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inkskinned · 2 years

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i both firmly believe that self-diagnosing saved my life and i think that the way tiktok and instagram have recently been spreading misinformation about mental illness/neurodivergence is incredibly harmful.

people who are looking for answers are already people who are in a vulnerable situation.

much of the misinformation appears logically sound; and is presented as definitive fact (prefaced with claims such as "research shows"). it's imperative we remember correlation does not prove causation. it is incredibly dangerous to make definitive statements like "if X happened in your childhood, you now Z as an adult." real scientists will almost always use may or other less-definitive terms. similarly, equating one behavior/experience with any single condition is also unsafe. many conditions have overlapping symptoms; and many people "mask" their key symptoms, even to themselves.

we cannot discern from a singular data point any conclusion. in official diagnosis, for a behavior/experience to be considered a symptom, it must significantly influence your life. many people enjoy an organized space. that is a preference. disrupting your daily life even at personal cost in order to prioritize organization is more likely a symptom.

again, a single data point is not an effective diagnostic tool. it is necessary and important work to catalogue and consider all unwanted/distressing behaviors in order to understand a complete picture of the person.

i will see creators in paid partnerships make generalized behavioral/emotional claims that apply to a large portion of a community, and then they will suggest that the "solution" to that behavior is through their paid partner/through their personal support. "follow for more psych tips/facts" is an incredibly evil marketing tactic. i very rarely see unpartnered/unbranded content on how to aid/comfort those behaviors and feelings.

much of the misinformation employs a subtle technique (called confirmation bias) of setting up a conclusion before "proving" the conclusion. "you know you have X when you experience A,B, and C." no person's experience of their conditions/behaviors will look exactly the same as another's. while knowing certain things might be a sign/symptom of a condition, it is irresponsible to consider it definitive.

confirmation bias is unfortunately extremely effective on tiktok specifically. the algorithm will notice that you interacted longer with the video that "proves" (through a singular video) that you "have" a condition. it will continue to feed you related videos that further confirm what you believe.

this is dangerous because we are, unfortunately, not good at knowing ourselves. i did not know it was unusual to vividly nightmare every night; i didn't consider it a symptom. i was similarly dismissive also of any other signs of my PTSD - i incorrectly assigned them to anxiety/adhd. on the small scale, this can mean a longer journey to healing. on the larger scale, it can mean people with extremely difficult situations are unable to get the help they need.

please, if you can, and you're looking to self-diagnose: be careful about what you assume about yourself. try to keep an honest journal of what you're thinking/feeling/doing for a few days.

do not go in with an assumption. try to keep an open mind. i think we all "suspect" we have something - but like i said, i completely missed my own PTSD symptoms, because i suspected the ADHD the most, and only "saw" those symptoms.

do your own research. if the tiktok says "research shows", google that research. figure out who paid for that research. do further research related to that study - has it ever been repeated? is it peer reviewed? do other researchers seem to accept it as conclusive?

if you feel you really resonate with the materials of one person's experience with a condition, find other examples. see if you relate to other creators who identify similarly.

and please - please do not stop once you come to a conclusion. i fully believe that the diagnostic process should be seen as a first step, not a destination. by knowing what you might be struggling with, you gain an incredibly powerful tool on how to gain peace with that condition.

if you feel yourself emotionally respond to a tiktok/etc that suggests something that might be true about yourself, i'm glad you had that experience. but it's also important to not relax into the "easy" answer. interrogate it. start googling what else that could mean; what ways you could work on healing that wound.

healing does not "belong" to any one condition. i want you to begin to look into healing no matter if you have "proven" you have a condition or not. it is never selfish to practice responsible self-care. even if you don't relate to having adhd, you are not harming me by using adhd-inspired study tips. it is not making my condition worse for you to seek peace by asking for more time on tests. even if it was - the fault would be with the system, not in your need of something the system makes inaccessible.

remind yourself that everything you experience is real. and because it is real, it is complicated. while things might be related - even sometimes clearly related - a stranger on the internet cannot make that discernment for you. you as a person deserve the work, attention, and care that goes into the process of unravelling the harm that has been done to you.

it makes me very, very upset to see how popular these videos have become, because they're so irresponsible. and they clearly are targeting a vulnerable group. for example, making generalized claims about children of unloving caretakers is targeting those who have experienced neglect. there is no way to use 30 second videos to correctly analyze what that neglect might have caused in your adult life. i'm sorry, but it's snake oil.

i know it is so powerful soothing to recognize that you aren't broken. that others exist like you out there. i want every person looking for answers to find their answer. i want you to feel seen and heard and understood. i want you to find your community.

i just want it to happen safely.

#every time i write this im like #i just want to say a short thing about this #and every time it ends up being 12 pages long #but since it keeps happening #and i keep seeing shit like this...#this isn't even everything i feel about this #i hope this is clear like #what im saying is #NOT ''you don't have it if u selfdiagnose''#it's instead....#you might!!! just don't let 1 or 2 videos confirm it!!#also!!! don't assume that symptom A belongs to condition X!!#even as someone who did eventually get diagnosed like #i still find myself being like - oh that's my adhd #only to figure out 12 hours later. nope that was a panic attack #also none of those videos are about how to HELP the behavior #also this doesn't talk about getting a therapist eventually but please get professional help if you can #it took me fucking forever tho #what im saying is that in the meantime #u can heal now #this is too long im posting it on a sunday so nobody reads it

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lovesickeros · 5 months

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can.. can I ask for an affectionate reader with characters who aren’t normally like… used to the love? like, not just through words but physical affection like hand-holding, kisses, hugs, all that shebang. probably with a few people like yelan, ei, basically any character that is either cut-off from society or seems socially distant or isolated. 😞

☆ affectionate reader with yelan, ei, & furina

[ 4.2 Archon Quest spoilers ]

× yelan

Varies between how you display your affection, to be honest. Just like being affectionate with people? She's cool with it as long as you don't pop by while she's working (mostly because she'll end up dragging you into it for a bit of fun). I don't think she's all that touchy feely herself, but she'll absolutely get you gifts instead– like pretty knick nacks? She'll make sure to snag any she thinks you might like. Like a good meal? Sure, she'll take you out to one of the restaurants in the city, doesn't matter how expensive. Her treat. If you do prefer physical gifts rather then being taken out, you'll eventually get used to the random unmarked letters and packages showing up where your staying pretty often. It's obvious to know who it came from even if she never signs anything.

Flirty reader, though? Whole nother can of worms and now it's a challenge. The more confident you are the more interested she is. The other acolytes would absolutely seethe at the idea but she has no hesitation at just straight up flirting back– she's as charismatic as they come and she's got a poker face that's basically impenetrable. She'll probably also make a bet to see who cracks first (she always wins, unsurprisingly). Probably won't get dragged into any of her schemes this way but if you ask politely maybe she'll consider it, anyway.

The smell of freshly brewed tea and the clatter of dice across wood was a common sight at the Yanshang Teahouse– less common was the woman secluded in the far corner, her lips pulled into a grin that flashed fangs and a look that would scare off the most confident of men.

She'd normally try to scope out any new blood that'd made the mistake of stepping into her teahouse and was equally stupid enough to accept a gamble against her just for the thrill of it, but she was far too absorbed in the warm body at her side, one of her die clasped tightly in their hand as she guided them through the motions– they had a knack for it, she had to admit. The thought made her preen, the clatter of the die as it rolled across the table giving her that subtle, familiar rush.

Even if she knew exactly where it'd land.

"Six. Hm, maybe you're just lucky," She muses, plucking the die from the table and holding it up to her eye like a prized jewel, "Or maybe you're not as innocent as you'd have us believe." There's a sharp glint in her eyes at the prospect, but everyone else has the sense to keep their heads down and their words to themselves as she tosses the die herself.

"So why don't we find out and make a bet, just between you and me?"

× ei

Varies between Ei and the Shogun, because you'll probably be seeing either as much as the other. Sometimes you gotta really squint to tell who it is sometimes, but you get used to it. Both are fairly similar, though, in that their first instinct (especially in public) is to tense up like you're about to attack them or something. Difference is Ei eventually relaxes after a solid minute of trying to process your sudden affection and, if no one else is around, she might even reciprocate. Just don't tease her for being a little stiff and awkward about it, she's trying. That's what happens when your only company is a robot and uh. Nothing. For like 500 years. She's trying. Raiden, on the other hand, is just about as awkward as you can imagine. She's polite (blunt) about it because Ei is fond of you and also you are. The Creator. But she's not really built to deal with personal relationships and so she doesn't know how to deal with affection.

..Depending on what you do you may or may not blue screen Ei hard enough that she retreats back to PoE

Ei usually isn't fond of sitting still, unless it's to meditate. At least then she goes in with a purpose, something to achieve– but now, she's just focused on trying not to make a fool of herself. Her muscles are starting to ache from how hard she's tensing, though, in an effort to sit as straight and still as possible as their hands glide through her hair, weaving it into a single braid.

She can just barely hear the subtle lilt of their voice as they hum– and though it is soothing, it is also..very distracting. She can't focus long enough to try and meditate, too lost in the gentle rise and fall of their voice and the care they take to braid her hair. If she'd had a heart, she'd sure it'd be beating so wildly against her ribcage they could hear it.

But then it stops– their hands fall back to their sides and their humming falters. She freezes, too, racking her brain for any slights she must have committed. Instead, she is met with a calm, tender touch on the back of her neck, making her inhale sharply.

"Am I making you uncomfortable, Ei? You're so tense.." She has to grit her teeth to stop herself from bowing so low her head presses against the ground, her hands folded in her lap, clenching instinctively. "..No, Divine One." She answers simply, trying to contain the adoration swelling in her chest.

Yet as much as she tries to relax, to ease their worries, she finds that she cannot.

"Hm." That small murmur, a simple sound that nearly made her jump, was the only warning she got before they scooted closer, wrapping their arms around her stomach and resting their chin on her shoulder with a grin she would liken to Miko's, if she dared to make such a comparison. "Really?"

She swears she must've been feverish at the affection, lightheaded and dazed until she thought she might simply perish at the brush of their hands against her own.

Much to her embarrassment, however, she doesn't realize she's instinctively pulled back into Plane of Euthymia until she sees the familiar dull purples engulf her vision once again.

Though only a small solace, it seemed a little..brighter, this time.

× furina

Varies between pre 4.2 and post 4.2 archon quests to be honest.

Pre 4.2 she comes off as very vain– of course the most Divine would see fit to spoil her with affection! She deserves it, and is obviously their favorite! Just don't look too hard because she's terrible at hiding how flustered she actually is. Absolutely goes home right after and screams into her pillow for at least thirty minutes minimum.

Post 4.2 she's a lot more openly bashful and flustered. She's really not used to affection and even the smallest show of it has her folding immediately. Now that she doesn't need to worry about being found out she's a lot more receptive to affection. Cup her cheeks and compliment her and her knees are buckling. Like. Especially weak for compliments and praise (she deserves it. please spoil her).

She swears she must be hallucinating– she had been having trouble sleeping recently. But..no. The visage of the Creator was as real as the sweat beading on her brow as she stared at them for a long, awkward moment. Should..she let them in? But then they'd see the pathetic state she was in, and the last thing she wanted to do was make a fool of herself in front of them-!

Her choice was quickly made for her, anyway, as she let out an undignified squeak of surprise when they suddenly tugged her forward into their chest, enclosing her in a hug.

Her first reaction was to freeze– her second was becoming absolutely flustered, her cheeks flushing a soft pink and her mouth closing and opening as she tried to find her words.

"I– ah..um." She stumbled over her words instead, floundering like a fish out of water. Yet she felt a distinct sense of emptiness wash over her when they finally pulled back, looking a touch sheepish. "Sorry, sorry– you just looked like you needed a hug."

The silence spoke for itself, her shoulders tensing slightly. But the way the concern and affection bled through their voice made her waver, her hands trembling as she let out a shaky breath that almost sounded like a sigh.

"It's..It's fine! Fine, I'm fine." She repeated, trying desperately to ignored the way her voice cracked and how hot her face felt– though it was more an attempt to affirm herself that she was not thinking about how warm they felt, how much she..actually enjoyed the hug. She wasn't thinking about it all! Absolutely not!

..Maybe a little.

"Just warn me next time, please?"

#asks #sagau #genshin sagau #self aware genshin #genshin impact sagau #self aware genshin impact #fic tag #genshin cult au #genshin impact cult au #yelan #furina #ei #THIS DIDNT SHOW UP IN MY INBOX UNTIL LIKE #NOVEMBERBIM SORRY IM ANSERRING IT SO LATE??????#tumblr working right is a miracle that will never happen #anyway can u tell i have. biases. there r so many characters I wanted to write for this (shenhe.........) but I forced myself to limit it #to 4 for my own sanity and everyones elses #also didnt know if u wanted just yan or sagau so I went for my specialty 🧍‍♂️#was gonna include my beloved cryo archon but decided against it #ei the pathetic lesbian that u r....mwah #I'm sorry this took so long it took me 50 yrs to figure out yelan.. 😭#i am still not confident abt my characterization of her but shes so good at her job even im confused abt her #reading her lore crying and sobbing in the corner. shaking her like a can of soda #checks note idk uhh cocky doesnt let herself form personal relationships charismatic uhhhhhhhh #idk dont ask me i just started praying and hoping for the best here #i think she'd get a kick out of getting reader into like. fudging rolls and shit. create an absolute menace out of reader #set them loose and see what chaos happens #just kicks back and watches it all unfold internally laughing her ass off #i didnt know whether to just do headcanons in uh. bulleted list or like #full on drabbles

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biblically-accurate-dca · 9 months

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experimental sunman yaaaay

(ruin spoilers under the cut)

#my art #daycare attendant #dca fandom #sundrop #sunnydrop #eclipse #<- for real this time #ruin spoilers #eyestrain #im still figuring out eclipse in my brain.... but overall they actually havent changed much abt my interpretation of the dca #since my hc for them is that they started off as eclipse while they were being used for the theater #and then they somehow separated into sun and moon after they were reprogrammed for the daycare #and then the virus came along and further separated the two from each other.....#which makes eclipse seem more like a 3rd person rather than the previous combined state of the two... so who knows how the hell they work #i really like the ambiguity tho :] i've always enjoyed it when the line between sun vs moon is super blurry and uncertain #it makes it more interesting #anyway. tumblr kept fucking up my post format on mobile so i had to fix this on desktop lol. if it breaks again though im shitting myself #ruin eclipse

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puppyeared · 5 months

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its so hard to watch time pass when things like careers and assignments exist. what do you mean im supposed to take that seriously

#I have an assignment that was due a week ago and I really really dont want to do it. I have to but i dont want to #im probably making it worse because my brain has built a wall around it so now i can’t do literally anything else until thats done. but #because I don’t want to do it I’m just kinda stuck. turns out this is what they meant when they said emotional regulation is part of #exec dysfunction.. I’ll have a thought like if I get a little bit of it done now i can get it over with. I can just submit something #and then not even 5 minutes later itll be like ugh but I have to draw all the assets out. I have to write things and make spreads ugh #and its just flopping between those two things. i hate it when ppl are like well how much time do you need to work on one thing #because BOY id love to know too. I’d love to know exactly when my brain wants to cooperate with me and work around that but I cant #even my period can’t decide when it wants to punch me in the stomach. which is kinda funny in the grand scheme of things but still #its so weird im just lying on my bed thinking abt all this like damn.. the time will pass anyways no matter what I decide to do.. damn….#if I submit that assignment now and take the L I literally won’t die. it’ll just be a deduction on an assignment nobody will ask me about #I know this but I’m still stressing myself about it so my thoughts aren’t really connecting to my body. weird #maybe its because Im having a hard time looking forward to things. theres definitely a lot I should be living for but I don’t really feel #a strong attachment to it I guess? it’s been like this for a while with holidays and meeting with friends so I just don’t #I kinda figured its because im pretty passionless and its more like passing interest. but it’s not very fun when it feels like I’m going to #be living distraction to distraction for the next 70 years or so lol #idk it kind of feels like slowly bleeding out. which is funny because I actually did experience blood loss this week #had a 30 minute nosebleed and literally could not stand. also it felt like someone was pinching the back of my brain which was interesting #yapping #does this count as vent #vent #Ive just been making an oc carrd and contemplate changing my blog header for the past 3 days honestly

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snoofins · 6 months

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tumblr!! hello!! have some poppets (her new reference + some alternative outfits, because she deserves them, and also a doodle)

#pmd #pmd oc #poppet pikachu #i still need to figure out an art tsg for myself #oh also sorry it has been a bit!! i was in a bit of a funk #im doing much better now! im very excited to share my art again and i even wanna talk about my original pmd story

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deathbatsgalore · 8 months

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#spent so many days rendering this 50 different ways bc i couldn't figure out what to do with this :(#this still doesn't feel “right” but im forcing myself to stop working on this #my art #castiel #castiel fanart #supernatural fanart

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marblerose-rue · 1 year

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click for better quality!

the hush of rain / scourge

#my art #do not copy trace or steal #scourge #warrior cats #wc #waca #wc art #scourge wc #blood #bloodclan #THIS. WAS SO TRICKY TO DO #tried a couple of new things out/drew things ive never rlly drawn before as like a test #and its like. i started late in the night its 1 am rn and i am tired #BUT I JUST FOUND OUT i didnt have homework this weekend and i convinced myself i did so hip hip hooray me #scourge is still one of my fave characters all he did was show up kill and die. good for him #ALL IN ALL i am happy and proud of this piece ^_^#if i forget anything. please show me mercy #for i am my own worst enemy (drawing after 11 pm)#ANYWAY goodnight and goodmorning but mostly good night #actually hold that thought a little im hungry so goodnight after i figure out what i want to eat #i dont know how to draw puddles i kinda gave up its more prominent in the sketch

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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 1 year

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Just popping in to say i LOVE UR ART SO MUCH WAUGH!!!! Its soooooooo exoressive and u get across emotion and movement SO WELL!! I love ...littlr apple ...so much.....u imbue this donkey with Such Chaos

I love this little chaos creature, we should all forfeit our mortal possessions to her.

#poorly drawn mdzs #better drawn mdzs #<- Maybe? I do wanna start a more serious art tag and i did push myself harder than I normally do on this one. Hm.#MDZS #wei wuxian #little apple #Can you tell I've been practicing how to do hatching (Its soooo easy to go overboard #Thank you tumblr user seaslugbananabread (Iove the name (fellow sea creature and bananabread enjoyer)) this was a very sweet message #so sorry its been marinating in my ask box for so long; I wanted to have a good chunk of time to *Really* try and draw lil apple #I hope this makes up for it! I really mean It when I say messages like this really make my week!#It means a lot that people like my comic and can get what's going on in my little doodles B'*)#Esp the little apple enjoyers!! Let's go equine lovers!!!#If people are on board this early on when im really still just figuring out how to hold a pen properly then wow #Idk how to process it tbh!#(To anyone else who sent a message: *YES* I'm working on a doodle for you too; thanks for your patience!)

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obsob · 3 months

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oooooooooough i love you i love you i love you!!!! hand in loving hand !!!!!!

#mine #cats #i was like losing it over th colouring yesterday like this SUCKS and then looked at it 2day n was like. anyway #ive been unstoppable since ive figured out how 2 do glowy things #me n my partner went ice skating this evening !! so so fun #i love how girls will just peacefully hang out in the centre ice doing spins n boys will fast and furious skate around at 100mph #like we dont need to be doing all that #as soon as i see a boy w hockey skates enter the ice i am now leaving the ice #anyway....i got a slightly dubious fantasy audiobook 2day we will....see...how it is #whenever i read a fantasy book written by a man my hackles are up i am scenting the air i am growling #have i finished assassins fate u ask.....no :3 #its been sitting at 30% for like 4 months i cant bring myself 2 read more KJBDSSK #there is like so much book left. so much that can go wrong #i will finish it soon i prommy i prommy...n then listen 2 th tawny man audiobooks :3 #ngl this fitz n fool trilogy isnt super doing it 4 me im not finding it as Invigorating for sm reason #still good !! but def my least fave of th three trilogies #anyway. i am going 2 bed

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loadinghellsing · 7 months

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back to studying hellsing's style to figure out how to draw the characters... specifically Anderson due to my drawing break.

his face is so funky and complicated, and I've been trying to figure out what all the reasons as to "why" are, when I realized the outline profile of his face has 6 core line behaviors instead of the usual 4.

its not even an art style diffrence, because Alucard and Integra both have 4. And Seras has 3! A demonstration of what I'm talking about;

basically sections of the face outline. A dip in for the eye, curve out then in for the cheek, out for a more defined jaw/chin (which Seras doesn't have), and of course the forehead which leads into hairline.

Anderson on the other hand... has 6. With the addition of his eye brows and mouth.

Provided, this allows more emphasis on his eyes and grin which express ALOT about everything his character is. But for that to be visible in character outline? WACK.

I also need to point out Alucard, Seras, and Integra have symmetrical faces (Which is to be expected within animation, its less work and saves costs).

But Anderson's smirk is often a little lopsided (and I love him for it)

even his full blown grin, tends to be skewed one way or another.

its one of those small things that make him feel more human, even when he's unhinged feral with instant access to the 4th dimension

#i contribute #reference #analysis n headcanon #alexander anderson #hellsing #hellsing ultimate #---#im rambling here #long post #but this is one of those things i realized #i felt needed sharing #just... artists notes #...of an obsessive analyst...#now to figure out if this style choice is manga... or gonzo inspired...#/was gonzo inspired by the manga...#because i vividly recall gonzo having both these aspects #the fact i need to remind myself to not get fixated on anderson's eyes while working on this...#apologies to my followers still waiting for the eye analysis #i am working on it #i see your asks #there is just so much to it that im struggling to phrase it in a way thats coherent #and have been struggling for months... has it been a year?#idk #but i am still working on it #i think i have a framing that'll work now #(i say despite saying that last time...)#i realized the initial point of the essay was the finale point and had to start over...

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intotheelliwoods · 7 months

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Collaborative 2AL Comic Calling and Info!

Oh BOY did this blow up...

Ive polished up dialogue and framing, in total there should be 30 panels, exactly the tumblr image limit haha! Everyone who is participating gets to draw a panel! I will message you the dialogue, and a general layout once I get everyone in! :) I look forward to this!

30/30 Participants [full!]

If you are interested in joining, please message me here on tumblr or Discord! [Discord would be preferred in the long run]

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-> Deadline for panels?

2 Weeks! Hoping everything can be ready to go to post by September 24th!

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-> What style to use?

Your own! I would love it if you can have as much fun as you can making the panel! The more unique each panel is the better, I dont want to constrict anyones artistic ability outside dialogue, where characters are in a room, and a vague framing idea/expressions.

As for coloring, fully colored and digital would be preferred! Just blue blobs can also work! With the exception of 4 specific panels, flashback panels, in a black/white/red scheme to help differentiate what panel is a flashback, and what panel isnt. I will let you know if your panel is one of those specific 4!

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-> How will posting and crediting work?

When the panels are all done, I will gather them up into a singular post on this blog. Below the comic itself in order of panels would be everyones @ to the blog they want credited, Multiple blogs can also be credited ofc (For example If you drew panel 3 you will be the third @ on the list)

You are also free to add a signature or @ to your blog in the panel art itself!

#the really funny thing is #I think this collab might be done when I hit 4k followers #so does that make this a 4k special?#eh maybe maybe not #eitherway im still doing a dtiys when we get there #... maybe <3 #btw if I dont answer your message if you message me #chances are im just getting a million other messages that is all sdfnjksdfg #this might... fill up really fast.....#ough #lets see ig #anyways I think this is all the info I need?#if you have questions or if I may have missed something here lmk #deadass never seen a collab comic like this on tumblr before sooo #guess I am the first to try figuring out how shit works #if one person has not met the deadline I will probably draw the panel myself #if 3 or more people have not met it I will just extend the deadline by another week

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wikiangela · 4 months

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fuck it friday 🎄

tagged by @thewolvesof1998 💖

wasn't sure about posting this bc I don't wanna share like everything I have so far but it's fuck it friday so fuck it lol I'm too excited to keep it to myself haha - here's more of the christmas fic and the main idea behind it (I said it's gonna be mostly silly and fluffy and I promise it will be, just gotta add a little more sad while buck talks about his childhood lol)

prev snippet

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His eyes don’t leave the screen, while Eddie’s are glued to Buck’s face. “Well, there’s a lot of things I always wanted to do with my family on Christmas, but never got to.” his voice gets even quieter. “But there’s one thing in particular. I, uh, that’s so stupid.” he chuckles quietly, then nods to the screen, where a kid is opening a gift with a bright smile, his family surrounding him. “I wanted this.” he admits quietly, as if embarrassed. He never told Eddie much about his life growing up, but based on everything Eddie knows about his parents, he can imagine it wasn’t great. He never asked, not wanting to pry, but now Eddie wonders what Buck’s Christmas must’ve looked like, especially after Maddie moved out. He must’ve been miserable, and Eddie’s heart is breaking just at the thought.

“It’s not stupid to want a happy holiday with a loving family.” he says softly, carefully. Buck shakes his head, the red in his cheeks now visible despite the dark.

“I mean, that too, I- I never got this, and I always wished- but not just that.” another shake of his head. “I mean, the sweaters.” he mutters under his breath.

“Christmas sweaters?” Eddie asks, not sure if he heard right, just because of how quiet Buck said it.

“I know, it’s dumb. I just always imagined sitting around in matching sweaters, as a family, taking pictures, looking like we belong together, like I- like I belong.” he adds, turning his head away, so Eddie can’t see his face. Eddie reaches his hand further, touching Buck’s shoulder.

“They couldn’t give you matching Christmas sweaters?” he asks incredulously, fighting not to raise his voice.

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no pressure tags: @elvensorceress @gaydiaz @diazass @thebravebitch @silentxxsoul @shortsighted-owl @eddiebabygirldiaz @arthursdent @diazblunt @911onabc @spagheddiediaz @housewifebuck @gayhoediaz @rogerzsteven @watchyourbuck @monsterrae1 @honestlydarkprincess @underwater-ninja-13 @eowon @weewootruck @loserdiaz @evanbegins @steadfastsaturnsrings @ladydorian05 @malewifediaz @pirrusstuff @theotherbuckley @911-on-abc @hoodie-buck @wildlife4life @fortheloveofbuddie @nmcggg @diazpatcher @jeeyuns @jesuisici33 @lover-of-mine @jamespearce9-1-1 @giddyupbuck @spotsandsocks @daffi-990 @exhuastedpigeon @disasterbuckdiaz @buckaroosheart @hippolotamus @king-buckley

#fuck it friday #fic snippet #buddie #buddie fic #buddie wip #wikiangela writes #my writing #my wips #buddie christmas fic #or more like buddie christmas sweaters fic but anyway lol #don't ask what christmas movie they're watching it's all made up lmao #me: i'll keep it vague for now to figure out how to phrase it the way i want to and how to make it make sense #also me: here's every single thing I've written for this bc im too excited and have no self control lol #(still not sure it makes sense but im having fun haha)#getting so excited about my fics i can't keep them to myself is so on brand lmao (jess saw this snippet as soon as i finished it <3 haha)#i might mix it up and share some cheating fic on sunday tho haha

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