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crown-anon · 3 years

Text

@hearts1ck my beloved

November 1st

CW: explicit; more CWs under the cut

format: one-shot

people: GeorgeNotFound

pronouns: he/him; reader has male anatomy; more specifics under the cut

edited 14 March 2021

anonymous asked

consider. okay. CONSIDER. consider masochist george. okay?? okay. okay LISTEN.

I think I have a problem with gimmicks also. because. because. ever since strawberry milk george, I. I have not stopped thinking about strawberry flavored lube. because! listen okay hear me out.

(this is absolutely 110% a response to discovering that you share a birthday with him. what of it?)

I know everyone likes pillow princess george and. that's okay. that's FINE. these are not mutually exclusive.

george looking up at you with The LookTM wearing some pink strawberry milk lingerie. not even lingerie really! just something cute like that

& him being like. "I know you love me 👉👈 but I need you to fuck me like you don't"

so I was. thinking. that brat george is the exact kind of person to say (playfully & consensually) "but I don't wanna give you head, I just wanna fuck >:(" after you've got him worked up, maybe from teasing him throughout the day, or edging him a little. but you still need some type of lube. so you go to apply the first bottle you see and he's pink when he asks you "😳 is that ... strawberry ... ?" and you're confused like ??? bro you just asked me to fuck you into next week why're you interested in the flavored lube

but. but listen. he would get so enthusiastic about it. at first it's just "maybe I can stand to eat them out just a little bit before ..." and then after you come the first time it devolves really, really quickly into the need to just. take care of you. and it stretches on until you've come three or four times, and you're still shaking, and he's just. completely gone in subspace

hmm ... george climbing up onto your lap when he's done with you, going in to give you a kiss, and he tastes like strawberry. and he ends up moaning right into your mouth because he's been so horny but so? understimulated?? that he outright jumps as soon as his dick grazes your thigh. it would only take a couple stuttery grinds before he's finishing on both of your stomachs

and he's just so cute when comes, or when he bites down on your shoulder to keep himself quiet. and it's your birthdays. so, you decide you'll give him a reason to cry. and he'll finally get put in his place! it's a win-win for both of you!!

istg every time I send you an ask I discover something new about myself. you. you have made a dreamteam simp out of me. I am but a shell of the man I once was. I think I should thank you? [👑]

hearts1ck

i say this nearly every time you send stuff in but...... by god you own my soul. all of it. this – i – first of all, the implications of masochist george losing his fucking mind when you’re rough with him? guhhhfjklgjgf. and ,..d,,f,,, ,, ,, george in pink lingerie. i. i . a... pink satin slip maybe or .... ohghfd; oh my god those. that cat panty/bra set. im ascending im losing my brain as i type this i cannot –

okay im back on earth. he’d get into that rhythm and settle like liquid while he gets to work on you, and his subspace face is so self-satisfied and nearly smug so he’s just having the time of his life,,, and he makes such a loud noise when his dick twitches against your thigh and maybe... JUST MAYBE he whimpers extra watery when you drag his hips to grind against where you’re wet and dripping/your spent cock as if he’s the one who’d get overstimulated by it. when he finally leans away, eyelids heavy, you gently fit your hand over his jaw and ask, “did you even ask? it’s one thing to come without permission, but not even caring to ask? georgie, i might just be offended,” and he whines “green”s against your neck before you even check-in

and because u made it abt both of our birthdays ,,,, spanks for each year we’ve been alive methinks ??? and then the scratch down his ass gets him hard again and he’s so embarrassed by it, ,,, , ,, ,, ,, ,, ,

also thank god you’ve joined the george boat. i’m so proud of myself for hopefully being part of the reason you got dragged over here HJFKDHSKD

#👑 anon #(my beloved) #keep #anon thoughts: george #redsick #SHAWTY WANT THE WHOLE CREW SHAWTY BAD

as soon as you said birthday spanks I decided I had to write more about this. and I was going to leave more snippets in your askbox like the fucking gremlin creature I am, but then my thoughts started. actually having structure? and then I started writing it. and I tried to do homework and write on study breaks only but. I just kept coming back to this. this is the polar opposite of writer's block. I think I'm cursed or something. so here I am rushing to finish this so that I may rest in peace!!

yes I've been writing nonstop since I sent you that ask. what of it. what the fuck of it.

when I said I discover something new about myself every time we interact, I. I'm serious. I think I might be insane or something. I'm way too sadistic. you'll see. what the fuck is this? what the fuck did I just write??

this would have done so much critical psychic damage if I had posted it on November 1st in real life, but mental illness says I can't let my horny thoughts rattle around in my brain for that long. so!! it's you guys's problem now xoxoxo

I'm not fucking proofreading this. love you though 💗

I did end up proofreading actually. oops! looks like posting at 23:00 isn't always a good idea.

November 1st

CW: explicit, anal (kind of vague), bondage (collar + leash), corruption, domspace (I think??), edging, handjob, humiliation, masochism, oral, praise, sadism, spanking, subspace, swearing. I call George a whore and a slut at least once. and also, George calls yellow at one point. this one kind of surprised me so just. Be Careful. I cannot believe I wrote this. I don't know where this came from.

format: one-shot

people: GeorgeNotFound

pronouns: he/him; I use the word "sir;" reader has male anatomy; I use the words "cock," "dick," and "head;" reader can ejaculate

—

dawn shines through drawn curtains, illuminating the tile floor and your robed figure reflecting off it. batter sizzles in the skillet as you flip the last pancake over. this side looks golden brown, like honeycomb or caramelized sugar. that delicious, freshly-baked fragrance mingles with scented candles. it's perfect, you smile. he's going to love it.

you lift the pancake with a spatula, stacking it on top of the others on his plate. you bring it to his seat at the table, along with the butter, the syrup, the honey, the jam…and you go to pour him a drink.

"hey baby," you greet warmly to the sleepyhead rubbing his eyes in the entryway, still clinging to a pillow. his hair's a mess, only wearing socks and a sweatshirt that reaches down past his thighs. you reckon he'd only just crawled out of bed.

"morning…" he yawns, stumbling past you to take his seat.

"milk?" you ask, he only nods. "did you sleep okay?"

he hums affirmatively. "I…can we…"

one track mind, you joke inwardly. but you don't blame him. "of course," you open the fridge.

you hear him pause. "…is it too early for that?"

"no, no!" you give him a lighthearted laugh. "I kind of expected it, to be honest…I want it, too."

he's silent under the noise of you rummaging through the fridge. "I—"

"sorry—it looks like all we have is strawberry milk. is that alright?"

"yeah…yeah, that's alright. I…actually…wanted to try something new." you shut the fridge, he's fidgeting in his seat.

"hit me with it," your expression is gentle. you pass his cup off to him, but he holds his hand over yours a little too long, looking up at you.

"fuck me like you hate me."

you don't know if it's hearing him swear, or the way he said it so calmly, or how he closed his eyes and swallowed hard before his tone could dip down into something lower. but like a match in an torrent of gasoline, suddenly you're burning up.

you only realize you're staring when he bites his lip and looks down. you start to say something, but the words don't form.

he laughs nonthreateningly, covering his mouth with the back of his hand. "is that a yes?"

you laugh with him. "I…yes, absolutely yes." you turn back around to make your own stack of pancakes. "you should eat first, though."

"what?" he teases. "will I need the energy?"

you smile. "yeah. I think you will." you can practically feel him open his mouth in protest, but he stays silent after that.

and it stays mostly silent while you cook your pancakes. you hear the clinking of his fork on his plate, but it isn't very disruptive. it sounds like he's hurrying to finish his food.

when you go back to the table with your own platter, he's already done eating. he's red down to his neck, fidgeting with the hem of his sweatshirt, looking at you expectantly. you spot a pair of tassels peeking out from under it, just below his hip bones. is that…

he pulls the hem up just a bit, holding your gaze. he smiles, apparently satisfied watching your face heat up.

"I—you should go…go get ready," you manage. he gets up before you even finish your sentence, only stopping to give you a quick kiss on the cheek.

except it isn't quick, when he slides his hand down to rest firmly on your collar, and leans in to trail kisses down your neck. "a-and leave that on," you stutter.

he pauses, just under your jaw. "leave what on?" he murmurs.

your breath catches, you shut your eyes. "whatever the fuck it is you're wearing under there."

he's hardly grazing your skin, but you can feel how hot he is next to you. it takes all of your willpower not to shiver.

he pulls back quickly, only his hand lingering. "I don't know what you're talking about." and just like that, he disappears into your bedroom.

you reach up a hand tentatively to your collar, hot to the touch. I'm in way too deep, you decide, and force yourself to take a bite of your food despite your nerves.

—

"that," you hiss. "that fucking outfit. that."

"oh, this?" he bites his lip, hooking his thumb in the keyhole. "this's just what I went to bed in last night."

"fuck you. we both know that isn't true."

he tugs gently on his top, pulling it a little to the side. "what's the big deal? can't I wear something special for my birthday?"

"it's special, all right," and you leave it at that, opting instead to slot between his legs where he sits waiting on the edge of the bed. you bring up a hand to cup his jaw, brushing your thumb across his cheek. you'll never get enough of the way he looks at you, like you're intoxicating.

…? you frown.

"is something…missing?" he perks up instantly at "missing."

"what…?" he chooses his words carefully.

"the collar—your collar. where is it?" you turn away to start going through your bedside table, but the way his lips quirk up into a sly smile isn't lost on you.

that's lube…that's a vibrator…where the fuck is it…? "w-what collar?" he stumbles over his words.

your mind jumps to say, the collar that came with that outfit, or I know you know what I'm talking about, but you won't give him the satisfaction. you decide to speak a little darker, only a firm "George." you hear him swallow.

"w-well," his voice is shaky, "you only told me to leave on whatever I was wearing under my shirt. and…I wasn't wearing that collar at breakfast…s-so technically…"

you stop looking immediately. you turn to take him in, legs crossed, stance confident, but expression showing uncertainty. you can see the regret on his face. "get up." he takes a shallow breath. "get up."

"I'm—"

"don't I'm sorry me," you snap. "you look for your fucking collar on your own."

he slips off the bed, looking ashamed, but starts digging through the drawer all the same. "I really am sorry," he murmurs. you take his place sitting on the bed. he finds what he's looking for rather quickly: a simple white leather collar with a bell, and a leash. he hands them off to you shyly. "um, here…"

"good boy," you praise. "kneel."

he shuts his eyes and does as he's told. you can see the bliss wash over his face just at being ordered around. his lips part a little as he lets out a heavy breath. if only I knew what this would do to him, you muse, I'd have done this ages ago.

you fasten the collar, revelling in how he shivers at the gentle sensation of cold leather hanging around his neck. you leave it a little bit loose, but still comfortable, and hook the leash in its place. he sits obediently still on his knees, looking deep in thought.

"Oh, I know what I'm gonna do to you," you bait. "how old are you today?"

"mmm. twenty-five." he looks down.

you smile, holding tight onto the leash. "I'm gonna edge you. twenty-five times."

he flinches away immediately, yet hums in pleasant surprise when the leash snaps taught. the bell jingles stiffly. "no way. that's way too much."

"I think you should've thought about that before you wore that to breakfast," you decide, tugging a little. he's caught off-guard and stumbles forward, stopping himself by leaving a clumsy pair of kisses on the inside of your thigh. the metal and leather feel refreshingly cool against your feverish skin. "we've got all day, baby."

you expect to hear some kind of protest, you're crazy. or a playful taunt, I'm better off doing this by myself. but he knits his brows and openly moans at the thought. "all day…" he repeats.

he looks up at you, almost pleading, and you can hear the resignation in his voice when he whispers "alright."

"get up here," you command. "on top of me." as he climbs up into your lap, a little too eagerly, you add, "and take your dick out."

you shrug your robe off your shoulders while he's working on his panties, and without thinking, you ask, "color?"

he stops, leaving his head poking cutely over the waistband. he looks up at you again. "…what?"

"um…color," you explain. "like, how are you doing? is this okay? I don't actually want to hurt you. uhhh…green means good, yellow means slow down, and red means stop."

he stifles a laugh. "you're such a nerd. I'm okay."

"alright." you blush a little. "we can stop whenever you need to. this is for you…" you think of something horribly unsexy to say. "…birthday boy."

now he's really laughing, with his whole body. you think the way it makes his collar jingle is cute. "oh my god. shut up. just shut up," his expression turns serious, and he drops to a whisper, "and fuck me."

that got you hot again. you pull him by the leash into a kiss, you bite his lip, you eat him up. and you grab the both of you together with your other hand, you moan in tandem. you can feel how you took him by surprise in the way he twitches under your thumb, the way he leans into you with his whole body. you part from the kiss and he leans back on his heels, panting hard, holding on to your shoulders for support. you can feel him shaking a little.

when you move your hand all the way up the first time, you squeeze both of your heads gently, and he practically falls into you. muffled in the crook of your neck, he begs, "god, do that again."

so you do. again. and again. what was a string of stuttered breaths turns into a single broken moan as you jerk the both of you off. when you think you're getting close, you let go of yourself to focus all your attention on him.

"fuck, sir," he whines—hahaha, that sir made your cock leak a little. he shut his eyes tight. "I-I-I think—I think I'm—"

just like that, you stop, and he goes slack, practically laying on you. but he doesn't grind back, or even move to touch himself. that won't last very long.

you let him come back down, knowing edging takes a lot out of you; maybe even more so than actually coming does. slowly but surely, his breathing steadies. you rub between his shoulderblades affectionately, still trying to ground yourself, too.

once you've found your voice again, you question, "are you gonna count for me?"

he makes a sound against your skin, somewhere between excitement and fear. "…o-one." you revel in how fucked-out he sounds already.

"one what?" you prod.

he seems at a loss, like he's forgotten himself, what he said. after a minute or two of pondering, he catches on. "…sir."

it's your turn to moan. your dick jumps at the honorific, still mostly untouched against your stomach. "good boy." and you dive back in. twenty-four to go.

—

it's noon. you're working on nineteen. and your partner's getting much more…expressive. he's started biting his hand to keep himself quiet, but he's still…

"I-I—oh fuck, I'm—fuck, I-I'm—I'm—" he whimpers through his teeth. and he yelps, whole body shaking, bell jingling incessantly, when he comes all over your hand and stomach.

you take your hand off him immediately, and this time he does try to reach down, ride through it, but you grab both his wrists to stop him. he grinds down uselessly against your thigh and your dick. although you're still hard, and only a hairline trigger away from coming yourself, it doesn't stop you from keeping this brat in line. you only bite your lip and close your eyes.

he leans his forehead against yours, moving in to give you a kiss, but you push him away.

"did you never learn how to fucking count?" you growl.

he winces. "I-I-I-I'm…I'm sorry—"

you scowl at your hand, covered in come. "here, slut," you raise it up to his lips. "clean this off for me."

he tears up a little, but takes your fingers into his mouth all the same. pretty quickly, though, he spits them back out.

"it doesn't taste good…" he complains.

"oh? oh, it doesn't?" you mock. "but it felt good, when you came without my permission, like a cheap fucking whore."

a couple of tears spill over, roll down his cheeks, yet he says nothing, only moving back in to lap his come off your hand. you can see it in his expression that he's not very happy about it, but he doesn't protest further.

"is this good enough, sir?" he asks, when it seems that he's gotten it all. it looks clean enough, you agree. you grab him by the chin, hooking your thumb in his mouth. you don't even have to tell him to suck.

"you come without my approval again, and it's over. you can go back to playing minecraft—or what-the-fuck-ever—with your friends for your birthday. do you want to sleep on the couch, Georgie?"

if he wasn't crying before, he's definitely crying now. he doesn't shake his head, but he circles your fingertip with his tongue enthusiastically, as if to say, I'll be good, I'll be good this time, looking up at you doe-eyed.

"bend over for me," you demand. "across my lap."

he does so immediately. he slips a little bit while he's changing positions, you hear the bell ring, and he scrambles to correct himself. he settles with his ankles crossed and his head in his hands, propping himself up on his elbows. you feel a little bad, you admit, but you won't budge; he has a safeword, you trust that he'll use it.

"let's try that again," your tone softens. "I want you to count for me, okay?"

he nods.

you pull his panties to the side, pause briefly, and bring down your hand with a satisfying smack.

"ohhhhhh—" he moans, jolting a little. "—holy shit, did you just spank me?"

your stomach drops, you go to rub him gently where you just hit him. "is that okay—?"

"it's hot, it's so hot, fuck," he shifts in your lap. "um, sorry…one."

seriously, something about hearing him swear awakens something in you, every time. you're fired up. you spank him again.

"mmm—two…" is he…? "three…"

you pause to massage his ass again, and to speak. "you're…you're hard again, aren't you?"

you didn't even spank him yet, but he lets out a moan. "fuck, I—I just. I want you. I want this. so, so much."

you wonder if this is actually the same George who was fidgeting with his pillow in the dining room this morning.

"you're so bad, getting turned on by something like this," you tease. he only moans in response.

"four—five—six—seven…" he chokes out. "it's starting to sting…"

you take a break, kneading the skin where your angry red handprint is starting to take shape.

"eight…nine…but god, it hurts so good…" he wipes his eyes with the back of his hand. "ten…"

at ten, you linger for a moment, holding a handful of his ass. "does it?"

"yes—yesyesyes," he buries his face in the pillow, and shivers. "fuck, eleven…twelve…"

you pull his panties down to his knees, and switch sides. he lifts his hips up, so I can reach him better, you guess. you don't miss the telltale glint of a butt plug, but you'll get to that later.

"thirteen—fourteen—fifteen—sixteen," he moans between slaps. he's gripping the pillowcase so hard his knuckles are white.

in this new position, the way he jumps with every hit makes his cock brush against yours just right. fuck, you're still hard from earlier. this time you're the one who whimpers.

"seventeen, eighteen," he pauses, breathless. you pull gently on his leash, he arches his back and moans, "n-nineteen." his bell jingles.

he grinds down, just for a moment, and the friction is delicious. you're a little dizzy, you think you might've thrust back. you both sigh at the feeling.

"…t-twenty…see? I-I can count…I'm a good boy…I'm good for you…aren't I?"

"you are," you murmur, but you aren't sure he hears you. "you're so good…"

"twenty-one—twenty-two…I-I feel like I haven't done anything right today…twenty-three…"

"…George…?" you hear a muffled sob.

"twenty-four…" he mumbles.

"George?" you start to get concerned. he just keeps crying. "hey…" you whisper. you gently prompt him to turn him over; the pillow's a little wet. you pull the panties off all the way, and get him out of the bra, which had a little stray come on it. you help him sit up in your lap, and pull him into a hug.

"am I really just a whore…?" he asks brokenly.

"you've been so good for me, baby. you've done everything I've asked." you wipe his tears away with your thumb. "are you okay?"

"but I—" he coughs. "—I came too soon, I came without your permission…"

you kiss his hair, and hold him to your chest. "you've been so patient. I'm proud of you."

he finally wraps his arms around you. "I-I'm sorry."

"nonsense," you reassure. "your comfort takes priority. are you okay? color?"

"I…" he searches for the words. "I dunno. yellow? I…that hurt, I think. being…degraded?"

you comb through his hair with your fingers. "I understand. thank you for telling me. I love you."

—

you stay like that for a minute. you grab him a snack and a drink, but for the most part, you just enjoy each other's company, tangled-up together. you don't bother putting your clothes back on.

it's later in the evening. you're straddling him, peppering his shoulders with kisses, and he's giggling underneath you. he turns over to give you a short and sweet kiss.

"baby?" he says, looking expectantly.

"what is it?" you sit back on your heels.

he hesitates. "…I wanna keep going. from earlier."

you're serious again. "are you sure you're okay?" you grab his hand, bringing it up to kiss his fingertips. "I don't want to hurt you."

"I'm alright," he assures. "I remember you promising me an all-day thing, though."

you blush, a little surprised by his forwardness. "of course. I think…I…" you laugh. "I wanna fuck you."

"yeah?" he smiles, leaning up close. "show me how much."

you hold his jaw while you kiss him, biting his bottom lip between your teeth. he tastes like the coffee and cream you made him earlier. you feel his breath hitch. he reaches up to hold your shoulders.

you pull back. "hey, blow me first."

"what? why?" he giggled.

"it's been a couple hours, I'm not hard anymore," you coax. "I thought you liked taking orders?"

he cringed. "but come tastes gross!"

you slid off him and hopped off the bed, opening the drawer. "suit yourself. you get to watch me jack off, then."

"fine by me, I think you look good when you masturbate."

"ohhh, I forget, you're too blissed-out to pay attention to how I look when you're getting fucking owned."

"I am not!"

"you are too!" he sticks his tongue out at you.

you open the lid, pouring a little on your hand, a little on your cock. it's translucent pink, seems a little fragrant. you give yourself a couple of strokes with a sigh.

he's quiet for a second, then, shyly, "um…is that…strawberry flavored…?"

you bite your lip. "I thought you weren't gonna give me head?"

"I was just curious." it's a weak lie, but you say nothing.

your eyes are shut, but you can feel him moving around a bit on the bed, you hear his bell ring a couple times. you feel a hand on your thigh, so you decide to peek. and holy shit.

your partner's made his way to the floor, on his knees between your legs, holding his leash in his mouth, his fucking mouth, what the fuck. his thumb's rubbing circles on the inside of your thigh. the half-lidded look he's giving you should be criminal.

"you—I thought you said you wouldn't…" you can't find the words. you reach out and take the leash from his mouth. you see your hand shake in front of you.

"I'm just watching…" he whispers, looking up at you, mesmerized.

you're only able to get a couple of pumps in before he's joining you, hand over yours as you get yourself off. just the extra sensation of somebody else's touch is enough to make you bite back a moan.

"fuck—!" you jolt when he licks a stripe up the underside. he mouths over the head, jerking you off on his own now. you move to grip the sheets in one hand, his leash in the other. and you come without warning. you see it end up on his hand and your stomach before you shut your eyes tight.

he's quiet while you're coming down, just helping you ride it out, giving you kisses on your thighs. when you look back down at him, he's got two of his fingertips in his mouth, licking them clean. he stands up abruptly, it startles you a little. you see his bell ring. and he grabs you by the hips and leans down to your midriff.

"…I don't think I cleaned you off all the way earlier…" he breathes, and he starts to lap up the mess of his and your come that's been on you since this afternoon.

what the fuck. why is this so hot? why is he so hot? all too soon, your spent cock twitches in interest at your lover. he cups it with a hand, smiling against your tummy. you're so sensitive it hurts. you think you mean to say something, but nothing comes out.

"hmm…?" he bites his lip. "you still want some more?" all you can do is whine. at this point, you don't know if it's in protest or invitation.

you don't get the chance to find out either, because fuck, he's really going down on you now. you don't know what the fuck he's doing with his tongue, or where his gag reflex went, but at this rate you're gonna come again.

"George—George, baby, I—slow down, I-I'm—" you plead. his leash slips out of your hand, you tip your head back.

he swallows.

—

the last thing you remember is coming harder than you ever have in your life. you think you held him by his hair. you might've fucked his mouth a little. he's never let you come in his mouth before…fuck…

it's nighttime now. he's riding your thigh, got one of his legs slotted between yours. the friction between his knee and your overstimulated cock feels embarrassingly good. you're so dizzy, all you can articulate is a loud moan. you don't sound at all like you remember. his bell keeps ringing and ringing and ringing as he grinds against you.

he leans down, one arm holding your hip, the other keeping himself propped up. he bites your shoulder, hard, hard enough to bruise. he comes on both of your stomachs.

"George," you beg. you're losing your voice.

"mmmmmmsir," he slurs. "fuck me."

"George, I…" you don't know what you're saying. the end of your sentence turns into a whimper.

"you need me to get you hard again? you need me to rile you up?" he turns to kiss your jaw, feeling around for your dick. "like this?"

"George," you sound urgent, until he squeezes right around the head, and you forget what you were saying. you're pretty fucking close to forgetting who you are entirely.

he sits up on top of you, grinning. "love the way you say my name, sir."

that name. all it takes is the way he says that fucking name and you're ready to go again. you flip the two of you over, so that you're towering over him instead. "you still didn't. fucking. ask me. if you could come."

he giggles, a little crazed. he hooks his arms around his knees, hugging them to his chest.. "so what? so what? you gonna fuck me 'till I behave?"

"yes," you reach down, "I think I will." and you pull out the butt plug he (probably forgot he) had in all day.

"fuck—" he sobs. you watch his dick bob. precome drips into a pool on his stomach. "—green—green—so fucking green."

you're still sensitive from coming twice—you're pretty sure he is too. you lean down to give him a kiss, you moan into each other's mouths. he tastes like strawberries and his and your come. it is a little gross, you admit. but he's so tight and so fucking cute that you can't bring yourself to care. you part, and there's a line of salvia connecting the two of you.

"wait—" you say, but it comes out like a growl. "roll over."

he gets on his hands and knees, reaching back and spreading himself open for you. fuck.

you fuck him like that, holding the leash tight, loving the way he arches his back into the bed. the bell on his collar jingles incessantly.

you spank him, one last time.

"th-that's twenty-f-five—oh, fuck, sir," he growls, clinging on to the blankets for dear life.

you pin one of his hands in place and reach down to touch him. he starts laughing again.

"mmmmmmay I please come, sir? I—fuck—I'm so close, soclosesoclose," his breath stutters, you can hear the breaks in his voice. he buries his face in the blankets.

I'm close, you think, but the words don't make it out. "you're so good—you're so fucking good—come for me—fuck, come for me."

—

you're a mess. there's some drying solution of come and lube on your stomach. not to mention whatever the fuck's going on with your hair. your robe is discarded haphazardly on the floor. you think you've got a hickey, but you can't remember where.

actually, you're both a mess. he's also covered in come, sweat, and lube. he's got a red ring around his neck where you pulled him by the leash a little too hard. he's just covered in bruises. he clings to your arm, still fast asleep. you both passed out pretty quickly after…whatever that was, but you got back up a couple hours later. it doesn't look like he did, though.

actually, your whole bedroom is a mess. a blanket or two ended up discarded on the floor. there's an empty bottle of edible lube somewhere around here. your kitty lingerie set, still dirty, somehow ended up hanging in the closet. the first time you woke up you were both cuddling with a butt plug that you misplaced in the heat of the moment.

you don't think you've ever seen him like that. you can't even put it into words. you've never spanked him. he's never called you sir. you've never come in his mouth. he's never…begged for you like that before. you've never been so exhausted after coming that you both just, just fainted.

you feel lightheaded, and dead tired. you know you both must have gotten back up and gone at it at least a couple more times, but it's blurry, you can't remember. all you know is your vibrator's missing, and you feel…unusually empty, like you do the morning-after getting railed a little too hard.

last night…what the fuck happened last night?

you contemplate getting up, slipping your arm out of his embrace, pulling the covers back up around him, leaving to make breakfast. you're kind of disgusting, several hours after sex without cleaning up properly. you want to get yourselves some washcloths, maybe take shower together, or run him a bath. you know he's gotta be way more sore than you are.

you catch yourself staring, lost in thought; he just looks too cute when he's very clearly roughed up, but still sleeping soundly. and with the way he wanted…the way he needed you yesterday, you don't think he would want to wake up alone.

maybe it's okay if we sleep in a little longer.

you stroke his hair and whisper, "happy birthday, baby boy."

—

edited 14 March 2021

#limeade-zest #georgenotfound x reader #george x reader #george davidson x reader

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hyunjinspark · 3 years

Note

jade…. oh my gosh…. that was INCREDIBLE. absolutely painful, don’t get me wrong, but you are truly such a good writer im in awe at your talent 🥺 but now for my (extremely long, go get a snack bby 🤪) review of *shudders* chapter 54…

so i know it makes sense for the beginning to start where the last chapter ended off on but there was just something so powerful with how this chapter started ;-; maybe it was the extreme angst right away lol but i LOVED the attention to detail you have with scenes like these!! especially for these types of emotions, when she drops the whisk, it gets on her dress, not realizing whats going on around her, and on top of all that the changing of the clothes….. i hated that cause ew angst so sad but that was SUCH a good part!! cause i feel like just that one difference of the outfit says A LOT about how shes feeling! and especially cause it was just jeans and a shirt 😭😭 not even a skirt!! extremely relatable though i feel like when something horrible happens to me i dont want to be in anything but an extremely oversized hoodie to drown myself in

moving on from that, her interaction with jisung was so devastating :( i know its not his fault cause he had no idea what just happened but wow that mustve been so hard to listen to :,,((( and her giving one word answers and then quickly saying “i need to go check on the cake” and leaving instead of actually responding to his comment about hyunjin :,,(((( like i said, this is so fucking sad and breaking my heart but god DAMN you write angst so well!!!!!! the way you can so deeply express these emotions with such small details?????? the talent!!!

yikes alright listen wooyoung youre great and all but wtf even was that interaction 😬 no words, moving on 😬😬😬

her not checking her phone at all for hours!! another detail i loved cause it’s so realistic! and then the way you transitioned into that memory was really nice too, too bad that was the only “good” part of the chapter where they’re happy together 😭

ok ok ok. FINALLY. THE PAST! there were so many emotions i was feeling during this but one thing i especially liked was the way you formatted it and how it was frequently cut because this was over the span of SEVERAL days/months so i think it was interesting having different snippets of different days, and their progression of enemies to…… :// well we know where that ultimately went but im glad that you didn’t rush any of it because sometimes i feel like two characters hate each other, they have one good experience together, and then theyre in love like yay for that but???? 🤨🤨🤨 how we get there so fast bestie??? however considering youre the certified Queen of Slowburn this is as expected 🥰

now,,,,,, getting to the end,,,,,,, ;-; for the last flashback scene im assuming that was one big dressing room for all of the performers? but didnt y/n also have her own dressing room?? or am i trippin lol anyways, my heart fucking SANK when she saw hyunjin kissing seojun ☹️☹️☹️☹️ and yeah i could assume things didnt work out for them in high school obviously but i thought it wouldve been cause of another misunderstanding or lack of communication, i mean the kiss they shared earlier!! hyunjin???? HELLO???? what was that then????? homeboy was just horny ig >:,( i was genuinely shocked that he was kissing seojun tho, like i feel like it made sense for him to be saying all that stuff cause again denial 🤪🤪 or he just didnt want to tell seojun the truth but no????? i guess not????? that ending scene was a federal crime

HOWEVER,,,,, OH MY GOODDDD JADE??????? HOW are you so good at writing?????? when it finally went back to the present and you closed it off with: ““I’m okay” You had said, because it was nobody’s fault but your own. You went to bed knowing just one thing, for sure. No matter what happened, no matter when or where you were…. Hyunjin would never want you.” SPEECHLESS. LITERALLY SPEECHLESS. (but also not because BOY DO I HAVE SOME WORDS ABOUT THIS WHOLE THING) this ending was SO POWERFUL!!!! im not joking you really do amaze me with your writing capabilities! and im so grateful that youre continuing to share it with all of us 🥺

ok i think ill stop it here, yay!! you made it to the end of this unnecessarily long review!! 🥳🥳🥳 sorry it took a bit to actually send im actually writing this in a note and then copy and pasting it cause there was so much i needed to say dkjgjwjxejj

i hope youre having an amazing day and are happy and healthy! 💜💜💜💜💜💜

- 💜

ahhh thank you so much !!!! i am so happy you liked it.

i thought a lot about how to begin this chapter but i feel like this moment was too important to skip over, and i wanted to show the direct consequence of her conversation with him. im so glad you liked the details, since those were the best ways i could convey her emotions and how she was feeling.

the outfit change i also completely relate to as a person, it can say a lot about what someone is feeling and especially her since she was waiting so long for this party and for that specific dress for him.

i am so glad you liked the angst during the party, it was hard to write but i tried to write it in snippets of what's going around her, since she's so zoned out herself and has no concrete grip on the party and the people around her at the moment.

as for the past, i definitely was worried writing it since i need to show basically the plot of an entire story within one chapter (enemies to lovers, but then back to enemies) that was hard but that's why i chose to do so many time skips and i think it works well that way because these things can't happen so fast.

yes there is a common dressing room lol, but a separate one for the girls and guys, which is why mrs. park asks hyunjin why he's in yns room.

im so glad you loved the ending, it was the first thing i wrote and ahh, it broke my heart but i loved it.

thank you so much for loving it, for all your sweet words, compliment and analysis. i appreciate it a lot.

💓

#only fools

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kyovtani · 3 years

Text

ASKS

hey babies! i’ve decided to answer the asks about back to life one and two like this because ive received so so so many and you guys blew me away so answering every single one of them is the least i can do to show you guys just how grateful i am. thank you so much for giving both parts SO much love, i love and appreciate you guys and the support you’re constantly sending my way with my whole entire heart <33

BYE THE FIC IS SO GOOD SO FAR. MY ANXIETY THO FROM THE ENDING, LIKE PLS KYO REALIZE THE MCS ANXIETY PLS DONT GO OUT WITH SORA PLEASE PLEASE HE SEEN HOW SHE DIDNT LOOK OKAY WHEN HE CAME IN PLEASE REALIZE HER ANXIETY PLEASE

– THANK YOU SO SO MUCH BABY !! this was the very first ask about back to life and it’s honestly the cutest thing ever! I hc Kyoutani to be rally understanding of things like anxiety and depression, generally mental health so that’s why it was easy for him to understand the reader’s situation and mindset!

BACK TO LIFE!!!!!!!! MY HEART!!!!!?! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SO GOOD!!!!! i was really excited when you started posting about it!! i can't wait for part 2, i wanna know how they fix this!

AAAH !! thank you so much for the love and support baby!!!! I really hope you enjoyed part 2 just as much, sending you lots of smooches MWAH

OH MY GOD THE KYO FIC IS AMAZING

THANK YOU SO MUCH BABY !!!!!

OH MY GOD YOUR KYOUTANI FIC HAS ME ACTUALLY FROTHING I LOVE IT SM

IM NOT KIDDING WHEN I SAY THAT MY JAW ACTUALLY DROPPED AT THE LAST COUPLE PARAGRAPHS AS WELL I CANT WAIT FOR PART 2

AAAH YOU GUYS !!! this made me so happy !!! thank you so much and I hope part two met your expectations and you enjoyed the ending MWAH!!

HOLY FUCK THAT KYOUTANI FIC WHEW IT WAS SO SO GOOD IM SO EXCITED FOR PART 2

thank you for the food <33

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE LOVE AND SUPPORT BABY !!!

YOUR KYOTANI FIC AHHHHHHH my heart can’t handle this

I AM SO GLAD YOU ENJOYED IT BABY !!!

OW THE END ON BACK TO LIFE HURTED THOUGH GDFGHJDFHJRY

Was overwhelmed by the hurty that I forgot to say how much I ADORE your characterization of Kyoutani. fdjkhgjkgdr

THANK YOU SO MUCH !! honestly- that means the world to me, probably the best compliment you can give me :((

Back to life was so good OMG 😳😳 HELLO??? You're amazing

Thank you so much, my love! it honestly is everything to me when you guys tell me such sweet things I love you so much MWAH!!

the new fic did not help me with my insecurities now i’m just frustrated and insecure. great writing tho.

honestly- same. when I wrote this, I lit indulgent every bit of my mind working into this fic and thats why it means so much to me ?? so youre not alone, my love; but thank you so much <33

The way I panicked at the end of the fic thinking there wasn’t gonna be more to it, holy shi that fox was so good I almost cried thinking they were just gonna end things like that 🥺🥺🥺🥺

I’d NEVER end a fic like that- I hate bad endings and cannot stand cliffhangers but the formatting didn't give me another choice im sorry for the heart attack baby kfhflashsj but am glad you liked it!

@au-roraaa said: ZADE I WAS NEVER A KYO FUCKER BUT I THINK YOUVE CONVERTED ME HOLY FUCKSJFJSJDJSN

THIS IS MY JOB AT THIS POINT I WANT YOU ALL TO TURN INTO KYOU FUCKERS KSSSOH

UR THE BEST WRITER WTF?? WHEN DO U THINK PART TWO WOULD BE UP... and does kyoutani flirt with sora 😣💔

YOU GUYS- NOOO- pls my heart made a loop :(( I love you so much :(( thank you baby and I think now you know what he does with sora MWAH

@kawakuto said: hi hi zade!🤩 (ajdjs idk if you remember me but i moved main blogs and I was @/gukooky before LOL) THE KYOUTANI FIC ANDJWNS I DIDNT EXPECT THE END WAHHHH🥺🥺 it was so well written omg I loved it!! (wtf kyoutani, you said we were going slow what if I wasn’t ready to call u my boyfriend wtffff😔😔 pain.)

AAAAH OFC I DO REMMEBER !! hope youre doing well baby !!! and thank you SO much for your sweet words, I honestly appreciate them so much :((<33

pls I’m in love with your writing. You write kyoutani so well so now I’ll always be grabbing at any crumbs you send my way 🥵

thank you so so so much baby!!!! these kinda words always hit me right at the heart, I appreciate them so much and I love you sm much

bb i love ur kyoutani fic sm :(( ur rlly so talented <33 i look forward to pt 2 ^3^

thank you so much baby, sending a smooch your way mwah

zade that kyoutani piece im in so much pain why would u do this to me 💔💔💔💔

believe me when I say It hurt me even more than you </3

I just finished reading part 2 and it waS SO GOODAJSFHJLFG you did amazing!! (n˘v˘•)¬

THANK YOU SO MUCH BABY !!!

Hi! New nonnie coming through :) First time I'm writing something because I'm such a nervous wreck but I just had to

THE FIC WAS SO GOOD THE VIBES ARE CHEFS KISS. IT WAS SO GOOD I LITERALLY DROOLED I CAN NOT GET OVER IT !

Mister kyotani pls rail me thanks 🐱

THANK YOU AAAH YOURE SO CUTE !!! I truly appreciate this with my whole entire heart so thank you so much baby, hope you have a good one mwah

Wait did he do anything with Sora?

nope!! they just went to the party together but in my mind he didn’t even hug her and she didn’t try anything else, too, simply bc she knew how in love he is with reader!!

YOUR MINDDDDD!! THE KYOU FIC WAS SOOOO GOOOD!! Omg i hope you do a part 3 😭😭

i have a Little sequel which is really really soft but I'd love to write some more for it!

@soranihimawari said: Part 1 & 2 with kyoutani was amazing as always Zade! I really liked the ending. This was such a fun read. I was wondering who’s else would be sharing the apartment with Kyoutani. What made you choose tattoo artist Iwa & Oikawa? Those two made me chuckle with the way they came in like that. Hope you have a great day/evening/late night/etc.

✌🏼&💜

—sora—

aaah thank you so so much, baby!! I truly appreciate your sweet words, youre the cutest! regarding your question: You shares an apartment with Iwa, Oikawa and Yahaba (who also works at the tattoo studio!) and i don't know to be really honest- I just like the thought of these three being really good friends so after contemplating whether or not to go with iwaoi or matsuhana, I ended up going with those two dorks! hope you have a good one baby mwah!!

@sakusapetals said: PLEASEE I LOVE YOUR WRITING SO MUCH

AAAH THANK YOU SO SO MUCH BABY !!! I LOVE YOU SM

How long did it take you to write the entire two parts? Like wow that’s alot👁👄👁 i adore long fics though

oooh- hm ?? tbh i don't really know ?? I can’t remember ?? I think it took me about a month or like three weeks since I did write it all in one go yk? it was the only WIP I worked on during that time and it felt SO relieving to publish it!

AAAHHH the kyou fic was a masterpiece bb!!! ❤️❤️

thank you so so so much baby!!<33

U LITERLALT WRIYE KYOU THE BEST ABSOLUTE BEST. he’s so aggressive and demanding but he still is willing to show someone special his vulnerability. I LOVE READING STUFF ABOUT HIM FROM U

AAAAH thank you so much- you guys have no idea how much these kinda comments mean to me- I love you so MUCH MWAH

I just read the first part of "back to life" an it had me speechless so many times, almost cried at the end, it's honestly so well written. I'm off to read part two. Have a nice day 🐰

sdoalfsla thank you so much baby! I hope you enjoyed both parts equally as much and thank you for all the love mwah!!<3

Hana is a baddie

SHE IS!! she’s literally the baddest bitch to ever exist ft. saeko ofc but nobody acknowledges it </3

@tonhwa said: I’m in love with the way you write kyoutani pls. Even your previous fics on your old account ( if you don’t mind me mentioning it ) are so fucking amazing. GOSH YOU CHARACTERIZE HIM SO WELL AND THE PLOT IS ALWAYS SO JUICY AND INTERESTING I CANT HELP BUT GO BACK AND READ IT. and then you release this fucking wonderful piece and I feel like it’s my birthday even though it’s already passed LOL ty ily have a wonderful day I’m sobbing tears of happiness

YOU GUYS PLEASE- the fact this made me tear up when I first read it- thank you SO much honestly. knowing you guys enjoy my characterization of my favorite character is honestly everything to me so thank you sm I love you baby have a good one!!<3

I’ve been on this app from high school, and now I’m a college grad. I have to say I’ve never sent a message to anyone I’ve followed. But that tattoo artist! Kyou fic, part 1 and 2 are 😩💕 *chefs kiss* you are one of my favorite writers I’ve ever followed since joining this app. You NEVER disappoint!

-💕 a very satisfied reader

thank you so much baby!! aaah this is honestly so so sweet :(( thank you for taking the time out of your day to send me such a sweet thing, I appreciate it and you so much mwah!!

i gotta say babe THANK YOU FOR THE KYOTANI CONTENT!! muAAAAHH💞💞

NOO THANK YOU GUYS FOR GIVING IT SO MUCH LOVE MWAH!!!

i love kyoutani and he obvs deserves his dick sucked 🤧🤧 but i catch him posting up with other girls I DONT CARE THE SITUATION he gonna catch these hands for a real one 👊🏼👆🏼🤜🏼🥊🥊 kidding 😐😐😐 he’d body me

pls the way this had me chuckling like crazy bc same sajlskjpw he can get mad all he want but he better stay his pretty ass where he is- by my side 😌

#💌.zade's mass response

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animaniachan · 4 years

Text

A3! Act 3 Episode 9 Summary

Please read through this note before you start reading the summary!

whhhhew, finally finished episode 9 and THE EMOTIONS ARE ROLLING-😭😭

but ofc being the maniac that i am ive decided to provide a full summary of episode 9 for those who are interested!

Be warned that this is MAJOR STORY SPOILERS so i would recommend you be at least finished act 2 and all the events leading up to it before you read this. Otherwise you’ll probably have a hard time understanding the full context of things.

The last note I want to make is that this won’t be a detail-for-detail summary! I still want to keep things decently vague so people can still have the joy of experiencing the story for themselves while still providing adequate information to clear up any confusions and speculations. This summary will basically be a rough outline of the story that highlights some of the major events that went on. This summary will follow the order of how the episode played out, all the events will be listed in order.

Ofc, if anybody has any specific questions regarding the story that they want clarified or just simply want to discuss episode 9: always feel free to shoot in an ask or dm me! I’m always happy to provide with information and/or rant about these precious boys!

Well, without further ado, here y’all go~~

WARNING: EXTREMELY LONG POST AND MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD~

the new groups of people now are the following:

High schoolers- Yuki/Muku/Azami/Kumon

Yosei University- Juza/Tsuzuru/Tenma/Taichi

Amabi- Kazunari/Banri

Adult group is still adult group~~

Apparently Tenma’s parents decided it would be a good idea to let him attend university so it was decided on the spot that he would be going through exams. He had to get Chikage to tutor to barely scrape by passing bc of how busy he was. Taichi on the other hand....Tsumugi the GOAT-

Omi now works as a professional photographer through a job his friend introduced him to.

Masumi decided to go to Fuyou University which is Tasuku and Tsumugi’s old university to study. Misumi’s brother, Madoka, also studies there. Although Madoka does not look like it, he’s actually 19... I know...

Azami decided to attend the same high school as Kumon which warms my heart honestly bc it just showed how good of friends they’ve become <3~~ Here’s his new uniform look <333

not sure how i feel about the red hoodie but eh, boy can pull it off so it doesn’t matter aha~

Guy is apparently opening up a new Zahra style bar with the help of the winter troupe members such as Homare who introduced him to an interior design company (same company that installed that brick wall in his room orz). Hisoka will also be helping out in Guy’s bar.

The entirety of Reni’s backstory (5 episodes in total) which describe his initial meeting with Yukio during high school to how they built Mankai together was described through the format of portraits (the autumn troupe signature). HIs backstories are basically just narrations of Act 3 1/2 if any of you read that when it was first posted.

Reni’s real name is apparently “Kamikizaka Reiji” and “Reni” is a nickname that Yukio gave him in high school bc Yukio thought that his real name was too hard to write out in kanji and pronounce lolol.

Reni keeps a journal which documents his time with Yukio (basically Act 3 1/2) in a safe in his office.

Kasumi’s nickname back in the day was apparently “Juriko”: stems from “Juliette” and “ko” which is a way to feminize someone’s name in Japanese. This was because he was the crossdresser that had to play Juliette in the OG spring troupe RomiJuri- heh.

Shifuto is now the new “top” in GOD Troupe after Tasuku and Haruto who got demoted.

FRIEND ANGST BETWEEN AZAMI AND SHIFUTO HNGHHH and that’s all I’m willing to say oop-

GOD Troupe challenged Mankai to an act-off once again and this time appointed Tsumugi as the lead and Tasuku to be in the play and the theme as “devil” and thus...Devil Tsumugi was born.

The company was initially debating on whether to accept the challenge or not but Tsumugi and Taichi desperately wanted to show Reni who they have become as an actor and prove him wrong on all the things he’s said to them. Basically, everyone who was casted for this play had their own reasons on why they wanted to act.

Misumi’s dad’s name is revealed to be “Kusumi” which literally means nine-points/sides and I- top 10 betrayals? I was certain that his name will have something to do with a square but apparently not-

Although it was briefly revealed during Sky Pirates, Misumi’s dad is the official script writer for GOD Troupe. However, it is shown here that he has absolutely no talent in writing so what he does is get Madoka to act as his ghostwriter and write for him.

Hence this birthed Madoka’s complex of wanting to write in his own free will and not under the control of his father. Since everything he writes gets “edited” by his father but everything his father edited gets rejected by Reni and so Madoka has to fix it himself anyways.

Returning to backstory, Reni revealed that Yukio legit went to visit Misumi’s grandpa (Hakkaku) as a senior high school student to ask him for a script. As a note, Hakkaku was already a very famous script writer at that time and age wise he is about what both their dads would be. Ofc he was refused many times but Yukio wouldn’t give up and would not stop pestering Hakkaku until he finally caved in.

Honestly I loved the autumn and winter troupe dynamic throughout this entire episode- just the way they supported Taichi and Tsumugi is just-

Kumon had to act as the mediator between Azami and Shifuto to try and recover their friendship and the entire process was hilarious.

Yukio and Reni were actually Yuzo and Kasumi’s high school seniors at Nanakusa High. Yuzo was the “ghost member” that was only member of drama club in-name only that was mentioned earlier.

NAMIKAWA DAISUKE’S VOICE IN KASUMI- *deaded counter x1* as a tiny side note: i realized half way through that Tezuka (Reni), Sanada (Yuzo), and Ootori (Kasumi) were in the same high school together bc of their seiyuus. This is for my TeniPuri fans out there haha~~

During their last performance in high school, Yukio and Reni got boycotted by the other junior members right before their play. Reni ended up forcing a reluctant Yukio to go at speak act out the monologue Hakkaku provided for them and everybody ended up being overwhelmed by Yukio’s performance.

This is what ended up making Reni dedicate his post high school life creating Mankai with Yukio, he wants to see Yukio act on stage again. He describes Yukio’s acting as “someone who was chosen by God” and even went as far as using his own money his parents gave him when they kicked him out (strict family bs) to build the initial theatre while they both worked part-time. Reni was the one who designed the entire theatre according to Yukio’s wishes to “make it long lasting”. However, Yukio revealed to him that he has no desire to stand on stage again and instead wants to make others “full bloom”, this invoked a sense of betrayal in Reni.

Reni was also the one who recruited Syu, his childhood friend, into the theatre. From there on, Yuzo and Kasumi also joined. Kasumi was revealed to also be garbage at acting at first but Yukio appointed him as lead for their first play nonetheless.

There is apparently some outside force wanting to ruin Mankai as they even went as far as stealing a part of Tsuzuru’s script and provided it to Misumi’s dad who ended up plagiarizing. It is later revealed that Reni had nothing to do with this so it is currently unknown who the main perpetrator is.

In order to get a better grasp on his devil character, Tsumugi opted to spend one day with each of the other winter troupe members (Homare, Hisoka, and Azuma) individually. This is to get more insight from people who had lived such different lives and accumulated such different experiences. Honestly, one of the most heartwarming moments ever.

MY ANGST MAN IS HERE WITH HIS FIRST APPEARANCE!!! SAKURAI TAKAHIRO’S VOICE OMGGGGG *deaded counter x2*

He met Tsumugi in front of the GOD Theatre and asked him to “save” Reni.

On the day of the performance, Tsumugi and Taichi decided to walk to the theatre. They met Banri and Juza along the way who were planning to do a street act to release some energy. On their way, they ended up being surrounded by numerous punks who were presumably sent by the same outside force who stole Tsuzuru’s script.

The night before the actual performance, the plagiarism was revealed to both sides and both sides were just as much caught off guard by this. Reni, however, refused to change the direction of the play since it was too risky as the performance is the next day. However, Shifuto refused to act out something that is plagiarized since he promised Azami that they would have a “fair fight like men”.

And so, he managed to convince Haruto to use Madoka’s script that he has written for the first time according to free will and changed the entire play in one night. With the help of Haruto’s authority, they managed to do it in time. (I’ve failed to mention this until now but these three has been building up chemistry all through out this episode and im so down for them tbh)

Banri told Juza to take Tsumugi and Taichi and go ahead while he stays behind to try and buy some time alone against all the men. Just when Banri was in a tight spot due to power in number...

BAM THIS OLD MAN COMES IN AND SAVES THE DAY!! by now y’all already know... YASUMOTO HIROKI’S VOICE HAAAAAAAAAH *deaded counter x3*

After Banri revealed to Zen that he was autumn troupe leader of Mankai, Zen gave him a card of his restaurant, “Gentiana” and promised to treat them to a meal there afterwards.

Costume reveal for GOD Troupe. Honestly, I love the chemistry that was built throughout this episode between Shifuto, Haruto, and Madoka. Haruto really did give out redeeming qualities and i don’t dislike him as much as before aha (even tho he is still a snob) and I acknowledge him as a character. Madoka’s script consisted of two characters and basically talks about two estranged brothers (his way of writing down his guilt for towards Misumi)

Costume reveal for Mankai as many of you probably have seen already- devil tsumugi and sexy tasuku is just-

In terms of actual in-game plays, this was the second play that I’ve actually cried at, the first being Clockwork. Super emotional and well-written play and certainly it draws a lot of parallels to Sympathy for the Angel.

SAME RENI...JUST-SAME. TT

After the performances...i won’t reveal who won and by how much but Reni did officially apologize for all his past actions as he was reminded of his passion for acting through this play. Izumi thought this too but it is hard to 100% forgive him bc of the pain he’s brought on all the members.

He revealed why he quit Mankai, it was bc he and Yukio had become so divided that if he had stayed, the entire balance of Mankai would fall to ruins. He actually came to the conclusion to leave after being trapped in the time loop with Yukio for about three days aha~

Reni decided to create GOD Troupe bc he wanted them to win the Fleur Awards first and crush Mankai, that way, he may have the chance one day to accepted a lost Yukio in his troupe as an actor and not a director (obsessed much my dude??)

The last part of the episode is Reni wanting to talk to Izumi about the Ikaruga family and being invited to Mankai Dorms as a result. There he reminisced the days with the OGs before we are left with a cliffhanger-

Even though he only talked for two lines but ONO DAISUUUUKE~~~ *deaded counter x4*

The very last scenes showcased how the OGs are starting to come back together as they will be getting involved with the new Mankai members.

THIS OLD MAN LEGIT WENT AND HELPED THEM PICK CABBAGE I-

LOOK AT THIS EXPRESSION HE IS SO PRECIOUS-

~❀❀❀~

that concludes the rough summary of episode 9! i...this was an ordeal to get through aha and sorry for it ended up being such a long post...It was inevitable bc this episode consisted of 39 chapters.

Honestly im so dead by the end of this that i didnt have the heart to check for any grammar mistakes so there’re probably quite a few that i ask you kindly to just ignore~ 🥺🥺

now, time to dig a hole and cry until episode 10 comes out...☠️😇😭

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delfinodreams · 3 years

Text

OKAY i said i would make a post about my thoughts on paper mario a while ago and im finally writing it out

ill put it under a break because its probably gonna be long-ish

update: yea this bitch is LONG

okay so overall i really really enjoyed it!! it was really solid for the first entry in the series and i could definitely see the inspiration that ttyd later took from it. one thing that i didnt know about was partners not having HP, which threw me for a little bit of a loop. partners as a whole in this game don't play as active of a role as i wouldve expected because they have so little lines but using them in battle is still very fun! another small thing but i also hadn't expected mario to be completely silent, but it later grew on me!

i'm also gonna list my experiences and opinions on each chapter so here we go!!

chapter 1 - pretty alright for an introductory chapter! i didnt find anything especially notable, apart from getting 2 partners in one chapter. navigating the koopa bros. fortress was fun, and i loved the battle at the end!! their theme is SUCH a banger i had to sit back and listen to it for a bit when the fight actually started ehe

chapter 2 - not quite a fan of this one imo? i liked the first part through the mountain, but the trek though dry dry desert kinda took it out of me. BUT the addition of my favourite partner made up for it! parakarry my beloved <3 also the cutscene where dry dry ruins rise up??? that shit was SPECTACULAR. i absolutely loved how it turned dark when it first came up, i wish it stayed like that for more than just until you entered the ruins. the boss itself wasn't too exciting for me, probably because there wasnt much of a story?? i dont know how to describe it. actually its like that for quite a few of these bosses, but its the first entry for this series, so i wont fault it too much.

chapter 3 - this might be my FAVOURITE chapter- the suspense buildup throughout the entire chapter was AMAZING holy moly!!! first through the forever forest when you have bootler ask for you, and then wandering the mansion itself. i TOTALLY thought that boos were gonna be actual enemies when i saw them floating around. sneaking around tubba blubba's castle was so so fun to do, and i legitimately panicked when you ran into him in the hall and also when he wakes up and chases you back to the windmill. i didnt actually think the heart itself was the boss, just a miniboss, so i freaked out when i left the windmill and was immediately thrown into a battle with tubba blubba. i cannot express just how much i enjoyed this chapter, seriously!!

chapter 4 - coming back to toad town with the music change threw me for a bit; i wasnt expecting action to pop up so soon! figuring out that you could actually go into the toybox was such a "wait, what??" moment for me, but like, in a positive way. it was really cool to navigate this chapter and the lantern ghost encounter genuinely creeped me out at first because it was COMPLETELY dark. the fight against general guy is also a BANGER i could listen to it all day

chapter 5 - man i LOVE the whale. just a big guy willing to take u across the ocean :^) i really appreciated how you weren't stranded on the island too, like how you were on keelhaul key in ttyd. the ravens are also funky little guys, love them too. again, the lava piranha didnt really have any substance to it BUT it was a nice fight nonetheless! when it popped up again i was shocked but i made it through!! also fuck kolorado he doesnt deserve his wife

chapter 6 - this one's formatting is really neat- one central area with lots of branching paths, which i hadnt seen in my past pm experiences! i loved the quest leading up to the big beanstalk, plus the environment was so pretty!! the little part with the sun tower popped out to me, i'm not sure why though. maybe it was the music, it was so different from the flower fields theme. at first i had actually expected to go up to the clouds earlier, maybe like midway through the chapter. i thought that would be the "dungeon" of this part, so i was a little bit let down when i realized that the fields were the majority. however, the bit of the clouds we do see is SO good i LOVE the atmosphere!! huff n puff was actually relatively easy, using parakarry and lakilester for their all-around attacks. the guitars were a nice touch for his theme as well!

chapter 7 - oh dude i LOVED this chapter. i didnt know what i was expecting when i first went into the pipe in the sewers, whether it would put me into a village immediately or if i would have to make it through some screens before. needless to say, i was relieved when it popped me out into shiver city. the whole place felt "warm" which was really nice!! i was comparing it to ttyd's chapter 7 and fahr outpost which i didn't really vibe with, so it was a nice change! the whole murder plot was also unexpected but i enjoyed the whole "whodunnit" mystery! omg as im typing this i realize just how many aspects of this chapter i love this is gonna be long,, the entire snowy atmosphere is just so PRETTY and starborn valley felt so solitary to the rest of the land, like its own little bubble. i also had no idea that ninjis were in this game so when i saw one at merlon's i was like HUH?? anyways the way up the mountain to the crystal palace kept me on my toes; i thought that was the dungeon at first! the small bit where you see madam merlar and she tells you the story of the palace really got to me i have no idea why. the music and mysticality of it all was just SO good. dont even get me started on the crystal palace itself HOLY MOLY. the whole reflection bit was SO SO clever and the moment you realize its NOt actually a mirror?? fucking magnificent. this has to be my favourite dungeon in the whole game because it has such a NEAT gimmick!! it also has my favourite mario enemies, duplighosts! FUCK the crystal king though. he stunlocked me with his freezing move because i could not get the hang of blocking it. my partners really carried me for that battle; thank god for quick change

chapter 8 - THIS CHAPTER DELIVERED. the buildup for the entire game leading to this point. OUTSTANDING. i had to sit back and admire star haven because its so pretty- did i mention i love the water graphics in this game?? it has a pixelly look but it works SO WELL. going to the ship to take you to bowser's castle really felt like a "this is it" moment. the entirety of bowser's castle was So Good, it kept me on my toes the entire time!! slowly advancing as the music got more intense REALLY pumped me up. tracks that start off with only a couple instruments and eventually add more as you progress is one way to make me go BONKERS. the one bit where you make your way outside on the bridge and the music dials down and then you re-enter on the other side to it SLAMMING you in the face- that was Great. and then the complete silence as you get outside peach's castle HOLY SHIT. and then you actually enter the palace and the music is SO EERIE and youre like OH SHIT THIS IS REALLY IT. seriously, the buildup for this entire castle is done SO magnificently. i hadn't expected to fight bowser twice, i guess it was the game's way of letting u level up One Last Time before u got to the big bad. that being said, i wasn't too worried on getting a game over since i was fucking stacked on items. but that's besides the point- the fight itself got my heart POUNDING. the effects for the star rod and the star's powers were really nice to see in action, and the little section with peach and twink was so cool! i was expecting a little interlude where you would get your stats maxed out because thats how its like in every pm game, but it was still moving :)) bowser's final battle theme fucking SLAPS. the guitar especially sounds AMAZING. you really see him as a threat here and its so badass. his healing move fucked me over multiple times- i probably ended up having to deal with double his base HP over the course of the fight.

after the fight was over and you got to see peach's castle float down with the soft music in the background, it really hit me that its done, its over. again, the effects in this game are so pretty and theyre utilized SO well for the n64. visiting toad town one last time with all the npcs was a really nice touch- for some reason i really loved being able to interact with vanna t. (chuck quizmo's toad assistant) she's ADORABLE and i will probably end up drawing her sometime :)) the credits were also something that i really enjoyed- i LOVE the ongoing theme of parades at the end. seeing everything and everyone in the game condensed into a short 8 minutes really got me, i cant remember but im pretty sure i was smiling the whole time! and a small sidenote- TOADS WITH GLOWING SPOTS ON THEIR HEAD HELLO?????? I WANNA DRAW THAT SO BAD.

the ending screen with peach and mario looking at the fireworks made me really soft and i teared up a little because i was finally finished. the addition of pop diva's solo in the track was also so touching, it was my favourite sidequest in the game so hearing it again brought up Emotions :')

one thing i wasnt sure of was if there was a post-game mode and my completionist heart was disappointed a little when i found out i couldn't advance from the end screen and was forced to reset. although not many games from this era had post-game content so i cant dock too many points for that.

the paper mario series has a fond place in my heart, and finally being able to play the game that started it all really was a special experience. it really cemented my love for the original formula and i could see many places where ttyd took inspiration from. this game really is fun, and i would highly recommend playing it yourself if you have the means!

#i just finished typing this out #i did not mean for it to get this long omg #i just have Many Thoughts #and you guys get to deal with them #i just checked and this is nearly 2K WORDS HELLO??????#paper mario #paper mario 64 #dreamy convos

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tavi-hayes · 4 years

Text

challenge five ~ a night to remember

((this is longgg (12k) please please please ignore the spelling/grammar errors. also this is the best i could do when it comes to writing, i’m sorry. big thanks to all the lovely people who did rps with me. pia @brookelynnsanders and ana @itzelbm-oc you two are wonderful, i can’t believe i got to be a part of a britzel rp! chris @leanarg my hero, thank you for fixing tavi’s dress and helping me with a specific part of this fic, i seriously wouldn’t have been able to do it without you, and also thank you for that fun rp! and finally anna @hugo-stanton thank you for the nice rps, you always bring a smile to my face! finally to anyone who is going to read this, enjoyyyy!))

The reflection in the mirror is staring back at me. It’s weird seeing myself with straightened hair instead of curls. It had taken my maids over an hour to create this hairdo, working with two hair straighteners at the same time.

I reach up a hand to touch it, but Carla appears out of nowhere and she slaps my hand away. “Do not touch your hair,” her voice is firm, but the usual sharp sting is not there right now. That’s a first. “Your sweaty hands will ruin all of our hard work.” She pushes a towel into my hands, ordering me to dry them. I quickly and quietly do as she says. My hands aren’t even that sweaty.

I place the towel on the sink and look back into the mirror again. This dress is unreal, hugging my body in all the right places. It makes me look elegant yet fierce and maybe even a little sexy, but of course it’s still appropriate for a ball.

My only problem with this dress is the colour: white. Prior to the ball, we’re supposed to attend a dinner and that may be the biggest obstacle of all. If I spill even a tiny bit of food on myself, the beautiful and soft fabric of my dress will be ruined.

A knock on the door startles all three of us. My maids exchange a look I can’t quite place. Carla grabs me by my elbow and turns me around so I’m facing her. She quickly looks me up and down with a critical look in her eyes. “Don’t clasp her hands together during the photo moment. It will look like your protecting your… you know.”

That is something I never thought I would hear her say. But based on her stern facial expression and the earnest tone in her voice, I can tell that she isn’t joking. I quickly unclasp my hands and let my arms hang besides my body instead. Carla gives me a nod, “better.” She pushes me towards the door at the same exact moment Willa opens it.

“Hello,” someone says in a deep voice I don’t recognize, “I’m here to escort Lady Octavia.”

I need an escort now?

I step into the doorway and the unknown man makes me a little bow. He seems to be around my age so that’s kind of a relief. At least I’m not accompanied by some weird older creep.

His eyes really stand out, they’re a dark shade of brown with a little sparkle in them. They remind me of Bambi’s eyes.

As a way of greeting, I curtsy. But it doesn’t go as smoothly as I had hoped, given that it’s a skill I still hadn’t mastered. The eyes of my maids are burning in my back, I will definitely hear about this later.

The guy offers me his arm and I gladly take, eager to get away from Willa and Carla because let’s be honest they could scold me for that poor attempt of a curtsy right now.

When I look back at them, for the first time I think I might see a positive emotion on their faces. Could they be proud of me? Or maybe they’re just happy to see me gone for one evening? It’s probably the second option.

If someone had told me 6 months that I would be attending a ball in the palace, I would have called them crazy. But now here I am and it’s happening. Life can be very unexpected.

I wonder if my family would even recognize me if they could see me now. Right now I look nothing like the Tavi from back home. She only ever wore band tees and jeans, earphones in during most of the day. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. It’s just that the difference between that Tavi and the one here in the palace is remarkable. The one here, me, looks presentable and put together. She wears dresses and heels and she spends most of her time in the library, reading law books. But it isn’t just my appearance that changed, it’s the inside as well. I have learned that not everyone in the higher castes is the same; that my family and friends mean the absolute world to me and I miss them terribly; and most importantly that it’s okay to talk about the shit in my past, because there are people willing to listen.

“Lady Octavia?”

“Yes,” I say, suddenly realizing we’ve almost reached the dining hall. All the other girls are already here, waiting for the doors to open. I turn to Bambi who has a content look on his face. I let go of his arm. Now that we’re just waiting, there is no need to hold on to him. “Sorry, I didn’t catch your name?”

“It’s Jakob Condle,” the smile on his face reaches his eyes. I don’t know what to say in return so I just nod. Thankfully someone calls out to him, saving me from this awkward moment. He excuses himself before he walks a little further down the line of people.

I sigh in relief, grateful for his chatter to be directed at someone else for the time being. He is the first palace staff member, or whatever his function here is, that I’ve met who talks this much. Not that I’ve met that many of them, but I thought they would only give you necessary and clear instructions, like my maids did. But okay, maybe he just needed someone to listen to him.

“How are you tonight?”

I recognize the voice immediately, it belongs to someone who I enjoy talking to. I turn in the direction of the speaker. “Oh hello,” I return the smile Hugo is giving me. “I'm alright thank you. What about you? Excited for the ball?”

“I'm mostly okay and mostly excited. Are you ready for it?”

“I think so, I don't really know what to expect.” Now that he’s glancing down the hall, I have the perfect opportunity to look at him without him noticing. Hugo is looking very good, all dressed up like this. Very charming and …

I catch myself: Tavi! Friends remember?

“You look nice by the way.” That’s something one friend can say to another, right?

When he looks back to me, there is a little blush on his face. Did I say the wrong thing? I didn’t mean to make him uncomfortable. “The dress you picked is lovely.” His smile is a bit different from the one I remember so well.

I narrow my eyes a little, I can’t quite put my finger on what the actual difference is. “What's wrong?”

“Nothing!” he says that so quickly that I start doubting whether that’s true. Speaking from my own experiences, I know that saying nothing doesn’t always mean nothing. “Sorry, it's just been a long day.”

“You know you can talk to me, right?” That is the very least I could offer. Especially after he had listened to me rambling about my dad and everything coming with that. “If you want to of course.”

This time, he gives me his normal smile. “It's just that I actually wanted to see if you would want to dance with me later. Only if you want to of course.”

I’m surprised by that, I hadn’t thought anyone would want to dance with me. And why is he asking me this now? He could’ve waited till the actual ball was starting. I don’t mind though, at least now I have something to look forward to. I chuckle softly, “don't be silly, of course I'd want to dance with you.”

If there is anyone I would want to be a witness of my poor dancing skills, it’d be Hugo.

As friends of course.

“I'd love that. Thank you.”

“There is absolutely no need to thank me.” As if I would ever say no to him. But I still get the feeling like something is wrong. I put my hand gently on his arm, “are you sure you're okay?”

“Yeah, I've never been better.” The smile on his face grows bigger and bigger. “I'm just looking forward to tonight.”

A smile appears on my own face, “I'm glad to hear that. Are you a good dancer?”

“I might accidentally step on your foot, full disclosure.”

This dance is going to be great then since my own dancing capacities are very limited. Just the idea of it makes me chuckle. “I can't promise I won't do the same thing to you.”

“I don't mind,” he shrugs. “If anyone's going to step on my feet I'm glad it's you.”

Is that a compliment? A smile automatically appears on my face. “That's what you're saying now.”

“Then you can ask me after too.” The smile on his face widens.

A hush falls over the crowd, piquing my interest. But I just can’t stop looking at Hugo and his beautiful smile.

Eventually my curiosity gets the better of me and I turn around to find out what caused the sudden silence. Oh. It’s the prince with an unknown woman by his side. I had overheard my maids talking about international royals coming to visit for the ball, so maybe this woman is one of them?

Now what is he doing? Is he laughing? I didn’t know he was capable of that.

And then, a whisper near my ear. “I'll see you later?”

“Of course,” I say as quietly as possible. Whispering is also not one of the things I’m good at and I obviously don’t want to steal any attention away from precious prince Arin.

I shift my gaze to see Hugo back away. He smiles one more time at me before he turns around.

A new presence appears at my side and I turn my head to see who it is. Oh. It’s the guy who’s supposed to escort me, Jakob aka Bambi. He gives me a smile, but it just isn’t the same as Hugo’s. I force myself to smile back as a way of greeting.

He offers his arm again. As I take it, I notice that everyone around us is already in formation. The doors open and one by one us girls are escorted into the dining room.

The first thing I notice are the different tables. We used to be seated on round tables, all spread out in front of the royal table. But now there are 2 rectangular tables facing each other, creating 90 degree angles with the ends of the royal table.

Jakob leads me to my place. It’s almost at the end of the right table, for which I’m glad. I’m almost as far away from the eyes of the important people in this room. So if I make a fool of myself, or spill food on my dress, the only people noticing would be the 2 girls sitting beside me.

I let go of Jakob’s arm, but when I reach for my chair he beats me to it, pulling it away from the table. I mumble a thank you to him, knowing that he probably means well. But still, I’m perfectly capable of letting myself sit down on a chair.

He gives me a quick nod before he disappears.

A couple of minutes later, Brooke appears out of nowhere. “Hey girl.”

“Hi hi. I’m glad to be sitting next to you again.” I truly mean it, there is no better company than Brooke.

“As if they could rip us apart,” she winks as she sits down on the chair on my right.

Well technically they could. “It would be a crime if they did that.” We’ve been mealtime buddies since the beginning. If we ever got different seating assignments and Brooke would no longer be sitting next to me, that would make one quiet meal. I wouldn’t have anyone to talk to.

Once all of us have been seated, the international royals enter the room followed by the Illéan ones. My eyes fall on Hugo. I simply can’t help myself. But who is that girl by his side? Could that be the sister he spoke of? But they look nothing alike, I feel slightly confused.

I decide to avert my gaze and focus on who else enters the room. These royals really know how to dress up for events like these. All of their outfits suit them so well.

Then there comes the prince. The one we were all supposed to fall in love with. Safe to say that didn’t happen to me. I feel like during that awful paintball date we settled into a mutual feeling of dislike. Something could probably be done to fix it, but I hadn’t felt like putting my time and energy into that. And neither had he, to be honest. We hadn’t spoken since that date.

I don’t understand why I haven’t been eliminated yet, he could simply tell me to leave and I’d be gone.

But for the time being I’m kind of grateful that I am still here. I get to spend all the time I want in that library, still hoping to find something that could help my dad. And, I’ve got to spend more time with the nice people I’ve met. I’m not complaining.

* * * * *

When dinner is over everyone is moved into a big ballroom. There are decorations everywhere. I didn’t know iridescent colours could be a theme, but this sure is working and it’s beautiful.

I don’t even know where to look. Everything looks perfect.

In the fuss of switching to another room, I’ve lost sight of Brooke. Now I’m all by myself and don’t really know how a ball is supposed to work. It’s not like I’ve ever attended one before.

I find a nice spot near one of the walls where I can quietly observe the other people in the room. I see people mingling with others, standing near the drink table, or simply doing the same thing as me. There are also people dancing, which seems to be the main event here. Then my eye falls on the orchestra not that far away from me, playing the most beautiful music I’ve ever heard. It’s a great mix of classical music and instrumental versions of popular songs. I know how I’m going to spend my evening.

I have no clue how much time has passed as I’ve been so absorbed by the music, but at some point my gaze lands on Brooke who is just heading my way. “Hello,” I say, smiling at her. “Are you enjoying the ball?”

She doesn’t look to happy. “Not so far…”

“What's wrong?” I tuck some hair behind my ear, just then remembering Carla’s firm words. I wasn’t allowed to touch my hair. Well too late for that now. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah,” she hums as she looks around. “I just need to get something over within a few.” She turns to look back at me then with a smile on her face but it doesn’t feel that genuine. It doesn’t reach her eyes. “How have you been?”

I still feel a little worried about my friend. What if she got herself in trouble? I really do hope she would tell me, but I don’t want to be annoying so I decide to let it go. For now. “I'm alright thanks.” My eyes go to the many decorations around the room, catching the light every now and then, reflecting all possible colours. “This is quite a party, isn't it?”

“It definitely is,” a sigh escapes her. “I am happy I found a way around wearing one of those gowns...” But then she scoffs and shakes her head, “also have you found the bar already?”

“You look stunning, Brooke,” I say, and I mean it. That power suit is perfect for her, it complements her so well. It’s literally her personality in an outfit. She looks amazing. “I don't know if there is a bar, but I believe there is a table with all sorts of drinks,” I look around, trying to spot the table. But there are too many people crowding around us, I can’t find the table anymore.

My compliment earns me a light smile. “Thank you Tavi. So do you.” Before I even know what’s happening, Brooke grabs my arm and drags me to the drink table. Of course she’s the one who spotted the location of the alcohol.

There are so many different glasses lined up on the table. I’m guessing each type of drink has its own glass but, given my limited knowledge on the matter, I honestly have no clue what it all is. I recognize the ones with champagne though and stay far away from those glasses. Not a fan. “What even is all of this?”

Unlike me, it seems like Brooke doesn’t care what she puts in her mouth. She just grabs the one closest to her and downs it in one go. “No clue.”

I eye the table again. Some glasses are filled with some brownish liquid. I’m not sure if it’s whiskey but I’m not about to try my luck. I don’t have a lot of good experiences with that specific drink. Just thinking about the last time, when Brooke had brought over those bottles, I can already taste the flavour in my mouth. Plus it had given me one of the worst hangovers I’ve ever had. Or maybe that had more to do with the fact that I had finished almost the entire bottle…

I decide to go for some clear drink. Perhaps this is just regular water? I take a little sip, yeah definitely not water. It tastes like a gin-tonic, with a very very distant hint of gin. But alright. I turn around to face the dancefloor again. People are dancing around like they have no care in the world. It’s quite magical to watch them move completely in sync with the music.

“So what's this thing you've got to take care of?”

I slightly tilt my head, waiting for Brooke’s response. Her face tells it all, she’s worried. “Gotta break up with the princey.”

I almost drop my drink. That is not what I was expecting to hear at all. This could only mean one thing. “You're leaving?”

She nods her head, “I didn't come for the love of the prince.” She sighs, but there is also a hint of smile. It lights up her entire face. “But I found love nonetheless.”

Weeks ago, she told me she didn’t think she had ever been in love. And now hearing her say she has found it, I feel so happy for her. I can barely contain my excitement as I grab her arm. “You did?”

“You know Itzel - am I right?”

“Oh my god Brooke!” I throw my arms around her and hug her tightly. I completely forget about the glass I’m holding and my drink spills all over my hand. But I don’t care about that right now. The only thing that matters in this moment is Brooke. “I'm so happy for you.”

“Thank you Tav. Didn't think something like that would ever happen... But it did.”

“You deserve it.” I hold onto her for a little moment longer. When I let go, I find her grinning at me. “Tell me. How did this happen?” She never mentioned anything during mealtimes and I never noticed anything different about her. I do remember the sparkle in Itzel’s eyes every time she mentioned Brooke when we were in the music room though. It makes sense.

“Thank you.” The smile on her face grows bigger and bigger. “You are actually the first person to know.” There is a brief pause. “I just randomly ran into Itzel at my runs a few times. And I don't really know. But she just - it just feels so right being around her. I actually never thought that I... You know. But I actually can't imagine a life without her anymore...”

I can’t help but smile myself, Brooke deserves the absolute world. “That sounds so great. And Itzel is such a kind soul.”

“She is indeed. Shines bright like the stars.” Brooke is practically glowing with happiness.

“Where is she now?” I look around the room but I don’t see Itzel’s face anywhere. Seriously why is Brooke over here talking to me when she could go and have fun with the lady of her heart.

“I haven't seen her yet - but she should show up any minute.”

“Hm,” I don’t recognize the song the orchestra is playing now, so I will definitely have to look into that. The cellos play the most beautiful notes, their sound flowing perfectly through the music created by the rest of the orchestra. But still they manage to stand out among the other instruments. “How are you going to drop the news to the prince?”

“I still haven't found a sensitive way to be honest. I was slightly debating sending him a ‘breakup’ cake.” I can hear the nerves in her laugh.

The thought of a breakup cake makes me laugh, that’s definitely something Brooke would do. “That would have been funny. Do you think he'll be upset or something?”

“Probably more relieved.”

I take a sip from the now half-empty glass in my hands. Such a shame that most of the drink got spilled on the floor. “Then why are you nervous?”

“Cause then it's really real.”

I reach for Brooke’s hand. I wish I could do anything to help but this is something she and Itzel need to do by themselves. “You'll be fine, you deserve happiness and love.”

That’s when Itzel joins us. “Ladies, I hope you are having a wonderful evening now that I have arrived.”

Brooke says something and then winks at Itzel. How did I not know there was something more between them? “Itzel hello! You look gorgeous.” The dress she’s wearing suits her so well, the colour of it really makes the brown in her eyes stand out.

Itzel smiles at me. “Tavi! Awww,” she waves her hand to shrug off my compliment. “And you look stunning! Very sophisticated and ready to rule the world.”

That makes me laugh. Ready to rule the world is definitely the vibe I’m going for. Just hand me crown already.

I thank her anyway.

“And Brooke, you seem ready to break a couple of hearts. Very...” Itzel hums as she looks at Brooke from head to toe. “Ethereal.” Brooke replies with an eyeroll. They’re so adorable, it warms my heart. Then Itzel turns to me with wide eyes. “Oh Tavi. I heard your band and told ya I actually enjoy it. Not what I usually listen to, but definitely have amazing songs.”

“Oh really?” I had forgotten about her promise to listen to my band’s music. “I actually didn't expect you to enjoy our music. But I'm glad you did. Thank you.” The fact that she put in the effort to look for our music makes me smile. We’ve been working so hard on creating our own music for years, making it extra special to hear someone saying they like them. It means the world to me.

Itzel nods her head, “Yep. I actually sent it to my dad and he loved it. Says it's right up his alley. No problem, Tavi.” Before I can reply, she clears her throat and looks between me and Brooke. “So what were you two talking about? It looked quite serious.”

She had talked about her dad during our last encounter. She said music was like an escape for him. Just like it is for me. “Your dad really sounds like a man after my own heart.” Brooke is holding out a drink to me and I take it and thank her. I feel like I shouldn’t be the one to tell Itzel what we had been talking about so I remain quiet, hoping Brooke will open her mouth.

Itzel laughs because of my comment about her father. “What can I say many ladies were, and obviously are still, enchanted by my father.”

I really wonder who would be able to resist a man like her dad. He ticks off all the essential boxes. Too bad he is already married and has children. And I could be his daughter. What a shame. I can’t help but laugh.

No one has answered her question yet, but the laughter has died down, resulting in a silence. Itzel tilts her head, patiently waiting for an answer.

Minutes go by before Brooke finally replies, “ohhh I just told Tavi about the scene we will cause in a few.” She nudges Itzel with her elbow.

“Ah, I see.” She chuckles softly. “It's going to be grand. A good way to end this, at least that's what I think.” Itzel shoulders relax a little, I hadn’t notice how tense she was. I could only imagine what their conversation with the prince is going to be like. It must be nerve-wrecking, having to tell him you’ve found love elsewhere. “If things go south, then I have the necessary help to make a run for it. Me and my beautiful lady.”

I look between the two of them, a warm and fuzzy feeling falling over me once again. “I'm so happy you two found each other.”

“Tavi stop being so sappy.”

I shoot Brooke a look, “sorry I can't help it.” What kind of friend would I be if I didn’t feel any kind of joy for them?

Itzel links her arm with Brooke’s, smiling at me. “Well thank you, Tavi. I'm sure you'll find someone who makes you feel...all these feelings.” I myself am not so sure of that. If only someone would change his mind. But I don’t see that happening in the near future. Or ever.

Brooke and Itzel start talking about a dance. I’m the obvious third wheel here and they deserve to have a moment for themselves. “I take this as my sign to go?”

But that is not what they have in mind apparently. Brooke smirks at me and drags both me and Itzel towards the dancefloor. “No one is getting out of this party without shredding the dance floor with me.”

Itzel laughs at that. “Guess not, Tavi. It's a party and Brooke isn't gonna let us go easily.”

There is nothing I can do to stop this anyway, so I decide to just go with it.

The orchestra is playing the instrumental version of some popular song. Without a dance partner or a list of dance steps to follow, I can now freely move on the beat of the music. Such a relief.

Brooke is doing the same as I am, having fun while breaking into some dance moves. Itzel on the other hand seems to be a little more hesitant. But Brooke manages to twirl her around. They both look so happy with bright smiles on their faces.

I take a few steps backwards to let them have their movement. That’s the least I can do.

At some point, Itzel makes her way over to me pulling Brooke with her. “I'm slightly intimidated by how well you two seem to dance.”

That makes me laugh. “Don't look at me, Brooke is the pro here.” She really has a natural feeling for the rhythm in music, making it all look so very easy. Next to her, everyone else looks more like an amateur.

“Would have been a waste of money if that weren't the case,” Brooke replies.

“Well... I'm going to get a breath of fresh air. You two carry on.” Before Itzel walks away, she plants a quick kiss on Brooke’s cheek.

They really seem like the perfect pair, balancing each other out. Adorable.

“You okay?” I ask Brooke once Itzel has disappeared. Something about her facial expression has changed, perhaps she’s worrying about her upcoming talk with the prince again.

“Yeah...” She sighs deeply and stops dancing. “I just realized it's probably gonna be my last night here.”

I stop dancing as well. I hadn’t realized that she will be leaving the palace so soon, but of course it makes sense. Why would the prince keep her here? “Are you going to miss it?”

“Never thought I'd say it,” she says as she turns to look at me. Her eyes betray her nervousness. “But yes...”

I link my arm with Brooke’s. “Come on, let’s get you another drink.” I know that doesn’t solve anything, but perhaps it could take some of her nerves and worry away.

I let go of Brooke as we reach the drink table again, handing her a drink. “What are you going to miss the most?”

“You... And maybe the food…”

Hearing her say that, breaks my heart. We had walked into this experience together and now she’s leaving. “I'm glad you put me before the food. But I'll miss you too.” Terribly. I know it’s a little selfish, but I don’t want her to leave me behind. Who am I supposed to talk to during mealtimes when she’s gone?

“Was a thin line.” And then she’s pulling me into a hug.

I don’t want to let go of my friend. Can’t she just stay by my side forever?

But I know she can’t, especially now that she has Itzel. They deserve to start a life together. Let them have their happiness.

“Group hug?” Itzel says from behind me somewhere.

I laugh softly, “please join in.” And so she does.

“My loves,” Brooke says, hugging us even tighter.

When we let go of each other, I can’t help but feel very sad. How will I survive this without my friends?

I’m not really listening to what Brooke and Itzel are talking about what else they’re going to miss. Itzel says something about a small forest and by the look on her face I can tell something has happened there. I don’t want to know the details of that.

“Tavi?” Brooke voice brings me back to reality. She’s holding a little eyeliner pencil towards me, “phone number.”

I take the little pencil from her and write down my number on the wrist she’s offering. “You can call me any time, okay?”

“Watch me call you 5 seconds after I left this place.”

Itzel laughs, “or we could kidnap her every now and then, I'm sure she's allowed to leave the palace if she'd like.”

Brooke raises her eyebrows at that. “Promising plan.”

Itzel winks, “exactly. Like I have been saying before I have eyes and ears here. It could work.” For some reason I don’t think she’s exaggerating.

“I can leave on my own account, you know. No need for a kidnapping action.” And besides that, I feel like my days of staying in the palace are soon to be over anyway.

“Shhhhh kidnapping sounds more fun,” Brooke winks at me. Yeah sure, of course kidnapping sounds fun to her. She’s not the one being kidnapped.

“It's no fun if it's too easy,” Itzel says, crossing her arms. These two really are a match made in heaven, aren’t they?

I look from one to the other, suddenly unsure whether they’re joking. “Can you at least warn me in advance?”

Brooke shrugs her shoulders. “Sure - we'll give you a smog signal.”

“I will stay near a window at all times then.”

Itzel seems way too excited for this, “Sounds like a plan!”

I’m going to miss these two so much. “This place is going to be so dull when you two are gone.”

Brooke hands something to me. “For the bad times.”

I take the package from her and look at it. Of course. Weed. What else could I have expected from her. “Thank you Brooke, you really are a great friend.” A little bag of weed is all I ever wanted... But still I appreciate the gesture.

“Camping trip once this is all over?” Brooke’s gaze shifts between me and Itzel.

We both agree. At least I have something to look forward to now.

Brooke and Itzel go into a different direction. Perhaps they’re on their way to the prince for their chat. Or maybe they just need a little more time with each other before that moment.

I make my way back to one side of the room, the spot where I can go enjoy the music without being in the way of people. I realize I’m still holding the little package of weed in my hand. What am I even supposed to do with this? I didn’t bring a bag and my dress doesn’t have pockets. There is only one other option, I try to tuck it into my bra without anyone else noticing. Hopefully it will stay there.

* * * * *

A sudden tap on my shoulder surprises me. The music had consumed me once again. I didn’t notice someone had approached me. But when I turn around and see who is standing there, I feel disappointed. It’s not the person I was hoping for.

It’s Bambi. Or should I say Jakob?

“You promised me a dance,” he says, offering his arm to me.

Oh god. I don’t remember that but I must have agreed to it during our walk to the dining hall, when I hadn’t been listening to anything he was saying. Sigh. Is it too late to say no now?

After some serious debating in my head, I take his arm. I don’t want to dance with him but the other option is rejecting him on the spot and that may be even worse, especially if he is going to cause a scene.

He leads me to the dancefloor. Other people are already paired up and moving on the rhythm of the music.

Bambi takes my right hand in his own, placing his other hand on the back of my waist right on the spot where my dress is showing some skin. I really don’t like the feeling of his hand there. With my free hand I move his arm slightly upwards so that his hand is now resting a little higher on my back, far away from my skin.

I place my hand on his shoulder and he starts the dance. I wish I had paid more attention during the dance lessons we’ve had this past week. For some reason this type of dancing just isn’t for me. You’d say someone who’s into music as much as I am, would be able to connect the music to the required movements. But something apparently went wrong in my head because I just couldn’t make it work. This dancing was just a little stiff and there were so many steps to remember. Pfft.

I feel my dance partner’s eyes on me. I turn my head away so I don’t have to look at him. He’s talking to me, but I don’t listen to any of the words coming out of him. Instead I focus on the music. It’s pure and beautiful and touching.

Someone bumps into me. Isn’t it the man’s job to pay attention?

“Oh, I’m sorry… hi!”

“Oh it's okay.” I turn to see who bumped into me, even though I’m pretty sure I recognized her voice. Leana. “Hello.”

The guy Leana is dancing with tries to lead her away from me, but she’s not having any of it. “How’re you liking the party?”

Bambi however understands what she’s trying to do and keeps us close to one another so we can continue our conversation. “It's quite fun, isn't it?” I have to turn my face to see the girl I’m talking to. Dancing and talking is not a good combination when your conversation partner is not the same person as your dancing partner. “What about you?”

I notice her gaze shift to someplace behind me. I turn my head to see who or what she’s looking for, but I can’t figure it out. After a brief moment of silence, she replies, “it’s being ... quite a surprise.”

“A surprise?” I raise my eyebrows, but I don’t think she notices. Her gaze is still focussed on something else in this room. “In what way?”

Our dance partners are not really making it easy for us. Right now, Leana’s partner is blocking my entire view of her. “I mean... I had been in big events but nothing like this.”

“Yeah,” I answer as if I relate to what she’s saying. The biggest event I’ve ever been to, was a rock concert in the Park Theatre back in Winnipeg. And the vibe during that concert was the complete opposite from the one right here in this ballroom. “The royal family sure knows how to organize a party.”

I wonder if she even heard what I was saying because her partner is trying to lead her away again. But then I see her open her mouth, “what about change partners, should we?” She lets her partner twirl her around one last time.

Before I even realize what’s happening, she is standing in front of me.

I look to Bambi just in time to see his round eyes go even bigger. He doesn’t say anything, even though he doesn’t look too happy with this sudden change. Leana’s partner is looking at him with the same expression on his face, completely lost. The sight of them makes me laugh. I don’t think they were expecting something like this to happen.

“You want to dance with me? I have to warn you, this is not one of my talents.” Understatement.

“I know, I saw you at the dancing lessons,” Leana replies. Well at least she gives me an honest answer. “I’m not that good either but I refuse to stay standing at a party.”

“I was hoping nobody had noticed. But I have to agree with you, the music is worth dancing to.” Even now the rhythm of the music is calling out to me, encouraging me to start dancing. As long as I can move freely, there is absolutely no problem. But whenever a dance partner appears, everything goes wrong. I honestly don’t know what my problem is.

Leana is swinging along on the rhythm, her eyes are again trained on something or someone else in the room. “Hey, you should have play something for us tonight.”

I turn my face to look at the ensemble creating some beautiful music at the moment. “Nah I'm good, I wouldn't want to impose.”

“After listening to you playing I don't think anyone would see it that way,” she shrugs.

“Thanks,” her compliment makes me chuckle a little, “but I think I'll pass.” I honestly don’t feel like putting myself in the spotlight right now. This is not my ball and I don’t want to be the centre of attention. In fact, I’d rather be enjoying the music and everything from the side line. “Hey, you've got moves. Have you done this type of dancing before?”

That makes her laugh, “I have but I’m not that good...”

“Don't be so modest,” I offer her a reassuring smile. If she is ‘not that good’, then where does that leave me? “You're better than most of us.”

She bobs her head a little. “I won’t argue about that...” A crescendo in the song catches my attention. Leana apparently heard it to because she switches places with me right when it happens. We continue dancing, but in reality it’s more like she is dancing and I’m copying whatever she does. “How does your family spend this holiday?”

I refrain from saying that I feel like it’s only the higher castes that consider Independence Day as a holiday. For me and my family, it’s a day just like any other. “We don't really celebrate it to be honest. But we do have a more elaborate dinner that day, with other family members coming over and such.” I tilt my head a little. “What about you?”

“There’s always an important dinner hosted by governors, so we haven’t celebrated it as family for a long time... just my mom, now, my little brother and me eating something delicious.”

“Oh,” it never occurred to me that families might not see each other on a day they consider to be a holiday. I can’t imagine what that must be like, if everyone in the family has different obligations. “I'm sorry. Do you miss your family?”

Leana keeps on dancing, every move she makes is in sync with the music. “I do miss them, but we didn’t see each other during the day much, just breakfast.” She raises a shoulder as if it’s nothing. “I have texted them and called them so I’m fine. What about you?”

“I miss my family terribly.” They are the most important thing in my life. I just want to hug them and never let go again. “Phone calls just aren't the same.”

“Uh videocalls?” she raises an eyebrow at me.

“I mean,” I sigh softly, “it's just not the same as real life you know.”

Leana nods her head slowly, she’s not really looking at me anymore. “It’s hard to be used to be around someone every day and suddenly he’s not ...”

I don’t really understand what she’s talking about. “Uhm I'm sorry?”

She blinks her eyes a couple of times, finally focussing back on me again. “I mean family, having the family away it’s hard.” She reaches out to me and places a hand on my arm. The smile she gives me seems genuine.

Is she talking about my dad? How did the conversation take a turn to this?

“Yeah it sucks.” I don’t feel like elaborating about it, not on a night like this when we are supposed to enjoy ourselves.

Her hand slips to mine and she makes me twirl. “Looking forward to dance with the prince?”

I’m glad for the topic change but why did it have to go to the prince now? “I wasn't planning on dancing with him, no.” Last time we talked, I didn’t get the impression that Leana was too fond of him either. Something must have changed between them two. Interesting. If we had been a little closer in terms of friendship, I would have asked her about it. But I feel like it’s not my place to do that, so I drop it and raise my eyebrows at her. “Are you going to?”

She raises her eyebrows in return. “You said that as if you had other specific plans...” The curiosity is right there in her eyes. It must be the journalist in her, always wanting to know everything. But then she shrugs. “I don’t know, I guess he’s going to be busy for a while.”

The ball is well underway and I realize I haven’t paid any attention to the prince and his whereabouts. It’s the same thing I have been doing the last couple of months, casually ignoring his existence. “But I'm sure if you ask the prince, he'll accept the dance. It's kind of his job isn't it?”

Her face turns into a grimace. “That doesn’t sound so good ... if it’s his job I will consider giving him a free day then.”

I gasp, pretending to be shocked. “Ah Leana, don't rob him of his opportunity to dance with you.”

Speaking of opportunities for a dance, I remember someone asking me for one earlier tonight. Where is Hugo? I glance around the room, but I can’t seem to find him. There are people walking, talking and dancing everywhere.

Leana’s laugh makes my attention shift back to her, “he will be fine.”

“Hm, you're going to break his heart.” Poor prince.

Her eyes sparkle with amusement when she answers, “I remember someone was going to serenade him. What happened with that?”

We had indeed made a deal all those weeks ago, to see whether he would be scared away by my band’s music. But the entire thing had slipped from my mind. Such a shame. It makes me laugh, “I completely forgot about that.”

She doesn’t answer besides shaking her head in disappointment.

“Please forgive me,” I say with an overdramatic tone in my voice. If she really wants to know how the prince responds to music, she could play some guitar for him herself. Her guitar skills are pretty good, even if she says otherwise.

“I mean it’s never too late,” she says, adding a wink.

We continue dancing and talking for a little while, but then a familiar face catches my attention. I turn to face Leana again. She keeps on dancing without a care in the world. The twirls she’s making highlight the ruffles of her beautiful dress, the fabric flowing along in the movements.

I glance back at Hugo a second time. He’s still where he was a minute ago.

“Um- I’m afraid I need to go get something to drink... is okay if I,” Leana’s words make me turn back to her.

“Uh yeah sure. Thanks for the dance,” I say and I mean it. I don’t know if I would have survived an entire song with Bambi. His monologue made it impossible for me to hear the music. Leana saved me from that at least.

She smirks at me, “have fun.”

“Yeah you too,” I say, waving a little goodbye before she turns to walk in the other direction.

I walk over to the drink table, trying not to bump into other people along the way. It’s quite a challenge of its own. Some people really don’t pay attention to where they’re going, either because they’re too focussed on their conversation or because they might be drunk.

Eventually I reach my destination and extend a hand. “Care for a dance?”

Hugo turns to me with a smile on his face. I don’t think that’s a view I will ever be bothered by. As friends of course. For some reason, I have to keep reminding myself of that. Why can’t I just accept it and let it go?

He takes my hand, the soft touch bringing me back to reality. “You don't even have to ask.”

I practically drag him with me towards the dance floor, again trying not to bump into other people. “Are you enjoying the ball so far?”

“Yes, but I think I'm enjoying it more now. I've been looking forward to getting my feet stepped on all night.”

His answer makes me snort. “You can step on your own feet, you don't need me for that.” I’ve done it to myself numerous times, sometimes even resulting in me falling on my face. It’s not something I’d recommend but if he really wants to, then it’s an option.

I hear a soft chuckle coming from behind me. “I could but I'd rather have you do it.”

We’ve reached the dance floor and I turn to face him. Before I even know what I am doing, I step on his foot lightly. “Here you go, happy now?” In doing so, some hair has fallen in front of my eyes. I’m sure Carla would allow me to touch my hair now, it’s literally blocking a part of my view. Although, knowing Carla she would probably criticize me for it. I reach up anyway and tuck the hair behind my ear. I glance around to find other people paired up as well, ready for a dance. Some of them are other selected, partnering up with unknown men. Their escorts perhaps? “I might need your help though, this is not one of the things I'm good at.”

His laugh attracts my attention again and I glance at my friend just when he returns the gesture, stepping lightly on my toes. “I’m thrilled.” Before I can do or say anything, he pulls me closer. His hand rests on the back of my waist. I don’t mind his hand there, contrary to Jakob’s hand which I moved upwards as a result. “You've got this. I'll be here with you every step of the way.”

“Thank you, I appreciate that.” I place my free hand on his shoulder.

Right at that moment the orchestra begins to play a new song, one from the classical genre this time. “You're doing really well, Tavi.”

Such a liar, I know in fact that I’m not doing well at all. “Stop it, this is all you.” But I can’t stop the smile from coming to my face. “Have you taken dance lessons? Or does this come natural to you?”

“Don't sell yourself short.” Hugo squeezes my hand softly, causing me to miss a step. He doesn’t seem to notice, or if he does, he doesn’t mention it for which I’m grateful. “I've taken some dance lessons, yes.”

I nod my head a little as I listen to what he’s saying. “Impressive. Truly. This doesn't seem like an easy thing to learn.” Yet if I had paid some attention during those lessons, I might have actually learned a thing or two.

He laughs, though I don’t know what I’ve said to have caused it. I’m not complaining though, it’s such a joyous sound. “Well, you know how to do other things way better than I do.”

“Oh right yeah, bannister sliding. Let's not forget that one.” The memory alone makes me chuckle. That is something I will remember forever.

That only makes him laugh more. “You're never going to let that go, are you?”

I shake my head, “nope and I will make sure you don't forget about it either.”

The laughing stops. Instead he tilts his head to one side, smiling at me again. “This is going to sound weird but I don't think I mind.”

I- I don’t know how to take that. Or how to respond. I decide to opt for a joke. “Well great because in the afterlife, my ghost is definitely going to find your ghost and be like ‘hey Hugo, do you remember that bannister thing?’ So you will be reminded of my victory forever and ever.” I don’t dare say anything about the time before afterlife. Perhaps he doesn’t want to stay friends with me once this selection is over.

He looks away from me, but I can see the tiniest blush appearing on his face. “But maybe until then you can remind me while we're alive?”

His words make my worries disappear. “Of course.” I even manage to get out a soft laugh. “I wouldn't want to throw those opportunities away.”

“How close are you and Arin?”

“Me and prince Arin?” This is the second time tonight that someone brings up that prince. Do I give off the vibe that I want to talk about him or something? “We're not close at all. We haven't spoken since that date and that was what, 2 months ago or something? Why?”

There is a brief pause before he continues speaking. “So... if you went out one night maybe you don't think he would mind?”

“I think he'd be glad to get rid of me.” I honestly think the prince wouldn’t even notice if I had gone missing. I truly don’t understand where this conversation is going or why the prince was brought up in the first place. “Why are you asking me this?”

“Because I know it's not really allowed.... but I was wondering if you might like to go to dinner sometime.”

Hang on. This has already happened before.

I raise my eyebrows, “a date?”

“As friends I mean. Friends of course.”

My heart tells me to get my hopes up again, but my head tells me to not be stupid. I follow the advice of my heart, not having learned anything from last time when he had dropped that friend bomb on me. “You mean as friends?” Please don’t make me go through this again. Please don’t make me feel like an idiot.

But then he shakes his head. “No... not as friends.” A billion things pass through my mind all at once, creating some sort of chaos. I feel speechless. And maybe it’s because I don’t say anything, because he adds in a quiet voice, “I'm sorry- I totally get if that's not what you want and I was wrong.”

My heart is racing but I manage to clear a path in the complete chaos in my mind. “Hugo,” I softly squeeze his hand, hoping it might be enough to get him to look at me again. “I would love that.”

When he finally looks at me, his eyes have gone a bit wide. “Really?”

I nod my head, unable to keep a smile from appearing on my face. “Of course.”

“Okay,” he lets out a breath and nods. “It's a date- and not as friends.”

I can’t help but laugh. “Not as friends.” I don’t understand how this even happened, especially after last time. I hadn’t seen this coming at all, but that doesn’t mean I don’t like it. It’s a nice surprise.

There is the tiniest pressure of Hugo’s hand on my back, pushing me a little closer to him. “I thought you were going to say no.”

“Really?” I look up at him, raising my eyebrows. “Why would I ever say no?”

“I just wasn't sure if you felt the same way...”

I squeeze his hand again. “I thought I had made that pretty clear.” Let’s be honest, I hadn’t been doing a good job at the whole friends thing. “But now you know.” My own words make me blush a little. Normally I would try to avoid conversations like these at all costs, but with Hugo I just couldn’t.

“I'm glad I was wrong.” That beautiful smile is on his face again. “Very happy.”

I return the smile, enjoying this moment with him. I don’t think I’ve ever felt more at ease with someone than I do with Hugo. This silence is welcome, giving me time to clear the rest of the chaos in my head so I can at least enjoy this moment.

But then I realize why it is silent.

The song has ended and the orchestra isn’t playing a new one yet. “Oh,” I quickly let go of him, taking a little step backwards. I really don’t want to attract any unwanted attention from other guests. Some of them could be slithering around like snakes, looking for interesting stories they could turn into huge scandals. Dangerous territory. “I'm sorry I don't mean to take up all of your time.”

Hugo reacts the same way as I did. He also steps back, creating even more distance between us. “Oh... You weren't.”

The talking has completely distracted me, I didn’t pay any attention to the music. Did we even dance? “I didn't step on your feet, did I?”

He shakes his head. “Not once, except for at the beginning.”

That’s a relief, at least I did something right. Unlike those dance lessons. I’m pretty sure my practice dance partner has bruises on his feet from all the times I accidently stepped on them. Poor guy. “But that one was on purpose, so it doesn't really count.”

“On purpose or not I'd rather have no one else step on my toes.” I need a second to let those words sink in. No one else. What is that supposed to mean? I blink my eyes twice, only to find him holding his arm out to me. “Would you like to go for a walk?”

“Of course.” I close the distance between us again and gently take his arm. “Where to?”

A smile lights up Hugo’s face again. “How about the gardens? I heard they're nice tonight.”

“Sounds great.” I smile back at him. Some fresh air would be nice actually. Especially after being in this room full of people for… how long now? “But are you sure you don't need to stay here? What if someone wants to dance with you?” During that tour, he mentioned that he had befriended some of the other girls. I don’t want to take their opportunities for a chat, or maybe even a dance, away.

“All I am is a cousin. No one cares too much about what I do or where I go.” He shrugs as we walk towards the open doors. It’s dark outside but I can already see some lights illuminating plants here and there.

I turn my face back to Hugo and just look at him for a moment without saying anything. His words break my heart a little bit. This is his family after all, how can he feel like they don’t care? “I'm sure that's not true.”

He nods his head. “It is. But I don't mind. I like being able to mostly live the life I want.”

“Okay yeah I get that.” I look at him for a little while longer, but then I avert my gaze to see where I’m placing my feet. I really don’t want to make a fool of myself by falling. I focus on a champagne glass lying on the floor not too far away. How it survived its fall is beyond me. “Just... know that I care, okay?”

Hugo doesn’t reply right away. I wonder if he even heard what I was saying. Or maybe I said something stupid. But what I said is the truth, I had cared for him ever since the moment I met him. He had been so kind to me, making me feel at ease during that photoshoot. And then during that tour, when I had told him all about my dad and he had just listened. He hadn’t judged me or my family. He didn’t look any differently at me after I was done talking. There was no fear or anything close to that in his eyes. I’m not sure he knows just how much that little moment means to me.

“Tavi..... thank you.”

My heart might break a second time just because of the way he says my name. “You don't need to thank me,” I say as I pat his arm a couple of times. The gardens stretch out before us now. I had been mistaken, it’s not just a simple light here and there. In every direction I see lights of different shapes, brightness and colours, yet it all fits together perfectly somehow. “Oh look, you were right. The gardens look beautiful.”

There is a moment of silence. I don’t need to look at him to know that he’s also taking in the view of the garden. “Safiya did this.”

“She really has an eye for detail. It looks amazing.” The decorations in the ballroom are gorgeous, but the ones here in the garden are absolutely magical. It doesn’t matter where I look, there is something beautiful everywhere.

“She's always known what went together.”

The sky is filled with a billion little lights of its own. The stars flicker as they create their own patterns. “Are the two of you close?”

Hugo chuckles, “it depends on the day.” That’s always the case with family, isn’t it? On most days there are no problems, but on others even one wrong look can cause the next world war. But no matter how bad the argument, family is family and you love them anyway. “Do you have siblings?”

“I have one older brother, and a younger sister and brother.” Just the thought of them makes me smile. I’m sure Aria would love to attend a ball like this, if only for the gown.

“What are their names?”

We continue walking through the gardens. Lights are hung up, lining this very path. On the left there is a huge tree with fairy lights wrapped around the tree trunk and its branches. “So first there's Daniel, he already has a family of his own with the cutest little baby. And then my younger siblings are Aria and Arlan.”

“That’s a lot to keep track of. I just have Chloé and she’s more than enough.” There is so much love in his voice, it makes me smile. “Do you get to see your older brother often?”

“Yeah he always comes over a couple of times a week for dinner.” And I guess he has been coming to our house more often now that I’m gone. Daniel had promised me he would look after mom and the little ones. The feeling of missing them hits me so hard, I almost break down in tears. I need to steer the conversation away from my family. “Are you and your sister close?”

“Sort of, the past few years we've gone our own ways a bit but I always love spending time with her.”

��Oh that's nice.” We pass a flowerbed with multiple balls of light placed in it. Some shine a soft pink light, while others look more like blue and green. “Is she the girl you walked into dinner today?”

There is a moment of silence before he answers. “No... I escorted Felicity...”

“Oh,” that name rings a bell somewhere. Felicity. Then I remember the very first etiquette lesson all those months ago. She had entered the room, whispering something we couldn’t hear to the princess. I didn’t know who she was then, but Brooke had explained, ‘I am pretty sure it is Prince Arin's ex-girlfriend.’ No matter how hard I think about this, I can’t make sense of the situation. I don’t understand how Hugo came to be her escort. Why couldn’t the prince accompany his own ex-girlfriend to a dinner in his palace? “But she's the prince's ex? Why would you escort her then?”

I look over the flowerbed on my right, the light balls illuminate some flowers while others disappear completely in the darkness of the night. As we walk past it, the soft colours of the lights sort of blend together.

“Yeah she is, but we were paired up because it's a rank thing. We didn't decide that.”

“Okay of course.” I nod my head, “that makes sense.” What am I doing? I feel like I’ve overstepped a boundary. I shouldn’t have asked about it in the first place. “I'm sorry, that's none of my business.”

“Please don't be sorry.” He pauses for a second. “I have something I should tell you...”

I rip my gaze away from the flowerbed and turn to Hugo instead. “What? Are you okay?”

He nods his head, “I'm fine, I just want to be honest with you. Felicity and I... we...”

Where is this conversation going now? I furrow my eyebrows a little, but I keep quiet so he can continue talking.

He looks so uncomfortable, it makes me feel bad. “We were never really together but... we got close. But I want you to know she's only a friend.”

I don’t know what to say but then something my dad once told me comes back to mind. I was about 6 years old when my parents had asked me which music instrument I wanted to learn how to play: my mom’s violin or my dad’s tuba. Deep down I knew, while both instruments can create the most beautiful sounds, that I wanted to play the guitar. I had seen some musician play it on TV and I fell in love with it right away. But I couldn’t bring myself to tell my parents, in fear of disappointing them by choosing a different instrument. One day my dad asked me what was wrong and I started crying, telling him about the guitar. He pulled me into a hug, assuring me it was okay. “Octavia, we can’t force you to play the violin or the tuba. You have a voice of your own and you’re allowed to use it. This is your life, go for the things that bring you joy.”

I know this situation is far from the same as choosing a music instrument, but I feel like the essence of my dad’s message is applicable here as well. And besides, who am I to judge Hugo? He sure didn’t judge me when I told him about my dad’s jail situation. “Hey listen. Even if she was more than a friend, it's your life and you should do whatever makes you happy.”

He lets out a sigh. I can’t decide whether that’s good or bad, but his face does seem to relax a little. “Tavi, I think you make me happy. And I want more of that with you.”

My heart is beating so loudly, it’s the only thing I can hear. I’m pretty sure Hugo can hear it too, and with him everyone else here in these gardens.

I can’t do anything but stare at him. This is what I have been hoping for deep down, I just can’t believe it’s actually happening. “You're not drunk, are you?”

“No, I'm not. Are you?”

Relief floods over me. At least he’s aware of what he’s saying.

I shake my head, feeling very glad for I only had one alcoholic drink tonight. I’m sure if I had been drunk, this would never have happened. I can barely hear my voice over the beating of my heart, “I think you make me happy too.”

He stops walking, causing me to do the same. His eyes meet mine, but he doesn’t say anything.

I don’t know what to say myself, so I try to go for a way out. “Do you think we should head back?”

“Can we just wait a minute...? I like being out here with you.”

I somehow manage to get some words out of my mouth. “Of course.” I feel like I’m dreaming and I could wake up in my room here in the palace any second now. Or worse, wake up in my bed back in Denbeigh.

He lets go of my arm and turns to face me fully. “I was thinking when this is over I should take you up on your offer and visit Winnipeg...”

“Please do.” I remember that conversation and it hadn’t been me who made that offer. Hugo had said, ‘maybe you could show me around. It's always so much better with a local friend around.’ I remember the words so well, because I had felt so confused for making a friend. Look where we are now. With a smile on my face, I add, “though I can't promise I'm that good of a tour guide. And you set the bar for that quite high.”

His smile has turned so soft. “You can't say a bad thing about anyone...” He reaches down and takes my hand in his. I’m reminded once again of the smoothness of his skin. “That's one of the things I like about you so much. You're the most kind person I think I've ever met.”

I shake my head, I’ve done so many awful things. Like that fight with Leana, judging her for being a journalist. Or when I had aimed that paintball gun on prince Arin. And then actually pulling the trigger, trying to shoot him. “I... that's not true.” And let’s not forget the endless trash talk coming out of my mouth whenever I’m around Brooke. I’m not a kind person at all.

“We all have our good days and bad days- they shouldn't define us.” He reaches up to brush some hair out of my face.

“Hugo,” I can’t do anything else but look up at him. “If there is someone worthy of that most kind person title, it's you.”

He shakes his head. “I think you're wrong... but,” he says, taking a deep breath. He leans a little closer, his face only inches away from mine. “Tavi?”

I don’t know how I manage to speak, I feel like I stopped breathing about 10 minutes ago. “Yeah?” My heart however keeps on beating, the speed increasing with every second that passes.

Then he leans in even closer, pressing a kiss to my cheek.

It feels like that moment when you’re waiting for a concert to begin. The lights are dimmed, and everyone goes silent. Your heartrate increases as you feel your anticipation level rise. And then the musicians take the stage and start playing their music. It’s the moment everyone has been waiting for. All the people start cheering and clapping, letting go of that build-up anticipation, leaving nothing but excitement and happiness behind. And the feeling of wanting more.

That’s exactly what I’m feeling right now. I want more.

I let go of his hand and reach up to touch his face. His eyes lock with mine and I gently bring his face closer to mine, making our lips touch in a gentle kiss.

His hands go up to cup my face, holding me in place as he kisses me back.

My heart is beating so loudly, it’s impossible for him not to hear it.

The kiss makes me feel a billion things at the same time, but surprisingly there is no chaos in my head. There is a calmness somehow, my mind has gone completely blank. The only thing that matters right now is this moment. I don’t want it to end.

But then I realize where we are.

I take a little step backwards, glancing around as I do. I don’t see anyone, but it’s dark outside and someone could be hiding in a bush or something. “I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that here.”

He quickly glances around before leaning closer, kissing me again. When he pulls away, there is a smile on his face. “I'm not sorry.”

“Hugo,” I’m unable to stop the smile from appearing on my own face. I haven’t felt this kind of happiness in a very long time and now I don’t know what to do with myself.

He drops his hands from my face. I can feel the heat on my cheeks, they’re most likely bright red right now. Thank god for the darkness of the night. One of his hands slips into mine, “Tavi.”

There is something in the way he says my name. Like it’s something special. I fight the urge to kiss him again and instead I intertwine my fingers with his, “thank you for tonight.” It really had exceeded my expectations in every possible way.

“I'm so happy you said yes.” Hugo gives my hand a little squeeze.

I don’t know exactly which yes he’s talking about. I’ve said yes to so many things.

A dance.

A date.

A walk in the gardens.

If I had said no to one of those things, I don’t think I would’ve ended up here. With him.

I look down at our hands, joined together. I don’t want to let go. What if I do and all of this slips right through my fingers? But I also don’t want anyone to find out about this, whatever this may be. I could face any sort of punishment for myself, but I don’t want Hugo to get in any trouble. “Maybe I should head back?”

Our eyes meet again when I look up at him. “If it's okay with you I think I might stay out here a little bit longer?”

“Of course.” I let go of his hand, even though I don’t want to. I stand up on my tiptoes and give him one last quick kiss. “I guess I'll see you around then?”

Even in the darkness, I can see the smile on his face. “I'll see you around, Tavi.”

I return the smile before I turn around and start walking back towards the palace, forcing my heart to calm down. I need all of my attention to focus on the real world.

Darkness, an uneven garden path, me in heels, my mind elsewhere. All of these things together dramatically increase the chances of me ending on the ground.

Many people walk past me on my way back to the palace. Some are alone, others have company. It was definitely clever of me to return to the ballroom. There are curious eyes everywhere.

Back in the ballroom, it’s like nothing has changed. People are still talking, walking and dancing.

I make my way to the drink table only to find my escort Jakob aka Bambi there. He turns in my directions, his eyes sparkling as he recognizes me. But before he can so much as open his mouth, I quickly grab a drink and excuse myself.

I make my way through the room until I find the perfect, quiet spot where no one will bother me. I spend the rest of the evening there, watching the other people but not really seeing them. My mind keeps going back to what happened in the garden, reliving the moment time and time again.

#selectionoc #challenge 5 #fic #((do i tag this as tugo?))#((i guess i do...))#tugo

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mittensmorgul · 5 years

Text

I’m rewatching 13.15, A Most Holy Man, right now, and... and I remember when it first aired. The reaction was largely “meh,” or “the noir format doesn’t really do it for me and the episode was kinda boring overall.” It’s possibly the s13 episode I have the least amount of posts for on my blog. It was largely skimmed over as mostly irrelevant, with the only takeaway being:

A. They got the macguffin they needed to progress the A plot by the end of the episode

and

2. They really should’ve cut that scene of Dean going on about how he’d kill everyone who tried to steal his car...

But... this was a Dabb episode. I wrote this post back in May, but I think it merits an additional look now:

https://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/184946657745/so-im-still-out-ahead-of-the-tnt-loop-but-i

Because this single episode functions as a microcosm of their entire lives, at least thematically, if not in a 1:1 fashion. I mean, it is just a 42 minute episode. There were only so many twists and layers they could reasonably shove in, and the Rule Of Three is a convenient metric for demonstrating the pattern in narrative shorthand that invites us to consider the unspoken “etc. etc. ad nauseum” ourselves.

I’d go into the entire structure of the episode, but I’m hoping that just explaining the outcome-- after reading the post I linked above-- everyone will be able to see the parallel itself without me having to write 5k words on the subject today. :P

Let’s start with the exchange at the end of the episode that prompted this realization. Because it’s a bit of chicanery:

FATHER LUCCA: I think I got shot. [DEAN lifts up FATHER LUCCA’s shirt to see only a little blood.] DEAN: Looks like he just grazed you. A few more inches to the left and, uh... FATHER LUCCA: It’s a miracle. [SAM and DEAN, with FATHER LUCCA behind them, search the warehouse and find GREENSTREET still hiding.] GREENSTREET: I didn’t know this would happen. I… I’ll give you anything you want, huh? DEAN: The blood, where is it? GREENSTREET: It, uh… doesn’t exist. SAM: You… what? Wait a second. You told us– GREENSTREET: Exactly what you wanted to hear. It was just a bit of… DEAN: Chicanery? GREENSTREET: Exactly. DEAN: Well… chicane this. [DEAN punches GREENSTREET to the ground.] ACT FIVE EXTERIOR – WAREHOUSE – NIGHT [There are police cars outside the warehouse. A policeman leads GREENSTREET to a car and sits him inside.] GREENSTREET: No, no, no, no. Wait. Don’t – you – you – you’ve made a mistake.

For a refresher, Greenstreet was the author of this entire bit of chicanery. For a while, it appeared as if it was actually each of the other people involved:

Margaret Astor, the first person we meet, and also the one APPARENTLY holding all the cards when they walk into the final deal, who ends up backstabbed (well shot in the back anyway, close enough) by her own assistant

she sent them to Greenstreet, who introduced the term “chicanery” to the narrative, which I’m gonna focus on next, because despite all his plotting, his narrative didn’t end the way he wanted (he’s getting hauled off to jail, but heck, at least he didn’t end up dead like most of the rest of these conspirators...)

Greenstreet sent them to Scarpatti, with the partially true information that he’d been the one to have the artifact stolen in the first place, only to learn that it had been stolen from his man in turn...

(and remember, the skull isn’t actually what Sam and Dean need... it’s the currency they believed they needed in order to trade for what they DO actually need... it’s a bit of a chicane... which I’ll get to... sorry for this meandering on the way to the conclusion, but this little side journey is 100% relevant... you’ll see what I mean in a minute)

While investigating Scarpatti’s side-detour, they end up having to investigate a murder, and inadvertently stumble over Father Lucca Camilleri... but Sam and Dean have no idea that they’re now traveling through this episode with the thing THEY actually need. But rather than just... take what they need because that fact hasn’t been revealed to them yet, or even continue to pursue the currency they believe they need to trade for the elusive thing they need, they selflessly choose to do the morally right thing despite believing that in doing so they are forfeiting their chance to get the macguffin they need.

Ain’t it just Winchesters vs The Cosmos on a microscopic level?

Because one thing I’ve learned about Dabb as showrunner is that his absolute favorite thing is gleefully pointing back at canon and explicitly clarifying things. It’s not always obvious, he tends to be incredibly subtle, but if you’re looking for it, it’s impossible not to see in pretty much all of his writing. He LOVES messing with prior perception, and making us work for the satisfying moment where all the pieces fall into place.

Chicanery and the chicane. THAT ITSELF IS A CLARIFICATION. From vague to specific. Because “a chicane” is a very different thing than “chicanery.” And it’s all a bit of a winding deception.

For reference, the definitions of these two very different words:

chi·can·er·y /SHəˈkān(ə)rē/ noun, the use of trickery to achieve a political, financial, or legal purpose. "an underhanded person who schemes corruption and political chicanery behind closed doors" synonyms: trickery, deception, deceit, deceitfulness, duplicity, dishonesty, unscrupulousness, underhandedness, subterfuge, fraud, fraudulence, legerdemain, sophistry, sharp practice, skulduggery, swindling, cheating, duping, hoodwinking

and

chicane (/ʃɪˈkeɪn/) noun, a serpentine curve in a road, added by design rather than dictated by geography. Chicanes add extra turns and are used both in motor racing and on roads and streets to slow traffic for safety.

What the definition of “chicane” doesn’t provide is that in auto racing, a chicane isn’t seen as a “safety” measure, but an obstacle. If you’ve ever watched road racing, the chicane is where a lot of drivers wipe out. It’s a choke point where everyone HAS to slow down, but when you’re RACING each other, the objective is to remain out in front, you know? Jockeying for position, trying to get through the obstacle as quickly as possible to get back to direct racing toward the finish line. So while a chicane literally slows the racing by design, forcing drivers to adapt to the physical reality of safely navigate through the pinch point while not wrecking themselves, they need to maintain absolute focus to retain their position, as well. It’s not about slowing down for safety but about finding the balance point between “safely navigating through without wrecking myself or being wrecked by the other cars trying to achieve the same objective I am” and “but we’re still racing and I can’t let anyone pass me so I’m still gonna push it as fast as I can while still conforming to the laws of known physics.” It’s... difficult.

THREE TIMES in this episode, they use the word “chicanery” before Dean clarifies it to “chicane.” For reference, out of the other 306 episodes of this show that exist at the time of writing this post, they’ve used “chicanery” a grand total of ZERO other times. Seems significant, yes?

In the same way the show has frequently used Wizard Of Oz imagery to convey these same points, with the reminder in the end of the “you had the power inside you all along” sort of themes, this episode takes it one step further. Which... logical considering the nature of the spiral narrative, that when it comes around again, the circumstances aren’t exactly the same. Think of it in terms of that racetrack with the chicane.

In the case of the plot of this episode, a similar comparison can be drawn to The DaVinci Code, since through most of the wild goose chase running through all the games and puzzles, the guy is literally traveling with the object he seeks. It just doesn’t become obvious, like with Dorothy and her Ruby Slippers, until they’ve worked their way through all the puzzles and subterfuge along the way. As Dean says in Scoobynatural when Sam points out that if he knows how the episode ends, why don’t they just get to the point already, and Dean replies “Because sometimes it’s about the journey.” Rather intuitive meta observation about the point of the narrative structure, yes?

Back to our road race analogy now, after passing through the chicane chicane. Every lap, the drivers are driving through the same essential course. The shape of the road doesn’t change in the most fundamental way. The same parts are still paved, the walls around the edges don’t move, etc. But each time they drive around, other conditions vary. Their tires wear down so their traction changes. Heck, the drivers themselves are wearing out physically and mentally. Maybe a dude’s just thirsty or has an itch on his nose or just has to pee real bad. Maybe the wind speed or direction has changed. Maybe the sun has moved so different turns become more tricky with a glare in their eyes. Their engines are slowly shifting as wear and tear of operating at a high performance level alters performance. Their brakes might be wearing down. They may be in need of more fuel and are driving more conservatively, or may have just gotten new fuel or new tires or made some other alteration to their car that shifts not only their ability to go faster, but changes how they handle corners, etc. But there’s also the factor of all the OTHER cars driving around them. Maybe they’ve hit the chicane all by themselves because they’re out ahead of the pack (or trailing far behind it). Maybe they’re clustered tightly together with other drivers. Maybe there was a wreck that altered the road surface... cleaning up fuel/oil spills, sand or dirt having “spilled” out onto the road surface, maybe a slight drizzle started making it more slippery, or even random trash has blown from the stands into the road, or debris from a wreck-in-progress hampers their progress. There are SO MANY FACTORS at play that make each lap around the course an entirely different experience, you know?

Same with the spiral narrative. The major landmarks might be similar, but everything else is new.

And the moment Dean says “chicane this” and punches the author of this series of events in the face, that’s basically 14.20, yes?

They’re tired, and they’re on the last lap, and they’ve been through this chicane so many times now. And they’ve just been told that after every lap, Chuck refused to wave the checkered flag. They kept reaching the finish line over and over, only to discover it was also the starting line and the race was still going. And each time through Chuck’s big chicane, he’d deliberately change those variables, so the more experience they gained on the track, there’d always be a bit of new debris to navigate, a new difficulty level added.

And now in 14.20, it’s like they finally caught him in the act of throwing thumbtacks down on the road, you know? They caught him at his tricks.

And like, to use a favorite metaphor of Dabb’s, it’s like the roadrunner and the coyote. Only the roadrunner had always known all along that the coyote was laying traps for him and always found the most hilarious ways to foil the coyote’s plans and turn it back around on him. It took them 14 seasons for TFW to finally pull a roadrunner.

This has always been Dabb’s ending, because it’s actually the story he has been telling all along. The spiral’s broken, and instead of continuing lap after lap with no end in sight, they’ve finally realized they can just... stop driving in carefully paved loops and drive in a direct line to the finish.

(and maybe the only way to make it to the finish is to pave their own road around all of Chuck’s chicanery... it’s gonna be some heavy lifting and some rough off-roading, but it’s the only way to get off the track to victory lane)

(apologies, this is the sort of place my brain goes when Mr. Mittens is watching nascar at Road America in the background... but it’s super apt, and full disclosure, I started writing this about an hour before he turned the tv on. I was already on this road course >.>)

#spn 13.15 #spn 14.20 #dabb vs cars #LOL I SWEAR THAT HAS ALWAYS BEEN MY DABB TAG >.>#it's spirals all the way down #the scheherazade of supernatural #this is so meta it's actually hurting my brain and i need to go lie down now #s14 hellatus rewatch #if you say 'mysterious ways' so help me i will kick your ass #welcome to the final lap please buckle up we're gonna be cutting through the grass now #spiders georg of the tnt loop

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shidiand · 5 years

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How do you imagine Tenco's Story ending in your head?

that is a GREAT but UNEXPECTED QUESTION freshlybaked "spider" bread and i'm really happy to have the opportunity to try and answer this ageless question that has burned within all of us in the tenco's story iv waiting room community since 2013. it is an incredible coincidence (or is it? 👀) that i was just talking to Risa about tenco's this (edit: yesterday) morning so i am extra double super in the mood to talk about Tenco's Story today. so excellent of a coincidence is this that i am tempted to refer you to them in case you wanted to hear their thoughts on the matter that would probably turn out super cool, but that is neither here nor there; let us talk Tenco's Story.

i of course must mention my unadvertised and modestly detailed commentary on tenco's i-iii at https://shidiand.tumblr.com/tencos, presenting slightly interesting facts in an unwieldy and difficult-to-use format, but as it dates back to june 2017, i want to take some time to understand my feelings about the series once more.

tenco's story is a series that has a lot of meaning to me.

i took on my current name of shidiand in november of 2013. i was still in 11th grade at the time, 4th year of high school, and a very socially isolated person. i should say i was introduced to touhou in 7th grade, 2010, so i was still working through a 3 years-strong phase of trying to simultaneously both find an outlet for and bottle up an endless wellspring of awkward weeaboo-gamer nerd energy at the time.

i had my first real foray onto the internet in 2010, tried out twitter, followed some RPers and other people who had Cool Touhou Usernames. didn't really go anywhere. i had maybe 50 followers, i dont really know the count but it was definitely a) double digits and b) pretty low. didn't know what to tweet about. didn't know how to hit it off with others. i think there was basically maybe only 3 other people i ever properly interacted with. oh shit i was playing league of legends at the time. oh my god. i really did play league of .. oh my god. let's move on.

aw shit im super digressing amn't i. well.

this is just how it goes when i write essays on tumblr.com.

i'm afraid you're just along for the ride at this point so please do your best to enjoy it.

i got kind of tired of twitter at the time because i didnt know what to do with it. didnt know how to interact with people and didnt find the people i was following interesting, so i ghosted on out of there by the end of 2012. didnt deactivate it until like 2015 but at that point that was just burning away my dark history. anyways. november 2013.

--im taking a lot of time here trawling through old files on my computer, my tumblr blog, notification emails still lying around in my gmail inbox from twitter, the dropbox i didn't actually use but it had several tenco's story pictures on it but i deleted them so this was useless, ... to trace the timeline of this story and im really seeing a lot of remnants of dark history here you know? did you know i wrote a letter to a girl i had a crush on valentine's day 2014, slipped it into her locker, and anxiously hung around nearby at lunchtime to see how she reacted at lunchtime? i certainly didn't, or at least i made darn ass sure to forget about this incredible virgin incident and not remember it, ever, until i came across the records of it that i thoughtfully preserved for the me of 5 years later today. ok well now i have to read the letter to see if it was as bad as it just sounded there brb

ok so the good news is that it was actually very focused on being positive and full of admiration for the cool things she did instead of being a confession letter so i am very glad i was able to be a respectful chad 5 years ago, but the bad news is that the jokes, the actual sentences i put together. oh my god. but i mean. well. at least i got the spirit. its certainly a step up from this other person in my grade, WEEABOO ANDREW, YOU MAY RECALL THIS STORY AND HIS NAME FROM PREVIOUS STORYTIMES, THE MAN THE MYTH THE LEGEND who came to school on halloween once cosplaying kirito from sword art online and got very possessive about people asking if they could hold his black replica plastic sword, and probably worse, dropped a "will you be my girlfriend" letter into the locker of my homie and fellow trombonist samantha, who was a little bit nerdy, hung out with the anime-likers who were actually sociable and fun to be around so you can imagine why weeaboo andrew was into her, which had i) a direct quotation from SAO chapter 16.5 (origin of the famous "glopping noise" line), and ii) a condom. jesus christ. i dont want to talk about this any more. next topic.

i also put this drawing of iku nagae and her skarmory (actually an albinoss from 18 DRAGONS) on the other side of the letter because it was the coolest thing i could think of drawing at the time. and i completely agree with 2014 me because it IS super fucking cool. hell fuckin yeah

https://shidiand.tumblr.com/post/76301993387/iku-nagae-ft-that-thing-that-supposedly-is-a

alright that was a fun little trip down memory lane but lets get back on track. november 2013. i started anew as shidiand. still awkward, still learning how to express myself and looking for my place among others. i followed some touhou bloggers, hung around r/touhou a lot as well. in december i got my first tablet for christmas, a wacom bamboo splash. i still use this thing! the usb cable disconnects if you bump it so i have to find just the perfect position to sit in whenever i want to draw, but its served me well. anyways. i was just starting to play around with digital art but i remember, probably just before new years, for some reason i wanted to find out more about tenshi hinanawi (i don't remember why. tenshi wasn't even one of my favourite characters at the time) so i went googling and right there on zerochan i found this:

https://www.pixiv.net/member_illust.php?mode=medium&illust_id=23525572

this was during my dark souls phase so i just went BANANAS at the sight of this. this was literally the coolest image i had ever seen in my internet life. That image alone made me want to draw in hopes that I could make something as cool as that someday.

it wasn't immediately after but i soon discovered tenco's story, and it was love. kannnu was my very first artistic inspiration, and for a long time, my only one. i absolutely idolized them at the time. since then, ive found other artists to look up to, in a more healthy manner, but to this day i still look up to kannnu, still admire their work a lot.

i played around with drawing, followed the lives of people on tumblr, started reading touhou fanfiction, made a new twitter. i met a lot of new people along the way. some people i havent stuck with, some i cut ties with, and some people i still keep in contact with today. over those long 5 years of being shidiand, i found a name (i used to use shidian and then shid, but someone called me shidi once and i realized that was a lot better), how to reach out to others, how to express myself, places that i could feel included in. this is why i owe a blood debt to evelyn, who permitted me to kneel at her throne and was like "yea ok you can join my discord server u seem cool". evelyn, if you were confused by me ominously mentioning this blood debt/blood oath in a tumblr reply 1-2 years ago, this is the context. those 5 years were like a coming of age of sorts, that i never had when i was in high school.

and my love for tenco's story, that inspired me to draw that day, has been with me since almost the very beginning of my time as shidiand. from the beginning, i have always encouraged people to READ TENCO'S STORY, like the kin of those who cry PLAY MELTY or WATCH SYMPHOGEAR. i think my very first sidebar description was something akin to a prayer, written in very choral language, hoping for the day tenco's story iv was completed, ..., "meanwhile, furious shitposting". kannnu's work, finding delight in whatever they chose to draw, has been at my side, all along. my true mentor, my guiding moonlight...

so that's why i still to this day love tenco's story so much.

let's talk about tenco's story.

tenco's story is a story told through single pictures. the plot is vague, and details are sparse. dialogue is rare. we only know what has happened; we seldom know why. furthermore, there are many gaps between scenes that the reader is left to fill in for themselves; we see only snapshots that form an hazy outline of the events that occurred, and must imagine the rest. motivations and explanations fail me. but even with a barebones plot, tenco's story has themes, and if nothing else, those have to be carried through.

the main theme, of course, is journey and travel, but there are also other ideas, too. i actually think they start to change as the series goes on:

book i, where tenshi runs away from home, is about striking out on your own. it's a very fun and unpredictable journey, together with a friend.

book ii, where tenshi and iku are separated, forces tenshi to find and rely on companions of her own even more. but they do so, and they are able overcome hardships, and there is food and festival.

book iii marks a climax, reasserting tenshi's goal of finding the sword of hisou. i feel like the journey shifts from a travel (visiting) to a path forwards (making your way through). perhaps this is just something i get from knowing the locations from dark souls (Anor Londo, New Londo Ruins, the Great Hollow), but the locations start to give more of a sense of verticality, like they're emphasizing tenshi's climb to the summit. the hardships and enemies are the greatest they've been yet, and right when they near the top, tenshi and iku start to bleed. the book ends on an uncertain note.

if i had to describe the type of journey and travel that tenshi and iku undertake, there's this sense of wonder at discovering new places, wandering from vista to vista in delight, but also a sense of conquering, making it through a difficult patch. the sequence from pages 2-44 to 2-51, taken together, convey this sense of overcoming the best. it's one of my favourite parts. again, although the tone definitely starts to lean towards struggle in book iii, i think tenco's sense of wonder really is the heart of the series. there's no map of the world, no predicting where tenshi and iku will end up next. and through their travels, though they come across many enemies, they also find friends -- places of refuge, places full of life, people who will look after them for a few days, companions who will stay with them for the rest of the journey. at the end of book iii, we see a long haired tenshi with purple hair being impaled by the sword of hisou (3-33, see also this extra illustration that risa pointed out to me http://sinnnkai.blog.fc2.com/blog-entry-195.html), and regular short haired tenshi continuing on her journey (3-42). if we ignore the out-of-story images where tenshi has the sword of hisou, tenshi has actually only ever used her sunlight blade (2-24, 3-26, etc), so i think that the long haired tenshi on 3-33 is a different person altogether. (if i had to guess, she might be the purple haired woman in the top left of https://www.pixiv.net/member_illust.php?mode=medium&illust_id=35443328 as we have never seen that woman appear anywhere.) she probably has something to do with the flashbacks at the end of book ii and she might somehow be short-haired tenshi at the same time, but this is just speculation.

however, in 3-43, tenshi's hair is rather blue, so i don't know if this is the purple haired woman or not. if it is, tenshi is probably still fine and closing in on the summit, but if it isn't, then it's very worrying to see a picture of tenshi without any of her companions. it's very ominous.

meanwhile, iku, while climbing the red carpeted corridor, is stabbed, and disappears for a few pages. there's a black page, a shot of a shrine that strongly resembles the hakurei shrine, and a picture of iku standing behind someone in a tux, with the line "In the past, I was saved by the lady I was serving, you see?". and then iku wakes up in a field of flowers.

i think what this scene makes clear is a theme that has continued to appear and reappear throughout every book of "being saved, being aided by someone's kindness".

i think another theme that is implied and has to be addressed by this story of running away from home is "return". something im imagining is that the reason tenshi makes finding the sword of hisou her goal is because she wants to have something to prove herself with, to vindicate her when she comes home. but i don't think she needs to prove anything, and i ultimately think that she would be happier spending the rest of her life exploring.

so i think this should be what happens in the ending.

open on iku's journey, and give her a long sequence of travel without seeing tenshi. underline her newfound resolve. she climbs to the summit with albinoss, and finds the rest of tenshi's companions fallen. and in the last room is sword of hisou tenshi, who has lost herself, and it comes down to iku to bring her back. after a difficult battle, when both of them are on their last legs, iku is unable to stand any longer. but at this moment tenshi sees her companions struggling to get back up and reach her, and that's what brings her to her senses. and iku gets to see how many friends tenshi's been able to make on her own, and they finally and properly reunite. together, tenshi and iku carry each other out of the last room.

i don't think it's necessary to return to heaven. as a conclusion, dedicate some time to tenshi and iku travelling together. they're on their way back, revisiting old friends who helped them along the way, enjoying the journey. their last stop is the house of the elderly nawis (1-42). tenshi shows off the sword of hisou; she decided to keep it not as a trophy to show her family but as proof of the bonds of her companions. surrounded by friends, tenshi and iku decide to part ways with each other, knowing that the other will be alright. iku drifts among the clouds once more, and tenshi sets off for the horizon.

that's the plot that i'd write/just wrote. i don't really expect tenco's story iv to ever come out, though. i mentioned my first sidebar description earlier in this essay, but of course, you can see that it's been changed. 2 years ago, i read my hopeful prayer once more and was struck with a terrible melancholy, so now it reads this: "having come to terms with the fact that tenco's story iv will never be released, i can still live, knowing that the spirit of the journey will live on through kannnu's original works [...] meanwhile, furious shitposting".

on one level, tenco's story is a story, but in the process of following it, i came to think of the work itself as a journey too. you can constantly see kannnu's improvement between and even within each book. they have always drawn whatever they liked; what plot matters in the face of "I wanted to draw a beautiful sky." "I wanted to draw a fantastic battle." "I wanted to draw Dark Souls and Monster Hunter and Pokemon and Brave Fencer Musashi and Bokura no Taiyou and Touhou."

its not really kannnu's style to go back and tie up old ends. they just draw whatever makes them happy. so as i watch them continue to draw beautiful places and fantastic creatures, new characters heading out on journeys of their own or just enjoying their everyday lives, it's as if tenco's story never ended. the limits and consistency of that world ignored, and a new one springs up; in a way, the world of tenco's, which had such thin boundaries, just gets bigger.

but even so, having said all that, i still see them draw that short-haired tenshi from time to time. it makes me happy to see them remember tenco's story with such fondness. often crossing over with orion or roar or elweiss, you can see tenshi on another journey.

#tenco's story #freshlybakedspiderbread

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abyss-mal-blog1 · 5 years

Text

current mind-space//word vomit

it’s amazing how much can change in a few days, but it hasn’t been a week since my finals ended and i already felt so different. i have been doing f45 everyday this week (if not then some kind of workout, but i’ve really been into that recently). i am feeling so much better now without deadlines, sometimes i don’t know if i function better under pressure or not. i guess not, but then it’s amazing how much i can do and achieve under pressure. i need the right amount of pressure, and this semester it has been a little difficult for me to get around that.

last friday was kinda my last day of finals, i just had an essay to submit, and i am disappointed in myself and my work ethic because i submitted it at 9pm, went to my cousin’s (disappointing) party, and then professor emailed me to say that she cannot read Pages format (seriously smh @ my tardiness!!!), only got back at 1am that night and sent my mediocre essay. i am a little sad about it because i know that is not my 100%. idk why but college so far has just been a series of 80% effort. this paper was an interesting one, on airbnb, on the sharing economy, it’s a performance studies paper where i analyze the hospitality platform in terms of host-user relationship, parasitism and (attempted) to talk about free online labor. it is a little too late now but i kinda want to work on it again and like, submit for feedback. maybe ill ask taylor.

last saturday was kinda meh, i agreed to go to a *social* kinda event at a bar/club at chelsea, held for Asian-ivy-alumni-people that yanlin invited me too. it was at up&up and honestly a little...i didn’t enjoy it at all. the music sucked, the people were either too dorky or gross or old or weird, and the whole time i just kept saying to myself, “never again”. they said it was open bar but they only served absolut, which was shit. and then my friend’s two friends were...i feel sorry that this was their first clubbing experience. at the beginning my reaction was look at all these ivy alumni! get hitched with one of them for ~da connectsx~ (and nothing else) but no kidding i was actually interested in talking to them just to get to know what people who graduated from ivies are up to, and what are they doing at such events...and are they actually enjoying themselves because it was really kinda gross. met my friend’s friend who seemed like a really smart engineer (he asked for my number the next day lol), and a german dude at the bar who didn’t want to get me a drink. all i needed that night was a drink.....(i’m glad i didn’t drink tho because recently drinking has made me feel all kinds of bad) we had ramen after at ramen-ya (most probably the worst ramen and charsiew i’ve had but what can we do at 3am and my friend wanted noodle and soup...)

on sunday i KNow i should have left my house earlier to workout but i didn’t. i was angry at myself that i didn’t. instead, i stayed at home and emotion-ate. i must have eaten more green bean soup than my stomach would have liked. what else...avocado? i remember..two bananas? god. this was the day i felt like i was n’s boyfriend because i had to do what she wanted to do. i know i had agreed on going, but at that point i really wanted to go thrifting or something. i mean when i got to central park it was fine and things were good but the whole day just felt like i was kinda pulled into doing something that wasn’t my first choice of plans, not that i didn’t enjoy myself lying under the sun at the park. it just felt like i was accompanying someone. i was half an hour late to meet her as well, and half heartedly got a burrito-wrap at newsbar. if you think about it it is really kinda funny, we’re just buying food and taking the subway to this grass patch 50 blocks away. we didn’t walk much, we literally only stayed at a little grassy slope overlooking the baseball pitch. anyway we went to a dance class after (the class was an hour long but i felt like n had asked me about when and what time we should book the classes for more than an hour by text so i just got really sick of it) i rushed home and got dinner with my uncle who’s in town for my cousin’s graduation. i was surprised that he chose the same japanese restaurant again, after dissing it half a year ago we ate here. the omakase was crazy and it cost 230 per person. (for the most expensive set) it was also kinda dumb because you aren’t allowed to order a different omakase set from anyone else - everyone on the table has to order the same - because of “timing”. i wonder if this is how it is in japanese omakase etiquette, but in any case it really earned them a hefty amount because my uncle decided to get 230 for all of us. qiyang didn’t like and said qiqi had bad taste, hahaha. the food wasn’t bad, i mean it’s japanese fusion, but the prices were way too steep for the taste. anyway enough about the food, during the dinner i think we talked about many things though. i kinda wanted to talk to my uncle individually because i think he is the only one who knows about ah gong, but he was sick, and i could tell he was exhausted. my aunt got a little impatient because i didn’t arrange plans to take their furniture and they were going to throw all of them away and it was actually the first time i’ve seen her get so worked up - but at the same time trying to control her emotions - because she was talking to me. i could tell she was annoyed though but i tried not to take it personally, and arranged it tomorrow.

arranging the moving stuff was kinda last minute, i was walking to the library for work one day and i saw a truck that said MakeSpace. i assumed it was a kind of moving company and so i looked them up. they seemed to be pretty okay in terms of their services and so i decided to try them out. confirmation and setting up an appointment went pretty smoothly, except for the part where the guy i think his name was joseph, asked me to give my credit card details over the phone. idk why i did that! i stopped though, and asked him why, to which he replied he wanted to key in with the coupon code. this service has so much gimmicks within the first 2-3 minutes on the phone he was already telling me about how the first pick up is free, and that he will deduct 100$ off the first month...when people give you discounts too easily it just feels like a ploy and a thing they give to everyone, it’s not anything special and it’s probably calculated inside whatever we have to pay. anyway, i was just thinking it would be cheaper (assuming the maximum that i would have to pay is ~$500, as i confirmed with them on the phone yesterday), it’d still be cheaper than starting an apartment lease now and going through the trouble of finding two subletters.

well. idk, it’s also easy to have things all moved in, i have to find a place to store my perishables!

moving is so much work, and storing things. this reminds me of my paper on airbnb and about the digital nomad lifestyle. it is interesting though, that this is what it has become. but the homogenized aesthetic is something i really cannot stand, in airbnb, in coffeeshops around the world..i am sure you know what i’m talking about. a new york times writer did something about this - he termed it “Airspace” - and apparently it originated from Brooklyn. I guess that’s where the art/avant-garde stuff started. well. keep a look out im gonna write a blogpost about that

moving on

nat came to sleepover on sunday night and a few days after because the school kicks you out of the dorms you pay so much for right after your final ends. i forgot if we did something fun but i probably just fell asleep.

on monday i think i went to f45 and did cardio at Dumbo with Gi. he seems like a pretty nice trainer, the first time i went it was him and another girl Bertha (i think my first f45 was last tuesday) and i felt like i had two personal trainers with me - Gi was cheering me on and Bertha was doing it with me. it felt like such a good workout, one of the best ive had in a while. then work, where i arranged the movers stuff. i also realized i bought the wrong date for my flight ticket as my friends and had to buy one more...............

tuesday was the same f45 in the morning, and the bobst after. didn’t really get much work done at bobst. oh i also viewed a 3BR flex at 160. hella expensive and small, and dates didn’t work out anyway. also the broker who brought us to view the apartment was a very nice tall french man and his name was jean-francois which i couldn’t pronounce and asked nat but still called him jean as in jeen instead of john. this is why i have to learn french. you’re embarrassing. i also went to the itp/ima spring show with shubham which was super cool. there were many cool ideas, and i just wonder if i could create something like that. i didn’t get to see all of the exhibits which i regret, but i remember a few notable projects. one was an installation made with keyboards that randomly clicks, but when you hold your phone up it’ll stop. it’s made using 3d gestures. there’s also one at a gallery for surveillance, this team had a thing they call facebox, and it’s literally a box, that when you open it has a webcam that would capture your face, find you on facebook, and print out an invoice/receipt on how much you have earned for this giant tech company. what else...an AR project that when you scan a food, it shows you where the food comes from. nat said that she would love it if menus have something they could scan and then have pictures appear in ~holographic~ format, or maybe in the nearer future something on your phone that shows you a picture of the picture of the food. but isn’t it a surprise tho? sometimes the fun’s in the surprise, you read the description, you know what are the foods you’ll eat, leaving room to imagine or be surprised by how the chef puts it together! anyway, went for dinner with nat and jenny - got vegan shwarma (definitely wasn’t worth $14) and went to get crepes with will after.

wednesday we were gonna go to the dmv but we weren’t prepared. nat also needed to get her passport and she was lazy. wow the number of times i mentioned her, it feels like she’s my boyfriend at this point. talked to famz, sister, and beatrix. am currently considering if i should even go to beijing or just go straight home. fuck. went to bobst for work but no one was there i was just really sleepy. viewed an apartment at 55 morton (it’s a nice quiet residential street that seems to be tucked away from the loud cars and bars and people) then i went to f45 again-varsity!!! cardio!!!, walked across brooklyn bridge (a little regret although i wanted to walk, but my bag was heavy and there were too many tourists to brisk walk)

also the reason for this is that after my soba/miso/salad/shrimp dinner last night i was just watching a bunch of netflix shows and it was probably the caffeine from puerto rican roasting company - the barista made me a chai cappuccino with almond milk (3 SHOTS!!!)

me and nat couldn’t sleep, i really think i slept for an hour. i watched so many different shows, yoko and john’s documentary, while we were young, anthony bourdain, i was seriously flipping through all the shows and alternating between amazonprme and youtube and netflix and i even tried watching peaceful cuisine and making the brightness lower and had the sleep mode on and wow i just couldn’t sleep

so yeah the birth of this word vomit

i am going to create more things

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lxveille · 6 years

Text

as in ‘crush’

joshua x reader

word count: ~ 5900 a/n: american university!AU; ambiguously non-american/non-native english speaker!reader; probably too much actual talk about IPA; the tiniest dash of nsfw at the end

If only the course listing had warned you that concentrating in your English phonetics course would be made ten times harder by developing a truly GPA-threatening crush on one Joshua Hong.

“To facilitate pronunciation, the nasal consonant changes its place of articulation to match that of the consonant directly following…”

You are really trying to follow along with your professor’s eloquent example of an assimilation rule in the phonetics of standard English. Thus far all you have written down in your notebook, however, is just “ASSIMILATION RULES”, underlined twice with ‘homorganic nasal rule’ jotted underneath it. Since then, all you’d managed to do was rewrite over the word homorganic several times over. A part of you was trying to remember whether the professor had pronounced homorganic with five syllables or four. So at least you were still a little bit studious.

Most of you, however, is having to focus way too much on not letting your gaze flicker over to your left to where you know Joshua is sitting. He’s probably having no trouble at all following the lecture. His calm yet intensely focused gaze had been one of the first things that you’d been taken by. Other than just his overall appearance, which has been a distraction since day one of class.

“I think I’ve been mispronouncing im-polite for years,” Seungkwan whispers to you from the desk next to you, emphasizing the nasal enough for you to clue in that he must be referencing the phenomenon your professor is going on about.

Most of those in Phonetics of the English Language are international students. Without anyone suggesting it be done, you tend to arrange yourselves in the classroom so that you’re arranged by homeland, or at least by mother tongue. You happened to be one of two in this class from your country; the other girl always sits on your right.

As it happens, the small group of students from South Korea sit to your left. Seungkwan was the one who sat on the rightmost end of that group, and so it was purely by this coincidence of this self-selected, entirely unofficial seating chart that the two of you struck up a friendship which seemed to exist exclusively within this one classroom.

You’re doing your best not to make your horrible infatuation with his friend too obvious.

“What does homo-organic mean?” you half-mouth at him, gesturing with your pen to your sorry looking notes. Seungkwan holds back a snort of laughter and shrugs at you. You give him a panicked look and then turn to your right, whispering desperately in your first language.

When you glance back over to Seungkwan, he raises his eyebrows to wordlessly ask if you got an answer.

“Can we compare notes after class?” you ask quietly. While you're posing the question, you gaze flickers beyond him and two more desks down to where Joshua is still. He has one elbow propped up on the fold-down desktop, chin resting in his palm and fingers curled in towards his lips.

“If you take notes!” he nearly threatens to go above the volume any student would dare use during side conversation.

“Shht, okay, okay,” you wave your hand at him to urge him not to risk making any kind of scene and turn your attention towards the front of the room.

Fifty-three minutes later, when the professor has struck her signature end-of-class pose of shutting her folder of notes and settling both hands on the table in the front of the room, the room erupts into a symphony of languages. Yours included, as you bid your compatriot goodbye. You about close up your notebook when Seungkwan pauses his conversation to remind you that you’d asked to revise together.

“I’ll meet you at the chairs in the hall?” The word lounge occurs to you to use, but you aren’t certain if it counts if the comfy furniture and low-set tables aren’t technically in a separate room of themselves. He nods and then slips back into Korean with his friends. You take it as your cue to finish gathering your things.

It’s cooler in the hallway. You’ll never understand why the university seems to think the classrooms can only either be uncomfortably warm or overly air-conditioned. You arrange yourself with your notebook and the course’s main textbook, already searching for extra answers in the chapter you’d only half-read the night before.

You hear Seungkwan and his friends leaving the classroom before you look up to see them. They’re laughing and (you assume) saying their goodbyes as he breaks off from the group to join you.

The two of you spend about twenty minutes going over notes and textbook chapters and doing google searches in your respective languages just to double check. At the tail end of this, Seungkwan is making notes in Hangul in the margins of his notebook while you’re busy flipping through the syllabus.

“Oh, I’m so glad the homework is just some IPA transcription,” you think out loud.

“Ah -- is it really?” Seungkwan doesn’t sound as relieved as you as he glances over at the paper in your lap. “I hate those assignments.”

“Why? It’s much easier than having to read all that theory and research.” Sure, the international phonetic alphabet had taken some getting used to, and one of the front pages of your notebook was covered in your handwritten practicing at writing the symbols out along with your notes on model words you were confident of in English for each consonant and vowel.

“I worry I don’t know how to say things correctly. Then get it wrong because of that.” He frowns only for a moment before his phone buzzes and distracts him from the conversation at hand.

“I’m happy to help if you ever want to check transcriptions together.” You doubt he’ll ever take you up on the offer. That’s been your experience with most other classroom friendships since you started school here. Friendships had mostly been found in your dorm’s common room and in extracurriculars.

“Thank you,” Seungkwan gives the standard response to such an idea, looking up from his phone with a sincere smile.

When you arrive to the next class session approximately ten minutes early, Seungkwan comes in shortly after and promptly starts asking to compare your homework. You blink with surprise for a moment before you click into action, pulling out your notebook and flipping the page where you’d completed the required transcriptions. In his evident rush to verify his work, you decide it’ll be easiest just to hand over your notes. With other students streaming you, you watch as Seungkwan glances back and forth between your work and his own.

“Ah, wait, why did you write this one with epsilon, but not schwa?” he asks, nearly slamming your notebook back onto your desk and pointing at the neatly-numbered seventh one down on your paper.

“Well… it’d be, like… wunt if you wrote it with a schwa. And it’s went,” you explain simply.

He glances over his shoulder, checking which of his friends have already arrived. “Thanks,” he says, and then he rounds on Joshua, nearly yelling something emphatically to him in Korean that has you feeling guilty even if you can’t understand a single word. An apologetic smile twitches at your lips when Joshua glances in your direction while Seungkwan is pointing at the transcriptions on his paper dramatically. As far as your aware, this is the first time Joshua has ever looked at you intentionally; the first time he’s looked at you for longer than a millisecond and it’s absolutely overwhelming to think that it’s happening because of homework corrections of all things. You divert your gaze before you get the chance to see the smile Joshua sends your way even as he’s being reprimanded.

Two weeks later, midterms are officially right around the corner. You have a study session scheduled in the library exactly fifteen minutes after your phonetics class finishes with a group of students in your semantics course. You spend probably a good part of the second-half of the lecture worrying about whether or not your classmates will able to help you with the questions you still have on the midterm material.

The moment your phonetics professor finishes going over the format of the midterm exam and announces she’s done for the day, you’re hurriedly putting your belongs back in your bag. The moment you’re about to stand up, however, a figure suddenly appears in the space you were about to step into, bocking your quick departure. You look up and find yourself at a total loss for words when Joshua is smiling down at you.

The hand holding the strap of your backpack lowers meekly as you give him a curious look. You close your mouth as soon as you realize you’re practically gaping at him.

“Hey, can I ask you something?”

You nod, feeling as though the gesture must look dumb.

“Seungkwan says you’re really good at IPA and I think I’ll legitimately fail if I just using a schwa every time I can’t figure out a vowel. So, do you think you could help me study up on that?”

This is a joke. You think as much because the universe would never be so kind as to dump a beautiful boy in need right at your feet with a smile as sweet as Joshua’s. “Okay,” you answer despite the paranoid voice chiming in at the back of your mind trying to convince you that this will be a horrible mistake.

“Cool. Would the student lounge on this floor work?”

“I have to go to the library,” you snap back to your reality. “Um, now,” you add as you take a glance at your phone’s screen. Another international student has frantically texted you that he’s gotten to the library early and is already freaking out at the prospect of sustaining small talk with the quick-talking native speakers in your study group.

“Oh,” he sounds disappointed and your wistful heart is devastated at the notion. “Do you have enough time to take my number? We can text to figure out what’ll work.”

You’re in a daze through the whole exchange. Mostly because Joshua’s fingers brushed against your own as took your phone to type in his contact information. It wasn’t what you’d call sparks. More of a numbing sort of static that washed over you in a wave that left your fingers itching to be wound up with his.

“If you don’t text him I will grab your phone and message him on your behalf asking when he’s next available to spend a couple hours making out,” your closest friend scolds you in your shared mother tongue in the dining hall during lunch the next day.

You blush, and find yourself grateful - and not for the first time - that there’s no guarantee those around you can understand what you’re saying.

“I don’t think I can be alone with him. I’ll go out of my mind. My soul will escape out my stupid, open-hanging mouth and he won’t even get the help he wants.”

“There’s no way this guy is that attractive. You need some perspective, I swear.” She stabs a fork into one of the fries on her plate and then points it in your direction as another idea occurs to her. “Getting the chance to help him might help you realize he’s not some flawless being dropped down from the heavens. Nothing messes up my infatuations like hearing a guy say something completely wrong on a basic facts level.”

“IPA is hard,” you defend, saying only the acronym alone in English.

“And you are really smart for mastering it. Be confident!” she urges. “We’ve also yet to consider that he might be asking for help from you not just for the sake of passing your phonetics midterm.”

Before you can reply you hear your name from over your shoulder. When you turn to look, you nearly drop your fork when you’re greeted with the sight of Joshua.

“Hi,” you switch into English and worry instantly that you might have food in your teeth or unflattering crumbs fallen in your lap.

“Everything go alright with your library thing?”

“Is that him?” your friend asks, utterly shameless with the confidence that he wouldn’t be able to understand.

“It was alright,” you answer Joshua without acknowledging her.

“Oh, good.” He smiles and you’re certain your mirrored expression will give away the answer to your friend’s ignored question. “Any time to help a guy out with phonetics today?”

“Sure.” The word slips out before you think it through.

“Awesome.” His smile only flourishes. “I’m just grabbing lunch now but I’ll text you when I’m done?”

“Okay. That sounds good.” Truly, you’re astonished that you don’t stammer over your agreement.

Does my dorm work?

It had taken you a good fifteen minutes to answer that text after it first arrived from Joshua. You’d been managing a cohesive, casual conversation about when and where would work best to study up until that. Once you’d brought yourself back to rational thought, you’d message back that it would be fine.

Which is how you’ve ended up standing outside a dormitory other than your own with a bag full of your phonetics materials and your phone in one hand as you wait nervously for Joshua to come let you into the building. He appears with a bright, appreciative smile and holds the door open for you as you come inside.

“Sorry if my room’s kinda a mess. My roommate and I keep putting off our big clean-it-all day,” he apologizes in advance as he leads you up the stairs to his floor.

His room doesn’t look that bad at all, save a few stray wrappers from snacks and bit of strewn laundry on the side of the room you quickly discover is not Joshua’s. When it’s decided that the most convenient place for you both to sit and work through the phonetic alphabet together is side-by-side on his bed, you’re grateful that the only thing that crosses your mind is how soft his duvet is.

“So… the IPA vowels?” you recall him mentioning being his point of weakness. He chuckles, and you spot a slightly embarrassed tinge to his smile. “Do you want to show me your transcriptions from class?”

Joshua hops up from the bed and brings back his notepad from class. “You’re playing teacher here, so no laughing,” he requests as he hands it over, opened up to a page full of messy IPA with corrections written in anywhere he could find space.

“You’re… obsessed with the schwa,” you conclude after about forty-five seconds of scanning the page.

“Hey! Obsessed is the wrong word,” he suggests, propping one socked foot up on the bed as he leans back on his hands, “I just default to it.”

“It’s usually not a stressed vowel,” you begin with, as you lean down to grab a pen out of your bag. With one hand holding his notebook, you resort to uncapping your pen with your teeth, holding the cap between your lips as you twirl the Bic around in your fingers to slip it onto the backend. Your preoccupation with the task means you miss the way Joshua’s gaze zeros in on your lips at the action; his own press into a thin line as he reminds himself you’re just doing something practical.

“This is an IPA chart for vowels, okay?” you speak idly as you start drawing out the arrangement of front-central-back and closed to open sounds. “And your favorite is right in the middle, mid-central. It seems like you mostly confuse it with other mid-placed vowels. But… um, both front and back placed ones.”

“You’re losing me already,” Joshua confesses with another short laugh at his own expense.

You hum lightly, drawing over a few of the phonetic symbols a second time as you try to think of how to explain it. “I usually think of an example word. One syllable. That way I know what sound for sure goes with each vowel.”

“Like, epsilon is more front than schwa,” you tap lightly at where the symbol is positioned on the chart you’d written out in his notebook. “And it sounds like in ‘bet’.” Joshua’s spine straightens up some as you beginning this explanation. You jot down your example underneath the symbol and underline the e in bet. “Then, more closed and more front is the /e/, which makes the, um… ‘ay’ sound, you know, like…”

“Bait?” he suggests. You nod, smiling encouragingly as you copy the word down, once more underlining the vowel. “Your handwriting’s nice,” he compliments as he leans in slightly to get a better look at everything you’re putting down.

“Nearby,” you carry own without expressing any kind of gratitude. His closer positioning has you feeling a bit more self-conscious. “Is the small capital i. It’s easy, like what’s in the word ‘it’, or ‘miss’, or... ‘kiss’.” He hums in understanding beside you.

“The back ones you mix up with schwa are maybe a little harder.” You tap the back of the pen against the paper; you hope Joshua won’t know it’s a sign of your nerves at his proximity. You’ve been smitten enough so far with just the look of him. You hadn’t anticipated that the smell of him would endear you all the more to him. A stay glance over towards his dresser doesn’t tell you what cologne he wears, but you’re certain he must be wearing something. No one smells this nice all on their own.

“Open-o isn’t too bad. Just, if anything makes the sound like in ‘thought’, it’s this one.” You circle the vowels in the word lightly, the ink barely leaving a mark on the page. “And then there’s the caret, which is sort of… right in the middle of schwa and open-o?” You trace the flipped v shape of the symbol. “It’s the ‘uh’ sound, as in ‘crush’.”

“I think I say it was a schwa,” he muses, watching as you write the word out.

“Crush?” you repeat, finally lifting your head to look at him.

“Crush,” he echoes more firmly. You have to admit his vowel is a bit more relaxed than when you pronounce it, making it sound closer to the schwa sound.

“I don’t know,” you surrender, fearing yourself unable to sustain eye contact without starting to blush. “You’re probably right.” You can practically hear the scolding your friend will give you for not sticking with confidence already. “You’re probably the best at English of the international kids in our class, I mean,” you reason.

“I’m from California,” he corrects you after a beat of awkward silence. You look up at him for a moment just to confirm his sincerity and proceed to shut your eyes with a grimace of embarrassment.

“I’m sorry,” you apologize because it feels like the only thing you can do. “I assumed because…”

“It’s okay,” Joshua cuts in gently, like he wishes this whole thing had not come up in the first place. Another aspect of the situation for you to feel guilty for. “It happens.” You are filled with dread. Just because he’s dealt with this sort of mix up before doesn’t make you feel any better for having added another tally to the instances of it.

Your mind is searching for some kind of segue into leaving, or any kind of excuse to get out of the room.

“They’re pretty close in pronunciation,” Joshua points out instead, pointing to the caret and the schwa on your vowel chart. Guilt still leaves you wordless, so you nod in agreement. “Maybe I should try a couple transcriptions with the tips you’ve given so far?” he changes the subject officially. It’s obvious he wants to move along. At this point abiding that desire seems like the only polite thing to do.

You only spend fifteen minutes more in his room, helping him through a few transcriptions with the vowels he struggles over the most. When you gather your things to leave, he offers to walk you back down to the front door of the building. You accept only because insisting he does otherwise seems like it will make things more awkward.

When your phonetics class rolls around again, you stop in your tracks at the doorway when you see the Seungkwan and Joshua have traded spots. Trying not to make your missed beat too obvious, you push yourself back into motion and slip into your usual seat.

“Hey, how’re you?” asks Joshua, eyes following you as you settle in.

“I’m okay,” you answer as you flip through to a clean page of your notepad. “Tired,” you add for a touch more honesty as you turn your head to look at him. “How are you?”

“Same, pretty much.” He shrugs. “I think I did alright on the transcriptions for today. Thanks again for helping me out with that.” You feel forgiven, or even as though he was never mad.

Throughout the entire lecture, your gaze plays a furtive version of tag with Joshua’s. Every so often you’d let your glances meet for more than a second. And these instances are accompanied with an upwards tick in Joshua’s lips every time, however fleeting the expression was before one of you would redirect your sight to the front of the room or to your notes. It feels as though each flickering glimpse at one another is tugging away at whatever chance at subtlety you ever had.

Next class, when it’s time to take the midterm exam, you sit one sit further over than usual. Putting space between you and Joshua is the only chance you’ll have at passing.

Come Thursday, when all your midterms have been completed, it’s easy to convince you to attend some party being thrown by some friend-of-a-friend in one of the suites in the more modern dormitory. You and your friends made the trek across campus with plastic water bottles filled with cheap whiskey and lemonade.

It isn’t difficult getting into the building. It takes a few moments of pounding on the front door before one of the residents passes by and is kind enough to open it for you. From there, finding the suite hosting the party is as easy as following the sound of heavy bass and loud chatter.

The suites may be bigger than a standard room, but it’s absolutely packed with students eager to let out pent-up stress from midterms. You take a large gulp from your bottle as your friends make their way further into the festivities.

Loud music keeps you from hearing Seungkwan calling your name the first time. He’s impossible to miss once he taps you on the shoulder. “I’ve never seen you out before!” he exclaims the obvious.

“Me neither.” You have to shout from the volume around. “How did your exams go?”

“Ahh,” he throws his head back dramatically before putting it in clear terms, “I’m so glad they are over!” You nod an eager seconding of the sentiment. Unsure what else you can say to him, you take another drink from your bottle instead. “That doesn’t look like water,” Seungkwan comments with a grin.

“Do you want some?” you offer, “It’s lemonade and, ah… Jack Daniel’s?” You only half remember the brand name of the bottle your friend had passed you.

“Sure,” he accepts quickly; it’s likely the answer he would have given regardless of what you told him was inside the clear plastic. You hand it over and watch him grimace as he swallows a sip. “That’s strong,” he tells you as he passes it back.

“Sorry,” you laugh as you bring it back up to your own lips. “Sidenote -- is English easier to speak drunk?”

“Yes!” Seungkwan concurs, smiling so brightly that you can’t help grinning back at him. “Should we be drinking before class?” he asks facetiously.

“Probably not,” you advise through giggles you might not have had if it weren’t for the buzz of alcohol in your system.

You watch with widened eyes as another boy comes all but crashing into Seungkwan, arm looping around his shoulder and saying something energetically in Korean. You’re about to turn to go find your friends again when Seungkwan calls out for you to wait. He says something more to the newcomer which you can’t understand, though you swear you hear the name ‘Joshua’ somewhere in the middle of it. The stranger’s lips quirk into a smirk as he glances over to you.

“My name’s Jeonghan,” he introduces himself at Seungkwan’s behest. You give him your own and find that the handshake the two of you exchange feels oddly formal in this setting. “Let’s go find Shua!” he proposes immediately after, handshake turning into him leading you through the crowd unexpectedly. Seungkwan yells something at him in his first language as he tails after the two of you.

Joshua, as it turns out, is sitting playing some card game you don’t recognize in one of the bedrooms with a handful of others. He looks up from his hand with evident surprise as you three of you burst in. You find yourself caught in the middle of a conversation you have no chance to following as the three boys carry on in Korean. Jeonghan releases your hand around the same time that Seungkwan leans into your shoulder in a gesture that seems like it’s solely so he can keep his tipsy self upright.

“Sorry,” Joshua tells you just as you’re beginning to feel truly lost and a little bit paranoid about what they’re discussing. He stands up from the game in order to speak to you directly. “Jeonghan is ---”

“I’m what?” Jeonghan doesn’t let him finish, slinging an arm around Joshua much as he’d done to Seungkwan not long ago.

“It’s okay,” you intervene, utterly uncertain what’s going on but hoping nevertheless that you can take this chance to switch the conversation into English. “It’s nice to see you.”

“You too.” Joshua smiles softly, and the expression shifts as soon as he glances to Seungkwan. It makes you feel like that fleeting look had been exclusively for you; that is was something quiet and meant to be kept between the two of you.

“How do you think the phonetics midterm went?” you ask, twisting the cap of your bottle back and forth idly.

“I have no idea! But could you believe one of the transcription exercises on it actually had the word ‘crush’ in it? I nearly gave up then and there,” he remarks. Up until that moment, you had forgotten about that particular part of the test. Though you had shared a similar feeling in the moment.

“How did you end up transcribing it?”

“With a caret, like you said.”

You burst with laughter and cover your eyes for a moment your free hand. “I used a schwa because of you!” you admit, shaking your head in disbelief.

“I guess we’ll find out which one’s right in the next week or so,” he laughs along with you.

You turn when you hear your name being called and send a quick wave in the boys’ direction before heading back out into the suite’s common room, where two of your friends are waiting with curious looks on their faces.

You don’t see Joshua for the rest of the night. Or rather, you don’t see Joshua again until hours later, when the bottle has long been emptied and you’ve started sobering up. You’ve switched your heels for the cloth flats you’d smartly thrown into your purse before leaving for the night and failed in convincing your friends who haven’t already left with somebody that it’s time to go.

You send a brief text that you’re leaving to the group chat to prevent any confusion before you begin your way down the staircase. It’s in the landing between floors three and four that you see Joshua again. He’s chatting with other students you don’t know, and you plan on slipping by without saying anything to him. In part because you know your hair and makeup must both be mussed up from the dancing you’d spent most the party doing.

You’re two steps down the next set of steps after passing by the group when his voice calls your name and draws you to a halt. With one hand holding the straps of your heels and the other one the handrail, you turn to face him. “Are you heading home alone?” he asks; there’s a different kind of concern in his tone than the one you’d heard from your friends.

“Yeah, it’s… less fun in there without being drunk.” The thought sounds worse out loud than it did in your head. But it makes Joshua laugh and sends you another one of those small smiles that you’ve officially decided are not good for your health with the way they make your heart flutter.

“Do you want someone to walk you?”

You don’t feel compelled to have someone go with you. You feel confident enough in the way home and lack fear in crossing campus alone at this hour from the number of times you’ve done it before. So, do you want someone to walk you? No. But do you want Joshua to go with you?

“That would be nice,” you say, smile growing in spite of yourself.

“Give me one minute to grab my stuff?” he requests. You nod. The moment he disappears, you lean back against the wall of the stairs as it dawns on you that you’ll be spending a good ten-minute walk alone with Joshua. The two of you hadn’t spent time alone since the study-session-turned-disaster.

True to his word, Joshua is coming back down the stairs before too much time passes. If he’d taken any longer, you think to yourself, you might have fled.

The awkwardness you fear will come never does. He asks you about where you’re from, about what made you want to study in the States. He’s patient when you struggle to find the exact words or syntax that you want. So much so that you’d say it doesn’t even require any patience on his part to sustain a conversation with you. You rally questions back at him and hang off every syllable of his answers.

It’s good that you both know the campus well enough that you can get away with spending most of the walk looking at one another rather than where you’re going.

He doesn’t work up the nerve to take your hand until the two of you are already at your building’s front door. The gesture keeps you from reaching into your purse for your keys. His hand sways back and forth with yours as you turn to face him with directly. “I’m sorry again, about Seungkwan and Jeonghan. They should know how frustrating it is to have people saying things you can’t understand right in front of you.”

“I’m not worried,” you try to prompt a smile back onto his features. “It would be self-centered to assume they were talking about me. I just… happened to be there.”

His head falls forward for a moment, blocking you from seeing most of the repentant look that crosses his face as he thinks of how wrong you are there. But he can’t bring himself to tell you that they were speaking almost exclusively about you.

“It’s a bit rude either way,” he tells you in place of any admissions.

You shrug and fail to find any words as Joshua lifts his eyes yours once again. There’s a shift in the atmosphere. A thin wire has been drawn between the two of you and is waiting simply for the right tug that will make the whole thing snap. You move a centimeter closer, testing just what will break the tension. The fingers laced with yours press a fraction firmer into your skin.

And then the moment is shattered by the door of your dorm digging into your back as it’s opened from the other side. You’re jostled forward, nearly into Joshua’s chest before you catch your balance. He releases your hand in the same instant.

“Sorry,” the girl leaving the building says casually as she passes the two of you by.

Deciding it’s a sign, you take hold of the door before it can close all the way. When you turn to bid him goodnight, you find he’s taken a step closer to come inside as well. You tell yourself he’s just taking the way home all the way to your own door. It would parallel the way he’d insisted upon walking you to the front door of his dorm before.

You pull your keys out of your purse while the two of you are still going up the stairs to your floor. When you reach your door, Joshua catches you off guard as he brushes a hand against one of the cut-outs of motivational words you and your roommate had put up in honor of midterm season. “This is cute,” he remarks, scanning over the rest of the decorations on your door. You fiddle with the key in your hand and tell him it was your roommate’s idea.

“Is she in?” he asks, turning at the shoulder to face you while his hand still rests against the glossy wood of your door.

“I don’t know,” is the only honest answer you can give. “I know she went out tonight but I’m not sure where.”

“Can I come in if she’s not?” is his next question, and this one you have no idea how to decipher. So you answer nonverbally, with the ambiguous combination of a shrug and a nod at the same time.

At least, you have no clue until Joshua provides a touch of clarification in the form of a soft kiss. Your heels and keys all clatter against the hallway floor as the affection makes you drop everything. He pulls away from you with a chuckle that’s warm against your still-parted lips.

He crouches down and picks the shoes and keys up for you. “Only if it’s okay with you,” he reassures as he hands your keys back out to you.

“It’s okay,” you say quickly, and avert your gaze to unlock your door.

When you flick on the lights, you’re embarrassed by how relieved you are that your roommate isn’t yet home. You give him an okay sign with your fingers and wave him inside.

Joshua closes the door behind him and sets the heels he’d picked up for you down beside the door, careful that they remain upright even once he’s released his hold. You toe off your flats and set your keys down on your desk.

He catches your stare while he’s shrugging off his jacket and sends you a new smile. It isn’t soft and secret like the ones you’d been melting over before. But it sends a spark down your spine all the same. As he comes close, you find yourself immersed once more in the that unnamed, pleasant cologne of his.

“Still okay?” he checks as his hands find their way to your hips.

“Definitely,” you respond, though your racing heart protests that it might not be okay if you end up bursting from the strange fortune midterm week has brought you this semester.

You only get a momentary glance at the smile your consent brings to his face before his kisses have you closing your eyes and surrendering to feeling.

But the chances for soaking in Joshua’s different smiles are far from over.

For instance, in about twenty minutes he’ll be smirking up at you from between your thighs and asking which IPA symbols you’d use to transcribe the first of moans he draws from your well-kissed lips.

#seventeen scenarios #joshua scenarios #seventeen imagines #hong jisoo scenarios

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