#im sorry june i couldnt fit you

[tragedify]

names can fill your stomach up to the brim. i dont remember names of people easily. grade 6 there was a girl in my class who left school the very next year i dont remember her face properly and i dont remember her name. i didnt like how it tasted. your name is so huge, so much bigger than love itself. i try pushing it down my throat during breakfast but i cant. lunch time- i try again and a little blood splutters out of my tongue. at night i try again before dinner- when im tired and hungry and this time i break into bouts of sneezes and coughs. mom cuts off all the dried leaves from the flower plant and still asks me why i dont talk to my friend any longer. i question her back- why do you cut these dry leaves off? the answer youre going to give me is the answer to your question. sorry, we were talking about your name. its huge, almost as if i wont be able to bear the weight of it. when i walk on streets people tell me your name doesnt fit me properly- i tell myself it does and you tell me it does. but it doesnt. its like- a poor child wearing a huge shirt to cover himself because he couldnt find a shirt his own size. its cold outside. i need a shirt but yours is too big.

-- june excerpt from fireball

#literature #writer #writing #writers on tumblr #creative writing #writerscommunity #writing community

[eggtwobroes]

frenrye

i dont evem know who these guys ARE!

jokes aside though i luv frenrey. frenrey means alot to me which sounds kind of funny to say. its an inside joke to several friend groups (3 friendgroups i can think of off the top of my head). its a comfort. it makes me unironically nauseous if i think about it in bad contexts. i couldnt look at it for a little bit due to bad associations. it also helped me figure out alot about myself (mostlu helped me figure out that im. fictoromantic </3)

alot of text under the cut sorry. WATCH OUT! (ship ask game)

as for what it means to me personally, at first i was annoying with hlvrai. i had the worst possible characterizations yiu could possibly conjure up because i wanted to frankenstein every fucking ao3 trait for benrey and gordon together because i thought that was the way to characterize them. i was also 13 so whatever. i also projected onto benrey HARD which made him more annoying and me more annoying also. at some point i projected too hard and got nauseous with the ship cuz i convinced myself that i was projecting trauma about my ex friends onto them.??? which was weird but i ended up reaching some closure regarding those ex friends a little while ago and also at the time i realised "hm. no this is stupid" and moved on. then i got on tumblr and became a bigger frenrey fan (really funny to say) and it started meaning more to me... my characterizations got better ovr time (same with my art) and everything was goung well. i had friends who liked frnerey and also i liked frenrey myself. peace and love on planet autism. and then the thing in june happened when my now ex friend told me something about literally everyone in The Frenrey Discord server which caused alot of stuff that i wont explain cuz i think you guys know it by now. that was embarrassing. i also couldnt look at frenrey because i associated it with that and it made me sick to my stomach to think about. at some point i got normaler and less mentally ill and stuff. frenrey also became a relaly big inside joke in my friend groups and stuff <3 i dont really make as much frenrey art as i used to now since im more of a darnrey enthusiast at this point but thats cuz i did figure out im fictoro bcuz of it (shoutout to my wife. girdon)

other than what it personally means 2 me its also a really funny dynamic. guy shows up and starts pestering you the WHOLE FUCKING DURATION of the worst days of ur life. claims he used to know you when you were kids (you fucking didnt). and ur brains response to this is "lets kiss with tongue" its so funny. in canon context its like. this guy plays a game and meets the most fucking insufferable npc of his life and falls in love with him when hes literally not even tangible. how do you store that much emotion towards a character from a game you could just turn off dude. theyre both pathetic i think. their dynamic is kinda hard to describe. i think its funny when benreys head over heels for this guy that hates his guts. i think its funny if they both hate eachothers guts and are simultaneously thinking "i hope this guy fucking goes to hell. i bet he wants to kiss me. good thing i dont want that". i think its funny if benrey doesnt care about gordon at all and just harasses him cuz he thinks its funny and gordons like "god this guy sucks. would it be weird if i kissed him. id hate that probably". idk its a very fun ship to play around with its very flexible.. they fit as queerplatonic, romantic, AND platonic. they work out in game and nongame scenarios. they work in aus because theyre opposites. its so fun. im like dr frankenstein and frenrey is my frankensteins monster that i test on just to see what happens and what works best. idk how else to end this paragraph and continue to the next one sorry

mre related to the first bit about how theyre an inside joke. heres a collection of frenrey related images that are inside jokes or about inside jokes

theres also a lot more videos i have but i cant put themall here. sadly. heres one at least

#im not maintagging any of this for several reasons #asks #NOW THAT I THINK ABOUT IT #TALKING ABOUT FRENREY TO MARCIE MADE US CLOSER. WERE QPPS NOW #TAHTS SO FUCKING FUNNY TO ME

[typewritingsquirrels]

doods of my dudes

#im sorry june i couldnt fit you #homestuck #homestuck fanart #beta kids #jade harley #rose lalonde #dave strider #june egbert #john egbert #art #my art #doodle #drawing #fanart #digital art #sketch

[wamiandayne]

bandstand tour: the post

DONNY SMOKES

donny - zack? zach? - was so BOUNCY like not personality wise but movement wise like that bitch was alwayz moving and goijg Up and Down and it was so cute

everyone treated donny like a kid it waz... hilarious

large man: walks on stage. donny: exists. large man: Its Hug Time

(davy and one of the club owners hugged him SO MUCH)

idk if corey cott did it bc i didnt pay that much attention to bootlegs but This donny acted like he spent a LOT of time around a drummer

(i.e. - when you hang out with a drummer, you start to drum on things. a lot.)

does donny nova dress like a lesbian or do lesbians dress like donny nova top ten questions science still cant answer

i got a lot to say abt donny i LOVED him

yknow who i also love? june adams

if anyone dares to sleep on her i will shoot u

THE SOLDIERS FOLLOWING THE BAND AND HAUNTING THEM IS..... OHMYGOD

T H E L I G H T S

i could easily write a love letter to every ensemble member but this one dude in particular fucking popped off bro i dont know ur name and i PROMISE i will check tomorrow but i love you

T H E. L I G H T S. its STUPID how good they were i OHHHAHSBWBABD

the stage at the plave i went is really small so woman in very tall high heels almost fell and all the people who slide across the stage almost fell it was scary every time

WHEN THEY WERE IN NEW YORK DURING THE VERSE ABT CELEBRITES THE BAND WAZ BEYOND LIKE A ROPE LINE SO THEY COULDNT TOUCH THE CELEBRITIES WALKING THE RED CARPET BUT GOD DID JIMMY FUCKING TRY

davys actor was SO spot on i LOVE him ik SORRY im too lazy to fijd the playbill

and now for the parts i ... like a little less:

nick and wayne's actors both seem.... hella young

like a lil inexperienced young

nick had 1 emotion and it never fit except for 1 scene

actually it was mostly nicks actor

bro i know itz super early in the tour but i LOVE everyone anyways its okay

julia's voice wAS SO HIGH??? LIKE SOMETIMES PAINFUL LEVEL

they were all moving really fast, like blowing through lines, and like... they even skipped some lines that were in the broadway show or in a few cases completely bypassing parts of a song (donnys little interlude at the end of just like it was before when hes like "thats what they Tell Me-")

bx everyone was going so fast and jonny was gping So Slow it was more annoying than like.... understandable but its okay bc his actor was SO iconic (now im back to adoring all parts of this show)

also i just love johnny

his first outfit? oh my god....

ALSO MOST OF THE OUTFITS STAYED THE SAME!! IT WAS SO SEXY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

donny was very Extra but at the panic attack before right this way 1. ouchie he really THREW himself to the ground 2. he got up............. really quick comparsd to corey

DONNY TELLING JULIA ABOUT MICHAELS DEATH HURT A WHOLE LOT BUT I DIDNT CRY HAHA

(i cried during this is life reprise)

the mics were really sus the whole show like in the beginning it wouldnt catch donny's belts and by the end johnnys drums were so Fucking loud and julias voice was Louder Than All and you couldnt hear ANYTHING else

nicks actor.... ohhh my god.... his TRUMPET SKILLS ARE INSANE

the good old Bass Toss was significantly more restrained than broadway

yall know how corey's donny was simply Unhinged?

this one was not.

he was.... impish?? like he was a bastard and he was fully aware of it

he is like the cat that eats all of your bagels and has the fucking audacity to.leave the remains dead center in your room like he had the energy of little my from snufkin he really was just a little creacher

there was a lot of little iconic moments i cant remember

IN THE CHOREOGRAPHY TO SOME SONG AN ENSEMBLE MEMBER PROPOSED TO ANOTHER ONE IT WAZ SO CUTE

there was like 2 different groups of girls who flirted with each other

DAVY AND JOHNNY WERE SO! WHOLESOME!

i love wayne. and his actor. i love them.

bandstand RSALLY hits different live yoj guys itz... it hits DIFFERENT

EVERYTIME THE DRUMS CAME BACK WHEN DONNY HAD A FLASHBACK WAS LIKE MWAH

• ibflinched at the gun shot b4 right this way thats Surround Soumd

im so sleepu so this is it for now mwah

#bandstand #bandstand tour #maybr expect an audio boot ;) #i filmed one but idk the quality #teetg

[leelee10898]

Born to Love you: Spell bound (1/?)

Leo & Alicia, what really happened....

This is from the CGW(Cordonians gone wild)universe. A collaborative effort by @ao719 @speedyoperarascalparty @cocomaxley @riseandshinelittleblossom and myself.

If you have not yet read the original when Leo met Alicia, you should do so. References will be made from that, and events will coincide with it. You can do so HERE

Santorini

Leo opened his eyes and looked around the unfamiliar room. The sound of ringing coming from across the room. He jumped up digging through his pants. “Hello? Liam is that you?”

“Yes its me, where the hell are you?”

“I'm not really sure at the moment?” He held the phone between his face and shoulder,  tugging his jeans on.

“What do you mean you don't know where you are? I thought you were in Santorini.” Liam sighed, Leo could picture him pinching the bridge of his nose, which made him chuckle at the thought.  “I am, I just don't know exactly where or who's house i'm at, right now.”

“Jesus Leo. Look, i'll be there April 9th to come get you. That gives you a month to get your shit on order.” Leo looked at the phone confused. “for what? Ooooh, the wedding,  right. How long you need me for again?”

“yes the wedding. Your the best man Leo. Look if you don't want to do it, I can always ask-”

“NO! I told you, I want to do it Liam. I'll be ready.” Leo heard shuffling outside the door. “Hey, I gotta go Li, I'll talk to you later. And i'll be ready for the wedding, don't worry.” Leo hung up the phone, he slipped his shoes on and pulled his shirt over his head.

“oooo a wedding, I love weddings. I could be your date.” The woman spoke as she walked in the room. “yeah, you're not going.” Leo snorted as he grabbed his leather jacket. “Where are you going?” she asked. “This had been great and all monica, but it's time for me to move on.”

“But my names Beth.”

“Monica, beth, susan… all the same.” He shrugged and walked out of the room, Beth following him out. “But I thought we had something special, that maybe we would end up together.” Leo spun around, one hand on the door knob “Look. Beth. Its Beth right? I don't do relationships. Never have never will.”

“But what if the right girl came along, what if i'm her and you just walked out on true love.” she pouted.

“I have been around, trust me if she's out there, I haven't met her yet.”  He opened the door and left.

Bronx, New York

“Hey Nitah, How's the wedding planning coming along?” Alicia walked down the dimly lit street, she had just closed up the bakery for the night and was headed home with dinner and desert for Mark.

“It’s going! It’s so hectic! I can’t wait for you to get here!”

"I know, I can't wait either. I need a vacation, like stat! Seriously like now would be great."

“I need a vacation too, from all of this planning. Do you have any idea what goes into a royal wedding?” Anitah dropped her voice to a whisper, “some of this shit is so ridiculous.”

"No, but I will find out whenever I get there." She giggled.

“Speaking of when you get here, I’m going to be coming to get you on the 7th.”

"The 7th? The wedding isn't until June, so i'll be staying for 2 months?"

“Please! I need you here,” Anitah whined.

"Um Fuck YES! Absolutely! I will be there. I will need to take care of some stuff for the bakery but, it's not a problem. Oooh I can't wait." Alicia couldnt help but grin.

“I’m so excited!” Anitah squealed. “I already told Liam you were coming. He’s very thankful,” she laughed. “Um...are you bringing the dick head with you?”

"I will have to ask,  you know he doesn't want me to go without him. But, I could use a vacation from him too.”

“Well I purposely sent your invite without a plus 1 option,” Anitah snorted.

"You're such a dick. Hey, I just got to Marks apartment, im gonna get off here. But Anitah, Thank you. Love you. "

“Love you too!”

Alicia ended the call, pulling out her key to marks apartment she walked inside and flicked on the lights. “What the fuck?” she screamed dropping the bags on the floor.

“Alicia, shit. This isn't what it looks like.” mark put a throw pillow over himself.

“Then what the fuck is it Mark? Because it looks alot like you fucking someone else. And fucking Tessa? Seriously dude, you're supposed to upgrade,  not fuck clown school rejects.”

“Hey! You can't talk to me like that.” Tessa yelled.

“Shut the fuck up Tessa before I punch the dicks off your brows.”

“Alicia. I'm sorry I don't know how this happened. I thought you weren't getting off until 10.”

“Yeah well got off early. I brought you dinner.” she opened the container of ziti and tossed it all over tessa.

“What the fuck Alicia. You're crazy.” Mark screamed.

“Oh you haven't seen crazy. Here enjoy desert.” She smashed the whole cake in his face. She cocked her arm back and extended it. Fist connecting with his face.

“Fuck, I think you broke my nose.” Mark held his face.

“oh. And you have a little dick. Enjoy it tessa. Were through.” She slammed the door and took off for home.

Cordonia....

Liam walked in from the veranda as Anitah ended her call. “So Leos in.”

“Alicia too.” Liam sat down giving her a kiss.

“you think they'll get along?” Anitah asked as she leaned into him. “well, Leo's a sexed crazed playboy, who cant stay put in one place for long.  Is Alicia anything like that?” Liam chuckled.

“Definitely not. She's been with her current thing for about 2 years now.” Anitah putting extra emphasis on the word thing. Liam chuckled. “it'll be fine love, don't worry.”

One month later…

“Seriously Alicia, you've been sleeping for days, let's get a move on.” Anitah sighed sitting on the bed. “i'm done in the shower, just let me grab my bra and shit.” Alicia yelled as she ran out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel. Anita's phone rang, facetime from Liam.

“Hey you. I thought you had meetings today?”

“we wrapped it up early. Im at Leo's hotel room, or dump, which every you want to call it.” Liam scrunched his face. “Haha.” Leo shouted from the background.  

“So what I was calling you for, was to let you know I'm coming home today. Well, that is if Leo ever gets his shit together.”

“Really? Yay! I'm so excited. Don't get me started about not being ready.  Were supposed to go shopping if ALICIA STOPS RUNNING AROUND IN A TOWEL.” she turned behind her yelling. “im working on it, shit.” Alicia called out.

“Who's running around in a towel?” Leo rushed to Liams side.

“Anita's friend is getting ready, they are going shopping. Will you get away.” Liam slapped Leos hands “Just, let me see,  I want to say Hi.”

Leo wrestled with Liam trying to get the phone,  he put him in a headlock, grabbing the phone and running to the other side of the room. “Heeey, there's my favorite soon to be sister.” Leo said out of breath.

“Ah hey Leo, um is everything ok? Where's Liam?”

“Oh yeah everything's great. Liam's um, over there. So your friend-” Liam darted across the room tackling Leo to the ground.  

“Liam!” Anitah shouted

“I'm trying here.” He called out as they scrambled for the phone.

“What the fuck is going on?” Alicia pulled a pair of jeans on looking at Anitah.

“oh, Liam and his brother are fighting over the phone. That's all.”

Liam grabs the phone.  “Sorry, i'm pretty much dealing with a horny teenager.” Liam chuckled as Leo snatches the phone. “So as I was saying before.” Alicia stood next to Anitah. They couldn't see her face, just her front half.

“Ooh they sound like fun,  Hi Liam's brother.”

Leo stood there stunned

“Shirt. Shirt!” Anitah hollered.

“Oh fuck.” Alicia ran off grabbing her shirt, pulling it on.

Finally Liam tackled Leo to the ground, knocking the phone out of his hand and through the open window.

“You broke my phone Leo.” Liam snapped.

“No, you broke your phone when you tackled me. That's on you.” liam rolled his eyes.

“So, you've seen this friend? What's she look like, she had nice tits.” Leo smirked as he continued putting clothes in the suitcase.

Liam pinched the bridge of his nose. “For fucks sakes Leo, NO. You're forbidden.”

Bastien entered the room, sir Anitah is on the phone. Liam gave Leo a pointed look, leo stood there and smirked. “Hello?”

********

A couple hours later Leo kicked his feet up on the coffee table in Liam and Anita's quarters. “So, what's on the agenda for the lead up to the engagement? Since you guys aren't doing a tour that is?”

“well a few dinners, balls, galas, charity events.  A garden party or two.” Liam folded his hands on his lap, an amused grin in his face as he watched his brothers face fall. “ugh Liam, this is the shit I ran away from, can we do something fun?” Leo groaned.

“Well, Anitah is planning a bachelorette party, we may be able to fit a few trips in before the wedding.”

“Alright, now we're talking.” Leo perked up rubbing his hands together. Bastien entered the room “Sir, we got a call. Anitah is at the bar, the guard assigned to ger can't get her to leave.” Leo snorted,  Liam gave him a pointed look.

They walked into the bar immediately finding Anitah. Leo noticing the woman sitting with her.  It was like time slowed, he felt immediately drawn to her. “Who's that sitting with Anitah?”

“Thats Alicia her bestfriend…” thats all Leo heard, he blocked Liam out almost instantly as they walked over to where the women were.

Alicia turned, her eyes locking with the brightest set of blues she had ever seen. She mumbled some stupidity she instantly regretted. God, He was sexy. His lips, his eyes, that cocky grin that sent a tingle through her body. There was something about him, a feeling she couldn't shake. Nothing bad, all good.

Leos breath caught in his throat,  she was beautiful from a distance but up close, she was breathtaking. The way her long brown hair flowed over her shoulder, those deep chocolate eyes that he could see himself getting lost in. Her full lips and that Gorgeous smile that met her eyes. She said he was hot, god he wanted to tell her she was hot to but the sight of her rendered her momentarily speechless,  a feat no woman had ever accomplished.

He took her hand placing a soft kiss on it. Both of them feeling a jolt pass through them as their eyes locked.

“I'm Leo.”

“I'm Alicia. Nice to meet you, Leo.” ........

I was a wild child between lost and found. Then you spoke my name, it was a sweet sound. - Lanco

Tag: @annekebbphotography @carabeth @moneyfordiamonds @give-me-ernest-sinclaire @3pawandme @indiacater @ooo-barff-ooo @ownworldresident @tornbetween2loves @perfectprofessorherokid @stopforamoment @editboutique @wannabemc2 @zaffrenotes @enmchoices @lauradowning29 @lodberg @smalltalk88 @gibbles82 @heatherfilliez @drakesensworld @nikkis1983 @sweetest-marbear @classylady1234 @daniv2278 @jlouise88 @jared72612 @liamxs-world @notoriouscs @blubutterflyy @captain-kingliamsqueen @whenyourheartskipsabeat @lynne1993 @coldcollectornight08 @be-still-my-aching-heart @dcbbw

@explorer-of-gems @itsstillnotwhatyouthink @hopefulmoonobject

#trr fanfic #cgw trr au #cgw trr #cordoniansgonewild #cordonians gone wild #leo x alicia #leo rhys #cgw squad #cgw #born to love you cgw fic #alicia rhys #prince leo

[ruiyuki]

Todomomo Flower Shop AU

For Todomomo Week 2018, Day 2: AU

Some much needed tdmm slowburn & fluff LMAO This was an AU I thought of in the middle of the night and posted to the tdmm discord a while ago. I decided to take it and add some more. If y’all havent joined our discord yet y’all are missing out lol come check us out!!

Recommended bgm: Yiruma - May Be

Flower shop AU where Momo, despite coming from a wealthy family, decides to move out and open a quaint flower shop in a small corner of the city.

Todoroki is one of her regular customers coming in every week to pick up flowers for his mom at the hospital. 

They become friends after some frequent visits. Todo usually hangs around for a bit when Momo doesnt have customers and Momo takes the time to teach Todo about the Language of Flowers,,, what flower combinations will mean so he can send the right msg when he orders,,,, bc he’s emotionally attuned as a brick LOL

Every Sunday, Momo has a bundle of daffodils ready to go before he visits his mother---as he told her daffodils are his mom’s favourite. She tells him in turn, that daffodils symbolize respect, chivalry, and new beginnings. He chuckles at how fitting it is.

After months of seeing how much time and effort Momo puts into her bouquets and how genuinely she helps customers, Todo begins to admire her,,,,, for her beauty,,, her compassion,,, her kindness,,,,,, and oops, now he might have a tiiiiiny bit of a crush.

Florist Momo also has a pet cat. Todo often pets it every time he’s at the shop but one day the cat runs off bc it got frightened by a customer and Momo couldnt run after it. The next time he drops by, she tells him her cat is missing and he makes it his mission to get the cat back.

Its 3 sleepless nights of searching (bc he goes out looking at night when the streets are quieter), and as sleep deprived as he is, Todoroki finally makes it through the rain, showing up at Momo’s shop at 1am.

He knocks firmly... waits a moment.... then knocks again, before Momo finally opens the door in her nightgown.

“Todoroki-san what on earth are you doing??! It’s 1 in the morning---you’re drenched!”

“I found your cat.”

She stares at him, then facepalms. But she invites him in anyway, spending the night to nurse the cat back to health and taking care of him too.

Cue “god what is with this man? why would he go so far for my cat?” but at the same time, oh no he looks gorgeous by the candlelight and he’s falling asleep on the couch and he looks so cute beside her and oops, now Momo might have feelings too...

So slowly, Todo comes by the shop more and more often, staying longer and longer each time. It was only a matter of time when Todoroki begins to “work” at the shop insisting to not be paid as an excuse to spend time with Momo, lending her a hand whenever she’s busy.

There is an undeniable spike in female customers as he works more often. Fangirls ofc,,, though Momo doesnt complain,,,,, and neither does she do anything but laugh at the sight of Todoroki in a florist apron, behind her counter, oblivious to the droves of squealing ladies (young and old) as they hound him with “but what is your favourite flower Todoroki-san?????” while he continues his business with a deadpanned expression.

It’s on one June afternoon that things get...... eventful.

Mind you, it was entirely the cat’s fault.

Momo was watering the plants outside, going about the daily routine,,, and just as Todo offered his help, the cat decides to run around tangling up the hose, tripping both of them to fall atop of each other.

Needless to say, they’re face to face in a compromising position.

Needless to say, they both just happened to be wearing white shirts that day.

Needless to say, they’re both completely, accidentally soaked.

And yes, you imagined correctly---there are 1000% shoujo bubbles floating in the background.

Did I mention the cat’s name is Aizawa btw? Oh yeah, there’s that too.

“holyshit whatarewedoing shitmove buthe/she’ssoclose ohmygod sfhdshfkahlfahjgka”

They both kinda just,,,,,,, stare at each other, dumbfounded, blushing furiously.

For after what feels like an eternity, Todoroki finally breaks the silence.

“Um...... Yaoyorozu... You should probably get off me...” “!!!!! Ah!!!!! Im so sorry!!!!!!”

She straightens herself, hides her face, still blushing, avoiding eye contacting, looking away. But following a moment’s pass, she feels a squirt of water at her cheek.

“?!!?!?!?! To-Todoroki-san?!?!”

She finally looks over to him, only to see a playful smile on his face and gentleness in his eyes. He squirts water at her with the hose again. And again. And again. Until she’s chasing him to stop.

It’s nice and sunny and warm outside with a pleasant feeling that surrounds the couple in front of the flower shop, soaking wet from head to toe, having fun, laughing it off.

The next Monday, a delivery man walks into her shop carrying a bouquet of flowers addressed to her. She’s puzzled, and amused,,, but mostly puzzled,,,,, until Todoroki walks in that afternoon.

“Did you like my gift?” 

“Haha, I should have guessed it was from you. Sending flowers to a flower shop is a bit ironic, no?”

“Maybe.” 

“Are the choice of flowers suppose to mean something?” There’s a faint blush on her cheeks as she asks.

“You’re the florist, so you tell me.” He looks away for a moment, sheepish, ears pink.

“Hmm.... irises for ‘a message’... pink and yellow camillas for ‘longing’... red tulips for ‘a declaration of love’... as well as a blank card with nothing but friday’s date written on it... Todoroki Shouto, is this your way of asking me out?”

“Only if you’re free this friday.”

“.. Well then. I suppose I should show you what I prepared earlier.”

She pulls out a small bouquet consisting of white carnations and a single red rose from under the counter.

“... a single red rose... and solid carnations.. which you said was ‘yes’, right?”

She smiles and nods, standing up on her tippy toes to peck him on the cheek.

“I’ll see you friday.”

> hcs masterpost

#todomomo #todomomo week #todoroki shouto #momo yaoyorozu #boku no hero academia #my hero academia #headcanons #ugh #i dont like how i wrote this #im sorry this is so choppy #i mixed some japanese and western meanings #for the flowers #idek man just take it

[kittenwannaplay]

heellow darling! 💖 day 3 of ur secret santa! feels like the time is going so fast!

pls I don't mind at all! I love then too! it make me feel more close to the person? 🤭💕 and plss that make me so happy to hear! thaank u🥺💖 and plss u have the most happy vibe too! it make me so happy everytime I read ur answers! and omggie u write so fluently for me that I really thought English was ur first language 😳

im so sorry to hear that :( here's going to be another wave of covid too so things are looking a little complicated but I hope with all the measure things go a little better? 🥺

ohhhh I just finish watching hellbound! and it was soooo goood! I can't wait to watch the next season bc the ending was 🤯 also i like anime >< so I just finish watching the new season of jojo heheh

and okie in my own language that would be "es un gusto/placer conocerte" 🤭💖 and what about in ur own language? 😊

have u read some of the blff fics? if yes, which one are u favorites so far? <33

wishing u a lovely day again! 💖 see u tomorrow love! 💖

heyyy love! happy threeday anniversary hahaha >333

today im just lazing around in my dorm, but tomorrow me and my friends gonna order some takeouts and hang out together! am thinking about pizzas hehe. how do you spend ur days love? any fun events with friends lately?

hellbound! the korean series right? i searched and saw the poster, and, wow! is it scary? i ll definitely check it out tho!

about blff fics! oh i can go on for days skjhdhjandj. i loooovvvee Letters to June by @Larry_you_know, louis is so strong so beautiful in it. i love the way they talked to each other in this fic, it genuinely fit the way i think they would talk in real life. i laughed and cried while reading this one. so SO good! and i love Couldnt Be More In Love by @MuggleMirror too. the writing is poetic, and louis is so beautiful. there are so many good ones! this fandom is so talented. we are blessed! please, tell me about ur favorite ones so far.💖

es un placer conocerte! gracias por ser mi amigo invisible.

take care, stay safe, cant wait to see you tmr babe! 💖💖

ps. does the spanish translation app work out alright? hehe:))

pss. my own language is quite difficult to read, it looks so different from english. so i'll leave that out haha!

#my secret santa #03 dec

[choisgirls]

rfa+ Saeran going to pride for the first time with with MC?

A/N: HAPPY PRIDE MONTH MY GUYS! THOUGH IT’S ALMOST OVER? (For where Ilive anyway, pride month is June! I heard some places celebrate in May??) I STILL WANTED TO TRY AND GET THIS OUTBEFORE THE END OF THE MONTH AAA ~Admin 404

*YOOSUNG: Male!MC

               -You didn’t even tell him whatthis parade was for

               -All you said was “Do youwant to go to a parade with me”

               -And he was THERE

               -Parade? FUCK YEAH! Loves himsome parades

               -Fried food, bright colours, funbooths, cute floats? Yes yes yes!

               -You decided to just wait untilyou brought him to tell him what the parade was actually for

               -Though when the two of you gotthere, and he noticed literally everything was rainbow, he kind of pieced twoand two together…

               -HE WAS BLUSHING LIKE CRAZY!

               -Was actually really honouredthat you wanted to go to something like this with him?? Like you’re loud andproud about your relationship and that makes him giggle

               -Seeing all of the insaneoutfits was definitely fun for him!

               -HE SAW SO MANY NAKED (OR ATLEAST ALMOST NAKED) PEOPLE AND HE FELT SO AWKWARD

               -“MC… we… we don’t haveto be naked or anything for this.. right?” No baby it’s okay

               -AS RED AS COULD FUCKING BE WHENPEOPLE HANDED HIM CONDOMS

               -I know I said as red as couldbe, but that’s because you didn’t think he could get any redder. But oh, wereyou mistaken

               -He turned almost glowing redwhen he watched you just shoving the condoms in your pockets

               -“I’m not gonna just wastethese, Yoosung, that’s rude” OH MYGOD MC DON’T TALK LIKE THAT OUT LOUD

               -Was disappointed that he didn’tget to dress up or anything like that so you found a group of nice people withsome body paint and asked if they could do something for him!

               -Cutie walked around with acompletely rainbow painted face (yours matching) and could not stop takingpictures

               -10/10 sent any and all photosto the group chat, always talking about how much he loved you and this parade!

*ZEN: Male!MC

               -“MC! It’s the prideparade!”

               -Oh no

               -You’d love to go with him, ofcourse!

               -Your relationship is…. wellit’s absolutely perfect to the two of you but there are still those whoquestion it

               -His fans are practically splitin half between completely idolizing your relationship, and the other half justwanted Zen for themselves

               -So you were pretty afraid toattend pride like that, so out in the open, so…exposed

               -But he was a-okay with it

               -He didn’t care what others haveto say about the two of you???

               -Once the two of you actuallygot there though, it was a m a z i n g

               -People would recognize Zen leftand right and they would be so excitedthat he even showed up!

               -But when they saw the two ofyou holding hands, they practically exploded (in a good way)

               -THEY WERE SO ECSTATIC!

               -Their favourite actor is partof the LBGT+ community and they are HYPED

               -People are coming up frequentlyto congratulate the two of you on your beautiful relationship

               -He even sang a few love songsup on a few stages, loving as the crowds went wild!

               -The one thing he couldn’t standthough, was all the hateful protesting

               -He tried to ignore it at firstbut as the day went on he couldn’t stop himself from walking over and yell backat them

               -To prove a point, he pulled youinto a deep kiss- eliciting hundreds if not thousands of whistles and cheersfrom the crowd at the parade

               -You had to physically hold himback from fighting one protester though

*JAEHEE: Female!MC

               -“Jaehee! The prideparade’s coming up! We should go!”

               -P A N I C

               -She loves you and mostdefinitely isn’t afraid to tell you that, but…

               -She is afraid of others hatingher for it? She really dislikes confrontation

               -But you assure her that it’s acompletely safe space! It’s full of allies and others celebrating same sexlove!

               -Agrees to go along, and evendresses up to match you

               -The two of you have adorableshirts with unicorns on it that says “Squad goals”!

               -Embarrassed because she doesn’tuse slang like that but the two of you just looked so cute!

               -And honestly? Seeing all of thehappy couples expressing their love, the loud and proud people just enjoyingtheir time, thousands of colours and confetti everywhere; she’s in love

               -Like?? It’s a place?? Inpublic??? Where she can kiss you all she wants??

               -She does every now and then butshe’s still embarrassed the poor bby

               -L o v e s the booths!

               -Thinks it’s important tosupport those in the LGBT+ community who create works of art!

               -Honestly bought like 20 poundsin books solely because they look amazing and are by up and coming LBGT+writers (not to mention they all promised part of the proceeds go tocharities!)

               -She’s part of the RFA she feelsit’s like an unspoken duty of hers to do anything related to charities

               -SHE LOVES THIS PLACE SO MUCH

               -Lowkey wants to set up a boothnext year for your coffee shop

               -“It’s a good businessinvestment, MC” “You just want to come to pride again next year, youdon’t have to lie” “A GOOD! BUSINESS! INVESTMENT!”

*JUMIN: Male!MC

               - ah yes

               - jumin han does gay

               - im soRRY I COULDNT RESIST

               -He was kind of against going tothis parade

               -Not because it was for pride oranything but because he was just iffy about all the people

               -Does he really want to go andbe surrounded by thousands of people, all of them bumping against him??

               -Well one look into your puppydog eyes and the answer was yes, yes he did

               -You had to convince him toleave (most) of the body guards at home

               -There were a few that followeda moderate amount of distance behind but you caught them lowkey fawning overthe two of you when he would give you a quick kiss on the nose or squeeze yourhand

               -Honestly a few other coupleswould stop the two of you and tell you how cute the two of you were??

               -It would get Jumin so flusteredand you were SO THANKFUL because wow look at my cutie he’s adorable

               -If any protesters even thoughtabout something rude to you the bodyguards were there in an instant

               -You dragged Jumin along withyou as you looked at each and every booth, placing the beaded necklaces theygave out around his neck

               -The funny part is, he just letyou?? Like okay MC

               -At one point the necklacesstacked so high that you couldn’t see anything lower than his eyes

               -He didn’t want to disappointyou by taking them off so he left them until you noticed and laughed your assoff

               -Definitely took pictures beforeyou distributed most of the necklaces among the two of you and the body guards

               -“MC, do you thinkElizabeth would enjoy this rainbow collar?” “Juju that’s not forcats” “….Would you enjoy this collar?” JUMIN NOT IN PUBLIC

               -He saw some… interestingoutfits, to say the least

               -“Commoners are very…odd, aren’t they?” that’s rude

               -Saw someone walking theirpartner on a leash

               -The moment you saw him side-eyeyou, you jabbed him in the ribs with your elbow, eliciting a slight grunt fromhim

               -“Don’t even think about itpretty boy”

               -To get back at him for even thinking about walking you on a leash,you poured a ton of glitter over his head while he was looking at somemerchandise

               -Actually chased you through thelarge crowd, picking you up and spinning you before kissing you gently once hecaught you

               -People cheered because wow looky'all are so cute together

*SAEYOUNG:Female!MC/Pansexual!Saeyoung (LISTEN I CANT HELP BUT HC SAEYOUNG AS PANSEXUAL AAA)

               -You wanted to go in support ofyour friends!

               -But more than anything, youwanted to go and support your boyfriend!

               -He was pretty against going atfirst, because he was afraid of what people would think about him

               -It’s not like he advertisesthat he’s pansexual, so what would his friends think? Would they change theiropinions of him?

               -“Saeyoung, you just lovewhoever you love, it’s not as if gender truly matters, right? So why would ourfriends be against who you are as a person?”

               -That’s what got him thinking-you completely support him… so why wouldn’t his friends be supportive?

               -After all, they are supportiveof all his gender-swapped costumes….

               -You reminded him that he didn’thave to come out if he didn’t want to. A lot of people who are simply justAllies attend as well, no one would know how he fit into the community unlesshe told them

               -He had seen pictures of a fewparades before, and he noticed all the insane costumes people wear

               -So of course?? He had to go allout?? If he had to go, he might as well, right?

               -Completely decked out inrainbow body glitter, boxers with hearts all over them, and you even helped himput temporary hair dye to make it rainbow!

               -Honestly he was in love themoment the two of you showed up??

               -So many people dressed upinsanely without a care in the world, bright colours flying everywhere, peoplebeing loud and proud

               -His jaw honestly dropped at thesight of it all

               - Every time he saw a dogwearing a rainbow bandana he’s smacking your arm- you have bruises by the endof the day

               -He’s yelling, singing,laughing, and you haven’t seen him have this much fun in a while and you wereabsolutely loving watching him enjoy himself

               -“MC! Look! Look at howproud everyone is to just be themselves, isn’t it amazing?” he held yourhands and looked down at them, “I wish I had the confidence to be likethem. I don’t even know where to start!”

               -“Just do whatever makesyou comfortable and go at your own pace! Hey, you’re in a parade full ofstrangers you probably won’t see again, why don’t you come out to someone? Noone here is going to judge you!’

               -So he did! Actually, he didquite a few times! And he felt a m a z i n g

               -So good in fact, that he toldyou he was ready to tell his friends!

               -He spent the rest of his day atpride asking people how about their experiences with coming out, getting tipsabout the best way to do it, and getting nonstop support from tons of people!He felt so at home, the next week or so he was clinging to you, never knowinghow to fully thank you

*V: Female!MC

               -THIS BOY LOVES LOVE

               -Any and all love is beautifulfor him

               -So he’s super duper excitedwhen you suggest going to pride!

               -SUPER ALLIES, MC AND JIHYUN!

               -Honestly, all of the happypeople, bright colours, glitter, and especially all of the couples obviously inlove make him S O E C S T A T I C

               -He brings a backpack full ofbrand new SD cards for his camera, and he 10/10 believes he’s gonna fill themall

               -He asks people in the mostoutgoing outfits if he can take their photo, and he giggles at all of the posesthey do

               -Up close and personal to all ofthe floats to get pictures of every single detail

               -When he sees couples gettingcozy, he asks to take photos to celebrate their love!

               - v that can get a lil creepy

               -Always offers to take a photoon their phone for them as well so he seems less crazy

               -He’s pretty sassy when he wantsto be, if you didn’t already know

               -So when he sees protesters withsuch hatefulsigns, he takes it upon himself to fight back

               -He finds someone with extrasigns and holds them up proudly!

               -When people shout out hatefulthings, he gently asks them why they think that

               -Always talking to them soft andgentle, which confuses the hell out of all of them because?? They’re trying tobe hateful?? But this soft giant is talking to them so nicely???

               -Which THROWS THEM OFF SO MUCHMORE WHEN HE GETS SASSY WITH HIS COMEBACKS

               -It’s such a large difference indemeanor and even you’re thrown off guard

*SAERAN: Female!MC

               -He’s actually the one who askedyou to go to pride with him??

               -In private, he told you that hemight… have wanted to attend… to show support for his brother?

               -He’s really bad at showing hecares but he’s trying to do it bits at a time

               -But when Saeyoung brings it uphe acts like he’s against it

               -"Why the fuck would I wantto go to that, there’s going to be so many people there, I don’t wantthat”

               - but goes anyway

               -He didn’t want to really wantto dress up, but you convinced him to at least let you paint a small rainbowflag on his cheek (though it did take several days to do the convincing)

               -He was really grumpy at first,being dragged to and fro either by you or his brother

               -Having to squeeze through halfnaked, loud, or already morning-drunk people

               -Started to really regretattending until he saw how much fun his brother was having?

               -He had never seen Saeyoung thisrelaxed in his life and he silently decided he could put up with all of it forhim, just this once

               -The two of you enjoyed visitingall of the booths though

               -At every booth, you get a  couple of bead necklaces

               -Saeran put them all on. All ofthem. All of his, all of yours, all of Saeyoungs.

               -Completely covered in beadnecklaces, and he l o v e s i t

               -If you ask for some to wear youjust get this look from him- not a glare, but a kind of look that screams“don’t even think about it”

               -He also demanded ice cream asmuch as possible

               -You tried so hard to cut himoff but he just didn’t. stop.

               -Saeran pls there are 47 icecream wrappers in my pocket p l e a s e

Masterlist

#heya heya! #just a reminder that i love you all #no matter your sexuality #kisses to all of you #admin 404 #request #mystic messenger #mysme #mm #mysmes #pride #mystic messenger headcanons #mysme headcanons #mystic messenger hcs #mysme hcs #mystic messenger reactions #mysme reactions #mystic messenger scenarios #mysme scenarios #mystic messenger imagines #mysme imagines #mystic messenger v #mysme v #v #mystic messenger jihyun #mysme jihyun #jihyun #mystic messenger jihyun kim #mysme jihyun kim #jihyun kim

[that-buckley-gal]

Powerless - Chapter Six

June 22, 1943

When I woke up in the morning, sunlight was poking through the otherwise thin curtains. I was grateful that I wasn’t fully exposed to the sun this time. I yawn and stretch and kick my blankets to the floor, instantly regretting it as the cool apartment air gave me a sudden chill. Moaning softly as I shivered, I curled up into a ball and rolled over to my side. My eyes focus on the clock staring back at me, showing that the time was 8:04 AM.

“It’s not like me to sleep in,” I told the clock, my voice thick with sleep. “But I did have a rough night, right? Oh what do you know? You’re just a clock.” I doze off again only to wake up six minutes later, this time more alert. I need to get up. Steve’s coming home and the place is a mess. Add to the fact that I haven’t worked in nearly a week, I felt like a wreck. Cleaning made it easier. I dipped into the bathroom for a moment to make myself look decent; house chore clothes and hair pinned back. I wandered back to the kitchen and began tossing out random items that looked like garbage.

 Time obviously flew by as the apartment got tidier and started to smell fresher. Before I knew it, it was already nearing four in the afternoon when I decided I’d take a break. All I had to do was the bedrooms, and Steve’s would just need to be aired out after being left alone for almost a week. I think I should’ve cleaned his sheets or something. Then I decide I should wash them. I get up and enter the room, heading straight for the window for two reasons. The first was to open the one, large window that was in there. The second was to see if old, grouchy Mrs. Craw was putting her stuff on the line in the back; she was. Cursing silently to myself, I move and grab Steve’s blankets and raise them up and shake them a few times and repeating the action with his pillow. I then remake the bed as neatly as I could before moving back out to grab the broom and start sweeping up any and all dust that has collected over the week, not that there was a whole lot to start with. As the dust was collected and promptly thrown into the over-filled garbage can, I set to work scrubbing the place. I supposed that if I was in this position around this time last year and Steve and Bucky walked in, they’d correctly assume that I was ridding myself of the dark place. It wasn’t something I was even remotely fond of, as I knew that the darkness looming over me made me an emotional time bomb. One moment I’d feel perfectly fine alone then I’d feel lonely. If Bucky or Steve showed up, I would become immediately irate with them and they would leave, making me feel lonely once more. As if that wasn’t bad enough, I’d be either really glum about everything, or I’d be really excited for everything: there was no in between. When I was really off, I’d get really hot and bothered just at the thought of Bucky, but I never acted on those impulse instincts, instead berating him for being too handsome and would lock myself away until I was either glum or excited again, pushing away the thoughts of my unwanted thoughts. Cleaning usually helped to ward off the darkness, but not always. It’s still here now, I can feel the moodiness creeping up on me, but I continue to do my work in silence, myself being the only companion at the moment. If Steve wasn’t coming home today, then I knew I’d be calling on my girls to be with me, even if just for an hour. My boys were at war, this they knew, and I was alone. I just plopped back down onto the couch when the apartment door creaked open. I turn to the sound, painfully aware that I am weaponless and exposed. My relief is instant when I catch sight of Steve…or who I believed Steve to be. “Steve?” I ask in disbelief. “Hey, Mads,” he said. His voice was the same. Eyes, facial structure, basically everything was the same. The only painfully obvious differences were in height and build. He was huge! It worked I thought idly as my eyes took in the new appearance as I slowly approached him. He didn’t move as I approached and I briefly wondered why before I realized he might’ve realized I was cleaning. But that shouldn’t automatically cause him to think that I was in the dark – even though I was – for all he knew I could’ve been cleaning as a way of saying “yes I can live alone if I really needed to” and in this case I did. I kept the place from burning down. The same couldn’t be said for Bucky’s apartment. I should probably go check on that later. “I met Peggy,” I announce as I back away. Hugs were going to be reserved for another time when I was sure he wouldn’t crush me. I could see Steve’s brows furrow as he thinks back as to when, why, and how Peggy came to see me. Questions he’d have to find the answers for out on his own later. “And I really like her. She’s pretty, tough…English. I think you two would be really good together.” I take a breath and smirk at my brother. “Not as good as Buck and I, obviously, but a close second for sure.” Steve laughed that deep, genuine laugh of his, and I knew that he was my brother still on the inside. It was exactly like Dr. Erskine said: his good qualities were now great. And his new physique would allow him to go overseas and fight for good like he always wanted to and I was happy for him.

 Steve and I spent the night talking about his changes, and I let him know that Peggy spilled the beans about Project Rebirth, which worried and relieved Steve. He also let slip the fact that Dr. Erskine was killed yesterday by a man who Steve gave chase to. “His last words were ‘Hail Hydra’,” Steve explained. “Hydra?” I asked. “Well, that’s original.” “You think so?” Steve asked. “I think that’s dangerous.” He didn’t speak as he finished off the last of his food. I’d finished my own plate a while ago. “You should ask about getting paid for being a test subject,” I said. “Especially now that you’ve torn through everything that was in the fridge.” Steve gave me an impish look before his face fell. “Have you checked out Bucky’s place at all?” “It’s too painful,” I said in a dejected voice. I snuck a glance at Steve to see he looked at the table, lips pursed in thought. “I miss him.” “I know. I do, too.”

 We fell into a brief silence before Steve perked up.

 “Did you ever get your present from my closet?”

 “Um,” I honestly forgot about his note. “No? I’m sorry, this past week has been insane.”

 “Understandable,” Steve smiled. “Wait here.” He took off towards his room and I sighed. He returned as quickly as he went, holding a box wrapped in navy wrapping paper with a opal white bow. “Here ye be, happy belated birthday.”

 “Thank you,” I said accepting the gift. I practically tore the paper to shreds, revealing the cardboard box underneath. I opened it to find a letter with my name on it, a slightly larger envelope beside it, a small box, and an even smaller velvet box inside. I opted for the velvet box first and opened it to reveal a silver heart-shaped locket.

 “Oh, this is beautiful, Steve,” I said and opened it. I could feel my eyes get misty when I saw a picture of my mom holding me when I was a baby on one side, and a picture of her, Steve and myself on the other. “Wow.” I closed it and inspected the locket closer to see there was some kind of symbol engraved on the back of it. “What does this mean?”

 “I don’t know; mom wanted to give you the necklace and the letter on your twentieth birthday.”

 “Then why…” I didn’t need to finish. Steve didn’t think he was going to come back. “Well thank you, I guess.” I took the letter from mom and went to open it, but stopped. “I’m going to wait to open this.”

 “Are you sure?” Steve asked. I could tell he wanted to know what it said as well and I nodded.

 I took the other small box out next and opened it to find a grey and red scarf with matching beanie and gloves in it. “Wow, Steve. Thank you!” I laughed and put the gloves on right away to see they fit perfectly. I also draped the scarf around me. “This is great; exactly what I need for the winter.”

 Steve smiled. “Well I know you weren’t too happy when you found out me and Buck lost your other set on that snowman. I figured it’s better late than never to replace that.”

 “You are simplifying it, brother. But thank you.”

 I opened the card next to find a handmade card from Steve, with $25 inside. I tried to give it back to Steve, insisting he earned it but he said it was for me and that he wouldn’t take it back, so I begrudgingly put it in my purse. I thanked my brother with a final hug before retreating to my room for the night, with the letter from my mother weighing me down.

#powerless #bucky barnes #steve rogers #captain america #the first avenger

[titleofaking]

June 10th, 2017

Today i get to go have breakfast with Lucus and Julie. I tried to wake Liz up, but she didn’t feel well. i took a shower and was out the door a little later than i should have been. While driving there, i realized i’d forgotten how to get to Luke’s actual house, not O’Reileys. I ended up driving past there 7 minutes after i was supposed to be there, and took a left at the Capitol Bank. Driving this road in the morning, everything looks different. The grass is wet and the light is a different angle. Everything is fresh, i forget what this feels like. I get there a few minutes late, but Luke is still groggy and Julie is getting up now. I heard Marissa waking up and i took a great picture of Luke crawling back into bed with her and laying down. He has an adoring look on his face, i understand what people mean when they say someone’s face lights up. I was in the way with them making muffins. Luke uses the microwave the same way Sarah does, as storage space. He made bacon and Julie made muffins, they’re a team. I got to tell them a little about going to Arizona, and Julie scared me with facts about her body. I hope we’re not the same like that. Marissa was up by this time, so Julie gave her a bottle. I dont think little kids are ever fully clean. I woke up Taylor on accident by being too loud, sorry.  When the food was done, we sat and watched Futurama until Luke’s other sister and father came in. There’s three generations in this house and they all get along. i get to see what family is like, and it’s wonderful. They’re giving each other shit over funny things, and no one’s fighting. Julie asked Luke’s Dad if she could get a dog. She fits in too. His Dad adores Marissa. It really is 3 generations. I left after 2ish hours of hanging out with the Newmans, and it was great. I’m glad i asked if he wanted to hang out. Trying to talk about car stuff is hard, he doesn’t answer and i dont know if he didnt hear me or if he’s avoiding the question. **************************************************************************************************** Emily is doing the crawfish boil today. They picked us up at our house to go to Target. Emily and Galaxy saw a tank top that looked like something Emily would wear, so grabbed it and another one and tried them on. They fit, and im getting them. We walked around Target and they looked for a blue skirt for a casual Lapis cosplay, as well as stuff for when they move out. I feel like i tagged along to something more personal. I saw Robert working, and i said hi then left swiftly after talking about DnD. Emily left their phone at my house, and we had to drive back twice. Galaxy drove back once, which reminds me of when i was learning. I am much improved.  We watched tv until Sam showed up, then we sat in the back yard and shelled crawfish. I think Sam and i are friends. Liz went to work shelling them, and gave me pieces of tail. We talked and it turned into a semi adult conversation, not about taxes. We went inside and had the DnD cake Sharon made, she did a good job. It had a little red dragon on it, i hope Emily takes it with them on the next DnD game. We watched Good Burger and i felt sick. I had to sit on the floor, and then on the chair.  I couldnt move my head and had to look straight to the side. I’ve been pukey today. Time to go home. I was sitting in Emilys car with Sam and Galaxy, and i didnt know where i was. I was screaming without noise until i got into the driveway and remembered. I fell into bed with my shoes on. Emily walked me into it, thank you. Room is spinning and i had to get up and puke. I waited until i was decent to call Daniel. It led to a better night, like when we were first talking. I had to get up again to puke, it just came up. I fell asleep on camera, thank you Liz.

[beautifulcatastrophe3]

4 days discharged from Reasons

Update:

So, on my blogs im going to be %100 truthful and brutally honest and not lie to myself and think that everything is okay and lie to myself when things really aren’t. They second i got home i weighed myself and i did not like number that i saw on the scale and i was completely disgusted. i wasnt at all shocked though because i felt it in my clothes, i felt it in my skin, and my mind was telling me that i had gained and unacceptable and disappointing amount of weight and i never doubt it for a second. Although, as i tried to adhere to my eating schedule the Reasons Residential has set; it was quickly shot done by the new rules that i had to abide and that totally cancelled out my HS snack because i was not allowed to eat after to 6pm the kitchen was closed at that times and i had to start cooking my dinner at 1600hr (4pm) and be eating it at 1700hrs. It was ridiculous my lunch hour was pretty much the only thing that stayed the same and my breakfast was the same. I was given no time to transition and i even asked for the time as i was woken up at 0600 to dragged on an exercise expedition that i didnt even ask to go on or had no prior commitment to going or knowing about but they said the it was in their routine and all of a sudden i had to fall in to their “ routine” and i didnt even get to create my own or even get time to transition and even unpack. So, making me do 3 miles, not to mention then also making comments that is i continue to do walks like this that i can tone up and wont have to feel as bad about myself. Of course, as soon as i got home they commented on my body weight and how they like my weight better this way and how me being that skinny was gross and i looked to sickly. I immediately told her that i hated my body and that i missed that body weight and i wanted to lose 20lbs and i couldnt even fit any of my clothes now and i look horrible in anything that i wear now. She replied with the response i expected and assumed she would say, which was; oh, you like fine and you dont need to lose any weight just tone up with some weights and im down to lose 10lbs with you;”

That was because i told her i wanted to lose 10lbs so she said okay… uhm, like i just haven’t got out an eating disorder residential and inpatient facility for 6months with beginners kidney damage.. its just like she doesnt get it or comprehend the fact of my eating disorder and its complication and severeness. My Anorexia will take any loop hole it can take to try to get away with things especially with trying to not eat and and to lose weight.

So, here’s where the confessions come in at. The first day i purged. i was late for lunch because i was i still driving up home.

Confession 2 i started diet pills and laxatives again i found my stash again. Im just so desperate to lose weight and get back to a weight thats acceptable and that wont trigger me every fucking time i take a shower, get dress, look in a damn mirror, or see myself in a damn picture.

Confession 3: i returned back into my over-exercising phase again. I glad woke up with my parents in the morning at 0600hrs to actually do the 3miles hell, why not. Then after i did a 30min session of yoga a 10 session of stretching for a cool down. Today June 9, 2017 i did 11miles. Yeah i walked to my friends house instead of taking the bus just for the exercise it took about 3hrs to get there in about 83 to 85 degree weather and i got my runners and high. i honestly loved it while i kept disassociating in out almost the whole time; imagine different fucking scenarios in my head, fucking flashbacks, shitty stuff, wishing i would of stay at Reasons and about how fucked up my life is about to become going this another relapse.. Fuck and i dont even have a therapist yet and my psychiatrist is in the process; orientation is next friday June 16th and 1400hrs. S so hopefully can switch my psychiatrist to someone else other than doctor Chahal.

Confession 4: I only bought diet food and now dinners foods on purpose because i was planning on not eating dinner. I tried and did avoid eating with them so i can say that i ate when i really didnt or just restrict a little. So, i ended i stopped eating and i dont even the protein bars that i even bought but i will be utilizing them later.

Confession 5 i have lost 10 lbs already relapsing and doing my unhealthy behaviors. Apart of me wants to feel guilty but the ED part of me is so proud and just so addicted to the losing a weight and just encouraging me to stay on track and keep going. Im just ambivalent and just once again stuck at a crossroad that i thought that i had made a decision and chosen a direction already. Truth is, i dont know what i want and i pretend that i do, i pretend that in all put together, i know what i want, and i got my goals and dreams in mind to achieve; but holy fuck i am a wreck and i just want to break down!!!! im tired of being the strong one around here taking care of everyone else which dont take it the wrong one i care for everyone and i dont mind giving advice and being there for them. It just that i feel like i have no support so i turn to my eating disorder which i personified as a female named; Promise. Promise is the one i always turn to for support and thats acting in all the negating behaviors leading to, well you know what…

Confession 6 This is the most challenging, heart breaking, and disappointing things to confess and admit. I really dont want to type this right now. Please, just DM message me because theirs is alot of people who still dont know about this.

Okay, that is all for now ill try to keep updating daily. Sorry i didnt update for the few day i was getting settled in. Pray for me, as i am currently relapsed and fighting for recovery..

EscapingTheCage (Essence)

#eating disorders #anorexia #residential treatment