#im really sorry to all my mutuals cause i really wish i could keep supporting your content unconditionally | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

the-hellsing-organisation · 3 years

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Ordinarily I do not indulge in callout posts, unless a person's mental health might be in serious danger - and it's not a petty lie somebody made up, providing no screenshots, or simple ones taken out of context.

I have received multiple messages now, proving to me that the Hellsing Discord server 'The Hellsing Fanserver' lead by 'Artillery' is unfortunately a place people need to be warned about.

While everyone could assure me they do offer good scans of the Hellsing manga, the members of the server indulged in:

- Purposefully misgendering people

- Making fun of triggers, trans people and people with severe mental illnesses

- Purposefully using triggers against other server members

- Manipulating other people to use the triggers against the person they concern and shifting the blame on them afterwards

- Bringing explicit sexual themes to a server with minors

Afterwards they would celebrate their 'success', making fun of the people they hurt.

The so called 'trolling' (though I wouldn't dare to call such a hurtful behaviour this) was encouraged on the server, so I would deem it an unsafe environment for everyone whose mental health might be affected by such things.

Please be careful if these things concern you and please do not encourage such behaviour.

It's not only hurtful, it is downright cruel.

The invitations, though the links are expired.

Here you see some of the accounts that were directly involved.

Please be careful.

Tumblr Accounts

Discord Accounts

I can only assume alts mean something like alternative accounts he and his friends created in order to do these things, engaging others on the server to do the same.

He then proceeds to share the success of the hurtful behaviour on before mentioned Discord server, commenting such:

^ The “he” they are referring to is a demi girl. And yes, on the other server the pronouns are clearly stated and everyone is asked to respect them.

He is downright admitting openly to have his friends manipulated other people to use the triggers against another person.

(For context: A server members triggers were ‘Borderlands” and ‘Kingdom Hearts’.

He stated this trigger a few hours before and unfortunately the mod, after a sleepless night, was unable to memorise it during that time so ‘Abd’ took advantage of it.

Another mod quickly drew attention to her mistake and of course she apologised to the person she triggered and was forgiven.)

Unfortunately many screenshots - involving the sexual advances and the 'making fun of transgenders' are missing due to the default ban option of the server, but several eye witnesses were able to confirm them.

There was a person pretending to be a transwoman to make fun of transpeople (The person was introducing themselves like: ‘Hello, I am a man, my pronouns are he/him, but I wish to be a woman’ It didn’t sound very genuine to the trans people on the server), people making up all sorts of triggers to make fun of people who have triggers, a person pretending to be a kin, and people, who were trying to spread paedophilic messages with spreading the news that ‘age is just a number’.

And in case people still believe it was an accident:

They deliberately threaten people and plan to hurt them, while making fun of their triggers.

I’m truly lost for words…

For everyone who didn’t know: It is not your place to judge triggers and for the love of God, please don’t make fun of them.

You don’t know the history behind them. It’s good if you have none yourself, it really is, but it shouldn’t make you blind to another person’s suffering.

And you certainly shouldn’t encourage other people to “hunt” people with triggers “down” and “go to war” against them.

Also the owner of server is openly hostility against lgbtq + people - especially trans people - , PoC and antisemitic jokes are the norm there.

They too use nationalist-socialist symbols as emojis in their servers, so people who are triggered by such symbols should be careful.

“Jew Alert”

Blaming one group for the action of singular people should us remind too much of darker parts in history.

I know people with the same experience, that doesnt mean they should actively seek out ot destroy the mental health of all trans people, because one of them hurt them.

Let the submitted texts speak for themselves.

And just in case if anybody believes those are fake:

As soon as Satan saw them, he pmed another person:

Those screenshots are real. They are not fake, like he claims they are and he admits that making fun of trigger and trans people was part of his “troll introductions”.

And just in case anybody is wondering if there are truly toxic trolls on this server? This is a submission I got:

When the original is:

Im sorry.

What they did should speak for itself, but don't try to add lies here. Lies that are obviously having their origin in the server itself.

If you still believe the attacks on this blog didn't come from the server:

This is what Artillery posted as soon as he found this post.

After this the attacks started [as you can see here], so don't tell me your server is not responsible and keep your NSFW implications out of a server with minors and away from this blog!

Also you being an immigrant has nothing to do with the fact, that your server is not safe for minors, lgtbq+ people - especially transpeople - people with trauma and poc.

Even if you claims are real - your and your friends prejudices against the other groups remain.

Satan apologised openly and promised to take better care of people mental health.

The emojis however will remain, though we have been told they have specific channels for offensive jokes.

“In our discussions with the tumblr group, we realized that the situation was far more complicated than we realized. There is a a third party, not associated with us or the tumblr group, who is deliberately spreading false information with the presumed agenda of causing drama and conflict between us. With this in mind, we've agreed the best course of action is to mutually end the escalation of conflict and apologize for what occured. Following that, I want to again make clear that nobody should be going after the tumblr group, their discord server, or anywhere other online spaces. We don't know where the tumblr trolls came from, but we do not support them. Their statements were racist, antisemitic, and violent. What we did in their server was wrong and a mistake.

I want to personally apologize to a few specific people for what happened. Their server got raided, and during all of it we did not take their mental health into account, causing a lot of people to have panic attacks. Their triggers were invalidated, and people were manipulated. There were also a lot of innapropriate and offensive statements involved. While many things happened without my knowledge, it spiraled out of control because of the initial server raid, and I want to offer my sincerest apologies for that, and for everything else.”

Update:

He lied. He doesn’t regret anything.

Do you remember how he claimed he never ordered an attack on anybody?

Yes.... that was a lie.

He did plan to attack, though one member - the one they would later throw out of the admin team stopped him from attacking more people.

It should have given us red flags they would ban the only member from the team who was actively against the bullying.

And as we see here they did attack the second time as soon as the opportunity arouse when Artillery were sending people after us after saying we should suck his d*.

So he didnt learn a thing. Please survivors stay save.

#Hellsing Fandom #Hellsing Discord #Discord #Warning #call out post #callout post

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mortedeveles · 4 years

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A Search at Midnight.

SUMMARY: Who knew that a ill and sleepwalking Present Mic, and a pair of lost glasses would be the start of your love story witth Tokoyami Fumikage?

PAIRING: Tokoyami Fumikage x gn!reader

THEME: fluff, pining, awkward teenagers <3 [ONE-SHOT]

TW: I don’t think there’s anything?

a/n: Please read! this is a personal and writing update.

hey guys, i known i’ve been MIA for a while. school is kicking my ass majorly, i just got a C in one of my subjects (im usually a straight A student) :’) wishing i could attend therapy and focusing all my time on schoolwork and very little for myself, much less for writing. but ya know, life’s wack. old news. due to this, i can’t promise frequent content. i only have a few planned works that will be released. on another note, regarding my writing, i will be publishing about 2-3 drabbles in the upcoming weeks! i know my interaction is prob gon be low because i’ve been gone for a while ;; but please continue to support me if you enjoy my content <33 FANTASY WEEK has been postponed until further notice. however, we do have a new writing event coming up on late October! will release more information later on.

sorry for the rant :( i think that’s all and without further ado, please like, reblog, follow and/or comment if you enjoy! supporting content creators is extremely important! love y’all <3

(will be using banners made by ME from now on. do NOT REPOST. this one-shot is kinda over the place,, may have some inaccuracy with present mic’s quirk ;; also, this one-shot is shorter than usual, but i hope you enjoy!)

The loud blaring of sirens and shouts snap you awake. One moment, you were snuggling your pillow, silently asleep and the next you're scrambling to find your slippers, slapping your glasses on, and racing outside of your U.A Alliance dorm.

You meet the eyes of your best friend Tokoyami, and rush to his side, eyes darting to observe your surroundings. The rest of class 1A is in the same hallway as you, kids murmuring nervously. Everyone has messy bed hair and ratty sleep clothing.

The sirens that shook you awake went silent and within a few seconds, tore into the silence with another screech. Everyone yelps and you flinch.

''What is it?!'' Everyone begins to murmur and you find yourself clinging to Tokoyami's arm, nervous and half-asleep.

He's been your closest friend since you arrived at U.A. and the two of you share a mutual bond of trust. With just sharing a glance, the two of you know you have to stick together.

''This is not a drill!'' Aizawa's voice booms- you're not sure from where it’s coming from, ''Class 1A, head to the exit!''

Even though your class consists of heroes in training, emphasis on the in-training part, you're still human and react with fear.

Sleep-deprived and overly hyper teens race past you, and while you cling to Tokoyami's side as the two of you rush forward, someone slaps your glasses off your face. It slightly stings.

You don't even register it, adrenaline is pumping through your veins and all you can focus on is reaching the exit of the dorms. The sirens are so loud your ears are straining at the sound.

Eventually, everyone calms down and Iida, as the good class president he is, turns the chaotic mess of your class into organized students standing in rows.

Your class is standing in the green areas of the campus, the sirens had gone silent a while ago and everyone is fidgety and nervous. What had just happened?

''Alright, class 1A!'' he adjusts his glasses and acting on instinct, you raise your hand to touch yours, only to notice they're gone. Iida continues talking but you block him out; focusing solely on finding your glasses.

''No, no...'' you murmur, and Tokoyami notices when your hand releases his arm. He frowns and watches as you murmur to yourself and pat down your shirt and shorts.

''Aizawa-sensei will be here shortly,'' you manage to catch a few of Iida's words. ''It seems that a...'' he falters. ''Present Mic is ill and is suffering a few symptoms. He's been affected by an unknown quirk, which causes him to release his sonic scream at any time.''

Everyone begins to murmur bewilderedly at this, sharing glances and looks.

''That's right,'' Aizawa stepped out of the dorms and stood next to Iida. The night was dark and you could barely make out Aizawa's figure.

''And Present Mic...'' he winced. ''Tends to sleepwalk. That's why you heard the sonic screams in your dorms. They're highly dangerous, which is why I ordered you all to leave the dorms and stay away from his range.

''Now,'' your sensei sighs and you realize how his posture was slumped. He was exhausted. ''You can all return to bed. Present Mic has been awoken and returned to the U.A. facilities.'' A classmate or two snickered at this.

''Alright, you heard sensei!" Despite the time, Iida was rigid and instructive as ever. ''Off to bed! Class 1A, please form a line! Sero, please wrap up Mineta, we don't want any issues this early.'' Sero cheers in agreement and you smile as you hear Mineta shriek.

One you were in a line, in front of Tokoyami, you groan and lean back into him. There seemed to be some commotion upfront and the dorms were still closed.

''Tokoyami...'' you murmured nervously. He frowned in concern at your tone and leaned closer.

''What's wrong, L/N?''

''I lost my glasses,'' you grimace. ''I was about to tell you earlier but I wanted to listen to Aizawa-sensei. Do you think you can help me find them once we step into the dorms?''

Tokoyami's body is screaming for sleep, but he knows he'll do anything for you. So he quickly nods.

''Of course,'' he spares a glance at the quickly advancing line. ''It seems that the dorms have been opened. We should head inside and find your glasses.''

''Yeah,'' you smile softly- the smile that always makes Tokoyami's heart skip a beat and walk at his side. ''Thanks, Toko. I really appreciate it.''

He hums in response, feeling his throat clench as his heart performs an acrobatic show in his ribcage. Tokoyami wonders if you notice how his heart goes euphoric every time you smile at him.

Once the two of you are inside the dorms, Tokoyami summons Dark Shadow; he was a bit fearful at the start, but the lighting of the dorms is far enough to keep Dark Shadow on reins.

After minutes of searching and several grumbles of annoyance, the two of you find nothing. Well, the search was mainly of Tokoyami and Dark Shadow, since you weren't able to see much without your glasses.

''Oh man...'' you sigh and slump your shoulders. ''I'm going to have to buy new glasses.''

Tokoyami frowns at your disappointment and his eyes catch a gleam of silver on the ground. ''Wait,'' he steps away and grabs the glasses off the floor. He grimaces as he presents them to you. They're cracked, twisted, and definitely not wearable anymore.

''Oh no...'' you frown as you hold them in your hands.

Your sadness unsettles him; and before Tokoyami can even close his beak, a string of words escape them.

''I'll help you.''

Slightly frightened, you flinch before looking at him. ''How? You don't have to pay for them Toko, they're my responsibility. I appreciate the thought, you're very sweet.''

He feels his feathers ruffle at your compliment and he's thankful you aren't wearing your glasses otherwise you'd see his flustered face.

''I-I,'' the boy clears his throat. ''Ahem. I can help you take your notes and so on until you receive a new pair of glasses.''

You gasp and grin gleefully. Your body is racing towards him before you can even blink and you wrap your arms around his back, squeezing him as you bury your cheek into his chest.

Tokoyami falters in surprise and nearly squawks- thankfully, he's able to shove it down his throat before he hesitantly returns your hug.

''Of course, Y/N. You are very dearest to me and I would do anything for you.'' God damn it! It seems that he can't control his body tonight! The romantic confession leaves his body and nearly takes his soul alongside.

His words make you freeze and he internally curses at himself, knowing he's ruined your friendship.

''...Really?'' your voice is barely higher than a whisper and Tokoyami finds himself slowly nodding.

''I like you too, Tokoyami,'' there's a soft smile playing on your lips that makes his knees weak.

''Well,'' he diverts his gaze from your smiling face. Tokoyami knows that if he stares for too long, he'll never be able to stop. ''That's-that's wonderful.''

You laugh quietly at his sudden bashfulness and tug his hand towards the dorm's elevator.

''C'mon, we should head to sleep.'' Tokoyami feels impossibly happy as he walks with you, hand in hand, and shoulders brushing against each other. He doesn't think he's ever felt this happy before.

And after the two of you step into the elevator and the doors are about to close, you press a soft but brief cheek on his feathery cheeks before returning your gaze to the floor. The doors slam shut with a ding! and the two of you are blushing impossibly hard.

Needless to say, losing your glasses is the best thing that's happened to both of you. Who knew that a pair of missing glasses would result in a romantic confession from your best friend?

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jidai · 3 years

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jidai’s budget mutuals/friends appreciation

Hi, all! I’m quite late with this but I decided to put a small friends and mutual appreciations post in hopes of brightening up the end of this year a little bit. ❤️ If you were tagged, please make sure to check below for a small little message from me. However, I want to make it very clear that I truly appreciate all of my mutuals. You guys brighten up my dash and always reblog or create so many funny and creative posts. I just wanted to give a few special shout outs to those that have taken out the time to reach out and interacted with me past my ask box or we just see each other often.

The messages are ordered by your URL, so you might have to scroll for awhile before you see your messages. I’m so sorry lmao.

Happy New Years, everyone!

@25th, Nonnie, the Young Genius. bro, remind me how old you are 🧍‍♀️ Like my brain CANNOT fathom the thought that you’re so skilled at SO many things and you’re not even in your twenties??? PLEASE SPARE THE TALENT. i will even accept crumbs. But I’m writing to tell you that you are such a wonderful presence on my dash. I always look forward to your gfx. They’re so SO good and you’re improving from one post to another. Like WOW. Now, you’re even starting an art blog, too? You’re so dedicated to the arts. I respect that a lot. Your hard work and commitment will bring you very far in life, whatever you decide to do.

I love interacting with you. You’re such a big sweetheart and full of positivity and energy. I look forward to seeing more of your art and gfx ❤️

@biscuitwalk, Dann, the AK Wiz. Dann, I know you’re not as active on here so idk when or if you will ever read this but I want to say that I miss you and your creations so, so much. I will say it a hundred times over and OVER but you inspire me so goddamn much. You have no fucking idea. Your works are absolutely gorgeous and unique. I can look at it once and I can instantly recognize your style (and your cute lil’ pufferfish <3). The way you utilize colors and implement various techniques, shapes, textures into your work. Goddamn, you’re so good. I always look to your work if I ever need inspiration and they help me brainstorm. God, I wish I could put it into words how much I adore your works.

We didn’t really talk for long but you seemed like such a kind and fun person to be around. I wish you the best in your future endeavors, wherever you are. Stay safe <3

@elriccs, Mirai, the Short King. 🧍‍♀️ ok look I know, I know I’m TERRIBLE at replying to you and I’m so fucking sorry. I absolutely love to talk to you but my dumbass cannot seem to reply in a timely manner LASELKSAL. That’s on me and I gotta do better. Anyways!!! Thank you SO fucking much for always leaving such kind messages on my work. I swear to god you’re one of my biggest hype man and I ALWAYS look forward to reading your tags. They’re so funny and it makes me all tingly and happy inside. Bro, like, you just radiate big fun vibes, bro. I really hope that I can get to know you better so I can just insult you until it’s too late to walk away </3

And of course, let me also remind you that I love your works so much. They way that you utilize your textures and those muted colors... OOMPH *chefs kiss* I will always love--

@lockhvrts, Em the Soulsborne GOD. hi em 🥺 it’s been awhile since I’ve had a proper conversation with you and I hope you’re doing okay! I miss you and our conversations where we do nothing but geek out and complain about the game industry lmao. if you manage to read this, I just wanted to let you know I miss your presence here. It’s been kinda dull not seeing your beautiful soulsborne gifs and your game rants. Let’s catch up soon. <3 stay safe and well!

@nathanprescutt, Benn, the Man. BENNNNNNNN. I love you a lot bro. I know we haven’t had long conversations for some time and I hope I can change that! You were my first friend on this blog and I will always appreciate it. I remember us just geeking out over your works and how I would always send you a gfx request like once a week LMAO. The one thing that I have always appreciated about you was the fact that you’re very opinionated (if not, very vocal on your stance on things) and you hold your ground. There were a few time where you encouraged me to speak on topics that I think I shouldn’t and that stuck with me for quite awhile. I’m still a nervous rambling mess when it comes to debates but just know that the one time you supported me to voice my opinion--I hold it very dear to my heart.

While I don’t spend much time together, I will always remember our animal crossing session. It was so much fun just trashing and chilling on your island. Especially the bar :( that bar was fucking AMAZING. Maybe once FFXVI comes out, we can geek out hehe

Also, thank you so much for sending in photos of all your doggos, omg. I miss seeing them so much I hope they’re doing well. Stay hot, my German bro lol. Ich bin sehr dankbar, so eine tolle Freundin zu haben. ❤️❤️❤️

@noxdivina, Lin the Big Dick Daddy Kind. The church is open for business bitch and I’m here to preach the GOSPEL.

Okay, jokes aside, I’m really happy that we became mutuals. You’ve always give off this like, mysterious cosmic vibe (????? huh). And your selfies just further proves that you are wtf. But you’re always so kind to those that you interact with. You’re an absolutely sweetheart and like I just want to give you a giant hug every time we interact. You’re such a soft human being. It’s so nice being around you. It’s like being tossed in the oven and baked at 250 degrees F for 25 minutes. And to boot you’re really talented, hello? God really said let there be a perfect human being and yeeted you into the universe. Thank you for always leaving such kind messages and words in my DM/askbox/works. I cherish them so much. I hope I can get to know you better in the future bc you’re rad, bro <3

anyways, updated drawing of u and maya:

i always assume you’re in a black fur parka 24/7 and maya is coatless neck down. also deck me with those jacked arms of yours thanks 🧍‍♀️

(edit: fuck i forgot to draw a PARTY HAT ON MAYA IM SORRY)

@rokuseis, Sei, the Dumber.

i have nothing to say to you go away you banana hater ASELKSAEKL

BITCH, you doo bee getting on my nerve 24/7/365 🧍‍♀️ you were an unexpected but a very welcomed addition to my life. I can’t believe we really went 1 fuckin’ year without speaking to each other and then suddenly our friendship blew up because over a stupid BANANA. Now you gotta deal with me and my stupid, random, crude ass messages daily. I cannot. Clown to clown communication. But thank you so much bitch for being there for me and telling all of these funny ass stories and life experiences.

I know I don’t say it a lot because when we talk it’s literally just dogs barking at each other but I want to make it clear now: I love your humor and vibe so much. You never fail to make me laugh anytime I talk to you and I appreciate it so much. I can’t tell you how many times I felt better after talking to you. Even though sometimes your fucking jab hits hard and I end up actually inSULTED BY IT. But thank you for becoming my friend and I look forward to all of our stupid moments together. Looking forward to shitting in your sink when I finally fly to your home <3

@wolfamongthem, Anna, the Grinch. Please don’t hurt me for that title. I'm just saying if someone needs a live casting, it’ll be u. Anyways, did you know that I was so fucking intimidated by you for a long ass time, even before we became mutuals aseljas LMAO. I always see your gifs around on explore and they’re so gorgeous and then I look at your text posts and it’s u roasting people like there’s no tomorrow- 🧍‍♀️ bitch I was SCARED OF U KSKS. Now that I’ve talked to you a few times, you’re really funny like where do you find those reaction memes????? Like bro you and your shitposts is my morning cup of coffee.

Anyways, in 2021 I expect a full-fledge review of all AAA games from you-- no more shit talking in the tags let it all out BITCH. Thank you for being such a great mutual! I look forward to see what weird shit you will send me the next time we talk lmao

@zenien, Selm, the I’m-gay-for-Lady-Maria-or-anything-that-moves-in-BB-Bitch™. ok bitch if I’m being honest I wrote yours last so my brain is FRIED. so everything i say from here is raw from the HEARt cause that’s all I got left. But anyhow, we savin’ the best for last! honestly, i didn’t expect you to barge into my life like that. i really didn’t. i was just gonna keep admiring with my 7 feet (2.1336 meters) pole. I’m glad you made the first move because look where we are wtf 🧍‍♀️ friends??? I wouldn’t believe you if you told me that in 2014 when I first followed you lmao.

You’re such a kind soul. I know you may disagree but I’m determined to convince you. I can’t tell you how much I want to thank you for taking the time to talk to me during my rough bits. It’s like sitting on a wooden bench in a park during sunset and you sit next to me, just enjoying the vast sky. You radiate such peaceful energy. It’s very calming. Or you know, 2 seconds later i’m suddenly suplexed by your 40 tons of insults like what--

Thank you for everything, so far. Truly. It’s been so fun listening to you talk about your Bloodborne journey and see your reactions live. It’s been so fun to see you post your graphics and it continues to blow me away. It’s been so fun hearing about your life and the stories of your adulthood. Every words that we have exchanged, I hold dearly to my heart--more than you ever know. Love u bitch.

#for mutuals #mutuals don't ask about your titles i was being quirky LMAO #this took so long so i hope it works properly sksks #it hasn't been proofread so enjoy the mess

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cheseyre · 4 years

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good news, sluts! my brain's no longer being completely stupid (only mostly), i've seen the new asides and...have some thought-y thot thoughts:

*deep inhale*

Okay, first things first: this art style is soooo fucking cUTE and I'm a jealous, squealing bitch. Anyone who knows who the artist is, could you link me to them, stat? I think Thomas mentioned them at the beginning of the ep, but nYeh, brain hurt, doesn't wanna do wooork-

Okay, I'll admit, I was a little...apprehensive when I first saw the thumbnail and title. Part of it's just me being a bitter Remus Stan, but also...okay, deep breaths, controversial opinion time, get ready:

I don't ship Prinxiety.

Like, at all.

I can see the appeal, and these dorks were so very, VERY cute in this particular ep, but I was honestly turned off by the ship long ago due to how overwhelmingly popular it is and how some fans characterize these two and treat this relationship as if it's the only valid one, y'know, the works—slight tangent, but that's also why I don't ship Logicality or Remile. I honestly vibe much better with ships like Roceit or Analogical, y'know?

Cutting in for another brief tangent: I'm surprisingly okay with Demus/Dukeceit/Receit/Trashnoodle/Whatever-Their-Ship-Name-Is-Oh-God-Why-Do-They-Have-So-Many-Fucking-Names; maybe it's cause they haven't actually interacted in canon and the fan content gives me such good Gay Disney Villain content, idk man im weird—).

Still, their interactions were both hilarious and sweet and like I said, I see the appeal, it's just not my cup of tea. y'all Prinxiety fans got fucking FED and I'm happy for you nerds. Enjoy ze happy boys!

I guess another factor in my...low-key hesitance when I first saw what the ep was about is that...okay, get ready, another controversial opinion, le gasp: well, I'm not a big Virgil fan. In fact, at times, he swaps places with Patton as my least favorite sides—especially with some of his recent behavior in eps like DWIT (the "prohibit your breathing comment" really triggered me, for example). Sometimes, his attitude, especially around other sides like Roman or Janus, reminds me a little too much of my sister, who I don't have...a very good relationship with. Add to that how the more...intense side of the fandom has a disturbing tendency to turn him into the 'uwu precious woobie emo baby who can do no wrong' while unnecessarily villainizing other CERTAIN sides in the process, and...I think you all see where I'm going with this little rant 😅

However, upon actually watching the ep, he wasn't...that bad? I don't think? I enjoyed watching him be a flustered, disaster-y mess and genuinely excited at the end, his interactions with Roman were nice enough, and him literally pushing Thomas to make a move with Nico despite his obvious panic attack was a nice moment of genuine character development. I like seeing that, that's the good shit right there. And him being all flustered and shit, and smiling so much at the end of the vid was just...well, adorable. This man has no fucking right to be this cute, my god

alsoooo

pURPLE EYESHADOW

PURPLE EYESHADOW HE LOOKS?? SO GOOD?? WTF?? SLAY EMO, SLAAAAAAAY FUCK, DOES THIS MEAN I HAVE TO CHANGE MY HALLOWEEN COSTUME NOW?

alsoooo

hAPPY ROMAN

YESSSSS~ MAH BOI MAH SON MAH DUMB BITCH HIMBO PRINCE MAH EXTRA MESSY CINNAMON ROLL

ITS BEEN SO LONG

AND HIS LITTLE HEART EYES THROUGHOUT THE VID, OH MY GOD-

IMMA JUST IGNORE THAT "ADDING [MISTAKE] TO THE LIST" COMMENT I AM LOOKING AWAY I DO NOT SEE IT LALALALALA

THOMATHY, SIR, YOU HAVE NO RIGHT MAKING THESE TWO GAY IDIOTS SO BAEBY

Okay, but Virgil not realizing that "cyberstalking in real life" is literally just stalking is both a big ass mood and further proof that, yes, Logan is indeed the only one holding the braincell out of this disaster of a lot. God help them all if he ducks out in the next ep.

👀

And Thomas x Trash Can is my new OTP. I dub thee ✨ "Trashmas" ✨

we sTAN TRASHMAS

Wait, does that mean Remus actually WAS in the ep? Cause, y'know, trash man?

hmmm

👀 👀

Okay, okay.

With how much Virgil and Roman were going off about Thomas constantly lying, I was (understandably) a tad bit disappointed my snek son didn't even make a fucking cameo, but y'know what? In hindsight, I'm okay with this it's fineee~

He was just off playing with shadow puppets and stealing money from us desperate, content-starved peasants with his sheer extra-ness and, honestly? Gotta respect the hustle.

Get that precious, precious coin, dapper snake! Wring us poor losers dryyyy!

*evil snek laugh*

Also, this is a breather ep and adding Janus in probably would've caused unnecessary drama with the Roceit breakup and the constant antagonism between Virgil and him. It probably would've distracted from the point of the ep (flirting with social anxiety, exactly what it says in the tin)—much like it wasn't really Virgil or Remus's place to show up during POF. Does that make sense? I think it makes sense. Sorry, brain going brr-

Still, I can't believe the "Fuck Janus Sanders" Club is actually canon now 😂

God, first Patton in a skirt and now this.

Thomas Sanders, you delight in fucking feEDING this gremlin nest of a fanbase, don’t you? You RELISH our screams of joy and pain and suffering, dON’T YOU?

What's next, actual canonical Janus and Remus interaction? Patton saying the fuck word? The Dragon Witch comes back? Janus's bowler hat gains sentience and takes over the world, Doris-style? What do you have planned, Thomas? Joan? WHAT ART THOU PLANNING, I MUST KNOW YOU HEATHENS YOU FIENDS-

And Virgil's little "would it be fair to him" comment, tho.

👀

Like, I get in the context of the ep, he was likely talking about Nico and how it wouldn’t be good for a potential relationship with Tomas to be founded on lies, but still...my anxceit heart aches, man.

Gimme that sweet, sweet angst with a side of mutual regret and possible future reconciliation and maybe something more wink wink nudge nudge on top, pls

...and fries.

Honestly, tho, that entire bathroom monologue was fucking beautiful, man. And relatable, too—i can't tell you how many times I've talked to myself in public restrooms because I just didn't know how to get the words I wanted to say out. It's...kind of embarrassing, tbh

Speaking of embarrassing, uh, crying stall guy.

Just...

Crying Stall Guy

Like, I was expecting someone to come out the bathroom stall after Thomas stopped talking, but...I honestly wasn't expecting that. God, that whole scene was so cringe worthy and fucking hilarious

Honestly, Thomas in the ep in general was a huge ass mOOD and we collective gay/bi disasters ALL related with him, and if you say you don't, you're either lying to yourself or a demon.

There is no in between

sorry I don't make the rules

Like, I get this series is literally a gay disaster talking to himself for thirty minutes or longer, but like- EMPHASIS on the 'disaster' part 😂

Like...Thomas, you're lucky you're such a goddamn bean, because GOD, I cringing so hard when he first started talking to Nico

Although, I too have apologized profusely for genuine mistakes and am a flustered bi mess around my crush sooo

😅

And god, Roman's "thirty = old man" jokes made me feel old...and I literally just turned twenty, like, come on, man!

Maybe that's because I was literally watching this ep after finishing my ACT and had been sitting with a bunch of high schoolers, with their tiny fucking desks and tiny fucking water fountains smeh

*clears throat*

Anyways, uh, we STAN Nico Pintrovert Florés in this house

He gives me such big Carlos from WTNV vibes for some reason and this makes me sooo happy

and YESS, he's a WRITER

And he's??? So sweet?? A pure bean?? Just sits on his laptop at the mall food court all day, like a god-fucking iCON?? A Nightmare Before Christmas fan?? weARS GLASSES??

my hEART

*cries*

The fandom seems torn between "Nicomas" and "Karrot Kings" as a ship name atm—personally speaking, I'm casting my vote for the latter

*crosses fingers* please dont be another janus x remus multiple ship name issue guys, please please please I can't keep track of them all-

*clears throat*

On that note, I'm guess I'm gonna go try and whoo over my crush with carrots now. If THIS disaster can do it and make it actually fucking work, god damnit, so cAN I

Meanwhile, in hell, my brain's just screaming "CANON LOVE INTEREST CANON LOVE INTEREST CANON LOVE INTEREST-"

God, I hope Nico isn't just a one-shot character, he's too pure and Thomas and him are adorable gay Disney fans and I stan

Oh, I wonder how the other sides'll react to him.

Wait.

Oh god.

This ep just unleashed a new fresh hell of potential Nico x Sides ships, hasn't it?

Welp, time to prepare for ze incoming flood of fanfics, I guess. I'll get my umbrella and rain boots.

That last shot of Virgil during the endcard was so fucking ominous oh my god mom im scared can you come pick me up-

Goddammit, Thomas and Joan, I'm NOT fucking ready to be traumatized again, fUCK

I wish I wasn't a broke ass university student so I could contribute to Thomas's gloriously extra Patreon—both so I can support my favorite content creators who make this amazing blessed content and also, to join my boi Janus in fucking destroying society by giving money to the people who actually deserve it, fuck YOU GOVERNMENT-

Okay.

New headcanon time as to why Patton, Remus, and Logan weren't in the ep: they were helping Jan film that Patreon promotional video.

Remus directed it, Logan helped with the lighting and script, and Patton was just there as the cheerleader.

The reason Janus made a dog with shadow puppets wasn't just to flaunt his deity status and prove how he is truly above us mere wretched mortals

despite that being the absolute truth and we all know it, don't lie to yourselves

No, it was really him trying to do something cute and silly for Patton, because Moceit rights, daMMIT

*inhales*

noww

guys, gals, and nonbinary pals

it’s time forr

the most wonderful time of the yearrr

WAITING FOR THE NEXT EPISODE

Step right up, folks! Hear ye, hear ye, my prediction for the next episode: Prinxiety v. Moceit! With special guest stars: Karrot Kings vibing in adorable gay and Intrulogical, bitter at being excluded aGAIN

Who will win? Who will lose?

here’s a hint: we all will because in this sick twisted game they are no winners only losers-

Place your bets, folks! ✨

Haha im not readyyy~

tl;dr

this episode has cleared my skin, watered my crops, and ended my suffering—an adorable calm before the... angsty fucking shitstorm that’s coming far too soon. Prinxiety stans, enjoy your food. Place an 'F' in the chat for me and my fellow grieving Remus stans. Trashmas is the true OTP, but Karrot Kings is cute too I guess. I've only had Nico Florés for 24 minutes, but if anything happens to him, I'll kill everyone in this room and then myself. Purple eyeshadow Virgil makes me question my sexuality aGAIN, and happy gay disney prince rights y'all. Say a big ole 'fuck you' to capitalism by giving your local dapper snake moneys. Concussion makes brain go brr and imma go buy some carrots and be gay now.

psst hey @quarantinevibes2020 you wanna join me in being disaster-y? i’ll bring my best gay stare and you bring the wine

Until next time, my lovelies! ~ Ches 🖤

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karihigada · 4 years

Text

assassin AU

*me talking to my friend*

Shizaya Redesign!

and !!!! that shizaya redesign! ACTUALLY! look here: initial AU prompt

assassin!shizuo taking care of brat!izaya ! :D

let me tell you in detail

assassin!shizuo send to kill this upstart tech wizz kid izaya who founded his own company and got really succesful and now his adult business partners want to get rid of him. and shizuo does mean to kill him but instead shizuo ends up running away with him through a series of circumstances which make it seem like shizuo betrayed the people who hired him so he ends up fleeing with izaya cause they are now both hunted by other assassins

and izaya totally hates being wih shizuo at first. and shizuo wonders why he bothers with this brat but izayas skills (hacking and tech wiz stuff) prove to be invaliable so its an unlikely partnership based on nessessity. at first. but after killing so much for a living, shizuo thinks for once protecting somehing is nice

okay sorry i wish i could give you more for assassin shizuo taking care of a little shit and slowly coming to enjoy it but i actually never came up with more or concrete scenes

or you know maybe, imagine this. they are staying at some hotel and shizuo was out shopping and comes back and finds izaya lying on his stomach on the bed, playing videogames or you know actually, he lies on his back, his head hanging upside down the edge, and he plays like that and shizuo comes back to such a /childish/ scene that he cant even comment. izaya gives him a welcome back without looking at him and when shizuo walks past him and the tv in order to get to the kitchen he just gets an Hey (for being in izayas field of view haha) izaya then asks if shizuo got the stuff and shizuo just sighs and throws a bag of cheese chips at him which izaya gleefully tears open and starts munching

izaya in this is such a hypocritical contradiction of health cause he will happily stuff himself with all kinds of snacks but draws the line at junk food and instead demands his proper meals are healthy

so shizuo goes to cook dinner while izaya keeps stuffing his face and shizuo tells him to stop or he wont have an apetite later but jokes on him izaya still wolfs down the dinner shizuo makes (and says its delicious) cause izaya is a growing boy.

what the fuck this is way too wholesome with shizuo taking care of like 16 year old genius izaya, there is no way i can put fucking into this later with shizuo way too much of a guardian hahahaha

well i guess not every AU needs them to get together. instead shizuo becomes his bodyguard (izaya later also pays handsomly once the whole plot with the betrayal and framing and other assassins and corporate takeover is over) and they become good friends.

and maybe a few years later when izaya is older (between 18 and 20) and laments (like full on imagine him lying on a bed or couch with his hand dramatically raised to his forehead like hes about to faint like a victorian virgin and just overdramatically ranting. he is such a drama queen bottom bitch) that he could never find an interesing partner cause people are only interested in his looks and money and that shizuo is the only one who sees him for who he is and unaffraid to tell izaya off

so at first izaya jokingly comes onto shizuo or like fullon suggests they should try hooking up (i imagine shizuo is like, mh, 29 when he meets izaya? has been an assassin for a while. so he is like 13 years older.) and shizuo is just like What The Fuck Brat and says if izaya really wants to get laid that bad he could just pay anyone he wants.

izaya says he doesnt trust anyone, "remember that time my businesspartners send an assasin after me?! that was scary!" he says in mock fright. shizuo just grunts.

izaya then drapes himself around shizuos neck, shizuo going stiff, and whispers in his ear "common shizu-chan, its just sex"

shiziuo untangles izayas arms from his shoulders and gets up, leaving. not cause he is afraid he will give in but cause he is afraid izaya will push this too far and then get pissy when shizuo keeps refusing him and it will destroy the trust and friendship they build up. cause shizuo does enjoy this life at izayas side way more than his previous occupation

more from before the timeskip: imagine shizuo carrying izaya under one arm to get away in dangerous situation and the first time it happens izaya hates it, the second time he is completely nonchallant about it and types on his phone while shizuo is carrying him also since izaya is tech wiz hacker he gets them like access to security footage so that shizuo can sneak up on their pursuers

also, i imagine it a bit like Dishonoured videogame? like its a stealth assassin game and the plot is neat but anyway for every 'major' assassin mission for the plot you have the option of just killing the target or finding a noneleathal way of getting rid of them

some of these may include selling them into slavery but hey, at leas theyre alive xD yay morality.

anyway. imagine like this situation shizuo finds himself in, protecting a kid and multiple other strong assassins on his tail. he COULD, and would normally just kill all persuers to ger rid of them but with izayas tech wiz skills (cause iazya doesnt want to kill people) they find other ways to take them down.

like maybe one gets held up in the airport and then arrested and izaya conveniently reveals their identity as a hitman so the police just made a goldcatch. or another gets into a traffic accident and will be out of commission in a hospital for a while first (while izaya reveals their identity to the police...

okay the only way to take down hitmen with technology is to have them caught by the police but still xD nonleathal means xD

and shizuo is really impressed by izayas abilities (and izaya also gets them fake IDs and passports and creditcards and makes reservations in hotels under fake names so he keeps them afloat while they are on the run while shizuo protects them from physical danger. which is also nessesary since some hitmen do catch up with them and shizuo has to take them down. some with lethal force sadly since it was a dangerous situation and it shakes izaya up pretty bad and izaya flinches away from shizuo before he gets a hold of hismelf again and and tries to laugh it off and say that he is okay but shizuo can see the strain in his eyes and how tense he is. maybe thats towards the begining and thats when shizuo decides that they should try to work out other means of taking down their pursuers

also imagine shizuo teaching izaya his knive skils :3

okay moving to post time skip. like izaya keeps making moves maybe and shizo puts up with it for a while but it gets to a boiling point where shizuo looses his temper and yells at izaya to cut it out (he normally never yelled at izaya) and izaya actually gets scared cause he didnt want to chase shizuo away.

like. izaya had a weird sort of imprinting on shizuo. he does like him as a friend and mentor and guardian but some part of him is scared shizuo will leave? so he tried being more to shizu than just some kid he once protected

so maybe if they talk about it openly they can resolve this and izaya doesnt have to fear shizuo leaving. and shizuo says that izaya can look for a partner his age and shizuo wont get jealous and will instead protect them too and maybe a kid. but izaya also says he meant it serious that noone he meets could ever look past the money he has (and also people are boring). "but shizuchan. shizuchan was never boring. he understands me."

so they do spend their life together in a fullfilling mutually supportive realtionship but it does stay platonic and both are satisfied with that :)

or maybe like 5 more years later when izaya is finally no longer a kid (mentally. that brat) and still says he wants to sleep with shizuo at least once but that it wouldnt change anything between them that they do end up fracking and start a sorta weird mix of platonic and sexual relationship that maybe evolves into romantic so all in all good end (other than that they are totally codependant haha)

or, alternate not good ending: 19 year old izaya pressures shizuo into sleeping with him and shizuo feels horrible about it but satisfies him sexually to appease his temper in order to keep his peaceful life

...

okay more domestic assassin shizaya things: izaya in in charge of their money, ne? and they need to lay low , ne? izaya orders them new clothes online. and shizuo has to wear what izaya buys xD cue them dressing like in the pic above with iazya in the pinks shades and shizuo in the suit. cause that brat wouldnt know subtle if it bit him in the ass

im trying to come up with more scenarios. but i explicitly said izaya DOESNT order copius amounts of take out food. unless its healthy take out food. expensive healthy take out food.

also. imagine. later in life. shizuo teaching izaya some light hand to hand combat self defense. them together standing barefoot on gym mats and izaya is sweating and panting and wiping the sweat off his forehead, his hair sticking in all directions cause he tried attacking and taking down shizuo for the dozends time and shizuo is totally collected and unaffected, blocking and sending izaya to the mat with ease. and izaya gets this really competitive streak. wants to /take him down/.

it actually becomes a sorta game, for a long time. izaya trying to catch shizuo unaware. he only once succeeded, a long while later, after they resolved their problems and fears and live a fullfilling life togehter and shizuo is completely relaxed and at peace and happy.

#shizaya #durarara #orihara izaya #Heiwajima Shizuo #ficlet #au headcanon

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drabblesanddreams · 5 years

Note

hey, idk if you’re currently accepting requests but imma try anyway. can u do a scenario with chuuya and his fem!s/o where mori had assigned her to a mission that requires her to stay at the ADA for a while. most prolly bc a new mutual enemy showed up in yokohama. chuuya is agitated and scared bc his gf and dazai had a long history together and they havent had a closure yet and its clear that dazai still loves her. so chuuya would have to ask for assurance from his gf. make it extra angsty! 😂

omg hi!! I loved writing this request so much so tysm for sending it in! Though im not sure its the kind of angst you were thinking of i hope you enjoy it regardless! Also super sorry for finishing it super late, hope yall enjoy!

My kofi link if you wish to support!

TW: just arguing tbh

Word count: 1.5k

Summary: What happens when you are sent off to work beside a certain ex-mafia member who you share an unresolved history with but your currently with chuuya?

“Hat…check…gun…check…” you mutter to yourself as you recount each of the objects that you had packed for your latest mission. “So, what exactly am I missing, then?” you still feel like something was off however, like you forgot something important. You scrunch your eyebrows together in deep thought as you tried to pinpoint what exactly you were missing. You couldn’t afford to forget anything that might come of use, for this upcoming mission was of high importance.

A new group had recently arrived in Yokohama, threatening the dual existence of the ADA as well as the Port Mafia. This shared threat meant that both organizations had to work together, at least until the threat had been wiped out.

That was where you came in, you had a certain history with one of the members, a history that painted you in a good light which was exactly what the Port Mafia needed in order to establish a functioning alliance.

On the other hand, both you and Mori-san weren’t foolish enough to think that this history meant Dazai trusted you, per se. He was a complicated man with an even more complicated way of thinking who was smart enough to know that trusting someone was one of the most foolish things you could do.

But the fluttering feeling you felt in your stomach was a strong indication of just how nervous you were to be working alongside the handsome brunet once more. You knew how sly he could be with his words, how he could get deep under your skin and make you question things you were so sure about before. You wanted to bury your past in the deep end of your mind, to never resurface again and haunt you. Regardless, your fling with Dazai ended a long time ago and you were now with-

“Hey,” the sudden sound of another individuals voice breaks you out of your deep thought and you blink haphazardly. You straighten up from looking over your backpack to see Chuuya standing by the door, hand seemingly hesitantly placed on the frame, gripping it a little too tightly. He stares at you solemnly, a man just as caught in the spirals of his mind as you were.

“Hey,” your mouth curves into a smile, happy to see your boyfriend before you were due to head off, “What are you doing here?” Chuuya was required for a different part of this mission, and though you were confused to see him you wouldn’t say that you weren’t happy.

“Got you somethin’” You watch as he pulls a bouquet of red roses from behind his back. You smiled warmly at him before accepting the flowers and burying your face slightly in order to inhale their sweet scent.

“You didn’t have to,” you comment, though very much happy as you temporarily place the bouquet on your bed so that you can later place them in a vase. Every day without fail he presented you with a big, bouquet of red roses. The colour as rich and passionate as the foundations of your relationship with the ginger mafia member. It was sweet, really, and never failed to make your insides flutter with affection.

“But what are you doing here? Aren’t you supposed to already be gone?” you question, turning around as he pulls you into his arms, holding you tightly and burying his face in your neck.

“What?” he snorts before planting soft kisses onto your neck, “I can’t see my beautiful girlfriend before she leaves me for another man?” you roll your eyes at his comment, moving back to slap his chest lightly, “Haha, very funny Chuuya.”

He returns to your neck and you’re distracted momentarily as he continues his previous actions. Light sucking, sensual kissing, tender licking, pleasure fills you as you flutter your eyes shut and loll your head back, letting him have even more access to your neck.

“Say it to me then,” he murmurs, and you hum, still too lost with how good his mouth feels on your neck and how his hand was gripping your hip.

“Say what,” you whisper back, and he stops his mission of decorating the skin of your neck with his loving kisses.

“That you don’t still love him,”

You huff, “Love who?” wishing he would just go back to making you feel good.

“Dazai.”

This catches your attention and you open your eyes, moving your head back to look at him in his eyes. Even now up close, the blue of his eyes is breathtaking to you, though they are now set hard with something you can’t quite identify.

Anger? Frustration? You have no idea what it is but its setting you off slightly.

The two of you never mentioned his name, not when it included the context of your previous relationship with said man. Later in the day, you would wish that you did, after all, maybe it wouldn’t have led to the conversation that the two of you were having now.

“What?” you ask, forehead creasing in a state of confusion.

“C’mon (Y/n), I think we both know what’s going to happen when you leave,” he states icily and you blink, shaking your head as you move backwards, sneering ever so slightly, “And exactly what’s going to happen?”

He rolls his ocean blue eyes at you and you cross your arms as you wait for his answer, “I seriously have to spell it out of you? It’s not cute playing dumb anymore doll,” your eyes narrow at his words.

“What the hell’s your problem?” you asked, confused and a tad hurt by his passive behaviour. You had no idea why he was acting like this; you watch monetarily as he strides further into the room and turns away from you. You have the faintest clue though, “Is this seriously over him? How many times are you going to keep bringing this up?!” you ask in indignation

His nostrils flare as he spins back around to face you, “Yes,” he confirms and you throw your hands up in frustration, “We both know that you’re still in love with the suicidal basted.” You wince at his words, you never thought that he would throw the fact right in your face. But his next words shamelessly cause your heart to skip a beat.

“And we both know he’s still in love with you.”

“Jesus fucking Christ Chuuya, unresolved history doesn’t mean that I’m still fucking in love with him!” you exclaim in pure frustration throwing your hands around as you turn away from him and sit back down to your bags on the ground.

“It does though!” he claims, jaw clenching as his voice raises to a shout, “You can honestly tell me that you feel absolutely nothing?” he snarls following you so that he can meet your scowling face. You almost want to shy away from his blazing fury. Chuuya has always been a hot-headed fool, but to take it on you over some insecurity…

“Well, what the fuck do you want me to do Chuuya?!?” you yell, throwing a piece of clothing at him as you stand back up, “What, do you want me to just quit the mission? Maybe move to another city so I never have to see him?” your eyes spark with fury as you continue, “O-or no, you know what? Why don’t I just move to another fucking planet huh?!” you scream.

“I knew I it, I knew you still had feelings,” he shouts back, knocking back his hat slightly so that he can run his hands through the orange strands. You shake your head in disbelief, “But I’m with you because I love you!” you cry out and he stares at you from underneath a heated gaze.

“You seriously have no trust in me? After everything?” you ask, as you stared at him in confusion. You didn’t understand how he could react to you in that way, how he could question everything the both of you went through.

A moment of silence finally overtakes the both of you and you stare at him, breathing heavily as you try to catch your breath.

His gaze darkens, his voice dropping to a low tone, “Yes.”

You flinch at that, eyes welling up pitifully as if he physically assaulted you. You try blinking it away to no avail and instead glare at him hatefully, letting the tears well up as the hot white-anger fill you to the core. All you want is to claw at him, to see him bleed and wail as pitifully as you feel right now.

The only sign betraying the resolute anger you felt was the quiver in your bottom lip. Your breath hitches as you slightly nod in resolution, “Get out,” you whisper.

He stays put, however, and instead fixes you with a hard glare.

“Get out!” You shout furiously, reaching for the bouquet of flowers on the bed and hurling them in his direction, the tears finally spilling down your face, “And take your stupid flowers with you!”

And he did. Leaving you behind with a broken heart and a hollow feeling that you haven’t felt in a long time.

#bsd #bsd imagines #bsd chuuya #bsd x reader #Nakahara Chuuya #Chūya Nakahara #Chuuya #chuuya imagine #chuuya x reader #chuuya nakahara x reader #bungou stray dogs #bungou stray dogs x reader #bungou stray dogs imagine #bungo stray dogs #bungo stray dogs headcanons #bsd imagine #dazai osamu #dazai osamu x reader #dazai x reader

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taexual · 5 years

Text

HOLIC - 24 | jb x reader

pairing: Im Jaebum x Reader

genre: enemies to lovers au | roommate au

warnings: some angst, some fluff

words: 5.4k

disclaimer: i do not own the gif, please let me know if it belongs to you, so i can give proper credit

prev / next

You could not get Jaebum’s voice out of your head all throughout the next day at work. You’ve only heard the song once so you couldn’t recall all of the lyrics, but the melody echoed around your mind and you found yourself humming along under your breath the entire day. You should have asked Jackson to forward the song to you instead of bailing like you did. You should have also thrown your arms over Jaebum and screamed at him about how good his music was until he finally believed you. But there was something stopping you from doing that.

In part, it could have been your own naturally reserved nature. Despite craving affection at times, you weren’t usually overly affectionate either. Hugging people out of the blue wasn’t something you were brave enough to do no matter how much your hands were itching to touch them. More than that, however, you had a feeling it was the fear of what would happen after – you’d hug Jaebum, fireworks would explode, but… what then? The overhwelming amount of feelings his music had caused you did not make a good pair for the uncertainty you felt, as well as the plain obscurity regarding your future with him.

You’ve been listening—or, well, trying to listen—to Eva, your supervisor, as she explained to you and a few of your colleagues how to handle the sudden swarm of schoolchildren that were coming to an exhibition at the gallery, and still replaying the chorus of Jaebum’s song in your mind, when you felt someone watching you.

Truth be told, it could have been anyone. A fair number of weird characters appeared at the gallery and just stood there, staring at nothing in particular – stoners, usually, but seemingly sober people dozed off here pretty often, too – but you could already tell this wasn’t the case before you even shifted your gaze to the far corner of the gallery where Jiho had just entered through the backdoor, stopping immediately after he caught the sight of you.

You hadn’t called in sick today, after all. But, oh, at that moment, you truly wished you had.

You looked away, ignoring the shivers of anxiety that had run down your spine and focused on Eva’s words instead, hoping Jiho would go away and you wouldn’t have to talk to him. You’ve already asked him to take your picture out of his exhibition and you didn’t feel like clarifying anything else to him. You’d naively hoped you could go on living without ever having to admit to him that you’d genuinely thought his interest in you was romantic. It seemed so obvious and so stupid now.

Jiho, however, didn’t think you and him owed each other any serious conversations, and that was why he strolled up to you, giving Eva a smile – that she, of course, reciprocated – and then asking to talk to you for a moment. He couldn’t understand the flash of terror in your eyes; he just wanted to borrow you for a quick chat.

You’d have paid good money to get Eva to tell you that you couldn’t leave with Jiho, but she merely nodded, giving you a suggestive smile as if to say that she supported whatever was going on between you and the photographer. Little did she know…

“I should really be back soon,” you told Jiho as he guided you towards the quieter—and emptier—part of the gallery. “With all of these exhibitions happening, I need to know what our plan is.”

“I won’t keep you long,” he said. “Are you free this weekend? I’ll be staying in the city for a little longer after my exhibition and I was hoping we could hang out, organize ourselves a little photoshoot. What do you say?”

You squeezed your lips shut as you tried to find a way to reply to this.

“I don’t think so,” you ended up saying. No point to toy around and pretend. “I have plans.”

You didn’t have the slightest clue what you were going to do this weekend, but staying home was far better than hanging out with Jiho. He wasn’t a bad person – he was actually rather nice, all things considered – but you had an entire list of people whom you’d have rather spent your weekends with.

“Oh,” Jiho’s tone was flatter now. “Well, will you, at least, make it to the opening night of the exhibition?”

“I, uh—”

“W-why—look, I can’t help but feel like there’s something you haven’t told me,” he said and your heart picked up speed. “If you don’t want to come, you don’t have to, but I’d appreciate it if you respected me enough to say it straight to my face without making up excuses.”

The way he put it made you feel like you were the one who’d hurt him by dismissing his attempts to spend more time with you and, perhaps, in a way, you really have been disrespectful to him as you tried to deal with your own emotions – but you still couldn’t ignore the fact that you had all of these emotions to deal with precisely because Jiho hadn’t been clear enough about his intentions from the beginning.

“I’m sorry,” you said, inhaling deeply. You didn’t want to give in to your guilt – misunderstandings were, usually, a mutual problem – but you knew it wouldn’t be fair to him if you didn’t fully explain yourself, no matter how dreadful the thought of him mocking you was. “I didn’t mean to be flaky. It’s just… I-I guess I just don’t want to be a part of, uh, you know, whatever you’re doing with those girls.”

Jiho’s eyebrows furrowed. “What do you mean? I’m not doing anything with any girls. If, uh—if you mean the people I’ve photographed, then they are all friends.”

“Am I your friend?”

“Yeah, of course.”

You nodded, the words spilling out of your mouth far easier than you’d have expected them to, “well, see, I had assumed I was something more.”

Jiho blinked. “W-what do you mean?”

“Well, you know,” you said, anxious for him to understand even though it was clear that, unless you explained what you meant properly, he would not, in fact, know. “I thought you and I were more than a, uh, network connection. Or what do you call this? But it’s fine. I misunderstood your intentions, I guess that’s my bad. It’s just a little weird for me now.”

He could clearly see that it wasn’t a little weird. You looked about as uncomfortable as it was possible to get.

“Oh,” Jiho said. You avoided his eyes but his gaze remained firmly set on you. “I—well, I can’t say I didn’t suspect that this might have been the case. I’m sorry if my intentions weren’t clear from the start. I’m always very… accomodating. That sounds wrong—I just… I’ve been doing this for a while, as you know, and the girls I usually hang out with don’t expect anything but business from me. They’re my friends, of course, but they’re also my source of inspiration most of the time. You are, too.”

He sounded nice. A lot nicer than you’d have expected from him and, all of a sudden, you didn’t understand why you’d dreaded to see him so much. Jiho wasn’t trying to purposefully lead you on and trick you into posing for his pictures – but, then again, he could have been more professional about this and actually ask for your consent before using your picture in his exhibition – he just didn’t think you’d be this much of an outsider in his world. Sure, it was wrong of him to assume you’d understand what he wanted from you but, at the same time, it wasn’t exactly right for you to assume the exact opposite, either.

“It was a misunderstanding,” you said again. “I guess, both of us should have been more open with our expectations, right?”

“Yeah,” Jiho chuckled, glad to hear your voice sound lighter. “I guess we should have. For the sake of this, I do have to mention that I value our friendship. I think you’re very interesting. But – and I know now that I should have mentioned this as soon as I met you – I’m not interested in dating. The real kind of dating, I mean.”

You didn’t know what other kind there was, but you chose not to question that right now, when it was starting to look as though you’d resolve this with little to no further damage to your dignity.

“That’s fair,” you said. “I have to mention, then, that I’m really only interested in exclusive relationships. I guess we’ve run into a bit of a conflict of interests here.”

Jiho shrugged his shoulders.

“Not necessarily,” he said, “I’m not holding you back from being involved with other people romantically. If anything, I encourage that. You look really beautiful when your eyes glitter with affection and even though I know we—” he stopped suddenly, choosing to word it differently, “uh, I don’t think I was ever the reason why your eyes were glittering like that, to be honest with you. I’d say your heart was always someplace else.”

“Hmm,” you cleared your throat. You’d just started to feel more comfortable but all of that backfired when you noticed the subtle smile on his lips. As if he knew something about your life that you haven’t told him about. “Well, anyway, I don’t regret meeting you per se. I regret the circumstances. But you’ve taught me a lot and I’m grateful for that, I just—”

“Listen, here’s what we’ll do,” he cut you off, recognizing the dismissal in your voice and knowing that you were about to attempt to get rid of him. “I won’t bother you to the point of you getting a restraining order against me, alright? That’s not really my style. But let’s not throw this to waste. Like I said, I genuinely value every friendship I develop and ours is no exception. So, if you decide you’re comfortable enough to meet up with me again, then let me know, yeah?”

You watched him for a moment, not sure why he was almost desperate to keep you in his life.

“Why?” you finally asked just to truly get everything off of your chest. “I-I mean, you know a lot of people. Plenty of girls. I’m nothing special, w-what’s the point?”

“That’s exactly the point,” Jiho replied. “All of these people – as you’ve said – are important to me. And you’re one of them, I already told you. And, who knows, maybe in the future, we’ll find a way to work together. I don’t want to lose that opportunity.”

“Work together?” you raised your eyebrows. “You mean in terms of photography, of course?”

“I mean anything,” he said with a smile and then continued before you could ask anything else, “so, think about it, okay? We don’t have to be the best of friends but we don’t have to be strangers, either.”

“Hmm.”

“I’ll let you get back to work,” Jiho said then, understanding that you biting your lip was a signal that you didn’t have much else to say. “But I’ll still be waiting for you at the opening night of my exhibition, so… think about that, too.”

He left with a wave and you knew the quick movement of his hand lasted about as long as his memory about this would last. There was no way he’d ever notice you missing in a crowd of beautiful people that would come to his exhibition.

Perhaps the day of his exhibition was really going to be the day when you finally called in sick, or, perhaps, you’d convince Eva to give you cleaning duty and then spend the whole day in the basement below the gallery, cleaning old frames and sneezing from the dust. Or, as unlikely as that was, perhaps you’d actually step on your pride and show up to see Jiho’s photographs one more time.

When you got home that night after work, all you really wanted was to flop down on your bed and sleep until it was morning again, but, apparently, it was nearly impossible to call it a night at six o’clock in the evening because your roommate – who’d apparently gotten home about twenty minutes before you did – popped his head out of his bedroom, letting you know that he’d ordered take-out because neither of you had gone grocery shopping and thus began a conversation that changed the course of the rest of your night.

“Great,” you replied, still a little awkward after you got to see a much deeper side of him last night at Jackson’s studio. “You could have texted me, I’d have bought some food on my way home.”

“I didn’t realize until I got here,” Jaebum replied. “And by that time, you were probably in your car on your way back already. It’s fine, though. I ordered enough food to eat leftovers for breakfast tomorrow.”

“Alright,” you said. “Let me add a reminder to my phone so I could go shopping tomorrow.”

“I’ll do it,” he offered. You took your shoes off in the hallway and gave him a look. He smiled in response, “what? I’ve brought food before. Several times, even.”

“Well, yes, but lately, you’ve been spending your nights at Jackson’s studio,” you pointed out carefully. “I didn’t expect you to—”

“Well, the song is more or less done. I’m not adding anything else to it right now,” Jaebum cut you off. “I’m working on, uh, something else right now, but there isn’t much I can do without the lyrics.”

“You said writing went well when you were with Jackson.”

“Yeah, but not for this song,” he explained and you tried to ignore the sudden rush of adrenaline when you realized that you and Jaebum were having a legitimate conversation about his music. “I need a different atmosphere for this song. And, either way, I’m not writing tonight. Just can’t do it. So, I’m all free.”

You smiled, the exhaustion you’d been feeling slowly fading away. “Was this a subtle offer to hang out?”

“It was,” he said, nodding his head in the direction of his room as an invitation for you to come in. Obviously, you were not going to pass on the—unexpected—offer.

“Okay,” you were still smiling, your heart hammering inside of your chest as you walked towards his bedroom. Jaebum moved away from the door to let you inside. “So, this song you’re working on – what’s it about?”

You took a leap asking this – you knew that – but instead of changing the topic – even though he did want that – Jaebum just shrugged his shoulders, closing the door of his room and plopping down on his bed.

“Love,” he said, patting the spot next to him as an indication for you to sit down. “But, then again, all songs are, aren’t they?”

You shrugged your shoulders, sitting down on his bed next to where he was laying. “You tell me, you’re the songwriter of this household.”

“I guess if you’re looking for love, you can find it in any song,” he hypothesized. “I don’t want this song I’m working on to be about the kind of love that you have to look for, though. I want this song to be full of obvious love. I want the song to be love.”

You couldn’t help the swelling feelings in your chest as you listened to him talk. This had to be the first time you heard him open up about his songs—and the process that went into creating them—in real life, not just over texts at four in the morning when both of you were beyond exhausted and had not met each other in real life yet.

“Do you always try to focus on one emotion when writing songs?” you wondered.

Jaebum considered this for a moment, his eyes focused on the wall of the room in front of him. He wasn’t looking at you but you didn’t really need him to – for now, it was enough that he was teling you about something that was so meaningful to him. Although you’d have loved to see the sparkle in his eyes that appeared whenever he got excited about something, you considered yourself lucky enough to take a quick dip into the endless oceans that were his mind.

“I guess I do,” he finally answered. “When there are so many emotions inside of you, you can’t help but try to choose one and hold onto it when you write, otherwise, you’ll only create chaos. There’s nothing wrong with that, of course, but I want my music to, uh… to mean something, I guess? I want the lyrics to be deep but easy to understand, however paradoxical that sounds.”

“Well, anything’s possible when you put your mind to it,” you said and earned a look from Jaebum – a hopeful one. It was a look that unleashed even more butterflies into your stomach that was already full of fluttering wings as it was. “And I think you’ve done great so far. The song I heard yesterday – “Don’t Touch Me” – I think it had the right amount of depth while still being relatable.”

“Yeah,” Jaebum looked away from you. “I worked on the lyrics for that one for a long time.”

“Do you…” you started to say, but then realized you lack the courage to finish your question. Talking about something as personal as a song about his ex-girlfriend might have broken Jaebum out of this laid-back state he seemed to have been in and the last thing you wanted was for him to kick you out of the room for prying too much. “Nevermind.”

“Hey, you can’t do that,” he warned, sitting down properly, and then checking the time on his phone. “The delivery guy clearly got lost with our food. The least you can do is finish your questions while we wait. Otherwise, we’ll just sit here in silence.”

“Are you saying you’ll stop answering my questions once the food gets here?”

“Absolutely. I’ll be too busy eating to talk.”

You smiled. “Alright, well, you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to, but—”

“I’ll try to,” he said, cutting you off. The look in his eyes was reassuring and the electric shocks you felt signified that the connection you’ve felt with Jaebum before you met him wasn’t fictitious. It was there, it had just been hiding underneath your daily arguments and frustrations. God, you were so glad to feel those sparks again.

“Okay,” you said. “Do you always write songs from personal experience?”

“I do,” Jaebum answered. This time, he didn’t look away from you.

You felt like he was telling you this because he knew you wanted to know. It was obvious that he usually felt great discomfort when he was forced to talk about his music, but it seemed as though he had finally realized that the reason why you were so curious to know more about this was because you genuinely enjoyed hearing him talk about this. So, he did. He talked about himself because that was what you wanted and, with a surprising jolt of his heart, Jaebum realized that he wanted to give you what you wanted. All that you wanted.

“I don’t think I could write songs about abstract concepts,” he revealed then. “Or maybe I could. But they’d lack the emotion I seek. They’d lack the depth.”

“So, Suji,” you said, speaking the word that made him inhale sharply. “Why did you choose to write about her?”

He looked down. “You can’t tell?”

“Well, I got the general idea why from the song itself,” you said. “But I’d like to hear you explain it.”

“There’s not much to explain, really,” he said, scanning the tiles of the floor of his room and then suddenly shooting his gaze to you. “It’s kind of like you never explained to me what happened between you and Jiho.”

You blinked, surprised to hear him turn the topic around. “I, uh—okay. I’ll talk if you talk.”

Jaebum chuckled lightly at this.

“Okay, that’s fair,” he said and then, after another deep breath, continued, “I’m usually working on multiple songs at the same time. Well, not full songs, but… verses for them. Lines. Sometimes certain words just come to me at the most random moments, so I write them down and then I use them when I’m trying to put a song together. Every day, I might find myself writing different lyrics and it all depends on what I’m feeling at that moment. It depends on the strongest emotion. And, of course, ever since I left Suji, I’ve just felt angry. Bitter. And living with these emotions meant writing about them.”

“I heard that,” you admitted, your voice small. “All of that. The most surprising thing to me, I guess, was that the song didn’t have an ounce of love in it, and yet it was still undeniably a love song. Somehow, it was an almost hopeful love song.”

This brought a smile to his face. “Those who are in love have a tendency to see love everywhere.”

It was you who looked away this time.

“Anyway, I had no love left in me anymore,” Jaebum continued after you didn’t say anything. “Not towards her, at least.”

“You focus on one emotion when you write,” you said, “but maybe you put more emotions into your work without realizing it. Maybe you were expressing your anger and bitterness, but you ended up expressing your hope of moving on with your life without her. Maybe, you accidentally ended up expressing your hope of loving someone again, too.”

“Maybe,” he agreed, still smiling. You weren’t looking at him so he took this time to watch you before finally speaking again, “so, what about Jiho?”

You sighed. “Oh, that story is far less inspiring and, uh, it lacks the romantic aspect, too. It’s just plain embarrassing, actually.”

“How so?”

“Well, turns out,” you exhaled slowly, “Jiho never actually had any romantic interest in me. He was looking for a… I don’t know, a networking connection, I guess? Just someone he could photograph. Someone with an attractive enough of a face that he could invite to his shows.”

You could tell by the way Jaebum’s gaze lingered on you for a few seconds before sliding to the floor that his thoughts had wandered someplace else. Perhaps, he was remembering the question he’d asked you when you and him were watching a movie and he’d insisted that five days was enough for a person to understand if they had feelings for someone. Back then, you told him that Jiho had to have feelings for you or otherwise, he wouldn’t have taken you out this many times but, clearly, that was not the case at all.

“Sorry,” Jaebum spoke then, his eyes on you again. “How did you find out?”

“Oh, that’s the fun part. I got to his pre-show that Friday night,” you said, “and there was a ton of girls there. Not just in attendance, but as models in his exhibition, too. Every single picture contained a girl and she was photographed in the exact same way as I was—”

“Wait,” he stopped you suddenly. “He used a picture of you?”

Jaebum sounded weirdly offended when he said this.

“Y-yeah, he wanted to,” you replied. “But I asked him to take it out of the exhibition. I don’t know, maybe it was stupid. He never asked for my permission to use it and it’s almost like I would have been fine with him using the picture, as long as I was the only girl he’d photographed. I asked him to take the picture out as soon as I found out I wasn’t actually the only one. Naïve, right? Stupid, too.”

“Not at all,” he disagreed, surprising you. For a moment, you almost had to double-check if this was really the same person who’d teased you for dating someone who wasn’t brave enough to kiss you. “You had obviously thought he was seriously into you. Actually, he’s kind of a dick for not making his intentions clear.”

“I confronted him about it,” you admitted. “He apologized and asked to stay in touch but, honestly, each time I think of him, I just get so incredibly embarrassed as if he’s leading me on and laughing at my little-girl expectations behind my back. Even though this was a genuine misunderstanding. Or so I hope.”

Jaebum nodded, humming in response but staying quiet otherwise. He was thinking about something again and, even though you already had trouble guessing what he was thinking about under normal circumstances, this time, he looked even more indecipherable than usually.

It seemed so unexpected that Jaebum had taken your side instead of teasing you but you couldn’t explain why you were expecting him to be mocking. Jaebum may have been rude to you a handful of times in the past, but the longer you lived with him, the more he proved himself to actually be understanding and even compassionate.

“No offense,” Jaebum started to say, “but it didn’t seem to me as though you were very infatuated with Jiho, either. I-I mean, the conclusion of this whole thing is bad, I can understand why you wouldn’t want to talk about it, but I’m just getting the feeling that finding out what he really wanted from you helped you free yourself from some sort of constraints.”

“Constraints,” you repeated.

“Yeah,” he shrugged his shoulders. “Like you were forced to keep seeing him against your wishes. Maybe because you thought you owed him your time because you thought he liked you. Or maybe because you just wanted to be with someone, but it wasn’t necessarily him – and there’s nothing wrong with that. It just seems to me like finding out the truth about Jiho freed you, essentially. Now you have fewer things to worry about.”

“Because I didn’t really want to be with him,” you said.

“Right,” Jaebum confirmed. “But that’s just what I think. Sorry if it’s—”

“No,” you said, swallowing with great difficulty because your body was suddenly overcome with a thick wave of hotness. “No, I think you’re right.”

You didn’t think he was right. You knew he was. Days leading up to Jiho’s pre-show at the restaurant, you were trying to come up with a way to let him know that you couldn’t continue seeing him because your thoughts – and your heart – were elsewhere. They were right here, in this room, in the hands of the person who understood all of your emotions without having to hear you voice them.

“So, how come?” Jaebum asked, distracting you and making your heart syncopate its beating to the sound of his voice. “How come you still went on those, let’s call them dates, with Jiho even though you didn’t really want to be with him?”

Lifting your eyes to meet his, you smiled briefly. “You can’t tell?”

He responded to your smile with one of his own – recognizing his words from your lips – and then shook his head. “There’s no way I was right about everything.”

“You were,” you said, completely unprepared to embrace the fact that Jaebum must have known that the only reason why you went out with Jiho was because you were jealous. Jaebum could have had any girl he wanted and you were looking to prove a point that you could get yourself a guy, too. “You were, surprisingly, right on point.”

Instead of gloating about that, Jaebum just nodded in acknowledgment and then said something you’d never expected to hear him say, “you know, I’ve never tried to explain to you why I texted Suji that night it all started.”

Surprised to hear him address this topic without you basically forcing him into talking about it, you blinked a few times. “Y-you… you haven’t.”

You could remember Jaebum opening up to you about his past with his ex-girlfriend – all so you wouldn’t get in touch with her – but his reasons for texting her that night were about as vague as it was possible. He said he’d felt lonely. He said he’d lacked self-control. But back then, all of the things he’d said seemed more than enough. Jaebum had a hard shell and just this one crack that revealed this tiny bit of information about him was more than enough for you at the time.

You knew him better now; and all because he wanted you to know him better.

“Would you like me to?” Jaebum asked. “Explain, I mean.”

Unable to speak, you nodded.

“I was jealous,” he said simply.

You weren’t sure if the rapid beating of your heart was caused because he’d just mimicked your reasons for going out with Jiho or because Kiera had suspected that Jaebum got back together with his ex because you met Jiho.

“Why?” you dared to ask.

“Back then, I thought I was jealous because you had a chance at an actual relationship while I didn’t,” he said, “so, even though I knew I could never work with Suji, I just called her because she was the closest thing to a relationship I’ve ever had. All along, I was just trying to prove a point.”

“Funny,” you said with a straight face. “That was exactly the reason why I went out with Jiho.”

“I know. That’s why I guessed that,” Jaebum smiled. “You and I are more similar than we sometimes realize.”

“You said ‘back then,’ though,” you pointed out, unable to focus on your similarities with him when you were scratching the surface of something potentially life-changing. “Do you… not think that that was the reason anymore?”

Jaebum was hoping you’d notice and yet continuing to speak proved to be more difficult than he’d expected.

“I don’t,” he said. “I do think I was jealous, but I don’t think I was jealous of something as abstract as the fact that my roommate was capable of starting a relationship while I wasn’t.”

“Yeah, you’re not into anything that’s abstract in any way.”

“That’s right, I’m not.”

Shakily, you asked, “what were you jealous of, then?”

“I don’t know,” he concluded, his honest eyes resting on yours. “I can’t seem to find an explanation that would make sense. I just know that there was some jealousy-induced emotion there that forced me to dial Suji’s number after months of avoiding her and the strength of that emotion could not have come from something… abstract.”

You weren’t sure if you felt relieved or disappointed to hear his explanation suddenly turn vague again, but this was far more than you’d expected from him so, with a small smile, you nodded.

“This wasn’t really an explanation,” you pointed out. “You still didn’t give me a proper answer why you texted her.”

“Maybe. But that’s because I don’t have the answer myself,” he said, “so, I gave you all I have.”

He’s never voluntarily revealed all of his emotions before, especially not when he wasn’t sure what he was feeling in the first place. You couldn’t even begin to explain your joy to hear him talk so openly but you had to physically restrain yourself from reaching over and wrapping your arms around him in an uncharacteristic display of affection again.

God, it seemed as though your life had suddenly turned into one long period of desperately wanting to touch Jaebum but restraining yourself because, just like he couldn’t find an explanation for his jealousy, you couldn’t find a possible outcome of your embrace that wouldn’t tear down all that you and him have been trying to build after your last fight. There were so many things that could have gone wrong at any moment and, right now, you weren’t ready for any kind of change.

“Thank you,” you said slowly, wanting to remain in this moment—your gazes locked in an embrace your bodies weren’t brave enough for—forever. “I appreciate that.”

Jaebum nodded and was about to add something else when the doorbell rang. For a moment, both of you were confused – far too lost in the little world inside of your apartment – but then Jaebum realized.

“Ah, the take-out,” he spoke, getting off the bed. “About time.”

He left the room to open the door and that broke the spell inside of the bedroom but that was okay. Everything was okay. Because you saw the smile on his face when he left. Because you knew he was just outside of the bedroom and you could hear how fast he tried to pay for the delivery so he wouldn’t have to stay out in the hallway for longer than it was necessary.

And, even though you and him wouldn’t talk about anything as deep as this when he’d be back, even though you and him wouldn’t pour your hearts—and feelings—out to each other tonight, even though you wouldn’t get to touch him in ways that you’ve wanted to, everything was okay. Everything was okay because you knew he’d be here with you, smiling at you from across the bed again.

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seonfhwa · 5 years

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hello friends! tis your favorite (or not) mingi stan, here with her first follow forever!

recently, i hit the big milestone of 1,000 followers, something i never thought would happen! really, i want to thank all of you for following me, for supporting my content, for being a part of this mess of a blog.

to those who came on over after i remade, and to those who only started following me yesterday, i love you all from the bottom of my heart.

click for some more fun things for my moots! (it gets long, i’m so sorry)!

i was thinking of doing something special, but i don’t know to what extent i could really do for all of you guys ;; if there’s anything you want (a lil blurb, a moodboard, a smol gifset) just let me know! this part’s only for mutuals, though, so keep that in mind. i don’t know how quick i can get all of the stuff done, but i would definitely do anything for you guys!!

for my mutuals, i’ve written each of you a little message. some may be shorter than others, but know that my love is overflowing and unending even if i may not be good with words!! also this isn’t really in any specific order!

@smol-joong 🌟 miss anett... i have a whole lot to say (if i say all of it we’ll be here forever), but honestly the main thing is... you’re my number one. you’re the sweetest, the most lovely, the most heartwarming. you’re someone i can count on no matter what, whether i need a pick me up or just attention. i love you, i truly truly do, and you always know how to make me happy. thank you for being my friend, for letting me love you, and for always being there for me!

@cherryjoong 🌟 maggie!! you’re honestly the sweetest bean, the most relatable human i’ve ever met. you were one of my first mutuals who really ever spoke to me, and i will forever hold you in a special place in my heart. you’re another person who’s always there for me, who really deserves the whole wide world. thank you for having such a big, caring heart.

@honeyboysan 🌟 jules, darling jules. frankly, you’re one of my first friends on this hellsite. you know how my first thing to you was me going “i poked around on your blog for a while before finally following you”? im just a big babey and you’re one of the most lovely people in the world. i’m really glad we’re friends, that i was able to meet someone like you. you make my heart happy, and you deserve all of the happiness in the world. it’s really, really good to see you happy.

@heoneyology 🌟 miss rainah!!! everyone always says you’re the mom type, and i’d have to agree. you’re sweet, you’re loving, you’re charming, and you’re one of the funniest people i know. your love for your biases (especially jooheon, zico, hongjoong, and ravn) makes my heart swell, and whenever i see you on my dash, i just get so happy. not to mention, when you’re happy, i’m happy! thank you for always being there to pick me up when i need it, and for being a ray of sunshine in my dull life.

@multidino 🌟 kimora!!! my multifandom queen!!! honestly, first of all i want to thank you for supporting me in all of my adventures and being one of the first people to help me kickstart my vav blog. second of all-- thank you, for being you. for being a great friend, for being a kind soul, for being one of the best people on this website. you’re doing your best, and that’s what matters!!! i love you so so so so much!!!

@ateezartblog 🌟 hello my sweet pumpkin. how are you today? have you eaten? did you sleep well? are you taking care of yourself? i hope you know how much i care about you!! i know you’re usually the one to come and check up on all of us, but sometimes you need it just as much as we do. please, angel love, remember to take care of yourself, even when you feel like you shouldn’t. you are just as deserving as everyone else, and one day, i hope you can see that. until then, i’ll make sure to remind you all of the time!! i love you lots!!

@wooyuong 🌟 precious angel baby inna!! hello my sweetest beanie baby. frankly, i don’t know how someone like you wanted to be friends with someone like me, but every time we talk i’m like !! that’s her im super blessed bc !! we friends!! you’re super talented, you’re super cute, and pls pls pls always remember that!!! you deserve all good things in the world and i’m so super glad that we talk ;;;

@wangtaeil 🌟 iconic miss bee!! life’s too short to only have one bias, and your words haunt help me to this day!!! i’m really glad i met you, because you’ve kinda sorta been a really big source of inspiration and help for me, especially recently. from feeling shitty about gifs, not wanting to be around, to even needing help with some stuff, i know i can always trust you and confide in you. you’re a talented woman, and you really have so much going for you. and you want to be friends with a lil nugget like me??? i am undeserving but thankful.

@choisansbitch 🌟 upaamaaa!!! now every time i eat a tuna sandwich, i think of you (i eat tuna a lot, so take that... i’m ALWAYS thinking about you). i know when we first started talking, i was nervous because i ??? really didnt feel like i even deserved to talk to you, cause you’re like... super amazing. but i’m so glad we’re friends!! you make some of the best gifs, and even if you don’t think so, i love them so so much!! and you’re honestly one of the sweetest, most relatable people in the world. please never lose your charm, i love you so much.

@missminji 🌟 hARLSS!!!! im still shocked that your super secret detective skills figured me out, but hey!! in the end they helped because now i actually talk to my “redacted” (we all know who redacted is) and i love her sm ;;; we havent been talking too much recently (i think life’s been kicking us rip) but no matter what, i love you, and i love getting to talk to you whenever i can. thank you for being my friend, i don’t deserve someone as lovely as you.

@utopiagf 🌟 you crazy, but ily. that’s it that’s the post-- ehrbgjehb im kidding, there’s so much more. you’re literally one of the most fun, bright, cheery person, and i love seeing you around. i know you just remade (and i was confused bc i was like?? nik??? where she go??) but literally i love love love seeing & talking to you, even if these days i’m still... super intimidated by you. but you’re such a sweetheart, and thank you for blessing me with your presence in my life. uwu

@visualsan 🌟 honestly i need to talk to you more ehjbrhjge every time i talk to anett and we mention you (all good things, of course uwu) i’m like?? why do i not talk to bea more?? literally you seem like such the coolest person, and i love love love seeing you, your gifs, everything uwu so yeah!! pls let’s talk more ilysm!

@prettyseonghwa 🌟 yas, i think you have one of the biggest hearts around here. you are so caring, so loving, and you really need to know that. i love you, really, so so much. thank you for always being there for us, for always giving the best advice and love that we all need. just know!! that you deserve a break too. you deserve all of the love you give-- and more.

@dreamboyunho 🌟 cami, miss cami, my numba 1!!! you’ve always been someone i adore and cherish with all of my heart, but even recently we connected in a different, probably more personal way. it may not have been the best of circumstances but i’m really glad we did! i treasure you so much, and i’m glad i found someone i can truly confide in. we’re like!! two peas of a pod!! i’m really super duper glad i met you and that i can call you my friend.

@jonghostation 🌟 miss adelle uwu you’re so sweet and precious and we need more jongho stans like you (and more jongho stans in general) in this world!! i love talking to you, though recently i’ve been dead and not really socializing but i really do enjoy seeing you around and getting to talk to you!! you’re such a sweet soul and i love you. recently i saw you said you lowkey wish i was your mom?? c’mere baby you’re my child now uwu thank you for being the sweetest angel. aND I COULD NEVER FORGET YOUR ICONIC URL!!! ATINY LESSGEDDIT!!! DROP THE BEAT YOOOOO!!

@celestial-yunho 🌟 nini, you are literally... so talented. i dont know how i managed to score such a talented, loving, and sweet friend. your art!! is so good and im always really excited to see more of what you do. you’re my lil moon witch, and i love you so so much. thank you for giving me the time of day to get to know you, to be able to say that’s her!! thats nini!! thats my friend uwu you’re so precious and i hope you know that!!

@nctyping 🌟 im gonna be honest idek why i first followed you-- not in a like “ugh why did a follow her,,” i literally just cannot remember why i did. either way, it was one of the best decisions i’ve ever made. you’re one of the sweetest people in the whole world and i love reading what you write. like?? teach me your ways ;;; ily abbey!!

@toothgaptual 🌟 sun sun sunshine sunnie!!! okay, we don’t talk a ton, but i love love love when we do get to interact. you always manage to put a smile on my face, and i looove seeing you on my dash. please never ever think you’re bothersome or annoying, and talk your heart out! ilysm you cutie patootie!

@wonderhwalls 🌟 sweetest little flower, i know we’re more recently mutuals/friends, but i’m really glad i met you. talking to you always makes me feel better, whether its about what we’re doing, gifs, breaks, etc. you’re a voice of reason amidst the mess of this world, and i love being able to talk to you when i need a good pick me up. ily mika!!!

@atiteez 🌟 sonia, i literally think you were the first atiny mutual i ever had. i will always, aLWAYS hold you in a special place in my heart. you’re such a precious soul, and you’re lovely inside and out. i still dunno why you call me a moodboard queen-- i’m not thaaat good at that kinda stuff-- but i love you so much nonetheless. thank you for being my friend and helping me step into atinyblr (even though now we’re dying off).

@wlwrensung 🌟 miSS YUKKIIIII i hope you’re having fun on your trip!!! you’re one of my favorite people in the whole world, and i love love love talking to you. i mean?? someone like you??? wants to be friends with someone like me?? idk what you’re on that you wanna, but pls you’re the best ;;;; thank you for looking on someone like me and deciding “that’s it that’s her i wanna be friends with her” i dont deserve you but im all heart eyes bc i get to be friends with you!!

@shikyus 🌟 im an idiot with a brain the size of a pea and the memory of a goldfish. i love you-- i really do!! you’re one of the only people i clicked with immediately, and that’s kinda rare for me. you’re a sweetheart, you’re one of the most lovely people i’ve met, but you’re so chill and cool!! how do you do it?? honestly i’m really glad i met you, because like??? how often can someone say that they met someone and immediately clicked with them? i mean ok it happens often but !!! im still shocked!!! thank you for being my friend, for being super sweet, and kind, and caring-- a-and hopefully forgiving ;;;; im sorry im a dummy ;;;;;; im a big lovable dummy tho!!!!

and last but not least, miss kiki. i know she’s isnt on tumblr for now, but if she ever sees this... i have so much to say. thank you for being one of my best friends, for being one of the sweetest people in the world. i love you, i love everything about you, and i miss you. thank you for being my friend uwu

some other super awesome mutuals that i don’t have a ton to say about (either because we’re new mutuals or i havent talked to you too much yet) that i love with all my heart nonetheless: @meinyunho @fan-chngchng @ultvisual @seonghwalove @han-seungwoo @kthscenery @yooyonqha @woovoung @sanbotaged -- come talk to me more often!! i love to be bothered uwu

super special shoutout to my 3 starlight buddies who came over here and followed me despite originally knowing nothing about ateez and still supporting, loving, and talking to me: @hakjeon @babieken and @hansanghyuked. my longest standing mutuals, and even annie’s more than just a tumblr mutual-- she’s one of my closest friends. i love you guys ;;

now, i can’t leave a special message for every single one of my followers. hell, tumblr won’t even let me tag every single one of you (stupid tag limit), but know that i still love all of you. if i could (aka if i had time and energy), i’d go down the line and personally message each and every once of you to tell you all the important things.

you are all wonderful, you are all lovely, and i’m truly blessed to have all of you following me. remember to smile, to keep your chin up, because when the world gets going tough, i’m always there to support you! i love you all lots lots lots, whether we do or don’t talk. stay sweet, angels!

#*follow forever #been working on this for 4 days omg #n e ways yeah!#ily guys ;;;#thank you so much for 1k!!!#im like deadly afraid that i missed someone #and if i did pls kick me #i wrote so much im so sorry #def ok to rb!!!

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01010010-posts · 5 years

Text

— my white sighs quietly melted with the stars above.

it all started with a simple ‘you’re a slowpoke??’ text and it should have ended there, really, but you got a reply immediately after. ‘I’m sorry, I think you have the wrong person’. absolutely no, you scoffed, as if you were going to be tricked again ‘bitch don’t play the wrong number card because you didn’t catch the bus’. he was amused by your obstinacy and lightly worried about the supposed receiver, who, it appeared, was very clumsy; ‘please, control the number you texted, I’m Connor.’ boy he sure was. not your pal, not someone else in your contact list, just.... Connor. ‘god, i apologize!! thank you for telling me! ps. didn’t mean to call you a bitch, connor’ and it should have ended there, really, but you got a reply. connor: shouldn’t you be in bed by now? you: but,,,, i wanted to chat with u a little more connor: as an android sleep is not required but you, as a human, need to rest. we can always continue talking tomorrow. you: :( what if you have a long case tomorrow?? mh?? what if?? what you’re gonna say in your defense then?? connor: don’t worry :) I’ll find time for you. you: ok you win goodnight ☆ connor: sweet dreams. goodnight, [name]. it’s been three months since you’ve first spoken with him. intimacy there but low, how obvious it is that the two of you are proceeding with caution. yet you can’t help but write to him every day, staying up late while waiting for an answer of his, often checking your mobile and getting unsettled when there’s no signal. it’s strange, your colleagues whisper, how can you be so attached to someone if you’ve never even seen him? of course, you know it. you don’t wish for a pretty face, you only wish for a pretty personality. with a heavy sigh and a loud poof you pull the white duvet up to your head, finding comfort by completely hiding inside the warm embrace. you tightly hug a pillow, pretending that it’s him, returning your affection and cuddling, maybe caressing you too inasmuch, as he said, ‘androids don’t need to sleep’. but is it bad to fantasise? you: I’m deeply sorry.... sweetheart: >:( you: [name], it’s the seventh text-made emoji you’ve sent me.... they expressed some sort of anger so I’d prefer if we discussed about whatever is bothering you. sweetheart: >:(( you: I’m begging you.... sweetheart: you’re grounded and your punishment is enduring the wrath of weird angery text-based emoji :< you: what did I do to deserve this? :’( sweetheart: i sent you a heart & you didn’t send it back to me you: gosh! how clumsy of me! could you ever forgive this fool? sweetheart: mhhh it depends. what are you willing to do to be pardoned? you: I’ll send you whatever heart I possess! 💕💖💗💖 sweetheart: THIS IS UNFAIR!!! he’s silently giggling all by himself, in the cold room lit by his blue led circling at a steady rhythm– no, it’s not the temperature, rather it’s the atmosphere; ‘cold’. he’s still grappling with emotions and developing tastes is– well, to put it simply, complicated. he’s heartened with the fact that you once said, at the sight of a photo of his bed and the corner within, that being minimalistic is a style too. though, possibly, his true self is one of a clutterer of knick-knacks. of course, he’d like you to help him pick what ornaments would suit him the best. you: wtf i dont believe it connor♡ : but it does! you: prove it MIKU HATSUNE connor♡ : listen here human it’s not my fault you haven’t got the chance to witness an android external fluid deactivating you: !!!!! are you bragging?? connor♡ : ahahaha I’m joking it’s sending a video right now you watch ecstatically as soon as the app downloads the file, your chest throbbing with pleasurable anxiety. how can it be? he’s kind, precious AND fucking handsome, skin or no skin. you bet bad things will happen to you today to balance this sheer luck. think it thoroughly, it’s actually the first time you see his face. you: u’r cute also how does your hair work man connor♡ : thank you :) it’s connected to my head so.... you: i get it cybernetic magic your secrets are safe with me connor♡ : ahahaha and I was concerning myself about disgusting you you: WHAT fuck no you’re done that way, ok, it’s cool ok? kept it in mind are you allowed to insert ♡ near his name and not tell him? you: I’m waiting!! :/ sweetheart: so needy you: come on, [name]! sweetheart: tru tho you: >audio file cooome ooooonn sweetheart: !!! im ready pick up idiot the monitor lits and here you are, gorgeous. he’s certain that his heart melted on the spot. such is the sensation you give him every time you send him a photo, his thirium pump skipping a beat and making him inevitably somewhat gasping for air, mouth barely closed. he’s not accustomed to all the new features deviancy brought but in this he’s confident, he’s head over heels in love with you. you: what?? you’ve already seen the movie?? love♡ : yeah! I went with Hank! it was very nice, you should see it too you: WELL id kill to (please don’t arrest me detective) but nobody wants,,,, love♡ : why is that? (I won’t arrest you if you behave) you: something along the lines of not their genre or some shit uff (seems sketchy) love♡ : what about going alone? (it isn’t!!) you: it would be too sad :’( love♡ : I’m sorry to hear that, if I could be there I’d accompany you and wouldn’t mind seeing it a second time. you: yes i know.... what is it? six months? more? you hardly remember, having so many messages in here, it would be too difficult to keep track, though you’re positive, that if you asked him he’d tell you in an instant, since he’s so attentive with that little brain-computer of his. you close your lids, tapping your fingers on the desk, it’s wearing, you must admit. you like him, a lot at this point, but being so far and out of reach.... what can come out of this? friends don’t support you either, ignoring this blatant crush, trying to make you hook-up with people met at a bar, getting annoyed at you constantly texting, preaching that a long distance relationship is not worth your time and your effort, and it’s not even a relationship, isn’t it? you’re not on that level. you’re just weirdos keeping themselves company. bummed out a bit, you decide that maybe avoiding him for a couple of days might be a proper solution. will he feel your absence? will he miss you? you: is everything all right? sweetheart: yes. you: are you sure? sweetheart: yep im,,,, swamped with work, the drill you: that I understand but perhaps I did something wrong? sweetheart: ?? you: you’ve been acting kinda cold lately, and if I’m the cause of that I’m sorry. being a deviant is good sometimes, and sometimes is not. it was great until a while ago so why now.... now....? he feels so lost. it’s understandable to have a job and a life outside this bond but– but is it really? is it okay for you to be without him? you’d manage fine. mhh no– the real question is: is it okay for him to be without you? can he be without sending you a text at least once a day? can he be without hearing your voice at least once a week? can he be without your usual video calls at least twice a month? can he be without seeing you, over a screen, cooking your dinner and singing? can he be? can he exist without you? he’s.... starting to doubt that. sweetheart: no i’m i’m the one whos sorry, okay? we can call tomorrow you: I don’t want to press you into anything you don’t want to sweetheart: you’re not! i’ll make up for not having been so present! you sigh, suffocating yourself on the pillow, how can you be this dense? this stupid? this utter moronic?? unequivocally he was going to worry. you made him worry. fuck. you’re going to trust your guts, no dumb jokes, it’s obvious that you both care about the other and can’t stay apart for too long. you: i know it’s 3AM and you told me to not be awake but i cant i cant okay? im thinking of you and me and you and it began because im a mess so it shouldnt be a surprise i havent gotten better this past year has been.... the best. yeah i fucked up and tried to be distant, to see if sth would change but it didnt i love waking up and finding a text from you, i love the sound of your voice trying to lull me goodnight when im being a spoiled child, i love how you’re so gentle & how you always forgive me and mostly i love you not as a friend, definitely as more, definitely like a lover and i know that you’re so caring that you’ll probably still want to talk with me even if the affection’s not mutual you lock your phone’s screen and place it on the nightstand. the orange light from the streets seeping through the curtains and soaking your covers, and now that your eyes are free to roam, it’s easier to notice the soft feathers’ filling making tiny shadows on your face. poor poor geese. your fingertips slightly touch the stitches, your heartbeat pacing furiously from the strong emotions, both trepidation and fear running your veins. what if he doesn’t feel the same? what if he’s been polite this whole time and you overstepped his boundaries? what if? love♡ is typing.... ping! love♡ : I love you too, honey. but please, don’t scare me again, I think I lost four biocomponents when you suddenly stopped replying to me. also you should sleep. you: im pouring my heart out ugly crying and!!!! you’re too casual nooo it’s no big deal baby we just fucking love each other it’s totally ok incoming call from love ♡ “hey....” his tone slow and almost drowsy “i thought it was clear enough.” words rolling off his tongue, the same that he’d tenderly run across you, kissing, tasting, worshipping your body “i hate you.” you sniffle and there’s a chuckle on the different end “i love you.” you smile, wiping off the tears wetting your cheeks with the back of your right hand “i love you too.”

#3 ldr and 7 yrs in total have prepared me for this fic #i love how everyone in the fandom thinks of miku as connor & viceversa #DBH #connor x reader #RK800 x reader #dbh RK800 #RK800 #connor #dbh connor #detroit become human #dbh imagine #writing #fic #fanfic #fanfiction #longdistancerelationship #ldr #android #self-insert

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