#imagine how far i could be right now if i didnt have breakdowns

[eunoia-writes]

Knight In shining armour • Felix Catton x Reader

Request - MAKE A FIC WHERE FELIX IS COMFORTING READER AFTER SHE’S HOSPITALIZED CAUSE SHE DRANK THE LACED CHAMPAGNE BUT DIDNT DIE JUST GOT REALLY SICK PLEASE PLEASE!!!🫶🏻

Warnings - 18+ Smut, Oral (M&F receiving, PinV, Oliver being a creep, Drugging

When y/n awoke without Felix next to her it wasn’t out of the ordinary. Felix typically got up before her to go in hai morning

“Morning Darling.” Elspeth said as y/n approached at the table adorned In Felix’s jumper and her usual bed shorts

“Good morning.” She said with a smile while Duncan brought out her usual of scrambled eggs while she made her way to the breakfast bar grabbing her usual multiple spoons of fruit and few slices of toast.

“Felix and Oliver have headed out of the day so I thought you might like to accompany me and Venetia into town to get costumes for the party tomorrow.” Elspeth said taking a sip of her coffee her eyes not leaving y/n as she walked back to the table

“I’d love to.” Y/n said taking a sip of her orange juice “it’s been far too long since the three of us did anything without Felix.” She added while Venetia laughed

“It would be nice to see you without my brother attached to your hip for once.” Y/n blushed slightly, everyone adored how inseparable the couple were especially Elspeth, she loved seeing how smitten her son was, the way he doted on his girlfriend she just adorned how in love he was.

“Don’t listen to her you two are just darling together.” Elspeth said making y/n smile as she finished up her breakfast before rushing off to get ready for the day.

After hours of walking around the streets of London the three girls got back to saltburn. Y/n walked into Felix room to see him sat on the bed as she carried in multiple bags

“Oh Fi I got us the best costumes for tomorrow you’re going to love it honestly.” She began before she realised something was right

“Darling, what’s wrong?” Y/n put the bags down walking over to him as he looked up at her with tears in his eyes “oh my pretty boy, whatever’s the matter.” Felix took a deep breath as he pulled y/n into his lap

“Ollie lied… about everything.” Felix whispered as her hands came to his face wiping his tears away “I mean everything baby, the stuff with his parents… his dad is alive.” The last four words felt like a bullet In her chest.

“Oh.” Was all she said and Felix knew how hurt she was just from that. Y/n had bonded with Ollie over the loss after she lost her dad a few months prior. She didn’t want to believe that someone could be so cruel.

“I’m so sorry pretty girl.” Felix said as tears rolled down her cheeks

“Why are you sorry? You didn’t do anything wrong.” She asked her bottom lip quivering it was taking everything in her not to breakdown sobbing

“I brought him into our lives… I should have known.” Y/n shook her head before kissing him softly

“It’s not your fault.. how were you to know” She mumbled into the kiss before pulling away. She wiped the few stray tears that feel onto his cheeks away before standing back up and clearing her throat.

“Now back to those costumes.”

—

“God baby, you look so fucking hot.” Felix said as y/n came out of the bathroom in her costume. The same gold wings in his back adorned her. The bra, skirt and matching wings combo leaving very little to the imagination. the pair dressed as a Greek god and Goddess which Felix would argue she is regardless of the costume.

“You’re the sweetest.” Y/n leaned up to kiss Felix who’s hands instantly began to roam her body “Fi as much as I would love to stay in your room all night you mother will kiss us if we don’t show after all the effort she’s put into this.”

“Don’t really feel like celebrating.” Felix said his hands on her waist as she wrapped her arms around his neck

“I know baby, I’ll make you a deal well go down there and show our faces for a while, have a few drinks and then I’ll finally let you show me round that maze yeah?” She suggested with an innocent smile on her face but the suggestion was far from innocent

“Get moving then pretty girl.” He said wasting no more time making sure to slap her arse as they walked out of his bedroom and down to where the party had already began

“Wow don’t you look hot.” Venetia said as y/n and Felix walked over to her hand in hand the music was already thumping as Elspeth walked over handing the pair a glass of champagne each making sure to tell them how cute there matching costumes are.

“Our dear cousin is out back with something to make this party a little more fun for us.” Venetia said watching the way Felix eyes lit up as he pressed a kiss to his girlfriend’s temple before hurrying off.

The pair had managed to avoid Ollie so far that evening while drinking their way through bottle after bottle of whatever they could get their hands on. Felix had hardly taken his hands off her the whole evening when she suggest a late night stroll, although he knew what she was really suggesting.

The couple made their way outside into the cool summers air, the alcohol in their veins doing more than enough to keep them warm.

“You know the way right baby?” Y/n asked as they neared the entrance of the entirely pitch black maze while Felix had stopped to plant sloppy kisses all over her neck mumbling for her not to worry as she ran her hands through his hair.

Felix took the lead their laughter echoing against the labyrinthine walls, stumbled forward, hand in hand. The scent of blooming flowers lingered in the air as they weaved through the twists and turns, their steps becoming a delightful dance of tipsy synchronicity. Every few steps, he paused, their laughter bubbling over into kisses that tasted of desperation mixed with booze.

“My feet hurt.” Y/n mumbled into the kiss as she kicked off her shoes making her even smaller than her boyfriend who always towered over her.

“Not much longer pretty.” Felix said interlocking there hands once again as they continued into the darkness. The maze, a playground for their intoxicated affection, led them to its heart, where, surrounded by the fragrant maze walls, they shared a final, lingering kiss.

“Wow s’lot bigger than I imagined.” Y/n joked looking up at the statue in the center that towered over the pair of them

“The only thing you should be sayings big is me.” He joked as she rolled her eyes in the moonlight cocking her head to the side as she pulled him closer by the buckle of his belt

“Pretty heard to say that when I’ve got my mouth full.” She teased as she dropped to her knees staring up at him while she fumbled with his belt

“God pretty girl you’re killing me.” And just as he was about to have his way with her a loud snap came from a few yard away

“What was that.” She stopped in place much to his dismay

“S’nothibg baby.” Felix’s hands made there way into her hair as she looked up at him pouting slightly but ultimately brushing it off as she continued undoing his belt and pulling his jeans and underwear down just enough to pull him out of his underwear

Y/n wrapped both of her hands around the bottle of his length her eyes never leaving his as she kitten licked the tip. Felix let out a shaky breath making him tremble in his spot gripping her hair tighter. Her tongue swirled around his tip before she took him into her mouth her head bobbing up and done and she took more for him each time.

“Fuck just like that.” Felix groaned as her throat tightened around him as she gagged slightly briefly coming up for air before wrapping her mouth around him again she moaned around him as he let our a rather loud moan

“Such a good girl.” He groaned which only encouraged her she kept up her exact pace feeling him tense in her throat.

“Fuck I’m gonna cum.” He said mere seconds before he finished in her mouth with a groan watching as she swallowed him and licked up any mess. Flashing an innocent smile just to top it off.

“God what are you doing to me y/n.” Felix waisted no time tucking himself back into his boxers as he scooped her up placing her on the base of the statue wasting no time attacking there lips as he stood between her thighs his lips trailed down to her neck she let out a soft wine as he found her sweet spot

“Up.” He mumbled into her neck telling her lift her ass up so he could pull her underwear down shoving them into his back pocket while he continued sucking marks on her neck.

He left a trail of open mouthed kisses down her chest to right were she needed him the most before pressing a kissed against her clothed heat “please.” she moaned he smirked looking up at her once more as if he was asking permission

“Fi.” She wined once more before he blew hot air over her swollen clit before diving in. his tongue traced her folds before he lapped at her clit. Y/n’s back arched, electricity bolting through her nerves. Her hands flew to tug at his hair as he lapped at her clit feverishly so Desperate to taste her. He caught her off guard slipping a digit into her, groaned into her when your legs locked around his head, securing him in place. Not that he needed it. He’d stay here forever if she’d let him.

“Please Fi .” She moaned his fingers pumped in and out of her while his tongue made work on her clit. her thighs tremble and eyes roll back into her head. One hand grip the Stone she was sat on her knuckles white, while the other tugged at his locks. The pressure in her abdomen built but so does something else, something deeper at the same time. Felix took note pulling away

“you taste just Devine pretty thing, but not so fast I’m not finished with you yet.” He said as she whimpered at the loss of contact.

She watched as he pulled himself out of his boxers leaning down it kiss her again before he lined himself up with her entrance before he sank into her both of them gasping at the feeling. 

“fuck, you feel so good,” he moaned. She was appreciative of his slow thrusts her constant wines were evident of that.

Y/n’s legs wrapping around his waist pulling him closer as his hips rocked back and forth

“Faster.” She groaned in his ear as she clenched around him. His free hand moving to wrap around her throat squeezing slightly as his hips moved faster.

Y/n opened her eyes for a few seconds spotting someone in the distance. She let out a gasp pushing Felix off her as she attempted to cover herself

“Ollie what the fuck!” She said as she realised who had been watching them. Felix fumbled to cover himself up before protectively standing in front of y/n.

“What the fuck is wrong with you Ollie.” He said while y/n grabbed into his arm

“We need to talk.” Ollie slurred as he made his was over to the couple. Y/n climbed down off the statue staying hid behind her boyfriend

“You’re a fucking liar Ollie.” Felix said as Ollie got closer and closer

“How could you Ollie, after I confided in you.” Y/n said snatching the bottle of champagne out of his hand chugging most of what was left

“I know I’m so sorry y/n… I really am.” He said but she just shook her head and walked away from the pair cradling the bottle as she wobbled while she listened to Felix and Ollie argue

“You need to leave Ollie.” Felix said his eyes flickering to y/n was was now slightly hunched over

“You’re still my friend? We’ll all still be friends right?” Felix didn’t give him an answer before he rushed over to y/n which Ollie took as his que to leave

“Felix.” She said as she started to go dizzy. Y/n reached out for him while he grabbed onto her

“I don’t feel good.” She whispered before her legs gave way. Alarmed, Felix scooped her up in his arms, concern etching his face.

“Stay with me, baby.” Y/n mumbled something drowsy, her eyes struggling to stay open. Felix, with a sense of urgency, began navigating the maze's twists and turns running as fast as he could carry her

“No baby keep your eyes open.” He said as he held her head up with one hand. As he neared the house he spotted Elspeth seeing a group of her friends off by there cars

“Mum!” He yelled out catching her attention, noticing the distress, she rushed over, her face turning from joyous to concerned.

“I don’t know what happened, no baby keep your eyes open for me.” Felix said once again noticing the way she was struggling to stay conscious “y/n, look at me.” He said as Elspeth rushed them towards the car calling out of Duncan.

Felix sat y/n in the back seat sliding in next to her while his mother told him she’d get the rest of the family before telling Duncan to drive to the hospital as fast as he possibly could while she climbed into the passenger seat.”

“M’tired.” Y/n mumbled incoherently as she fell limp into Felix said

“I know baby, I know but you’ve gotta Stay awake for me.” Felix’s heart was in his throat he felt like he couldn’t breathe.

“Felix, what happen? Did she take something?” Elspeth asked Felix had never shook his head so quickly

“No mum, she would never. she was fine a few minutes ago.” He said the panic in his voice evident he head tears in his eyes as y/n kept mumbling nonsense to him.

“Love you Fi” He heard her say before she fell unconscious

“Drive fucking faster!” He yelled hitting the back of the seat as he tried to shake her awake but it wasn’t working

“Calm down Felix we’re almost there.” Elspeth said in reality she was also just as panicked. She loved y/n like her own she couldn’t bare the thought of something happening to her.

“I can’t fucking calm down!” He yelled and as soon as they turned into the hospital Felix wasted no time rushing her inside begging for help. Multiple doctors came rushing over taking him from her arms discussing things amongst themselves.

Felix stood frozen in the middle of the room, the weight of fear anchoring him to the spot. The harsh light overhead accentuated the pallor of his face as doctors fired questions about what happened with his collapsed girlfriend. His voice caught in his throat, and his limbs felt like lead, rendering him incapable of articulating the events that led to this moment. The fear consumed him, the uncertainty of y/n’s well-being tightening its grip. Just when the anxiety threatened to suffocate him, the hospital door opens and Elspeth entered, a comforting presence amidst the clinical sterility. Her eyes met Felix's, conveying a silent reassurance that he wasn't alone in this ordeal. In that shared gaze, a glimmer of strength returned to Felix, grounding him in the support of his mother amid the overwhelming uncertainties of the hospital room.

Elspeth took over the questioning answering every question she possibly could as a nurse took Felix into the waiting room where he sank into one of the chairs terrified for y/n’s life. A few minutes later Venetia, his dad and Farleigh came rushing into the room. No one said a word.

Venetia took a seat next to her brother taking his hand in hers trying to offer him some sort of comfort in the horrific moment. The reality of the situation had completely sobered him up the adrenaline of the alcohol wearing off.

“Felix, darling have some water.” Elspeth said handing Felix a plastic cup that she had filled with the water sat off to the side of them. His hands shook as he took a sip of the water finally speaking up for the first time since he’d let the doctors take y/n from his arm.

“I won’t be able to live if something happens to her.” It was almost a whisper but everyone heard it

“She’s going to be okay.” Farleigh not only told Felix but also himself and everyone in the room for that matter all of them having the same sinking feeling.

“But what if it’s not.”

In the hush of the hospital waiting room, Felix ensnared in a web of anxiety, perched on the edge of a hard plastic chair. His knees are caught in a restless rhythm, an involuntary dance fueled by the uncertainty of y/n’s condition. The minutes stretch like elastic as he nervously glances at the clock, each tick amplifying the echo of his worries.

Unable to contain the nervous energy, Felix succumbs to the urge to pace back and forth across the linoleum floor. His steps are uneven, a physical manifestation of the emotional turbulence swirling within. The harsh fluorescent lights cast shadows that play on his strained expression, the weight of concern etched across his face.

Meanwhile, His family huddles nearby, attempting to offer solace in whispered words and gentle touches. Their eyes mirror his apprehension, but they muster comforting smiles and attempts at casual conversation, striving to create a shield against the suffocating atmosphere of the waiting room.

The air is thick with anticipation, each passing second an agonizing reminder of the unknown. Felix, caught between the pull of hope and the gravity of fear, finds solace neither in the uncomfortable chair nor the sterile surroundings. All that matters is the impending news about y/n’s well-being, an answer that lingers just out of reach, teasing the frayed edges of his nerves. What felt like an eternity later a doctor came into the room everyone’s attention on them

“I’m Doctor Robinson I’m y/n’s doctor Today.” The woman started but before she could get another word out Felix croaked

“Is she okay?”

“Y/n is doing better than we could have hoped for her case, you did the right thing getting her here when you did. Her toxicology came back and it looks like she ingested a lethal amount of benzodiazepines which we believe after conversation with Elspeth to be as a result of spiking in something she will have drank at the party this evening.” The doctor explained everyone felt a weight lifted off there shoulders as they said she was doing better

“Can I see her?” Felix asked

“She’s not awake yet, however you are more than welcome to sit at her bedside until she does wake up.” Felix shoot up out of his seat almost instantly the others silently agreeing to let him go alone as he followed the doctor to her room.

Felix heart broke as soon as he walked into the room seeing y/n laying there with multiple IVs stuck in her arm. He chocked back his tears as he made his way to sit next to her taking his hand in hers.

At what felt like only moments later as if she was awoke by his presence she was finally conscious again. Felix kiss the back of her hand as he thanked god for keeping her safe

“Hey pretty.” He whispered softly as a few tears rolled down his cheeks she smiled softly at him squeezing his hand

“Hi.” She croaked out her eyes half open. Her entire body ached as she reached out to wipe his tears away “Don’t cry Fi, I’m okay.”

“You scared me so much baby.” He said as more tears rolled down his cheeks

“god if you had - but I didn’t and I’m okay.” She said knowing where his train of thought was going. She shuffled herself to one side of the bed making room for Felix next to her as she patted the spot which he waisted no time climbing into

“Did they tell you what happen?” She asked as she got comfortable on his chest as Felix petted her head. Felix let out a sigh not sure how to approach the topic.

“The doctors said you had a lot of benzodiazepines in your system.” Felix started and he felt her tense up

“What- I don’t do that kinda thing… I’d never.” She said as tears rolled down her cheeks

“I know baby I know, mum knows that too everyone knows you’re not like that.” He whispered y/n had always made it gleaming obvious she didn’t like the idea of every taking drugs while she never judged those who did she couldn’t bare the thought of losing herself to drugs the way her father did.

“Then how?” She asked knowing exactly how but she needed him to say it

“The doctors think something you drank was spiked.” Felix said and her heart sank. Saltburn was supposed to be a space space where she didn’t have to worry about stuff like that. A place where nothing bad could possible happen.

“You don’t think…” she started and Felix knew exactly what she was hinting at. Ollie. The only thing she had drank that she hadn’t opened the bottle or poured herself was the champagne she snatched from his hands.

“I… I Really fucking hope not.” Felix whispered just as Elspeth and everyone knocked at the door wanting to check in y/n themselves

“Oh darling, I’m so glad You’re okay. You had us all worried sick.” Elspeth said rushing over to y/n’s bedside who gave her a weak smile

“Is there anything we can do or get you?” James said standing next to his wife placing a comforting hand on her shoulder

“I would really just like to go home.” Y/n said and just as Venetia was about yo say she’d go speak to the doctor Felix spoke up

“No, you can’t go home yet.” He began looking down at her “you need to stay here and get better.”

“Fels, I’m okay I just need to rest.” y/n said just as her doctor walked into the room

“Ah y/n, glad to see you’re awake.” She began as she picked up her chart from the end of the bed “I’m sure Felix here told you, we found a lethal amount of benzodiazepines in your system which is what caused you to lose consciousness. If it wasn’t for your lovely family getting you here when they did we’d be looking at a very different outcome.” Y/n squeezed Felix’s hand softly nodding to what the doctor was telling her.

“For now I suggest you go home and rest up take it easy for a few day, which I’m sure everyone in this room will see too that you do and make sure you’re drinking plenty of fluids.” Y/n looked up at Felix while the doctor went to collect the discharge papers

“See baby, I told you I’m okay.” She said as he leaned down to kiss her softly

“I’m so glad you’re okay pretty.”

“Well Im lucky I have you, my knight in shining armour.”

#felix catton #felix catton fanfic #felix catton fluff #felix catton imagine #felix catton saltburn #felix catton x reader #felix catton x y/n #felix catton x you #felix catton blurb #saltburn

[jamietarttsnorthernattitude]

I didn’t make the connection between Jamie’s breakdown in “Mom City” and playing at Wembley in “International Break” but whoaa of course he would freak out and be triggered by it. I’m super bad at commenting on AO3 but I wanted to let you know I thoroughly enjoyed the fic you posted today!! And I can’t stop thinking about how Jamie has Ted’s voice echoing in his head, telling him to forgive his dad, and then Tartt Sr gaslights Jamie about the Wembley situation so badly that he’s the one expecting an apology from Jamie??? As if the entire Wembley incident was Jamie’s fault and had nothing to do with Tartt Sr’s actions??! I also loved how you captured each character’s voice <33

God, you are so nice to send this. Made my day! (this is the fic referenced if anyone hasn't read it and wants to)

I can only imagine Jamie walking into Wembley and picturing the last time he was there but obviously he’s excited to debut for England. I added the panic attack for extra drama but I could see how in the show he might’ve pushed it away and then that combined with the upcoming City match stress it snowballs into what we see in Mom City.

I’m sure Jamie’s Dad has been gaslighting him his whole life so I have no doubt he would view the Wembley incident as all Jamie’s fault since Jamie was the one that punched him. I’m sure he’d completely ignore any of his verbal abuse or that he pushed Jamie first.

Jamie takes Ted advice to heart even if I think Ted might’ve actually meant to forgive him for himself, not for his Dad. There’s a difference between forgiving and moving on from someone and forgiving them and having a relationship which seems to have gotten lost in translation. It's like they're playing a game of phone tag. Jamie is a very literal person (thinking Secret Santa was a secret) and so Ted basically speaks in riddles as far as he's concerned.

And to be fair to Jamie he's contactly sending him mixed messages. The transfer the morning after the ghost ceremony, saying he can't come back to Richmond and then taking him back, etc.

Combine Jamie probably wanting his father to be an actual non piece of shit father with Jamie thinking he’s doing the right thing by forgiving his father and it’s not a surprise that Jamie ends up seeing his father again.

And I understand where Jamie is coming from but I am so angry about how the show portrays it. If it wasn’t the final season and next season could explore Jamie meeting with his father it would be different. But the show basically said “oh his Dad’s sober now so things are great even though he abused Jamie in so many ways.”

What really gets me is THEY DIDNT NEED TO DO THIS. Jamie had a phenomenal arc over the three seasons. He improved both professionally and as a person. He has a great Mum! He has Simon! Roy Kent is his best friend! The rest of the team loves him. They don’t need to reconcile him with his father to give the character a satisfying ending. Not everyone should be forgiven. And especially when the only thing someone does is get sober.

I could go on forever how dangerous the narrative is.

But anyway, thank you for the ask, I really appreciate knowing you enjoyed the story and your thoughts :)

#jamie tartt #ted lasso fanfic #ao3 #fuck jamie’s dad #asks always open #thank you #fic: I say I don’t care I say that I’m fine #whumptober

[polyhexian]

What would happen with the custody battle (or at least a timeline where Belos died and Hunter had to escape a group of caring adults via Eda’s portal for whatever reason) if Hunter went to the Human realm and got adopted- not by Camilla (at first) but Luz

like here me out- Hunter finds Eda’s door while all the adults are arguing and just goes through the portal and is confronted with an intensely emotional Luz in the middle of a rainstorm.

Luz could just have lost her Dad and ran into the woods to try and search for fairies or something that can make things better, Azura book clutched to her chest and pajamas completely soaked, and there right when she’s completely lost and her excitement dimmed and hope fading as reality of death sets in- a panicked elf like boy stumbles his way out of an old shack in the woods that her dad used to tell her stories about how the brother’s who lived there disappeared from a Witch’s influence- and Luz’s eyes light up. Cause this is exactly like the stories and obviously that means this is fate and he HAS to come home with her!

and Hunter is just there confused and tired and mildly terrified cause the rain is COLD how is he not dead! And this strange hyperactive creature- that should probably be a witch but is most definitely not with the shear amount of sunshine radiating from it- is clinging to him and gushing nonsense and ordering him around like a mini emperor and he’s just had the roughest weeks of his life and the direct instructions are almost a relief- though half the stuff it says make less sense then the strange language it keeps switching to. And then he’s being dragged through the rain to this big empty house and forcibly shoved on the couch as it races around like a wirlwind- asking questions and handing him something in a cup that smelled far better then it looked and the warm place and simple commands luls him to his practiced soldier mode where he just stares and answers as he debrief’s his superiors (cause none of the adults treated him like this they interrogated him on hard stuff- stuff like who his parents were, what was Belos planning, when’s the last time he slept) and then it’s grabbing him again and putting him into the same weird strangle like thing it did when he left the portal and he just lets himself zone out- this is easy- simple really. His Uncle did much worse for reacting to less- this didnt even choke him fully.

camila comes in three hours later panicked and drenched having been searching frantically everywhere for her 11 year old daughter to see her daughter tangled up with a strange clearly out of it boy on the couch vibrating as she mouths over and over “ive got it..”

Camila gets home and discovers her daughter has found and adopted a cloned child soldier from another dimension by handing him a Gameboy with Tetris on it and some granola.

Can you fucking IMAGINE the anarchy on the other side when everyone notices hunter is gone and they all go into panic mode trying to find him and they just can't??? Like he's just fucking gone??? I don't think they would even remotely think to check another dimension even if eda has a door there. It doesn't seem like anyone really thought about her fucking dimensional portal until Luz showed up. I kind of imagine jaspers having a fucking breakdown after a week of trying to find him and hes in fucking anguish and eda is like I know what will cheer him up, human granola. She pops on over to another dimension and stumbles right past two kids on the sidewalk waiting for the school bus and one of them is her missing teenage war criminal who is now wearing a Mario t shirt and complaining about how much he hates cheese

[semercury]

Gosh, can you imagine how powerful I would be if I had all the right brain chemicals in my brain?

#stuff sarah says #God had to nerf me. He knew i was too powerful #im just... i really do wish i could get a phd #i made that post as a joke but like #it really is a dream of mine to get a doctorate in english or creative writing or something #i really want to go back to school #i just dont know how to do that right now and it honestly hurts so bad #im so angry at my brain for fucking up like it has #imagine how far i could be right now if i didnt have breakdowns #and i dont want to try again until i know i wont freak out and want to die #bc its a lot of money... #im frustrated and sad and angry and i really have no one to blame but myself #and thats not even touching the other weird issues i have with getting that degree.... #who am i to do something i want when other people cant? #who am i to be happy when other people arent? #who am i to chase my dream when other people cant chase theirs?

[toutallyahoe]

hi!! could you do some soft hannibal or will hcs? or some soft remus lupin hcs? if not thats fine!

a/n: ayyyyyy

first off i just want to say sorry for not posting a lot these days. shit happened here but now im back (for now) to do hcs!

second off, yall are gonna hate me for this but i dont actually watch hannibal soooo, i dont know how to write for him and such... but remus lupin? fahajshwheahakhd gotchu

third off, high school/past au because i just want to write remus being goofy and also a bit anxious on his nature

anyways, onto the hcs!

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

remus never thought he'll fall in love really

he was more focused on trying to stop his chaotic friends from causing more mayhem but get dragged into it

and his small problem being a warewolf to keep secret

besides, remus has some high expectations even if he doesnt want to admit it

remus would like someone to be soft and caring

loving him and be understanding towards his little warewolf problem (if he tells them)

and most important, he may not have thought about his partner's gender as he was more going to focused on personality really, but still, remus would have liked a female partner

so, imagine his surprise when he caught feelings on a certain [hogwarts house] boy the same year as him?

remus was confused at first

he didnt know what he was feeling and his friends noticed it

remus didnt really want to confide with them, but he knew sooner or later, theyll find out eventually like how they discovered his secret

so, he told them his confusing feelings

and let me tell you, the three boys looked at him confused at first until they looked each other with shit eating grins

well, sirius and james have those shit eating grins while peter looked a bit excited at him

"guess potter isnt the only lovesick puppy huh?" sirius teased as the three began to laugh

until james realized sirius was saying he was a "lovesick puppy" towards lily, which immediately made him shout a unamused "hey! i do not!"

as sirius and james began to banter at each other and peter was trying to be the peacemaker, remus took a second to process what his friend just said

until the realization hit in and made remus red and stuttering mess

remus was in denial, to the amusement of his friends

he cant be!

he wasnt gay— not that being gay is a problem or anything, he never just expected him to be one

he didnt like [name] like that way, right???

he barely knew the guy!!!

remus was in denial for a few days until his friend had snapped some sense to him

by literally dragging [name] to their lunch table

they didnt care if [name] was in another house or not, they still dragged his ass over and made him sit next to remus who was having an internal breakdown

apparently sirius, james and peter decided to be remus' wingman, even if remus didnt want them too

but anyways

sirius, james and peter would ask [name] questions as they ate, wanting to getting to know their future buddy and trying to slip remus in the conversation

they thought they were slick at it, but nope!

they arent

"so [name]? watcha like to do?"

"oh, well i like literatur—"

"you know, our buddy remus likes books too!"

"really? thats nice. i also like chocolat—"

"chocolates?!? wow! our buddy o pal remus has a massive sweet tooth, did you know that?"

"maybe you both could go to honeydukes together this weekend!"

they were that bad

they werent subtle at all

remus is just internally suffering

why was his friends like this?

why was he even friends with them?

remus was super embarrassed but to his utter surprise— [name] actually seemed to be down on visiting honeydukes with him to buy some sweets

of course, [name] didnt really think on it other than a friendly hang out (at first)

but to the three, this was the start to hook their beloved puppy remus to [name]

it took a while but [name] and remus' relationship grown closer and a few months, they finally got together

it almost took a year for them to realize their feeling for each other (remus and [name]) if it wasnt for that mistletoe accident in the greathall on christmas day

sirius and james were bragging that they were the ones to have placed those mistletoe there

but thats a lie

peter did and the two placed mistletoes in other rooms

peter was the smart one to put a mistletoe under above the entrance of the door while sirius and james literally decorated every corner of the great hall with mistletoe because apparently they thought it would made sure remus and [name] would kiss

and that james was also trying to get a kiss from lily under those mistletoes too because it was "romantic" and that itll make her definitely "fall in love" with him

but anyways, [name] was soft for remus and remus was soft for [name]

the two only have little bumps in their relationship but mostly, they try to understand each other and hear one another out

remus always liked their tradition on winter to cuddle in front of the fireplace in the gryffindor common room

remus prefers to be the small spoon but wouldnt mind cuddling [name] too

he likes to be held since he could snuggle and hear [name]'s calming heartbeat

of course those moments are sometimes destroyed by his friends inserting themselves to their cuddle sessions

but remus wouldnt have it either way

[name] doesnt mind aswell

it was annoying at first but over time, he grown fond of remus' friends

another sweet thing that [name] does that makes remus so soft is that [name] makes sure that he is loved

[name] seems to noticed when he is down and will always give him a soft peck on his forehead, embrace him tightly and mutter how much he is adored

[name] also doesnt questions on the scars he had obtained over his little problem

in fact, [name] just reminds him that [name] loves him so much

[name] makes him feel loved and always tell him that he is beautiful in [name]'s eyes

when remus told [name] about him being a warewolf

remus was terrified and thought [name] leave him

but this guy was so full of surprises

[name] was a bit shock and was quiet for a while, but then he just embraces remus tightly and running his hands over remus' hair and whispers he still loves remus no matter what

remus cried that day

what have he even done to deserve [name]?

he doesnt know but he was happy to meet the guy who loves him, even with all his flaws

remus was sure [name] was the one and he hopes he'll get to be a [last name] in the far future

#ask #2 #headcanons request #headcanons #hp #harry potter x male reader #hp x male reader #harry potter #remus #lupin #remus lupin #remus x male reader #remus lupin x male reader #x male reader #male reader insert #male reader #top male reader #seme male reader #dom male reader

[haikyuu-appreciation-club]

hey this is an emergency request for some kuroo and Suga hc's of how they would react to their s/o having a mental breakdown. I don't know if you do emergency requests and I'm sorry, I couldn't find your rules page :/ I also will perfectly understand if you decline, thank you!

hey love!

 i’m more then happy to do this request for you (づ◡﹏◡)づ

for future reference I do emergency requests anytime, even when requests are closed :)

also if you ever wanna request anything else, you can find my rules for requests in my navigation!! (the link for that is in my bio thingy)

I hope you enjoy and my messages are always open if anything <3

•S/O Having a Mental Breakdown w/ Kuroo + Sugawara•

warnings: mentions of mental breakdown + issues with friends

genre: comfort + fluff

characters: kuroo + sugawara

•Kuroo•

recently, you hadn't been doing too well

you were really struggling and life hadn't been too understanding of that

honestly, your relationship with kuroo was one of the only thing that was actually going really good right now

which was one of the main reasons you kept your troubles away from him

you thought that unpacking such a load would cause things in your relationship to falter and that was the last thing you wanted 

so, you ended up turning to your best friend when things got difficult and you needed someone to talk to

it was never one sided though, you always listened to them too and helped when you could

which is why you assumed that calling them tonight wouldn't be any different from usual

except, when the line connected you had been replaced with another task right away 

your friend seemed almost annoyed to even be on the phone with you in that moment

after a bit, they ended up hanging up on you, letting you know that they were in the middle of completing a level on their video game and didn't have the time to be on a call right now

you didn't even get the chance to say goodbye before you got disconnected 

after everything you had been dealing with lately, having someone you had grown so close with treat you as if you were an inconvenience cause you to shatter

you felt your chest shake with each sob that racked your body and you were having trouble breathing with how harsh you were crying

tears blurred your vision and at this point, the only person you wanted to talk to was kuroo 

but you couldn't bring yourself to trouble him

you were so immersed in your collapse you hadn't even noticed the boy in question standing at your bedroom door

you had left your chemistry textbook at kuroo’s house after your study session the other day and he had come to return it to you

he didn't expect to see you sitting on your bedroom floor, crying your eyes out, when he arrived

within seconds he was at your side, wrapping him arms around your figure,

“Baby, what's wrong?”

although it was hard for you to tell him what had happened with how hard you were weeping you eventually got the whole story out 

it broke his heart to hear how badly you were treated by someone who was supposed to be there for you

in all honest he wished you had come to him first hand but he knew you had your reasons and the most important thing was that you were telling him now

of course, you weren't able to tell him everything that had been bothering you but he didnt mind

he would wait with open arms until you were ready to confide in him

as you buried your face into his chest and continued to sob, he whispered words of comfort into your ear and every so often he would place a kiss or two to the top of your head

his presence and the words that flowed into your ears brought you peace and eventually you felt a sense of serenity fall over you

once he noticed your peace of mind return, he pulled you back until you two were on the floor and pulled out his phone

the both of you cuddled on the cool surface and watched netflix from the small device until you drifted off

the next morning, you woke up to your loving boyfriend drooling right next to you on your bedroom floor

•Sugawara•

you hadn’t let sugawara know that you had been having such a difficult time lately

he was always so understanding but you never felt like bothering him with your issues, so you ended up turning to your friends

they had always been there for you in the past so you thought you could rely on them this time too

however, things had apparently changed

you had called your best friend thinking that you'd be able to get the things that were bothering you off your chest but as soon as you began to speak, you were immediately ignored

your friend even went as far as to hang up on you, claiming they were busy and had other things to do 

you let them go, telling them it was okay and you would talk to them when they had the time but in reality, it wasn't okay at all

as soon as the line cut off, you felt the hot tears begin to stream down your face

having someone you were so attached to treat you like that had pushed you past your breaking point

although you were reluctant, you didn't know what else to do other then to call your boyfriend

your shaky uneven breaths met his ears within seconds of the line connecting and sugawara knew something was wrong right off the bat,

“Hey my love, is everything alright?”

not being able to hold anything in anymore, you attempted to explain what had happened through your sobs and lucky for you, suga had been able to comprehend your situation 

he knew your friends could be a little on the unsympathetic side sometimes but he never imagined that they would end up treating you like this

especially since the person you relied on this time was someone so close to you

“Okay y/n, i’m on my way but I need you to stay on the phone with me, is that alright?”

“Y-Yes.”

“Great, do you wanna talk to me about what's been on your mind?”

“Can't...right...now.”

“Alright, no worries. Would you like to hear about my day?”

“Please.”

“Well, today I got up and went-”

and with that, suga began to tell you about his day

in all honesty, he really didn't want to bore you something like that but he was trying his best to keep you calm until he could get there.

he didn't want to hang up on you or leave you alone but he also knew you weren't able to talk right now and he highly doubted you even wanted to talk anyways

so, he opted to let his story overthrow the memories of the event that had just taken place

you had mentioned once before that his voice was very calming so right now, he really hoped It was doing the trick

as soon as he had reached your home, he unlocked the front door with his spare key and headed straight to your bedroom

gently opening the door and calling out to you, he noticed your tear stained face as soon as you turned around

he imminently walked over to you and wrapped you in his soft embrace

your fit of sobs returned as you clung to his chest, dampening his button-up with your tears he didn't mind in the slightest though

your breath gradually diminish as he rubbed gentle circles into your back and softly hummed your favorite tune into your ear

it was silent other then that, but it was the comfortable kind

suga was not the type of person to force anything upon you

he knew that you would open up to him when you were ready, and when that time came he would be right there to listen

you two were together, and that was good enough for the time being

eventually, your breakdown had run your energy dry and you began to drift off

noticing this, sugawara pulled away from you, wiping the tears that hadn't yet dried, off your cheeks

he placed a soft kiss on your forehead before scooping you up and carrying you to your bed

he unfortunately couldn't stay the night with school the next day but he sat there, running his fingers through your hair, until you were far off in dream land

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

#haikyuu #haikyuu!! #haikyu #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu comfort #haikyuu fluff #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x yn #haikyuu x y/n #haikyuu x you #hq headcanons #hq comfort #hq fluff #kuroo #kuroo testuro #kuroo tetsurou #kuroo x reader #kuroo x yn #kuroo x y/n #kuroo comfort #kuroo fluff #kuroo headcanons #sugawara #sugawara koshi #sugawara x reader #sugawara x yn #sugawara fluff #sugawara comfort #sugawara headcanons #emergency request

[witchcraft-in-wonderland]

Logan's Birthday (1/7)

-------------------------

Logan was a smart man, he always had been, top of his class since he was little. But being smart only got you so far, there always came a time when you just werent smart enough.

For Logan, that time was adulthood. So many years worth of studying, gone at the slightest notion that someone else was- better. And of course, Logan knew exactly what made his competitors better, but saying it out loud, that was paramount to insulting the company.

So here he was, twenty-two years of age and stuck in an apartment, sifting through job applications and bills, as if he'd ever have enough to pay them off.

"Oh yes Logan go on take only honors and AP classes for the rest of your life, I'm sure it'll all turn out fine," Logan muttered bitterly.

He let out a groan of annoyance as the tv flickered through one of his least favorite commercials.

He'd always despised fashion and makeup companies, but the Kingsley company was another story on it's own. He couldnt explain it, for all he knew it was some odd combination of self hatred and toxic societal expectations, he just couldn't stand those twins, with their overly wide smiles and stupid overzealous compliments. But of course, most other people bought it. So Logan always assumed there was something wrong with him.

Eventually Logan finished with the papers, setting them aside and walking to the kitchen.

"Like anyone would pay thirty bucks for a makeup set that's going to fall apart two days afterward," Logan muttered, glaring at the tv. He walked over to the coffee machine and got started on his fourth cup for that day. It wasnt healthy, Logan knew that, he'd done an entire report on it in sixth grade, but it was the only way he could seem to stay up without having a breakdown.

Logan looked over at his to-do list for that day, he never seemed to finish them, so he had no idea why he bothered. He checked off the section labelled "bills and applications" before walking back to the coffee machine and picking up the mug. He watched the sunrise outside the window, he always liked sunrises more in the colder months, they were much brighter.

Logan finished his coffee and set the cup in the sink, checking his watch. His mother had set up a job interview for him, but all she'd given him was an address and a time, he certainly didnt want to be late. He walked to his closet and pulled out a blue sweater, black vest, black pants, and dress shoes.

"5629, Ridgeport Avenue, should be interesting," Logan muttered as he fixed his tie. He'd never exactly liked Ridgeport, it was a rich people and idiots thinking they could make it big on stupid ideas.

But what awaited Logan when he reached the location was far worse than what he was expecting.

"Mother I told you I dont want anything to do with this company!" Logan hissed over the phone, currently hiding out in the bathroom, he may have hated the Kingsley company, but he wasmt stupid enough to insult them where someone might hear.

"Its good pay! You can suck up your pride for once in your life cant you?" His mother replied.

"Me, a secretary for those- those-" Logan couldnt seem to find the right words for it, all he cod think was 'Ew' and 'Not in a million years'.

"I'll call you back after the interview," Logan said, hanging up and stuffing the phone back in his pocket. He fixed his hair in the mirror before rushing back out, after all, he did have a meeting in thirty minutes.

"Logan Sanders," The intercom sounded, the voice of Remus Kingsley flooded the room. Logan felt his stomach lurch as he stood up. He trudged down the hall, fiddling with his tie. He finally reached the door to Remus' office, and knocked twice.

"I'm not naked if that's what you're thinking," Logan held back the urge to vomit as he processed the sentence, and then he opened the door.

Remus Kingsley was a tall man, with a white striped birthmark in his hair, and a mustache that gave him the impression of a man who'd gorged himself on mud. His clothes didnt help much, a ripped jacket paired with a green shirt and twice as torn black jeans, his feet were even propped up on the desk for gods sakes.

"I'm here for the secretary position," Logan said as he closed the door.

"Well secretaries arent supposed to stand are they?" Remus said, moving his feet and gesturing toward the chair in front of the desk. Logan took a seat and finally let go of his tie.

"So what sparked your interest in the position?" Remus said, very obviously reading off notecards.

Logan bit back the urge to say 'brute force and a ransom note'.

"I've seen a lot of your commercials, the name was recognizable," Logan said.

"Oh so you've heard of us?" Remus said, now checking his nails. Logan was getting more annoyed by the minute.

"Yes, I have," Logan replied, biting the inside of his cheek to keep from growling.

"Great! You're hired! You can start tomorrow," Remus said with a grin, Logan noticed he was missing one of his front teeth. He slid a sheet of paper across the desk, Logan looked it over and pocketed it before getting up.

"Very well, I suppose I'll see you tomorrow," Logan said as he walked out.

"I could get used to seeing that face every day," Remus said, Logan felt his face heat up slightly, though he could scarcely tell if it was from rage, or from something else. He merely nodded and closed the door behind him on his way out, rushing through the lobby and out into the streets of Ridgeport.

"This is it- my life is over, this is how I die," Logan had decided to meet up for coffee with his friend Remy, and the conversation had turned very quickly to Remus' comment at the end of the meeting.

"I mean it could be worse, at least you're both in the same age-range," Remy replied, taking a sip from his iced coffee.

"I dont know how you're drinking that when its 27 degrees out," Logan said with a laugh.

"Nothing will ever be as cold as my heart," Remy said, grinning.

"Oh? Cold-hearted are we? Then please, do tell me where all those photos of Emile huddled up under your arm with his head buried in your chest came from,"Logan said sarcastically.

"Oh Em, the only person warm enough to melt my poor icy cold heart," Remy said, bringing a hand to his forehead and falling back slightly.

"Gods you're so cheesy," Logan said, rolling his eyes.

"You're just mad because you dont have a queerplatonic partner to give you forehead kisses every night before you go to sleep," Remy said.

"I dont need a partner of any kind, I'm fine on my own," Logan replied.

"Sure you are bud, sure you are," Remy said.

And that stuck with Logan the rest of the week. He had a lot more interactions with Remus than he'd expected to, sometimes they felt- planned. But Logan could swear up and down he was imagining things, there was no way someone as influential, nor as self-absorbed, as a Kingsley would've spared him a second glance.

And he carried this thought process with him, that is, until he found a letter on his desk. A letter, inviting him to the company Christmas party, from Remus.

"Did you get my letter?" Remus leaned on Logan's desk, that same grin he always wore plastered on his face.

"Yes, though I dont think you specified the office you want it delivered to?" Logan replied.

"Oh! My bad, I think it was right abooouuuuttt- here," Remus pressed a finger to Logan's nose, Logan tensed slightly, his cheeks flushed red.

"You turn a very pretty red when you're nervous," Remus purred, resting his head on his arms, which were now crossed over Logan's desk wall.

"I-" Logan wasnt sure what to say, here was all the evidence, right in front of his face, and yet he still didnt dare believe it.

And he didnt believe it, not until the day of the Christmas party, where he arrived in a limousine, hand in hand with the man, to a cruise ship of all places, wearing, for the first time in his life, a stunning midnight blue dress, that made him feel like he was worth a glance.

Though of course, no amount of party dresses could top that which he wore on his wedding night, a floor length gown of Remus' own design, studded with pearls and sequins, reflecting blue lights everywhere he walked.

"Remember how I said I wouldnt mind seeing a face like yours every day?" Remus said, smiling as he moved Logan's veil.

"Well, you wont have to worry about that now, will you?" Logan said, smiling, and he relished in the kiss that Remus placed on his lips, Remus' arm pulling Logan closer and closer by the waist, until the space between them was so thin that they were almost attached.

----------------------------------------------

Tag list:

@thefivecalls

@willowaudreykeyes

@pricklyfish777

@the-sad-strawberry

@private-snippers

@extercs-experiences

@theonetruebeepboop

@mycatshuman

@teamplutoforlife

@melodiread

@meowthefluffy

@frawkeye

@cemmy

@nerosdayinhell

@thecolorfulolive

@frog-candy-bee

#cori writes #long post #birthday fics #intrulogical #romantic intrulogical #remile #queerplatonic remile #ts logan #ts remus #ts roman #ts remy #ts emile

[ohmyprodigalson]

Could you do a imagine or HC of Malcolm and the reader’s wedding day?

Ok,so a few things first.

This is similar to the dress I imagined, except the bodice would have a more modest neckline and it would have more embroidery, less beading.

And this is the song that gets referenced.

On to the story!

Word Count: 2255

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Malcolm didn't want a wedding, but (Y/N) begged him for it. He just wanted to be able to call her his wife and not hold what he felt was a glorified party. But (Y/N) explained that it was a ceremony for her, where she could proclaim to the world how much she loved him. When she put it that way, he gave in and accepted it. So today he found himself in a hotel room with Gil and some of his male relatives getting dressed in matching suits. The only down-side to this wedding was that Jessica tried to control every last detail. (Y/N) was stubborn though and got her way on the things that were most important to her, and he was able to win the fight over what the men would wear. He refused to wear a tuxedo. Malcolm stood by the window, looking out and thinking about today as he tied his tie around his neck. It's strange, the mixture of nervousness and excitement. He couldn't wait to see (Y/N) and finally call her his wife. Gil joked with him from across the room. "You got cold feet, Bright?" Malcolm smiled and let out a small chuckle. "No, just thinking about today."

There was a knock at the door and one of the groomsmen answered. It was Jessica, making sure everything was running smoothly and on time. She looked around herself before scolding Malcolm. "Malcolm! You aren't ready yet? (Y/N) is already leaving." "Relax, mom." He walked over to where she was standing and placed his hands on her arms. "It's ok if today isn't perfect." "It most certainly is not." She had a look of frustration in her eyes. "Now finish getting dressed, all of you." She turned on her heels and left the room. Malcolm stood there with an amused smile as the groomsmen rushed to gather their things to leave. (Y/N) was struggling to get into the big SUV with her dress. Thankfully Jessica had agreed that getting a limo would be a little too much. And it wouldn't have solved this dress problem anyway. Ainsley was helping gather the material at the end of her dress as (Y/N) climbed into the back seat. She made it in and waited for the bride's maids to get in their cars before starting the journey to the ceremony. The wedding ceremony was going to be at one of the local parks. The aesthetic was natural and sweet. (Y/N) wanted to convey the innocence of true love. They found a part of the park that had a lot of trees that could surround the ceremony, and they hung intricate metal lanterns from the branches. There were white wooden chairs for the guests and white cloth laid on the ground as the aisle. The arbor at the end of the aisle was also painted white, but long strings of light pink flowers on vines were wrapped around it. There were accents of light pink to match the flowers, and there were some flowers attached to the chairs along the aisle. Guests were already starting to take their seats as the string quartet was warming up. The officiant stood beneath the arbor, reviewing his notes. (Y/N) and the bridal party arrived before Malcolm, so she waited in the car to hide from him. She was waiting on the other side of the park, where there was a luscious, green hill. They weren't going to take all of the pictures before the wedding, but they wanted a picture of the first time they saw each other. Jessica was there to coordinate it, and when Malcolm arrived she put them in position for the camera. On the count of 3, Malcolm would turn around and see her for the first time today. (Y/N)'s heart was beating out of her chest. She had been waiting for this moment since she picked out her dress. Would he like it? How would he react? Malcolm was excited to see her, and he started to get swept up in the joy of a wedding. When he finally turned around and saw her, he beamed at her. She was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen, and she looked perfect today. Her hair was long and flowy with loose twists containing small crystals that met at the back of her head. Her hair matched her dress, which was a ballgown made of organza, so that even though it had the layers of a ball gown, it was smaller and more elongated. He didnt expect to get teary-eyed when he saw her, but he was looking at his future wife on their wedding day. Malcolm reached out to hug her and she met him. "Do you like it?" "I love it. You look so beautiful." Holding her in his arms, he kissed her. They didn't even notice the photographer taking pictures from a distance. They were then quickly ushered to the ceremony. Malcolm took his place at the end of the aisle and waited for the ceremony to start. The quartet started playing when (Y/N) arrived and began to walk down the aisle. He smiled at her and couldn't hide the love he held for her in his eyes. She smiled back at him and the world disappeared around them. He held her hands in his as the ceremony commenced. When it was time to say their vows, both had them memorized so they continued to hold hands. Malcolm spoke first. He didn't break eye contact for a second. "When we met, I was a broken man. I couldnt sleep or eat, and I was always on the verge of a breakdown. But you have healed my soul. I can breathe again, and it's all thanks to you. You are the guiding beacon of light in the darkest of storms, and I hope to be the same for you. I promise to always protect you and love you. I would give anything to make you happy and see your beautiful smile every day for the rest of our lives." (Y/N) fought away the tears at the end of Malcolm's vows as she began to say her own. "You are my sun, and you fill my life with warmth and light. Before you, I had nothing and now with you, I have everything. I want to fight away your fears and wipe away your tears, like you have done countless times for me. You are my heart, and I will always love you for the rest of my life." When the ceremony was finished, they sealed their vows with a kiss. Malcolm had never kissed her with so much meaning as he did now, trying to tell her through his kiss that he meant every word he said, and(Y/N) reciprocated. After the cocktail hour the reception began. It was being held at an old, large stone cottage that had been turned into a special events location. It was warm and full of yellow light, and the rich wood floors played nicely with the continued theme of nature. The same light pink flowers were used in the centerpieces and there were lights strung up above to look like stars. So far everything happened according to Jessica's itinerary and she was pleased with herself. She started to finally relax when it was time for the first dance. But Malcolm was dragging his feet. He actually liked the ceremony, but he didn't feel like having this big party. He felt it was unnecessary, but it made (Y/N) happy. (Y/N) and Malcolm stepped out onto the dance floor. They had succeeded in getting a DJ for the wedding, but Jessica still insisted that they dance a proper waltz for the first dance. Though it was a little too formal for their liking, they both enjoyed dancing, so they didn't mind. Malcolm held (Y/N)'s hand and wrapped the other around her back. He led her around the dance floor and (Y/N) started to giggle. Malcolm chuckled and smiled as he asked, "What are you laughing at?" "This dance is just so serious. And everyone's awkwardly sitting around, waiting for it to be over." Malcolm looked around and saw all of the emotionless faces before he fell on his mother's. She was actually smiling. "Well, at least my mom is happy." Before the night was finished, (Y/N) had a surprise for Malcolm. It frightened her to do this, but he loved her voice. And what better way could she tell him once more today how much she loved him? She nervously approached the DJ and picked up a microphone. "Everyone, I have something I would like to say. I have a small surprise for Malcolm." The music began to play. "I would like to sing a song for the love of my life." Even though her cheeks were flush with embarrassment she sang her heart out. She was singing 'Your Song' by Elton John, but the version used in Ellie Goulding's cover. She even joked when singing the verse "See I've forgotten / If they're green or they're blue." (Y/N) said, after singing the lines, "They're blue, by the way," and the room was filled with amused laughter. Every time she made eye contact with Malcolm during the song, he was smiling widely. He was so happy that she thought to sing a song just for him. The reception came to a close as everyone slowly left to go home. After all of the guests had left, Malcolm and (Y/N) drove back to his apartment, now home for the both of them, to get some sleep before leaving for their honeymoon in the morning. In the back seat of the car, Malcolm reached out to hold (Y/N)'s hand. He gave her a soft smile and said, "I love you, Mrs. Bright."

Malcolm grabbed the mail out of the mailbox on their way up to their apartment. (Y/N) was walking pretty slowly because her feet hurt from standing and dancing in heels while wearing such a heavy dress. So Malcolm was helping her up the stairs and didn't look at the mail just yet. When they got inside their apartment she went to start the long process of getting undressed. He threw his jacket over one of the barstools at the kitchen island and started untying his tie with one hand as he looked through the mail. The third envelope in his hands had a familiar scrawl. When he recognized it, his stomach dropped and he stopped undressing, leaving his tie loose but still in a knot. Malcolm saw the tiny cursive written on the envelope and knew it was from his father. He dropped the other envelopes onto the counter as his right hand trembled. He opened it immediately and pulled out the letter. Malcolm's brows furrowed as he read it. Dear Malcolm, My dear boy, I heard you were getting married. Congratulations! But honestly, would it have killed you to tell your dear old dad? It hurts, you know, to learn about your own son's wedding from someone else. I haven't even met the bride! What is she like? Surely you love her very much to marry her, but I have to ask: is she pitting you against me? Is that why you stopped visiting? I want you to be happy, of course, but do you really want to be with someone that would keep you from your father? It doesn't matter anyway, you will always come back to me. I know you will, because we are the same. Just don't make me wait too much longer, ok? Love, Dad Malcolm stood silent, gripping the paper tightly in his hands. He was shaking ever so slightly. How did he find out about the wedding? He had kept (Y/N) from him this whole time, and Martin found out now? (Y/N) came back into the room, still in her wedding dress. She had to hold it up high to keep from walking on it because she finally got to get out of her heels. (Y/N) wasn't looking at him as she spoke. "Malcolm? Can you help me out of this dress? I thought I could reach the zipper and I can't..." She stopped dead in her tracks when she saw the look of anger and pain on his face. Somehow, she knew it was Dr. Whitly's fault. She could recognize the look he got in his eyes when his father was at the forefront of his mind. (Y/N) quietly walked up behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist, hugging him from behind. She waited for a moment before asking quietly, "Do you want to talk about it?" Malcolm's voice was barely more than a whisper. "No." He didn't want to worry her. He didn't want his father tarnishing the happiest part of his life. She hugged him tightly. "Don't let him ruin your wedding day, Malcolm. Whatever he said can wait, I'm sure. Let today be about us, not him." He thought for a moment. "You're right." He left her embrace and walked around the island to the stove. He turned on the gas and then held the letter above the burner, catching it on fire. Malcolm watched as his father's toxic words burned away before him. He let his anger and frustration burn with that letter. When it was finished and he turned the stove off, he turned around and let a mischievous grin spread across his face. "Now, let's get you out of that dress." 

#prodigal son #malcolm bright #malcolm x reader #prodigal son imagine #prodigal son fanfic #fanfic #imagine

[rox-the-proxy]

Of Last Men Standing and Runaway Kings

A Dimiclaude fix I wrote a while back and posted on Ao3, so you can also go read this there if you so desire. I'm basically in hell with all the ships I have for FE3H and have no shame. So here is this for you all to (hopefully) read and enjoy.

When Claude had offered him a home in the Alliance territory, after having seen him slip away silently from the armies after the defeat of his stepsister and her empire, Dimitri believed it to be a joke. After all, Claude was known for such things. But he seemed sincere about it, determined to help him even though Dimitri didn't ask for it, didn't think he deserved it. And in his own mind, he didn't. After he had savagely taken the lives of any and all who stood in his way of getting to Edelgard, why would he deserve help? He didn't think there was a logical explanation or reason for it. Never had, and he probably never would. But Claude saw differently, out of the three of them, it seemed he would be the last man standing. And honestly, Dimitri was fine with that. Happy with it even, after all, Edelgard had killed so many innocent people, Dimitri himself had done so as well and went mad with revenge and bloodlust. 

But Claude? No, not him. He remained calm, collected and even tried to stop Edelgard by helping the Kingdom as best as he could. In the end however....he too watched the brutality of Dimitri's actions when he took Edelgard's life. Even after it all, Dimitri believed that he would feel peace, that he would finally be free of the voices of the dead that haunted him as much as he was awake as they did in his sleep. But that didn't seem to be the case. Dimitri felt empty, lost, suddenly all that anger and lust for blood was gone with her death, but....he still didnt feel better. He couldn't fathom why he didnt feel better, he truly couldn't understand why he felt so much worse. Maybe because it had been his Stepsister, someone he had grown close to. Maybe that is why it felt so much worse. He had only come back to his senses after everything was said and done, after the damage had been done and there was no turning back time now. 

The way back to the Leicester Alliance took longer then what Dimitri had been expecting. Though it made sense seeing as they had to go deep into the Empire territory to reach the Capital of Enbarr. He had never ridden a Wyvern before so when Claude had pulled him up on his own then sat behind him, he was a bit nervous, especially when the said White colored Wyvern shot up into the sky. For those few moments, he had shut his remaining eye tightly and held his breath even. After a little while he was able to relax and enjoy the silent ride all the way back. Or, at least somewhat silent. Claude tried to maintain conversation with him as best he could as to keep the one eyed Male out of the dark depths of his mind. He was good at that, keeping people distracted from the stress and worries of the world. As well as good at keeping people distracted from they needed to do, if their academy days were a thing to go by that is. As they flew well into near sunset, Claude had also taken it upon himself to teach the blonde a few things about riding a Wyvern, even going as far as to allow him to hold onto the reins. 

It had been the most grounded and human Dimitri had felt in quite a long time if he was going to be honest. Five years of solitude and killing mercilessly often times took the humanity out of a person. Either way, Dimitri didn't feel like an empty husk, or a mindless animal. For the first two days in the Alliance, Dimitri never left Claude's side. Part of that was due to him not wanting to be anywhere else, but also in part that he was an outsider, he wasn't trusted enough to be left alone. On the third day however he was surprised when Claude took him to where the Wyvern are usually kept and there the green eyed man gifted him a beautiful single blue eyed Wyvern who's scals were as dark as a starless night sky. He had explained that this one got hurt young and hasn’t been able to ride out. However, He could cover his blindside like can cover his. And that he felt like it would help him in the long run to adapt to a new world to give him a task to focus on such as training a wyvern in order to get back on his feet. 

Claude had gone further to explain that this particular Wyvern is temperamental, moody, isolated himself, protective of younger born wyverns to a point, and wary to strangers. To be honest, Dimitri could see himself a lot in this creature. He had also been informed that he wasn't from these lands. He flew home in the wrong directions after getting hurt and breeders found him. Marianne tried her best but even she had a hard time convincing it to be near a rider. Dimitri had been worried when that had been explained to him. However Claude gave him a reassuring smile, telling him that those people are not like him. Without a name of his own he refused to listen to anyone else. So flying on his own was out of the question. Dimitri had spent the rest of that day getting to know his new Wyvern, and that same night he had tried a multitude of names before the one eyed creature seemed to like and react to one particular name; Aslan. 

After that, Claude took him back to the Von Riegan manor. From there he had asked the green eyed male for a favor, if he could take his old armor and cloak and keep it hidden from him. As a deserter of the Holy Kingdom of Faerghus, he didn't feel like he had a right to wear the royal blue that everyone associated with the Kingdom itself. Claude had been reluctant at first, it was like Dimitri was still trying to Vanish from the world. But the tired, lost, sorrowful look in his remaining eye is what convinced Claude to agree and do as the other man had asked him to do. For another few days, Dimitri spent his days getting to know Aslan as well as being shown around by Claude. Around the second week was when Claude announced that Dimitri was now an official citizen of the Alliance and his retainer as well. In that moment, Dimitri was in small state of shock. He hadn't been sure if he could believe or not. After all, how else was he supposed to take the news? Especially when he had learned later that Claude had over ruled the other lords and advisors just to make sure that he had a citizenship.

That night, the blonde found himself shirtless, hair dripping wet, sitting in a chair in front of a mirror in Claude's room as the man dried his hair. The day had been long, full of paperwork and he had begun to hallucinate, hearing the voices of his father, Glenn and all those who had died protecting him. All of them asking him why he had ran, why was he leaving his Kingdom on it's own, why was he running away like a coward. That had lead to a rather....uncomfortable breakdown for him, so much so he had disassociated for a few hours. When he finally seemed to have slowly come back out of it, he had found himself looking up at Claude who was sitting to his left near the edge of the bath, washing his hair out for him. It was...embarrassing to say the least that he had a tough time doing the basic things like washing himself, remembering to eat or even drink. After the bath, and getting half dressed he silently sat there, letting the now Leader of the Alliance dry and brush his hair. 

Dimitri was startled out of his thoughts when he felt a pair of hands gently cupping his cheeks and a thumb brushing over his scarred eye, he was quick to reach up and grip the hands by the wrists, but also seemed to realize these hands were not going to cause him any harm. He had to take a few deep breaths before he slowly released his tight hold on Claude's wrists. He felt a pang of shame and guilt when he saw the discoloration on the beautifully tanned skin, he always had an issue with controlling that monster strength of his. Even now, after five and a half years he still couldn't quite get a hold on it, though at this point it was sure due to his lack of caring about it a year after he had been kept locked up in a certain in the Kingdom by Cordila. God he was so pleased to watch the life fade from her eyes. That thought alone however, sent a cold chill down his spine, one that sent a shudder through his body. Claude had clearly noticed, how could he not when he had his face cupped between his hands? He didn't say anything on the matter, he merely kept gently brushing his thumb over the scarring of his now ruined and dead eye. 

"Its okay, it doesn't hurt. It wont bruise." 

Dimitri felt comforted by those gentle words, even though he had a hard time believing it. He had crushed skulls with his hands, he had broken steel Lances, swords, scissors, sewing needles and many other things as well. So he found it hard to believe that the other man wouldn't have bruising around his wrists. Truly, it seemed like all he was good at was hurting those he loved, and letting them die due to his inability to do a damn thing. 

"My apologies." Dimitri whispered, hardly recognizing his own voice. "It...came as a shock."

"I would imagine so, finally back with us?" Claude asked, he wouldn't move or stop what he was doing until he knew for a fact Dimitri was all there again. Or at least as close to being all there as he could be considering whatever hell he had witnessed over the past five and a half years. He felt the other give the smallest nod before he gave the one eyed man a reassuring smile. "Good, I'm almost done with your hair, and then we can go to bed, okay?"

"If that is what you wish, my Lord."

"Claude." 

He wasn't used to being called lord or anything else of that kind. In fact, he didn't like it. Especially when it came from Dimitri of all people. Despite him having no noble or royal status here in the Alliance as of today, that didn't meant he actually wasn't royalty. The man was heir to the Kingdom Of Faerghus Throne, but he had decided to throw that part of him away and simply try to vanish from the world, when he had confronted Dimitri about leaving and asked if he wanted to be a forgotten king, the other hadn't denied it, but he didn't confirm it either. But it was clear that's what he wanted if his silence and longing look at the idea of simply being forgotten was anything to go by. Claude had felt an unbearable need to help Dimitri when he saw him like that. So he did, and without hesitation as well, when he heard the rumors of the Mad King of Faerghus, he could see why even Dimitri himself had stopped seeing the humanity in himself. He had even seen first hand how brutal he could get in the battle field, he had even experienced getting a wound from him. Something he wasn't quite ready to let Dimitri know about or even remind him about just yet. The man had enough guilt piled a mile high on his shoulders. He wordlessly stood up, and simply went back to the task at hand of brushing his hair. It was...shocking to see the scars that littered Dimitri's back and front. He had so many, all ranging from small, to large, from clean and nearly unnoticeable to unsightly and inflamed slightly. The one on his eye seemed to be the one that bothered him most, he supposed that Dimitri had expected Claude to flinch back at the sight of it, but no. He didn't do that, and he could see how that seemed to ease the blonde's Feral behavior. 

"There, come on, let's get to bed. We have a long day tomorrow." 

He held his hand out to the one eyed male once he was standing in front of him again. During his time here, Claude had made it habit to always hold his hand or have the blonde hold onto his arm as they walked around. Either way, Dimitri was always close to his side, he made sure of that. In a sense, he guessed he was doing this mainly to keep the other grounded as they went about doing daily tasks that needed to be done after such a large scale and sudden war. And well, he wanted the other man close to him, he wanted to save him and make up for those he couldn't save. This was his own way of atoning for the old friends he had to kill. He could only imagine what Dimitri felt like what he had to do in order to atone for his own actions which had been so much worse than what many could even imagine. He only hoped that maybe one day, despite what he had done, Dimitri could see the humanity in himself. For now though, Claude was happy to help him as much as he could. As he finally got the blonde to lay down, he sat next to him as he looked down at the runaway king. He looked so tired, clean at least, but he just looked exhausted. The bags under his good eye, the fact he looked much thinner then what Claude could remember. And well, the fresh wound on his left hip and on his shoulder. 

"El...even in her last moments she refused to go down without inflicting another wound." 

Ah, so that's where the one on his shoulder came from. He wondered about the one on his hip, it was a rather big slash and it had horrible, painful bruising around it. Almost as if it had gotten infected, thankfully though that wasn't the case. Claude sighed as he moved to lay down, but kept himself propped up with his elbow. Dimitri looked much more relaxed now that his head was resting on pillows, a mattress that supported him nicely under warm blankets that fought off the chill of the night breeze that flowed in through the window. His hair cascading over the soft pillow and over his eyes. Slowly the green eyed male reached down and gently brushed those gold colored locks out of his face. His hand lingered, entangled in those freshly washed, soft locks of hair. The action seemed to help Dimitri relax, especially as he watched the remaining good eye close slowly and stay that way even minutes later when he slowly pulled his hand away. He had never seen the other so relaxed, so vulnerable and he wasn't sure if he liked just how small he looked despite him being a rather tall man.

"Why are you doing this?" 

The question came out of nowhere and it had startled the green eyed male considering he had thought the other man had fallen asleep. Clearly that was not the case, and he had a feeling that hadn't been the case in a long time, if the dark bags under his eye were anything to go by. The said green eyed male reached down slowly, gently and carefully caressing the man's cheek, his fingers stopping under the dark bags. That blue eye that used to shine with life was dull, haunted. Claude missed that look he used to have, he used to smile, used to shine so bright, but war changed people, Dimitri had witnessed horrors at such a young age and then again when Edelgard declared war on the church. That war had killed all of their former selves, but for Dimitri it was like he was a completely different human being all together. It was frightening, he would admit that much. It was such a stark change that it left everyone in shocked, especially considering everyone thought he had died in the Kingdom, executed by the people he once trusted. 

"Because, your still my friend. And I, for once, want to be able to save one person with my own hands. I want to show you that you aren't a monster like you claim to be." 

It seemed that had been a response that Dimitri was not expecting. He could tell he was shocked and rendered speechless. Claude would admit he was proud of the reaction he got out of him. The green eyed male smiled, as he draped his arm over the other and pulled him close once she finally decided to lay down fully. "Sleep, runaway king of Lions. Tomorrow is a long day." He said with a soft hum. 

That night, for once Claude realized out of the three of them, despite Dimitri being alive, he truly was the last man standing. But at least out of the three of them, two would continue to live and he would make sure Dimitri would as well.

#Fire Emblem Three Houses #fe3h #fe16 #fe3h dimitri #fe3h claude #dimitri alexandre blaiddyd #claude von reigen #Post-War era #AU #dimiclaude #fanfiction #fe3h fanfic

[herstarburststories]

You left me ✘ Barry Allen Imagine ✘

✘ A/N: I'm not even gonna talk about my delay because y'all know me. School's last year is busyyyy. Also, angstttt. Tbh I do not consider this one too much angst. But well. I'm having seconds thoughts about the result but let's see it!

Beta: @lyss-91.

CHECK MY MASTERLIST (bio).

✘ Request: Can you do a Barry Allen X reader and Barry comes home from work and Y/N is gone because she got powers and she couldnt control them so she Avoided Him bc she didnt want to hurt him.

3 HOURS AGO

You looked around with a helpless smile. Every molecule of your body aching, trying to make yourself stop at that exact spot in the middle of the room and wait for him, not just walk through the door and run away.

But you knew that this was the closest act of doing the right thing you would ever do. It wasn't your wish to leave, it was an altruistic need.

You held the piece of paper with her trembling hands while stared at your unique calligraphy in the tough words written there. A single cold tear slipped down your cheek, landing on the letter; proof that it hurt as much as you'd demonstrate into words.

You sniffed and shook your head, pushing these feelings away from your rationality. Doing this was necessary.

Your scarlet boots echoed on the wooden floor as you walked toward the door.

A thump, the door closed.

And there was no love left inside the apartment.

                                ×××

CURRENT TIME

Dear Barry, 

No. That could not be happening. It wasn't possible, not even an imaginary option. Someone had tampered with this, right? He was a forensic scientist, he could grab it, take it to the lab and- 

Oh Jesus. That’s so cliché, huh? Dear and blah, blah, blah. Not exactly my cup of tea - I always wanted to say that-, the only romantic cliché that I ever experiencied was those annoying butterflies in my stomach everytime you touched my skin. 

No, that wit sugary could not be simulated. It was you, his girl. 

See? I mean, read? You, even when not by my side, make me act like a chick-flick romance. Bleh. 

But that’s not the point. The point is... God, how do I say it without breaking our hearts? 

Well, I don’t think there’s a politely way. Even though I'm a writer, I can't make it look softer.

I’m leaving you, babe. 

Or the girl he thought that was his. 

I’m so sorry, I really am. As much as I know that you won’t believe me, I beg you to do so: I love you. Deeply, desesperatly. Pure as the angel that you are, strong as the devil that I am, I love you. Always did, since the first time that you saw me. Or should I say stalked me on Jitters? Boy, that was creepy.

Barry Allen's first instinct was to laugh softly, as he always did when it was something about you. (Y/N), the love of his life, the incarnated affirmation of such a theory like love at first sight when he rolled his eyes at something Cisco spoke at Jitters - mission: coffee and brownie for Iris and Caitlin - and looked to the side, accidentally laying the green orbs on you, not many months ago. Unfortunately, any sign of happiness or lightness was braked in the deep of the Flash's throat. 

You were leaving.

(Y/N), abandoning him. 

Something happened. You know how that blue-haired metahuman, who Iris wrote about could control water molecules? I can control fire by myself. 

I have no idea how it happened, if anything exploded again or some anomalie inside my blood made BLOW. The thing is, if you look inside our room, you’ll notice that some places are burned. I tried to cover it as best as I could. I wish I could say that is what it is, just this small accident. 

But, of course it’s not. 

His heart was racing faster than his feet ever could, almost exploding. The air in his lungs was scarce, Barry could feel his throat closing as he gasped in opposition. 

It felt like having a panic attack, just as he had when he was a child after his mother's death. 

Once again, someone Barry loved was leaving. And he could not do anything about it. Not even now that he was Flash.

He was still that impotent eleven-years-old boy. 

Our postman, Mr. Charles, that old, gentle old man? He showed up today while I was home. As aways, he was really atencious, asking about me and you. When we’d get married. But when he extended his arm to give me the mail, I accidently burned his hand. 

Holy hell. He tried to process it, though only more questions came to distance the answers, just like his worry about you. You must be feeling so bad, so scared, so... Alone. And Mr. Charles, how was he? Was he still alive? Barry wanted to run. Either with his eyes to finish reading it or with his feet to go away, to you. Yet, there The Flash was paralyzed.

He is okay. Alive, at least. 

Reading it was, at least, a relief. Charles was a good man.  Unfortunately the good news was attached to a catastrophic thing, as always. After all, Barry Allen did not win, only The Flash did. 

He wondered why. Why (Y/N) would do this? He could have helped you, the whole Team Flash could. They dealt with similar things, even worse; they could train you until you found the power of self-control. They would have everything in hand.

The ugly answer came hard and fast, like a punch in the face.

Barry didn't tell you that he was The Flash. In his mind, for noble reasons. Protection. He loved you more than anything and wanted you to stay alive to love even more. The hero did not think that would have such brutal consequences. You screaming when you'd find out? Breaking something? Sleeping with a friend for a few nights? All this was understandable. Painful, but fleeting.

But that? That was fatal. 

I love you with every piece of my human being body. You’re the blood in my veins, the happiness in my smile. My sun to the Moon that I am. And that’s why I need to leave. 

With the powers of his persona, Barry no longer had to worry about some trivial things. His mind taking too long to understand something was one of those. But at that moment, his brain was in a chaotic loop, which would leave a wound open for a long time.

If he'd gotten home two minutes faster, maybe it would not have happened. If he had been honest with you from the beginning, he could be comforting you now. So many 'ifs' and only a reality.

If I hurt you, I wouldn’t survive. Neither would you. 

Barry's body was burning. What an irony. It was like he was about to vomit, hands shaking. The tears did not come, too frightened to see the outside world that called them so persistently. Was it his system trying to save himself by noticing that his heart was deteriorating, his senses were already leaving him?

We could just be sleeping and suddenly you'd get a burn. Or worse. I can't deal with that. I can't be okay with being around people while I am not able to control it. Me.

How strange. I always saw metahumans as people and not its. Clearly, because they are. No matter how bad they've become. Yet, right now all I feel is like an it.

I became a it.

I wonder if they felt like that. If I'll ever feel as powerful as some of them seem to.

I need to go, Barr. To far away, to find answer.

The forensic scientist knew he could faint anytime, he was giving up his own mind. 

Keep being everything this worlds needs, my nerd. 

Always yours, 

(Y/N). 

You were out there. Alone, scared. Of course, you could handle yourself. He was fully aware of that. Still, Allen knew how hard it was to deal with such powerful things. Especially when your contact time with the new part of yours was so horrendous.

And it was his fault. He felt it. 

All of it.

Barry ran away and checked the city countless times, that only took a few seconds. (Y/N) wasn't anywhere to be seen, she had probably even left the state. He went back to the apartment, grabbing the letter again. Rethinking and oscillating between his human and heroic speed to do so.

He'd lied to you for months, and still had the audacity to kiss you and promise things that he clearly could not keep up. Barry Allen let his bright star melt and trickle down his pale fingers, hurting both him and you in the process.

And (Y/N) was gone.

His mother was gone.

His father was gone.

Finally, his body forgot that foolish resistance, surrounding to its breakdown. The Scarlet Speedster, Barry fell to the ground in a thundering noise, the tear-stained letter crumpled in his right hand while he put his head between his legs and cried as hard as he could.

He was gone.

#barry allen #barry allen imagine #barry allen x reader #grant gustin imagine #grant gustin #barry allen imagines #barry allen x you #imagine barry allen #grant gustin x you #imagine #imagine grant gustin #grant gustin x reader #the flash #the flash imagines #grant gustin imagines #the flash x reader #imagine the flash #the flash imagine #the flash x you #barry allen headcanon #grant gustin the flash #barry allen smut #the flash headcanons #barry allen the flash #flash x you #the flash cw #the flash ships

[dvrkhclme-blog]

✕ — wasn’t that raven darkholme wandering the streets of new york, 1973? civilians know them as mystique and see them as a villain. as far as i know, the one hundred and fifty+ year old stands with the x-men (sometimes), and are rumoured to be pretty deceptive & misanthropic. ( julianne moore / gender-fluid / typically she/her ) 

{ trigger warnings : mental illness, suicide, sexual abuse, drugs, terrorism, murder  }

hey everyone, i’m sophia!! i’m trash and neglected the intros for all my babies soooo i’m finally getting to them now!! anyways, i’m super excited to be here at 1973hq & i hope we can all be good friends!! <3 sooo. more about my first baby aka my murder!baby under the cut  

LEVEL 1: INTRODUCTORY INFORMATION ABOUT MY MYSTIQUE //

im not even gonna touch the mceu version of mystique ok thx therefore shes gonna be combination of comics mystique and a bunch of my own headcanons — soooo

LEVEL 2: SURFACE LEVEL MYSTIQUE — THE GOOD, THE BAD, THE UGLY // 

( skip this part if youre familiar with the mcu its basically a shortened version of her bio )

the binch is oLD ok??/ old af. probably several centuries old. i’d say 200 years old at minimum but its never really been disclosed

don’t even get me started on wtf i think happened to her to fight just to survive at age 12 when her mutation kicked in bcus,,, yike

her entire life has been characterized by betrayals. whether it be mystique betraying someone else (most likely) or her being betrayed by someone else (in the case of destiny)

her n destiny met in the early 20th century. destiny asked her to help decode her prophecies and to stop the terrifying ones from being fulfilled. they fell in Luv. they are partners. gay ass partners. (the original idea for mystique n destiny was for nightcrawler to be their canon kid. via mystique in a males body. but this was retconned bcus of homophobia thx but i’d personally love this hc if we get a kurt & it’s ok w/ them anyway )

anyway after ww2 she met sabertooth n had her first (canonically recorded) kid, graydon. who. lo n behold, she abandoned.

that’ll be a trend, fyi, better watch out for that

but graydon turned out to be a mutant hating human so thats fun

then mystique from our time went back in time in attempt to assassinate graydon (which doesnt, in the end, work),,,, also fun

then she gets married to a wealthy german count,,, uses her power to start seducing other people, when she meets azael who  manipulates and seduces her. has nightcrawler via azael ,, its cool

raven murdered her husband and was then regarded by her townsfolk n as a demon. she escaped but abandoned kurt,,, also cool

she adopts raven then. and actually genuinely loves her. (more on this in the next section)

she founds the 3rd version of the brotherhood n they do more terrorist shit good job mystique #magnetowasright

sike mystique betrayed  magneto and turned him into the government, turned the brotherhood into the freedom force, n started working for the gov. working for freedom force is when destiny died and that triggered one of mystiques many breakdowns (also more on this below)

she was v depressed at this time and taken advantage of by the shadow king. raven let herself be brainwashed by the government into thinking she was her own government handler to take down the shadow king. didnt work. he torments her the rest of her life. yike.  

she had nanotech put into her head so the government could force her to work for x-factor, while with them she finds out destiny during their partnership had other partners and kids she didnt know about and one was a mutant

graydon has this mutant savagely beaten. before mystique can kill graydon for this, hs followers kill him n turn him into a martyr. super fun. cue operation zero tolerance.

mystique went undercover as the senators wife for a while n used her connections to the fbi to do shadier shit

she then ran away and took some random chicks form and became a model and made a ton of cash — u go girl

except this kinda sucked for her because she moved into a penthouse suite which in the neighbouring building had skulls plotting to take down mankind. they framed her for a murder, her powers stopped working, n she was arrested

the government eased all her alternate identities and froze all her assets and access to the money she and destiny saved up for decades. cue another mental breakdown

then she finds out destiny was responsible for founding the anti-mutant conspiracy mystique spent her whole life trying to stop, and that destiny also didnt give medical attention to mutant kids who were deformed from their mutations

long story short she has an even worse breakdown n goes completely nihilistic, realizing she cant change the world for the better, she remakes the brotherhood and impersonates moira mctaggert to get her research on the legacy virus  

a bunch more shit happens with raven ending up in the care of homeland security. xavier makes a deal with her and breaks her out. everyont thought she tried to kill xavier,,, when she didnt actually,,, because xaviers a shady fuck,,, but oh well. rogue disowns her for it. leads to another mental breakdown.

because of this she decides fuq u xavier and creates a mutant kid identity for herself known as foxx and joins the xmen to stop rogue and remy’s relationship

she helped the x-men during this time n also helped save rogue’s life via the messiah baby. but once again her intentions are misconstrued

she snaps again and impersonates bobby drake’s girlfriend & gets the poor boy hospitalized

norman osborn then recruited her to the dark x-men, injected her with nanites, then helped logans soul to hell, but then changed her mind and helped get him back. when he got back tho he uh. well. killed her. her and sabretooth were both resurrected by the hand (more on this later)

mystique then rejoined the brotherhood, impersonated alison, and took her place as mutant liaison for shield, harvesting her DNA to make MGH (mutant growth hormone)

LEVEL 2.5: MYSTIQUE’S PLACE IN THIS VERSE

i imagine she went back in time to 1973 under the guise of helping people & being “reformed” but in reality she was also doing shady mystique shit on the side and probably trying to tie up some loose ends, whether it be with graydon, the shadow king, destiny, or someone else. or probably a combination

anyways now shes staying w/ the x-men part time and playing Good Girl for now. she wants to show everyone that shes reformed n better n just wants to do things for the betterment of mutant kind. wants 2 get their trust too

shes pretty. level headed right now i’d say. betsy braddock helped her during one of her mental breakdowns by telepathically realigning her fragmented psyche — she’s still mystique n still awful but not as chaotic anymore. and less prone to attack rogue or other people aimlessly. it’s much more goal oriented now.

LEVEL 3: MYSTIQUES PSYCHE //

ok so she identifies as gender fluid bcus she shape shifts forms but also because i imagine shes so sick of having sexualized herself all these decades to get what she wants that shes just fed up with gender norms and thinks theyre bullshit. she’s fine to go by she/her pronouns but she doesnt really identify as a specific gender in my head

she drinks but mostly absinthe and only w/ people she trusts. along those lines it’s similar for drugs but she loves a good high and a good hallucination

she has bouts of psychosis that her wiki defines as schizophrenia. it manifests in much more anger and aggression. hallucinations. delusions — especially presecutory and grandiose delusions — lack of pleasure (hence the nihilism), social withdrawal, and poverty of speech. her sense of identity becomes so fractured that she cant keep herself consistently in one body without it taking all of her concentration — and sometimes that isn’t even enough. she gets lots of mood and cognitive changes during these episodes — and completely loses her sense of self

despite her grandiose ego she’s actually very self conscious and refuses to look in a mirror. actually she’s scared of her appearance. she cant look at herself normally in fear of seeing a monster look back

this is also the reason she was so easily deceived by azael. he looked like a monster, too, and embraced her for how she is. he didnt make her change to fit another appearance that couldve been “more beautiful”

lastly, her motives for doing things??? are always for the betterment of mutantkind. over time this got very skewed and her belief became that the only way for mutants to actually live is for all humans to die. shes a terrorist through and through, but she loves mutants. she just has a personal vendetta against the x-men that’s grown over the years — her constantly being betrayed by people during her episodes of psychosis and the x-men never actually believing the real story (but also like. why would they??? shes often so awful too)

shes attempted suicide canonically in the past. she loses control of herself. it’s also heavily implied she’s been assaulted in the past. anyways shes a sad baby too

— so thats about it for my murder baby! yike this got a lot longer than i expected it to but anyways i cant wait to write her with all of you!! <3

#「 classified. 」 #﹠⋅ 。✗ ꜰɪʟᴇ. ⋮「 ── who am i? that is not a question easily answered. 」 #73:intro

[my-anonymous5444-blog]

My Story

---Hey guys sorry about being a downer i’ve just been wanting to share this for a long time 

2017 

Hello im 13 years old.  i wish i was dead. If wasn’t for my family i would be dead right now. When you commit suicide you just pass on the pain to someone else so i refuse to kill myself because I love my family too much. I don’t have any true friends and i hide my true self behind multiple masks and i think the farthest anyone outside my family  has ever gotten is 2 masks down. I believe i have at least 4 that i hide behind that’s why i don’t have any true friends. The only ones i do have are always putting me down or are just pretending to be my friend. I’m all alone. My sister knows me the best. But even when i’m with her i wear a mask. I feel so alone. Sometimes i wish that i didn’t have a family or anyone i cared about so i could just die and get it over with. I don’t tell anyone i want to die because i don’t want to be a burden, so i just bury the dark thoughts in the deepest darkest part of my mind to the place when i don’t even go. I hate my life. I’m so done with all the shit i have to deal with, at this point i wish i was dead. I’ve cut my legs and arms before but my knife was not very sharp so it dulled quickly and now it won’t cut skin so can’t do that anymore. I wish i was someone else. I think i’m not interesting and i hate myself. Everytime i take pills i think of overdosing, when i visit tall buildings i want to jump,  when i cross the street i think about jumping in front of a car, when i shave i think of cutting my wrists. I’m in pain and i can’t stop it. I don’t want to tell my friends because they will want to make me stop doing things i’m doing, like making myself throw up or cutting, but i won’t stop and it will be an endless cycle of me doing things and them telling me to stop. They’ll eventually get bored of it but they can’t stop telling me to get better because it will hurt their consciousness. I want to tell someone but i don’t know how. I don’t think i’m capable of feeling anymore. The only things i feel are sadness and depression and shame. I don’t feel happy or proud or anything else. The only glimmer of happiness i get is when i get other people to laugh. That's it. I eat away the pain but i hate myself so i throw up and cut and then eat more. There are so many things i can’t help that make me more depressed. 

2018

Everyone says i'm smart and funny and worthwhile but i feel useless and stupid and irrelevant. I always wear a mask of strength and i say i never cry but i cry a lot and think way too much about what people say. I don’t know why but other people’s opinions mean a lot to me. Even the people i hate have  opinions that i take to heart. i m always saying that i don’t want to get married or have kids. I say i don’t want to get married because i think marriage is a chain but actually i just don’t think i’m worthy for someone to love and i say i dont’ want kids because they are annoying but i don’t want kids because i can’t imagine bringing something i love into the stupid fucking world we have. The world sucks and i don’t want any kid growing up in it. I think i’m ugly and i hate my body. I’m constantly trying to numb the pain, sometime with movies or work. I wish i didn’t have to be born. I wish my parents had just had one daughter. I don’t want to die through suicide but i want to die. I find myself constantly wishing i would get shot or get run over or i would choke.  I hate being alive. 

Its 8th grade and i’m in costa rica. I tried to kill myself twice so far this year. i feel so damn alone and i dont think i can deal with it anymore. Im not with my family or my friends and im not sure how much longer i can hold on. I tried to slit my wrists with my razor but i dont think i cut my wrists in the right place because i didnt bleed that much. That was a week ago. Last night i was listening to rly sad music and id made me feel shitty. I tried to cut my wrists again and i did it right this time. I just kept cutting until i started bleeding a lot. I bled out in the sink . i had a panic attack and started hysterically crying. I had to be quiet so i was just sitting in the dark in the bathroom bleeding out with my hand over my mouth tears running down my face. I dont get it. I want to die but for some reason i cant kill myself.  My life doesnt have any meaning. Im ugly and stupid and completely worthless. Everyone tells me i have to learn to love myself but i can’t i wish i was worth while, i wish i was someone else. This one girl keeps joking about suicide and depression and it makes me mad but im to fucking ashamed and scared so i just sit there and i dont say anything. Why do i never say anything. Why can’t i have some actual opinions and not just agree because im scared of rejection. I would be better off dead. 

I finally told my family. I’m on medication and it seems to be working but not very much. They all say it will get better with time but i don’t want to live anymore i’m tired of it and im not even to the hard part yet. When i have access to alcohol and drugs i’ll probably become an addict because i’m scrabbling for a way to take away the pain. I can’t tell my friends because they wouldn’t understand. I feel alone all the time and i wish i wasn’t born. There are about 3 people besides those in my family that make me wanna live. Sophie, Celeste, and Audrey. That’s it. Sometimes i realize how dark my mind gets, like today there was a lockdown at school because someone thought that they had seen a man with a gun but it was a false alarm. While sitting against the closet i found myself wishing someone would shoot up my school so i could die and my family would eventually get over it. Then i realized what i had just thought and immediately was like stop it. I have so much stress and i’m not even in high school yet. I want to die. Even when i think about the future i get stressed out and sometimes have a mental breakdown. Someone please kill me. I was crying in the bathroom yesterday and some 6th grader heard me and asked if i was ok, i wiped my tears away and walked out like nothing had happened. Why can’t i show emotion to other people what am i so afraid of. Why cant i just be normal and express myself naturally? 

2019 Im now a freshman in high school. I’ve been getting better and the medication has been helping. Sometimes i still think about wanting to die but i’m a lot happier. I have a group of amazing friends and i can be myself around them. They love me and i love them. I also just fell in love with a boy for the first time and its a nice change from before. I know people lose  hope and give up. trust me, i’ve been through that and it sucks, but you keep going forward and things get better. I actually am enjoying life recently and i think it has to do a lot with going to therapy and trying to make more in depth connections with my friends and family. I still get pressured by my parents about grades and i can’t tell them a lot about thats going on. I’m addicted to nicotine and i think i may be getting addicted to alcohol too. It feels so good when your high or drunk. Im trying to make better decisions but its fucking hard. And old habits die hard. My mom called me worthless the other day. She said that if i didnt work hard i wasn’t going to go anywhere in life, which is accurate but it was like she was accusing me of not trying when im trying my hardest and im stretched so thin. I love my boyfriend. he makes me so damn happy and we have such a strong connection. I want to be with him forever and i want him in my life forever but i know he’ll find someone better and i can’t help but wonder how he’ll break my heart. 

- I know its weird to share this online but i just want people that are going thr the same thing or have gone thr something like this that they aren’t alone 

#mylife

[iamsonyeondone]

plus one // kim doyoung

♥  florist! doyoung x wedding planner! reader 

♥  fluff!

♥  2.5k words

as much as your job required you to run multiple errands and search for whatever the bridezillas were so persistent to having

it was still something you had fun doing especially when you get clients who were unexpectedly easy-going

but even if they werent, you tried your best to look at the brightside

and maybe also confide in the multiple shop owners you had gotten to know through your job

irene, the owner of the boutique that you would always recommend to your clients, is always a sweetheart to you whenever she sees you drop by to check on the dresses

when i meant sweetheart, i meant the kind where she really takes care of you like a motherly figure

“are you sure you’ve gotten enough to eat? wendy stopped by with lunch and she brought some extra. have lunch with me?”

or “did you stain your dress shirt again? change into this one and i’ll take care of that stain,” as she casually whips out detergent and fabric softener from in between the dresses????

but you also have the bakery where you accidentally become the food critic for kun because he cant trust his nephew's friends because they’ll eat anything edible

especially jaemin who may or may not have sneaked behind the counter to make his own concoction of coffee because kun wouldnt’t let them in

but thats because the last time they went into the kitchen, they nearly burnt the building down

anYways, whenever you meet kun its always the usual “try this” “yn what do you think?” “is it a little too sweet?”

and you try your best to give whatever knowledge you have from cakes that your clients have ordered

and kun would have this big smile, thanking you before he rushes off to the kitchen again

aside from the two most loveliest people you’ve ever met on the job, theres was one other person who wasn’t as lovely

or at least not as welcoming

kim dongyoung, the florist you always order from but you just wished he would be a little less,,, sarcastic

it’s not like you hated him for being him

you just cant wrap your mind around the fact that nearly every sentence that comes out from his mouth would be sarcastic

like that one time you couldn’t pronounce peonies and pronounced them as ponies instead and he looked at you with That Look

as if you couldn’t pronounce cat or something

“this isn’t a stable yn. if you wanted to see horses, this isn’t the place you should be going to,”

and sometimes he gets on your nerves when you call out to him and he just ignores you because you’re just dropping by to check on the bouquet order

and he just goes like “did yall hear sumn?”

but one day, when you were absolutely exhausted from tending to a third-level bridezilla aka the second worst kind, and you had your last stop at the flower shop

you went in as per usual and asked if doyoung had already prepared the bouquet you asked him to prepare the day before

and doyoung scoffs, “you think?” 

and it wasn’t even half as bad as he usually teased you

but you’re suddenly in tears and it most definitely caught doyoung off-guard

like he’s always seen you remain firm and strong no matter how annoying he gets most of the times

but to see you in shambles like this made him feel like the biggest douchebag on earth

instead of showing you the bouquet, he brings a tissue box from his desk and wipes your tears, repeating his apologies as much as he could

and as your sniffling and hiccuping from your breakdown, doyoung curses in his head

because he’s the biggest idiot, getting his heart shattered just by looking at your distress

“kun came by because he wasn’t on shift today and knew you would be coming later so he dropped off some bagels and coffee if you wanted. he said it was another experiment,”

while your throat still felt like a pit was stuck in it, you nodded your head slowly while doyoung fetched the paperbag and a cup from his desk

the two of you sat in silence while you nibbled on the bag, thinking to yourself to thank kun when you see him

and doyoung just sits on the opposite side, leaning back on his chair with his arms folded

and you feel like he’s burning a hole through your head with his eyes and couldnt help but take a few glances his way

and he’s just staring right at you

as if he was too far into dream land to notice you were looking back at him

the way his face looked a little solemn, which was unusual for you to see him in that state

that was until you remembered the little breakdown from earlier and your eyes shift away from his dark ones

you couldnt handle the silence any longer, fidgeting in your seat as you sipped your drink

“im...sorry for earlier. it was a rough day and-”

“i’m the one who was supposed to apologize, you don’t have to,” he cut you off, sighing as he combed through his hair with his fingers

“yeah but it must’ve been awkward seeing me be a crybaby,”

and doyoung bites his tongue from agreeing with you 

“we all have our moments, im just glad you dont see mine,” 

you gasp dramatically, placing a hand on your chest, an obvious attempt to lighten the mood

“kim dongyoung cries too,”

“ha ha very funny. I’m not a robot you know,” he rolled his eyes and somehow, seeing you with that growing smile on your face lifted a weight he didnt know had been on his shoulders

“anyways, i need to close up shop now so make sure you got all your things,” he waved his hand, dismissing you as he locked up the back room and packed his belongings

just as you slung your bag over your shoulder, a picture of him and kun as well as their friends were framed and put on his desk

and you weren’t sure how you weren’t able to spot such a striking photo full of a huge group of guys

but when you see doyoung smiling so brightly in the photo, you couldn’t help but smile as well

“if you’re done oggling my friends, you could maybe get out before you get locked in?” he raised a brow, leaving the door open as he waited for you to leave

as he locked the main doors, you couldnt help but imagine that big grin on his face

“why don’t you ever smile as often?” you questioned him out of the blue

“i dont see a need to.” he replied nonchalantly, walking off once the entrance was locked

“whatever floats your boat i guess. by the way...” you trailed off, stopping him in his tracks as he turned back to face you

“thank you, doyoung,” you smiled, waving him goodbye before rushing off to the other direction

for some reason, your cheeks felt like they had been lit on fire and the tightening feeling around your chest felt unfamiliar

and while you were too busy fussing over symptoms that would have been obvious to the public eye, doyoung watched your figure disappear while a smile grew on his face

with a small chuckle he turned the other way and huffed

“maybe smiling isnt that bad,” he mumbled under his breath, taking slower than usual in his walk back home

a week passes and said third-level bridezilla's wedding had finally arrived

and you've never felt more tired than you did in your entire college life

with barely 2 hours of sleep, you rushed around the venue with your clipboard in hand, checking things off your list once they were prepared

after the main hall had been done, it was finally your time to do your job as councellor for the bride but a tap on your shoulder stops you from rushing to the waiting room

"yn? cant believe you forgot something so important," doyoung smirks, pointing to a bouquet of fresh flowers in his other hand

you sigh, thanking him profusely as you took it carefully into your arms

your concealer wasnt doing a good job in hiding your dark circles, and the stray strands of hair that were sticking out from your once styled hair made you look unkempt

"is there anything else you need help with? im free for the rest of the day," doyoung asks without hesitation

remembering the mental breakdown you had that day was a good enough reason to ask you

"i dont- i dont think so but i need to go and see the bride before it starts and then check if the groom's ready and most importantly the rings and the ringbearers are probably with the groom too-"

"I'll check on the groom and the ringbearers, while you go tackle that monster in the waiting room," he chuckle

and you see this wide smile plastered on his face

and for a split second, your heart nearly jumps right out of your chest

but when the thought of the bride comes wrecking through, you thank him once again, running down the hallway with your clipboard close to your chest

while doyoung jogs off to find the groom, his heart racing for one reason only

as your calming the bride down with the second box of tissues, trying your best to maintain the makeup that the makeup artist had painstakingly done for 2 whole hours

doyoung was more than ready, already ensuring the groom’s outift as well as the ringbearer who was the groom’s adorable nephew

all that’s left was to wait for the event to begin

once the bride had calmed down and successfully did not wipe the hours of work on her face, you checked on the bridesmaids before heading off to the venue

just as you walked down the halls, you see doyoung walking ahead of you

as quietly as you could, you sneaked up behhind him, grabbing his shoulders and scaring him

yet doyoung didnt even make a sound

until you pouted and he couldnt resist letting out the most sarcastic yell paired with the most unamused expression

"sheesh, you could've just stopped at not reacting rather than give me the shittiest one you've ever given me," you huffed, brushing your stray strands of hair as the both of you walked side by side

"but it was entertaining seeing you fail, so it wasn't really a failure was it?" he teased

and yet the endearing gesture of his to brush the annoying strand of hair behind your ear is the only thing you can notice

"y-yeah whatever. besides, is everything ready on the groom’s side?” you questioned, avoiding his eyes

“he’s practically ready to say his vows right now. what about the bride? heard she had the sixth mental breakdown today,” he chuckled while you groaned, massaging your temples

“she started crying about her double chin because she’s been stress-eating the past week so the make-up artists had to contour her chin a little more,” your story made doyoung burst out laughing, and although it caught you by surprise, you laughed along, relishing in the rare moment

“let’s get this over and done with,” his smile still shining after his laughing fit

“we?” you raised a brow

“you really think you can handle this bridezilla alone?” he smirked

“let’s do this then,” with a final look and a loud thump of your heart, you and doyoung head over to the venue 

everything went on smoother than you had planned - the bride only started crying after her vows, the cute nephew didnt trip over his own two chubby feet and everything was done just as it did during rehearsals

you couldnt control the relieved smile on your lips and doyoung might have not be able to control his eyes from watching you every once in a while, his smile mirroring yours

“now all that’s left is the reception in two hours. see you later then?” you asked doyoung while everyone else scattered out of the venue

“of course you will. before i go, wear something blue,” he flashed you another smile before rushing out of the doors

did he...ask you that for the two of you to match?

you shake your head from the clouds while your heart raced once more

doyoung really has a way of creeping into your heart

as the reception began and you were walking from one end to another to ensure everything was ready, you dont notice doyoung walking in with a navy blue suit, his hair swept back

because if you did, you would have stopped entirely and knocked into one of the waiters

which was something you nearly did if it werent for one of the bride’s sisters

“did i see what i think i saw, yn?” in a second, doyoung was now in front of you and that damn smirk of his on display

“shut up, you didnt see anything. and anyways, why did you ask me to wear blue anyway? i had to ask irene to borrow me one,” you sighed, brushing off imaginary dust off of your outift to distract you from how good-looking doyoung had become

not like he wasnt good-looking in the first place

“to match with me obviously, i can’t come here uninvited so i guess i’m you’re plus one for now,” he shrugged when in reality, its making it hard for him to breathe and difficult for him to not only focus on you

“i completely forgot-”

“yn! thank you for helping my sister with her wedding- oh is this your boyfriend? is he the one in charge of the bouquet?” the sister’s bride grins wide while the two of you exchanged anxious looks

“y-yeah, he’s the one who arranged the bouquet. how is the outfit change going?” you mustered up a sweet smile to cover your raging heart as you linked arms with doyoung, nudging him to play along

“oh everything’s fine, dont worry about it. by the way, if you guys ever plan on tying the knot, dont fret to call me, i will gladly lend a helping hand,” but before she could go on about marriage, she was pulled to the side by her cousin, leaving you and doyoung 

“to make this easier, why dont i just be your actual plus one?” doyoung shrugged, sneaking his fingers to intertwine with yours instead, making you freeze on the spot

“what?” you nearly snap your head from turning to look at him

“did i stutter?” he squeezes your hand, a small smile adorning his face

“wait, the feelings are mutual?-” you stutter, still wide-eyed from his sudden confession

“oh god you’re such an idiot, but i guess you’re my idiot now,” he let out a tired chuckle, holding you by the waist and pressing a gentle kiss to your temple

kim dongyoung was actually a lovely florist

he just had no idea how to handle ‘feelings’

a/n: its been so long since i wrote that im having so much trouble making sense of my words but i hope you guys like it!!

#kpop #imagine #scenario #writing #fanfic #fanfiction #x reader #reader #reader insert #bulletpoint scenario #nct #nct 2018 #nct u #nct 127 #kim dongyoung #kim doyoung #doyoung

[lovelustthrustt]

I miss you.

Hi.

I miss you.

I wish that was enough to accurately describe how I feel, but it doesn’t, not even close. I don’t just miss you; I feel so much more than a mere longing. I could create a galaxy full of life with what I feel for you. I feel everything. My heart hurts so much, but it also is filled with so much love, especially for you.

I miss your laugh, your lame jokes, your hugs, your singing and dancing, I miss our six flags trips. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I can’t say it enough. I miss seeing everyone happy. I miss your beautiful contagious smile. You had a personality that could have made anyones day better.

I thought 137 days would at least put a dent in how much I hurt, but it didn’t. It’s been 137 days of your absence, 137 days of missing you, 137 days of “being strong”. It’s been 137 days of trying to forget, 137 days trying not to care, not letting anyone close enough to hurt me, to leave me. It’s been 137 days and I feel everything stronger than ever, and it hurts so much more than this string of words could ever portray. I don’t understand, Molly.. I thought time was supposed to heal; it hasn’t healed anything, only replaced memories and has served as a constant reminder that you’re gone.

Happiness is seldom what I feel, no matter the smile on my face or laugh in my throat or twinkle in my eyes. You’re all I see and it hardly makes me smile, especially as of recent. It’s impossible to be truly happy when the only person who never left my side, actually left and I will never get back. Every time I think I’m getting better, I remember what I was running from to begin with and am brought right back to the start.

I tried everything to accept that you were gone, or at least forget. I tried going out, having fun, drinking. I tried detaching myself from everyone. I wanted to be invisible, transparent, forgotten. I tried not to exist. I pretended to be happy; I let myself be sad. I tried not caring about anyone or anything, not taking anything seriously. I tried taking everything seriously, caring too much; but, nothing brought you back, nothing changed what happened, nothing made this okay. You’re still gone.

I pretended it never happened. I couldn’t hide from the fact that I missed you. I had to face it and trying to be strong. But it didnt work.

The longer you’ve been gone, the worst my breakdowns get. The pain is unbearable, each time hurting in a way it never had before while clean tears stream down my flushed face in pure hysteria. I stay that way for what seems like hours but could only been a minute unable to breathe; crying and crying and then I go unmoved. I feel nothing. Not a movement of the face, no aching, no flutter of the heart, twitch of the fingers, nothing. I still don’t know what is worse, feeling everything so intensely or nothing at all.

How has 137 days not lessened the sorrow and aching I feel when I think about you? I thought I would hear your name and smile; a loving memory, a gift, but I’m selfish and memories aren’t enough for me. Day to day nothing changes: the grass is still the grass without you and I am moving forward as much as I try to fight it. I feel guilty laughing and smiling and having fun, so I remember going through a period where my body and mind set to auto-pilot. The days would pass and I would have no recognition of what I had done and it was easy that way. I didn’t have to feel. I didn’t have to explain myself or talk to anyone or go out of my comfort zone. It was emotionless, painless, but was no way to live.

I hated that time. The grief turned to undeniable depression. Now depression, a cousin to grief, wasn’t listening to “our songs” with mascara streaming down my face in clumpy black lines, it was darker, colder; it was so incredibly empty. The type of emptiness that turned friends to enemies and family to strangers as I pushed and pushed so they didn’t have to see me that way, they didn’t have to feel what I feel every day. I thought I was protecting them. I didn’t want anyone’s pity, to be a burden, and the last thing I needed to hear was how strong I was and that everything was going to be okay because I didn’t believe it.

It hurts to think all I have are memories and I’m terrified to my core that I will begin to forget. The smallest moments I cherish the most and I don’t know how to preserve them. I can obsess over it, let it consume me, but I don’t want to be in love with a memory; a time, a place, an instant. Memory is unreliable and memories fade.

All I have are pictures, videos, and a foggy memory. I guess the pictures and videos help me remember your face, full of life and that voice I would recognize anywhere, but I still wish I had more. I don’t want my memory to rely on these things and I guess that’s why I write. I write to remember, I write to forget. I write to understand and accept and reflect. Through my writing I still feel pain, sometimes relive it, but it’s where the puzzle pieces begin to fit. I quiet the voices in my head and there’s a brief moment of what I imagine is peace, happiness. You gave me a purpose, something to feel. I have an urge to write it all down, I want to remember everything, and most importantly I want to treasure and hold on to the memories that are mine, that are authentic.

There was so much more I wanted to say to you. There was so much more I wanted to do. There was so much more I wanted to be. I thought we had more time.

I lay awake at night consumed by the thought of you and our memories and everything I didn’t get to say and everything we didn’t get to do. I let what happened get to me and life seems unlivable. I think most days I convince myself you’re on a vacation, an extended one. You’re somewhere warm and remote with no way to contact me and then I remember you’re not on an island in the middle of nowhere, you’re gone. Those are the days that hurt the most.

I have so many questions and so little answers and begin to act out in search of something, anything, to act as an escape and make my problems seem small and far away. That never lasts though, and I am forever reminded that my heart is always with you. Sometimes I don’t feel you here with me, I don’t see you in my dreams, there’s silence and I feel like you left me all over again; it is such a terrible feeling. It’s like having your hopes and dreams crushed in front of you, it’s like being told you were never good enough and never will be, it’s like jumping off a cliff and realizing you can’t fly.

You taught me that you never know when the last moment you will see someone will be and to not hold grudges, not to hold back because there isn’t time for that. You taught me to be everything I wanted and get everything I imagined, feel deeply and without regret. You showed me the kind of friends I want, the kind I want to be. Thank you. This was a higher love, a love that will last forever. As much as I want to be with you right now, I know my life will end when it is supposed to, I just hate accepting it.

My heart is different now, and every day is a fight to accept that. You are the only one I blurred my hard edges for, become soft and vulnerable for. You proved how malleable and prone to change we are, no matter our feelings towards it. I’ve always been drawn to the darker side of things but this year forced me to test what it is like to be positive and strong and every day I work on it. People constantly disappoint and it takes everything in me not to hide, remove myself, stop caring; I do it for you.

To this day I still lose myself trying to find myself and hurt a lot of people while I’m hurting. I don’t know when the pain will lessen or I will finally smile at your name; I don’t know if I will ever be okay or accept things as they are. I can hear your laugh; see your big bright blue eyes with heaven in them, your kindness and goodness I can feel. You were and still are my childhood bestfriend.

Until we meet again sunshine.

I love you!

#i miss you #letter to my childhood bestfriend #best friend #letter #rip #beautiful #me #sunshine #i love you #love

[throwawayblog-blog1]

Dirk @prettyboypng or mod jas @gbptboys is a pedophile and manipulative

@prettyboypng other URLs he’s used include aroacehawkeye, planet-eater, dyscalculiacdonnie, officialbrobot, ocpdmaxie, bipolardirk, deadglitchkid, circuitsbreaker, swordself, deadmettaton, soulrxsonance, chipotanakni, and shadeslayer

i’ve included specific warnings in front of paragraphs and receipts, but global cws for suicide baiting, emotional abuse, csa, pedophilia, and child porn solicitation.

whether you read this or not, i would strongly recommend blocking and staying far away from dirk if you’re a minor.

uhh, i’ve never made one of these things before. i am writing this post because he’s continually managed to brush his actions off and manipulate how people perceive him so he just seems like a victim of unfortunate friend drama, and with the content of his actual actions, i find this frankly really fucking disturbing and i don’t want other people to be hurt or taken advantage of by him. I’m tired of him escaping accountability.

i’ll split this into two parts. the account concerning csa will be first, and then i’ll be adding mine and other’s experiences with him below.

#child porn cw #pedophilia cw #csa cw this section will address csa and child porn solicitation

so this doesnt come from me, but from a minor who had been friends with dirk for a while and recently began suspecting they’d been sexually abused by him. i’ve been asked to rewrite what they told me in my own words and keep it totally anonymous in the interest of their comfort and safety, so i’ll be replacing any mentions of their name with lark.

lark mentioned that when they first met dirk they admired and idolized him and made that very apparent to him, and also that they dont ever remember being excessively complimented and praised by him like most everyone else was (i describe this happening below), which they believe is evidence of emotional manipulation and not just a coincidence.

lark confided in me that, despite how immediately beforehand dirk would ask lark if they were a minor and they would say yes, he talked to them about intensely personal nsfw subjects, such as masturbation, and his sexual desires. he would also express frustration when lark would mention having a crush on anyone but dirk, even though dirk shouldn’t have any reason to want a minor to be interested in him, even jokingly. he did this after he had turned 18, and while knowing that lark was a minor having literally just asked them himself, as if that absolves him of any fucking responsibility.

lark also recalled another incident where they and a friend (who was an older minor at the time) got onto the subject of drugs, alcohol, and nudes and other sexual pictures while in a conversation with dirk. their friend sent a suggestive picture of themself, and dirk sent one that he’d accidentally taken while taking photos for his nsfw blog (which lark stressed they and their friend ended up having access to, something that dirk brushed off because it was a ‘cool URL’). it eventually culminated in lark feeling pressured to send a suggestive photo of their own, which dirk did nothing to stop beyond reverse-psychological platitudes like “dont feel pressured to just because we’re doing it”. dirk did nothing to tell lark or their friend “hey maybe dont send sexual pictures of your bodies to me, because theres no reason that i would want to encourage that sort of thing as an 18 year old adult man, unless i’m a fucking predator.”

i understand this is a very serious thing to be presenting especially without receipts, but i’m an adult and wouldn’t feel comfortable handling receipts of that nature because it concerns sexual events with a minor, and warning people about dirk while maintaining anonymity is really important to lark.

this section will address emotional manipulation and bullying, specifically concerning me and my wife @gendfleur​

i should start by saying that i don’t have many receipts for my own claims about him because i don’t have access to all of his old blogs where some of the worst of the posts were, and i’ve also changed computers so i can’t grab any of our old Skype logs. i’m conscious of how this might make people even more critical of my claims, and so i’ve taken care to remember as much as i can and to be as detailed as possible with the receipts i do have.

some brief background about my friendship with him: we met in september 2014 through a homestuck fictionkin skype group, and were close until june 2015, when i cut off our friendship. rose had been qpps with him since before the network was made, and they broke up in december 2015.

towards the latter half of our friendship he started flipping between showering me in positive attention and then ignoring me cold shoulder, which was kind of a red flag for what was about to happen.

dirk has a habit of giving people excessive praise and admiration often in public tumblr posts, making them feel special and wanted, and then making extreme emotional demands and using passive-aggressive bullying tactics, such as deliberate ignoring and vagueposting, to manipulate his friends into complying with them. he’s done this in private with almost everyone i know who has experience with him, and he’s also done this publicly with his mutuals in the past.

example posts of this from his old blog @circuitsbreaker, plus transcripts:

http://archive.is/qnrRl

[sorry i know you guys don’’t care i'l geta round to replying to the nice replies i got earlier later okay]

http://archive.is/fD6F3

[*keeps refreshign to see if someone wil lsay “no i care!”* *nothing* okay]

http://archive.is/3znpI

[mkay yall will get Up in Arms when i make a joke abt a dairy product but when i have my posts tagged #like/reply if u read# or im asking for help or posting about something thats important to me yall drop off the face of the blogosphere……. alright]

http://archive.is/hqHC5

[nobody cares about me and nobody cares about what i say and nobody cares about things that are important to me and nobody listens to me anyway and nobody cares about me !! haha nice!!!!!!!!!!!!!]

http://archive.is/0ronD

[i really am leaving i was jsut saying gn to rose but js Proof most everonye deosnt actually cae: really big difference on notes on my post saying no one cares and then on all my other posts. yall just dont want me to be Sad well heres a thing u can prevent it by Liking my Posts if you Read them like i have In the Tags now! conveicneit right. whatever]

and because these posts are a little old (the most recent of those was january 27 2015) here’s an example from a more recent blog of his, @soulrxsonance, proving that even half a year later (this was posted august 25 2015) with less frequent guilt-trip posts, he hadn’t actually changed his behaviour

#self harm cw http://archive.is/XECIx

[thanks like, the one personwho said anything to glaceon (note: a system member of his) when she asked for thanks for stopping me from self hamring,thaks everyone else for not,caring,atall,thanks,the intrents abotut o be turned off so bye]

wrt me specifically, i’m schizophrenic and autistic so social interaction is really exhausting. this is something i made very obvious by talking about it casually around him and in tumblr posts that he could see, but despite that he went out of his way to make me feel shitty for not being able to live up to his demands (they were random and hard to discern because he would never be straightforward about it but usually if i failed to be present for his breakdowns, like all his posts, tell him frequently that i loved him, talk to him whenever i had free time, or other exhausting bullshit then he would start the guilt-tripping), and often in a very roundabout way through vagueposting and ignoring me, which he would also get increasingly frustrated at me for not understanding... despite the fact that i’m...... schizo and autistic, so i’m shit at understanding social subtleties and hidden messages in peoples behaviour. i have no doubts that he understood this about me also, and yet he did nothing to de-escalate his behaviour.

one clear example of this that i can remember but can’t find a receipt for is when he was having a meltdown on tumblr and was asking for people to tell him they loved him, but after it was over he confessed it was just because he was trying to get someone specific to say it, who he was afraid didnt like him as a friend anymore. this was really obviously about me, because it was around the end of our friendship when he was already namedropping me when he thought i wasnt online like ‘i dont think cerb cares about me anymore’ (which is relatively innocuous but when aggregated with everything else he did, really goddamn bothered me)

another example i remember is when i came out as a nonbinary lesbian after id’ng as a trans guy for the entirety of my friendship with him up to that point. i came out through a post on my blog and stated that i’d had to contest with internalized trauma and abuse to get to a point where i could admit i was lesbian, and he vagued about this later on, saying roughly ”a lot of my friends who used to be trans dudes have been coming out as nonbinary girls lately and it makes me feel like my boyness might be fake too”. i understand that he’s also trans and so i can imagine the thought process behind making a post like that, but i still found that incredibly insensitive and maybe even borderline misogynistic of him.

being friends with dirk was making me suicidal because of the stress of his manipulation (and at this point, trying to interact with him when i was able seemed to be fruitless because he would usually ignore me anyway). so, one night in june 2015 i sent a very diplomatic message to him saying, in essence, “i love you but this isnt healthy for the both of us, and im sorry if im misreading but i think this is for the best”, and then deleted him and unfollowed him.

this is where i remember things getting really, really scummy and panick-inducing for me, because he started vagueing and namedropping me even more frequently, on his public blog for all his friends and my friends to see. i dont know the real extent of this because it seems he deleted certain posts at some point and i was never interested in checking his blog to see for myself back then, but i had mutual mutuals coming to me for months, telling me that he was running his shit off saying something vicious about me.

an example of this (i know this is kin drama lol, and i want to emphasize that i’m aware dragging petty kin drama into posts like these is usually frowned upon, but what i’m focusing on here is how wildly he blows me just fucking finding a kintype out of proportion and the fact that i only talked about this on my blog after i cut him off, strongly implying that 1) he was stalking my blog 2) he was getting someone else to stalk my blog or 3) someone following me was relaying info about me to him for kicks)

http://archive.is/0s9QJ

[tfw someone who told you you couldnt be friends with them anymore is now kin of yourere favorite fucking pokemon thats also incredibly personallyyl important to you because it reminds you of good parts of your childhood and of good memories of your family an firneds and its just a really personal thing and now it FUCKGGKKNGNG  RIUIIENEND  OFOOFOOFREVVVVVVVVVVVEER]

here’s a statement by @comorbird​, a good friend of mine who was also mutuals with dirk and had access to his vent blog after i deleted him

#death wish cw #stalking cw

it kind of speaks for itself. this also proves my suspicions that he stalked my blog.

like, i get being upset over losing a friend. i’d understand it if, instead he vented about it in private.

but the fact that i knew he berated me openly, on his public blog for all our friends and mutuals to see, was fucking humiliating, triggered my paranoia very badly, and kept me on edge for months. i’m still appalled that he would do that instead of at the very least keeping it to private conversations, especially since he knew that i’m schizophrenic and that i struggle with paranoid delusions and that sort of shit. and even then, wishing someone who very politely distanced themselves from you was dead and stalking their blog is a ridiculous, extreme reaction to have.

rose was part of our friend group, and shie had been dirk’s qpp since before i knew them both. in the latter half of dirk and i’s friendship, hyr and i became pretty close, at some point even admitting we’d developed crushes on each other. in our talk about this (probably sometime in april or march 2015?) rose told me, roughly in hyr words “i’d totally be down for romantic dating but dirk gets jealous really easily so i’m afraid of broaching the subject with him. maybe sometime in the future though.” eventually rose came to realize that this was evidence that shie felt like dirk was controlling hyr romantic life despite them only being platonic partners, and we said fuck it and started dating in august 2015, after i stopped being friends wtih him just to clarify.

dirk noticed that we stayed close after i cut him off, and he unapologetically guilted rose for being friends with me and then eventually for dating me, bringing up how much he hated me in front of hyr and expecting hyr to go along with it, and getting very frustrated when shie would defend me or shy away from the topic. this had a really negative affect on hyr for a long time, forcing hyr into meltdowns and making hyr suicidal to the point of being institutionalized involuntarily around july or august 2015, and he did nothing to stop himself or tend to hyr hurt feelings. shie felt like shie couldn’t publicly talk about me lest shie would make him upset, while i was genuinely suffering panic attacks whenever i saw him on my dash.

so like i mentioned, rose was institutionalized against hyr will, and as this was happening dirk decided it would be a great time to contact me in an effort to... reconcile for rose’s sake, i guess. i don’t doubt he only decided to do so at that point to escape possible accountability for allowing the situation to boil over like that, and so he could safely make me feel like shit in a situation where i was under tremendous pressure to just smooth things over, especially since he brought in a friend of his to 'mediate’ or whatever (not their fault, i totally blame him for that). for the whole time he just told me how shitty he felt for me to “cut him off so suddenly”, how it “fucked him up”, that “he couldn’t really trust anyone after that” - and when i asked if i could also unload, he refused on the grounds that it would “just make him angry again and ruin his mood”.

rose has also confided in me countless times about the endless emotional demands he made on hyr, and the vicious guilt-tripping he would subject hyr to when shie couldn’t meet them. shie is also very mentally ill and was struggling a lot at this point in hyr life with being homeless and going in and out of inpatient care.

it’s also important to mention that dirk called both rose and i his “dependeds” (a term for people with dpd to refer to specific people they tend to rely on emotionally more than others), and he used that as a tactic to turn us into objects with no needs of our own, and to force us to feel morally responsible for him. this was something he dropped on me with no warning a couple months before i cut things off, and to be forced into that kind of responsibility without even asking me if it was okay made me very uncomfortable. i’m not blaming him for having dpd or saying all people with dpd are like that, but it was just another thing he specifically did.

i do have some receipts for what i described above.

these are some examples of him vagueing about rose on tumblr, which i feel demonstrate some of the guilt-tripping tactics he used, making sure that rose would come back to his blog and see how badly he was doing when shie couldn’t be there.

http://archive.is/IKY2k

[nattt (note: a nickname dirk had for rose) isn t onlune i skyed fleur (note: old pronouns rose used to use) when i s=woke up and fleur hasnt responded pelase goet back online so i ew can wtchsomething]

http://archive.is/75VVb

[lms if yo u like me more than you like horizon (note: an alternate name that rose uses) edit.// and dontnn fucking lie to make me feel better]

http://archive.is/Lar3j

[“hm wow my depended isnt here and idk when fleurs coming back so i guess i better throw myself into listening to aesthetic and/or angsty indie bands and only caring about that” - me, apparenalty,]

http://archive.is/po2Cn

[i know im fukkincg pathetic i know im a huge fucking loser for not doing anyhting like this earlier and i know im gonna be in the club with people who have been fucking doing this since like middle shcool or some shit!!!! jsut tell me if i should go to the meeting or not ffuckkginf my dpended is unreachable ust fukcing tell me what to do please thankss]

this chain of posts is specifically about times when rose was in the hospital, which goes to show how goddamn classy he is for using hyr suicide attempts to make hyr feel like shit

#overdose cw http://archive.is/nMGV4

[the last tiem the ac went out rose fucking ovserdosed so im (:]

#suicide cw http://archive.is/duyCL

[LIk   e  last time fleur was ther e for fuckkkign 2 weeks or a month o r something and we called each other nearly every day and i stil lwanted to fucking kms adn now its been like a week minus the weekend and i havent heard a fucking wor d and idk if fleurs okay or if fleurs staying longer or if fleur thinks im mad or if fleurs mad at me or fi fleur doesnt want to talk to me or hates me or is leaving me  o r if fleurs calling someoen elese nstead of me or if fleur s even  fc uk kign  A l i v e anymore and its tearing me up. thats meant  to be tering like tearing paper not taering like crying]

http://archive.is/jKwGV

[i keep having dreams that fleur will just pop up in the group chat im in with fleur, replying to smth, with no explanation, no hello, no hey im back, and ill be like “woah woah woah,, are you back? is that u?” and fleurs like yeah ofc and im like “ur really here right, its not a Dream,” and fleurs like “no im really back!!!” and im like “im not gona wake up and u  wont be htere right” an d fleurs like no dw omf but. here we fucking are.]

http://archive.is/1pPmq

[i bet rose hmfucking hates me and doesnt ever want to talk to me again or doesnt care about me at all its either that or fkeurs Afuckign DEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]

these posts are from after they broke up, but also show how guilt-trippy he was

http://archive.is/61QZf

[fleur didnt “see me in fleur life anymore really :/” and then when i shut down and fleur asked to break up and i said fine fleur was all relieved bc fleur was worried abt my reaction like 1. i guess im that fucking pathetic and predicatlbe and fucjckkdfnknlsd fscc d tht fleur just knows im gonna flip out and was already scared to talk to me bc of it Lol 2. ii fucking was already broken up w fleur ever since fleur said fleur didnt see me in fleur life anymore but didnt want to brekau p uwu like what the fuck does that mean who says that everyone i lvoe is just going t o  fuckingn tlel me they dont see me in their life none of them really do rn anyywaso]

#gore text cw #neck trauma cw http://archive.is/ilXdx

[idk  i just idk fleur cares so much for hym and i cant do it it makes me want to cut my throat open and i dont even care about fleur anymore but im still upset about it i just cant do it im gonna take out my contacts and have a big cryfest]

these are examples of him playing the victim wrt to me cutting him off

http://archive.is/L9VFF

[no wonder he cut me off i deserved it i deserve all bad thigns i m such an annoying piece of shit im surprised he was even friends with me in the first place no wonder he cut me off im horrivle and annoying and more work than im worth no wonder they left me im not worth it im not worth anything no wonder fleur didnt fight for me or take my side or care at all im not worth it i dont deserve anything]

http://archive.is/uRTlR

[i thought i was one of hys closest friends but he cut me off like i was nothing and no one even fucking knew he did it until i told them he did. also fleur fucking knew that he was planning on doing it and didnt say a word to me this entire time until months after when i was having yet another massive breakdown about it so glad to know i mean absolutely nothing to the people who i see as literally the most important people in my life and that my not being in their life doesnt effect them at all and they dont even care to tell me when theyre talking about me behind my back about how annoying i am and how one of them is going to leave me in the dust]

http://archive.is/yKvpZ (it’s pretty long so i’ll just paste some choice bits)

[because of one of my past close friendships im fucking terrified everyone whos important to me is actually just planning on and thinking about how/if they should abandon me.] [mm fuffkkcinng iim so sfucked up over this honestly it was suppsoed to be ““““““““the best dcisisiong uuwuuwuwu” or sommemthing and its fucking ruining my life i cant thin k  and i cant talk to anyone and i cant not talk to anynoen] [and i dont ahve any sort of reason to know or think or beleive that this wont happen because that ther person was thinking about it for fucking weeks and weeks] [fucking weeks and weeks of planning on leaving me and pretending everyhting was fine, of me thinking we were friends! of me trusting that person! of caring! i cant  fucking trust anyone and that person doing that literally just prved it]

http://archive.is/QEIH2

[i dont even remember how long ago that happened honestly . its just kind of melting into “last month” the same way missioui is just “last year” #adn im fucking reliving it over constantly just like missouri how great! the 'clean break' systme really fucking works doesnt it! really fuc]

#suicide baiting cw for this last paragraph. eventually rose and dirk broke up around december 2015 (idr exactly) and then he blocked hyr unceremoniously, and it was at this point that rose went to his vent blog to unfollow it and saw a post that said, roughly “i hope cerb fucking kills hymself and that rose is devastated about it”. i don’t have a receipt for this because he’s since changed the url of the blog or deleted it altogether. it’s not all that surprising to me anymore anyway, with what i learned from sid telling me that he wished death on me pretty frequently.

that’s the end, i guess. if you have any questions i can try to answer to the best of my ability, i’m doing my best to be honest and transparent about this so i’m happy to clear up any confusion. please block dirk for your own safety, especially if you’re a minor.

#ok to reblog