#im so mad because im going to grad school!!!!! im supposed to be happy!!!!!!! i've worked so hard to get here

[batfam-chaos]

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#holy text post batman! #i wish i would stop see-sawing between feeling okay for a few hours and then feeling absolutely awful the rest of the time #this is the third straight day of feeling like utter shit #i know it's Trauma Brain stuff but holy shit #it feels like everything is on fire and it's so hard to do anything because my brain is so bad #i'm just so TIRED #i'm tired of having to constantly fight my brain and of feeling horrible all the time #i keep telling myself to keep fighting and im going to keep doing it #but fighting your brain 24/7 really takes a toll #i just want to feel okay again #i want to be able to have a Normal Bad Day because i stubbed my toe or something #and not because it feels like my brain is trying to eat me alive #i keep reminding myself that this is my brain trying to keep me alive #it's doing its best #in some ways this is easier than my depressive episodes because at least my brain isnt actively stealing all of my serotonin #but also it's so hard to do things because im literally being attacked by my brain #MY OWN BRAIN... IN MY OWN HOUSE........ THE AUDACITY #im so mad because im going to grad school!!!!! im supposed to be happy!!!!!!! i've worked so hard to get here #but now i'm getting fucking pulverized by my own brain #also i'm worried because i dont have any responsibilities rn bc research and classes havent even started but im still getting triggered #whats it going to be like once i have to do things?????? #the way i'm living rn is so unsustainable because it's exhausting #i just want to be okay