#imagine being that fucking focused on prescribing what queerness SHOULD look like instead of seeing what queerness CAN and DOES look like

[yeetlegay]

Not for nothing, the representation of Porsche’s bisexuality means a lot to me as a bi person who didn’t figure out my identity until my early 20s. The journey that he goes through in the first half of the show, from a presumed straight man to a bisexual man in love with another man, is written and acted with so much empathy and grace. Porsche’s feelings about his identity and presentation of self are allowed to be confused, hesitant, and complicated without him being homophobic or misogynistic. The result is a more subtle arc of self-discovery, but such an important one. Porsche may not have deep-rooted internal prejudices but he still exists within oppressive structures that shape all our lives whether we want them to or not. Even though he doesn’t deny or dislike his feelings for Kinn, he does quietly struggle sometimes with the discomfort of being queer in a world that sees queer as “other.”

I think part of why this hits so hard is Apo himself. Now I don’t really follow the actors very closely and I try hard to separate the art from the artist, so I don’t want to place too much weight on this. But I do think Apo really brings a particular level of empathy and nuance to Porsche’s identity that deserves appreciation. Apo has spoken a number of times about how much he struggled with homophobic treatment in the Thai film/TV industry through the course of his career. He was often asked invasive questions about his sexuality, made fun of for the way he dresses and presents himself, and demeaned for being feminine or not masculine enough. It seems to have been a key factor in his decision to leave the industry (and even Thailand) entirely.

To be clear, he’s never made any public statement about his sexuality or gender identity, and it’s no one’s business to presume or ask about how he identifies. The problem was that, regardless of how he actually identified, homophobia had a big impact on him personally and professionally. Homophobia (along with all other forms of hate and violence) doesn’t hurt just queer people—it hurts everyone, because it confines and regulates people’s lives/bodies, and punishes deviations, big and small, from the norm.

Apo has some pretty incredible gender vibes to be honest. Something about his mannerisms, his face, his fashion choices, his presentation, just strikes keen envy in my nonbinary bisexual heart lol. And he brings that nuance into Porsche’s character so beautifully. Porsche gets to be tender as he is tough, someone who cares for his loved ones and shows affection without being demeaned for it. He’s allowed to be this strong, tall, muscular guy without it being prescriptive of his internal feelings and personality and how he presents in his voice and mannerisms. No one (least of all him) is policing his body and gender in the way queer people, particularly queer men, so often deal with. He gets to just be.

The freedom in that, for me at least, feels like a revelation. I feel loved when I watch Porsche, because his journey as a bisexual man isn’t rooted in his own repression or external prejudice. Even when he identified as straight, he didn’t behave or present in a way that was engineered to convey heterosexuality or even masculinity. He was already comfortable in his skin, and figuring out his sexuality was more of an internal journey than one centered on his body and how the world perceives it.

Obviously there’s nothing wrong with identity crises/questions/discoveries that do involve repression or homophobia (mine certainly does, thanks Catholic school 🙃). But I think it’s really neat that Porsche’s arc doesn’t, because it brings up questions that often get buried under the avalanche of homophobic/misogynistic/transphobic shit that unfortunately we so often have to wade through to come to our own queer identities. And that’s why I mentioned Apo’s experience, because I really think that as someone who’s had such a hard time in the industry in the past—precisely because he does step outside rigid gender norms—he really gets how homophobia shapes a person’s understanding of their own body. And consciously or unconsciously, he created in Porsche a character who could be free, for fucking once, of that heavy weight around his neck.

So basically, I hope he knows how much that means to a lot of people, not just me. And I hope that playing Porsche has given him some amount of comfort or healing or validation. He gave homophobia and misogyny a massive middle finger through this character, and I hope that and his continued outspokenness about his experience make everyone think twice before policing people’s gender and bodies.

#kinnporsche #why don’t queue stay #apo nattawin #it also strikes me as especially ironic that one of the early discourse vultures we had to bat away from the fandom was bitching #about Porsche and Kinn not being ‘visibly queer enough’ bc they’re ‘masculine’ and ‘straight-presenting’ and Porsche fucks women #just the absolute worst most garbage take (from a queer person!) policing the fuck out of queer men and their bodies right out the gate #while Porsche to me has a veritable OCEAN worth of nuance #and actively bucks against cishet normative ideas about masculinity and queer men #imagine being that fucking focused on prescribing what queerness SHOULD look like instead of seeing what queerness CAN and DOES look like #anyway I fucking love Porsche I love his bisexuality and I fucking love his gender #and I fucking love Apo for giving him to us