#im such a boring person though. like extremelt uninteresting

[toftie]

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#............．．．．．．．．..........．．．．．．．．．．．．．．．．．．．．．．．．．．............... #well its been a while since ive felt so down #ive been pretty normal for like a month or so now #but i guess it was cuz i had things to distract me like games and stuff and inspiration and work #now its just work for me #but yeah i think i feel. lonely? #but i hate admitting it. like i refuse to admit i'm lonely bcuz for some reason its like im betraying myself #like i geniuinely like my time alone and being alone so when i feel lonely its like.. that isnt enough anymore #like im not enough for myself #and it feels horrible. like i want to be enough for myself. #i hate like. feeling reliant on people to be wanted or needed or loved #even with my only close friend like i really want to relt #i want to rely on her more but i still feel so scared #and i know fear is jusr part of the process of being vulnerable but i just. i feel so ashamed of myself #ashamed that i would even let anyone see me at my lowest or needing someone #i need to get through this but i dont know how. i know im not supposed to reject loneliness but i absolutely hate this feeling #i cant even descrive it like ive known loneliness for like my whole life im sick of it i dont want it #on the contrary ive started to not like care about how i look to others or what people think of me #its worked better and i just do what i can at work cuz i know i dont need to make much of an effort to be likable #im such a boring person though. like extremelt uninteresting #so i usually do.my best in otger aspects of work so that i dont have to talk to anyone #i still feel bad whenever slmeone tries talking to.me like theres something wrong with me #i try not to let it get to me though. i try