Tumgik
#im sarah looking on fondly
thebadtimewolf · 1 year
Text
i bet yall will call the new tennant doctor 14 if he actively nearly shags martha and her gushing and joking about on screen in front of your salads because your beloved 10 would never do such a thing t--
#{i said what i said. enough oh but martha deserved better. I WANT SEE IT IN TELEVISED ACTION. no. excuses.}#{if he says that best of him is martha and donna and when someone brings up what about rose he like 13 just annoyed and disregards it}#{like 13s run at any mention of rose is met with kindly silent hostility. like rose isnt the best in retrospect.}#{rose is the very reason martha and family got burned by his choices and actions the reason why he strictly says friend}#{like not even your best friend gosh no thats donna. thats the master. your friend.}#{like it really be whooping my arse on this. the fact that rose's last name got reduced to a throwaway alias in a 4 and 10 audio by 10}#{he had fully distanced and disconnected with rose so much that even in proximity of meeting 9's rose he just doesnt look}#{its wild he isnt rose hungry anymore. unlike...}#{like as soon as donna's mind was wiped by him so did the love he had for rose. its jarring and 13 only cementing this again and again}#{13 constantly never bringing up and WHEN rose is brought up it isnt looked back on fondly by 13 expressionwise}#{and 14s decent into fear if you remove the music is warranted. its very much why him. why him when im deeply in love with yaz}#{fresh after losing river and 13mentions river but not rose. and makes faces that isnt miss her its very much: ok? what about her? blaise}#{its 13 seeing another rose and isnt at all going rose my old love but going ah! a army rose. anyway 10 shut up. yaz my love}#{its such a refreshing sight because 10 never mentions sarah jane smith but he is full heart eyes floored by the sight of her}#{we never got that expression again until when he done so he got killed by a dalek and turned into a man that doesn't love her anymore}#{not like how they 'were' yknow}#bw: out of ethos#{now im done}
2 notes · View notes
scarisd3ad · 3 days
Text
Superstar | football player!Joel miller x popstar!reader
Tumblr media
Chapter six - obsessed
Previous >> next
Masterlist
Taglist
Warnings - mentions of sex, cursing, body image talk, insecurity
Summary - when you find out about a certain football player showing up at your tour you decide to reach out just because of all the dating rumors, but what if thoughs rumors turn into reality?
A/N - it’s finally here, sorry for it being so late! But now that I’ve gotten this out of the way I’m aiming for the first chapter of jump then fall to be out sometime next week!
Tumblr media
the next day i wake up with an empty imprint of where ollie was sleeping, joels arms wrapped around me in a comforting hold, and about 5 million notifications. mostly notifications from being tagged in posts and storys but theres some from friends in family too. like one from tara with a screen shot of a tmz artical titled 'popstar y/n l/n photographed with new boyfriend dallas cowboys star football player joel miller on a post game drive' paired with a dramatic open mouthed emoji. i roll my eyes and send back a stfu before dropping my phone back onto the mattress.
i turn hearing the bed frame creak quietly as i admired joel sleeping figure. he was laying on his stomach with one arm lazily wrapped around me. his hair was messy but he still somehow looked flawless. joel stirs as his phone which laid on the night stand ontop of his wireless charger began to ring. it flashed a few times showing off a picture of his mother and him paired with the contact name momma. unfortunately the phone stops ringing before joels able to fully wake up letting him fall back into sleep.
"joel" i whisper as i took my hand that wasnt tucked undernieth me to shake him. he groans eyes not even opening as he hummed a quiet "what?" as his arm that was once lazily wrapped around me pulled me closer. "when's your mom 'sposed to drop the girls off?" i whisper as his head ducked into the crook of my neck pressing lazy kisses to the length of it. "dunno, she has a key. she'll let them in when they get here" his voice is muffled by my neck as he takes a small chunk of neck flesh into his mouth and begins to suck at it. "joel" i giggled as i pushed him away "cant leave marks cant have any of that at any of my shows" he roll his eyes as he presses his lips to mine.
were inturupted by the sound of childlike giggles running up the stairs. "speak of the devil" joel chuckles as he sits up preparing to greet his girls. the door is thrown open revealing sarah and ellie. "daddy!" both squeal as they launched themselves into the bed. "we had pancake for dinner last night!" sarah says as she leans her head agaisnt her fathers chest. both girls excitedly tell their father what they had done with their grandparents the following night as he took turns pressing kisses to each ones forehead. i feel like i dont belong during moments like this, family bonding. im not their mother who can sit back fondly watching with a small smile, im just some stranger laying in their fathers bed. they hardly know me, and i hardly know them. thankfully a call from my mother is able to whisk me away.
"hi mom" i say standing in the bathroom, phone pressed to my ear as i stare into the mirror. "how are you doing?" she asks voice low as if shes trying not to wake someone. "fine...im doing fine" i have another 3 shows in houston next weekend so this weekend and this whole week is just about relaxation and mentally preparing for my next 3 shows which her very physically and mentally demanding sometimes. "your dad saw you on tv last night . he got real excited seein' you" i wish ever older man in his 50's felt like that about me right now. almost every man from the age's of 16 to 70 is pissed off at me cause they 'saw me too much' last night.
i wish i didnt let it get to me but it does. i put up this strong front like no ones able to hurt my feelings but everything they're saying about me does because for some odd reason men think not liking me means theyre allowed to call me a slut and threaten to kill me if i showed up the next game. im just glad joel hasnt seen them yet. "yeah?" i let out an awkward cough "yeah...your dad and i are trying to make it up to houston next weekend dad wants to see you preform again" i smile, though my father never understood one thing about my intrest in music and songwriting he was always my biggest supporter. "really?"
"y/n can you hurry up ive really got to pee!" i hear ellie shout from outside the door as my mother asks "where are you?" i sigh unlocking the door and letting ellie rush in as i rushed out. "Um joels house...but ive gotta go alright? love you."
i walk back into joels bedroom. both girls now gone leaving their father alone to scroll twitter and find out for himself what was the trending hashtag of the day. #fucky/n. how original. how old were they really because this was all really immature coming from men mostly over the age of 20. he's looking down at his phone brows furrowed in a scowl, finger still swiping. he hears my footsteps and looks up letting out a quiet "oh." i sigh arms wrapping around my body "who was that?" he asks. "my mom" i replied as i walked over to the bed and took a seat. "you dont have to go to any of my games again...if you dont want to" he whispers. he head cocks to the side as my brows furrowed. he takes my sense of confusion as an answer "y/n youre getting death threats."
i shrug my shoulders "ive been getting them for the last 5 years. i normally just ignore them." he sighs loudly as if he didnt understand my way of thinking, before changing the subject. "you staying for breakfast?" i shake my head "no. gotta studio session this morning..." joel nods. "can you keep ollie for a few hours? the session is early and im not gonna have enough time to drop him off at home."
-
im in my car driving down the freeway when i get a call from will. one of the first people i met in the music industry and a very acompished song writer himself. for years now will and i have been writing music together for his albums or mine, sometimes even a duet hear and there.
"you're late" he says voice almost drowned out by the sound of a few people in the back ground. "i know sorry. got held up at joels" i can almost hear the eyeroll through the phone. will wasnt the biggest fan of my past boyfriends. it started with will hating andy, he mustve saw the red flags before i did, then he hated harry because of his reputation of being a 'womanizer', then there was tom who he hated simply because he could practically see through him, and now the tradition has gone onto joel. he doesnt have a reason to hate joel yet but he'll find one eventually, he always does. "i know, i know alright. i'll be there in like 5 minutes okay?"
"alright okay see you in 5" he hangs up the phone leaving me to drive the rest of the way to the studio in silence.
-
when i get there theres a crowd of paps outside the studio, and wills standing by the door holding it open for me. wills got long floppy brown hair that comes into vague curls at the ends, and a pair of glasses that are almost too big for his face, that sometimes makes him look a bit goofy. his voice is deep with a heavy british accent that somehow doesnt pair well with his face. "morning" he says with a nod as i walked into the studio letting the door slam shut behind me. "got anything prepard?" he asks as we walk down to the studio that we had booked for the day. "a little thought you could me finish the rest." i say as will pushed the door open letting me walk in first before he did.
"alright let me hear it" he says as he takes a seat next to a bunch of sound equipment. i unlock my phone and open the 'voice memo's' app before playing the most recent voice memo from a few nights ago titled 'sparks fly?'
the voice memo starts off with me playing guitar before i start the first lyric "the way you move is like a full on rainstorm, and im a house of card. youre the kind of reckless that should send me running but i kinda know that i wont get far" will nods as he pauses the memo before un pausing it and letting it play the rest through "and you stood there in front of me, just close enough to touch. close enough to hope you couldnt see what i was thinking of, drop everything now, meet me in the pouring rain. kiss me on the side walk, take away the pain. 'cause i see sparks fly whenever you smile. get me with those brown eyes, baby, as the lights go down. give me something that'll haunt me when youre not around. cause i see sparks fly whenever you smile" the memo ends and will looks over at me.
"kay i like it. what were the cords you were playing?" shit, i hadnt written them down like i usually did before studio sessions. "um fuck, i dont know...i think it was a,f,c, and g? maybe those." he picks up his guitar that had be discarded beside him and begins to play almost identically to how i was in the memo. "aright was that end the chorus?" i nod a quiet "mhm."
"alright you got anything else?" i nod before saying "yeah keep on playing" i say and he continues to play his guitar trying to fill in the missing pieces to continue on the instrumental part of the song. "my mind forgets to remind me, youre bad idea. you touch me onces and its, really something. you find that im even better than you imagined i would be. im on guard for the rest of world but with you i know its no good."
-
we finish off the rest of the song, tweaking some lyrics here and there, and even recording the song before our we decided to head out. I'm in my car driving by 11:30 when i get a call. the caller id shows up on the screen on my dashboard. joel <33. i answer the phone call and joel imediatly starts talking. "hey baby, what you doin'?" he asks, i can hear the sound of him inhaling and puffing out air letting me know he's probably out on his back porch smoking a ciggarette. "driving. whatcha need?" he sighs out "nothin' really. just wanted to know if you want to stay for dinner t'night" i laugh as my car comes to a slow stop at a red light. "yeah sure, what you guys havin' tonight?"
"probably pizza dont feel like cooking. the girls will be happy with that." he says punchuating his sentence with an loud inhale before matching exhale a few seconds later. "so how long you think you'll be?" i hum pondering a bit as i hit the gas following after the car infront of me "maybe 7 minutes? im a few lights away" i say. i hear him slide open his sliding glass door and presumebly walking inside. "alright i'll let you go, rangle up these kids before you get here. see ya in a bit" the sound of the almost piercing beeps as he hangs up fills my ears before my phone begins playing the song it had been playing before joels call.
7 minutes later im pulling up infront of joels house to see him sat on the porch ciggarette hanging from his mouth, while the girls sat on the driveway drawing with chalk. i chose to park on the street so i wouldnt desturb sarah, and ellie. i step out the car shoving my phone into one pocket. "y/n!" sarah leaps up from the pavemet dropping the stick of chalk that was in her hand before running towards me. tiny arms wrap around my body as she hugs me. "are you staying for dinner? daddy ordered pizza" she says excitedly as joel walked up behind her. "go on and play with youre sister babygirl let me and y/n talk alright?" sarah pulls away nodding before running back towards her sister.
"hey sweetheart" he says before pressing a short, but sweet kiss to my lips. "pizza'll be here in bout 10 minutes ordered it right after i hung up with you" he says a he places the ciggarette he had pulled from his lips a few seconds ago back slotting it against his upper and low lip. i nod as i lean into his body "how was youre studio thing" he asks arm wrapping around my waist as we both begin to walk back towards his front porch. "good" i reply simply as he unwraps his arm from around my waist and sits down. somehow being in a relationship with joel miller was so easy i forgot how my life used to be. my entire world now revolved around football games, tours, joel, and his girls that i almost forget that 3 months ago i was still rotting my bed sobbing over the ending of a relationship i thought was going to be forever. the moment i took one step into joels life i was sucked in and hoped to god i'd never be pushed out.
"y/n! can you come draw with us?" sarah asks from her spot on the pavement. i look at joel giving him a look that almosts asks 'is that okay?' he nods saying "go, we'll talk later" i walk over and take a seat next to sarah on the somehow still hot texas pavement. ellies sat across from us, so deep into her drawing that she doesnt even look up to greet me. her knees are scratched up, probably from the pavement, and her fourarms, and hands are covered in a mix of different dusty chalk colors.
"look at my drawing" sarah says pointing at a larger drawing to her right. 4 stick figured people 3 female, one male, and one stick figured cat drawn to the left of the smaller stick figured humans. each one is labled 'daddy', 'y/n', 'sarah', 'ellie', 'ollie'. i almost want to cry at how adorable it is. she smiles up at me so proud of her work. i almost want to take a picture of it, but decide to take one later.
i want to stay here forever, or atleast have something similar to this forever. joel sat puffing on his ciggarette a few inches away, admiring from a far as i interacted with his children. interactions that make him wish he could have met me first. before the barbaras, or annas. interactions that make me wish he was the man i met 7 years ago on a red carpet, wishing i hadnt spent 7 years delusionally praying for a ring from a man who fell less and less in love with me every day.
a car with a bright red and white papa johns logo attached to the top of it pulls into the driveway. its almost like the girls have a routine for pizza nights. they both jump up leaving the chalk on the sidewalk and run into the house squealling "pizza!!" as joel snuffed out his ciggarette against the porch before walking up the young brunnette man with a wad of cash in his hand. i similarly to the girls dicard the chalk on the pavement and walk inside. i wash my hands before meeting the two girls at the table. their father already passing out slices.
"cheese or peperoni ellie?" joel asks, ellie who sat up on her knees in the chair says "both!" he shakes his head "nope you wont eat it all one or none el's pick one" she pouts as her arms cross over her chest "peperoni" she mumbles under her breath as she sit back down on her butt. joel nods before placing a slice of peperoni pizza onto a red plastic plate and sliding it over to her. "cheese" sarah says before her father can even ask her.
my elbows are sat on the table, a piece of cheese pizza half eaten sit infront of me. this all seems like something taken straight out of a movie, family sitting at the table casually talking about each others days. sarah telling her dad about the funny joke her grandfather had told her last night, joel chuckling recalling the same joke being told to him more than 20 years ago when he was her age.
it all felt so sureal, like how could i be apart of this? i met these people less than 3 months ago and im somehow already at family dinners. sometimes it makes me feel insecure, at moments the thought of feeling so left out because this is not my family even though im sat at their family dinner. he's my boyfriend but these are his children not mine, ive known these people for less than 3 months and only been actually dating joel for one of those months.
KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK.
three loud sharp knocks that the front door pull me from my thoughts. joel sighs dropping his slice of pizza before getting up mumbling about how he'd 'be right back'. the dining room is silent as we listen to joels hushed voice whispering to whoever is on the other side of the door. sarah stands up slowly walking over to the doorway so she could get a look at whoever was at the door. ellie follows as usual. monkey see monkey do. a loud squel like shout makes me get up just in time to see sarah running to the woman stood at the door. "mommy!"
she looks like sarah, with the similar but tighter dark curls, and similar dark complection. she beautiful. her hair is pulled up in a ponytail, and though shes only wearing a tee-shirt and jeans she pulls it off fabulously. though there seems to be not even one wrinkle on her face i can tell she's closer in age to joel than i'll ever be. joels stood at the door uncomfortably as sarah hugs her mother. she's tall and thin, thinner than id ever thought about being, i could tell she was a model not only from her statcure but because i'd seen her only. probably an instagram account though i cant recall what platform i saw her on. "how've you been sarbear?" she asks as she hugs her daughter tightly. "good" sarah giggles as she steps away from her mother. the womans eyes now fall to ellie whos somehow now pushed herself behind me. "hey ellie how have you been" ellie shrugs from behind me.
joel tilts his head almost as if he's saying 'come here' i comply walking over to him with ellie trailing close behind. joel wraps his arm around my waist as the womans eyes fall to me. she looks me up and down about 2 times before smiling "and you must be..." she drags out the 'e' sound of be until i answer back meekly "y/n..im y/n" she nods a genuine smile on her face. "nice to meet you y/n. im barbara but you can just call be barb" i nod smiling. "how long have you two been together?" she asks eyes flicking up to joels "um bout 3 months right honey?" he says fake smile gracing his lips as he leans his head down a bit to press a kiss to my temple. "yeah about that" i say with a forced giggle as i lean into joel a little more. right in this moment my insecurities flood back in realizing i look nothing like her. she's thin, her body is fills out right where it needs to, she has no hip dips, no scars, no stretchmarks. she was perfect. if this was his ex was i not his type or was she not? i feel like i already know the answer to that question.
"barb why are you here?" joel asks, she looks at him and just laughs his words off. "im here to see my daughter" she says with a scoff as both her hands place on her hips. joel rolls his eyes "its not like you wanted to for the last 2 years" i know this is my cue to take the girls and let them have their 'adult conversation' so i pull away from joel and say "common girls lets go play with ollie?" both girl excitedly race up stairs towards joels room, where we had put ollie while we ate.
i sit on the bed with the girls my anxiety, and insecurities festering inside of me as the girls swooned over my cat. would barbara reappearing randomly rekindle their relationship? would i just be left in the dust? i know he was acting like he was annoyed with her downstairs but i bet if she tried he'd get back with her right? he'd probably rather be with the mother of one of his children than me. sarah deserved a perfect family, a mom, a dad, a little sister. she didnt deserve whatever she had right now, and i know joel knew that. and i know he didnt want it to be this way. from what i heard it seemed like she's not around alot and that why he's so uncomfortable with her being here, but if she preposed to start their relationship again i'd bet he'd agree.
her having him would mean she'd stay. even if it wasnt for sarah she'd stay, and sarah would have her mom back for good. there would be no need for some 'pretend mom' anymore. no more revolving door of girlfriends, though i despretly didnt want to be apart of that revolving door.
joel barges into the room, instructing both his daughter to get ready for bed before slamming the door shut behind him. leaving just him and i in the bedroom, alone. "she's staying the night." he grumbles arms wrapping around my waist as he pulled me close. i dont ask why feeling as though it none of my buisness. i hum with a small nod. "i was just bout to head out then" i say pressing my head into his shoulder.
our 'sleepovers' if you even can call them that normally only lasted one night maybe till dinner the next night but definetely not a second night. "you're leaving?" i can almost hear the frown on his lips. my brow furrow in confusion, normally he wouldnt budge when i said i was leaving. a few kisses and im normally off but not tonight. his arms instictivly wrap tighter around my waist as if to say 'dont go'. but his ex is here, sarahs mother, wouldnt that be a little awkward?
"thought i'd just go...cause she-she's here. but if you dont want me to leave i can stay" i whisper pressing a few soft kisses to joels exposed neck. "yeah" he mutters with a nod.
-
barbara is on the couch downstairs, both girls are fast asleep in their beds, and im still awake scrolling mindlessly though barbaras instagram. she's got millions of pictures posted dating all the way back to 2014. she's nice, and i really like her i do but i cant help but feel jealous of her when i get posts from 2015. most with joel who looks so much younger, i can tell she's pregnant in most of them. i cant help but obbsess over every part of her body that doesnt look like mine, wonder if he prefers her body over mine.
i wonder how she was during their relationship. was she good in bed? better than me? did he prefer sleeping with her? did he ever think about her? was she still friends with his friends? did his mom like her better than me? and it doesnt make this any easier on me knowing he's got a kid with her and not with me. she's forever attached to him because of sarah but me im disposable. his children arent my blood, they arent from my womb he can forget me easily if he really wanted too. he cant forget her because he see's her every time he looks at his daughter.
im trying to pick out something for me to hate her, and the only reason ive come up with is cause she's basically abandoned sarah. the only photos posted of sarah was 8 years ago on her birthday july 20th 2015 baby sarah all swadled up being held by barbara who laid in a hospital bed, joel stood next to her admiration and joy gleeming in his eyes. then 2 months later sarah being help by joel with the caption 'favorite people'. then after than nothing radio silent its like the baby disappears. people in the comments mustve thought that too because every comment for the next few months of posts are along the lines of 'wheres the baby?'. im guessing thats when she left.
i know joel loves me, and that im probably going crazy but i cant help but obbsess over her. "you're still awake?" joel slurs, voice deep from sleep. i turn off my phone immediately and turn so im facing him. one of his arms wraps around my waist pulling me closer to him. "cant sleep" i mutter as he pressees open mouthed kisses to my neck and jawline. even as he's practically sucking hickeys into my neck all i can think about is that he's probably done this to her, while she was laying on the same side i was as he whispered quiet 'i love you's into her neck. i cant help it as tears form in my eyes that are quickly blinked back. i cant let him know how insecure i actually am. i dont want him to know how isecure ive gotten in the last few hours because i know theres a chance i could get hurt.
"wha's wrong? youre tense" he says pulling away from me. i freeze staring him in the eyes as his brows curl into a furrow. "whats wrong?" his left hand reaches from my cheek caressing it softly. "nothing" i mutter leaning into his soft touch. he hums questionably like he doesnt believe me but goes onto press his lips against my none the less.
im so obssessed that once joel goes back to sleep i cant help but scroll her page. i dont even know why im so obsessed, its not like im ugly im just not anything like her.
Taglist
@taylarxse @none-of-this-makes-any-sense @ktheunready @camixkami @skysmiller @mars743 @tylrswftss @alyhull @jenna-mcgraw19 @h4teh3x @lexloon @greensabereyesforcevictim @cozylibraries @celebrities-imagines @nezukos-number1fan @abbysgirll @marispunk @hopelessromantic727 @fairyain @joeldjarin
23 notes · View notes
pitbullwithaship · 2 months
Text
DOCTOR WHO LIVEBLOG S4 EP13
HOLY COW IM DYING YALL
WHAT HE DIRECTED IT AT THE HAND
HES THE SAME
MICKEY AND JACKIE HOLY SHIT
He's so fucking fuck
Donna I love you
Ooh they're in a time lock that's really cool
Oh man that's fucked
Yay Sarah Jane and Mickey and Jackie and Martha omg
They're saying Exterminate in German!!! Lol
Rose and the Doctor are so cute
Why can Donna hear her heartbeat
Brilliant. All of them
Walk to their fates
TEAM TARDIS
Holy hell Donna Noooo
HEARTBEAT WHATS AHAPPENING HERE
Omg omg girlie that's time lord energy right there the watchamacalllit stufd
OMG ITS THIS CLIP LOL
YAS JACK PLAY DEAD
LOL LOL LOL I LOVE THIS OMG
That's insane
She is very worth it
Thata insane that's insane destined holy shit
Ooh she speaks German
Omg traitor woman?
Aww poor woman
YAY JACK
Ooh the three are inside the house
Dalek is very very insane
Oh shit oh shit jackie
Omg what us it doing
Oh food Jackie got out
THEY DISINTEGRATED
I hate Davros' voice but maybe that's just cuz of what he's saying
Holy shit he's insane
MICKEY AND JACK REUNITED
Aw Rose likes Martha
JUST LIKE EXPLODE THE EARTH WHAT
JACK AND MICKEY AND JACKIE AND SARAH JANE
Fuck don't guilt trip him so much (I mean yes this regeneration can be a dick sometimes but he's complicated! He's a complicated character!)
Omg omg doctor2 and Donna you better have figured it all out in time
Omg omg omg omg omg omg
DONNA YAY
DONNA HOLY HELL
OHyes
DoctorDonna!!!!
I love her ao much this is hilarious
This is amazing
Jackie looks on disapprovingly
JACK YOU DUDE
SUPREME DALEK HAS A CONCIENCE
Oh wow that's a lot of dying Daleks
Davros stop playing the victim
As it's meant to be flown this is amazing
K9 AAAHHHH
I love this so much
AS ITS MEANT TO BE FLOWN
Yeah Jackie don't touch anything
Oh wow that's amazing
This is so cute the teams all together god (can you tell my favorite trope is found family)
HUGGING LOTS OF HUGGING
Everybody hugs!!!
Awwww
Aww maybe Martha's joining Torchwood
Aww Mickey
BAD WOLF BAY
Donna oh my gosh
Awww he can spend it with her
It's so cute
And so sad
I LOVE YOU AAAAAHHHHH AAAAHHHHH AAAHHHH AAHHHHH KISS
And other Doctor leaves with Donna omg this is so happysadterribleanamazingendingforrose holt crap
Binary x100 jeezus
Oh no Donna
Doctor is so sad
Oh Donna
Oh Doctor
FUCK THIS IS SAD AGAIN
...and the worst of times but the best are the best and they are times
One last HUG FUCK
Okay definitely not what she wanted consent and all but he's incredibly traumatized and doesn't want to lose anyone else so I kinda understand
Fuck he's just a story for her Fuck
This is breaking my heart
Aww poor Doctor
Fuck I'm crying
He's a fucking wetpuppydog in the rain fuck sadness
WILF IM CRYING
Alone again alone again (this song plays in my head a lot watching this damn show)
End note. End note. Fuck this I'm bawling my eyes out. Okay. All I can say is he's so frickin lonely and he's always the odd one out and "all the others have got someone" you idiot they love you you could crash on their fuckin couches for ten years and they'd fondly just deal with it cuz they love you you fuck. Aaaghh. But also I totally understand that as the third in a trio and the fifth in a fifth and the seventh in what should have been a six. But also dude. Develop an EQ please. And also I am crying so much, even more than frickin Doomsday made me cry. Fuck.
21 notes · View notes
h-f-k · 5 months
Note
I MISSED YOUR BIRTHDAY?? i cannot believe this tragedy how dare i, my sincerest apologies. i'll be extra aggressive to make up for it. HAPPY BIRTHDAY YOU AMAZING HUMAN. the definition of show-stopping amazing incredible. truly a favorite mutual and person in general to me, to talented and sweet, caring, and loving. im genuinely so excited for you to see taylor this week, you're going to have such an amazing time. i look back at shows so fondly and i just know you'll have the time of your life, and thats what you deserve! it took her long enough to come to you and im so excited, dance and scream your heart out, currently manifesting your favorite songs as surprise songs. love you love you have an amazing time 💗🎉✨
OKAY? IM CRYING??? I love you so so much Sarah, thank you for your incredibly kind words I’m just 😭😭😭 Thank you honey!!
2 notes · View notes
philtstone · 2 years
Text
all i wanna do is wash your clothes ficlet ch. 24
read full fic
i have like 5 prompts in my inbox that i meant to work on and had trouble with all of them so i sat down to write something to loosen my fingers and this came out. a little messy, but im happy with it nonetheless. enjoy!
Summary: The washer hums. The whole room is muted and warm toned. Bucky moves his tongue into his cheek. Now would be the time to kiss her proper but he somehow can’t until he asks. The seconds ‘til re-entry to Life Chaos tick by.
“Sar,” he starts, at the same time she says, “What’s up, James?” curious, still smiling, still a sliver too unsure. A month.
“I was. I wanted to ask you – I’ve been thinking –”
The oven beeps again and this time Sarah notices. “Oh, shoot,” she says, her face creasing into a frown. “Hang on, baby –”
“D’you think you can cut my hair?” Bucky blurts out.
She pauses, chin dipping, a pair of Cass’s socks held in her hands. A little laugh bubbles out.
“What?”
**
“Mr. B?”
“Yeah?”
“You’re hovering.”
Bucky looks down at the plump twelve-year-old occupying the seat by his knee. “I’m – what?”
“That’s what my Mama calls it,” says Sugar importantly. She raises a challenging eyebrow. Everything Sugar does is a small challenge, Bucky thinks fondly. He hadn’t realized how much he’d miss it – AJ’s chattering, Cass’s gentle management of his friends, Bennet’s clumsiness and Elling’s inability to sit still. Baby Nina is walking now. It doesn’t feel like he’s been away from Delacroix nearly a month ‘til he looks at the kids that mill in and out of Sarah’s house and the neighboring houses besides.
“Really,” he says flatly. Sugar doesn’t hold with patient indulgence like her peers. 
“Mama says people who got somethin’ on their mind but don’t have the downstairs parts to ask it hover.” She sucks watermelon juice off of her fingers; there’s a big plate in the center of the kitchen table that Sarah and Sheira prepared earlier in the morning, before Bucky’s flight got in. “Milly – she’s in grade eight – she hovers like all the time.” Sugar sighs and rolls her eyes and pulls the hems of her sticky plaid shorts down against her thighs, wriggling with it because the shorts are getting too small. Too bad, as it’s nearing summer and getting the kind of hot that invades indoor spaces. “That girl,” she adds, significant and very reminiscent of her nearly-deaf grandmother. Bucky infers from the inflection that he should not allow himself to be categorized with that girl.
He’s saved from inventing a rebuttal by AJ’s loud arrival into the kitchen.
“Watermelon!” he says, excitedly, as if he has not been sampling from the plate every ten minutes all afternoon. He, too, is sweaty and sticky and breathing hard. Bucky thinks they’re playing some game of tag in the backyard; Sarah’s forbidden screen time for the day due to Bucky’s arrival. At the same time, he’s pretty sure the only reason he hasn’t been trampled, accosted, and otherwise coerced into participating in every minute of the kids’ afternoon is some kind of follow-up rule that states guests need at least two hours to themselves after arrival. Also, there’s been a promised outing to New Orleans for tomorrow, which is maybe what’s keeping the boys in check.
He decides he should probably find Sarah before those two hours are up.
He squeezes AJ’s shoulder on the way out, nods stoically at Sugar and receives a stoic nod back. It’s all so normal, so familiar. Which is why he can’t make sense of the huge tumbling nervous thing that’s sitting in his gut, pushing up into his lungs. 
read more
12 notes · View notes
maxanor · 3 years
Photo
Tumblr media Tumblr media
OUTER BANKS | 2.04
3K notes · View notes
tempestaurora · 3 years
Note
Favourite poem has to be the Old Astronomer to His Pupil by Sarah Williams. I’m a deeply anxious person and I don’t think a lot of people in my life realize that, when I feel like a panic or spiraling it centers me.
uh hello??????
I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night
god im gonna get that tattooed on my FOREHEAD
had a very interesting little dive into this, especially as the version i read was the anthology version with four stanzas, but it originally had ten.
I must say Good-bye, my pupil, for I cannot longer speak; Draw the curtain back for Venus, ere my vision grows too weak: It is strange the pearly planet should look red as fiery Mars,— God will mercifully guide me on my way amongst the stars.
uh hello?????? outstANDING?????
so this poem came from 1868 so i do not feel bad returning the poetry favour with some poems from all over the place. these are some of the poems that calm me when i'm feeling anxious!! (all transcripts under the cut)
Tumblr media
1938: William Carlos Williams, This Is Just To Say
Tumblr media
1960: Frank O'Hara, Having a Coke with You
Tumblr media
1951: Dylan Thomas, Do not go gentle into that good night
Tumblr media
2017: Laura Gilpin, Two-Headed Calf
This Is Just To Say, William Carlos Williams
I have eaten
the plums
that were in
the icebox
and which
you were probably
saving
for breakfast
Forgive me
they were delicious
so sweet
and so cold
Having a Coke with You, Frank O'Hara
is even more fun than going to San Sebastian, Irún, Hendaye, Biarritz, Bayonne or being sick to my stomach on the Travesera de Gracia in Barcelona partly because in your orange shirt you look like a better happier St. Sebastian partly because of my love for you, partly because of your love for yoghurt partly because of the fluorescent orange tulips around the birches partly because of the secrecy our smiles take on before people and statuary it is hard to believe when I’m with you that there can be anything as still as solemn as unpleasantly definitive as statuary when right in front of it in the warm New York 4 o’clock light we are drifting back and forth between each other like a tree breathing through its spectacles
and the portrait show seems to have no faces in it at all, just paint you suddenly wonder why in the world anyone ever did them                                                                                                               I look at you and I would rather look at you than all the portraits in the world except possibly for the Polish Rider occasionally and anyway it’s in the Frick which thank heavens you haven’t gone to yet so we can go together for the first time and the fact that you move so beautifully more or less takes care of Futurism just as at home I never think of the Nude Descending a Staircase or at a rehearsal a single drawing of Leonardo or Michelangelo that used to wow me and what good does all the research of the Impressionists do them when they never got the right person to stand near the tree when the sun sank or for that matter Marino Marini when he didn’t pick the rider as carefully as the horse                                it seems they were all cheated of some marvelous experience which is not going to go wasted on me which is why I’m telling you about it
Do not go gentle into that good night, Dylan Thomas
Do not go gentle into that good night, Old age should burn and rave at close of day; Rage, rage against the dying of the light. Though wise men at their end know dark is right, Because their words had forked no lightning they Do not go gentle into that good night. Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay, Rage, rage against the dying of the light. Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight, And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way, Do not go gentle into that good night. Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay, Rage, rage against the dying of the light. And you, my father, there on the sad height, Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray. Do not go gentle into that good night. Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Two-Headed Calf, Laura Gilpin
Tomorrow when the farm boys find this
freak of nature, they will wrap his body
in newspaper and carry him to the museum.
But tonight he is alive and in the north
field with his mother. It is a perfect
summer evening: the moon rising over
the orchard, the wind in the grass. And
as he stares into the sky, there are
twice as many stars as usual.
10 notes · View notes
twinferns · 3 years
Text
wandavision finale, and i have thoughts
im truly speechless.
if you haven't yet watched yet it prepare to cry.
spoilers below the cut
- so we really just jumped into it huh? right back in the street.
- let me tell you i cackled when wanda threw that car at agatha, and the wicked witch reference? amazing
- UH WHITE VISION BIG SCARY NO THANKS
- YUH JUST AS I PREDICTED, WHITE VISION GOES FOR WANDA BUT REAL VIS SWOOPS IN
- it shouldn't be but peter fietro pietro holding monica in his man cave is sending me
- the white vision/thanos parallels are both so cool and heartbreaking, like how he went straight for the mindstone i-
- MY MAIN MAN JIMOTHY WOO BACK AT IT AGAIN - FLOURISH
- can agatha shut up for one god damn minute about yOuRe GoInG tO dEsRtRoY tHe WoRlD
- oh ho ho sarah monica returns this is very disturbing
- all this pietro/peter/fietro build up for a BONER JOKE - oh so pietro (please idk what to call him someone help) was ralph all along? then why did they cast evan peters? and then how would he have super speed?
- this is breaking my heart, poor wanda is trying her best but it's all too overwhelming this is gonna make me cry
- HAYWARD BETTER GET HIS UGLY ASS AWAY FROM THE OPENING OF THE HEX
- i need therapy after watching vision nearly disintegrate again, and the twins falling apart, im gonna sue kevin feige for emotional distress, you have no idea how much pain i felt watching billy and tommy screaming for their mom
- oh god the family group huddle was so cute but then agatha had to go and ruin it
- petition to let wanda have one minute of pure happiness, 60 seconds, that's all, just give her a god damn break please im begging you marvel
- "boys, handle the military. mommy will be right back" I SCREAMED OMG
- BILLY AND TOMMY ARE THE POWER DUO WE DESERVE - what kind of fucking psychopath would shoot at fucking children, and then upon seeing someone step in front of them KEEP FUCKING SHOOTING - bless monica rambeau for willingly taking bullets for billy and tommy without knowing that she was bullet proof
- "nice tricks." "i like yours too" THEYRE TOO CUTE - DARCY MY ICON BEATING THE TRAFFIC JUST IN TIME TO ABSOLUTE WRECK HAYWARD, "have fun in prison!! :)"
- lmao not the visions having a battle of philosophy they would, but like real vision made a good point about who the real vision is and the ship of theseus
- white vision really said "gtg have an existential crisis!"
- agatha really uno reversed on wanda
- not vision shielding the twins im gonna cry not like im crying already or anything
- PERIOD WANDA USING THOSE RUNES HUGLYFKHJ - "but i dont need you to tell me who i am" AND THEN THE GOD DAMN COSTUME SCARLET WITCH COSTUME SHE LOOKS SO DAMN AMAZING AND IM LOSING MY FUCKING MIND - yes wandaaaa slurp that power out of her like a smoothie
- well ig agnes is back?
- their walk home literally made me cry, like it feels like a walk home on a warm summer night after a fun family outing to a restaurant or something, and the kids are jogging ahead laughing and playing, while the adults stay back and watch fondly but it's the last time theyre walking home together and now im sobbing
- can someone please edit a gifset of the first ep when vision carries wanda through the front door, and the last where they close the door for the last time i will love you forever
- no you dont understand i have no words for the amount of sadness i felt watching them tuck the twins into bed, and making it all domestic and fluffy but in reality their world is closing in on them and-
- "boys, thanks for choosing me to be your mom" the emotional damage this did to me
- the vision goodbye scene messed me up big time
- "you are my sadness, and hope, but mostly you're my love" im not kidding when im say that im making kevin mf feige for my therapy
- "we have said goodbye before, so it stands to reason..." "we'll say hello again" if this isnt a tease that vision is coming back im screaming
- "so long, darling" so much pain
- it feels like narnia where they come out of the wardrobe and nothing has changed, like wanda's just standing in the empty lot as if nothing happened
- MID CREDIT SCENE OMG FURY IS SENDING FOR MONICA OMG OMG OMG - end credit scene too babeyyyy
- i respect my girl for retreating to the mountains after that, but she's astral projecting??? while her body does stuff??? is she gonna try and search the multiverse for the twins??? bc if that screaming told me anything, it told me that the twins are coming back
- so i dont think wanda is gonna be a true villain, but the world is gonna perceive her as such, and she's gonna have to work to redeem herself in the eyes of the world
im winded yall. this is has been a long journey since jan 15, and we made it. all i gotta say is i lowkey miss the standby scene
ill see yall in like two weeks for falcon and the winter soldier, gonna go binge all of wandavision to feel something again!!
16 notes · View notes
captainshyguy · 3 years
Text
not to be a little melancholic but i've been thinking a bit about all the people that have come and gone in my general social circle like. not just irl, but online too. the close friends, who eventually left, and the ones on the outskirts, but were always there. at least, for a time. the people you never quite talked to, but were in your bubble, in your life, if just for a bit. the people who will only be icon, words on a screen to me. the people who will forever be 14 in my memories, because its all i have of them 
its just...its weird yknow? not even getting into social circles from school, friends you grew apart from, friends of friends of friends in your class that you had an odd connection with
but online its like. i’ve been in a few online communities in my time. the penguins of madagscar community on fanpop, one for the same fandom on deviantart, the agents of shield one here, then the maze runner, then star wars, then mario, then star wars again...i’d say ‘and hollow knight now’ but lets be honest, i haven’t made....many friends or even mutuals through it solely X]
i guess my point is like. all of these communities were different people. and over time, whilst i’ve generally stayed put (until i was physically the last one left, and jumped ship, like fanpop) people just. they left yknow? maybe it took a couple of months, maybe a couple of years, but they did, and its such an almost...odd thing to experience
im not saying people cant leave, not at all but it just made me think how many people i’ve known, how many i’ve been friends with, how many existed in my orbit. how many i only have pieces of. and i guess...how many people’s orbits i was in. the person i was in the past lives on through each and every one of then, and i have no idea what stuck. what’s their ‘luke’ memory, their takeway. heck, some of them wouldn't even have it by that name. 
one thing im glad about in a way is like. from each of the communities that like. meant something to me, i managed to grab a few people almost. a few that also dug their heels in, a few that are still in my orbit, however close or far, but they’re there. they’re posting actively or somewhat actively and i know where to find them. and thats nice 
it just makes me wonder sometimes yknow?? how many people currently in my circle, currently in my orbit, will eventually leave one day? who will stop posting, who’s icon i simply will never see again.
i do hope, with all my heart, that all the ones that i fell out of touch with are doing well 
(im musing about specific people under the read more, WILL get long kjdfhnd) 
from my primary/secondary school i dont have anyone exactly. the closest i have is one guy i was pretty fond of but not like. romantically. i follow his youtube and whilst i dont really watch the videos seeing his face pop up every now and again is nice. but man i do think back on those secondary school friends. funnily enough by the end whilst i liked my “official” best friends i honestly ended up more fond of others. sarah, priya, shriya, zarah, zi yu, kyle. danny, introducing me to treasure planet, hiding away with him and his friends to watch films in forgotten rooms when it was near the end of the year, then liam, of course, man..its weird he was my best friend in the first few years when i moved there, then we got put in different classes so we just didnt see eahc other much. but that fondness was always, always there. god, and jake....i wonder if he thinks back fondly to the two of us pretending to be transformers. i wonder if im still jazz to him. god, and then sophia, just, not even hanging out but having our little ‘hot buttered toast’ song. i hope thats the memory she has of me. (i haven’t even listed everyone from this part, and i couldnt! it was a 7-8 year period of my life! right during my brain developmental stages!!)
its weird i was in love with ryan for nearly three years. a lot of those memories are soured knowing one of my friends spread it around school and everyone secretly knew, (and looking back i was way out of his league like, morally lol) but still. maybe once or twice a year i’ll dream about him, and for a brief moment, im there, sitting with him in geography as he shows me magic tricks, during that period i do genuinely think he liked me too (before it wore off for him lol) and im still in love. 
from college, man....ewan was like. i have a feeling he was leading me on since he had a girlfriend lmao, and was just flirting for fun bc he saw i was shy and was trying to get me to react, but it never felt like bullying yknow? i dont think he was actively trying to make fun of me. so i dont know, it was nice, it felt nice and it still kinda does. 
khairun.....im so glad i still have her. i’m still a little gay for her. i remember sitting with her on the bus, riding for hours as we were on the geology trip, and she would ramble about the game of thrones video game and she’d squint so happily and her eyes would sparkle. she talks about dark souls now and i only see her messages, but i can still feel her enthusiasm. or tanisha and fatima, my other geology friends, my maze runner friends. seeing the scorch trials with fatima in the cinema. joking about newt and thomas with tanisha. sitting around the table with my actual friend group, in the big lounge chair reading the tolkien dictonary, joking about the flash with bindiya. sleeping around maddie’s house and playing would you rather. 
heck, i didnt even touch on teachers!!! teachers i connected with so much on a genuine level!!! mrs chambers, mr hauge, mr wrght, miss lloyd, mr hutchinson, miss petra, mrs young! mrs mohammed, mr santa maria, mr longdon, miss langley, mrs maize, miss davies. i know with teachers, the kids must start to blur together at a point. but i just....i hope, at least. with those first two, they’ll remember me, just a bit. i keep having dreams where im in my old school, and i try to find them., i’ve found mr hague a few times. but until about a month ago, whenever i got to geography, miss chambers was never there. im glad i finally found her. 
then fanpop...lexii, having the same birthday as me, talking with kait and roleyplaying as penguin ocs in high stakes situations. dating dylan fkjdngjdh, rigging the club’s presidential election. its weird, i dont have a lot of memories from this time. just....just people? people posting their ocs, people drawing ech others ocs. kaitlyn, anya, kait, dylan, lexii, imaneasel, mya, peacebaby, madascargirl, kate, starslight, imogen, tressa, sammi, crystal, cc, syliva, jasmine, hikari, amber,  yellow, steff, lilly, blue, richard, monique, sharpey, hannah, icicle, ratking, cian i- god, there was so many of us. theres more, i can think of more names. there was so many
anya did what i did pretty much and went to deviantart then kinda dug her heels in and didnt leave, though i don think she’s more active on toyhouse. and yet, i still see her art there, so its nice. having her throughout the years has been nice, watching as both of our art improves. she’s always been a bit ahead of me. then cian i’ve been talknig with pretty much every day for about 6 months now, thats been nice 
and then here, man! the agents of shield fandom! man! i dont remember a lot of names honestly besides the ones who stayed, and sam. i hope sam’s okay. y’all who stayed, who are still mutuals, the hm....five of us i think? though the one ofy’all i was closest to isnt around as often X[ but still. im happy y’all are here 
some of y’all that have been around long enoguh will know i was best friends with kacie for a while. from....i think that was my brief stint in the dan and phil fandom. she. well. she’s okay, the last i heard of her. but my overtalking screwed that up i think. my last message from her, a few years later, was amicable at least. i still feel awful about that if i think on it too hard
i think i only picked up ronan from the maze runner, at least, that i talk to, yeah, right, there’s two others that are still about but i dont think we’ve ever held a convo X] 
and u current peeps! from mario, star wars and.....im not quite sure where for some of you! i love u all! especially y’all that have been around forever, just, liking each others posts every now and again., i dont know how many people you all follow, but i follow less than a 100. i might only be a blip on your radar, but i like seeing y’all, genuinely. thank you for being in my orbit. i hope i’m a comforting or at least. nice reliable presence in yours, for as long as we all stick around.  
5 notes · View notes
Text
tag info!
hi lovelies! i’ve gotten quite a few questions abt my tagging system (for those of u who don’t pay attention to that sort of thing/only use mobile, this is my tags page) over the last few days + i thought i’d try to condense all of your questions into a single post to make it nice and convenient. pls feel free to reach out if i missed smth!
1. what are your tags from and what do they mean?
individual tags: 
this is not your destruction bang chan
a tag for chan + the bravery + terror that must have accompanied his flight into stray kids. he has poured everything he has into them. they are his one shot, his only shot. his life, his blood, his greatest creation and sacrifice. this tag, which comes from nothing other than my brain, is a kind reminder to him that no matter how dark it gets, stray kids are an act of love and so will never be a mistake. 
learn to dance; it is your birthright 
a tag for minho. im a terrible person and can’t quite recall where or who i took it from, but i believe it was originally in french. minho came from nothing, built himself on nothing. the strength in his spine comes from suffering and endurance: living through all that life has thrown at you, getting up every single time it has knocked him down. and it has knocked him down over and over and over again. but each time, he gets back up. wipes the blood off his chin. dances. because he is owed this, this expression of love and life and control, one of the most fundamental parts of the human experience. minho dances because he is owed it, because he knows that it his right. 
 there is no sacrifice
my tag for changbin, from a longer piece by arianna reines. the original quote goes ‘there is no sacrifice. you have got to want to live. you have got to force yourself to want to.’ perhaps a little dark, but i believe it reflects the resolution with which changbin throws himself at life. there is no uncertainty in seo changbin. that’s why he’s stray kids’ anchor, their backbone. he’s uncompromising, devoted, resilient. 
 gutted and rising 
for hyunjin, my very favorite embodiment of the fragility of being human. once again, his tag is from a much longer quote by katie ford: don’t say it’s the beautiful i praise. i praise the human, gutted and rising. quite honestly, it is one of my favorite lines of literature in the entire world for how vulnerable and honest it is in its devotion to the human spirit. and that’s of course what i love so much about hyunjin. he is beautiful yes, but he also breakable and delicate and sensitive and irrational and ridiculous and dramatic and sweet and so unbelievably human. such a gentle soul who has seen some of the very worst that humanity has to offer, who has been beaten down and forced to kneel. who has grown tall enough and strong enough to push himself up off the floor and keep going, scarred and gutted and soft and rising.
 all you have is your fire
if uve spent a single second on this blog you will probably know that i have a serious love affair with what a walking contradiction han jisung is. he is so many impossibilities in so little physical form. fierce and shy and angry and brilliant and brave and scared and small and bright. han jisung is on fire all the time. it burns deep within him, burns him from the inside out. you can see it when he enters a room, walks on stage, opens his mouth. the core of him, all that he is, this burning burning burning energy, it flares around him, casts him in gold and red and orange. call it courage, call it fire, call it light, call it whatever you want. it is all that jisung has, just as it is all that small things have. 
 if there is a light im going to swallow it
this is for seungmin, and it comes from yet another one of my favorite pieces of literature. a poem called ‘blasphemies at the 5th street station’ by s. osborn and if there was ever a poem i would like you to read, it would be this one. seungmin’s particular tag comes from the final verse: ‘if there is a light, then i’m going to swallow it. if there is a god, then i’m going to eat him whole.’ appropriate for someone like seungmin who cannot be kept on his knees and who has always existed in a way that is uniquely his own. no authority, no god, no force of good or evil could bend seungmin to its will because he is simply not to be bound. 
 i have loved the stars too fondly
oh yongbokie. his tag fits him so well that it always makes me choke up just a little when i use it. it’s from a famous poem by sarah williams, most likely one that you have heard at least in passing. the poem details a message left by an astronomer on his deathbed to his pupil. “though my soul may set in darkness, it will rise in perfect light. i have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night.” which, to be honest, is so incredibly lee yongbok that i’m not sure i could clarify it any further. 
 as above so below 
jeongin’s tag comes from an age-old saying, one of those idioms that is so ancient, its originator has been long-forgotten. it is often attributed to religious or spiritual meanings, but i like it just find secular. at its essence, the quip describes the integral connection between everything small and big. the earth and the sun, the moon and the tides, the leaf and the cell wall. the way in which things that happen happen to all, no matter how big or small or young or old. befitting of the maknae, i think. an old quote for an old soul trapped in a young kid’s body. 
relationship tags:
and now the loyalty of the wolves
my very general ot8 tag, for moments when i see that little bit of more that filters through stray kids and their unrepentant love for one another. yet another reference to their growth: looking at where they are versus where they once were. stray dogs, nothing more than street hounds, scrappy and feral and dismissed. they did not belong, nor have they ever belonged. but they have grown. now, when they stand on stage, they fill it out. they draw attention and turn heads. they’re still outsiders, still outcasts, still unpolished and raw and untamed. but where once were mutts are now wolves. and now the wolves. and now the loyalty of the wolves.
i will carry you home in my teeth
i’ve mentioned this previously, but this is my tag specifically for chan and his boys. it comes from a mountain goats’ song. it embodies chan’s sacrifice and devotion to his kids, his family, his lifeblood. come hell or high water, chan’s going to get them to that finish line. 
do i look moderate to you?
this tag is from moderation, a trully excellent song by florence and the machine. ‘want me to love you in moderation, do i look moderate to you?’ what better pairing to fit this lyric than hyunjin and jisung? their love was born in violence and it has always been too much. the two of them have always been too much. too much anger, too much blood, too many teeth. the imprints of their fingers are pressed into each other’s chests. they have ripped each other apart, sewn each other back together. do i look moderate to you? do i look like someone who could be with you and not make you feel everything all at once? 
our fate cannot be taken from us
going back to the ancients, this is a quote from dante. ‘do not be afraid. our fate cannot be taken from us; it is a gift.’ something about it has always screamed seungbin to me, something about the impossibility of their relationship. a friendship, a love, a brotherhood that should not exist and yet it does anyway, because they are too goddamn stubborn to let any force, supernatural or otherwise, make their choices for them. 
2. where do ur tags come from?
the very short answer to this question is: everywhere! movies, lyrics, poetry, tumblr posts. i have a pretty long and pretty comprehensive list of tiny pieces of writing that have stayed with me over the years. i look to it often for hope or writing advice or tattoo ideas.
3. can we see it? 
nope. a, it’s too long to conveniently post on tumblr. b, it’s organized categorically in a way that works for my brain, but is unlikely to work for others. c, a lot of it is personal and Not For All Eyes. however, if you do want quotes or inspiration, you are always welcome to ask. give me an idea of what you’re looking for, a mood or an experience, a moment or an emotion, and i’ll do my best. (i also have a secret writing inspiration blog that, were there to be enough interest, i may make publicly available) 
4. okay then, can we have at least a few recommendations for songs or other works that have inspired you?
it depends on what you’re looking for. what kind of feelings do you want to amass listening or reading to something? the end of the world? the free-fall of first love? bitter heartbreak? the insignificance of human kind? tell me what you want + i will do my best to get back to you.
19 notes · View notes
forevermyalwaysphff · 4 years
Text
Chapter 10
Tumblr media
A/N: Here is the next the chapter! I’m so excited to share this with you, I hope you enjoy it
—————————————————
Alexa was holding her belly, laughing hard at Harry while she talked to him over the phone. Her heels clicked along the London cobble stoned street towards a local cafe she was meeting Hallie and Naomi at for lunch and well needed catch up with her close friends.
“Harry! Please stop!” She giggled uncontrollably, hearing his laughter mix with hers across the phone line. Suddenly, she grew quiet and listened to his purely infectious laughed that she found herself missing more and more with each passing day.
Harry was in the middle of exams, focusing all of his time on studying the materials he required to pass them leaving no time for a trip back to London to see Alexa until the weekend came along. For now, phone calls like this one would have to satisfy them until then.
“How’s my girlfriend doing over there? She seems to have gotten quiet.” His deep husky voice swooned over the phone.
Alexa halted her steps before cutting through a crowd of pedestrians to find a small pathway between to buildings to allow more privacy to talk with the prince. “You know, as I recall...” Alexa cleared her throat and leaned up against a red brick building. “I do not seem to remember that you actually asked me to be your girlfriend, only that you fancy me.” She teased him with a spreading smile forming on her lips.
“Is that so?” The prince chuckled lightly and sighed. “Alexa, you already know that you are.” She could tell that he was shaking his head at her, even over the phone.
“Say it then.” Alexa egged him on, wanting to hear it come from him first that they were indeed an official couple.
“Lex...” Harry’s voice paused for a moment. “I will, when I see you this weekend and get to see that beautiful smile of yours and watch those green eyes light up while you are in my arms.” He let the words sink in for Alexa to imagine. “Then... I will kiss those soft lips of yours until you beg me to stop. How does that sound?”
Alexa’s mouth betrayed her and released a tiny moan giving Harry all he needed for an answer. “I can’t wait til then....”
“Me too, babe.” He cleared his throat. “I will be back before you know it. I have already made you late for lunch with Hallie and Naomi.”
“Ok. Good luck on your exam this afternoon.” Alexa stepped forward back onto the side walk, seeing the cafe with in eyes view. “I know you will pass with flying colours.” She could not help herself, cracking a pun at Harry’s expense.
“Really Alexa?” He groaned deeply. “Flying... colours. You shouldn’t quit your day job gorgeous.” Harry giggled lightly.
“I am hilarious and you know it Wales.” Alexa waved at her friends through the cafe window. “Im at the cafe now. I have to go.”
“Bye, Lex.”
“Bye boyfriend.” Alexa smiled brightly, hearing Harry’s laughter before ending the call.
———————-
“Ok spill the beans, Alexa.” Hallie sipped on her tea.
“What do you mean?” Alexa lowered her head feeling the eyes of both of her friends Hallie and Naomi on her. It had been too long since they had gotten together with their busy schedules and lives so Alexa made time for them on a quick lunch break during the work week.
Naomi put her fork down and shared a knowing look with Hallie. “Oh come on. You have been glowing and smiling from ear to ear since the moment you have arrived.”
Alexa breathed in with a smile. It was true, ever since Harry and Alexa had unofficially officially became a couple she was in a state of constant happiness. Not only did she feel it, but it also showed on the outside.
“Alright, alright.” She beamed falling into a brief silence. “I met someone.”
Namoi and Hallie squealed with delight, but already knew that was potentially the case. “Who is he?! Where did you two meet? Have you two done it yet?” Hallie bombarded the blonde with question after question.
“Ya, what she said.” Naomi leaned in from across the table with a curious glint in her eyes.
“Hallie!” Alexa started to giggle at how forward Hallie was being, but she honestly was not surprised.
“Or I could just text Alice. I am sure she knows exactly who it is!” Hallie whipped out her phone pretending to type.
“No! No!” Alexa’s hand stretched out across the table pushing Hallie’s phone down. “I can tell you, god you haven’t given me a second to even answer!” She shook her head at her friends.
“We met at Eugenie’s engagement party.” Alexa smiled fondly at the memory of locking eyes with Harry from across the bar, the moment that started it all. “We took things a bit slow at least we tried too.” She tossed her head back in laughter. “But, now we are officially a couple and I haven’t felt this happy in a long time.” Saying it out loud made it feel more real for Alexa. She was officially Harry’s girlfriend and it made her happier than ever.
“Awe!” They said in unison.
“I can tell you are so happy, Alexa!” Naomi was brushing away tears of happiness.
“Awe Noe, don’t cry!” Alexa reached across the table to comfort her always-emotional friend that was a hopeless romantic. Maybe that was why she had become a wedding planner.
“I am sorry!” Naomi waved her hands in front of her face drying the tears. “You deserve to be so happy.”
Hallie giggled at Naomi. “Get a grip, it’s not like she is going to be ditching wine Wednesdays with us, right?!”
“Oh hell no!” Alexa covered her mouth to stifle a laugh.
“Well when can we meet the lucky guy?” Hallie pipped in and gave Alexa that look she had when she was about to freely speak her mind. “You know he better not be an aristo again, you just need an ordinary guy that is not complicated to wine and dine you.”
Alexa nearly choked on her glass of wine as Hallie stated what was on her mind. Little did she know that Harry was completely opposite of an ‘ordinary guy’ that was far from ‘not complicated.’ Hallie had always been the protective one in the group and was the tough friend to win over. She trusted her gut when it came to judging people and nearly every time, she was right.
“Easy, I don’t want to scare him away!” Alexa diverted Hallie’s comment and lightened the mood, wanting to turn the conversation elsewhere. “When do you leave on your trip Hal?”
The conversation turned away from Alexa’s new relationship as the three of the friends caught up with their lives with one another. Hallie and Alexa bonded the very first day of university. Having met at a freshman tour of the campus together, the two of them ditched the tour and found themselves sharing multiple bottles of wine. Later finding out that they were to share a dorm together and have been close ever since.
Naomi Edwards and Alexa’s relationship went almost as far back as Princess Eugenie’s and Alexa’s. Having been friends since elementary school, Naomi was a close confidant of the blondes. The Edwards family even took care of Alexa and her siblings periodically when their parents needed to stay at the hospital with Rosie. They always made them feel included in their family. Alexa would often make a point to go visit Naomi’s mother after her husband passed last year.
The thought of introducing Harry to her friends was weighing heavily on Alexa’s mind. The couple did not have much time to talk about their new relationship since Harry had to leave to go back to base the day after they became official. A lot of things needed to be discussed, but had been put to the side after a busy week waiting for the next time they would see each other again.
————————
Alexa was at Eugenie’s apartment in Kensington Palace with her mother Sarah, watching Eugenie stand on a little pedestal as the designer explained the dress he envisioned in his mind.
Eugenie had pushed back deciding on a designer until the last minute and chose to go with Peter Piloto, a less known London designer. After having a lengthy discussion with Princess Eugenie about the vision she wanted her dress to portray, Peter walked the three of them through the details of the dress.
“Can we make the back a bit open?” Eugenie twirled back around to face her mother and Alexa. “I want my scar to be shown.”
Peter took a step back with a tilted head as he thought of how to incorporate the Princess’s wish. “I could do that.” He stepped forward and offered his hand to allow the Princess to step down off the pedestal safely. “May I draw what I am thinking for you Eugenie?”
“Yes! Of course!” Eugenie nodded with excitement. Peter sat down inbetween Eugenie and Alexa as he started to sketch the dress right before them.
Alexa looked across to Eugenie and saw her face beaming with happiness and was almost in tears when Peter finished drawing the dress of her dreams. The style would fit Eugenie so well and followed the royal bride’s protocols closely. It was classical, timeless, but was completely what Eugenie would wear with her own personal flare added in.
“I love it!” Eugenie squealed with excitement. Her green eyes immediately darted towards her close friend Alexa and her mother. “What do you think?” The bride to be wanted their valued input.
“Are you sure that you don’t want more bling or lace? Not even a veil?” Sarah was slightly disappointed that it would not be as elaborate as she hoped for. Til the moment Peter arrived, Sarah attempted to persuade Eugenie to go with a well known designer. But, Eugenie was adamant that Peter was the right choice.
“If I wear a veil no one will see my scar.” Eugenie sighed. “I want that to be showcased… for anyone that had to go through the same thing as me. I want them to know that you can still be beautiful even if you have scars.”
Alexa smiled proudly at Eugenie’s decision. “I think that is wonderful, Eugenie.” She added in. “I know you will look gorgeous in this dress and if it is everything you want, than I love it even more.”
Both Eugenie and Alexa glanced over at Sarah hoping that she would agree. “Well, if you love it sweetie I am on board all the way!” The group cheered as everyone was now on the same level.
Peter nodded in agreement with Alexa. “It is a beautiful testament that I am happy to fulfill, your royal highness.”
“This is my dress!” Eugenie fondly looked down at the sketch one more time. “I cannot wait to put it on!” The group dissolved into a quick laugh at Eugenie’s thrilled excitement on the matter.
“All I need is your measurements and I will get started on it right away!” Peter spoke enthusiastically before laying his eyes on Alexa. “I believe it is your turn, maid of honor!”
This was the part that Alexa had not been entirely excited for. Eugenie was adamant that Alexa’s dress was to be designed by Piloto and that it would be fully covered by the royal family. “Come with me my darling.” Peter took Alexa towards the small pedestal in the middle of the room.
“What would you like to see yourself in?” Piloto asked Alexa. She simply shrugged her shoulders unsure of what to say.
“It’s Eugenie’s day and I am happy to wear whatever she wants me to.” Alexa got a subtle glare from Eugenie.
“Alexa, I want your input in this too. I mean you have to wear it!” Eugenie and Alexa shared a quiet glance.
“You tell me your ideas and I will add to it, but I don’t know what you want me to look like!” Alexa encouraged Eugenie to speak her mind. “This is your day, not mine!” She further added.
The princess sat back and looked up at Peter. “What are you thinking Peter?”
“A few questions first, Eugenie.” Peter cleared his throat. “Are we going with a traditional royal maid of honor look with matching white or ivory? Or would you like some color?”
“Traditional.” Eugenie nodded before standing up. “What I have been thinking of is something similar to Pippa’s dress in the fact of how the buttons come up the back, but I want it to be different than hers.”
“Hmm… do you like lace and maybe a tulle cover?” Peter eyed Alexa’s body as he circled around her.
“Yes.” Alexa nodded. “But not covering all the dress.”
“How about this.” Peter had done a complete circle around Alexa and stood beside Eugenie. “A simple ivory color with corded lace and a few organza flowers opening to a short veil laced train at the back. Buttoning up the back like Pippa’s but the front has a sweetheart neck line covered with a sheer lace and with small sleeves keeping with the traditional guidelines.” Peter thoroughly explained his vision. “It will be elegant, traditional, but also subtle in the design to not overshadow Eugenie’s.” Piloto added that in for Alexa, as he knew that was where her head was.
“I love that! I can already see you in it Lexi!” Eugenie smiled happily as she took in the view of Alexa standing on the little pedestal. “May you sketch a quick draft for us, Peter?”
“Of course!” Peter waved the girls over as they fawned over his talented sketch bringing the dress to life.
“Ooh Alexa that will look beautiful on you!” Sarah gasped in awe of the design.
“What do you think?” Eugenie grasped her quiet friends arm, wanting to hear her opinion.
“I like how subtly pretty it is.” Alexa smiled at the sketch before locking eyes with Eugenie. “If that is what you like as well, I will be happy to wear it!’
“Yes! Are you kidding me!” Eugenie started to giggle. “I love it!”
“Honey, there isn’t nothing subtle about that dress when it gets on that body of yours!” Peter chimed in making the group dissolve into a fit of laughter.
Peter got the last minute measurements he needed to start designing both of the dresses and was about to leave Kensington. The plan was to keep Eugenie’s designer under wraps until the morning of the big day to which Piloto had eagerly agreed to. “Once again, thank you for this opportunity for me to design this gorgeous dress for an even more beautiful bride, Eugenie.” He shook the Princess’s hand firmly. “And of course your maid of honor dress, Alexa.” Peter took Alexa’s hand in his, shaking it.
“Thank you Peter. I am so happy that I have chose you.” Eugenie was smiling from ear to ear. “I look forward to hearing from you and seeing the dresses in person!”
With Peter gone, Eugenie flopped herself down onto a chair. “That was exhausting!” She giggled as she repositioned herself. “But, I am so excited to see them. Lexi you are going to be stunning!”
“Not as beautiful as you are going to be.” Alexa assured the princess.
Sarah was walking into the living room with Andrew in tow, carrying two large binders of papers. “Oh no.” Eugenie sat up straighter knowing exactly what they were as her eyes landed on Alexa.
“What?” She leaned in and whispered to Eugenie. Seeing her dreadful expression caused the blonde concern.
“Sorry to crash the party, but I thought it would be best for Alexa to get started on the protocols and policies she needs to be aware of.” Andrew practically slammed the binders down on top of the coffee table making a loud thudding sound.
Alexa’s eyes grew big, staring at the binders of endless papers. She reached forward and grabbed one nearly dropping it onto the ground not realizing how heavy it was. “I have to know all of this?” Alexa’s worried green eyes glanced up at Andrew, watching him carefully as he sat down across from Eugenie and her.
“Yes.” He cleared his throat. “I have also booked a few etiquette classes for you with our advisor. With as many eyes that are going to be on you, we have to make sure you follow the protocols and etiquette acceptable of the royal family.” Andrew continued to build the fear that was growing within Alexa.
Her stomach started doing flips in all sorts of directions. When Alexa first signed up for this, she had no idea that it was going to be this much stress on top of it all. She knew a lot of eyes would be on her, but now they would be judging her every step, her every move.
“Also, I got word that BBC will be televising the wedding for the world to see.” Andrew smiled pleasantly as Alexa flipped through the pages and pages of protocols. “I hate to just drop this and run, but I have a meeting to attend to.” He rose from his seat and placed a light grasp on Alexa’s shoulder. “Send me your schedule and I will book those classes as soon as we can!” Andrew walked out with Sarah leaving Eugenie and Alexa alone.
“You ok?” Eugenie rested her hand on Alexa’s knee.
Putting up a fake smile on her lips Alexa turned her attention towards Eugenie and nodded. “Yes. More reading than I thought, but it will be fine.” Not wanting to worry her best friend.
“I can help you carry those over to Harry’s if you would like?” Eugenie offered. “I cannot believe that you two are now official!” She stood straight up from her seat with an elated smile. “I am so happy for you two! Have you discussed whether you wanted to be seated at the same table at the reception?” Eugenie started to bombard Alexa with questions causing more stress added to the pile. “Maybe you two will be outed as a couple by then and it won’t matter!”
“Uh, no we haven’t had any time to really talk further about anything really. What do you mean?” Alexa stood up and watched Eugenie walk with a bounce in her step.
“Well when the press find out that you two are in a relationship silly.” Eugenie gave Alexa a raised eyebrow. “I mean.” She paused briefly. “You are my best friend and will soon be announced as my maid of honor. Then to find out that you are dating my cousin who happens to be Prince Harry… it will be a big story!
Alexa’s heart sank in her chest. Harry and her had only recently decided to be an official couple and she had entirely forgot about the whole media thing. They had hardly any time to really discuss the matter further as Harry had left the next day back to base and had hardly spoken since their goodbye last weekend, other than short phone conversations here and there.
Harry was on his way back to London and the plan was for Alexa to spend the weekend with him at his cottage after she was finished more planning with Eugenie this evening. But, now the stress of it all was finally hitting Alexa harder than she expected.
“You can’t keep your relationship a secret forever. They are bound to find out about it.” Eugenie kept talking in the background as Alexa was caught up in her own thoughts as an overwhelming sense begin to build within herself. “But, let me know about the seating at the reception soon. I have to get it done in the next few weeks.”
“We will.” Alexa glanced down at the time on her phone. Harry was still a solid hour and a half away from Kensington, but all Alexa wanted was a little time to herself to regain her composure for when Harry arrived. She had been waiting all week to see him and only wanted to enjoy her time with him. “I think I am going to head over to Harry’s now. I wanted to get some dinner made for when he got home tonight.” Alexa turned around and grabbed the heavy binders. “Do you mind getting an RPO to take me over there?”
“Oh my god. That is the sweetest thing!” Eugenie cooed. “You are going to make dinner for Harry?” The princess swooned at the thought of how romantic it was. “I remember when Jack and I were first in a relationship… all the sweet little gestures and the good sex!” Eugenie started to reminisce.
“I better go though…” Alexa forced a smile on her face as she grabbed her bag and heavy binders heading for the door.
“Thank you again for doing all of this for me, Lexi.” Eugenie pulled her friend into a warm hug. “It means the world to me that you will be by my side that day.”
“I would do anything for you, you know that.” Alexa squeezed her tighter, but her mind was simply elsewhere.
“Have a good evening with Harry and I will see you Saturday night?” Eugenie gently reminded Alexa that they had plans tomorrow evening with Beatrice and Dave to a Harry Potter Trivia at a bar.
“Yes, that is the plan hopefully. I will talk about it with Harry though and see if he is up for it.” Alexa watched an expression grow on Eugenie’s face.
“Since when did you need Harry’s approval for hanging out with me?” The princess kind of snapped at Alexa, taking her off guard.
“Eugenie....” Alexa drug out her name. “It’s not that I need his permission, its the fact that my boyfriend is in the city for the weekend and I want to make sure he didn’t make other plans for us first before I fully agree to it.”
“Oh, ok.” Eugenie shrugged it off and placed a half fake smile onto her lips, slightly concerning Alexa.
Not wanting to make this more of a big deal, Alexa waved goodbye and followed behind Harry’s RPO Magnus who graciously offered to help her carry the binders for her.
Magnus opened the door into Harry’s home and held it open as she stepped inside. “Do you know when Harry is to arrive?” She turned around and asked Magnus wanting to know how long she had to cook dinner.
“Just over an hour, Miss Grey.” Magnus asked if she required any further assistance and showed himself out.
Alexa made herself at home and settled into Harry’s cottage. She opened the fridge door and searched through a nearly empty fridge wondering what she could cook for dinner.
——————
Harry entered his cottage and the immediate smell of a delicious meal wafted into his nose. He could hear something being chopped up with light music playing in the background as Alexa’s voice sang to it. The prince had no idea that she could sing so he quietly kicked off his shoes and stepped carefully towards the kitchen with his bag slung around his shoulder.
Rounding the corner, he was relieved to see that Alexa was still unaware that he had gotten home. Harry leaned up against the wooden pole and quietly watched her sway her body back and forth while wearing an apron, chopping away at some veggies singing her heart out to an Ellie Goulding song.
Her eyes lifted to find a shadow figure from the corner of her eye. Alexa’s head snapped up towards the figure to see Harry standing there with a big grin plastered on his face. An embarrassed Alexa ducked below the counter and cringed knowing that Harry caught her singing. “How long have you been standing there?” Alexa yelled out before bravely standing up to face Harry.
All she could hear was his infectious laugh ringing out. “Long enough to hear that amazing voice you apparently forgot to tell me about.” Harry locked eyes with Alexa the moment she stood back up from behind the counter. He was now casually leaning on the other side of the island counter smiling down at her.
“Well, welcome home.” Alexa giggled while walking towards her boyfriend. Harry wrapped his arms around her and lifted Alexa’s feet off the ground, hoisting her up in the air. Settling Alexa back down on her feet, Harry hastily wasted no time in locking their lips together.
“It is good to be home indeed, home to see my girlfriend.” Harry exaggerated the word and watched that smile he had been waiting to see grow on her lips. His eyes stole a few silent moments looking deep into those green eyes that he had missed while he was away. The couple had agreed to spend the weekend together, making the effort to spend as much time as possible when Harry was home in London to make this long distance thing work.
“I made you dinner, boyfriend.” A proud Alexa was beaming up at Harry.
“I smell it.” He sniffed the air and looked towards the stove. “Smells delicious, Lexi.” Harry looked towards the unchopped veggies left that Harry had interrupted Alexa working on. “Can I help you finish up?” He kindly offered to help.
“No, no.” Alexa was quick to reply. “Have a seat. I am nearly done.” She picked back up the knife and started to chop the vegetables. “Besides, I am sure you had a long day travelling home.”
Harry slowly sat down on the bar stool across from his girlfriend and watching her expertly cut the vegetables. “It was a quick drive home, not too bad.” His eyes scanned the kitchen and saw two giant binders full of stacked papers. “What are these?”
Alexa lifted her eyes up for a second to see Harry opening the binders and flipping through the pages. She silently looked back down not really wanting to get into how nervous she was becoming about the wedding.
“Protocols?” Harry’s deep voice asked as Alexa’s silence did not go unnoticed by the prince.
“Yep.” She replied shortly. “Do you mind grabbing plates and cutlery. Dinner is ready in about two minutes.” Alexa changed the subject quickly, but Harry could feel the stress exuding from her body.
————
“Wow, that chicken was amazing.” Harry pushed his plate away and leaned back with a full tummy. “You are an excellent cook.” He complimented Alexa who took her last bite of chicken.
The prince had noticed how strangely quiet she had become. Alexa barely spoke a word to him over dinner and often would catch her staring in a distracted trance as if her mind were elsewhere tonight. “You seem awfully quiet tonight. Everything alright?” Harry felt it was best to bring it up and see if he could help her in any way.
Alexa sighed deeply at Harry’s question. “Honestly, no. Not, really.” She confessed with a lowered head that Alexa then cradled in her hands.
“What can I do?” Harry offered sweetly, not liking to see Alexa this stressed.
“I don’t know, Harry.” Alexa lifted her head to lock eyes with the prince. “Burn those stupid binders for starters!” She started to giggle, but it faded all too quickly for Harry’s liking.
“I am sure I could arrange that.” Harry barked a laugh. “Why don’t we head over to the sofa and you can tell me what’s got you so stressed out?”
“I’d really like that.” Alexa’s heart skipped a beat seeing the kindness in Harry’s eyes in wanting to make things better for her. She followed the prince to his living room and sat down right beside him angled to face Harry with her legs on top of his lap.
“Comfy?” He asked sweetly to which Lexi nodded. “Talk to me, babe.” His blue eyes glazed over with evident concern.
“I was ok until your uncle Andrew brought those binders over to Eugenie’s this afternoon and started talking all about the policies and protocols I needed to know. Then he started on about the etiquette classes that I would have to take and I got overwhelmed and stressed.” Alexa breathed out. “This all comes natural to you and your family and I mean I know a few things, but to have to know those front and back is stressing me out a little. Let alone if I fuck up, it’s televised in front of the whole world… and your grandmother.”
Harry’s hand gently rubbed up and down her leg letting Alexa know he was there for her. “I can completely understand that.” He offered his support. “She would probably just giggle at you to be honest… well in her head at least.” Harry tried to lighten the mood, but a glaring set of green eyes told him not to.
“Then Eugenie asked me if you and I were going to be sitting together at the reception…” Alexa trailed off letting it sink in for him what the real issue was that was causing so much stress within her.
“Ah… I see.” He released a deep breath knowing where Alexa was leading.
“She started talking about maybe we wouldn’t need to decide since our relationship could already be out in the open before then and how big of a story it would be.” Alexa peaked up at Harry.
Harry pursed his lips together, slightly angry with Eugenie. He did not have the chance to have a long conversation with Alexa about their relationship since they officially became a couple. He had hoped that they would at some point, but Eugenie forced his hand now.
“I know we did not get a chance to talk before I had to leave last weekend.” Harry held Alexa’s gaze while taking in a breath, giving the prince a moment to think of where to start. Her green eyes were pleading with Harry to relieve her of some of this added on stress. His features softened as he caressingly held Alexa’s hand hating to see her this overwhelmed.
“My life…” he started out, “is complicated at best.” His head lowered to see their fingers intertwined. “My family is very much in the public eye whether we like it or not it is part of our job as the monarchs to be seen. With that being said, there is a very fine line between our public and private life which is often over stepped by the media. That means any relationship I am, at some point it is exposed and becomes public when it is meant to be kept private.” Harry spoke through pressed lips.
Alexa slowly nodded, reminding herself of certain situations she witnessed with Eugenie. Her hand interlocked their fingers tighter, holding on tight.
Harry lifted his head and locked in Alexa’s deep green gaze. “Our relationship will get out eventually if we continue this, Alexa. It would be naïve of us not to think that. This is why I like to keep things in private as long as possible so we can get to know each other on our own without the press breathing down our necks or harassing you.”
“I know it will.” Alexa’s voice was softly quiet.
“I need to be completely honest with you and you need to understand what is going to happen once it does get out. I hate having these conversations, which is why I left it last weekend without having it. I wanted to enjoy the fact that I get you all to myself for the time being.” Harry leaned down and kissed Alexa’s forehead as she closed her eyes welcoming the tender kiss. “It’s not meant to scare you, but you need to be aware of what being my girlfriend means.”
Harry watched her chest rise and fall uneasily, her breathing becoming harder as he rested his forehead against Alexa’s for a lingering second. Her eyes were still closed tightly as she listened to his voice.
“When people find out about us, they will want to know everything about you and I mean everything. It’s a media frenzy to be the first to figure out who you are and any little detail about our relationship. They will talk to people in your past, your old bosses, teachers, neighbors anyone to get a story out of.” Alexa’s eyes fluttered open before resting her head on the back of the sofa, keeping eye contact with Harry. “They will harass you, follow you, shout names at you to even get any reaction for a photograph. They can be ruthless and lack any regard or respect. The hard part is not reacting to it as badly as you want to. Don’t say a word, just keep your head low and keep going.”
“And there is nothing that you can ever do about it.” Alexa added, finishing off Harry’s warning of the press and their habits. “Don’t be surprised. I know a few things of how it works. I have been friends with Eugenie ever since I could write my own name.” Alexa giggled seeing the surprised expression on his face.
“I will never blame you if it is too much for you too handle. I don’t expect someone to willingly subject their self to all of this madness, it’s not always worth it.” Harry wanted Alexa to understand fully what it meant to be involved with a royal.
“It is though.” Alexa was quick to answer, surprising the prince as he snapped his attention back towards the blonde with a confused expression. “It’s worth it.” She rephrased her reply. “I mean, look at what Jack and Eugenie have… or your brother and Kate. Nothing worth fighting for is ever easy, and I know you can’t always intervene, but I can handle myself Harry.”
“Alexa… you aren’t understanding what I am warning you about. Do not be naive.” He dropped her hand and stood up hastily. How could Alexa be this naïve? It was all worth it?
“I think I understand just fine, thanks.” Alexa clapped back angrily, unknowingly setting off a switch in the prince.
Harry turned around with a menacing look and practically yelled at Alexa. “Do you think my mother understood just fine? Do you really think someone warned her about this fucked up life? Do you think she understood what she signed up for?” Alexa in drew a gasp unsure of how to respond to Harry’s sudden lashing out.
“Well we can’t ask her that now can we?” The prince added while making his point clear to Alexa. He turned his back towards her and walked a few steps away.
Alexa sat there frozen in time while a deafening silence fell between them. Before Harry walked away, she saw the pain circling in his blue eyes at the thought of how people had mistreated his mother. He was only having this conversation with her so Alexa fully understood what was going to happen, but he was giving her a quick out she was not willing to take.
Harry was holding his head in his hands supporting himself up with his elbows that wavered back and forth on the cool countertop. He had horribly lashed out at Alexa out of nowhere. All he wanted was for her to understand, but clearly she could not get what she agreed to when he asked Alexa to be his girlfriend. It was only a matter of time before things got out and with Alexa being Eugenie’s maid of honor, she would already be in the spotlight.
But just as he could not protect his mother from the cruelty of the press combined with royal life… he could not protect Alexa from it either. That part was already chewing him up from the inside. He had been thinking about it all week, how her adoring smile was bound to fade once the awful stories ripped her apart piece by piece as she came crying to him about it all. He would again helplessly hold and comfort her time and time again after she read the lies printed about her, even when he encouraged her not too.
Alexa slowly stood up from the sofa and drew in a breath. Her heart was aching for Harry knowing that his anger came from a place of fear for her. She took a quiet moment trying to see it all from his perspective and why he had lashed out. Seeing the muscles of his back through his shirt rippling through knowing that he was tense as he stood with his back to Alexa.
He felt a gentle hand slowly rub his back as he swallowed a lump in his throat. “Harry?” Alexa whispered cautiously, to which the prince did not reply nor move from his spot. She wrapped her arms around him from the back and leaned in, kissing the back of his shoulder before resting her head on top of him.
“I don’t understand what you must be feeling right now…” Alexa softly spoke. “I do know that there is no doubt in my mind that you would protect me as much as you could.”  She let the words sink in. “I only said I understand what I am getting myself into and it is worth it to me to find out what there is between us because at the end of the day that is enough for me. You are enough for me.” His one hand reached down and placed it over top of her laced fingers across his abdomen.
Harry stood up slowly, lifting his arm up for the small blonde to cuddle in beside him. He was looking down as he caught her gentle green eyes peaking up at him with a small smile hinting at the corner of her lips. “Are you ok?” She quietly whispered as she searched in his deep blue eyes.
“Are you? I am the one that lost it on you…I’m sorry.” He apologized while tenderly caressing her cheeks with both hands. “I should never have yelled at you like that.” Through out this whole time, Alexa’s arms remained wrapped around Harry not letting go of him.
“I don’t like being yelled at, but I know where it was coming from.” She let Harry off the hook. “Your anger is only out of fear for me, but, I would rather you talk to me about her before it gets to that again. I am not saying you need to tell me everything, but know I don’t mind listening if you ever need to Harry. It’s part of my job to listen to people and help them.”
Harry’s finger lifted her chin to raise her mouth closer to his lips. “I am a lucky man to have you, Alexa.”
“Yeah, you are damn lucky.” Alexa’s laughter lightened the mood. He leaned down and captured her lips tenderly, sharing a deep kiss.
Breaking out of the kiss, Harry’s brow furrowed seriously. “And you are right, I will do whatever I can to keep you safe.”
“I know, because if you don’t I have a father and two older brothers.” Alexa casually reminded Harry while playfully squeezing his hips eliciting a smile she had been waiting for from the prince.
“Right…” He shook that thought right out of his head seeing the stacks of binders out of the corner of his eye. Leaving Alexa’s arms, he grabbed the heavy binders off the counter and looked back over his shoulder at his girlfriend. “Come with me, we are going to go through these awful things and I am going to help you.” He hoped that by helping relieve some of Alexa’s stress, he could make it up to her.
“Oh, you really don’t have to do that.” Alexa tried to convince him not to worry about it.”
“Grab a bottle of your favourite wine and get your get your cute ass over here.” Harry patted the spot next to him. “It’s the least I could do after adding even more stress to you tonight. Plus then you don’t have to read through all this shit.”
“Because you are the expert?” Alexa giggled and sat down close beside her boyfriend.
“Uh… yes.” Harry made a goofy face. “Ok, so first things first.” He opened the binder and started to summarize all of the protocols so simply making them less daunting for Alexa. She listened to Harry closely as he spoke while he explained with his hands.
“Ok, but when I walk down when do I have to curtsey and is it only to your grandmother? Or to your whole family?” Alexa nervously clenched her hands together as the prince stared into her eyes, imagining Alexa walking down the aisle behind his cousin Eugenie and how he was going to keep his bloody cool himself.
“What?” Alexa placed a hand on his knee. “Harry?” She looked into his glazed eyes.
“Shit…sorry.” Harry snapped out of his trance with a shake of the head. “Uh, no just to gran at the ceremony.”
Alexa rested her head on Harry’s shoulder and released a deep sigh. “Thank you for helping me with all of this. I know it must seem silly to you as these all come second nature to you. But, I appreciate it.” She leaned in and pressed a sweet kiss to his cheek.
“It’s not silly. God I would probably tell Eugenie to pick someone else if they made me take classes and read through all of this awful crap.” Harry slammed the binder shut loudly, nearly dropping it on the ground with its heaviness making a thudding sound.
“Believe me after today, with the designer talking about the dresses and everything is making me more nervous about it all.” Alexa paused for a moment. “But, it will all be worth it seeing Eugenie so happy that day.”
Harry angled his head down at Alexa who found his shoulder again to rest her head. “You are a great friend. I am sure she appreciates it, Lexi.”
“I am wondering how I am going to handle seeing you walk down that aisle and keep my cool in front of my family. I pray to god that Zara is not going to be sitting beside me.” He confessed whole-heartedly.
“Umm… sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but I think she is.” Alexa fell into a fit of laughter seeing Harry’s concerned expression knowing fully that Zara would only make matters worse.
15 notes · View notes
fluffy steve n bucky n their pups at the park? just enjoying one another’s company
[@mom---nicole asked: I need fluff so bad im in tears.....]
poor darling, i’ve got just the thing for you.
i decided that it would be cute if our little family went to the waterpark, because it’s summer and why not? idk there’s something just so decidedly adorable about the pups in lil baby swimsuits. oh, and sam invited himself. with the sunscreen, because apparently two super soldier parents are incompetent.
-
“Papa, look! Is water park, papa!” the pups chirped excitedly, little hands leaving smudges where they were pressed up against the car window.
From behind the wheel, Bucky chuckled and shook his head fondly. “That’s right, sunshines. That is the water park.”
“We make splashies?” asked Jack, bringing his little hands together to tuck them sweetly underneath his chin as he looked at his parents in the rearview mirror. “Like in bathtub?”
“That’s right, my darling,” Steve smiled over his shoulder.
Jack responded with a smile identical to his mama; Bucky caught it in the mirror and felt his heart swell. His love was so beautiful, had given him such beautiful babies too. It was moments like these when Bucky had a hard time believing he was allowed to have something so soft, so precious. And Steve always could tell when the self doubt was working its way around his mate. He could tell in the twitch of his flesh hand and the tightening in his jaw. Reaching over the console, Steve took hold of Bucky’s right hand in his own, tenderly pressing a kiss along his knuckles.
“It’s okay, pa,” he whispered against Bucky’s cool skin. “It’s alright, you’re doin’ just fine.”
Bucky laughed quietly, the kind of happy rumble in his chest that made the omega in Steve preen with satisfaction. “Thank you, sweetheart,” he replied, equally as hushed. Some things were just for the two of them to hear.
“I don’t know what you two are saying up there, but it had better be ‘we’re almost there’!” Bucky groaned in aggravation; leave it to Sam to interrupt a moment with his Stevie. He resented having Sam along. It was like having a seventh pup.
Fixing him with a glare, Bucky said dryly, “We were just saying how maybe you should shut up and enjoy the ride.”
Behind him, there was a collective gasp, Jack, James, and Evelyn looking thoroughly scandalized with Sam wearing his signature smug expression between them.
“Not nice words, papa!” Evelyn accused, pointing her little finger at him. “Be nice to uncle Samsam!”
“Use nice words, papa,” chimed in James, nodding his head seriously.
Bucky had to excersize severe self restraint when Sam grinned happily up at him, looking like the cat who got the fucking cream. Smacking the bird brain in front of his children would be in poor taste, he decided. Nevertheless, drowning accidents happen all the time…
“I know what you’re thinking, Buck.” Steve shot him a fond, yet exasperated look. “The answer is no.”
The brunette pouted, profusely. Sometimes his sweetheart was no fun.
-
“They need sunscreen before they get in the water, Barnes!”
“They have the serum, you absolute bird brain. They don’t need it!”
Steve and the pups watched from their poolside place, all of them slightly amused, but mostly embarrassed by Sam and Bucky’s display. They’d started arguing about the sunscreen yesterday evening when Sam presented his ‘summertime fun bag’ and they hadn’t let it go since. Currently, Steve was red in the cheeks and down his chest, and it didn’t have anything to do with the sunscreen issue.
“You don’t even need sunscreen, why do you have it?” exclaimed Bucky, making a desperate swipe at the bottle in Sam’s hand. Sam yanked his hand away, looking shocked at the audacity.
“That’s a myth!” Sam responded indignantly. “Just because I’m all dark and beautiful doesn’t mean that I’m immune to skin cancer.”
Bucky rolled his eyes, sighing dramatically. “Well the pups are immune, so just fuckin’ put it away, Wilson.”
“I’m not taking orders from a knock off Soviet model robot -”
“I’ll show you a Soviet knock off, you fuckin’ -”
“Boys, please,” Steve interrupted, putting his hands over Jack’s ears and glaring at the both of them. They broke their intense stare to look at the blonde, their brows unfurrowing slightly at the sudden deescalation. “Pa, Sam is right, the pups need a little sunscreen.”
“Steve!” squeaked Bucky, pitched high and unhappy. His pout deepened even further and Steve almost felt bad; he had to bite his lip to keep from laughing at his alpha.
“Told you!” Sam rejoiced. He crossed the wet concrete to sit beside Steve, gathering up Georgie and Sarah in his lap as they proceeded to climb over him. “Nose, neck, and shoulders, kiddos. Your dad doesn’t know shit.”
“Goddamn it,” Bucky grumped, crossing his arms petulantly. He slumped into the plastic chair across from them. James toddled over to place himself in his papa’s lap, giving him a gentle kiss on a stubbled cheek. Bucky tried to appear unaffected, but the tightness in his brow lessened almost immediately at his pups sweet gesture.
“Is ‘kay, papa,” insisted James, putting his pudgy hands on either side of Bucky’s face. “Uncle Samsam jus wan us not get an owwie! Is safe, papa, that all.”
“Listen to your pup, man.” Sam chimed in, brushing Evelyn’s hair up into a ponytail before putting sunscreen across her shoulders. He peered at Bucky over the tops of his round shades. “They’re smarter ‘n you, apparently.”
Bucky growled and started to get up, but Steve clapped his hands, again deescalating the potentially precarious situation. “Okay, my sunshines!” he said brightly. “Who wants to go make splashies in the pool with mama and uncle Samsam?” A happy chorus of voices rang out ‘me! me!’ as a little pattering of footsteps surrounded Steve and Sam. The other five scuttled away into the water, shrieking and babbling. But James stayed perched in Bucky’s lap, curled up in his papa’s arms and settled against his scent gland.
mBucky shifted him in his arms slightly, causing the little pup to snuffle and burrow further into Bucky’s neck. “You’re not gonna go play with mama and Samsam, hm? What’s that all about, bud?”
James sniffed, shrugging his shoulders. “Like splashies with papa best,” he mumbled.
“Oh, you want papa to get in with you?”
“Uh huh,” the pup nodded, leaning back to look at Bucky’s face. He gently held two loose strands of Bucky’s hair in his little fists. “C’mon, papa, up up!”
Bucky laughed, deep and full, throwing his head back. He really loved his babies, they always knew how to make him smile. “Alright, pal, alright. Papa’s gettin’ up, look.” With a heavy, dramatic sigh, Bucky stood up, pretending that James was the heaviest thing in the world, just so he could make his pup laugh too. “Oh boy!” Bucky huffed. “What’ve you been eatin’? You weigh more than papa’s big old machine gun! Better hold onto ya real tight, else you might sink right to the bottom.”
“Not heavy, papa!” squealed James, squirming delightedly in Bucky’s arms. “Won’t sink neither! Papa hold me.”
Again, Bucky’s heart softened. He pressed a kiss to his pup’s forehead. “That’s right, pal. Papa’s always got ya.”
Delightedly, James smacked a kiss to Bucky’s cheek once more. “Let’s go get uncle Samsam,” the pup suggested. There was a sneaky glint in his eye and yeah, that was all Bucky.
“I like the way you think, pal.”
-han
ps: as a poc i think it’s really cute that people with fairer skin need sunscreen, personally, i don’t wear it, but i’m like sam with my friends. i’m like ‘pls put this on you cannot fight the sun and win, babies’.
64 notes · View notes
michaelreaderreblog · 4 years
Text
My Truemate pt19
>> Catch up here << 
********************************************************************************
Word Count:2,409
Sam and Sarah walk in from their date, you look to them and see how happy they are.
All that lingers the thought about Dick Roman and his business partners that are abiding by their time to scoop you and Castiel away from your families and mates.
“I have an idea. Why dont I call Benny and his wife to come over and we can have a little get together. I dont think we have had a proper party for the newly bonded mates” Dean says while he gets up and walks into the kitchen to place the call.
“Yes. Now that we have everyone here, we can finally do that” you say as you get up from the couch and quickly bake up a cake before Benny and his wife stop by the house well you hope they would.
“Lets get take out while we are at it” Dean yells from the kitchen
“I’ll order something” you reply while picking up the phone and place an order of food.
“I’ll pay for it” Michael says while looking to you and Sam
“You dont have to” you say while getting off the phone
“I want to. A gift from Castiel and I” Michael says waving you off.
“Yes, since I didnt get a gift for the lovely couple” Castiel says looking between Sam and Sarah
“Why thank you, Michael and Castiel. The gift is thoughtful” Sarah says as a smile spreads on her face for the kind gift.
“We need to call uncle Bobby” you say while Dean and Sam go completely quiet
“And we need to Call Charlie, I mean they would love to meet everyone here” you add in while Sam has a smile on his face at the mentions of old friends back in Sioux Falls.
“Along with Jody and Alex” you continue adding on the list of people that need to come for a visit as soon as possible because they are basically family.
“Whose Charlie, Jody and Alex?” Castiel asks looking between you and Dean.
“Charlie is a good friend of ours and who happens to be Y/n’s personal private physician while she went into her heats. We didnt want to tip off the Government and risk loosing her. So we did everything under the table” Dean says while getting off the phone with Benny.
“Benny says he will come by in about an hour and will be bringing some food” Dean adds.
“Wow more food” you say while looking to Dean
Dean has no problems with more food. Either way he is still going to have one hell of a time eating all the good food. Not only Dean but Michael as well.
“Jody and Alex are good friends too. Alex is Jody's adopted daughter after she found her in one of Jody's jail cells. Jody is the sheriff back in Sioux Falls and Alex is a wayward who always got into trouble until Jody stepped up and adopted her” Sam tells the story behind Jody and Alex
“That is the most heart felt story I have ever heard. I dont think I have heard of anyone doing that for anyone” Sarah says while walking into the kitchen from the upper level of the house.
“Yeah we have good people back in Sioux Falls and y/n you are right we need to call them and invite them over. So you call huh?” Dean says while passing you the phone while you are mixing the cake mix into the bowl.
“Fine, here you mix and bake the cake” you tell Dean as you take the phone from him and hand the mixer and the bowl to him.
You dial Bobby's number first and on the second ring is when he picked up the phone.
“Well its about time you idjits call and tell me how things are going” he says as soon as he picks up the phone.
Hearing Bobby’s voice for the first time in months is what brought tears to your eyes. You compose the sob that wants to be released.
“I miss you to uncle Bobby” you tell him once he is done ranting.
“At least you still know my name baby girl. How are ya?” he asks in a cheery tone
“I have been better now” you tell him honestly
“What do you mean better now?” he asks with panic
“Dean found his mate” you say rather quickly because you didnt want to give him a heart attack over the phone.
“Dean what? Really? Your brother Dean Winchester?” he asks in disbelief
“Yes the Dean Winchester. I know its crazy right” you look to Dean who is basically glaring at you now and Castiel looks to you with his head tilted to the side.
“Sam is mated too and officially bonded” you tell him from asking how you have been.
“Well its about time he has moved on, seen that kid go through so much hurt” Bobby says as his voice changes from shocked to pleasant and hurt.
“Thats what I thought to when he came home from the city and with a added benefit to extending the family” you tell him while looking to Sam and Sarah.
“About this feeling better, what do you mean by saying that? Is everything alright? Need me to come out there?” he asks rather suddenly.
“Actually yes, it would be nice to have you out here and meet our mates” you tell him but the end comes out quietly.
Bobby goes silent for sometime and you pull away the phone and look to it.
“Whats wrong?” Dean asks after he places the cake in the oven.
“I think I lost uncle Bobby” you tell him almost hanging up on Bobby until you heard him.
“Im still here, I just couldnt believe when you said ‘our mates’. Did you find a mate as well?” he asks while his voice comes out to shaky.
“Yes, I did” you tell him as you smile and tears begin to form.
“Is he everything you could ask for?” he asks in a sincere voice
“Yes” you simply answer trying to contain yourself from crying.
“Well then thats all I ask for in him treating my niece with all the respect in the world.” he says very fondly.
“About everything else, we will tell you all about it. When are you able to come here?” you ask in hopes he would say soon.
“Well I can make flight arrangements right now” he simply answers.
“Good. Please hurry” you tell him in a small voice that sounded battered and fearful at the same time.
“Baby girl you are breaking my heart, are you sure everything is alright?” he asks
“Just please hurry” you tell him in a whisper like tone
“Alright, I will call you right back when Im done making the flight plans alright?” he asks
“Ok, Bobby?” you say before hanging up
“Yes?” he asks quietly.
“I love and miss you so much” you tell him while wiping away the tears
“I love and miss you too baby girl. I will call right back when Im done” he says and thats when the call goes dead.
You stay leaned against the wall and press the button to end the call and a tear falls while you let out a soft sob. Dean walks into the kitchen to check on the cake and sees you tearing up. He rushes to you and pulls you close to him.
“Hey whats wrong?” he asks at top of your head.
“Please dont let anything happen to me or Cas ok? Just promise me you will protect us” you plead with him and reek up the kitchen in fear.
Michael runs into the kitchen because he could faintly feel the fear you are giving off.
For either of you to feel each others emotions is when the bond needed to be complete by comsumating and thats when the both of you could feel what each of you are feeling.
Dean didnt realize how strong you and Michaels bond is. Even when it hasnt been completed. He is beginning to realize that your bond with Michael is the ultimate type where once completed then it will not be broken.
From the beginning of time, when mates were first brought together by scent. When the right one came along, their bond would be so strong, no one can ever come between the two. The claiming bite cannot be reversed if the two mates ever fall out of wed lock. But that hardly ever happens.
“Whats wrong?” Michael asks walking towards you and Dean
“Im just scared and worried that something is going to happen and I just need reassurance that Im going to be safe along with Cas” you honestly tell Michael as you pull away from Dean.
Before Dean or Michael could say anything is when the phone rang and Sam picked it up.
Dean grabbed the phone from Sam while he looked over to everyone and said it was Bobby.
He talked with him most of the hour while Benny and his wife Andrea came by the house to celebrate the completed bond between Sam and Sarah.
“Well this has been fun and the cake was really good.” Andrea says after she takes a sip from her cup of tea.
“Thanks, it was our moms recipe and we still use it. We also use her icing recipe as well” Dean replies looking to Benny and Andrea
“The cake was delicious. Soft and melts in your mouth, love the recipe. You can tell it was made with love, its all baking and cooking should be” Andrea says while looking to Dean
“That recipe has been in the family for many generations and Im happy it was passed down to me” you say while finishing the rest of your cake
“You know, people would love this. How about sampling a few cakes at the diner?” Benny asks in hopes you or either of your brothers would agree.
Dean and Sam look to you right away. They couldnt agree with anything unless you agree first.
Your brothers always gave you that choice first when it came to family recipes or anything in general.
That also went for job offers that were offered to your brothers. They always needed your approval first before they gave their answers. Or applying for a job or opening a new business.
“Sure, just as long as I am the one baking those cakes” you answer while looking to your brothers.
“We always gave her that choice first, didnt matter what it was. We always needed her approval first for just about everything” Sam says while smiling to you.
“Thats because shes the lady of the house. A lady knows what is best for her the men she loves and cares for” Andrea says while smiling to you and your brothers.
“Since she is the first Omega of our family, she will remain the head of the family” Sarah says while placing her hands on yours.
“We both are, well the three of us are” you correct yourself since Castiel will be the third.
“Already forgetting about me?” Castiel asks in a sarcastic tone
Everyone in the living room burts into laughter
“No one can ever forget about you Castiel” Michael says looking to his brother.
Everyone goes silent, all that lingers is happiness, sadness, worry and fear.
“Look I know you have been feeling uneasy about the Roman thing and how he has gotten into the brothel business. I just want you to know that we arent going to let anything happen to you or Castiel. I know how sudden this sounds but we think its better if you consumate your bond with Michael and Dean with Castiel. That way it will be a lot safer for the both of you.” Sam says at the table while Dean looks to Castiel and everyone else nods in agreement.
You and Michael look to each other and you can feel he is worried to.
“I think you're right Sam. I am not saying this because I want to be kept safe and away from Roman but I agree because the scent is screaming at me.” You honestly tell everyone and you look to Dean who is trying hard to let go of you.
“Dean, I know you have raised me most of my life but I think this is a good time to let me go and be mated” you look to Dean and Sam is beginning to get teary eyed while Sarah has a hold on him.
“I know, I told myself that one day you will find a mate and that would be the day that I let you go. I didnt think that today would be the day and I think its time to let you go” Dean says while Sarah and Andrea begin to tear up at the moment thats right in front of them.
“Are you sure? I mean I dont want to pressure you into anything that you dont want to do and if you need time than I can give you that. Just by spending time with you means the world to me” Michael says before you could answer anything.
“Michael I think its time for me as well. I am ready to be with the one I truely belong to and truely love” Castiel says while everyone looks to him.
“Castiel” is all Michael could say before he gets teary eyed as well because its the same with him and letting go of his baby brother.
“No, he is right. It is time. I have been waiting long enough and ever since I scented you thats all I could think of. Michael I am ready” you tell him and agree with Castiel
Your brothers look to each other and didnt know what to say to each other. They hoped your mate would ask Bobby for his blessing since he was like a father to you and he always thought of you as his baby girl.
“Dean, do I have your blessing to claim y/n as my mate?” Michael asks looking to Dean because as the oldest between the three of you siblings would be the perfect person to ask since your father was no longer living.
Although no Alpha ever asks for permission any more but Michael and his family always lived by that tradition.
16 notes · View notes
krustywhore · 5 years
Text
ten thousand words ch. 9
hhh surprise update;)
no sprace in this chapter, but plenty of faves
(I’m at a football game on mobile rn so I’ll fix the formatting later but I just got impatient lmao)
also here it is on ao3 with correct formatting!!
Jack lived for the thumping bass vibrating through the floorboards. He would give anything for the rush of a few too many drinks in his system and pretty girls dancing nonstop. His second year of college and he was living the high life. Drinking cheap beer out of plastic cups in the basement of a semi-abandoned house. The high life.
“Hey!” He called, catching the attention of his roommate, Davey. “You’re not leavin’, are ya’?”
Davey sighed, turning and sitting down in a plastic chair next to Jack.
“What’s it to you?” He grumbled, downing a sip of his drink. “You don’t have to leave with me.”
Jack looked around the room, trying to find any familiar faces in the sea of drunk barely-adults.
“You really hate this?” Davey shrugged.
“It’s a Thursday, Jack. I have three classes tomorrow,” he sighed. “I can’t just relax and go out whenever I want.”
Jack ran a hand through his hair, reaching over to the coffee table to grab a shitty pen and a cocktail napkin. He propped the napkin on his knee and started sketching.
“Davey,” He spoke in a tone that mimicked that of a slightly-condescending teacher. Davey did not seem fond of this, but he rolled his eyes fondly. “I’m gonna’ tell you something that’s gonna’ save you from being a grumpy old man my the time you graduate.
Davey snorted and pulled out a wad of headphones from his pocket.
“You need to have fun. Look, your sister is the epitome of fun,” he started, pointing at Sarah who was challenging one of the sorority girls to chugging an entire bottle of wine. “Whether it’s your family or your double major, or whatever, you don’t want these last three years to be the worst of your life, Dave. Trust me, letting loose every once in a while seriously helps when you need to double down and focus in a day or two. Like, if I know I have a party to go to at the end of the week, I know I have less than five days to get my shit done so I can have fun.
Davey stopped trying to untangle the pile of white wires.
“If it’s not your thing, it’s not your thing. You can go home, I’ll give you my keys and you can go, but maybe think about it?” And Davey nodded. He shoved his headphone jack into his phone and, as Jack took that as his decision to mope around for the rest of the night, he hung his head over his bottle, holding it and swishing the beer around inside.
“Here,” Davey spoke up, Jack looking to the side to see him holding out a single earbud, the other in the former’s ear already.
Jack chuckled, setting his drink down on the coffee table.
“No, no, no,” he smirked. “You stay right there. We’re gonna’ do this right.” He dashed off, dodging through the crowd to get to Albert at the bar. He returned a few seconds later with two red cups of sloshing liquid, one of which he handed to Davey. “I couldn’t even begin to tell you what’s in this, so drink fast and try not to think about it.”
Jack plopped himself down on the sofa and graciously accepted Davey’s opposite earbud, chuckling softly at the high-tempo classical music.
“If you’re gonna’ hang out with me, Jackie, you have to deal with my version of hype music,” Davey mumbled, just loud enough for Jack to hear from beside him.
“That I can handle,” Jack smiled, tossing back another sip of his drink and sinking back into the sofa, letting the music drown out the rest of the party.
----------
“So you’re a freshman?” Sarah asked, trying to claim the attention of the redhead girl looking very confused by all of the drinks.
“Huh?” Her hair bounced as she whipped her head around. “Oh! Yeah, I am.”
“Cool, cool,” Sarah continued, climbing on top of the makeshift bar counter, sitting across the table from the girl. “I’m a sophomore, but it’s my brother and I’s first year here. We transferred in from out of state. University of Chicago, specifically.”
The girl smiled, her hands in her pockets.
“Do you, um, maybe have any recommendations? Sorry, I’ve just only really ever had the stuff my father used to buy, so I’m not really used to all this, um, cheap beer and stuff,” She rambled, immediately covering her mouth with her hand, a horrified look in her eyes. “Oh my god, that’s horrible, I totally don’t mean it like that! I just meant, you know, my father was really picky about alcohol and stuff! I just, kinda, took whatever he had in the house, and I-”
“It’s cool,” Sarah interrupted, flashing the girl a smile and a laugh. “Trust me, we all know we’re cheap. What’s your name, princess?”
“Oh, god,” she groaned, a laugh in her voice as she buried her face in her hands. “That’s gonna’ stick around for a while isn’t it?”
“At least until I get your real name, that is,” Sarah chirped, reaching under the bar to grab two bottles of their cheapest wine. “Until then, I propose a toast.” She popped the corks one by one.
“And what exactly are we toasting?” The redhead asked, crossing her arms over her chest.
“I don’t know,” Sarah started, her drunk brain clearly trying to come up with something. “How ‘bout we toast to your rich dad and his fancy liquor that I really hope gave you a high tolerance.”
The girl laughed, but shrugged, grabbing a bottle.
“Keep up then, princey,” she teased, immediately tipping back the bottle and chugging as much as she could. She kept both eyes open, never making a face as she stared down her opponent.
Sarah immediately pulled out her phone and took pictures, laughing as she watched the girl drain the last few drops of the bottle and immediately toss it behind the bar. Surprisingly or not, it didn’t break and merely bounced behind some empty boxes.
“Eh, it’s drugstore wine. The bottle’s probably plastic,” Sarah joked, earning a laugh from her new friend.
“Oh come on, stop stalling,” she teased, egging Sarah on.
“Fine,” the latter smirked, sweeping her ponytail off her shoulder. “Watch this.”
She, much like Katherine, tipped the bottle into her mouth, but instead held it between her teeth and chugged the whole thing with no hands. The moment she finished, she puffed the bottle out of her mouth and onto the floor, both girls laughing hilariously.
“Katherine,” the redhead spoke up once she composed herself slightly, jutting out her hand for Sarah to shake.
The latter stared at it for a second before grabbing it gently and bowing slightly to bring it to her lips and kiss across the girl’s knuckles. “Sarah,” she spoke, sending chills up the other’s arm.
Sarah Jacobs would be the first to admit she’d had more than platonic feelings for girls before, but Katherine? Yeah, this was very new and she couldn’t deny she kind-of liked it.
----------
“Who was that guy you were with earlier?” Albert whipped his head around to see one of his frat brothers, Austin, nudging him with his elbow. Albert dug through his memories of the night so far, only coming up with one person his friend wouldn’t know.
“Race? Kinda lanky, blond, not exactly talkative?” He suggested.
“Yeah, where’d he come from?” Austin asked, pulling off his cap for a second and repositioning his shaggy brown hair.
Albert tossed his friend another beer bottle while they talked, the other catching it with ease. They were both there with baseball scholarships, after all.
“You know Spot, right?” Austin nodded, popping the cap of the bottle. “Yeah, they’re friends I guess. I don’t really know why he came. Why, do you know ‘im?”
Austin took a second before he sighed, stepping back behind the bar next to Albert and away from the crowd around him.
“You think he’s gay?” Austin asked, his voice barely audible.
Albert was a bit taken aback, but he shrugged anyway. “I mean, just from tonight, I’d guess he’s all over Conlon for a reason, but I guess I don’t really know. Why, is that a problem or somethin’?” He couldn’t help getting a bit defensive.
“Nah, definitely not,” Austin started vaguely. “Think he’d say yes if I asked ‘im out?”
Now that was not what Albert was expecting.
“Y-you want to...oh, I mean, I don’t really know him, but like, yeah? Go for it, I guess,” Albert rambled awkwardly.
Austin chuckled, clapping Albert on the shoulder.
“We’re cool, right dude?” He asked, only a slight nervous quiver in his voice.
“Yeah, ‘course,” Albert smiled, clinking their bottles together. “Go get ‘em, tiger.”
Austin smiled, a slight blush on his cheeks before he ducked out, looking for a particular blond in the sea of people.
22 notes · View notes
whatajabroni-blog · 3 years
Text
the past week has been incredibly draining. from international womens day to sarah everard’s death. I think maybe the most difficult thing about it is feeling like im surrounded by people who don’t feel affected, who don’t seem to understand what it means to be a woman or what their words do. I’m frustrated that they seem to think they are innocent and that they have no reflecting and changing to do. Are they so blind to the fact that i’m actually not ‘one of the boys’ that they forget im a woman, who is impacted by their behaviour in ways they cant understand. What am i to think when it gets pointed out at every opportunity that a woman isnt wearing a bra? What am i supposed to think when i dont wear a bra? Can you not see how what you say means i am now aware of how my body is perceived, that i will monitor myself and change my behaviour to avoid commentary? How am i supposed to feel when you call us ‘dumptruck’ or make a scene when we bend over to do something as trivial as tie our shoe lace? Where’s the logic because I know your excuses would be its just a joke but you’d tell me in the same breath its biological instinct to find bums sexual - so please explain how it’s ok to draw attention to what you’ve all deemed a sexual part of my body and then tell me it’s a well meaning joke? Was the joke that it didnt look sexual because of what i was wearing - being unattractive is something to draw attention to also? These are the words of a couple of people, but said amongst a larger complicit group who say nothing to challenge these ideas. And that’s why I’m angry at all of you. 
They can fondly recall memories of someone who sexually assaulted and coerced me, continue to follow them on social media, engage with their content. Where are the repercussions for his behaviour? It’s as if it didn’t happen. I got to feel the shame, i got to feel the lack of control, i get to continue to feel the revulsion that comes with the memories. And yet, the consequences for him were none. Maybe he’s in his own personal hell now, but that is of his own doing. I don’t see why people who are supposed to love me honour him more. And that’s why I’m angry at all of you. 
0 notes
ts-hvv4 · 4 years
Text
RITES OF PASSAGE
Tumblr media
Let’s Look back fondly on those who have been voted out:
Tumblr media
SARAH: We never got to talk and thats sad. Sorry to see you were first boot.
MALIK: You were cool and I liked you but you stopped being as active. Love to hear more from you though!
NED: Sorry bro, it was either going to be you or me. I saw from the other season you played that you seem to be a really skilled player, so it’s a bummer (and probably fortunate for me) that we didn’t get to see that play out this time. I assume that life just got in the way the first few days-- I totally understand that-- and I hope you’ve done well since we last spoke!
JAKE: You were fun to talk to but unfortunately a bit inactive and an easy vote.
Tumblr media
SARAH: King of Starbucks. ILY but you were kinda inactive so Im sorry you left </3
MALIK: We didn't meet tbh but I heard thing about you.
NED: I didn’t get to play with you this time, but honestly I’m really glad I didn’t have to compete against you. Dude, you are a force to be reckoned with and I am so thankful this game wasn’t a repeat of Open Ocean (https://survivor-pacific-islands.fandom.com/wiki/Survivor:_Open_Ocean) where you voted me out first while I was on a ski trip two years ago!!! I don’t know if you’ll read this but you are one of the most dominant, scarily good players I’ve ever seen and I know if you lasted longer this game would have gone in a completely different direction. I know it’s been a while but I hope you’re doing great!
JAKE: I didn’t play with you and idk you.
Tumblr media
SARAH: pls send me more pics of ur kitty cat. I love.
MALIK: I know you frrom Facebook! Sadly you didn't last here.
NED: I was hoping to be able to meet you but unfortunately things didn’t pan out that way. I’ve heard great things about you and I’m hoping we’re able to meet after this game ends!
JAKE: I didn’t play with you but I heard you were a crackhead rip
Tumblr media
SARAH: We never got to chat but I screeched when I heard tribal council about how you snaked Kage in Thera.
MALIK: I actually really enjoyed your company! Sorry you left early, things just happened.
NED: Birch, you’re an incredibly kind person and I loved getting to know you. I really appreciated your openness and getting to see firsthand your genuine care for others. The only reason I voted you out is that it became apparent that you were probably not going to be on my side moving forward, but I hope you’ve been doing well since the world ended a couple weeks ago and I’d love to hear about how things are going since we last talked about them during the game. 
JAKE: You were really nice in the game and I enjoyed our conversations, unfortunately I don’t think you connected enough with everyone which lead to your vote out.
Tumblr media
SARAH: I literally never know if you are loyal to me or if you want me dead. You are a WILDCARD and I love playing with them but you were pretty bad for my game so I had to vote you out. I am sorry :(
MALIK: I heard you were chaotic! But also didn't officially meet you so sorry there.
NED: We didn’t really talk much but u seem cool. HAGS! I don’t know Kage so that was what I would say if we were in middle school and I was signing his yearbook
JAKE: Idk what you were on but you were kinda crackdt during our tribe swap which is why I think people wanted you out LOL
Tumblr media
SARAH: I heard you went around telling everyone Andrea/Ned/I are in a F3 alliance really early on in the game. LOL 1) who are you? 2) how do you know me? 3) imagine after getting voted out having the audacity to still talk to ppl about the game. We love cheaters!
MALIK:  Girl, girl, girl. You wanted me in your group, then you were talking RECKLESS about me, being fake about it but then spearheading a vote against me when I didn't do a damn thing to you. You say it wasn't personal but I felt it was because I didn't see why you went so hard to go after me. But gg to you though.
NED: Olivia!!!! Dang, I am really sad this went the way it did. When we talked on day 1 I was planning on being with you all the way. It just became clear that I wasn’t in your serious long-term plans when other people came to me about the 5-person alliance you were in pre-swap that you hid from me. I wish it could have worked out, because you’re super cool and you honestly should have gone much further than you did. You were a great player both strategically and socially and I needed people like that on my side, not against me! I can’t wait to talk to you again and catch up after the season’s over, because you’re a great person and I loved the time we had together.
JAKE: I was shook to see you get the boot pre-merge and I thought we would reunite again at some point, robbed and gone too soon
Tumblr media
SARAH: Sorry you left, I loved the way you played on flops and would have really loved to work with you this season
MALIK: I actually really grew to like you a lot Keegan! Hard to connect to at first, but towards the end of the game, I really liked you. I hope we'll talk more afterwards.
NED: Dude, I really enjoyed talking to you and voting you out broke my heart because I know how much you wanted to be there. It came down to the same situation as Olivia, because I knew you were in the alliance with Olivia and also the one pitching my name as a contingency plan, which honestly scared me. My goal in the early stages of the game was to fly under the radar and make as few waves as possible, so it was my priority to eliminate anyone who might throw out my name and possibly expose the cutthroat game I was actually playing. I felt I had to take that opportunity to vote you out, because I know you’re an extremely competent player and would have been a hurdle for me to overcome down the road. I’m sorry things ended the way they did, because I truly did enjoy talking to you and comparing notes on Survivor! Also, you freaking killed it in the music video challenge and should probably go pro.
JAKE: I couldn’t really connect to you that well on our original tribe but you did seem like a nice person.
Tumblr media
SARAH: Im sorry we didnt talk too much. We just happened to not be very similar and as much as I can force a convo, it was weird as fuck.
MALIK: We hit it off immediately at the beginning and you were my favorite, and then similar to Olivia you ghosted me and didn't say much to me. I really did like you in the beginning, and I wish you had just told me how you felt then. Because you really did seem cool.
NED: Trent, you are the freaking man! While you were here, you were killing it as a player, and that’s on top of having a BABY on the way!! It was really great getting to know you and play with you at the beginning of the game-- it was honestly kind of scary how well-connected you were, and I respect the heck out of you. I hope you’ve been able to spend some more time with your wife while all of this has been going on and I can’t wait to catch up with you!
JAKE: I hope you are less stressed now that the game is over, tbh I wasn’t sure how much I could trust you early on because Sharifa and Kurt told me about the alliances you had without me, and I did lie to you about the Birch vote LOL but when we tribe swapped we did get really close and I appreciate you sacrificing yourself basically this round, hope I am doing you proud!!
Tumblr media
SARAH: KING OF BOOKS. Lets still chat about it. I'm sorry that you got fucked over bc of your idol. You seem so genuinely nice that I would love to be friends after this.
MALIK:  I LOOOOVE YOU SO MUCH! I was worried coming in about how we'd get along this game, but we left off where we were last time!! I'm glad me and you were there for each other and I'm glad you could protect me from the evils! You were so robbed!
NED: You are one of the coolest people, for real! I loved talking to you on the heroes tribe and I'm sorry for exposing your idol and voting you out lol. I hope you're doing well!
JAKE: I  couldn’t really connect with you when we finally merged, plus I heard about your idol and I felt like it was a smart choice for you to go.
Tumblr media
SARAH: MY LITERAL BEST FRIEND. I AM SO SORRY U GOT SNAKED BUT I CANT WAIT TO SEE U SOON. ILYILYILY
MALIK: was glad I connect with you more privately and I missed you. You did end up throwing me under the bus, and I was very pissed with you and the others but I still have love for you  It's ok
NED: You suck at this game. Hope to see you never
JAKE:  We didn’t talk as much as I’d like, but I also was threatened by you coming into merge because I perceived you as having a lot of solid connections which intimidated me, which is why I pushed to vote you out that round. The conversations we did have were really nice though!
Tumblr media
SARAH: I am so glad I got to meet you, you are a literal icon and although I'm pretty sure I was way more loyal to you than you were to me, I feel like we get along super well and I'm happy we get to chat about this season after everything is over :)
MALIK: I was drawn to you immediately for some reason, but I think it's the villain charm. Sorry like I tried to work with you TWICE, and you lied to me and tried to vote me the first time(likely) and then waited till then to think we could now work together because you're down and out, vs when I was. That turned me so off of you and even when you weren't my target, I was happy you were out of there. I do really think you're a cool dude though and hopefully after the pandemic we'll see each other!
NED: We didn't get the chance to talk a ton so it's understandable that we went after each other. From what I've talked to you though, you seem really dope and I think we'd get along really well.
JAKE:  I couldn’t get a good read on you throughout merge and even though we had an alliance together I was wary of you, but besides that we had some really good conversations about animal crossing and CS so I hope you’re doing well.
Tumblr media
SARAH: You played a good game and it wasnt until the last minute I realized that you play a very cut throat game. No shame. Props.
MALIK: I've missed you. I was so sad to see you leave, and I didn't think we'd connect how we did. I miss the talks of anime and shows we had together!!
NED: My German friend, I love you and I hope you're doing well. I wish I could have stayed in Germany longer because the people at the airport there were really nice and it would have been cool to meet you! I also met some German college students in Sweden and they were dopeeeee so if you're anything like them then you're dope too.
JAKE: Dennis you are a sweetheart but I knew you were too much of a threat to let slide by any longer in the game after you worked hard to solidify yourself in the majority again. I’m sorry for lying to you about the vote, was just idol paranoia and stuff.
Tumblr media
SARAH: I loved talking stratgey with you and loved playing with you. Sorry if you didnt feel the same :(
MALIK:  I. LOVE. YOU. No. lie. I didn't expect to connect with you so much after it all went down during the merge, and even though I hurt you with voting you that one time, I tried to make it right between us. I definitely want to keep in contact with you the most after this season. Our bond took me by surprise. 
NED: It was fun but difficult talking to you! You said I never talked to you but I vividly remember complaining to people about how you left me on read all day multiple times lol. But it's chill, I've only heard great things about you and the fact that you're Jake's friend can only mean you're really cool!
JAKE: I’m happy that I finally got to play a game with you and even though it was a rocky ride you had my back in the game and I appreciate that a lot. I wish I listened to you more though
Tumblr media
SARAH: Theres a reason you have never been voted out before until now. You are good at what you do. You are good at every aspect of this game. I am sorry that I used you to get far and cut that off. To be fair, I knew you were not loyal to me. However, I do believe our relationship and the things we talked about personally were real so Id love to still chat after this game.
MALIK: You are such a sweetheart and I'm glad we got to play together, I see why you've won twice, you were ON IT. And if it wasn't for TS I probably wouldn't have caught on to how amazing you were playing. You did that damn thing, but you had to go (Even though that wasn't when I was going to attempt it.)
NED:  I'm gonna freaking cry typing this. Sharifa you are incredible and I hate myself for ruining what we had. Talking to you was one of my favorite things to do during the game and I had to do what I did or else you'd be a 3-time winner! Tell me I'm wrong! You're still amazing and I'm so thankful we got to meet during this game.
JAKE: So I was pretty upset when I found out that you and Kurt had turned on me and were lying to me so much (especially with the emotional way you framed our alliance) but I do respect you a lot as a player because damn you’re fierce and now I know why you’ve won twice and made the finals 3 time, you are a true villain.
Tumblr media
SARAH: You were going to win this game after Sharifa was voted off. You are well liked. We barely talked and butted heads and I still liked you. If you ever want to chill, lets grab a drink after this whole COVID19 thing.
MALIK:  Easily my #1 guy here. we bonded like from the beginning, and we really grew an amazing relationship with each other, and merge was strained but we kept reconnecting, and then you leave when I'm left out on knowing you were the true vote. I'm sorry I never knew you were really going home, and I NEVER did vote you. Sorry you think so, and I hope you forgive me by the time you see this but I never did vote you, and I hope you give our bond another chance. Lukas was supposed to tell you but idk if he did or he forgot and I hope you forgive me. If not I'll count my losses and leave it there.
NED: Kurt, you are one of the kindest people I've ever met in an ORG. You're so friendly and funny and down-to-earth and I truly enjoyed getting to know you as a person, not just an ally. I hope you can forgive me for going so overboard when I voted you out, you're still a homie and I'm really grateful for you during this game.
JAKE: Same as above with Sharifa but we did talk things out after that Sharifa vote. I wish things went differently in the game but it is what it is, outside of the game you were really fun to talk to and vent with all of the shit going on as I felt I could relate to you with a lot of things.
Tumblr media
NED: Dude, you are so freaking hilarious and I WISH we had met pre-merge!!! By the time we got to know each other it was kind of too late to change up my gameplan, but I want you to know that the conversation I had with you the night before you left is probably the best, most real conversation I've ever had with anyone in any game. I'm so thankful for that, it really lit a fire under me to win that final immunity and I honestly just loved talking to you. I hope we can become actual friends after the season is over because you're incredible!
JAKE:  I never really trusted you in the game and I think our relationship was rocky for the most part, no hard feelings though because you were hilarious and a great troll the entire time and I hope we can turn up at club cafe one night when this pandemic ends xxx
MALIK: Such a crazy person!! You were so amazing and I'm glad we met at the merge. You had funny moments and crazy ones but what would this game be without you.
0 notes