#im tired of being in a ldr. not gonna stop me from Doing it but im feeling very 😔🔪🥺 abt it rn | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

thoughtslikeocean · 3 years

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Decided I was in an official relationship a few weeks ago and I am not enjoying myself lol OVER. IT. So I made a faulty assumption getting into this that im just realizing now. I had niggas. Not gonna lie. Yes, niggas are in my inbox. Yes, I keep friendships with dudes who would more than likely not hesitate to fuck. I'm around niggas who apply pressure, not gonna lie. BUT when I know I have man, none of that matters cause I'm spoken for.

Ok, so hear me out. I assumed that once I cut off these other niggas or at the least start establishing boundaries, that my love would naturally just pick up that slack. Cause that's my man right? WRONG! Actually what ended up happening is, I cut off who I needed to and it made me super realized where my man was deficient. I never noticed before because I was getting different things I needed else where.

When I tell you, I am HURT.ING. Not cause I want to go back to how things were before but because I just realize how much work me and love have to do. So much work. I literally had to ask him the other week to tell me he loves me atleast once a day. The fact that I even had to ask that was a problem. But everyone keeps telling me to communicate my feelings and let him know when I'm unhappy so I've been trying to do that. At this point I feel like im over communicating and nagging. Cause every other day im pissed off with something he's done or hasn't done. So I know you're like so give me an example. Ok, here it goes:

1. I text that nigga today randomly and said "I'm horny". He didnt even respond. Not even with an emoji. Nothing. I went back and put an exclamation on it. Still. Nothing. (Does he even like me?)

2. I was exhausted yesterday. Just from the day but also it was so hot. I'd asked him to talk to me on my way home and distract me until I get to my place. He then says "Ok, lemme call you back on my other phone." He never called me back. I literally got home and got in bed before he called back. I didnt even want to talk at that point.

3. Took him on a ramen date the other night. I was hungry. So I was like aww we can go on a date. (We're in a LDR). I charged up my phone and AirPods before I left the house and thought it would be super cute to have a FaceTime date. He had the tv on. He was on his phone. Like casually not giving a fuck about having a date. I was just like DUDE. What is it? (I know at the point, you're thinking this dude dont really fuck with you.)

I mean seriously that's how I feel. And if I were to tell him that, he would be like. "Stop it" or "Stop reaching". You know implying that I'm being extra or dramatic. So I leave it alone.

Something gon have to give soon though cause I am NOT used to the lack of affirmation. I mean we're already long distance so we gotta do a bit more.

Granted he hits me up every night before bed. He definitely is present. The time just isn't as quality you know? It's like he's done learning me, getting to know me. Like he's reached the end and I dont like that. Don't like it at all.

And I'm tired of always having to be the one to communicate. I need him to ask sometimes. How can I be better? Are there different ways that I can love you that'll make this more enjoyable for you? Do you know that I love you? Like DAYYYUUUMMMMMMMMM!!!!

Do I have to write it out for him?!??!?! UGH! I'm honestly just speaking out of frustration right now. I just went to grab a bite to eat with a dude who I told im now in a relationship. He's disrespectful AF lol but he was genuinely trying to find out what gaps love wasn't filling so he could ease on in. This nigga really said "Just let me fix something broken in your house. I can be a maintenance man. Whatever you need me to be." And he was DEAD ASS SERIOUS! I couldn't do anything but laugh and of course turn him down again.

I just need to smoke some more and eat the rest of my sushi and fried rice. I'm sure he'll be calling soon.....to say absolutely nothing. *Sigh* -May 1, 2021

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