#im so tired and idk how to word shit better just talking to them makes me angry

[melissa-titanium]

HELLOOO CAN I TALK TO YOU ABT DOLL

do you think that like, her being at school let her have some escape from her home and her revenge plans, like in this picture she is smiling and it looks way more like a happy smile than here

SHE IS HAPPY TO GET HER REVENGE, BUT SHE LOOKS SO TIRED, EVEN HER LAUGH IS TIRED

its like shes getting worse from the kills, in her house there was enough oil for her to not kill any other drones, yet her plan had to work, but it didnt, and only let her feeling more guilty

EVERYONE IS ALLOWED TO SEND ME SHIT ABOUT DOLL ALWAYS AT ANY TIME EVER FOREVER AND EVER. I LITERALLY NEED HER. SHES SO FUCKING COOL. BUT OMG HI YES HOLD ON

thats such an interesting take on pilot doll omg HI???? YES I CAN TOTALLY SEE THIS CONSIDERING WE DONT SEE DOLL IN SCHOOL OUTSIDE OF THE PILOT. HIIII YES OMG ok ok.

i havent actually thought this much about this. i personally think her in the pilot vs her in promening was like. not really a Whole big difference but like...the fact that lizzy now has access to v set her off. shes always been a little unsettling, a little fucking deranged but maybe something happened between ep 1 and 3 thatr was like. lizzy came to her like... hey, one of the disassembly drones came by my bunk the other day. was this the one? (shows doll a pic) and doll just FUcking Loses it . i think she was actively vengeful during the pilot too but YES like ur saying its almost a .grounding thing. everyone here is real and alive. and then at the end of the day she has to go back and face dozens upon dozens upon dozens of corpses that are there because of HER and its liike. idk i imagine shes 18-22 . shes young as hell. and that FUCKS WITH YOU. this is doll to me:

they know damn well her parents are dead but she's just under being eerie enough that no one really suspects her for anything going on. she's relatively normal around lizzy & not aggressive but not outgoing with other students. like to everyone, shes just a normal kid who lost her parents. plenty of kids have lost their parents, considering the murder drones lurking *right outside the bunker.*

i think she would get tired. yeah. she held onto the all consuming debilitating hatred for these genocidal war machines that killed her parents and countless others. then heartbeat happens, and suddenly people are Okay with them??? that would fucking set her OFF. so long, so fucking long shes been holding onto her anger and not being able to do anything about it . BUT NOW SHE CAN. ough ok but then theres those conflicting feelings bcos of uzi. u can see in promening she has SOME sense of... for lack of a better word, humanity in how she treats uzi (hell even tossing lizzy out of the way when she started killing people.) i think she picks and choses who she cares about and then is usually consistent in how she treats them. basically; dont get on her bad side. she's conflicted at the end of ep3 after learning uzi has the solver; but uzi is siding with the murder drones and thats HER loss for being SCHTUPIDDDDDDDD!!!! but then again, she finally has someone who understands what shes going through... but also AUGH..! i have to kill v i HAVE to kill v ive gotten so far i cant give up now FUCK!!!! FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!! i think there would be so much of her being conflicted between uzi knows what i feel. but also uzi is siding with the bitch who killed my fucking parents. i think she would just spiral and spiral until dead end comes along and she has a decision to make. and she makes it. and uzi is Fucked and v is Fucked and n and tessa are FUCKEd AND OK TYHIS IS GETTING LONG IM DONE

doll jumpscare

#asks #murder drones #mel art

[so2uv]

@ so2uv's sappy time.

end of the year. ive survived and that's scary but you know what? it'll be fine. we'll all be fine and im promising that; whether it be this year, the next, or far in the future, we'll be ok :)) it's stupid how this platform, one that my friends teased me for using, left such an impact on me as a person.

AKA. MY END OF YEAR MUTUAL APPRECIATION POST. (warning: these got long and sort emotional for me to write. well, as emotional as i can get fjkdhgkjfd. sorry if my coherence gets lost later on. forgive me if you weren't mentioned specifically for something; i have more mutuals that expected. it's genuinely surprising.)

if you weren't mentioned specifically, there's still a note for you at the bottom. sorry for making you scroll for long to find it :'DD

𖣂 ┈ ⟡ ˒ @tiredsleep . . . the mutual who has stuck through it all. oh tired. tired, tired, tired. i think im a little stupid for how happy i get when you like a post or send an ask or keyboard smash in my reblogs. a lot of what i said in my long ask to you a while back is what im trying to convey now. the way we met wasn't through much special; i followed you and eventually you followed back. it was slow going in the ways we interacted but the nicest things take time and im so glad we're the way we are now. we're strangers, two little guys on the internet, and i think it's beautiful how we have this. you're an amazing writer, an all around amazing creator of the worlds you build and the characters you create. i don't think you realized how envious i used to be of you; you made it seem like it was easy enough for you to connect with others, your writing was something id never achieve with mine, it was flat out jealousy. it was my fault we were distant to begin with. i soon figured out that praise was correct: you are among the most wonderful people ive had the pleasure of knowing and talking to you, even if it's just through a screen. there's so much more for me to say that i constantly struggle to put into the correct words to get the point across. just know that you have great things out there for you. have a great new year, tired. we'll make it. im so proud of you.

𖣂 ┈ ⟡ ˒ @aelatus . . . the last standing mutual of all my og (close) mutuals. hello atlas! im not sure if you'll ever see this on tumblr since i know you don't log on much but you've been my mutual through three blog changes now; was there for my xstar-kidx era and kozmiixs stage. we've been through shit together, had banter about grammarly together, lost certain mutuals together, have changed blogs, changed themes, switched fandoms, fell out of love with fandoms. it's been a wild couple of years, huh? im so thankful we've met and got close in the ways that we did and that we're able to call each others close. your birthday is soon so in the case that i forget to say this on discord: happy birthday, the xiao to my albedo. live a life of freedom and joy, my love /p.

𖣂 ┈ ⟡ ˒ @izukxnnie . . . hara :((( i don't think you'll ever come to read this message but that's alright; maybe it's for the better kdfgh. i know i sent you that long winded ask on your blog already but i miss talking and interacting with you, even with all my awkwardness. im still so regretful of that one time i sent a request to join your world but then you were busy and i didn't read your messages until later that day as in hours later bc i was at school and idk if i ever responded to them in the end. maybe i'll send you a message on discord later. maybe i won't bc i'll be too sentimental. i really hope you're doing more than well, that you're happy doing what you do.

𖣂 ┈ ⟡ ˒ @ay-asterisms . . . the mutual who introduced me to so many others. i really have you to thank for what i have now, ay. truly. you brought me deeper into the hq fandom and introduced me to jennie, atlas, and others. we don't talk much but i'll say what ive mentioned before, you remind me so much of the sun. but not as the bringer of life and the ball we see every morning; a sun in the sense that you're a star closer to earth but still a star, still out there where there are multiple. the difference is that you just happen to bring a warmth that others can't provide for ones nearby.

𖣂 ┈ ⟡ ˒ @cryo-locket / @lo-cinno . . . you. im not even sure how we became mutuals, and my memory is pretty good. we just spawned in each other's zones one day and went yeah, alright. honestly, ive never said this to anyone, but you were one of the reasons i decided to focus more heavily on chinese. our interactions reminded me of why i wanted to relearn the language for myself: for the social connections. i genuinely love talking to you and always find myself laughing at our conversations. mainly because our timezone dif is so odd so it's always late in the evening when im on. your ebg was so fun and with all the pain it brought / hj, im so happy to have been part of it. thank you for putting up with my 2 am rambles and crack, hope you found laugh or two with them.

𖣂 ┈ ⟡ ˒ @pr3tty-jennie . . . you intimidated me when we first met. i still remember it actually: you had that kamninari theme and the most recent post on your blog was about how you couldn't remember the word for chandelier in english but knew it in french. you've been through so much, endured so much, and i respect you so much. always have, always will. your life story and the past don't define who you show as a person and im so amazed by that part of you. have a good day, good week, good rest of your life pretty girl :DD

𖣂 ┈ ⟡ ˒ @june-again . . . it's crazy, you know? crazy how far we've both drifted off from the original fandom that brought us together? but that's character development. speaking of that, ive gotten the absolute pleasure of seeing you grow as a person and go through the motions of life. it's always chill talking to you, jokes come easy hah! you're an amazing musician, june. amazing person, amazing at writing, amazing at music; you're outstanding so in the words of Freddy fazbear from security break, way to go superstar! i knew you could do it and i know you still can.

𖣂 ┈ ⟡ ˒ @junjiie . . . the seungmin to my minho, the other half of 2min, the self proclaimed jeno to my renjun (have yet to be a dreamzen my b :(() and the no. 1 solieber. i was serious when i said you're the reason my other blog exists; you've been the biggest hype person when it came down to me going out of my comfort zone and writing. i was so nervous going up to talk to you at first kjfdhgkj but now, you're just another silly guy in my phone screen :DD thank you for sending all your updates about life and putting up with mine even though they never get answered- seungmin to not only my minho, but hyunjin too, let's keep being #Silly, yeah?? it's already the actual new years day when you're receiving this so i hope the year is off to a good start.

𖣂 ┈ ⟡ ˒ @sohyuki . . . MINT im hoarding the ask that you sent me on christmas day. im always so happy when you've shown up on dash and while im sad about how you've let tumblr mainly behind, i know it's for the better since well, interactions have been shit and probably will never get back up to the standard we held them to, even with all the effort put in. you are such an amazing all around person and like i said in my christmas note to you, keep writing. hoard it, feed into it, you have something wonderful going on with it.

𖣂 ┈ ⟡ ˒ @kamiyatos . . . user kamiyatos!!! lee!!! HELLO!!! it's always such a pleasure to talk to you and i hope you know that i keep your ramble about malleus' character and your plot idea for him in the back of my mind constantly, even though that ask has been lost to my actions of deactivation on my old blog. you're the biggest ayato fan i know who supports my works about him vocally AND you understand my vision on his personality... it's truly touching, y'know? thank you for being there, even when we don't talk as much as we should. i hope this year has been kind on you and the next one is even kinder.

𖣂 ┈ ⟡ ˒ @yinyinggie . . . yingyingyingyingerkjshkjfdg ok this may come as a shock, or maybe you already knew and were just playing along, but we used to be mutuals before the summer of last year. secret identity revealed ig?? eh im sure if you dig far enough into my dark past™️ you'll find smth about it so im not going to say anything about it :P but! one thing has stayed the same for sure: you are so easy and so fun to talk to and make conversation with. you know that ramble i left on the astro twerk form about feedback for the server? yeah. im 100% truthful. you've made something so inclusive and positive, have done to much to get tumblr active, please know that your efforts aren't wasted. im sure they feel like it at times but i appreciate it so much. and im sure others have the same sentiment.

𖣂 ┈ ⟡ ˒ @mhiieee . . . MHIEEEEEEEE MY SCARA FAN !!!! i love and adore your works so much and not to mention your characterization of scaramouche is top tier. ive got a lot to learn from you, mhie; i don't think you realize how much there is to admire when it comes to you as a person. you find such meaning and connection in the words and the world, the sincerity that comes with it,,,,, it makes me want to sob and roll around while also simultaneously wanting to take your brain apart neuron by neuron and psychoanalyze you. not in the freudian way though. ive had the greatest honor of being able to interact with you on not just one, but two!!! servers!!! i think it's a little silly how much i smile when you reply to smth dumb ive said on disc. have a great new year :))

𖣂 ┈ ⟡ ˒ @ryuryuryuyurboat . . . RYUUUUUU literally the most stunning person to walk the planet ever like. hello??? our first interactions came from that ebg funny enough. does a little ★🪽 anon ring a bell? i only ever got around to sending you one sabo during that time but i hope you did enjoy what i came up with on the spot, i never was very good when it came down to kaeya's character. you are so intelligent and such an amazing individual, please always remember that.

𖣂 ┈ ⟡ ˒ @snobwaffles / @2nobwaffles . . . SNOB SNOB SNOB i always think of the pokemon when your name comes up. in my head, you will always be snom, the bug-ice type pokemon <33 IT'S SO FUN TALKING TO YOU and we haven't been mutuals for long either. im always thinking of the advice you left me when it came down to my rant about an irls party and there's something about the way you're able to appreciate and take note and find beauty int he smallest of things that get brought up. i wish you the complete best that 2024 has to off you. keep calm and snob on :DD

𖣂 ┈ ⟡ ˒ @itaerae & @mins-fins . . . im putting the two of you together because well, i met you both at the same time through the server. while i can't consider it and, ive never really had such an inviting time in a server, much less a network, as ive had in zumblr. really, it's you two that i owe thanks to. our silly little convos are so fun and im forever thankful that ive found people to talk to on a server for once.

𖣂 ┈ ⟡ ˒ @https-furina . . . the best server mother fr!!! omg it's so nice talking to you :((( i love the warmth of your words and how your emotions shine through text. it feels like i can practically envision the fond eyeball or the warm smile that you may or may not have on your face when messaging. i’ve had such a great time in the network and your pet names fjfbdjdbjdb have a great 2024 heh :DD

𖣂 ┈ ⟡ ˒ @lethwal & @astrinityy . . . i don't think you guys realize how fun it was when we were all "debating" and accusing me of being a furry. honestly, i haven't had to stifle laughter like that in the middle of the night as hard as i did for a small while. not too long but long enough. it was a breath of fresh air and it was genuinely amazing to just be able to put the present on the back burner and play around like that. even though it was kind of late for me when that was happening- ignore that. it's always late for me when im online atp. i hope we can get past those baseless accusations you have both placed on me tehe. have a happy new years, you two. ALSO YIXIN!! GA-MING PROTECTION SQUAD RISEEEEE

𖣂 ┈ ⟡ ˒ @/zumblr . . . there's so many of you and i can't find the proper words to express the welcome i felt when added to the server. it was nerve wracking, ive never really gotten around to talking to that many people or being that open on the internet before. it's funny how one summer can bring you out of your shell a little, eh? and all bc of some guys on screen lmao. thank you for the support and im happy to have met such wonderful people. thank you, again. @urielphix I AM. DETERMINED TO READ ADAD JUST YOU WAIT

𖣂 ┈ ⟡ ˒ @ everyone else, all my mutuals as of now and past, who weren't mentioned or mutuals who want to read something again . . . hello!! im sorry to disappoint by not adding you properly and for not giving a personalized thanks; it wasn't anything against it you at all. reason 1) i probably forgot as um. goldfish brain or 2) we just became mutuals pretty recently and haven't had the chance to really talk much / have been sort of long term but haven't talked much.

either way though, thanks for sticking around! im not the most. literate person. sometimes LMAO and im far from being a proud person of skill when it comes to the right words to say to people but im always happy when people find something worth it in my silly words. i hope we get to interact more in the future, as long as you can put up with my inconsistent (to say the least) replies and brain boggling posts that come from the depths of the midnight zone, that is. get ready for the ride that is this. clusterfuck of a blog place. LMAO,,,, if you haven't already scrolled through my stuff. if you have then um ready for more??? fkdjhgkjlghf

if you've made it to the end, thank you. and why?? im not that interesting or cool as everyone makes me out to be. if you had told 2019 me on tumblr that 4 years later, id be posting my works for everyone to see and also be proud of my own poetry, i would have laughed and called you absolutely insane. some of you have sat through me going through different gender and pronoun crises on dash back in 2020, and some of you ive only met this month.

whatever our situation is, i wish all the best for everyone . i’ll support you guys until the end of the earth and then some. have the happiest of happy new years, may your futures always be brighter than you say they are, and i’ll see you later 💛

sincerely — sol / jun

#🔎. navi ! #// do not perceive me im going to go curl up in a corner now #// ive never been this sentimental or thought out a personal post quite as much as this one #// vulnerability isn't my strong suit ok??? #// i wish these were more put together TwT

[spider-bren]

yooo, sry if im bothering but, have any vlaber hcs if there was a sort of diff ending where they live and / or helped indy in the end? needing the good ending brainrot rn

Hey! First of all, you're not bothering me. Especially if it's about vlaber! I literally vibrate out of my skin when anyone asks me about them. Idk why but they have became my current hyperfixation and it's not letting me go. Secondly, you're so valid. I'm still in my brainrot over them. And YES I didn't want them to die even though I knew starting the film that they would. :(

Definitely going to indulge you and myself in more vlaber's hcs. Thank you so much for asking! Please don't hesitate to scream at me about them whenever the need arises. Ask me anything :)

Vlaber (Voller x Klaber) headcanons for an alternate ending of Indiana Jones 5:

When Klaber yells "bosssssss" and Voller realises he's in deep shit and starts freaking out, Klaber runs to him to calm him down 

Klaber uses a calm voice to talk Voller through his panic attack and reassures him that he's still the smartest man he knows and that he doesnt care that they ended up here, theyll get out of this alive 

Indy, hearing this, goes to find a parachute and Klaber follows him to find one for himself and Voller. Klaber said he knows his boss misscalculated and didnt account for the shift in continents but that he's a man of action and intent and he just wants to be better the world in a way only he knows how 

Indy tries not to argue or indulge him at first as they find two last parachutes, but when Klaber reasons with Indy to ask him to fly him and Voller out of ancient Sicily, too 

Voller comes up behind them, his ego and god complex burning but seeing how the plane was going to go down, opts to choose to surivive and the only way to do that is to ask Indy for help 

Voller offers that he will return the dial to him in exchange for their safe travel back to 1960 with them 

Indy, being Indy, holds Voller and Klaber to their word and Helaena (who is so close to fighting with Indy on this deal) holds onto Indy and parachutes down to the beach 

Voller uses the other parachute and holds his little emotional support puppy I mean klaber and they both travel down before the plane crashes 

On the beach, Indy and Helaena argue about letting these nazis onto the plane, and Voller with some reluctance gives the dial back to Indy 

They all hop into the plane and travel back to 1960 where Voller gets a job at the University as a physics teacher (because he's had enough of excitement and chases and says fuck you to NASA and presitgious medals) just wants to settle down with his loyal lapdog because he is TIRED) and Klaber is the malewife who makes cute packed lunches for his boss (bf) 

Klaber makes sure his boss gets feet rubs and cooks delicious food for him and they live a quiet life in a nice place in peace and alive 

#klaber #jurgen voller #indiana jones 5 #dial of destiny #boyd hobrook #mads mikkelsen #vlaber #vollber #my headcanons #answering asks #brainrot

[sttoru]

Girly idk how I wasn't following you still, tumblr isn't stupid, I'm sorry that you are feeling on the outskirts of the fandom as well. You are a wonderful person and writer, and I'm glad you’ve been growing as you have been. You deserve so much more love!! 💕

It does make me feel like there is something wrong with me or like in off putting when i see several big blogs talking to each other, boosting each other. But then I drop in, just say hi to be friendly, only to be ignored. When they are literally responding to various anons or other people.

It seems like they want to talk to everyone else but me. Which has me feeling like I'm in the wrong, I'm bothersome and unwanted in the fandom space. They don't have to talk to me, but my feelings are still gonna be hurt at being shunned by 90% of the blogs I try to interact with.

It does kill my motivation since I don't want to be seen as someone who just posts. I want to be seen as a friend and someone to talk to.

I understand that some people get along better than others. But damn so many people are having this problem it seems like. It's boiling down to popular blogs like other popular blogs, boost other popular blogs and they stay the main people in the fandom eyes whole everyone sits quietly in the side just wanting to be partly including

Feel free to rant right back if need be. Cause I get needing to get this shit off your chest, cause I sure as hell needed to

hiii feyyy !!! dwww, it’s all good :> thank u sm for ur nice words aaaaaaa u r as well, one of the writers on here that i respect 4 their hard work !

gonna vent a bit haha need to get some things off my chest too like u said;

i get ur first point!! it sucks rlly. especially when you are the first one reaching out (which takes a lot of courage, especially for someone socially awkward like me lol) and then it hurts DOUBLE because you get ignored. i get ittttt rlly. for me, i always try to reply ppl even if im a bit late because im either thinking of a proper response or am distracted or busy , but i never intentionally ignore anyone interacting with me. i know some ppl on here do bcs they don’t feel entitled to respond to comments or anons or whatev, which is like ? ok. but if it’s someone just being friendly and complimenting you / your work … it’s not hard to reply w a form of gratitude . some rlly think they’re celebrities on here and it needs to stop

and it’s understandable and totally valid to feel like you’re being shunned and unwanted by people you just want to befriend , only for them to ignore you / not interact with you but with everyone else :/ it sucks and ppl don’t seem to realise that it could hurt other’s feelings. i hope you know that you’re not unwanted tho! those people are just… idk, a bit weird (ofc im only talking abt people who INTENTIONALLY ignore others)

findjng a friend on tumblr with the same interest is like a chore. you either click instantly or you think you do, only for it to be fore 2 interactions max and then you go back to ignoring each other basically on dash

AND YOUR LAST POINTS!! so true. its that the more popular blogs just stick together and help each other out when ??? there are smaller blogs of writers / artists just sittng in the sidelines like ‘ok so what do i have to do to gain traction if the people with a bit of bigger platforms are totally ignoring me & my works’

it’s actually tiring. ofc, me having 3k followers — i am suuuuper grateful, not complaining much, but i also know how it feels. my notifications are super dry except for mainly likes, my dms are like a desert, inbox is 98% only of anons who drop requests and then leave without leaving anything else. no one to talk to, except for people who leave a comment every once in a while :/

like u may think bcs i have decent following i actually gain more interactions? not rlly. only likes & sometimes reblogs w tags. that’s all really, i don’t really have anyone on here who i consider a close online friend (as much as this sounds sad & cringy LMAOO) but its tiring to see everyone be so close to each other on dash while im on the side like ‘how nice it must be to get that much interaction’

& im sure there are people who r gonna say ‘just interact with them’ I DO and i either get left on read or they respond dryly / or i don’t get the same energy back. bcs sometimes im reluctant to reach out first because it always ends up w me taking the initiative & i end up looking desperate to get an interaction with a mutual LOL

anyways thinking abt this tumblr writing community makes my head ache bcs of all the things ive seen and experienced on here (also on my prev account which i had for 2 years)

#𝐋𝐄𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐒. #ANYWAYS……. this was a long vent #thank u fey xoxo #i can rant abt this for hours on end on a vc i think #and go in depth #tis crazy

[syscourse-confessions]

So tired of the tulpacourse tbh. Tired of BOTH sides because while we are pro-tulpa (both the word and the practice of making headmates being a thing and fine), jfc are so many other pro-tulpas missing the mark and saying bonkers racist tokenism shit.

The reason why tulpa is an ok word to use isnt 'because the dhali lama/this random person/etc said so uwu', its because its a word based of another word and telephoned into what it is now.

Language Does That. Thats normal.

Words beings derived from other words isnt racist by default.

Are we gonna call *every* word in the english language that has origins in a nonwhite language racist? Because there are plenty more out there.

Ammonia (this one is from a kemetic god even!), Banana, Banjo, Candy, Ebony, Jenga, Jumbo, Musk, Pyjamas, Shampoo, and more!

Honestly saying you can't use words derived from nonwhite languages sounds kinda race-separatist.

What is the super racist part with the pro-tulpa discoursers is how they are defending it, not the word itself.

Continually saying its all connected to Tibetian Buddhism when it isn't and then tokenizing the Tibentain Bhuddists weighing in (who may or may not be actually informed about it all) IS the actually racist part.

Thats actually super fucking racist and we wish people would cut it out.

We know it started as a 'even if it WAS actually a Tibetian Buddhism thing (which it isn't) then...' but even then its kinda iffy.

The fact that they are using a word that sorta sounds like another word but isnt and that means something totally different isnt the racist part, its the tokenizing (and other related terrible arguments).

Also stop saying being anti-tulpa is anti-endo (or even anti-created headmate), no thats not the same thing. Better yet, just say 'anti-tulpa'.

Anti-endos are but one kind of plural gatekeeper, theres WAY more kinds of gatekeepers than just the 'im upsetti spagetti about your Theory For Existing' people. No need to use the Specific Language for one for another.

Tulpa the word probably isnt going away even if it magically becomes racist for words to be telephoned from other words. The community itself has been arguing about the word for like a decade and if it should be used.

Its a unique word (not a direct loanword) and easily searchable and sounds snappy, so alternatives really don't catch on because nothing fills those niches the same way.

Even if you still feel the word is Evil And Appropriation And Shouldn't Be Used, at least recognize that this is a thriving and longstanding subculture where people's very identities are baked into the word and the language and its been in use for many years so its hard to change.

Its not like MPD, which was forced on the community to begin with and has an entirely different history for why it is now rarely used as a term(satanic panic associations).

Its not like 'natural system' which was always a bit clunky and also not as prolific compared to other words so the change to 'system from birth' or one of the 500 million terrible -genic terms wasn't a huge downgrade in use.

Its a unique sub-cultural group that feels threatened when their sense of identity and way to identify others like them and locate resources is under seige.

It makes them not want to listen because the debate of the okayness of the word itself feels like its coming from bad faith and a desire to erode their subculture.

What is better served is to encourage the community to lean away from Tibetian and Buddhist talk and stop equating it as some special esoteric thing and say 'word was telephoned from this source, tulpas are NOT buddhist practice, they are NOT tulku or sprul-pa' and then encourage tulpamancers to actually research Tibetians and their struggles and make effort to combat racism in their daily life.

Maybe encourage people to use 'tupper' again for a tulpa as a cutesy name for the kind of headmate as it moves another step further away if you still think the word has cooties.

Its just IDK

Everyone Is Shitty Here And Im Tired.

💙

.

💙: Vent

#syscourse #syscourse confessions #💙 vent

[mourninglamby]

I've been working on this for a while and hope you like it,plz read to the end!!

You kinda seem like a very angry person.

Like the kind of angry person if you told them they seemed like an angry person they would either chew you out like an rabid dog or curse you out like high stressed middle school gym teacher yelling at a bunch of kinds for being a stupid whiny babys for not being able to handle shouted at then promptly block them for all social media sites through the rest of eternity no matter how much they begged or cried to be let back in through anon.

So yeah you kinda seem like a SUPER ANGRY person.

I am talking about the kind of person you'd know is really on the fucking line ready to break off someone's head ,has no interest in trying to be empathetic with you because they're just so darn angry, at themselves? At life? At the world At something or someone else?Who knows.

You kinda seem like a SUPER TIRED and ANGRY person

But you're super pissed off and want to just relax and be yourself. You seem like the type of angry bear sleeping in a cave during hibernation that SHOULD NOT and MUST NOT be disturbed or actively provoct because you CAN and WILL maul and maim any and all to death.

So yeah, you kinda seem like a SUPER TIRED SCARY and ANGRY type of person.

But I kinda like it :)

And I hope your happy in some shape or form

So have a good day.

From one kinda SUPER TIRED SCARY and ANGRY person to another

this is the most insulting, unnerving thing ive ever been sent on here. i cant even laugh at it dawg im gonna be real with u.

if youre writing essays about artists you follow because you think you know them better than they know themselves despite only seeing less than a fraction of their real personalities and identities SOLELY through the internet, you're fucking weird.

anon you dont know me, so you don't get to send me shit like this. im sorry if you genuinely meant well, but the way this is worded had me INSANELY uncomfortable.

also for the record: i only block anons who tell me to kill myself and for general bitchy remarks. so. idk how that makes me a "sleeping murderous bear". jesus christ.

#is this just a case of lets yell at the the woman who has opinions that shes very passionate about #like ive never EVER seen so much audacity in one anon #also implying i have issues with empathy??? HELLO?????????? #holy fuck dude.

[sheepinthebigcity]

okay fine. ALL OF THEM. GO.

YOU'RE INSANE (am i even in that many fandoms)

the character everyone gets wrong

mad ducktor. enough said

2. a compelling argument for why your fave would never top or bottom

i'm presuming they meant dom or sub in this regard anyway i feel like all my faves are like lame ass switches and honestly i am SO tired of seeing them as always dom. boring behavior.

3. screenshot or description of the worst take you've seen on tumblr

honestly i'm just tired of seeing takes in 2023 about my girl faves and how they're annoying and get in the way of either yaoi ships or selfships...

4. what was the last straw that made you finally block that annoying person?

not to go back into ducks again but i remember when the animaniacs reboot dropped i made a mutual with this super annoying person on twitter who kept talking about yakko warner and milk and about a week later an acquaintance of mine asked me how long i knew them and then said "we think that your new mutual is cannedtins"

5. worst discord server and why

im not in bad discord servers im normal 0:-)

i do have a lot of osc and em servers muted tho <:-D

6. which ship fans are the most annoying?

a looooooot of shippers are annoying LOL. as far as not freak ships go, i sure do have a lot of hate in my heart for fenro... but are fenro fans annoying.... idk. i curate myself a lot.

WAIT NO JOIKE GOD THOSE GUYS ARE SO ANNOYING

7. what character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because how how the fandom acts about them?

i CANT just say mad ducktor again.... but honestly? 4 and X bfdi.....

9. worst part of canon

closing time being canon to catch 22

10. worst part of fanon

i hate when fanon unanimously agrees on a gender and sexuality headcanon for a character especially when it's one i relate to and i could make their gender and sexuality so so so so much weirder...

11. number of fandom-related words you've filtered

at least a dozen? i dont like a lot of popular fandoms.

12. the unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them

i feel like all my unpopular faves are unpopular for good reason. i may not like the reason but im alone in my happiness.

anyway fanny bfb you should like her because she has a rough exterior and a soft interior.

13. worst blorboficiation

the guys from one but i dont mind too much because it's one.

14. that one thing you see in fics all the time

i see a lot of x reader shit and it always feels like every reader is like. the same 19 year old girl. and man we're different in every way.

15. that one thing you see in fanart all the time

cat ears

16. you can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc)

honestly i guess i get it bc they're both protags but spifan... it's kind of... BORING to me! no offense to ppl who do like it but i find myself more into prufan and pacome x zorglub....

17. there should be more of this type of fic/art

sheep in the big city fic and art that doesn't suck

18. it's absolutely criminal that the fandom has been sleeping on...

honestly i'm in so many fandoms where there's a hero x villain old man ship and in SO MANY OF THEM it is ignored.... SAD!

19. you're mad/ashamed/horrified you actually kind of like...

let's just say there's a certain ship that goes against so many of my principles and yet i've shipped it for over a decade and got good friends to ship it too and leaf it there

20. part of canon you found tedious or boring

whatever the hell fireafy was doing in nubfb

21. part of canon you think is overhyped

clive dove professor layton. unwound future has better aspects

22. your favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores

i think ppl should pay more attention to misa in death note

23. ship you've unwillingly come around to

i used to hate mei x red son from monkie kid and now it's my top otp LOL

25. common fandom complaint that you're sick of hearing

"stop watching kid shows" these ppl aren't watching kid shows they are JUST watching owl house if they were wathcing kid shows i'd have someone to talk about rocketeer 2019 with

[bassguitarinablackt-shirt]

hi i saw this post and i want to tell you some shit from experience

as a maniac who oscillates between " shit i love my work" to " i fucking hate this i fucking hate this when will it end fuck shit shit" i will tell you that BRO IT'S COMPLETELY FINE TO FEEL LIKE THAT.

idk i hope i know how you feel but obviously im not you. so im imagining some horrible gut stomach feeling, you're tired, you're burnt out and you feel so shit.

i am obviously not going to tell you to carry on writing. forcing stuff like that is not healthy at all and it's better to quit than to suffer. BUT!! JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT WRITING IT DOESN'T MAKE RAMBING ABOUT YOUR OCS LESS VALID!!!!! YOU'RE SO SMART!!

you do realise that not many people have the ability to make ocs let alone make stories let alone make awesome ones!?;!?

who ever heard of a more angsty ship than mathew and alex??? and literally no one can make ocs like aria (kin frf) . and have you heard yourself talking about your wips??? the amount of backstory in power doesn't guarantee glory is insane. ajdjdjf vixen and antoine are so so adorableeee. your ocs are valid even if you don't write them down!!!!!!!

now for some advice for my tumblr bestie cool person:

pleaeolaseplase distance yourself from anything that's making you tired or burnt out.

spend time on pinterest!!! it's so soothing

listen to music!!!! turn up the volume and imagine cool scenes with your ocs!!!!

go out with people you like!!! talk to people!!!!

ESPECIALLY!!! YOU SHOULD DEFINITELY WRITE THAT NO PRESSURE SHORT STORY YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT!!!

if it makes you feel any better i hadn't written in 3 weeks until yesterday, and i only wrote 10 words yesterday.

your ocs are valid. your worlds are valid. no one is forcing you to write them down. i would literally listen to you rambing about them and it doesn't matter if they're not being written.

lots of love <33333

okay wow this is alot and you have no idea how much it means to me

for a while with my writing i felt stuck, like i had been digging myself a hole without even realizing it and i had no idea how to get out, i didnt even know how i got there, i didnt know how i went from writing silly little ocs to calling myself a writer and stressing myself out over everything

it keeps shocking me that people actually perceive what i write, they listen to me rant and actually take that information in and have opinions and feelings about it and thats just insane to me because my writing has always been a representation of me and i am making absolutely no sense right now

ill try to distance myself from whats stressing me out but that might be hard because now that i think about it i somehow manage to find a way to stress myself out over anything and everything

i just seriously can not tell you enough how much all this means to me and thanks so much tea

#asher answers

[kithtaehyung]

You won’t hold my hand (and you don’t have to thank you thank you thank you! Like still some angsty shit ahead but god am i relieved holy fuck), but you will read my live reactions… though i think i misunderstood and misinterpreted the brother reveal…

- Holding on to the order of angst, fluff, smut, idk if its the same order every time in the description but with the rest of the tags, if smut is last, there has to be plenty of fluff

- IT’S NOT NAMJOON!!!!!!!!!!!

- IT’S NOT HOBI!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- “If you can focus on your work shit, he can, too.” All up in his mind like Beyonce

- I saw her!!!!!!!! - biting my hand to not scare my neighbors

- Oh god, Ryen, dont take this from us: “Yoongi decides that he wants more of it. In a lot of other aspects of his life.”

- Jungkook no!!!! It better be Dom, please be Dom!!!!!

- “You were able to pull him upward.” Baby please continue to pull through oh god no fuck ahhh

- “If he’s gonna bow out, he’s gonna do all the shit he wants to do first. One last time before reality fully severs the string that shouldn’t have tethered to your heart.” No he’s going to break her… no no no no no

- ITS NOT JIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OHMYGOD!!!!!!!

- “If it was Yuri instead…” oop!!

- “Of course, this could just be another byproduct of your worrying, so you blaze past it. No more of that, remember? He’s proven himself over and over that you don’t have to second guess.” Ryen no!!!! How could you!!! Worry, girl worry!!!!

- “Kook said he saw you today.” YES YOONGI!!!!!!! TALK IT OUT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!!!!!

- “Told him I’m seeing someone.” YES!!!!!!!!

- “He didn’t say no. He didn’t say no. Don’t assume anything and just follow his lead.” YES!!! RYEN THE BACK AND FORTH!!!! THIS IS TOO MUCH!!!

- “I could answer for him.” God this is so sexy… Ryen my emotions are all over the fucking place!! Im shaking!!!!!

- “Without even knowing if your feelings would reflect off the Moon.” Oh god, so painfully beautiful

- “Realizing that the last conversation you’ll have here mirrors the very first.” I’m really holding on to the hope that since there is so much angst already this will end in fluff 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽

- “before going back to the table. // Where Yoongi hasn’t moved at all.” Ooo he’s replaying that convo from the other girl that happened there too isnt he… oh god

- “This old, silly man.” God i love her, please turn the tables and realize the power you have!!!!

- “I want all of it.” YEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSS!!!! COMMUNICATIOOOOOOOOOON!!!!!!

- “And you’ll be okay. No matter what happens now, you’ll brave those waters.” Ryen, I can’t, this is everything! Everything!

- “Your dick is big and I wanna suck it.” Ryen!!!! I love her!!!!!

- “The whole world needs to hear that.” I know there are still problems, and that they know there are… but they are so in love! Oh my god!!! 😭😭😭😭

- “But you won’t say them tonight. Partly because you don’t want to overshadow his vulnerability, and partly because there’s still a slice of you that needs a little more assurance.” Ah! Good for her!!!!

- Oh my god Holly!!!!!!!!!

- “You make me feel safe.” Yes boo tell her!!! Oh my god!!

- “Holy fuck, what else has he been screaming without a word?” shit

- “His hold on you gets tighter, and you feel the warmth of something sliding down your neck.” Shit shit shit shit shit shit oh god can i handle his tears??

- Ryen… the overstimulation… the riding… hands down the best smut i ever read, so filthy!!!

- “Gonna warn you now: you might get tired of me, doll.” 😭😭😭😭 thank you thank you thank you thank you

- Of fuck we’re doing Friday too??? Oh god… please dont be more angst oh god!!!

- “Because you’re a princess, he would say. And every princess needs a guard.” This is so fucking sweet i love this so much!!!!

- “Where’s my hi?” Bitch! Is he fuckin insane?!!?!?

- “Maybe telling him about Yoongi will be somewhat okay.” Oh god it’s going to be terrible oh my god

- “Feel like y’all can pick up where you left off.” Oh shit, oh god please dont send Yoongi back oh fuck

- “Yoongi [10:06pm]: It’s all good. I got us” oh thank fuck

And Jin is the brother?? For some reason i misread the convo and thought bro was saying his name like another person was in town. But he was talking in the third person… which is on brand lol

And for the record i did cry it was so beautiful. Just, all the dialogue as she is bravely stating what she wants as he’s eeking out his own confessions. Fucking masterful! I’m in awe, man. You’re so good at this! 💕

Now I have to go eat because I havnt yet lol

As always, just thank you!!

-🚌

Ooooooooh, I read things right the first time then! It’s not Jin, got it! -🚌

AHHHHH BUSSS i'm finally getting able to respond to the spoiler heavy reviews so let's get it😤

You won’t hold my hand (and you don’t have to thank you thank you thank you! Like still some angsty shit ahead but god am i relieved holy fuck), but you will read my live reactions… though i think i misunderstood and misinterpreted the brother reveal… Holding on to the order of angst, fluff, smut, idk if its the same order every time in the description but with the rest of the tags, if smut is last, there has to be plenty of fluff

that's correct!! i said i wouldn't hold any hands bc the fluff at the end :))) i wanted to spoil everyone but of course, we had to go through some TOUGH shit first ughhh. and i love live reactions! they're so fun to read lmfao i don't mind at alll. you ended up being right the first time, yeah dkdfjd it's none of them!

i always put it in the same order (angst, fluff, smut) since it's alphabetical :D putting it in different orders for the fic would be wayyy too spoiler-y !! wanna keep y'all on ur toes ehehe

- IT’S NOT NAMJOON!!!!!!!!!!! IT’S NOT HOBI!!!!!!!!!!!!! “If you can focus on your work shit, he can, too.” All up in his mind like Beyonce

ITS NOT THEMMM just rapline in the studio doing their thing :DD and he's still thinking of reader.. sigh..

- I saw her!!!!!!!! - biting my hand to not scare my neighbors Oh god, Ryen, dont take this from us: “Yoongi decides that he wants more of it. In a lot of other aspects of his life.” Jungkook no!!!! It better be Dom, please be Dom!!!!!

as soon as the her came out, it was all sorts of overthinking for us! and the quote that you put for yoongi :(( ughhhh yeah.

IT BETTER BE DOM DFHKSDHFSDF SDF

- “You were able to pull him upward.” Baby please continue to pull through oh god no fuck ahhh “If he’s gonna bow out, he’s gonna do all the shit he wants to do first. One last time before reality fully severs the string that shouldn’t have tethered to your heart.” No he’s going to break her… no no no no no

gosh, yoongi's and jungkook's whole conversation was full of unspoken feelings on both of their parts. and it's so sad to think that jk sees this as a beginning of sorts and yoongi sees it as the beginning of an end.

- “Of course, this could just be another byproduct of your worrying, so you blaze past it. No more of that, remember? He’s proven himself over and over that you don’t have to second guess.” Ryen no!!!! How could you!!! Worry, girl worry!!!! - “Kook said he saw you today.” YES YOONGI!!!!!!! TALK IT OUT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!!!!! “Told him I’m seeing someone.” YES!!!!!!!! “He didn’t say no. He didn’t say no. Don’t assume anything and just follow his lead.” YES!!! RYEN THE BACK AND FORTH!!!! THIS IS TOO MUCH!!! “I could answer for him.” God this is so sexy… Ryen my emotions are all over the fucking place!! Im shaking!!!!!

the whole first kitchen scene took a long time to write. not as long as the second kitchen scene that took all of my brain power, but this one also took some writing and rearranging and editing/deleting. like the 3tan9 scraps docs is 3k+ words. i had to shave off a lot that didn't seem like it fit right! but i'm proud of reader for telling yoongi what she said to jk. like. that's a huge admission (aND it's literally reader's last thought in sundress season!!!! this wasn't a surprise but it is to yoongi :')))) )

yoongi saying "i could answer for him" got me good i'm glad you pointed that line out too LMAO

- “Without even knowing if your feelings would reflect off the Moon.” Oh god, so painfully beautiful “Realizing that the last conversation you’ll have here mirrors the very first.” I’m really holding on to the hope that since there is so much angst already this will end in fluff 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽 “before going back to the table. // Where Yoongi hasn’t moved at all.” Ooo he’s replaying that convo from the other girl that happened there too isnt he… oh god

i'm glad you like the sun/moon analogy!! and i wanted to tie back to it with yoongi's kiss being moonlight. because.. what is moonlight? :'))) god i'm emotional all over again SDFKDFH

oh my goddd your last point i'm gonna fcking flip this gd table!!!!

- “This old, silly man.” God i love her, please turn the tables and realize the power you have!!!! “I want all of it.” YEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSS!!!! COMMUNICATIOOOOOOOOOON!!!!!! “And you’ll be okay. No matter what happens now, you’ll brave those waters.” Ryen, I can’t, this is everything! Everything!

old reader would've never called him silly. this was such a simple yet really hard hitting line for me.

COMMUNICATION BABYYY WE ARE ADULTS AND WE'RE GONNA FCKING T A L K. AND WE LOVE IT. yoongi's a straight-shooter. we know this. but after everything he's been thinking about himself? this was huge. and reader's braving the waters of her ocean<333

- “Your dick is big and I wanna suck it.” Ryen!!!! I love her!!!!! “The whole world needs to hear that.” I know there are still problems, and that they know there are… but they are so in love! Oh my god!!! 😭😭😭😭 “But you won’t say them tonight. Partly because you don’t want to overshadow his vulnerability, and partly because there’s still a slice of you that needs a little more assurance.” Ah! Good for her!!!!

I LOVE READER TOO i legit cackled when those words came out lmfaoooo and her saying that to yoongi, a very private person that doesn't show anyone his shit? that meant the universe, i feel like. she's so genuine and he just. i. don't even have words atp....

- Oh my god Holly!!!!!!!!! “You make me feel safe.” Yes boo tell her!!! Oh my god!! “Holy fuck, what else has he been screaming without a word?” shit “His hold on you gets tighter, and you feel the warmth of something sliding down your neck.” Shit shit shit shit shit shit oh god can i handle his tears??

HOLLYYYYYYY YESSSS and the feeling safe conversation?? like. psychological safety is incredibly important, and yoongi gives that to reader. we knew this. but she does the same for him and now that she knows what's going on in that brain of his? oh. i am so fcking excited to explore even more growth for the both of them.

- Ryen… the overstimulation… the riding… hands down the best smut i ever read, so filthy!!! “Gonna warn you now: you might get tired of me, doll.” 😭😭😭😭 thank you thank you thank you thank you

wait are you fr?? the best??? no wait that's too much praise i- thank you so damn much!!

and of course we have one of my fave lines from yoongi bc what did he say in a previous 3tan ask/tell? THISSS.

- Of fuck we’re doing Friday too??? Oh god… please dont be more angst oh god!!! “Because you’re a princess, he would say. And every princess needs a guard.” This is so fucking sweet i love this so much!!!! “Where’s my hi?” Bitch! Is he fuckin insane?!!?!? “Maybe telling him about Yoongi will be somewhat okay.” Oh god it’s going to be terrible oh my god “Feel like y’all can pick up where you left off.” Oh shit, oh god please dont send Yoongi back oh fuck “Yoongi [10:06pm]: It’s all good. I got us” oh thank fuck

we were doing friday too yessss!! i was about to cut it at the night at yoongi's, but i was like.. nah. we're doing this fck it lmao. i think it turned into a much more fitting ending spot, too.

AND HOBI I KNOWWWWWWWW but then. then. yoongi. i wanna box him so fcking bad put me in the ring right now.

finally we have the reason bro wanted reader to stay for the party. he wanted to surprise both of them. so that should say something about his feelings towards jungkook..

I GOT US. USSSSSS. GOODBYEEEEEEEE

And for the record i did cry it was so beautiful. Just, all the dialogue as she is bravely stating what she wants as he’s eeking out his own confessions. Fucking masterful! I’m in awe, man. You’re so good at this! 💕

argh you are so so nice for this amazing live commentary! i laughed, cried, everything. sending you tissues and a hug ASAPPP i'm honored you think it's masterful.. kinda blushing kinda shy kinda hiding in my hoodie hahahah thank you endlessly, bus!!!

#WHEWWWWW #amazing!! #🚌 anon #lovely people #3tan9 #3tan spoilers #3tanbro #asks:3tan #*ryenfictalk #long post #mailbox💌

[failed-apple]

long rant about thinspo and how i feel about it. so obviously tw for talk about that and also tumblr dont term me for using that word im not proana fuck off please, im allowed to rant (also im really fucking tired so idk if this will even make sense)

to start off im gonna say i have been part of pro ana tumblr and mpa for quite a while in the past, i only started to get to the pro recovery side of tumblr at the end of last year so that might cloud my perspective on this topic a bit.

my relationship with thinspo is complicated. i do realize thinspo is horrible and posting it only fuels other peoples eds, but i still look at it and have a private pinterest board for it because i still want to fuel my ed and get motivated to get worse sometimes. i know its bad but i still do it. but i dont post thinspo anywhere publically, all my shit is in private boards or folders and will never see the light of day since i just dont wanna trigger other people. but to say im completely against it would be a bit hypocritical since i do look at it and use it to fuel my ed. i just dont want other people to do so.

its weird to say im okay with some thinspo since im not really but im more okay with thinspo of people who actually have an ed and have posted pics of themselves to be used as thinspo. what im not okay with is using non ed'd people as thinspo. ive seen pics of eg jessie page and billzo used as thinspo and i hate it. (as well as models, actors and kpop idols but i dont know much about that and dont feel as conected to them so i wont talk about that now but it also makes me feel wierd)

jessie have posted pics of themself in the past when they were really bad and i get why people get triggered by them, but now shes fully recovered and talks a lot about their ed and to me it feels wierd that people use her old pics as thinspo since shes so openly recovered and pro recovery. billzo on the other hand hasnt got an ed and never has, hes just naturally skinny and has even said hes uncomfortable with that hes skinny so to me it also feels wierd to use him as thinspo. ive seen people say that you cant be upset when someone uses a well known person as thispo cause all other thinspo is of real people as well but i feel like theres a big difference between just normal pictures of a skinny person vs actual body checks posted as thinspo by an anorexic person. i personally think body checks are much more triggering anyways and i just feel morally wierd about purposefully using pictures of non disordered people to trigger yourself. ofc with people like jessie not everyone knows who she is and i get that other people who have posted thinspo might also be recovered, but when people tell the person who posted the picture that the person in the pic is recovered or just not comfortable with being thinspo why wouldn't you take the post down. same with non disordered people, if they look ed'd to you fine, but as soon as someone tells you that theyre not and possibly have stated theyre not comfortable with being used as thinspo why would you keep defending the post? just take it down. and i get thats never gonna happen, people are always gonna use whatever pics they find as whatever they want, this was just my thoughts. if you want to argue with me about this feel free but i dont think im gonna change my mind. and i also get being so deep into your ed that you dont care. i get why pro ana is a thing. ive been there and i hate it. if youre pro and reading this (witch i doubt anyone who got this far or even saw this post is but still) if youre pro rn please try and see that first of all eds are terrible no matter how much that voice tells you theyre gonna make you happy and second of all making other people worse wont make anything better and third of all pro recovery side of tumblr is so much better.

and if your reasoning is "well they posted it online, its free to use as whatever you want" fuck off. i dont care. suck my dick

tltr: im kinda okay with using disordered peoples pics as thinspo if theyve stated theyre okay with that or have posted body checks to be used as thinspo. im not okay with using non disordered people as thinspo. there are a lot of actually ed'd people who like being used as thinspo so if you have to use someone else to fuel your ed use them.

but also if thinspo wasnt a thing i probably would be better off so never mind, fuck all thinspo

#apple rants #long post #idk if i should tag this #im not gonna

[lucky-draws]

trueee they really cant escape each other lmao. could you maybe talk a bit more about fate and how it connects to bosselot? just if you want to ofc i love how you explain things :) i think that concept is so interesting to think about in a normal way (is also insane about bosselot)

hello!!!!!! tee hee hee im glad my insane words make some sense 2 you. i can surely attempt 2 talk abt bosselot some more + specifically abt fate. hrm . mission commence.

i guess. i suppose there's an element of fate like in a cruel twist of fate way running through the whole saga of the boss, the sorrow, ocelot, snake etc; like when the boss kills the sorrow, neither of them know the other is involved, she doesn't know it's him until they come face to face etc. and they've no choice but for the sorrow to die. star crossed lovers or whatever the hell.

and then in mgs3 its the fuckin. ocelot doesnt even know who the boss is at the start. much less that she's his mother. and he falls in love/is infatuated with snake whilst being totally unaware that snake is later going to kill his mother. thats not exactly fate ig or is it idk what im saying here but like....u know??? its the cruel irony of it all basically. i suppose there's an element of history repeating itself (which is in the wider series a big element ig. never ending cycles.) one must live and one must die, first with the boss + the sorrow and then with the boss + snake.

i guess also hghgfgfm. have u ever seen that post, its in the bosselot tag i think by captmelbourne and it goes like. 'thinking abt ocelot being born from a snake shaped wound and destiny and shit.' and jhghg listen i think abt that always. idk. ocelot being fated to/born to meet snake or something. idk.

i guess actually rather than any sound analysis here i just like the sort of visuals of it. aesthetically. the scar is just a very tasty element of this all. i like the visuals of the mythological red string of fate where uve each got one end of the red string of soulmateness tied to ur finger and it never snaps etc etc EXCEPT LIKE. with bosselot its in like a bad/tragic/evil/weird way. connected by the red snake of i killed your mom fate. red snake of you were born from a snake wound and. i am a snake (???) therefore um it's ..something? (????) . ALSO. ! connected by the blood-red snake of i was literally born on a battlefield (fated to a life of conflict) and you were shaped into a soldier (fated to a life of conflict) by my mother. ..... u know??

and god like ok. big boss giving himself the boss' snake shaped scar in peace walker...... it's all the mirrors or symmetry or parallels. the repetition. ?

+ on subject of parallels: the way they see themselves reflected in each other in relation to the boss. like big boss starting off as the rookie kid mentored by the boss. and then later he then becomes the mentor to ocelot the rookie kid. oh and ocelot just happens to be the son of the boss. ! and also which i guess maybe links to what i already said before abt the coma + the 9 years bringing them equal ish idk.?

i suppose in a wider non-bosselot way maybe there's some kind of fate or full-circleness about ocelot in mgs4 being killed by solid snake. i.e. he was born from a snake shaped wound + was eventually killed by a snake. hm. ...

i guess there’s probably some other stuff im missing or forgor.,i am a little tired sorry but yeah i hope some of this made sense. and if i think of anything else or think of a better way to articulate it then u can be sure i will be inflicting another post abt it on u lol.

OHHHH before i go omg. another thing on subject of paralells/history repeating. and this isn’t an orginal thought or anything obvs everyone has talked abt this but what the HELL is up with the whole.   the boss in the ocean. (+ strangelove  pulling her out.)  and then falling into a coma.  > big boss in the ocean. (and we could choose to believe ocelot pulled him out if we really wanted to.) and then falling into a coma.     > solid snake in the ocean (and otacon pulling him out.) LIKE THIS SERIES IS JUST THE SAME THING OVER ANDOVER. ourou fucking boros. !!!!

so yes anyway!!!! thank u for indulging and allowing my bosselot insanity i am glad u are also really normal (insane) about these two. :-)))))) thank u for dropping by!! feel free to ask anything else etc etc ! o7

#lisette mumbles #yeah.............................yeah........... #yeah? #yeah. #bosselot #top secret documents

[meet-at-tycho]

OKAY MORE I CANT HELP IT...

you better believe i show them off, too. like no ones business im always LOOK. AT WHAT MY FRIEND DID... look, im so proud of them 😽😽 i really am like WOW!!! idk im enamored anything they do is the best thing in the world to me. whats that about rose tinted glasses? thats how it is SORRYYYY cant help it you are perfect to me and i love you like. IM ENTHRALLLED theres a lot of words i could use to describe how i feel about them. hooked is a good one, absolutely CAPTIVATED, hook line and sinker baby im in heaven 🥳 im still coping cuz im still lonely but. if i flood my mind with the thought of them, itll be enough to get my thru til they come back :]

dude i remember last halloween? best halloween ever okay I . i mightve been dying of sleep deprivation but i got correctly gendered the entire fucking day AND. i had my bestie in my phone, idc if i looked rude or anything talking to her the whole fcking day? i feel so. LOST when im without them, so knowing i had her with me the entire time like. I REALLY HAD SUCH A GREAT TIME.. i wish i could relive that day over and over again, but i still have more days to experience!!! shes so creative and brilliant and fucking UNHINGED like a little rat crawling thru the walls WHATS WRONG WITH HER.... idk but i love it :] she absolutely is carrying like. prehistoric diseases i dont know how and i dont know when shes gonna dispatch them but im afraid

or like? my birthday was a good example. neither of them knew it was cuz i dont like to tell people but.. we spent the day together and it . i was genuinely so happy, its the first birthday i havent ended up crying on. like YEAH yr right you WERE the gift!!!!!!! you genuinely were im. KICKING MY FEET AND GIGGLING

i spend the so much time with him, SIR. the man that you are im. only incomprehensible growling and barking comes to mind when i think of you BUT it translates to: YOU ARE EVERYTHING TO ME!!! no hes so silly for real i genuinely cant get enough of him. i remember. even the very first time we vced like just us, it wasnt even really awkward at all!!!! felt a little unsure but I HAD SO MUCH FUN.. our chemistry.. mr whiter..... really though its. or that time we spent like 12 hours in call together. i used to feel so sad when calls ended, sad enough that id just start avoiding them cuz i didnt really know when it would happen again, SO? thats like A WHOLE ENTIRE DAY.... we spent a whole day together and it went GOOD it was so .. perfect. such a big deal to me cuz like. i dont leave my house, i dont SOCIALIZE REALLY.. so to go for so long without even getting tired?? its genuinely a really big step for me. HE DID THAT...

but.. dont just love them for how they make me feel. i love everything about them. when shit gets hard i wanna try my best to be there cuz ive had people give up on me and it fucking sucked, i wont ever give up on you. they really are so special to me like. the best people ive ever met in my entire life and i MEAN that. you are so worth it, anything at all. ill be here!!! i wont ever leave you behind, how could i ever do that? my love doesnt come from what they do for me, it comes from THEM directly. their personalities, their hobbies, interests. glasses get rosier, theres nowhere id rather be! it feels so good to just.. idk. i like being here, i feel stable and comfortable and its all thanks to them

MAN dont talk to me ever. never speak to me!!! lot of feelings okay but. listenn..... ive got two eyes, one for each apple. EASY. lovemaxxing or whatever

[zombies-aliens]

Man. I'm down bad rn. I'm attached to a fucking girl bruh. It's so. Fucking. Dumb. I don't even wanna get into it. I'm so tired of worrying over nothing meanwhile she's probably not even worried an ounce about me. And why tf would she I'm literally ONE DUDE while she has an ABUNDANCE OF FRIENDS. I have close to zero she's got like the whole damn community at work in her corner who tf do I got again? If I leave nobody cares. Okay okay they'll pretend to miss me, then in a couple minutes I swear to God they'll be laughing it up with friends I promise you!! And boom just like that I'm forgotten and I'll eventually forget them too. Bc they got friends they got people to make them forget and feel better. Good for them unfortunately I don't have that luxury. I'm a lone wolf that feels like an outcast everytime I'm around people. Like look man I know it everyone knows it I ain't shit. It's the sad truth. How can I not see it. I'm a lame. It's the sad truth. Whatever. I'm attached to that person bc they are the only friend I talk to on a daily basis consistently. My dumbass went and got attached because there's literally no one else I do this with. There's nobody else who really made me think I'm actually friends with me back instead of it feeling like I'm their friends and I'm hoping to God they're still friends with me the next day. Oh but they check on me and ask if I'm okay bruh how dumb do you think I am you think I don't know words are just words? Words don't mean jack shit man. All I know is I'm attached, I care way more to an unhealthy extent apparently, and I don't know what else to do but to ghost once I move away to another state. They'll never find me again we'll never see each other and yeah I know it must come off as a shocker for them... maybe?... but as I said they'll be laughing it up with friends in a few minutes I'm not kidding too. They won't miss me that much if at fucking all they do. They'll probably all go drinking the same night and there you go. Fun times restablished. Matter fact fun times were never impacted by me anyway. So idk when I leave to another state and I'm about to leave the store I'm idk bc I know it's proper to put in a two weeks notice but fuck that store I'll tell them in a week they can kiss my ass they don't love me anyway. All I will say is thank you T for hiring me. But idc anymore. When I get the call that's it's time to go (sounds grim but it's a job position I'm in a queue for basically. Its already mine just a matter of time but hopefully it's very soon. Like even next week would be perfect. Just take me away from my attachment man) I'm probably delete her from my snap without notice. Maybe with notice. Still figuring it out. Might say "hey im so so sorry this was fun but its been bad for me.. I need to move on. Everythings okay. None of this is your fault. ooo 🫂

And I think I'll wait a month max before I do it. Bc say I get let go for whatever reason and I go back home where they're at. Now that would be painful for me. Awkward for everybody. But even still they wouldn't give a fuck. They probably think, "idiot"

I'm only doing this because I don't wanna be attached anymore. It's a one sided attachment and I'm tired of how I overthink and it's happening because of this attachment. So I have to break it off from me to fucking get a breath of fresh air.

[no-one-ever-questioned]

.

having anxiety bcuse mom's giving me my phone back after school

ik i'm too far behind and am so close to getting an f/n on a couple subjcts but im just drained and struggling to care but also

ik i need to keep up, or at least do what i've been doing

the same thing over and over again, just keep it together

i can't cry when i need to and seem to want to cry at the worst times

i don't want to ask for help bcuse i've been gone for so long now why just show up only when i need help? idk i'm trying to get things back together

somethings wrong with cousin and mom wont tell me but i walked inside after walking max to hear her say "teenagers are assholes" like duh ik that and ik she was addressing her dad on the phone and kk but also something tells me its about cousin and whatever happened between them

idk what to make of life anymore and i keep telling myself it will get better but tbh i don't think improvement will be happening anytime soon and i wanna be so so strong for everyone else but it's starting to become noticeable ig sister keeps asking if i'm okay and gets mad when i say i'm fine or act "off" like what do you want me to act like??

keep going from normal talk to "professional" and like. i picked up a dictionary and it's helping me word and string sentances along and idk it's upsetting everyone else but idk how to make it stop either

siste(t) is upsetting me like she isn't bothering to like idk. i'm upset as is and she isn't helping ig. she's just idk it doesn't make sense and it might sound bad? she says she's hopeful she gets a phone before i get mine back but doesn't have an answer as to why. i've managed to be calm about everything but she just seems hellbent on pushing buttons like. she's not minding my personal space and i'm getting rather uncomfortable with the "suggestive" talk and shit just.

idk i don't want to deal with life anymore i'm so tired all the time and i either can't eat or eat too much cant sleep or sleep too much just mmmm

i dont want to burden anyone with my faults and flaws

and ofc sister apparently wants me to get with someone like. can she not stop? no. she cannot. she keeps talking about me having children in her dreams and ik its just dreams but i'm not parent material ik that much and i've never wanted to have kids but also babies are adorable?? like ik i dont want it. but im allowed to say that babies are adorable and i'd be fine with babysitting but never having one as my own like?? idk i dont make sense.

i cant tell if i'm spiralling downwards but this feels like a repeat of 13. functioning based off what ik emotion to feel and reacting how i see necessary/based on context clues and what i "should" feel while i'm either numb or upset. idk tbh just. want it to stop. my head doesnt feel right either. cloudy and like someone pulled the curtains over my windows and now i cant do anything

idk anyways rant of the day!

#tw warning #tw #tw vent #tw cursing #tw: mental health

[shinshoyu]

//vent

i hhhhate how many things just keep going wrong in my LIFE like PLEASEEEE

everyone piles up on me all at the same time and i'm never mad about what i actually should be mad about i get mad about the things that shouldn't matter as much as they do like my microphone not being perfect or my headphones only liking one port on my laptop.

im just so tired of being angry all the time and idk maybe im trying to project it onto mediocre things so the big things can be dealt with and not snapped about but i snap about the little things that it's not even worth snapping over and im just. im tired

i almost started crying because my expensive headphones and my expensive microphone don't work or sound the way i want them to and it's just upsetting me so much. and it's not even a big deal because yknow what? so what! fucking sell the shit and get better shit! what's the issue with that? oh is ir because you're an egotistical little bitch who believes they're above selling things to get better things? fucking hell.

not to mention what im really frustrated about are people and school and i don't want to be upset about either of those things but i cant stop being angry abt them and it's like fuck just shut UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP

i try to make myself feel better and it gets worse and it makes me angrier and i think hanging out with people will help because it gets me out of my self depreciating moods but it serves to turn those negative emotions into different negative emotions that i bottle up because it's not appropriate to deal with them the way i feel i need to and it's just UGH

i just want people to shut the fuck UP your voices grind on my gears and remind me of horrible times in my life and you talk about your life that you barely have because of how fucking chronically online you are and you boast about all your fucking mental illnesses but it doesn't give you an excuse to not be courteous to others. ok yeah sure you're autistic well so am i and i'm still a nice fucking person. i cant even get a word in because you fucking assholes keep talking about things that make me want to die and if i speak up about it your ass pins any type of hatred you can on me. i don't fucking CARE what mental illnesses you have or what religion you follow or what color your fucking skin is i don't give a flying fuck about those things. what i fucking care about is keeping myself stable and safe and i cant do that when you accuse me of hatred for SETTING A BOUNDARY. i am SCARED to speak up for myself because the second i do i am attacked and i KNOW you would do the same thing.

like if you join a vc full of people in a completely separate server who aren't a part of your other servers or anything like that, should you really just be talking about what happened in your other vc? it's just the two of you talking. it's like you're fucking debriefing and the rest of us, or at least i, don't want to fucking hear it. i don't want to hear about how loud and chaotic and overwhelming the vc was. i don't want to hear about what scandal happened in the massive pool of voices you can barely discern. i don't want to hear about what game you played because it's always the same and it always reminds me of the worst, lowest point in my life and you just keep fucking talking. you keep going and going and going and you don't stop and let other people talk.

god and your fucking dni and shit are so specific like i hate to say this but fucking grow up. get a therapist and learn how to deal with your shit, because you can't get mad at someone for existing in their own space that you invade. god fucking forbid i like listening to melanie martinez and hollywood undead. oh no, i'm so sorry, do my choices that don't affect you traumatize you and now you have a new alter in your 500+ system? grow the fuck up. MY music choice shouldn't affect YOUR BRAIN. my BOUNDARIES about certain games and topics shouldn't affect YOUR LIFE.

like be so fucking for real right now. be SO fucking for real. if you have a problem with someone or something, fucking block them. that's the beauty of the fucking internet. if you have such a problem with those things don't hide it in your little carrd with all the other bullshit you hate, deal with it like the rest of us and get some fucking therapy. you need to learn healthier coping mechanisms rather than relying on other people to bend to your life. fuck off.

#s_vent #this one's heavy #i'm pissed frfr