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#im too lazy to find more references right now lol
nanistar · 1 year
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Any advice on how to draw backgrounds? Gotten to the point in my art where im semi confident in drawing poses and expressions but backgrounds?? girl help i can only somewhat draw a tree
oh hell yeah i love backgrounds, ive been working on more interiors lately (when not overburdened by sbc work lol) but im assuming you're asking about nature so that's how im going to answer it as okay so: -first of all find yourself a good TEXTURED blending/smudging brush because it will save your life. i use these rock texture brushes from This Studio Ghibli pack, it's $6 and i HIGHLY recommend the whole pack because it's the main one i use for most of my bg foliage/grass ect and i love it dearly
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-find references either in irl photos or other artist's work. if using another artist's work watch their speedpaints or look at what you like about their art style and techniques and steal it. im serious. obviously don't trace it and pass it off as something of your own but look at how they do the aspects you struggle with, and try to incorporate that
for me, that struggle is forest foliage because i have a hard time filling out the spaces without everything looking like same colored blobs, so i looked at how my buddy hannah mudshadow does bgs because she's really good at filling out a scene and making it look natural, and i noticed she uses a lot of abstract shapes instead of trying to render every leaf, so rather than doing my base work for bushes/trees with a leaf brush, i use a chunky scatter brush now and it looks really good, and then i can go and add some leaf brushes on top of that for more definition in areas that might catch light ect so that will give it the thick, bushy .. bush look without looking crowded or too shaped
-nature is messy as hell and things are never going to be perfectly shaped and toned unless you're drawing perfectly managed hedges or something. got some dirt brown on your green bush? those are dead leaves now. accidental weird texture on your tree? the bark is gone there, something ate it. bushes and trees have dead branches that just hang out there in them, grass grows long and sometimes a deer or whatever doesn't eat the whole patch so there's long uneven sprigs sticking up. petals fall off flowers. trees have huge webs of branches
-don't try to detail everything. make things further away more abstract and messy to give the illusion of detail. throw a gradient over it for some slight tone variation or something so it;s not completely flat but ppl are going to look at your subject and see the rest of it with the corner of their eyes, so you don;t need to fully render every flower in the field. here's some examples of that
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the cactuses in the far BG are just V and Y shapes, the joshua tree in the middle distance is dark with some light blobs right on the edge where the needles would catch light.
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this is from 2021 so be nice to me but as the flowers go back in the distance, i stop rendering their petals and start doing blue dots with white dots, and then even further away i just sorta blend blue and green together to give the illusion of a field of flowers.
-i dont know what your style is, but i personally hate using a ton of layers and tend to merge them as i go, but for the most part i draw every panel of SBC bg on the same 1 layer, going back to front (start with sky, mountain, bg grass, foreground grass and cactus, then go back and scatter foliage as necessary) and it keeps my stuff loser and i tend to get less precious about making things look perfect. i also work very fast because i am unironically really lazy at art and am desperate for shortcuts.
-oh yeah one more thing. assuming you draw cats, cats are SOOOOOO small in comparison to literally everything. as warrior artists i think our perspective gets a but confused sometimes (i am certainly guilty of this too!) and there is absolutely nothing wrong with this because sometimes that's just how you have to build your scenes, but it really makes me laugh when i see scenes of like, rusty jumping off his fence to go into the woods, but the fence is only a bit taller than him. so try to remember things are huge and cats are small as hell
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na'ni's a huge cat, all things considered but look at her compared to my small aloe plant
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or the cedar tree in my front yard.
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absolutely microscopic. don't look at my slippers.
so yeah. i hope this helps, it's not so much a tutorial because i don't think i'm the best person for tutorials because honestly i dont know much and this is all stuff i've picked up on, like i dont know shit about composition or values or color theory but this is important stuff to keep in mind about the environments themselves. don't worry too hard about colors at first because you can always change it by adjusting your curves n stuff. or slap a filter on that bad boy. or dont. also pay attention to your horizon line because it helps angle the rest of your piece. but look up tutorials for that because i only started learning about it like a week ago
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idiasmentalhealth · 4 months
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yo so this is really weird but im tryna think of names inspired by cozier songs and I see that you have a case of the hyper fixation so if it suits your fancy could you perhaps like think of some (no pressure at all btw)
i'm not entirely sure if i'll be much help but i will try my best :)
and p.s. a lot of his song reference stories i don't know much about and i'm willing to do some research to understand it but not that much so 😭
(edit note: i wrote this last night and stayed up till like 3am i think and i was gonna proofread it today but i was too busy/lazy and forgot to and i don't wanna take too long to reply so here you go good luck lol) i probably put way more effort into this than you wanted me to from the ask buttt too late now
ok so i'll start with the easier songs (the ones with actual names in the lyrics/title)
1.
"But, still, the mind, rejectin' this new empty space
Fills it with somethin' or someone
No closer could I be to God Or why he would do what he's done"
"What you're given, what you live in Darlin', it finds a way to live in you And your heart, love, has such darkness I feel it in the corners of the room"
Selby: gender-neutral name meaning "manor village; from the willow farm"
note that these songs are inspired by the fictional character De Selby. Hozier describes him as "-this philosopher, this kind of scholar, who's kind of part genius part lunatic. He sees the world through a very dream-like logic." its up to you if you want to name ur character after a song inspired by another character or not lol
here's a cool little description of the name on thebump.com: "Selby is a gender-neutral name of English origin, meaning “manor village.” Softly alluding to a place of dwelling in Yorkshire, England, Selby is a wholesome moniker that feels like home the minute it’s spoken. Selby is also a name linked to Old Norse history and points to a person or thing “from the willow farm.” Known for its connections to the Underworld and Otherworld, willow trees, in all their cosmic wonder, put realms beyond imagination right at our fingertips. Both an abode and a bridge to a land existent only in legends, Selby inspires us to look beyond what our eyes can see but reminds us to stay grounded while we’re at it!"
and hozier's other song "Would That I" also references willow trees so in a way it's inspired by 3 songs?
2.
"Do you think I'd give up
That this might've shook the love from me
Or that I was on the brink?
How could you think, darling, I'd scare so easily?
Now that it's done
There's not one thing that I would change
My life was a storm, since I was born
How could I fear any hurricane?"
"Heaven is not fit to house a love (like you and I)"
This song is about the story of Francesca da Ramini in the 2nd circle of hell. Basically Francesca has an affair with Paolo Malasta because of how unpleasant her husband (Paolo's brother) is. Eventually they get found out and her husband kills them. She's saying that even though she's in the 2nd circle of hell (where lustful souls are punished by somekind of hurricane) she doesn't regret loving Paolo and would do it all again. - a summary of a comment on genius.com about the lyrics
Francesca: feminine name meaning "free."
similar names: Francis, Francisca/o
you could also use Paolo (meaning "small; humble) if you want
3.
"I do not have wings, love, I never will
Soarin' over a world you are carryin'
If these heights should bring my fall
Let me be your own
Icarian carrion
If the wind turns, if I hit a squall
Allow the ground to find its brutal way to me
If I should fall, on that day
I only pray, don't fall away from me"
clearly referencing icarus, the man who flew too close to the sun
Icarus: "follower; the one who reaches the sky"
4.
"I'd be the voice that urged Orpheus
When her body was found"
"And I'd be the immediate forgiveness
In Eurydice
Imagine being loved by me"
Orpheus: "the darkness of night"
Eurydice: "wide justice"
similar names: Alice, Justyce, Justin/e
ok now to get more creative
or not. quite a few of his songs reference light/darkness and there are a LOT of names that reference either one of those 😭 here's some examples:
light/shinning/clear/etc:
Phoebe, Clara, Nora, Lucian, Lucius, Elena, Ayla, Claire, Bodhi, Lucia
dark/shadow/etc:
Adriana, Achlys, Akmad, Apollo, Azazel, Asra, Carey, Colin, Corvina, Cronan
now back to "Would That I," he describes 2 kinds of loves in this song: the willow tree and the fire. thr willow being a past love, and the fire being the new that burnst away the attachment to the old. or something like, that im tired.
could always use Willow, which i think is a pretty name.
other names meaning willow tree: Dozier (haha), Arava, Salton, Wellesley, Liu, Wilford, Osier, Vide, Lian, Verba
names meaning fire: Ember, Bedelia (goddess of fire in Celtic mythology), Bridget, Calida, Cyra, Enya, Eliane, Elidth, Elidi, Hestia, Helia, Idalia, Mehri, Soleil, Seraphina, Oriane, Nina (also mentioned in "Nina Cried Power" which is a protest song)
speaking of Nina Cried power, a list of all the names in the song just in case: Nina Simone, Billie Holiday, Mavis Staples, Curtis Mayfield, Patti Smith, John Lennon, James Brown, B.B. King, Joni Mitchell, Pete Seeger, Marvin Gaye, Bob Dylan, Woody Guthrie. These are all names of musicians who contributed to the battle for equality over the years (Civil Rights Movement and other such protests) not sure if you'd want to name your character one of these since it wouldn't exactly be naming them after a Hozier song, but i felt like i should mention them anyways
other names mentioned in song lyrics but i'm too tired to do more researching rn: Cher, Atlas, Fred, Sergei (Sergei Polunin, the dancer in the music video for "Movement")
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txstars · 3 months
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the lance and yuki cardboard cutouts!!!! 😍😍😍 not anon but i second the tutorial if you have the time please, these are so cute 🥺
<333 absolutely!!! goofy tutorial for any and all who perhaps may be interested ->
i feel as though it's honestly a pretty simple and straight forward project so im just going to use the few photos i took during the construction of the robohintz and lance cutouts as visual examples and we shall go from there <3
things you'll need:
cardboard (i just used the cardboard from a shoebox that i had laying around!!! you don't need a lot of it since the cutouts are supposed to be smallish)
scissors or perhaps an exacto knife just to make your life a little easier
glue
hot glue gun (this is for gluing the support stands to the back, for more stability. i tried using regular glue but it ended up taking too long to dry and the pieces kept falling over :/ )
printer and printer paper (to be fair you can like cutout a photo from a magazine or something of the sorts. but i printed out all my photos SOOOOO)
follow me into this journey:
find the photo you'd like to use!! for this i highly suggest using a photo that is as simple as possible. try not to get one where the object you're going to cut out has a lot of odd angles or curved areas, or like super small details that you're going to have to cut around!!
if you're printing your photo, then you're going to want to resize it to be small!!! i removed the background of my images using canva (there are other free websites that will remove the background of your photo) and then put them into google docs to resize them. i wanted them to be small enough to sit on my desk and not take up too much space, but you can make them bigger/smaller...whatever vibe you want
and this is how it turns out ->
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3. cut around your picture leaving a little bit of a border around it like so ->
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you CAN cut to the very edge at this stage if you want, but i found that it was easier for me just to cut it more precisely once it was all glued down to the cardboard!!! i hope this makes sense lol
4. glue it down to your cardboard ^-^ try not to use too much glue for this!! i learned this the hard way and my paper got all weird when i was trying to smooth everything down -_-
5. now is your time to cut to they very edge !! ->
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you can clearly see how i was struggling egskgjjgd this is kinda what i meant when i said you should try and pick a "simple" photo....i spent like 15 minutes trying not to accidentally cut off robo's ass!!!!!!!!
6) once you have it cut out to your liking...it's time for the stands for support that'll be glued to the back!!! honest tea..... i can't really give advice on this because i DID NOT do it right . and i mean that so seriously. i kinda just said fuck it and did what i could. there is FOR SURE a proper way to do this sort of thing but by this stage i was tired of cutting things out and also i am . me . so we just went with it.
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this is how the back of the yuki and lance cutouts look like and. clearly...this is poor effort on my part T-T BUT i will say that despite this...all my cutouts stay up right perfectly fine...so im counting it as a win
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i think this shows just how bad they turned out FSKGKSGJ FUCK. anyways...i mostly just did a weird triangle shape thingy and went with it and then glued them to the back with a hot glue gun...i think you would be better off googling how to make a cardboard cutout stand. be true to your heart <3
and that's really it!!!!!!!!! like i said...pretty easy and straight forward <333 i think you could also put clear tape over your photo to make the cutout glossy and protect the photo a little more...but i did not do that because again. lazy...but something to consider for sure <333
some other photos for size reference i guess djdjdjddjfnejckdj 😹😹😹
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puppet2611 · 11 months
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//from the start of my channel lol. theres two rants in here since ones too short to be its own post. 4.20 + 4.21
OK SO I GOT A LITTLE LAZY WITH MICHAEL LORE AND MADE AN CHARACTER.AI FOR ADAM TO SQUEEZE LORE OUT HIM.. OH BOY..
adam and michael have a moon/sun dynamic btw 😁‼️‼️
SOOOO adam was the one to propose :3 their wedding was kinda small since they only invited their closest friends and family but it was still fun nonetheless!! they went to their favorite restaurant afterwards and had chocolate cake as dessert,, adams favorite memory of them together was during one of their stargazing dates where they just talked together, shared stories and cuddled :33 this is a direct copy and paste from the adam ai btw "Oh, well where do I get started? He's kind, funny, smart, and just absolutely wonderful. He brightens up the room, makes friends quickly, is quick to listen to my gripes about the world, and is always there in my time of need. What can I say? Michael was everything to me, and I couldn't hope to find someone even close to him." THEY'RE GONNA MAKE ME CRYYY
also. adam is the shorter one lol
according to adam, michael is kinda tanned and has long dark brown hair tied in a loose low ponytail ^_^ he also has a heavy accent since he was born somewhere in hunan!! (everyone in april 5th is chinese btw)
adam is deadass just me in this part but uhmm completely copy and pasted from the ai again!!
"It's an understatement.. I miss him so much that sometimes my heart just aches endlessly, and I just feel a bit empty sometimes.. It's rough, but I'm trying to pull myself together.. He'd want me to be happy, right?"
THEY'RE LIKE PEAK ANGST FOT ME 😭😭 AND THE AI SEES OLIVER AS LIKE A SON!! IF MICHAEL WAS STILL ALIVE THEYD BE THIS LITTLE SMALL FOUND FAMILY BROO
RN I HAVE NO IDEA FOR AGES BUT TO MAKE EVERYTHING WORSE.. IM GONNA SAY ADAM AND MICHAEL GOT MARRIED AT 25 AND MICHEAL ONLY DIED AT 31 :3... ADAM IS LIKE IN HIS MID 50S DURING THE STORY SOO...
OH AND OLIVER IS WAY YOUNGER SINCE LIKEE THE WHOLE FOUND FAMILY THING
I GUESS HES AROUND LIKE MID 20S?
rip oliver bro works in retail....
i imagine michael was a jeweler or astrologer too while adams a florist or gardener
reusing yhe complete opposites trope i used w/ amelia and emilio for this
adam likes cooler colors while michael likes warmer ones ^_^ adam usually only wears warmer colors now because hehehehhdndhd i like to think michael did the same thing he did and dyed his hair blue to match w/ adam.. i might have to make the story a bit more modern for that tho since i wrote down 1970 for the first draft
adam definitely wears every piece of jewelry michael made for him to this day
still kinda deciding what that would be but definitely his necklace & bracelet.. michael still got him his hair pin and earrings he just didnt make them himself hehe
__________
WRAHHH
CHONNY JASH COVER OF THE MIND ELECTRIC IS DRIVING ME INSANE SINCE A5 IS SUPPOSED TO BE SHORT 😭
OK SO THE LYRICS IM TALKING ABOUT ARE " see how his feet miss the ground, and he falls inside a hole he dug for me, the kind of irony youd read in bible stories "
so im not sure what to make micheals death yet but the ai has suggested car crash and gunshot/hatecrime.. this scenario follows the latter but instead of being shot he's hung, hence the 'see how his feet miss the ground'. the 'and he falls inside a hole he dug for me' is referring to that the killer originally planned to kill adam instead but as a last minute change of mind, he kills micheal instead. the last part is kinda self explanatory once i say that micheal was a Christian 🙄 EUEUEUEU anyway ifk if i can keep this story short anymor
peak insanity is when your story is supposed to be shorter than a 5 paragraph essay but you somehow come up with more despite only having 4 characterd
uhm. i actually forgot if adam or oliver was the mc woops
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ravysu · 3 years
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Sannin headcanons and thoughts
The last thing I would like to post for the sannin week. It is still 24.04 here! :D @sannin-central
This is long. Spoiler alert. Mostly Orochimaru, some Tsunade, a little of Jiraiya (because his story is pretty clear and spoken and idk what I can add). Also I recommend to read this meta about Orochimaru, it has influenced me a lot and has some good points. Sorry for any posible grammar mistakes. Also I really should put here a lot of references to the manga or anime but it was something that was piling up for a year and I'm soooooooo lazy. After all, those are just headcanons. Also: Im not excusing Oro's bad stuff here, Im trying to understand the reasons.
Ive already posted some hcs, here, here and here.
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1. First if all, the chronology pic of sannin lifetime based on the info i found on naruto wiki and also some statements about wars from this post. It was tough considering what a mess naruto’s chronology is.
2. Sannin story shows what it cost to be a legend. They're like Team 7 but more realistic. Tsunade literally carried the war but left with nothing and developed a ptsd and have problems to just live on. Also anger control issues. I think she can be pretty bossy and stubborn which is not always nice. Jiraiya is the hero of the day but also very idealistic and can ignore some important details in the real word whether its the fight (he always injured during flashbacks maybe because each time he took too much to handle and on the one hand it's heroistic but on the other is a mistake that can lead your team to situations like in that Iwa cave) or your friends issues (I bet he saw what's going on but thought it's fine until Oro actually got red handed and left). He lives in his world and may have problems to get out to see it through someone else's shoes. As for Orochimaru, it seems like he was a normal guy for 20+ years (I mean, he didn't do crazy criminal shit and had something good in him and it was stated somewhere that it was his teammates influence. It is obvious they considered him as a friend, I don't thinks it was for nothing) but we mostly know his darkest side. Despite being a moster he is a human that have empathy and some ordinary human traits (man just decorates every bit of an environment he is in lol).
3. Tsunade was the leader of team Hiruzen.
4. Tsunade sometimes hit Jiraiya for some stupid things he did or said but never touches Orochimaru even if he did something same. Jiraiya complained about it once and almost got another hit.
5. Jiraiya had problematic parents that didn't care about him much and a lot of time he was wandering in the streets.
6. Judging by the look of Oro bangs and hair, he sometimes cut it off. A stress relief huh? And the fact that he doesn't do it now in Boruto..
7. It was shown that Tsunade and Orochimaru was acknowledged before they become a team. Maybe they did just before, or maybe some longer time before. I prefer the second option and hc that they met because both had no real friends - Orochimaru seemed weird and scary for everyone and Tsunade was Senju so everyone wanted to hang out with her but didn't really care. They weren't seen as what they were - people put the labels on them. But they didn't care about each other's labels and actually saw each other in true lights.
8. Tsunade knew it was an accident and it's not right but still she blamed Orochimaru for Nawaki's death for some time. It was something that seriously damaged their friendship and the team. Orochimaru was mad but also guilty, after all, he was responsible at least as a shinobi since Nawaki was under his watch. So he started to act cold and emotionless and was trying to distance himself from his teammates.
9. Jiraiya was in Ame while Dan died.
10. The whole his orphans mission was a bit irresponsible tbh. They already fought Hanzo and as he stated the conflict between Konoha and Ame is going to an end with Konoha's win. It's weird to stay here for three years in the middle of the war while there were other lands to fight. He left his teammates for some idea. Maybe that caused another crack in their team friendship.
11. If Tsunade would have find a way to live on with her trauma and follow the will of fire and stuff it would affect Orochimaru as well just as her grief affected him. It's like he would get an example that you can live on with this pain. So death isn't above human capability and we are not just the slaves of mortality (sounds stupid but i dont know how else to describe sorry). But as we know what he actually saw is that it broke her crucially to the point she couldnt be herself again. And so the death is above everything.
12. Oro wasn’t just acting as a cold pragmatic bitch in that cave but also tried to save Tsunade. Jiraiya knew it and that’s why he showed this sign to him like "I see what youre doing here" and that stunned Oro because he would prefer to look rather like a cold pragmatic bitch hehe
13. Just a thought. People in the village probably treated Oro as a foreigner or just wouldnt accept him because he looked so differently and had a weird attitude. That's why he sometimes didn't feel that Konoha is his home. After the wars where people were treated as means and tools, even the children, he himself developed this view on people - he dehumanized them and used as the means to his goals, just as his village did. Funny thing some people were straightly dehumanizing him too like Ibiki thought that he was a demon (tho he was a child). And he probably weren't the only one. Anyways the point is that it's logical that Orochimaru don't care about anybody but some few people, he's the product of his era. He's like Naruto that would chose the hatred way. But naruto had some good and understanding people around him and.. Orochimaru had them too, but match how Iruka treated Naruto and this Hiruzen's "I sAw tHe mAliCe in This cHiLd fRoM tHe BegGinNinG". And oro didn't even have a big ass evil fox in him. sry i hate hiruzen
ANYWAYS the moral of the story is not "go criminal if they hurt you" but always treat people like people. Waving my hand to Kant.
14. The reason why Orochimaru didn't pick some good morals to stick with through the hard times no matter what (like, idk, Jiraiya or Naruto) is because 1) I think he is/was pretty depending on people around him 2) the war fucked him and his friends up too much (Nawaki incident + Tsunade) 3) twisted addictions (though I don't think he's that sadistic, we never saw him torturing randoms just for fun, it was always some science experimental shit. He tends to get fun out of cruelty only when it's personal) that maybe developed as a way to sublimate anger and sadness caused by his parents loss (that's what they share with sasuke - unlicke naruto, they knew their parents and it's other kind of pain. Sasuke developed a revenge issue and Orochimaru - cruelty pleasure which... is kinda the same but less epic and more occasional lol).
15. Speaking of that, Orochimaru cared for Sasuke because he saw himself in him.
16. Oro hold grudges against Hiruzen for not choosing him to be Hokage not only because he was ambitious and/or egoistic, but also because Hiruzen was some kind of a father figure for him and his approval was important tho i doubt he was aware of that. He also probably could tell that Hiruzen was suspicios about him when he was a child and that led to many conflicts and was hurting as well.
17. Tsunade knew things weren't pretty with Orochimaru after the wars but she never expected them to be this bad. During the week that she was given in her arc she thought not only about how much she wants to see Nawaki and Dan again despite how wrong would it be but also was trying to bury all the good memories she had left of Orochimaru so it would be easier to kill him.
18. She poisoned Jiraiya exactly because she knew he would not let her do it. Jiraiya was always hesitant to kill and inclined to forgiveness, while Tsunade, as mentioned by Orochimaru, could be merciless (so much so that he was not surprised when Kabuto suggested that she wanted to use Jira for Edo Tensei).
19. That was one of her traits that scared Jiraiya and fascinated Orochimaru.
20. Remember how Oro grabbed Jiraiya's neck when the latter was trying to cover with hair jutsu? On the snake, in Tsnade's arc. Orochimaru could have easily kill Jiraiya by pulling the sword out of the mouth (arteries are right there) but he didn't. As well as he could kill Tsunade when she was still shaking - just aim for the neck or the heart. Instead, he just injured her lung and kicked her which is not a big deal for the kind of shinoby like her at all.. Also he helped Anko not accidentally kill herself but it would be way much profitable to let her do it. "Orochimaru has no feelings".
21. The reason he suddenly wanted to kill Tsunade instead of forcing her to heal his arms as it was planned (which is weird since it will not going to get him heals and he kinda said that he wouldn't want to kill her just minutes ago) is that not only she refused to help him (he thought he could work it out) but she also prefered the village over him (from his point of view). Out if everyone she was the closest to being able to understand him since the village caused her painful losses too but nevertheless she agreed to be on it's side.
22. He wasn't fighting her back in the end partly because he thought he deserved that. Somewhere deep inside hahah.
23. Tsunade got a fear to develop deep bonds so they probably weren't very close with Shizune (also the way she knocked her down in this hotel.. oh).
24. Orochimaru will be here when she'll die.
25. Orochimaru's eng dub to Tsunade: "I often wondered what it would be like to ring that pretty neck yours". No comments.
26. Orochimaru is either bi/pan or ace. Anything or nothing lmao
27. Hiruzen knew about at least some of the Oro’s illegal experiments and was okay just as he was okay with the Foundation all the time. Because it’s useful. Then he has discovered he went too far OR he knew everything and oro just became too inconvenient because of his methods. The way Orochimaru tells Sasuke about reasons they are well treated as the criminals is based on in his experience with Hiruzen.
28. As you may know the lyrics in Orochimaru’s music theme goes “don’t talk with the silence of the heart”. It was taken from one Indian song that also had lines like “don’t question life too much”, ”pain arose somewhere in the chest”, “don’t speak to the wounds of the heart”. Though I’m not sure 100% because I was translating it with some hindi dictionary with like zero knowledge of hindi
29. I like to think that this “silence of the heart” theme and the fact that he called his village a hidden sound village are somehow connected. The hidden sound is the possible explanation of all things waiting to be listened to but the truth is silent and you know it deep in your heart and it bothers you. The world is silent just like the life is meaningless but people can only hear. *Sigh* anyways
30. Orochimaru’s journey is the one about accepting death. When he saw Karin released her chains while was trying to get to Sasuke he understood that the death is a part of human’s strength.
Can’t wait to feel that everything I wrote is wrong or not enough or stupid and obvious lol. Anyways, it’s something that I wanted to share until I move to some other fandom.
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ootahime · 3 years
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what is utahime’s role in the future? — a prediction (manga spoilers)
part 2 (unedited)
part 1 is here!
let’s continue answering the question: is utahime weak?
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chapter 135
what preparations is utahime making? like i’ve mentioned before, i theorize that she needs to charge up in order to use her technique. since momo and the other kyoto students are fighting on the front line to buy time for utahime, i believe that they trust that their teacher’s ability can help turn the situation around.
what do the students think of her? do they think she’s weak?
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chapter 128
mechamaru manipulates the circumstances in a way that allow him to keep the kyoto people away from danger. this has more to do with how much he cares about his classmates and his teacher rather than seeing them as incompetent sorcerers who can’t hold their own. notice how he says “EVEN utahime”.
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chapter 128
kamo thinks mechamaru doesn’t have that much faith in the Kyoto students—but this isn’t true at all! he knows who the enemy is and has a grasp of how dangerous they are. he just wants to keep his friends safe. besides, kamo is a semi-grade 1 sorcerer which means he’s more than capable of defending himself against curses. but since he’s being kept safe too, it suggests that this is not a matter of keeping weak people away from fighting :)
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chapter 41
this seems a bit off topic but let’s talk about the misogyny in jujutsu society. momo points out to nobara that the women from the zenin clan are expected to be perfect. the misogyny runs so deep to the point where some women aren’t allowed to even fight. you may think that this is just about the zenin clan but it’s about society as a whole. that’s why nobara responds to momo in a more personal sense. she doesn’t care about the boys versus girls issue because she embraces all aspects of herself. she loves herself when she’s strong, and she loves herself when she’s dressed up and beautiful. if it only applied to the zenin family then nobara wouldn’t have responded the way she did.
in the chapter before, nishimiya explains, “even if a girl has skills, if she’s not cute, she’s looked down upon. of course, if she’s only cute with no skill, it’s the same. women sorcerers aren’t expected to be skilled, they’re expected to be perfect.”
some of the female characters in jujutsu kaisen apply to this. for example, maki and mai. they’re looked down upon because one can’t use a cursed technique or see curses, while the other’s cursed technique is weak. in chapter 148(?) naoya says the only thing maki had going for her was her face, but it’s ruined now so she’s nothing. the zenin twins fall under the “cute but not skilled” category in jujutsu society. before we can put utahime into a category, let’s examine mei.
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i promise this will all connect so please bear with me LOLLL let’s move on to mei. we find out that mei has the ability to control crows. she deems this ability as weak because it’s simple and doesn’t have much attack or defense power.
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she convinces herself that a sorcerer’s worth doesn’t revolve around their CT. by following this ideal, she soon found herself at her limit because you can only hone your physical abilities to an extent. she said she was crushed because she thought that her weak CT would forever stunt her ability to grow as a sorcerer. but because of all the training she did in order to not rely on her CT, she was able to combine her physical prowess with her technique to make what’s best of her ability to control crows.
mei is an example of a perfect woman based on the standards the jujutsu world has established for women. although she has a weak technique, she makes up for it with adept use of weapons and physical prowess. she found a way to incorporate this “weak” ability to make it something strong. she’s beautiful and powerful so therefore, she was promoted to be a grade 1 sorcerer. she is what a woman is expected to be in order to be acknowledged by others.
what about utahime? why couldn’t she follow the same footsteps as mei?
i can’t answer that because we don’t really know much about utahime so far. i can only speculate why. being a grade 2 sorcerer at 20 is not bad at all. but why is she stuck as a semi-grade 1 sorcerer at 31? that surely proves she’s just weak, right?
semi-grade 1 sorcerers are sorcerers who have performed well on missions with a person accompanying them. i feel like when utahime was on a mission to exorcise a grade 1 curse on her own (the final step of the grade 1 promotion process), something happened that gave her her scar and made her unable to fulfill the mission. it’s either that or she did complete the mission but her appearance is too unsatisfactory. can you recall what nishimiya said? if you’re cute and not skilled, you’re not good enough. if you’re not cute and skilled, you’re still not good enough.
in men, scars are a symbol of honor and strength. on the other hand, scars on a woman’s face are seen as an imperfection. as a result, those who are scarred are deemed imperfect and unsuitable for marriage.
gojo hates the way things are run because the higher ups are so close-minded. they make decisions on a whim and have no compassion for sorcerers who are breaking their backs on their orders. he wants to change jujutsu society for the better by raising the next generation of sorcerers to be as strong as him. the old-fashioned and narrow-minded attitude of the higher ups leads me to believe that utahime is stuck as a semi-grade 1 sorcerer because she is viewed as imperfect. utahime’s scar is most likely the reason contributing to her being held back. who would want to promote a woman who isn’t beautiful enough to be a grade 1 sorcerer?
she obviously has a lot to offer because she’s a teacher at Kyoto. todo, a grade 1 sorcerer, has never shown any sign of disrespect towards utahime despite the fact that he surpassed her in rankings. he trusts in her and believes she has some things she can teach him.
can we additionally address the fact that gojo respects mei? he refers to her as mei-san and says that there’s no way she’d cry because she’s strong. mei has a weak technique though? 🤔🤔🤔 controlling crows?!?!?! nah im jk, mei is strong with and without her technique, of course. since gojo respects someone like mei, a person who doesn’t have an out-of-this-world technique, i believe his view of someone strong isn’t solely based on their technique. when he calls utahime weak, he may not be insulting her CT. it’s just all jokes because in chapter 65, geto and mei join in on the fun too and pick on her. mr. hot shot knows that utahime is a valuable asset to his plans so he entrusts her with the task of unearthing the traitor(s). if she was so incapable of such a thing, why did he pay mei to do the same job? 🤔
*a lot of people think mei was actually paid by gojo to promote his students but that’s incorrect. it goes against everything gojo advocates for. he wants his kids to enjoy their youth because his was taken away. being a sorcerer is not a smooth job and no matter how many years you’re in the profession, it never gets easier. he doesn’t wish for his students to be thrust in a world full of hardship and loss, which is why he was so against yuuji and yuta’s execution. he works hard to preserve the innocence of his students. he doesn’t want yuji’s heart to break, not even once. why would he pay mei to promote his students to grade 1? that would automatically strip them of their innocence and youth and push them into a world full of burden and pain.
PHEW that was long. how does this all tie back to utahime’s future role in the story?
her CT will probably come in clutch in an important battle
she might be the one to help get gojo out the box (A REACH i know)
she will help gojo with his plan to overthrow and change jujutsu society as a whole
i don’t really have to dive into the first bullet point. as for the second one, look at what i found!
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in the second opening, utahime is seen searching for something in a dim forest.
*i read an analysis about opening 2 and apparently this just symbolizes her looking for the traitors. that makes sense too.
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in chapter 144, this scenery pops up right before they enter master tengen’s base(?) the branches are thicker than in the opening but it gives the same vibes to me. i think utahime will be the one to break gojo out.
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why utahime? well, gojo is their best shot at stabilizing whatever the fuck is going on right now. she knows it’s a crime to unseal him, but she wants her students to be safe so she’ll probably risk it. plus, gojo’s flashback starts with him breaking utahime and mei out of a building with a barrier.  i think utahime breaking gojo out of the prison realm will make a perfect parallel :3
that theory is a massive ass pull I KNOW. it’s just fun to think about. it’s likely that kurusu hana will be the one helping yuuji and megumi out with that.
if utahime isn’t the one freeing gojo, she will definitely come face to face with the other traitors.
ive read numerous Reddit threads and tons of users think she’ll play a small role in the story—nothing too significant. i’m perfectly content with that as well. i never expected her to be gojo level or anything like that LMAOO. as long as we get to see her technique in action, i will be satisfied 😮‍💨
——
i feel like there may be a few things i missed but i tried to include everything i could think of. the organization of this post is quite off but im too lazy to rearrange it in a way that makes it more coherent LOL. thank you so much for reading. ill probably analyze gojo and utahime’s interactions in the manga and anime next :-)
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kumoriyami-xiuzhen · 3 years
Text
Hakuoki Shinkai: Ginsei no Shou - Saito Hajime Chapter #7 English Translation
My translation of the 7th Ginsei no Shou chapter for Saito... It’s probably because that this is my favourite chapter from the game and one that I found especially enjoyable to read (and had more of an understanding of it before getting translations for this lol) that I somehow translated this in record time when compared to all the other things I’ve worked on.... 
Unlike Kazama’s final Tsukikage chapter, the dialogue for this wasn’t all separated line by line in the CN TLs I found for the Saito chapters [NAMELY BECAUSE I WROTE EACH DAMN FUCKING WORD OUT FOR THAT CHAPTER], so some of the text in this remains lumped together. Also, huzzah for google translate providing the translations of place names since I wouldn’t have been able to translate the Japanese words that had been left in the original tl for this otherwise. I don’t usually make adjustments based on the original JP text until I start editing for the video... which will be done later.
All images used in this post were screencaps of game footage I recorded through vlc... also is it just me who feels that my English comes across as a lot more archaic when I stick to the original tl sentence structure...? lol. Anyway, as always, my translation may not be 100% accurate since I do not translate from Japanese.
PLEASE BE ADVISED THAT THIS CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR ANOTHER GINSEI NO SHOU SAITO CHAPTER... one that I do not intend to translate right away... well I also include it in a note about what chapter it refers too. lol. it’s right below the cut.
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Enjoy~! OR ELSE! MWHAHAHA!!
(jk, lol. plus, i’m too lazy to think of anything. oh and im currently working on the subtitle positioning for this now as the file got transferred recently since i finished the first round of timing [i need to do this multiple times to get the fade in/out of my subtitles to match the timing of game text’s fade/in... or to at least have them as close as possible] before having all of these tech problems.)
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Forward Notes
Based on what I remember from tokio-fujita’s notes (sorry but I didn’t check since im kinda busy rn, and the internet on my laptop is kinda unstable as I’m still transferring files... 17.3 gb remains from the dramas transfer) on Saito’s position in the Shinsengumi after leading them to Aizu, I’ve left his position as taichou in this translation due to how the only English translation for that is ‘captain’ which doesn’t show a difference in roles from when he was the Third Division captain ‘kaichou/kumicho’ [note to self: include this along with the link to the page in the post description later. also i will probably just change this to ‘captain’ anyway when i do my subtitle video].
Chapter 6 and 7 occur in Aizu
Hakuoki Shinkai: Ginsei no Shou - Saito Hajime Chapter #7
Translation by KumoriYami
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7th month, 4th year of Keiou, after the Shinsengumi left for Sendai——
The Aizu, who had offended the Satcho were engulfed in the bitter flames of war.
When Shirakawa Castle was attacked, it would be a lie to say that I wasn't worried then.
Hijikata-san, Heisuke-kun, Shimada-san, and Souma-kun.
It was no longer possible to fight alongside the people who we deeply trusted since the beginning.
However……
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I still have Saito-san.
Saito-san also me, although/even if/despite how I can't fight alongside him.
We relied upon one another, setting out for Shirakawa——
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Shirakawa Castle, which had become the headquarters for my father's rasetsu—— we confronted him and Kazama Chikage there.
As Kazama-san had the overwhelming strength of an oni, if the fight was drawn out, Saito-san would have no chance of winning.
But, we still had....
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Comrades we could rely on.
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Even if [they] leave. Even if [they/they've] choose/chosen different paths.
As long as they maintained/followed their own bushido, everyone was still heading in the same direction.
I believe that as long as we moved forward, one day, our paths will surely cross again, and we will fight to the very end.
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If only/I wish that everyone could see each other one more time, I could only pray that everyone would be safe……
Saito-san once again returned to the battlefield.
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4th year of Keiou, 8th month
The Aizu Shinsengumi under the command of the Aizu, fought at the Bonari Pass——
After that, they fought bravely to stop the New Government army from entering Aizu Castle.
By the ninth month however, there were not many members left of the Aizu Shinsengumi, yet they still set out to defend/protect Nyoraido [refers to chapter 6] .
This is the story of what happened while I was waiting for Saito-san after he left. 
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Fourth year of Keiou, Ninth month
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Fourth year of Keiou, Ninth month
Saito-san and the other members of the troop left camp to protect Nyoraido.
Following his instructions/In accordance with his wishes, I accompanied the men who were seriously injured in battle to the rear of the formation.
Yukimura: Please wait a bit longer, I will treat you immediately.
Soldier:……At the most crucial moment, to be unable to help Saito-taichou, I'm terribly sorry.
Yukimura: ……There was no way you could, you are wounded after all.
Soldier: The taicho, is he really okay?
Perhaps it was because his wounds were too painful, that the soldier continued to weakly repeat himself.
Yukimura: Saito-san will be fine. He will surely come back alive.
In order to reassure the soldier, I spoke decisively/resolutely.
Yukimura: That's why, you need to focus on recovering right now.
Soldier:......Okay, I will.
Three days later.
The soldiers who had stayed in Nyoraido, none of them had come back yet.
The news from the front lines had also been cut off.
All that we knew was was the hopeless information brought back by the wounded.
There weren't enough bandages and medicines, and the wounded kept pouring in.
The soldier's and my worries became more intense.
It was at this time——
Aizu soldier: This is terrible/Bad news! Apparently Nyoraido has been completely surrounded by the enemy! The Shinsengumi in Nyoraido might have completely wiped out.
Yukimura:……!
The moment I heard such a dreadful announcement/news, it felt like the blood had been drained from my entire body. [news/information might be changed for ^^^ sentences. might use intelligence, communication]
A commotion spread throughout the entire formation [camp sounds more appropriate].
Soldier: Yukimura-san……
The wounded soldier looked at me with an anxious expression.
Previously, the instant I heard such news, I probably would have broken down into tears.
But, now——
Yukimura:……When such fierce fighting is going on, all sorts of rumours will be flying around we can't assume that everything is accurate before receiving an official confirmation.
Hearing what I said, the soldier seemed to calm down.
Soldier:……That's right. Before figuring things out, we'll still believe in/continue to trust the Taichou, and wait until he returns.
Even if Nyoraido has been surrounded by the enemy, the Shinsengumi may not necessarily be completely wiped out.
Shinsengumi——they, along with Saito-san, I don't know how many times they had escaped from death.
More importantly, Saito-san cannot die yet.
——flashback——
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Saito: Yukimura, I wish to make you a promise.
Yukimura: A promise for me......? What is it?" Saito: No matter what happens in the future....... I will protect you with my life. This decision is not because of the Shinsengumi, Hijikata-san, or an order from the Aizu....... but of my own volition.
——end flashback——
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At the time, he promised……
Even now, I can still clearly remember how we kissed after.
Saito-san, he made a promise to me.
He will come back to me.
I repeated those words in my heart over and over again, as if to convince myself......
But my heart was beating wildly, and cold sweat dripped from my forehead.
This wasn't able to eliminate my sense of unease.
Yukimura: …………
I truly wanted to rush over to Nyoraido, to immediately go to his side.
But, my duty right now, is to treat the wounded here.
So…… I could only trust/believe in him, and wait here.
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After, I continued to focus on treating the wounded while waiting for Saito-san to return.
But, reports on the situation in Nyoraido, they never came again,
The sense of [them being] defeat[ed] became more intense, and the dreary mood gradually enveloped the entire formation [will probably use "camp"]. [The feeling that they had been defeated became more intense, and...]
Soldier 2: Yukimura-san, isn't it time for you to rest? You look very pale.
Yukimura: No, it isn't time to rest yet/it's not the time to rest.
Soldier 2:……Under these circumstances, if you collapse, once something happens, there won't be anyone to depend/rely on [for what you do]. Even if it's just a short nap…… please, for everyone's sake.
When faced with such a strong request, I couldn't refuse.
Yukimura: Okay. Then I'll go and nap/sleep for a bit.
I decided to go find a corner to go nap in .
Perhaps it was because I was so tired, but once I closed my eyes, I immediately fell asleep.
As I slept, I had a dream.
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Yukimura Nn, nn......
I didn't know where I was in this dream, the surroundings were hazy as I looked around.
Where……is this?
Yukimura: Is this the Aizu's…… camp……?
……Right.
I was waiting for Saito-san to come back…… then……
My head felt numb and heavy as I looked around again……
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Saito:……Yukimura.
Yukimura: Saito-san……!
The person I wanted to see suddenly appeared before me/Now that the one I wanted to see  suddenly appeared, I immediately got up.
Yukimura: You're back from fighting at Nyoraido! Where are the rest of the soldiers……
Saito:……In regards to this, I have something that I must tell you.
Yukimura: Eh……?
Hearing him say such ominous remarks, I couldn't help but feel confused.
Saito: Even now, you have always been at my side…… My gratitude towards you goes beyond words. If I didn't have you, I wouldn't have been able to continue fighting until now.
Yukimura: Thanks for what [reword later]……
Why was he suddenly saying such a thing?
Yukimura:……To speak of thanks, it's too much, I don't need it [It's too much for you to speak of thanking me/it's unnecessary for you to thank me]. Because, you and I……
We are no longer outsiders [/We can no longer be considered as outsiders/strangers...not sure what i’ll go with here] ——I just wanted to say that.
I don't know why, but I couldn't say anything.
The Saito-san before my eyes/right now, there was a subtle sadness to his expression, as if he was extremely sorry.
He…… wasn't like the one [man] I knew at all.
In this unnatural atmosphere, he spoke solemnly.
Saito: I……there is something I must tell you…… No matter what happens, no matter what you experience/encounter/face…… but now I [reword later]……
Yukimura:……!?
I was too late to ask him——
Saito-san's figure was already starting to fade away, then completely disappeared into the darkness of night.
Yukimura: Saito-san, don't go! What are saying to me——
I shouted out then/and lost consciousness.
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When I opened my eyes again, my entire body was drenched in sweat.
Yukimura: Just now, that was a dream……
The foreboding feeling/premonition made my heart beat wildly.
Why was it at this time, that I dreamed of Saito-san?
Furthermore, in my dream, it seemed like he had something to tell me.
I had a bad hunch/felt a sense of foreboding, but there was nothing I could do.
Looking around everywhere, Saito-san and the others still hadn't come back.
Although/Even if I dreaded to think so……
Just now, it was just a bad dream, it shouldn't be a sign that something bad would happen.
Saito-san and the other soldiers, what happened to them?
……No, it couldn't be.
He promised me, he would surely come back.
But, if that wasn't the case?
……If I continued to wait here, would he really come back?
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I……
Choices 
【Search for him】 【Believe in him and wait】 <-
Although I wanted to immediately rush to Saito-san's side……
I still remembered what he said before.
——flashback——
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Saito:......As time passes, things change. The world, ideals, and even the Shinsengumi. Even so, that does not mean that everything must change. As things change with time, so too will there be things that do not change. And I...... I believe in the things that do not change.
——end flashback——
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……Saito-san had never gone against the promise he made me/never broke the promise he made me.
Regardless if it was when he left the Shinsengumi to join the Guardians of the Imperial Tomb, or when he was defeated at/during the Battle of Toba-Fushimi.
Also, there was when he ended up fighting Kazama-san.
In the end, he always came back to my side [me].
So, as he promised, he will certainly come back to me.
So, I too——
Yukimura:…………
An incredible feeling swelled in my chest.
It wasn't because of panic, rather it felt like the stars were whispering to me……
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This feeling pushed me out of camp.
Outside of camp was a forest that always looked the same at night [reword later].
Although I didn't know if any of the soldiers would return, I thought……
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I felt somewhat dejected, and couldn't help but look up towards the night sky.
It was full of stars, quietly twinkling.
Long before I was born, these stars, they must have been watching the world in silence/been silently watching the world.
No matter how many years passed, these silver stars would always shine in the night sky.
Yukimura: Me too……
Under the allure of the dim starlight, I couldn't help but say this/I was unable to restrain my emotions.
Yukimura: I also…… believe in the things that do not change.
Even if the path forward was covered in darkness, the light that pointed towards the future still shined.
Yukimura: I believe——no matter what happens in the future, you will not change.
Just as I muttered this to myself.
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There was the sound of movement through foliage.
I froze, staring attentively in the direction of the sound.
After/Then……
???: Is.…… someone there?
The moment I heard that voice, I burst into tears [or: almost burst into tears]. 
Shortly after, a single silhouette flashed in the woods, and its figure gradually became clearer.
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Saito: Chizuru…… is that you?
My beloved/The man/The one I loved was calling my name, I could no longer/was no longer able to control myself.
Yukimura: Saito-san…… Hajime-san!
I shouted his name, throwing myself at him.
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Yukimura: You came back……! Hajime-san……!
I wanted to welcome him back with a smile.
I didn't want to be crying when we were reunited.
If I cried, that would make it harder to see Hajime-san’s face……
All sorts of thoughts that I had been repressing came bursting out of my heart.
Saito: Ah…… I'm back, Chizuru. Didn't I promise you that I would return? Why are you crying? Could it be, that you didn't believe me?
Hearing Hajime-san's question, I shook my head.
Yukimura: How could I not trust you. However, I was always worried…… [and] when I heard the bad rumours at camp, my heart felt like it was going to crack/split open. Also…… I had a dream, a dream where you went far, far away……
Saito:……I see.
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As I cried, Hajime-san awkwardly embraced me.
His uniform, it was completely dirty……
Although his uniform was black, a single glance showed that there were bloodstains and bullet holes everywhere.
Just from seeing him like this, I could tell he had seen a fierce battle. [ or "it was as if I could see a fierce battle." check jp mtl]
A moment later, Hajime-san showed a bitter expression.
Saito: When [we were] surrounded by the New Government Army, I was prepared to be completely wiped out/defeated…… At this time, one of the seriously injured/wounded soldiers told me: we've all been injured [been completely beaten... or some other word that i think of later that implies helplessness] and can no longer be of use to fight. Leave us behind and get out of here with the rest of the troop members——
Yukimura:……!
The decision that had been before Hajime-san, the weight of it left me speechless.
Saito: The me from before, perhaps I would have accepted this proposal. But…… the me now, it was impossible [reword later]. Hijikata-san entrusted me with the leadership of the Shinsengumi. Additionally, I could not leave those who trusted me and stayed/chose to fight together with me when the Aizu were abandoned.
Yukimura:……Nn.
I looked straight into Hajime-san's eyes, and nodded approvingly/nodded in agreement.
Hearing about the changes in Hajime-san's heart, I felt delighted/happy, as if it was my own affair.
Saito: If I had accepted that soldier's proposal, I likely would have returned sooner…… Carefully leading the troops back, it took longer than I thought…… I'm sorry for making you worry about me.
After listening to Hajime-san's words, I shook my head.
Yukimura: I……that's not important/it doesn't matter.  As long as are you are like this, and as long as you come back to me…… that's enough.
Saito:…………Yes [alt I see/is that so. check audio].
Yukimura: What happened to the other troop members/soldiers?
Saito: Because they're moving while carrying the wounded, I think that it will probably be a while longer before they catch up. But they will certainly catch up.
Yukimura: So it's like that, that's good……
Just by/from feeling Hajime-san's temperature [warmth] and his breathing, I was already very happy.
As long as he was like this now, and alive [As long as he lived like this now]…… being at my side, it was enough.
From the way he was looking at me, I could clearly feel that he felt the same way I did.
Saito:……Even for myself, I find it/feel that it's incredible/unimaginable.
Yukimura:……?
I tilted my head, not understanding what he meant.
Saito: Previously, I thought, the ideal wish of a warrior/samurai [check audio] would be to die in battle. However, I now fight for the sake of my comrades, so as to survive [so that we survive/live. chck jp mtl].
Indeed, if it was the past Hajime-san, when faced between choosing life and death, he likely wouldn’t have hesitated.
But......
Yukimura: I.......love the you now....... and I love the you back then. No....... no matter however you are, I will always accept you.
Hajime-san's eyes narrowed in satisfaction.
Saito:……You once told me before. The answer, the one I painfully struggled to find, whatever it was, you would accept it.
Yukimura:……Nn.
Saito: The one who changed me, it was probably you, Chizuru.
Yukimura: Eh......?
Saito: At the most dire point/height of the fighting, I thought of your face…… and my determination to not die grew stronger. Furthermore, every time I thought of how you were doing everything to help the wounded at camp, I kept thinking that these soldiers must not die here.
Yukimura:…………
Carefully listening to my lover's voice, his words, made me feel infinitely happy. [Listening to my lover's voice, his words made me feel extremely happy.]
When Hajime-san was desperately fighting at Nyoraido, if I was able to provide him some courage……
Nothing could make me happier. 
After a short while, Hajime-san slightly tilted his head, almost as if he was urging something.
There was no need to ask what would happen next.
I closed my eyes, quietly responding to him.
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After a pleasant wait, our lips were pressed together.
This kiss, it was very restrained, just like how he was.
My heart was beating loudly.
These thoughts became increasingly stronger in my heart, how I wish the two of us could stay in this forest at night forever. [check jp mtl. i’m probably going to go with something to the effect of: How I wish we could just stay forever in this moment, alone and encompassed by this forest at night.*this sentence is pissing me off lol.]
No matter what happens, I will never leave him again.
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Saito:……From now on, I will never let you be this sad again. So, let me see you smile/your smile. In order to see your smile, no matter what happens, I will always return to you. [check jp mtl]
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Before, I once asked him what he would do one day if he had to drink the Ochimizu for the Shinsengumi……
The answer that came from his lips without any hesitation, was to 【drink it】.
Yukimura:…………Nn. Hajime-san…… Hajime-san, as long as you stay by my side, I will always be happy.
He had asked me to smile, but i couldn't help but to continue crying...
As a result, I was smiling and crying in front of the person that i loved.
About half a month later, the 22nd of the 9th month——
The Aizu-han, which had been firmly resisting the New Government army, surrendered.
——End——
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well, I probably could have made it easier for myself if I just copied the flashback text from SK/KW/EB... but I just couldn’t bring myself to look up the games to copy said text (had to uninstall them from my old pc for space to take stuff off my passport) since it’d really bother me knowing if I copied something than said it was my translation... which is why i didn’t. ah well. as a translator, the idea of taking credit on something that i didn’t translate really doesn’t sit well with me... but I still think that what I did for those parts came close to what I remember from the games...   
gotta say though: I really dislike the word 「隊士」. In both Chinese and Japanese... and that, as a translator,  i really don’t like how the Gregorian calendar names the months lol. it’s just so much easier to just leave the date as what it says based on the old Japanese calendar... with the era name and month number. let’s me not worry about doing research to ensure the accuracy of things (i require that all of my videos be precise when it comes to dates)... 
also, i wish it’d snow everyday for a week. id get motivated enough to finish a chapter with that.... tho it’d need to be a heavy snowfall so it’s very visible. lol. maintaining my motivation on one thing for a long period of time just doesn't come easy to me... especially when it’s something that has +4000 words in it.
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helenaklein · 4 years
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Heya, i come across your blog while talking about nelroche etc. I never know anything about l&l since i never play lovestruck, can someone give explanation which part that is similiar? While idk anything about lovestruck, I found their previous work also has similiar with manga yana of the dawn (which i have read the manga, and yes, they are pretty similiar to called it just coincidence).
okay so fair warning... this is long as fuck because there are more similarities than there are differences lol. also as a disclaimer i’m only invested in this whole thing insofar as it entertains me but if the “””””creators””””” want to fight me because i wrote this post.... they’re welcome to but i promise i’ll have more fun than they will lmfao
l&l’s about a young woman from a major city in our world who one day gets sucked via magical portal into a fantasy world filled with magic and races that are only fiction in ours. once there, she gets mistaken for their most notorious war criminal, an insanely powerful witch who committed a genocide and is center of a cult of worshipers willing to kill and die for her.
this is nelroche’s description, straight from their devblog:
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now, if it was a matter of similar basic premises and setups, i’d write it off as coincidence and tell the anons who made me aware of this that i thought they were overreacting. after all, “normal-human sucked into medieval world” and even “mistaken identity” are both very well established tropes that have been done and done again and will continue to be done because many find it compelling. hell, i do too. honestly, if the devs had simply said that they drew inspiration from love & legends, i’d have understood.
but.
the similarities only begin there. and they only get more excessive. coupled with their adamant denial that they’ve never even read it....... it’s just not possible lmfao. even if they decided to change the physical appearances of the characters, the tropes behind them and their personalities are exactly the same.
the nelroche demo has:
1) the lord of a region who’s a massive workaholic to the point of self-detriment, but is very caring towards their people and their inner circle and whom everyone in the group has referred to as a parental figure.
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aka.... l&l’s reiner wolfson, who’s described directly from the app as “Reiner is a fair and compassionate ruler who would defend the people of the human domain with his life.”
2) the prickly knight to said lord, who’s fiercely dedicated to their liege, very serious in personality along with stubborn and prideful, but cares deep down once you get past their walls.
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literally l&l’s august falke. the demo describes them, literally as “...reminds me of the knights in the fairy tales, except, it seems, not quite as charming” whereas august’s in-app description reads “This knight in shining armor is more aggressive than the story books led you to believe...” I’ll let the similarities there speak for themselves.... lol
3) the energetic and bubbly mage who’s super tiny compared to their companions and avoids serious discussion, who happens to be a bit of a trickster and has a mysterious quality.
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l&l’s altea bellerose but make it less pink! altea and “C”s similarities go even deeper but i’ll get into that a bit later.
4) the mysterious and heterochromatic-eyed figure who’s distrustful and initially stand-offish as a result of living through a life of hardship, that is excitable and actually loves to travel.
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look no further than l&l’s saerys! M’s eyes are “ocean blue and purple” compared to his blue and red, but don’t let that difference fool you! their introductions are laughably similar (more on that later)... and the “travel” bit lmfao. not to be mean but they couldn’t at least change up his hobbies? come on now, work for that plagiarized bag!
5) the lazy and flirtatious one who’d rather spent their days joking and taking it easy than handling their many responsibilities, who does care but shows it in ways unconventional.
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just because their hair is grey instead of white doesn’t mean it’s not l&l’s iseul idreis, babes! i’d know that endlessly frustrating man anywhere! lovestruck’s app description for him reads: “The elven prince is beautiful and cunning with a silver tongue, but his lackadaisical lifestyle leaves much to be desired”. corporate wants you to find the difference between these two pictures they’re the same dot jpg.
6) the complicated and slender blonde who wields both blade AND magic, whose eyes glow, whose power is deemed dangerous, who wears shades of blue, AND is initially described as cold? who seems like she wants to beat the hell out of her compatriots, who she seems to lead, and whose outfit is needlessly complicated?
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you think i don’t know a knock off helena klein when i see one???? ME???????? helena’s in-app description LITERALLY reads “cold as ice” and “wielding both sword and sorcery with ruthless precision”!!!!! of alllllllllll the things i’m most offended by this one motherfucker you can’t just fuck around with helena on a whim okay this shit is personal now!!!!!!
7) the creepy, predatory, and combative pale-but-tanned-but-murky-skinned dude who wears robes and a creepy beast mask.
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l&l’s jinhai jubal i know it’s you!!!! actually this is probably the funniest thing of the whole situation to me bc this dev decided to remove not-alain as a love interest and seemingly replace him with not-jinhai. secondary poster you a hilarious bitch i’m not gonna lie.
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(here’s jinhai in his mask lmfao)
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8) the mouse-looking man who seems not as confident as not-helena and not-jinhai, wears full armor AND a double-sided sword strapped to his back.
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none other than l&l’s alain richter, back from the dead! im gonna let the next image speak for itself.
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still with me? i sure hope so bc it really gets juicy now!!!!! the similarities don’t end with the characters!!!! no, no, no!!!! the plot and progression of the demo are identical to that of l&l’s pilot episode, beat for beat.
in the l&l pilot episode, after the mc stumbles through the portal and into the medieval town, she’s almost immediately accosted by august, a rude mf who essentially acts not very knight-like despite his appearance and forces her into the nearby castle’s dungeon.
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once inside the dungeon, the l&l mc is approached by a figure with hetero-chromatic eyes, who seems intrigued and confused by the mc’s lack of knowledge about the fantasy world.
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once that person leaves, in comes a bubbly woman who seems to be floating. she asks mc if she’s ready to get out of the dungeon, and mc is like!!!! finally someone willing to help me. only..... uh oh.... she takes her to her lord instead of freeing her, wtf!!!!
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once brought to the lord, who seems much more calm and reasonable than his high-strung and feisty knight, he listens to mc’s story and seems to believe her somewhat, but doesn’t want to risk his people.
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(he’s even standing at the window LMFAOOOOOOOOO)
then the last remaining figure (iseul) playfully suggests that the lord (reiner) allow the mc to pick which among the group she’d like to guard her while they all determine whether or not she’s being truthful about not knowing anything. this is literally! literally! LITERALLY! how the PILOT EPISODE! of LOVE AND LEGENDS! ENDS!
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ARE YOU SERIOUS LMFAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOO. going through all this is literally fucking HILARIOUS to me like ak;sdfjadsfkl;asdfjlasdf how BOLD and BRAVE do you have to be to so blatantly rip something off and then deny even ever encountering what you stole from adsfkjldfasdfkasd,f. i’m not even super mad bc like.... i torment voltage for funsies. but! LMAO!!!!!!!!
lastly..... as an added bonus to all of the juicy, juicy evidence above. l&l mc has a best friend in the “real”, modern world, who inexplicably has a lookalike in the fantasy world. well..... would you believe it if i told you that the nelroche has one just like it???
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that’s right! even sophie and solaire made the plagiarism cut! gotta love those girlies, i’m so happy for them :)
the end!
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scary-terryy · 3 years
Text
Alright y’all I did the thing! So, for anyone who was curious about the little bit of this story that I shared, here it is xD I did not really go through and edit because im Lazy so there’s probably a pretty decent amount of mistakes dskhdks
I’m also not good at summaries at all but basically, this is how Mavrik met the little creatures called the Green Hats. I also have given like no other information about anything but its fine. I dont know how to explain Anything cause there’s so much lol but feel free to ask me any questions if you want xD
oh and one more thing this is the first time ive ever written any other Green Hats besides Jasper so they’re, a bit rough hehe
Under the keep reading cause its kinda long
Green Hats
In the slow days of Mavrik’s long recovery, he discovered something deep in the palace gardens that would direct the course of his life in many unexpected ways.
One sunny afternoon, as he was taking his daily stroll through the garden, something had caught his eye. A bright pink daisy had made a rather unusual movement as he walked by, and he found himself becoming rather curious about it. For the first time in a very long time, he remembered some of the stories he’d heard growing up about garden sprites and garden fairies. He’d always longed to see them, but he could never seem to find them.
He got down on his hands and knees and peered underneath the flowers and hoped that he hadn’t missed whatever it was.
Greatly to his disappointment, he could see nothing that resembled a garden sprite. With a sigh he pushed himself back up and was about to get back on his feet when he saw something once again. There was nothing more that he wanted that afternoon than to find one, and he was determined to do so before someone came out to bring him back inside. He peered further in and looked at every stem and every leaf, crawling along the line of flowers. Still though, there seemed to be nothing.
He was beginning to feel foolish for crawling along the ground now, and quickly got back up on his feet and hoped that no one had seen him. They already thought he was weird, and he didn’t need them to have any more reasons to think so.
He went to take his first step, and as he was setting his foot down he heard the tiniest voice shout, “Stop!” He picked his foot back up and sure enough, right where he had almost stepped was a very small human-like creature. It stared up at him for a brief second before darting off.
“Wait!” Mavrik called, feeling a bit weird using his voice. “Please, I don’t want to hurt you!”
He dropped down again and saw the tiny creature beginning to climb one of the daisies. It blended in rather well, it’s skin being a pale greenish color and wearing clothes that appeared to be made out of leaves and flower petals. Mavrik had caught its eyes and that’s how he knew what he was looking at was the garden sprite.
The little creature was frozen with fear. With a great effort, Mavrik forced himself to speak again. “I won’t hurt you. And look! I’m an elf, see?” He pushed his hat up and revealed one of his ears.
The look of fear instantly vanished and was replaced by wonder and curiosity. “An elf!” it said. “I have not met one of your kind for many years! Not since the humans have moved here. How have you come to be with them?”
Mavrik opened his mouth to speak again, but found he didn’t have the energy to talk anymore.
“Oh. What is the matter little elf? Why do you seem so sad?” It asked as it climbed down.
Mavrik shrugged. There wasn’t any way he could possibly explain to the creature what was wrong, nor did he have the energy to. He was fascinated though, and he found that to be a good distraction.
It’s appearance was one of Mavrik’s favorite things about the sprite. It wore small pointed shoes and its pants came down to the middle of its shins. They were a darker green and clearly made of some sort of leafy material. It’s tunic was a similar material, with small rips in the sleeves that came down just over its shoulders, and it had an orange belt that appeared to be made out of a flower petal. What kind though, Mavrik couldn’t tell. It wore a pointed hat as well that seemed to be made of something a bit different than the rest of its clothes. Something that seemed as if it would last a bit longer. And of course, it was green.
Its hair stuck out all over from underneath the hat, and was a light blue that matched its eyes. 
He had to admit, it was the most adorable thing he’d ever seen. Standing at roughly three inches tall, he felt as if he could scoop the creature up and put it in his pocket to take back inside with him. He wasn’t going to, but he certainly could’ve.
The creature, he realized, was staring at him nearly as hard as he’d been staring at it.
Slowly, the creature began to approach Mavrik. It was a bit wary at first, despite having spoken to him already, but as he made no move to do anything, its confidence grew.
When it reached him, it put its tiny hands on one of Mavrik’s fingers. It cocked its head to the side, desperately trying to figure out what was troubling him.
“Are you lonely?” it finally asked. 
Mavrik saw no reason to lie, so he nodded his head.
“It’s no fun to be lonely…” It looked down at Mavrik’s hands, thinking of what to say, and then it gasped. “I’ll be your friend! We like the elves very much, although we haven’t seen them for many, many years. This should be fun!”
Mavrik chuckled. It was a very enthusiastic little creature, that was for sure. It must have been very old, though, to remember a time when elves inhabited this place. He couldn’t recall reading anything about garden sprites being immortal, but then again, very few people really knew anything about them. And he had to assume that the few people who did know about them would probably never risk letting any of their secrets out, for fear of harm coming to these charming little people.
“Would you like that?” it asked after Mavrik made no answer other than a laugh.
“Oh! Um, yes, I would.” Perhaps this was not the sort of companion he’d imagined or hoped for, but maybe a happy little creature like this was exactly what he was needing. Daien was great for certain things, and Myra was of course as wonderful as she could be, but she wasn’t always around as often as Mavrik would’ve liked. He understood why she wasn’t but that didn’t mean he couldn’t wish she was here. And the king… he still just wasn’t even sure what to think of him. He’d been very good to him for the most part, and he wanted to believe he was protecting him, but from some of the things he’d heard Daien mutter under his breath he wasn’t too sure anymore.
“Come with me!” it said and took off, only to return a moment later. “I had forgotten! We never even introduced ourselves! I’m Jasper.”
“My name is Mavrik.”
“Mavrik…” it paused. “That’s a good name. Do you know what it means?”
“Yes…” He wasn’t a fan of his name’s meaning, and especially not since his life took the turn that it did.
“Good! Now come.”
Mavrik couldn’t help but smile. He missed the days when he was just as enthusiastic and excited about life as this garden sprite was. It just didn’t seem fair…
He shook his head, not wanting his thoughts to go there. He was enjoying himself for once, and he didn’t need to ruin this moment.
Jasper led Mavrik through the garden until they reached a rather large tree that Mavrik had never seen before. He was quite curious about this, as he’d been nearly all over the whole garden by this point and never noticed it. Perhaps it was some kind of garden sprite magic.
“We’re home!” Jasper said. Mavrik stooped down to find many more garden sprites running about. He gasped as a smile began to spread across his face. It was unlike anything he’d ever seen before.
 One thing he instantly noticed was that every last one of them was wearing a green hat exactly like Jasper’s.
“Incredible…” he whispered.
The garden sprites stopped what they were doing and looked up at Mavrik. Most of them were instantly filled with fear, but others had looks of wonder and curiosity splashed across their faces as well.
“He’s an elf!” Jasper said upon realizing their fear.
“That’s impossible,” one said. Many of them had already disappeared by this point.
Mavrik took his hat off for the few remaining sprites who were curious enough to see how this would end. He still wasn’t too comfortable without his hat yet, but this was a moment he figured would be worth it for just a bit.
They gasped and one asked, “Have elves returned at last?”
“No… it’s just me,” Mavrik said.
“Just you? With the humans?”
“Humans aren’t… so bad.” Mavrik was growing weary from talking so much, and Jasper seemed to notice.
“But he’s very tired. Right?”
Mavrik nodded.
“And sad…” Jasper climbed up Mavrik’s arm and sat down on his shoulder.
Some of the sprites that had disappeared were beginning to return and each of them gave Mavrik looks of sympathy.
“We should make him happy then!” A very small spite popped its head out from behind a flower. “What is his name?”
“Mavrik,” Jasper answered.
There was a soft murmur among the sprites, agreeing that he had a very good name. Mavrik giggled in spite of himself.
“What is it?” Jasper asked.
“I just like you guys. The green hats!” He laughed a bit louder this time. It felt so good to be so happy. He didn’t want this to end.
“Green Hats! I like that!” Jasper jumped to his feet. There were shouts of agreement from all over. It amused Mavrik to see just how excited they were over something as simple as calling them green hats. He had no idea it would stick and that from that day forward they would always refer to themselves as the Green Hats. “And we like you too.”
He spent about another half hour there with them getting to know them and having the best time he’d had in too long before he realized how late it had gotten.
“I need to go now,” Mavrik’s face fell. He didn’t want to leave the sprites now, but he also didn’t want anyone to find him here with them. He didn’t know what they might do to them.
The Green Hats were all very sad upon hearing that Mavrik had to leave but they told him he could visit them any time he wanted.
He held up a hand for Jasper to climb onto and he set him back down on the ground. “Goodbye Jasper.”
“Goodbye Mavrik. I hope you can come back soon.”
“Me too.” Mavrik said as he stood up and waved bye to the rest of the sprites.
He put his hat back on and made his way back towards the fountain where he planned to wait until someone came to find him.
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flyingcookierambles · 3 years
Text
study plans?
recently i feel like my friend going to japanese college has motivated me to try to start studying japanese again. plus some spontaneous chinese here and there, more vocab/pronunciation/tone focused rather than grammar right now.
ended up a kinda long ramble lol, ill cut it up into two pieces.
i literally do daily: 1 duolingo so the owl doesnt hunt me down like the weak prey i am (any language)
i try to do once a day: 1 or 2 anki decks for vocab. for japanese i use many: JLPT N4, Genki 1 & 2 Including Genki Supplementary Vocab,  Core 2k/6K Optimized Japanese Vocabulary, 2500 Most-Used kanji. For Chinese I use the HSK level 1/2/3 word list. these are seperate, just a pain to type lol. i dont use wanikani actually lol. the renaming of radicals annoyed/confused me, who was forced to learn the names of the very proper strokes in high school chinese lol. plus having no assessment test and having to start over from the very beginning and then getting the simplest kanji wrong because i remember the radical by its shape or a stroke by its proper chinese name and not a silly american name (no i did not learn this character is actually wearing a hat or a pot lid. thats weird.), i just got kinda annoyed and went back to simple anki flashcards lol.
3-4 times a week: going over 2-4 grammar concept from genki 2 so far. partly because when i was studying with my 2 friends over the summer we were doing a cramming thing for our friend to to get up to standards of the college they were transferring to, now attending. as a result, we uhh. kinda skipped over basically all vocab. only did the grammar, and sometimes not even all the grammar. we skipped over really simple stuff (ie the volitionary form which is just slapping a ~ou/おう at the end of things) and the stuff that was just -te form + some extra words. so i’m finally properly going over that stuff in full, alone. plus im rewriting/digitizing my notes in onenote bc pencil and pen kinda smear/fade over time so this will just be better if i want to go to my notes for reference in the future. the ease of searching by control+f is also nice compared to flipping thru pages in confusion. i also feel like my learning style is def repetitive related, so going over things a second time works for me. (for japanese im using using genki 2/the genki 2 track on bunpro.jp. (this website is incredible and for the most part free. even if you want the premium sub version, the cheapest sub plan is $2 a month! while i dont have it, i did do the free trial when i first signed up and it was ok and you can totally do the free version and get all the barebones japanese grammar explanations from like 4 different textbooks) when/if i ever finish genki 2, ill just check out the minna no nihongo track on bunpro, more to see if there’s any grammar that gets covered in that one that genki doesnt have. if they’re just the same but a different order or something, ill just move on to the tobira track since its the intro to real intermediate japanese grammar.) i might check out the free textbook irodori, more out of curiosity than seriousness honestly. iroiro uses a different fluency grading system than the common JLPT N5-1 levels, iroiro uses the Common European Framework of Reference for Languages: Learning, Teaching, Assessment, or CERFL. Since im focusing on the JLPT N level standards and these are totally different curriculums and stuff, im not sure how helpful irodori will be to me at this point but ill look at it because its a free textbook. when i try to relearn chinese again ill dig out my integrated chinese textbooks (goodreads), only intermediate since i seem to have lost my beginner editions somewhere in my house between moving from college dorm to house every summer ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ . i might check out the all set learning site, it seems to both HSK and CERFL. ill probably review the HSK 1-2 stuff real quick since thats basically what i learned in high school/college and i kinda forget a lot since its been like 6 years now. then ill maybe hopefully finally get to HSK 3. ill try to watch videos from yoyochinese on youtube too. she explains things really clearly and helpfully to native english speakers in a way that my previous teachers havent been able to. ill stick to the youtube tho since ive heard that the actual courses from her website are very expensive for online self study tho, and purchasing a regular textbook would be cheaper lol. 
once a week: try to use words from anki decks + whatever grammar i learned in practice sentences/make up sentences yourself. this is a bit hard bc since im self studying if my sentences end up wrong/sounding awkward to a native speaker i am not really sure how to check lol. i’m on polyglot.city (a mastodon instance focused on language learning/blogging) and i post there sometimes and people have helped me/rated my sentences every now and then but recently its been very slow. (japanese, altho i hope that i regain enough of my mandarin skills to do this again sometime)
every 2 weeks: after accumulating grammar for a bit, i try to read a grade/language level appropriate short story in the language. (hint: the level of a toddler probably lol.) for japanese i started using satori reader, altho other short story apps exist. for chinese there’s du chinese and tcb/the chairman’s bao. honestly i use du chinese just because im too lazy to make an account for tcb, altho i may finally make an account and use it one day. one day..... (japanese and chinese)
for japanese i just want to get to tobira right now and then long term is simply reaching what is probably jlpt n3, the typical not quite fluent but still ok enough to conduct business or ask a native speaker for help in a convenience store. kinda eh, a good middle intermediate level. from that point, i should be ok enough to try to read a YA novel. no not a light novel (might try it tho) but like a regular novel for middle schoolers. or maybe doremon? ill see where it goes from there. i hope to at least be able to understand some of the things an average person would like a weather forecast on the nhk or a short newspaper article. maybe ill take the actual jlpt test someday.....not sure how to sign up/where to find it in my city tho....
for chinese, i just want to know more vocab and improve my tones/pronunciation right now. 
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sagemoderocklee · 5 years
Note
gaalee👀
apparently no one else needs to send me the otp asks for gaalee cause i gotta answer all of them now smh i love you
Who is the most affectionate? Lee is the most physically affectionate from the perspective of like other people seeing their relationship, but i think it’s cause all of gaara’s physical affection is very subtle but like he’s always reaching for Lee and casually touching him or trying to get close. i’d say lee is still the more physically affectionate, but it’s certainly not like Gaara isn’t also affection 
Big spoon/Little spoon? Lee is the little spoon and Gaara is the big spoon. you’re a coward if you think otherwise (the only exception is if gaara is like genuinely upset about something and then Lee holds him, but like full offense Gaara is the big spoon 110% of the time) 
Most common argument? Lee not being allowed to open the 8th gate
Favorite non-sexual activity? lee obviously loves sparring and he loves when he actually gets to spar with gaara, but his absolute favourite thing is lazy mornings when he gets to wake up a little later than usual (like instead of 5:30am he wakes up at 6am) and he gets to like watch the sunrise with his head in Gaara’s lap while Gaara cards his fingers through lee’s hair. just time spent together, quiet and soft and intimate. gaara’s favourite is also this, but he likes the before part too--when lee’s still asleep and snuggled against him and fully at peace. he likes watching lee sleep
Who is most likely to carry the other? Lee 
What is their favorite feature of their partner’s? Lee’s favourite is gaara’s eyes and his forehead because it’s perfect for pressing kisses against. gaara’s favourite is lee’s hands (he’s also a sucker for lee’s lil turtle mouth). 
What’s the first thing that changes when they realize they have feelings for the other? for gaara, i think he’s terrified. like genuinely terrified because this is not like anything he’s ever experienced before and he doesn’t have any sort of frame of reference for it. so when gaara realises how he feels he kind of... goes inward, becomes really quiet and introspective in a way different from his usual quietness. i think he’s like terrified of lee rejecting him not as a romantic partner but as a friend more than anything and so he starts moderating his actions and the things he says around Lee even more than usual. like he’s already very careful and always very self-analytical but then he has these feelings (which is why i generally feel like he figures it out first), and suddenly he becomes even more so that way with Lee. like “would this be crossing a boundary? would this make him uncomfortable? would a friend say this?” becomes like so much MORE of a concern than it ever was and like it becomes obvious to Lee because he feels like Gaara is acting really distant with him and like maybe he’s done something to upset Gaara. gaara like shies away from touching him and lee is like convinced Gaara hates him because gaara didn’t used to do that, but in actuality gaara is just like “is it okay for me to touch him? will he misunderstand my intentions etc” when lee figures out his feelings he panics--like full on melt down because gaara’s the kazekage and what if he causes some sort of political scandal and also gaara’s never gonna like him back and he falls into this huge depressive slump because he’s never felt this way about anyone before. and everyone’s like “what is WRONG” because he’s soooo subdued and sad all of a sudden. eventually gai-sensei gets it out of him and tells him to follow his heart, besides kakashi won’t punish lee for his love and if he tried to be like “don’t because politics” gai-sensei would make him sleep on the couch forever.  
Nicknames? & if so, how did they originate? none. i can see lee being the type to come up with pet names, but i just can’t see gaara being the type and i feel like he wouldn’t want to be called by pet names.  
Who worries the most? i think it’s really pretty equal. i think gaara is always worried lee will overdo it, that lee won’t listen to him and will open the 8th gate; whereas lee is always worried that someday, something will happen and gaara will die protecting suna and he’ll be powerless to stop it
Who remembers what the other one always orders at a restaurant? they both remember because they are both lowkey obsessed with each other--like healthy obssessed. like god i love you so much how did i get so fucking lucky im gonna remember every little detail i can about you so i can always make you as happy as possible 
Who tops? lmao these questions are so fucking funny to me but fully gaara’s a power bottom and lee’s a service top (he’s technically a verse, but like... for gaara he’s a service top) 
Who initiates kisses? they both do. 
Who reaches for the other’s hand first? it’s really situational. i think on like an average day, Lee does, but on his bad days it’s Gaara.
Who kisses the hardest? Gaara
Who wakes up first? i mean can you even answer this question when one never sleeps????? 
Who wants to stay in bed just a little longer? both of them if it’s a night gaara was able to come home to sit in bed and snuggle with Lee. 
Who says I love you first? i think Lee does. i think gaara has a lot of hang ups about the word love so he’s way more hesitant to say so at first. 
Who leaves little notes in the other’s one lunch? (Bonus: what does it usually say?) Lee. he usually says things like “i hope you have a splendid day, my love. i cannot wait for you to return so i can kiss you and i will miss you most achingly while you are away” which is like hilarious cause if he’s not on a mission he can literally just... go to gaara’s office and see him.
Who tells their family/friends about their relationship first? oof that’s so dependent on the situation i really don’t have a set headcanon for this. i think it can go either way and a lot of the times i think it’s less telling and more ppl just... observing it. 
What do their family/friends think of their relationship? Temari like cries because she never thought Gaara would be in a place where he’d accept love like this from someone else; kankurou’s super supportive about it and teases lee a lot; Neji is like quietly concerned because of their past but trusts Lee to make this choice for himself; Tenten is fully supportive and kind of floored that someone like the Kazekage falls in love with Lee; Gai-sensei cries a lot. he doesn’t stop crying. he sees them together, so deeply in love, and he just bursts into tears and goes on about the springtime of youth and lee’s man of destiny 
Who is more likely to start dancing with the other? Lee
Who cooks more/who is better at cooking? Lee. Gaara cannot cook for shit and doesn’t have the time to. but sometimes when he does have time he like chops vegetables for Lee.
Who comes up with cheesy pick up lines? Lee
Who whispers inappropriate things in the other’s ear during inappropriate times? Gaara. Deadpan. Nonpulsed. Monotone. they’ll be like at the grocery store and gaara will be like “hmm i think i want to have sex when we get home’ and lee like... breaks whatever he’s holding 
Who needs more assurance? that’s a hard one because they both need a lot of it early on for very different reasons. i think lee is the one who seeks it out more openly, but i think they are both equally in need of assurance in the first year of their relationship. but once they’re settled into it they don’t really need that reassurance anymore 
What would be their theme song? asdlfkasldfjaklsdf god this is SO hard because i have so many songs for them. right now i am really really into No Choir by Florence+the Machine as a gaalee song
Who would sing to their child back to sleep? Gaara. Temari teaches him the song their mother used to sing to her and kankurou, a song from their mother’s home, and he would sing that if they ever had kids.
What do they do when they’re away from each other? i think they go about their days as usual. like they can exist separately from one another, they have a perfectly healthy relationship, so unless it’s like a really long time apart where lee might pine a little bit and gaara might start longing for lee’s kisses... they like aren’t out there being like “oh god my boyfriend is gone i can’t go on i need him back” 
one headcanon about this OTP that breaks your heart i like... try really hard not to have like headcanons that are sad... which doesn’t mean i don’t have fics that are just.... i generally try to avoid headcanons that would upset me. that being said, lee would be the first one to die because he’d open the 8th gate to protect gaara 
one headcanon about this OTP that mends it i think they have the sort of love that transcends lifetimes, so no matter what they will always find each other (i have like a reincarnation fic idea but it’s like super loose lol) 
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nibscribs · 5 years
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So uhhhh I drew a lot of RWBY this year... only two of these are non RWBY and tbh I could have just as easily put something RWBY for June Template
Retrospective under the cut bc it’s LONG 
RETROSPECTIVE January: First piece of the year! I still like this piece and I think it shows how much I improved from the original version of it. Also I just like looking at it bc it's soft content of my rare pair. I do think I made the rose look photorealistic which looks... bad esp with all the other more stylized flowers, and I got lazy with the bleeding hearts by just drawing one set and flipping them. Emerald's hair also could look better. February:  I made this around GNG week, which was a fun, good time, long before the server imploded on itself. I got really lazy with the backgrounds, obviously, but I do like the poses in this one, tho it helped that I based it off of screenshots from Young Justice. I also just really like how Merc looks in this one. March: March wasn't a very prolific month for art, I don't think I produced much besides this and one comic piece for GNG week. I'm not sure why exactly, I can't find any specific reason why I would be unproductive that month. I'm gonna just assume I was drained from work all the time and didn't have the energy to put out good art, and also I was getting into a slump bc all my art was starting to look same-y. This piece isn't very good, but I chose it because I did it without a reference, and at this point that was going out of my comfort zone. It's obviously not super dynamic, but at the very least you can tell I intended there to be motion to it. April: This also wasn't a very prolific month for art, not as bad as March, but for the same reasons. I was also really starting to feel burnout from the RWBY fandom, specifically wasps and conflict within the GNG server. This was also when the Art vs the Artist meme was popular, and I realized I didn't want to do that meme because my art was too similar and boring, which also brought me down a peg. Though I put out a few good chibis in April, I chose my Mercury redesign bc I was really proud of it. I could never get the Emerald redesign to mesh quite right, but I can say I'm really proud of how Mercury's came out. May: May had me bounce out of my art slump and in full force trying to expand my skills! Specifically exploring painting. Although May was about as prolific as April, what I did create I put a lot into. It was difficult to pick between this and my app of Edison, because I'm really proud of both, but in the end I went with this commission of Mercury because I pushed myself to try and use an interesting perspective for the piece instead of my usual stand still and face the camera pose. Because I pushed myself out of my comfort zone, this was one of the best things I made all year, and may be my favorite piece of the year. June: TIME TO STRESS OUT ABOUT CONNECTICON! So if you follow me on twitter, you might have noticed I made a lot of posts at the beginning of the year low key throwing shade at myself for drawing my oc's instead of more "important" art. Well, that important art that I was procrastinating was con merch, and con was the second week of July, so I really had to get my ass in gear to finish merch on time (spoiler, I didn't finish a lot of it on time). This piece and July's piece are both posters I made for Connecticon, and while I like July's much better, that doesn't mean I find this piece bad. I really should have known that no one at con would realize it was a goonies reference tho -_-; I also lost a lot of love for this piece after season 6 of Voltron, which I watched while I was about 60% of the way through this piece, so I had to force myself to finish it. July: I love this piece!!!! Don't get me wrong, I know it has flaws, but look at it! The lines are so crisp, the colors look good, Roman and Merc's expressions are mwuah chefs kiss, and I just love all of them!!! ... except for Neo. I really didn't do her justice in this piece, her hair is too fluffy, her head is way to oversized to the point that she looks like a bobblehead, and her eyes are too close together. Really if you take out Neo's head that whole problem goes away. I also love all the tiny details I put in this one, from emerald's chaps to roman's rose to Neo's lace parasol. You can tell I was way more passionate about this piece than I was about the Voltron piece.  August:  pretty sure this is when I quit my job cashiering, and thank god bc customers suck. If I was going off of sheer popularity, Chibi Pyrrha would have taken this slot no contest, and while I love chibi Pyrrha, I don't think it was the best of the month. I chose this little princess and the pauper au doodle because I tried a year ago to draw these two dancing, and it looked like dog shit. It was flat and ugly. But this has motion to it, and even looking at it now makes me feel warm and happy inside. It's just a good cute drawing of my otp. September: My piece for the RWBY tarot project! I have a lot of mixed emotions about this one. on the one hand, I love how mercury looks, his expression, the lighting, the visceral gore from his legs (ESPECIALLY THE VISCERAL GORE ON HIS LEGS) and the hands of the undead, all look stunning and I don't think I could be more happy with how they turned out. And then we get to the background. The caduceus isn't the worst thing ever, but it's severely lacking in quality compared to the rendering on mercury in front of it, and a lot of it is clearly pixellated from me trying to stretch and squash it just right. And the fire is a hot (no pun intended) mess. It's flat, incoherent, and doesn't lead the eye anywhere. It's a shame too because I wanted to do more with it, but I a) didn't have enough time or patience to figure out what I needed to do to fix it and b) didn't want to go outside of my comfort level, so I gave up and decided to be satisfied with what I had. October: October was another good month for art, I made a turnaround sheet for Moss, painted a full body (and slightly lewd) Rudy, and made a decent attempt at inktober. Ok, so I got like 2 days in, but I improved a lot on inking from last year! Fun fact! this piece was originally going to be fan art of Lindsay Jones, but after I did some thumbnails to figure out a pose, I thought it would suit White Diamond better, and I could also sell it as merch. I love this piece. I think I captured the sinister mood well, and conveyed the story I wanted to without any dialogue (at least the notes on Tumblr make me assume I did a decent job, lotta people really wigged out lol) I really worked hard to get the lighting right on this one, and I think it shows. My absolutely favorite thing about this piece funnily enough, is Amethyst. I think I just did a great job drawing her and I'm proud of myself ok. Stevens bubble and my trouble figuring out how to get WD's leg just right are the only things that I dislike about this piece, but I might go back and fix those. November: IM SO PROUD OF THIS COMMISSION!!!!!! I worked so god damn hard on this chef's kiss poifect,  and it really shows. I started using a new brush at this point, the Ojing series on Clip Studio Paint, which I recommend and have been using a lot since. I've also been using this shading technique since drawing this. I love how it sort of fades out but it's still really crisp. I also love all the little details that give this piece character, like her shoes and the stripes on her jacket. This piece really takes a lot of the stuff I learned over the year and combines it into one piece, and I could not be prouder of it. I have absolutely no problems with this one, though I do find the weapon a bit plain, but it's what the client described. December: AND NOW IT'S CHRISTMAS!!!!! I had been working on this piece since August, going back to it every now and then and getting frustrated. I'm really glad I came back to it and finally finished it, since I love this pair and I put a lot of effort into it back in August. However, I'm also really glad I completely overhauled a lot of it, specifically the flowers. Though I'm not 100% happy with the mums in this one, they look a thousand times better than the mums I had originally sketched back in August, and were part of the reason I had such a hard time finishing this for months. I also thought it would be nice to end the year on the same note it started; with a flower couple. I've definitely learned a lot since January, and I hope to continue growing in 2019! 2019 GOALS!
Work on backgrounds for the love of god
Draw more stuff that isn't RWBY
Perspective
Make more speed paints and post more to youtube in general
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killerqueenjoy · 5 years
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99 Question Tag
okay okay I know i got tagged to do this like a month ago on my main blog by @santonicababy iM SORRY LIN ILY BUT THIS WAS SO DAMN LONG
1) DO YOU SLEEP WITH YOUR CLOSET DOORS OPEN OR CLOSED
I sleep in the room where everybodies closets are and they all gotta be closed goddamn do you know how spooky it is to even have one open during the night
2) DO YOU TAKE THE SHAMPOOS AND CONDITIONER BOTTLES FROM HOTELS
my parents do, but alas I don't use them in case they have silicones or sulphates in them because I got a whole lotta curls to protect
3)DO YOU SLEEP WITH YOUR SHEETS TUCKED IN OR OUT?
if this refers to the sheet protecting the mattress, then my answer is in because how the fuck would you be able to sleep with that moving around???
4) HAVE YOU STOLEN A STREET SIGN BEFORE
NO SORRY IM BORING
5)DO YOU LIKE TO USE POST IT NOTES
heck yeah, but for random shit
6) DO YOU EVER CUT OUT COUPONS BUT THEN NEVER USE THEM
nee my parents are fancy fuckers who use the coupons on their phone (our local supermarket has a damn app skskksksk)
7) WOULD YOU RATHER BE ATTACKED BY A BIG BEAR OR A SWARM OF BEES
a bear because its one giant son of a bitch and not millions of tiny motherfuckers and also I've never been stung by a bee and intend to keep it that way because majority of my family seem to be allergic
8) DO YOU HAVE FRECKLES
nope! I have a couple beauty spots on my hands and face but thats kinda it
9) DO YOU ALWAYS SMILE FOR PICTURES
not really but if I've been told to smile then its 200% dead inside
10) WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST PET PEEVE
i find many things annoying
11)DO YOU EVER COUNT YOUR STEPS WHEN YOU WALK
only when i go up and down stairs, but i also try to make sure i step with each foot equally (if that makes sense) and i step on only certain colour tiles when im bored
12) HAVE YOU EVER PEED IN THE WOODS
the real question is have i ever been in the woods? both answers are no
13) HAVE YOU EVER POOPED IN THE WOODS
refer to question 12
14)ummmm idk what this question is meant to be curse you Lin
15)DO YOU CHEW YOUR PENS AND PENCILS
nope, the idea weirds me out
16) HOW MANY PEOPLE HAVE YOU SLEPT WITH THIS WEEK
none, this week and in general
17) WHAT SIZE IS YOUR BED
one person and a long yet smol doggo size
18) WHAT IS YOUR SONG OF THE WEEK
Eddie from the Rocky Horror Picture Show has been stuck in my head for the whole week so yeah i guess that
19)IS IT OKAY FOR GUYS TO WEAR PINK
HeLL YEAH DUDE HAVE YOU SEEN RAMI MALEK IN PINK
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SKSKSKSKS END MY LIFE
but yeah, anyone can wear anything they want to wear (although a suit made out of meat might not be wise)
20) DO YOU STILL WATCH CARTOONS
dudeeeee scooby doo and tom and jerry are my jam I watch them on the regular (among other things)
21)WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVOURITE MOVIE
uhhm idkkkkk I tend to repress bad movies sksksk
22)WHERE WOULD YOU BURY HIDDEN TREASURE IF YOU HAD SOME
idk shove it in the closet ig at least it will be hidden behind my sexuality
23)WHAT DO YOU DRINK WITH DINNER
I usually only drink before or after but ig water??? cooldrink if I'm in a restaurant
24)WHAT DO YOU DIP A CHICKEN NUGGET IN
depends on the nug
25)WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE FOOD
How dare you assume i only have one favourite
tbh it depends cos i love pizza and pasta and stuff but then i cannot live with my granny's curries ksksmks
26) WHAT MOVIES COULD YOU WATCH OVER AND OVER AGAIN AND STILL LOVE
borhap, sing street, rhps, the natm movies, the harry potter movies, any mcu movies
27)LAST PERSON YOU KISSED/KISSED YOU
ahhahahahahahha bold of you to assume anyone wants to do that
28) WERE YOU EVER A BOY/GIRL SCOUT
nope but I was a catrobat which is basically my preschools acrobatics team that was actually really terrible
29)WOULD YOU EVER STRIP OR POSE NUDE IN A MAGAZINE
nahh m8
30) WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WROTE A LETTER TO SOMEONE ON PAPER
this week for a transactional task at school (It was in Afrikaans and I got a C skskskks)
31)CAN YOU CHANGE THE OIL IN A CAR
omg no
32)EVER GOTTEN A SPEEDING TICKET
not old enough to drive!
33)EVER RAN OUT OF GAS
my parents never have for as long as i can remember
34)WHATS YOUR FAVOURITE KINDA SANDWHICH
cheese because I am actually John Deacon
35)BEST THING TO EAT FOR BREAKFAST
MUFFINS!!!!
36)WHAT IS YOUR USUAL BEDTIME
school nights its 11pm otherwise i dont have one lol
37)ARE YOU LAZY
YES BUT MY LAZINESS MAKES ME ANXIOUS OOF
38)WHEN YOU WERE A KID WHAT DID YOU DRESS UP AS FOR HALLOWEEN
we dont celebrate that here but i rly want to it seems fun!
39)WHAT IS YOUR CHINESE ASTROLOGICAL SIGN
Ram, which is really cool because im an Aries, so I'm sheep squared
40)HOW MANY LANGUAGES CAN YOU SPEAK
English, Afrikaans (at a basic highschool level), I could speak very vERY basic isiZulu when I was younger but I'm not sure about now, I know a bit of French and Telugu, and I'm gonna start learning Hindi soon!!
41) DO YOU HAVE ANY MAGAZINE SUBSCRIPTIONS
nee
42) WHICH ARE BETTER, LEGOS OR LINCOLN LOGS
i didn't play much with legos and i have no idea what the second one is rip
43)ARE YOU STUBBORN
to an extent
44)WHO IS BETTER, LENO OR LETTERMAN
I kept reading Leno as Lenin ffs
45)EVER WATCH SOAP OPERAS
I watch them occasionally with my granny, but I don't keep up with them very well (Kasamh Se is my shit tho)
46)ARE YOU AFRAID OF HEIGHTS
no, im afraid of falling in general tho
47) DO YOU SING IN THE CAR
My dad and I bop frequently to Never Gonna Give You Up in the car, and also classic bollywood songs (we have even learnt the choreography for some)
48)DO YOU SING IN THE SHOWER
i perform
49) DO YOU DANCE IN THE CAR
well theres not exactly much space
50)EVER USED A GUN
nope
51)LAST TIME YOU GOT A PORTRAIT TAKEN BY A PHOTOGRAPHER
not sure
52)DO YOU THINK MUSICALS ARE CHEESY
most are but thats why i like them
53) IS CHRISTMAS STRESSFUL
we don't celebrate because we're not Christian (we still eat a lot and exchange presents tho), but it can get stressful if we have to visit extended family, mostly because my extended family loves to insult everything about me so thats great!
54)EVER EAT A PIEROGI
not i good sir
55) FAVOURITE TYPE OF FRUIT PIE
never had one, it doesnt appeal to me
56) OCCUPATIONS YOU WANTED TO BE WHEN YOU WERE A KID
a vet
57)DO YOU BELIEVE IN GHOSTS
i am a ghost
58)EVER HAD A DEJA-VU FEELING
not that i remember
59)DO YOU TAKE A VITAMIN DAILY
yes, I take a multi vitamin, a vitamin D pill because I'm vitamin D deficient, and im not sure if this is a vitamin or not but i take evening primrose oil so that im not outwardly a bitch due to pms
60)DO YOU WEAR SLIPPERS
i wear slipper socks, because my doggo got jealous of my doggie slippers and murdered them in cold blood
61)DO YOU WEAR A BATH ROBE
i have one and rarely use it because i forget it exists
62)WHAT DO YOU WEAR TO BED
a random shirt and pants, though ive been known to kick pants off (ive been doing that since birth), occasionally i manage to get the matching pj set
63)WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CONCERT
ive unfortunately never been to a concert before
64)WALMART TARGET OR KMART
ive never seen any of these stores in my country
65)NIKE OR ADIDAS
i own neither
66) CHEETOS OR FRITOS
neither
67)PEANUTS OR SUNFLOWER SEEDS
Peanuts because thats my doggos name!
68) EVER HEARD OF THE GROUP TRES BIEN
no sorry
69)EVER TAKE DANCE LESSONS
i went to a bhangra class for about a year, and we performed for our parents at the end of that year (i was in one of the few groups that didnt have to dance in lehengas thank goodness)
70)IS THERE A PROFESSION YOU PICTURE
YOUR FUTURE SPOUSE DOING
probably something creative, but I don't mind as long as they're happy with what they're doing and its not harming others!
71)CAN YOU CURL YOUR TONGUE
yep
72)EVER WON A SPELLING BEE
never entered one, having to spell out loud makes me anxious
73)HAVE YOU EVER CRIED BECAUSE YOU WERE SO HAPPY
i think so
74)OWN ANY RECORD ALBUMS
nope
75)OWN A RECORD PLAYER
i wish
76)DO YOU REGULARLY BURN INCENSE
my granny burns incense while I'm at school because my mom and i both get really sick when its just been lit and the smell is strong. Going to the temple is a damn nightmare because of it
77)EVER BEEN IN LOVE
no, too busy fangirling
78)WHO WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE IN CONCERT
oof a long list
Queen, Twenty One Pilots, Waterparks, Frank Iero and the Future Violents (ffs fronk stop changin the name), Panic! at the Disco...to name a few
79)WHAT WAS THE LAST CONCERT YOU SAW
refer to question 63
80)HOT TEA OR COLD TEA
both
81)TEA OR COFFEE
coffee
82)SUGAR COOKIES OR SNICKERDOODLES
sugar cookies
83)CAN YOU SWIM WELL
i wouldn't drown, but im no professional either
84)CAN YOU HOLD YOUR BREATH WITHOUT HOLDING YOUR NOSE
im doing it right now
85)ARE YOU PATIENT
eh
86)DJ OR BAND AT A WEDDING
I've only ever been to Hindi,Tamil and Telugu weddings and lemme tell you 90% of the time bands flop at those weddings because they can't sing the classics without failing miserably, so DJs are generally better. However, in that case, if a band can perform those songs, then I'd prefer a band ig
87)EVER WON A CONTEST
yep, a couple of reading contests
88)HAVE YOU EVER HAD PLASTIC SURGERY
nope, not planning on it
89)WHICH ARE BETTER, BLACK OR GREEN OLIVES
dont like olives rip
90)CAN YOU KNIT OR CROCHET
i can knit!
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in fact, my friends and i are so cool that we're in our schools knitting club (which besides myself, @grandfunnyemopainter and @imjustabruh , only has 2 other members)
91)BEST ROOM FOR A FIREPLACE
lounge or study/library
92)DO YOU WANT TO GET MARRIED
i guess, its not on my goal list tho
93)IF MARRIED, HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN MARRIED
no
94)WHO WAS YOUR HIGHSCHOOL CRUSH
currently in highschool, and in love with the borhap cast, sebastian stan, stephanie beatriz and band members (theres more but yeah)
95)DO YOU CRY AND THROW A FIT UNTIL YOU GET YOUR OWN WAY
nope, i have only two ways to deal, be a total pushover or a total bitch
96)DO YOU HAVE KIDS
nope
97)DO YOU WANT KIDS
kind of undecided, but i do want more pets
98)WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE COLOUR
Dark Blue
99)DO YOU MISS ANYONE RIGHT NOW
my dog, shes been ignoring me for about four hours now because I stayed at school for an extra hour (for knitting club!)
@softspaceboibrian @roger-taylor-owns-my-wigg @im-inlovewithmycar do it cowards
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princebete · 5 years
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So Wednesday morning I got a call from the same person who hired me at my current job, who was supposed to train since joining as an Esthetician.
She said that “ I am not spunky enough” and not “ what they are looking for” as far as the position and basically discontinued my candidacy in the training program... 
thing is... 
i never even got to train. 
When I was hired in October, my license was still in limbo and I was put on the front desk to learn that basic position, until my license would be posted. Not to mention, when I was hired, their main desk person was there for two days before dropping to one shift a week. So I filled a hole, but I did not get trained appropraitely. Queue the fucking holiday rush. All November and mid-December I worked on front desk... awaiting my license to be approved so I could end the nightmare. I wanted to be a service provider so bad, and then I went to California for christmas, and came back to the desk again... and my family was asking me when I’d start training, and I asked myself this question. And I noticed I had a personal development meeting scheduled... so I though perhaps that I’d learn more front desk until they could train me. And my license had finally been posted...  
I feel so mislead and lied to. Like ... I told an esthetician that I consider an acquaintance and SHE IS MORE QUIET THAN ME ... what the fuck 
i feel like there is another “non legal” reason... and honestly ... no matter what anyone says. Estheticians and Cosmos are opposite. Esthes are not meant to be with a personality of a cosmo, and when I WAS IN SCHOOL HALF OF THE COSMOS WERE LIKE “ why are you not a stylist?? you have the personality for one!” what the fuck.  Esthes are the “spa” relaxing, mellow lighting, soothing music--- massage type of environment. Not the loud obnoxious pop rock music blaring in the background while people scream out their life story over hair dryers and alumnimum foil. No--- 
no i think it’s bcause of the fact that I am a fuller figure
that because I am larger, the illusion is that-that i move slower and do less.. that because i am big i seem “ Less” and because of this it takes away opportunities. it’s terrible. 
it’s a world of outliers. there is no more middle ground it’s either :
body positivity!! and accepting unhealthy behavior 
or it’s 
“appear” healthy because of ur size ( which is total bull shit) and ur not a health insurance risk, and u fit the social standard that’s been around in post modern era. 
.... like i HATE THIS ... i am trying hard right now. 
I am HUNGRY, guys. I’m STARVING right now. 
I HAVE eaten, I am on a special diet plan to lose up to 5 a week ( yes dropping 5 a week is not as healthy as 2-3... i already know) 
I am following a diet plan that was written in 1984!! and for what? so i dont have to worry about being a fat bride!! so I can make more money!! SO I DONT HAVE TO WORK IN A POSITION WHERE I HAVE TO BEND TO THE WILL OF SOME PRIVLEGED SNOB. 
this society sucks. it takes away job opportunities, it takes my happiness( well for 6 months...) and i know this isn’t forever, and this is a special metabolism diet plan, so it’s not crash dieting. i mean it is a LOT less food, but it’s healthy... I mean 
i get a limit on calorie intake, and i walk after eating consistent meals. they aren’t filling, but i mean-- my stomach is shrinking and that diet world is all backwards all the time anyway. but it SUCKS. i can’t just march up to the fridge and grab a cheese stick right now ( unless weight watchers which if u do, u just track it) -- anyways I digress... but there is just so much pressure and stress, which to me is a lot of suffering just to “ get it right” in the world. 
It’s just very sad to go through this, and make an effort ... yet still get rejected... I mean I was kinda disliking the place anyway?? but i was hoping that my training would turn around my feelings and help me reconcile my view. but it was all a lie. 
and they paid me less than a desk person... yep. they paid me what an esthetician would make when not taking commission. I feel like i got sucked into this, so they could put me on desk, pay me less, then tell me i wont be working as an esthetician to keep me on desk
... and ever since I’ve been in a state of shock. “ Well”  I thought   “ at least I have my other $14.50/hr job that makes me a $100 per 8 hour shift. That’s good!” ....  but oh no 
an email came from my supervisor last night .
Mandatory company wide call at 9 am in the morning. On a Friday... our pay day... in JANUARY. 
----o fuck this can’t be good. 
and my suspicions were correct.... 
they disbanded the beauty concierge program.  I got my sister a job with this company and she lives on her own with her bf so i mean... she dependso n this too... so it sucks... i am kinda... wow
After 6 years they decide to disband THIS year. The year I join. 
So I am now working very part time as a front desk person earning 10.50 and hour with the looming storm of student loans in student view.... 
anyways i dont know why i spew all this yhere. im looking for an outlet so perhaps some people, you, my friends-- can see what is up.
Honestly.. as far as career goes...
I don’t really know what I want anymore. I know that I dont wanna waste my life on something meaningless, and I feel like I am endlessly searching for something-- learning about the bad parts, and discarding it... but Iwould like to find something where if I find those bad parts, I’d be okay with embracing it and just rolling with the punches.
So far I have not found it yet. 
in all honestly, if i could just be a home maker and not work at all, do art and cosplay and sing in  the evenings-- that’d be ideal. 
Right now I am learning more about UX/UI to see if I could use my art degree and make more money. But... for the most part I am looking up wax specialists, and office administration type jobs... where the front desk person does all the party planning and grocery shopping for the office. lol .. I know sounds lazy, but whatever  Ican admit that--- my laziness can be translated to depression.
I just really wanna lose weight...  this strict plan isn’t forever. The book I am using the method from strictly outlines that it is a temporary thing just to get metabolism on track using a series of net carbs, good fats and calorie reduction-- so it’s not like it is unhealthy. It’s not like if I went and got some cheetohs or ate a cookie I’d be fucked like if I was on keto .... 
tbh I should be a weightloss plan expert I’ve done it all... 
but yeah. 
anyways-- thanks for listening to my rant
all in all my life isn’t that bad 
i have a home 
a car 
a wonderful cat 
a loving fiance 
education 
and some money to my name. i’m not totally broke.
I am very grateful and i am not to sore about all of this, it’s just crazy that it’s happening within days of eachother. and it kind sucks cuz this means i may not have a paycheck next couple weeks... or atleast a good one. 10.50 an hour my ASS. but oh well it’s SOMETHING. 
ALSO .... I might make a blog for tracking my wedding plans-- if anyone likes that suff and wants to follow... I may post reference to that. otherwise <3 love you all 
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xtisumi · 6 years
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One year ago, I had my first interaction with you. Sorry for not talking to you sooner when u first joined ik am bad friend hehe 😅 like it’s crazy one year ago u didn’t even know my name nor that I existed but anyways I don’t wanna make this a sappy message so I just wanna thank you for being my friend and also I’m rly happy I was able to meet u in my lifetime ^~^ the friendship I was able to make with u in one year time will be something I cherish forever that’s a promise! Wanted to make this short xD but I just wanna let u know that I’m doing amazing! I’m rly happy and managed to turn my life upside, I’m still drinking a gallon of water a day and cooking meals to better my lifestyle. I started training rly hard and it’s helped with my anxiety. I’m still lazy w school but I’ll work on it I promise :p I’m still a dumbass 😅 I sometimes forget to take out the chicken so I don’t have time to defrost it and I can’t make dinner lmao I’m still peeing a lot from the water, Pmoney thinks I have diabetes or something lmao. What else what else oh I took my best friend in the whole world out for his 21st :3 I took him to eat and later we picked up friends and got together and talked GOD I needed that sm dude like holy shit I fr managed to always make amazing friends and talking to them helped remind me that every friend I’ve made and still talk is just amazing in their own way but AHHHHH I was just rly happy to treat my bff to something since I missed his bday the past two years :( we went to Dairy Queen too and I got him a blizzard and it was just the warmest feeling handing it to him and just being happy, I rly rly rly needed that :’( plus u probs wont get the reference but my friendship w him is literally like killua and gon friendship from HxH like I’m Gon just so pure and innocent and he’s Killua just acts tough but around me he softens up god I love him sm dude he fr like a brother to me man. Also I’m rly addicted to Destiny 2 like fml I’m a mess when it comes to video game addictions lmao I still watch anime obvi xD still watching HxH it’s rly good :O I’m so energetic now it’s crazy like I can just bounce of walls and I’m rly excited about my life dude OH I FORGOT logic album is coming out soon holy shit I’m HYPED also Lil Wayne is apparently dropping The Carter V tomorrow u know I have to throw it back to my 5th grade self lmao. Last thing is even though everything is going great I’m still learning and I’m still trying my best to be happy with who I am, Lena helped me realized how much I put on myself and how I tried to carry everything at once so some things r still hard to overcome but DONT WORRY IM FUCKING TRYING MY BEST BECAUSE I WANNA BE ABLE TO BE HAPPY WITH THE PERSON I BECOME AND I WANNA BECOME NOT ONLY A DETECTIVE BUT SOMEONE THAT PEOPLE LOOK UP TO I THOUGHT I JUST WANTED TO BE A DETECTIVE BECAUSE IT FELT RIGHT BUT I OPENED MY EYES TO FIND OUT THAT IM MORE THAN THAT AND I WOULD LIKE TO HELP PEOPLE AND ILL TRY MY BEST TO BE THE BEST POLICE OFFICER AND HUMAN BEING THAT I CAN BE. I’m only 20 years old and there’s lots of stuff that I still need to learn to help me grow as a person. Anyways sorry for distancing myself but I realized it rly was the best for me to focus on myself and now I’m rly rly rly happy with myself and I’ll continue to train and work hard on myself hehehehe id say I’m strong enough to take on ur lil brother now LMFAO thank you for everything dude and hopefully u haven’t forgotten about me cause this message would be awkward lol dude no matter what I’ll always love u and appreciate u *imagine the scene where itachi says his final farewell to sasuke* lmao I’m still a weeb :( guess I’ll work on that next 😅 I’m really glad I was able to get to know you @aoutd
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insertdisc5 · 6 years
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how do u approach growth as an artist? is there anything you find that builds your skill/expertise/quality of work? is there anything that influences the type of work you wanna put out into the world?
ooo what a deep question… i’ve kind of been struggling with that lately too so its Very Topical
i don’t know how i’d qualify growth as an artist for me… lately it’s been learning the basics i was too lazy to learn before (lol), mostly anatomy and perspective which ive always been BAD at, but im becoming better!!! so i guess… since i have my style pretty much figured out (aka a style i like, even if it changes), growth for me right now is… a style that is correct and not “this arm is half the size it should be because fuck anatomy it’s just my style MOOOOOOOM” (plz learn the basics yall it’s important)
as for building my skillz, obviously it’s finding good references/exercises to learn the basic stuff, but!!! I’ve also been forcing myself to discover more stuff!!! Not even necessarily artistic stuff but like, watching movies I haven’t seen before, eating new foods, meeting and talking with people i wouldn’t have talked to before! I’m realizing that inspiration comes thru experiencing things you haven’t before, otherwise if you just look at only things you know, your work is going to become stale! (i’ve been struggling with my work becoming stale lately, especially my long comics haha ANYWAYS)
anything that influences my work… i guess other people’s work??? i don’t really have specific examples, but i want to make art that makes people feel things!!! art that stays with people!!! hopefully art that will change people’s lives for the better, art that makes people go “WOAH!!!!! YEAH!!!!”
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