#im. stressed and uncomfortable and have no idea what's truly going on ahhh

[rotwhyler]

i have never been so confused about myself or my relationship ever lmao

#graveyard gab #im. stressed and uncomfortable and have no idea what's truly going on ahhh

[survivorathena-allstars]

Episode 4: “I’m Looking at You Periwinkle” ~Madison

Ali, Zach, and I made an alliance called EAZy Votes and it's really cute tbh because they're my fav boys in the game!

Also we lived but Sam died and I'm like really crying like I actually cried. Like Sam is such a nice person and we did so much in the immunity challenge and did not deserve to go to tribal but we did and then his social game and lack of contribution to the challenge like I guess led to his demise but UGH THIS IS UGLY AND IM SO SAD WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!

Survivor Doesn't Stop For Santa

Listen I love mastermind so much even if I don't win I'm gonna have a great time with this challenge, plus we have the majority on our tribe which means we should be fine - and I'm in with Jack still which (hopefully) means I can get info on the minority alliance (if they're really even an alliance) so...we love it! kevinamanda asked how my christmas was so. i saw star wars yesterday it was nice. my biggest takeaway from it is that i forgot how hot poe dameron is. back to game stuff -- so i actually really love this challenge a lot. if i want to get the secret item, i need to throw it and get the worst score out of 17 people. that should be easy, considering that the hosts are cruel mistresses and gave us fifty goddamn colors. there are two pitfalls tho: it could be like suuuuper obvious if i throw it depending on how bad my score is. and since i'll be vulnerable without immunity, i could be dead! whew! i also don't know WHAT the super secret item will be. could be an extra vote, could be an immunity idol, who knows what. it could help me escape a tight situation, or it won't do anything and i'll have thrown it for no reason. the second pitfall is that i LOVE this challenge and i just wanna do well jadjjd. but anyway yeah. since i don't know what the item is i don't know how good the payoff's gonna be. so like...the question is, should i throw it, and will it be worth it? tune in and find out next time on survivor: hell on earth 

Okay so this is BEYOND ugly! I’m so nervous! Elaenia has an obvious numbers advantage, 9-7. So, basically, another Vireao is going. And I think we’re going to have a tribe swap right after. Two tribes of eight. And like? That’s definitely preferable at this point. At least for this vote, our whole tribe can just vote together and we not create waves. But I’m so nervous! This is really not a good look for Vireao. And also, I love pretty much everyone on Vireao individually? Like Lily, Jack, Owen, Cameron, Madison, Will... I love them! I don’t know Dana, Kevin, and Autumn so I’d obviously prefer to vote for one of them but I’ve heard good things about all of them and like !!! Ugh I’m just stressed out. But also, even if I don’t win this cracked ass Mastermind, I think the relationships I’ve established with the Elaenia tribe members before the game are like solid enough that they wouldn’t vote for me? Does that make sense? I hope it does. I don’t want to die. Lily like? Wouldn’t vote for me? Right? She’s my wife? Madison wouldn’t vote for me? Will wouldn’t? UGH I’M SO SCARED! So many people from Themyscira and Azores are on that tribe and I don’t know if they’ll see that has an opportunity to vote me out or an opportunity to work with me. All throughout FTC for Themyscira people were like “Idk how we let you get so far!” And I’m hoping that they??? Don’t have this kind of mindset??? Because that’ll just send me home. But this is also All Stars and everyone on our tribe is a good ass player. Preferably, I want JD to go home. Girl is already being cracked—especially with that last vote. It also saves me the trouble of trying to find out if Charlotte and JD are actually close or if they’re not? Ugh. I hope Zach and Ali are safe in this Double Tribal because they’re my closest allies at this point. I also want Charlotte to be safe because I want to work with her moving forward. Ugh! My only real hope is that since their first tribal was divided, they’ll stay divided. Maybe the two sides won’t be able to agree on a single person to target and they’ll vote however. I’m honestly feeling like voting Autumn might be our best bet? Since the four voted Autumn in their first tribal council? But I don’t know! I want to talk to the tribe as a whole about this. Ugh! I’m just really scared and I WANT that immunity. ________________________________________________________________ All I can hope about this tribal is that everyone recognizes that EVERYONE in this game is a threat?? Everyone is a good player?? Everyone is an all star?? So they won’t target me just because like that reason?? But idk I just don’t trust Jack and Cameron to not campaign against me

Okay, so I have a video confessional uploading that sorta sums up my thoughts coming back from Christmas break, but now its time to discuss the ugliest twist in the history of ever, even though I don't even get whats happening. If its a game changers-esque tribal, I wanna cry. Our tribe seemingly has no hope, as if the other tribe is smart they'll patch up their differences and vote one of us off. Additionally, I literally don't know Lily or Autumn, and Jack I only know from that odd Themyscira BBQ reward challenge and from the Athena 2nd placers chat. BUT UGH. UGHITTY UGH. I just really don't think we are gonna get through the next tribal without a really ugly vote off. AND THE FOUR BUFFS STILL DONT ADD UP. Anyway, I'm just sad. I am ready to be voted off, not because I want to be, but i literally called that I'd come 17th in my pregame interview and now its truly happening. YIKES

I have enjoyed my disconnect from Skype WAY too much but I'm ready to put my game face back on!! I'm going out of town just for a night tomorrow and I don't plan on telling any of them that so they don't come up with the wise idea to try to get rid of me.  :* I love Mastermind, I either do REALLY well or I bomb it, so I hope I do really well on it. 

Mood after the last challenge and also going forwards:

I'm worried and not sure what to expect with this upcoming double tribal. Does that even mean two separate tribals or because it said one immunity, a gamechangers like tribal where both tribes go? Either or it sucks and someone from my tribe is about to jump the plank! I also just got off call with someone from another game/ORG and i'm so uncomfortable and extremely bothered HAHAHA But overall this game is exciting but i'm likely dying soon. Mastermind was a struggle. I know someone has an advantage under boulder six. There's been speculation (Emily told me) that she thinks the idol hunt is combined since usually there would only be ONE large archipelago. Smart queen! I don't want Ali or Emily to die either. I wouldn't mind if they struck someone off our side, perhaps JD or someone. If someone on the other tribe who I semi like such as Dana was like 'hey we're voting JD' like i'd literally hop over and do the same. WOO!

Well yes, I’m angry. I’m getting totally screwed over here. The deal was that if I won the hunger games, I get to live the rest of my life in peace. But NOW? You want to kill me again. *laughs* well you know what? F*CK THAT! AND F*CK EVERYBODY THAT HAD ANYTHING TO DO WITH IT!!!

I’m so nervous for this immunity. I don’t think I would be on the block if I don’t win, but with it being double tribal WHO FUCKING KNOWS. Lets bomb this challenge WHOO! I’m looking at you, periwinkle.

Whewie I nervous as heck for this tribal! I haven’t done my Mastermind yet but I will when I get home. After allergy testing today and realizing I’m allergic to everything I love my dad is forcing me to go after Christmas shopping so today has been PACKED!!! Anyways, I’m kind of hoping we get a one world twist this round so our tribe doesn’t have to just go in blind and like shoot our guns into the darkness. Even though Elaenia was divided at their first tribal, I’m assuming they’ll be smart and stick together because they’re all stars. But of course, there’s always one of two people willing to flip. I’m just hoping that even if we don’t have one world, my pregame relationships will carry me. I have good friends over on Elaenia and I need them to know I’ll work with them if they keep me! I’m a good ally to have SOMETIMES! I think our tribe’s best bet is to go for Autumn since she received four votes at the previous tribal. That might mean she might get more votes from her other Elaenia tribe members if they’re cracked and save a Vireao tribe member from dying. 

On another note, I’m almost 100% all the other Vireao tribe members are having these jump ship thoughts as well. Like, we’re all smart players. Not all of us are the holiest of heroes. It just doesn’t work like that. Ali and I have already been talking about it, and if anyone on Vireao is a deadset hero, it’s Ali. I’m expecting CHAOS this vote. Absolute chaos. I’m just hoping and praying the votes don’t fall on me.

It sucks that we've lost again because the alliance isn't going to work this round where everyone is going to tribal. I don't think it'll be as simple as voting Duncan out and calling it a day. 

So I decided to attempt to do well in this challenge. While getting the worst score should be easy, I don't know if the reward's gonna be worth it, and also who has the time or the patience? ItAin'tMe.mp3. I'mmmm kinda nervous about double tribal though. I did the challenge in 10 steps but I don't know if it's good enough to secure immunity when I'm competing against 17 people. It's been awhile since this tribe went to tribal so I'm not sure where I stand. I'm not sure if that tribal made a solid formidable line in the stand or...what. Soooo I'm gonna try to talk to people today and kiss ass. Gotta remind these folks of my wonderful personality! 

I just finished Touchy Subjects and I don't think I did too bad! I'm excited for results. Ahhh!!! I want to win just to guarantee safety at this tribal. That'll calm my nerves a little bit. But in Azores I was immune almost every tribal I went to and I was still nervous so like??? Idk I love (hate) my anxiety disorder. Anyways! I'm going to rehearsal now to think about how scared I am for this tribal and watch pre teens dance to songs that they don't know the meanings behind goodbye

So... not much is happening in the game rn. I did mastermind in 9 guesses, which I could have done in 7 had I just gone backward. It was a bit of luck, but I did it in a doc and had a lot of information so that I wouldn't actually repeat anything. I'm hoping I did well enough. So apparently only one person wins immunity which means a couple things. Either this double tribal means one tribe has anyone up for vote and the other has one person immune and we go to 15 and swap to 3 tribes, OR what I think will happen is we're about to go to a huge one-world type tribal and we swap into 4 tribes of 4. Everyone is still shook about the 4 pre-merge buffs, and I don't know what's gonna happen. We could swap into 3 tribes and have a one world tribe as well. I just do not know. 

Whew! Super nervous and excited about results here. I think I did it pretty fast, and 7 guesses is a pretty good amount (thanks again for making a mistake, Jay :P I couldn't have done it without you). I don't think I'll necessarily NEED to be immune, but I still would like it, just in case.

Also, on a similar note, I had a dream about this challenge, weirdly enough. I started it on my computer, but then I had to go almost immediately. Instead of telling hosts about it, I instead did the challenge on my phone as I was taken on errands through a bunch of dimly lit superstores (think Target with mood lighting) and one bank. I think we actually robbed the bank, I don't remember. And this whole time, I was making up lists and struggling to remember all the colors (also shoutouts to Macaroni, the best color there is). It was odd, and it actually made me think once I woke up that I had to finish the challenge. Thank god I actually didn't, and instead got to do my notepad-based masterminding of Mastermind. Love that challenge.

I hate one world I hope they vote me out

Fuck.

MY VIDEO CONFESSIONAL FROM LIKE THREE DAYS AGO IS STILL UPLOADING AND IM SCREAMING. WHY ONE WORLD. LIKE I KNOW I INFLICTED THIS ON Y'ALL BUT WHY

I'm having like AT LEAST seven identity crises right now because of this game God. One World??? In my house??? I can't believe this. For the first three rounds of this game I was like 'you know this is pretty fine' (barring the moment where Karen got murdered) and now I feel like I'm on my death bed. So...some good some bad. Good is that I can possibly team up with people. I want to work with Duncan really especially since we're the last Motu Maha people and I need to pay my respects  to Karen and Julia (rest in power queens). Everyone on the other tribe seems nice especially in comparison to the people on my tribe who blindsided Karen. That's the good part. The bad part is like...everything else. I mean, 17 people? That's...a big number. I don't know if I can count that high. I honestly have no gameplan so like...lit? Ideally I could take out one of the people from my tribe this round by teaming up with the other team. If we don't have a swap next round though...then the Consequences will catch up to me. And I, for one, prefer not to face the consequences of my actions. But if I can't do that, I'll...figure things out. I'll see what names people throw out. I don't think I'll be targeted cause like...idk i'm not a threat??? I'm just fragile.

im in a bad place rn so whats a better thing to do than confess? I thought I'd outline what I've learnt so far: I think(?) Will and Dana are working together? And I think Cameron might be close to them too. I am down to work with that grouping, so that isn't too bad! Also Cameron was in the majority! what.a.king!

One world really just always blows everything up and those are just the facts like everyone's talking to everyone, everyone's in a new alliance, we're all gonna start fighting soon, and it's not long before someone pulls an "ASHLEY HAS AN IDOL" move because let's be honest every season needs a moment like that. I feel confident with my 5, and confident with Queen Ruthie and King Ali, but as much as I love Emily I don't know if I can trust her and I'm almost wondering if she should be taken out now (Malcolm style) since she's a HUGE social threat. Lily/Emily/Madison is gonna be a force to be reckoned with down the line so taking at least one of them out pre-merge would be the best. It's time to start separating friendships and gameplay - that's what fucked me up in Azores and I'm not gonna let it fuck me up here. If we can somehow flip altogether and target an outsider like Kevin that would be our best move - like a supergroup of Lily/Emily/Madison/Jack and my five plus Ali and whoever else from Vireao?? Or something. Regardless I just need to make sure it isn't me. It cannot be me and that's that, at the end of the day I will fight my hardest to protect my allies but if it's a losing battle then I will jump ship. And that's just how it's gotta be.

WHO THE FUCK IS CHRISSA

Okay time for an update! I'll do a full video update since there is LOTS to catch up on, but like.... I'm in a good spot. With Zach, I can hopefully slot into the Dana/Owen/Will/Cameron/Autumn majority on the other tribe, to stay safe for at least this vote. From there? whomst can ever be sure

So I was gonna end up keeping things to myself and being a good little boy but then I ended up spilling all my beans to Duncan. Oops. So yeah I told him about how Madison snaked me which was very mean and how I didn't like it. Hopefully she can go home! I'll have to see. If people from the other tribe want to flip, though, that throws a wrench in the plans especially if they tell Madison and co that I want to vote for her. But if I get Jack and Lily on board, then we're 11-6 and they need 3 people to flip back to them. Whew I hope this works

Coming to a consensus about vote is real hard because everyone has connections with people from the other tribe, and people that they want to work with, so no one is going to be willing to name any names...i’m Scared about how this vote is going to turn out 

I'M SO CONFUSED. WHY IS SATAN MAKING ME GO TO TRIBAL WITH 17 PEOPLE. 1) JD why do you want to vote me. I DONT EVEN KNOW YOU. I AM manipulative, but dont tell people that thank you queen. 2) MADISON ALSO DONT VOTE ME. ALSO DONT TELL OWEN TO VOTE ME HE BETTER NOT. I'm leaving for work right now and like... if it is 9:50pm and idk who im voting im Russian rouletting my vote and blowing kisses on my way out. 

Boy things are...messy. So: first off, I tried asking Lily and Jack what they thought about flipping, and they both want to stay with the original tribe. Yay. Jack seemed slightly lenient but he might just be wishy-washy. I don't wanna be too pushy but like. Yikes. In addition to Duncan, I told Ali about how I was in the minority and stuff and wanted to work with them. Party. I'm not sure if the rest of the Viraeo tribe knows about this or like...what even is going on with them. Duncan said SOMEONE from that tribe threw my name and to talk to everyone and I'm like whatever. I don't know who that is because Duncan's being very vague and not name-dropping which is probably smart but like it's not very exciting. And then...I've made amends with Cameron? So we started talking because I wanted to know who my tribe is targeting. But neither side has any idea on who to vote for which makes things even better. Duncan wanted Will out but apparently he got a hard no so ??? And our tribe can't get shit together like no one's even suggesting names. Cameron's complaining about Emily and how, and I quote, "half our tribe is parked up Emily's rear." He's...not wrong. I can sense someone wants Emily out, but that's not an option because that's just reason for everyone to flip. Actually that'd be a good idea if I wanted Lily to flip but like it wouldn't work in execution. ANYWAY back to the amends making: I told Cameron I wanted to work with him (and I do) but it was hard to trust him because of KarenGate. I said no one had explained it to me so my trust was wavering. So then Cameron explained the whole scandal which basically was Karen was a flop (true). So yeah. I do wanna work with Cameron but like...what about the rest of the tribe??? But I don't know if I can explain that to him without setting off a thousand alarms. At the same time if I just blindside someone on our tribe that'll ruin our trust. And it seems like he wants to go Elaenia strong but our tribe can't get its shit together!!! Maybe I can just use the classic "well this was the first name I heard so xoxo"  excuse and say that since Elaenia couldn't decide on someone I just went with what I heard.

So this is going to be a mess... I can feel that someone in our tribe is going to go home. If it's me or Charlotte I'll be so annoyed because we wouldn't have gotten our VS moment... anyway, assuming that were not being played and the other tribe is stupid enough to vote out of of their own the jack is going to vote with us and maybe get the other people that voted for autumn. Idk if that's going to be enough cus who fucking knows that the vote is going to look like, who knows if the people on my tribe will actually vote with us... Fuck they might tell autumn and someone might have an idol... Be a dumb one to play it on but you never know..... Rocks really would be fun though 

My tribe won't talk to me. Bunch of fake-ass bitches. JD's trying to use me. It's obvious. Don't seem to have another choice. Being used is better than being voted out.

Tonight's mood is fear. I went on call with Cameron and we came to a consensus of voting Madison. Duncan said the plan is to vote Madison while the decoy boot is Autumn, who is the queen of getting votes but always surviving I guess. APPARENTLY Lily found that lose a challenge thing the first round and she got 1 point on the challenge that round. does she have an idol? It's more likely than you think. So we're telling her and her co to vote Autumn (again). Hopefully if nothing blows up Madison goes. And then somehow through this shitstorm I'll get my way. Also I was talking to Charlotte and I asked Duncan if I should tell her about the Madison plan and he said not to but the gag is already I did. She seems to have no opinion on who to vote for though so like...whew? CharlotteI feel like I already did a confession but oh well. I want to work with my old tribe and Kevin, Lily, and Jack. Unfortunately Lily might need to be out of the loop in order to vote out Madison because they are supposedly close. It's messy either way.

My mind is blowing up. Okay so I know there's an alliance of six, and one's leaving. Either Autumn or Madison - likely Madison at this point. I made a pact with Ashvika/Ali/Duncan to do so, but now the tribe seems to be going towards that direction. I spilled the tea on JD throwing Dana's name out and confirmed Duncan threw out Will's name (which someone told Cameron already) and now i'm more like snakey and I don't like it. I also know Duncan tried to make some cross-tribal alliance with Owen and Dana. Interesting... Taking out anyone would be good at this point. I don't want to leave. I want the following people out: - JD - Duncan - Lily - Kevin - Madison Just because I either don't talk to them, or they're being snakes and I don't ACCEPT THAT! Hmm...

I feel like I’m absolutely leaving this tribal and I’m so scared. I don’t know what I did to deserve my name being thrown around I’ve literally tried so hard but it’s okay. I’ve heard the majority is voting for Autumn or Jack but idk if that’s just talk or what. I voted for Autumn, which I feel so guilty about, but a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do. Catch Autumn holding a grudge against me for the rest of my days. 💛

Omg I might be getting an idol tonight!! If it's not an idol it's at least going to be something good, and I'm super excited for it. I did a search on the island (path 4 after bringing a torch) and decided to climb that nice ass tree, and after a challenge similar to the stairway to hell challenge, I now have to get 5 people + myself on a skype call. I'm putting together a CAH game right now, so hopefully enough people will be up for that, and I can get my idol. If all of this is in vain though I AM going to start swinging so be warned amanda

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Okay time for me to figure shit out. People in the game: Ali, Ashvika, Charlotte, Dana, Duncan, me, Jack, JD, Kevin, Lily, Cameron, Madison, Owen, Ruthie, Will, Zach Who SHOULD BE voting for who at this point (7:37PM EST) Ali: Madison, probably Ashvika: Madison, probably Charlotte: Autumn or Madison, it depends on what our tribe wants Dana: Jack??? Duncan: Jack Emily: Autumn or Madison... preferably Autumn Jack: Madison, probably JD: Autumn or Madison, it depends on what our tribe wants Kevin: ??? Lily: Autumn, at this point Cameron: Autumn, at this point Madison: Autumn Owen: Jack??? Ruthie: Autumn or Madison, it depends on what our tribe wants Will: ??? Zach: Madison, probably So this means... likely... Autumn gets 7 possible votes. Madison gets 8 possible votes. Jack gets 3 possible votes. And then there’s 2 I don’t know. Kevin will probably vote for majority. Will will probably vote with his tribe. I’m just so worried right now. I don’t want to have to vote out Madison because she’s my friend but UGH!!! I think I’m going to have to. This is the worst tribal ever fuck

oohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh boy oh boy first of all let me just see FRICK U LILY I WANTED IMMUNITY SO BAD???? I FELT SO GOOD ABOUT MY SCORE OF SEVEN I WAS LIKE NOBODY IS GONNA BEAT THIS THIS IS INCREDIBLE A+ STRATEGY WITH SOME A+ LUCK and then....lily came in??? with a time of two fuckin minutes??? she's cancelled. I want her gone hehe :) but not as bad as I want jack gone.....oops. he messaged me last night and apparently I never answered his PM from dec. 18 (first tribal) saying that he heard autumn. I JUST NEVER SAID ANYTHING LOL AND HE DIDNT BRING IT UP UNTIL NOW AND HE YELLED AT ME AND I WAS LIKE "lily seemed to not want to budge" which just made it worse bc he was like "IM NOT LILY." which is true. But also does he realize yelling at people and making aggressive jokes is not the way to get them to want to work with you or like....not want to vote you out? i want em both G O N E. one world happened and I am sooooo frickin happy to finally be with so many cool people. I messaged Ali, Zach, Ashvika, Duncan, and Emily right away. Ruthie has been mostly gone but I sent her some stuff too. JD I talked to a bit I was nervous. ANd Charlotte I said hi to but she didnt reply much. ANYWAYS! Lily immediately made an alliance with madison emily and I. The thing I've learned about emily is that....everyone fuckin loves her in this game, not just the people I knew she was friends with before. Like Zach, Duncan, Ali....all three of them want to tell Emily everything and refuse to vote her?? Bitch me too tf but also...wow. This is so good bc she's definitely going to be the biggest threat later on. There was a lot of small talk last night and I started thinking that....obviously my tribe of nine isn't gonna vote together and their tribe of 8 probably was, but then Emily and some others mentioned that they thought the ventricle 8 wouldnt vote together. I was like hmmm inch resting....bc literally all my targets are on my own tribe. Today, however, things started taking shape. Emily said her tribe actually WAS trying to vote together now. My alliance (Cameron dana will and I, autumn was mia) got on call and figured that the best person to target at this point would be madison. Kevin isn't as with jack/lily as I thought apparently, lily is immune, anc the jack vs emily thing might take form eventually, plus madison/emily have the real life bond. I initially wanted jack or kevin but I do think it's better to just....let the people have what they want, and I guess what they want is madison's head on a stake. I like her but she's made...not too much effort to be messaging me so fkasjdhfjdskfhj sorry madison I feel really bad bc she got out early in isle of skye too :( maybe she won't actually go home tonight tho, let's see an idol!!!!! :') At first we were planning on pulling in Zach, Ali, Ruthie, and Duncan to vote for Madison with us. Emily seemed to catch wind of it.... Cameron and I tried t throw Jack's name out there too. A lot of stuff got messy. Eventually, Duncan called me and said he wanted to vote Jack, but not Madison, and also that his tribe had decided on Autumn but that he didnt wanna do that lmaooooo like...ur tribe rlly decided autumn when I know for a damn fact duncan, ali, zach, and others (half the tribe) would rather vote madison...........ok! so this decision was based on emily!!!! Duncan added me to a call with him and ashvika too (I LOVE HER SO MUCH HOS1 QUEEN) and eventually I made it clear that Madison needed to be the target if we wanted to get Kevin to vote with us. SO! Madison became the plan again fksjdahfkjd AND THEN FRICKIN ALI AND I CALLED AND ALI WANTED TO TELL EMILY AND I WAS LIKE DO WHAT U WANT BUD BUT ALSO MAYBE WAIT UNTIL AFTER THE VOTE DFKASHFKJ but now....apparently the whole tribe of 8 is voting madison and emily knows so oh well fksjdhf either i'm gettin played or madison is idoling or soemthing but honestly I don't know that it'd be me getting the votes so we're gucci this is a whole lot of messy thoughts but basically I think we're definitely swapping or something tonight and I think this round I've done a good job of reaching out to people and seeing where some connections are set. I have options going forward, especially if emily and kevin are in on the madison vote. Literally it's just going to be jack and lily mad at me if everyone is being truthful and I want their slithery selves out anyways. jk im the tru snake here hehehehehehe im really having fun this round even tho my head hurts and I think my alliance is still rlly makin things HAPPEN which is good. let's see tho it could still be me fskajhfksjd me every tribal

Guess who's back on the chopping block!! I'm really blown away by the amount of disrespect, people saying my name has the most traction and the exact same people telling me I don't have to worry. Fuck off- anyone who votes for me tonight can choke. Jack is dead to me; Emily's charm only works on the weak-minded; Ruthie, JD, and Charlotte can go; Lily is 12 so can't say I'm surprised that she'd keep her besties that she can't beat; and Madison is going out the door anyway. Oh fun fact: SHE was the one who told Kevin I was the vote for first round; Idk if she's the source that started the whole campaign but very inch resting that the campaign manager of the get-Autumn-out campaign in Himalayas isn't actually retired. So I don't recant and God really just resolved my moral dilemma of voting her out. She's fake and wouldn't know feminism if Gloria Steinem slapped her in the face (Susan B Anthony might be here for her kind of feminism though oop). The gag is I didn't want a Part 2 of Himalayas but she did and look where that got her. I cannot wait for her blindside and I'm genuinely ecstatic 

This is a 17 person group with 16 eligible options but yet again I MAKE THE MOST SENSE! I love my messy tribal question, asking what kind of work I'm doing to stay alive. Umm winning challenges and being my goddamn self. I am so sick and tired of this assumption that I'm not doing enough. I know I'm not in with varsity and that I can't compete with relationships that have existed for months and years. But I was never trying to do that. I just want a fair chance but look how that's going for me with NO ONE else getting repeatedly targeted in this game like me. Please stop and think about that. Not to take it there but is it really because I'm new or is that the lie white people are telling themselves? Everyone has their feet propped up chilling and casually trading tea bags while every fucking round I'm either at tribal trying to stay or using the time I'm not at tribal to secure relationships. Are these other 16 doing that and in what ways am I bad for so many people's games? Including those who've never met OR spoken to me? Ask yourself that and get back to me

I do not kiss anyone's ass- never have and never will. I neither have the time nor the insecurities to do some foolishness like that with a bunch of high schoolers. If you don't like me or don't want to get to know me fine but don't come into my lane or I'll fuck you up. I'll send them and all their lil friends home, which is the exact playing style that got me into All Stars in the first place. Maybe THAT'S why the admins brought me here- they knew these children would cut up and that while they're having a family reunion I would slit throats and actually play to fucking win. I will take down every single person who takes a shot at me and this Madison thing is just karma coming through from Himalayas. So shoutout to that ugly group who I know wrote my name down tonight- I needed more target options for when I stay!!

Why did I agree to play allstars? I hate that I threw that challenge so extremely but at least I now know that someone has it. With a 17 person tribal so much tea has been shared and poured and spilled and sopped up and wrung out and dripped into the mouths of others. In short Madison should be leaving tonight and I’m trying to play my own game. Originally it was going to be a blindside. Ali Ashvika Zach and myself were flipping to work with Owen, Cameron autumn Dana will and Kevin. So we had majority either way the dilemma was just whether we tell Emily or not before the vote. Luckily enough the tribe has switched to voting for Madison so it should be near unanimous. Madison is leaving because Emily cannot gain too much power. I wanted to vote jack but she was against it, so I’m okay with voting Madison. It’s really weird to watch who’s connected with who through trying to figure out this vote. I have a couple of alliances and new potential allies and seeing bonds form. I hope I’m not being bamboozled. Hehe bamboozleled is a funny word. Anyways I’m really interested to see how the game progresses because I feel good about my potential game moving forward and i am looking forward to the hell ahead 

I should vote for madison but I don't wanna lose trust with Emily or lily. I'm not gonna vote autumn but I could throw a vote on like...jack. but does that really help me with lily or no lol so hmmm and also if Emily knows madison is leaving idk ugh ARE U HAPPY AMANDA. fjsadhfkdjs fuck but if I vote jack I can be like to lily "omg i forgot to change my vote" but also....what if people are lying and my vote is needed? I feel pretty confident that Will, Cameron, Dana, Autumn, Zach, Ali, Duncan, and Ashvika are all gonna vote for Madison. The worst that can happen if I vote Jack is an 8-8-1 split and then on a revote I can vote Madison. If an idol or some other advantage is played tho that's yikes but it seems everyone is voting for madison now soooooo maybe I should just yolo it although if madison gets idoled....hm. HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

Duncanhttps://youtu.be/J0cpaZBap0Q

So. I was gonna do a video confessional, but its too late and too much is happening and AGHHHH I need to recap everything that's happened since One World and oh.my.god, its a lot. So, we one world. First things first, I didn't expect to win immunity, but Lily also murdered this challenge, so it wasnt as if I could've even come close to winning. The first thing that really happened when we one world'ed was that I called with Will. Firstly, what a king, I love Will. I basically learnt that Will/Cameron/Owen/Dana/Autumn have been the majority and I LOVE that. The first four are all people I wanted to play with in some capacity going into this game, so its so great that they're all on the same page! Autumn I've just met but already love, she is fun and great. But yeah, I called with Will, and we were on the same loose page for the vote, but it was kinda too early to make any major decisions. I later called Dana. What a QUEEN. I am such a Dana stan too. I am so relieved she doesn't hate me, and I'd love to work with her going forwards too. I think our gameplay styles really compliment so that's great. Calling with her kinda reinforced to me that I should try and slot in with their alliance of 5. Today, I've called with Duncan,Owen and Cameron. They are all kings! The highlight is that Cameron also has an idol! I LOVE IT! Anyway, the vote was gonna be Autumn, but I am a seasonal warrior of time and space, so I tried to rally Ashvika and Duncan, and get people to flip to Madison. I think... I actually had a lot of control this vote and I'm kinda shook. Going forward, Lily and Jack are such unknowns for me that I really wanna see them go ajdfhaslkd. They would be my picks for the next two to go. I'm 100% sure I forgot stuff, but I'm rushing to submit this pre-tribal

I do not think we're tribe swapping after this. I just don't. I think this will be something... weird. We all vote together as a seventeen BUT after this... we're staying in our tribes. This One World is really trying to bait us into flipping? Idk though it's really working. I'm fine with flipping???? JD BROUGHT UP DANA'S NAME IN THE TRIBE CHATLKFJADKLFASDFLASD IM SCREAMING!!!!!!! I'm on call with ZACH RN!!!! AND HE GASPED!!!!! LMAO I'M CRYING!!!!!!!  I'm really trying to like..... figure out who I really wanna vote for my dude! This is crazy! I can't think of who I want gone and everyone has good arguments! I wanna go far with my boys, Zach and Ali, but I also want to go far with my girls, Lily and Madison, and my boy Owen. Like. There's definitely a dilemma.

Madison becomes the 4th person voted out of Athena All Stars in a 13-3-1 vote. You can see Madison’s preseason interview here.

#NotAllFunAndGames