#im still getting used to drawing them again

[drawlody]

It's time I contribute to the Adam nation with my interpetation of Sinner!Adam >:DDD

Going over some design choices here yes yes:

1 horn cause i saw some fics on ao3 where he would, in mad denial, ripped off it on his own n its just so cool??? like the self-rejection there? lovely 💗💗💗

Skirt also ao3 again ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ wanted to use a leather jacket but that aint working well with robes so here an alt:D I thought it would be hella funny to have the skirt be imagery of the exorcists causing mayhem, like fallen or not, the hatred for sinners n the pride of a general is still very much there (The excorcists r 1 big fucked up family n no nothing u said will convince me otherwise:))

Revoke wings privilege cause yes , i saw the hc of Adam hugging himself with his wings while in distress going around n yeah thats totally him alright. SooOooOooo what better ways to ensure misery than to take away his 2nd fav bodypart :))) I swear i love him

Angelic steel tail, so i have a certain scene i wanted to draw n for that to happen he need smth enough to fight ok?

Lamb characteristics, everyone know the whole ''sacrificial lamb'' deal we got going on with Adam so yeah it's that (๑•̀ㅂ•́)و✧ He got hooves but he will kill himself before letting others see them:D

I got the "underwear with his own name" thingy from *cough*rule34*cough* ( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°) dont question it

Charlie is like the least enjoyable to draw , idk why tho

Doing all this really get rid of my perfectionism cause the need to get these out fast is stronger:D (like this panel is 30m of work)

I am also digging this b&w colouring on a grey bg thingy

He's not "Daddy", he's "Grand-daddy x1000" ( ͡°( ͡° ͜ʖ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)ʖ ͡°) ͡°)

Never has my ref board got this messy omg i mean half of them r for the Overlord! design (coming soon give me a few days:))so yeah its a 2 in 1

I spent like 30m or smth coming up with the actual designs n several hours just to choose the palette (i really hate this stage(╬▔皿▔)╯)

Wait the Overlord! may take longer since im kinda make this into an AU maybe? So i'll need to come up with a Fallen!Excorcist design, peferably with bird traits . Ya can check this post for the initial ideas ✍(◔◡◔)ada

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel adam #sinner adam #charlie morningstar #vaggie hazbin hotel #angel dust #hazbin hotel husk #angel dust hazbin hotel #adam the first man #chaggie #who name this ship #its so tame compare to every other ship names in the fandom #character design #digital art #artists on tumblr #shitpost #adam hazbin hotel

[cathartic-crypt]

im continuing my benny posting by sharing my benny hcs. in no particular order. and very quickly typed up. enjoy ^_^

- tattooed. he has lots and lots and lots of tattoos from when he was a boot rider. all kinds of tattoos. some desert themed, some things based around him, some others depicting things he just likes. he doesnt mind them much nowadays, hes so used to them that he sees them as part of his skin. although hes a little bit iffy about showing others his old tattoos. hes got an image to upkeep after all - speaking of boot riders. he got a canine knocked out by bingo during their fight. so he got a gold one fitted shortly after he became the leader of the chairmen. and it glints like hell - he wears lots of gold jewellery. especially pre-war rings. he prefers engraved ones, ones with little images etched into the metal or ones with short messages rather than ones with gems. he also wears a cross necklace under his shirt - despite his gun and necklace...hes not christian. like at all. he doesnt care for religion and hasnt read anything about the engraving on his pistol or the meaning of necklace. he just likes how flashy and elaborate the imagery looks - by the time the courier rolls around hes 31. he's also 5'5". - he has a dad bod. i will personally fistfight anyone who draws him muscular and dehydrated. living the cushy and comfortable life of a casino boss means hes not some lean bodybuilder - however...thats not to say he ISNT strong or that hes unhealthy. he has a really high endurance, and can last for a long while out in the desert. also he doesnt like admitting it but hes probably a fraction better at straight up punching someone than shooting them at point blank range - since he was always outside and always doing something, he used to have super calloused hands. but again, casino life means theyre much more pampered and soft now - however hes still got one hell of a grip. he can very easily grab you by your shirt and throw you out of the front door without even breaking a sweat - hes Bi. theres literally no way he isnt, fuck you. BUT he really isnt one for meaningful romantic connections, he much prefers something quick with zero extra baggage (i.e. one night stands, friends with benefits) - hes super nosy. and almost terrifyingly good at recognising and remembering faces. he sees a new face in the tops that he doesnt instantly match to a regular? he needs to know their name. and then he promptly loses all interest because the mystery is lost and the people turn out to be, by all things considered, really fucking boring - even further...anyone who doesnt fall for his charismatic charm (or, even worse, doesnt care about his reputation) becomes a nuisance and he NEEDS to at least form some sort of impression on them, be it good or bad. like full on “if you dont form an opinion about me i will pull my own hair out” - he used to have an absolute love for geckos. he didnt tame them, he was more so inclined to hunt than to nurture, but he would feed scraps to the younger ones - which meant they began to follow him around from time to time... not anymore though. he thinks theyre dirty and brutish and a reflection of what it was like to be a boot rider - hes called Benny Boots (mockingly) by people around the strip. at least by those who knows about the three families past. other than that his last name is Gecko. he also personally calls himself Benny 'New Vegas' sometimes as a sort of boastful title because he thinks hes the shining face (not the heart, mind you - thats House) of the strip - hes a huge morning person. its something he picked up, and cant get rid of, from the boot rider days. he wakes up super early in the morning, rising with the sun - and hates sleeping in because he feels like hes wasting time. he goes to sleep pretty late, since new vegas is awake at night, but he doesnt feel tired. a couple hours of sleep is good enough for him.

#ooouoououh this was rlly fun to think abt ngl :3 #it talks #fallout #fallout new vegas #fnv #benny gecko #fnv benny #benny fnv #benny new vegas #fallout headcanons #headcanon #head canon #bootriders #fnv the tops #the tops

[afrognamedfizzarolli]

Helluva Boss observations and easter eggs you may not have noticed!: Pilot

The pilot is both a great place and weird place to start, as it is our introduction to the cast and world, but also no longer considered canon. Many of the events and details we learn/see are later confirmed in the series itself, but there were quite a few changes.

I want to start off with some design changes!

With Millie, she used to have white roots visible, this actually kept up for a few of the early episodes. As we know now it seems imps have two noticeable instances of sexual dimorphism: females have black horns with thin white stripes and naturally black hair, and males have evenly sized black and white stripes on their horns and naturally black hair. We see many trans or otherly gender queer imps that dye their hair with visible roots. I assume Millie's design was changed when that was established to be a gender difference in imps.

Her heart tattoo is also much smaller, and switches sides (an animation error almost certainly) When the pilot first came out I actually thought she had a heart on both shoulders.

Some stuff with Stolas!

We see his hand outlined with a red glow at one point, presumably representing his magic. While in the series his magic is represented by blue. This is most likely due to the change of his character as he was originally planned to be a villain.

Not a design change, but I find it funny that Stolas' name in Blitzø's phone is "Creepy Mouth (aka one night stand bird dick)". Surprisingly all being spelled correctly.

Stolas' Grimore! I actually only noticed this on this last watch. It was a darker blue(purple? red? It changes in different scenes) and instead of the moon design it has a different insignia of his that we still see throughout the series in various places (notably on his bed) it also has no design on the back.

Little details!

I didn't realize before either that the woman who Moxxie is trying to shoot before Eddie gets in the way, is Eddie's mom. I'm sure this is something many others picked up on immediately though.

Speaking of which, the human news anchor shown at the end bares a striking resemblance to a character of Brandons: a news anchor named Flint Dicker.

A poster of "THE AMAZING IMP SIBLINGS" is on the wall of the conference room. Showing Blitzø, Barbie Wire, and another character labeled "Tilla". This was changed in the series to just being Blitzø and Barbie, Tilla's design being slightly altered and then used for their mom.

Hazbin easter eggs! Oh boy is there a lot of them.

In the commercial sequence we see in the room of one of the targets a framed drawing of Sir Pentious

In the background of when Blitzø is interviewing a previous client, there is a billboard for 666 News ft. A photo of Katie Killjoy, I especially love this one as Brandon ended up voicing her!

In Blitzø's office he had a vision board labeled "BOSS GOALS" with 5 drawings, in the center is Blitzø labeled "ME!" Top left we have Katie again, top right is a duck with a top hat and two $'s, this assumably referencing Lucifer, bottom left is Rosie, an arrow pointing to her hat labeled so eloquently "HAT" and lastly in the bottom right there is a more detailed drawing that looks to be Carmilla Carmine labeled "Moxxie drew not as good" this tracking later as in 1.05 "The Harvest Moon Festival" Moxxie talks about Carmine angelic weaponry, showing a great interest in her business.

Next is a dumpster in an alley with various graffiti. Notably, a face that looks to be Nifty, "ALWAYS CHASING RAINBOWS" and "HAPPY HOTEL". There is also a sinister face labeled "DEVIL". Im not sure if this is a specific refrence to anything though.

Lastly, one that I'm sure almost everyone noticed but feel the need to include, is we can see Loona watching Charlie's performance of "Inside of Every Demon is a Rainbow"

Funny observations:

When the crew teleports into the church, we see maany people with some pretty detailed designs, I do not know if or what they may be referencing, but I have a strong suspicion it is something, my guess is that they are caricatures of some people who worked on the pilot. One person in specifically is wearing a jacket with a patch reading "WHEN YOU SEE IT" with a 👌

Signs! In the hospital we see a sign saying "WE SAVE LIVES" in faded text it reads between we and save "try to" and after lives another line is visible starting with "but" I cannot make out the rest.

Others show that they are in ward 13, the next room over labeled as 667, implying the room that Eddie was in is 666

A note is taped to the side of the fridge of the break room reading "LOONA DONT EAT MY LUNCH -MOXXIE"

Another thing I only noticed recently is when Blitzø sneaks out at the Goetia palace, he is naked except for his jacket, with the grimore serving as some creative censorship. (+Stella's beta design. I personally love her current design, but this one wasn't bad)

When Blitzø makes the comment about making Moxxie the employee of the month he holds up a small plaque as an example, a larger version of this same plaque, is visible on a wall in the commercial sequence.

While in their hazmat suits(idk if that's what these actually are), you can see the shape of Moxxie's bowtie under it

... and just Blitzø holding some targets panties, cause why not

There are a handful of other details, but I'm going to hold onto those as later on we see call backs to them. Also, I've spent a lot more on this than Id planned already, I have at least 3 hours on this one alone.

Please bare with me, I promise these will get more interesting the further we go in the series!

#I did not intend to spend this much time with this #And this was the shortest episode #I watched the whole episode through at 25% speed for this #helluva boss #fizzarolli #blitzø #brandon rogers #stolas #stolitz #asmodus #Blitzo #Blitz #Blitzo Buckzo #stolas goetia #Loona #loona buckzo #Millie #millie knolastname #Moxxie #moxxie knolastname #stella goetia #Flint Dicker #vivziepop #vivienne medrano #Hellaverse #Hazbin hotel #<- tagging for the easter egg portion #Tilla #barbie wire #immediate murder professionals

[petricorah]

scenes i loved from Real Enough to Get Me Through by @marriedzukka <333 [ids in alt]

#zukka #zukka fanart #sokka #sokka fanart #zuko #zuko fanart #atla #atla fanart #avatar the last airbender #zukka fic rec #myart #yall. yall. dani. this FIC #first off it made me cry twice. not like 'oh im crying' internet speak no. like. eyes are too blurry to read let me stop this for a sec #it is SO GOOD #your prose? amazing #your insights on grief? life changing #THEM??? THEM their relationship and trust #'zuko looked at him and his world shifted on its axis' #ive been thinking about that line for WEEKS STRAIGHT #i can't tell you how many passages i screenshot just because of how beautiful or cute they were #the moment of seeing the painting of sokka's mom? how did you manage to make it so telling character wise--so sweet so PAINful AND so #cute with their relationship?!!?! #'oh so you think i'm beautiful too' #GOD #i had so many scenes i wanted to draw it was crazy #also #'Our loved ones leave impressions on us that can still impact our decisions and feelings even after they're gone' #fuck. had me crying AGAIN #seriously this fic is so wonderful and not just through a zukka lens. truly life changing you're an AMAZING writer #the fandom is so lucky to have you and i can't Believe it took me so long to get around to reading this masterpiece

[courfee]

“Regulus would be proud of us,” James whispered quietly to no one in particular, still gripping onto the painting like a life raft. 

— Tender Curiosities, Baby!  @otrtbs

#ive thought about this scene for so long it just took me forever to draw cause once again the anatomy of cars is the bane of my existence #like originally i wanted evan and barty holding hands to be visible to have the contrast of sad lonely james and sad not lonely rosekiller #but alas cars wont allow it #ahb just still has my entire heart you dont get it #i have a none blurry rosekiller and a just james in front of blue with stars version of this but i think ill only put them on insta... #tender curiosities baby #art heist baby #james potter fanart #james potter #jegulus #rosekiller #rosekiller fanart #marauders #marauders fanart #evan rosier #barty crouch jr #jegulus fanart #jegulus fanfiction #fic: ahb #art heist baby! #mine #my art #hp #ahb #(sneaky end notes: i do have to admit i am not too pleased with evan and barty but this was my first time drawing them) #(so i couldnt figure it out quite yet hency why they look a little. less efforty...) #(also the snake ring is the same design that i drew for chapter 34 of ahb in my little chapter illustrations for my typeset) #((nvm i just checked back and i am fully lying here i used a different one for my typeset and now im vaguely upset oops) #(i shouldnt make decisions only half awake im going to think about this for too long now i am sad)) #((like suddenly i was like. hold up. i had a different design there didnt i... it was an open ring goddamnit))

[heartorbit]

creatures

#project sekai #pjsk #prsk #emu otori #nene kusanagi #tsukasa tenma #queuing this for like 6 in the morning dont let me fool you into thinking i woke up this early #im sorry posting at like 7pm feels so wrong. people are up at 7pm. dont like that #'why didnt you draw rui' Well why is rui so hard to draw. Anybody ever think of that. #I still havent finished that wxs nene gaming art i used as an example in my comms sheetbc i dont wanna have to render rui #Yes wxs are all my favorites. Yes that includes rui. Yes im tiering 3k in his event rn. No i wont figure out his hair #get that glowstick of a woman out of my face. He needs to het an alt hairstyle i cna draw. #sorry what was i tagging again. um. Whatever aHiiiii #WAIT #emukasa #YAAAAY #im a polyshower but theyre the only ones i drew together so enjoy yuri #i found a cute blog theme that also hides tags under a hover so i can say as much as i want and nobody can be annoyed #If you choose to look at my dastardly tags after i hid them away thats on you

[ganondoodle]

i often really do feel like an .. unwanted part of the fandom, i dont draw beautiful landscapes, i have unpopular but strong opinions im constantly annoying about and rarely change, dont like/dont draw the pretty young popular twinks and hot gurls to fanboi over nor do i turn characters into one, the opposite moreso, draw only one ship no ones heard of really, got little energy to interact with the few people that are nice to me and send me asks so it probably looks like im ignoring everyone and unfortunately but still rarely get so stressed i get overwhelmed and emotional about pehaps seemingly minor things and spiral almost into a breakdown feeling super embarrassed about it afterwards but the damage is already done and i look like a freak or agressive weirdo

#ganondoodles talks #also probably sounds like self pity #but this feeling hits everytime i see a super popular artist be the popular cool artist #i am a little weird i know that and thats not somethign bad i think #but the internet never gets to see that much of me #i tend to write posts when i am at my worst bc it has to go somewhere #so the image it tells people is that im a weirdly strong opiniod freak that gets breakdowns over nothing #i also dont feel like im otherwise -cool tm- enough to balance that out #i dont think my art is as stylized or as inventive as others nor am i cool to interact with bc idk how to be cool to interact with #i feel double bad when i misstepped with someone i used to talk to bc of something stupid ... or just dont know what i did wrong #im guessing its especially when i am in that spiraling state of mind where i really am not myself tbh #it still feels very bad bc i feel like i can never make it up to anyone again #sorry i acted like a jerk my brain was exploding in emotions in a desperate attempt to deal with something idk how to deal with- #-and made me not act like myself but now i feel really dumb about it #doesnt sound like a good excuse #... i want to thank those that do stick with me #even if i acted strange sometimes- even if i disappointed sometimes- even when i couldnt keep a promise #there are little things that still make me angry at myself #like that one time i asked in the tags whod read as long as the end of them and if someone did shoudl send me an ask so id draw a lil thing #and i got two #and i kept trying to remeber oh shit i need to do that and forgetting again/not having energy for it in a loop #i still feel like a jerk about it but now its probably too late #i wish i could answer all asks i get but man my energy for that is always rock bottom #no matter how much i enjoy the ask #and i love getting asks!!! #im sorry :((

[skitskatdacat63]

"Death is nothing, but to live defeated and inglorious is to die daily."

+ process(tw blood)

Also, look at him, bloody little guy 🥹

This drawing was inspired by several matador pics :D here and here:

^ I don't think I'll ever live up to the second one ah. There's several pics of that specific guy just soaked with blood, and I'm uh a bit obsessed with then ITS FUCKED UP I KNOW OKAY! But I've not drawn blood in a while so it was a bit difficult so I added less than I would want to I guess. Also I'm obsessed with how often they kneel in bullfighting?? Like okay who are you arching your back and spreading your legs for-

#ah not 100% sure abt this one but i think i still like it!!! #i was practicing matador poses during the wknd and im like yeah should prob paint one #and then it felt like all the energy left my body djfkkglg i was like ugh how do i paint again????? #mostly: just really wanted to draw him bloody #i love how every time i draw him in ferrari colors its just the most eye bleeding thing ever #my eyes get too used to it on my ipad's display and im like aw this isnt red enough :( #and then i transfer it to my phone and it feels like the red suddenly is hurting my eyes even worse djfkkglg #im glad the blood turned out well. i honestly think it was probably easier bcs the clothes are red already #but yes yes suffering ferrari nando. hes my comfort character atp 😭😭 #perfect catie drawing: depressed ferrari fernando. blood. napoleon quote #anyways yeah lmk! i think it looks okay?? idk i think i just love the first 2 matador drawings i ever did #and its very hard to live up to them. but whatever. we move on #im glad i did a more complicated pose at least ????? #also god i was somewhat annoyed w his face and then i redrew his eye and it was like OH OKAY suddenly good okay #tw blood #<- i would put this drawing under the cut but like. my blog i do what i want and i want to draw blood #i used to draw bloody stuff a lot more but ah idk less opportunities now sjfkkglg so it was kinda nice #catie.art. #f1 #formula 1 #fernando alonso #matador au

[sandovore]

I made a list of lifesteal things/people I wanted to draw, so that was the first one !

Mapicc is no longer an alien because i forgot he was still green when they traveled and died on the leo-moon

#im not fond of doing digital art #but i still have to get used to draw on my babygirl tablet again (i love that thing. mine.) #just take it #i didn't look for any astronaute suit reference at all #it also means that there wasn't any astronaut on tv for 3 weeks because i started it three weeks ago #im not good w/ colors these are here because i like them with white i swear #BECAUSE OF THE EXAMS I PASSED THIS MORNING #leowook #branzy #woogiex #mapicc #lifesteal smp #lssmp #lifesteal fanart #sando.draws

[obsob]

yes i am getting emails 

#dracula daily #mine #lov that this means absolutely nothing to people not reading ksjfksl #i love jonathan hes gay and autistic cant wait to see him get eaten or smth #im back from a 2 week work break now! i was very burnt out i feel a lot better >:) drawing time #these images came to me in a vision yesterday evening but i was too tired to draw them #im sleepy now....sleepy baby...... #i slept so bad last night my tummy hurt so bad!!! idk why!!! i had a lot of carbs w dinner so maybe that was it #i still havent figured out what it is my stomach doesnt like. durham wheat i think is oneof them but ??? dfdsfj #whatever. my fault for not drinking more peppermint tea #i didnt like wake up wake up last night but i kept like. coming to a little bit n shifting abt until i found a more comfy position #utmmy ouchy.......hopefully will be less so tonight heh!! #i idid yoga this morning i forgot how much i lov it #also ive been reading captive prince again. is this series a lil problematic? yes. thats why the gods gave us critical thinking #i need a break from stone earth trilogy im on to the last book now....ouhghg...... #have a new book arriving tomorrow yes yes yes yes

[chalkeater]

ur art is crunchy /pos !!! how do you have the confidence to use stuff that isnt pencil and cant rlly be erased if mistakes are made?

make more mistakes

ACTUAL ANSWER BELOW because it got too long. oops lol

anyway. i wrote “DO IT ON PURPOSE” because when it comes to doing a whole drawing with ONLY a pen- you gotta force your brain get creative- at least practice. in other words- work with what you have. it’s basically like solving a problem every few seconds-

because sometimes my hand eye coordination glitches for a split second. or maybe my hand shook or maybe the line is actually shit looking. but instead of scrapping the thing entirely i gotta to try and make it work. ok so if my line looks like crap here maybe i can make it a Part of the drawing by making everything look messier. OR maybe i can even just. hide it!! by coloring a thicker line along it too!!

you can actually HIDE a LOT of mistakes with a pen without erasing anything. and sometimes the mistakes are part of the art- like when i see the most beautiful art online and i see an uncolored pixel. what matters is your final output not the things you cant change now or mean nothing in the big picture

honestly going from sketch to lines and rendering with a pen is about weight control (like with a pencil- sketching yk) and not beating yourself up. in order to gain the “confidence” you gotta absolutely ANNIHILATE the need for 200% perfection. because theres beauty in a mess.

anyway so. when you get the basic stuff down like “in order to to make less mistakes with pen stuff- make sure youre used to what youre drawing already!!!” or “draw/doodle stupid shit with your pen and make it (pen) a PART of you and not some scary beast (pen)

i think it all stems down to forgiving yourself and just having fun. having fun is always my motto. if you ever go “oh no i made a mistake!!!” imagine me yelling “WHO CAAARRESSS!!!!!!!! (#love #positive)” in your EAR

#deltarune #susie deltarune #myself #ask #susart #GAHH SORRY ITS SO LONG OR SOMETHING #we have chronic ‘if you ask any of us a question ill literally take 5 paragraphs to answer it bc idk detail and context or shit’ #ok bye how this helps???? #mintyblitz #i would include more of our pen stuff but idk whats worth showing lol #bc we sketch with pens a lot. actually fucking hate sketching with pencils sometimes because ughh #when youre studying fine arts and have 500 black drawings ???? um. yeah. no. i dont want to touch a pencil everr AGAIN!!!! #GOD GRAPHITE EVERYWHERE!!! on my shirt on my FACE!!! #of course we still do painting and drawings with pencils and then line them after #but if im gonna doodle?? yeah. pen #also not to be a pen apologist but when a sketchbook ages the pencils fade #but pens are fucking awesome because water and air wont let it fade away #we actually use waterproof BALLPOINT pens (our fountain pen oviously is not waterproof) #(Not aponsored but buy panda oens theyre so cheap and you can paint watercolor on them girls) #anyway so the worst our penned sketches get is like. a lottle bleeding but thats cool ask in a sketchbook #pencils?? gone. blank canvas. #pencils are great but i need people to understand how convenient oen is #also pen for filling in form?? but can be used to draw? versatile. she can do anything

[upsidedowngrass]

For drawing requests uhhh anything with Bryce? I just super adore the way u draw his limbs idk what it is about it !!! I'm just like 0-0 like a cat at him every time

here he is!!!!! thank u :D!!!!!!!!!!

#hfjone #my art #admittedly. a few of these r from a couple days ago #BUT in my defense bryce is hard 2 draw. he has SO many straight lines and i do NOT have a steady hand #also i think i might be getting a little overzealous w these requests . so i might tone it down a little from here #and also. i may slow down a little on them! but i am still open to being sent them cus im still having fun :)!!!!! #but YEAS!!!! bryce :) #so sad he only smiles like maybe once in the whole series . sir i hope that u r happier post canon #also i change how i draw his fins like EVERY time i draw them . fun fact they used to be more like ridges! like a frog might have! #since i theme him mildly around amphibians :) but it has slowly turned into a fin the more ive drawn him #anyway TY AGAIN!!!!!!! im glad u like my design for him :D!!!!!

[frecklystars]

i know nobody is online rn to read this but ;-; i gotta get it off my chest i love ken so much he means everything to me he's making me so happy and i've needed him so so so bad. he's brought me comfort when my ptsd has been so fucking unbearable and every time i'm having a crying fit over losing my tf f/os or every time i'm having a flashback i ALWAYS immediately IMMEDIATELY think about him rushing to my side, holding me and saying "hey hey it's okay, i'm here, i'm right here" and it's such a relief because i haven't been able to genuinely wholeheartedly believe any character would be willing to do that for me the entire time i've been struggling this year.

i've never gone so long without comfort from f/os, much less being triggered by the ones who used to comfort me the most. so to have barbie and ken right now is like the biggest wave of relief every single day when i wake up and the hyperfixation is still there. sometimes i will literally close my eyes and sigh in relief when i hear a song and my first thought is sebastian or ken or six or... whomever. i love being in love again. i NEED this. i love waking up and my first thought isn't my trauma most of the time now, it's ken. or it's six. or it's barbie. or it's harley. or it's officer k. or it's... yeah you get it. i needed these characters so fucking badly. every time i see a gifset and get excited over it, i feel a rush of gratitude bc self shipping has always been the glue holding me together. it doesn't feel as intense or strong as the SB musical or TF used to make me feel but i am not picky. not at all. i will take anything and i'm praying this lasts for at LEAST another few weeks please

i may not be at a sense of peace right now and i dont know when i ever will be, it could be years, but im so. so. so. so so so thankful to have these characters right now when i've needed someone so badly for so long. i hope ken knows how much i love him ;-; i hope barbie knows how much she has helped me, has saved me from one of my major triggers and has helped me to love and feel safe around the color pink again. i wish they could see me when i'm not so broken but i'm glad they're here even when i'm at my worst, i'm glad they still love me even when they deserve to see me in a much better light

#it feels so fucking terrible not celebrating my bday with my starlight. i used to buy myself cakes and put his figurine next to them #i mean i still have... a little bit over one week... i cant... let it pass by without him being involved somehow #so i might make a quick vent doodle and queue it for the actual day of my bday #i refuse to not draw myself with him at least once for my special day #its not like we 'broke up' or anything but fuck it feels so bad #he's a literal fucking ptsd trigger. how fucking insane is that #im still in shock. im still in shock over what happened to me like i cant fucking believe it #wearing his necklace makes me cry so i just leave it on my dresser #that shouldnt be normal!!!! #but im hoping that shipping with barbie/ken is going to help me feel like i can reclaim control over my ships #bc my abuser made me feel like... i had no control over my TF ships whatsoever for a solid year #so now that i'm finally free of that toxicity i'm still shakily trying to learn how to ship again #i'll have moments where i'll worry ken will try to hurt me on purpose bc im so used to my abuser telling me how abusive any f/o would be #but then i tell myself 'hey what the fuck. this is MY story. NOBODY would abuse me i dont care WHO they are' #but it's so hard to unlearn several months of abuse 😔 #and even harder to look at a character who i invested so much time and energy and money into #my voice clips. my cameos. all of my steve blum autographs. my art for steve. all of it feels sad and numbing #not just stsc but everyone in any TF universe feels like... a threat and i get panic attacks when i see very specific characters sometimes #its awful. it hurts so bad. i love ken so much. but nothing compares to what i had with my TF comfort characters #but it's okay bc... ken is holding my hand and he might not understand ptsd at all but he can still squeeze me tight #and six HAS c-ptsd he GETS it. and he's there to hold me when my nightmares make me fall apart. he's my rock #vent #ptsd #sorry it's 5am i had a bad nightmare and now i refuse to sleep again #i fucking hate ptsd i fucking hate living like this i rly wish i knew how to cure myself #im exercising im eating and drinking often im sleeping as much as i can #theres only so much i can do #when does it get better?? when the fuck does it get better? im serious. not rhetorical. when does this finally heal #i dont even know if im healing or if im just distracted... but fuck ill take anything

[shieldofmen]

‘, and Maester Luwin says bastards grow up faster than other children.’

Jon, AGOT

This quote never fails to make me sad and a bit angry because it’s true.

All these children born out of wedlock don’t get the same kindness trueborn children get when growing up. People scorn literal children for existing from the time they are born until they die. So much so that maesters (and probably others) can see the difference between the two.

Resulting in this fuckin phrase.

Its so pervasive that these children act older than others around their age because they weren’t allowed the same kindness simply because they weren’t trueborn.

They act older because they were forced to mature faster, which is the result of people not allowing them a proper childhood.

Anyways, fuck people in this fandom because, for some reason, yall are so okay with bastards being treated like shit for trueborn benefit.

#asoiaf #jon snow #gendry waters #looking at exactly who you think im looking at #edric storm #mia stone ? does she not have a tag or? #im sure there are more bastards in the series im just drawing a blank rn #cotter pyke #? again no tag ? #even fuckers like #ramsey bolton #ramsey snow #legitimized or not they still get treated like a bastard #unless the nobility feels they can use them #bloodraven #clearly i cant articulate my thoughts well #but you get the gist i hope #and im not even addressing all of it #like highborn vs lowborn bastard treatment #and the sexist classist reasons bastards even exist

[heartorbit]

i would advise against sneaking a bunch of silly billies into your castle

#project sekai #emu otori #nene kusanagi #tsukasa tenma #rui kamishiro #pjsk #proseka #prsk #polysho week 2023 #there that wasnt so bad #i hate taaaagging #Saki chortling her ass off btw. Do They Know #snailing towards drawing backgrounds properly... its helpful for my comms but im still so bad.... #My emu favoritism shines theough again in that its obvious i drew her first. Im sorry. kind of. #i dont have insane tags to put this time i have to get up for class in like 7 hours. i have a midterm. farewell.... #actually how could you put polysho week during my midterms. SICK. (ignored that i couldve used the time prompts r given in advance to draw) #ive always done this for fanweeks i try to draw on the day of like a sicko. INEED TO GONTOSLPEY #please stop following me if i check and i hit a milestone im going to feel bad. i dont look at it often enogub to cstch them when they happ #en. stop being niceys to me. #i was thinking of doing simple rqs or something... bc im grateful and it would be fun..... waugh.... #why didi stay up finishing this. my wrist hurts and im sleepy. Lord.

[socksandbuttons]

Notbme staring at my inktover knd 2019 drawings and going Damn

I need to practice inking agaib

#THE POSES WERE MOSTLY GOOD TOO AND THE STUFF WITH SILHOITTES #some thi gs look wonky but like yeah thats expected but most of it holds up really well #love teen rqchel and georgette the gorls #also the 23 qnd 78 one??? amazing i still love that one #i can no longer do month long challenges but sigh i want to try again #maymay didnt get too far this year but genuiney thats alrigth i still drew her and even have an attempted ask blog update #ITS COLORED IT JUST NEEDS BACKGROUNDS WHICH.... *LOOKS AT THE ONES ON THE BLOG* #ill figure it out #some of it was using mosaic on the screenshots i had and some were painted #like some fool i was #but once i get into it it shpuld be fine #ITS JUST STARTING #i continue to ramble in my tags but thats for future me #im just trying to look for a sticker here #i know i put it in one of my sketchbooks #my fusionfall art continues to be loved by me #damn i could try drawing them again see where my coloring stands now #cant top my past self it seems #but i have more gel pens