#im really fucking alone and it sucks

[birdricks]

ok heres this. how i interpreted his fears at least

#rnm spoilers #most of them r said pretty plainly but whatever LOL i love lists #interesting how u can see mortys Main fear of relying on rick right from the start #not sure abt the ‘rick putting them in danger one’ #its in tbat little loop of Rick Fears #which im not quite sure what to make of. so thats the closest i can get #its definitely smth hes doen a lot. so theres that #SCARY IMPLICATIONS of morty having overcome his reliance on rick. or at least his fear of it #like in conquering the hole alone hes realised he doesnt really Need rick. #like maybe one day therell be a time he gets in trouble and rick Wont bail him out. or cant. but hes ok w that now? #hmmmm. intersting. very curious to see where that goes #themost painful one for me is being responsible for ricks sadness #liek thsts so fucking rough. #GETTING PERSONAL…. like i know how it feels to be a kid and feel responsible for the emotions of adults. it sucks balls #itd be interesting to see if All of these fesrs have been conquered or just the reliance one

[catgirlcrisis]

its actually so crazy how the writing team was like “lets make grief and loss important themes for alisaie as a character” so in BCOB she learns about making peace with her grandfather’s death to live life on her own terms, for her own sake. she goes out herself to explore eorzea. and then emery dies while shes powerless to do anything about it. and then she almost dies believing that urianger was going to betray her and the scions. and then she watches the same tower her brother was supposed to be in get bombed not knowing if he escaped in time. and then she watches the people she loves be picked off one by one, physically present but spiritually gone, while being powerless to help them. and then she loses contact with alphinaud (again) not knowing if he’s okay. if he’s safe. and then the next time she sees him immediately its his limp body being carried by a stranger. and then she begs the warrior of light to not leave her alone. and then she watches tesleen die powerless to do anything about it. and then she watches the warrior of light nearly succumb to becoming a sin-eater, risking dooming not only the fate of the first, but the source. and then she finds the cold bodies of licinia and her sister, ultimately more victims of their despair than anything else, people who she’d been trying to help. and then s

#why do they keep DOING THIS TO HER #does anyone else obsessively think about this or am i just fucking crazy #her begging the wol to not leave her alone and then later on in ew again going to the wol and being like #'so hey things are crazy right now but please dont do some stupid self-sacrifice thing' #like basically 'dont kill yourself. stay alive please' #i just think a lot about how like #not in an infantilizing way #but the twins start the story at 16 #and are like 17-18 throughout the end #id say shb/ew #and its like. Wow you guys really are going through it huh #to be fair im also the same age learning that this is just what being 16-17-18 is like #but . jesus #NOT TO UNDERMINE ALPHINAUD EITHER #its just crazy how both of the twins are like #so committed to their goals and their ideals #and they keep being like kicked down #and in alisaies case shes like No fuck off I love everyone #and alphinaud is also like beat with the trauma stick 26787422 times #but is like 'that sucked but i still believe the world has a lot of good in it' #like FUCK YES LITTLE GUYS!!!!!!!!!!!!! SCREAMS #ffxiv #endwalker spoilers #shadowbringers spoilers #idk what else to spoiler tag uhm #stormblood spoilers #in case anyone needs that. i guess

[sonknuxadow]

you know i do wonder how many sonic characters actually have living parents. like knuckles is the last of his kind so obviously his parents arent around anymore. both guys who could be considered shadows dads are 100 percent confirmed dead. sonic is canonically an orphan im pretty sure. and on the other side of the coin cream is like the only character in the game cast who has a living parent we actually see onscreen. but what about everyone else i dont think theres a straight answer for any other character. other than rouge's mom being mentioned a couple times i Guess but we dont even know anything about her or if shes still alive just that she existed at some point. are these kids constantly putting themselves in danger because they dont have parents around to stop them or because their parents just dont care

#like what about tails. im guessing he didnt have any sort of family he was attached to if he left to be with sonic so quickly #but that doesnt really mean he didnt have parents at all. maybe he had parents and they just sucked i dont know #what about amy. what if she had parents this whole time we just never see them. #what about blaze. considering shes a princess id assume she was born into that role #but i dont know if her parents are ever actually mentioned #maybe theyre dead and there was no one else to take on their role and thats why blaze has so much responsibility at such a young age? #silver . he was born in a wet cardboard box all alone i cant really imagine him hvaing parents sorry #considering charmy is 6 and living with vector. an adult whos obviously not his biological dad. #i feel like something probably happened to charmys parents #espio i dont really question as much #becuase it feels very common in the sonic universe for teenagers to have more freedom than would be expected in real life #or maybe its not that common and the teenagers we're actually following are just living the most fucked up lives ever. i dotn know #but either way. espio where are your parents buddy. are they still alive. vector where are YOUR parents are they still alive #i dont know if i actually want canon explanations for all this though #because its kinda fun not knowing every detail about every characters life and being able to speculate and insert your headcanons n stuff #to be clear im talking about game canon #i know stuff like archie sonic and the sonic movies and the 90s cartoons will sometimes give characters new family members #or talk about their family situation even if the games dont say anything about that sort of thing

[lottieurl]

i'm well aware there are single parents out there working full time but i think working full time and living alone with my dog is about to put me in a psychward

#why cant i handle what other people seem to handle effortlessly lmao #im so fucking exhausted and burnt-out i need demonic possession to save me or smth #like please @ random demon you will do a better job for sure #idk its like. my dog is now spending so much time alone when im at home that i feel really guilty #if i wanna go out or do anything that doesnt involve her #i have no damn time and energy #i might spend half a free day cleaning but its all a mess anyway #and then i will come back home like today just exhausted after 5 days of work in a row #and i just wanna take her for a walk and get myself smth to eat and chill a little #and i find! is poop all over the damn floor i finally managed to wash like a day ago #and it stinks so fucking bad i nearly throw up cleaning up #and then have a breakdown in the bathroom. as you do. #HOW DO PEOPLE LIVE LIKE THIS I AM SO FUCKING EXHAUSTED #its also not fair to my dog idk this sucks so much #i doubt anyone read all this bht if you did hi and sorry #needed to vent unfortunately #wah im TIRED

[orcelito]

Opening the local bubble tea store absolutely livid and shaking in rage and upset bc my bitch ass boss is too concerned about us sitting on the job to order the tea bags I requested Two Fucking Weeks Ago (it only takes like 4 or 5 days to ship) and so we're out and I had to hand wash the 1 reusable bag to make black tea and I have to strain the free floating tea leaves from the cold brew and I just KNOWWWW he's going to have something more to bitch about because he always does

Last straw on the camel's back, etc etc, I want to put in my two weeks notice by the end of this week. That's a goal for myself.

#speculation nation #i currently dont have a job lined up but im going to start applying Today #because i cant take this anymore. i cant fucking take this anymore. #i feel like im about to shatter from the strain of hos chokehold #8 years total under his thumb and for What? he doesnt appreciate me. he doesnt value me. #he's an asshole this place sucks and it makes me so sad because i really do care about the people here #but i cant. i cant fucking do it anymore. #im really glad im alone on shift rn bc ha ha ha. ill put up the mask for customers but i am #genuinely shaking rn. im so upset. #this being after he complained Again about people sitting on the job during the meeting last night like #shut UPPPP I DONT CAAAARE #YOU TRY WORKING WITH CHRONIC PAIN AND FATIGUE AND A JOB THAT DOESNT GIVE GENUINE BREAKS #'oh if you need to take a break then do it but just dont sit down on the job“ #WHEN DO YOU THINK I COULD TAKE MY BREAK? IM WORKING ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!+ #and when im.not working alone im working with trainees so i still cant leave the store unattended #im sick of him.im so sick of him and im THIIIIIIIIIS close to just breaking down here and now #i hate him i hate him i hate him i hate him i HATE HIM #negative/ #sorry for the vent i just feel like.im about to blow up and everyone's busy so ic cant. vent properly #im not even done opening bc im too busy freaking out and pacing and being angry #and hes gonna watch me sitting here thru the cameras and be like Ho Hum Look at you immediately doing what i said not to #like fucking STOP!!!! WATCHING US!!!!!!! YOU FUCKING CREEP!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #IM SO SICK OF HIM WATCHING US THROUGH THE CAMERAS. HE HAS NO TRUST IN ME DOING MY JOB #0 value for me as a person or employee 0 value for my to this day dedication to this company #i want to send my heel through those front windows. watch them shatter. wreck the whole place #because fuck this place and fuck him #i wontttt bc i dont wanna go to jail lol but the temptation is there. i fucking hate his guts. #im going to put in my 2 weeks by the end of this week. im going to start applying to places Today. just fucking watch me.

[hella1975]

.

#be deadly fucking serious rn PLEASE whatttt. that post that's like 'parents will say something that shapes you as a person #but for them it was just another tuesday' like WHAT JUST HAPPENED #basically if you've been following me since i went to uni then you know first year was an... interesting time for me and my mum #we rowed all the time and it's the most unsettled our relationship has ever been and i do truly believe it was just some unfortunate #external factors like me leaving home would rock the boat enough it was always gonna rejig our dynamic #but on top of that i was her LAST child to fly the nest which she hated AND my sister was in germany being insanely dependent on my mum #so i got sidelined a lot which was shitty at the time but i get it now like im still a bit bitter bc being the eldest everything my sister #does is an exciting first and our age gap means typically our academic big moments tend to cross over #so my a-levels happened during her first year of uni so for me a-levels were the biggest thing ever but ofc her thing was bigger #but when she did HER a-levels it was the biggest thing ever and i was /just/ doing gcses etc and germany was the same #like it was JUST my first year of uni bc meanwhile my sister was living alone in a foreign country. so that sucks and my mum was #defo focused on my sister and i wasn't in a position to be like 'hey i know it doesn't seem like it now you've got one kid through it #but going to university and settling in for the first year is still an insanely stressful and lonely time so please pay attention to me' #and all in all me and my mum just STRUGGLED we fought A LOT and not petty rows either they were really emotionally heavy all the time #and basically what's caused this post is that she said about america 'it'll be the longest ive been away from you' #and i know what she meant like a month out of england is the biggest thing ive ever done and im not even in EUROPE so this is huge #but i kinda said like 'im pretty sure i went a month in first year a couple times without visiting?' AND I MEANT IT CASUAL #BC I AM PRETTY SURE IT'S TRUE LIKE I WASNT EAGER TO GO HOME I WENT SOME WEEKS NOT EVEN RINGING #which REALLY shows how strained it must have been at the time. and she responds with confusion so i pointed out that first year #wasn't a great time for us and again still being casual bc it's such a fundamental truth for me that first year was Bad for me and mum #and she just blinks at me like 'what are you talking about' what. WHAT. like i knew she wasn't paying much attention to me then #but it made me MISERABLE for an entire YEAR like boom can testify bc they had to deal with my bs over the phone the entire time #and my mum just. didn't even notice that we weren't doing well. what. what the fuck even..... baffled by this actually #like i am REELING from this i feel like she just tipped the fundamentals of my world with that #hella goes home

[qqchurch]

going from "sucks that there really isn't a lot of yuri in fandom, I wonder why (misogyny, maybe)" to "don't worry yuri writers! you are still loved!!! don't worry about the greedy complainers that are asking for too much (just a smidgen less focus on men)!!!" sure is a whiplash within 24hrs of following that discussion

#it really is that fucking bleak lmao #sorry for keeping up with this discourse its just disheartening because #as much as im fine with being a hermit with my written stuff #the point is being driven home how niche of a genre im getting into #let alone the fact that im just planning to have transfem yuri common in whatever i write so #doubly niche is gonna suck for getting any traction #ah well....

[pepprs]

feeling despair i don’t know how to put into words. im trying to figure out why im like this and how i got to be this way but i can’t even do it bc of the way i am and what im like. if that makes sense. like the problem prevents me from fixing the problem bc i can’t get to the root of it. despair despair despair

#purrs #delete later #basically i can’t internalize anything about myself. i can’t internalize that i am talented smart strong whatever and i can’t internalize #evidence that i matter and belong and am loved. i take in this evidence constsntly and it just evaporates. and then it’s like i have none of #it at all and im starving and shaking and dying and howling like a wretched little animal. and i live in this constant defaulstate of like.. #feeling worthless and alone and utterly empty and like everything in my life is a dream or something. and in feeling that way and being #quite literally incapable of having emotional object permanence.. i actually make that situation real for myself. i make myself alone and #wretched. i isolate myself and shut down and don’t let myself take up the space i can. and it’s just awful. it’s unfixabke. #i just suck it all dry. i deny myself to myself and to everyone else. and idk what made me like this bc i don’t think i always used to be #this way w depression and depersonalization or whatever the fuck dsm 6 type shit i have going on. but i can’t internalize anything about #myself and my life and have no desire / willpower to look back beyond a certain point and really analyze and probe to figure out what #happened to me to make me like this so i can heal the core wound. soim just constantly in wretched tortured panicking creature mode. awesome #this cry for help brought to you by: my sister guilt tripping me into doing her laundry + my brother showing me his beautiful music + #realizing that unlike redacted i have not documented every part of my life and have no access to early childhood artifacts that would reveal #anything about me and that it does n’t even matter / isn’t special anyway. i love being normal 😎🫶🏻‼️ #at least i haven’t been dissociating as badly about work stuff lately but. that’s definitely still a thing too so. what if my whole life is #just the wrong timeline i wasn’t supposed to be in and nothing is actually real. lawl 😳 #this is a ​really awesome time for my therapist to be going on a monthlong honeymoon btw 😍 she deserves it so much but omg im dying already

[bluravenite]

slight rant/vent

Though I'm also posting on twt at @bluravenite in case you want to interact with me outside of hate anons

Yk there's probably hate anons going around all the time but it's been really apparent this past week that some people genuinely don't know to shut the fuck up... I have stopped posting with the same frequency as i was bc i am working on commissions and drawing takes time but i might just keep a more sort of closed parasocial relationship/ treat Tumblr more as a portfolio than as social media if that keeps happening... Sorry that i rant in here a lot but it's genuinely exhausting sometimes when most of your mutuals on this app are getting rude anons...

#it's genuinely worrying bc it really makes you question what kinda people have it against u/ur friends #like why cant you just leave some people alone #and it makes me feel guilty too for wanting to also protect/defend my friends?? you know nothing about these people #but thats never an excuse to be such an asshole to people #once talked with someone who had me blocked here and they told me they didn't remember why but “clearly my values didn't align with theirs” #that still hurts because my values have always been to make this page safe for everyone #posting my silly little doodles and hoping it means something to people #because right now?? THIS is the closest I'll ever get to my dreams #so it really sucks that the closest thing to being a concept artist and freelance illustrator is seeing my friends getting hate for nothing #i might actually close comissions for the public after this... 1 because i need higher prices for my work #and 2 because i am unfortunately scared that im never gonna be good enough #because people who draw cant catch a fucking break sometimes #sorry for the rant again #raven vents

[summoner-of-mist]

man im having a wanting to die kinda night again :(((((((((

im trying so fucking hard to make friends but i guess i just cant and just gotta die instead

#like if people dont wanna be my fucking friend just say it instead of letting me continue to humiliate myself !!!!!!!!!!!!! #its not like i can just magically KNOW which people do and dont want to be near me unless its super duper obvious #and i hate the fucking games of people acting like they really like me and then #NOTHING #just absolute jack shit #its this constant back and forth of making me feel good and happy and like maybe they like me #and then distance and Nothing #it sucks man #i just feel like im broken but i keep on trying EVERYTHING to fix it but idk what it is #because pretty much all my relationships or attempted ones go sour and like #if it was only a few thats one thing #but its all of them so its clearly my own fault #i just cant fix it if i dont know what im doing wrong #i guess i could just be with people that hurt me and drain me since at least they tend to stick around and are interested in me #pretty sure the universe is telling me that i dont and never will deserve any better #that i should just be happy being with people that make me feel like shit or hurt me #or just be completely alone instead

[nedsseveredhead]

it is really really wild how lately i get home from work and my depression just clears. like my tiredness melts away and i get excited for the future again. and then when i go to bed i have a hyperventilating panic attack because i have to go back in ~8 hours.

#cryp txt #scratching at the walls let me out let me oUT #its so fucking wild how like it got so bad after literally a day #i guess its always been bad ive just had coworkers i liked #now i dont #so now it sucks and im alone #but ive had a couple interviews now that i feel Really good about #the one i had this morning i really hope i get #i have my second interview + shadow day for it on tuesday! #they have an amazing company culture and a mission statement i believe in #so its like... when i get home and shed my work uniform its like WOW I have prospects that look bright!!!! #Lets gOOOO

[mwagneto]

okay google how do i move out of eastern europe but stay in the eu but go somewhere i speak the language but somewhere that has healthcare and somewhere where i dont need to become a construction worker and also somewhere that is not germany. thanks

#i wanna go to aotearoa I've always wanted to but it's so FAR AWAY. also i need somewhere cold also i #love authentic gothic buildings too much to leave europe. but omfggggg #like it's truly so. i dont want to move somewhere where english isnt a main language but the #uk is out and ireland is unlikely and canada is just somewhat nicer french usa and nz is 4 days travel away. blows up #whatever i have 4 semesters of uni left to think about it. it just feels like im #hurtling full speed at the inevitability of living the rest of my life in Germany #i dont want to live in germany idek why but im sooo. like omg nooo 😭😭😭 #partly because it's such a cliché but also coz it's such a vacation country for me like we #went there for vacation like. unironically at least 3 times every single year #insert joke abt *getting back at the 10000000000 german tourists that come to hungary every day* that I'm too sleepy to make #it's so . like i used to have a specific goal in mind (uk ☹️) but then SOMEONE had to go and leave the eu #and also the uk sucks fat shit like csöbörből vödörbe omg. but now i have no #real goal so im just drifting w the vague knowledge that any second now I'll have to pack all my #shit up and escape before it's too late. but where 😀😀😀 #i have no qualms abt leaving my f*mily behind but I'll miss budapest #and if i left Europe I'd miss it too especially coz even canada feels really far let alone nz which yknow. 3-4 days of travel #it's the lack of goals that's killing me like OMFGG HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO WORK HARD AND #STRIVE FOR SMTG WHEN I HAVE NOTHING SPECIFIC IN MIND... #i mean ''get the fuck out'' is something but it's not Enough. i need to be insane about a #place that's accessible. all the cities/locations im crazy about are inaccessible for one reason or another #bristol and wales are in the uk. nz is on the exact opposite side of the planet. life so sad. #canada is the most likely one honestly but like omgggg. godddddjfdnffnfjfmmf #they should invent a budapest that's not in hungary. they should invent a hungary that isn't comically awful #barking #ok to rb #eastern europe #like im fluent in 3 languages and i can get by in like 10 other ones i Could brush up on any language relatively quickly if it came to that #but it's like. 1. I'd have to pick a location 2. learning a new language also means #getting an entire new personality as well which yknow. idk if i have the capacity for another one rn #i should just become fluent in the ones im somewhat good at but idk which to pick

[i-spit-blood]

Why can’t I ever actually enjoy things! There is always some level of anxiety and uncomfortableness! I’m always so tense and uncomfortable it’s fucking exhausting! I’m tired and want everything to stop making noise and breathing!!!!!

#idky I’m so angry #I just really hate my life #and privileged people #I’m tired of being alone all the time #I want fucking meaningful relationships #but nobody wants to be around me #everyone sucks ass #vents&thoughts🍁⚔️ #vents #bpd anger #bpd rage #angry #im so annoyed #i’m tired #i want to kms #can i die yet? #uncomfortable

[plumbley-bee]

I will not regret having loved.

I don't mean I won't be sad, and my heart won't ache over connections I've lost.

I don't mean I always forgive people who have betrayed my trust and hurt me.

I don't mean I haven't loved the wrong person before.

I mean, the day I regret having felt love at all is the day I fear I will truly lose myself in every way that matters.

Even if I no longer hold any love for someone, I can not regret having felt it in the first place.

Why on earth should I regret the part of me that loves when it is my favorite thing about myself? Why should I shame myself for feeling the very same thing that allows me to have friends to hug and laugh with and milestones to celebrate?

I refuse to feel at fault for having felt something so beautiful and untouchable as love. I can not with good conscience condemn the version of me that loved when I didn't know why I shouldn't have. I will not punish myself over having found something worth loving, even for only a few seconds.

So I will weep for the connections I've lost, and I will do so proudly.

I will scream and cuss and cry at and about the people who have hurt me, and I will do so proudly.

I will laugh and hug and celebrate the people in my life, and I will do so proudly.

I will do these things with all the love I've ever felt etched into my heart, and I will do so proudly.

#fuck #yeah #anyway #ignore this #I'm just rambling #if anyone thinks this is stemming from a breakup im so sorry #but its absolutely not #this post is about the friends and family i have loved and even still love throughout my life #i cannot stress enough how much love as an emotion means to me #familial love #platonic love #romantic love #even the love you feel for that random person you saw give their dog kisses in their car at a gas station #please understand #it is essential for me to love #if I regret the love I ever felt for every person who has hurt me I dont think I'd be able to love the people who haven’t quite the same #i love my brother and even though he never wanted me as a sister when we were kids i dont regret loving him then #and even though he sucks a lot and used to suck even more in the past I still don't regret loving him now #he can't take that away from me. #no one can #mitski is this what you meant #when you said your love was yours and only yours? #because my love really truly is just mine alone