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#im sooooo getting this strain again
foolshoujo · 1 month
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@miskick reminded me about the health check, can we talk about the health check let's talk about this bc iku/tsuki is sooooo unslick if you know right. i know, you know.
so that whole deal doubles two fold, with the very clear intention of iku/tsuki( who all things considered so far in reload, & i may have to double back to this depending to strike this out or expand on it, has def been a proper worker bee for kiri/jo corp like while he doesnt outright say it its more properly implied that a lot of the reports, support, study, etc are for him as a researcher tasked as the liaison for ki/rijo to watch over sees. thats the whole reason hes no doubt the chairman bc he has to be the guy who keeps the former test site under lock right ok ) abusing his place of power & responsibility to run tests on the mc because he fucking knows they are the key to awaking the prince & summon nyx. it also serves as the convenient way for u to run home late so that u can have that moment w/ ta/kaya but its not about him rn & thats like metagame shit kjsfdha
anyways i find this fascinating because it does come from a place of concern. the constant use of persona does strain on the body just like the dark hour strains on the body. realistically it's smart to have a routine check up & the fact that ikutsuki waits so long to really push this, even if the order is from a legit higher up source & not him specifically as it is vague as to why( even mitsu/ru is like UHM ?? we have to do WHAT which was a hilarious red flag that this was most likely ikuts/uki vs kirij/o u feel me, u get it. ), seems very hmMM to me. it most certainly feels like to me at least a way to sneakily do a proper once over to the mc both to properly try to find some clue as to the whole multiperso/na bit & also again, iku/tsuki knows the mc is harboring the 13th shadow. like the mc's check up is long too, like its implied these were like an hour or so at most for everyone else a standardized fitness & probs a few psych evals but nothing heavy ? no doubt there is probably some medical equipment to examine one's persona thats off screen lore nonsense but still. my point is why was the mc's check up so long, why did we suddenly have to do this ? hmm ? ikuts/uki, i see you i see you workin for ur own gain.
&& like im right, literally look at what he did to the hundred kids in the persona program ki/rijo ran. he was head of that ! he was the one behind those cruel experiments, testing, & behind the drug strega uses & distributes to shi/nji. two words, one name: min/azuki sh/o. like iku/tsuki is just using the same methods in different ways to get the scientific data he needs to fuel his objective.
all of this to say is he's suspicious. i'm most certainly taking this & adapting it into my canon, however i think while mi/nato's check up is norm---- mina/ko's has an issue, the power of the 13th shadow as it now is stronger thanks to the several full moon shadows now rejoined with it overloads most if not all equipment attached to min/ako. technically this would be in the form of ph/aros within min/ako lashing out against a threat he can't understand. the two of them are symbiotic, they are also not stupid. mi/nako has been uncomfortable around ikuts/uki since the start. like something in the pit of her stomach just twists & turns if he's too close or she's alone with him. all of mi/nako's tests turn inconclusive & she leaves for the day, late with the events to run into tak/aya happen as they would in reload bc i like that thats fun & not at all traumatizing to mi/nako who is also violently uncomfortable around revolver jesus complex. however as she's leaving & gone, ik/utsuki has a fucking meltdown within the room he used to look at the results, lashing out in a rare moment of lost composure. in a way he can tell the shadow hosted within her metaphorical womb wants nothing to do with him, with the plan to summon nyx. all this does is make things worse. all it does is aid in the severe escalation toward the night on the observatory where he plans to sacrifice min/ako personally. i've gone into both that night & how i view iku/tsuki as obsessed with mi/nako almost viewing her akin to a saint for death & the fall here & this sorta of scene & reexamination of it really just adds to it.
uhh hey lol hi whatup
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bluiex · 1 year
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Dear anon who’s on about transfem Grian scar sews her wedding dress: sfw pt1
I’m so enamoured with the concept! And u didn’t even mention what I would consider to be one of the most letter spam worthy parts
Going to a custom seamstress/ster can be a very boring process, because you have to stand there while they tug fabric around u and pin it in place and all that
This wouldn’t be an issue for scarian obviously, they spend the whole time chatting and joking around, both pre n during relationship.
Grian trying to stand still as Scar works on pinning the fabric around her torso, which would usually make her insecure and hyper aware. but scar keeps cracking jokes that make Grian laugh so hard the pins are coming out. Which makes scar have to start the process over.
And I can’t help but imagine whatever scars saying is one of those things that puts Grian in hysterics. Yk the kind of giggly where when she finally calms down, if she and scar make eye contact or scar makes any sort of noise she loses it again.
Scars trying to be professional, but he’s also suppressing the urge to cackle along with her. He’s also failing. Which makes it even harder to ensure his hands don’t shake as he marks n measures the fabric and installs the pins.
On one hand, they should probably just try doing this another day, when they’re not giggly. But on the other, this is a semi regular occurrence that they find themselves dealing with, if they put it off every time, Grian would never have any nice clothes!
Also, getting custom clothes is expensive, so I raise u: the watchers are a super rich company that Grian is the child of the ceos. They do they’re best to be support of her and of her relationships, but, well, they’re not good with their child’s emotions. Probably because they mainly hired Nannies for them their entire childhood and were just generally never around, and when they were, they only ever talked about work or Grians academics. Until a teenage Grian painted his bedroom one day out of the blue, they probably didn’t even know his favorite color. Sooooo, Grians got a very complicated relationship with them
— abridged anon
IM OBBESSED WITH THE IDEA OF GRIAN BEING A CHILD OF SOME BIG COMPANY CEO "The Watchers"
OUGH she just, has a pretty strained relationship with them- but ykno.. it allows her to go out and do things she wants to do! and be happy! (IE: Meeting Scar)
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cicadangel · 4 months
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erm.! diary 12/4
hi i havent been online in a bit or written any diary entries recently bc well i was really depressed and then i just like forgot or whatever. but uhmmm life updates sorta/just how im doing right now.
i will start with the good news :-) i am not depressed! ive been feeling good pretty consistently for the past 2 weeks i think? ive been happy enough to be able to function normally and do all the stuff i need to do. also school swim started so i got to see my crush (the one i talked abt a bunch last year) and i actually need him so bad he's so fine i need him. not much has happened w him (in terms of moments or whatever) but it will soon trust!!!!!! also ive been feeling a bit more confident lately in terms of how i think guys percieve me so i hope maybe that will inspire me to make a move but probably not. oh well.
as for everything else. well. i have been having issues with that one bitch "friend" ofc hoping to hit her with a car sometime soon. but thats not rly new ig. i am kind of having issues too tho with one of my other friends bc he's being weird and annoying. recently hes been extremely sensitive abt just everything which is whatever except he won't tell me, he'll just get upset and try to get me to ask him if he's upset except i won't play that game ugghhhhh if u have a problem with me tell me bc i wont understand otherwise!!! i cannot possibly fathom what he's got wrong with him about me so im not even gonna try. if he wants to fix it he can use his words otherwise no bueno it is not happening!!!!
he's also been like. weird to me recently. we're in psychology class together and we're gonna be at the "abnormal behavior" unit soon (which is mental illnesses) and he keeps saying ohhhh we're almost at your unit we're almost there when it's like stop thats actually so annoying. i am abnormal and crazy but that's not ur place to say? i dont talk to my friends abt my mental illness struggles but i guess it is obvious there's smth wrong with me or whatever but it's just annoying. i will talk abt how im against involuntary commitment to psych wards and how sooooo many therapists only end up doing more harm than good and my problems with the whole mental health industry and the modern understanding of it bc it's smth im rly passionate abt, but he just brushes me off as if i dont have first hand experience with all of the terrible ways psychiatry and the mental health industry can fuck people up???? i also feel weird talking to him in general sometimes bc i know he'll bring me up to his therapist (because he constantly mentions it) and i feel like i cant talk to him bc he's gonna tell her and that just puts a weird strain on the relationship. like his therapist knows me, but just from his pov and that kinda weirds me out im ngl.
oh i also got in a fight w my mom today. actually we're still fighting. it was over something soooo insignificant but i got so overly angry like i always do and now im going to make it ruin the rest of my day because i am insufferable. she's just been really angering me lately also ive been feeling destructive which is complicated. i dont rly like the term "splitting" but it's def what ive been doing a lot lately. ugh. also i like dont know what to do with my bpd "diagnosis" it makes me angry and like i just have so many problems with it in so many ways REGARDLESS if i actually have it or whatever which i could talk abt for hours. in some ways it's nice to have a label for what ive been going through my whole life but in most ways i am like not too happy with the fact that ive been handed a disqualification from ever being upset again. if i am, it'll just be because im a crazy borderline! ugh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! anyway. more on that whole mess later sorry
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nerice · 8 months
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jjks2 rly isn't..... it's not that it isn't good but. the cinematography is great dgwm but it's straining against the baseline shounen manga undercurrent. it doesn't mesh well with the random goofy faces and txt thoughts. and worst of all the pacing of newest ep was just....... horrible lol. like i don't care as much abt the getou ideology descent all things considered but the anime really fucking miffed it by just slideshowing all these scenes back to back. if we can get a 10min extension on the opening segment for utahime (most appreciated still) they should have done the same for the village twins. im almost convinced now we're gonna get right up to culling game this season bc they're rly budgeting tight with how much time they spend on scenes. literally extending the village content to half an ep would have solved so many problems!!!! and i know it was short in the manga too but there it sorta works via panels/gutter usage. in animation it did not translate to any emotional drama at all even though that is THE turning point. ugh!!!! also the stsg kfc breakup was fucking ridiculous why wld u set it in a moving crowd!!!!!! again it worked in the manga but it was sooooo distracting to watch. for how good the cinematography has been it's rly baffling why they didn't go for like a. slowmo greyscale faceless crowd for the duration of the conversation...... literally blaming it on whatever filmic brainrot's been infesting mappa since csm. i hate it
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arminiloveyou · 2 years
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Hi! I saw you have matchups open and I would love to have a romantic matchup for either aot or jjk. Or both!! I also have no preference if it’s a man or woman.
Sooooo I’m a Gemini and my personality type is ISFP. Im 23, I don’t have a pronoun preference but I am afab. I’m a figure skating instructor, and have been figure skating for over ten years. That’s my main hobby. With being a coach means I work with students of all ages every day so I am pretty outgoing, friendly, and I think I get along with just about everyone. I’ve even had really shy kids take a liking to me. I used to compete but I’ve since retired and now I just coach full time and practice here and there. I have other hobbies that I pick up every now and then like bass playing and painting but they don’t really stick much.
When it comes to relationships and dating I’m pretty forward. I make the first move often. My way of flirting is poking fun and teasing so as long as they don’t take it too seriously everything works out! I think I’m pretty charismatic.
The only difference between me and the pic crew is my hair is curly/wavy and is a brown black that fades into ashy blues/purples by the ends
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Thanks a bunch!!!
omg i loved hearing about you!! i’ve always wanted to figure skate!!! thank you for your kindness helping people!! i hope you enjoy your matchup lovely!!
for jujutsu kaisen i match you with…
gojo satoru
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i think you’re the first to get this perfectly imperfect but still perfect man you being in figure skating seriously draws gojo in. he absolutely cannot get enough of seeing n hearing you talk about it. he’ll be there as often as he can. he especially loves seeing you teach - especially with the younger kids. it warms his heart n attracts him to you like no other. like sooo much i cant even put it into words. it makes him feel so happy. he loves how direct you are but believe me he’ll give you a run for your money. his goal is always to make you blush. you’re super attractive to him in all ways. “jeez, y/n, you looked pretty good out there… well, i guess much more than pretty” he switches between low whispers in your ear where he bends down to immediately ruffling your hair. he’s a menace. you know at the end of the day he truly loves you. he’s in love with you. he’s a smiley guy but nothing compares to how he glows when he’s with you. whenever he has to go on missions he gets really fucking sad. he hates being apart from you. it’s like his life force is missing. “aghhhh y/n…. i hate it here, i promise i’m tryna finish everything up to get back asap… i know you understand my job but aghhhhh i miss you i can’t stand this…..do you miss me, my love?” he asks genuinely - he wants reassurance that the distance n the time apart is eating you alive just as it is him.
for attack on titan i match you with…
hangë zoe
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another one totally enamored but your figure skating. they’ll constantly be picking your brain on the sport. “ahh y/n, have you ever thought of what would happen if….” “y/n, dear, i have a skate design idea!!” “ahhhh, y/n, i told you to be careful… yknow that it puts so much strain on your body…” they’re protective of you but soooo supportive if you ever wanna do solo events again. you being direct helps them a lot. they’re direct as well but i think that initial hurdle having been crossed by you will help them extinguish any doubts n be able to just go forward n trust you. they’d use dear, honey, sugar, sweetie, darling, n love for you!! also this may seem stupid but it popped into my head one day you came home from work to them holding a of pickles in their hand n watching a documentary. as they watched, they snacked. afterwards they put the jar away, brushed their teeth, washed their hands, n continued watching. after you’d gotten changed n settled you teased em about it. now the pair of you call one another “pickle.” they enjoy that you’ve found your passion. they’re proud that you know what fulfills you - it brings them soooo much comfort. “y/n… i hope you stay in my life for a long time, but like this… us together.” also they alwaysssss thank you for your support, love, n appreciation. you never have to worry.
sorry if the pickle thing makes you cringe :(
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Jungle Juice vibes
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lavalantula · 2 years
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What are your top ten? <3
ah anon this is to many for me to cheat so.. 7/10 of these are hypmic but here we go. u cant escape my Opinions!! thank u for the ask !!!!!
1. Wire - worthikids (this song is really good, yes, but i cant believe it made #1... its so short i think i put it on loop for like an hour and it rocketed to the top. still really good tho! watch the mv it u havent its really good.. clowns VS vampires good animation good song.... what more is needed?...)
2: Kaigen - hypmic (bad ass temple)
3: SHIBUYA GHOST NIGHT - hypmic (fling posse)
4: ware osaka! ~ what a OSAKA! - hypmic (dostuiare honpo)
5: Alligator Teeth - mother falcon (i talked about this already ^^)
6: Rhyme Anima's Mixtape - hypmic (4 original divisions..) (i talked abt this one... i could say more...)
7: 3 Seconds Killer - hypmic (buster bros)
8: WELCOME U - hypmic (matenro)
9: TOMOSHIBI - hypmic (matenro)
10: I Keep Rolling - the 502s (i talked about this one too ^^)
thank u anon for the ask !!!!!!!!!!
be CAREFUL expanding these tags theyre wildly long and all me talking about hypnosis microphone . read at ur own mental health risk
#look. look. first of all thank i anon i love u.#second im gonna talk hypmic in tags so im not too embarassed. cuz guys. ive got THOUGHTS!!!!#kaigen.. god idek where to start i mean the lyrics are beautiful 1st. jyushis part is my bio actually!#if everything in the world is darkness id have no reason to open my eyes... blah blah its long but so good <#actually in japanese 'yume to kami wa magaimono.. jibun wa minna no waraimono!' is my bio#but god im obsessed with that internal rhyme scheme i love rhyme schemes i love sounds etc#the live. the live. ill say it: WAHHHHHHHHH.......#okay. okay i have to move on. GOD please that song is so fucking good. okay#shibuya ghost night.. what to say <3 i love it i love fling posse im crying right now <3#no real thoughts about this i just think this song is really fun...#ware osaka what a osaka! i love the title its a pun (ware means laugh and its pronounced the same as 'what a')#i cant talk enough about this song i really really like it. if rei didnt suck so bad and be evil DH would be my fave division bc of this 1#& the rhymes are good .. i think their accents make them really stand out from the other divisions too it makes for an interesting sound#rhyma anima mixtape again its just sooooo <33333 ughhh <3#3 seconds killer is good !!! its BB again .. this is where the songs started to get Not As Good but its still good ok!#WELCOME U... objectively a boring song but there are parts that make my brain happy so i listen anyway#oh i really like hifumis part in the middle kijima has started to do a really interesting thing w his voice... it sounds weirdly strained#but in an intentional way? and i think it pairs really well with doppos weird screaming...#TOMOSHIBI is Beautiful .. its just way too boring i cant believe i listened to it this much? but it comes on right after kaigen so..#thats IT im done hi if youre reading this hiiiii ^_^ if ur not i dont blame u...#this is just for me im talking to myself.. youre the one eavesdropping........#im listening to rhyme anima mixtape and my brain is buzzing.. MTCs part is bad matenros is boring bbs is just ok.#fling posses... this makes my brain spin around in circles rapidly#its the part right at the end that i like when theyre all singing together....#okay im done *hits myself with a broom*#asks#anon
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its-me-im-coraline · 3 years
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Cry Baby // Ethan Torchio // Playist Fic
words // 1244
warnings // angst angst angst, mentions of struggling with mental illnesses but nothing graphic, but also fluffy caring Ethan
pairing // Ethan Torchio x GN!Reader
author's note // if you want to be on the tag list let me know. aghhhh this is the first fic on my little playlist thingy omg and i am excited although this is v angsty oops. If you don't know what this is supposed to be, i have a playlist tagged on my masterlist, you can send in a song from there or an entirely different one and I use that song, the lyrics and the feeling its music gives me to write a fic.
song is cry baby by the neighbourhood
also, maybe im projecting or maybe im affected by fallon carrington singing her wedding vows lol. also the photo of ethan here, sooooo cute
request // nope
summary // Reader has a hard time trusting people. When Ethan comes into their life it get’s worse. Reader is preparing for unavoided heartbreak but Ethan just might change their mind heart.
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They were too stuck in their own thoughts for this relationship. Maybe it started at the wrong time or it was the perfect time but they had the wrong mind. They felt like a narcissist, making everything about them, while having a hard time hearing his side.
He was perfect, too perfect to ever be in this relationship, and maybe that thought scared them. Living around people who only cared about themselves, people who never cared how much they hurt Y/N, they were afraid to admit they might be doing the same to him.
They had not been together for long, only a few months, but the man acted as if he knew them forever. He did not care if they knew each other for a month or five, he was not willing to let them suffer alone. There were the two am panic attacks, calling Ethan at that time, waking him from his sleep, crying about the inability to calm their mind and sleep. He never complained. Or the days he spend at their house, Y/N having a hard time getting off bed, the depressive episodes hitting a little too hard; Ethan spend those days rubbing their back, making sure that they were alright.
Maybe that is what drove Y/N to be defensive, maybe their mind was alarmed by the man’s caring behavior -something so unfamiliar yet needed for them- that they felt defensive every time he was around. Maybe they spoke too much, and they thought the man would be scared away from them. “I’m not going away, Y/N, not for a long time, not at all if it’s on my hand,” he’d say after every fight, when Y/N would say yet another thing they did not mean. He was just too perfect.
“I really meant what I said that, Y/N,” he all but whispered to his lover. “I do love you.”
“Don’t say that, Ethan. How do you even know, it’s too soon!” Excuses, excuses, excuses and more excuses to plain and simple sabotage to themselves.
“You just know, when you know, amore, and I do.”
They could not look at his eyes anymore, afraid that with just one glance from the man their tears would fall, their guards would fall. And, if they let the guards fall even for a moment, it made them vulnerable to twice the heartbreak. So their eyes stayed glued to the floor, never leaving or daring to think about looking elsewhere. Every other place felt like a danger zone.
“You don’t have to say it back, amore, but you can not expect me not to.”
The fear never left, the fear that the young man was lying. He could not actually feel that way, could he?
Just as Y/N spiraled into yet another anxiety attack, there he was again with his soothing words and his soft touch on their face, his breath so close and so fresh hitting their face. “I’ve got you, it’s ok, follow my breath baby, come on, you are doing amazing, that’s it…” It did not take long for them to calm down a bit. Maybe it was the fact that a person finally respected their emotions rather than getting offended by them, but they felt safe even if only for a moment. “I’m here, I love you.”
It kept happening, over and over and over again. The man would profess his love but his love was not ready to believe him. It got him exhausted. He did not mind waiting for them to say the words back, he understood their past and their pain and how hard it is to vocalize something you feel. What he did mind was their active refusal to believe him, so it was the time to confront them.
“Hey, Y/N, do you have a moment?” If a single phrase could put their mind in a frenzy it was this one. The words could not form so they simply nodded their head, moving towards the sitting man.
“Look, Y/N, I-”
“If you are to break up with me just do it,” they said, the words leaving their mouth before even getting the chance to be filtered. They did not want to say that, hell they simply did not want Ethan to break up with them, but the fear was impossible to be hidden.
“What?! Amore, are you even listening to yourself?” He was exasperated. How could Y/N possibly think that, even now, after almost a year together. It hurt the man, it hurt him how much they refused to open up but it also hurt him that someone caused that fear to them before.
“I know what is happening, Ethan. I know I am hurting you with my inability to say those stupid words back. I’ve heard what you said to Victoria the other night -I did not mean to (!)-” “Hey, hey, let’s pause for a second there, amore. I’m not breaking up with you, that is not the problem. But, if you really heard what I said to Vic that night you would not be saying what you are,” he paused for a moment, taking a deep breath, holding his lover’s face between his palms, “I’ve told you countless times I love you, and I will never take that back. I know you do, too. You don’t say it but you show it, but my love, the issue is not the words. The issue is you don’t believe me.”
Y/N was left speechless, not knowing what to say to the man besides that he is right. They’ve been having a really hard time believing that they even slightly deserve this love, the love that the Italian drummer in question has given them more than enough of. He was so kind, so caring, so loving that the more the relationship progressed the harder they found it to believe in his words.
“You can’t possibly truly love me, Ethan,” Y/N said calmly, tears in their eyes, mostly from anger, anger targeted at their mind.
“Then why are you even with me, Y/N? Huh? If you don’t believe that why are we together for almost a year now?!” The high volume of his voice was a stark contrast to the soft and collected tone he usually had, but his emotions were starting to take over and it was utterly obvious at this point.
Y/N did not know what to do, being left speechless for the second time in less than two minutes. Their mind raced for an excuse, a reason as to why they kept being with him if they really did not believe him, until the answer came to them and it was like a lightbulb going off: “Because I know that I love you.”
It came out almost as a whisper, as if the words were trying to not be heard. It was a strain of their voice, a sudden sob accompanying the words that broke Ethan’s heart. His love, his sweet, sweet love, the person he could not stop yearning for no matter how close they were… they were hurt, afraid of being loved - or more so afraid of being lied to. Ethan pulled Y/N into his arms, hands rubbing comforting cycles, lips letting the sweetest of nothings to come out.
“It’s ok, it’s alright, I got you, I’m here, I’m holding you, I am not leaving, I love you.”
tag list: @bieberhoodforever @tabi-toast @ginny-lily @moriro-da-regina @the-killer-queenie @makapaka11
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obey-only-me · 3 years
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Sharing Beel x Mc x Belphie By: Akuzondelivery
Beel and Belphie were fighting. There was a lot of commotion at dinner that ended with the two of them ordered to stay in their room until they made up. But it’s been a few days. You asked the other brothers about it, shouldn’t someone go up there?
“Nah don’t worry about it. I’m surprised Beel is somehow still getting fed.”
You couldn’t help but worry.
You snuck up the door late one night, knocking twice quietly. There was a pause for a moment, maybe you hadn’t knocked hard enough? A small voice proved you had.
“It’s open...” Belphie’s voice came.
The heavy door creaked as you came in. Both brothers were on their own beds, facing away from each other. There was a tension in the air you couldn’t describe. Still, there was no way you could let these two continue this way.
“I brought snacks and movies! I haven’t seen you two in a while so I thought...we...could...” your upbeat tone fell on flat ears.
Neither of the brothers stirred. You continued to enter and set up the movie. Maybe if they see what you brought they would join you. Especially since you had made Beel’s favorite snacks and picked Belphie’s favorite movie.
“Guess I have to eat all these fried bat wings by myself while I watch Belphie’s favorite movie allllll alllloooone.” You chimed trying time get a reaction.
You could see Beel struggle at the mention of fried bat wings. But Belphie didn’t move.
“Mmmm this popcorn would be a lot better if someone shared it with meeee.”
Beel was the first to break.
“No fair! Using popcorn and fried bat wings!” Beel stood and walked over to where you were, flopping down to munch on his favorites. You laughed as he pouted with a mouthful, hoping Belphie wouldn’t hold out much longer.
“These are so good...” Beel hummed as he sat close to you, watching the movie half heartedly.
You elbowed him and nodded your head toward Belphie. Luckily he got the hint.
“I mean...these are sooooo goooood.” He mimicked how you had enticed him earlier.
Again you couldn’t help but giggle when you finally saw Belphie begin to stir.
“Wow! I don’t remember THIS happening in the movie.”
“Uggh! Yes you do MC! It’s the most important part of the story!” Belphie growled as he plopped down next to you.
Beel and you both laughed as he joined you in snacking and watching Belphie’s movie. Now it was starting to feel like the twins were back. Beel and Belphie both eyed you during the movie, silently thanking you for bringing them back together.
Once the film ended, all of the snacks had been long gone, Beel and Belphie were joking and laughing again.
“You two are too much.” You sighed. “The whole house was worried. What did you two fight about anyway?”
There was a silence over the room when you asked. Both brothers looking at each other with a sideways frown.
“Nothing important. At least not important enough to worry you all. I’m sorry.” Belphie closed his eyes and shook his head as he spoke.
“Yeah I’m sorry too.” Beel nodded in agreement.
“Well, as long as we’re back to normal.” You were absolutely beaming, relieved that the two were finally getting along.
Belphie and Beel brought you into a tight hug. Sandwiched between the two, you squirmed slightly at the lingering contact.
“You guys!”
“What...you don’t like us hugging you you?” Belphie teased.
“I think she wants us to hug her harder.” Beel added, smirking slyly.
“Ugh! No I’ll be squished to death!” You laughed as they hugged you tighter.
The two demons seemed to have their own plan for this hug however.
Beel gently kissed your cheek and down your neck as you wiggled in their embrace. You shivered slightly at the contact. All the while Belphie’s fingers crept up your inner thighs.
“H-hey!” You feigned protest, feeling your face grow warm.
“Hm?” Belphie hummed in your ear.
“Sorry Im still feeling a little...hungry.” Beel purred.
You couldn’t help but get excited as the two found a spot to touch on you. Beel continued to kiss at your neck while Belphie traced your soft skin. Both of them moved slowly and sensually.
Heat filled your body as they played with you gently. Belphie pulled your face to him so he could kiss you gently, his tongue prodding at your lips. Beel trailed down your neck, one of his large hands snaked under your shirt to cup your breast. Small moans and sighs escaped you as you squirmed under their touches.
Beel shifted down so that he was between your legs, big hands still kneading at your breast while he kissed your soft tummy. Belphie was still sneaking his hands between your legs, gently using his fingers to tease your arousal over your underwear.
It felt like so much was going on at once. The over stimulation made your whole body hot, accelerating your arousal.
“Mmnnn!” Your moans were stifled by Belphie’s tongue intertwining with yours. Beel’s hands were replaced with Belphie’s as the youngest shifted so that he was behind you, fondling and caressing your breasts while Beel kept trailing down. Belphie’s hands were smaller, but they paid more attention to your tender peaks.
Beel kissed from your tummy to between your legs, using his hands to spread your thighs gently. You could feel his face getting closer and closer to your already wet underwear..
Without skipping a beat, Beel pushed up your skirt and with a finger pulled your wet panties aside, exposing your pussy. You could hear him take a deep breath as his face got closer.
“You smell so good MC. I think I’ll have a taste.” Beel gave no warning before he began sucking and licking at your folds, paying attention to everything around your entrance. The sensation made you break your kiss with Belphie, earning a whine from him.
“Nnnn! B-Beel!” You moaned as your back arched, hips pressing into his face.
Belphie played with your breasts roughly, wanting so badly to keep your attention while Beel pleasured you.
“How does it feel MC?” Belphie whispered in your ear, making you shiver.
Beel’s tongue circled and sucked on your clit. The sensation made your legs shake with desire, the only relief was when he would switch between your clit and your folds.
“Nn! It’s...good...” You managed to squeak out quietly.
“I don’t think Beel heard you.” Belphie roughly squeezed your breasts, making you jump slightly.
“It-it feels good.” You gasped out.
Belphie’s low husky laugh vibrated against your ear. You met Beel’s gaze as he looked up at you, his eyes glazed with lust as he entered you with his tongue. The twist of pleasure in your expression turned him on immensely. But you were threatening to over heat at this point. You were nearing an orgasm and felt too embarrassed to say anything, however your moans and whines told them both what was happening.
“Come on MC” Belphie continued to whisper lustful commands while you grew closer to release. “Show us how you look when you cum.”
His sultry command was what brought you over the edge. You pressed your lips together hoping to keep yourself from moaning too loudly. Your legs shook against Beel’s hands as he kept them separated. When you started to come down from your high Beel sat up again, smirking as he licked his lips.
“Did that feel good MC?” Belphie asked as he released your throbbing chest and slipped your shirt over your head. Beel helped peel off the rest of your skirt and underwear. You felt exposed, but too weak to protest even if you wanted to. You could only nod through your breathless state.
“I think you should show Beel how thankful you are.”
You looked at Belphie, ready to ask a question, but instead felt him pull your hips from under you until you were on your hands and knees. That’s when you noticed how hard Beel was. The zipper on his pants strained against his erection. You felt your face grow warm, finally understanding what Belphie had meant.
Beel only smirked, guiding your hand over the bulge you were responsible for.
“Touch me MC.” Beel whispered with a sweet smile.
You helped him out of his restrictive clothing to see his huge cock spring free. Beel is so big it never fails to intimidate you. But it’s also something that turned you on.
As you admired Beel’s girth, Belphie slowly ran his fingers over your slick, wet pussy. His fingers were easily swallowed up by you, your previous orgasm had already relaxed you so much. You moaned against his touch. Your hand looked so small, barely fitting around Beel’s length. But still you gently pumped against him, and watched his face become a haze of desire. Beel’s gaze couldn’t look away from your face as you felt him up, paying so much attention to the tip.
“MC...” he huffed through a moan.
You smiled at him as his breathing became heavier.
Meanwhile Belphie was gently stroking his own cock, letting the tip gently prod at your entrance. To show you wanted his cock buried in you, you lifted your hips and bucked them invitingly. Peeking over your shoulder you saw Belphie’s expression. He was so focused watching your pussy flex and beg for him to enter you. You couldn’t recall a time you’d seen him so overwhelmed with sexual desire.
“B-Belphie...” you called his name so quietly but his head snapped to meet your gaze when you did. “Please...?”
His smirk was wide at hearing your requests, however resisting the urge to tease you was difficult. The tip of his long cock eased into your wet opening, slipping through your folds. You moaned loudly, feeling him touch deep in you.
After comfortably entering you, Belphie began moving his hips slowly. It felt so good being penetrated, but you didn’t slow your grip on Beel’s cock. To keep yourself from being too embarrassingly loud, you kissed at Beel’s tip. He jumped a little, bucking his hips slightly. How cute. Licking his thick tip in circles you slowly brought his cock to the back of your throat, matching the pace that Belphie was drilling into you.
The room was filled with moans and lewd noises coming from all of you. You were being filled up by both of these demons, loving every moment of it. Beel was too big to fit entirely in your mouth, you made up for it by stroking his shaft; lubricated by your saliva. He couldn’t help but buck his hips slightly, wanting more of your mouth around him.One of his large hands rested on the back of your head.
Belphie was going at an even pace to make sure you weren’t being overwhelmed, but he was reaching his limit. All he wanted was to snap his hips in and out of you as hard as he could.
“MC You’re so tight.” Belphie hissed.
“She’s tight in her throat too” Beel moaned.
Their praises made you warm, they were both using you and you loved it. Just knowing you made them feel as good as they made you feel was exciting. Beel’s big hand pushed you head down and pushed his cock further down your throat. You gagged slightly but adjusted to fit as much as you could. Tears started to form in the corners of your eyes, Beel was only turned on more.
As your head was bobbing faster, Belphie took his chance to increase his thrusts, now aiming for a deeper part of your insides, looking for your sweet spot to make you cum for him. Your sweet moans of pleasure hummed around Beel’s thick cock, making his head fall languidly back.
“Fuck MC...thats so good.” Beel sighed. “I can’t keep going though. I’m gonna cum soon.”
“Me too. Your pussy is too good MC.”
Both demons bucked their hips faster and harder, chasing their release. Your own coil was tightening and on the verge, their quickened pace brought you closer and closer.
With a grunt and a sigh both Beel and Belphie filled you with cum. You swallowed as much as you could of Beel before you ran out of air. Coughing slightly as he slipped from your lips you moaned loudly at Belphie filling you with such warmth. All three of you were left breathless, though you were still left on the verge.
Before you could catch your breath, Beel pulled you close, turning your languid body around. Your back settled against his chest as you looked down. Even though he had cum so much down your throat, his cock was still hard and twitching. This must be some demonic stamina you thought.
“MC, hold on. I'm going to stuff you full of my cock now. I want to feel you too.” Beel’s eyes were glazed with lust as he spoke.
You wanted to cum so badly all you could do was nod your head. Belphie had already stood as well, still erect and weeping from his tip. Instinctively you opened your mouth for Belphie, but he couldn’t pass this opportunity to tease you again.
“Oh? You want more?”
You closed your mouth, embarrassed at being so eager. Beel and Belphie both gave a low chuckle.
“That’s why we love you...” Beel whispered in your ear. You shivered again, the need between your legs growing more intense.
Belphie pressed his fingers into your cheeks as he brought your mouth to his tip. Still covered in cum and slick from you, you licked and sucked him clean. Since he was lengthier, he fit right down your throat.
As you cleaned Belphie’s cock, Beel teasingly rubbed his tip along your folds. Earning a moan from you that vibrated against Belphie, he steadied himself on your shoulders.
“MC” he hissed, “everything on you fees good.”
“She’s so lewd, but you can’t resist her.” Beel added, now completely cover in your slick.
Beel positioned himself at you entrance and pressed forward. He was so thick and long, he stretched your walls further than before. Your eyes rolled into the back of your head as he slowly touched every sweet spot inside you. Belphie slipped from your lips as you cried out.
“B-Beel! Nnnn! It’s so big.” You whimpered, already so sensitive to the touch.
“Your taking all of me in MC. Every inch.” he whispered.
His hips began thrusting into you, roughly stretching you out. Your moans were loud and breathy as he fucked you. Belphie looked on as you were reduced to a moaning and whimpering mess.
“You look so pathetic MC. Are you getting fucked that good?” He teased as he stroked himself.
“Y-yes! It’s so good.” You whined, your mind was going blank at this point. You’d say anything just to keep getting pounded by Beel. Beel himself was so concentrated on thrusting into you, now holding your arms behind your back by your wrists. Belphie smiled as he looked down at you, seeing you like this really brought out his sadistic side.
Once again he stuck his cock down your throat, determined to make you drink him down. Your muffled moans and gasps made both of them want to fuck you harder. Your sweet sounds were like music to them.
Your heat was building, almost boiling over now as they claimed both ends of you. Both were relentlessly entering you and your walls began to twitch. Your legs spasmed and shook as your orgasm finally released. The sensation could be felt all the way down to your toes. Moans of release vibrated against both Beel and Belphie, bringing them to their final climax.
“MC I'm cumming, you feel so fucking good.” Beel hissed.
“Drink it up MC, you’re going to be overflowing with us now.” Belphie huffed through his heavy breathes.
Spots and stars filled your vision as both demons released their own orgasm. Again filling you with their essence. Your body swallowed up everything they gave you.
Belphie and Beel pulled away from you, letting you lazily lay on the floor between them.
This time even they were too tired to do anything other than catch their breath. With as much effort you could muster, you sat up on your knees, feeling cum pool beneath you.
“...I can’t move.” You whined.
“I’d be surprised if you could.” Beel huffed with a smirk.
“I think...we all...deserve a shower.” Belphie added.
Beel and Belphie helped you into the shower, gently cleaning you and themselves. All the while giving you praises and sweet kisses. They also fetched some clean pajamas for you and tucked you into Belphie’s bed. Both of them laid on either side of you and cuddled you closely. Rubbing your legs and shoulders to help relief any aches, and running their fingers through your hair to ease you.
“You’re amazing MC. I love you.” Beel cooed.
“I love you too. Let us take care of you more.” Belphie whispered.
Truthfully you felt like melting at all of their affection, they were both so loving after using you up the way they did. And that’s something you loved about your relationship with them. How did you get so lucky?
“Beel, Belphie...I love you too.” You managed to show off their favorite smile before they both sandwiched you again, this time much more comfortably.
And with that, the three of you drifted off to sleep, in each other’s arms, peacefully and surrounded by love.
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blxetsi · 3 years
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Can I get some Reiner content pls? Hcs with the kids, cooking, date nights, embarrassing moments, pets, anything!
tysm for requesting !
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reiner braun dating headcanons (modern au)
college!reiner braun x gn!reader
warnings: nothing i think, lol meations of his weird parents 
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- reiner would be SO NERVOUS around you when he realized he liked you
- definitely started out as friends to lovers, you knew each other through a mutual friend bertholdt, but really became friends when you shared a class one semester
- when he realized he liked you it was in the most mundane situation ever,,, you, reiner, annie, porco, and bertholdt had gotten together for a movie night, and he was literally just about to put his hand on ur shoulder to ask if you wanted a drink (he was gonna get one for himself) and his hand stopped mid air when he realized he had butterflies LMAOOO
- this mf would become sooooo on edge around you,, like you knowing he had a crush was the end of the world 🙄
- annie and bertholdt would talk to him about it (and by that i mean annie would call him a big baby while bertholdt nods along) and then he'd become more relaxed with you once more
- when you two started dating he became nervous ALL OVER again
- insecurities and doubts came seeping into his mind and he wouldnt help but be overbearing at times
- he just wanted to be a good bf 🥺 he doesnt want you to leave him 😭🤚
- you two talk about it one night and it helps calm his doubts
- thats also the first night you two slept in the same bed 🤩
- he was so blushy the next morning, he couldnt look at you without his face and ears becoming red
- is a total tiny spoon idc idc
- sometimes he babysits his cousin gabi when he goes home, so when he took you with him for the first time (it was christmas break) you got to meet her !!
- shes a hyper little thing but so sweet, and she practically DEMANDS that reiner let her paint his nails for him 😭🤚
- you also meet her friends too !! but she tells you that the blond boy falco is her BEST best friend, as opposed to her regular best friends
- you can tell reiner is on edge during family dinners, especially the one you guys had on christmas day, and when you two get to campus you ask him whats wrong
- he tells you that his relationship with his family is a bit strained, primarily his parents
- he loves them of course !! but sometimes they just make him feel,,, not good
- but he reassures you that its okay, and that hes glad they didnt start anything when you were there
- you dont believe its okay but you dont push him
- he brushes the tip of his nose a lot, especially when hes nervous
- its not him like,, picking it or anything he'll just rub the tip with the knuckles of his index finger, he looks rlly cute doing it
- also tries to get you to go to the gym with him, bertie, and annie
- if its something youre into then great !! he keeps inviting you, but if you arent into it he gets a little sad :(
- but its okay ! you try to see him after his workouts with water and something for him to eat
- this is what makes him bring up living together
- i mean, annie practically lives with him and bertie now, whats one more person ?
- and its better because you wont have to come all the way from your apartment to his just to wait for him,,, you can be at HOME and do stuff until they come back from the gym
- it takes a little bit of swaying, but then he brings up being able to spoon him EVERY NIGHT and youre sold 😐👍
- you dont want to ogle at your bf so much,, but seeing him carry boxes from the foyer of the apartment to his bedroom where youre unpacking things is a,,, sight to see
- you asked him to just keep holding the box he had in the doorway of his room while your eyes roamed his arms and chest,, specifically his biceps and pecs
- YOU GOTTA BIG TITTY BF 🥰‼️
- he just stands there like 🙁 until he finally says "y/n please my arms are getting tired just tell me where to put it" lol No ❤️
- after you move in with him and bertie, things get a bit more cramped, specifically in reiners room
- its nothing you two cant handle, just with your things there sometimes its hard to find things, or youre bumping into dressers and tables and beds
- and lets be honest reiners room isnt even big enough for REINER
- so after a year of enduring it, you two decide to get a place of your own !!
- you got two bedrooms so one you could turn into a shared office and the other you could make your bedroom, and this makes things WAYYYYY easier
- by the time you move in youre already so close to your two year anniversary
- you dont think anniversaries are that important so you guys just went out to see a movie last year, but this year ?? reiner has something PLANNED
- and u know this bc you mightve accidentally found his laptop still open in the office,,, with "anniversary plans" written out in a google doc,,, and reiner was in the bathroom and you were nosy,,,
- so you snooped and read it all 😐🙄
- when reiner brings up youre anniversary youre distracted so you say "babe ill do what you got planned dw"
- he just looks at you like "how did you know i had something planned 😃⁉️"
- ANYWAYS LOL
- after that awko taco moment you play it off like "oh i just assumed lol" AND HE BUYS IT !! AHAHAHAHHAHA
- you two go out dressed to the NINES 🤩✨ and you had this weird night on the town 😭😭
- you guys did that food trend on tiktok where you do rock paper scissors and the winner gets to choose drinks, food, dessert etc..
- then you took everything and had a little picnic in the park, and you watched the sunset together 🤩🤚
- then he took you to a fireworks show they had near downtown, and watching the colours mix with the stars in the sky was so beautiful
- it started raining after tho 😭😭😭 and you two had to run back in the rain to the car like it was a MOVIE
- it was an unconventional kind of anniversary date but it was so fun, and reiner was so glad you enjoyed it
- then he brought up what you two would do after college
- "so,, graduation is in a couple of months, and ive already got a job set. and i dont know about you but, im staying in the city after we graduate. i just wanted to know if youll be moving out or, going somewhere else..."
- your heart BREAKS bc youre so sad hes just assuming that youll leave him after graduation, WHICH YOU WONT DO
- you have a paid internship at a facility in the city, so you tell him exactly that and that youll stay with him if its what he wants
- you can tell hes more than relieved, and get so blushy when you kiss his wet face all over
- "reiner i love you."
- HE SHORT CIRCUITS. SWERVES ON THE ROAD AND EVERYTHING !
- but he tells you the exact same thing
- "y/n i love you too."
- and he really does
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ive just realized this and all of my other dating hcs arent actually headcanons so much as ideas that i put in point form 😐🤚 gotta work on that 😁👍
anyways requests open hope u enjoyed
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notdoingsohot · 3 years
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HELOO im here with a prompt!!! “do you remember what it feels like to love?” “i can’t even remember who i am.” buckytony,,,, maybe? 👀👀
Oh man oh man oh man, hell yeah!!!!! I was so excited about this I almost missed my math test!
I’ve never got a prompt on tumblr before, so hopefully I do this right?? Thank you sooooo much!!!!!!! I made an ungodly squeal when I saw your requests. I’m so pumped. <3333
Here we go, coming from this angsty Prompt List.
Title: Poking Bruises 
Paring: Winteriron (Buck x Tony)
“I’m in love with you”.
When Bucky first thought about what it might mean, what it might feel like, to fall in love again after Hydra, after what he had become, he had never envisioned it going very well.
He scarcely even entertained the idea of being in love, not even as a form of self punishment.
Not until Tony at least.
So when Bucky admits this truth for the very first time into the space between them in the medical wing as his reasoning for nearly getting his arm blown off again, he doesn’t expect it to go any better than those fantasies of unreciprocated love that were born from Bucky’s self loathing.
He’s expecting that Tony will be uncomfortable at best, apathetic at worst.
Denial is not what he was expecting.
“No you’re not,” Tony says after his face clears of the shock that was present a moment prior.
Tony laughs, though Bucky can tell it’s strained.
“You don’t really get to decide that part,” Bucky replies, defensive but uncertain.
It’s not the first time he’s argued with Tony, and if he’s honest with himself he was definitely prepared for this to be an argument. Just not the one that they seem to be having.
Bucky was prepared for a lot of things today, and Tony’s anger was one he both expected and dreaded. He expected Tony to be angry that Bucky landed himself in medical, healing factor rendered pretty useless with the extent of the damage, at least for a few hours. Tony was always upset when Bucky got hurt. He never liked seeing people hurt, especially if Tony himself manages to walk away unscathed. 
Tony was unscathed now, because Bucky was really, really not.
Sometimes he just forgets that the suit is as much of a shield as it is a weapon. He forgets Tony doesn’t need, and most definitely does not want, Bucky’s protection.
But usually Tony reels him out for a while, and then hugs him just this side of too tight given whatever injury Bucky’s sporting that day. The hug is just as much a reprimand as the lectures are, but Bucky barely registers that part most of the time, he gets too caught up in Tony.
Bucky’s never been to medical before though. This is more than a tender shoulder, a bit of road burn, or a fresh bruise for Tony to poke. 
Tony’s not hugging him now.
He was holding Bucky’s hand when he woke up though, looking tired and stressed.
It was a pretty quick turn around before he looked ready to smack some sense into Bucky once he groaned himself to full consciousness.
Bucky was familiar with the sentiment, since he harboured a similar emotion every time Steve did something stupid like Bucky just did.
Bucky was pretty sure, when Tony demanded to know why the hell Bucky did what he did, and he chose honesty for once, that that whatever the reaction was, it was going to fucking hurt.
Maybe the rejection would be enough to get it through Bucky’s thick skull that he should just leave Tony alone.
“Do you even remember what it feels like to love?” 
That was not the kind of pain Bucky was expecting to feel but Tony was as apt at poking the metaphorical bruises as he was the physical ones, it seemed.
Do you even remember them?
Bucky was honest with Tony in Siberia when he asked, so he’s honest now when he replies, his voice rasping just as tight as it was when Iron Man was choking him all those years ago.
“I can’t even remember who I am, most of the time”.
Tony’s face, his sunglasses forgotten and for that Bucky is infinitely grateful because he can actually read Tony now, flashes with something like pain before a vindictive mask settles over his features.
Tony’s sitting at his bedside still, and Bucky’s glad for that too. He doesn’t need to strain his voice to speak. Tony doesn’t stand and make the uneven ground they’re standing on any more defined.
Tony is not an uncaring man. Bucky loves him for a reason. He might do his best to project a certain aloof attitude, but he cares far too much for his own good.
He cares about Bucky.
Frets over him when Bucky has those bad days. Vindictive isn’t the emotion Tony feels, and Bucky damn well knows that.
Bucky cuts off whatever Tony was going today next, and it’s hard, as hard as it was the first time, but he still gets it out, doesn’t whisper, but he doesn’t exactly shout it, either.
“But yeah, I remember what it feels like to love,” he says, “Feels like this,” he says, “Like you”.
“You are a recently un-brainwashed Nazi assassin, Bucky,” Tony says.
Bucky nods, and he knows that his love for Tony isn’t what Tony wants, he knows that his love isn’t what anybody would ever want.
“What’s that saying, uh,” he mumbles, “You are what you love, not who loves you?” he tries for a rueful smile, but it’s more a grimace and he knows it.
Tony just blinks at him.
“That’s about you, not me,” Bucky corrects a moment later, feeling awkward at how quickly it seems that their argument has lost its fire. “I’m not half the man you are, no matter how much I love you,” he says.
“Oh my god, you’re an idiot,” Tony says.
Bucky isn’t going to deny it when he opens his mouth to speak, but Tony still cuts him off.
He does it with a kiss.
“I’ve been in love with you for months,” Tony tells him, and Bucky wonders if maybe they found some kind of morphine that works on him because he feels high as a kite, “But Bucky…”
And that was the rejection coming, wasn’t it?
“You’re… you’re recovering. You’re fragile,” Tony says, clearly for lack of a better word.
That startles a laugh out of Bucky though, “No, not fragile,” he denies, “just an idiot,” but maybe Tony was too because he was still close enough that Bucky could lean in and kiss him again, and again, and again.
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doxiedreg · 3 years
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A tribute to my dogs
This piece depicts our first dog Spock guiding Zorro (who passed away yesterday) to the afterlife
Me and my family like to think Spock helped us find Zorro in the first place when he saw how sad we were without him. Spock had been there for me since I was born and I was absolutely inconsolable when he passed. He was the first death I had to cope with and I was like 13 when he passed (spock was 16.5 when he died). His death was traumatic as he had a really bad seizure (he had epilepsy and had dementia as well as a bad back) before my dad and sister rushed him to the vet while me and my mom stayed home. The vet decided to put him down then and there, it should have happened years ago but I was so attached to him, as was my dad, and we didnt want to let go. So my dad and sister returned home without a dog..I had been unable to say goodbye to him. I have felt bad for a long time once i realized how long he had been suffering and i hadnt let go. But in the end I forgave myself because I was a vulnerable lonely kid back then and I didnt want to lose my biggest support
In 2012 (I think?) we adopted zorro from his old owner we found through a dutch online marketplace (We often joked he was a second hand dog). She loved him a lot but she didnt have time for him anymore due to her job and she wanted him to go to a loving home. His old name was Gijs but one of my highschool bullies was called Gijs and we also didnt think the name suited him. So after some brainstorming we decided on the name Zorro (because he was fast and his black fur made me think of the masked hero). He was nervous and sad the first few days and didnt want to be touched but slowly but surely he warmed up to us and he soon felt right at home. He had sooooo much energy. He was super playful, was obsessed with tennis balls and he wanted to be friends with everyone, including cats though they didnt like him. He loved laying on your lap, laying on the couch or accompanying you upstairs. His presence and support has helped me through my horrible time at high school, my burn out and depression, my anxiety. He helped me go outside. He made me smile and laugh with his curious and funny behaviour. He followed me between my parent’s houses when they divorced, and when I went to live in a clinic for people with autism to stabilize for 7 months, he was always overjoyed when I came to visit home every two weeks. A few years ago though, health problems started to arise. First it was a sudden onset of back pain which was really scary. He was treated and after a long recovery he seemed to be okay. Then he started to get restless at night, crying and whining and wandering around. During the day he was fine and he was still able to be happy and cuddly. Slowly his health got worse. We found out he had kidney stones and a vet advised us to get it removed. We agreed with the surgery, though we were nervous due to his age. The vet cut him open, took an xray to see where he had to cut and then didnt see the kidney stone so he closed him up without removing anything. So my poor elderly dog went through surgery without being helped by it. My dad is still really mad about it and i am too but not much you can do about it. The vet said it wasnt his fault. We left that vet. We had moved to that vet because a. This vet was super close to our house and b. My dad was unhappy with our previous vet because they couldnt find out what was wrong with zorro or how to help him. In the end we ended up with the vet that helped him during the backpain emergency and taken great care of him. But his health just kept getting worse, he started to lose his mind, he started to be unable to be left alone or he would howl. He then didn’t want to be picked up anymore and the last few months he got more and more aggressive and he just wasnt there anymore. He would wander around the house, lost and confused. His tail was always between his legs. His back was bent. He walked strained. My dad denied it for a long time because he loved zorro so much he didnt want to let go..but me, my mom and my sisters didnt want Zorro to suffer like Spock had. We were finally able to convince him to make an appointment for the vet to come to our house to put him down. He made the appointment monday. We gave Zorro lots of snacks. My mom came to visit Tuesday to spend time with him and us..and she came again on Wednesday to be there with us. When the vet came, zorro was in his basket. So my dad got him out of there and held him in his arms on the couch. As usual Zorro growled and barked and snarled. The vet put the first injection in his bum and though he first still growled a bit he quickly went under. He was even snoring and his tongue was hanging out of his mouth. Then my mom took him on her lap so she could hold him for the final injection. I still sort of expected him to wake up snarling when my dad handed him over but he continued to sleep and was all floppy. Once in my moms arms and after the second injection, he took a few quick breaths and then he was gone..I cant continue typing because I will hit the text limit but im just happy I was able to properly say goodbye this time..
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duskastormgrove · 3 years
Text
SSO February Prompt Day 14: Your Valentine
something different for this prompt, i decided to write and post something for the first time in 6 years!
this is a oneshot about my oc making a gift for ydris, i had intended for it to be able to be interpreted as platonic but uhhh that didn’t happen! anyway don’t razz me too hard im out of practice.
This was not nearly enough bee balm. Duska had thought her crafting larder well stocked but while she had flax coming out of her ears her supply of bee balm meant the dye would not nearly be purple enough. She had a full day of stutching, crimping and brushing the flax and spinning it into thread, there was no way she could spare the time to grab more. However, Duska was lucky enough to have very loyal (and very bored) friends, and her first instinct was to pull up her chat with Alex.
D: girl help
A: what you need bb
D: bee balm
D: as much as you can carry
A: can I ask what for?
D: valentine’s gift I’m making
A: :o
A: omw
True to her word, Alex was in Valedale and jogging to the workshop within the hour. In her arms was a bundle of bee balm and her fingers were faintly green from furiously yanking up the stems.
“You’re a lifesaver Alex,”Duska groaned in relief, immediately relieving her friend of her burden and starting to strip the blossoms from the stems.
“Least I could do considering you helped me ask Maya out last Christmas!” Alex hoisted herself up onto the only uncluttered workbench to watch Duska work. She was silent for all of thirty seconds before the prodding began, “sooooo, who’s the lucky person?”
Duska pointedly ignored her and threw the flowers into a boiling pot. She stirred and hummed in a satisfied way when the violet colour began to bleed into the water. She didn’t look up when Alex came to stand behind her and look into the pot as well. Eventually Duska banged the spoon on the side of the pot and dropped it onto the bench.
“You’re thinking too hard, I can see the smoke coming out of your ears,” she snapped, jabbing a finger at Alex’s forehead.
“It’s just- the colour looked familiar but like, I don’t want to assume or anything but uh… it’s circus bae, right?”
“Please. Never call him that again I feel part of me die when you do,” Duska moaned, rubbing her temples. “But yes, I’m making a new ringmaster’s jacket for Ydris. I felt bad I scorched his usual one.”
“When he was keeping Concorde prisoner and turned you into a 5 carat Lusitano?”
“You know it wasn’t out of malice, Alex. It’s hard to explain but when he talked about Pandoria under threat from Garnok he seemed so hopeless and scared. I really think he was desperate and taking desperate measures.”
Alex was quiet for a while and sat herself back on the workbench. Duska put the lid on the pot and waited until it started rattling before she turned the heat down to a simmer. Another hour or so and she could start straining the colour away from the flowers. In the meantime she could stutch more flax and get it ready to be spun on the wheel. She might even have time to make cloth on the loom today!
“Is this the part where you beat the shit out of the plants?” Alex asked, swinging her legs in excitement, “Can I help out? Please? I’ll beat it up so good I promise!” Duska sighed but laid the stems over the board and showed Alex how to beat the fibres out properly with the stutching stick. Soon the Lightning Circle Rider was happily smacking the flax and Duska could sit at the wheel and start spinning lengths of thread from the flax she’d stutched, crimped and brushed out earlier. The sounds of the wheel turning and the steady thumpthumpthump of Alex working away were almost soothing to Duska’s ears. Alex was a chatty type of friend, moreso than Lisa or Anne but there was no such thing as an uncomfortable silence with her, simply working in the same room was enough for her, especially if she thought she was being helpful.
“All finished!” Alex proclaimed as she ran the last of the coarse flax through the brush, “Can I do anything else Dus?”
“Nothing that I can think of,” Duska said regretfully, “thanks so much for today, I really appreciate it.”
“Eh, that’s what pals are for!” Alex said, slapping a hand on Duska’s shoulder and went to leave the workshop, “I’ll see you at the Galentine’s trail ride!” Duska waved fondly and rolled her shoulders before hunching back over the spinning wheel, just an hour or so more and she could move to the loom, another backbreaker.
“Oh and Duska?” Duska looked up from the wheel, to see Alex’s face, smiling but with a worried crease to her brow, “Be careful alright?”
 ---------------------
“Sorry I’m late Daxton, took forever to load these screens onto Clover’s back, nearly dropped them in the Hollow Woods too!” Duska hipchecked the door to Daxton’s shop open and sidled in sideways with the two enormous screens she had prepared in advance. Silk, for the inside of the jacket, had a fairly straightforward dyeing process that would lead to a nice pattern. For this one in particular she only needed two screens but she also needed dye baths and a silk dyeing setup she simply didn’t have. This is where Daxton came in. The anxious tailor had a delightful array of fancy tailor tools and was willing to help her in return for all the deliveries and favours she’d done for him in the last two years.
“Don’t worry, things are slow today,” Daxton reassured her as he grabbed the other side of the screens and helped Duska carry them to the back, “Give me a second I want to clean these up, go check those fabric samples on the desk and make sure they’re the colours you want.” Duska did as instructed, while Daxton polished the screens off with a cloth that reminded her of a cloth she used to scrub the dust off of her horses before a show.
“All good, these are exactly what I’m looking for,” Duska said, laying the fabric down and grabbing a roll of silk material to lay across the rack. She taped it flat and Daxton lay the screen over it, double-checking the placement before he grabbed the bottle of dye. The purple dye went on first and Daxton dragged a large squeegee across the screen to spread it evenly onto the silk. When he moved the screen to the next spot Duska could see the purple pattern, with white blank spaces waiting for the next dye.
“Oh fuck yeah this looks awesome Dax!” she exclaimed and the tailor shushed her.
“Please! I need to concentrate or something awful might happen!” Not willing to take a chance on whether or not this was Daxton’s paranoia at work or an actual possibility, Duska kept silent and simply hovered over his shoulder and watched until the fabric was covered in purple dye.
“Next screen,” Daxton said, wiping sweat from his forehead. Duska hurried to remove the old one and set up the new one. She felt strangely useless here, with Daxton in his element and blasting through silk like no one’s business. This time the gold dye was poured on, and it filled the blank spaces the first screen had left. By the time Daxton reached the end of the roll it was filled entirely with the repeating pattern and Duska was waiting anxiously with a glass of water.
“Aideen’s light, Dax! This is perfect!”
“Okay, we’ll wait until it dries and then you can take it home!” Daxton readjusted his thick glasses to admire his handiwork and gratefully took the glass, “What are you making with this anyway?”
“Oh it’s a Valentine’s day gift.”
The colour drained from Daxton’s face and the hand holding his water began to tremble.
“Jeepers, glad you didn’t tell me it was so important, I would’ve messed it up for sure!”
 -------------------------
It wasn’t unusual for Farah to find her chief apprentice clattering around in the workshop before dawn. Duska was a hard worker and liked to get the orders done and delivered early to free up the rest of her day. She was a busy woman from what Farah saw of her zooming around on various horses and doing chores for residents of Valedale. What was unusual, was the amount of swearing coming from down by the river.
“Everything okay here?” she asked cautiously. Duska looked up, several pins hanging from her mouth and fabric aggressively clutched in her hands.
“It’s fine. It’s… swell.”
“Not sure I believe that one,” Farah laughed, feeling it was safe to approach her apprentice, “Let me in there, I can help out, are we doing a jacket?” She might have felt bad for intruding but Duska’s immediate look of relief assuaged those worries.
“It’s the lapels, I’m stuggling with them, if you could fix them I could finally start the epaulettes?” Duska asked hopefully.
“No problem, it’s a beautiful jacket so far, I love the silk pattern!”
“Thanks, Daxton helped me out with it, it turned out exactly how I wanted,” Duska explained as she went around the back of the mannequin to start sewing the golden fringed epaulettes onto the shoulders, “This is the first time I’ve made a Valentine’s gift, I’m… admittedly a little stressed about it.” Farah raised an eyebrow.
“It’s a lot of effort for a Valentine’s gift.”
“Well, he doesn’t celebrate Christmas, and I’m pretty sure he doesn’t have a birthday.”
“He… doesn’t-”
“Don’t worry about it. Just know this is the best time for a gift.” Farah didn’t quite know how to respond so she simply continued on with the lapels in silence. Well, almost silence. Her grandmother always sang while she worked so Farah had picked up the habit too. If she listened carefully after a while she could hear Duska quietly humming along. The two of them finished their respective tasks fairly quickly, and stood back to look at the whole piece together.
“Looks good! Just the cuffs and buttons left yeah? I can help with them if you’d like?” Farah offered, but Duska shook her head.
“I want to do the finishing touches myself, feels a bit more personal that way, if that makes sense?”
“No, no, I get it. Best of luck with it, whoever the lucky person is he’s sure to love it!” Farah turned to go back to the request board, she’d cover the orders today, Duska deserved the day to herself to finish her work. Farah couldn’t help but wonder who such an extravagant ringmaster’s jacket would be meant for.
 -----------------------
February 14th. Now or never. Duska had been tense all morning, and now as she was carefully packing the box into her delivery satchel she almost felt queasy with nerves. This wasn’t such a big deal, the jacket was nice! Ydris wasn’t going to blast her to dust because she gave him a gift, was he? At worst he’d treat it the same as Isebell’s Yule gift and simply not open it. That would almost be preferable. It was still early in the morning so maybe she could simply drop the package into the delivery box and take off before she was noticed. That was a pretty solid plan, she’d have to leave straight away though.
“Duska?”
There goes that plan.
“Sorry Duska, but if you’re heading in that direction could you deliver this herbal tea to Mrs. Holdsworth?” Farah looked contrite enough that Duska loaded the tea into the bag without a word. She was taking Cinder, her beloved soul horse, if any horse was going to give her the confidence she needed it would be the silver dapple mare. With a pat and a cluck of her tongue, Cinder ambled towards the woodland road to Silverglade Village and beyond. A short detour to Moorland wouldn’t add too much time to her journey, not with the way Cinder liked to gallop down the trail leading there. Speaking of which, the warmblood began to toss her head and pull at the bit when they cleared the woods.
“Alright lady, let ‘em have it,”Duska acquiesced, letting the reins go long. Cinder took off with glee, mane flapping, hooves pounding, and nearly jostling Duska right out of the saddle. This pace would definitely keep them on time!
 “I have your tea leaves Mrs. H,” Duska greeted her favourite neighbourhood witch.
“Thank you darling, sit down and have a cup with me why don’t you?” Mrs Holdsworth patted the picnic bench and Duska was sorely tempted to delay the inevitable by having tea and a chat with her.
“Sorry but, I kind of have an important delivery to do, maybe tomorrow?”
“A gift for a paramour?” Mrs. Holdsworth guessed, a little too accurately and with a glint in her eye.
“Ugh. Who told you?”
“Alex is never a great keeper of secrets, but to give her credit she only confided in me because she was worried,” Mrs. Holdsworth propped her cane against the bench and sat down, “Let me have a peek.” Duska reluctantly dismounted and let Cinder graze while she carefully unboxed the jacket and displayed it to the wise old woman.
Mrs. Holdsworth took her time examining the jacket, turning over the sleeves, peering at the stitching over her half rim glasses and rubbing a thumb over the silk lining. Duska almost felt like she was being assessed for an exam. She wanted to get a good grade on the ‘Old Woman Critiques Your Lovesick Tailoring Exam’. A totally fine and normal thing to want.
“Hm!” Mrs. Holdsworth finally proclaimed. She shuffled over to the base of one of the cherry trees in her yard and bent down, grabbing a handful of grass in the shadow of the tree. “Show me the front again?” Duska flipped the jacket and came closer, careful not to let the coattails drag in the dirt. Mrs. Holdsworth threaded the grass through one of the button holes and tied a knot in the stems. She put her hands on her hips and nodded approvingly. “There you are dearie, now off you go, Valentine’s Day waits for no one!”
Duska repacked the jacket cautiously and looked closer at the grass. Instead of simple blades, Mrs. Holdsworth had put a small bouquet of clovers into the topmost button hole.
------------------------
Time was now of the essence. Duska slid off Cinder’s back as soon she skidded to a halt at Nilmer’s Highland and sprinted to the delivery box. Any courage she’d built up on her exhilarating gallop to get there was rapidly deserting her and she wanted to vault back onto Cinder and scamper back to Valedale as fast as humanly possible. Still, ‘fast as humanly possible’ wasn’t enough to outspeed a leisurely Pandorian stroll, as to her horror, the door of the wagon swung open just as the delivery box lid swung closed.
“Little dove!” Ydris boomed, “to what do I owe the pleasure? I don’t recall making an order at Ms. Farah’s quaint little workshop.” Duska couldn’t do anything to intervene as Ydris flipped the lid and dipped his hand in for the box. “Oh?” He hummed, gently tugging at the ribbon, “a gift for the amazing Ydris? I appear to have an admirer, my dove.”
“Sure seems so,” Duska managed through gritted teeth. He smirked at her and started to prod and poke and shake the box, holding it to his ear and tapping a rhythm on the side. “I know you’re not from around here,” Duska intoned heavily, “but it’s considered rude to look at the box and not open it.”
“Silly me! Let me unravel this mystery!” With one yank on the ribbon the knot fell apart, somehow, and Ydris discarded it over his shoulder. He opened the lid, casting that to one side and too khold of the jacket by the lapels, letting the other half of the packaging fall too. “What do we have… here...?”
Duska held her breath as Ydris fell silent. Silence was unnerving with the ringmaster, as was the look he was giving his gift. His face was carefully expressionless as he turned the coat over, gently brushing his hand over the eggplant purple linen. He drifted up to the golden epaulettes, twirling the fringe between his fingers. Finally he opened the jacket, revealing the purple and gold repeating pattern of-
“Panda rays,” he breathed. There was something almost reverent about the way he traced their shapes and Duska felt almost like she shouldn’t be watching him.
“Yeah they’re one of the nicer things I’ve met from Pandoria, sweet little guys,” she responded, looking to fill the awkward quiet. Ydris looked over at her, seeming surprised at her presence, like he’d forgotten she was there. He shook his head and his smirk was back in its usual place.
“One of? Should I consider that a compliment?” Ydris held the jacket out to her and a horrible swooping feeling in her stomach made her hands shake as she took it, but she was quickly relieved of it again as he whipped his old coat off and traded it for his new one in one fluid motion. He pulled the jacket on with a flourish and twirled in a circle to make the tailcoats flare outwards. “How do I look, little dove?”
“I’d trust you to run a circus looking like that,” Duska smiled weakly, feeling relieved that the ringmaster seemed to like it.
“Ah,” Ydris’ twirling came to a stop and he looked suddenly thoughtful, “but I cannot accept this, I have nothing to give you in return.” Duska began to stammer that there was no need to return the favour but Ydris shushed her. “All I can offer, temporarily, is this.”
He took her hand, softly, gently, like a breeze gently tugging it upwards. He leaned forward, all two metres of him, and when she could feel his breath on her skin he snapped his eyes up to meet hers.
“May I?” Thrown by his question Duska just nodded, and he gently pressed his lips to the back of her hand. Her skin tingled and when she dared to look a soft pink mark was glowing on her hand. “Anytime, anywhere, press here and call me, and I’ll come and find you, no matter what, that is a solemn vow, my dove,” Ydris murmured, in a tone far softer than she’d ever heard from him before.
“T-thank you, Ydris, this is… it’s… I’m honoured you’d trust me with this.” Ydris stood upright, straightening his jacket and looking almost flustered.
“Yes well, maybe wear gloves around your druid friends. It’s a one-way ticket to the druid jail under that quaint summer house.”
“Well if that happens you’ll have to come and rescue me like a dashing knight, won’t you?” Ydris smirked but Duska didn’t miss the faint blush that appeared on his cheeks. It almost glowed like the mark he’d left on her.
“I suppose I shall, and I shall do it looking quite splendid, little dove.”
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schaefferisqueen · 4 years
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Twisted Song Ranking
OK ITS FINALLY HERE I SORRYYYYYY. So this took forever cuz SCHOOL and I needed to watch Twisted again cuz I can’t buy the sound track. so. long time. ANYWAYS AJ and Kaley KILLED IT I love the soundtrack so much it so good..... but not my fave oops. so ya this show is amazing and my ranking is slightly controversial (as always) so sorry oops.
14. Orphaned at Thirty-three (Ok so I love Jeff but I don't like this song oops. it makes me uncomfy and Jeff is creepy but like that's his brand so I get it. but also rlly don't like oh well)
13. One Thousand and One Nights Reprise/Finale (ok so this is good its just way too short for me and I feel like it lasts .5 secs lmao)
12. Take Off Your Clothes (Ok so this is a good song and it doesn't make me uncomfy I just like more songs better and I don't rlly jam to this one like others)
11. Everything and More (ok I LOVE Rachel no hate I Stan her she's amazing but I think the songs in twisted were out of or at the edge of her range and she sounds kinda strained so it kinda hurts to listen sometime. but no hate I love her she's amazing and hilarious especially in twisted shut up she's amazing)
10. Happy Ending (ok I love this song its so good especially at homecoming its amazing and Jeff going crazy at the end is so relatable I cant. also.... this is end of first act,,..... there are only 5 songs in act 2???? lmao but ya amazing we Stan harmonies I love)
9. One Thousand and One Nights (ok this is great go OFF Dylan/Meredith u r too good for this world. their voices together so good and they have so many starkid characters that r a thing lmao but honestly so cute amazing vocals their love story is great we ship and Stan)
8. I Steal Everything (ok I FUCKING LOVE THIS SONGGGGG amazing intro to scumbag!Aladdin and his mentality. he also rlly fucking funny and the choreography kills meeee GO JAMES KINGGGG James Tolbert choreographed he DESERVES the recognition and Jeff is hilarious and Lauren as monkey is great too. also rip Robert lmao)
7. Sands of Time/Golden Rule (yayay so this song is great and so good and it SHOULD be the 1st act closer or smtg but its not so rip oh well. ANYWAYS we love when the ppl appreciate j’afar but go apeshit later and hate him its hilarious contrast. ALSO dancing duet Robert/Lauren PART 2 we love them sm the two dancers killing it. and Laurens a boy again lmao)
6. If I Believed (GO DYLANNNNNNNNNNN ok so I know I will prob get hate for putting this ‘so low’ cuz its normally in top 3 for most rankings but oh well. I love Dylan and this song breaks my heart BUT I LOVE OTHERS MORE IM SORRY OK anyways Dylan slays and hits THAT NOTE and kills it I cant I want the sound track purely for this song (and the top 5))
5. Power in Me (yessssss I know this song gets a lot of hate but I genuinely love it tis amazing and heartfelt and Dylan/Racheal duet is WHAT WE NEEDED the only thing better would be Dylan/jaime duet and I will advocate for that until the day I die FIGHT ME they need to sing together. ANYWAYS I love this song it so emotional and great closer for j’afar as djinn and ugh EMOTIONS so ya)
4. Golden Rule Evil Reprise (yesssssssssssss this songgggggggg GO JOE GO JOE KING OMG U KILLLLL ITTTTTT I cant this song is so good and way too short it should be so much longer but omg amazing. also. CHOREO EXCUZE ME GO OFF JAMESSSSS. sry I love this song I cant its so clever the lyrics I cant GO OFF KALEY its amazing we stannnnnn)
3. Dream a Little Harder (ok this song is hilarious and Alex and Robert GO OFFFF they kill it and fun fact Kaley/aj have said that the song would be completely diff if they weren't in the cast sooooo that just tells u how amazing they areeeeee. also the fuck you and the belle parody and Jaime as bell and Denise as the parrot is so funnyyyyyy and Jeff at that one part where everyone is saying that their mom died is amazing I loveeeeeeee we Stan this song so much and it was almost higher BUT just wait lmao)
2. No One Remembers Achmed (OK I KNOW SHUT UP IT SHOULD BE NUMBER ONE BUT ITS NOT SO DEAL I love achmed and the soldiers (especially #3) steal the show like H E  F U C K E D  A  T I G E R is so good and Jim is amazing and Jim harmonizing w/ Lauren in the beginning is also amazing and this song just SLAPS so hard I love so muchhhhh the ensemble just goes off and so does Joe and its amazinggggg w eloveeeeeeeee)
1. Twisted (OK SO YES THIS IS FIRST IT IS MY FAVE DONT @ ME. I love twisted so much firstly cuz GO JAIME YES URSULA GO YESSSS and Nick as scar and Robert as Gaston and Lauren as maleficent and Alex as Captain Hook and DENISE HOLY SHIT DENISE UR SO FUNNY I CANT ALSO did u know that Jim was going to be hades but the costume was too complicated and too much so they couldn't im sad that would have been hilarious. AND LETS NOT FORGET DYLAN OMGGGGGG he's amazing and he kills it and again GO JAIME GO OFF QUEEEEENNNNN GO OFFFFF I LOVE UUUUUUUUUUUU also jaime has said multiple times that ursula was her fave starkid role ever and yes so accurate its so amazing and iconic like the voice the costume the body movement the SPLIT AT THE END YES SHE SPLITS WHEN SHE DROPS INFRONT OF J’AFAR GO OFFFFFFFF I LOVE HER HAND THIS SONG EEEEKKK)
OK so once again if u actually got thru all of that (especially the last one lol) u r my fave person and I love u sm u absolute queen. so ya again im sorry it took so long school sucks and so does senior yr and college essays and screw that shit. so... next is avpsy. imma have to watch other ranking vids to get the songs cuz there is no soundtrack that I can find and I DO NOT have the time nor energy to watch the whole thing so I sorry in advance. BUT I have already ranked HMB AND STARSHIP I just need to add commentary so after AVPSY it should go fasterish. oops ANYWAYS
luv u all
<3, alimay (lmao it autocorrected to alimony lol I cant that's hilarious)
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slasherscream · 4 years
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Pull a “ok boomer” on her homophobic ass. That shit gets on my nerves. My mom is biphobic af (my sis is homophobic) & it’s why our relationship is so strained. She wonders why & I’m stuck w/knowing I can never be close to her cause of that (I haven’t told her I’m bisexual. I almost did but she just grabbed my face, saying it was the devil trying to get to me, & since then she thinks I’m “cured” but really I just decided to not tell her again in fear of being a outcast in my own home)
this got so long because i guess i’m not done venting. absolutely way too much info and word vomit under the cut. also a lot of homophobia and abuse tw. also i am emotional so i have been rendered completely illiterate 
if i got money every time i’ve had to “ok boomer” her this week alone because of her utter disrespect towards just my political opinions and the generation i belong to (which is obviously destroying traditional values/any good systems that are currently set in place and going to bring about the downfall of america through being ultra politically correct) i would be apart of the oppressive 1% adjkl?? 
i am SO sorry you had to live like that. this is honestly such a new experience for me because my biological parents were very abusive (i mean like crazy abusive) in so many ways but they were VERY accepting of my sexuality. i knew i was gay from an incredibly young age and it was always treated as something completely normal. there was no “Coming out” to my bio family it was just something everyone knew about me because i would talk very seriously about marrying girls as a little toddler even more so than i would talk about marrying/having a crush on boys and i never “grew out of that”. it was just who i was and my bio family had so many fucking terrible flaws they were bat shit insane but they never made me feel like less than human for being bisexual. 
being bisexual has been a cornerstone of my identity for my entire life. there has never been a MOMENT where i doubted who i was on that front. and i’ve had so many reasons to doubt every aspect of who i am as a person but never that!!! until i met my extended bio family and they were all super homophobic and for the first time in my life i had to be in the closet and hear people around me who i cared about just talk about wanting to beat up f***gots and it was like YIKES.
 then i stopped living and being with my bio family and moved in with my mom!!! and she has been so amazing in so many ways!!! but how callous and dismissive she is towards my opinions when i work hard to be informed and logical hurts to be honest because i pride myself on being intelligent??? like opinions are meant to be changed when you come across new information that invalidates them and i know i’m young being only twenty-one so i have a lot of growing to do but holy FUCK. she doesn’t debate things with me anymore she basically just calls me stupid whenever i open my mouth and she makes me feel so fucking SMALL. and because i respect her it hurts in a way the emotional and verbal abuse from my bio family did not because i knew They Were Bad People Who Were Going To Do Things To Hurt Me and i just accepted it if only to be apathetic enough to survive all the fucking trauma!! but whenever my mom does these hurtful fucking things it comes out of left field because she’s a good person?? she’s sweet and generous and kind and then she absolutely LEFT FIELDS me by being just MEAN. 
then to get to the homophobia that cuts into me every fucking time. i got really hurt a few months ago about ANOTHER Incident with her boyfriend when all his casual homophobia was building up on me and just making me so depressed and angry. because he was constantly in our house and NEVER stopped running his fucking mouth off about hating the homosexuals?? that i finally confronted her telling her that my identity as a bisexual woman is just as important to me as my identity as a black woman to express to her just how SERIOUS i was because i’m very pro-black and proud of who i am as a black girl!!! and i thought that would finally make her GET IT that this was an important part of who i FUCKING am ….and she proceeded to tell me that, that is pathetic and that my identity as a black woman should mean more to me than who i want to fuck. as if loving other people is not an intrinsic part of being fucking human??? as if love isn’t one of the most important and uplifting things in the world. and she told me to get a thicker skin and that maybe if i wanted to stop her homophobic boyfriend from being homophobic i should COME OUT TO HIM. because it isn’t fair to judge him?? on what he says about gay people around me since he doesnt know im gay??? like that’s such a fucking brilliant idea!!! that’s an absolutely groundbreaking idea!!! so then you guys can just go to your room and whisper about how much you hate homosexuals together
or i’ll awwww at sweet wlw things in movies or songs and things and she just ….won’t even say something sometimes but she rolls her eyes or LOOKS so disgusted and condescending and it hurts sooooo much that it feels like a fucking knife to the chest. when i talk about girls in front of her she looks like she wants to throw up. part of me wants to do it more just to desensitize her so she can fucking get over herself so i wont eventually lose my fucking mother if i ever wind up with a woman/non cis-male partner but she just looks so grossed out at even the CONCEPT of seeing women kiss. let alone when she actually catches glimpses of it in movies!!! i can’t describe the look of profound disgust. it’s like i can see her rediscover being homophobic each time she even BRIEFLY sees women having a romantic relationship on screen with one another.
 she’s the only real mother i’ve ever had and i just want to die!!! one day i could very well not be able to maintain a relationship with her not even because im choosing a partner over her but because i know that me choosing a partner might genuinely make her love me less if not be DISGUSTED by me outright and i just can’t do that to myself but the thought of that makes me want to die!!! i love my mother but she literally hates a part of me and lately it’s like she hates me more and more with each passing fucking day and i dont know how to cope with it i am literally completely alone in the world aside from her!!!   
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dcomposing · 5 years
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jumin route rewrite???
ive had.... Issues with jumin's route since the first time i played it and im waiting out a 3 hour layover which means its time to self indulgently fix all of those problems right now in excruciating detail
for the record, i dont mean any disrespect towards cheritz -- i love mysme dearly and this is purely a self indulgent experiment to see what my ideal jumin route would have been! if you like his route as is thats totally fine! it just wasnt for me lmao
this was super fun to write and if this picks up i might do another route rewrite (and i might do it even if it doesnt because it was just that fun lol)
anyways this is REALLY long (literally its like 3k words all in outline form) so its gonna go under the cut lol
okay so: issues i had with jumin’s route that i want to address:
it moves WAY too fast — i mean all of the routes do to a certain degree; they’re only 11 days long but like... you’re literally engaged to him by the end of it which iirc, is something that is only replicated in seven’s normal ending (and even then i think its only implied?) and i get that the point is that jumin goes all out for the people he loves and is VERY certain that he loves you but it just feels... way too soon for my liking ESPECIALLY because you’re his first love! it just makes it feel like he’s caught up in the rush of being in love for the first time and isn’t thinking things through which... isn’t exactly the making of a great relationship lol. so for this re- write we’re gonna slow it WAY down because... oof. 
the sarah and glam plot line happening concurrently with the mint eye/possessive jumin one makes the route feel overly busy. i actually have a similar issue with the echo girl/mint eye overlap in zen’s route but that’s a topic for another day lol. so i’m gonna try to delineate between the two a bit more so there’s less overlap.
SPEAKING OF possessive jumin lol... maybe its just my Personal Background bleeding in, but possessiveness is a really big red flag/trigger for me and i felt like it went WAY too far in his route. dgmw, i understand that its meant to be a character flaw and something he’s meant to overcome but i just feel like there are simpler ways to show that side of him without it becoming... as scary as it got. i wasn’t sure how to deal with it though -- i think it would best be expressed through smaller actions and the minutia of dialogue with the others (e.g. jumin refusing to send a photo of you into the chat room when zen asks if you’re alright, locking up elizabeth, etc.)
the canon first kiss with jumin happening both without your explicit consent AND just to drive sarah away is.... icky to me. especially because he MAKES EYE CONTACT WITH SARAH while kissing you??? i hate that cg lol. it just takes what should be a moment about the two of you and turns it into him using you to prove a point and i don’t like it at all. it’s not romantic and it feels... out of character for jumin to use someone he cares about like that. i have similar issues with the proposal happening right after he exposes glam and sarah. so lets make the kiss more genuine and nix the proposal entirely because it happens too quickly for comfort anyways.
with all of that in mind, i decided a fake dating plot would probably work best (and like i said, this is self indulgent and i’m a SUCKER for fake dating stories sooooo). it makes sure we hit all the beats of the glam/sarah plot line without shoving him and the mc into a relationship too quickly. it also means we can keep their first kiss as a big “fuck you” to sarah, but this time mc gets to be 100% in on the joke AND they get to have a “real” first kiss later on! that’s two (2!) kisses for the price of one folks.
i also decided that in order to streamline the plot a bit, the glam and sarah plot should end earlier, allowing for the mint eye plot to take center stage instead of being shoehorned in around a larger love triangle plot line. also glam and sarah are annoying and i don’t want to deal with them for six full days. the only downside is we don’t get to see v dunk on sarah at the party :-(
in lieu of a proposal for the necessary Big Romantic Gesture at the party, i thought it would be nice if jumin whisked you away from the party to paris or somewhere far away for a ridiculously extravagant first date literally in the middle of the party. not only is it ridiculously grandiose in and of itself, but in abandoning the party halfway through, it shows that jumin has grown into a more relaxed and spontaneous person through knowing you! he’s ready to throw caution to the wind and have fun with you (plus, Big Romantic Date cg!!)
day 5:
VN mode where we essentially get the exact same scene of chairman han telling jumin he wants him to marry sarah to make the merger with sugar round go more smoothly BUT this time jumin blurts out that he’s already with someone and that he didn’t want to go public with it yet. he assumes his father won’t press further, given that they’ve always had a mutual respect for one another’s privacy, but at glam’s insistence, chairman han says he wants to meet jumin’s partner. oh no!
jumin laments his situation to the rfa, resulting in pretty typical responses. zen laughs, yoosung is sympathetic but also kind of wishes it were just that simple for him to meet a wife. jaehee is worried that the inevitable fallout of this will result in more work for her. everything is business as usual until seven is like “ur so rich why don’t you just pay someone to pretend to date you lolol” and jumin (being, well, jumin) runs with it 100%. because they don’t have time to vet candidates (they’re supposed to have dinner with his dad tomorrow night!) he decides it should be someone he knows, but the majority of the other rfa members are already acquainted with his father via rfa events, making it more likely that he sees through the ruse. mc, however, has never met him, making them the perfect candidate! who would have thought lol
so they decide to move you into the penthouse that evening BUT before that can happen, they have to clear it with v because bomb, hacker, mint eye, etc. (yes this is how i’m choosing to do the bomb reveal lol). bonus, v gets to chide jumin about his dumb lie and we get a fun bff conversation with them!
final VN where you show up to the penthouse and you and jumin establish the parameters of your “relationship”. you decide that you’ll both sleep in his bed, just in case a cleaning staff member walks in and notices that he and his partner sleep separately and it ruins everything. establish what physical contact is and isn’t cool, etc, etc. you also decide that when the time comes, you’re going to tell his dad that the entire debacle with sarah put so much strain on your relationship that you had to break up. the hope being that chairman han will feel so bad about ruining things for jumin that he won’t try to force him into something like that ever again.
days 6-8:
you have dinner with his dad and answer pretty typical “meeting the parrents” questions. he asks what you guys did for your first date and jumin tells a 100% fake story about taking you to dinner on top of the eiffel tower and kissing you beneath the stars and the chairman is satisfied. that doesn’t mean that glam and sarah are though. they decide to do some sleuthing to prove that you guys aren’t really dating.
this is the fun part where we get to hit most of the beats of ur typical fake dating story! you and jumin get to know each other really well, albeit kind of superficially (favorite foods, fun childhood stories, etc. etc. nothing too heavy yet.) you guys cook together for the first time, cue cg of jumin with like... idk tomato sauce on his cheek or something. you watch a movie together and elizabeth falls asleep on your lap and jumin dies on spot idk
this is also where your first kiss happens, and pretty much in the same way except its much more mutual and he doesn’t look at sarah this time because his focus is on trying to make it look like he doesn’t even care that she’s there because you’re the only thing he cares about. (which.... isn’t actually hard for him to do at all)
chatrooms are pretty typical for this timeframe — you guys all know the drill. the other members are like “wow they seem really close” and speculate on whether or not you guys are actually together. zen is worried that jumin is going to force himself on you (wolves, etc.). yoosung is jealous that jumin gets to hang out with you. jaehee is upset that jumin is neglecting his work.
VAGUE mentions of weird activity on the messenger, but nothing too serious sounding. just enough to make jumin nervous -- esp with sarah and glam on his back still. this is when he locks elizabeth up. 
 day 8, the chairman learns that sugar round is worthless and that glam and sarah have been duping him the whole time. they’re disgraced and are never heard from again so... problem solved but this also means that you and jumin no longer have a reason to stay “together”... and you’re both kind of falling for each other so obviously that’s no good. you spend one last night in the penthouse before resolving to break things off officially in the morning. the other members talk about how sad you guys both seem to be parting.
BAD STORY END 1:
if you shy away at the fake intimate gestures (hand holding, hugging, etc), and pointedly answer incorrectly when asked a question about jumin that you should know the answer to, your ruse fails and you guys are caught faking the relationship. to avoid the scandal breaking to the press, jumin winds up marrying sarah anyways.
the branch point for this one would be right before the kiss scene, if you’re on track for the good end then the kiss happens, if not, you’re forced to shove him away when he goes in for it, revealing to sarah that you guys are frauds.
the cg would be him and sarah at the press release for their engagement announcement. sarah’s all smiles and jumin is... pretty understandably miserable looking. a reporter asks him about the other person he was in a relationship with prior to his engagement to sarah, and he reads off a line about how sarah captivated him like no one else ever could in an emotionless voice.
BAD RELATIONSHIP END 1:
if you do fine during the VN portions, but aren’t active enough in the chats, then the fake relationship plan works, but afterwards its just... really awkward. once the whole mint eye thing ends you’re pretty much just excommunicated from the rfa since you... didn’t really seem to like them all that much.
day 9:
a huge attack on the messenger happens, coupled with explicit threats directed at mc, sending everyone into such a panic that ending your fake relationship is the last thing on anyones mind. jumin is so fucking scared that he’s going to lose you, and muses in the chatroom about why he’s more scared for your safety than he would be if it were, say, yoosung being threatened (cue yoosung’s crying emoji lmao). everyone else is like “well clearly its because you’re in love with them”
anyways. they decide its for the best if you continue to stay at the penthouse and in spite of everything, you’re both... kind of relieved lol. 
everything is all fine and dandy until elizabeth III runs away, ramping jumins anxiety up to 11 like... right away
this is where we really start to see behavior more along the lines of what happens in his route, you suggest the two of you leave and search for elizabeth, and he refuses to let you go, etc. etc. 
it sort of turns into a fight, but it all works out in the end. he tells you about rika and elizabeth and why she means so much to him, and you guys talk about how fear of losing someone important to him can’t rule his life, and that its one thing to be careful, but another entirely to try to control someone else’s behavior because of fear. 
you convince him to get some sleep, assuring him that elizabeth will turn up soon and that he’s going to be alright. you guys fall asleep next to eachother without even thinking about it. its not until jumin mentions something about waking up next to you in the chat the next day that the rest of the gang is like “uhhhh,,,, why are you guys still sharing a bed”
MEANWHILE lol seven and yoosung arrive at mint eye and find elizabeth, just like what happens in canon. they decide to bring her back tomorrow.
BAD STORY END 2:
obligatory mint eye ending. if you’re too aggressive and forward with jumin and don’t give him time to properly process his feelings, he doesn’t offer to let you stay at the penthouse, relying on seven’s assurance that the apartment is totally secure (it’s not). saeran breaks in and takes you away.
this branch happens pretty early in the day, before elizabeth escapes.
i thought about a cg for this one but tbh... there are so many saeran and mc at mint eye BE cgs that idk what i could come up with that wouldn’t be super derivative lol
BAD RELATIONSHIP END 2:
again, because you’re only talking to jumin and not the rest of the rfa, he assumes that you don’t like being in the rfa very much BUT he still likes you... a lot and is very worried about your safety re: hacker, AND because he still hasn’t really dealt with his issues regarding v/rika/emotions, you guys decide to just straight up leave lol. you move to a different country where he can pretty much continue doing his work remotely while keeping you safe.
the cg for this one is the two of you in a different cushy apartment somewhere. you’re making dinner while he works. its... stable, but noticeably stiff. neither of you are talking much and his dialogue is pretty stilted. its pretty clear that he regrets abandoning his friends and is unhappy.
day 10:
3AM chat with zen where he speaks entirely in thinly veiled hypotheticals about you guys. (“well, if i thought i could have a shot with someone i really loved, i think i would take that chance and tell them, even if i might get shot down. and even if that person was a huge ass who my sexy white-haired best friend hated. i would tell them how i felt”)
seven secures the messenger again and the threat is declared neutralized! you’re safe to go home but neither you nor jumin want that at all.
yoosung brings elizabeth back around 9, and it proceeds pretty similarly to what happens in his route: he’s wary about taking her back because he feels that he’s mistreated her, you’re like “whoa buddy you’re going too far in the opposite direction here” and you and v have to convince hm that its going to be okay. the only real difference is that v doesnt also have to convince him to let you go. he just says something about how the two of you seem to bring out the best in each other, and that jumin is brighter when you’re around. 
later, jumin (tries) to make you lunch using the cooking skills you taught him a few days ago as a final payment (since you refused actual money) for all of your help, both with his father and with elizabeth, but he winds up ordering in instead. its very cute BUT its super awkward because neither of you has said anything about not wanting to leave.
finally you have to face the music and pack your bags. you hug jumin goodbye and make him promise to still get lunch with you sometime before heading back to rika’s apartment sadly.
everyone is like “yo what the fuck???” and its actually yoosung of all people who is finally like “this is ridiculous. you two clearly have feelings for each other and you need to deal with it” 
jumin is absent from most of the chatrooms for the rest of the day  though, so he doesn’t really see anything until he forces himself to log on later that night and is like “oh”
and YES of course this is going to culminate in a typical romcom scene where he has driver kim race to the apartment so he can pound on the door and apologize to you and tell you how he feels!! maybe it even happens in the rain just to maximize romance. the important thing here is that you finally kiss him for real this time and its perfect.
BAD STORY END 3:
pretty much jumin’s BE2, if you werent assertive enough with him re: his possession/control issues on day 9, he never gets over them. when elizabeth is returned he locks her back up and insists that you continue to stay with him as well, canon BE2 ensues.
i gotta hand it to cheritz. its a really good bad ending and theres not much i wanna change about it. its so scary in a calm sort of way, which i think is the perfect vibe for a dangerously unhealthy jumin. if only people would stop fetishizing it lolol
party (GE ver):
you and jumin mingle with the guests and the other members for a bit, but as the evening goes on, jumin gets restless. he pulls you aside and tells you that, while you did a wonderful job planning the party, he can’t help but regret that your guys’ first
date is technically a work function. especially when the fake first date you told his father was so perfect. he then decides that the two of you have been there long enough to fulfill your obligations, and that no one could really begrudge you if you “took off” a little early. you guys fly to paris that night and have that dinner on top of the eiffel tower.
the ending cg isn’t a kiss one, but a more simple, sweet one of the two of you in a dimly lit restaurant, jumin listening to you talk with the most tender, loving look in his eyes.
party (NE ver):
you and jumin mingle with the guests and the other members for a bit, but as the evening goes on, jumin gets restless. he pulls you aside and tells you that, while you did a wonderful job planning the party, he can’t help but regret that your guys’ first date is technically a work function. especially when the fake first date you told his father was so perfect. he laments the fact that if he was caught shirking responsibilities to take you on a real date, the press would have a field day with it, but promises to make it up to you, and take you out on a proper one tomorrow.
this cg is the two of you dancing at the rfa party, jumin resting his chin on the top of your head and daydreaming out loud about everything the two of you could do on your real first date.
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