#im so so so mad when westerners talk about things they dont understand

[roseworth]

As one of the most Rose Wilson blogs (excellent taste) what r ur thoughts on the first issue of her Knight Terrors ?

my biggest thoughts on it are just that its not very interesting </3 there are a few things i dont like about it (the lack of lili 😔 but ill circle back to that in a sec) but overall ?? it just didnt really do a lot. theres not a lot to dislike but theres also not a lot to like

but i can excuse the fact that theres not a lot in it given that this is the first time rose is getting the spotlight in like 15 years so not a lot of people are gonna know anything about her backstory so they had to make it accessible to people that dont know her. and i get that

like batman's knight terrors tie-in could delve a lot deeper into his backstory and feelings bc. its batman. everyone knows batman. he has arguably the most famous backstory in western media. but not everyone knows ravager so they had to make it very new reader friendly and i understand that, especially since her biggest trauma (getting drugged by slade) isnt even canon right now (😔) and her other big trauma (her mom dying) is a little more complicated than the story they wanted to tell (mostly because. wade.)

but i wish they had gone a little deeper into like. her feelings. being trapped in a nightmare that you have to escape from is one of my favorite tropes ever so i was soooooooo excited when this book was announced, but it just,, didnt really do anything. there was so much that could've been done with rose protecting and subsequently being betrayed by her younger self, not to mention the whole idea of slade hunting her down. but they didnt really use it? i was hoping for more like,,,, character exploration. but it didnt really deliver

on the other hand though. this one was def trying to do more of a plot than some of the others. like for example the jason & tim one has the basic plot of "theyre in a nightmare" but other than that its really just being used as a way to make them go through their fears n give them some character exploration (side note i wish they had been given two separate ones but thats a whole other post) whereas the ravager one is talking about murder man using rose as a conduit and trying to get into the waking world and making it like. a story instead of just introspection. so it definitely felt like the first issue was setting a lot up for more that will (hopefully) happen in issue two.

anyways back to her mom. again part of the reason that it would be so hard to incorporate lili into the story is that the circumstances surrounding her death would mean reintroducing the story from 30 years ago where she died, which slade wasnt there for so they couldnt wring out her daddy issues, and the fact that its only brought up like. 3 times ever again after that make it hard to reference her. not to mention deathstroke 2016 sort of retconned it that slade murdered her ????? then that was also never brought up again. so once again i understand that it would be very complicated to bring her into the story, not to mention if she showed up she would show up just to die 3 seconds later so i cant be.. too mad.

HOWEVER. they taunted me by mentioning her one (1) time then bringing up the foster parents instead. it seems like it's sort of working toward bringing her pre-52 origin back. but the foster parents were the worst part of her pre 52 origin. and also as my roommate (who hasnt read a lot of rose) pointed out, the foster parents are a deep cut. they showed up for like 3 pages 20 years ago then died and were literally never brought up again (not even a passing mention) until now. and while the story doesnt hinge on knowing who they are, i feel like theres definitely a feeling that youre missing something when you dont know the parents. so the fact that they were there at all seems really weird to me given the fact that im trying to excuse the fact that lili wasnt there. idk. its just hard to understand why brisson chose to put them there instead of lili, who had a major impact on rose's life and her death is the whole reason rose even joined slade at all. at least to me, the fact that lili wasnt there was extremely noticeable and felt wrong (not to mention the "i grew up in a brothel not a foster home" line is kinda iffy to me but maybe im reading too much into it). im still hoping she'll show up in the second issue, especially since they did specifically mention her in the first issue so maybe thats setting her up to show up in nightmare form later (<-delusional)

ok i think thats all my thoughts for now. tldr: its fine, it doesnt have a lot necessarily with it given the fact that rose isnt a well known character so they couldnt dive too deep into her character, but i felt like it wasnt really trying to do anything and it wasnt interesting. the only real problem was the fact that her mom wasnt there. but mostly im willing to wait until the second half before im too harsh on the book

#also im sorry this took me a sec to answer #last night i read this ask then spent 30 minutes pacing around my room talking to myself about it #then fell asleep without writing any of my thoughts down fhdskjfhsdjaf #rose wilson #dc #but idk. it doesnt feel like as nightmare as much as its just. shes in a situation #i did like a lot of her conversation with little rose though #i thought her protecting her younger self was a nice idea i just think they should've gone further with it

[strawberryspeachy]

I haven’t written much about this year.

The students are unmotivated and rude jerks. Whatever theyre teenagers and i tried to teach them. I wrote about some days that felt like wins but then theyd immediately revert back the next class

Here i am sitting here. Looking up why do my students hate me after i told them i have to leave and the vast majority are happy. The rest are apathetic with only a handful actually sad that I’m leaving

But at the past 8 schools ive worked my the vast majority of students love me

None of the reasons online fit me. And all ive thought all year is that they hate that i make them use their brains

So many kids in my classes as a student hated our teachers for the same reason. I knew it as a student and it annoyed me. Wed have a perfectly good and kind teacher but all the dicks in my classes would push and test them to see if they could break them. I always wanted them to just stop so I could pay attention. They wanted the teachers that sat back and let them goof off all class and no do anything. Then we take a test were not prepared for because we weren’t taught anything

I know im being the kind of teacher I LIKED as a student. And that its worked for me in the past. But it still feels pretty shitty

Of my first years who i thought all liked me. Most rlly didnt care that im leaving. I use the lessons that were already there. I make it lively. I add fun things. But i also make them use their brains… theyre doing phonics but i add critical thought questions because my older students cant do it and i want to start them early. They can do it. Ive gotten them thinking about what theyre reading and they can all answer well. But… seems most of them dont like me

I thought i finally won over my homeroom class. I never see them. I barely have any classes with them and i never got to do the homeroom duties i signed up to do. I stay around but most dont talk to me. And i gave them material to prep them to begin studying for college next school year. It was hard. All i wanted was tor them to try. And they seemed to finally understand that in the past month.

I really dont like the one girl. Shes new to the class this year and shes spend the entire year trying to distract the class when i talk or instigating bad behavior. I took her aside once in the beginning of the year and calmly told her to knock it off - and she listened better after that but she still does it. And honestly it ruins the class atmosphere. Shes always bad mouthing me under her breathe. Rolling her eyes. Smirking at the other students when i talk. Or just outright talkijt over me when im trying to explain things. And unfortunately shes popular in the class so its super disruptive. She has western family so her and another boy get mad that thry cant be effortlessly flawless in my class

Getting back to the they dont like me because i make them use their brains. The other students think those two are advanced and if they say something is too hard then it is. But they can do all of the work i give them. It doesnt take a long time for them to figure it out but it they DO need to use their brains.

Anyway bunch of them kept talking about how they were gonna improve next year and stuff so dumb me. I thought when i told them id be leaving theyd be a little disappointed but no. Apathy and immediately they started talking about the woman im subbing for who they barely know bc they only saw her for a couple months before she went on maternity leave and even then she called in sick all the time

All she did was have them do presentations while she sat around doing nothing because she didjt like them or teaching. Just like the other two bitch girls in the school. Then shes sit and zone out while they talked and say “good job”

I correct their work and give them feedback. I give them information and examples. I teach them new things. I sit down wnd help them figure it everything out and im happy to walk them through it

I just. It annoys me so much as both a teacher and a past student. I hated teachers who didnt help me improve. If i felt like i was doing busy work that they didn’t check i felt it was pointless and they were unnecessary in the classroom. I work so hard and i ensure im teaching my kids somethinggg

In the beginning of the year. My first class. I asked them to tell me what happened in Harry Potter. And they struggled. They couldnt explain much more than harry beat volemort and they couldn’t even tell me how. I had to hand hold them through the story even though they watched it and liked it and knew it.

I had them write a story as a class and they made a bizzare story about a character that did nothing and felt nothing.

Now they could walk me step by step through harry potter and tell me why everything happened and what the cause and effects of everything was as well as the characters motivations and relate it back to their personal lives and connect the story to the real world. They’ve written real stories about characters who feel and have goals and give them and entire story arch by themselves

They can write a simple thesis paper. They can create their own unique opinions and support them with strong and diverse examples

But yet

They’re excited at the prospect of someone who sits at their desk wkd does nothing all class coming back

I dont get mad at students

Im not strict

I do what i say ill do

I listen to their opinions

I talk them as young adults and take interest in their hobbies

I support their other school acitivies

I make fun activities for them and give them treats on special occasions

I know what the fuck im talking about and they have done all the work i ask them to do so im definitely teaching them how to do it

Im available but i also dont push myself in their conversations or activities like a weirdo - i let them come to me

And you know what its gotten me. They stole the expensive light i brought to make the dance party that i put together. They stole it. They lied about it. And they only gave it back when the male teachers threatened them about it.

If i didnt feel so dead. If everything else in my life wasnt already so heavy and mortifying. Id cry

The girl who hates teacher. Hates the kids. Doesnt do anything but take credit. Sits around like that other girl. Shes gonna be their teacher. Shell get all the credit for getting them into good schools. And theyll like her better because she doesn’t make them use their brain. And just plays basketball all class and flirts with the CHILD boys.

[kendallspussy]

plz shut up about performativity of this kiss, especially if you live in a country with gay marriage, gay adoption, antihomophobic regulations etc.

poland (and the majority of eastern europe) doesn't have any of it, lgbt+ ppl are struggling on daily basis and it's getting WORSE and WORSE

- today during Pride in Łódź (the second largest city in Poland) someone attacked people walking in the march

- last year in Białystok a group of far right homophobes threw cobblestones at the Pride crowd; the police did nothing about it

- Polish LGBT+ activists are constantly being accused of absolute nonsense, arrested and dragged through the courts for "offending religious feelings"

- there are "LGBT+ free zones" aka cities and entire regions in Poland

- not to mention the disgusting political campaign waged by the Polish president last year; he called LGBT+ people an ideology, multiple times

- there's no proper sex ed, no proper psychological help in schools, kids are sacred and depressed; a few days ago the Polish government applauded the speech of a left-wing deputy about the situation of LGBT+ youth and children in Poland; they FUCKING APPLAUDED when she said that children commit suicide because of the lack of acceptance in homes and schools

really, shut up if you don't have to face it every day; that kiss and Damiano's brief speech were a flawless use of his own privilege; he is aware of how hard it is in Poland, what those ghastly people in power are doing to the country, and he made sure to address that on live television; this dumb festival was watched by millions of Poles, lots of kids from small towns who are still living in the closet for their own safety; you have no idea what that stupid kiss could have meant to them

so shut up, please, and check your own privilege

#måneskin #im so so so mad when westerners talk about things they dont understand #eastern Europe #slavic #lgbtq+ #tw homophobia #tw suicide

[endcant]

aimless musings on subgenre, citypop, and internet subcultures

theres something very interesting about watching citypop become very mainstream in korea and watching that feed back into both western listeners’ opinions and also into the sometimes-cynical efforts of a variety of kpop producers

a lot of people in the youtube/kpop sphere talk about the growth of citypop as if it were a spontaneous wave that appeared out of nowhere with mariya takeuchi’s plastic love getting picked up by the youtube algorithm in like 2018 or whatever, but thats a very like online-ignorant view of the interaction between vintage japanese music and worldwide online EDM production. citypop has been used in future funk and vaporwave for almost a decade by now, and, as a result, a number of citypop songs took off on social media here and there before plastic love’s acceleration— dress down by kaworu akimoto is one of the big examples off the top of my head, but there’s likely many many more.

“Plastic Love” by Mariya Takeuchi (1984). if you haven’t heard this yet, you’d better listen to it now. The video that first went viral was uploaded in 2017

“Selfish High Heels” by Yung Bae, Macross 82-99, and Harrison (2014) is a popular Future Funk remixes of Dress Down by Kaoru Akimoto (1986)

people who haven’t been very aesthetically literate online over the years— musically or visually, since those things are tied in subcultures— treat things like they come from nowhere. there are ongoing subcultural conversations that lead to certain aesthetic choices, and when someone tries to cash in on a trend without understanding what the trend is, that leads people to call bullshit. calling bullshit is not meanspirited, in my opinion, because it very much is like somebody who can’t speak a language getting up in front of everybody and saying “hey, i’m fluent!” and then speaking some vaguely that-language-sounding nonsense. of course people who genuinely speak that language will be outraged instinctively. it feels like being mocked.

that’s why the difference between music producers picking up on a trend cynically and music producers picking up on a trend with earnest interest in that trend’s origins feels different, even if the producers are similarly distant from the original subculture that produced that trend.

“Lady” by Yubin (2018) committed hard to the 80s JP citypop aesthetic, musically and visually, down to the sets, all fairly early in the major resurgence.

i’m sure that anyone with a passing familiarity with citypop and kpop can ascertain that not all kpop producers know what citypop is and what makes it citypop. all they know is that it is on-trend and they have to make it. not all kpop listeners know what citypop is and what makes it citypop. all they know is their idol said citypop as a buzzword in their little prepared statement. all this results in some interesting moments for me as a Music Fan, Online.

here is where i get to the thing that spurred this post: loona “did a citypop” for their japanese comeback. it doesnt sound like citypop.

“Hula Hoop (Citypop Version)” by Loona (2021). It has very odd percussion rhythms and mixing for citypop, no real attempt at a citypop verse, and strangely sparse gestures towards citypop in the form of a few seconds of bass and some synthesized orchestral embellishments that were taken from the original mix …all in spite of a very disco-inspired melody that should have worked perfectly for citypop

this is not a very big deal, and im not mad about it or anything. when a kpop act i like gets saddled with an unfortunate B-Side track i dont tend to take it very hard. however, it did raise a little bit of musical discourse in the loona fandom— in the form of remixes.

“hula hoop if it was actually a citypop song” by loonahatetwinks and Olivia Soul on youtube. this one has an original instrumental that is spot-on for contemporary k-citypop

My most favorite one of these remixes is a futurefunk remix by ZSunder, one of the very best LOONA fan producers. The fact that ZSunder thought to make a future funk remix at all speaks more to an understanding of the mutually supportive relationship between citypop and EDM genres than most kpop citypop producers or fanmixers seem to care to know about.

“Hula Hoop (Future Funk Mix)” by ZSunder is futurefunk made and mixed with such love that it has the infectious summery energy of a polished, big-name future funk hit

in the comments of this video, some people seemed to get the citypop-future funk connection and some didnt. many did get it, don’t get me wrong! but also, its not all that surprising for some kpop-focused listeners to not know much about EDM subcultures and the reasons behind various trends among producers, since kpop as an institution tends to take influences from any genre and culture it likes and then decontextualize those influences by just having their names used as buzzwords in the blurbs the idols have to recite when variety show hosts ask them about their latest single. this isn’t a criticism of the genre or the fans really, it’s just a part of the kpop industry that is used to add shine to an endless firehose-like stream of polished pop tracks. there are some issues with using whole genres and subcultures with complex histories as buzzwords, but god help us if we ever want a pop industry to give its influences their dues.

anyway, the intention behind ZSunder’s future funk Hula Hoop remix happened to remind me me of why i love Yukika’s discography so much, especially the Soul Lady album. I’ve seen some reviews online baffled by parts of Soul Lady, because the album in general is an exploration of that relationship between citypop and modern/internet EDM. i’ve seen plenty of Soul Lady reviews especially baffled by pit-a-pet, saying something along the lines of “what’s with the modern-sounding dance track in the middle of a retro album?”, but i think that pit-a-pet is a futurefunk-inspired track, at least in the chorus. considering both that and the Chill Lo-Fi Interludes, it seems like estimate’s team put together Soul Lady for Yukika in a way that shows that they love citypop and understand the online-specific electronic music subcultures that led to citypop’s resurgence.

“pit-a-pet” by Yukika (2020). the stacatto, bass heavy chorus is futurefunk enough, but the soaring orchestral part in the final chorus seals the deal for my interpretation.

“All Flights Are Delayed (1 hour version)” by Yukika (2020). Estimate literally released an hour-long youtube mix of one of the Lo-Fi interludes on Soul Lady as part of their promotion, clearly inspired by “Lo-Fi anime beats to chill out to,” which is another example of online producers from around the world using Japanese samples as a focal point of their music

Estimate, in the end, is still a Kpop production company, just the same as BBC, so they have no inherent claim over citypop, but the way that their exploration of subgenres clearly comes from passion and interest on the part of their production staff makes it so that their work with Yukika rings true. on the other hand, i really appreciate Ryan S. Jhun’s work on LOONA’s JP comeback, as well as on Not Friends, but the citypop mix thing was so clearly an afterthought to the point where fans of Loona who like citypop seem mostly just irritated by the cynical-seeming attempt.

heres one last good modern kpop citypop MV that has nods to the internet culture that led to its revival in the form of the videography— vaporwave, future funk, lofi, and other internet genres along those lines tend to have videos consisting of looping anime and vhs clips. future funk in particular is known for this, especially since a lot of future funk music, esp early future funk, is just loops of very short, catchy segments of citypop and disco songs. it’s all about the loops

“My Type” by Yoon JongShin ft. Miyu Takeuchi (2019). This song is so dedicated to the retro JP citypop sound that it’s almost beyond my personal taste. The singer, Miyu, was a headlining act at a seoul citypop festival and sang this song as part of her act (:

this video of “Only One” by Conscious Thoughts (2015) has a looped clip as an example for comparison with My Type. it also has a pulsing sidechain compressor working in time with its drum beat in a way that is common for future funk and that i think is a good example for my pit-a-pet yukika comparison to future funk

i guess the takeaway here is that media is more and more online, and the creation and propagation of digital audio and video content has been in the hands of literally almost anybody who wants to do it for the past two decades thanks to garage band and fruityloops and audacity and tiktok and youtube and bandcamp and soundcloud and myspace and newgrounds and p2p file sharing and so on and so forth. and therefore like… as with all things, the consumer class more and more is also the creator class, and therefore every member of an audio-visual subculture will have the ability to discern what is and isnt made with knowledge of the audio-visual language of that subculture

#me using elder millennial phrasing for Loona Did A City Pop to imply how out-of -touch it is kfhajfhs #mine #music #long post #Youtube

[seoafin]

tbh,, i havent read the raws of the interview yet, only the translated ver from fan-translator and b4 i start, i think that this will be just me talking in circle and in no particular order AND a real mess (my brain does weird things after exams) but uhh here we go

gojou collects talented people, and by doing so he finds the people he can most probably relate to, except that he can't, not really, because something in the universe shifted when he was born. and it makes me think of how he's always known it, that he is special, and he's proven it, time and time again— he wants to take in talented ppl and he does, but there rly isn't much he can do for them. for they are talented, more talented than the world can understand,,

but they aren't gojou satoru

gojou took in megumi, bc he knew megumi was strong, and would grow up to be someone even stronger, but gojou can't facilitate or encourage his growth, bc for all they're similar, they are so fundamentally different. ALSO,, while geto was in his life, gojou rly judged everything according to his understanding of geto’s moral compass. gojou wears a human suit and geto is how he learnt to wear it well 🏃

the dragonfly analogy regarding to geto’s response to gojo, who was shown wearing a dragonfly patterned yukata in HI arc,, i’m trying to not think abt the fact that dragonfly symbolized victory in jpn....pain. i quoted from a web here for more explanation : In Japan the dragonfly is known as the "victory insect", or kachimushi, because of its hunting prowess and also because it is known to never retreat. Dragonflies are agile and fast fliers and can even hover, but never fly backwards

and bringing this up again, matricide and patricide are 2 of the 5 worst act to commit in buddhism, and it was said that if u commit one of those act u’re going to spend a real long time in the deepest pit of hell before continuing the samsaric cycle (higher chances to be born as an animal after that probs)— this might be geto’s divine retribution. held no power over his own body and could be considered that he’s the same as those “monkeys” 💀

ALSO the fact that sukuna's interest is "eating" rly drives home his hedonistic philosophy of seeking pleasure for himself. and he’s a cannibal...makes me think if he’ll just chomp on ppl with the mouth on his stomach

randomly, to date i think he hasn't really called himself a human, shaman, or a curse, and has held himself apart from all 3, and we've also the intro of the cursed wombs so i wonder if he’s trying to become, or is, a different entity altogether

so onmyoji got mentioned in the interview and what they practice is called onmyodo and abe no seimei and kano no yasunori were the notable practitioners,, and the kamo in jjk is the same as irl who served the imperial court back then

maybe i was right when i said that the relation between the govt. and jujutsu elders are similar to how the shogunate and imperial court work (ie, the former holds the actual power) but... lets see later,,

and i cant believe that i actually nailed it on the analogy of jujutsu practices by religion,,, so mahayana buddhism, shintoism, and taoism is present in jjk along with their respective jujutsu practices...but between the 3, it shld (?) be taoism > shintoism > mahayana buddhism (which could took a path to pure land buddhism)

it’s weird that the number of curses are supposedly higher in jpn comparable to other countries when taoism was brought from china....tengen sus

so the zenin family tree is sth like :

brothers: [toji's dad] ; naobito ; ougi

so toji, naoya, and maki & mai are cousins of the same generation

[toji's dad] → jinichi (probs) ; toji → megumi

naobito → other brothers, naoya

ougi → maki, mai

but yea i’d call anyone who’s within/close or below my age range as cousins and others above 30 as uncles/ aunts LMFAO,, i dont rly memorize my own family tree 😭😭 especially since most call the other by honorifics instead of names : aunt, uncles etc or attaching said honorifics at the end of a name for an older sibling figure/ older cousins [but like ppl in my country also call the other who are older with sibling honorific even if we’re strangers,,, rly similar to korea’s hyung/oppa—eonnie(unnie)/noona but some uses more genderless honorific] (1)

tw // topic of incest, mentions of abuse

if anyone got the wrong idea when reading this : i am not glorifying/ romanticising incest(uous themes),, i’m looking at this with absolutely no lenses of bias even tho im rly against it

初恋 = literally : first love, or puppy love

恋 = romantic love/ deep longing

i literally don't know how else to put this...🧍and with language barrier...using a western interpretation of the eng word "love" to explain a jpnese term is not quite that simple, unfortunately

that thread omg,, i rly do understand how exactly someone could associated kindness with love bc of my upbringing, it was when i was slightly older that i was just...oh so its not like that orz,,, so the most plausible explanation would be that

but the problem is that,, akutami never specify when exactly she had a crush on them,, and when megumi answered todo’s question she had a “♡” reaction 😶,, uhmmm there’s rly no way to look past this if its this way or be in denial

i’ve seen some of "why wouldn't mai react that way after hearing megumi say he'd like someone who's compassionate when she's surrounded by men like naoya",, well I MEAN,,, that, but also mai probs admires that megumi grew up so well out of the clan, regardless of the fact that he had the foundation (10 shadows) to do so. imo she seems happy for him the way she can't be for maki, bc maki ultimately had to leave her behind

hate to say it but yea,, the 3 clans most likely still practice inbreeding in order to preserve their power and presumably their wealth too 😀

i had an idle thought abt it at first but i filed it deep in the back of my mind asap,, bc i ont wanna jump to conclusion abt this out of all things too early. it’s probably not even in jjk, but all those elite clans in other ani/mangas that produce powerful heirs and whatnot also do the same,,, but this way of (my personal) thinking was influenced when i first got into tsukihime (type-moon),,, i read abt the nanaya family background and found out that they practice that in order to keep their bloodline “pure” (to keep it short : they have an optical power),, and i had this kind of assumption ever since so there’s that

i’m,, convinced the zenins' inbreeding made it more difficult for them to get powerful shamans bc they got 2 jujutsu technique-less children with heavenly restrictions in the same generation: toji & maki

even more convinced that maki might be a bit stronger than toji bc toji could see curses without aid while maki can't so the pay-off must be higher,,, SJJASN IDK ,,, plus naoya sort of implies his older brothers are nothing compared to him, and idk if we should take that as his arrogance or that his older brothers rly are weak/powerless. it would make sense as to why naobito had a lot of sons, ig, as head of clan

i feel so bad that if one of the factors that can caused heavenly restriction is inbreeding,, toji and maki and mai had no say in how they wanted to be born but are scorned for it,, typical asian families projecting their traumas and ideals onto their kids but get mad when they realize that those ideals are ugly...😁😁😁

since the zenin are conservative,, i wonder if they still hold onto old jpnese dining traditions. where in ancient jpn, hierarchical relationships were made readily apparent even within families. a dining table where everybody sat down and ate as equals would be unheard of. rather, each individual is given their own table that indicates their status,,, someone who is not considered “strong” according to the zenin’s views most likely have no place at the table, and probs eat when those who are “strong” finished/ serve them when they are eating

if toji was tossed into a swarm of curses,, i dont think abuse during said time is below them,,,

the zenin clan was already great, but they further amassed power and strength by, what i assume to be, marrying and adopting powerful individuals into the clan 🤔 ,,, i imagine they're like the hiiragi but without doing what they did to shinya (ons reference)

BUT after all that, i like to think that since akutami’s a big horror fan, jjk might be an outlet to explore said topics or even darker ones, so i wouldnt be that surpised abt it. given that there’s more than enough “red flags” before this was dropped : a reference to “tale of hikaru genji” when a grown woman asked for gojou’s number in HI arc (out of all things); granny who transformed into the man’s daughter, sat on his lap and man just touched her waist; mei mei and ui ui ; and...this (incestous theme is in the novel btw)

lets not start with whatever the fuck in kubo’s head in the interview otherwise i’m writing paragraphs with every curse words possible,, those big 3 mangakas are so— UGH,, a planet w out (cis) men like him sounds real good rn 😌 if one of yall out there decide to do it,, pls hmu rly cant do this shit anymore

akutami said i like my men pretty and i like women who will step on my neck and spit in my face (I REMEMBERED TATSUKI FUJIMOTO’S INTERVIEW WHEN HE WAS ASKED ABT MAKIMA AND IT WAS SO 😭😭😭😭) but ykw,, love that for both of them <3

when i said 3 : one piece, bleach, naruto. aside from the blatant depiction/ characterize of women in those 3,, idk if some ppl arent aware yet but oda is friends with two (2) convicted pedos,, man...the major disappointment and disgust when i first find out abt it

anyways this is just my 2 cents (which i think rightfully belong to the trash can) so pls just take this w a lil to no grain of salt - 🐱

YEAH THE ♡ LMFAO I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST A “good answer ♡“ heart BUT NOW IM RE-EXAMINING?????

honestly i wouldn’t be surprised if the three clans practiced inbreeding. but ik people are going to be  😡😡😡😡😡 about it when the queen of fucking england is literally married to her (something) cousin. i’m not justifying it but like....love the double standards, just as always with the west 😍

DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THAT FUCKING PED* LIST THEY SHOULD ALL BE IN JAIL. JAILLLLL. it’s all so gross. that’s why i fucking hate when people look towards manga for positive representation because the chances of that are super slim to zero, especially since the industry is saturated with misogyny and ped******* and a lot of other gross stuff.

i think ppl forget jjk is a horror manga LOL so obviously it’s going to confront darker themes. the question is whether it’s going to be done tastefully or not......

#honestly I don't have high hopes unfortunately 😭 #but who knows I might be...pleasantly surprised #idk I don't have high hopes in manga nowadays so hmmm #anyway as always I enjoy ur thoughts <3 ❤️❤️ #hope ur doing well!!! #and getting all those genshin impact goodies #🐱 anon #long post

[trickstarbrave]

big hot topic on tiktok that has been talked abt often that i wanna throw my two cents in abt the discussion but will do so here bc its going to be way easier than condensing it in 60 seconds and ppl will get even more mad abt it on there. under a cut so you can just not look if you don’t want to as it’s probably long and no one likes this discussion 

disclaimer: im not jewish. culturally or religiously at all. so i do not have the best of insight of jewish folklore and i will mainly be repeating what i have heard jewish ppl say on it but you listening to jewish ppl on it will invariably be way more helpful. ultimately i am not talking to make an argument for or against lilith worship bc i can’t make that call, mainly just that arguments for it i see tend to be deeply flawed. ive seen jewish people who say they don’t care if people worship her and ive seen jewish people who are very much against it and frankly no one needs my non jewish ass giving them permission on it, i just don’t like some of the harmful arguments and at times BLATANT anti-Semitism i see in the discussions

“lilith isn’t a closed practice!!! she cant be closed!!! she’s a being/deity we can all recognize!!!”

this i feel starts with a misunderstanding of what “closed practice” means. a closed practice is a very broad term to describe any practices, typically spiritually in nature that are not freely shared 100% openly, usually due to trying to preserve cultural or religious practices. you can learn about most of them--if you go to a primary source. many people of closed practices are open about talking about it and teaching it to people who are interested, and some cannot due to years of oppression and theft of those said practices. some require initiation, and a lot of them are passed down with heavy cultural ties. and most importantly “closed practice” is a relatively new understanding of cultural preservation after colonization. 

judaism isn’t a ‘fully closed’ religion, but it does have a set conversion order in place, and typically while converting you will learn under a rabbi or teacher. a lot of jewish mysticism, magic, and folklore are passed down culturally, so even converts may take a very long time to learn all the ins and outs of it. and a lot of times jewish practices, beliefs, texts, and folklore has been wholesale stolen by western new-age spiritualists, occultists throughout the ages, and demonized by people who seek to harm jewish people as a whole. 

the pure fact of the matter is that unless you are learning from jewish people theres going to be a lot of things about lilith you don’t know. your understanding outside of the cultural jewish understanding of her is very different, yet you are the one who also constantly equates them as the same being with the same stories, with some modifications. yet time and time again whenever a jewish person would express anxiety over it (as she can be viewed as a very HARMFUL spirit to jewish people and not a deity for them) you talk over them and call them sexist, and when they try to correct you over misunderstandings of her stories you tell them you know more than them. 

with closed practices what doesn’t matter is your bloodline or your skin, it is about the information you have access culturally, and that information may be kept from people like you so that the faith in question can be preserved because it has been threatened. and yes, jewish people have had their cultural, spiritual, and religious practices threatened. it isn’t about keeping you out because they don’t like you, its about the fact that you don’t know everything and the way you are going to learn it will be difficult and very different. ive seen white voodou workers who are actual recognized practioners (sorry for the lack of proper terminology on this i know they have proper words/titles but i dont know them), and they didn’t just look up whatever they could find online, they had to seek out a priest to learn from, and it took a lot of time and training. 

there is a way to approach closed religious/spiritual practices, and someone saying ‘this is closed’ is not them saying ‘go away you cant even look at or be interested in this thing it is not for and never will be for people like YOU’. and ultimately HOW you go about approaching it will be decided by someone in that culture, and not however you feel would be the best way to do it as an outsider.

“how could so many people, if they aren’t actually contacting the “real lilith” be wrong? if shes from a closed practice she couldn’t reach out to so many people right? so they aren’t doing anything disrespectful” 

spirits, deities, and other entities from closed practices do reach out to outsiders on occasion and the correct course for dealing with that is to immediately find a person of religious/spiritual authority and trying to work with that person to better understand why. again the point above: you do not have the cultural knowledge to work with them, you do not understand how to identify them, what practices best suit them, the multitudes of stories around them, and history of them working with humans. if you actually value them as an entity it is imperative you understand from a PRIMARY source all of this information, not just second and third hand accounts of outsiders. 

and also a lot of colonizers have claimed to be personally connected or contacted by entities from a closed practice and use that as an excuse to not only not learn, but speak as an authority figure about them. there are people who claim to work with shinto spirits with absolutely 0 actual knowledge on shintoism yet feel like they have an authority to speak on it. there are people who claim to have been contacted by voodou, hoodou, and vodun spirits/entities and know nothing about it yet speak as authority figures on it. i’ve seen someone do it for a polynesian god. they did not care about actual learning, they cared about their own beliefs, validating those said already existing beliefs, and getting validation online. am i saying everyone is doing this with lilith? no. but saying “people wouldnt just lie/be wrong right?” yeah. yeah it happens all the time. 

“they don’t even like her, they fear her, she’s a demon to them and is actually from babylonia, we are NOT worshipping the same version as her and they don’t even want anything to do with her so why does it matter” 

in terms of actual cultural study a lot of jewish and christian stories are born from the cultures their people have had contact with. historically yes, jewish people have been in babylonia, assyria, and that area, and have made cultural exchanges with those people. a lot of cultural sharing has occured throughout history, but the jewish tellings of the stories have particularly jewish cultural knowledge and heritage in them. also we frankly do not have a lot of concrete surviving stories of lili, lilu, and lilitu, so i know you are not basing the meat and bones of your practice on those unless you have access to that cultural knowledge that not even archaeologists and anthropologists even know exists. most of it is on middle ages mysticism that developed her further based on jewish folklore and religious stories. 

also just because a culture doesn’t worship and revere a spirit doesn’t mean it is yours for the adopting and taking. we see this with the cannibalistic spirit i will not name from algonquin tribes and shapeshifting spirits/witches i also will not name from navajo. these are not spirits you’re supposed to mention or talk about, and even more so because their culture has such intense, negative stories around them means you should probably give it a little more thought. 

the last point i am going to make is the general, overt anti-semitism i see. stop comparing judaism to christianity. stop saying they are evil and misrepresent her because judaism is inherently sexist. stop saying they are oppressing your culturally christian raised ass. stop saying jewish people have no culture of their own and its “all stolen from pagan traditions” (which are somehow all equally open for you to take from too i suppose, as though middle eastern practices are exactly the same cultural weight as all white european ones)

again im not for the forceful closing of practices and i cannot give you fucking permission as i sure as shit do not know but i don’t think any of you even understand what “closed practice” means and why jewish people might have even the slightest misgivings about you working with or worshipping her and it really shows. if you have been heavily studying the occult, jewish traditions, and are doing so respectfully then i sure as hell am not here to argue with you about it so don’t come at me for it. what i am saying is a lot of people who do not have that and are absolutely disrespectful towards judaism and jewish people as a whole really keep making an ass of themselves on witchtok and are absolutely insufferable towards any jewish person who voices their thoughts and feelings on it, and i have a problem with that. 

#antisemitism #lilith #ultimately this is part of a larger debate of jewish mysticism inspired old school occult traditions #but i know most of the people arguing have very little knowledge on it #hence the bad argumentation #tiktok has limited character space and time so i figured it would just be better to write it out #basically my point boils down to 'i dont know if you can do this respectfully as i am not qualified to tell you how that looks' #'but i do know that THIS way of doing it absolutely is not'

[biaswreckingfics]

I GOT SO MUCH TO SAYYY!! gosh pls dont find me weird okay, and these are just my personal opinions and im not hating any groups!! but my unpopular opinion is: i think kpop has become very toxic after bts and bp got famous in America. And tbh if you ask me, i wouldnt want any other kpop groups to be famous in America... i only stan exo but i think i speak for all groups when i say they are safe as they are now... of course if exo ever get even more famous i will be happy and proud for their success. But look how fame and America has changed bts and bp... not tryna hate but look theyve changed, idk if anyone else noticed but after fame hits bts, i realised how theyve start to become very...white?? like they are so westernised and like example, they start focusing on America only, they even curse (not a lot but i’d still point out) casually like for example, jungkook singing a curse word in his cover song for jason derulo savage love i think (speaking of cursing, after nct127 got famous in usa mark started getting influenced by them too and he casually cursed like “oh fuck” and everyones like 😃😆) even i curse and im not saying cursing is BADD but yeah i am, and how they sing a whole song in english, not to even mention how toxic america is but in grammys they have sold tons of albums yet they didnt win anything but when they release an english song, they won.

Some half of them americans are very toxic, racist, and just theyre basically acid, like bruh, its evident that once bts got famous there are soooo much hate thrown towards bts too cuz theyre asians, or how some would say theyre gay or look like girls...if my favs (exo) ever get these kinds of treatments (not that they dint but veryy little cuz thank god they ain exposed to the western culture) i will B R E A K, i could never handle that so i would never want that to happen to them. Also noticed how, after bts got famous, most armys are equally as toxic, whether they are just stanning bts just cuz theyre famous there, or like how their fans dont even know anything abt bts and coming after so many groups and their fans. Most of them are fake and i think its cuz of the fame for bts lmao. One thing i’d like to say too tho, is how they are so overrated and their songs are played all the damn time, people would randomly talk abt them, like everywhere you go THEY ARE JUST THERE, like in my opinion if i am an army, i would just feel like they are so common and theres nothing special about them anymore and theres no excitement, like what even is the point anymore. idk if anyone gets me but thats just how i feel about my favs being “wOrLdWiDe fAmOuS”, i will love them and their music but its just something i think about tbh🤷🏻‍♀️ like let me listen to them on my own and vibe and love them, dont play it 24/7 just cuz they are famous and ure tryna get people’s attention, like imagine ure in the subway and u hear ur favs song cuz its EVERYWHERE and ure there like 😐😐 not that u dont love their music but its cuz horrible people dont deserves to listen to their songs, and like people arent going to appreciate them anyway so yeah i feel uncomfortable listening to my favs as others dont even bother, like imagine if that subway is filled with people who are in ur fandom, yall would just hv the best time in the world and VIBE, if not what even is the point. Idk if im explaining it properly, but its badically like, u feeling UNCOMFORTABLE or should i even say SELFISH cuz u do not want to be sharing ur favs with people who dont even deserve to KNOW about them. Basically like seeing how someone you HATE or bullied you back then talking and being all friendly fake with ur BESTEST FRIEND or even boyfriend/girlfriend, cuz u just want to protect them from EVIL (im so dramatic)

And well lastly, no Bts did not paved the way, or “bts is the best and only group” like no, so many amazing artists were breaking records way before bts was even a thing (no hate to bts) but they really need to get slap for having that mindset, they really make a bad image for bts...tbh kpop before was so peaceful (a little toxic but still, compared to now...BYE) and everything was just about idols and fans love, listening and supporting and loving their music and just so comforting... urgh anyway thats all i wanna say and here are some texts i saved relating to kpop groups going famous worldwide uwu

these are also examples, and honestly speaking here, i dont want to be specific as in “exo” cuz i think this happens for ALL the groups out there and the love and relationship between the idols and their fans (family) are just beautiful, but for bts and armys... tbh i feel bad because i just dont see or feel any love they hv for each other (sure we see bts saying i love you armys or armys supporting bts but with all the toxicity in their way, theres just no spark or chemistry or bond no more it’s basically like one direction and their fans and thats all they are, celebrity-fan, but for kpop its family), i can see other groups and their fans interacting or how idols would light up talking abt their fans, but for bts, theres just soooo much mess going on in their fandom its not special anymore, they lost the deep meaning of their group love and IDK HOW TO EXPLAIN IT but YEAH DJSHSKSJ OH and to add somethign else, they got famous in America, look at all the collabs🤡🤡 blackpink with cardi b, bts with nicki etc... not that collabs arent fun... im just saying these american artists... they dont exactly have a good reputation (americans singing about sex (not the good kind), money, girls and drugs) 🥴🥴 dont influenced my faves and let them be exposed to the toxic culture YALL GET ME?? KPOP HAS THE LETTER K FOR A REASON😭😭😭 let them be their own shining star, not everything has to be involved or a part of aMeRiCa to be amazing.... PHEW IVE SAID IT NOW BEFORE ANYONE GETS MAD AT ME, I DONT MEAN TO SOUND RUDE TO YOU, if youre an american and youre no where near being toxic, I LOVE YOU but im just saying, the western culture is toxic and im just saying what ive been observing and noticing🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️ ps: i still love exo till the max and everything about them is perfect and theyre just amazing people (everything i said that bts and armys dont really have anymore, i think thankfully, EXO (sorry im biased) most fandoms still have so much of the L O V E there and i find that extraordinary) and he fandom is so comforting and amazing and idk dkdjjdjss thats why i dont want them getting famous worldwide...sorry exols ANYWAY THATS ALL FOR MY RANT ITS 4AM AND I AM THINKING OF DELETING THIS💀💀💀 anywya sorry for taking up so much space but i just wanna say I FREKAING LOVE NO EXIT, NO LIMITS, basically all ur exo fics cuz why not🥺🥺 i think ur writing skills are amazing as well as the plots and all especially forsaken, and THANK YOU for two bbhxoc fics😭😭😭 i cant!!! also if u reached here idk i-🥲 i hope u didnt get mad or offended 👀

Reply under the cut!!

Kpop has become extremely toxic with the growth of international fans and the rise of 3rd/4th gen. I wasn't around to experience the previous generations, but I know damn well they weren't a mess like these newer ones are.

Gaining fame in America does seem to change idols, and idk why. The group members change and the music changes also. While I do enjoy hearing idols swear (guilty pleasure) and I am an American so I get to enjoy their English songs, I can see how it makes all the other cultures/countries feel some type of way.

I will say this, though, the Grammys are shit and I dont get why people care so much about them. They've proven time and time again the awards don't go to the best artists. However, this doesn't mean that I think BTS deserved a Grammy imo.

Americans are a very toxic and hate filled bunch (again, I am one, so I get to see this shit every day). I 100% know that some of the hate directed towards Asians is because of racism (as seen by the insane uptick in crime against Asian Americans right now) and because some see kpop male idols as too feminine.

BTS is literally everywhere, which is one of the reasons I stopped listening to them tbh. They'd be in commercials, on talk shows, late night shows, in magazines, on the radio, just everywhere. It took the joy out of watching anything from them just because they were always in my face, so I can see what you mean.

I feel like the relationship between BTS and army has changed (from an outsiders perspective). Its no longer about loving and supporting your group and being happy for them. Now, its "so-so wants this? We MUST do everything in our power and spam every possible thing ever so they get what they want". Its almost frightening. They also no longer care about the quality of the music being put out. Doesn't matter what it is, they stream the ever loving shit out of it and make it break records when, honestly, it doesn't deserve to (again imo).

Lastly, I didnt get mad or offended haha. I understand a lot of these viewpoints, and thank you so much for liking my work!! I do wonder what would happen if I made a true BBH centric fic and not just spin offs or continuations of previous works where oc ends up with BBH 🤔🤔 I think that fic would have too much power haha.

#unpopular kpop opinions #sehunsthetics

[ajokeformur-ray]

I watched Joker tonight and typed out my thoughts as they occurred to me. Unedited; typos are guaranteed. I did this a few months ago and really enjoyed looking back at my thought process and I wanted to do it again so that I can look back and know that what I feel is real and true in my darkest times.

You're welcome to skip this; it's under a cut for ease of doing so. Warnings for occasional sexual comment lmao. There’s no self shipping in this, I don’t think.

word count: 2, 575.

I’M SOBBING and I’ve only just pressed play.

Heart squeeze Chest much ow

THERE HE IS

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

Nooooo baby omg don’t pretend - let yourself hurt if it hurts. Don’t pretend. 

Carnival Carnival Carnivalllllllll 😍😍😍😍😍

I am a Simp for one clown and his name is Carnival

Someone help him, I????

That sign hit Arthur as hard as my love for him did ksksksk

MY EYES BE LEAKIN💔💔💔💔💔

bb nooooo

Oh honey let me kiss those bruises and replace the marks of violence with love, hm? You’re safe with me.

Breathe, my love. Don’t fight the laughter. Let it out, let yourself go. 

Screams into a pillow because????? much sad must kiss

“have you been keeping up with your journal?” LIKE HE HAS TIME

oHHHHH boi’s close to losing his shit

Do it, Artie. Give ‘em hell.

“I think I did” YOU TELL HER!!💖💖💖

I want to be his cigarette. Where’s Satan??? I got a new deal for my blackened soul which he took at half price😂😂😂😂

I’d have my hand between the door and his head so fuckin fast I swear

“I just don’t wanna feel so bad anymore” yep SAME

ohhhh peekaboo🥺🥺🥺

this makes me giggle ksksksk i watch this scene when i feel sad bc it always makes me happy for the time it’s on

he’s so good with kids; he doesn’t have to try and think about what’s funny, he just does it, he’s himself and it works

FUCK OFF LADY CAN’T YOU SEE HE’S STRUGGLING????

give

him

back

his

card

casually wrinkling my nose against tears lmao

ohhh the way he looks up at those stairs from the bottom

i can feel his exhaustion

me too, my love

step step step step

god i wanna get him the fuck outta gotham

and into my arms and a soft, warm blanket

“eat. you need to eat” LITERALLY WHAT I TELL MYSELF EVERY DAY IN HIS VOICE BC OTHERWISE I JUST WOULDNT EAT???? I’m losing so much weight asdfghjk its not enough tho

SUPAH RATS

Did Arthur come up w that joke or was it actually a Murray joke????

HIS VOICE IS SO SOFT IM CRY??🥺🥺🥺🥺

“I WAS PUT HERE TO SPREAD JOY AND LAUGHTER”

YOU DO BABY, YOU DO!!!! EVERY FUCKING DAY!!!!

go deepthroat a cactus randall - youre already a bit of a prick so🙃🙃🙃

“THE GUYS THINNK YOU’RE A FREAK BUT I LIKE YOU”

HOYT. YOU CAN GO SIT ON A CACTUS TOO

FUCK OFF

😡😡😡😡

“WHY WOULD ANYONE STEAL A SIGN”//”WHY DOES ANYONE DO ANYTIHNG?” HOYT YOU’RE SO FUCKING ILLOGICAL HERE IM????? ERIKA DOES NOT (ALSO WILL NOT LMAO IM A STUBBORN BIITCH) COMPUTE

Can arthur fuck me like he pounds the trash/????🥵🥵👀

those dark curls.... that crooked tooth... must kiss.🥺🥺🥺

pennys casual cruelty makes me so fucking angry

foreshadowingggggg ~  *JAZZ HANDS*

ugh the way he dances with that gun im👀🥵🥵🥵

he enjoys the power of it and his breathing gets deeper asdfghjk

clumsy baby omggggg i just COOED 🥺🥺🥺🥺

okay maybe im stupid but i genuinely dont understand this “senior who needs to graduate” skit i’m??? how is being an intro to western civ student funny im???? someone explain???

but also dont bc fuck that guy lmao arthur’s hilarious

true millenial humour (and brit humour lmao we’re dark asf)

THE WAY ARTIE TWIRLS HIS FINGERS AROUND HIS HAIR AND DANCES IN HIS SEAT IM???🥺🥺🥺

wanna curl up on his lap at night when hes writing and go to sleep with a 

blanket around our bodies🥺🥺🥺🥺

when arthur wears a shirt at home you KNOW it’s a daydream

THAT CROOKED TOOTH IM WANT KISS.

WAIT IS IT CALLED STAND UP COMEDY BC YOU STAND UP... AND ITS COMEDY???

23 FUCKING YEARS, PEOPLE... TO REALISE THAT🙄

WHEN CARNIVAL CAME ON SCREEN I NTHE HOSPITAL I MADE A PORNOGRAPHIC NOISE LMAO I LOVE HIM SO MUCH

IF YOURE HAPPY AND YOU KNOW IT, SHOOT MURRAY

WOOPS WRONG LYRICS

😂

“doctor of laughter”🥺🥺🥺🥺

doctor i have a case of the Big Sad can you... do an exam? 😉😏

NO BB DONT BEAT YOUR HEAD UP THERES PRECIOUS CARGO IN THERE

in what world does chucking cold greasy chips in a girls hair being “nice”???

lmao fuck these guys

ohhh honey breathe. dont fight it, my love, just breathe.

my heart’s breaking for you, you sweet thing🥺🥺🥺

i love you so so so so so so so much ugh you’re an actual fucking angel

just breathe darling

i need to get you a cup of tea with honey in it, your throat must be so sore

ohhhh baby im so sorry

i’d take every single punch if i could

i’d die for you

i wish i could protect you

i wish i could look after you

and take all those hits

and kill those guys for you

im so sorry

sobbingggg

YES GOOD MAN THANK YOUUU

KILL THOSE ASSHOLES LMAO DESERVED IT

yeah i have a grey morality... im similar to deadpool in that way tbh

carnival comin’ to kill your insecurities

8 bullets in a 6 chamber???? mm-hm

DONT FORGET YOUR BAG THATS EVIDENCE

AND THE WIG

RUN BABY RUNNNNNNN

GO GO GO GOOOOOOOOOOOO

RUN LIKE THE WIND BULLSEYE

THE SOUND OF HIS FEET SLAPPING THE PAVEMENT IM👀

OOOOOH JOKER’S WAKIN’ UUUUUUP

fuck he’s so hypnotic

the way he runs his hand down his lower stomach asdfghj🥵

must kiss the inner tendons on his wrists and lick the blood off his face 

must kiss

he moves like water

fuck hes so fluid

bathroom scene = the scene in which my heart and vagina clench at the same time

im WANT

T POSEEEEEEEE

“i still owe you for that, dont i?”

PUNCH OUT IS MY FAVOURITE THING E  V  E  R

D O N T S M I LE

UGH I FUCKING HATE being told to smile if i don’t fucking want to so BIG mood

PLEASE SHUSH ME THE WAY YOU JUST SHUSHED PENNY IM???

but also dont lmao bc i’ll think you’re mad at me and i’ll hide in the bedroom for the rest of the day lmao i’m sensitive✨✨✨

i wanna sit on his lap and still his bouncing knees

“thats not funny”

fuck off penny yes it is

I JUST CHOKED ON MY COFFEE IM???

“but i do” god the  P O W E R

ugh that fucking sexist piece of shit comedian can choke “women look at sex like buying a car” 🤢🤮🤢🤢🤮

chauvinistic pigs can die thanks

his lil trip upstage im cry🥺🥺🥺

ohhh baby. just breathe, darling. it’s okay to be scared. dont fight it. just breathe. 

he and i both cover our mouths when we laugh/smile in the exact same way and it makes me feel closer to him

how can they think hes laughing at himself when hes literally gagging????

people only see what they wanna

the Penny imitation is👌👌👌

s m i l e

i remember when i came home from seeing this for the first time, i got home and dropped to my knees to cry in the bathroom. it was such an emotional release and so much love and i played smile to try to make myself smile but i only made myself cry harder lmaooooo ~ 

smile and thats life are my go-to songs if i gotta cheer tf up

danger sign = neither works

he looks so soft after his “date”🥺🥺🥺

“thats life” yeah but murray you dont even leave the studio so how do you know????

ngl arthur’s anger scares me.

anyone so much as raise their voice at me and i’ll cry really bad and i will shut myself away for the rest of the day and quiet anger terrifies me so his banging abt in the kitchen would freak me tf out😲

angry bb😭

he controls his anger so fast though omgggg ~ 

that soft please sends me

idk where it sends me lmao

down below probably

BARE FACED CARNIVAL OMG THIS SCENE IS SO CUTE

I LOVE THE MATCHING COLOURS ON ARTHUR AND BRUCE TOO ???

okay but the implication that arthur always carries a clown nose on him is🥺🥺🥺

hes such a good clown im?????

lmao im enjoying the show more than bruce is skskskk

arthur’s lil chuckle makes me🥺

his HUMMING im??? soft?????

his brows are so strong and dark omggg ~ he’s so beautiful

OKAY i’ll be honest i’ve seen this alfred/bruce scene and the thomas bathroom scene later on and the penny flashback scene a 100 times and i still dont fucking understand what did or didnt happen regarding arthur’s parentage im????

 ive seen interpretations to say he is thomas’ son and some to say he isnt and i still cant decide so? im stupid i guess 🙃

“a clown thing?” the  s a s s

“it’s exit only” yeah so’s my ass🙃

if i was there in the hospital room i woulda turned that tv off as soon as i realised what clip was gonna play

murray’s cruelty is d i s g u s t i n g

lmao hes an asshole

arthurs lil clap from joyyyyy ~ 🥺🥺🥺

did i say murray???

i meant  m u r r a t

🙃🙃🙃

sneaky baby

wayne hall either has super bad security or arthurs v quick on his feet

🤔🤔🤔🤔

he looks so good in red omggg ~ 

f o r e s h a d o w i n g

arthurs smile when hes watching chaplin is how he smiles when we all gush to each other abt him and ourselves!!!

hes so cuuuuuute🥺🥺🥺🥺😭😭😍😍😍🥰🥰🥰

“told me what” 

ohhhh honey🥺🥺 im so sorry. “crazy” is a trigger word for arthur; it made him start laughing in the bathroom with thomas

“touch my son again ill fucking kill you” yeah?? touch my arthur again and i’ll fucking kill you🙃🙃🙃🙃

^^^ that ones a joke do not come at me

the clerk in arkham was nice to arthur - he, gary and sophie are the good gothamites.

none of it was enough to stop his descent into joker, though, and i’d even say it was too late right at the beginning of the film, too... 

his sock puppet thingy “they cut all those” is such a Joker thing to doooo ~ 

the way arthur’s laughing in the hall at arkham turns into sobbing is gut-wrenching omg the poor thing😭

i wanna hug him and protect him and help him to process this in a healthy way

sweetheart, if i could take all of your pain and put it onto me... i so would. i’d do it in a heartbeat.

i wanna get you into a hot shower, make you some food and sit and listen to you. we can either sit in silence or you can talk to me, my love, and you will be heard and understood and loved.

“i had a bad day”

IT’S OKAY I DIDNT NEED MY HEART ANYWAY OMG YOU POOR SWEET INNOCENT THING IM LOVE YOU🥺💔

THAT ENTIRE LATE NIGHT SCENE LAUGH/SOBBING GOT ME -

💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

i just wanna hold you and protect you and help you and love you

I’m so fucking sorry, darling. i wish i could take it all away from you

“i havent been happy one minute of my entire fucking life”

NO ONE SHOULD LOOK THAT ANGELIC AFTER COMMITING MATRICIDE IM????

get

that

fucking

gun

away

from

your

face

boi dont test me ill fucking go feral or - no, tell you what, i’ll point the gun at me and see how you like it

im looking respectfully at the green speckled undies scene....👀👀👀

“coming” 😏😏😏

“my mum died im celebrating” and “i stopped taking my medication” and you STILL stayed in the apartment with Arthur????? dudes those are 🚨🚨🚨 signs

woe betide anyone who underestimates arthur fleck lmaoooo

randalls death scene makes me laugh every time omg i feel so vindictive

get WRECKED

i wanna lick the blood off his face. i really want to

ngl i think i have a blood kink... 

“dont look just go” ME WITH MY ACNE WHEN I SEE IT IN THE MIRROR 😂😂😂😂

JOKERJOKERJOKERJOKER 

ASDFGHJKL

J

O

K

E

R

ERIKA.EXE HAS STOPPED WORKING

JOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERRRRRR

😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍 MY BABY MY MAN OMG THERE HE IS IM CRY???????😭🥺😭🥺😭🥺

my mind is literally blank rn im just staring and crying and smiling so hard my face hurts????? im love him so so so so much

sweet thing’s so used to pain he gets HIT BY A CAR AND KEEPS GOING????

I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU

hghhhhhhhhhhhhhh

euirrrrrrgkjbgkfbirsghigrbugr

*incoherent keyboardsmash to portray utter love*

ohhh baby no dont cry. oh honey😭 i wanna sit on your lap and kiss your tears away

“i love dr sally”

you have a WIFE at home

“DO YOU REMEMBER?” THAT WAS YOUR CUE TO APOLOGISE LMAO GET FUCKED MURRAT

he’s so CUTE

omgggg ~ 

my hearts gonna give out its SQUEEZING SO HARD IT HURTS

YOU MOCK THEM, BABY!!! THEY GOT IT COMING

“i wanna get it right” hes so passionate

my comments have deceased in number bc im just too starstruck and in love to even think clearly lmao

jokers all i know rn and this is the most peaceful ive felt in WEEKS

im sobbing

ugh fuck this hurts so BAD

youre speaking the truth, darling. im so so proud of you and i love you so much

“THEY COULDNT CARRY A TUNE TO SAVE THEIR LIVES” LMAO INSIDE JOKESSS

literally sobbing right now ugh what the fuck youre in so much pain and in the middle of a breakdown and no one saw you

ugh baby im so sorry, you deserve so much better

you tried so hard and you were gonna fall no matter what

IN THE WHITE ROOM

“hi” baby they cant hear you but im COOING 🥺🥺🥺🥺

you’re so fucking cute

say the word and ill burn gotham to the fucking ground for you

i wanna sit atop that car and cradle your head in my lap and wipe the blood off your face and help you stand up and be there for you and and and😭😭😭😭😭😭 i love you so so so much. 

i’d be so much worse off without you in my life. you brought a splash of colour which has never dimmed or faded. it never will. 

b l o o d    s m i l e

=

im wearing my inside on the outside now and it still hurts

angel💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

i see you and your pain. i love you.

i see you, angel. 

his genuine laughter is🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

that cute lil “ksksks” he does im🥺🥺🥺

i always laugh with him omg the two of us are laughing together ugh its the closest i will ever get to sharing in his joy

 t h a t ‘s    l i f e

i love the hallway daaaaaaaaaaaaaance ~ 

them hips dont lie😉😉😉

i love you i love you i love you i love you omg the sun’s like a halo ugh i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you im singing along to thats life while i type out how much i love you at 220am lmaooooo ~ 

i   l o v e    y o u

#erileck #<- ref tag #arthur fleck #joker 2019 #erika talks

[sillymeter]

oh my GOD i cannot believe i have to hold your hand and walk you through this. let’s break this down piece by fucking piece since clearly you cant think for yourself @ace-altair​ here’s the image im referring to

i dont know what some of these refer to and some of these are just borderline free spaces because blah blah stereotype. fucking whatever just say you think we dont have personalities. - emotional just say you think we’re all hysterical and leave. fucking freak - accidentally fell for a straight girl what does this mean. what does this fucking mean. anyone can have a crush on anyone. why is this in here.  - keysmash once again just say you all think we sit around going SWGHHAGBHJG and thinking about girls.  - watches lesbian tiktoks ah yes suck up to the corporation why don’t you. i don’t watch these tiktoks nor do i go on tiktok so idk what exactly this is talking about but. you know. - overuses heart emojis i dont really know what to say to this one. cant explain why this makes me mad. too tired. - can’t sit right LOLL SO QUIRKY!!!! LOLLL!  - girl in red i think the quotes mean someone else is asking this. why is this here. who fucking cares. its music. - short nails idk what to say to this one. i really am bewildered why you would put this on here. puzzling me. its not bad or anything i don’t think it’s just a weird thing to say. - wears flannels i 100% bet the only exposure you’ve had to lesbian culture is popular ( FOR SOME REASON ) tumblr posts about wearing flannel in the fall and going pumpkin picking with your girlfriend or some fucking thing. it’s clothes. it’s just clothes. - wears vans / converse ties directly in with the flannels thing. you forgot to add “wears a beanie” go ahead complete the “i don’t think they have actual styles and opinions, what do you mean they’re real people” trio. go ahead. - HNGGG- WOMEN PRETTY if i met you i would spit directly on your face. (also leaving out nonbinaries in this. i see you ) - thought you were bi once again, if i met you i would spit on you. identities can change over time. this is such a shitty thing to put on this. - can’t drive *spits on you.* go ahead and say you think we’re all stupid people who can’t think for ourselves and all we do is sit around thinking about women, crytyping, keysmashing, and spamming heart emojis in our vans and sipping starbucks. i fucking despise you - types only in lowercase BUT NOT WHEN WE’RE SCREAMING!! OMG!!! QUIRKY!! LOL!!! Sorry to say I don’t type like a proper person. Is this better?  - will fight homo-phobes something something aggressive lesbian stereotype. just say you think we’re brainless animals already i’m tired of waiting to hear you explain it and you refuse to or direct me to something completely fucking different - awkward flirt sorry you think we’re all shy widdle wesbians who can’t talk to girls without keysmashing. hope your brain gets better soon anyway thats kind of all i have to say about those in specific. let’s get into the general shittiness. - you don’t mention nonbinary people in this at all. in fact, you go OUT of your way to only mention girls. - you treat us like (shocker!) a stereotype. which is exactly what these cards do, and you shouldn’t have made them in the first place. horrible move on your part. really a bad idea. OHHH BUT IM NOT DONE YET! let’s get into the nonbinary bingo so you can understand why i want to yell at you so bad

- is out irl not all of us live in safe situations.

- “that’s not real!?” - “what’s in your pants?” - “there’s only two genders!!” - “are you a boy/girl?” - always misgendered why are all the gender bingo cards about being misgendered or having horrible things said to you? what the fuck makes you think anyone would want to hear this? genuinely why are the gender bingo cards so fucking centered around suffering? - masc/femme ( isnt femme a lesbian term? like specifically a lesbian term? i’m very tired and i might be remembering wrong.) - name is a noun - has short hair - wears a binder/bra - uses they/them - has anxiety - plans to/ takes HRT - andro-gynous - uses neo-pronouns - dyed hair ohh it’s all just a fucking nightmare isn’t it. some people are comfortable with their fucking bodies you freak. im relatively fine with mine but this card actually made me feel like i was doing something wrong for a moment because i didn’t hate my body enough. fuck you. fuck you from the bottom of my heart.  you’re completely incapable of thinking of nonbinary people as anything other than someone (skinny and white, most likely) wearing a binder with a dyed undercut. people fucking exist.  i can’t really talk much on this topic because i grew up in a very toxic western culture and i am white, but there are other cultures where nonbinary people are a thing. this isn’t a western-crafted identity, and you are treating it like one. that is horrible. EDIT: adding more to this. your view of nonbinary people is very eurocentric and westernized. that’s what i meant.  - is an artist wah wah im gonna write poetry/paint about how much i hate my body wah wah. fuck you. what a weird thing to put in a bingo space - listens to cavetown once again. these bingo cards were a fucking horrible idea. why would you ever make bingo cards from stereotypes. what is wrong with you? i might add onto this later. im tired and have not slept in a long time. these cards made me very very angry at myself because i was worried i was doing something wrong, for some reason. stereotypes are harmful.

#lesbophobia #transphobia #antisemetism #bonespiel #long post

[redwoodrroad]

arkus’s birthday and some background info on him

SO ive been very busy with work these past two weeks AND sick with several things SO NOW TO MAKE UP FOR MISSING ARKUS’S BIRTHDAY (WHICH WAS ON JANUARY 3RD), im gonna talk about his research

here he is hard at work in his favorite part of the Priory: the ~secret~ library

everything else is under the cut because there’s a lot of science babble, but i do hope it’s fun to read if youre into science as much as i am. i also included some sylvari-centric stuff at the end because it’s specific to arkus

so simply put: Arkus’s concentration is on a mixture among anthropology (not just human-centered either), archaeology, and geology. separately, these sciences are completely different and require different skill sets, mindsets, tools, and research tactics, but these sciences also intersect in many ways and tell a fuller and more comprehensive story when put together. consider a nomadic culture that subsists on farming and animal products: they make clear boundaries in the land between where you sleep, where you eat, where you grow the food, where you cook the food, where you prepare animal parts either for consumption in one area or the creation of materials or clothing, ETC, my point is that this group needs a specific type of landscape to settle--that type of landscape needs to be sheltered enough from weathering and predators while also close to a water source, and the land itself must contain the right nutrients to grow crops; furthermore, the general landscape must be well-liked by large animals that are high enough in quantity that the group can sustain themselves on these animals and not risk endangering the population. the geology of the earth itself, the makeup of the land, is vastly important to this culture because it deigns where they can live and how they can survive in that area

of course, when they move away, they leave behind an imprint in the land itself--these cultures are not the type to necessarily bury their dead for fear of leaving them behind, but that’s also an extrapolation on my part so i cant definitively say that, but theyre also not necessarily the type to waste or throw away animal parts--so this group might not necessarily leave the obvious archeological choice of bones behind, but bones are not the only types of fossils that exist, and they certainly arent the main focus of archaeologists on digs: archeologists are looking for everything in an area--remains of encampments, clothing, pottery, tools, etc. these are the things a nomadic group might leave behind if theyre broken or unusable or perhaps if a disaster struck, and great swaths of belongings had to be left behind. lots of things are left behind when a group like this moves away--furthermore, evidence of a large group living in a place for what we can assume is several years to decades can almost always be found in each of those locations for a culture that is nomadic. archaeologists look for that evidence, and it’s the sort of thing they can follow like a map to see the direction in which this group moved

of course, the culture of that group itself is very important and just as fascinating as the prior fields of research: consider whether this group in my example might have a hierarchy--are elders the leaders of the group? is there a matriarch or a patriarch? how are children raised, and are they raised in a manner that separates them by gender, combined with the types of work or activities these genders are expected to perform? i read about a culture where the women did the foraging and held baskets at all times, and the men did the hunting and held bows and arrows at all times, but before this makes you mad and think that this culture might have been very strict on their gender conforming, the only gender “marker” in this society was that of the baskets or the bows. regardless of sex or gender at birth--concepts this culture had no definition of beyond the gendered tasks--if you wanted to hold a basket, you are a woman; if you wanted to hold a bow, you are a man. and you’re held to that standard until you decide you want to change that. there are also cultures ive read about where food is very closely linked with the cycle of life--there are some foods you eat when you are young, there are some foods you eat when someone is pregnant, and there are items to eat when someone dies, and everything has a very specific meaning assigned to it along with when and how those items are consumed.

all of these fields coalesce in different ways, and my passion for it is also Arkus’s. i imagine he goes out several times a year to conduct field research--something that is also very particular, and no two people do field research the same way, especially when it comes to soft sciences. i will also say that Arkus’s preferred style of research is one that has a little bit of discourse in the science community, and that is that he lets himself get involved with the culture.

in the soft science world, there are two pretty big styles: Positivism and Antipositivism (also called Interpretivism but ive definitely heard it called naturalism too). positivism is clean-cut--it’s objective and empirical scientific Fact. we’re talking quantitative data analysis, objective reasoning and observation (observation ONLY), and a clear separation between Scientist and Subject. 

antipositivism is the opposite--it’s not all data points and “objective” observation because to observe a culture without being part of it is not objective at all. you’re not learning about the culture if youre just watching it; you’re watching this culture from an outsider’s perspective, and from an outsider’s perspective with a completely different cultural background in mind, you will not understand the significance to any cultural action in front of you. in this way, the scientist is not separating themselves from the “subject(s);” rather, the outsider is interacting with and empathizing with the insiders. it’s a completely different mindset and one that yields results that almost cannot be measured on data points or spreadsheets.

(if you cant tell, i am an antipositivist lol)

Arkus is an antipositivist: he finds positivist thinking to be too clinical and perhaps inappropriate for his research purposes. that said, he goes out and locates groups like the vague culture i described above, and he learns about them through empathic interaction and openness. he doesnt always publish his work, but he does always ask his participants if they would like to be participants, and if not, then he helps them if they would like the interaction or leaves if they would prefer he not stick around. and that’s okay too! what he does publish is always very lengthy and involves detailed diagrams of rock formations, tools, structures, the landscape, etc, and if he’s in a position to do a dig, he may take samples of the landscape back to the Priory for further testing, especially when it comes to carbon dating or whatever the tyrian equivalent might be (the lifeforms are PROBABLY carbon based on tyria but you never know lol). at this point in the story, Arkus has been doing research for several years now--i haven’t decided when he becomes an archon, but it’s certainly his biggest career goal overall. i think it’s probably tough though because archons typically oversee really dangerous magics and sciences, so one of these days, Arkus will find a way to present his work as especially useful for that specific realm of study

i also think that with arkus’s background in a culture that is largely mysterious to other cultures is also part of why arkus has his passion for his work. to learn and discover things about culture while being simultaneously respectful and open to differences is very important to arkus, and it’s something that his culture has a particular closeness with given their history with--for EXAMPLE--the asura. no tea no shade but arkus isnt trying to be that type of way--but they also changed and got better over time; now arkus just has beef with the inquest because their research style and scientific process is the exact opposite of how arkus wants to be

i should also say--and i havent really seen really problematic evidence of this in the game--that research organizations such as the durmand priory have a tendency to be sorta...... grabby with their research. like there’s a big scientific attitude towards discovery in the modern world where the scientist(s) who discovered something feel Entitled to that discovery. it’s very western and ethnocentric, and it’s Bad. western scientists discovering x y z historic item that is important to an overseas culture’s history does not belong in a western museum or lab, i dont make the rules! unfortunately, the western scientists make the rules so like thems the brakes but let the record show i hate that

arkus is very aware of this scientific tendency to want to hold on to discoveries and sort of keep them close--safe even, in priory custody--but he also recognizes that it’s wrong to do that, so he specifically finds ways to work around that so the culture in mind gets to keep their history. sharing history and culture is really good and healthy for all cultures, but ONLY if that sharing isn’t forced or pressured onto the culture in question. arkus lives by that rule!

anyway, this was obviously just a way for me to gush about science under the guise of my character’s belated birthday, but i hope it was informative! i had fun with it ;u; and i’ll start drawing my characters again too dhfgadjfhg soon i hope

thank you for reading!

#guild wars 2 #sylvari #redwoods words #arkus tag

[i-like-sex-with-clothes-on]

BRUTAL TRUTH!!

OK so I wasnt born as I wanted to be.

You know WHAT SHOULD OF HAPPENED?

When I was 8yrs old and told my parents I wanted to be a girl like my baby sister - because all the pink bed linen and blankets and long hair and dolls and everything else I had made my world to be - DIDNT MAKE THEM REALISE - they should of taken me to see a specialist that actually NEW WTF he/she was talking about and realised what I was and done something about it. So by the time I was 18 I would not have that THING BETWEEN MY LEGS and would be exactly what I want to be.

BUT that didnt happen.. instead I was told I “was weird” AND I “ was wrong” and only girls wanted LONG HAIR!!!!

WTF-  how obvious could it off been that I WANTED TO BE A GIRL!!!

I guess it was just my UNFORTUNATE life - that had me born too early re medical sciences - and had me BORN TO IGNORANT PARENTS who were primarily interested in how their neighbours and friends thought of them and their kids - RATHER THAN HOW THEIR CHILD WAS TRULY IN PAIN!

Anyway thats my burden to bare - but what I am MOST INFURIATED WITH on a daily basis throughout my life is - HOW EVERY OTHER AUTHORITY FIGURE just let me down.

Yes my parents let me down - BUT SO DID EVERY MEDICAL AND AUTHORITY FIGURE we encountered because of me.

My parents were ashamed of me - and they were SCARED OF WHAT I WAS soo much that they feared CHILD SERVICES getting involved and shaming them and their name BECAUSE I WAS BORN WRONG!

Its allot different now and GENDER DYSPHORIA is recognised nowadays - and the earleir the better is their motto - WHICH IS PERFECTLY SPOT ON!

BUT often along with Gender Dysphoria comes complex sexuality Issues - and I feel that still - EVEN TODAY - in the western world - the MAJORITY OF PEOPLE look at TG people and think “freak” OR someone just trying to play a game!!

IT might be MORE OPEN nowadays than when I was 8 yrs old and just wanted to be a ballerina :)  BUT STILL the world hasnt come to terms with those who just dont IDENTIFY with the sex theyre born as!

In my case I had 2 positive helpers - 1 was my sexuality - its always helped me that I fancy BOTH SEXES EQUALLY - my first love and probably my one true love was a boy as I was when we fell in love - THE OTHER was a woman who gave me my SON!

Throughout life I have had partners of both sexes - probably more Female than male - but thats just because male on male relationships dont tend to last as long for some mad reason I cant explain!

My other “HELPER” was my biologicsl sister - she was EVERYTHING TO ME GROWING UP.

She is a few yrs younger than me but only 4 and once she was born I became a BROTHER for years cause I worshipped her and we had a NUTTJOB of a farther who liked to use his fists!

BUT she was my EVERYTHING and still is - and she was the one who stood by me when nobody else would - and told those in her innocent little voice that “no thats not my brother its my sister idiots” :)

You cant get or buy that kind of unconditional loyalty and love - its only ever there VIA family love - whether its your siblings or parents - if youre lucky.

In our life times - medical technology has come on along way - and im greatfull!

We understand chemicals and dna and rna and hormones etc

As a result I have round legs and hips and a bum [though its kinda small :) ] and I have boobs - and YES I can and will go every mile till I am the me I want.

BUT what I want to say is - this sort of “thing” that is me and my problems - should be dealt with at the YOUNGEST age possible - EVEN BEFORE PUBERTY if possible!

The quicker its done the better and more NORMAL LIFE the individual will have :)

It really is ALL ABOUT HORMONES AND PUBERTY!!

And I HOPE I TRULY HOPE we dont give up on trying to ADVANCE TECHNOLOGY AND SCIENCES so it makes it easier for someone like me to SWAP SEXES quicker/easier/simpler!!!

Lets try and get it down to a simple PILL! YEAH SCIENTISTS???

I dont want ANYONE having to deal with the kind of shit I have - ITS LEFT ME SCARRED!!!

May PROVIDENCE shine down on all you lovely creatures who want to be different creatures.

REMEMBER -- Youre beautifull!! and so long as you know you are - it doesnt matter what ANYONE ELSE THINKS!!

Sonya XXXX

[aridayy24]

Lets bring it back to the year of 2012, worst is up for debate. Regardless that year was anything but great. On the rebound looking for someone to ease the pain, n i found mark. 1st night we met best western in monroe dan you me and joe levine. We dated for a bit, i cutt him off after a month, all he did was sell drugs n fight with me about an ex hed never met. I should a kept it at that, but that nigga came back with flowers and a job. Apologizing for walkin into my life n tellin me how to live. Told me he couldnt get me outta his mind. I fell for it. Took him back, ignored the fact that he wasnt just sellin weed now but managed to find a connect for that yayo or as i use to call it that snow white. One drug turned into another before long he was sellin nearly every drug in the book. Mind of a crook. No more middle manning on the weed deals, we leveled up grow op in the walk in closest. Needless to say that job that got me back lasted about a week. Hes sittin their tellin me a drug lord dont need to pay taxes, don't need a papertrace. Meanwhile were both living at his mommas place. He was loosing his mind and i saw it, my girl Kelsey called it. She was already hooked on drugs though so i didnt listen to her cause the girl was also talkin massin niggas in the face up on the corner n robbin for all they got. Shes my girl tho 100. Back to the story at hand, the drug usage got bad. The drugs and easy cash was driving mark mad. He started getting controlling, pushed me to start sellin again. So i did n stopped talkin to my friends and picked up dealing again. They all know i gotta past, and i wasnt trying to bring them down in my new life path. Things only got worse from there. Wed fight every day, and one day the fighting switched from verbal to physical with a blink of an eye. I wont lie or deny that i gotta mouth, when he started getting angry about how i was eatin n how i was dressin, i started threatening that id leave him that he meant nothing to me. That pissed him off to an extreme, grabbed me by the wrists n told me im just another bitch then threw me against the wall and walked away. I was a reactor back in those days, i sat in shock for a bit and heard him snortin lines. Ran up to his room and slammed the door screaming up a storm, about how he put his hands on me. He denied it told me i was crazy, i got crazy then and tore the bag of yayo from his hands. It happened so fast i didnt even know what was going on. He jumped at me hands on my throat slammed me against the desk n told me hes gunna teach me a lesson ill never forget. Rapped me left me there, locked me in our bedroom. Came back after 4 hours, with morphine and flowers. You think it wouldn't be as easy as that right? Wrong, i blamed the drugs and believed him when he told me it'd never happen again. I learned to keep quite about certain subjects, stopped reacting when hed call me degrading names. None a that helped though, cause his ass kept gettin busted by the police dui's possesion charges forced him to sober up court order out patient made sure a that. The violence got worse rather then better throwing me down stairs hitting me dead in the face, hospital trips, cover up stories galore. Coworkers n close friends ask what happened to your face n most believed it when you told the you walked into a door, or tripped over your own damn feet hittin face first to the floor. Chorus: Morphine and xanax stops the pain and fades life away, you wont even care you learn to bare with the abuse. Until it gets to a point where you might not live if you stay with him another day. There were so many incidents, its a shame, and in the end there's only one to blame. After all said and done, I was in the wrong for keeping it to myself living in denile. Everybody's got their reasonings for why they are who they became, when it comes to rape and abuse this shit is no game; and it can all start by just selling weed. That nigga got away with it, he's prolly still out there doin the same shit to the next bitch. Dies slow, karmas a bitch, and consider me a witch cause nigga you deserve what you get for what you get for me and any bitch that came before/after me. I couldnt escape though id try to leave, he was right i had no where to go. Ari no one will believe you, you're a fucking drug addict and I've got people everywhere. And he wasn't completely wrong i shock off all my friendships and lied to the two i still talked to from time to time. No one knew for sure that i was using but plenty assumed. I felt like i was doomed. Coworkers caught on after the months passed, and got my ass out of that mess. He still lurked, i had to change my number block his friends and him off social media, avoid the areas he usually stays. And pray hed leave me alone. Chorus I ended up dating morgframe and a baby girl was on the way. I sobered up real quick n here we go new relationship with a baby on the way. And mark wouldnt go away. Started claiming my daughter was his, fucking twisted fucker. Got into morgans head. And soon he was asking me to go into detail about every time i was abused all the fucking time. That always trigged PTSD attacks and nightmares, he didnt understand that. And i didn't understand why he was making me relive all those attacks. Meanwhile time goes bye n now we got two babies a girl and a boy. And the trust still isnt their with morgframe and i. N all of my team seem to be against me. Im outta people i trust. Paranoid that fucker still has eyes on me, paranoid about everything and everyone. There is no end to this story, the night terrors paranoia never goes away. The black flashes are every goddamn day, could you live this way? Chorus.