#im scared everyone is going to leave

[tangledinink]

I can imagine the first cycle after moving. Probably Leo because Donnie likely has internal scarring, so leo goes through the process of laying his eggs, panics, his brother can't help, and finally, *finally* they ask for help. It's not willingly. It's not for fun. It's purely necessity. It's purely because there's *literally noone else* and the idea of telling anyone at all is so scary that the way they do so is in a note. Splinter sits them down and basically walks them through "You're safe, you're fine. We can handle this however you feel most comfortable, including getting you both on blockers if you prefer" and they just.... sigh. For the first time, there's *someone else* in their circle, and it's willing and it's warm, and it's *safe*. There will be tears.

Yes, except I'm not convinced that either of them could stand to tell anyone. Even if it was literally life or death (which it has been before,) I'm not sure if either of them could bear to give up that information. Donnie is finally, finally away from the people who hurt him when he got found out last time, and even though logically, he knows that it's different here, he's absolutely petrified of the thought that the same thing will happen again and it won't be over anymore. He's still horrified by the idea of anyone else knowing about Leo when he's gone to such lengths for so long to protect him, and Leo is likewise terrified in the same way. They've spent years with this being their more closely guarded secret, and that's going to be really difficult to give up.

But it's really not a secret they'll be able to keep for long.

They're in a completely different environment, with far less space and privacy. They're both stressed as hell and Donnie WAS on birth control and taking all sorts of vitamins and supplements to make sure he didn't eggbind again and now he's suddenly not and it's not only messing with his body, it's fucking scary. It literally keeps them both up at night. Neither of them know how to wash blood out of clothes or sheets. There's no private en suite bathroom they can sequester themselves away in. They're both literally making themselves sick with anxiety trying to deal with this, and they're used to handling this on their own, this is routine for them, but they're not used to all of this.

They'd probably metaphorically limp through a few cycles before their family puts it together and gently confronts them.

Venus probably figures it out first. She's pretty smart, and incredibly observant, and after all-- she quite literally experiences the exact same thing. April may not lay eggs, but I think she'd be able to get the idea after a bit as well. And while I think Splinter would realize something was wrong pretty quickly, Draxum would probably realize what was wrong first. Splinter has April, so he has a little bit of experience in this realm, but Draxum has Venus and so he has far more experience.

And so when they do sit them down and talk with them, it's going to be really scary at first. And then they get to, "you're safe, you're fine, we can handle this however you feel the most comfortable. It will be okay. No one will hurt you."

And then there's finally other people in the know, in the circle, people who will actually help them. And yes-- there will definitely be tears.

#leo in particular will probably panic at least a little when theyre confronted #because its been what? almost four years? #almost FOUR YEARS of him keeping this a secret at any cost #almost four years with no one else in the universe aside from his twin knowing #and now the spell is broken #but its okay #and they might panic and cry for a little but then they calm down and its... actually ok. things will actually be okay #april will take to big-sistering them so hard #and lowkey just? having venus exist in the household will be incredibly helpful #(she was honestly so baffled that everyone else didnt realize what was going on right away. it wasnt obvious????) #mikey tries to spoil them the same way he tries to spoil venus whenever she feels nasty #(but has to adjust a bit to respect boundaries because. donnie will bite him...) #likewise raph tries to take care of them the same way he'd take care of casey #(ie by leaving offerings at their doors and staying the fuck out of their way. just overall letting them do or have whatever they want) #their family will take care of them and keep them safe and things will get better #its honestly a huge relief when they get caught in some ways because leo can finally be like #and donnie got really sick one time and almost died and im scared itll happen again PLZ can we make sure it doesnt happen again #donnie in the background like >:0000 that leo just fucking OUTTED HIM LIKE THAT #but to leo 1000% worth it if it means donnie wont get sick and die #(as if donnie is actually realistically at any more significant risk of that than leo is) #(quite frankly theyre BOTH at risk of it at the time because of how stressed they are. lowkey a miracle neither of them eggbound yet smh) #also donnie def has internal scarring lmao;;;; poor bab. makes it a bit rough... #menstruation #tw menstruation #cw menstruation #gemini au #asks #anon #csa implied #cw csa implied

[hella1975]

the closest ill ever get to being a pick me girl is the joy that fills me when the chefs at work so clearly favouritise me. like im there nicely cleaned up in my smart-casual uniform just a 20 year old waitress smiling my customer service smile and behind me spawns Scary Dog Privilege 10x in the form of several burly middle-aged chefs at least three of which have criminal records and would all stick a bread knife in someone for bothering me

#like it's really funny bc i worked HARD with back of house bc i knew my job would be significantly easier if they liked me #(it speeds your orders through. you can ask for things without being told to fuck off during a rush. they'll get you food on shift etc) #and also there's a stereotype especially in fancier places where floor staff look down on kitchen staff and i think that's shitty #so i was always going to be try with them and be nice but ALSO when i first started my job it was in a peak era so while these days #we're struggling a lot and have had to employ a lot of college kids that dont know what they're doing #when i joined it was all private school girls that would swan about the place very snootily. so the divide between front and back of hosue #was INTENSE when i joined. and there i was a little state school girlie and the chefs immediately recognised that #and took me under their wing. so even though the class angle doesnt exist so much anymore and theres majority state schoolers #im still very much in with the chefs in a way not many of the other floor staff are. and there's also the fact im not scared of them #like chefs ARE rude and a lot of them DONT like or even respect floor staff but i will GLADLY tell them to fuck off if i think it necessary #and that's a language they understand like ironically there's one chef that doesnt get on with ANY of the waitresses #(i talked about him on another post he's the soup one) but he likes me bc when he tried that rude dismissive act i told him to shove it #and now the other waitresses literally SEND ME TO TALK TO HIM when they have questions/want something bc they know he'll listen to me #and me and the head chef are besties and the one kp will talk OVER THE OTHER WAITRESSES' heads and completely blank them #so she can talk to me and it's all just really funny bc the kitchen staff LOVE me and that's not even me being arrogant #it's like a known thing at work that they love me and im just. a 20 year old 5'2 waitress with my little pearl necklace and blouse #and some tattooed ginger mohawked 6ft chef is there getting angry for me when i come in complaining about a table #or the kp that is literally on probation will give me a sticky toffee pudding and tell everyone to leave me the fuck alone LMAO #hella slaves to capitalism

[mookybear12404]

Trying to handle some remote work crises and financial aid paperwork and government paperwork and packing to move while also dealing with both the overwhelming grief of mourning and the overwhelming anxiety of knowing I'm about to be thrown back into a week of 14 hour work days. Just. Feeling like i'm going to implode and I just want to lay down and stare at the ceiling for a while but I can't stop moving or things wont get done

#kinda scared about how im going to handle work next week #its our busiest week of the year and im barely functioning still #and leaving my support system (family) doesn't help #wont really have any friends over there either until everyone moves back for the start of the semester #the only people that will be there is my team #and I love them and all but that's absolutely not okay to look for emotional support/physical comfort from people who work for you #I just want to mourn in peace I need everything to pause for just a few more days #vent #delete later

[bulletsfrank]

me when running away from everyone makes me end up all alone:

#i dont have any irl friends anymore theyre all gone with my old discord and its been too long to go back #i lost myself over the summer in ways i can never explain.. i dont know where i am if im being honest #drinking is worsening it all #i feel so insane.. genuinely.. i cant stop getting into my own head and letting it all happen #its just me and teddy #im too scared to leave the house for longer than a few hours anymore #i cant handle people looking at .e #me. i cant handle talking. i cant handle daily tasks of anything. even these days moving feels too hard #i keep finding myself face down floating in the river #and when i turn my body over #my face isnt rotten #it isnt bloated at all. #... its just me and i look young and like i died two minutes ago #then i snap out and im making dinner #and im someone else. somewhere else forever #im so alone but id rather it right now. no one knows how bad it is. intentionally. i never tell anyone #because what would they do? #the only thing i ever learned was to run away and hide. i cant stop thinking i need to keep doing it #i just want everyone to be rid of me so i keep running and running and running

[guest-1-2-3]

Just read Blue by bealeciphers on ao3 (amazing go read it) and then listened to my depressing spotify playlist and realized that Family Line by Conan Gray is SO Zuko coded—

#i’m sorry. i’m sorry SCATTERED CROSS MY FAMILY LINE IM SO GOOD AT TELLING LIES THAT CAME FROM MY MOTHERS SIDE TOLD A MILLION TO SURVIVE #SCATTERED CROSS MY FAMILY LINE GOD I HAVE MY FATHER EYES BUT MY SISTERS WHEN I CRY #I CAN RUN BUT I CANT HIDE FROM MY FAMILY LINE #I watch the fathers with their little girls. and wonder what i did to deserve this how could you HURT A LITTLE KID #I CANT FORGET I CANT FORGIVE #cause now i’m scared that everyone i love will leave. me #I WAS A KID BUT I WASNT CLUELESS SOMEONE WHO LOVES YOU WOULDNT DO THIS #MIGHT SHARE A FACE AND SHARE A LAST NAME BUT WE ARE NOT THE SAME. #and you’re telling me this song WAS NOT WRITTEN FOR ZUKO?? #SPECIFICALLY Blue by bealeciphers zuko-coded #someone who loves you wouldn’t do this!! #i’m so good at telling lies that came from my mothers side !! #literally zuko but also just from this fic zuko love this fic by the way everyone go read it. right now #zukka #zuko #atla #zukka fic rec

[fiendishartist2]

the bar for "revolutionary" webhorror is so low. what happened

#god lord im so sick of itttttttt ToT #if you dont know analogue horror is on is deathbed and now ppl are onto ''digital horror'' #which is the same thing except using digital mediums instead of analogue (like the internet instead of vhs) #and i do mean the same thing lol nothing has changed #not the conventions of storytelling not the limitations of the medium not the types of scares it presents #the only thing that has changed is the aesthetic. and that is unbelievably sad #if youre going to do a horror series based in the internet then why not.... actually use the medium of the internet for horror #theres so many scary things about the internet (esp early internet!!!!!) and yet no one is using that for their series #just the same old ''missing children's spirit communicating through tape oops i mean the website :)'' like cmon man.... :( #why not use things like viruses or the sudden connection to any and everyone through the internet or early hoaxes/creepy ads #lack of regulation on the early internet or the isolating/uncanny aesthetics of old hardware (kid me was so scared of computers lol) #or literally anything else that is DIRECTLY CONNECTED TO THE MEDIUM YOUR SERIES IS BASED ON #does anyone else on earth care about this or am i just picky??? hello??? #i just want smth that leaves a genuine impact. i just want a series that feels like smth thats never been done before #i just want webhorror that knows what it wants to be and fits neatly into the confines of its medium #petscop felt like a real videogame. it felt like smth i could see in an ''obscure ps1 games youve never heard about!!'' video #it had a will they wont they about whether or not the game was actually talking to paul (through ghosts or other users etc) #but it was never in your face and it was left just vague enough that instead of breaking immersion it sucked you in even more #paul felt like a real person playing a real game and experiencing genuine fear and obsession alongside the audience #there was never a point where the screen started turning red and pauls voice became distorted and ''scary'' while creepy imagery popped up #bc petscop works entirely within the limitations of a man playing a videogame. no more no less #thats the kind of dedication to the medium that i want!!!!!! #i only critique webhorror so much bc its my favourite type of horror and i want it to improve

[pespillo]

the problem of wittebane fans is that much like philip did they focus on every action of philip´s childhood and young adulthood and forget the elephant in the room of a gap of 400 years of things he personally pushed upon almost, everyone, around him ,grimwalker demon and collector alike , like sometimes grief is utterly unsatisfying and leaves you without closure and everyone gets literally sick of you and then they stomp you to death because youre still wondering if theres a human out there whos gonna pity your ass , and then theres nobody. the world isnt gonna stop for you.

#also . sorry but a bias towards white tragedy is literally inevitable. it is ingrained in everyone to have a pang of pity at people like hi #him* #because hes fascinating and so many ppl see traits of themselves in him. perfectionist and overachieving #but youre missing out on literally everyone elses stories n how. similar they are to his in the first place #and you just dont talk abt it because you thought the wittebanes were going to be The Big Deal #but they werent what they chalked up to be. they leave you with some sort of taste in your mouth. like you been wronged #but you werent really. you really werent . you can project many messed up traumas n complexes on everyone else #youre just kind of scared of doing so because they are supposed to be the Better Guys #but they are as tragic. messy. strange and complicated. #edit: unrebloggable because im too paranoid i already had ppl jumping on me for neutral responses

[saltycharacters]

Can I be livid for a sec? Ive spent all these years in the pandemic being one of the few doin my part, vaccinating as much as possible and social distancing and wearing masks everywhere and not even leaving the house unless absolutely necessary. A sisyphean attempt to do literally anything about the spread of covid, because so few even care to do the bare minimum at this point. So I have to sit and watch while this small group of people on this godforsaken Earth are giving up opportunities and funtimes left and right to protect our loved ones, and the immunocompromised, and ourselves and everyone else, while the selfish majority don't give a shit and literally do whatever they want, passing strains of covid amongst themselves like its a game of hot potato and. Usually I can ignore any pings of jealousy and reassure myself that at LEAST. There's one less vector to spread the illness, and that keeps at least those around me safe, and I continue finding enjoyment in safe and quarantine-approved ways, but.

Today I got a text message from my dad, which is not unusal in itself, but opening it I realized it was a photo of my abuela. Sitting across the table from my dad in her rustic little house in spain, in the rustic little village that I've visited every summer for most of my childhood. The place I've considered my favorite on earth for most of my life and that I've held in my heart so fondly that nearly every night, I dream about being there again. The place I haven't been to in years as part of the many sacrifices I've taken to combat the pandemic. And yet my dad, part of the selfish and skeptical majority, took the risk without a second thought and unceremoniously come into contact with the disease-spreading, equally uncatious masses at the airport, sat in a largely un-masked airplane for 11 hours and is now having supper with family I've been trying to protect this whole tine. He doesn't consider whether he'll bring covid to them first before bringing it to his family back in the US, he doesn't think about the likleyhood of grandma, nearing her 90's, being able to survive such an ailment, and I just know that he will not give the fact that he couldve spread covid more to the hundreds of other people a second thought. He'll sleep soundly in my favorite room, he'll have fun in my favorite places, and he'll see my favorite people all while being so in-denial about the pandemic that his conciousness will remain clean the entire trip. And this time I'm dizzy with jealousy and rage, I'm sad and homesick and frustrated and worst of all, I can't express any of my feelings to my dad or mom or any family because they'll just laugh at me for being so paranoid and tell me to come over anyway. I'm not sure I'll ever see my beloved Requena ever again, nor any of my family nor resident friends because it seems that almost everyone in the world has forgotten that we're still in a pandemic, yet those self-entitled enough to participate in this collective amnesia can have fun and do whatever without a thought for the consequences they bring. I'll be huddled at home with thise large, gaping, emotional hole in my chest while people like Dad continue on like nothing's ever happened and we all have to suffer for it. It's not fair. I'm so close to tears, I'm just. So devistated and heartbroken. If you don't do your part to quarantine to the best of your ability and practice basic pandemic saftey when out, I hate you. You're awful and I hate you.

#face in my hands #im. im getting a stress headache im so so close to bawling #i miss spain so much i miss grandma i miss my cousins i miss my aunts and uncles #i miss the house i miss the cool cellar and stairs that scared me at night #i miss the family gatherings every weekend and i miss my abuelas frijoles and paella #i miss the village i miss the rustic architecture and the stone streets and the large fountain that was in the middle of it #i miss the large walkway lined with trees and the way it stretched for miles and how beautiful the sunlight shone through the leaves #i miss the sloped walkways that id have to take to get to the stores i miss the small family buisnesses i miss the parks #i miss the closed church and the castle ruins and the cave system that they turned into a museam #i miss it all so much i. at this point forgetting it all would be the best medicine but i just. i cant stand #this one time i wish i was dad. just so stubborn and self absorbed that im brave and uncaring enough to go to Spain #And im suppose to get this fucking coding project done how am i suppose to work when im getting a stress headache already #if you want to reblog go ahead maybe this will motivate people to actually do their part #and maybe then i can hope that i can visit spain someday without risking everyones saftey #although grandma will. probably not be alive by then. and. i mis ther the mostn

[belladonnafleur]

I hate people with dreams because I wish I could give up mine !!

#this isnt' meant to be a deep post im just screaming into the void #im back in the city and there is just this deep sense of dread and I wish I could call my friends and talk abt it but everyone who would #understand is too busy #I have one fren who I think mite but shes busy #I have one midterm this week and im still scared of my prof even tho ik she means well and I rightfully pissed her off last last week #I want to leave the committee I work for completely #I want to leave this school completely!! #aaaaaaaaaaa #I want to go grad school #I also just look online and I wish I went to a diff school than this one #bc my family does NOT have the money for this school if Id just waited and gone somewhere else I would not be in this much DEBT #ik i was in a tough situation a few yrs ago and HAD to just pick a school + get out #but still #I think just. if my life events hadn't been so shit and bad #if I hadn't been in such a Bad place during and after the pandemic id be at a diff school #one that didn't make me feel so BAD and one that didn't put me in so much debt #some of why im pissed off and anxious is lit my fault #I burned some bridges and hurt ppl and pissed them off!! #but yn when u make a mistake and everyone around u will def define u by it #bc me rn #I just need to leave and not come back #or if I do not come back for a long time #I wish I could pack my shit and do the rest of the sem online #the only thing I'd miss is choir bc I love it #all of my friends (most of) are in choirrrr #its the way choir is the only thing that makes me feel good I hATE everything else

[srkgirlblogger]

.

#the day was going so well until my mom decided to be mean to me for no reason in a piblic space where i was already feeling scared and over #stimulated. i wanted to try out the skateboards in decathlon but there were too many people and i got scared. and my mom suddenly said that #the skateboard that she was going to buy for me after/on my birthday. she had decided to buy now. since we were alr in theshop and i said no #way bec i hadnt decided which one i wanted yet and i was soo panicked. and then after some time when id calmed down a bit and was gonna try #to skate anyways she started questioning me abt when i planned on peacticing and where i was gonna do it and i obviously just started saying #things that i thought she would approve of. and then she told me i didnt have the time management skills or resolve to make it work. and she #just kept on passive aggressively bullying me until i just couldnt do it anymore and i told her i wanted go leave the store bc she was #spoiling the mood. and then she started bullying me louder and she told me to stop blaming her bc she was only asking me a question and she #didn't want to waste any more money on things that i wasnt gonna do even though ive wanted a skateboard for years now and have been actively #asking her for months. and i just lost my emergy and my appetite and i wanted to leave the mall and go home but insteaf she gook us to a #bagel place that ive been trying to get her to take us even though i felt like throwing up before we even left the mall and i told her i #didnt want to go there. and my brother even told her that she was ruining things for everyone. and he still ended up blaming me in the end. #but whatever. i kept getting flashbacks to insanely traumatic moments where shed yelled at or bullied me or cornered me or tried to #embarass me in public. and this is most likely my last year at home. and my last year of childhood. and its all going to be remembered in my #brain as underwhelming and depressing and mostly horrible. and im going to leave home and never cone back and my last year at home is going #to be just as shitty as every other year and ill just have to deal with that and try to build something good and new and kind when i leave #she shouldnt speak to her own children like this. she shouldnt be looking for reasons to make things miserable for me all the time like this #i should study. my head hurts. my entire body hurts so bad #delete later

[candyskiez]

Man the grief is a hole thing really helps. But unfortunately now I am realizing my own patterns. Fuck.

#i am trying to shove other things into the hole #i am making the hole wider because I'm shoving too many things into the hole #I'm scared everyone else doesn't have a hole and is going to leave me behind because theyre sick of me being like this #and thus making the hole worse by trying to force them to like me #the hole won't get smaller but i cant stop trying to fill it #i just. fuck #i feel so goddamn empty #and I'm making it worse! i know I'm making it worsen #if i stay i rip myself apart if i leave i get replaced #i dont know what to do #and maybe im overdramatic. maybe they actually care and me going would hurt them #but i just #im trying to force them to fill the void in my life and it's going to kill me #it almost killed me actually #genuinely it almost killed me #but if i leave i get a bigger hole #i know I'll grow bigger than it if i stick it out. #but the thing is. i dont know if I can #i don't know if Id live if i lost anyone else #genuinely #so. #candyskiez vent #tw suicide #if you make a sex joke i will eat your organs

[mechawolfie]

robot guy....

#smudgy.png #im not satisfied w his design but idk why yettttt!!!! >:[ #anyway. hes from the furry au of my wb project. #basically automatons were built many many years ago but had to be shut down en masse bc they were becoming sentient for #unknown reasons #to make a long story short he was a servant whos owner Really wanted him to go out & experience the world #now that he was sentient #but he didnt want to leave cause he was so dedicated to this guy. also maybe a liiiittle bit scared of going Outside #so his owner is like. ok well heres a task for u. #& he gives him this list of tasks to complete which r all rly vague & probably impossible #n hes like ok!! ill do that!!! #buut then the shutdowns happen + many Many years later the automatons start to mysteriously wake up #n now everyones awake & living their lives just like non-automatons. except for him hes still trying to fulfill his Tasks #eventually he realizes how nice the world is tho & decides to try living #anyway i came up w that to show my sister how easy making stories is but now im Invested #i love him & also im giving him a bf. good night #clean furry #<- does that apply to robots.......

[doveotion]

something really sad is when my friends act as if I'll leave after they say something mean/hurt my feelings as if my love is temporary? like babe who hurt you. I'll take them out

#diary #“who hurt you” like i dont already know #its their parents. and i hate them. #but going back to the love is temporary thing... i hope i dont come across as someone whose love seems superficial #that being said if youre s horrible person i wont associate myself w you but. my friends arent horrible people #for lack of s better term they're traumatized by their upbringing #it really bothers me that they judge themselves through me sometimes. yes i can be upset with you and vice versa but #that doesnt mean you're undeserving of love or even just simple understanding and kindness. #but also. im no better or worse than you are. i have bad days and i rarely show my frustrations so openly with my friends #classic jade moment where i keep things to myself bc im scared being vulnerable and people leaving 👍 #so like. i get it. im not perfect either. i can be a total bitch sometimes. i feel like everyone can. but i still love you #silly. my friends are silly

[bivampirism]

thinking about becoming full of myself a little bit. i’ll keep u posted

#Sorry 2 anyone who saw me talking about wanting to go to the psych ward do u still think im hot #this was from a few weeks ago but i was looking thru my pics... #i think everyone should see me being pretty <3 #honestly babes & girlies it's been really really rough lately.... lately as in the past 8 months #lost my job got diagnosed with ocd and realized its the reason i got fired #would make me late everyday bc I couldn't leave the house without compulsively doing my many routines to feel in control #sister knowingly gave me a covid scare on my bday. so i spent my bday not sleeping & having panic attacks #forgave her despite her being mad at ME for my reaction. turns out she's still mad & starting fights w/ family who talks to me #keep in mind she has health insurance gets pto for it while my partner doesn't & I thought they were going to die #& that we might lose the apartment #aaand losing my job + many covid scares has made me agoraphobic #working on that. #plus being without my adhd meds due to the shortage :-( #anyway just updating/venting ig… ily guys! <3 #mine