#im so tired nd like . out of it . like smth just hit nd it sucks actually nd i would rlly like 2 talk 2 ppl

[wingedbeings]

ok -_-

#so tired of havign a brain like this like calm down!!!!!!!!! #i jst want to experience a normal day but instrad i am being delusional agaib for the millionth time <3 #moss.exe #literaly this medical delusion is driving me insane when will it stop!!!!!!!!!!!! i read smth Once! ONCE!!!! nd since i have had this #delusion ive proven wrong so many times nd im aware its a delusion yet p much every day i am fully convinced its real nd im right also #its been several years since i read tjt shit!!! like SHUT UP ms schizophrenia i get it!!! #so tired of this fr #i take the crazy person medicine and yet #rly wish i could switch 2 different antipsychotics bc dear god i am losing it #like both literally nd jst from how exhausting this is #why do i even still take my current antipsychotics they r so invasivr nd im like 90% sure they dont do anything but the ''wel cant be insane #when u r unconscious <3'' thing like tjere is no other effects but withdrawal effects tht hit stupidly quickly nd side effects tht make me #feel awful when they dont instantly knock me out or i dont sleep at least 8 hrs on them #nd i guess tht last part is amplified by my cfs/me but Fuck #also i already had the worst metabolism to begin w and this isnt helping <3 #like i'm rly losing my grey matter or smth just to be forcibly put to sleep at this point #which yea i do also need tht bc of insomnia when i dont take meds where im jst incapable of sleeping if im not medicated n tht in turn makin #g me more insane but wel. ive kinda had it ngl <3 #the only meds i was capable of sleeping on before my antipsychotics was a heavy benzo dose of tje sleeping kind which i still have as prn #meds but i cant exactly take those daily so tht sucks too #i wish they developed less scary and invasive medication for tjese things bc im honestly incapable of not being medicated #like it just isn't doable unless i'm inpatient in a v intense form which is smth tht just makes my symptoms worse n leaves me w zero quality #of life nd tjey'd just forcibly medicate me anyway #so yknow #rly kind of scary tk think abt all this haha #i jst try not to read abt the effects of my medications nymore bc i dont have a choice yknow #im really tired of it #i wish i had a more normal brain #or that the treatments at least help and arent so scary #wel welcome 2 todays like 20th breakdown (^: will hopefully be able 2 see a psychiatrist again soon n maybe finally get a med adjustment