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#im so fucking anxious rn i literally feel like my chest is going to collapse into its cavity
cryolyst ยท 4 years
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#vent post!! feel free to ignore!!#tw abuse/bad parenting/selfish parents ig#i made the awful choice to read the notes of that parents hating their kids jokes post#and i can't believe people thought it was wrong#(i mean rationally i can especially because different perspectives and interpretations of the post)#(but i can't see any other perspective because guess what!!! i'm the child being called a nuisance!!)#i don't want to use words like trauma lightly but i almost feel like that's what i'm experiencing when i see those memes#because i grew up having to be quiet and docile and not be a disturbance#and any time i did anything to upset my parents it always ended up in me being yelled at until i cried#and then being yelled at for crying and causing a fuss and why aren't i more grateful for having a roof over my head#so these haha funny jokes parents use to humorously cope with being cooped up with their child?#because they can't stand to try and engage with them and help them in this time when they're probably also not doing great mentally?#they feel more like reminders that i myself was once these children that had to watch their every move#so they could make sure their parents wouldn't freak out and get stressed and take their anger out on them ๐Ÿ™ƒ๐Ÿ™ƒ๐Ÿ™ƒ#im so fucking anxious rn i literally feel like my chest is going to collapse into its cavity#my dad was super angry at my mom yesterday and i know he wouldn't enact violence on either of us#but he kept stomping around and talking to her all snippy and i hid in my room until he went to bed so i wouldn't yell at me#and fuck i hate walking on eggshells like that and that's what it feels like all the time now that im home w them#like every day it's either one of them deciding im a worthless NEET#or them deciding the other is stupid and stubborn and throwing shit into the sink or onto the tables#before yelling at one another#shut up!! shut up!! why are you married if you hate each other so much!!!#ignore this#im going to go write a bunch im so hyped up on adrenaline made from fear rn hahahahahaha
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