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ftmgirlcunthole · 7 months

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i've been lurking the forced misgen/forced feminisation/humiliation/forced breast expansion side of tumblr for a while- you're actually the first blog i've interacted with- i've been on t for about 4/5 months now and i dont know what's happening its just that my nipples have been so sensitive and i cant bind due to medical stuff so i just have this double d tits jumping around all day- i mean i can feel them moving constantly, rubbing against tables and things- and cuz of the t weight gain all my shirts have gotten smaller so they're just pressing up against the cotton.. it makes me so wet, i dont know what to do i spent a good hour just rubbing my nipples i mean what the fuck i've never been that wet before EVER and it didnt stop it just kept spiraling and now trying to work out how to get womens underwear without outing myself (im in a small town) and how i can reach my g-spot with my own fingers- god i want to submit to this ftmgirl thing but im still selfaware enough to be utterly humiliated by it, can i get some thoughts from a ftmgirlie?

i am so flattered that im one of the first blogs you've interacted with!! also im so proud of you for reaching out girl💗💖, it can be scary and intimidating to do at first but its definitely the right thing.

its very common that when us girls go on t, instead of it making us into men, it makes us into sluts💖. if you give a female a "man" sex drive what do you expect will happen? its kind of silly how surprised we all get when a couple months in our cunts start begging us for cock and to become bitches in heat💕, but only real men are really capable of handling that sex drive as nature intended💗.

so it makes perfect sense that your female nipples are responding too, theyre asking you to listen to your biology, thats why you get wet too! your pussy and your body loves your gorgeous, plush tits. im so glad you havent gotten rid of them either, neither have i and im so relieved. its also so relatable that once you give in to one thing (sensitive nipples💖) you quickly fall down the rabbit hole and give in to the next thing (girls underwear💗) and the next thing (finding your g spot🌸 ). us girls are kind of weak willed like that hehe🥰

i think being utterly humiliated by making such a silly mistake and confusing yourself for a man is a good thing, i completely relate, everyday im humiliated by myself and how pathetic i am and you know what? it makes my pussy even more soaked!🌸 females are designed this way, and no matter whether we take t or call ourselves men we just cannot escape our biology💗 and theres something really beautiful about that.

just give in, it will feel insanely good and way better than pretending to be a man ever could, fuck your cunt, jiggle your tits, buy that pretty pink dress and those lacy bra and panties you keep staring at, be the girl you know you are alongside me - im still on my journey too! and asks like these help convince me as well 💗

#ask #asks

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neptune-ian · 1 month

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ik most idols not going to date non fans but for those that have their fs as an idol it must be awkward to have ppl doing readings on them? like im thinking if bts members know about it and their fs isnt it just supposed to then happen at some time in their lives? like ppl who were panicking that it isnt themselves well ofc it wasnt going to be...

can you do a reading on how would bts fs first felt when they knew they were an idols fs / what they think of armies overall and if they pay any attention to bts music cause i feel like if they arent fan of their music then what would they want to be with the members for?

you would have to like them for their music or at least somewhat be a lowkey fan otherwise it would also be awkward than anything else cause a lot of armies would probs want to be with the idols for other aspects like the attention theyd get (both good and bad) money is another reason someone would want to be with bts but not for the genuine relationship and i think the stans that fangirl about it being themselves well they arent going to have genuine relationship otherwise bc a lot of stans might cross the line

honestly id be so curious though for when bts do go publicly in relationships (IF they ever do) cause if ppl are already freaking out about jks fs and now yoongis its surely going to be a dissapointment to many? so i dont blame bts for never speaking about their personal lives outside of the group itself cause they know how quick armies are to overreact to such news of them dating, in fact wouldnt be surprised if a member or two got married without telling fans and one day theyd be like hey btw they just got married not that long ago

and as much as i love kpop music and overall groups i dont think i could cope with it without feeling not trapped but kind of caged in by not being able to be open about it but also their fan bases, like im sure some idols like their western fan base more so bc theres different behaviours they display compared to knetz yet when they are grouped into one huge online "community" i think thats when things get out of control like it did for jks fs

idk these are just my 2 cents on the whole fs thing, sure some people would be idols fs but how can they truly know without being delulu? cause some idols are going to be like eww they wouldnt date a fan due to their fan base or they would maybe date within the safetynet of the industry and just not bother looking elsewhere, foreign idols most likely probs want to date other foriegn idols so the margin is kind of slim or somewhat limited in that respect as to who actually would have chance to date idol

Hi anon!

What you say is interesting and right. However I don’t read of the FS because some can be aware of me reading them which I do not want them to know.

What I know from my pov is that people connected to celebs (me for instance) we have HUGE mental breakdowns because of it, we doubt it everyday, find reasons and ways to say « well no, it was all in my head I’m fine » whereas the proofs are in front of us lol. So for the FS it must be WORSE than what we go through.

The delulus thought are not connected and misjudge their wishes as a connection. They have nothing because if you asked them some proofs where there is a connection they won’t give you anything. Saying « yesterday I thought of eating an apple and Felix ate 3 in this live » or « I wished to see Jay’s abs and he showed it » it doesn’t work like that. That is not a connection let alone a real sign.

I can’t talk for the FS because I am not them but they must have felt like a delulu too. They must have felt like they are/were obsessed over their future husband and if they have a good mental state then they may or may not have suffered from this. That’s not easy to know that you’re a celeb spouse with all the pros and cons.

If one of the FS is really lurking there on Tumblr trying to make sense out of their situation they may know deep down the truth but still reject it as they stay silent 🤷🏽‍♀️ if one had interacted with readers then they may like the readings and/or are curious about what is said. I can’t tell 🙃

But for those that are aware let’s greet them and show them how we respect and value them for who they are and not because they are someone’s spouse, have a curvy body, are known, rich, independant and stuff! They deserve love just lile they will give love to their partner ☺️

#tarot blog #anon ask

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akarii-memes · 1 year

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Mutual Meme

1. the cool mutual how they ever decided to follow u and why they still do is a mystery to u. sometimes you post such incredible bullshit ur surprised they signed up for this. u get incredibly happy seein them on ur activity page. you cant believe it. bless this mutual

2. the drama mutual type A if theres ever discourse on ur dash or drama of any sort, this is the one u turn to. they have everything about everyone on their blog and if you ever wanna lurk this is who u go to. honestly, where would you be without them.

3. drama mutual type B if theres ever discourse on ur dash or drama of any sort, this might be the one behind it. they vague, they namedrop, they start drama and ur intimidated by them but u still stick around, probably because theyre also really cool. u just hope they wont vague u.

4. the pda mutual says “ i love you guys “a lot and a ray of absolute sunshine on ur dash? their posts are just uplifting and make this hellsite a lot more bearable. theyve probably sent u a really sweet message once too, and u could probably message them about anything. an angel.

5. the silent one they almost never make text posts, they never post selfies and only answer the occasional ask. just a constant stream of aesthetic. maybe u think theyre neat but ur too scared to actually IM them. regardless u hope they have a good day.

6. the kpop mutual ah, yes. that one you followed for god knows what and now they post only kpop. u dont even know what their url was before this or who they are. you probably dont even know about anything about kpop aside from those big selfies they post from twitter everyday.

7. the funnyman mutual u see their posts from time to time on ur dash and feel happy knowing ur mutuals makin it. makes a lot of sans jokes too. and piss and vore too maybe. closely tied with the cool mutual at times

8. the old mutual uv followed them for so long u dont even know what they first posted, but theyre here now and u feel like friends seeing how long its been. u reply to each others posts and occasionally send asks. might be the kpop mutual at times

9. The Flirting Mutual Are u dating this Mutual? Who know? You live 3000 miles apart but you call each other the most annoying pet names and occasionally drop into their inbox to leave sweet nothings as a Joke (??? But is it really a Joke???)

10. Same Neurodivergemce Mutual Both ur heads r both fucked in about the same way, creating an everlasting bond and sharing of coping mechanisms

11. Big Name Fan Mutual They got noticed by the official Tumblr for your favorite show but you knew them when they had 7 followers and a goat. Until they started getting hate for their Opinions you didn’t even realized they had 5K followers.

12. Discourse Mutual Integrates a healthy amount of political news and opinions into ur dash, u know how the rising popularity of quinoa is affecting the working poor in Uruguay because of them.

13. Mystery Mutual A specific kind of old mutual. They changed their icon and url, but you recognise their mode of typing and their tagging system. You can’t place why you know them or when you followed them or even why you still follow them, but they’re here and you feel compelled to leave them on your dash for old times sake.

14. Fan Wank mutual Hates the same parts of a show that u do. Sends you seven different links to the same post so that you can bitch about the tags on all of them. You would both fight someone to the death over your opinion of season 4

#Not My Original Meme #Original Source was lost so I re-made it #Mutual ask meme

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welcomenojii · 1 year

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it’s good! Trying to get back into writing, I bought a large notebook with wide pages, enough space to just let it out. The interesting part of writing, whether it’s poetry or a short story or just stream of consciousness, is I never have a plan. I like to wing it. Eventually im sure I’ll try putting more thought into it but for now it’s fine. I realize it’s a better place to put my ideas than on the internet, the internet is tainted. Your words get diluted.

Im trying to still see the positive of the internet, like tumblr for example is still somewhat how it used to be. There’s still great things to see everyday. Tumblr is the only app I see good poetry on. And see real gurlies blogging. Those were the good days. But back then I was too afraid to say my thought online, I lurked. As you get older you stop caring. Which is exactly what everyone said would happen. Thank god it’s true.

#hello!

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illgiveyouthesun19 · 3 years

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not a brag, as you will discover later.

hi,

alot has happened since the last post. kidding, i dont know when was my last post but i'm sure alot has happened since then anyway. the spotify stalking guy once again came and went away like it meant nothing because

i think it doesnt mean anything,

for him. but then after being blocked for a while, i am once again unblocked and he followed me on spotify, i dont lurk anymore, i am trying to move on.

its weird, someone just leaving you one day when you promised to be together for the longest time, not forever, forevers never happen.

another unrelated story i'd like to throw is in that of my dry spell, ive no romantic intrests, i dont like anyone, cant say the same for others because i think few people do like me that way but its just because they dont know the me me yet, the me who blogs on tumblr after dipping for months or the me who intentionally listens to sad songs or the me who gets the date for final econ exam wrong.

its just weird,

an acquaintance of mine mentioned last night that leaving school wont be a big deal for me, me as in illgiveyouthesun19 because i dont have any bestfriends here in my high school , all my "'friends''' have already graduated, she said itll be ok if i dont even cry on our farewell.

pretty sure i died a little inside when she asked me if i dont have friends in my (our) school, who do i even talk to everyday? (no one)

the thing is i am pretty popular, this is not a brag as you will discover further.

i am pretty popular as someone who has followers in Ks but all this time i was just chasing the good and the greatest and hottest that i left my safespaces for shiny, new things

that eventually turned to rust.

so now its just rust that i try to scrap of, my former safespaces that just hate me. not suprised, ive been hated on since 1st grade but then everyone died to hangout w me, i was the deal, i still am except now people have realised they just want bestfriends

not me.

im just talking shit, i dont understand either.

#forever #holdon #safe space #goodbye #ill give you the sun

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coollyinterferes · 4 years

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@chinchillasinunison

//Hi there!! Thank you so much for trusting me to answer this question! I kinda suck at explaining things, but I’ll give it my best shot :D

I’ve indeed been rping for 13-ish years now (about 8 of those have been here on tumblr). Some of the things I’ve learned about rp over the years have been through trial and error while also discovering my own working patterns and learning to work with my partners, sometimes only through basic rp etiquette, while some others by talking things out with my partners. [I’m putting the rest under a read more for length reasons ;;;]

When it comes to inspiration, it can vary, and it might sometimes depend on the muse. One of the things I’ve come to find that helps me the most for both inspiration and actual writing and keeping myself focused is music. My muses have always worked as “minds of their own” (if that makes any sense?), so they tend to react to the same music in different ways than the rest of their “muse-brothers”. In Robert’s case, I usually just need some nice melodies, catchy tunes or just a tune/lyrics that catches his attention or conveys a feeling and actually makes him feel something to have him react to it, while it was different for some of my previous muses, as some would literally refuse to cooperate at all if the music was just not their type (like, say, playing ‘loud’ types of music for a muse who has sensitive ears, for example).

Reading is also another great source for inspiration, whether it is fanfiction, a book, sometimes even stuff from magazines, or historical and period typical stuff (some of the headcanons and stories and whatnot I’ve written for Robert have come from reading about stuff from his time), and so on, but it can sometimes depend on the sort of muse you have. Same happens with looking through fanarts and doujinshi, or even talking about the character(s) with someone else. I’ve seen plenty of my partners throughout the years draw ideas and inspiration for some of their AUs from a fanart they saw somewhere, or a comic they read (just make sure to ask for permission if you do this and to, at least, give proper credits to the original author!).

Another one that can be helpful when you feel like you’re losing your character’s voice is looking at their source material, whether they come from an anime, a manga, a videogame, or what have you. Revisiting their source material usually helps a lot, for you can sometimes find things you hadn’t noticed before, or see some you may have forgotten about, and so on. Studying your muse’s canon (esp if you’re aiming to keep them close to canon) and their motivations can be super helpful. If you’re aiming for something “canon divergent”, then you can use their canon as a base as to what paths not to follow and deviate from it in any way you want to and explore their reasonings and motivations in this new canon you’re writing for them.

Doing research can help too. Like I mentioned just above, some of the stuff I’ve written for Robert here and on my fanfics and metas and headcanons has come after doing some research about things from his time, and it was similar with some of my previous muses. One of them was a bat youkai, for example, so I’d often draw ideas from bats’ behavior and adapt them to his character. He was also a bandit who knew how to fight using scythes (kusarigama, more specifically), so some of the ideas and inspiration I’d draw would come from reading about a bandit’s lifestyle, especially those from his fandom/universe as well as learning about youkai behavior in his universe, as well as watching videos of people using similar weapons to his, reading about historical usage of said weapons and so on.

Developing some your muse’s already existing relationships with other characters can help too, as they can help you see and understand better some sides of your muse that you might not have considered before (though you might need to discuss this with a partner who rps the other muse involved first if you ever want to include that in a rp, as not everyone has the same hcs). Using that bat youkai muse I mentioned earlier as an example again, I’d often explore his only canon relationship he had with another youkai, thinking of the different scenarios that ended up bringing them together, their reasons and their motivations to stick together and so on. There’s very little about this muse in his canon, so there were huge gaps to fill and a lot of room for headcanons, really, and while I had my own hcs, some of the peeps I rped with had different ones, so it was always a matter of discussing certain things first so things could go down smoothly.

Speaking of headcanons, sometimes just wanting to fill “plot holes” or exploring things that just were never fully explored or explored at all in the canon can also serve as inspiration.

In other cases, you can find inspiration/motivation through different means. Sometimes even just by wanting to give a character the love and attention they need, which was the case of the first muse I ever had (he was a “not so popular” character from an already “not so popular” animanga). And it was also part of what made me swallow my sheer nervousness and anxiety when I first started Robert’s blog, too, as I’d often see all those misconceptions about his character going around and being taken as canon, so I really wanted to change that and make people see him for who he is. But, again, it really depends on each case.

Going out for walks, or even just travelling on the bus on your way home, and looking at the world around you can help get those ideas working. So I would ultimately suggest doing some trial and error with both, the things you know or feel like might help, as well as trying those you don’t have much hope in. You might end up finding they actually work for you!

As for a thread’s end, it depends entirely on the thread and the partner you have that thread with, if it was plotted or not and so on. If it was plotted, there’s a chance you and your partner have discussed the details of it, sometimes including the end of it, or where you wanted the thread to go. In that case, you will be able to tell more “easily” when the thread is coming to an end. For “wing it” or unplotted threads, there might be times you will be able to tell when the thread comes to an end since there might not be much else for the muses to do in it. It can happen after a few replies in, it can happen after several, it depends on the type of thread but, in the end, it will be a matter of having some communication with your partner. Most of them will tell you when they feel the thread has come to an end, even if it’s only through the tags. Sometimes a simple “i think this is a good closure for the thread. what do you think?” does the trick, for it conveys the idea while also requesting some input from your partner (in case they still want to continue the thread, have more ideas for it, and so on). Just keep in mind that there might be plenty of times when threads will get dropped without a notice, and this is pretty normal in rp in general, for sometimes one (or both) partner(s) lose interest in the thread, and that’s alright. The thing about rp is exploring different scenarios for the muses involved. Some will work, some might not. The key is to continue exploring new ideas, or maybe similar ideas but with different muses as this can lead to (sometimes vastly) different outcomes.

And I get you about getting burned out. It’s quite common to go through that when you run a rp/ask blog or literally any other blog that requires periodical updating, and especially through some difficult times like those we’re living in now with all the stuff going on around the world, however, you need to ALWAYS keep in mind that these blogs and rping and creating content in general is something you do as a hobby. The moment you start treating it as a job or a chore and that you “have to update” is the moment you need to take a step back before this sucks all the fun out of it. It’s okay if you can manage to reply everyday, or as soon as a partner posts a reply to your thread, but it’s also okay to take your time with things and to work and reply at your own pace. It’s okay to take some days off, just like it’s okay to just sometimes lurk in silence, or just be active ooc replying to ims and asks, or just reblogging stuff, or simply engaging in dashboard shenanigans and whatnot. Again, this is a hobby, meant to de-stress you, and it should always be treated as such so it doesn’t have the entire opposite effect.

This got a bit too long, but I hope to have answered your questions!! If you have any more, just shoot them my way and I’ll get to them asap! :D

#chinchillasinunison #;answered #;speedwagon withdraws coolly

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neodrabbles · 4 years

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uhhh so a lil update here.....

idk when’s the next time im gonna post another drabble. i’ve been preparing myself for the new semester and trying my best to finish the online courses before school starts which i fail miserably sdjdshkd

tbh im still writing, although i’ve kinda lose my drive to write for nct. i kinda feel bad really, bc yall have been very supportive for my works all this while and i just dk what’s going to be like for neodrabbles in the future.

uhh that’s it for now?? i’m always lurking on tumblr everyday so feel free to talk to me anytime eheh

#ros.txt #i just feel like talking abt this idk why

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spidxrsenses · 6 years

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DRAFTS:

Okay, so I think i might return now. Im still working full time, and I have wednesday and thursday off, but im getting a tattoo then, Uhm So I think im gonna drop some of these threads I have drafts. Fresh start, Y’know? But if you’d like to do something new, we totally. could.

Im also still having icon troubles, And just tumblr has been a bit overwhelming for me recently. I lurk here everyday though....

DROPPING THE FOLLOWING:

@hiwaade ( x )

@redheadliner ( x )

@thebrokengodofmischief ( X, X )

#The Ginger Speaks [Mun] -----🕷

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waspstar · 6 years

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weelllllll i just scrolled through my dash and saw 3 stories abt how ppl got into tmbg so I, the youngin am here to tell a tale. possibly boring but YALL KNOW I WANNA DO THIS ok soooo ive been on the internet ever since the age of 8. ive seen some stuff, heard some stuff, talked to a lot of people. i had this big friend group in an online chatroom based around mlp, i was a big mlp fan. anyways, i used this website for like 2 years. i was 9 when i first started using it. its the second year, im 10. i had a friend who was really into this indie rpg called OFF. im sure some of yall have heard of it. anyway i didnt know about it but i ended up stumbling upon this video bc someone linked it in the chatroom: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DGjnQ5aHpW8&t=22s (honestly im not even sure if this is the original video i watched, i just know it was an animated OFF video with the characters set to particle man) anyways i OBSESSED over this song. i downloaded it illegally on my phone, i learned the lyrics by heart. so i knew abt this song solely because of the internet. not because of tiny toons (bc im 13, wasnt even alive when that was on air) but because of the internet. so this song holds near and dear in my heart for yeaaarrs. fast forward to the middle of september, 2017. very recent, yes it took me this long. at this time i was a DIE HARD fan of vinesauce, vinny’s band red vox, and lemon demon and neil cicierega media alike. i heard somewhere that tmbg was similar to lemon demon. i was listening to particle man all these years after and thought “huh, if i like this so much maybe i should check out the rest of their catalog” so i did. i started with flood, since particle man was on it. i had no idea about these dudes, who they were, how old they were, their names, i didnt even know there were TWO singers. anyways, i loved flood. my favorites were whistling in the dark and hearing aid. the night after i listened to flood i checked out 4 more albums. lincoln, apollo 18, the else, and john henry. i only picked them bc they were on the youtube recommended section. completely random, for no reason. i listen to these for a bit and then i finally listen to the pink album. i love it. now at this point i still dont know much about them. i barely knew what they looked like and when i first looked at flans he looked really creepy to me. (i think it was the flansbeard, and his ominous smile) and linnell looked like an old woman to me which is weird. anyways, i listen to long tall weekend after pink. and then i listen to mink car a bit later. the night i listened to mink car was the same night i watched “gigantic: a tale of two johns” now at this point ive been meaning to watch this for a bit bc it was always recommended to me on youtube. i nestled up into my couch with a blanket and i watched on my phone. i instantly fell head over heels for the johns. i loved their voices, and how they talked about their music. watching them perform was so cool, and when first watching it a lot of the time i was sorta confused bc i dont understand music talk LOL but i was still really into it! it made me so into the johns! and the rest of the band! so the day after i watched gigantic, i searched google and lurked tumblr tags and found tons of pictures, silly videos, and audio and it made me love them EVEN more. i felt a spark of love for these guys, instantly. after mink car i checked out factory showroom, the spine. and now here i am, 6 months later, half of the discography ive already listened to. i only have 2 albums left. i love every single song, i know most of them by heart, and i couldnt be happier about my decision. i didnt like tmbg bc i was raised around it, or because a friend introduced me, or because my mom listened to it. no, i found it all on my own practically. i made the decision to listen to them and im so happy i did. the johns are musical geniuses, musical blessings, and i love them so so so so much. i dont know where i’d be without them. im a 13 year old whos homeschooled in a poor family, i dont do much everyday as you might imagine. its draining, doing nothing at all everyday. im not in tip top health as im never active and i havent had a real life friend in 6 years. but when i have they might be giants, i know ill get out of this secluded, lonely purgatory soon.

#jillian.txt #i kinda teared up writing the last part #tmbg origin story #thats what i tag it with right #tmbg #also idk how to put this under a read more #so its gonna be a #long post #lol

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leeauggie · 7 years

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— ooc This is super super important. Tomorrow I start my new job ! at 8am to 6pm eastern. So I won't be around as much as I am now, of course every now and Again I'll check in and like lurk around on short breaks and answer easy ask stuff. But I just won't have time to reply to threads with ease unless I have like an hour break but doubt it lol.... !!!! But to the people I have thread with I’m still going to TRY TO reply to my threads as usual, but not as fast. About everyday for three hours I’ll be able to reply to them before I knock out to sleep.. honestly I love all my threads so I don’t have any ideas of dropping them. So I hope you guys bare with me as I reply to them. As always I will be on tumblr IM, aim, and line. Also twitter because the format for that is a lot more simple then tumblr where replies are much more detailed. I do role play on each of these formats so it doesn’t just have to be on tumblr! So I plot whatever and still do it like I would here! I love writing so I hope I still have the chance to write with everyone even if it’s for five seconds !! If by next week they suddenly don’t need me anymore ;; which I hope doesn’t happen cause I need to job. I’ll be here as usual invading your space and making you love me so much more hahah! Thank you reading ~ so much love 💕 -Rosie

line: k.yura92 , aim: kyura92 and Twitter: kim_yura2

#.ooc #.ugh #.important #I'll do my replies later today I'm hungry

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thedisgusting1988 · 7 years

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to you

its been almost a year since i or we broke up (it was in october 2016 so yeah, pretty long ago). and after another very toxic relationship i have to admit to myself: im not over you and i still have feelings. i dont want to say i still love you, but i dont know if it would come back if i would see you again, but thats not important now. i have to get this from my chest, even though i know you are never going to read it, its more for me, you know? after it was over i tried to get over it fast. too fast. i immediately got myself that shitty dating app believing, i could distract myself with it and get over you as fast as i fell in love. pretty obvious it didnt worked out. at first it did. one month after the break up i met my current ex-boyfriend, and i really loved him, but i noticed a few months later i wasnt really over you, but thats another story with him. so i thought pretending to forget you is like getting over you, but it wasnt and now i am here, writing this, admitting my feelings. like i said, at first, it worked, pretty well. when my ex boyfriend texted you on facebook, i didnt even know at the beginning. i also didnt wanted him to, he just did it out of boredom and idk, but he did it and i still feel pretty uncomfortable with it. but there did it start: you said im a nice girl and things like that. it bothered me, and i think it was because i didnt wanted to hear that. because of what i still felt (but succesfully hide for that Moment from myself). so the first thing i want to: im sorry that he wrote you, i never wanted him too and i can understand, if that was hurtful and shitty. im truly sorry, even if its not entirely my fault, but still. so everything went on, fine, till that one day my build up wall of ‘im over you’ shattered. i was in my bed, alone, lurking on Instagram, watching your profile, and seeing a new girlfriend. and from that moment on it doesnt leave my mind. yes, it hurts, it still does, and yes, its bothering me. you may felt similiar with me and my boyfriend then, but, yeah. it even hurts now, when i think about it. you found another love, and theres nothing wrong with that, i just have to accept that fact and its Harder from me that i would admit (except here). when i think about our relationship i know you hurt me a lot. but in some moments i was really bitchy too. for example when you went on vacation with your family. i was jealous as hell. i was mean to you. im sorry. i shouldve been happy for you, and be nice, but instead i started fights and treated you bad, i was really bitchy in some situations. i know i was like that because i couldnt handle my feelings towards you and couldnt handle the distance and sometimes the way you treat me. but that didnt give me the right to act like i did, so also sorry for that. i question myself why im not over you. why i still think about you everyday. you were the first person i ever really loved, and that stuck with me. i didnt know that feeling, i didnt know how it felt losing someone you really love so i didnt want to handle my feelings at all and rebound after we broke up. i know now that this was a shitty idea, but we all make mistakes, huh? seems so. i saw your instagram with your new gf just once, but everything stuck in my head till now (its months ago) and i cant get it out of my head, no matter what i do. it makes me sad seeing your tumblr you made for me (and never use, because there is still this pic of us as your profilepicture) and a part of me hopes, you read this, im sorry for that. i cant keep that voice or hope out of my head. i hope i make the first step getting over you with this here, being really honest. it can be im going to post more of this about you. so whats very important for me to say: its over. you are loving another girl. you dont love me anymore. there is no way back. that shit was more painfully to write than i expected and im going to an painful journey i think, but what should i expect aftet acting that everything has been fine for months.

ps. im sorry

#sorry #exbf #ex boyfriend #breakup #breaking up #love #personal #im not over this #im not over you #feelings #i still have feelings #im sorry

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