There is something deeply funny to me that if the cast of the dsmp gets transported to our world, but like with no Minecraft/dsmp. And get this, a cop has to solve a serial murder case and has to interview them. Like just imagine
You are a cop, you have to solve this case, you have to interview these people. First up, Tommy Innit. He is loud and he is annoying. You have heard more swears in 5 minutes than a whole month. He saying a lot, but not telling you shit. You move on.
Next there is a Tubbo Underscore-Beloved. He is 17, but with an adopted child and a husband. They married for tax benefits. You are sure none of this is legal. The child says he is a lawyer called Big Law and if you hurt his husband, BFF or child, he will blow this place up. You walk out feeling threatened.
Next you go to Ranboo Beloved-Underscore. He is Tubbos husband and has the most severe case of vitiligo you have ever seen. He is very tall and says that his memory is spotty and he has the backbone of a chocolate eclair. You do not doubt this. When you bring up the previous two, he has thinly vailed threats that he would kill everyone in the station if they hurt his family. You walk out with nothing but terror.
You go to Wilbur Soot next. The man is clearly insane and you have a feeling that he is hanging on by a thread. You walk in expecting threats. You ask about the murder on the beach. The man talks about eating sand, it has been 15 minutes. You leave with deep of emotions, you are not sure what they are, but you are experiencing them.
You have Technoblade next. You are not sure which is weirder, his name, or the cosplay. You walk in to see an absolute mountain of a man. You are unsettled. You ask your questions, but the man is not taking you seriously. He keeps asking ‘chat’ questions unrelated to the case. You do not know if he is messing with you or if he genuinely believes in them. You leave deeply frustrated and that you some how gave up information.
Finally you get to Philza Minecraft. You find his wings very realistic, but he wouldn’t part with them. You ask your questions. He is very kind, welcoming, cooperative and answers your questions nicely. He mentions how he wished he had you as at his trial. You ask him and he says it’s unimportant to the case. You press for answers, he gives you nothing. You walk away with the feeling that he is far older than he lets on.
Lastly you have the toddler Michael Underscore-Beloved. You try to talk to him, but you find that he cannot speak english. He likes shiny things and even better if they are yellow. You try to get him to cooperate, but he only asks for Boo, Bo or MiMi. You cannot bring him to them. The child only gets more agitated as time goes on. He runs down the hall faster than you think a toddler should run. He stops in front of Ranboos room. You try to pull him away, he screams and bites.
There is an vworp sound and Ranboo is behind you with Purple eyes, he snatches the child from your grasp and holds him to his chest. They cannot be separated.
It has been a very long day.
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The Peace Summit
“Hello, Human Kyle. Are you prepared for the peace talk? There will be much different species in attendance.”
“Fuck yes, I’m ready. These motherfuckers are gonna learn some damn peace,” Kyle said. His extremely aggressive tone scared the diminutive creature next to him, which changed from xir usual vibrant purple to a timid shade of blue. “Sorry, Aurrah. I keep forgetting that my voice can hurt the Ter’un people.”
“I’m unharmed,” Aurrah said. Xir skin gradually transitioned back to it’s typical purple. “When we enter the chamber, prepare yourself. Many of the different-” xe made a clicking sound from deep in xir throat “-what’s the sound you use? Ah, species.” Aurrah struggled to pronounce the word. “Many species will not like you. They will try to intimidate you. Make sure you-”
“-don’t let them scare you, stay confident. I’ll be fine, Aurrah.” Kyle said, cutting off the Ter’un.
They reached the colossal entrance to the chamber where a human mercenary stood guard. Aurrah recognized her as a human female, though this one kept her head-fur curiously short.
“Hey, Lara,” Kyle said. Though Aurrah didn’t know this particular human, it seemed to xem that Human Kyle did.
“Kyle,” Lara responded. “Is that a weapon? She asked, motioning towards a weapon-shaped lump under Kyle’s jacket.
Aurrah hadn’t noticed the weapon earlier. If xe had, xe wouldn’t have let Human Kyle bring it.
“It’s not a weapon,” Human Kyle said defensively.
“It’s. Not. A. Weapon.” he repeated, forcefully this time. Instead of waiting for a response from Human Lara, he moved quickly into the chamber. Aurrah had to sprint to catch up.
“You informed me that you were unarmed! Why are you armed?” Aurrah whispered indignantly. “This is a peace negotiation, not a death negotiation!”
“Shhh!” Human Kyle said. Aurrah had known him for six and twenty lunar cycles and he had yet to understand how that sound was supposed to say ‘be quiet.’ On Teryalun, the home planet of the Ter’un, they communicated the same message by turning beige.
“It’s gonna be fine,” Human Kyle said reassuringly. “After the last time we were on this planet, I thought the protection was warranted.”
“Rules are rules,” Aurrah responded, echoing the unofficial motto of the Ter’un people. Earth has a motto as well, but xe couldn’t remember the exact sound of it. Something about anime bitches and titties? Aurrah didn’t know what any of those things were. His thoughts were soon interrupted by Human Kyle again. For such a terrifying species, humans were surprisingly amicable.
“I almost forgot,” Human Kyle was saying. “I got you these.”
Aurrah examined the object given to him by Human Kyle. It was simply constructed - two squishy circles attached to opposite ends of an arc. “You know I appreciate your gifts, human Kyle. However, I’m confused as to the function of this particular object.”
“It goes on your head like this,” Human Kyle said, gently placing the squishy circles over Aurrah’s ears. “They’re called earmuffs. You can put them on if people get too loud, so that the sound doesn’t hurt you.”
“What?” Aurrah asked loudly.
Human Kyle removed the earmuffs and repeated what he said.
Aurrah’s five hearts swelled with thankfulness, xir skin shifting to a pastel pink. Xe couldn’t understand how a creature so scary could be so kind. “Thank you, human Kyle.”
Kyle and Aurrah finally found their seats. Aurrah sat next to a druuqad, which was a four-legged creature covered in poisonous spikes the color of charcoal. Kyle was seated next to a Nekrul - the massive crimson beasts that occupied Nekrokokul, the site of the peace summit. Though these beings appeared fierce, they were actually some of the most gentle creatures in the galaxy. They devoted their time to the arts, and have written a number of household cookbooks. Their impartiality (due in part to their apathy towards politics) was why both groups had agreed to meet in their neutral planet.
Once the various beings had taken their seats, the Nekrul next to Human Kyle stood up to his full height of what Aurrah thought to be about 20 meters.
“Welcome, everyone, to the planet Nekrokokul,” the Nekrul began, xir voice booming throughout the chamber. “Now that everyone is here, we may begin.” The Nekrul continued to talk, but Human Kyle zoned out. This part of the peace negotiations didn’t pertain to him. However, he was later pulled back to reality by hostile voices.
“I don’t care!” Exclaimed the first voice, belonging to a thin Axor. The Axor was as tall as Human Kyle, but considerably thinner. Xir humanoid figure was bone-white and adorned with golden robes that signified xir high status among the other Axor. “I don’t care if they’re on your planet! My people have owned them since before yours even existed!”
“But you can’t even visit our planet!” the other being, a scaly Sciquk responded. The Sciquk people were native to the planet Stel’aran, which was deadly to almost all the creatures in the galaxy. During the second galactic war almost a century ago, the Galactic Imperial Army had utilized one of the deadliest human creations: the atomic bomb. Now, the Sciquk beings were the only ones that could survive the radiation. “If you’d just let us have our mines, you wouldn’t have to deal with us!” Aurrah winced at their raised voices before remembering the protective device Human Kyle had given xem, which Aurrah quickly placed over xir ears.
The pair kept squabbling, their voices getting higher and higher until Human Kyle had enough. He stood up abruptly, his seat flying back from the force of it. “Enough!” he roared in his angry-human voice. The room suddenly was silent. “Enough arguing! We have spent the last month arguing.” Murmurs went around the room as the beings debated how long the human measurement ‘month’ was, and if they actually had been. “This is a peace summit, not a death summit. We came here to negotiate a deal that makes everyone happy, so that’s what the hell we’re going to do. Now you,” Kyle said, pointing at the Axor. “You will no longer control the mines on Stel’aran. As of this moment, they belong to the Sciquk people.” The Axor gasped indignantly, but Human Kyle kept talking.
“And you,” he indicated the Sciquk. “Your planet would not be nearly as stable were it not for the mines started by the Axor. Without them, your planet would never have recovered after the Second War. For that reason, they will receive 25% of the profits from the mines, if they agree to adequately defend the planet of Stel’aran.”
Aurrah stared at Human Kyle in shock. Even after all the time they spent together, xe was still in awe of him.
“That way, you both gain from the treaty and you both have something to lose should you withdraw from the treaty. Is that acc-”
Human Kyle stopped abruptly as another Nekrul, this one green, stormed into the chamber and addressed a different Axor in the chamber.
“Why is the Axor Space Battalion surrounding our planet?”
Many beings ran for the door, while others screamed in their seats. Axor soldiers swarmed through the open windows, training their weapons on the remaining beings. “If you run, you will die,” one of the soldiers stated coldly. “The Axor people hereby claim this planet as their own. It shall be known henceforth as the planet Axoria Dué.”
Aurrah turned to Human Kyle, shaking with fear.
“I’m glad you brought the weapon.”
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