#im really looking forward to reading this again when i have the headspace
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Keep it Covert: Ch.0
Prologue
@morgansplace came up with the title. everyone say thank you.
Summary: in which, things are not kept covert.
Next Chapter
TW: panic, cursing, force, Geordi starts to have a panic attack but you don’t really see anything
Read it on Ao3 too :)
Based off of this post
Morgan sighed, knitting his brows together.
Standing before him was the only other Seer Obscura that he knew existed, and they were exhausted.
“Can we just…take a break? Please?” They were working on honing their abilities and they had worn out their core.
“That’s fine, just sit down,” he gestured to the couch. He slumped down beside them, undoing his tie and turning on the TV. He flipped to a random news channel.
He froze.
‘-American government has already started making plans and precautions against this unknown threat. The leaked documents call them, ‘empowered.’
Morgan leaned forward, his heart pounding.
“Morgan?” He glanced at his trainee. “What-what does that mean?”
He shakes his head, his eyes trained on the screen. “I-I don’t know.”
‘We know little about these people. Where did they come from? How long have they been living among us? And, are they a danger?’
———
“Shit,” James muttered. “Shit, shit, shit.”
His phone had been ringing off and on for the past half hour.
“Your stress levels are elevated.” Asset sat to the side, eyeing their superior.
“I wouldn’t have guessed,” he muttered bitterly. They hummed in acknowledgment. “What has happened?”
James sighed, bracing his hands on his desk. “The Department was exposed.”
Asset tilted their head to the side. “What does that mean?” James looked up at them. “It means-” his phone rings again. “That the unempowereds know we exist.”
Ring.
“Which means our entire project could be shut down.”
Ring.
“Which means you could be shut down.”
Ring.
They stare at him blankly before looking away. “I see.”
Ring.
“God damn it!” He flung his phone across the room, a shattering sound echoing across the empty walls.
Asset looked around for a moment before facing him.
“Take my memory card.”
He looked up at them again. “What?”
“Take my memory card.” They repeat. “Or at least make a copy. That way, if they shut me down, you will at least have a way to put my memories somewhere else. Maybe you could make me again. Somehow.”
A glimmer of their old personality shone in their eyes. James swallowed thickly. “Okay…okay. We can-we can do that.”
———
Geordi was exhausted. He’d had a long day.
First, his internet went out, and so did his cable. So he had to get that fixed.
Then he phone broke, so he had to get that done too.
And when he finally turned his phone on when he got home, he was bombarded with messages and calls.
15 unread messages from Guy
3 missed calls from Guy
5 unread messages from “Honey”
2 missed calls from “Honey”
1 missed call from Cutie
1 unopened voicemail from Cutie
His stomach dropped. What happened?
Cutie hadn’t contacted him in weeks, let alone Guy’s partner. They were friends, sure, but not that good of friends.
Geordi swallowed thickly as he opened his messages
Guy
dude
where are you
have you read the news
do it asap
wait
maybe dont
well it might be better if you do
honey says you should
but idk
just do it
please
and dont panic
unless you heard something from them
then maybe you can panic
im definitely panicking
“Honey”
Read the news. Now.
I don’t care what you’re doing.
This is more important.
Ignore Guy. He’s in a bad headspace right now.
Check the news.
Geordi scrambled to open his news app. His eyes scanned the screen until he found what they could be talking about.
Friends or Foes? Who are these ‘empowereds?’
Geordi almost dropped his phone. He quickly scanned through the article, his heart rate picking up with every word he read. He felt like he was going to be sick.
He quickly checked his voicemail.
‘U-um, hey Geordi, I know I haven’t checked in in awhile but-‘
Something cuts them off. They sound like they’re crying.
‘S-sorry about that. Um, anyway, I just wanted to get this message out to you in case you don’t hear from me for awhile. I’m sure you’ve seen the news.’
Geordi bit his lip. So that’s what this was about.
‘I lost my job! Well, I think I did. Things are kind of a mess over here-’
Their voice cuts out.
‘-don’t know what’s gonna happen now. I don’t know what’s going to happen to me. I just- I-I love you, okay?”
Their voice grows more tearful.
‘I love you and I’m sorry I couldn’t have been a better partner to you. I’ve been trying so hard to get better. So hard. I don’t know when you’ll see me or hear from me next, so…’
They sniffle
‘I love you. Goodbye, Geordi.’
His phone clatters to the floor. He slides down the wall as his breathing grows heavy.
“No. No, no, no, no…”
———
Angel hums to themself as they mess around on their switch, Minecraft lighting up their screen. They had just finished building a house for themself and their dog when their phone went off. It was David.
“Hey, Davey, what’s-”
“I’m coming home. Don’t check the news. Just-just wait for me.”
“What? David, what’s-”
“Just wait.”
Beeping sounded in their ear, signaling that he had hung up.
Angel couldn’t ignore the sinking feeling in their stomach
———
Aaron pressed a heated kiss to his partner’s lips. “I’ll teach you to talk back, Smartass.” They giggled against his mouth, moving to unbutton his shirt when his phone went off. They whined as he pulled away. He chucked. “Hold on, it’s Elliott.”
He pressed the phone to his ear. “Hello?”
Flustered shouting could be heard from the other line.
“Woah, woah, woah, Elliott. What’s going on?”
As his brother chattered on from the other line, Aaron grew pale.
He hung up the phone.
“Aaron? What’s wrong?” Smartass clambered onto his lap. “What happened?”
He took their hands into his. He was shaking.
“The human government knows about empowereds.”
——-
It was supposed to be a good day. An amazing day. They were gonna finish work, pick up dinner, and cuddle Aggro until Milo got home so they could eat and watch a movie.
It was great.
But now, they were hiding under their desk while sirens wailed above them, and black military boots stomped by.
It all happened so fast.
One moment, they were talking to their coworker about their latest therapy session, and how they were going to reach out to their boyfriend again, and the next, the emergency sirens were going off and government troops stormed the halls.
They huddled under the protective covering of their desk, trying not to make too much noise.
Their phone started vibrating. They scrambled to silence it.
‘God damn it, Milo.’
A gloved hand reached under the desk and pulled them out.
“What a sweet little thing you are.”
Sweetheart yanks their arm away. “Get the hell off me.”
The man in front of them scoffs and says, “Don’t make this harder than it has to be. A lot of your colleagues have slipped away, but we have a few in holding.”
“Slipped away, huh?” Sweetheart says. “Well,” They look him up and down. “I guess they didn’t tell you how stealthy I can be.”
“What do you-” The man cuts himself off as Sweetheart disappears from his sight.
———
“Come on, Damien. I promise it doesn’t taste that bad.” Freelancer begged. Damien looked at the meal in front of him that Gavin had made. Everyone around him insisted that he try it.
“Yeah, it’s not that bad, Dames.”
“R-really, it’s good. Gavin outdid himself.”
The incubus in question leaned in close to the fire elemental.
“Please? For me? Don’t make me beg, Damien.”
Damien’s cheeks flushed a fiery red. “Fine. If it’ll get you out of my face.” Just as he went to go take a bite, Gavin’s phone rang.
“Ah…just a moment.” Gavin rose from his seat. “Don’t eat any just yet, I want to see the delectable look on your face when you try it!” He called before he disappeared out the door.
Freelancer furrowed their brows. What was that about?
They filled the time that Gavin was gone with casual conversation and some banter here and there. After about 15 minutes, Gavin came back inside.
He came back into the room, looking pale.
“Gavin?” Freelancer stood up. “What’s wrong? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
“Turn on the news.” Everyone looked at each other. “Now.”
Notes: Geordi and Guy are friends
Honey and Cutie are friends
Honey is also empowered bc I said so 😍
Also: this will be centered around an idea I came up with, so stay tuned.
#redacted asmr#redacted audio#redacted morgan#redacted james#redacted asset#redacted geordi#redacted cutie#redacted honey#redacted guy#redacted angel#redacted david#redacted smartass#redacted aaron#redacted elliott#redacted sweetheart#redacted milo#redacted gavin#redacted freelancer#redacted damn crew#forget covert au#ash turns to mist
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If you want to talk about one of your aus, or au ideas, I'd love to hear about them! (*scoots my chair forward, looking hopeful*)
ok ive been wanting to answer this for a while but i kept on being so scared because ah! this is the one opportunity ill get to talk about my au! but then i realized that is stupid this is not gonna be my only opportunity to talk about my au
putting my ramblings under a read more because i ended up uh saying a whole lot about Donnie and his relationship with both Splinter and Big Mama
ok so basically ive been thinking a lot about the little prince au because it is fully my child and i adore it so much but ive been specifically thinking about Donnie and Splinter's relationship because I really want to write their relationship well
theyre gonna have such an interesting relationship. I know I havent gotten into how Big Mama ended up with Donnie but I am working on a comic for that so I'm not going to get into all of the details but Splinter does know that he left a turtle behind, he just thinks that the turtle he left behind died in the lab explosion, so over the years he has dealt with guilt because of that but overtime that guilt not necessarily faded but he comes to rationalize it because truly it wasn't his fault that Donnie got left behind, and truly there was nothing he could have done to save Donnie. But once he learns that Donnie is not only alive but that he's been living with Big Mama, Splinter's guilt is going to come back at full force because oh my god, not only is the kid that he thought was dead actually alive but he was raised by the woman who kidnapped Splinter and forced him to fight for years!
Splinter is going to be trying so hard to get Donnie to live with him once he learns that Donnie is alive, and he's going to be trying so hard to be the best parent for Donnie ever to like makeup for abandoning Donnie back in the lab explosion. or you know, not abandoning Donnie but that's what Splinter sees it as
I also want Donnie to have like similar reactions to leaving Big Mama that Splinter had. Like undeniably Splinter was incredibly depressed after leaving Big Mama, and like Big Mama turned this thing that Splinter loved, you know performing and being in the spotlight and entertaining!, and completely took away any agency that he could have to this thing that he loved to the point where he refused to take part in it just so he could have some sort of control over his life again
When Donnie leaves Big Mama (whether its by his own will or not I havent decided or figured out how he comes to live with the Hamatos yet) but he's going to go through something similar just a complete shut down where he abandons everything that he loved to do because he now associates them with Big Mama and her control over him if that makes sense? Like Donnie LOVES dancing and he loves playing music and listening to music! but these are activities that Big Mama actively encouraged and so naturally hes going to associate them with her.
I think one thing Donnie is going to throw himself into when he first leaves Big Mama is his inventing. Sort of like how Splinter would lose himself in his shows, I think Donnie is going to get into a sort of headspace where he just spaces out and doesn't have to think about anything while he's tinkering around.
Donnie and Splinter I think are also both going to want to try to prove themselves to each other? Splinter I think might end up being really overbearing while trying to makeup for all this lost time while Donnie is going to try to be the perfect son for Splinter just like he tried to be the perfect son for Big Mama
But like once they actually get to talking and once Donnie is more comfortable around Splinter I think these two are going to have a lot of heart to hearts just because Big Mama controlled their lives for so long, there's a lot of stuff to bond over and relate to
Idk Im not super confident in my writing abilities and Im trying really hard to portray Big Mama as a narcissistic parent but a lot of the stuff that I've read about how narcissistic personality disorder might portray itself in a parental role like centers heavily on the way that they pit siblings against each other and Donnie does not have a sibling! So I guess in a sense he would be both the golden child and the scapegoat which must make for a confusing existence. I dont even know if im portraying this well at all or if any of this is coming across in my writing but I sure hope that it is!
Another thing I want to get into is how Big Mama like reacts to Donnie's inventing because like having a super smart kid that can build you whatever you want is logically a very good resource to have and she does want him to keep building her stuff. But like inventing is messy! Science is messy! In an ideal world Donnie would be getting down and dirty working hard on engineering and botany, and like Donnie can sometimes get so focused on his work that he turns into a bit of a hermit till he comes out of that focused mindset and that's really the part that Big Mama doesn't like because like yes having a super smart kid does reflect very well on her, but having a kid whose constantly playing in the dirt or messing around with explosives and other dangerous devices and who occasionally goes completely MIA while working does not reflect well on her. So she's put into a position where she both wants Donnie to keep building her stuff but she also doesn't want all that extra messiness that comes with encouraging this interest of his.
Anyways im going to stop now because this has gotten WAY too long and I dont even know where im going with this! but it was so helpful to write this all out and just like getting my like thoughts you know written out so I can actually see if any of this makes sense asdklfjhsakdjh
#bean babbles#literally bean is babbling so much in this one guys#answered asks#writing-biting#tlp au#the little prince separated au#idk im kind of feeling this all out especially with big mama and donnies relationship#because i am projecting a lot obviously because donnie is my blorbo but also like my relationship with my mom is not nearly as intense#as donnies is with big mama#so mostly ive been doing a lot of reading into psychology to try to write this well#and i hope that as i write more about big mama and donnie that i will be writing that well#idk im so nervous about this au because drawing is definitely something im better at than writing and doing a comic is like combining both#and combining something im good at with something im not super confident with#OK im shutting up for real now askdlhfjalksjhdf
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Listening to old favorite songs and getting some inspiration to write again.
For the longest time ever and and still a bit now I've been into omegaverse. Found some of my favorite kinks from it. Im a little ashamed to admit. I always wanted to incorporate it into some of my own fics and have made a few but I have yet to publish any of them. Maybe I will after this one.
I also highly recommend listening to the song as you read my little drabble. You don't have to but it might help you see the headspace I went in while writing. I really wanted to explore a bit more of the feral side of wheeljack. What if you both tried to deny what you both wanted. That push and pull. It all began as one scene in my head and the song morphed it into the whole fic that you see.
This is part one since I accidentally made it too damn long of a two part story
As always Minors DNI! This is a 18+ rated fic with NSFW! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!
This fic does contain most omegaverse themes so if you're adverse to that this might not be for you.
Reader is AFAB if you're wondering.
Heavy panting and heavy footfalls were the only things you could hear over your pounding spark.
Stuck again in the same dream that you get time to time. You were always running. You weren't quite sure why. Was it to something? Was it from something? Was it both? Only the pull in your chest urged you forward. Unsure if it was fear or inclination.
Just as you were about to stop and turn to see if something was behind you the rug was pulled from under you. Abruptly feeling the sensation of falling.
You awoke with a jolt. Clutching the bed underneath you confirming your stability. You were not falling nor needing to run. Everything's fine.
Sort of.
You only got that dream periodically. Right around every time your body goes through a particular change.
The limiters were off and all hell was about to break loose.
As familiar symptoms began to creep throughout your frame trepidation mixed with it.
You couldn't calm your rapid spark as your internal temp was faintly yet steadily rising. The damn dream was always a warning. A premonition of sorts.
"Please dont" You murmured to yourself. Though it was futile. You didn't know how to stop it once it was set in motion. Especially without outside help.
But who were you going to ask? With such sensitive information no less? Was there anyone you trusted enough to ask for help from? Let alone even know HOW to help you?
It was the early hours of morning before the world seemed to wake up. Dawn had yet to break over the horizon. It wasn't much time but just enough to either find help or put enough distance between yourself and a certain other.
You weakly swung your legs over the side of the bed. Becoming even more aware of your incoming heat. You even wondered if it was coming too fast.
Did shockwave have something to do with this?
The first couple of times this happened was back in shockwaves lab. Every time you started showing noticeable signs he would quickly administer some sort of drug and it would seem to vanish without a trace.
The first time it happened you were obviously concerned and immediately went to the scientist with complaints of your new alarming symptoms. The uncomfortable warmth paired with mental fog and a strange urge that burned through your body. The urge to go looking for someone so strong it overpowered everything else. You didn't know who or what but you felt like you had to find what your body needed so desperately. A feeling like you absolutely depended on it for survival.
The unconcerned tank mech only stared at you in response with his one glaring red optic when you approached him that day. Only to turn silently and cluncked to a place in the lab to began working on something. Not bothering to utter a single word to you. Not too long after he arrived with a needle loaded up what you guessed was more energon mixed with something else due to its ever so slight opaqueness.
You squirmed and questioned how he couldn't just make it into something you could drink.
"This is more effective. Injecting it directly into your bloodstream will nullify your heat immediately."
"Heat?" You asked him incredulously as he pushed the plunger carefully.
"Yes. It seems are you are beginning your first heat cycle. No matter, I have made a temporary cure for your cycle and you shall be back to normal operation in a moment."
You winced as the fluid entered your body. You hated the invasive cold feeling of liquid forcefully entering your veins. "Will it be gone permanently?"
"No. It will only prevent symptoms this cycle. Do not worry. Your systems are still functional. You just are no longer under the affects."
"Great to hear." You stated sarcastically as he moved away to go back to his current project. He was looking at a strand of CNA next to a strand of human DNA. Probably another part of your cyberformation project.
After that every heat you had; depending on how quickly your symptoms set in; he would either give you the injection or a ingestable variation. You hated the injections but you had to admit it was much nicer that relief was almost instant. The medicine would take much longer and sometimes waiting for the symptoms to dissappear was unbearable. You would not let yourself drop to degrading levels around the emotionless logic fueled scientist. You would rather die before it got to that point.
Now you sat up in the darkness of your room back at autobot headquarters. Without shockwave or any medication to get through this.
You wanted to ask ratchet for help but you didn't know if he had anything to help you or even knew how to make it. Given your circumstances it was probably only shockwave that knew.
Ratchet knew of your technorganic body but he was still learning of all its ins and outs. It was only fairly recently that you showed him shockwaves handiwork. You were patient as he would carefully examine you and run different tests to see the extent of the cyberformation. But you doubted if he knew anything about your current predicament.
You stiffly got up. There's no harm at trying.
You walked out in the dimness of the base and found the medic looking over some files.
"Hey ratchet." You quietly called out to him careful not to startle the poor older mech.
His helm quickly turned to you noticing your weary looking frame. "What are you doing up?"
You suddenly felt bashful. "I um." You squirmed under his worried gaze. "I'm getting my heat cycle. And I'm hoping you could help me."
The flush over his face made you realize you should've been more clear. "I do not think I would be the right mech for such a task. Why don't you ask w-" He began before you cut him off from saying his name.
"Nonono! That's not what I'm saying. Can you give me some medicine to alleviate the symptoms?!" You exclaimed while waving your arms frantically in front of you.
"You want me to make a medicine?" He queried.
"Yes. That's what I meant," You confirmed back.
Ratchet stood there in deep thought for a moment. Murmuring to himself before looking back up at you.
"I'd hate to ask but what would shockwave do when this would happen? Or is this the first time?"
You shook your head. "Shockwave had different remedies. Sometimes it was an injection. Sometimes it was a medicine that I would drink. It depended on how bad the symptoms were." You told him truthfully. Hopeful he would find something.
"What exactly are your symptoms?"
Your eyes darkened. What a unpleasant question.
While you spent your time here you noticed something you never would've back at the lab. Something you would only have realized once EXPOSED to it.
The mech that plagued you. That you were injected with their energon. Repeatedly. Invading your veins to begin the cyberforming process. Their biomatter mixed with yours. How your body called out to theirs as if they were a homing beacon. You were a moth and they were the flame.
You took a deep breath. Attempting to calm your fretful spark. Trying to figure out how to tell him. "I start to feel a bit feverish." You began and ratchet nodded at you in acknowledgement. Silently urging you to keep going. "I get mental fog. My body feels a bit weaker than usual," You continued. Watching as ratchet was listening intently to every word you said.
Ratchet gazed at you probingly as you stopped listing anything else. "Is that all? Are you sure you're not having any other symptoms than that? Because if that were the case it could be something else besides a heat cycle."
You scowled. "No" you grumbled. Feeling defeated at confessing this out loud.
You raised your head to look ratchet better in the optics. "I get the most desperate and embarrassing URGE for a certain autobot."
You watched his optics widen a bit. "Who is it?"
You bit your lip as you felt a sudden tug in your spark. "Who do you think?" You snapped defensively.
Ratchet nodded in understanding. "I'll see what I can do but I cannot guarantee that I will have anything ready by the time you fully get your heat. In that case what do you want me to do?" His voice was professional. Like any medical practitioner.
"Send me away." You quickly spoke with a sweep of your arm. "Just get me out of here before something happens! I don't care where. Hell, inject me with whatever concoction you come up with! Anything to stop this heat from happening! I'll even drink the nastiest medicine you make!"
Ratchet jolted back aghast. "Are you sure that's what you want? Do you not want to try anything else?"
You nodded solemnly, "What other choice do I have? I don't want to inflict my heat on anyone else."
"Has it affected anyone before?"
You wrinkled your nose in thought. "Not that I'm aware. It never really seemed to bother shockwave. But that mech is rather stoic so it's hard to tell. Maybe the vehicons if I'm further in my heat but I'm usually isolated from most others."
Ratchet turned to start typing on his console. "That could either be because either you don't produce pheromones to attract other bots or.." He trailed off as he typed. Then looking over at the exit of the hangar. "That you affect only ONE mech. Given your symptoms that you described."
You choked on your spit and deadpanned. Currently the said mech was out on a mission. But when they come back what will happen? Will he be unaffected or completely taken over and forced into rut? Was that something you wanted to take chances on? It was getting harder to tell as clouded thoughts started to flit through your mind. Maybe it would be interesting to see if he would react. But what then?...
"If you wish to stay somewhere else after they get back I'll be sure to move you before letting them return to base."
You nodded politely. "That would be preferable thank you."
With that ratchet extended a servo to which you climbed on as he took you to his medical work station.
You tried not to put up much of a fuss as he did various scans. Typing different things on his monitor.
"Will you be adverse to me taking an energon sample?" He asked gently.
You made a face. You hated injections and getting fluids drawn. "I'd prefer if you didnt." You grumbled honestly.
"Unfortunately it would be much harder to get an accurate suppressant made if I don't get all the information that is stored in your genetic makeup."
You grimaced. Aka he needed your blood. If he didn't have it it would be as useful as taking a shot in the dark. You really wanted to avoid needles as much as possible though.
Ratchet sensed your unease. Being shockwaves captive is no joke. He didn't want to think about what that mech put you through. "Don't worry. I'll apply the techniques that nurse Darby taught me in case I ever had to help with the kids."
He then activated his holoform and brought out a small kit for drawing blood. "I'll try to make this as painless as possible."
You tried to be still and not fight ratchet so much but you couldn't help but flinch away when he brought the needle close to your arm.
"Why don't I turn on the TV so you have something to distract yourself." He asked you gently while moving the needle away.
You tried to sit up straighter. "I don't know. I'm not used to having a distraction. I don't know if it will work."
"Here." Ratchet then removed his holoform and picked you up. Placing you on the couch and turned on the TV. Setting it to a low enough volume. "Do you want to talk about anything?"
You now we're settled next to ratchets holoform again as you faced the TV on the couch they had for the kids. Some early morning cartoons were playing that you remember seeing as a kid and felt a wave of nostalgia wash over you. A sense of familiarity as you stared at the screen.
"It's kinda hard to find anything to talk about anything right now." You gave a light chuckle. "The brain fog is slowly taking over." You confessed still focused on the TV.
"Is it bad?" He asked as he carefully pierced your skin with the needle and watched you wince.
You shook your head. "Not that bad yet. But I bet it's only going to get worse."
"Probably." Ratchet agreed as he continued focusing on drawing your energon mixed blood. "But I will do my best to prevent it."
"Thank you. I appreciate it."
"You're very welcome." He told you with a smile. "How are you feeling besides the heat? Any issues with the cyberforming?"
"None that I'm aware." You stated. Glancing over to look at him for a moment. Doing your best to not look down at what was happening with your arm.
"Well while I have a sample I'll be running some tests to make sure everything is doing alright. I'll probably have June look over at your panels as well."
"Sounds good" You told him. Noticing how he was already moving to stand up. "Done already?" You asked incredulously.
"Yep. Already got enough samples for testing. You're good to go."
Samples? As in plural? You looked down at your arm and saw a little bandaid, then to his hand where he held five vials of your mixed blood.
"No way!" You whispered in astonishment. Reaching out to hold one of the warm vials in your hand. "This is so trippy." You laughed as you lifted it up to examine it closer. Trying to use the light from the TV to see through the vial.
"Wasn't too bad was it?" Ratchet asked as you handed him back the vial.
"No you did good. But I wonder if me going into heat is particularly to blame. I think I'm starting to go mentally numb to my surroundings."
"I'm going to go start running the tests. You can sit here for now. Let me know if the symptoms get worse or if you need anything."
You nodded and watched as he left. You couldn't help but wonder why you didn't feel anything with anyone else. There was no pull. No longing. No lust. Nothing. Which you were thankful for. But you felt nervous how bad it would get with HIM in proximity while you were going into heat. His lingering scent was already making you feel the warmth between your legs.
"Maybe I will ask smokescreen to take me out somewhere to keep me out of the base." You mumbled to yourself. He was a good and trusted friend. With that thought and uncomfortable feeling coiled in your gut. Like the thought of being alone with someone else repulsed you. Which made no sense since you were fine being alone with ratchet. Maybe because the scenario is different?
You couldn't make heads or tails of it. It was getting harder to think deeply. So you just relaxed as you started to watch the next show that played. Numbing your mind to everything but the screen infront of you.
As you went through different episodes the more you felt the warmth radiating from your body. Did your spark always sound this loud? What were you doing again?
You moved to stand up but then remembered you were waiting on ratchet. How much longer till he would be done? How long do normal cybertronian heats last? How long does it usually take for symptoms to get bad?
You were about to call out to him to ask when you realized he had already been calling your name.
You blinked at him. "Um, yes?" You asked stupidly.
"They are requesting to return to base. Do you want to go somewhere real quick?"
Your mind lagged. Go?... Go where? Where will you go? Making a decision felt difficult.
Your mouth fell open but no words came to mind. "I dont....." you trailed off. You couldn't think. All you could think about was how uncomfortable you felt and how your clothes felt too warm. You wanted to cool off. A cold shower sounded nice right now.
"Shower" You told him.
Ratchet looked at you incredulously. "What?.. nevermind," Ratchet sighed shaking his helm. it seemed your heat was coming on faster than expected. It was only a matter of time before you would be incoherent. He needed to find somewhere for you to stay in the meantime. but housing a technorganic in heat would be no easy feat. Considering this would be your first time fully going into heat. Who knows how your body would handle it. He wanted to keep you close by to check on you. Since it was obvious you weren't producing any pheromones that affected him. He was your physician and he wanted to help in any way he could.
He quickly picked you up and activated the ground bridge. Rushing you out to the barracks to get washed up. Maybe a hygiene ritual will help cool your symptoms. Even if for a bit. At the very least it would dampen the intensity of your pheromones for short amount of time.
He set you down. "Let me know if you need anything else. I will have Fowler be helping you." And with that he swiftly dissapeared back to the hangar.
You blinked as you just staired at the direction he went. Your mind trying to keep up. What just happened?
You shook your head and slapped your cheeks. Trying to regain your senses.
Shower. You were here to shower.
You went inside and found a stall. Pulling the curtain you stripped your clothes and hung them on the divider wall. Maybe a shower will help. You could only wish silently to yourself as you turned the knob.
Back at base ratchet arrived as everyone was stepping through the bridge. First Magnus strutted in. Looking completely unaffected followed by smokescreen who also seemed completely unaware of any potential pheromones in the air. Leaving ratchet to muse that maybe his hypothesis was right.
It was when wheeljack walked through he staggered. Seeming to be completely thrown off the moment he entered the base. With bulkhead looking over at him concerned.
"Whoa Jackie. You alright?"
The white wrecker blinked in a daze before coming to his senses. "Yeah. I'm alright."
Ratchet could only hum in thought. So he WAS right. You could only affect wheeljack. So all he had to do was keep you both separated. Since that seemed to be your wish.
Wheeljack spotted the medic seeming to be in deep though and walked over. "Whatcha working on?" He couldn't help but notice the closer he got the stronger the smell. Was it ratchet? He had to wonder and find out for himself.
"I'm just going over (name)'s charts."
He looked at the screen to see a strand of CNA mixed with DNA along with another strand of CNA next to it. "Is something wrong?" He couldn't hide the worry in his voice.
"No nothings wrong per se. Just looking over some things for her since she asked." Ratchet stated while typing on the screen before turning to the wrecker. "Why? Is something the matter?"
Wheeljack looked caught off guard again. "Nah its just..." He paused for a brief moment. Thinking of what to say. "It's nothing. Just wondering." He then looked around. "Is (name) around?"
"She just went out. She will be back later." He stated and turned back to his work. The faster he can make the suppressant the faster your symptoms will dissappear. As well as your pheromones.
Ratchet didn't even realize wheeljack was halfway out the door before he frantically called back to him. "And where do you think you're going?!"
"Just out for a moment. I'll be back." He stated without turning around. Causing poor ratchet to bristle over his flippant retort.
"I need you to stay here for the time being. The others may require backup." Ratchet snipped
"Awe c'mon doc. I just got here. Don't tell me you're going to send me out again." He complained loudly. He was desperate to see if you were the source of those enticing pheromones.
"I just might now get back here!" The medic snapped at the white mech. "And stop calling me doc!"
You were standing there just letting the water drum over you. The coolness seeping into your skin. The running water helped with the uncomfortable warmth you felt but it didn't help the thick fog your mind was swimming through or the absolute urge to go looking for the mech that your body was calling out for.
You rested your head against the cool tiles of the stall. You wanted these symptoms to go away. If only you were back at shockwaves lab. He would administer the shot without a second thought. You should've grabbed some medicine before you escaped. You figured if the scientist felt emotions he would be laughing at your predicament right now. Or maybe. This is exactly what he wanted. But why?
Subconsciously your hand had found itself between your legs. Fingers sliding inside the place that ached as your mind wondered to your wrecker. Your fingers didn't offer much but the thoughts of it being him helped. A stifled moan caught in your throat when you heard a sound outside and decided you were in there long enough. It not like you weren't in the desert right now or anything and that water was not usually something of abundance. Nor should you be entertaining such dangerous ideas.
You lamented on how the coolness quickly left your body and struggled to dry off and redress.
You left the showers to find Fowler waiting for you. "Ratchet informed me you weren't feeling right and had me look over you for the time being. Is there anything you need?"
"Something cool. Or maybe a nap." Or maybe a third that shall not be mentioned.
"Would you like me or one of the bots to take you into town to get some ice cream then?
Your eyes lit up for a second as a certain wrecker crossed your mind before you quickly dismissed that thought.
"I'm not sure." You told him truthfully.
You didn't know what you wanted. Nothing sounded appealing to you. All except for the carnal urge to find the white lancia and make him yours. To sink your teeth into him. Intertwine your body with his. To feel his spark beat against yours. But such an intimately deep and primal urge scared you. You were scared of the unknowns. You were still intigrating yourself into team prime. Slowly becoming comfortable with everyone around you. Being thrust into a situation like this was alarming.
"I'll just hang out in a different hanger and try to get some rest." You told him. All in all you didn't feel like being around anyone. Well all except one mech. But you weren't ready for that. You were starting to remember him better. Rekindle your close friendship. Such a commitment was not something to take lightly. You would do your best not to give in.
You ended up at an adjacent hangar and the others were polite enough to lend you an office to crash in. They even were kind enough to lend you a pillow. Once you seemed settled in enough on the small couch Fowler left to go back to his own office.
"If you need anything just give me a call." Fowler told you before leaving.
You hummed in acknowledgement and watched him dissappear from the doorway. Closing the door behind himself. Leaving you by yourself with your thoughts all over again.
You wanted to rest. Even with the malaise wearing down your body you wouldn't be able to relax. Not with the desire to seek out relief plaguing your hazed mind. Picking and nagging at you. But you wouldn't be caught dead pleasuring yourself in public like this.
You laid there for what felt like hours. Trying menial mental tests to keep you sane. You feared the moment you slipped up you would lose control. But as time ticked by your mental awareness shrank to next to nothing. Even your short term memory started to fail. It was getting to the point you would get up to leave. Only to stop yourself when you remembered just WHY you placed yourself into quarantine to begin with. Then found yourself pacing as you battled your own body. It felt like chains were constricting your body. Hot, heavy, and extremely uncomfortable. All with that mech on the other end tugging at you to come closer.
You didn't want to be caged up any longer. You've had enough of that back with the decepticons. The air was too stuffy. It was getting harder to breathe. You were sure soon the walls were going to start closing in on you.
You walked out to notice that the hangar was vacant. All military personnel had already left for the most part. How long were you in that office? Was it already night? There's no way. You stepped out and felt unease wash over you. It was uncomfortably quiet. You had gotten used to the hustle and bustle of hangar E. How there was at least one living being in the hangar at all times.
You left the hangar quickly. Not wanting to stay there much longer. The silence was suffocating.
What you weren't expecting was finding yourself wandering mindlessly over to the outside of hangar E. It was dark outside but like usual inside the hangar it was relatively lit. You wanted that familiarity. Something about it was calling you. Or maybe it was your instincts. It was getting harder to tell. You didn't even know what you were doing or why you were even there in the first place. Your self controll must really be slipping now.
You shook your head. You wanted to ask ratchet but thought better than to just waltz right in. You needed to go back before making a mistake. Turning to trudge back to the hangar you found yourself unable to take a single step. You would go back; Only that you had to conveniently forget which one you had actually stayed in.
Fuck.
You wanted to cry in frustration. What were you even doing? Where were you? Why were you still so freaking warm. And where was ratchet with your suppressant. "Just hurry up with the damn suppressant already!" You cried out to no one in particular. Well no one in earshot. At least that's what you thought.
The scent. Oh Primus the scent that started filtering into your nose. It made you feel weaker. it made the heat of desire burn hotter, stronger, heavier. A vice tightening with every vent. Like a starved animal. It clouded everything out of your mind. You turned around and was met with the sight of wheeljack standing just outside hangar E.
Just as you opened your mouth to say something you clamped your hand around it. No! Don't draw him closer. If you do you will lose the very shred of self control you had left.
He spotted you and began to make his way to you.
At first you stumbled towards him. Drunk off of his scent. It coaxing you sweetly while pulling you in. Calling to you. Beconing. Only for you to regain your senses enough to run.
And run you did.
To be continued...
Part two
#tfp wheeljack x reader#wheeljack#tfp wheeljack#valveplug#prime wheeljack#transformers prime#tfp#maccadam#transformers#transformers wheeljack
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helloo!!! just finished all the "symptoms and causes" chapters that are out and i want to say this story has me on a MASSIVE chokehold 😭😭😭😭😭 stumbled upon the recommendation and decided to give it a try, because i already saw the chapters under the tag, though i am not a huge fan of long ongoings with the y/n, but lord it was one of the best decisions here, i wish i read it earlier! I don't know even what to start with, so im sorry for this kinda chaos, i guess the first thing that really got me is the characters and the way you depict them!!! satoru is so fucking good here, you describe him in such a thoughtful and thorough manner it makes me smiling blushing giggling 😫😫😫😫 the characteristics of him, his actions, little details of him handling himself around... it's so subtle yet adds a lot of deep to the character! i like especially when you highlight the intensity of his stare in the various situations, i think it's really canon of him!! overall he has me on my knees 😞😞😞 and y/n??? GOSH THIS WOMAN! i understand satoru completely, she would've me wrapped around her finger as well. i like that she feels....real? like a total normal human being with flaws, she's neither perfect in every aspect nor she tries to be. i ADORE her strength and the way she collects herself in the difficult situations ("i have to be strong for them"), yet she's not kinda of a terminator and indeed is vulnerable. the chess game just had me thinking whether i want to be her or want to be with her (this option is closed but still-), it's just THIS good. pacing is also very nice!!!! i think that everything just perfect the way it is. and the setting??? you did a very good job at describing it, i really felt like i was there in these moments (though to be honest i half read the surgeries because of the terminology 😭😭😭😭😭), it's very good. also the thing i would like to point out is the surroundings of y/n, it's not only just her and satoru communicating, but a variety of other people, i like their friendship with yuta, maki and toge! suguru and satoru are also nice, their bond is strong for sure, I'm really glad they have such people in their lives (we do not talk about sukuna and gojo's parents...). and ALSO THE ANGST??? it's just so fucking good written, their emotions and feelings 😩😩😩😩 literally biting my pillow!!!!! overall, the story is magnificent and looking forward to the next chapter! sending you lots of inspiration!!!!
p.s. looked through your playlist as well, i think it's very nice! might i suggest you to listen to "don't blame me" by taylor swift, cause to my humble opinion it fits them perfectly 😫
thank you SO SO much for this incredibly thoughtful message! honestly, reading this was the best part of my day. it makes me so unbelievably happy that you gave symptoms and causes a chance, even tho you're not into long stories and ended up liking it! 😭
i'm so glad that you're connecting with the characters! i spend a lot of time trying to get into satoru's headspace, like messy, chaotic, but with a surprising amount of hidden vulnerability and a really genuine love. so glad you're catching all those nuances!!
and yes, the STARES! i think this man communicates with his stupidly handsome eyes 99% of the time. it just must be canon.
also so glad you like the reader persona in this story. i wanted to portray someone both strong and flawed, capable of taking charge yet never being immune to their own doubts. i've been nervous that people can't relate or see themselves in the story, so i'm very relieved to hear that! <3
also so happy to hear the chess scene landed well for you, this is one of my favorites!!!
moreover find it kinda funny that you just SKIP the surgery scenes because of the medical terminology, that i spend hours researching for haha. but i get you, it might be a bit much and boring...
thank you again for taking your precious time to write me this sweet message!! can't wait to share more of the story with you! & wishing you nothing but the best! 🥲🫶🫶
and i will definitely add, don't blame me! haven't been listening to taylor swift as much lately, even though i'm going to her concert this summer omg.
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hi, im a mutual of yours who is too shy/on&off tumblr to interact, but i do look up to you; and your blog and way of seeing things helped me in the past when i was struggling quite a bit.
Lately I feel as if im lost in life, lost my passions and floating aimlessly without a real goal, detached from the future etc. Do you have any advice? I appreciate ur view on things, hope this isnt overstepping 🌦🌈
hi its ok no pressure too interact w me ona personal level just cus were mutuals i enjoy the ambient bonds that can form on this website its why i stay ^^ and no it's not overstepping at a;ll sorry it took me a lil while to respond i was trying to think of good advice since i often feel lost too---
well firs t n foremost to give credit where credit is due, this bjork reddit AMA response really gets to the bottom of it , ever since i first read this here on tumbr a few years ago it really rly stuck w me:
the way this answer helped me is like, it helped me realize i dont need to be so regimented i dont need to put all this pressure on myself to create..All that does is feed into self inflicted guilt when i cant live up to my own expectations u.u you see for my whole life i've never been able to plan anything. yes i can think about the next steps i want to take, i can assemble a plan, i can see the logical way forward, but my moods. or like, idek. how to explain..
i cant force anything. if im not feeling it, i cant force it. ive STRUGGLED w this like i dont wanna be this way. because my feelings i cant predict. like for example i worked on music all winter because thats what i was feeling. then suddenly in march i just like, wasnt feeling it all of a sudden. As soon as it hit me i was like Fy767*T&UG*** because i didnt know when it was gonna come back. i still dont know!! im just trying to be patient waiting it out..in the mean time i have suddenly become enthused with drawing again after not ~feeling~ drawing for most of 2023. sometimes i go for weeks where i dont take a single photo and then suddenly it starts flowing again.. my website was also left untouched for most of 2023 until recently.
thats just one example of this repeating pattern in my life that i didnt understand for so long. theres years of my 20s where i couldnt feel passion for anything at all, looking back now i believe those times i was meant to be focusing on stuff in my psyche that needed healing to clear out some headspace for art. and this bjork quote put a lot into perspective it showed me how to reformulate my thinking to be more accomodating to my disposition. when i'm patient & kind w myself, take each day as it comes, let go of the imaginary pressure, let go of "the future", stuff starts to come thru easier.
and maube its gonna show up in ways you dont expect but its true that the mundane world offers so many ways to practice being creative & giving u stuff to weave into the art u want to create.. every water fall starts w a single drop its trueits true :] thats my advice i spose i really didnt meant to write this much but im boooored.. actually my nighttime boredom writing is one of those habits i never considered to b creative until very recently. there's so many small & automatic things we do that can lead to a meaningful life & purpose.
thanks for the question anon i hope this helps in some way , this is whats helped me but everyone's process is different. and i still have moments where im like WTFFF is happening but its easier to ride it out now. i wish the same for you just give it time <3 thanks again xPmd9
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Okay so I just finished chap 4 and as the resident scarabia appreciator I figured you would be the best person to word vomit my ideas to (You don't have to answer this if you don't want to)
But like the drama the betrayal, god it was so good
Like I can understand both sides of the story. I get why Jamil snapped as hard as he did, but god when Kalim started begging to Jamil to tell him that what Octotrio exposed wasn't true BROKE ME. It dosent help I kinda relate to Kalim in the sense I tend to worry if Im being "too much" for people so seeing Jamil call him obnoxious and crap, albeit not in the right headspace, really struck a chord with me. God I want them to be happy/friendly with each other again tho TWST please let them-
But honestly after that my brain has been fixated on a potential Kalim overblot. I don't know how it would happen (probably some trauma he keeps under his cheery facade like another guy we know *stares at Cater*), though I have an idea that during his overblot he pushes everyone away. Hes not angry at anyone or anything but hes scared and he dosent want to put anymore of what should be HIS responsibilities on anyone, ESPECIALLY if Jamil is present.
Like the potential angst has not left my brain help me-
OKAY BUT I ABSOLUTELY DO WANT TO ANSWER THIS (also because I am sick and cannot do much aside from be on my phone when I am actually awake l m a o)
So firstly yes holy crap I believe book 4 hits so hard because it is so deeply sad from both sides of things. It's very easy for people to look at both Jamil and Kalim and understand them and their actions, feeling pushed so hard and made to be responsible and care for others, as well as loving people deeply and the play into the insecurities of ultimately being resented by those you love most
All of the books have people pushed past their breaking points and trauma spilling to the surface but god book 4 is this horrible open wound of desperation and heartbreak
I also deeply want them to be able to move forward being healthier about their relationship and actually building a friendship because like, they do have fun together off and on after book 4, Jamil's anger is mostly misdirected from the position he's been forced into, and they're both able to actively talk better about things between the two of them- idk I know we'll never get to fully see how they grow and change but I really do stand by me saying that I believe both of them have the ability to bring about change within their families when they are finally able to hold their own positions
But on to the second part here, absolutely Kalim has so much traumatic shit he's dealing with. Like since he was a child he's had adults trying to full on actually murder him. Like he makes little jokes in passing about being kidnapped or poisoned and such, and how it's made him hard to take by surprise so it's played off as a joke, but SERIOUSLY?? That is so much emotional damage to just have to play off for laughs, but sometimes all you can do is laugh in order to not fully process it
Kalim has shown to be a people pleaser and to meet everyone as if they're a friend, and it's a wonderful trait on his part but due to his past it's also probably a defence mechanism in a way. I'm reading a little deep here but honestly, imagine you've been kidnapped more times then you can count, had more attempts on your life then you can recall, had to witness your childhood friend fall into a coma because they were poisoned in an attempt to murder you specifically- like Kalim is a walking target that nearly everyone he meets could be attempting to take a swing at. But he doesn't shy away or meet people with an overt caution, no. He meets everyone with this overwhelming friendliness. He makes himself not a threat to others, and he makes potential threats his friends. How better to be kept safe then to be surrounded by people who care about you? To remove the idea of threats by being someone people can see the good within, someone to eat, drink, and be merry with? What good would come from harming someone who treats you so well
And I'm not saying this would be an intentional act on his part, no. I'm not sure he's even aware of how people pleasing he is outside of the thought, "other people have more problems then me, so why would I bother them with mine". He's just grown up unable to trust nearly anyone and as such is navigating through life doing what he does best, having fun and living in the moment, making friends and surrounding himself with people he doesn't need to be afraid of
But that's also why Jamil's betrayal hits so much harder, as he's the one person in Kalim's life that Kalim has never had to fear or doubt for even a moment. Jamil has always been a safe haven, an olive branch amongst the knives. And Kalim finds out Jamil has been sitting within a growing well of resentment and anger this entire time
And it is absolutley heartbreaking
And yes, it's played for laughs with Kalim not understanding after that Jamil is still upset, or that they cannot just magically be on even footing, but a lot of aspects of Kalim are consistently played for laughs. It's hard for people to take you seriously when you cannot even take yourself seriously
So absolutely if he were to overblot it would be less of him lashing out at people around him and more of him lashing out at himself. All of those feelings he laughs off and pushes away in favor of smiling and joking with others, them all bubbling to the surface in a way he could not even begin to contain
Having Kalim overblot would be genuinely absolutley harrowing to witness
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Chapter 20
Word count : 2942
I think I may actually adore this chapter it’s adorable and everything about it is just so awkward and cute and fluffy , no warning needed , I hope you enjoy it
Matty's POV
I don't take my phone out again until I get up stairs after having a small conversation with my mum about how work was, I said I'd be more open with her so telling her that I got a little stressed but made my way through it is being open right, she gave me a hug and told me to get some sleep because we're going to try to get me back into school tomorrow even if it's just for one lesson , which I made sure to tell her I'll go in all day I'm not "that broken".
Once I open my phone again I notice that there's a small message from George only emojis of the phone , so I text him with a smile on my face "someone is needy tonight huh 🤣", I throw my
Phone onto my bed and strip my shirt and look around for my rucksack because I really need to study and it's not that late so I could do a little bit tonight. I riffle through my rucksack and find my English work because that will bring me the least amount of stress. I pull the work out of my rucksack and place them on my desk then the text alert comes through my phone and I smile to myself and blush when I see it's from George the knot in my stomach that I feel tightens everytime I get a message from him
"Only for you 😉, so can we?", God , this man , Jesus , Im constantly in awe of him all the time, This smile I'm currently sporting never seems to leave my face when I'm talking to him, I bring my phone over to my desk and take a seat as I type my reply
"I really have to study tonight darlin" , I place my phone back down as I hear the sending tone go through, and open my textbook preparing to read through everything I've gone over through the last few years. Without even a second to read it a Snapchat message comes through. This time a picture message from George, he's just sat there at his desk I believe , with his bottom lip perturding outwards, like he's sulking, so I send him the same picture back captioned "don't be like that darlin , I can call you once I've finished" . He reads it instantly so I don't put my phone down and watch his little icon appear on in the corner , even his icon is cute the reply comes through instantaneously
"How long will that be then?", I roll my eyes at this message , affectionately though I have no issue with it it's precious really. So I send back telling him that I shouldn't be too long it all depends how long it takes for me to pull my hair out but also ask what he's being so needy tonight. "I just miss you Matty"
"I miss you too darlin , how about we call but you gotta be quiet while I study , can you do that for me?" , I smile again as I see his little icon pop back up in the corner with and immediate
"YES THAT I CAN DO"
"Go ahead then but shush okay", at this I wait for his call to come through and start going over my last analysis of "The death of a salesmen" text. It takes no less than a second for his call to come through when I answer his face is beaming he's smiling to brightly "heya love"
"Hiya Darlin" , I smile at him before I get myself stuck into my work, I understand he's want to talk but I really need to get in the headspace of studying , as I'm studying I hear tapping from his end his Xbox remote in hand and I want to ask him what he's playing but I shake my head to get myself to concentrate and get back to my book, I've gone over this thing a million times I know it forwards , backwards and sideways but I can do English so if I know it all properly I have a better chance at passing at least one exam you know. After a further ten minutes of reading over the script. I feel like I'm being watched "darlin your starin"
"Nah I ain't" , I look up at him and he is indeed staring, looking at me like I'm the only human in the world that's ever existed
"You most definitely are"
"Aren't you supposed to be studying, sounds like your the one talking, you asked me to be quiet you didn't say I couldn't watch you" , he's smiling at me again looking like such a cheeky fucker that he is
"Alright fine, but stop distracting me okay?, play your game alright" , I sit and watch him smirk at me while he continues clicking away at his game , which gets me to continue with my studying , making notes about all the metaphors and symbolism throughout the text , for a while we just get our stuff done just living in our own worlds but with each other company, when he got bored of his game I'm pretty sure he left for a while but came back with the biggest bowl I've ever seen but I tried to not let him know I noticed he was gone because I'm supposed to be concentrating but I keep finding myself zoning out and just watching him doing his own thing , this last about half an hour just working away at my desk before I zone out completely and find myself just staring at the wall infront of me.
"You tryna shot lasers out your eyes there Matty?" , his voice cracking through the screen startled me out of my day dream
"Huh!", pulling me out of my day dream I shake my head again a little as my hair bounces and look at him just staring at me giggling. "Sorry was just daydreaming"
He puts his bowl into his desk and turn to look at me properly "what you studying , maybe I could help you stay focused?". I roll my eyes and giggle at him again
"I'm doing English, I would be concentrating fine but my heads still banging , and I can't fuckin read it properly cuz I ain't wearing my glasses and can't find my contacts"
"Why aren't you wearing them love, your heads gunna hurt if your straining your eyes"
"I hate them, they just make light lighter and that hurts my eyes so either way somethings gunna hurt", sighing I hold my head in my hands again and shove my books away from my view. "I'll finish it another time, how are feeling anyway darlin?"
"Yeh I'm doing alright", he picks up his bowl again shovelling noodles into his mouth waiting for himself to finish then he continues on "my dads doing my head in now though", that fact that he's really enjoying those noodles makes me smile,I make a mental note to remember that if he's ever here to make sure I have some.
"Why's that Darlin?", just watching him talking about what's bothering him and not being able to just be there for him, he told me about how he hadn't gone to school that day and his dad was just on his back about it really making him not want to go even more. Which I get because I hate it when you get told to do something repeatedly. "I'm sorry Darlin , is there anything I can do to help?"
"No love it's okay , just being here in your company is help enough", I know what it can be like and I understand where he's coming from, I just feel so calm when I'm around him , is that codependency already maybe , but I don't want to change it. "I've wanted to talk to you all day, and just hearing your voice has made the day so much better Matty honestly"
"We spoke earlier darlin , are you sure your okay?", I could get used to needy George so long as it doesn't mean he's upset, I adore this boy more than anything. After asking my question I get up from my seat stretching my legs and it relaxes me so much once all my muscles are stretched out. Picking up my books to return them to my rucksack and come back to the seat. I can feel his eyes on me the whole time which makes me smile.
He's smiling again and cheeks blushed because he knows I caught him "yeh love I'm alright , I...I don't ...I just wanted to hear your voice again....after earlier I suppose...I just feel a little needy right now is all"
"Can I talk to you about earlier actually?", I don't want him to think I wasn't enjoying it as much as he was because Jesus I was but there's a lot going on with me and I need to be sure that he understands "but don't worry about it, I just need to explain stuff."
"Sure thing love , what's up"
"Well , first off please don't think I wasn't as interested as you because , yes I did I want too like really wanted too but um...I was on all these meds for stuff and it just messed me up a little, just made it hard for anything to work...my labido has been kinda none existent for a while , but , but uh , man I don't know what I'm saying, I wanna try with you"
"I didn't think you weren't interested love , you had work and I was just feeling the way I was , don't feel like you have to be that way with me every-time I do", he's moving his hands around like people do when there having an awkward conversation "I'm interested in you but I'd never force sexual stuff on you"
"But..but I...I want too, like I really want too", I'm blushing due to the nature of the conversation and the honesty but also because of how precious his little face is.
"We'll we can , when your ready love, just let me know" , he's got the biggest smile plastered on his face and he looks amazing "you know ...you never have to explain anything to me love..I just wanna be around all the time"
I nod at him while I pick up my laptop and take it over to my bed yawning, I remove my shirt and slip into bed getting cosy. Today has been so busy my muscles are stiff and being in bed really helps me relax.
"Are you tired love ?, I can go if you'd like?" , he still looks wide awake and I swear he's got other things to be getting on with instead of looking after me right , but I just don't want him to go.
"I'm tired yeh but I'm not going to sleep yet, you can stay if you like , but if you've got other stuff to do, then your allowed to go"
"No , I don't want to go yet , I just don't want to keep you awake", he mirrors my actions gets himself into bed "we can watch something if you'd like"
"Oh, oh , oh, have you seen game of thrones , we can watch that if you want", I'm sure everyone has seen that show by now but I love it and the world it surrounds amazes me
"I have seen bits of it yeh , We can watch anything you like love, want me to screen share or can you do it ?", he looks so cute wrapped up in all those darn blankets he has on his bed and it makes me smile and totally forget to answer "Matty?"
"Huh!" , I release my gaze from his face for a second and try to gather what he had asked "oh sorry um yeh , no , um I'll do it", I pull my laptop closer to me to work the screen , while I'm typing away getting the show ready I can see him in the corner of my screen just staring. This in turn makes me blush and roll my eyes "your doing it again", with that I pull up Netflix and share it with him getting ready to play.
"I can't say I know what your talking about love" , we both settle down smiling like madmen and blushing as the title screen plays. The theme tunes send me into a complete other dimension I swear and I love it so much. It makes my smile so much bigger , which makes him giggle "someone's a little obsessed with this ain't they"
"Shush it's playing", he smiles at me again a big toothy grin this time and rolls his eyes. But does start paying attention to it. His eyes grow wide at a few point when something unexpected happens. I get overly excited at certain parts asking him if he understands what's going on which he replies with a nod as if to say he's heard me but isn't listening also he's engrossed and I swear it's amazing. We steal a few glances every now and then and blushing like teenage girls when we catch the other doing it. When the first one ends I ask if he wants to watch the next one which he gladly accepts, midway through the next one I see his eyes start to drop slightly as our mine "Darlin you still with me?"
"Mhm", he shakes his head a little and rubs his eyes trying to look more awake as he continues watching, his eyes still slowly dropping every few moments
"Darlin, we can watch this tommrow if you like, your tired ", I pause the episode and wait for him to reply as I yawn myself.
"I was enjoy it though" . He pours at me like a petulant child hoping I'd continue to play it but I can't keep him up and we both need sleep
"We can come back to it tommrow Darlin get your head down and we can get some sleep yeh?"
"Okay then if you say so". He moves his laptop to the other side of his bed so he can get properly comfortable in bed and lays down on his pillow his eyes shutting almost instantly "goodnight love" he blows me a kiss and turns over.
"Good night darlin" , I watch his back rise and fall for a little while hopefully he's asleep because I really need to talk to Ross. Once he's sure I'm asleep. I pick up my phone and send Ross a quick text to check if he's awake "DEFCON 5 ROSS , DEFCON 5". I move my laptop onto the other side of my bed also and sit up a little bit. A text from Ross doesn't take to long to come back "call me then dickhead"
I quickly pull him up on the offer and click the call button and bring the phone to my ear and start biting my nails while I wait for him to answer which doesn't take to long to come through.
"What's up ?" , he sounds a little groggy like I awoke him up.
"Did I wake you ?"
"No I'm just tired but I was on call with John and saw your message and thought I should call you", told you hes a fuckin gem "so what's up Matty?"
"I think I'm down bad Ross , like really down bad" , I continue bitting on my nails which makes the senatnce come out a little mumbled but he still catches onto what I'm saying.
"For George?", the fact that Ross remembers his name is a good start.
"Mhm" is all I can muster up the strength to say right now.
"What do you want me to do about it. I don't know him, Just talk to him Matty, he's seems like a good bloke"
"But how do I tell him"
"With your words Matty , you know use your voice box that thing that I've never known for you to close since I met you , you numpty" , I roll my eyes at this response because it's the most Ross response I have ever heard to a question
"But what do I say I meant , you dickead"
"Just tell him you like him or something I don't know"
"Much help Ross much help"
"Man honestly just go for it, if he makes you happy just let him know , I'm made up for you lad but you need to take the steps for yourself and I'm sure if he's a grand bloke he'll like you too why shouldn't he?"
"I don't know , he seems to like me but I'm scared it's to early"
"It might be , but all you can do is talk it through bro its can't go too wrong right ?"
"I'll try , anyway, I'll let you get back to your lover man ey , don't do anything I wouldn't yeh?" , I can physically feel him rolling his eyes at me.
"Ha-ha , very funny , but alright lad , I'll see you tommrow yeh?, and we can talk about it tommrow"
"Alright see ya"
"See you tommrow lad" , we both hand up and i through my phone into charge after I sent my alarm for school, with this I lay down properly and pull my blanket up to my chin to feel the warmth engulf me and I go back to watching George's back rise and fall . Which helps lul me to sleep. But what I didn't realise was while I was having Thai conversation George wasn't fully asleep yet and heard everything and was just laying there with the biggest grin on his face.
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pairing: nonidol!jeno + fem!reader
word count: 2.4k
warnings: smut! please read at your own risk ♡ also just very soft n fluffy for the most part. it gets a little mean at the end but it’s all consensual and discussed before hand!!! promise.
kinks: slight puppy play, mentions of pegging and strap-ons, dominant reader, submissive jeno, mommy kink, vaginal sex, established relationship, no protection (pls b safe!!), dirty talk, fingering, ♡ big dick jeno ♡, breeding (the reader says not to, but i promise they’ve talked it over and it’s actually okay), mention of pussy eating, name calling?, tummy bulging, drooling.
a/n: i have not been able to stop thinking abt subby puppy jeno... he’s just so good... im not a dom, but for jeno (and mark)? i’ll do anything. this is very much self-indulgent. no i’m not sorry.
jeno’s hips can’t help the way they fuck into your hand, eyes fluttering shut from the feeling. it’s just so good, and he hasn’t gotten his dick wet in months.
“and whose fault is that?” you coo, leaning forward to get in the boy’s face. jeno’s ears are a bright pink, chest and neck beginning to adopt the same hue. he gulps, looking down to where your fingers are wrapping around his length, working him up and down.
“m-mine...” he whispers, mouth parting open as his eyes flutter shut.
“unh-unh. eyes on me, mutt,” you order. jeno’s nothing if not obedient, though, and he opens his eyes quickly, whimpering. “do you wanna fuck mommy?” you can’t miss the way jeno’s eyes light up; it’d be impossible to miss it.
he’s pressed up against the headboard of your shared bed, shirt tossed in a corner somewhere. his jeans are unbuttoned and shoved down messily, boxers still confining most of your boyfriend’s cock. jeno looks an absolute wreck, and you can see the way the thought of being inside your pussy causes him to sink deeper into his fucked out state.
raising a hand, you brush the hair out of his face gently, jeno’s tongue brushing past his lips to wet them. your fingers itch to push past those pretty pillows and make him gag, but you figure you’d save it for later.
“yes or no, angel?”
jeno’s mouth opens wider, then closes. he looks around as if you’re baiting him, but then he speaks softly. “yes...”
“yes what, pup?” your eyes bore into his, daring him to look away when you’re practically dangling a bone in his face—something so sweet and savory. a chance he doesn’t get often.
“yes, mommy,” jeno breathes, eyes wide and borderline innocent. borderline only because you know what he’s really like—desperate, needy, trying everything in his power to keep from breaking any rules you may have set forth tonight. “please let me fuck you...”
the boy beneath you is practically vibrating from the prospect of being inside you once again. he hasn’t been allowed to fuck you as of late due to poor... technique.
“mmm...” you hum, straightening your back to sit up, taller than him; looking down on him like the mutt he is. “do you think you can do a good job? surely with how much mommy’s fucked you, you must’ve learned something, right, puppy?”
jeno whimpers, loud and high in his throat, head moving forward to rest his face in your chest. the boy mouths at your shirt, nuzzling into you. you can’t help but bring your hands to card through his hair, petting him gently. jeno is your most precious boy, after all. “oh, puppy... okay, okay... you can fuck mommy.”
moving off of his lap, you begin to pull your clothes from your body, only to be stopped by jeno. “let me, please...” always such a good boy, you think.
jeno’s fingers tremble when he brings them to the drawstring on your shorts, despite how deft and nimble they typically are. it makes you giggle, laying on your back to allow him to pull the shorts from your legs. he moves slowly, almost like he’s still unsure about it all. you coo, reaching for his wrist. you thumb over the protruding bone, reassuring in your gentle movements. he nods in understanding, spreading your your legs wide to play with your pussy, admiring the way it glistens with your essence.
a sigh slips from the both of you when jeno sinks in his middle finger, and you giggle again. jeno’s eyes snap towards you, making sure he’s doing alright before he’s wiggling the digit carefully. his thumb moves to hook onto your clit, drawing gentle circles. he’s working you up, just like you’d taught him to when you first started having sex.
you moan softly, jeno’s middle finger beginning to crook, searching for your g-spot. your back arches when he finds it, toes curling and the boy between your legs can’t help the way his tongue starts to loll out of his mouth, practically salivating at the display before him. he’s never seen something so beautiful in his entire life, and his cock throbs from where it sits half-way out of his underwear. a blurt of pre-cum spills from the tip and you grin lazily.
“and here i thought i was the only one who was wet... but you’re dripping over there, baby,” you breathe. your voice is pitched up just a little, head tilting back. you miss the way jeno’s eyes flutter shut at your words, embarrassment flooding his bones.
“can i add another finger?”
you nod at his question, praising him for being so good, remembering to ask before doing. you’ve taught him so well, how to be the best boy be can be, and jeno beams under it. he takes the permission granted to him and slips his ringer finger in next, scissoring them wide.
a whine falls from your lips, legs spreading wider as you clench around the digits. “fuck, that’s so good,” you moan, eyes moving to lock on jeno’s. you grin again, teeth on display and jeno whimpers, kissing your bent knee. moving your foot, you press it up against jeno’s cock, biting your lip in satisfaction when jeno’s hips jolt.
“hurry up, puppy. get mommy ready for your big cock so you can fuck her nice and good.”
jeno doesn’t need to be told twice, fingers beginning to speed up after adding a third, pumping in and out of you. you moan louder, head falling back against the mattress. the coil in your abdomen tightens, spring loaded and ready to snap when jeno’s thumb speeds up its circles on your bud. your hips buck up, whines falling from your mouth as you get closer and closer, falling from the edge when jeno takes initiative and gives you that fourth finger, cupping your pussy as he stretches you wide and makes you cum.
it’s with soft whines and pretty cries that you cum, back arched taut like a bowstring and jeno thinks he could cum untouched, just from the sight alone. he has, if he remembers correctly. but not right now. right now, jeno needs to be inside you.
without even thinking, jeno’s quick to pull his hands away, shoving his pants and briefs down enough for his cock to fall out, heavy and thick between his legs.
your eyes are hazy as you look up at him, still coming around from your orgasm when jeno shoves his length into you. your eyes widen, mouth falling open as he starts to thrust, eyes watering from the stretch. “f-fuck!” you cry, back arching again. it burns, but you’re too preoccupied with the pleasure that builds behind your belly button again.
four fingers are never enough when it comes to stretching you out, another reason why you prefer to fuck him, and not the other way around. that, and every time jeno gets his cock in you, it goes like this.
the boy between your legs is practically jackhammering into you, hips moving like a piston into you over and over again. his eyes are closed and his tongue hangs from his mouth, drool coating his chin. his eyes open and close, looking down at you. jeno’s so far into his own headspace, there’s nothing in his eyes but desire and a need to breed you.
“j-jen... puppy, you’ve gotta slow d-down—oh, my god...” you try, hand moving to press against his tummy. it’s damp with sweat, tensing over and over from a mix of exertion and undying pleasure. jeno, despite your pleas, shows no sign of slowing. it feels like he begins to move even faster, balls slapping against against you.
the room is filled with the sound of skin against skin, your pussy squelching loudly as it tries to adjust to jeno’s width.
he stops for a moment, moving the two of you around. jeno moves with your legs tossed over his forearms, pulling you closer and up into his lap. with your feet up in the air, you feel a little burn of shame, not used to being manhandled in this way, though you know in the back of your mind you could easily take back control if needed.
jeno seems to only get rougher, pushing back into with a one-track mind. you know that look when he looks at you again. he wants to cum inside you.
“no,” you warn, hand tangling into his hair and pulling roughly.
jeno leans forward with a cry, face burying itself in your chest, knees pressing to your chest. you groan with the stretch in your thighs and waist, but shake it off, pushing it to the back of your head when you feel soft lips pressing against the base of your throat. teeth scrape across your skin, biting down.
with your legs locked up between your bodies, you have no way of pushing jeno away. it’s not that you don’t want him to cum inside, you do. it’s just... he doesn’t deserve it for the way he broke your rules.
“m-mommy!” jeno’s voice is high pitched, breaking on the end as his thrusts slow, but grow rougher. you can feel the slick between your legs, spilling down over your ass and onto the blankets beneath you. “so g-good... wanna breed you...”
your mouth opens when jeno readjusts, cock pressing up against your walls in the best way possible, pressing up against your sweet spot every single time. your toes curl where they’re propped up in the air, your boyfriend’s body preventing you from lowering them. a cramp starts to pull somewhere in your left thigh, and you contemplate telling jeno as much but when he cries out into your chest, you don’t have it in you to stop him.
“you better pull out, mutt!” you warn him, fingers wrapping around broad shoulders and digging into his skin. pretty crescent moon shapes litter his back, deep, red scratching lining his tanned skin.
your words seem to only spur jeno on, hips picking up pace as he becomes focused on only his pleasure.
“stupid dog,” is all you’re able to get out before jeno’s hips are stuttering, cock bottoming out. the tip kisses your cervix, cum painting your walls, and your own body convulses at the feeling. you moan into the air of your bedroom, pulling jeno even closer. your tummy bulges with his cock, and jeno just has to press a clammy hand against it.
jeno stays buried deep inside you for a moment, catching his breath. he’s hiccupping a little as he tries to come back to earth from whatever pleasure-induced cloud he’d been on. your fingers move to bring jeno’s face to yours, lips pressing against one another. jeno’s tongue finds refuge against your own, and you moan into his mouth. it’s sloppy and messy, the total opposite of the jeno everyone else gets to see and it makes you clench around his softening cock.
when he pulls away, you hum, taking in the sight before you. jeno’s eyes are wide, pupils blown as he regards you like you’re the only source of water for miles and he hasn’t had a drop in days. his tongue hangs out of his mouth, panting like a dog, and his chin is covered in drool. your fingers work to clean his face, wiping against the bedsheets once you’ve done your best to work the spit away.
you gasp as jeno’s cock slips free, soft between his legs.
“hi, baby,” you whisper, a grin on your lips as you work him back to you. “can you speak yet?”
jeno swallows, eyes blinking slowly as his mouth works to form words.
“shh... you don’t have to try if you can’t. just nod if you’re feeling good enough to keep going.”
the boy between your legs keens softly, nodding a soft yes. you card your fingers through sweat-dampened hair, cooing gently, trying to show as much affection to the boy as you can before you’re yanking on the strands, growling under your breath.
jeno whines in pain, but you can feel his dick twitching against your ass.
“stupid fucking dog. you can’t listen, can you?” your voice is biting, though you mean no malice. “first, you think of only yourself when i so graciously let you fuck me. remember last time, mutt? remember why mommy hasn’t let you fuck her in months? because you do shit like this.” with another tug, jeno’s groaning, mouth opening again. your free fingers work into his pretty, swollen mouth, pressing down on his tongue. your thumb hooks under his jaw, in the divot behind his chin. forcing his mouth open, you maneuver his head so he’s unable to look anywhere but you. “and then, to make it worse, mommy told you not to cum inside her. but what do you do? you cum inside her like a stupid mutt. do you know what will happen if mommy gets pregnant?”
jeno’s eyes are filling with tears, and for a moment you become worried, but you know jeno’s smart enough to use his safe word. he has before, even when he’s gone so far into his puppy space that he’s gotten nonverbal.
“if mommy gets pregnant with your puppies,” you whisper, bringing him in close. he swallows as best as he can around your fingers. “then mommy can’t fuck you like the stupid bitch you are. and you will never get to come close to my pussy. do you understand me, mutt?”
the boy trapped between your legs nods quickly, drool spilling from around your fingers once more. you hum, digging a heel into jeno’s lower back before releasing him. jeno slumps against your chest once your legs are free as well, and your fingers move from his mouth to pet through his locks again.
“you’re lucky you’re so cute, nono.” your voice is breathy, a soft giggle in it somewhere as jeno rests his chin on your chest, looking up at you with big eyes. “god, i can’t even be mad at you.” you’re pouting down at him, moving to adjust your position. turning around, you rest up against the headboard, legs spread wide. jeno’s cum drips from your fluttering walls, between your cheek, and onto the bed sheet beneath you.
“if you wanna make it up to me, you’ll come over here and use that pretty mouth of yours to make me cum.”
jeno’s eyes light up once more and he’s immediately crawling between your legs, ready to give you the world and then some.
#jeno lee smut#lee jeno smut#nct smut#nct dream smut#nct u smut#00 line smut#sub!nct#sub!jeno#this was so self indulgent#i just really needed this#i want a jeno so badly
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꘎♡━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━♡꘎
heat - kyotani kentarou
warnings: pegging, reader is so goddamn mean, making fun of maddog for being maddog, brat!kyo </3, fem!reader
this is based off that one post
a/n: hello! this scene is pretty intense at some parts and can read as dubcon (brat-taming has a tendency for that but it’s all consensual between these two) so im gonna put the warning
also, when practicing bdsm - please practice being safe, sane and consensual . make sure you have a system for you and your partner to communicate your headspace during the scene. don’t be afraid to safeword, dom or sub and practice good communication.
this fic has reader use the greenlight system, a common safeword system in bdsm. green for go, yellow for slow down, and red for hard stop.
i’ve included a little scene of aftercare for context of the reader and kyo’s relationship and for everyone to have a peace of mind. take care of your sub boys and take care of your doms <3
“C’mon, Kyo - why don’t you fuckin give it up already?,”
You slam your hips forward, forcing Kyoutani forward on his elbows and knees. His hole clenches so tightly it’s hard to move, yet your pace remains relentless. You checked in just before, that he wants this despite himself but you can’t deny how fun this is to tease him.
“Fuck off,” he barks through gritted teeth. You laugh, tone incredibly arrogant as you rest your forehead on his shoulder. You angle your hips, wrapping one around his cock and toying with the ring as you set a pace before simple wrapping your first around it. He groans, his voice coming out in sporadic grunts and broken moans.
You’e waiting on it - the moment Kyotani simply breaks out of his facade and admits to himself how much he likes all this. All signs point to yes, but your Kyo is nothing if not a fighter. He grits his teeth so hard he feel like he might break his jaw, thinking for a second you’re showing him mercy. Instead, your using your hands to spread his ass apart before giving deep and long strokes. The angle upward presses right against his prostate and oh fuck - his elbows give out from pleasure. His face is buried in your sheets, hands clutching at something.
“Color?,”
“Green,”
He’s so weak right now, you manage to keep both of his arms behind him as you continue your maddening pace. The pressure in his stomach is only building and he needs to cum so bad. He won’t like this.
“Your ass is so fucking tight baby,” you say giving it a harsh hit. The stinging makes him bite his lip as desire floods him
“Your cock is practically fucking drooling all over my hands,” you make note of as you jerk him off at an equally slow pace. He swears in strings under his breath, unable to keep his composure. ‘
“How fucking filthy are you, Kyo? You’re rock hard cause you’ve got your girlfriend fucking you like some cheap broad - and you’re loving every second of it,”
“Fuck you,”
“Dunno, Mad-Dog - the way you’re sucking me up right now tells me you’re liking this a hell of a lot more,”
“Shit, no way - I’m not liking this,”
“Tell me to stop then why don’t you? If you hate it so much, you know I’d never make you. You asked me, remember? Asked me to fuck this tight little thing and make you cum untouched like the bitch in heat that you are,”
“Shut up, fuck,” pleasure courses through him at hearing your gruff words. You always treat him so sweetly but it’s making him dizzy to hear you like this. So fucking mocking, and disrespectful as you pound him so hard and so good the back of his thighs are stinging.
His cock is so angry and aching. Everything in him is burning dizzy with the feeling of your cock stretching him out and filling his stomach. It feels like you’re in his spine with the way your angled. He needs to cum. He needs to cum so hard against your hand and make a mess and then he needs to do it a hundred times over to get some relief.
“Come on love. It’s just me and you here. I’m the only one whose gonna fill you up like this so don’t go worrying about it - your boys aint gonna hear it from me,” you say cheekily.
Kyotani is trying so hard to hold it in. Some kind of involuntary reaction washes over him painfully and he can feel nothing coming out but that familiar feeling. Holy shit - he thought that only happened in porn.
“Can’t help but be curious about your boys might think if they knew their mad-dog was some bitch. See you get so riled up and whiny over dick like you’re a dumb slut just might make ‘em laugh,”
His dick twitches mindlessly again, how fucking embarrassing. You whistle under your breath and Kyotani feels his soul leave his body.
You pick your pace again, making his stomach lay flat on the bed as you press on the lower parts of his spine and fuck some sense into him for the last time. Sweat is beading down his forehead in concentration You lean down, licking the shell of his ear before whining.
“Gonna milk that pretty cock of yours dry tonight no matter what it takes Kyo,” you say, pressing even harder on his back. He cries out, unable to escape the feeling.
“Admit to me you like it and I’ll reward you by touching you - if not, I’ll make sure and find some other ways. Mmkay?,”
“Fuck, fuck - yes, it feels so good. Feels so fucking good when you fuck me with your cock now please, please touch me. Please make me cum before I lose my mind,” he babbles, his voice thoroughly wrecked. Your core burns with desire as you laugh.
“Got it, baby. Flip over me,”
And he does, laying on his back, you make him hold his legs up and fuck the daylight out of him, spitting in your hands and sliding it over his dick with ease. Now everything happens quickly, so quickly Kyotani barely has sight of you. When you lean over him, he wraps his arms around your neck and moans brokenly through his orgasm. Drool is dry on the corner of his lips and his face is entirely crimson. So fucked out he can barely meet your eyes.
“God, nggh, shit - it’s,”
He shoots hot white so far that hits your chest and drips on his. He almost yells, vision going bleary for a few seconds too long as you guide him through his orgasm.
He returns to his senses in a few troubling moments. As soon as he feels you pull out, he shudders at the emptiness and drags your frame over him. He’s clingy after sex always, but especially at times like this.
“You okay?,”
“Hn,”
_
[aftercare]
Kyotanis heartbeat is slow. After he came, you showered together and chatted softly about nothing. He washed your hair and clung close the whole time, clearly exhausted. Thoroughly tuckered out, he now is laying in your side. Face buried in your neck. It’s this part that’s still hard for Kyotani, that you love him so much to still stay after all the sex. It feels so goo to be here like this, he almost wants to run away. It’s terrifying to wear his hear on his sleeve.
But you make it so easy. You make it all better, and he does the same for you by trusting you. To love, and be loved.
“How was it, baby? Did I do okay?,”
He sighs, nodding.
“You always do fuckin’ great,” he says with no malice. Strong arms are secured around your middle, a sign you aren’t going anywhere tonight and you laugh.
“Nothing was too much, right? The boys comment i was worried about,”
He moves to look up at you, shaking his head. He grins wickedly, pinching your sides.
“I know you’d never really do that, too soft - but it was hot when you threatened me,”
You giggle at that, and his smile becomes genuine as it settles into your sides. You run your hands along the prickly hairs on his head, humming.
“You did really good too baby. I’m so proud of you,”
He doesn’t respond to that, just huffs and tightens his grip. He knows you mean it, so no words are exchanged for a while.
“Did you cum?,”
You’re surprised by the sudden question and prying eyes. It’s small but it’s how you know he cares.
“Not yet. I was gonna take care of it later since you seemed -”
He immediately scoots himself between your thighs, resting his cheek on your bare thigh and looking at you with another wild smile.
“Can I have my reward then?,”
You smile at him. Still your good boy then, asking for permission. He seems exhausted but he still wants to take care of you and you’re inclined to let him. You nod, yawning a little as you pull your panties to the side.
“Eat up, baby,” you add slickly. He mumbles a heavy thanks before doing just as you ask.
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#kyotani x you#kyotani x y/n#kyotani x reader#kyotani kentaro x reader#kyotani kentaro x y/n#kyotani kentaro x you#kyotani imagine#kyotani imagines#kyotani kentaro imagines#kyotani kentaro imagine#sub!kyotani#k; pegging#k; degradation#aftercare inclusive#I LOVE THIS FIC#rlly i just love kyo but whatever dude#here u guy everyone in my askbox sjdkhj
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I just discovered your website and fell in love with your readings! I love how you give your insights and your approach to the reading. One thing I want to ask is does the group energy reading represent the energy of the group at the time of the reading, or just the energy as the group exists? This is mostly towards the Stray Kids group reading. I'm curious, because as a fan watching them from afar, I think there has been a dynamic shift among them. (1/2)
(2/2)This is not me asking you to do another reading for them though, and I also believe it's not the time yet. They are still in the middle of a shift that is not yet ripened. They are going to join a survival show with big exposure this year too, so they might drastically change as a group after that. On a totally unrelated note though, I let out the ugliest wheeze as you refer to page of wands as the Signature Jungkook' Card.
📕 Referencing:
Stray Kids Group Energy Analysis Part 1 (2018)
Stray Kids Group Energy Analysis Part 2 (2021)
A: Yes, any reading I do should be looked at as more of a "snapshot" of the state of things there at the moment of doing the reading, which is why I always provide the date that the reading was performed as well as when the reading was posted as I can sometimes do bigger readings a week or so in advance. I've done two different group energy readings for Stray Kids and there is a noticeable change between them, but, for example, before the first group reading for them I posted, I had done the reading a couple of times before that and got a lot of negativity which didn't really change that much between those first couple of readings.
It's good to keep in mind that with group energy readings, I look at what the individuals project into the group, which is sometimes a lot different from the general energetic projection of the individuals separate from the group. I then look at how those projections mix together, how they interact with each other, which can vary between conscious level interaction and energetic interaction. Then, after all that, I look at the overall projection, the general ~vibe~ of the group as a whole, how they function as a unit, what they are able to produce physically or energetically through the group projection. It can be quite complex and fluid, but there are many factors to take into consideration, so just because some things seem different doesn't always mean that things have changed in terms of their energetic balance and connection.
Of course, major changes in career or how things are done superficially in relation to their work and routine, as well as any dynamic changes with members leaving or even changes in contracts, can alter the energetic projection of the individuals and change up the overall balance of the group. So, for sure, in the future, I'll probably look into them again if there's a demand for it, but yeah, they do need some time to settle into new things before anything would come up as being different.
XXXX
Q: thank you for the reading!! I'm glad that there has been progress for them personally, that was good to see. I've been getting that vibe from them and it seemed like taehyung's core was no longer split so I'm glad that it actually isn't. I hope that even with the not-so-good energy that they'll be okay. the end of the reading had me feeling kind of 😔 it would make sense if it has something to do with any kind of enlistment. im hoping it's not disbandment. im aware it could happen but it'll still hurt lol i just want them to be happy either way =( but thanks again -Anonymous @ BMP Tumblr
📕 Referencing:
BTS OT7 2021/2022 Outlook Reading
A: Yeah, the reading was a bit of a bummer toward the end, but overall things were relatively balanced for them as individuals on a more personal level. However, I do think we're seeing a lot of that general tension now with how a lot of fans are responding to the new music, specifically their last three releases. I'm sure that's stirring up some debate and conversation behind the scenes both with the group and the company overall. So, it seems like one of those things where work-life can be a bit stressful going forward, but personal work and personal life for them can be relatively smooth and enjoyable, which can be more rewarding in the long run.
XXXX
Q: oh wow, I did not expect ur 2022 outlook to hit me that hard lol, I was hoping for something more positive for BTS but on the other hand they have been doing all this for over a decade so it's natural for it to finally come to close. still feeling emotional tho hahah -Anonymous @ BMP Tumblr
A: Same, honestly. 😥 But yeah, it tends to be a natural progression for a lot of artists that get that big, almost as if their careers grow past them and they just ride the wave the rest of the way. Still, a fascinating thing to watch play out over the years, definitely something to appreciate and be proud of.
XXXX
Q: love love love your dream and georgenotfound reading! I agree dream's reading is especially interesting, and an individual analysis on either of them would be amazing!! -Anonymous @ BMP Tumblr
Q: This might sound crazy but I read your tarot reading on DNF and remembered you mentioning Cecil? I'm watching their geoguessr stream happening live rn and just saw them go past a sign that said Cecil. I thought that was a funny coincidence -Anonymous @ BMP Tumblr
Q: Hi! All of your readings are so well written and I loved your reading you did on Dream and George and I was wondering if you could do a reading on Dream. You mentioned maybe doing one. -@glimmercherr
📕 Referencing:
How do GeorgeNotFound and Dream connect?
A: Yes, most likely I'll be doing an Elemental Alignment reading for Dream at some point and maybe I'll include some stuff about his birth chart as he has some underlying cosmic imprinting that I think is really interesting. And yeah, coincidences like that are my favorite, just the little things that pop up that seem to tie things together in a funny way, lol. I'm sure there's always some underlying meaning to it somehow.
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Can you do a mini reading on jimin and jungkook? Whether it’s more equal now? Idk maybe because I am a Pisces I have been able to read other people’s vibes (I call them ) better I am no expert but I feel jimin thinks of jungkook as like an individual grown-up but still would always see himself as a protector kinda like powder siblings too? Also because this doesn’t show up consciously Like they always seem like equal and above sand all in behind the scenes too? Can you explain or clarify if I am right? -Anonymous @ BMP Tumblr
A: Yes, things are definitely more equal now. There's a very interesting progression for them that plays out energetically and even as deeply as on a soul level, lining up with their personal development and separation from the Soul Body. Of course, with Jimin being older and having had known Kook for so long, I have no doubt that no matter what, some part of him would always feel protective of Kook, the only difference is that Kook is in a headspace now where he can be protective back, be more of an equal support for Jimin right back. And, I agree, behind the scenes when they're not performing and not "in character," they can definitely display more of that equalizing push and pull, more so reflecting their energetic connection on a conscious and physical level, which tends to show a very strong soul bond that is being supported on both sides.
If you haven't already, I recommend reading these readings in order as they can really display that development between them over the past few years:
Relationship Reading for Park Jimin and Jeon Jungkook P1 (2018)
Relationship Reading for Park Jimin and Jeon Jungkook P2 (2020)
The Internal Alignment of Park Jimin (2020)
How do Jimin and Kook connect? (2021)
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That’s Our Coach!
🏒So some of us on the SW discord were talking about Remus now that the final chapter of SW had come out. And we came up with the headcanon idea that Remus had figured out a way to continue his summer coaching despite now being spoiler alert if you haven’t read it (but why would you be here if you hadn’t? GO READ THE FINAL CHAPTER!!) the newest player of the Gryffindor Lions. Naturally, I got inspired and thus had to write this fic. Honestly this is the longest work I’ve done in a while and I am so excited to finally be posting it.
Course, credit is due. This wasn’t just my idea. Thank you so much to @whataboutmyfries, @im-oknutzy-trash, @bkfstclubmember and @fadedgreenmittens for coming up with the details for this idea! I couldn’t have done this without you four!
Just a heads up, despite being an ice skater and knowing hockey terms, I have never ever written hockey before. So I apologise profusely if something doesn’t seem correct. As always, full credit goes to @lumosinlove for her amazing characters!
Anyways, I hope you enjoy! 🏒
.
One Month Ago
Remus stopped at the boards smoothly, letting some of the ice spray as he hopped onto the boards of the bench. “Great practice everyone.” He exclaims with a smile, “Boys can you come over here for a moment?”
Fifteen boys, ranging from ages eight to ten skated quickly over to their coach, sliding into a halting stop - some less graceful than others which causes Remus to chuckle lightly under his breath before addressing the boys.
“Now boys, this is the end of our summer session. The next season is going to be a little different.” He explains calmly, trying to get a handle of his nerves yet excitement for what the Cubs’ reactions will be.
Naturally, this caused a chorus of assumptions all ranging from horribly bad to hilarious.
“Are you leaving?” One boy, the loudest despite being the youngest exclaimed tearfully, and this caused a collective gasp before a chorus of the same comments. “Don’t leave Coach Remus!” “Yeah! You’re the best!” “Stay with us!”
“Calm down, calm down. Don’t worry, it’s nothing like that.” Remus repeats a few times before the attention is back on his words, “I’m going to be playing for the Lions.” He finally announces with a smile, “And I’m inviting you guys to the first game at Hogwarts Stadium.”
He watches as his words resonate in each of the kid’s minds as they all collectively gasp, once again, with wide eyes and erupt into cheers. Most likely the smartest decision for him to currently have been seated upon the boards of the bench or else he might’ve been tackled to the ice by the Cubs.
Smiling, he watches as the boys skate off the ice and rush over to their parents, yelling “COACH REMUS IS ON THE LIONS!!!”
.
Present-Day
The locker room was buzzing with excitement and it seemed to emanate through every player. Leo and Logan were somewhat geared up already, making some sort of competition out of a play fight by tasing the other’s side with their fingers.
It was interrupted by Finn who came sprinting from his stall and jumped onto Leo, and Logan broke down laughing at the sight. Kasey was on the floor of his stall, in the midst of stretching out his legs in the splits while he was in a three-way conversation with James and Talker.
James sat leaning forward as he was lasing up his skates, and Talker was drumming on the walls of James’ stall as he sat somewhat in the middle of the room. Meanwhile, Olli, Kuny and Nado were also set in a pretty energetic conversation in full gear. Dumo sat watching the boys with Sergei by his side, and finally, Remus and Sirius were the last ones to enter the room to get geared up.
Remus stopped for a moment, staring at the stall that was now his. Lupin #6 was written on the back of the brand new Lions jersey. It felt so surreal, yet, strange. Normally he’d be here early in the morning, setting up all the stalls exactly the way each team member preferred in order to not mess with superstitions.
But now, here he was. Coming at the same time as the others, with Sirius by his side. He made it. And yes, he loved his job as a PT, and in some ways will miss it - he cannot deny the excitement that fueled the spring in his step. The urge and want to prove himself was here once again.
He sent Sirius a smile before they part to their stalls. On reflex, he sat at his stall and fell easily back into his old routine for stretches, calf stretches before thigh, and then when he felt ready he began gearing up.
“Mon Loup, are you nervous?” A familiar voice says by his side, as Remus was beginning to lace up his skates. He looks up to see Sirius in just his under armor, as always before games, leaning against his stall and he cannot help but smile in return despite his nerves.
“A bit more now that we’re actually here. But I’m excited.” He admits. Spotting the paper in his fiance’s hands, his eyes widen ever so slightly. This was really happening, he’s here. He’s on the Lions about to play his first game with his love and family by his side.
It still felt so new yet so right to call Sirius his fiancé, everytime the reminder comes to his mind he has to smile. He was just so happy. “Is that the starting line-up for the game?”
Sirius nods, giving him a fond smile in return. Most likely assuming what was on his mind before he asked the question. However, there was some mischief, and pride within his eyes, he most likely read the lineup already. “Wanna join me for the read off?”
“Absolutely.”
The couple makes their way to the center of the locker, in the midst of the chaos, and Sirius lets out a loud whistle before yelling, “Alright! First game of the season! Let’s kick the Habs’ asses tonight yeah?” That caught the attention of the team, as a series of answering shouts of approval, all of which amplified when the team caught sight of Remus in his jersey.
“Let’s go Loops! Rookie up!” Finn yells, laughing as he rushes forward and gives Remus a high five.
“Coach gave the line-up for tonight’s game.” Sirius continued over the noise. He looks to Remus with a smile before he turns to the team and starts off the line-up, “Starting tonight, in the cage, we got Kasey Winter!”
Remus leans over at the paper with a grin on his face as he takes Sirius’ hand as he decides to steal the next call, “On the left, we got James Potty-Mouth Potter himself.”
“On the right, we got the fastest on our side - Remus Lupin!”
“Loops on the ice!” Logan calls out, forming a chant followed by James, Talker, Finn, and Leo. Remus couldn’t help but laugh at the antics, this was really happening. In an effort to drown out the series of chants, he takes the next announcement.
“We got Talker and Olli on defense!”
James, in his excitement, quickly stole the paper from Sirius’ grasp, yelling above his protests, “And of course on center, we’re making the power front line here. We got the man, the myth, the legend - Sirius Black!”
A chorus of cheers rang out for those announced in the lineup, progressively dying down as Coach Arthur came into the locker room, and then it was really business time. The last of the gear and jerseys were finally dawned, laces were laced up, and the team was getting into the right headspace for a game.
Remus stood at the end of the tunnel with Sirius by his side. “Gryffindor!” boomed Frank’s voice, which echoed down the tunnel in addition to the crowd’s loud cheers in response, full of excitement for the Lion’s entrance. “Are you ready?”
Ten... Nine...
“Re? You okay?” Sirius asks, placing a gentle hand upon his own, that was tightly gripping the pole of his hockey stick. He gasps lightly as he lets his grip slacken, not realizing that his nerves had increased since entering the tunnel.
Eight... Seven...
“I’m... okay. Just nervous.” Remus replies honestly, trying to give a reassuring smile at the concerned look upon Sirius’ face. Taking Remus’ opposing hand in his own, he runs his thumb comfortingly across the top and squeezes it lightly. “Breathe Remus, you’ll be okay. You’re not alone out there.” He says, as they walk hand in hand down the tunnel.
Six... Five.....
“Right... Breathe. Just Breathe.” He repeats over and over momentarily, getting himself out of his head. “It’s just the first game.” He sees Sirius nod, out of the corner of his eye.
“You’ll be okay. And you’ll play so well.”
Four... Three...
The camera crew within the tunnels, displaying the entrance on the jumbo screen within the stadium begin rolling the cameras as the team gets closer. Distracted, Remus gasps as he’s suddenly pulled back from following the team and pulled flush against a familiar chest.
“What is it?” He asks, looking up at Sirius with a slight tilt of his head in confusion.
It was strange, Sirius’ eyes were shining bright as he looked back at Remus. Probably trying to gauge how nervous he actually was at the moment he assumes. “Hey, Re?”
“Yeah?”
Sirius glances briefly to the cameras that were now focused on them since they were the last two remaining, before he tilts Remus’ helmet upwards slightly, and kisses him softly. As if they have all the time in the world.
Two... One...
As they pull away, he briefly lets go of Remus’ hand, only to gently place it on his cheek. “I love you. So much.” Sirius comments with a smile.
Remus can’t help but smile in return, leaning into the touch, feeling his nerves wash away as he looks into the eyes of the man he loves. “I love you too.”
Zero...
“Your Gryffindor Lions!” Frank drew out the words and the lights within the stadium went crazy as the team appeared down the tunnel. The order was the same as usual, Kasey came first, goalie mask propped on top of his head as he skated out onto the ice.
Then Timmy, Finn, Leo, Olli, Logan, Evgeni, Nado, Sergei, Dumo. The only difference was that James came out right before Remus, who was now second to last, and it was his turn.
It was exhilarating, hearing the cheers as Frank called his name and he skated onto the ice, right foot first. It was smooth beneath his blades, bringing him to a sense of calm focus.
There was a sea of red and gold throughout the stadium, in addition to rainbow flags, his nickname was being shouted by multiple fans and as he skated to a section, there was a chorus of a different nickname being yelled which made him laugh. “COACH REMUS!”
Stopping at the glass he waves and pounds on the glass in return to some of the boys close up to the boards. “Hi boys! Enjoy the game!” He yells up, not fully expecting to be heard but nonetheless felt the need to.
When he turns to skate off and find Jules in the stands, Finn skates by, looking at him with wide eyes. “Loops, you have a lot of children?”
“What?” He responds in confusion, turning back behind him to the team before looking back to Finn. “Oh… No. Finn, that's my cub’s team from summer.” He says, laughing.
“Gotcha. Hey, let them back after the game!” Finn says with a smile before continuing the loop around the rink, while Remus takes off once again, reaching close to the middle of the rink before he goes back to the glass, stopping in front of where his family has a front view.
Smiling, he watches as Julian rushes from his seat to the glass with the biggest smile on his face. Julian had his Lions beanie on as usual but for once, he wasn’t dressed in a Black jersey.
Instead, he wore the Lupin jersey that he had just gotten a few days prior, turning around briefly to show his older brother. The brothers place a hand on the glass on both sides, smiling at the other as they mouth to one another.
I love you Re!! Good Luck!!
Love you too Jules!
With a quick wave up to his parents in the stands, Remus took off once again, passing by his fiancé who was already at center ice with the ref who held the puck and the Habs’ center. Stopping at the boards, he was met by James who smiled at him.
Rolling his eyes, he quickly grabbed the gatorade blue he had put on the bench prior next to two bottles of water, not wanting to mess with his friend’s superstition despite him not needing to be in charge of it anymore. He flips the bottle towards him, earning a grin in response, “Blue.”
“Always blue.” He replies with a wink before he skates off to his position on the right. Sharing a look with Sirius, he smiles before looking to the Habs’ right winger in front of him. James joined them shortly after, and the six crouched, eyes on the puck. The ref dropped the puck shortly after, and the game began.
The first period went by in a flash. With the Lions being up 1-0. James narrowly managed to score a breakaway up the ice off of a clean pass from Remus and managed to break through the Habs’ goalie. However, the Habs’ defense was strong. The Lions needed to be at the top of their game.
In the midst of the second period, the Habs managed to tie the game 1-1. So, Remus decides to push a little harder. Puck in hand, he races through the defensive line of the Habs and manages to score. With a hat trick.
His hands up in a cheer and laughing to himself, he was suddenly slammed into the boards by Sirius and James, and there was a loud chorus of young shouts yelling “THAT’S OUR COACH!” that made the three players laugh.
In the stands, there was no one more excited than Julian, who was practically jumping up and down as if he was on a sugar high. The nine-year-old wasn’t even playing himself yet he felt adrenaline for his older brother. He was just so happy!
“Yeah Loops! You’re on fire today!” James says on his right, smacking his shoulder playfully as he pulls away, heading off to the Lions goal to give Kasey a high five, then heading off to Olli and Talker.
Sirius stayed behind, having the biggest grin as he watched Remus laugh with glee, kissing his cheek briefly before he speaks. “You got a hat trick!”
“I did!”
Remus is freed from the board, however, his laughter and excitement has not diminished in the slightest. Joining James and Sirius back at center, the second period continues.
.
🏒Hey you guys!
Thank you so much for coming this far. I don’t usually like to put author's notes at the end of my works but this is an exception. And I have to admit, this one-shot took me a lot longer than I initially thought but I adore it so much.
Now, I have a question for you all.
I’m thinking of writing a second part to this (and possibly more than just another in the future), and making Lions Player/Coach Remus a regular au on my blog. What do you guys think? Let me know in the comments, a reblog with your answer or shoot me an ask with what you think!🏒
#sweater weather#lumosinlove#lumosinlove ocs#remus lupin#sirius black#remus x sirius#hockey#rookie#hockey coach#little league hockey#sweater weather lumosinlove#that’s our coach!
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good morning / evening / happy timezone! if you feel like it, what are some of your favourite BCS interviews, text or video?
oh man, hell yes! thanks for asking! ♥️
i’ve definitely forgotten some good ones and this is shamelessly biased toward my favourite characters, but hopefully this is a good place to start especially if you’re looking for kim + jimmy talk!
text
How They Made It: The Spectacular Fifth Season of ‘Better Call Saul’
a great article with quotes from everyone. home of the famous “these are two people who got a law office for love and got married for business.” quote from peter, and the lesser quoted set-up which i love just as much:
“I think if you were to ask her, the character, ‘Well, why are you getting married?’ she would say, ‘Because Jimmy told me that he lies so he can protect me from having to testify against him.’ Which is a very lawyerly reason. But I think they get married because they love each other.” 🥺
How Rhea Seehorn Became Better Call Saul's Greatest Showman (huge props to @scullysflannel for totally crushing it)
And she’s not ready to do that.
‘Better Call Saul’ Star Rhea Seehorn: ‘It Is A Crazy Ride From Here To The End’
more great stuff from rhea and really interesting commentary on kim+jimmy’s relationship in season 4 (up to 4x07). “But Kim’s filling up every second of every day because God forbid she should just sit with her feelings for a minute.”
Better Call Saul star Bob Odenkirk on Jimmy's strange reaction to Chuck's death
short and heartbreaking interview with bob about jimmy’s headspace in episode 4x01
Rhea Seehorn on ‘Better Call Saul’ Season 3 Finale: Is Kim Finally ‘Breaking Bad?’
rhea talking about the end of season 3.
Bob Odenkirk still has hope for Saul Goodman in penultimate season
i love this one because bob talks about jimmy’s anger and im obsessed with the anger of both these characters
Better Call Saul finale: Michael McKean explains Chuck's shocker
really long and interesting interview with mckean about chuck! most of these interviews have helped guide my fic a lot but my chuck notes are like 90% quotes from mckean in this. definitely worth a read if you’re interested in mckean’s thoughts on what makes chuck tick!
videos
Conversations with Bob Odenkirk of BETTER CALL SAUL
youtube
this is my favourite bob interview. i think the interviewer asks maybe three questions, and the rest is bob going ham. they did it towards the end of filming season 5, and i feel like he’s completely in the headspace of the character.
highlights include (starting at about 6:00) recounting his email argument with peter over a line reading -- a line that was written as a statement but bob wanted as a question. he says it’s from episode 9, but my big theory is that he’s talking about the “hundred thousand?” from 1x08, because he does a vince impression when he talks about the episode’s director.
and at 16:00 -- “i love the scene at the graveyard. did you say ‘boo-hoo’?”
Rhea Seehorn dishes Kim's fate on 'Better Call Saul'
youtube
all these gold derby ones with rhea and bob are fascinating and this one really launches right into it.
such great stuff about kim using silence as a position of power, and kim’s motivation for the chuck takedown (she’s defending jimmy but also she wants to keep mesa verde! “she has her own ego and ambition issues”). and then at 12:30 -- “asking chuck, do you realise that, if this is true, your brother would go to jail? and he’s fine with it. and it’s so disturbing [to kim] that he is that black and white.”
i love about 9:00 in, too. kim gives jimmy “counsel without judgement, which i think is a very different thing than he’s getting from other people in his life.”
as you can see i started rewatching and now i’m helplessly adding more and more rhea quotes to this section. it’s so good and every gold derby one is SO good.
Inside the Writers Zoom with Better Call Saul, hosted by Patton Oswalt
youtube
patton interviewing some of the writers! some great stuff at about 15 minutes about the proposal and the kim flashback.
i’m also forever haunted by mr. peter gould’s twinkly little all-knowing eyes in any interview he’s in. peter tell me your secrets (don’t tell me i want to wait) but tell me
Conversations at Home with BETTER CALL SAUL
youtube
uh this one is just a joy to watch and there’s so many dogs 🐶
hopefully that’s a good amount and not too overwhelming! i’m also looking forward to kicking myself in a week when i think of all the great stuff i forgot to include 😂
thanks again for asking! this was super fun.
#asks#dangerscully#ty to @drjholtzmann for letting me pick her brain too#better call saul#interviews#bts
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okay kind of obsessed with the body swap art tho. idk why i just like benrey getting to bully gordon with his own body, his own voice, and i like gordon trying to navigate whatever weird shit benrey’s got going on. gordon not being able to figure out or control whatever organs in benrey’s throat produce sweet voice so it’s just spewing whatever emotions he’s feeling at random (including Horny? uh oh. can’t hide that as easily as a surprise boner can you gordon?)
this ask kicked me into actually thinking about it and your brain is so huge. massive. i lost control
last night i was struggling to articulate thoughts for the body swap thing but this is kickstarting me. i. really love bodyswap stuff........(sighing) i am yet again having to confront the fact that i latched onto an embarrassing number of Things after having first read about them in [REDACTED]. truly hate being alive
so like......potions. you can get into a whole lot of weird stuff with potions. truly loving that darnolds 5-minute existence gives me an excuse to think of the stupidest horny potions scenarios
and why in the fuck wouldnt he have a bodyswap potion just chillin in his lab. why wouldnt benrey crack that bad boy open and take a sip while darnolds bitching at him "dont you touch any of those goddamn potions. im not gonna tell you which ones which so if you die, you die"
gordon claps benrey on the back afterwards like "well, thats a risk im perfectly happy for him to take" but uh oh you fucking buffoon. the touch is what activates it. and shit just starts spinning and schlorping in his mind and he nearly falls over clutching the lab bench next to him and when he cracks his eyes back open, hes........shorter. and everybodys asking if somebodys okay but that somebody isnt him and hes kind of miffed about that
and then gordons head turns and he sees Himself being steadied on his feet by tommy and darnold and hes like.......guys? guys. hello! and the sound of benreys voice coming out of him with that irritated and loud timbre makes everybody turn to face him........b/c that is so insanely weird coming from him
im like way into the idea of benreys, like, Eye Darkness Thing transferring to gordons face when their bodies are swapped, too. its just his malevolent energies manifesting physically no matter what body hes in
Wait god wait. Like. Benrey in Gordon's body and he gets horny for some reason and has to live Gordon's fucking pained life of the suit edging the hell outta him- Bc now Gordon can actually fucking jerk off for the the first time in days. No edging bullshit from the hev suit
benreys newfound appreciation for why gordons such a bitch all the time
RRRRRRRRRRR gordon able to go wild beating his meat that night finally but right before he does he stops because hes looking down at. 8)!
YES EXACTLY....... gordon freeman humbled by the sight of benreys huge meat. except its his meat now
at first he only feels mildly weird about jacking it when hes not even in his own body right now but hes been edged for days now and hes just thinking "if i can just get this out of the way now, ill be clear-headed for however fucking long im stuck in black mesa. maybe this is why ive been so goddamn stupid lately. yeah"
but then he gets some time and space to himself at long last and unzips and the shock of seeing benreys huge uncut dick instead of his own brings him back to reality like "?oh my god what the fuck am i doing"
embarrassment! guilt! but also hes still fuckin horny and eventually curiosity wins out. whats the harm, right. its not like he has to say anything about it. and gordon freeman is (mostly) heterosexual and hes never been this up close and personal with a foreskin before and hes just......curious. scientifically
maybe hes even.......locked himself inside one of the company restrooms while hes at it. just to make sure hes got privacy. and there is a mirror right there........ he was gonna just bust one out and leave as fast as he can but now hes curious
starts. thumbing the hem of his shirt under benreys vest. starts lifting it up experimentally just to see where all that hair leads. out of curiosity. and seeing the curve of benreys stomach peek out in the mirror makes him hiccup on sweet voice inadvertently
weirdly enough theres a part of him thats both relieved and disappointed that hes never seen that color before
he never envisioned that seeing benrey like this would be a turn-on but like......with that vest and that helmet on he just looks like some kind of fuckin roundish rectangle shape. but now gordons intimately familiar with how his body feels to move around in......what hes gotta look like underneath all that armor and ill-fitting work clothes......and the hornier he gets the stupider he gets
takes off the helmet.......just to test the waters. if somebody manages to bust in, thats not so weird to explain. and hes surprised by the shock of black hair he finds under there. he doesnt know what he was expecting....but honestly, benrey looks, like, kind of nice like that. more like a person
im slightly obsessed with the idea of benrey just not even registering as a Real Guy, physically, to gordon, one that he could possibly be attracted to, until hes out of his work uniform.......like hes more of an icon of a person than anything up until that point. pure signifier. no substance
like......you know......the equivalent of how benreys HL model registers to 99% of people watching the series. sure, thats not necessarily anything youd register as "hot", most likely, but then u peel that away and its like........Oh
the model is the icon and the representation of the icon is the real
and gordon runs a hand thru benreys hair and tries out one of those shitty little smirks benrey likes to use on him and the effect is.......dizzying. is that him? is that what benrey really looks like to him?? he feels fuckin salacious doing this
he can even.........get his face up close to the mirror and really look at those teeth
run his tongue over them experimentally.......feel their sharp edges.......and, no, theyre not sharp like a knife, but they are definitely pointy. and surprisingly well-kept......hes never seen benrey brush his teeth before but clearly he must. theyre so smooth and slick under his fingertips
and then he flushes and drops his hand b/c hes getting some weird fucking thoughts right now........but looking back up at himself in the mirror and seeing benreys face all wide-eyed and red makes the issue worse
oh, you really like seeing him look like that, dont you. and gordons pissed b/c this isnt even his fucking brain but its still whispering the exact same neurotic, self-defeating shit at him that hes trying very hard to tamp down
and then he starts getting a little crazier. taking off the vest. he can explain that, no problem. its just kind of hot. heavy. he needed a breather! its normal. just in here to splash some water on his face and cool down, nothing wrong with that. but that just makes benreys shirt all the easier to access.......and he tugs the hem of it just a little higher and looks at himself in the mirror and runs a thumb over the curve of his stomach, where the hair is thickest, and he shivers
gordon freeman is deeply normal and would never get off to the sight of a guy with arms the size of his head tentatively dragging the hem of his shirt up, just for gordon to look at him closer
hands shaking from nerves as he decides to loosen his tie and start unbuttoning and he sees more and more hair-dusted skin and muscle and fat and a thin sheen of sweat reveal itself
> i could see gordon trying to tense and flex the muscles a bit just because hes normal
HE IS, AND HE WOULD
he doesnt know when "being horny b/c hes been pent up and edged for days and he just needs to get his rocks off real quick so he can be normal again" turned into "being horny b/c the way benrey looks under his uniform is scary good to him" but if he thinks about that too hard hes gonna have a panic attack
tells himself that its all just because he hasnt been able to get off. thats why hes thinking this shit. hell stop thinking it once he nuts
> hey this is a quick aside but yknwo how he talks to himself in third person sometimes? what if he does and then kinda does a mental double take at how his name sounds coming out of benreys mouth, with his voice. ok thats it goodbye
oh ym god thats making me go insane. doing it by accident and then.........saying it again. on purpose. just to hear benreys voice doing it
getting one knee hitched up onto the sink and leaning forward with his arm braced against the mirror and his forehead leaning on his arm and tugging benreys dick (no, idiot, thats your dick right now, stop thinking about it) and tentatively groaning out his own name and it comes out so hoarse and desperate that it punches him straight in the gut (too bad, hes thinking about it, he cant not think about it, not with the way he looks and sounds right now)
> remember in the series when benrey called him gordon one (1) time and he noticed immediately and was like..i think thats the first time youve called me by my name.
he looks so fucked out and slutty in that mirror that it almost makes him pass out
eyes darting like hes trying to commit every single detail of how he looks right now to memory (b/c he is. he fucking is. he wants to make benrey look like this so fucking bad. just for him. wreck him and get him flushed and sweaty and panting and moaning gordons name and jesus christ, okay, thats where his brains taking him. okay. cool)
hes dizzying himself thinking about it. he knows benreys hot for him by this point, theoretically. assuming his weird come-ons werent just jokes. benrey would probably let him do this to him. benrey would probably want him to touch his dick. gordon thinks about how good it might feel for his own hand to be on benreys dick and he cant get himself solidly into one headspace or another - hes gordon, hes benrey, he wants to touch, he wants to be touched, he wants to feel his own hand on this dick (and god, maybe he could. maybe he could ask. wouldnt that be crazy.)
benrey in gordons suit and gordons body and gordons face leaning over him, b/c fuck, he really is tall compared to benrey, hes figured that one out awful quick. and gordons (his) hand on his (benreys) dick and stroking him and leering down at him with those dark, dark eyes that dont even really look like his eyes, anymore, not with the way theyre shaded over, and hearing his (benreys) (his) voice moaning out his (gordons) (definitely gordons) name and all the little "pleases" and "thank yous" that he cant stop letting out b/c benreys voice was made for it, made to beg and whine and ask so nicely, and his heads spinning as he comes all over the fucking mirror and sink
> i wonder if this could be combine with the ideas that parts of the self or like mind is still a bit left behind if that makes sense, like with benrey also wanting this that part of the reason gordon wants to say those things
"do you want to fuck him or do you want to be him?" well my good bitch, perhaps you can have a little of both. welcome to my personal hell
hes never come so hard in his fucking life and the noise that rips out of him when he does, finally, after days of being jerked around (ha ha) makes his ears burn with shame
now if you really wanna go crazy. imagine that benreys up and walking around this whole time b/c being edged by his stupid broken suit is making it impossible for him to sleep, and he hears........all of this. stops and presses himself flat agains tthe wall to listen
he cant actually get into the bathroom to scare the shit out of gordon/offer to join in/etc, b/c this stupid flesh body of gordons cant even noclip, but he can press his ear to the door and. listen. and he can flush all the way down to his chest when he hears gordon in there, moaning out his own name with benreys voice
so thats what gordon wants him to do, huh. thats what hes thinking about.
poor benrey, tho. he gets to experience just a lick of the endless fucking suffering that gordon goes thru every single day just by being alive, and "the HEV suit trying and failing to suck him off to completion while his dick twitches against the hard metal of the interior every time gordon groans in there" is just one small part of it
anyway . see ya. my final message
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have you ever watched an episode of the Emmy award winning sci-fi drama, The X Files? Maybe you’ve read my original post and yet you’re still wondering where the hell Fox Mulder got all those strands of hair on his jumbo gigantic head. I am back and here to help you find the answers to some of your burning questions; as we celebrate the hard work and triumphs of the hair and makeup department on the Fox Lot and team up with my big huge brain and my New York State Cosmetology license to give the people what they want once again: another top ten guide to Mulder’s fucking hair..
upon making this post a second time (rip 😔), I realized that just about every episode (yes, every. single. one. even the ones without Mulder and the latest season where he has to share headspace with [redacted]) has its own important and iconic hair looks... You may recognize that some of these are slightly repeated from the last post but that’s ok! What I'm here to do is enforce! So lets get started..
#10 s6:e21 Field Trip: Here again we begin our journey into cosmetic superstardom with a personal favorite of mine. Mulder rolling with the times by getting a haircut fresh off the FTF wave left our nation in fucking shambles. Can’t imagine going to see a major motion picture in theatres jam packed with Mulder’s most supreme hair looks only to come back to my tv screen to see it all gone away. For students reading this post for educational purposes, this caused a worldwide walkout on popular salon franchise Supercuts in the year 1998. However, a haircut didn’t necessarily mean Mulder forgot how to take care of his hair. The precision and placement as each strand of hair perfectly outlines his jumbo head is revolutionary and inspiring. Mushroom induced drug high? K. Lemme still grab my teasing comb and my hairspray and make sure I look presentable for when my partner walks into my apartment screaming abt “where's Mulder” and wanting “answers”. The answer is this: this look is about giving people like myself with big heads rights and looking fuckable while doing so. 10/10 for inspiring hope.
#9 s1:e9 Space: Imagine you’re a few episodes into a show, the core plot is developing right before your eyes and you’re beginning to get to know The X Files three main characters; Fox Mulder, Dana Scully, and Mulder Hair Strands #1-3. All is well except, you still have no clue how crucial, and critical Mulder Hair Strands 1-3 will become to the show and to your life and I am here to tell you that you are in for a very rude and bold awakening. This message goes out to all the haters and all the people who didn’t believe Mulder’s hair was valid prior to season 4. He is here to tell you he DID know how to use dry shampoo and even the occasional blow dry oil and you can suck a dick abt it. Bold of you to assume he wouldn’t pull the round brush and the biosilk out the drawer to impress a visit to fucking NASA. 10/10 for involving science.
#8 s4:e6 Sanguinarium: I sit here writing to you today as the song ‘Handmade Heaven’ comes on shuffle; strikingly fitting for this raw and ethereal image of straight up beauty and wonder and magic and heaven in hair. This special, freshly washed and air dried smells like strawberries and sandalwood and fuckability. The look reaches through your TV and wraps its hands around your neck and sucks the life right out of you. Are you gonna let it happen? You sure are. Lucky for you, I just so happened to be there when the angels hand sewed each strand of hair onto his head and here’s what they had to say about it: this is everything and more and the way Mulder has just washed his hair with fresh mountain water droplets hand collected like nothing else mattered. Put his clothes back on and went on his merry way. Can’t imagine being in Scully’s shoes ready to walk on in her partners room unannounced to go over serious case related matters and theories. Woulda went bonkers. This truly is a handmade heaven. Hand crafted by Mulder for Scully and for the good viewers of the globe. 10/10 for embracing me in its arms.
#7 s4:e3 Home: A look from one of primetime TV’s most notorious banned episodes. Viewer discretion IS advised not only for the horrifying and cringeworthy content displayed in this episode, but for also making it painfully blunt to the viewer that Mulder’s hair follicles are happier and healthier than anybody else's will ever be in their lifetime. In fact, I can feel my own hair falling out and being respawned onto HIS head as I type this and I’m sure you can too. The way the sun glistens off his golden brown strands makes me want to walk into oncoming traffic. You might also notice how effortless this look was, as it probably only took a quick run thru with his fingers, and Mulder’s passion and need to look sexy at any time of the day at all times. It’s obvious that this kind of thing comes naturally to him, which just comes off as insulting to men everywhere. 11/10 for striking fear into men’s hearts.
#6 s4:e20 Small Potatoes: Genuinely took every bone and nerve ending in my body to not put this look in the top 5 even though it so clearly deserves it. Here at mulderspice we believe in diversity, meaning it wouldn’t be right to make my top five greatest hairstyles ever produced on The X Files just of Mulder’s iconic and revolutionizing middle part (though really who is stopping me..). This screenshot in general has me up in arms at how perfectly the blue background matches his eyes, and how it accentuates his hydrated skin and lips. But you’re not here for that. It’s the hair particularly that really pulls the shot together, as Mulder took the time that morning to spray it with some tinted dry shampoo that most defiantly and absolutely smells like chocolate. This look feels like a warm hug on a frigid winter day. I feel EMBRACED and I feel CARED FOR thanks to the wonderful staff and team @ Mulder’s head and hair follicles. What the fuck could be better than this. 16/10 for making me feel some type of way.
#5 s4:e8 Tunguska: Currently you may not think anything of Krycek to the left of this image though ill have you know he plays an extremely vital part of this look and all the words I’m about to speak to you directly. So listen up: Krycek may have heroically slayed Mulder’s father in cold blooded and justifiable murder, but we thank him for this, as it caused Mulder to lash out in the best way possible: through looks. “Un-shun: Krycek do you think I’m good to bring my Redkin Rewind 6 styling paste with me or will the Russian TSA think of that as contraband? :Re-shun”. A sweaty, manly and highly illegal treck through a Russian testing facility and a stint in a violent foreign PRISON surely was not going to stop Mulder from keeping his hair properly hydrated, styled and parted. That’ll really ruffle Krycek’s feathers and make him feel sorry for what he did…. The sexiest way to avenge the death of your deadbeat father. 24/10 for you know why.
#4 s1:e6 Shadows: In the year 1993, Mulder steps onto the scene, young, fresh faced, bright eyed and ready to give men around the globe what they (so desperately) needed: the encouragement to care about their hair. Any backstreet boy you may know have this scene to thank directly, as this is what encouraged them to reproduce Mulder’s hair onto their own heads time and time again. What I would give to see with my own eyes Mulder length times width times height his head to equal this perfectly proportionate look of volume and sexy. And who can I write a warrant out to for allowing this shot to take place. Oh to be the various and expensive hair care products in Mulder’s bathroom …… 899/10 for starting a movement (-1 for making us do equations).
#3: s1:e10 Fallen Angel: The biggest regret I’ve ever had in my short little life was not adding this moment to the last post. And tumblr deleted it in order to give me this opportunity to present this to you today. By the way, that absolutely is in fact a choir of angels singing as you view this image. Go ahead and try to think of something on this earth that could be better than this tossled bed headed im-stressed-becos-my-partner-of-2-weeks-isn’t-seeing-the-big-picture-about-how-we’re-all-key-pawns-in-an-ongoing-government-conspiracy hairstyle hand crafted by Mulder all while holding his head in his hands hard at work trying to break through to the truth. Scully [insert photo of Scully with her eyes popping out of her head here] and I both wanna rip our own hair out and throw it in the garbage. 2000/10 for making our hearts ache..
#2: s4:e10 Paper Hearts: Behold- the image I’m slamming down on the desk at full force when I finally get myself a therapist. I need a licensed professional doctor to help me understand the various angles that this purposeful shot affects my life health and well being. In a paranoia induced out of body experience Mulder took his pinky finger and parted his hair down the middle, took a protractor to perfectly round the tendrils falling ever so gracefully on his forehead and ran out of his apartment and through the woods of DC. Doesn’t matter if he’s crazy? Doesn’t matter if its fuck all 4am? Who knows if the discoveries of this night is finally going to answer the heartbreaking questions regarding Mulder’s baby sister? Fuck it we’re just gonna make sure Scully has something to look forward to after being awoken yet again in the middle of the night and asked to come wrangle and control this stupid idiot. This just makes me unhinged. 50000/10 for waking up in the middle of the night and doing the most for us all.
#1 s4:e3 Teliko: This one will remain number one for as long as I shall live. I’ve dedicated my life to this cause and I’m ready to make you painfully aware of it. Grab a pen and paper and get ready to do some heavy math with me because this look right in front of your eyes is the equation to happiness and sexiness. Can barely find the words to describe to you how this picture makes me feel. Each strand of hair is personally reaching down and wrapping his head in one big giant hug of protection and solitude. Unbelievable that Scully didn’t head back to her hotel room and scream at the top of her lungs right after this. There’s no way she went about her day as normal without wanting to kick the shit out of him and then put him back together with soft feathery kisses. What you are witnessing here is the very turning point of the show where Scully looked into into the very center point of that part and said “guess I have no choice but to fall in love with him 🚶🏽♂️”. Chris Carter’s idealistic version of Mulder and the one we actually ended ups seeing as viewers were so drastically different that it’s blatantly clear that he had absolutely no idea the cultural implications that were about to rock the world to its core and tip it on its axis when David Duchovny showed up on set looking like this. I could write a thesis about this. I could conduct research and studies about this. I got kicked out of college because I cared more about this than I did actual schoolwork. I feel like I’m in a very sexy chokehold. Wish I could live forever in one little square pixel of this image. Nothing means more to me than this. 1000000/10 no further comments.
and the honorable mentions go to....
s8:e16 Three Words: Dead? Did you die? Did you die and miraculously defy god by rising from the dead and coming back to life? Just got home from the morgue? Think nothing is the same? Left guessing if you’re a soon to be 5 minute father? Did you just fucking die? He’s lost his family and his job and the world just went on without him like it was nobody’s business. Walked out of the morgue right to his apartment and what did he have left? His expensive array of hair styling and finishing products that’s what the fuck he had left. Being an all around reject from society didn’t at all stop him from taking his fingers and dipping it into that Big Sexy styling pomade and fluffing his head to high heavens. As a personal fuck you to god and to John Doggett too. He’ll never let you know the emotional hellstorm going on in his life in that moment but he WILL make it known to you that despite being 8 feet under ground for 6 months he’ll never give up on his hair. For the PEOPLE. Try and go through the nightmare of death and then rejected fatherhood and see if you come out of it with any hair at ALL. An itty bitty glimpse into what would have been Untitled Mulder Abduction Story (2001)....
I Want To Believe (2008): Here you will see the sluttiest moment in major motion picture history. Shh im not using this opportunity to show you this screenshot for the 800th time I’m trying to keep you educated. BREAKING NEWS; Man hiding in home office for 6 years fully off the grid has FULL head of hair and is getting regular sex *not clickbait*. So what if Mulder has gone fully unhinged and off the walls bonkers he’s also gone FULL slut and it shows in that sexy thick voluminous head of slut hair. If you ever for a second thought prior to seeing this movie for the first time that Mulder would show up a full on son-less wreck and a half think the fuck again babes. He’s managed to hold on to every single little strand ever grown on his head even well into his middle aged madness and its about time we give him the credit he deserves. (PS. Please know I wrote this entire spiel without even viewing the shot shown here. Its just permanently etched on the inside of my forehead so its there when my eyes roll back into my head.) For this we say…..; Whore rights.
s11:e3 Plus One: Incase you were unaware, I have been going through a very slow and painful process of erasing Season 11 from my brain completely. Its been a long road but its achievable and the end result will save me from a lot of future heartache and trauma. This however, is a moment I will cherish forever and though you may think its for the hot sex (which is like maybe 30% the case) its actually because it puts together everything I’ve ever loved and believed about the show in only a few thousand pixels. How old is Mulder here? 30? 31? Still has hair and still has an unbelievable amount of love to shower Scully in for as long as they both shall live (which lets face it, she deserves one million times over.) What this has taught me was to hang up my “Mulder deserved…” hat for good and just be thankful for what I’ve got. I ended up with no son or happy dreamy ending where Mulder gets to die with a family he’s never had in his life, but here we are left with the little things.. Like Mulder and Scully’s unconditional love and most importantly .. The hair on Mulder’s head. Its called growth and acceptance and I am learning it. Also I just wanted to show you what it would look like if you were like 57 and sexy and still had all ur hair. That’s it :-)
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