#im still home for the summer

[compacflt]

what are bradley’s earliest memories of ice and mav? the bits of his perspective on them that you’ve written are so fascinating

fairly unsurprising answer but: ice: when he came to see Carole to apologize for killing goose in ch 2 of wwgattai (sets the tone of their relationship)

mav: something very benign like mav doing magic tricks for him as a little little kid. you know how your earliest memories are always a little fuzzy and always afternoon sunshine? imagine a desaturated maverick sitting crosslegged in the grass in pale afternoon southern california sunshine showing Bradley how he can detach his thumb from his hand and then put it back again. no blood, no bone, no pain, and he’s got this daredevil grin like he’s enjoying separating his thumb from his hand. can’t see his eyes behind his aviators. the best magicians are the ones who can make even their pain disappear. or, playing “got your nose,” holding Bradley’s nose up so he can see it right in front of his very eyes, NO PAIN!, and then making it disappear. “where’d your nose go, Gosling? oh, my gosh, I lost your nose!! how’re you gonna smell? i bet you’re gonna smell bad. get it? get it? —here it is, i found it, don’t worry, it’s all good!” and putting his nose back so everything’s ok. that’s Bradley’s earliest memory of mav.

#Bradley’s nose (mavs thumb) is a foreshadowing metaphor for the academy here obviously #this is just my conjecture as a californian kid who was many times duped by the thumb trick myself. #You know where they screw it off and it really looks convincing #im closer to 10 years old than i am to 31 😞 ten years ago today i was at my little baseball summer camp :) in third grade #pete maverick mitchell #tom iceman kazansky #bradley rooster bradshaw #top gun #asks #also ive had this little scene where he drives to their house in his moms car after some late high school event #only to find ice & mav passed out on the couch together at 9:30 at night with the tv still playing #because mav had made a home between ices arms and (tired fighter pilot after long day of drills) fell asleep there and what #was ice supposed to do; wake up an exhausted American hero & push him away? no. this isn’t so bad. —and then accidentally fell asleep too. #and bradleys just standing there in his homecoming tux going ‘oh this is real. oh they really are. oh. ok i will let them sleep.’ #and sneaking back into his moms car to go to his own house for once. #i can’t find anywhere to put that scene so you’re getting it in the tags of this post

[jtbb]

BACK

#still got a long flight til im back home but im out of china whcih means oh god i have 150 pings and 275 notifs on tumblr to catch up on #hi guys i missed u. had a lot of fun tho shenyang rlly felt like home after just a few days #adding an addendum to my title 'ultimate summer enjoyer' of 'actually bitterly cold winters are so nice also'

[davidtennantpussytulpa]

i appreciate a quick response but it also scares the shit out of me how fast my PI responds. like FUCK!!! i wasnt prepared to deal further with this for at least a couple hours

#like when i first emailed him last summer to ask about joining his lab i expected a response within like maybe 3 days bc thats what im used #to with most academics and professionals but he literally responded in three MINUTES and i felt like shitting myself #like. when does this man sleep. bc im emailing him my draft at 10pm and get a response right away when i know hes also in the lab at the #first moment he can. i have no way of saying if he gets there earlier than 8 bc you know my ass is getting there at 9 but im pretty sure its #8 at the latest. AND he works out in the mornings. GIRL???? #hes like yeah during my phd i went to the gym at 5 was in the lab for 8 hours went home cooked dinner etc and would go to bed at midnight #so. he functioned on about 5 hours of sleep for at least 4 years and im pretty sure he still does. what fucking witchcraft is his body #chemistry doing in there. HES IN HIS 50S TOO

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#its sort of funny. i think my medication is working pretty well. i feel stable in a way i never really have before #is it the dopamine stablizer or is it my ion channels? whos to say. it doesn't matter. but it also doesnt change some things #the ways i think and react negativly to change. but it makes it easier to deal with. i still experience this strange dispaire on the #weekends or anytime im not working. i think the oddest thing is thst i dont think ive ever been this consistenly sad #not in a depressed sort of way. just a passing thoughts make me tear up sort of way. it doesnt feel out of control. it just feels like a #prelude to grief i guess. bc my mum is still in the hospital and its so hard to kno what that means from halfway across the country #my sisters are both home right now. they both live within 3hrs of where we grew up. one sister lives in the city my mom goes to for #treatment. so they have the opportunity to see her more than me. i dunno if they do tho. we dont really talk. i dont kno if they're as sad #as i am. if im overreacting bc i cant physically see what's happening. what the feeling is in the room. not that she would probably complain #shes the suffer in silence type. my dad keeps texting us pics of our shitty lil sunroom that hes redoing #to make my mum a lil sanctuary. he must be sad too. its his wife. hes staying with her in the hospital rn. i dunno its so weird #when i talk to my counselor she assumes i find out info thru calls or talk to my sisters abt it and i gotta b like nah we dont really talk #i get my info thru text. i havent talked to my parents on the phone in like a month. i dunno we just dont talk. so i dont kno how to reach #out and be like yo so whats up? shoulf i plan on coming home this summer for a bit?? like??? #this is the disadvantage of leaving thr place where you grew up. probably when i finish my phd i should move closer to home #somewhere in the Appalachian mountains maybe. somewere in the eastern deciduous forrest. somewhere with thunderstorms. #but thats years from now. who knows what ill b doing. for now im just sad and tired and i dont quite kno what to do in the short or long #term bc im feeling the weight of my mental limitations rather intensely. but maybe im just being self limiting #whatever. i dont have a dead mum yet. shes not even on hospice care. things are just uncertain and dont look so hot #i just dont see how it can get better from here when chemo gave her secondary blood cancer and shes still full of tumors #i dont think im being that dramatic. it just objectively seems not great for survival #unrelated

[josephtrohman]

im having a moment rn a lot about fourth of july sorry for a personal ish post but they really wrote that song for my relationship with my ex best friend fr

#im just kidding but the lyrics do hit close to home i think of her a lot when i listen #less often these days but still #our whirlwind weird friendship was really like fireworks that went off too soon and that first summer we hung out every single day #and also i remember singing that song with her and stuff #and every time ive come in contact since we dont really talk the torture of small talk with someone you used to love is so real #i also think of her when i listen to favorite record too a little bit #abap the longing summer-themed album that u are :( <3 #sorry for rambling im ok im mostly over it ive just been thinking about it a lot #i think i was always a little bit in love with her too

[hella1975]

basically threw away £20 on my nails today so was already getting weird bc i apparently cannot be normal about money and then my paycheck came through just for my manager to have knocked off 11 hours worth of pay. so naturally i am crying in a dark room about it

#this is such a girl moment wdym you’re crying about your fucking nails. couldn’t explain it to you if i tried #im just an utter FREAK about money and then for my payslip to get fucked as well. whyyyyy would you do that #im not built for the working world truly idk how sensitive people do it bc i am NOT im tough as shit 99% of the time and i STILL can’t deal #just give me my fucking money it’s not fair 😭😭😭 i worked hard 😭😭😭 #and the dumbest brattiest part of this is that the thing that tipped me over the edge is that my mum didn’t offer to pay for my nails #like how ridiculous and spoiled is that but still i was so so angry at myself about fucking them up and it’s £25 to get them done tomorrow #and I’ve worked so hard for her this summer and both days I’ve been in town I’ve got her things #like nothing spenny but I’ve just thought of her and got her things I know she’d like just to be nice #and £25 is NOTHING TO HER AND SHE DIDNT EVEN OFFER 😭😭 she even joked it off #she was like ‘your dad would offer to pay if he was here but I believe in lessons’ GIRL FUCK YOUR LESSONS I WANT MY NAILS DONE 😭😭😭 #why am i actually in tears over this. this is so silly. now all my money is fucked and im going to be the skint one when we go to dublin #AS USUAL. even though i worked hard and clocked the hours it still got fucked bc im fucking. cursed #im aware im being dramatic and this isn’t even about the amount of money i have atm i promise this isn’t some desperate bankruptcy claim #like for once im actually fine money wise it’s just all been FUCKED and my dates are now FUCKED bc i have to wait for next paycheck now #and it’s so unfair bc usually things go wrong for me bc im DUMB and mess it up LIKE MY NAIL APPOINTMENT #but for work and dublin i literally planned it perfectly and did the hours and it still didn’t work #like what is WRONG with me. i hate being an adult i need a sugar daddy ive had enough #the message I sent my manager…. scathing…. ik his scared of confrontation ass is panicking. give me my fucking MONEY #hella goes home

[toaster-selfships]

Send me good wishes yall. I'm going to try and work on some late work when I get home but I'm chronically bad at doing that without an energy drink but I'm not ready for the impending doom of selling my soul to energy drinks so I can function

Uuhhhhhhhhh I accidentally went on a tangent and there's a whole vent in the tags oopsies

#i already get an energy drink every time on my lunch break at work. but thats partly cause im not too fond of my current job anyways #i dont need perfect grades just. as long as theyre passing i dont care #and are still passing grades after whatverr the finals do to it #im going to a trade school anyways gpa doesnt matter. ive just. QUITE LITERALLY. spent my whole life smacking my head into a desk- #-cause of school. and im so desperate to get my ass outta here. It'll be so much easier cause i will be free from family too #once i get my own place that is. I honest to God would rather sell my soul to two jobs and come home to peace and breathe #than this hell now. being at school is tourment and being at home is tourment. cant wait till im actually HOME. and not some. house. #home is where the dodge challenger that i will sleep in is. home is where the heart is. and my heart isnt anywhere here. #just. one more year. i can get my license at my brithday which is all the way in decemeber but. one more year from now #and I can scrape by and graduate and say adios. #i refuse to acknowledge the scenerio of not making it cause. fuck it we ball or something. am i using that saying right #i already did my time in prison(summer school) #i dont know about yall but summer school was honestly one of the WORST expereinces ive ever been in. horrible.

[goldrogerstits]

bought shrimp chips for myself as a treat because i rembember eating them as a kid but i never get the right ones they smelled super shrimpy and tasty but nothing else has come close other than the ones my korean housemate brought me

#shramp... #the nearest store that could have them was more than hour away so i thought id treat myself now when im home in the city for summer #the chips were still tasty tho...

[cliveguy]

the universe is kind of crazy bc i moved to a random town to do this course + figured out (roughly) what i want to do as a career through taking a random module. and now i'm realising that this town is pretty good for that career choice and i might end up getting a real job here.

#um.txt #maybe that's why they offer this module here lol #not sure if i want to stay in this town when im done w the course but its also close-ish to my hometown #so if i start applying to jobs while writing my diss this summer and i get one ill still be able to commute if i move home #while finding a more permanent place to stay / saving for an apartment #i knew this town was pretty big for business stuff bc my dad used to work here when i was a kid #but now im getting adverts for it while looking at stuff unrelated to my location but related to the career #trying to be vague bc if i DO work with this im going to try and keep this blog disconnected lol. i dont want to be a beachdeath #* and * both hire here. both equally funny but for different reasons. #working for either of them... the stars could align for me to do a roberto aguirre-sacasa.

[sieglinde-freud]

ohhh i j remember i pulled arcane ophelia when she dropped and just never fuckin used her… i ALMOST gave her tome to odin to fix him up, but…. hehewgahehe laurentttttt i have some shiny new toy for youuuuu come home baby girl come HOME!

#ann cries about feh #arcane devourer for inigo and arcane whatever for laurent my boys are SO IN IT #hopefully severas prf is good but. its severa. of course its good. #you know im kind of winning with most of the awakening kids #i’d say most of them are actually really fucking solid units with their refines #my owains kind of bad but thats probably my fault… i put all my investment into odin instead cuz he was easier to merge #but like kjelle yarne cynthia nah lucina m!morgan all got solid refines #kjelle especially shes one of my crutches for her #geromes was kind of mid but he makes up for it by being a walking ball of attack and def stats #and if i get lucina (WHICH I WILL. SHES COMING HOME. IM NOT MISSING ANOTHER LUCI) he can take her axe #also yeah im still missing legendary lucina and spring lucina #i have the worst legendary banner luck… i always get something but never what im looking for #and spring lucina… WHY IS SHE COLOR SHARING WITH FUCKING XANDER #SPRING FUCKING XANDER GET AWAY FROM MEEE #ugh. anyways. what was i talking about #oh my noire sucks. i pulled a -atk one and didnt build her cuz i was convinced she’d be on the eventual second gen banner #she’ll almost definitely be on the next awakening banner now but who knows when thatll be #time to give in and build her but i REALLY hate her summer alt… i really do #and its like. the art isnt BAD. it looks good. and it looks like noire. but its like. she looks so scared and uncomfortable #like not my girl why would u do this to my girl…. #ANYWAYS THO LAURENT IS WHO I WAS TALKING ABOUT YES NEW TOME FOR HIM WOOO

[jerzwriter]

🎶✨ When you get this, you have to write down 5 songs you actually listen to and post them. Then send this (ask or tag) to 10 cool ppl✨🎶

OK, I went directly to Spotify and found my top 5. These are spot on, and I'm DEFINITELY in my Noah Kahan era. lol Thanks for the tag @havenroyals!

Tagging @icecoffee90 @mydemonsdrivealimo @crazy-loca-blog @ @genevievemd @inlocusmads @jamespotterthefirst @angelasscribbles @lovealexhunt @dr-colossal-pita @liaromancewriter and anyone who wants to play!

#top 5 #top 5 songs #noah kahan #frank ocean #i'm happy to see frank's still there as I live my Noah summer #a minute from home but i feel so far from it #the death of my dog the stretch of my skin its all washing over me #im angry again #the things that i lost here #the people i knew #they've got me surrounded for a mile or two #the cars in reverse #i'm gripping the wheel #i'm back between villages and everythings still #Spotify

[skitskatdacat63]

There's something very romantic about the outdoors...

#thinking abt how theres this specifc place near my house where i always go to take pics of the sky #and i probably have at leats one photo 'session' from every week(well every wk i was at home this yr lol) #and its always like a painting to me #it doesnt matter how many times i go there #every single time im astounded by it #and its nothing special but the sky is so vast and magnificent #and the colors are always great #even if its not near sunset or sunrise its still beautiful #and during the summer im nocturnal so i always run down there at the crack of dawn to take pics 😭 #but now i take a lot of the sunset or pre-sunset ig #qnd even just mid day is pretty... #and right now theres geese migrating all the time but especially at this time of day #so going and standing there at staring at the sky and hearing the geese and going numb from the cold #its just...romantic to me ig #maybe i will edit smth w all my pics at the end of the yr FOR ME #but i took some vids of the geese flying across the blue and pink sky and it was all very picturesque #blah blah blah i am very sentimental and if i could take pics of eveyrthing i would 🥺 #mayhe one day ill buy an actual camera lol #catie.rambling.txt

[thatfaerieprincess]

Feel free to skip on past this, I’ve just gotta ramble for a minute bc i cant stop thinking about this kid from work last week. They were so much like me at that age (5-6th grade) that I didn’t know how to interact with them? I didn’t know what to say to them bc I don’t know what I needed to hear back then, what I would’ve WANTED to hear? What would I have even listened to? They were almost entirely silent and looked out at the world with a hesitant curiosity, but would pull back so fast as soon as you tried to interact w them. Little to no eye contact, face hidden in hair, always looking down, following others until they could strike off on their own and just quietly explore. Intently focusing on drawing any chance they got. We did an art project and they hunched over their piece the entire time and wouldn’t let any of us see it in progress, refusing to look up or acknowledge us if we asked to see it or to know what it was. Idk. I barely interacted w them while they were with us for those few days bc I didn’t know how? It almost hurt to try? It was like looking back into a time machine and i didn’t know how to tell them that it does get better,,, I still don’t even know if where I am is better, some days feel so unsure that I don’t think I’ve made any progress at all. But seeing that kid, idk. I’ve come pretty far. And it DOES get better. Maybe it’s not the best now, or even that great at all, but it’s better. I wish I could’ve told them but I don’t think they’d have wanted to hear it anyway

#im a rambling sam #I’m in a weird place again since getting here for this season of work #idk maybe I’ve been in a weird place all year probably #I don’t think I’m that far from where I was at that age but I know I am there’s just still so much further to go #one day I think it’ll feel easier but maybe not today #I do love working w kids but I’m considering going into horticulture instead of outdoor education bc I don’t know if I can handle this #I can #but god I don’t know #in my heart I’m still that exact kid and she’s still in there so damn anxious and unsure and needing to observe the world and everyone in it #just to get some sense of understanding of just what the fuck is going on around here #but by the time I’ve gotten a good handle on what is going on everything is already so set in place and my place is outside the system and I #I don’t know how to step into it #sorry sorry I’m still rambling I’m having a weird day I probably just haven’t eaten nearly enough in the last few days and I’m about to #start teaching on my own this week which is terrifying and I can’t stop thinking abt that damn kid I wish they stayed longer I think #we probably would’ve gotten along #but groups only come here for a couple days and then go home which is v weird after having the same kids for 3 weeks for summer camp #idk life gets better and it gets worse and sometimes u grow into the world a little more but there’s still a mute child in your ribcage #little hands pressed up against ur ribs like laying a palm against a bus window #I put my hand over my sternum as if we could press our hands together thru time #when I was that age I used to pretend to have someone around me like an imaginary friend but usually it was a book character that I liked #and I’d talk to myself in my head like having a conversation and giving myself motivation and assurances from someone else to me #and now I’m here and I still talk to myself like that but without the imagined friend as a buffer I just talk to myself in my head #now I’m the imaginary friend for the little Sam that lives in my chest #when I talk to myself I’m talking to her #I’m giving her the assurance she needed back then #the assurance I still need now #I am here for her so I am here for myself #this is getting poetically nonsensical maybe it’s time for bed

[snowychicken]

I'm heading back home for the weekend! Everyone wish me luck with The Horrors™

#The Horrors™ include: #being stuck in a house with my parents again. stuck living the same way i did over the summer #everyone in the fucking family constantly being around bc we had a death in the family #(<- not why im going home + i didnt really know them so im not super affected by it) #my bedroom is apparently flooded AGAIN #(<- really hoping nothing was ruined. but still. thats my bedroom. im pissed) #dealing with dads anger over the flooding thing #and the possibility that my parents will force their way into my dorm room when i come back #(<- has a pride flag and a pronoun pin and a picture with the name 'snowy' on display. and also just wants some goddamn privacy for once) #this is gonna be great /sarcasm #there might be more but thats whats coming to mind #its three days. i can survive three days #snowys talking again

[drev-the-procrastinator]

love waking up to my mom giving me an ultimatum and ordering that i have to give up my (admittedly expensive) apartment 1n 2 weeks and move back home for good. i had stuff to do today but i guess being gripped by dread and anxiety works too

#i had been thinking about moving to a smaller one too. but now she's ordering me to do that #and expects me to move back home #when my university and all of my two friends are in the city. #and i have TWO WEEKS to live here if she wants me to move before summer because i have to go back home anyway in early may #for my summer job. #like sure i wouldve understood like a hey. my child. your financial situation is oretty tough so i have some suggestions that could help #but she was like okay here's whay you do: option a) [something i couldnt do before fall] b) find a cheaper apartment and live in two weeks #c) move home for good and commute over an hour any day you have university stuff to do and also essentially lose access to your #friends and all and any independence you have managed to cobble together so i can treat you like a child and yeall at you #the last part wasnt included but it's what she does anyways so i assume it's part of the deal #then i would have to commute or drive an hour any time i wanted to see either of my friends. after every summer im already #tired and desperate to come back to my apartment to get to be on my own. and now she's saying i have to never do that again #and here's the fuckin thing. her husband is planning on fixing my car. my mom pays my phone bill. i know what a loser i am whatever. #she actually owns my dogs and my childhood home. i cannot. piss her ofd too much. because then i'll lose all of those #phone. whatever i can get a new one. car. slightly more heartbrwakin but like i still own it. but the house? #my dogs?? i think i would rather die atm if im being honest #so what the fuck am i supposed to do. huh. #maybe i should just walk into the sea foe good i feel like that would just so neatly solve all of my problems

[littlebigplanet]

two more weeks of work,,,,,,,,

#which is really just two more days. since i only work sundays #three counting today. still have seven hrs left in my shift. fml #its fine i have the same group i had last week. i like them because theyre mostly continent<3 #absolute win for both not breaking my back changing people AND for not getting covered in urine the whole day! yippee! #i do have three inconts today but they're all nice and easy so idc #theres just five weeks left in the semester and then i go home. finally. finally #applying to work at the hospital nearest my house cause i KNOW they do per diem #i dont need the flexibility during the summer but itll be nice once school starts again in august #i cannot BELIEVE im almost done w my second year of college thats so scary. i turn 20 in six months..... eugh #🫀