole process"

Goverman explained why maria survived the fall:"One of them belonged to God and refused to die"

Goombell, talking about hoko saba:"The dragon I pretended to not exist a few minutes ago is one of my mom's friend's kids so I had to play with him even tho he's weird"

Belize:"There was no hamster's luck in a garbage disposal chance that I would follow this giant fuck all the way to the cit ruins"

Lewis:"Along the way i saved a shopping cart from drowning and returned it to its family"

Prof. Ceasar reality:"Its about 24 million cheez its away from New vegas"

Bolivia:"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to bedworld"

Carbon:"With enough notches in my pistol to spell psychopath in braille"

Gooverman:"I spie with my little eye a ville whore who deserves to die, I cleaved her back in half with my stick and what I saw was glorious"

Maria?:"Its kinda like playing the floor is lava, but you can't see the lava and instead of burning to death you turn into a vegetable"

IDK"I hid from Ringo by hiding in ringo"

Bolivia:"The plate worked as well I thought it would, wich means it didn't work"

Bolivia:"There was a 3 for 1 discount on dead raiders if you use the promo code granade at checkout"

Belize:"The only explanation is that has a 5th appendage wich he pulls out on special occasions, wich probably isn't the case, we all know elmo doesn't pull out"

Goomb:"You don't need those things, Jesus got trough his life without any guns"

Goombape:"When i played it as a children"

Barbie:"Its like how you don't know if your life has any meaning until you die and see your score"

Belize:"This was the most stealth oriented part of the game by a metric mile"

Bolivia:"I stripped him naked, talked with Elliot [lewis] whose face bothered me for some reason,Talked with the samurai[maria], talked with red dead redemption [barney one]"

Carbon:"Some idiot spilled red paint on the clouds"

Bolivia:"Before traveling with the wizard, I spent some time pestering earnie with the prospect of friendship, by walking back and forth in front of him, making him think i wanted to talk to him just for me to keep on walking,I was voted the quietest guy I high-school and I know how loud earnie is screaming inside his head right now, it's kinda fun to be in this side of it :) ,also this isn't related to the video in any way, I just wanted to make it known that i have a sealed copy of elmos letter adventure for Nintendo 64 and you don't"

Maria:"I knew I could use that as a lighthouse of sorts in order to cast myself further into the ocean until i drowned in my own disappointment"

Goombell:"Vulpes[carbon] was adopted, his mother is both infertile and imaginary"

Belize:"Being alone is mental, you can be surrounded by friends family laughs and love on Christmas morning and still be alone in your head"

Bolivia:"I acted in self defense by committing various war crimes"

Carbon:"My throwing spears were broken and wouldn't fly,stupid fucking game"

Bolivia:"That wasn't a lie, it just wasn't the truth"

Maria:"If there's anything Shaun b knows to do is die"

Boombell:"The number of bear traps I activated for sexual reasons turned my angles into a fine powder"

Goverman:"Where the grass is green and the air is even greener"

IDK"I consulted a doctor who flucked out of medical school and followed his advice by killing myself"

Belize:"Being a futuristic[X-nauti], nazi dominated world version of polly poc,etc it has its own set of drawbacks"

Marc:"They're mass effect 3 of fallout 3's 5th dlc, I've never played mass effect"

Lewis:"Who loves their father like how their brother loves his mother's sister"

Carbon:"Like most existential crises it went away after I killed somebody"

Carbon:"If you're wraped in chains and dropped into an empty bathtub to drown, a snorklew won't save you"

Goombape:""A wise man once said "hi! Jeanie may's here" and he's right, there has to be a better way""

Browser:"After it took 3 grown man to kidnap a baby with a gun"

goldbob:"The lever action gun riffle can kill a mutant in a single shot if you land a shot that can kill it in one hit"

Maria:"Its 2020, Noone wants to use their hands anymore"

Bolivia:"Before journeying into more death, some jackass hit me with a granade and killed me, not the explosion, the granade bouncing off my soon to be corpse is was what made me dead"

Belize:"Some Neanderthals gave me their bullets to hold in a pretty rude way >:("

Princess of peaches:"Im not worried about offending blind people, it's not like they'll be watching this"

Carbon:"30 seconds is longer than you'd think, ask anyone whose been on fire"

Lewis:"I was as useful as a comatose toddler with a nerf gun at pearl harbor"

Goomb:"I also poused the challenge to satisfy the curiosity of mine regarding the birds in the sky that Don real because birds aren't exist"

Marc:"Any doctor worth their weight in styrofoam cups can fix a leg with their feet"

Bolivia:"I had me a silenced weapon, but I didn't account for today being his birthday, this changes everything, so I shaped for hollow point"

Carbon:"Maybe if Steve earlin had a gun instead of a snorklew he'd still be alive today"

Marc:"It took me 30 minutes and 3 phone calls to get my food because I'm too much of a pussy to go outside at 10 o'clock at night while drunk in a Christmas sweater after news year to steal my own food of one my neighbors doorstep"

Maria:"We've got rogue, tank dampse, and squidword"

Lewis;"And they're no joke, but I am, I am the big joke and my body is the punchline"

Bolivia:"I got mentally Nagasaki'd by this guy at the stables"

IDK"And went outside where Victor is unhappy with me, after killing Victor, Victor came out of the lucky 38 to avenge victor"

Bolivia:" i shot a kid, i sent that little bitch to the moon"

Sushiya, testing her products:"The door was of its axis, a plate was misbehaving on the chair, a cattle was dancing on the table like the whore she is"

Carbon:"And went shopping for dead bodies, they weren't in stock, but i know a guy who knows a guy who could help me out, both of those guys are me"

Bolivia:"Now vault yosh is I your head too, and he won't be going anywhere"

Maria's son:"As much of a monster that I look like, I think it's gonna work"

Sushiya:"But you know what they say, imagination is what happens when annoyance meets drug use"

Carbon:"If they're stupid enough to be in my way they might as well be my enemy"

Goverman:"But the slippery bastard was too clever, he walked around it, I didn't even know that such a maneuver was even possible"

IDK"Homeland security at this point has yet to be impregnated by a sentient barrel of oil"

Bolivia:" if I drunkenly put a giant hole on my sink with a goddam coffee cup imagine what I could do with a gun"

Belize:"Got ambushed in the freezer while searching for chicken nuggets"

Goverman:"But the fucken bullet Williams come flying out of fucking nowhere"

Maria:"The next second you're in a universe where everything that exists is the sick bastard child of a drunken fuckfest between a pin screen and a light brush"

Bolivia:"Ask the cashier if they have a granade, if they say no, say nothing for a few seconds, put a big smile, put your hands on theirs and quietly ask, would you like one?"

Sean hampton:"Can't do anything until I have my arms around a fat man"

Barbie:"The premise of this run is that I have no arms and I must dab"

Maria's son:"I told you before that I was a genetic disaster"

Bolivia:"And in that cabin, theres some west Virginian mountain folk who are so deep in incest that one of them somehow managed to be his own father"

Bolivia:"Can you hear that? It's…. It's an air conditioner! And it's so fucking anoying, aw no I hurt it's feelings :( "

Goverman:"He could probably put the end of his musket inside his mouth, pull the trigger and still miss"

Barney one:"The big beaver ended his life in stile, he even made a summersault into the afterlife"

Goverman:"Im a good Christian boy, I'll save my ammo for my suicide"

Carbon:"I am not Cinderella, I'm a parasite"

IDK"I played with a doggy too, it used the flesh on my arm as a chew toy, and I booked his nose with a nuclear newspaper to show that that kind of thing isn't allowed in the mitten squad household"

Sean hampton:"The crusable is a magical weapon like divorce papers, capable of tearing everything it comes across in half"

Barbie:"The curse of grandma sparkle managed to reach me all the way in hell"

Barney one:"If you are gonna get a cat, you might get a gun aswell"

Belize:"Corn on the Joe sat back not helping his brother's"

Carbon:"I bought 24 regular bullets,28 hollow points, and 60 that need to wear a helmet"

Bolivia:"After the squad died I had to content with the leftovers, the scraps, statically speaking the majority of what remained"

Lewis:"What I need to face is like a toddler with a learning disability, that would be fair"

Carbon:"I took both left eyes of this dead guy "

Carbon:"It took longer to pull out the Esther than it took of kill the general"

Sushiya, while high:"Deeper inside shit got weird, i killed a giant skeleton right? Nothing weird about that, but then his body just kinda danced in place really slowly, I tought speeding up time would fix it, that was a massive fucking mistake, and changing time back to normal was an even bigger mistake, he'll be hunting me until I die, but until then he'll still be dancing"

CAPTAINSAUCE SEGMENT

Carbon:"They're old, how hard can it be to turn them into blueberry jam and ram them into the grass"

Belize:"I guess if you do electrocute a tank enough it would just explode"

Boliviz:"Id have a better chance of finding a snowball down here than winning a coin toss"

Marc:"How does my Christmas lights break to a stiff breeze but these ones are practically terminators"

Barney one:"I never tought id see the day where I would have to hire a sniper to assassinate a troublesome light bulb but here we are "

Lewis:"I get the feeling if you try to milk a minotaur then you're gonna be its wife"

Sushiya:"In the history of mankind do you think we've ever seen a snake fight an octopus?"

Goverman:"Lets see if you can wobble your way trough the grim reaper" [the grim being carbon]

Goldbob:"Its a steaming pile of something ill tell you that much"

Goverman:"He died? How! Did he have an allergic reaction to the sun?"

Goomb:"Michelangelo is Swiss cheese and where good to go"

Bolivia:"It really looks like I'm taking a sharpened stick to a bazooka fight"

Maria:"HOW DID I GO FROM FIGHTING AN OCTOPUS IN A SUIT TO WW3???"

Princess of peaches, talking about 1TEC-20:"Im playing pictionary with a blind robot"

maria:"Theres on the nose dialogue and then there's punch you in the nose dialogue"

Bolivia, talking about barney one:"This lady looks like her father was half refrigerator"

IDK"Im supposed to sabotage the mail missile assembly line but it looks like someone got here before me"

Belize?:"And the ghosts of previously murdered pianos???"

Maria:"Im getting outsmarted by puppets"

Bolivia:"After careful deliberation with my associate we've come to the conclusion that the local government must have Removed all quarters from circulation, the laundromat went under and before you know it the entire society fell into nudism and then anarchy "

Carbon?:"This is like the hunger games of sesame street"

IDK"Im a weird shotgun santa"

Garlic?:"Oh damm! CTHULO IS THICC"

Krump:"What kind of interdimensional time traveling toilet is this?"

Carbon:"Wheater it be cultural appropriation or demonic abomination, i don't realy care im just gonna try to hit it with a pee bucket"

Carbon:"THIS IS THE MEDIEVAL RUSSIAN VERSION OF DRIVING INTO BATTLE WITH A TANK BUT SHOOT PEOPLE WITH A BB GUN"

Belize::"I DIDN'T KNOW GRANNY WAS TAKING GRAVEDIGGER TO CHURCH THIS MORNING"

Goombell:"This isn't a bridge its just the worlds weakest motorcycle trebuchet "

Bolivia:"Oh hellow mr berry"

Carbon:"Giant alien space worm 2020, make America worm poop again"

Bolivia:"When did snuffy[barney one] decide to judas me and join the hobbits?[origamis]"

Lewis:"Theres a surprisingly high amount of chickens in this map and a dramatic lack of eggs"

Bolivia:"Im pretty sure we've sent the first claim to the moon"

Maria:"And yet I'm forced to defend myself from stuff like bloodthirsty scp's using nothing but uncooked t-bone stake, I mean technically its doable but it doesn't make It any less ridiculous"

Barbie:"What's the point of a metal detector if literally everyone here has somekind of cybernetic, like I swear to God If I walk trough here aND you guys start pounding the shit out of me just because I got a couple of extra inches of robo-dong IM GONNA BE PISSED"

Bolivia:"Everyone's wearing slick black suits meanwhile I look like somebody skinned a couch from the 70s"

Sushiya:"Is this bacon flavored weed or weed flavored bacon?"

Sean hampton:"Do you think that Darth Vader ever had to deal with a rebel or a henchmen who was into getting chocked? Like starts force checking them and they tell him to go harder?"

Koopley:"I was stabbed to death by a naked man with a spear and my arm is perpetually running"

Koop kotu:"So I'm crazy enough to be locked behind bars but not crazy enough to think I can fly*

Bolivia:"Usually spooders have 8 arms not 8 abs"

Carbon:"I just bludgeoned Jesus to death with a stick of meat, I'm guessing he's gonna be back in a couple of days he's gonna be looking for me so we'll start running now"

Carbon:"Im done with words, shooty goody time"

Maria?:"Id have a better time cutting down bushes then these strange little robo hobits"

Belize:"Dad this is not the time to be dancing with crabs!"

Maria:"Thats my little brother, who has a fully posable deny devito action figure,I've always been jealous of that one"

Bolivia:"The turns are tabbleling"

Maria, talking about barbie:"She's not exactly the brightest tool at the picnic"

Belize:"Are you kidding me mom? Realy?, you were the one that said you're sick of seeing donkey kongs donkey dong"

Maria:"I have no idea what was in that Wonster energy drink that made him go master roshe style"

Bolivia:"I want to file a complaint against Stacy [belize] for T-posing to assert Dominance over me"

Marc:"Believe it or not dangling a padlock the size of a shoebox from a doorknob does as much work as I want to"

Caesar reality:"You can never have too many rotten floor bananas"

Carbon:"Poisoning your boss is probably not the best way to skip work, but ya boy gotta do what he has to do"

Goverman:"I'll take nicknames of my penis for 300$ alex"

Starvinden?:"I guess we'll just leave you in your special sarcophagus mr tutan-deez-nuts"[browser]

Lewis:"I've been skipping work for 2 weeks now and I'm starting to think that my computer isn't even plugged in"

Bolivia, talking to maria:"Your suit smells like a wet fart and your mouth smells like a ashtray"

Bolivia:"If anyone needs me I'll be on the insane asylum, why am I caressing a mannequin on top of a boat?"

Carbon:"Would you like to hang yourself or be crucified? Dealers choice!"

Bolivia talking about carbon:"He's doing something ingenious probably diabolical……..or he's dressed as a panda"

Marc:"We should really pay for security around here not only are people breaking in there is also a giant spine breaking chickens"

Maria to Bolivia:"You are very angry at that stake"

Sushiya, after using its products:"I wonder why was I twerking at the office statue"

IDK"WHY IS THERE A GIANT NAKED MAN IN THE LOCKER CHOCKING ME TO DEATH WITH A CHAIN??!!!"

goombell:"I guess we're gonna leave the cookie monster dildo in the locker"

Sean hampton, to Maria:"My love for you is like diarrhea, sometimes I just can't hold it in"

Bolivia:"You're watching me In a Google video platform playing a game from a Google gaming platform that was translated using Google translate, if this isn't a dystopian future I don't know what is"

Bolivia?:"I couldn't have predicted the run after her like a velociraptor made out of pool noodles"

Lewis:"Jumping Jack neighbor help me!"

Bolivia:"Bread! There's no bread,there's your bread! That's a cookie God dammit"

Belize:"So I can be invited to the worlds saddest birthday party"

Maria:"I guess we're playing ring around the Rosie till I lose his dumb ass"

Carbon:"If you see jehovah's witness you tell them to eat shit"

Bolivia:"HOW CAN YOU AFFORD A GUARD BIRD AND NOT A DOOR STOP?"

Bolivia::"For my shopping list I need to find a floppy disk with a s, but for the distraction I could use a floppy dick with sunglasses and a tie"

Carbon:"I really hoped that your little bird bath had a couple inches of water so I could steal a tiny toaster to throw it in with you"

Belize::"Its pretty safe to say Mr voice bad Benjamin good, but we just saw Benjamin talk with the grim reaper and pull around a cart wich is about the size of a child's body"

Goombell:"She may have a crush on the interdimensional death fox"

Maria:"Its like the herpes of craft supplies"

Barney one:"Everyone wants to split checks for keano Reaves, even if they're a 10ft dragon made out of logos and seizures what is going on right now?"

Sushiya, high, again:"When I dilapidated the banana and poked the mayo's brain then had an indept conversation with the strawberry cocoon did bread get arrested? I didn't see the police come by, that would make sense because the alcoholic cat ran away"

Carbon:"IF THEY HAVE AN ASS TO PULL PUNS OUT OF THEY HAVE TO HAVE A BRAIN TO THINK THEM UP"

Goombell:"I think I graduated for the university of food torture"

Well, this is all, took some time but it's here, hope you enjoyed

Frequent reblogers

<《{[(@boom-fanfic-a-latta )]}》>

<《{[( @gumdorp )]}》>

PLEASE REBLOG!

#funny #mario #paper mario #book of mario #bolivia #mary #barbie the bob omb #1000 infernal air sleeves #quotes #captainsauce #mitten squad #paul #goomb #goverman #goombell #carbon

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ivydcmir-blog · 5 years

Text

☁☼☁( ****. simay barlas. cis female. 21 ). welcome back to your summer paradise, IVY DEMIR we were wondering when you’d finally show up! the town’s really missed how MESMERIZING you are, even if you can be a bit AMORAL at times. we hear back home they call you the CHERRY PIT, makes sense considering you remind everyone of IMPORTED CIGARETTES, OLD LOVE SONGS COMING FROM A RECORD PLAYER, PERFUME AT THE BASE OF A THROAT, & FAST CARS AT MIDNIGHT. ☁☼☁

oh she’s extra late to the party ! im she .... my name’s xan im 22 and from the est timezone i go by she / her pronouns and ur watching disney channel <3 i am....so excited to bring ivy to life ... shes been my sleep paralysis demon for weeks its time for me to set her free baby ! lets go !

first things first ivy is inspired by characters like effy from skins, georgina & serena from gossip girl, and just a TINY bit of villanelle from killing eve ( not the....assassin part.... )

her daddy’s side of the family are oil tycoons and her mom’s side ? well ivy has no idea what they do or who they were

basically a little after ivy turned a year old her mother just . poofed...vanished into thin air and didn’t leave a trace behind. growing up ivy would hear a lot of rumors from the staff abt what kind of person her mom was or where she went but the one person who could tell her the truth ( her dad ) just refused to talk abt it. he got super angry anytime she used to try so ivy stopped asking !

she was born in tokyo actually ( on her parents anniversary trip, which was another mystery ) but was raised in manhattan ! she is absolutely in love with nyc and definitely considers it her home

so shes filthy rich and i mean like ... disgusting billionaire rich to the point that it’s just not right and you know, that definitely shaped her upbringing. even as a little girl ivy found it very clear the amount of power she has just by being born into the right family

she was....kind of a strange child ! she was abnormally sharp for her age and intuitive and without that maternal figure in her life, ivy grew very attached to her father. he’d even take her along to business meetings because she was well behaved

as she grew up it started to become apparent ivy liked to play games. the more she observed the people around her ( the staff, her dad, his business partners, the kids at school, etc. ) the better she got at finding out what made people tick. sometimes her games were harmless ( like flirting with the boys she knew her friends were crushing on ) and sometimes they were more intense ( like setting up empty pill bottles around her and pretending she’d overdosed to freak out the maids ) ask ivy why she did any of it and she’d simply tell you she was bored

high school ivy was very much reckless like this. she found the upper east side teen drama so dreary she’d often act out just for a change of pace. i’d like to think she broke the record for most detentions at whatever private school she went to. she was definitely someone just about everyone knew just because of all the rumors she stirred up doing crazy things

despite all the misdemeanors she got into yale ! her dad is basically on of the biggest donors to the university. there’s probably a building somewhere on campus with her last name on it, but ivy really couldnt care less. she didnt exactly want to go to college and she definitely didnt want to leave nyc, but shes got this weird complex with her dad and really cannot tell the man no ! so she majors in classics just bc she thought it’d be neat to have to learn latin

of course ... she starts to get bored. she’s already barely attending classes and on academic probation so when it leaks to the dean she’s sleeping with a professor ? ivy was sure it’d be expulsion.....but then it wasn’t ! turned out her dad had made a special deal with yale and after a nice monetary exchange it was like ivy never did anything....

after her dad announced he was going to turkey for his brother’s funeral last august she decided to "take a gap year” from yale but really she’s got no plan to ever go back ! instead she disappeared much like her mother did for a whole year without a trace. she told absolutely no one where she was going or what she was doing.....and she’s come back to the hamptons for the summer with no warning !

PERSONALITY & TIDBITS

so ivy is....all over the place ! most of the way she behaves is because she finds it a bit too easy to grow bored. still very much into playing games with people bc she gets a kick out of it ! it takes a lot for ivy to take anything seriously so she’s not exactly the best person to come to if you need advice or comfort. if you’re looking for excitement? trouble? an out of body experience ? then she is 100% your girl

for someone so chaotic she is weirdly nostalgic and sentimental about things. she’s obsessed with greek heroes and foreign poets and superstitions and it’s not uncommon to find her getting existential with you with a cigarette dangling from her fingertips and a foggy look in her eyes. she’ll say something that seems entirely deep and profound one minute, and the next she’s blowing smoke in your face asking if you want to do a line in the bathroom with a wicked smile on her painted lips

a huge flirt ! she will and she does hit on absolutely everyone. definitely not the traditionally romantic type but she does go through phases where she tends to hyper fixate on others for specific periods of time. until she gets bored. it’s a vicious cycle

full of unhealthy habits that include drinking, smoking, doing drugs, fucking around, but the worst is how little she sleeps. she’s been prone to nightmares ever since she was a kid but she’s never acknowledged it as a problem despite it obviously being one

once she flew to paris with nothing but a cheap pink wig. wore it the whole time she was there and called herself yvette.

picked up her father’s obsession with luxury cars. not only does she collect them, she races them, too. most infamous stint was showing up to a race in an evening gown and winning.

speaks about five languages fluently. often likes to fuck with snobby rich people at high society events by pretending she can’t speak or understand english, only to turn around and speak to someone else in perfect english

it’s rumored she once snuck onto the yacht of a ceo to a fortune 500 company, only for him to find her in nothing but a bath towel eating chocolates while flipping through his playboy magazines, and that he was so taken with her instead of pressing charges he decided to name the boat after ivy.

rumors are rumors, but you really never know with ivy....

thats it !!! if you’re reading this you made it !! please come plot with me i know im late but i have a lot of heart memes saved up and i cant use those by myself </3 we can message through im’s but im 100% easier to get in contact with over discord @ EL i love u 💖✨🌙#8172

#palms:intro #forgot i didnt make an ooc tag .... cute of me to forget x #this is so late and honestly ? thats so on brand for me its fine !#spare plots anyone ?#i didnt proof read this if it makes zero sense......well thats also on brand for me /:

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lumiereswig · 5 years

Note

Do you have any crossovers with/AUs inspired by "Moulin Rouge!"? I know there's a fics list page but my wifi is so stupid slow it never loads so I can never tell.

nope! srry

since u can’t load the fics page im gonna give it all to you right here boo

Lumiere discovers something new, post-curse: Matches

Plumette/Lumiere, pre-curse. Plumette growing up and Lumiere growing close. Lit By The Sun

Plumette/Lumiere, immediately after being cursed: Fire and Feathers

Lumiere meets the prince for the first time: A Showman Through and Through

Plumette/Lumiere as college kids: Modern AU that is not super great but eh i tried

plumiere in love: it’s right here for now (at least until I edit it and make it better)

here’s Scotland

“a maid that has a crush on Lumiere faking being Plumette and trying to seduce him”: hahaha this one still makes me laugh

abandoned ‘kidnapped’ fic—here

lumiere finding out plumette is pregnant: Here.

lumiere sees the baby for the first time: Here. Aww.

“a one shot in which plumette and lumiere go on a romantic tryst about the castle in the days following their wedding 💕”: poor cogsworth

Lumiere is the sexiest sandwich in the palace. Here.

Plumette gets sick, it’s really sad: Right over here, pal.

More plumiere falling in love here.

Tale as old as time, older than that guy, Beauty and Maurice.

garderenza backstory? here it is

So, like: what if Mulan showed up.

“can i please have a crack-shippy fic where everybody is in love with the wrong people.” Here.

figuring out how to be human again. here

lumiere/plumette body swap HERE.

“Movie night at the castle!” As you wish.

a bunch of other maids have a crush on lumiere and try to get his attention: a short fic about trapezes

“A group of poor motherless ducklings imprint on Plumette” QUACK QUACK.

“please expand on that night when Plumette and co. got drunk because of Chapeau’s brandy + wine idea…” I don’t know why I like writing drunk!staff so much but i DO

1991, MEET 2017!

What happened to Gaston? The only Gaston fic I’ll ever write, probably. Here.

He is nineteen. She is younger. Lumiere tells Plumette a fairytale. Lit by the Moon.

“How about a fic were the staff play light as a feather stiff as a board with Plumette as the board.“ what the fuck even is this game i am still confused but on y va, i guess

ATTRACTIVE FARMER MAN AND HIS TWO WIVES

Plumette’s last seconds before the curse takes hold. Laughing Still.

Forgotten. [Ongoing]

Plumiere in the rain. Quick mini-fic. I’ve Seen Fire and Rain

“quick question : how often does lumiere get sick?” Here.

“What if the day the curse was broken the staff go batshit crazy over being able to eat again so they eat until their stomachs hurt. Then Chip starts a food fight by throwing a bread roll at Cogsworth.” THIS HAPPENED?

“A dragon comes to try and eat Plumette” Lumiere is a fire-bender

“crack fic where they somehow discover theyre fictional” this one was so fun to write, lumiere picks up ewan’s scottish accent and hates it

“What about a really cute fic were Lumiere and Plumette fake being sick so they don’t have to work and get to spend the whole day together” poor cogsworth part 2

“Who gets the weird nightmares and who consoles the other at two in the morning because they’re in tears.” Me, because I just want my OTP to have nice things. Here.

”coffeeshop au but its still set in the 18th century“ BUT WHAT DO YOU THINK OF ROUSSEAU, THO??

“Can you write about Lumiere throwing Plumette a surprise birthday party for her?” hey

“Chip wants to be maître d’ someday and follows Lumière around the castle as his little protégé” he’s going to be a better one than lumiere here

“don’t think about how painful the transformation must have been for the servants" do i ever think of anything else. [the answer is no]

“*Whispers in your ear* AMNESIAC LUMIERE” FUCK. HOW’D YOU KNOW I LOVE AMNESIA FICS?? FUCK. ultimately one of my favorite fics. holy fuck

“*Whispers in your ear* AMNESIAC LUMIERE” part TWO, motherfuckers

“Maybe one during the curse where they can suddenly hear the soundtrack around them?“ poor cadenza

“What if somebody after the curse was broken just out of nowhere started playing the Aria. I NEED FEELS” have you thought about horrible things yet today

“The castle has to order in pizza” adam would like to register a complaint.

“Ewan McGregor and Lumiere switching universes" here

”A water balloon fight that gets out of hand?“ SPLASH.

Les Miserabeauty and the Beast. Here.

“Can you do where everyone is turn into a baby” ANGST

STANFOU ROMANCE

“Nutcracker AU?!” aw fuck here

“I Never Really Knew You”—Cadenza & Adam

“He Must Loathe Me”—Chapeau & Plumette

“The Sound of Her Weeping”—Garderobe & Lumiere

“Her Little Satin Slippers”—Cogsworth & Plumette

“Home”—Mrs. Potts & Plumette

“Chapeau’s Charade”—Belle & Chapeau

“Lullaby”—Garderobe & Plumette

“Cake in the Sun”—Lumiere & Stanley

“Like You Used To”—Adam & Garderobe

“Why The Beast Eats Like….That”—Chip & The Beast

“The Boy’s Hand”—Chip & Adam

“The Pink Vest”—Garderobe & Cogsworth

“Draw”—Maurice & Adam

“They’ll Never Meet Again”—Plumette & Garderobe.

“Her Beautiful Maman”—Garderobe & Plumette, in the parents AU. Also: Lumiere & Frou-Frou. Woof.

“have Belle and Adam watch batb 2017?” sure.

“I would love to see their reaction to singing in the rain! It’s my all time favorite movies!! ❤️❤️" 🌧🌧🌧🌧SAME 🌧🌧🌧🌧

“consider the coconut” MOANA CRACK.

“Plumiere goes to Paris?” Prequel fic! [oh là là]

“thy crackest crack of all - batb but adam/belle and lumiere/plumette swap places” lumiere turns into a dragon

“so. um. amnesiac adam?“ FUCK. FUCK.FUCK.

”Mary Poppins would be practically perfect in every way!” Feed the fucking birds

“I should have told you a long time ago.” Plumette wakes up, after their first night together. Fits into the “Lit by the Sun” story.

“This is why we can’t have nice things/you don’t see me”—right after the curse, Plumiere cope with their new forms. Angst?

“Prove It/You’re Drunk.” Lumiere had….a night of it. Poor Cogsworth, the Continuing Saga

“great comet” fic: the candle in the mirror

“I’ve been waiting a long time.” finally a happy!cogsworth fic. Tic toc.

“Batb and Frozen crossover pls“—it’s garbage

The whole palace body swaps. here

“What happens when Lumiere’s family wakes up and realizes they have a son at the palace?” well SHIT ! there’s a prompt

“Chapeau having to relearn and figure out how to play the violin once he’s turned into a coatrack.” Shh.

a cuisinier fic! this fandom doesn’t deserve him

“Batb and Robin Hood crossover!!!!!” fuck

“how about the castle residents plays a giant game of live clue.” Adam would like to register another complaint

Lit by the Stars. Plumette and Lumiere meet for the first time.

“belle catches a cold?” i’m allergic to fluff

“how about amnesiac belle this time?” FUCK

w o w this one’s about plumette & belle sharing plague stories

“Can you do where Lumiere and Plumette babysit Chip while Mrs. Potts is working” cute? ??

Wedding Cake: it’s huge

“lightly read fanfiction.” RIGHT?!

“You should let them watch the classic movie Beauty and the Beast” here

“ plumette x lumière modern spies AU” here.

“cogsworth angst” YOU GOT IT dude

“Hi, could you do some fluff and angst headcanons for Madame de Garderobe and Cadenza please xx” the honeymooners

“Shalalalalala my oh my, looks like the boy’s too shy, ain’t gonna kiss the girl” has lumiere ever been shy in his life ?

“Would you care to write a drabble of the castle redoing Mrs. and Mr. Potts’s wedding because Chip found his mother’s wedding dress and was bummed that he missed it?“ oh hey unrelated: i never dated a christmas ornament

“imagine plumiere first met AFTER they were turned into objects” um: FUCK YES.

“Batb characters in the titanic” too soon, people. too soon.

“Plumiere prompt: A whole new world! new fantastic point of view. No one to tell us no. Or where to go. Or say we’re only dreaming.” ok

“a touring theatre group comes to perform at the castle” this is more like a headcanon but it’s long as fuck so it ended up here

“cogsworth discovers he can fly” this is so wrong, this is so right

“Card Tricks”—Lumiere & Chip

“Coffee & Tea”—Lefou & Mrs. Potts

“Lion’s Mane”—Cuisiner & Plumette & Adam

“the characters read some of your fics and their reactions” o fuck. crack.

“Ok, but what about someone slipping Lumiere a love potion meant for Plumette??” kisses

Plumette stargazes; Lumiere dates someone else. Veronique

“ding dong we need more cogsworth- can we have something with him and mrs. potts bonding over all of their dumb kids” ding dong yes yes yes we do!

the villagers get cursed. a trash fic!!!![[[[ongoing]]]

Seating Arrangementsare! important! here.

“cogsworth sharing plumette’s first dance with her at her wedding, and…” I don’t dance.

poly garderenza/belle. i love this bullshit. i ship this

“Bonjour you wrote a fic about Luimere taking care of Plumette when she’s sick, can you write one about Plumette taking care of Lumiere? 💛💛” cough!

The First Untethered Hot Air Balloon Flight: oh, fuck.

garderenza content FEELS

“amnesiac belle?” COMPLETED, BITCHES. fucking ga w w d

“Can we have cogsworth headcanons?? Pretty please mon ami??” Dulce et decorum est.

“Eclipse”—Lumiere & Chip

what if the servants came awake again, in modern days? Here

‘do you remember when we were human?’ Plumiere shit.

A history lesson w/Cogs and Lums. Beware the dust. Album.

GARDERENZA HIGH SCHOOL AU !!!

“Woof”— Belle & Frou-Frou

“Fireworks”—Adam & Plumette

“Amnesiac Mrs. Potts?” Eh.

“a midsummer night’s dream au?” welcome to CRACK CITY [x]

“Plumette has a tragic, existential moment.” Pouf-pouf.

“a touring theatre group comes to perform at the castle. like some kind of magic, they can perform shows that don’t even exist yet” [x]

“I would love if you wrote when Plumette and Lumiere came up with Be Our Guest” BE! OUR! GUEST

“The castle adopts a pet? but not like a cat or anything, like they get a pet komodo dragon or something” welcome to the zoo

garderenza’s glory [x]

“Flicker In, Flicker Out.” The curse takes its toll.

“Who would be into divination? the Supernatural? Spooky Shit™?” HEY THERE DEMONS, IT’S YA BOI.

“If each of the servants could write a book, what would they be about?” The Villeneuve Catalog of Literature, fresh off the presses. [x]

“Cogsworth + Lumiere switch personalities?” i fuckin love a good crack prompt. showgirls!

“Socks”—Pere Robert & Mrs. Potts

adam and belle meet as tiny kids

COLLEGE FACULTY AU FIC

sad maurice fic: :)))))))))

“What do the servants do when they can’t sleep?” Shhhh.

Chip being in town when the curse strikes, here [ongoing!]

Belle gets used to the staff being, well.….human again. “New.”

“Have you ever done a role-swap where Belle was the princess and Adam was the boy from the village?“ CHIP. DON’T FUCK WITH THE TIME TRAVEL. Here.

The useless energy of haunted things. “Freaks of Furniture.” Thanks, JSTOR.

@batbobsession collab w/me called “One Moment”—their part is here, my part is there. The servants and the staff take a minute, right before the battle, to face what they’ve become.

“spooky prompt: What If the castle was haunted the year after belle breaks the spell…sadder prompt: What If the ghost was Adams mom…Worse prompt: or his father” THIS IS NOT THE FUN GHOST-HUNTING I ASKED FOR.

“Everyone says that Adam was under the spell ages, so what if the spell went on for 300+ years or whatever, and a woman hiking through the woods kind of went through what Maurice did with the tree being knocked over…” Fucking!!!! Granola bars!!!!!!!!!!!![x] [Ongoing.]

How desperate I became. To erase. To unmake my mouth, my pulse. / To unlive. “The Writing-Desk.”

“So Very Different”—Cuisinier & Garderobe

“how would the staff and Belle and Adam react to some little kids from the village showing up trick-or-treating?“ Something like this, I imagine.

“Amnesiac Cadenza?” i do fucking love an amnesia ask

“During the curse, Adam begins to see ghostly apparitions of the servants’ human forms.” Dead men walking.

“Spooky prompt: A haunted house in Villeneuve.” i just want to talk to the demons!

“These Two Need More Love”—Chapeau & Cuisinier

“A piece inspired by the song, “A Shoulder to Cry On,” aka, ‘80S MUSIC FICS

“Adam, Belle + staff go to pick out/chop down their own Christmas tree……” Yule fic by me + other people! ho ho ho.

way down in hadestown

The fandom-spanning fic, involving Star Wars, Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Doctor Who, and Tulio and Miguel.

“Everyone must leave something behind when he dies, my grandfather said.” Evermore. Thanks Ray Bradbury.

“idk how she got there but Garderobe rules the world.” ❤️

“Oh! How about a story or headcannons of Shane and Ryan doing a Buzzfeed Unsolved Video at the enchanted castle in BatB?” [wheeze] (a FAVE)

“Words”—Garderobe & LeFou.

“what if someone confused the servants with the royals, cuz they dress better than adam and belle?” This happens regularly.

“Pere Robert somehow comes across a Time Turner” ⏳tick-tock⌛️

“Crackfic prompt: Belle is messing around with magic books (AGAIN) and somehow summons dinosaurs.” that’s , uh, that’s chaos theory

plumiere SNUGGLING FOR WARMTH TROPE????

“The BATB characters stumble into The Great Comet” EVERYBODY RAISE A GLASS

“So I’m reading the Raven Cycle by Maggie Stiefvater…..” Here.

“Please give me more singing hair brush!” the fucking hairbrush. Here.

“Please can I have a bunch of adorable hcs where Garderenza are prepping Bassette for their first concert with her singing in it too” that is a hairbrush

arrrrGGHHHH, mateys, that thar be a magical pirates fic, shiver me timbers

“lumiere gets a sunburn” ouCh

“for adelle: maybe the Official Proposal?” Here.

“ what if. an amnesia fic. where they. ALL. Got. A m n e s I a“ —MY BRAND~

“Headcanons for Belle and Adam being the world’s greatest grandparents?” also known as “be a bear, grandpa!”

“Garderenza prompt: ‘You saved my life!’” oh how divine

belle keeps playing with magic and getting everybody fucked

this collab fic with @theteaisaddictive is done! “agathe gets amnesia”

“Whisky and Red Wine”—Lumiere and Belle have a night in.

“AU idea: As belle is leaving the second time, something stops her and she turns and whispers ‘I love you’ before running off.” Can you say “two idiots”?

“ have you ever done any asks about what you think maurice/belle’s mum’s life was like before they had belle???” I AM ALWAYS HERE FOR THE MAURICE SAD!FICS [x]

“something sweet with adam and the plumiere child.” sweet as stolen breakfasts.

“Belle messing with magic again finds one that puts the universe into reverse” this one is straight crack i hope you like it

chip is the middle man for some major lumiworth action

“A traveller stops by for directions […] by coincidence, he’s one of Belle’s *very favorite* authors.” Wow I wonder if the world’s biggest book nerd is going to handle this in a responsible manner [x]

“a man attending a ball at the palace spots plumette, and falls in love with her beauty. she receives an anonymous present of heart-shaped chocolates on her bedside the next day, and assuming they are a present from her dear lover, eats them without a thought. moments later…..” Not exactly this trope but uhhhh it’s a love potion fic babyyyyyyy

#PLEASE REBLOG THIS POST #beauty and the beast #batb #batb 2017 #it's shorter than the other rlly long one #but also uhhhhh h u h looks like i wrote 2 many fics #ooOOps #fire hands candle hands trashdelabra stans #its lumiereswig b i t c h

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pastelvirgil · 6 years

Text

Roman vs the gender binary

ok this got out of hand reAL QUICK and the logince snuck up on me bc roman and logan insisted and who am i to refuse???? so have this 6k monstrosity that was not supposed to be this long (also what is accurate characterization rip). EDIT: im terribly sorry to anyone trying to read this on moble i dont think the read more is working very well ((rip))

Roman took a deep breath. Here we go, he thought.

Slowly, he raised his fist and timidly knocked on Virgil’s door three times. “Virgil?” He called out. “Are you in there?” The door to the anxious side’s room swung open, with a somewhat annoyed look on its occupant’s face. “What is it, Roman?” Virgil sighed.

Virgil was wearing his signature hoodie, but under it was wearing a t-shirt that featured the checklist “Boy”, “Girl”, and a checkmark next to the last item, which was “Existential Nightmare.” He was wearing more dramatic makeup than usual, with winged eyeliner as sharp as Roman’s sword and eyeshadow (a deep purple and black ombre) on the top of the other side’s lid instead of the bottom. He could tell Virgil had put on foundation, with highlight and contour to boot, not to mention a dark purple lip that was nearly black.

“Well? What was it you wanted to see me for, your majesty? Otherwise I’m just gonna go back to my room.” Roman bit his lip and stood there awkwardly. Virgil raised an eyebrow (perfectly filled and shaped, of course) and started to turn back into his room.

“No! Wait-” Roman called out. Virgil turned back around. “I…” He said. “Can- can you maybe do my makeup?”

Another eyebrow raise. Roman tried his best to put a pleading look on his face. He must have succeeded, because Virgil sighed.

“Fine,” he said. “But go to the living room. I can tell just being on the edge of my room is making you anxious. Meet me there.”

“Will do.”

Virgil bit his lip and glanced at Roman’s clothes, which was his normal prince outfit. “Actually, stop by your room and change into clothes you wouldn’t mind getting dirty, just in case.”

Virgil went back into his room, presumably to grab anything he needed for makeup. Roman sunk out to his own room, and quickly changed into dark gray sweatpants with a minimalist gold crown on the side of one pant leg by his hip and a semi-long, black t-shirt with “What if soy milk is just regular milk introducing itself in Spanish?” in white bubble lettering. He sunk out again, this time to the living room.

Virgil was already there, with his absolutely massive makeup bag (barely a bag, it was more of a case, really). “Oh, good, you’re here,” he said to Roman, not looking up as he continued getting his supplies set up. Roman saw a whole section dedicated to eyeshadows, mostly dark palettes but quite a few colorful ones too. Another section was dedicated to foundations, contouring, highlight, concealer, pretty much any face makeup one would need. There were a variety of other products (Virgil had a substantial amount of eyeliners) but as the other side turned around there was something Roman noticed in particular.

“Nice shirt,” Virgil smirked. Roman raised an eyebrow back. “Nice headband.”

Virgil had pulled his bangs away from his face with a hard plastic headband that was black with a pattern of dark purple roses. He blushed a little, but quickly smirked.

“Lucky for you, I have another one. Don’t worry,” Virgil assured, “It’s more your style.”

He presented Roman with a second headband, this one a dark red with some golden accents. “And why are we wearing headbands, if you don’t mind me asking?” He asked Virgil.

“Uh, have you ever tried to do makeup with hair in your face? It’s way easier to pull it back. I usually just braid mine back, but I don’t think your hair is long enough and I didn’t want to take the time to do mine right now.”

“Oh,” Roman said quietly. Virgil glanced at him with a strange look on his face as he held the headband out to Roman. “Maybe later, we can try to braid your hair. I’m pretty good at working with shorter hair.” Roman tried to hide how his mood immediately brightened, but graciously accepted the proffered headband and put it on. “What now?” He asked the other side.

“Now, we sit.” Virgil plopped down onto the floor, crisscross applesauce style. Roman mimicked him and Virgil started choosing products and brushes. (And for some reason, a sponge?)

“So,” the anxious side said casually. “Any particular reason you wanted me to do your makeup?” He started leaning over and applying a liquid with the consistency of foundation (but wasn’t quite the same product) onto Roman’s face. “This is primer, by the way,” Virgil answered his question before he had the chance to ask it.

“I don’t know,” Roman replied honestly as he let Virgil spread the primer over his face. “I just- I felt like having makeup today? I don’t know why, but it was something that I felt like I needed, for some reason.”

“Okay,” Virgil said, backing off of him and trading the primer for what Roman knew was foundation and the sponge. He poured a little bit of the liquid onto the back of his hand and dabbed the sponge into it before patting the sponge all over Roman’s face, making sure to blend. “That’s perfectly fine.”

He continued applying the makeup to Roman’s face, Virgil giving instructions and Roman following. It was when they reached the eyeshadow that Roman finally spoke again.

“Virgil?” He asked softly. “How- how did you know that you weren’t a boy?”

It was common knowledge between the sides that Virgil was not, in fact, a boy. He had been rather secretive about it, not revealing anything about his gender until quite some time after revealing his name to the other sides. Thomas still didn’t actually know that Virgil was nonbinary (agender, he had said specifically), even though he, Logan, and Patton had encouraged Virgil to tell him. One morning, in response to their urging, Virgil had simply shrugged and said “It’s not that important,” before going back to his cereal.

Virgil leaned back and Roman could see a small smile form on the other side’s face. “So that’s what this is really about, huh?” He bit his lip but nodded at the other side. Virgil went back to applying eyeshadow on Roman. “Well,” he sighed, “It just sort of felt… off? When someone called me a boy. But being called a girl didn’t fit either. After a while, I realized I wasn’t anything, just me, you know?” He shrugged. “Close your eyes, I’m gonna do your eyeliner now,” Virgil instructed.

Roman obeyed. “I don’t know,” He said. “I think-” Deep breaths, Roman, “I think I might not be a boy.”

“Okay.”

“That’s it? Okay?”

“If that’s what you feel, then that’s it. You don’t have to be a boy just because Thomas is.”

“But I don’t know what I am,” Roman frowned. He heard Virgil quietly screw the cap back on the eyeliner. “Roman,” he said gently. “Open your eyes and look at me.” He cracked open his eyes and met Virgil’s.

“This isn’t some kind of twelve-step program, okay? You don’t have to know right away. God knows I didn’t.”

“Then how did you find out?” Roman desperately asked. “Research,” The other admitted. “The internet. A lot of soul searching at three in the morning. Not that you have to do your soul searching at three in the morning,” He hastily tacked on. Virgil brought out a tube of something. “Mascara,” he said to Roman. “Keep your eyes open, and don’t freak out.”

Virgil brought the prickly end of the stick right up to Roman’s eyelashes and brushed it over them a few times, then repeated the action on the other eye. He leaned back and put the mascara away in one of the compartments.

Roman gave Virgil a slight smile. The other appraised his face. “Just one thing left, I think,” He said. Virgil reached into his bag and dug through his lipsticks until he found a deep red liquid one. “Okay, don’t do anything with your lips yet.” Roman obliged, letting Virgil carefully apply the crimson to his lips.

“Now purse them together, like this,” he told Roman as he demonstrated pushing his lips together. “I think you’re ready,” Virgil smirked, and brought out a mirror with the back facing Roman. He suddenly flipped the mirror so that Roman could see his reflection.

He gasped. The person in the mirror couldn’t be him. The mirror person was gorgeous- perfectly smooth skin, eyeliner winged and sharp, with a golden eyeshadow behind it. Their lips were a deep red, as red as Roman’s sash- no, darker- with a perfect cupid’s bow. Roman sharply exhaled, and so did they. But this mirror person couldn’t be him. Roman could never look that beautiful.

“You like it?” Virgil’s voice interrupted his thoughts. “I thought I’d give you a look that was just as extra as you, so-” Roman cut him off. “How..? Is that really… me?”

The anxious side smirked. “Yep. It’s you, Ro.”

He sighed in amazement once more.

---

That night, Roman had to force himself to wash off the makeup.

Virgil had kindly provided him with some proper eye makeup remover, as he had used waterproof eyeliner and mascara. Roman had taken the bottle and then hid in his room for the rest of the day. He hadn’t wanted to take Virgil’s beautiful creation off, but had in the end decided it would probably be for the best.

(Besides, Virgil had given Roman a few other things- a small makeup bag of his own, just a few necessities. Roman figured mascara was subtle enough to try on his own tomorrow.)

As he cleaned his face, he thought about the other’s words from earlier today.

“This isn’t some kind of twelve-step program, okay? You don’t have to know right away.”

Maybe Roman didn’t have to know right now, but soul searching was hard, alright? He’d much rather skip to the part where he had everything figured out. Still, as he got into bed, he thought about it.

“She had done a lot of thinking that day. She had especially liked her eyeliner,” Roman mumbled, trying out the pronoun. Nope, Roman thought. I don’t think I’m a girl.

Virgil flitted back and forth between pronouns like they were clothes he could take on and off. Sure, there were days that the anxious side asked to be referred to with a specific one (usually, if there was going to be a specific one, it was “they”) but in general he could change from one to the next without any fuss, feeling completely comfortable no matter how they were referred to. He envied that- to have found yourself and know what exactly your gender was- that was a level of self-confidence the creative side aspired to have.

Roman frowned in thought. “They,” Roman whispered, “had gotten their makeup done today. They had liked the feeling of it on their face.” Roman smiled. They liked the sound of the new pronoun, although “he” wasn’t a bad fit either. But today, when they had been feeling a little less masculine, and a little more- whatever it was that they were feeling- it was a good fit.

They smiled and before they knew it, they were asleep.

---

A few weeks after the first time Roman had gotten their makeup done by Virgil, it had become somewhat of a routine occurrence. If Roman was feeling especially out of place in their skin, all they would have to do is knock on the anxious side’s door. The same went for Virgil, although when Virgil came to Roman the two would do makeup together, since Roman wasn’t quite on Virgil’s level yet (Virgil had been teaching them, though; slowly but surely, the creative side was improving).

Today was a “they” day for both of the sides. Virgil usually wore a bracelet when they had a specific pronoun they wanted to be referred to by (a Christmas gift set from the other three sides that had made them cry in gratitude. Not that Virgil would admit it), and was today wearing the silver “they/them” in cursive script on a delicate silver chain around their right wrist. Virgil had some sort of sixth sense that told them when Roman was feeling less masculine, usually only having to ask “They?” whenever they first saw Roman that day, allowing them to simply nod.

Roman and Virgil were in Roman’s room toady, chatting and doing makeup, and Virgil was going to braid Roman’s hair later. Well, attempt to. They had been growing it out a little since the first makeup day, and it had become somewhat braid-able.

It was really quite strange, if you looked at the two of them. Mere months ago, they had been the ones to dislike each other the most, and now they were practically each other’s best friends. Logan and Patton had seen Roman and Virgil grow closer over the past few weeks, and even though the other two sides didn’t know the cause, they seemed grateful (Roman still hadn’t come out to anyone besides Virgil yet- not for fear of rejection, but simply because unlike Virgil, they didn’t totally know where they fit besides being nonbinary).

Virgil suddenly paused their playlist (an odd mix of Broadway and “emo” music). “What is it?” Roman frowned at them.

“I have something for you,” they said, sitting up ramrod straight instead of their usual slouch. “Hold on,” Virgil quickly exclaimed before vanishing, reappearing a few seconds later with a shirt. “Ta da,” they sarcastically deadpanned, practically pushing the shirt into Roman’s hands.

They unfolded the shirt- it was light gray crop top, and in cursive script was written “Nonbinary Royalty,” the “I” dotted with a golden crown. “Oh my gosh Peck, this is amazing, Virgil! Thank you!” They exclaimed.

“You like it?” Virgil said uncertainly.

“Like it? Like it? LIKE IT?”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, calm yourself, your highness.”

Roman exhaled. “Yes, well, I can’t help myself when I get excited. Thank you for the gift, Virgil,” They sincerely told the anxious side. “I think I’m going to go put it on,” Roman told them, standing up and walking into the bathroom.

“Don’t die!” Virgil shouted sarcastically. “And don’t smear your makeup!”

“I won’t!” Roman shouted back.

It took them a few minutes to carefully exchange shirts so their makeup wouldn’t be ruined (setting spray helped, but they hadn’t gotten to that yet). “Well?” Roman asked after walking back into his bedroom.

Virgil sarcastically clapped a few times, with a smirk on their face. After a few seconds, though, they dropped some of the pretense. “Looks good. I mean, I knew it was going to look good, since I got it for you, but-“

“Oh, hush,” They told the other side, who just smirked in response. Roman sighed at them. “You look good today too, you know.” They blushed at Roman’s words.

“What…ever,” Virgil awkwardly said, with the slight pause in the middle of the word that happened when they were nervous or embarrassed. Virgil did look fabulous today, though, in Roman’s opinion. They had forgone the hoodie in favor of a crew neck sweatshirt with sleeves that were high enough to see their bracelet clearly that said “While you were busy conforming to gender norms, I studied the blade.” (a gift from Roman, who said that they had found it and immediately thought of Virgil, though Virgil had told them it made more sense for Roman to wear it.

“Just take the gift, Virgil.”

“Okay, okay,” They conceded, but they were smiling nonetheless.)

Virgil wore only a light dusting of black (glittery) eyeshadow that faded out to the side of their face, accentuating their perfect cat eye. They had French braided their bangs back, going from one side of their head to another like a headband. Instead of their usual ripped skinny jeans, they wore a fairly short black skirt and their favorite purple converses.

Roman had opted for ripped denim short shorts, which went well with their new crop top, and for makeup had used their favorite gold eyeshadow and a bold red lip. Virgil had done their eyeliner (honestly, how was Virgil so good at it? They said it just came with lots of practice, but Roman wasn’t convinced. Virgil was just really good at makeup), a sweeping and dramatic wing.

The pause was slightly awkward. “Do you want me to paint your nails?” Roman suddenly asked.

“Now that you mention it, oh my god, yes please.”

They started getting out their box of polishes. Roman may not be as good as Virgil at makeup, but they had picked up nail painting and nail art fairly quickly, something Virgil had never quite perfected. “What color?” They asked the other side. “And don’t say black,” Roman added.

“I wasn’t going to say black.”

“You totally were.”

“Wasn’t,” Virgil said as they pouted like a petulant child. “I’ll do dark purple.”

“Hm,” Roman frowned in thought. “Want silver accents?”

They sighed. “You know what? Sure, why not.” Roman picked out the colors they needed for Virgil, then grabbed a deep red and a metallic gold for themselves. The two sides situated themselves on Roman’s floor again, with a towel on the carpet as a precaution. “So I’ve been thinking,” they told Virgil, “I think I might have found a label that works for me.”

“That’s great,” Virgil said. “Which one?”

Roman paused. “I think… Demiboy? I saw it online, somewhere, and as of right now it feels like the best fit.”

“Are you going to tell any of the others yet? Not that you have to,” Virgil said as they saw Roman’s face pinch together with anxiety. “You don’t have to say anything until you’re ready.”

“Thanks.”

The conversation fell into a comfortable silence as Roman worked and the two let the music take precedence. They finished Virgil’s nails, then moved on to their own. Virgil had moved to perch on top of Roman’s dresser (“Virgil, why.”) while they added gold stars to the base coat of their own nail polish using a toothpick. When they were satisfied with their nail art, Roman simply struck up another light conversation with Virgil as their nails dried. The anxious side had gotten down from the dresser and had just started to braid Roman’s hair when they both felt the odd tingling pressure that meant they were being summoned by Thomas.

Guess the cat’s gonna be out of the bag for both of us, now, Roman thought. They glanced back at Virgil, who had obviously felt the call as well when they had nearly let go of the small braid that they started in Roman’s hair. Virgil quickly tied off their current braid and then shrugged at Roman.

“We can always just both sit on the stairs and I can keep braiding, if you want,” Virgil said.

Roman shrugged. “Why not, right?”

They let Virgil handle the appearing, which might have been a mistake. “Ugh, how do you stand that?” Roman asked them, shaking their head a little as if they were shivering. The anxious side shrugged. Roman could hear the shocked silence as Virgil started another braid, the slight pressure of their hair being pulled somewhat comforting.

Thomas, Patton, and Logan’s expressions were quite priceless, Thomas especially since he had no idea what was going on (which maybe wasn’t the best thing to find hilarious, but quite frankly, Roman didn’t care). The Logical side recovered first. “Hello Virgil. Roman,” he said to the two. They thought they saw Virgil jerk their head upwards in a half-nod as the anxious side replied “’Sup? Didn’t know we were doing a video today,” They directed the last part at Thomas.

“Uh, something came up, I guess, but I’m honestly very confused right now.”

Virgil’s chuckle was quite cynical. “Yeah, probably.”

“Aww, both of you kiddos look absolutely adorable!” Patton cooed. “You’ve got some cool makeup going on there.”

“Yes, I was aware you and Virgil had been spending more time together recently, Roman, though I was not aware that this was your chosen bonding activity.” Logan interjected, fiddling with his glasses as he spoke. Roman saw his gaze travel to just above their head, which meant he was looking at Virgil’s hands.

“…Ah. Of course.”

Thomas became even more confused, if possible, head rapidly turning towards Logan. “Of course what?” Patton, though, understood Logan’s statement and searched above Roman’s head himself. He smiled at Virgil and Roman could see him automatically switching pronouns for the anxious side in his head.

“Virgil? Would you like to do the thing we have been telling you to do for months?” Logan’s voice gently chided. They heard Virgil sigh. “Yeah, okay.” Roman felt them finish off another braid and instead of letting them start another, they patted Virgil’s hand and the stood and walked to their corner. Virgil turned to face Thomas.

“Okay, Thomas, there’s something that… I might not have told you yet. Not because of like, any particular reason, I just didn’t feel like it was totally relevant, but-” Virgil cut themselves off from their rambling. Thomas wasn’t saying anything, gazing at them with full focus.

“Uh, well, you've probably noticed my clothes by now.” Virgil shrugged again. “I’m nonbinary. Agender, specifically. Surprise, I guess?”

“Wait, what?” Thomas asked, obviously still a little confused. He looked around at the sides (though he didn’t seem to have processed Roman’s shirt yet, but they saw Logan looking at them with a somewhat strange look on his face). “You all knew about this?”

“They told us a few months ago,” Logan supplied. “A few weeks after we learned their name.”

“They? Wait,” Thomas started panicking, “Have I been using the wrong pronouns for you this whole time, Virgil?” he asked the side earnestly.

“No, I’m usually chill with any pronouns, I just have some days where I want to use a specific one.” They held up their wrist to show him the bracelet. “They all got me a set of pronoun bracelets in case I ever had a day that I needed to use a specific one. Nerds.”

“You know you love us,” Roman teased. Virgil rolled their eyes and they saw Logan stiffen just a little. Roman’s comment finally brought attention to their shirt, though. “Kiddo?” Patton asked. “Did you have something… you might want to tell us?”

“Well, I guess there’s no way around it,” they said. “I have been spending more time with Virgil because I have found with much soul-searching that I, too, am nonbinary,” Roman exclaimed dramatically. That felt kind of great, they thought.

“So none of you knew about Roman until just now? Except Virgil,” Thomas asked the other sides for confirmation.

“No,” Logan answered, “This is the first Patton and I have heard of it as well.” The logical side turned to address them directly. “Are you still comfortable with he/him pronouns? Or would you prefer for us to refer to you with different ones?” Roman pursed their lips.

“I have decided that both “he” and “they” pronouns are the most comfortable for me, although if you would not mind,” they adjusted their posture so that they were addressing the entire group, “I would prefer that you use “they” today.”

“Of course, Roman,” Thomas said. “Same goes for you, Virgil.”

“Thanks.”

“Anything you need, kiddos,” Patton chimed in.

The silence that followed was intimidating. No one really knew what to say, or if they should speak, which only led to it becoming even more awkward. To be fair, Roman thought. I wouldn’t know what to say if I had suddenly found out that two parts of myself weren’t cis either. Just because nobody was speaking didn’t mean that they didn’t notice Logan’s poorly hidden glaces at them. But despite being, as the logical side had previously called them, “extra,” Roman did know that now was probably not the time to make a scene and point out his stares.

Thomas was the first one to break the silence. “Well, as informative as this has been, maybe we should finish another day.”

Virgil shrugged, as if they didn’t care one way or another, but Roman knew that they appreciated the gesture. As open as they were with their gender among the sides, and now Thomas, Roman also understood that Virgil wasn’t quite ready to be out to the world. Neither were they, for that matter. (Although, really, it would be beneficial to some of their audience, but that was a conversation for later.)

“Sounds good,” Roman replied.

“Well, if you don’t mind, Thomas, I think the four of us are going to go ahead and have a little chat,” Patton stated. “Uh, sure, go for it. We can talk later,” Thomas replied.

“Great!” The moral side exclaimed, giving a pointed stare to all of the other sides. “I expect to be seeing all of you in five minutes max,” he said, pulling out the dad voice that the moral side rarely used. Thomas looked taken aback, but Roman and the other sides simply nodded, used to Patton’s responsible side that he occasionally pulled out.

Logan awkwardly alternated his gaze between them and the two others, though in the end fixed his eyes on Roman. He softly said, “I’ll see you in a few minutes,” and sunk out, leaving the two nonbinary sides and Thomas alone. Roman knew that he was probably telling Patton to wait it out for the other two sides in case what was definitely going to be somewhat of an explanation ended up being longer than the aforementioned five minutes.

“So,” Thomas trailed off. “You’re both… How does that even work? Not that I’m doubting your identities,” he rushed to add on. “I just-”

“Thomas, it’s okay, I know what you mean,” Virgil answered. They continued, “The simple- well, mostly simple- answer is that we’re a part of you, but we’re not all of you. So just because you’re cis, doesn’t mean we have to be. I mean, is anxiety really a gender specific thing?”

“Um, I guess not.”

“Therefore,” Virgil explained, “It’s not that strange that your anxiety wouldn’t have any gender at all. And you’ve said before that Roman has started to represent more of what society considers your “femininity,” right?”

“Yeah,” Thomas said while nodding, understanding where Virgil was going with their explanation. “So it makes sense that Roman is-” He turned to them. “Do you have a specific identity? Or are you more comfortable with just ‘nonbinary?’”

Roman pursed their lips. “Well, I just told Virgil this today, so the others don’t know, but I think that the word that most accurately describes my gender is ‘demiboy.’”

Thomas hummed. “Well, you both better get going. I’ve never heard Patton use that kind of voice before,” he chuckled.

“Oh, no,” Virgil assured him. “Patton uses his dad voice all the time.” They smiled and gave Thomas their signature two-fingered salute. “Later,” They said as they sunk out.

“À bientôt,” Roman said, starting to sink out.

“Wait,” Thomas called out to them. They rose back up. “You speak French too?”

“Thomas, I speak all of the romance languages. Ciao!” Roman snickered as they sunk out, leaving Thomas with an extremely confused look on his face.

Time to face the music, they thought as they appeared in the kitchen, greeted by the remaining three sides.

---

Patton, being the amazing person (if one used the term “person” loosely) that he was, had made each side their favorite drinks in preparation for the conversation that was most certainly going to be at least a little emotionally charged.

The moral side had brewed coffee for Logan and Virgil (one cream for Virgil, and an inordinate amount of sugar for Logan- the logical side had a secret sweet tooth), tea with just a few drops of honey for Roman, and a hot chocolate (that Roman figured was probably spiked with espresso) for himself. They saw Virgil, unsurprisingly, sitting on the counter and swinging their legs like a child, and Logan and Patton sitting at the actual table, Roman’s drink in front of their usual chair. They sat down and took a long sip from their mug.

“So,” Patton said after Roman had finished their sip of tea and was silently waiting for the conversation to start, but not willing to start it themself. “You’re…”

“A demiboy, I think,” Roman replied.

“Did you think that we would not accept you, even after we had clearly accepted Virgil?” Logan asked with a somewhat worried look on his face, nodding his head toward the aforementioned side.

“No,” They told the others. “I just- I didn’t want to say anything until I was surer of my identity. The details of it, that is. I didn’t figure out that I was specifically a demiboy until a few days ago, and I had just told Virgil today, right before we were summoned,” Roman said.

“It’s true,” Virgil commented, shrugging and saying “What?” when Roman turned and looked at them. “They did say that. They weren’t afraid of coming out to you guys.”

“Well,” Patton smiled at them, “I’m just glad you feel comfortable enough to fully express yourself around us, kiddo!” Roman smiled back. “Thanks, Patton.”

Logan straightened as he said, “I, too, am glad you have told us this.” The logical side pursed his lips. “Do you think,” he asked Roman, facing them directly, “you would perhaps be interested in some sort of way to express to us what pronouns you would prefer we refer to with on a specific day?”

“Like Virgil’s bracelets?” They questioned.

“Precisely.”

“Oh! Oh!” Patton exclaimed. “We should totally do that. What pronouns should we do?”

“I…” Roman pushed down the emotion welling up inside them. Their family cared so much about them, it was incredible. Even though they had known the other sides and Thomas would be accepting of them, it was something else entirely to experience it firsthand. Roman cleared their throat. “As of right now, the only pronouns I use are ‘he’ and ‘they.’”

They picked up their mug to take another sip from their tea, smiling behind it. Patton had moved on, congratulating Virgil on coming out to Thomas, though Virgil was obviously trying to keep the moral side from making it a big deal. Roman lowered their mug and caught Logan’s eyes. The other side stared at them, pursing his lips together in concentration.

They felt Virgil’s eyes on the back of their head, somehow. “Hey, Pat,” They called. “Want to go watch a movie?”

“Okay,” Patton said, delighted. Roman saw Virgil’s eyes pointedly stare at them as the two walked past Logan and Roman into the living room. They sighed. “You’re right,” Roman told Logan. “Virgil is indeed ‘extra.’ And obvious.” Logan grimaced. “Yes, though I don’t think you have any right to judge,” his face devolving into a slight smirk. They smirked back at him. “Not judging. Just stating facts.”

“I suppose.”

“You know I’m right,” Roman said, raising an eyebrow at the logical side. “They’ll make such a cute couple, I can’t wait for them to realize their feelings. Or at least for Virgil to stop being oblivious to theirs.”

Logan snorted. Roman smiled at him but then schooled their expression into something more serious. “Shall we… do you want to talk? You keep looking at me like you want to talk. Look, Logan, it’s not that I felt uncomfortable or scared to come out to you, if that’s what this is,” Roman rambled at the other side. They gave a sharp exhale and continued, more slowly this time. “We can go to my room. Or yours.”

The logical side looked pensive. “We can go to yours.” They nodded at Logan. The two sunk out in unison and appeared in Roman’s room. The makeup from before they and Virgil had been summoned was still laid out and scattered around the floor, so the two sides sat on the king sized bed instead, both in silence. Neither Roman nor Logan wanted to be the one to start the conversation, apparently. Eventually, Logan grimaced.

“You sounded pretty sure that Virgil and Patton would eventually get together, back there.”

“Well, yeah,” they replied. “I mean, you’d think Virgil wouldn’t be so oblivious to their own feelings, they talk about Patton all the time.”

Logan’s frown deepened. “I had thought- well- you and Virgil had been spending a lot of time together. I hadn’t known that this,” he gestured to Roman’s face, which still had their makeup, “was what you two were doing.” Logan blushed.

Oh, Roman realized suddenly. They thought about all the times Logan had been awkward around them since they had started thinking about their gender and spending more time with Virgil, all the times he had acted strange around Roman. Oh, of course.

“I know that I’m not that good at emotions, but, Roman- I-”

Roman bit their lip. They thought about all of the things they had tried to push down, that they tried not to think about. How Logan could never possibly like them back. The way he smiled at them when they complimented him. The way he could talk forever about something he was passionate about, and how he seemed to know at least something about everything. How smart he was. How he sometimes got heated with Roman, but always apologized later, even if the others didn’t see that because he did it late at night.

How they had thought their love was unrequited, impossible, something that would only exist inside a dream.

“Roman,” Logan started to say again. “I know that you probably don’t feel the same, but I think that I might love you.” He took the awkward pause of Roman trying to compose their thoughts into something coherent as rejection started to leave. “I’ll just-“

“Logan, wait-” they called out. The logical side paused and turned back to face them. “I…” Roman said. “Logan… me too.” And there was that brilliant smile, the kind that appeared when Logan solved an especially difficult problem, or completed a particularly challenging puzzle. They smiled back.

---

A week later, Logan nervously approached Roman with a fairly large jewelry box.

“I thought- since we got bracelets for Virgil, I could get something for you as well.” He straightened and exhaled. “Just open it.” Roman did, and gasped.

Inside, there were two gold necklaces, both with delicate chains. One had a cursive “He/Him” in the center, the other with “They/Them.”

“Are these satisfactory?”

“They’re lovely, Logan.” Roman looked back and forth between the two pieces of jewelry, then picked up the “He/Him” necklace. “Help me put it on?” He asked the logical side. Logan set down the box with the other necklace still inside on the kitchen table and took the necklace from Roman. He wrapped his hands around Roman’s neck, transferring one end from the hand that held both to the other hand and clasping the two together behind the creative side. Roman turned around and smiled brilliantly at Logan after he had finished. “Well? How does it look?”

Logan blushed. “It looks wonderful.”

“Thank you, Logan.” Roman saw him try to tame his face into something less emotive. “Yes, well, you are very welcome.”

Suddenly the two sides heard an alarmingly loud “I called it!” from Virgil, who was in the living room hanging out with Patton. He and Logan rolled their eyes but still shared another small smile. Roman’s smile turned to a smirk as he backed away to shout at to him. “Hey, Virgil, how is wooing Patton going?” He teasingly asked.

Logan covered his mouth in an attempt to control his laughter. Roman could hear the anxious side’s hiss of “Roman!” just before hearing Patton say, “Wait, what?”

Roman started full out laughing. As he and Logan stood there, he thought about just how much had changed in only a week. How much that was going to change. And yet, as he stared at Logan, Roman couldn’t find it in himself to be afraid of any of it.

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