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#im tired of relizing
fairymeats · 5 months
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It really hurts having been a huge fan of Ethel Cains music because it was so painfully relatable to myself, to then see her go on a huge misogynistic ableist rant because some rando on a microblogging site shittalked her. Like I get being mad but girl you have 2mil Spotify listeners a month. You tour with Florence. Get off Tumblr and stop equating other women to beasts toads and slugs waiting to be abused wtf
Oh she also called people "psych ward regulars" to top it off. Lovely
edit: you guys come to her defense like shes not one of the hottest indie artists currently active and like celebrities dont get hate online constantly. to put it in her words, she’s “not gonna fuck you” :)
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What will bsd react when you were drunk
!WARNING : mention of self harm and do the non existing!
Idea : bsd react if you are drunk [ft. Traumatized reader
Couple : dazai x gn! Reader
Part (1/?)
You, a joyfull and loving figure to them.
you, the smiling image in theyre dreams.
you, the calm and resposible one even if the scenerio is cruel.
You, the one who knows theyre moods, jokes, theyre likes, dislike, theyre feelings.
And you, whom have shattered into million pieces and was held by your own hand. And that hand sadly slip because of a drink.
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It was odd, atleast for you. dazai have invited you to go on a drink after a rather dificult mission.
You dont want to accept it really–you've been mentally and physicly tired, but yet you gladly accept.
Many suicidal thoughts was running throught your head as your changing in your apartment, it was hard to brush it off as you were, and utterly, tired.
You and him met at small yet calming in some odd way bar.
You and dazai sat in a comfortable silince, occasionally taking a sip and do a little small talk.
"Why did you invite me?" You ask casually, gaze was front to the closets of bottles. Your hand was swirling the glass at hand that was half way finish
"Hm? Because i can!" Dazai answer with a grin, he turn to look at you expecting your ussual soft smile looking at you or your adorbly cute annoyed face that also grace dazai by your gaze.
But no, he was met by a unusual sceen.
Your cheeks was dusted pink from alcohol, you forgot you dont have a high tolarence.
Your eyes seem so dull, so dull it hurt dazai. It reminds him of his old self, your usual resting face now look empty– cold and unforgiving in some way
It wound him that his grin falter– that his usual careless posture tighten. His eyes that seem to gleam when he saw you was dull.
Dull like yours.
"Did you invited me because kunikida say no?" You started out again, your mouth seem like it was moving on its own.
Your hand stop from swirling the glass "if you did...than im a second choice than...hah..." your body slump to the table, the negatuve thoughts you felt startes to came back to you, harshly.
"..." dazai kept quite, didnt know what to do, why? Why cant he do something? Is it because..
You remind him so much like himself?
His mind began to panic–no. Not another him. One is already horible and traumatize enough, he–no, everyone in this fuck up world doesnt need another him.
He hate those dull eyes of your that infront of everyone was gleaming so bright it blinds him, he hates those lips that easily lifted for everyone even if its an enemy or a foe, he hate those aid kit that you like to carry for some reason, he hate how your hair shines in the beutufull moonlight.
He hates how you tricked him into beliving you were alright.
"Maybe....maybe i should...kill myself" as you utter that word, that slash dazai thoughts. He stand up making your drunk state confused.
You stare at the eyes that was attach to his bow head.
His bangs shifted as he raise, revealing his eyes that filled with so much overwhelming emotion that makes you sick and confused.
"Dont." He utter.
He looks angry, sad, confused all at ones.
It amuse your jumbled mind for some reason. You chuckle, yoy snicker you laugh.
"Pwuahahah! W-who...pfft! Who do you think you are? Buahahah!" You laugh, you dont know why but you laugh at his worriedness.
But in the darkest pits in your heart you felt disgusted. Him, dazai, commanding you to not kill yourself? Who does this hypocrite think he is?
You felt guilty. Guilty for laughing. Guilty for making dazai worried. Yet you fekt disgusted, disgusted about yourself, disgusted about the cuts in your thight that you. Didnt even relizing it. Was lining them with your finger.
You want to puke. Oh wait, you already did.
When you spills the content inside of you, you think this is a normal sight. But to dazai its a horror.
He tremble and catch your disgusting, tears from laughing (or crying), stained with puke clothes body into him.
As his tremble hand patted your head your breathe quicken and your sobs incorrect words
"Isamso taried. I want too–i weant to jwust dissapear....i...hate i hate it!!! Why cant i be someone first choice...why am i always the second? Why cant people appreciate mu effort? My feelings? Why cant they just–" you rsmble you scream you weep and let yourself cracked in dazai hands.
As you calm down (and dazai recovering) you faint.
'Ah,' you thought. 'This is better from cutting'
-mf will be so fucking confused and scared because of how well you hide it and how you absaloutely shatter from just a half glass of alcohol😭
-will not know what to do and just, hurt him self (repeatedly) from picking your shattered pieces.
-probably will not let you touch alcahol since this accident and with appointed you to EVERY THERAPY he ever encounter,
-funny thing, kunikida catch a glimpse of dazai making a therapy appointment and was absalouteky livid and proud that he told the agency to trow a party, and when he arrives and they surprise him. He told that "oh, its not for me its for [name]"
-very out of characther for him ngl lol☝️
-if you got comfused by the end, you (as in reader) used self hsrm as a way to cope your pain
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I WUZ GONNA DO MORE stuff but then i got tired here please LOOK ythis is the best rendering ive been able to do in a long tiem im sooooo glad. krita i am SORRY for everything ive ever said about u . u have humbled me n i relize i just just need to b patient to learn ur beautiful ways
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transenbyconfessions · 8 months
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TW: Internalized transphobia/queerphobia in general
So here's the thing I'm bisexual (with a preference for women/female aligned ppl) and I'm also genderqueer.
I'm currently saving up money for top surgery (shit's expansive!!!) but I dont think I want to go on T, having top surgery feels like enough for my body to feel like it actully belongs to me.
I dont feel like a woman and i dont fully like a man either , more a mix of both (tho Im far more male aligned without a doubt), and I can't really help but feel like I'm overstepping/feel guilty when I consume both sapphic and gay content in media and I dont know if this is me still having interalized stuff to deal with - probably is but I just hate feeling like this.
and then there's the fucking transphobes who say that if i see myself in a sapphic pairing im just a lesbian and in a few years im going to relize that and regret having surgery (bc they're a fckn broken unoriginal record) and if i see myself in a queer male pairing then Im a straight woman who fetishizes queer men. I hate that im letting their bullsh*t get to me and make feel guilty when consuming queer media.
should i feel guilty?
i hate this feeling, i hate that i grew up in a world that is so fucking binary, i hate that my identity makes it so that even queer spaces are not fully safe and accepting.
i hate this and at the same time im so tired
im so fucking tired of hating myself and letting their hate and ignorance get to me
im so tired
Submitted July 15, 2023
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aceisew · 1 year
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GHOST!!!👻I WAS GONNA DO DIB AND ZIM BUT SCRATCHED IT GLAD I DID LOVE THIS IDEA I CAME UP WITH,just relize I never draw tallest miyuki and I have never coloured her in before so that's a first!!!this was also a quick one because im really tired rn only took me 50 minutes!!wow that was fast.
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gay-salt-amber · 2 years
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First kiss headcanons?
Azul was the one who did the first kiss out of Iidazulmal, it was a kiss on both their cheeks while they were going from one class to the other, it was very out of nowhere and Azul just sped off and left a VERY confused lidamal being like, “wait tf?” and then Malleus smiled and said, “Well, if we’re doing that now..” then he kissed Idia on the cheek before walking off to his class. Iida screamed silently in the hall.
So I know I already kinda gave Jadetrey a first kiss but I don’t really count that, yknow? So their real first kiss was at the lounge when Jade was tending the bar and Trey came down for a drink and to chat with Jade (upon Jade's request) and when Jade passed him his drink, kissed his lips and said, “Those ones on the house, cupcake.” And after the initial shock of it all, Trey texts Jade with a simple, “Meet me outback in two minutes” and when they get out there Trey pins Jade against the wall and goes, “Is that all you’ll give me?” and two seconds later they’re making out
Bonus: I really like the idea of Jade being a bottom idk why
Jamikaliace was after a basketball game and Kalim met them outside (it was a home game for NRC) and Kalim gave them each a kiss as a way of saying ‘good job’ and he didnt think about it till he saw Jamil and Kalims faces and when he was about to say sorry for not asking before, Jamil gave Kalim a kiss on the forehead and Ace gave him a kiss on the cheek. They went back to the Scarabia dorm and cuddled
Rookvilneiges first kiss was actually when they were helping Neige study for a test, when they got done and we’re going to go get ready for bed, Neige gave them both kisses on the lips and didnt think much of it, that was until Rook and Vil ran after him, Rook lifted his chin while Vil had his arms around his waist and Rook said, “Are you sure you want to walk away after doing that, mon adorable oiseau des neiges?” (my adourable snow bird) And Neige blushed at the relization… that was a long night you know what I mean 
Riddle's boyfrineds first kiss was just a goodnight kiss that Riddle started and they thought was normal until they all collectively went “WAIT!” and then they realized how late it was and went, ‘welp its 3AM im too tired for this shit’ and accepted the kiss for a 2nd time cuz again, tired, cuddled and went to sleep
Epel 5s kiss all at once was at that carnival thing, y’know the one I said Leona and Epel kissed on a ferris wheel? Yes, that one. So, the grounds also had a pier and Ruggie asked Epel if he had a good time and he said yes, of course he did. And they all just gave eachother a look and they shared a kiss (well kisses) under the just beginning sunset
Crowley x Crewel x Sams first kiss was once when they were hanging out at Sam's shop past closing hours (if those exist) and Sam says, “Y’know Crewel? I’m gonna look forward to having your last name one day.” and Crowley says, “”You’re thinking that far ahead? We haven’t even had our first kiss as a couple yet.” And Crewel goes, “Well, that's an easy fix, isn’t it?” And they share passionate kisses that night (and something else passionate if you get what I mean)
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supupdog · 1 year
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MY FUCKING BRAIN BROOOOOO ok so here is H’zashi in my alien MHA story: Into the dark
my spell check is still not working im sorry
 so zashi is bird man, of course. My brain refused me working on this man with my laptop/drawing aplications, sooooo I used paper after how fucking long. The plant they come from as a little bit divers but mostly lands on the hot side. Zashi comes from a place with a lot of sand and has feathers that will help blend him in with sand. They got retractiple teeth, kinda like toothless. Two sets of arms for this motherfucker, first set are the ones you can see that are basiclly just wings with two fingers.
The other par of arms are under all that fluff, they look like bird feet exept that they have hands and only 4 bulky fingers. I am only now relizing that I forgot to add his tail feathers in, they are only used to help balance. The arms that are hiden are used to carry as their wings arnt good at that but as their bone are like normal bird bones, they can’t carry much. 
the spaces in their spongy like rib cage is so that their longs can suck up more air so they can scream longer. They can reach frequences higher then any other race but Aizawa’s race can compet with how long they can hold the note. They chest puff out when they get that much air in their lungs. I’m not good at drawing skeletons but I tried my best because if I didn’t you would honestly just see fluff.
they have two sets of eyes because in evolution they needed to see everything and everyone. They where not at the top of the food chain and having more eyes let they see more thing, specially sence they cant move they eyes. They can only look around my moving their heads. I how this was more sparce than Aizawa’s stuff but I’m tired. 
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puphee · 2 years
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Hi ceb, well idk how to start but...i don't know do u even relize that u as a writer are already make a ton of people happy and forgot about their life problem, idk about anyone else but for me, u did. I have a lot of life problem and im pretty sure a lot of people has it too, but lately my problem just getting more shitty, i got deppresed b'cause i got rejected from university that im applying to, my mom always talk shit about me, the pressure that my dad put on my shoulder for beeing the 1st child in the family and need to be succes, so when he's die i can take care of my brother and sister, lonely feeling that kills me slowly b'cause i dont really have a friend, my bestfriend move to another land the one who really care about me just gone, even tho we still interact through chatting but it feels different. Ifeel so tired for all of that, sometimes i just want to gave up and just die, sinking into my pain, nothing really convience me to stay breathing untill this day except the work that u did, when im read ur masterpiece i feel healed, im happy, it feels like im living a new life inside ur story, so i hope u proud about ur self, and keep ur spirit for writing bcause of that without u even relize u already keep one body still breathing untill today, u keep one soul happy, u make someone stand strong. Sometimes i feel so sad when one of my favorite writer closed their blog 'cause i'll think "Where i can find another happines again?" So i hope u will always be here, and please be proud about ur self, i love you from the deepest side of my heart ♡
-Leviathan
I have two responses I'd like to give to you, and I hope they are still nice and light-hearted enough to convey how I feel in depth about your words.
Response one:
Omg I literally as I was reading I could feel my expression changing, like my smile was slowly growing throughout reading this and I'm really honoured that you think of me and my work so highly. I'm glad I can bring you happiness while everything else is stressful for you. I understand where you are, I'm also the oldest in my family, however I get the feeling out family situations are drastically different. Despite that, I totally understand the pressure you feel as the oldest. Being the one who has to ALWAYS set the good example for the younger ones and it feels like you're literally not allowed to mess up once, like everyone you love will be disappointed in you if you do. It's a really stressful position to be in, when you're the Oldest sibling. I understand the tension between you and your mother, as well. Although, again, I think like our family dynamics are widely different, I can understand the pain she causes you by being (for lack of a better word) a total bitch to you. My mom and I have had our fair share of fights, I even stopped calling her mom at one point. She said some very nasty things about me that, although we've made up, still hurt to this day. In a typical family, at least what you see portrayed in most movies and cartoons, your mother is supposed to be nurturing, guiding and, if you're a daughter, your best friend. I couldn't have that relationship with my mother, either, and I still don't have that kind of relationship with my own. I understand how upsetting that can be, and I really feel for you. I want you to know how proud I am of you, despite technically being a complete stranger to you. I want you to know that you are so loved and cherished, despite your brain probably telling you otherwise. I believe in you, I do. If you ever feel the need to rant or vent about your day or if you just want someone to give you some probably-not-comepletely-realistic-advice, feel free to come to me. I know it's not my responsibility, but I want you to know my intentions of being a safe person for you are still there.
Response two:
As I said in response one, I totally get where you're coming from, and I really appreciate that you enjoy my content and feel safe enough with me to talk about these things with me. I'm really honored to receive such praise. However, it is a little uncomfortable. I feel like you're placing me on a pedestal, deeming me of greater quality that I actually am. From the way you worded that you are so sad when your fave writers close their blogs and you feel you have to search for happiness again, it sounds like you are very dependent on constant content and consistency. I think I worded that incorrectly, but again, it's 1am, and I have yet to take my medication lol. I don't mean to say this in a way that sounds rude or mean or anything, I promise you that, but one day, I'm going to close my blog, too. Of course I have no intention of doing so any time soon, but it's a likely outcome. Most tumblr writers I've been friends with or have followed had gotten tired of their work or things outside of tumblr happening that made them close their blogs or leave for a really really long time. There are a lot of things us writers have to deal with just like you do. We could be in the same stressful positions, which could lead us to feeling so stressed or unmotivated or unhappy that our hobby, that sometimes seems like a job, no longer brings us satisfaction or joy. Sometimes things like that happen. It happens to all of us. Even our idols, our friends, our family, our acquaintances. It happens. It's not something we can control. The way you have worded this makes me feel an uncomfortable sense of responsibility that I shouldn't have to feel. I think you should search for more than just my fanfiction to bring you happiness. Maybe pick up a new hobby, find a program or community you feel welcomed enough to meet new people and make new friends. Maybe reach out to old friends to see if you can spark those friendships back up again. Maybe just take a few days to relax and take care of yourself. Find something, anything, other than me and my work to find you happiness. Of course, I would still love to be a source of happiness and comfort to you, it's really what I strive to do with my online presence. But I don't want to do that all on my own. I don't want to be exclusively the only person who can make you happy. Maybe it's my commitment issues talking, but that just makes me really uncomfortable. And again, I mean this to sound as light-hearted and friendly as possible while also letting you know seriously how I feel. I want my responses to feel really genuine, because I promise, I mean all of this genuinely and truly. I'll still be here, but I'd like you to find another thing that makes you happy, so I'm not all alone in being your favourite. I really appreciate you telling me all of this and how you felt. I genuinely and truly am grateful for your praise and good thoughts, however undeserving I may be at times. I care for you just as much as I do my other followers, and I always want to be some sort of a safe haven for you.
I hope what I said was understandable and didnt come off as bratty/rude/or insensitive. I mean all of this from the bottom of my heart. Thank you for supporting me the way you do. Your love means a lot to me.
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gothbitch2078 · 2 years
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ribbit   part 1
(tw ED Emotional attachment and i think thats it if i missed any please tell me...this is a tsuyu x reader story so yeah leave any sugestions
Its was a rainy day and you were staring out the window watching raindrops race each other, today has been a  boring day, nothings really happening you wanted to train outside but they wether decided to be an asshole and now you have to listen to mr aizowa ramble on about being a quote on quote hero your so dazed out that you dont even relize that aizowa dismissed the class to go to lunch. You feel a tap on your shoulder, startled you look over to see a  green haired girl “y/n your dazing off again *kero*” she looks at you “oh sorry asui-” she instantly cuts you off “its tsu” you forgot again “sorry tsu” “damnit y/n you forgot her damn name at this point she might as well snap your neck” you think “y/n?” you snap back to reality “huh” you look at her “have you been sleeping lately *kero*” crap  “no not really you know how my parents are” of corse she knows how your parents fight 24/7 shes your neighbor let alone your best friend but honestly how does she sleep, earplugs? Soundproof walls? God you wish you could find out her tricks youyd kill for a good nights rest “y/n i know your parents are loud but you need sleep *kero*” “i know tsu” “lets go get some lunch and we can talk about this later”you grab your backpack  “ok” you stand up and instantly get dizzy you look over and see tsu worried “sorry i stood up to fast” you get up. Tsu might be your best friend but she has yet to find out about you not eating enough i mean you dont want to worry her more then you usually do you look back over and see tsu still has a worried expression but not as bad as before “are you sure your ok *kero*” “yes i mean i have my best friend with me so i have no reason not to be ok” you pull her into a side hug and Tsu’s not really the affectionate type but you can tell she likes your hugs because she hugs back alittle tighter everytime . Its obvious to everyone your lesbian especialy tsu, everytime you see a cute girl tsu is the first one to know “omg look tsu” you poke her pointing at mei hatsume “shes cute” you say holding tsu’s shoulders “your to gay for your own good y/n *kero*” you look at her offended “is that supposed to be an insult miss kermit dee frog” tsu looks at you “now that was an insult” tsu hits you with her tongue “take that for an insult *kero*”  you both laugh until you her a blue haired boy calling tsu. You both walk over there and sit down then it hits you, a beautiful short brown haired girl sitting infront of you “whats your name” she looks over at you “im ocaco uraraka and you are?” “i-im y/n l/n” tsu knows whats about to go down its your crush of the week but tsu knows your about to get heart broken like every other time because you always go for the strait girls. You couldnt get your eyes off this beautiful girl you couldnt help but admire every one of her features her warm brown eyes and hair her little nose, eventually uraraka sees you staring at her “um y/n” you dont respond thats how caught up in your thoughts you are, tsu looks at you and back at uraraka “theyre dazing its normal when theyre tired” tsu elbows you and you snap back “huh did i miss something” tsu looks at uraraka “see *kero*”  uraraka giggles at your lack of focusing and it makes your heart skip a couple beats “heh sorry i wasnt paying attention whats going on” you say fixing your messy hair “you were staring at me i thought something was wrong but its ok” you look at her looking at you “damn it i made her uncomfortible” you think. Eventually the end of lunch comes around and you see uraraka flirting with deku in a slight way “oh by the way uraraka i have a question” “whats up y/n” tsu knows whats about to come with this question “whats your sexuality” “oh im strait why” tsu sees your face drop “oh no reason um im gonna head to class” you got up trying to hold back tears once again and walks out of the lunch room “did i do something” tsu looks at her “theyre get alittle to attached to people” “oh should i go talk to them” “its not a good idea sorry *kero*” “oh ok”. Your walking to the bathroom to avoid anyone seeing you like this again “why cant my luck be in my way just once” you think tearing up once again while you bust through the nearest bathroom stall
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ashstar1111 · 8 months
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babysitting storytime?? not a good one tho lol
its kinda long so be aware. also, sorry for any spelling/grammer mistakes, english isnt my first language.
ok so BACKROUND: theres this couple + two daughters (7 and 5 y/o) who lives two floors below me & my family, and both the parents had to work and they needed someonw to watch their girls from 8am to almost 5pm (so about 9h). 
Usually my little sis babysits for them but she had plans + she didnt feel like shes ready to babysit for so long (its the first family shes babysitting for), so she offered me the job. and me, being me, took it without thinking twice (spoiler alart, BIG MISTAKE).
so i wake up in the morning and i feel really ill, i almost threw up a few times and my stomach really hurts, but i dont have much time to worry about it so i suck it up like a big kid, drink my coffe, take the dog for a walk, come home, finish my coffe, and go to their house. 
so, get to these girls apartment at 8am sharp, and everything is fine for the first few hours, they’re snacking some chips and drinking WAY to much chocolate milk, as well as watching wired youtubes on the tv, they were honestly very well behaved at the begining tbh, so i just let them be. 
at like 11:30am they started being hungry and they asked me for some fruites, so i was like “okay :)” and went to cut some fruites and stuff for them. i cut them a peach and washed them two different types of grapes, put it all on a plate and brought it to them.
then, they said they want corn schnitzel and i was like, “okay, well you can eat the fruites while i make u some” and went to the kitchen. what i didnt know was that they were starting to play with the fruits instead of eating them, so i came back to find the grapes, still uneaten, but covered in green liquid sope (???), and one (1) pice of peach was eaten. thats it. no girls.
at this point its about 12:45pm and they’re not in the living room where i left them. why? because APPARENTALLY, they decided that braking into their parents room (which was locked, btw, dont ask me how tf they got in) to steal some Mentos, was the best thing to do after murdering fruites.
i caught them right before they found the Mentos, and brought them to the dining table to eat the schnitzel they asked for. after they ate they decided to play a game called “trying to get into mom and dad’s room to steal stuff”, and i had to literally STAND AND GAURD THE DOOR TO MAKE SURE THEY WERENT STEALING SHIT. 
then, as they relized that I was the main problem, they decided to start trowing things at me. moestly shoes and crayons and markers and dolls. i asked them to stop multipul times and tryed to talk to them like big girls, until they decided to take it one step forwared, and throw a PAIR OF SCISSURES directly at me. 
it didnt hit me bc i moved, and then i yelled at them that they’re not supposed to be throwing sharp stuff like that, especially not at people. they didnt give TWO SHITS, and their way of showing me that was to throw the scissures at me AGAIN.
at that point i kinda gave up, maybe bc i was tired, maybe bc i was feeling kinda ill, maybe bc i was hungry, or maybe bc ive had enough stuff thrown at me a this point. fuck knows, the point is, i fucking had it.
i got away from the door and yelled at them that i hope they treat the next babysitter to watch them better than that (bc FUCK IT im not going back in there, especially not for enother 9 fucking houres.) and that ill be telling their mom everything. 
they obviusly were like “yeah we dont really care”. and when im telling u i was so close to snapping, i mean i was SO FUCKING CLOSE. so, i did what every reasonable adult would have done, and i sat on the couch in the living room and had a silent meltdown while the girls i was supposed to be watching were stealing cendy from their parents :).
after about 15 muinets (so it was about 2pm) of silently crying, they came to apologize to me, but i was so fucking angry (i still am and its 10pm) that all i did was telling them that i dont want their apology, and again, that i hope they would treat the next babysitter better, and then i got up and went to the kitchen floor to text heir mom.
long story short: their mom called me and scolded them that it wasnt ok and shit, but im still angry (both that they think they have the right to throw a pair of scissures at me, and that they actually made me scared. the rest of the babysitting they behaved and shit so i hid in the bathroom, bc i was shaking (im still a bit shaky for some reason) and honestly i didnt feel like i could face them).
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ruangkosoong · 2 years
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I am always trying hard to be ur home, lets start from the day, i called your phone and cried the man who hurting me deeply, but u said "dont cried stupid! U r worth and preety" since the day, u always walking by my side, day by day until right here, five thousand and still accounting.
I throught my day with u as a place to gripe, to told a nerd thing, to looking my grumpy face, as a place to told the story until 3 pm, ur name always be frequently chat on whatsapp, u r my one call-away at that time. No metter how i often made u angry, messy up u r day, event being annoying, or hurting ur heart, u never leave me, u never thingking about that, event for a time.
After a long day, i carry up my phone and talking with u till the last night, also you, telling me all of the way that u throught the day, u told me, how bored being a student, how tired the collage, anything, we always backing up each other, always supporting anytime. we throught ups and downs, thick and thin, dark and shine, we hold each other, believed each other and never tought to leave each other.
And until the day when you was graduted had coming up, i called u on video call, and soon your happy face with toga on ur head make me relize, this man always walking with his dream, paid off hardwork, he made me proud, really. And one day, im finally graduated, the congratulations from u made my day, yeah this man always here since day one, since i stay late up to sleep for laboratory journal till for final project.
Then
One evening in my town, after u did interview for a job, suddenly u surprised me with one text on whatsapp "im in ur home, hurry up, lets got some food, bcs im starving so badly" OMG really surprised, i confused, what dress that i must wear, what the colour of hijab, which one of the shoes, i really cannot thingking anymore, and decided to wearing black dress + army hijab, LOL. WHY BLACK. We strolling around this town with ur white motorcycle, u told along the way, so exicited, u told how was ur interview, u told the future, ur bigest fear and from back sit of motorcycle i heared with the same excited, i heared with the butterfly in my stomach, OMG God please! I want to freeze the time.
Until we bringing up to the day when u accapted from the top company as ur first job, u send me the text "Alhamdulillah, iam excepted" and ya, this Man, never stop to made me being a proud bestfriend, again and again, i proud to be part of ur journey.
Then, last month u got some problem in ur job, that made u must took the hard decision, u really in a hard way, u r brokeup, u r powerless, even u r not believe ur self. i always here, like i did for several years ago, like i am always did. Pretend not got sleepy meanwhile my eyes breakup the stone, just for waiting your delay flight when u was in airport, always reply ur massage event in 2 pm, when u can't sleep bcs overthingking, bcs ur brain never stop thinking the problem, and u send me a massage "r u got sleep ?" Or "dont getting sleep pleased, just here" me who standing beside you from 4k km miles away, to ensured u are really in a good way, to believed u that u r not alone, im here, always be with u. but im forget, everthing can change whenever
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6corpsekin6 · 2 years
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.
I walk into rooms and I can't find him. I think he's hiding, in the closet he loved, or under the covers on the bed. Is he in the office? He likes sleeping on the chair. He's little spot away from the other cats.
I check that room over and over as if this time I'll walk in and see him alive, sleeping in his little spot. He'll wake when I pet him and he'll make a small shocked noise before settling into his loud purr. He always sounded like a boat motor, everyone thought so.
But he's not there. Not anymore. He's buried in the woods, in a spot I can see from my bedroom, looking out of his favorite window.
After work today I rushed to his grave not caring about the mug collecting on my shoes or on my pants when I nelt to my knees and cried. For what feels like the hundredth time.
I howled when I found him, he died in his sleep within his hiding spot under my bed. He felt safe there. In my room, with my scent, I know. I know he loved me. I howled cause I wasn't there, I was at work and God I screamed. I made a sound I never never heard and sobbed like i had never sobbed before. I sobbed for hours straight till my eyes swell shut and even then I still cried.
They had to tell me he was dead multiple times. Yet I touched his body first. I know what regamortist feels like, I know it. I knew it the second I tried to wake him. He felt hard like stone. He was dead for hours. Yet I looked for him the second I got home as I always do when he doesn't greet me at the door. Why was no one looking for him? Why couldn't I find him soft, freshly dead so I could hold him? Better yet Why couldn't he tell me he was sick?
He was fine that night...maybe just tired. More then normal but he gets that way sometimes, his is a senior. Even still I thought "tomorrow when I get home from work if he still seems sleepy im taking him to the vet imitately...just in case." He sat in my chair more then normal too. I bought myself a new one as he sat in mine, thinking "I should have two shouldn't I? One for him, one for me". I pet him and loved him before I had to move him to the bed. I tried to lay with him for a bit, but he wouldn't lay down on the bed with me, much rather sleep under the bed. I never fight him. It's colder under the bed, the AC vent is right there. I'd be under the bed too if I could. He never came out alive....
I miss him so much. I never wanted kids so he truly was my son. My first cat too after wanting one my whole life.
I walk into rooms and I can't fide him. I wonder where he's hiding till I look outside to his grave and relize. He's never coming home....
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zaqiabizal · 2 years
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Am i tired? Yes
Am i stress? Yes
Am i sad? Totally yes
I don't like failure. I forgot last time when i failed for something that i want. This is sucks. I was cried cause my energy has gone. My emotions, decision etc is done yet
But again, this not the end. I was mad to god, I was mad for my self. Why u didnt try so hard. But I was relize that all my destiny has made from god.
Thank u Bandung, I enjoyed for 1 year left. Learn a lot about life. I know im selfish to choose u before. But again, im gonna miss u someday. For ur food, friends and sundanese language.
Fvk I hate it.
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hommes-sims · 4 years
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I hate to say it I really do, but it must be said! I miss the deer sims trend. It brings me back to a simpler time 🥺
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13-secret-poems · 3 years
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73 questions to start of the week
Less and less sound sleep
6 pages optional
But had to be done
If I wanted the chance to redo
The first big test
But instead I came undone
5 classes in the day
Should not be this hard
But suddenly theres people
Everywhere
I cant rember my afternoons
Am I tired or stressed?
Who knows
Not me
Tears I want to cry
But I cant
17 pages to be read
In an awful book
"Talk to us " is what they said
"If theres too much tell us and let us know"
The dont know that I can't
That causes as much stress as the test
Cant focus
Cant sleep
Cant remember a single word I wrote
Spiraling between I need to do this and I cant do this
Where are my thoughts going
I don't know anymore
Grades close tomorrow and I cant handle that
Everyone is now back
To make matters worse
This shock
This change
It may have been the push that fried my brain
Trying to stay healthy
Trying to stay calm
It feels impossible with all this going one
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lesbian-bookworm · 4 years
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I DID THE IMPOSSIBLE
I actually FINISHED and entire tube of chapstick without loosing it into the void
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