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#imagine them coming to a new planet and people asking for autographs and pictures
hellowkatey · 3 years
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Okay, today I'm thinking about the fact that the Clone Wars is canonically just like, streaming live on the Holonet at all times. Like there are these excerpts from the ROTS novelization:
"Across the remnants of the Republic, stunned beings watch in horror as the battle unfolds live on the HoloNet...Because they know that what they're watching, live on the HoloNet, is the death of the Republic."
So basically what I'm hearing is the Republic is twitch streaming this war on the internet, and people are just tuning in like it's a damn sitcom. And if these battles are live, are the Separatists... watching it? But that's not all:
"Across the Republic--in words or pheromones, in magnetic pulses, tentacle-braids, or mental telepathy -- the message from the younglings is the same: Don't worry. It'll be all right. Anakin and Obi-Wan will be there any minute.
Anakin and Obi-Wan. Kenobi and Skywalker. From the beginning of the Clone Wars, the phrase Kenobi and Skywalker has become a single word. They are everywhere. HoloNet features of their operations against the Separatist enemy have made them the most famous Jedi in the galaxy."
This just... makes the entire show so much funnier when you think about it. People across the galaxy were just as buckwild about Anakin and Obi-Wan as prequel fans. Everyone knows who they are and what they look like.
Obi-Wan is the star of their elementary school's nutrition and fitness holofilm. Anakin has numerous thirst fan pages and 30k results for mature Reader x Knight Skywalker results on galactic AO3. There has got to be some shipping going on there-- people taking recordings of the holonet and making unhinged fan cams. There are absolutely fights over whether Skywalker or Kenobi would win in a fight against each other (oof) and anyone you talk to would have strong opinions. Hell, people probably claim different battalions like we identify with Hogwarts Houses.
I'm just obsessed with the idea that the galaxy is also watching this war and are completely invested. Like I bet a bunch of normal programming got canceled because of the war so now people are latching onto whatever escape they can... and obsessing over a bunch of hot Jedi kicking droid ass is absolutely what people would fixate on.
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hiiiiii could you please do a will poulter imagine where the reader is in a broadway show and will comes to watch and instantly falls for them (could it be gender neutral as well if you can?) and keeps coming back to the show until he finally gets the courage to ask them out, but the reader is the one who makes the first move? i’d literally love u forever
Of course! What a cute idea 😊
Sorry it took awhile, had to juggle school and some drama, but here it it finally lol
~~~~~~~~~~
It wasn't often that Will got to go to a Broadway show.
After weeks and weeks of his best friend, Collar, going on and on about how amazing this play he recently discovered was, Will immediately jumped at the chance of seeing the show with him when he found out that they'd be in his hometown that week.
Will thought his ribs would be crushed from how tightly Collar hugged him. Will was lucky enough to get really good seats before they were sold out.
It was the first night that the show was in London, so they weren't surprised to see that the place was packed, but that definitely didn't lessen the excitement. "I'm so excited for this." Will expressed.
"Oh, you're gonna love it, mate." Collar replied.
Taking their seats, it was only a matter of minutes until the lights started to dim and a loud overhead voice explaining the show was about to begin and repeating how no photography or video was allowed and all that.
Will and Collar were pretty much beaming with excitement, the latter bouncing his leg up and down with anticipation.
The two friends were immediately entranced when the ensemble cast walked onstage and performed the first song, applauding along with the rest of the audience when it ended.
Main characters were quickly introduced, and Will was surprised at how much he was enjoying the show so far, but he should've known Collar had the best tastes.
A new character was introduced, and Will could not take his eyes off them. The voice that emitted from this person was almost otherworldly, he'd never thought someone could sing so well. Will could've easily said that they were beautiful as well. Maybe it was the way the spotlights shined on them, making their aura angelic in a way. They seemed to exude confidence, that in itself was so damn attractive to him.
Every time this person went onstage, Will naturally focused in on them, he didn't even realize until after the show. "I know that look," Collar smirked, "which one was it?"
Will blushed. "I don't know what you mean..."
"Mate, don't bullshit me." He laughed.
Will rolled his eyes, knowing he couldn't lie to his best friend. "The one who sang that solo, before the intermission."
Collar's eyes lit up in clarity. "Oh, yeah! They were awesome. The cast usually meets fans after the show in the lobby, you should try to meet them!"
Will quickly shook his head. "No, no, no, that's okay."
"Nah, come on!" Collar grabbed Will's wrist, dragging him to the lobby with a ridiculous amount of force.
Just as Collar said, the whole main cast was lined up behind a red velvety rope, all smiling, signing autographs and taking pictures with fans. Will instantly spotted you, grinning widely while talking to a fan. You looked like the friendliest person on the planet. Obviously, Will didn't know if you were for sure, but he had a gut feeling.
You felt someone staring at you, well, hundreds of people have been staring at you every other night for the past two months now, but you were proved right when you caught the eye of a man across the room.
It took you a bit of recall, but you eventually recognized him as Will Poulter. You hadn't watched his recent stuff as you were so busy, but he was an actor you had respect and admiration for. He looked like he had taken an interest in you, which you never thought would be possible. You gave him a warm smile, and you could see his bashful gaze and blush.
"Dude, you gonna talk to them or?" Collar asked impatiently. "They just smiled at you, that's gotta be an invitation, man."
Will wanted to, so badly, but you looked busy enough as it was. "Not tonight, I'm pretty knackered if I'm being honest." Collar gave him an annoyed look, but he wasn't going to pressure him.
You saw Will leave the theatre from the corner of your eye, and you refrained from frowning. You really thought he'd come talk to you, but in a way you were thankful, you probably would've embarrassed yourself in some way. But still, you were a bit disappointed, but you still smiled when you met people who enjoyed the show.
Will pretty much slapped himself for not even trying to talk to you, so he did something rather impulsive; he bought another ticket to your show. "You haven't even met them, and you're already whipped!" Collar laughed loudly.
"Please, don't start." Will whined.
Seeing Will again at the show, in the orchestra seats, almost made you blush onstage. He was there again? Your gut told you he was there because of you, but your logic told you that you were being conceited. Maybe he just was so moved by the performances that he had to see the show again.
You felt his eyes trained on you the entire show.
After the show, you were in your dressing room, scrubbing off the caked on stage makeup that you had to wear every performance. Until your friend and co-worker barged in unannounced. "Knock, for the love of god, knock!" You snapped.
"I did!" Your friend replied, not very convincingly you might add. "Did you see that hot blonde eyeing you tonight?"
You furrowed your brows. "How'd you even see that?"
"I know when someone's eying MY friend!" They said, emphasizing the 'my'. "It's a superpower I have."
"Yeah, well, that guy was here yesterday. He must love the show a lot if he came back a second time in a row." You said while finishing taking off the makeup.
Your friend smirked. "Or maybe…he loved your performance?"
You rolled your eyes. "Stop, you'll get my hopes up."
"Well, I guess we'll see when you go out in the lobby."
You loved meeting people who enjoyed the show, especially your performances. Praise felt nice, but what felt even nicer was the fact you saw Will awkwardly making his way to the area were the cast was, shaking hands and congratulating your fellow performers.
Slowly but surely, he made his way to you with a grin. Damn, that grin could probably cure every illness in the universe, you thought. "Hello there, loved your performance!" He praised.
"Thanks! You were at the show last night too, weren't you? Or are my eyes just playing tricks on me?" You giggled.
Will scratched the back of his neck nervously. "Uh, yeah, actually I was." He chuckled.
"Dang, you must really love the show!" You chuckled when he couldn't come up with a reply. "I'm Y/N." You stretched your hand out to shake his.
"Will." He smiled.
"Oh, I know actually! I know some of your work."
Will blinked in shock, but smiled nervously. "Oh, wow, awesome! I'd imagine doing this type of thing, traveling, how would you even find the time to relax and watch films?"
"Oh, trust me, we barely even have time to relax much less watch movies. But I remember seeing you in Son of Rambow, you were a pretty cute kid." You smiled.
Will chuckled bashfully. "That's very kind. I'd hope I'm still as cute as I was when I was little."
"You definitely are." You didn't exactly mean to sound all seductive like, but it just came out that way. You found yourself liking the way it made all of Will's blood rush to his cheeks.
"Oh, thank you." He stuttered, looking around nervously. "Well, it seems like loads of people want to meet you so, I'll get going."
Your mouth opened and closed like a fish, willing yourself to tell him to stay, but all that came out was a strangled sigh. Damn it, you must've scared him off…
"They said that to you?!" Collar shouted, listening intently to Will about the encounter with you as soon as he got to his apartment. "They said you were cute. Mate, please, tell me you asked them out."
Will cringed, biting his lip and looking up to his friend in shame. "I got nervous…"
"That was your opening, man!"
"I know, I know. Just gonna have to have a go at it again…" He said, pulling out his phone with another sigh.
"Tell me your not." 
"Too late." Will showed his phone screen to reveal a newly purchased ticket to the show…again.
"You're burning a hole in your wallet."
"Yeah, yeah, I know." But he hopes it'll be worth it. "Third times a charm..."
Another night, another show, and you felt yourself having a little bit of low spirits, until your friend pulled you by the wrist to the side stage. "What're you…?"
"Look who's here, again!" Your friend whisper yelled, pulling aside the stage curtain to reveal a tiny bit of the audience waiting for the show to start. "Look there!" They pointed.
"No way…"
Will was there in the audience again!
"He must really want that ass!" Your friend guffawed, making you lightly slap their arm.
You couldn't help but blush, it was so sweet. But you thought back to the night before, he was so nervous and finicky. You realized you had to make the first move, no flirting or else he'd startle like a baby deer.
Oh boy, your nature was not able to NOT flirt. You might've thrown a couple winks to Will onstage, maybe thrown a couple smirks when you were able to. Yeah, the no flirting thing wasn't really working…
But you thought maybe it made him a bit more comfortable walking up to you easier after the show. "Damn, you have an obsession with theatre, huh?" You teased.
Will chuckled. "Yeah, I must."
"So, why are you actually coming here? Three times in a row must be hurting your bank account."
Will stayed silent for a moment, just staring into your eyes with a blush slowly rising to his cheeks. "I, uh…" He paused, "I just really love the show." He instantly cringed internally. "I should go."
"No!" You shouted accidently, startling him slightly. "Sorry, uh, why don't you stay? Our night ends in half an hour. If you don't mind, I'd love to talk to you."
Will instantly felt relieved, in a way. He nodded excitingly, causing you to grin.
"Great! I'll meet you out the front doors, okay?"
Quickly going to your dressing room, your friend hugged you tightly from behind you. "Dude, finally! I never thought I'd see the day you'd make a first move."
"Wasn't easy. Why can't extroverts act like extroverts?" You chuckled, looking over yourself in the mirror.
"You're generalizing."
"I gotta stop doing that. But anyway, I'll be back soon, hopefully he won't run off."
"Good luck." They blew a kiss.
Thankfully, Will was still waiting outside the theatre, sitting on the steps, scrolling through his phone. "Hey!" You greeted. "Sorry if I took awhile."
Will smiled, standing up from the steps. "It's totally fine."
"So, forgive me if I'm wrong, but I have a hard time believing you came here three times in a row, wasting money, just because you enjoyed the show a lot."
Will's smile dropped, looking to the ground. "Uh…you're not wrong."
"Last night, you left so quickly. Why?"
Will let out a sigh. "I got…scared, I guess." Well, he admitted that, why not admit more? "You just seem so confident, I was intimidated. But I did want to talk to you more, just didn't have the guts to, I suppose."
Another smile graced your face happily. "Well, the show is still in town for a few days, then our tour is over. I'd love to go out for a coffee or tea sometime, if you're available."
Will's eyes lit up, his grin coming back and letting out a thankful chuckle. "Yes! Yeah, I'd love to!"
"Here's my number, call me and we'll work out the details."
"Wow…" He smiled.
"What?" You asked with a giggle.
"That was a lot easier than I thought it would be."
~~~~~~~~~~
I hope you liked it, @poulterfilms , I hope it's what you had in mind🥺
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whirlybirbs · 3 years
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ok i have been reading oya'karir and all i can think about is how condor must be ? famous? like within the rebel ranks? do people know who she is? has she ever met leia? this is so cooL?
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✶  ———  WAR HEROES AND DRUNKS  ;   d.d.
summary: you join din on a bounty. turns out it’s an old friend. din learns more about your reputation during the war. an oya’karir drabble.
pairing: din djarin x sniper!reader, established here
tags: drabble of oya’karir, mutual pining, fluff, din being a good guy
a/n: gif courtesy of @coulter​ from this lovely gif set! it’s funny anon asked about this because i’d already been working on condor’s backstory a bit more. her and cassian...... (eye emoji) anyways please enjoy this good ol’ fluff between din and his lil’ sniper.
“Where are we headed?”
Your strides match Din’s. His voice is measured.
“Arbra.”
You’ve been to Arbra. Once. On leave.
Once the base at Golrath fell, Arbra became the new home of the Rebel Alliance. Intelligence tended to operate out of this planet during the war, hidden away in the Bon'nyuw-Luq sector. Haven base earned the apt nickname Hole in the Ground from the poor souls stationed there — and though the caverns in which the base had operated out of are now defunct, there’s still a steady presence of war-time veterans who’ve come to call this place home.
The locals, Hoojibs, joined the New Republic after the war — land treaties left them their native subterranean land in trade for a bustling economy top-side within the restriction. The New Republic ensured that city zoning would only occur within a 10,000 square mile radius of the defunct base.
Thus, Haven City was born.
“Arbra,” you repeat.
You can’t help but stiffen — and when the Mandalorian beside you ambles up to the cockpit, you pray that you don’t know the poor bastard whose chain code Din had gotten from Karga. You swing yourself around and up the ladder. 
But, things are never that easy, are they?
Your boots meet the cockpit floor as Din settles into the pilot’s chair — and sure enough, once he connects the bounty puck to the navicomputer, a familiar face blossoms to life in grainy, blue holo-light.
“...Son of a bitch.”
Prat Glaxson’s visage stares back at you.
Din, owlishly, turns his head round to eye your reaction. 
Immediately, his voice crackles alive.
“You know him.”
Not a question. Din knows you well enough to peg your expression as anxious.
Of course you know him — and it was only a matter of time before the Guild knew him, too. The lieutenant had always had a rough go of it with the gambling. The drinking had started, too, around the end of the war. But, Hoth had struck that feeling in every soldier who’d been there. Glaxson was, on all accounts, a good man. He’d made some bad choices. 
Bet against the wrong men.
“He was a Lieutenant,” you say carefully, “Served opposite my regiment.”
Your heart clenches for a moment. You find your fingers twiddling absent-mindedly at the thought of your regiment. Of your Captain. 
There’s not a day that goes by that you don’t miss Cassian Andor.
You suppose Glaxson most likely felt the same. He’d nearly lost his entire platoon back on Hoth. Can’t blame him, really, for the self-destructive patterns. You’d been the same way back on Yavin, before meeting Din Djarin. Loneliness and isolation were your drink of choice is all. 
Din is quiet for a moment. Then, his gloved hand reaches for the engine start and he flips it off. The whole of the Razor Crest goes eerily quiet. He stays still, listening. Then, Din speaks.
“We don’t have to go after him.”
“No.”
Your bark is sharp. Your hand settles on Din’s wrist.
“If we don’t,” you sigh, leaning back in your seat, “Someone else will. And maybe he won’t come so easy.”
Din’s helmet lingers on you; he’s silent. It’s weighted. Measured carefully as dark eyes scale your face behind his visor. There’s sadness there, tightening your brow. There’s always a sadness in your eyes, though a little less recently. But, Din knows you well enough to see that the idea of seeing old faces is enough to make you feel... off. 
But, he nods. He starts up the Razor Crest, and he punches in the coordinates for Arbra. 
⋆   ⋆   ⋆
Maker, Din never knew you as one to hide behind him. 
You were strong and steadfast with intelligence as sharp as the crack of a whip. When he’d first met you, you’d nearly killed him. You held that worn out and modded up DH-447 to the temple of his helmet as it hissed and popped with earnest; and then you’d done it two more times. 
Then, there was your reputation. 
They’d come to call you Condor for a reason and it was clear that the callsign carried more weight than he was previously aware. He knew that you’d been a prolific sniper during the height of the Galactic Civil War, that your kill count was well into the hundreds. You were a haunt to the Empire, but a hero to the Rebellion. 
Now, on Arbra, Din is beginning to understand.
The marketplace is busy despite the hour — as the two of you wind through the stalls, Din can catch you ducking your head every now and again. Eye the ground. Fingers wound tight around the strap of your DH-447. Your headscarf hides all but your eyes. 
Din is used to the attention that wearing his armor brings.
However, he’s rarely used to being looked over — and it’s clear that the people of this place have more interest vested in you than him, a rarity alone.
The puck on his hip pings.
You grit your jaw and pretend to be interested in the various salted nerf jerky on display before you as you speak.
“He’s bound to be in the cantina,” you mutter, nudging your head towards the large building down the street, set off to the side with a steady stream of patrons coming and going at the evening hour. The sun has started to set, and the lights in the homes along the city’s walk have begun to glow.
He offers a nod. He leads the way.
It’s half-way to the cantina when he hears it. It’s your callsign — whispered on the tongues of a human woman and Twi’lek male. He can see their heads turn, focused on you, and before he can step in...
“Is it you?”
Your head snaps to the voice. Your eyes are wide.
It’s like you’ve seen a ghost; and it’s like the couple has seen a hero. Immediately, Din is tense — it’s a habit, now. He tends to feed off your energy at times like this. You’re a devilish pair and you work well together. Din accounts his ability to read the tensing of your shoulders as a part of the moving equation. 
“Condor,” says the man, “You’re the Condor, aren’t you?”
Suddenly, there are more eyes. Passer-bys. The callsign is a rising whisper. Like the tide, you can feel the attention swelling.
You shift in your boots. You grip your blaster’s strap tight. Your other hand rises, fingertips swaying as you wave your hand and shake your head.
“I’m sorry, I don’t —”
“It is!” calls a man in a faded bomber jacket who ambles forward — his own medallions and ribbons stuck to his chest in pride, “I’d know that DH-447 anywhere, I reckon! I saw you back during the Battle of Hoth — didn’t miss a single shot! An angel!”
Suddenly, there’s a clamor and a cluster and you’re being shoved into the welcoming hand-shakes of veterans and on-lookers and fans, Din realizes. You have fans — people who are chomping at the bit to simply catch a glimpse of you; the faces around you are suddenly so warm, so welcoming and...
... Maker, there’s a man trying to coax you into taking a picture. 
That’s when the armored Mandalorian steps in. 
You’re uncomfortable.
“We’re here for Lieutenant Glaxson,” barks Din, looming so suddenly over the crowd that had gathered; you settle in his presence, exhaling visibly when the attention flicks from you to the puck glowing in the Mando’s hand, “We’re here so he’ll come easy. We don’t want trouble.”
“She’s a bounty hunter now?” comes a quiet voice.
Your jaw tenses.
Such is the truth — what was left of the Empire would always be on your tail; always willing to pour in what was left of Imperial gubernatorial earnings into a bounty. Revenge was a fickle thing. And still, many a man sought it. 
Being by Din’s side gave you an edge. Karga knew — and he’d been paid off by the Covert to keep you off the menu. He’d taken the payment from Din and not asked a single question. 
“Is he in the cantina?” you ask tepidly, eyes wandering the faces of the gathered souls. 
Some of them are familiar. Faces you’ve seen in passing. Some you’ve no doubt stood shoulder to shoulder with on this very street all those years ago on leave.
Your voice always leaves Din feeling a bit light-headed. There was something to it — your mother-tongue, Mando’a, paints every word all sorts of beautiful. He envies it. He wishes those words rolled just as easily off his tongue. 
“Always is, I’m afraid,” says the man in the jacket. His regalia tinkers as he leans on his good leg. His voice sounds sad, “He’s a good man...”
Din nods, beginning to move towards the building.
But, you linger. 
You extend your hand, touching his shoulder with a gloved hand. Your bare fingertips grip the familiar shoulder of his uniform’s coat.
“I know.”
You catch up to Din; the tinkering of his armor calms the sudden burst of anxiety that feels like it might eat through your lungs. They burn. You chew your lip.
“Vor’e,” you mutter, nudging his elbow with yours. Thanks.
Din’s head turns as he walks; you can imagine his brows lifting beneath the helm, his lips tilting as he speaks. His tone is enough of an indicator that he’s amused. A handsome look, no doubt, considering that it has you a bit enamored already. 
“For what?” 
“I thought they’d eat me alive.”
“You never told me you had adoring fans,” the Mandalorian says slowly, words clipped with an edge of good-humor, “I was under the impression it was the opposite.”
You scoff. “Shut up, di’kut.”
“Come on,” he says, the threat of laugh biting at his tone, “You’ve got autographs to sign.”
That earns him an elbow to the ribs. He expels air at the playful jab, chuckle coming out more like a hiss of static than anything. You’re quick to move ahead, leading the way into the cantina. 
As soon as you’re through the doors, your headscarf is pulled down. Again, Din ignores the affection that the sight of you brings — all wild hair and striking eyes. 
It doesn’t take you long to find Prat Glaxson.
He looks older than he is, only a decade or so Din’s senior. It’s clear the war has aged the man, and alcohol has done a fair share of damage as well. 
Poor bastard can barely see straight.
He’s in the back of the Cantina — slumped over a table with a datapad in front of him. He’d fallen asleep watching the races on Canto Bight. You amble over with a sudden motherly charm; your sigh makes Din perk up.
“C’mon, Glax,” you mutter, kicking his boot, “Wake up.”
He waves his hand. He drunkenly stumbles through a sentence. 
“Lea’ me ‘lone.”
“Glax,” comes your voice, a bit louder now as you lean over the table. Your palm is planted beside the empty pint by his head, the other hand patting the drunkard down for a blaster. You come up dry, “It’s me.”
“... Who?”
You say your name, then, and it’s like Glaxson has seen the light.
“... God’s above,” he musters as he raises his head and Din can see that the grown man’s eyes have gone all bleary. Glaxon’s voice wavers like he might weep when he looks up at you, “It’s you.”
He reaches for your hand. You meet him halfway. You squeeze.
“It’s me.”
“Su cuy'gar,” comes the rough and mispronounced sentence from Glaxson’s mouth, “You... You taught me that.”
“Su cuy’gar,” you breathe back, nodding; your words are like velvet. It’s clear that Glaxson is enamored with your sudden appearance, and Din watches with a sharpening sense of cautiousness. 
“You’ve grown more beautiful, my little bird,” the drunk nearly wails, “You ‘ave. I am happy t’ see you. Cassian would be glad t’ know yer alive.”
Cassian...? Din has never heard that name before.
It’s clear the utterance of it has you feigning indifference. 
“Glax,” you say slowly, “I’m here because you owe some bad people money. There’s a warrant out for you — me and my friend here are going to get you some help.”
Glax leans. His eyes fall upon Din. 
“Y’ found one a’ yer kin, then, my little bird?” he says, nodding, “M’ glad.”
There’s a pause. Then, Glaxson reaches for the last of his remaining drink, downs it, and ambles to his feet. 
“Suppose this ‘as been a long time comin’,” he says, “But m’ glad it’s you, kid.”
You exhale long and hard. Glaxson rises and you nod. There’s turmoil in your posture; and you carry it with you back through Haven City as Glaxson sways beside you. No need for stasis cuffs. Din simply watches — he can see the exhaustion of war in both of your faces as you pass idle chat. You ask about his kids, he asks about where you’ve been the last four years. 
“Lots of people want me dead, Glax. That hasn’t changed.”
The Lieutenant laughs at that. 
“Always were trouble, little bird.”
Din’s heart clenches when you smile, scoffing at the remark.
This isn’t right. None of this is — and suddenly, Din can feel his moral compass pulling wildly in his chest. He ignores the idea that it’s for you, just like everything is nowadays.
It’s when the three of you arrive at the Razor Crest that Din finally speaks up. 
“Wait.”
Your expression is laden with confusion, step lingering as you go to hike it up the ramp into the Razor Crest. Instead, you waver, hooked on Din’s call — and you can feel Glaxson’s eyes flick between the both of you. 
“What is it?”
Suddenly, Mando is squaring up with Glaxson. 
“Your bounty,” he says slowly, “Is 100,000 credits.”
Glaxson winces. He drops his head. He nods.
However, Din keeps speaking. “Lucky for you, Condor and I here happen to come into some credits recently —”
Your brows furrow immediately, confusion about to spit straight off your tongue — but Din is raising a finger in your face; and you spare him a flustered look.
“We’re clearing the debt,” the Mandalorian rumbles, “No more gambling. Or the next headhunter that comes for you may not be so kind. Got it?”
“Din —”
“Say your goodbyes, Condor.”
And up he goes, into the cockpit.
Your mouth is hung open, eyes wild. Beside you, Glaxson seems just as stupefied. But, so if the way with Din Djarin. You swear the man was going to be the death of you — if not from dragging you along on lethal bounties then from sheer surprise. 
“... Nice chap.”
“Peachy.”
And the two of you laugh.
⋆   ⋆   ⋆
The goodbye was aching and long; riddled with promises of visits and changed ways. With a long hug, you’d pulled from the Lieutenant and ascended up the ramp. Within minutes you were exiting Arbra’s atmosphere.
You lean against the back of Din’s piloting chair.
Your voice is light.
"That was nice of you, Din’ika.”
Din scoffs. His hands move to prime the hyperdrive, punch the coordinates in for Navarro, and set the autopiloting system. When he doesn’t reply, you take it upon yourself to push the chair and spin it ‘round your way.
Din complies, helmet tilting.
Your face is soft. Kind. Gentle. Beautiful. Your voice is tender.
“You didn’t have to do that.”
“Would have been wrong to take him in,” Din says, voice sounding far off to even his own ears as your fingers find the dip of his chest plate. Your hand rests there for a moment, gaze lingering on his helmet, “To those people, you’re a hero.”
“Glaxson is a drunk with a gambling problem,” you shush, “We knew that during the war, folks know that now — and I am not a hero.”
Din gives you a look. A micro-tilt of his visor. You roll your eyes. Your hand slips to your hip.
"Shut up.”
Another scoff. This time, Din stands. He towers over you, trapped between your arm and his pilot's chair. Gently, he lowers his head to plonk gently against your forehead. It’s slow and calculated. Not too hard. The tender gesture of affection makes you smile. Din keeps his helmet there for a moment. 
If you squint, you swear you can almost make out the curve of a smile beneath the tinted visor shield.
“Any idea where we can get a hundred thousand credits?”
And you laugh. 
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Jealous Luke+famous Julie (they’re both together now)
Hi there! Thank you so much for the prompt. I had a lot of fun writing this and I hope that this is what you meant when you sent the ask. You can read the fic under the cut or you can click on the link here to read it on AO3. Enjoy!
Green Eyes and Fame
Pairings:  Luke/Julie, Alex/Willie
Tags: Fluff, angst, jealousy, miscommunication
Five years since the band first made a splash, Julie and the Phantoms was one of the most popular bands in America. As the lead singer of the band Julie was the most well known and, thanks to her sweet disposition and how she went out of her way for her fans, everyone adored her. People just liked her, romantically as well as platonically. As her boyfriend of three years though, Luke kind of wished people would stop flirting with her in front of him.
Also known as the five times Luke was jealous because of people flirting with Julie, and one time he realized there was never a need to be. 
1 - The Number 1 Fan
Luke was really glad in moments like these that the band wasn’t required to do meet and greets. He loved playing for people and he loved meeting people who were genuinely touched by his music, but after performing for two hours in the hot stage lights for the third time that week, he was pretty wiped out. 
Management did require Julie to do these meet and greets once a week after a show though, what with being the lead singer and the name brand. Despite how she was just as physically drained as he was under the surface, and despite being at this for over two hours, Julie still greeted each fan with unending enthusiasm and her signature toothy smile. 
He was meant to be there to keep her company, but found himself staring at her in fond amusement as she started admiring the little girl wearing Julie and the Phantoms keds. “My daddy got them for my birthday last week!” The girl beamed at her dad who was standing slightly to the side so his daughter could have her moment. 
“They look super cool,” Julie said in an impressed tone, “and happy belated birthday.” 
“Can you sign them?” The girl bounced up and down in excitement. “Please, please, please, please please-”
“Easy there,” Julie laughed, “I can't sign them with you jumping around like that.” 
The little girl looked like she was gonna pass out from happiness as she hurried to pull off the sneakers. “Thank you Julie!”
A minute later, the little girl was sporting some autographed keds and a picture of her and her icon on her dad's phone. The man politely shook Julie’s hand before leading his daughter out of the room. 
“I love you Julie!” The girl shouted behind her as she walked out.
“That girl was so adorable,” Julie gushed once she was gone. 
“You think every little kid is adorable,” Luke reminded her. 
“That’s because they are.”
Luke laughed good-naturedly at his girlfriend’s defensiveness over literally every child on the planet. She wasn’t wrong, kids were adorable. Especially when they were bouncing around in excitement over meeting their idol. Luke had helped her babysit her brother when they were in high school though, so he knew exactly how much of a pest they could be. 
Luke pulled out his phone to scroll through Instagram as the next fan in the line up walked into the room. Luke only glanced at her briefly to see it was an older girl, probably around their age. He liked a picture of Alex, Flynn, and Reggie at an after-party and kept scrolling. 
“Hey there,” Julie smiled at the girl as she approached, “what’s your name?” She held out her hand which the other girl took for a handshake. 
“Lucille, but you can call me Lucy” the girl replied in a tone that sounded a little flirtatious. Luke raised an eyebrow and looked up, certain he had imagined it. He noted that the girl was holding the handshake just a little too long.
Julie just smiled back unaware, “nice to meet you Lucy. Did you enjoy the show?”
“I could watch you perform all day,” Lucy smiled back widely. Luke barely stopped his frown, definitely flirting. 
As subtle as he could, which wasn’t very, Luke began to take her in fully for the first time. She was kind of pretty, tall with dark skin and almond eyes, hair pulled into a ponytail that showed off the buzzed underneath. Her nose was pierced and she was sporting a pair of cuffed jeans. 
“I’ll take that to mean a yes,” Julie laughed warmly. “Well I’m glad you enjoyed it. And that you found the time to come for the meet and greet. You got a camera for the picture?”
Lucy pulled out a handheld camera and handed it to the photographer. “I was actually hoping we could do a pose?”
“Sure,” Julie smiled, “whatcha have in mind?”
“It involves your friend, if he doesn’t mind.” Lucy gestured over to Luke who startled in surprise at being addressed. 
Julie looked over uncertainly. “I’m not sure-“
“I’m happy to join in,” Luke interrupted her. Anything to get between those flirty eyes and his very hot girlfriend. 
Lucy smiled widely, “awesome! My idea was to have the hot guy look all jealous while I pretend to propose.”
Luke struggled to not glare at the girl. Choosing to keep an easy smile on his face and laugh. “Well I feel like anybody would be jealous of the person with Julie.”
He walked over to stand in front of the two while Lucy dropped to one knee. The jealous glare on his face was a little too easy for him to make as his girlfriend pretended to gasp in excitement. The camera flash finally went off and Julie hugged the girl goodbye. “It was nice to meet you,” she said brightly. 
Lucy smiled back and handed her a piece of paper. “my number, in case you miss me.” At that she turned around strutted out of the room. 
Once she was gone Julie turned to Luke, holding the paper between her thumb and pointer. “She was so sweet, it was nice of her to ask to hang out.”
Luke raised an eyebrow, “babe, you know she was flirting with you right?”
Julie’s eyes widened, obviously unaware of the fact. “Oh! I had no idea.” 
Luke laughed. “I can’t believe you didn’t notice. Babe she proposed to you.”
“Shut up,” Julie blushed in embarrassment, “I can’t believe she didn’t recognize you as my boyfriend.”
“Trust me, she probably barely even noticed me there,” Luke kept the possessiveness out of his tone as he said it. Instead he batted his eyelashes and made a dramatic kissy face. “Oh, Julie,” he tried to mimic Lucy’s flirty tone, “I could watch you perform all day.”
Julie groaned and playfully shoved his shoulder. “I hate you so much.” 
Once she turned to face the next person, Luke took the piece of paper with Lucy’s number on it to throw away. Feigning surprise when Julie told him she lost it with a confused look on her face.
2 - The Cute Barista
A couple weeks after the incident, the two were visiting their hometown for Julie’s father’s birthday. Before making their way to the house Julie dragged Luke to a hole in the wall cafe for breakfast.
“I don’t remember this being here in high school,” Luke mused.
“It’s new. I heard about it from an uh… Friend?” Julie’s smile was a little bit too innocent. Luke mentally prepared himself for whatever mischief she had planned, letting her lead him into the cafe. He was greeted with the intoxicating aroma of roasted coffee grounds and cinnamon pastries blended together and the din of people laughing, enjoying their drinks. 
Luke went to the counter to place his order while Julie left to find a booth for them to sit in. He made a double-take as he recognized the barista.
“No way, Carrie?” 
The girl’s eyes widened in surprise at the sight of him, mouth spreading into a wide smile. “No way.”
“What are you doing here?” He asked.
“I got the job for the summer while I’m not in school. If I had known they really let just anybody walk in here I wouldn’t have taken the job though,” Carrie teased him.
Luke laughed. “I remember Julie’s creative manager saying something similar when I signed on to be her guitarist.”
Carrie swatted his arm over the counter. “Shut up, we both know it wouldn’t be the Phantoms without you.”
He shrugged. “Doesn’t mean I didn’t nearly fistfight the manager when we first met. Anyways, how’s school?”
The other girl rolled her head to the side, a soft crack emitting as she cracked her neck. “Honestly? Amazing. I’m so glad I just decided to stick with the dancing side of performance, the whole singing and ‘dirty candy’ thing was kind of just cause I thought it was cool.”
“You’re cool though,” Luke insisted, “and I know that Julie is just waiting for you to graduate so she can snag you as a background dancer. She really misses you.” He paused for a moment. “Thinking about it now that’s probably why she dragged me here.”
Carrie blushed at the compliment and waved him off. “She knows that I want to make it on my own first, not ride on my friend’s coattails.” Still slightly pink, she gestured to nothing in particular, “what can I get for you in the meantime?” 
Luke rattled off his order which she deftly took down. She then began to make his drinks and put his pastries in the oven simultaneously. Luke listened politely to her chatter about her different classes at CalArts as she worked, only interrupting to ask questions when she started talking in technical terms that he had no clue about.
If somebody had told Luke in high school that one day he would be having a conversation like this with Carrie of all people he would have said they were crazy. The girl had been a constant negative towards Julie up until their junior year, always trying to belittle her or one-up her with her own band. 
One day though, Julie had decided she was through with being passively polite to Carrie as Flynn defended her. So, Julie made Luke drive her to Carrie's house in the middle of the night to verbally berate her to submission and hopefully get Carrie to back off.
The conversation had taken a different turn though. 
It turned out Carrie was mad at Julie because Julie had completely shut her out when her mom died at the end of eighth grade and started ignoring her for Flynn. Then, when Julie started to be better and more like herself, she had ruined Carrie’s big premiere performance that she had spent months working on by showing her up with a last-minute song. 
That hadn’t excused her being a bully, but after a lot of crying and apologizing on both ends, the girls were soon best friends again, this time with Flynn. 
When Flynn and Carrie had first spoken to each other after the argument with Julie, they had gotten on like a house on fire. Reggie, Alex, and Luke had been equally surprised that they were able to get along at all after three years of fighting and horrified of what the two of them accomplished when they worked as a team to roast them. 
It had been even more surprising when Reggie and Luke caught the two of them in a janitor’s closet at school, but that was a story for another time.
Despite constantly teasing him, she had turned out to be surprisingly cool without her ‘mean girl’ persona. She loudly called out people who were homophobic to Alex and verbally eviscerated people who made fun of Reggie. After she turned Dirty Candy from a pop group to a dancing group, she had let Alex join and would hang out with him until late teaching him. She also helped tutor Reggie in math when his ADHD had made it hard for him to focus, patiently explaining quadratics and Algebra.
In Luke’s eyes, anybody who was good to his friends was good to him. So, naturally, Carrie grew on him quickly. 
As she finished making his drinks, Luke looked around the cafe for Julie. Despite how small it was, there was a surprising amount of people there, filling the atmosphere with laughter and idle chit chat. He kind of wish it had existed while they were in high school, it would have been a great place to hang out.
He finally found her sitting in a booth by the window, freezing once he noticed that she wasn’t alone. There was a guy there wearing a barista uniform, admittedly handsome, who was braced on the edge of the table in a way that was obviously meant to show off his arms. His pose was suggestive, leaning slightly towards Jullie.
As Julie laughed at something the man said, a familiar curl of jealousy wrapped around Luke’s gut. He glared down the man’s head, wondering if it was possible to kill somebody from this distance with his mind.
“Easy there,” Carrie interrupted his thoughts. Luke startled and turned back to face her, surprised to see she had finished making his order without him noticing. “What’s got you so angry?”
“Nothing,” Luke mumbled unconvincingly. Carrie looked over in the direction he had been staring in and smiled in a way that Luke meant trouble. 
“Wow,” she said in feigned surprise, “I didn’t know that Jesús and Julie knew each other.”
“Jesús?” Luke asked. He knew he was being obvious but he had always been bad at subtlety.
Carrie’s smile was predatory, knowing she had caught him. Her face smoothed out innocently and waved her hand dismissively. “He’s nobody, just a new hire. His family recently immigrated from Spain so he’s still got the accent, has a habit of making nearly every girl here, and quite a few guys, swoon.”
Luke clenched his jaw and glared across the room at the man again. Turning back around, he paid for his food and slipped an extra hundred dollar bill into her tip jar. Hopefully she wouldn’t notice until they were gone. 
Right before walking away though, he turned back to Carrie. “Hey I might need your help later, Ray is going to give me…” Luke trailed off, eyes flicking back to his girlfriend, “a family heirloom. He told me about a shop to get it altered but I don’t want to go alone.”
Carrie’s eyes widened in understanding. “Are you-?” Luke nodded, smiling bashfully. The girl beamed, “you bet your ass I want to go with you.”
“Thanks Carrie,” he smiled at his friend as he grabbed the drinks and pastries, “it was nice to see you.”
Carrie grinned widely. “You too man, pick me up tomorrow. I’ll come up with some excuse so Julie isn’t suspicious.” After she finished speaking she turned to the next customer in line to take their order.
Forcing the glare off his face into an easy grin, Luke made his way over to his girlfriend. 
“Hey babe,” he said a little too loudly, startling the other man. Luke felt a curl of dark satisfaction as Jesús jumped a little in surprise. “I got one large black coffee with cinnamon for you, you sadistic weirdo, two lemon blueberry scones, and a salted caramel iced mocha, for me of course.”
Julie rolled her eyes as she took the coffee from the tray, “liking black coffee isn’t weird you know.”
“Plain black coffee is something that only people who hate themselves, are on a diet, or psychopaths enjoy.”
“It’s not plain,” Julie reminded him, “it has cinnamon.”
“The only reason I haven’t called a psych consult and you know it.”
Julie laughed and took a sip of the coffee, “you never know. I could be a psychopath.”
“Or a high functioning sociopath, if you do your research.” Luke grinned as Julie laughed at the reference. He loved watching her when she laughed, leaning back in a way that showed off the endearing gap in her two front teeth as her entire body shook with the force of her laughter. On rare occasions she would even snort, if the joke was funny enough.
Luke slid into the booth next to her and linked their fingers together while she laughed. Once she stopped laughing she gestured towards Jesús with the hand still holding the coffee. 
“Luke this is Jesús. Jesús, this is my boyfriend Luke.”
Luke felt warm all over, being introduced as Julie’s boyfriend. Even after dating for three years it still made him happy. “Nice to meet you man.” He held out the hand not entwined with Julie’s for a handshake.
“Likewise,” the man responded. Luke felt a flash of surprise at the lack of accent.
“Jesús and his sister were adopted by...” Julie trailed off, eyebrows furrowed as she did some math in her head.
“Your mom’s second cousin,” Jesús finished her sentence. “moved down here from San Francisco. I’m starting at Caltech once the summer’s over.”
“That’s neat.” Luke tried to not be embarrassed over being jealous and thinking Julie was flirting with family. “Whatcha studying?”
“Double major in mechanical and electrical engineering,” he said proudly.
“Jesús was just telling me he wanted to be a robot engineer so he could build Norm from Phineas and Ferb,” Julie said as she took a sip of her coffee.
Jesús grinned. “You laugh, but that man shaped my childhood.” Carrie shouted for Jesús as a crowd of teenagers walked in, loudly messing around and joking. He grimaced, “looks like Carrie needs some backup. It was nice to meet you though Julie, and you Luke.”
“See you at the party later!” Julie called after him as he walked away. 
“I didn’t know you had other family in LA,” Luke mused. He took a sip of the mocha, pleasantly surprised at how great of a job Carrie had done on it. 
“Neither did I,” Julie confessed, “when my aunt heard I was in town she told me about him though and said to keep a lookout.”
“Is that why we came here?” Luke asked, snagging a bite of his scone.
“Nah, I just heard Carrie was here and wanted to see the horror on your face once you realized I brought you here for a dark roast and a Carrie roast.”
He choked on his scone. “That was a horrible pun, and a horrible thing to do.”
“Pun still made you laugh though,” Julie said with a smug smile.
Luke glared at her for a minute before turning back to his scone, sulking. “Just shut up and eat so we can go to your dad’s house.” 
He tried his best to stay annoyed with her. When she leaned over and kissed his temple in apology though, his resolve shattered and he couldn’t help the pleased grin that spread across his face. Wow am I whipped, he thought to himself, but for the life of him he couldn’t find any problem with that fact.
3 - The ‘Nice Guy’
A month later, Luke had to miss a scheduled practice session with the band for the first time ever. 
The only reason he was missing in the first place was because of Bobby. The man had finally gotten back to him about a favor he needed, saying he was happy to help. However apparently there was only one opening at his recording studio for the next six months, something about the starlet booked being sent back to rehab? Six months was too long for Luke to wait though, and he was already in NYC. So, he told Bobby he would be there.
He knew that, even without telling them his reason, the band would all be fine with him missing. But even with Julie insisting that it was completely fine, Luke still felt like a horrible person that they would have to cancel practice because of him. 
The guilt gnawed on his chest until Reggie and Alex told him they were still going to practice as scheduled. Apparently, they had asked one of the backup guitarists to cover for him. Some guy named Billy?
“If you ask me,” Alex confessed to Luke while they were telling him, “I only asked him cause the dude really needs the practice. He’s literally paid to know all the songs in case you need time off and to play back up. But at the last concert, he was right next to me, and the dude couldn’t even keep up with ‘Bright,’ for longer than a couple seconds. The rest of the songs ” 
Luke raised an eyebrow, “that song is like, four chords. If he can’t do it then why did management hire him?”
“Do we all have backups for our time off?” Reggie piped up.
“Yeah, mine is some named Owen, seems pretty nice. I’m surprised you guys didn’t know about yours. Jeremy is a pretty funny guy, way more level headed than you.”
“You sayin I’m not level headed?” Reggie said defensively.
“I met Jeremy,” Luke said in surprise. “I’ve seen him around everywhere but I didn’t know he was the backup bassist. Did you know he does voice acting?”
“My backup does voice acting?” Reggie flipped from defensive to excited in a moment.
“Anyways,” Alex got them back on topic, “Billy’s only your backup because his dad is the head of Covington Entertainment. Dude could ruin us if we don’t let his son have the job.”
“On that note, I will be sucking up to him,” Reggie said nervously, “quite a bit.”
After that Luke had felt a little bit better about skipping. He left for the studio a couple minutes later, after saying goodbye to Julie of course.
Bobby himself was the one who sat in the recording booth for Luke’s session. “You think I would let just any old person produce your music? You’re family, and family looks after each other.” 
The whole thing didn’t last more than half an hour. It had been fun at first, messing with the different equipment and such that was usually off-limits. Without the band though, and he found it a little bit boring after a while. At the very least, this was a confirmation that a solo career was not for him. After Bobby called it a night he promised he would send over the demo once he was done editing it.
Luke thanked him a hundred times before running off to his car. Based on his watch, there was still an hour left to rehearsal. If he was careful and took the highway he could get there on time for a least a solid forty-five minutes of practice.
There was no music coming out of the studio as he arrived, probably meaning the band was taking a break. He was passing by the bathroom when there was the sound of an unfamiliar voice. Luke was going to keep walking until he heard something that caught his attention.
“-think I might actually have a chance with Julie, man.” Luke froze at the excited words, wondering if the person was talking about his Julie. He couldn’t hear whoever the man was talking to so he assumed it was a phone call. As quietly as he could, he inched closer to the bathroom door so he could eavesdrop. 
“I’m not crazy,” the man said defensively, “the band personally asked me to cover for their guitarist while he’s off doing god knows what. We’ve been practicing together for a couple hours now and the guys love me.” A laugh. “Alex is exactly as much of a Mary Sue as all the magazines said and Reggie is the biggest dolt on the planet though so it really wasn’t too hard.” 
Luke felt his teeth grind together. The Mary Sue thing was something that he knew bothered Alex. His friend was polite to everyone he didn’t know, even those who were rude to him, and tended to be a people pleaser. If the magazines ever had to deal with Alex when he was tired or stressed, they wouldn’t be so quick to call him a Mary Sue. 
And Reggie wasn’t dumb. Anybody who bothered to get to know Reggie figured out pretty quickly that he only needed to be told things multiple times because his ADHD affected his short term memory and made it hard to focus when people were speaking to him. And despite what people thought, Reggie was a little shy. So, being around new people made him a little nervous which made his hyperactivity worse. So random outbursts, fidgeting, or rambling made him seem ‘spazzy’ and outgoing.
Luke was about to burst in and give this guy a piece of his mind. Yell at him about how Alex was actually a grumpy dumbass and Reggie was not a dolt, but stopped himself once the guy spoke again. 
“I know that doesn’t mean Julie likes me. I’m not stupid. I know Julie likes me cause she keeps watching me while she sings and stuff. The chemistry is practically tangible dude. Trust me when I say that she wants a piece of Billy.” 
Jealousy began to pool in Luke’s gut. Usually Julie sang to him, not whoever this wannabe was. Now that he thought about it, when was the last time Julie and him got so into a song that she kissed him at the end? When was the last time they went on a date? When was the last time they even kissed period?
She literally kissed you before you left for the recording studio idiot, his brain reminded him.
The voice was silent as the guy listened to whatever the person on the other end of the line said. He made an offended noise. “It’s not weird to talk in third person, it shows confidence. And why would I make up practicing with the Phantoms?” So this was the Billy Alex told him about, interesting. 
There was another beat of silence, longer this time. “I’m not being delusional, you and I both know I would be amazing for her. I’m only here because her crappy boyfriend bailed on the band and I was man enough to step up and help. Once Julie stops being a stupid bitch and realizes I’m an actually nice guy- ” 
Luke felt the jealousy and possessiveness burn into anger, slamming the bathroom door open before the guy could finish his sentence. As he took in the guy he noted that, other than being tall, he was kind of unimpressive. Especially when he looked like he was about to shit his pants at the sight of Luke.
“Hey Billy,” Luke said icily, “I’m the shitty boyfriend, nice to meet you.”
Billy blanched. “I can explain-”
“I heard enough,” Luke practically growled, cutting the guy off. “I can understand saying that Julie is amazing since it is super obvious to literally even the stupidest people. I can understand wanting to treat her right. Hell, I can even forgive you thinking that I’m the biggest piece of garbage ever.”
As Luke spoke he stalked closer to the man in front of him, watching as Billy stepped back nervously to avoid him. He kept walking forward, herding the man until his back was pressed against the wall. He stepped closer still, until he was practically in the man’s face. Despite being nearly a head taller, Billy still cowered like Luke was twice his size.
“Do you know one thing I will not tolerate though?” Luke asked as he plucked the phone from Billy’s hand and hung up on the man on the other end of the line.
“N-no?” The man squeaked.
“I will not tolerate anybody calling my girlfriend, or any girl for that matter, ‘a stupid bitch’ just because she doesn’t want to get with them. And I certainly won’t tolerate you making fun of my best friends.” Luke’s voice sounded dangerous to his own voice, despite being at a quiet, even tone. “You feel me, nice guy?”
 “I’m sorry man, I wasn’t thinking.”
“You’re right,” Luke agreed, “you weren’t thinking, and I’m not even slightly finished with your dumb ass.” He stepped back just an inch, crossing his arms to prevent himself from throttling the guy in front of him. There was a nagging voice that sounded suspiciously like Alex in the back of his head telling him that this was a bad idea.
“I wasn’t gonna say anything cause I’m not one to rain on your parade, but you really pissed me off. First of all, since you are apparently unaware, it’s literally your job to cover for me when I can’t be there. There was no ‘being man enough’ idiot when it’s in your job description.”
“It’s not my job to go to practice, the team asked me personally-” Billy protested.
“That brings me to the ‘second of all.’ The guys only ‘personally’ asked you to practice cause you can’t even play the most basic songs, and rather than letting you embarrass yourself, they were trying to be nice and help you. Cause unlike you, they are actually nice guys. And what you,” Luke jabbed his finger into his sternum, “did to thank them is turn around and talk bad about him to your friend the second they were gone.” 
I didn’t mean any of it man. It just slipped out on accident.” Billy looked like he was about to cry, which was not a good look on him. The only reason Luke didn’t feel bad is that Billy looked like a petulant child who was only upset at being caught doing the bad thing and not remorseful because he did it in the first place. 
Taking a deep breath, Luke stepped back from Billy before doing something stupid, like punching the son of the guy who owned Luke’s career. He stared up at the sky, tapping his chin as he pretended to think. “Say, I just had a great idea. Wanna hear it?” 
Terrified, Billy nodded.
“Since I’m such a nice guy, I’m gonna do you a favor.” Luke practically growled at the man “Since your not thinking led to you ‘accidentally’ trying to degrade my girlfriend and talking smack about my friends, I’ll do your thinking for you for the rest of the night. Just so you don’t slip up again, understand?” 
Billy opened his mouth to reply. However, even though he phrased it as a question, Luke didn’t actually care about his answer. So, he just kept talking before the man could speak.
“So, I’m thinking that, since you just feel so bad about all of this, that once we walk out of this bathroom we pretend we never had this conversation okay? But when we go back to the studio you are going to be unbelievably polite and nice to Reggie and Alex. Then you are going to work your hardest for the rest of practice until you have a basic grasp of every song. Then you are going to leave.”
“Can I at least talk to Julie?” Billy asked hopefully.
A wave of anger rose up in Luke. “You aren’t gonna speak to her unless she speaks to you.” Billy sagged in disappointment, nodding to show his agreement. 
Satisfied, Luke backed up so that he was no longer cornering the taller boy to the wall. He felt Billy’s eyes on his back as he turned on his heel, marching out of the bathroom. 
As he opened the door to the studio, Julie, Alex, and Reggie were sitting in the center laughing about something. The three of them looked up at the sound of the door, eyes widening in surprise. 
“Didn’t expect to see you here man!” Alex smiled at him.
“Dude, do you know how weird it is to practice without you? I felt like I was in the twilight zone.” Reggie laughed at his own joke.
Julie walked over and placed a kiss on his cheek, rolling her eyes at Reggie’s joke. “Billy’s in the bathroom but he should be back any minute so you can meet him. He’s a nice guy, you’ll like him.”
Another irrational stab of jealousy pierced through Luke. “Great,” he answered her. His friends must have noticed the irritation in his tone because their smiles dimmed down.
“You okay?” Julie asked, a concerned frown on her face. He opened his mouth, ready to brush it off and pretend nothing had happened, as Billy walked into the room. He was all swagger now, a contrast to the boy Luke left in the bathroom who looked like he was going to pee himself.
“Hey guys,” Billy smiled. Luke didn’t miss the way his eyes passed over Julie and stayed just a moment too long.
Another stab of jealousy. “Just met this really rude guy today. You wouldn’t believe the things that came out of his mouth.” Billy froze, a flash of panic over his eyes that Luke only caught because he was looking for it. “It’s not that important though,” he continued, watching as Billy relaxed again. “I might tell you later if I don’t forget by then.” 
“How about we get back to practice?” Billy suggested nervously. “Any chance you can help me learn Luke?” This time when he looked up at Luke he pointedly avoided eye contact with Julie.
Luke felt another pang of guilt in his stomach. He knew he was being an ass, but he really didn’t like this guy. Trying out a genuine smile for a peace offering, Luke went over to his guitar mounted on the wall. “Let’s play.”
4 - The Old Fling
The day after Luke accidentally put the fear of God into him, Billy quit the band to go work for his dad’s company. Luke felt kind of bad for him, but to be fair he was wholly unqualified. Even with Luke painstakingly showing him each cord he still couldn’t get it. The new guy they hired for his backup guitarist was named Charlie, who he liked infinitely better because he never flirted with Julie.
After Billy went home, Luke ended up telling everyone about the incident in the bathroom. Julie had gotten annoyed with him for defending her honor like she was some helpless maiden, but she seemed glad about him defending Alex and Reggie. The two guys had just shrugged and said he was really annoying anyway.
As an ‘apology’ to Julie for defending her honor without asking, Luke took Julie out to Coney Island for a date. He was pretty Julie just wanted an excuse to go there but Luke didn’t complain, any time spent with Julie was a good time.
The trip started out great. They went on the ferris wheel, visited some candy shop Julie had heard about, and rode the cyclone. It was hot there in late August and there were countless people on the beach. Julie closed her eyes and looked up every once in awhile, basking in the sun.
“You’re like a cat,” Luke teased her.
“Cats do nothing but eat, sleep, poop, and play all the time and are called cute even if they are little devils to their owners,” Julie replied without opening her eyes, “sounds like the kind of life most people would be jealous of.”
“Cats also lick their own buttholes,” he reminded her.
A shrug. “Well we can’t all be perfect.” Julie looked down from the sun and grabbed her water bottle from Luke’s backpack. 
“Yeah, but I still think I’m gonna pass. I would have to stop eating taco bell, which is definitely a dealbreaker.” Great, now he wanted tacos.
Julie rolled her eyes at his bad joke, opening the bottle to take a sip. “Even still,” she said, “with all the team meetings, songwriting, and late-night concerts I’ve barely been able to enjoy the sun. I’m either sleeping or stuck inside.” Her shoulders slumped a little. 
Luke pulled her into a hug and kissed her forehead comfortingly. “I’m sorry,” he said sincerely, tucking her under his chin.
“Don’t get me wrong,” Julie said, voice muffled against his chest, “I love what I’m doing, and I love that I get to do it with you. I just wish that they didn’t make a meeting to decide if they wanted to make the ‘and’ in Julie and the Phantoms into that weird eight symbol.”
“Well obviously it was life or death,” Luke said in a grave tone, “can you imagine the outrage if we changed something that literally nobody would notice?”
Julie giggled, “I imagine it would be the same level of rage if we made the ‘J’ in merchandising a little larger.”
“Well that would just be unforgivable,” Luke said in mock horror.
His girlfriend laughed and hugged him back tighter. A familiar warmth spread throughout his core and his brain felt like it was saturated in happy hormones. He smiled and tucked his head in her neck. Luke let out a grumble of complaint once she finally pulled away, trying to pull her back into the hug.
“Luke, you’re cute and all but it's hot out.”
“Oh that? It’s just my burning desire for you.” Luke grinned as Julie groaned at his corny joke.
“I changed my mind,” Julie took a step back as she spoke. “I don’t think you’re cute and I actually hate you.” There was no malice in her tone though, and her exasperated smile was still fond.
“Nobody’s perfect,” Luke parroted back to her, inevitably bringing tacos to mind again. His stomach churned in anticipation.
Julie started laughing again, another one of those full-body laughs that showed off her toothy smile. “God you’re so…” Julie trailed off as she saw something behind him, eyes widening.
“I’m so what?” Luke pressed. He glanced behind him to try and see what caught her eye, heart dropping once he saw it. ‘It’ being Nick, Julie’s boyfriend from when they first started playing together and became friends. All distracting thoughts of tacos left his mind.
“Nick!” Julie called out, running towards the blonde man. He had grown up since Luke had seen him last, literally. Nick was definitely a couple inches taller than him, which  Luke stubbornly refused to acknowledge bothered him. His baby face was gone and he had five o’clock shadow.
Nick caught Julie as she ran to him and twirled her in a hug. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me you were in town,” he said in a pleasantly surprised tone as he lowered her, hands still on her hips. He looked up as Luke made his way over, giving him a polite smile.
“Hey Nick,” Luke waved. His eyes flickered down towards Nick’s hands still on Julie’s waist, trying to stifle his possessiveness. Julie was her own person and it wasn’t her fault that he was still jealous of Nick.
The blonde didn’t seem to notice, amazingly observant as ever. Thankfully, he still moved his hands. “Man, it's weird to see you guys outside of a magazine tabloid or a video call. How long has it been? A year?”
“Three,” Julie corrected him, “either that or I managed to skip to junior year of college alarmingly fast.”
Nick’s eyes widened, “it’s already been three years since high school?” He looked like he was about to have an existential crisis.
“And yet Luke is still a child,” Julie joked.
“Hey,” Luke complained.
“We’re actually about to get some tacos if you want to join us.”
“We are?” He turned to Julie excitedly, immediately forgetting why he was offended.
“Yeah, I know you. The second you bring up tacos you’re basically impossible to distract.”
Except for the blonde idiot I had to watch you obsess over for two years. It then processed that she had invited said blonde idiot to join them for tacos. Jealousy and hunger conflicted in his mind. Great, now Nick ruined tacos.
The blonde chuckled in amusement. “I would love to but I'm here with my mom. She’s not gonna last another five minutes without asking me to take her back to my apartment, let alone going out to eat.” Julie pouted at that, and  Luke couldn’t tell if he was more annoyed at the disappointment in Julie’s face or at Nick for disappointing her. 
“Well you have to tell your mom I said hi,” Julie ordered him. 
“Of course, my mom adores you,” Nick said sincerely. Out of the corner of his eye, Luke saw a familiar flash. Turning to look he saw a small group of paparazzi starting to form. Julie and Nick were completely unaware though.
“Jules,” Luke reached out to tap her arm for attention, to warn her. 
It was too late though. Julie propped herself up on her toes to plant a friendly kiss on Nick’s cheek. Luke couldn’t help the spike of jealousy in the pit of his stomach as he saw her lean over, feeling the frown on his face before he could stop it.
The paparazzi went nuts, cameras flashing like strobe lights as they tried to catch a picture of the scene. Julie turned in surprise as they surged forward and started hounding her with questions.
“Are the rumors of your split with Luke true?”
“Is this man your new boyfriend.”
“What’s your opinion your gay drummer.”
“Is it true that you had an illegitimate love child when you were sixteen.”
Julie’s eyes widened, frozen at the onslaught. Luke reached out his hand and yanked her free of the crowd. The paparazzi had drawn a lot of attention, causing a crowd to gather to see what they were going nuts over. 
“It’s Julie Molina!” Somebody shouted from the crowd. A bunch of people started murmuring in agreement, pulling out their phones. Luke cursed, their cover was blown. So much for a day without work.
Luke began to lead Julie away from the crowd at a hurried pace, making sure to wave and smile as he walked by them. Julie had recovered from her initial shock and joined him in their smile and wave.
Finally they made it to their car, breathless from exertion. The car was quiet, save for the sound of their labored breathing, until Julie broke the silence with a burst of laughter. Luke looked over at her in bewilderment, certain she had cracked from stress. She looked over at him and whatever she saw only made her double over harder, snorting between laughs.
“Are you okay?” He asked in concern.
“I’m, I-I’m just.” Julie struggled to catch her breath so she could form her sentence. “I’m just imagining the tabloid covers tomorrow. Poor Nick’s mom is going to think we’re a thing again.” Luke’s eyes widened in horror at her realization. Julie just started laughing again, “oh my god PR is going to kill us.”
“We’re so screwed.” Luke agreed.
The next day, the headlines showed Julie kissing Nick’s cheek while Luke stood to the side with a pained grimace.
“Sweetheart or Heartbreaker? : Popstar Julie Molina flaunts new relationship in front of ex-beau Patterson. Does this mean the end of Julie and the Phantoms?” Read all about it on page 3.”
5 - The daredevil
“I couldn’t have planned it better if I tried,” the PR representative declared as she beamed at the photo like Christmas had come early. “There’s nothing like a scandal to catch media attention, and ultimately what people think you did was unproblematic enough that people have no reason to ‘cancel’ you.” She looked up at the two of them pensively, “did I use that word right? My middle-schooler taught me it the other day.” 
“You used it fine?” Julie glanced at Luke in confusion which he returned with a shrug to convey he was equally lost. He wasn’t sure what to say here. They had been prepared for a lecture, to get chewed out. Not whatever this was.
“So just checking, you aren’t mad about us accidentally causing drama?” Julie sounded skeptical. 
The woman scoffed "Are you kidding me? Management is over the moon with your band’s popularity ranking. Sales for their latest album went up by 15% in middle aged women and 3% in college students. You’re even on the Billboard top 100 music charts now.”
The woman’s eyes widened. “Oh honey no of course not. Frankly it's a miracle you made it as long as you had without appearing on the front page of some crappy gossip magazine. This scandal was so mild that it probably helped you. Honestly you just show up a couple times acting like a happy couple and the bad part will be gone, leaving you with all the juicy benefits.”
“Wha…” Julie gaped at the woman like a fish, expression bewildered. If Luke looked hard enough he swore he could see the error message as her brain tried to process being freaked out for nothing. Luke reached out and linked their fingers together, squeezing her hand reassuringly. 
“We aren’t in trouble Julie,” he translated for her. 
“We aren’t in trouble?” Julie repeated skeptically.
“Look,” the woman leaned forward. “Your brand is defined by keeping your nose clean, not getting involved in anything controversial, being politically correct, and staying appropriate for all ages. All you did was make yourself a little messy, bored housewives and angsty teenagers like messy. And a little messy can also lead to good more messy.”
“Oh,” Julie nodded in understanding. She leaned over to Luke and whispered in his ear, “can you translate?”
“You were a perfect person, now you’re human, and something messy?”
“That’s so stupid,” she hissed, “I’m not perfect at all.” 
“I didn’t say I agreed with her,” he retorted. 
“Oh, so you don’t think I’m perfect?”
Luke felt the blood drain from his face. “Hold up-”
“And don’t even get me STARTED on Luke,” the woman interrupted him, “nothing is hotter than a heartbroken man.” 
“Julie is,” Luke said defensively. Julie blushed and kicked his shin under the table. She still had a pleased smile on his face though, so he figured he was forgiven for earlier. 
“Well not everybody is you,” the PR rep reminded him. “People want more of you now, and I have to say this is the perfect opportunity for you to start your solo career. Bobby sent over your rough demo to the big boss and is ready to make a team for you, just say the word.”
“I don’t want to release it now though,” Luke argued, ignoring the quizzical look Julie sent his way. With the argument with Billy, seeing Nick, and freaking out about them getting in trouble Luke had been too distracted to talk to her about it. The three days since recording the demo felt like an eternity ago now.  
“Well obviously not now, the demo song isn’t fully edited yet.” The woman rolled her eyes like ‘duh.’ “We want you to announce it on the red carpet when you go to the premiere of The Other Side of Hollywood next week.” 
Luke sat in quiet, thinking about what the woman was offering. “Can I have some time? This is kind of a big decision.”
The woman waved him off, “yes fine. We don’t have to announce it at the premiere, but we need your decision by the end of the month.” The end of the month was less than three weeks away, not too much time. The woman turned to her computer and waved them off, “just act like a couple and the scandal blows away. See you at the end of the month.” 
As soon as he left the room, he let out a breath he hadn’t known he was holding. “That was the opposite of what I expected.”
Julie laughed. “I think all it proved is that we are too goody two shoes to keep up with drama.”
“Maybe we should turn to a life of crime,” Luke suggested, “nothing too bad, just interesting.”
“What, like jaywalking?”
Luke staggered back in exaggerated horror. “I said nothing bad, you monster. I thought it was just a theory that only psychopaths drink black coffee but you just proved it right.”
“My bad,” Julie apologized, “how about cold-blooded murder?”
“Now we’re talking.” Luke smiled at Julie’s exasperated smile, leaning closer to link their hands together. “I got an idea on where you can start actually.”
“Jaywalking?”
“No, murder. You can kill me so I don’t have to go to the premiere of The Other Side of Hollywood.” It had been exciting to write a song for a big budget movie soundtrack, and he was excited to see the film. It was just the whole formal event thing that he wasn’t a huge fan of.
Julie rolled her eyes at her dramatic boyfriend. “It’s not going to be as bad as you think.”
“Wrong, I’ve been told if I want to go I gotta wear a tuxedo. Nobody should be cursed by the sight of me in a tuxedo.”
Instead of replying Julie stopped them in the hallway, turning him to face her and taking a step back. Her eyes trailed slowly up and down his body, her gaze hesitating on his neck, wrists, and lips. Luke felt himself start to flush at her shamelessly checking him out, nervously reaching up to scratch his forearm.
Finally, Julie nodded. “Thought so.” She turned heel and walked away.
“What?” Luke called after her.
Julie turned her head over her shoulder, eyes sparkling mischievously. “That it’s a damn shame you won’t see me in my dress.”
A week later, Luke was wearing the tux.
Unfairly though, Luke turned into a flustered mess once he saw Julie in her movie premiere dress. He struggled to pick his jaw up off the floor as he watched her blue-clothed figure make its way down the stairs. To be fair though, what did one expect him to do when an absolute goddess greeted him casually before leaning in to kiss his cheek.
“We get it,” Reggie sighed, “you two are in love and hot and all single people everywhere hate you. Can you just get in the damn car now, I was promised champagne and pigs in a blanket.”
Luke flushed at being called out by Reggie. He reached out his hand to lock fingers with Julie, helping her get the long dress into the limo. He kept that hand the whole ride, tracing the veins while he pretended he wasn’t staring at her. She could have told him to jump off a bridge that moment and he would have done it.
He wasn’t able to stick with her once they got to the red carpet though. After taking a band group picture she was pulled to the side for solo pictures, flashing an apologetic look their way. Luke knew she felt bad for being more famous than the rest of them but the guys honestly didn’t like the attention fame brought them. The three of them were more than happy to let somebody else be their face and stick to the background. Luke knew Julie couldn’t stand it either, but it was kind of hard to hide while being the lead singer.
He gestured to let her know that they would be inside waiting for her and she blew him a quick kiss goodbye. Luke felt the dopey grin on his face as Alex and Reggie dragged him inside to the party. 
“Can we stay here instead of watching the movie,” Reggie mused. Luke couldn’t help but agree with him. There were tables overflowing with food and a champagne fountain in the corner. There were also three separate bartending stations spread throughout the room that Luke was pretty sure were all open bar. Besides, the movie sounded kind of dumb anyway. It was just a drama musical about ghosts haunting the Ritz.
“Guys, we literally helped make the movie,” Alex reminded him. “The man who owns the company who manages us produced this movie.”
“Okay,” Luke agreed slowly, “ counterpoint, Caleb Covington is an ass and we should eat all of his food in silent protest.” 
Alex shrugged, “I’m convinced.” 
Skipping the movie meant that Luke lost Julie for the duration of the film. He sent a quick text to let her know the others were skipping and she replied that she was going to watch it still. It ended up being nice to goof off with his friends for a while, having hot dog eating contests with overpriced pigs in a blanket just hit different for some reason. 
He finally found her again later chatting with a guy Luke didn’t know. The man was wearing a black suit over a low cut flower print button up. His brown hair was tied in a knot at the base of his neck and there was a scar expanding down the side of his face. Luke made his way over to say hi with Alex trailing after him. He started catching their conversation the closer he got.
“It’s not that I’m against dating or hookups, it's just that people my type are usually not interested.” The man shrugged in an ‘oh well’ gesture and took a sip of his champagne.
Julie leaned in close to him. “Well I know somebody exactly your type who would be interested,” she whispered loudly. Luke frowned at the suggestive tone as she went to take another sip of her champagne. He was almost to them now with Alex not far behind.
“Oh yeah,” the man smirked, leaning  in closer to her, “and who might that be?” 
Oh HELL no, Luke’s inner voice growled. He pulled up next to them and coughed, startling the two out of their exchange. The man took a step back from Julie who just stared at him without moving.
“Luke!” Julie said in an excited tone, a wide smile spread across her face. “I missed you so much. Never leave me alone at a premiere ever again.” 
Luke wrapped a possessive arm around his waist, staring at the man in front of him to make sure he was getting the message to stop flirting with his girlfriend. He planted a kiss on her forehead, “I promise.” Julie grinned up at him, her eyes just a little too bright. Looking down at her empty champagne glass he wondered just how many she had already had. 
“You look too serious, Willie isn’t serious. Willie is the stunt double for the main character. Willie is a badass. Willie, Willie, Willie.” Julie laughed at some internal joke that he wasn’t privy to. Leaning towards his ear she whispered “Willie’s been keeping me company for you, slacker,” just as loudly as her earlier whisper.
Luke felt a flare of jealousy that his drunk girlfriend was waxing poetic about some guy he had never met while he was right next to her. The flare only fueled at Julie’s loudly whispered confession. He turned a dark stare towards the other man.
“You call it badass, I call it a paycheck,” Willie’s mouth formed a small fond smile at Julie, completely unaffected by Luke’s glare. 
“Bad. Ass.” Julie insisted, reaching forward to poke Willie’s chest to enunciate each word.
Willie looked up at Luke in amusement. “Is she always this stubborn?”
“Worse actually,” Alex spoke up. He slid up next to Luke holding his own glass of champagne. The glass looked completely full, and Luke would have bet money that it was purely for show. “She’s easy to distract when she’s drunk so you can just change the subject to start arguing.”
Laughing, Willie turned to face Alex. He opened his mouth to say something but paused halfway through, mouth snapping shut. As the two made eye contact Luke could swear the room got a little quieter. Alex’s smile faded into a small ‘oh’ of amazement as he stared at the other boy while the small smile on Willie’s face stretched out into a crooked grin, eyes crinkling. 
“Uh, hey.” Willie broke the silence.
“Hey there,” Alex replied awkwardly. 
Luke jumped as Julie poked his side excitedly. “Luke and I gotta got. Alex.”Julie gripped the boy in question’s arm and leaned toward him “You need to take care of Willie, cause he hung out with me all night. I’m drunk so I think I’m not good to take care of him. I couldn’t even take care of a baby.” Julie’s laughter at her own joke quickly transformed into a haunted stare, “my god could kill a baby.”
“Yeah, she’s done.” Luke pulled Julie back to his side. “Thank you for keeping her company,” Luke said to Willie, the words felt like poison in his mouth. 
“It was nothing, Julie’s cool.” Willie glanced over for just a moment before turning his gaze back to an oblivious Alex.
“Wait, we can’t leave until Alex promises me,” Julie protested as Luke tried to lead her away.
“I promise I’ll take care of your friend,” Alex’s tone was serious but his lips turned up in a very amused smile.
“I hope you take very good care of me,” Willie mused, casually raising his champagne glass to his lips. Alex turned red as a fire truck and started stammering at the bold flirtations.
And on that note. Luke grabbed Julie and began to lead her away from the pair, his good mood back. He was already looking forward to teasing Alex mercilessly tomorrow. Not to mention the green-eyed monster had calmed down a little now that he knew Willie was gay.
“Alex is so cute and Willie is so cute and they are both so nice,” Julie rambled. Luke smiled down at her in amusement, she always was a happy drunk. 
“How did you know Willie was gay though?” He asked, leading her down the hall to the cars. He pulled out his phone to order one of those discreet taxis that usually brought the other drunk celebrities home.
“What?” Julie asked in confusion, “Willie isn’t gay he’s bi. Bi bi birdie.” She giggled. “Willie is so cute.”
The green-eyed monster raised his head again to wink. 
+1 The Mother?
Luke was absentmindedly plucking the chords to Flying Solo on his acoustic. He had a flight that morning to Los Angeles, but his anxiety over what tomorrow had in store was making it hard for him to sleep. His plans to relax and spend the day with Julie had only made his nerves worse because she was pissed off at him for seemingly no reason.
So here he was at 2 am, less than three hours until he needed to be leaving trying to figure out what exactly he had done to piss her off. 
It wasn’t that he kept the demo to himself, as far as he knew, because they had talked about it already and she said she understood not wanting to say anything until it was official. Luke even gave her permission to listen to it before it was ready. It wasn’t for losing her at the party because he would have gotten an earful the day after. It certainly wasn’t because he had left the toilet seat up in their apartment, he had learned a while ago not to do that.
The only thing he wasn’t sure about was the whole ‘solo career’ thing. 
Luke had planned his trip so that he got back to New York the day of the deadline, which absolutely boggled his mind that he only had six days before making such a big decision. He and the rest of the band had discussed it at length, it was the kind of thing that concerned them after all. The other guys had been excited for him and Julie had been as encouraging as ever, talking about all the recognition and fans he would have.
When he thought about going solo though, he thought about how boring it was recording alone in the studio. How great it felt to be a part of the team, to succeed with his favorite people in the world. How much he hated being the center of attention. After talking to them it hit him just how much the idea of doing the music performing thing without them sucked. Luke was never in it for fame anyways, he just wanted to connect with people through music.
Luke told Julie as much in private, that he was pretty sure he wanted to stay with the band but wanted to wait to tell the others. Then he confessed that this trip would decide if he even wanted to release the single at all, since the song was so personal. Julie had patted his hand and given him one of her sad smiles. Since then, the crabby mood.
Hence, the solo career being the number one culprit.  There was a thought nagging at the back of his head though, insisting that he give it the time of day. What if Julie wants you out of the band because she’s getting tired of you?
It wasn’t the craziest thing to think about. Julie was meeting amazing people who did amazing things all the time, and Luke knew they all were well aware of how much of a catch she was. People like Willie, her highschool sweetheart Nick, even prince Nikolai of Denmark.What if Julie had realized she was tired of foster kid Luke and his issues and realized she could have a literal royalty. 
What if the only reason she hadn’t broken up with him already was that she was too nice? If that was the case, him refusing to go solo would have made her realize it would be basically impossible to escape being around him. Luke felt his stomach churn with anxiety over going home and jealousy. 
In Luke’s opinion, it would really suck if his girlfriend dumped him. Especially since part of his reason to go home being that he needed to pick up her mom's engagement ring from the jewelers. 
Or maybe she was just stressed because of her Rolling Stone celebrity profile photo shoot tomorrow, and Luke was making up her being mad at him in his head. Luke really hoped that was the case.
As the time neared 3 am, Luke finally accepted that he wasn’t going to calm himself down enough for even just a quick nap. Sighing in resignation, he began fingerpicking notes in random order until something started sounding good. He eventually realized he was humming to himself as he played, no words just a melody.
Lyrics he had written a couple weeks ago drifted in his mind. He had thrown out because they were a little too cheesy and knew the guys would have teased him if they ever read them. They hadn’t even managed to be half a song, so he wasn’t too beat up about ditching it. But now, he was alone and writing songs had always been a good backup to just practicing.
“Step into my world, bittersweet love story 'bout a girl shook me to the core. Voice like an angel I've never heard before. You set me free, me loving you is more than chemistry. I'll hold your music here inside me while my heart is in your hands. Melody and words are all I am, and when I’m with you there’s perfect harmony.”
Luke trailed off and sighed. All the song made him do is think about Julie, which made him sad again. Besides, the song didn’t feel right. He turned to put his guitar on a stand, pausing as he saw the figure leaning against the doorway.
“Julie?” Luke was confused. “What are you doing here?” The studio was a ten minute drive from their apartment, and last he checked she was asleep when he left. His girlfriend was wearing a pair of sweatpants and a band tee and her hair was pulled on to the top of her head in a messy bun. She looked like she had literally rolled out of bed.
“Why are you hiding in the practice studio at 3 am?” Julie raised an eyebrow in challenge. 
Luke sighed and looked down at his guitar. “I just needed to think, to clear my head.”
“Why? So you can decide whether or not you’re going to dump me for some girl in LA tomorrow?”
Luke felt his eyebrows rise so high on his face, he was pretty certain they were at his hairline, from his surprise at Julie’s accusation. What the hell was she talking about? Asking if he was going to ‘dump her for some girl’ like he was even capable of noticing somebody other than her. “What are you-”
“Oh I’m sorry,” Julie said in mock remorse, “I forgot I was supposed to play stupid about you pining over some girl named Emily. Silly me, I just got a little upset when you implied the whole point of your super-secret personal trip was to go see your long lost love. You know I have a little difficulty being properly supportive when I’m upset.”
Luke stared at his girlfriend in bewilderment as she glared back at him. Her words were processing slowly in his head, not quite understanding how she got the idea that he was in love with mom. Then it hit, his eyes widened in understanding.
“Oh! You listened to the demo.”
“Yeah,” Julie said icily, “I listened to your love ballad apology.” She looked up at the ceiling and took a deep breath. Luke realized in a start that she looked like she was about to cry. She looked back down at him, face melted from angry to devastated. “You know everything about my exes, you were with me through Nick breaking my heart. Why didn’t I even know about this ‘Emily’ girl? Did you not trust me?” Julie choked and a tear slid down her cheek. “Or did you know that the second I found out about her I would realize you were still in love with her?”
“Julie.” Luke felt his heart drop at the sight of her crying. His movements were so instinctive he didn’t even realize he was going to hug her until he was already doing it. Her body shook as she cried but she didn’t try and push him away. “Julie,” he said gently, “before you get more upset, I need you to remember what my mom’s name is.”
“E-Emily. But why?” Julie froze as she realized, pulling herself away from the hug. She looked up at Luke, tears still on her cheeks. “Unsaid Emily is for your mom.”
“Yes.”
“You aren’t dramatically telling a girl you are still in love with her.”
“Nope.”
“You just wrote a heartfelt emotional song apologizing to your mom.”
“Yes.”
“This trip is for you to go see your parents and try to apologize to them, isn’t it?”
“That’s right.” Julie stared up at him blankly. Luke watched her, waiting for her to say something else. Finally, the girl reached out to smack his arm not ungently.
“You jerk!” She yelled at him. “Why didn’t you tell me you were trying to do that. I would have tried to help you!”
“I know,” Luke sighed, “to be honest, I didn’t want you to come in case I backed out last minute or they rejected me. Cause if you were there, it would be real. And you got that big Rolling Stone article tomorrow, I didn’t want you to cancel.” 
Julie’s face dropped into something more sympathetic, reaching out to hold his hand. “I’m sorry. And I’m sorry for accusing you of leaving me for your mom”
Luke let out a short laugh, lacing his fingers with hers. “I can’t believe you thought I would leave you at all though.”
“To be honest if it wasn’t this I probably would have thought it at some point anyway,” Julie confessed with a shrug. “I’ve kind of thought you were getting bored of me honestly. 
His eyes widened in surprise. “What could I have possibly done to give you that impression?”
“You want a list?” Julie raised an eyebrow. “I saw the way you kept staring at that fan Lucy. Then you and Carrie were all chummy and went out together the day after my dad’s party without me. And while I was trying to set Willie up with Alex you got all mad at me and possessive over him.” Julie’s shoulders slumped, “I didn’t say anything cause it technically wasn’t cheating I didn’t want you to get annoyed and leave me.”
Luke stared at her sad face in bewilderment before bursting out in laughter. Julie glared at his amusement, “I really don’t know what you found that so funny.”
“Babe,” Luke grinned, “I was staring at Lucy because I was jealous of her flirting with you. At the premiere I wasn’t possessive of Alex, he may have been my ex but he isn’t my very sexy, smart, funny, and talented girlfriend. I was getting jealous because you kept rambling about how awesome Willie was and calling him your night and shining armor.”
“Oh,” Julie’s glare shifted into surprise. 
“You’ve been so worried about me getting bored and I was worried about the same thing,” Luke confessed, “I am so completely in love with you and I’m not sure what I would do if you didn’t do the same.”
Julie smiled, stepping into Luke’s space, reaching up to intertwine her hands behind his neck. “I kind of love you too Luke Patterson.” Luke beamed, moving his head down to capture her lips in a kiss, wrapping his hands around her waist.
Julie shivered under his hands, better than any kind of high Luke ever experienced. He smiled at Julie’s little gasp of surprise as he pulled her closer, arching her back to pull him into a deeper kiss. Luke slanted his head in a different angle, humming in contentment.
Julie was the one to break the kiss, still locked against Luke in his arms. “I should make you jealous more often," she gasped against Luke’s cheek, as he kissed the corner of her mouth. 
He froze, “don’t you dare.”
She laughed. “Well maybe you should convince me not you,” she teased flirtatiously.
“Well maybe you should marry me,” Luke blurted out. 
Mid laugh, Julie’s face froze in surprise. Luke felt his heart start to beat like crazy, instantly regretting his words.
He hadn’t meant to say it like this. His plan was to bring her to her studio at her dad’s place. To tell her how he had realized he loved her the first time she hugged him after they performed, how he realized she was the woman he was going to marry after they wrote Edge of Great at 1 am their senior year. How he wasn’t able to stop smiling for a week when she told him she liked him at graduation. How the past three years have been the happiest of his life.
It was not meant to be blurted out after the two of them just had an argument over whether or not Luke was sleeping with his mom. He didn’t have his ring, wasn’t down on one knee, and definitely looked like crap from not sleeping. Julie deserved better than that. She wasn’t going to say-
“Yes,” Julie blurted out, cutting through his train of thought.
His brain circuited. “What?”
“Yes I’ll marry you, you big idiot.” 
Luke beamed, heart soaring with joy. She said yes! He cupped her cheeks and started peppering her face with kisses. He was so happy that he was sure he could fly. Finally, he settled on her lips for a slow sweet kiss.
Once again Julie was the one to separate them, leaning back. “I am so canceling my Rolling Stones shoot.”
Three days later, Luke knocked on the door to a brick house in the suburbs of LA. He started fidgeting nervously, unaware of his fiddling fingers until Julie’s warm and slid into his own. He looked down at their joined hands with a smile, Julie’s mom’s engagement ring catching the light. He could do this, he could do anything as long as she was by his side.
The door swung open to reveal a tired grey-haired woman. Her eyes widened as she saw Luke.
“Hi mom. I’m home.” 
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zoebechtle-blog · 6 years
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Unlikey Chapter 6
At Niall’s insistence, I let him take me home. Paul was pissed that I was missing quiz night for the second week in a row, a fight not being a reasonable excuse for abandoning him and not defending our honor. He let it be known that if I missed next week he was breaking up with me for good. I kissed his cheek, and when I went to lift my head, he whispered, “I love you. And if he hurts you again, know they won’t find his body. I’m from Lincolnshire. I know hog farmers.” This boy watched too much true crime TV. I gave him a second kiss (God, I couldn’t have found a better gay boyfriend) and assured him that if that was the case, I’d help him.
Leaving, we encountered something new for me. Two girls, probably nineteen or so, stopped Niall as we walked out of the pub. One looked absolutely starstruck, mouth agape (girl, I feel ya), and the other took charge, asking questions. They verified his identity and let out little squeals. He sweetly hugged them both and took the selfies with them himself because their hands shook too much to hold the phones. I dug in my bag with my left hand, and retrieved a small notebook and pen I always carried, and thrusted them at him.
“Here, so they can have your autograph, too.” The shocked girl smiled at me and whispered a thank you. I gave her a thumbs up.
The ride to my flat was fairly quiet. I tried to give him directions, but ended up thoroughly confusing him. He put my address into his navigation system and let it lead the way. I was hit with a bit of who he was - his fame and his wealth (and that we didn’t really exist on the same planet) this evening. I was pretty sure this SUV cost more than my entire post-secondary education (six years, if you’re keeping track).  The seats were made of leather so soft that I wanted to rub my cheek against them. Casually, I did. When he turned on my seat warmer, I let out a little moan.
“Like that, huh?” He sided eyed me at the stoplight, giving me a cocky little grin.
“Mmmm. A warm ass is a great thing.”
He shook his head and kept up his smile. I think we both knew what he was thinking. And it was on my mind, too. Unable to meet his eye, I watched London pass by out the window and tapped my feet to the music playing.
“Who is this? I really like it.”
“It’s good, right? My mate Bressie’s band, The Blizzards. Big back home.”
“Bressie. He commented on your Insta the other day, didn’t he?” I knew exactly who Bressie was. I’d almost licked my phone when I saw his picture. Big, tall, and muscular, he was every crush I’d ever had wrapped up into one. And it might be fun to see where Niall stood.
“Yep. One of my best buddies.”
“He’s hot.” I side eyed Niall and caught his jaw drop just a hint. “Like really, really, hot. He should have auditioned to play Superman.” He gripped the wheel a little tighter, and it was everything I could do not to laugh out loud. “I’d hit that like the wrath of God.” He had a cute little vein in his neck that bulged, and I couldn’t hold it in any longer, shaking with laughter. “You’re a little green there, punkin’.”
“That wasn’t nice. Thought I was going to have to beat up my own friend to win your affection.” He gave me a relieved smile, and I grinned back at him.
I had warned him that parking near my flat was a challenge. Having never owned a  car in London, I didn’t quite grasp how annoying on the street parking was until now. The only time I rode in a car I was usually picked up or dropped off. Niall circled around twice, muttering to himself.
“You can just let me out,” I offered. I wasn’t really sure what his plans were, and I didn’t want to impose on his time. “My flat is a mess anyhow and I fear I might scare you away if you see what a disaster I am.”
“Not possible.”
“No, really. It’ll be like that old episode of Full House when Danny goes on a date and gets back to the girl’s place and there are clothes and food everywhere and he about has a coronary. I’m trying to save you.” And now this seemed kind of real and I was more than a little terrified.
He chuckled. “Are you comparing me to Danny Tanner? I’m totally a Joey and Uncle Jesse hybrid.” Oh snap, he knows his Full House. “I’m not that much of a neat freak.”
I scoffed, “Dude, I’ve slept in your room. I creeped your closet. I’m terrified of your anal retentive wa-Stop!”
He slammed on the brakes, both of us jerking forward a bit. “Old Man Flannigan is walking to his car,” I gestured wildly behind us. “It’s the red VW.”
“Shite, it’ll be gone by the time we can get around the block again. This street is too narrow for me to let him by so I can back up.”
“No problem.” I unbuckled my seatbelt and opened the door as Flannigan flipped on his headlights. “I’ve got it. Go.” I motioned him to leave.
“Z, I’m coming inside with ya, I’m not leaving you here.” Flannigan had pulled out and was behind us and honked his horn, looking as annoyed as ever.
“No, dummy. I’m going to save the space. Go around the block again.” I rolled my eyes at him and shut the door, walking back and giving the old man behind us my biggest, fakest smile. He flipped me off. I stood in the empty space and waited for Niall to come back around, waving off people who thought they could slide in. It had gotten chilly, as it’s prone to do in mid-March London, and I danced around trying to warm myself a bit. My hand throbbed and had swollen to what felt like an Incredible Hulk sized fist, and there was going to be a lovely bruise, but I could move it so I figured I was okay. When the black SUV approached, I raised my arms and shook my hips, turning in a circle. He shook his head and rolled down the window.
“Move, ya nutter.” Surprising myself, I blew him an exaggerated kiss that he caught and pretended to rub on his lips. I waited on the sidewalk as he maneuvered into the space.
“Ya know, there’s something undeniably sexy about a man who can parallel park,” I informed him as he got out, hopping from foot to foot to keep my blood flowing.
“Really? You should see me do a three point turn.”
“Dirty talk.”
He wrapped an arm around my shoulder as we walked the four doors down to my building. “Ya cold? Your jacket isn’t very thick.”
“Freezing. Let’s get inside.” He pulled me closer and I rested my head on his shoulder.
I’d considered making him wait in the hall for ten minutes while I did a quick sweep through, but honestly, I didn’t have that much energy. And I was one handed. To know me is to love me, and part of that is my propensity for leaving a trail of my belongings anywhere I’d been. And to realize I wasn’t going to do the dishes until they smelled.
We went inside and he looked around, as you do in a new space. It wasn’t as messy as I feared (I’d gotten ready in a flash this morning, having accidentally turned off my alarm). There was, however, a bra lying on the kitchen table. A very large, very red lace bra. Our eyes landed on it at the same time, and I dove to retrieve it, stuffing it in my purse as he let out a hyena laugh.
“So this is my place. Grand tour - kitchen is there, this is the living room, bathroom is back there, and the magic happens there,” I pointed to my bedroom and gave him a half smile. “By magic, of course, I mean sleep.”
“Yeah. Course.” He wiggled his eyebrow and shot me a wry smile. “Let’s get you some fresh ice, yeah? You’re swelling up pretty good.”
“There’s a bag of peas in the freezer. Could you grab them for me?” I toed off my boots as he walked into the kitchen. I watched him walk in and open the fridge and felt my heart squeeze just a little. This is the first time, other than the pub bathroom and hallway, that we had ever been in a space alone. Trying to control myself, I walked over and turned on my “chill” playlist (creative at naming such things I am not). “Beg, Steal, or Borrow” by Ray LaMontagne filled the flat as I walked into the kitchen.
“Are these your nephews?” He motioned at the picture on the fridge of me with three golden haired boys, tucked among various invitations and save-the-dates as he handed me the peas.
“There’s beer in there if you want to grab some,” I told him, reaching into the cabinet and getting out a bottle of ibuprofen. “And yeah, those are the boys. Jack is the oldest, Sam in the middle, and Charlie is the little guy I’m holding. That’s a from Christmas a year ago, the last time I was home.” I accepted the bottle of Harp he handed me and I passed him the medicine bottle. “Could you open these for me, please?” He handed me three and I washed them down with the beer. We stood awkwardly, both leaning against the counter. I faced him, truly appreciating how handsome he was as he swallowed his drink, his lean body in skinnies and a comfy looking blue henley. Something about his Adam’s apple moving caused a definite clench in my pants. And his profile was amazing. He might just have the world’s most perfect nose, and those lips. It took a hundredth of a second for me to imagine, for the umpteenth time, kissing them and how’d they feel on any and every part of my body.
“You’re starin’,” his deep voice interrupted my dirty thoughts. Shit, he caught me. “What’s going on it that mind of yours, Zo?”
Jeff Buckley sang about lilac wine in the other room, and surprisingly my flush wasn’t as bad as it could be. What the hell, might as well go for it.
“I was thinking about you.”
“Yeah?” He turned his body towards mine, and stepped closer. “I’m right here. Whatcha thinkin’ about?”
“I’ve told you about my most embarrassing experience (falling down a flight of stairs in my prom dress in front of the whole senior class), how much I can’t stand my brother, why I love my job, and all that. I know your fear of needles, all about the first time you got drunk, and why you’re never allowed back in that hotel in Tokyo. We’ve shared more than I have with some people I’ve been with for months. And we’ve never kissed.” Your move, Horan.
I’m happy to say that he took the gauntlet I’d thrown down. Before I could close my mouth completely from my last words, his hand was behind my ear and the other arm wrapped around my waist. His lips were every bit as soft as they looked, and his breath was warm. His tongue traced the seam of my lips, and I opened slightly for him. I could taste the beer, but also a touch of mint, like he’d been chewing gum earlier. It was sweet and my god, I never wanted anything else. He made tiny little noises of pleasure, as he held me against the cabinets, his thumbs rubbing circles in their locations. My arms were around his neck, holding his head to mine with my good hand. I could feel his smile against my mouth. I hoped he felt mine, too.
We broke apart, and it took everything in my power not to climb him like a tree. I know my grin was goofy, but to be fair, so was his. Maybe even sillier than mine. His hand stayed behind my ear, anchoring my forehead against his. When he exhaled again, he let out a little laugh that warmed me down to my toes.
“Been wantin’ to do that for a month now. Christ, woman.”
Not one to ever do anything in moderation, ever (my ass can testify to that), I pulled his head back down for more. This time he was a little more forceful, pinning me with his hips, his left hand running down my side. My nipples responded to the electricity, and I pressed them into his chest. He groaned and sucked on my tongue. I was done. These underwear just went the way of the Titanic.
We ended up on the sofa, kissing like horny sixteen year olds. The little bit of scruff he had was rubbing my chin raw, but I had zero fucks to give. His weight on top of me was perfect, and I’d wrapped a leg around the back of his thigh. When Chet Faker’s cover of “No Diggity” started in the background, he raised his head and smiled, his eyes crinkling, showing his eye dimple, which I decided I wanted to claim as mine.
“Love this song.”
In response I started singing along. “...gettin’ paid is our forte, each and every day, true player way.” He joined me me, our faces inches from each others, so close that I could count the freckles on his nose and observe the lines in his forehead when he raised his eyebrows, both of us singing and laughing. The moment was something out of Nicholas Sparks novel, if he used folk covers of 90s rap hits as a plot device. I lifted my head and rubbed my nose against his, and whispered in my best phone sex operator voice, “Stroke. Stroke.” His peals of laughter had to be heard on the street. That noise was a high I’d never experienced, and I was going to crave it from there on out. I was hooked on this stupid dork to spite myself. I didn’t care about who he was or what he did. This guy on top of me, even if he was a street sweeper living in a van down by the river, could own me just with those eyes, that laugh, and his grin. What surprised me most was what he said next:
“You scare me, Z.”
Huh? To quote the man himself, I’m about as intimidating as a baby penguin (all bark and absolutely no bite). My confusion was written all over my face, and he ran his thumb across the furrow of my brows.
“I’ve already fucked this up once. I have no idea what I’m doing and I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Okay. Don’t then. Don’t get in your own head. Let’s just be.”
Now if that isn’t easier said than done.
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noramoya · 7 years
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“Perhaps the most common trait associated with celebrity is narcissism. In 1988, Jackson certainly would have had reason to be self-absorbed. He was the most famous person on the planet. Everywhere he travelled, he created mass hysteria. The day after his sold-out concert at Prater Stadium in Vienna, an AP article ran, “130 Fans Faint at Jackson Concert.” If the Beatles were more popular than Jesus, as John Lennon once claimed, Jackson had the entire Holy Trinity beat.
Yet while Jackson enjoyed the attention—indeed, even thrived on it in certain ways—he also felt a profound responsibility to use his celebrity for more than fame and fortune. In 2000, The Guinness Book of World Records cited him as the most philanthropic pop star in history. Over his lifetime, he reportedly gave over $300 million dollars to charity, including to the Make-A-Wish Foundation, the Elizabeth Taylor AIDS Foundation, the NAACP, UNICEF, and the Red Cross, among dozens of others. “When you have seen the things I have seen and travelled all over the world, you would not be honest to yourself and the world to [look away],” Jackson said.
This indeed was the point of his hit song, “Man in the Mirror,” which reached #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 in the spring of 1988. The song was about a personal awakening. It was about recognizing that change does not happen on its own. It requires that people become aware, that they care about more than themselves, and do something. “Who am I to be blind/ Pretending not to see their needs,” Jackson sings. His performances of the song on the Bad World Tour were both the climactic finale of the show and its parting message. “Make that change,” he summoned his audiences. In an era often characterized by individualism, greed, and materialism, it was an anthem of conscience and responsibility. Jackson donated all of the proceeds of the song to Camp Ronald McDonald for Good Times, which assisted children suffering from cancer.
Even more significant than giving money, however, Jackson gave his time. At nearly every stop on his Bad World Tour, he visited orphanages and hospitals. Just days before arriving in Vienna, while in Rome, he stopped by the Bambin Gesu Children’s Hospital, handing out gifts, taking pictures, and signing autographs. Before leaving, he pledged a donation of over $100,000 dollars. Before a concert in London at Wembley Stadium he visited Great Ormond Street Children’s Hospital—the hospital to which author J.M. Barrie famously gifted the copyright, and royalties, for Peter Pan. Jackson spent hours talking to, holding, and comforting children at the hospital, some of whom were terminally ill. According to a local news story, the pop star “sat some on his knee and told them stories”; he also “handed out dozens of presents, albums, photos, and T-shirts.” Jackson donated 100,000 pounds to the hospital. In addition, he left an undisclosed amount of money to the Wishing Well Fund to help the London’s Hospital for Sick Children, which he also visited during his stay.
Throughout the Bad World Tour, before and after concerts, Jackson had under-privileged and sick children brought backstage. “Every night the kids would come in on stretchers, so sick they could hardly hold their heads up,” recalls voice coach Seth Riggs. “Michael would kneel down at the stretchers and put his face right down beside theirs so that he could have his picture taken with them, and then give them a copy to remember the moment. I couldn’t handle it. I’d be in the bathroom crying. The kids would perk right up in his presence. If it gave them a couple days’ more energy, to Michael it was worth it.”
Everywhere the tour travelled, Jackson tried to give back in some way. In Detroit, he donated $125,000 to the city’s Motown Museum; in New York City, he gave $600,000 to the United Negro College Fund; in Japan, he gave $20,000 to the family of a young boy who was murdered, and hundreds of thousands more to hospitals and schools. When the tour was over, he auctioned off his personal items, with all the proceeds going to UNESCO. This was the man whom British tabloids had taken to calling “Wacko Jacko,” of whom People magazine, less than a year earlier, declared on the front cover: “He’s back. He’s bad. Is this guy weird or what?” Jackson’s kindness and compassion was not good copy; if it made the news at all, it was usually buried behind stories about his plastic surgery or pet chimpanzee.
Jackson’s philanthropy on the Bad World Tour was not new. In 1984, after his hair infamously caught fire while filming a Pepsi commercial, Jackson established the Michael Jackson Burn Center as part of the Brotman Medical Center in Culver City, one of only a handful of badly needed burn centers in the Los Angeles area. “I wanted to do something,” he said, “because I was so moved by the other burn patients I met while I was in the hospital.” Jackson suffered excruciatingly painful second-degree burns on his scalp, but hospital staff remembers him spending much of his time visiting and comforting other patients. Jackson donated the entire amount he received from Pepsi for the accident—$1.5 million dollars—to the Burn Center. That year, Jackson also donated all of his performance money from the Victory Tour to charity—an estimated $5 million dollars.
In 1985, Jackson joined the U.S.A. for Africa effort, helmed by actor and activist Harry Belafonte and music manager Ken Krager. Inspired by the U.K. charity effort, Band Aid, and its musical vehicle, “Do They Know It’s Christmas?” Belafonte’s vision was to bring American artists together for an urgent cause: to raise money and awareness for a famine in Ethiopia that was leaving hundreds of thousands of people, including young children, starving and destitute. The famine was caused by a combination of factors: a complicated civil war, a corrupt government, and one of the most severe regional droughts on record. By 1985, an estimated one million people had died, according to the United Nations. Belafonte reached out to producer Quincy Jones about putting together a song for U.S.A. for Africa. Jones, in turn, reached out to Lionel Richie, Stevie Wonder, and Michael Jackson. Since Stevie Wonder wasn’t available, Jackson and Richie charged ahead.
Jackson’s goal was to write a simple melody that anyone could hum, across cultures and nations, even if they didn’t understand the lyrics. For “We are the World,” he remembers going into dark spaces, a closet or a bathroom, and trying to imagine the people in Ethiopia: their lives, their suffering, their humanity. When he came up with some notes, he had younger sister Janet listen in. “What do you see when you hear this sound?” he asked her. “Dying children in Africa,” she responded. “You’re right,” Jackson responded. “That’s what I was dictating from my soul.”
Jackson continued to develop the song with Richie in the ensuing days and weeks. By early January, he had recorded a solo demo and sent it to Quincy Jones. Jones loved what he heard. “A great song lasts for eternity,” the producer later reflected. “I guarantee you that if you travel anywhere on the planet today and start humming the first few bars of that tune, people will immediately know that song.”
The official recording session was scheduled for January 22, 1985 at A&M Recording Studio in Los Angeles. As Jones planned it, the stars would head over immediately after the American Music Awards, held that night at the Shrine Auditorium. He famously left a sign at the front of the building that read, “Check your egos at the door.” The list of legends that filed in that night was remarkable: Ray Charles, Bob Dylan, Stevie Wonder, Diana Ross, Bruce Springsteen, Billy Joel, Steve Perry, Tina Turner, Cyndi Lauper, Willie Nelson, and Paul Simon, among dozens of others. "Here you had 46 of the biggest recording stars in the entire world in one room, to help people in a far-off place who were in desperate need,” recalled Jones. “I don’t think that night, that experience, will ever truly be duplicated again. I know and believe in the power of music to bring people together for the betterment of mankind, and there may be no better example of this than the collective that was ‘We Are the World’ ”.
Jackson skipped the American Music Awards that night and headed to the studio early to record his part. When the rest of the artists arrived, he, Lionel, Stevie, and Quincy helped them learn their individual parts and the chorus. He characterized the creation and recording process as a “spiritual” experience. Most of those in attendance agreed. They describe a genuine sense of joy, unity, and purpose. “Every second of that night was magical,” remembers Quincy Jones. “As artists, we are all just vessels for God’s whispers, and I know God walked through the studio that night, a couple of times.” The final result, completed around 8:00 am, was a majestic, gospel-infused, seven-minute anthem that weaved the together the vocals of some of the greatest artists of the 20th century. The New York Times praised it as “more than an unprecedented communal collaboration among pop music’s elite for a good cause—it is an artistic triumph that transcends its official nature.”
Some critics, of course, scoffed at the self-righteousness of the charity event—and the song. But Quincy Jones and Harry Belafonte were having none of it. “Anybody who wants to throw stones at something like this can get off his or her butt and get busy,” said Jones of its critics. “Lord knows, there’s plenty more to be done.” What impressed Belafonte most was simply the willingness of its participants to use their talents for an important cause. “Here you are with dozens of the best and most powerful artists in popular culture, who had relegated their managers to a place in Siberia — and as a consequence, it was completely art on art.“
“We are the World” was released that March and quickly became the fastest selling single in history, shifting just under a million copies in its first three days. It became the bestselling song of the 1980s, eventually selling over 20 million copies worldwide. More importantly, it helped generate proceeds of over $60 million dollars, which were used to send over 120 tons of supplies to Ethiopia, including high-protein biscuits, water, medicine, tents and clothing. Later funds were also used for over seventy recovery and development projects.
Jackson was proud of what the song accomplished. The idea of thousands of malnourished children being fed because of a simple song thrilled and inspired him. It showed him in a very concrete way the power of music to bring people together, to raise awareness and action.
Yet he also realized it wasn’t enough. “We Are the World” didn’t end hunger or poverty; it didn’t solve the complicated socio-political issues, power dynamics and institutional corruption that were largely to blame for the severity of the African famine. Critics were quick to point out these shortcomings, often deriding Jackson as “self-indulgent” and “naïve” for trying. Songs like “We Are the World” and “Man in the Mirror” were dismissed as simplistic, utopian sentimentality. Music critic Greil Marcus wrote off the former song as nothing more than a Pepsi jingle, while the New York Times’ Jon Pareles dismissed the latter as “activism for hermits.” Jackson’s social vision offered global idealism, triumph and easy resolution, they argued, while the material conditions of the real world only worsened. It was a critique that haunted Jackson while he toured. He believed the critics had it wrong; he believed they couldn’t feel what the music meant to people—what it meant to him. Change, he believed, began within individual hearts and minds. And that’s where art reached people. Yet he wasn’t self-satisfied. In a 1987 interview with Ebony/Jet, Jackson was asked: Eboni : When you look in the mirror, are you happy with what you see? MJ : “In what way?” he responded. Eboni : Just when you look – in terms of that social philosophy? MJ : “I’m never totally satisfied,” he said. “I always wish the world could be a better place. No, not at all.”
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bffhreprise · 4 years
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Entry 296
 I gently petted my kitty as she nuzzled into my lap.  I was currently resisting the urge to hop on Ancient Tribes of Earth again today, having spent half the morning playing it before a quick job.  On the other hand, James would probably be on it after he finished talking with Jemal and Kayla.
 Those two seemed to be fitting in wonderfully, but James made sure everyone did, even a monster like me.  He was so very, very kind…
 Pufflewink agreed as she licked my thumb and nuzzled my hand.
 “Oh my… James, is she really..?” questioned Jemal after Aaliyah walked in through the front door.  Her footsteps were unmistakable, light as a feather when she wasn’t goofing around.
 “Good morning, Aaliyah.” greeted James as she approached them.
 Aaliyah’s palace in my mind was bright and shining like crystal under the sun, with magnificence to even rival James’.  The longer I stayed here, the more both areas had grown.  Now they each had enormous structures dedicated to their existence.  There was nothing I could ever do for that magnificent girl which would fully show my appreciation to what she did for me by giving us Ancient Tribes of Earth.
 “Good morning, boss-man, sir!  Hi, Jemal!  Oooh…. Kayla!  What’s that!?” she exclaimed, happy as ever.
 “Just my laptop.” replied Kayla.  “Jemal bought it for me a couple years ago.”
 “Dad helped.” corrected Jemal, sounding fatherly in his tone.
 At least, I pictured fathers as they were portrayed in movies, having never met my own.  Of course, I didn’t want to meet my own…  Anything that could spawn a monster from my sweet mom couldn’t be nice.
 “I love the color.” replied Aaliyah, sounding excited.
 My eyes couldn’t penetrate the walls, but I knew the laptop was bright pink and covered in sparkles.  This knowing was happening more and more often of late as I listened in on conversations throughout the house.  I was aware of where Emma was in the yard and knew of Alma’s current online meeting.  What would James say if I told him I was getting weirder, that my ability to extend my consciousness was much greater now?  The terrible darkness in my mind whispered, but I recapped its enclosure.
 “Sorry.  I know this is probably weird and all, but… but can I get your autograph?” questioned Jemal, obviously speaking to Aaliyah.
 I gently set Pufflewink on the floor, and my Ancient Tribes of Earth box was in my hand before I even registered that I had moved.  Scenarios of getting Aaliyah’s autograph were flying through my head.
 Then Aaliyah said, “Okay.”
 The word hadn’t fully left her mouth when I was there with them, not even certain of how I got there.  I wasn’t prepared for this.  Barely a few thousand scenarios had seemed acceptable so far.  Why did I come here?  How did I come here?  What if she denied me!?
 “What?  You still hadn’t asked her?” asked James, staring at me in plainly visible shock.
 Over a hundred ways to reply sprang to my mind, but none would cover my embarrassment.  I shrugged.  I was still considering what to do around Jemal.  He had taken a spill after chasing after his sister the other day, and his expression when I caught him told me he knew that I was a monster.  There was a slight stench of fear from him even now as he acknowledged my presence.  His sister, however, was all smiles.  She seemed very sweet and already had a room in my mind, filled with stuffed animals and angry mutterings about having to do schoolwork instead of playing.
 I knew her mutterings were halfhearted, but I heard them too frequently to ignore.  She seemed to enjoy talking with Mila and having more challenging work, but schooling by the second day was apparently unexpected.
 While my mind followed scenarios for being nice to Kayla while avoiding her to protect her from myself, Aaliyah pulled out a pen from her pink backpack and signed a picture of Jemal’s character that he kept in his wallet.  Then she looked expectantly up at me.
 “Au-Auto-graph.  P-Please.” I told her, thrusting the box her way after hopping forward a number of feet.
 “Sure!” exclaimed Aaliyah with a grin for me.  “You should have asked sooner!  You do see me frequently.”
 “I-I know, b-but… w-well…” I started as I revisited my practice scenarios from this occasion.  There were so many things I wanted to tell her, but her time was valuable, possibly even as valuable as James’.  My best scenarios hadn’t accounted for others being present to begin with, so I had to keep things short for that reason as well.  I could do this.  Finally, I forced out “Y-You’re my… m-my hero.”
 “Aww… We’re all friends here.” insisted Aaliyah as she hugged me.  There was something very reassuring about the warm hug from this kid genius, but I frequently got the feeling from Aaliyah that she understood, as if she was an old friend who could guess what I’d say before I managed to make the words.  Of course, that was probably my overactive imagination at work.
 “How long’s she worked here?” questioned Jemal in a whisper as if that’d keep anyone present from hearing.  The enhancement suit things obviously helped with hearing from the changes I had observed in the others.
 “Since November.” replied James, not realizing how embarrassing that admission was for me.
 Yes, I could be shy, but… Did he have to tell?  Right now???  As Aaliyah—the magnificent Princess Aaliyah—hugged me!?  As scenarios to escape crashed together in my brain, I shrunk into a kitten, determined to hide until they walked out.
 Aaliyah gently set my now-autographed box next to my clothes and patted me through my shirt before stepping back.  Then I heard James step closer.  Aware that he kneeled down, I peeked out.
 “Sorry, Raine.  I wasn’t trying to embarrass you.” he told me, being the wonderful person he was.
 I almost pounced him, wanting to hug my wonderful boss, but something else drew my attention.  Something was wrong with Kayla.  My mind raced as I saw slight changes in her skin color.  She was starting to sweat.
 “She’s a cat!?” exclaimed Jemal.
 Allergies.  Kayla had cat allergies.  I wanted to help her, to save her from me, but I hadn’t anticipated this.  I never had changed forms in front of someone who had allergies before.  I didn’t even know anyone with cat allergies.  Hadn’t known?
 “Werecat.” replied James.
 “Kayla!  Back up!” exclaimed Jemal, looking scared.
 “What’s wrong?  Didn’t you notice her yesterday before she saved you?” asked James.
 I considered hundreds of ways to explain to him what the signs meant, but I didn’t know how to help her.  I needed to read medical stuff at some point, but I hadn’t ever really considered the need seriously.  No one would want treated by a monster, and I couldn’t be harmed in any meaningful way  Well…  Thoughts of Ariadne’s magic crossed my mind, but part of me was certain that she couldn’t summon near enough to really hurt me.
 “What?  No.  Kayla’s allergic to cats!” exclaimed Jemal, being fully panicked as he stepped between his sister and me.
 “Ah…” started James, seeming to be considering the situation.
 “But she’s so cute, Jemal…” complained Kayla before sneezing.  Her face was getting red.
 I transformed and ran, taking my things with me.  When I reached my room, I fought back the tears forming in my eyes.  I hurt her… I didn’t mean to, but I hurt Kayla.  Once a monster, always a monster.  What was going to happen to me now?  I should leave… Jemal and Kayla deserved to be here, but I couldn’t stop being a cat… and there was Pufflewink.  I gently started to stroke my kitty, who didn’t even realize I was there yet.  She would whenever a second passed.  Time was too slow… or too fast for me.  Probably the latter.
 “Where’d she go!?” exclaimed Jemal an eternity later.
 “She ran.” stated James.
 Jemal quickly said, “S-Sorry.  I didn’t mean to make her run away, but I didn’t think there’d be cats here.”   He was kind too.  Despite my effect on his sister and his fear of me, he still was concerned for me too.
 My existence once again ruined things.  I knew I couldn’t stay any longer.  I was already figuring out where I could move my things.  Thanks to months here, I had a little money saved up, despite how rarely I was engaged with jobs compared to the average.  A storage locker would be the most practical, and no one would ever know if I lived in one.  They’d never see me.  Walls couldn’t stop this monster.
 As I considered my future and made mental apologies to everyone for having been here, Aaliyah exclaimed “Found it!”
 “Found what?” questioned James.
 “Kayla’s new allergy medicine.” she explained.
 “What!?  Her doctor needs to approve new medicine.” insisted Jemal immediately.
 I heard James move, and knew he had placed his hand on Jemal’s shoulder before saying, “I know this is all a great deal to take in, but Aaliyah has more doctorates than anyone else on the planet.  I’d trust her.  If you want a quick second opinion, Alma happens to be an M.D. as well.  If you want a third opinion, Aaliyah’s aunt might be considered this planet’s authority on everything medical, having over a thousand years of practice.”
 As James spoke, Kayla had already accepted Aaliyah’s offer.  “Too late.  Already took it.”
 “You what!?” exclaimed Jemal.
 She opened her mouth and stuck out her tongue, and I already knew she was feeling better.  The signs were clear.  I was thankful that she would recover, having never meant to harm her at all.  Departure request opened.  I knew I should just pack and leave immediately, but I really didn’t want to go.  I apologized to Pufflewink, knowing she wouldn’t enjoy any place I found as much as here.  She already knew the people and was accustomed to the space.  Plus, she liked Alberich, the miniature white lion.  They rarely had a chance to play together, but they got along well enough.  The scenarios of us elsewhere all seemed so terribly grim.
 “James!  This is serious.  She has other allergies as well.” stated Jemal, still sounding concerned.
 “I have her complete medical records on file, Jemal.” explained Mila.  “Yours as well.  There really is no need to be alarmed.  Everything was transferred as stated in the contract of employment you signed.”
 James sighed before saying, “Aaliyah, would you mind giving a very, very brief explanation of what Kayla just took.”
 “Brief?” asked Aaliyah in a pouting tone.  Her lower lip trembled and tears had sprung to her wide eyes.
 “Yes, please.” he told her.
 “How brief?” she questioned, probably considering a million ways to manipulate what he might say.
 “Under twenty words.” he replied.
 She sighed in resignation.  Then she said, “Kayla took the first stage of a therapy which will cure her of all allergies.  Two stages are left.”  I knew she was counting words on her fingers as she spoke, just as I was certain that the counting was all show.  Her brilliance was fact.
 “What?  Is that even possible?” questioned Jemal incredulously.
 “Jemal, I’m feeling better already.” insisted Kayla.
 “You’re the one who wanted her autograph.  She’s a genius.” pointed out James.  Then, slightly louder, he said, “Raine, you can come back now.  Everything’s fine.”
 I nearly smiled, knowing James meant well.  Despite knowing what I am, he’d never think of me as a monster.  My father was a demon, and I didn’t know of good demons outside of manga.  Of course, I had never met another, not even another half-demon such as myself, but the general terribleness from that dark place locked in the farthest corner of my mind was more than enough to assure me they were evil.  Frowny faces covered my mental scenarios, and the darkness lurking in the back attempted to come forward till I shoved it down again.  Bad darkness…. always bad.
 “Master, Raine’s in her room, mumbling about ruining something and looks rather distraught.” stated Mila, as if he needed to know.
 Besides, I hadn’t mumbled anything aloud to Pufflewink for at least a dozen seconds…  Well… maybe.  My mind had been running in so many directions that I had lost my sense of pacing.  I counted the breaths of everyone in my recent memories and compared them with the last time I remembered seeing a clock.  Thirteen and some change!  Ha!
 I felt bad immediately after, knowing Mila meant well.  She was a wonderful being, and as close a friend as any of them.  Like her mom, Mila was brilliant, finding ways to explain things to me that didn’t take several eternities.  She probably could have helped Kayla in no time if her mom hadn’t already been prepared.  I was going to miss everyone.
 “Aaliyah, how long till Kayla will start benefiting from that therapy?” questioned James.
“She already is.  Look at her.  She’ll be perfectly fine by the time you walk down the hall with them.” replied Aaliyah giddily.  “Auntie’s medicines are magically delicious.”
 “Really was!” exclaimed Kayla.
 “Mind coming to help calm Raine down?” questioned James.
 “Sorry.  Sure.  I guess this is my fault for overreacting.” suggested Jemal in an apologetic tone.
 “I can really pet kitties now!?” questioned Kayla, her brown eyes gazing at Aaliyah excitedly.
 Aaliyah told her “Of course!  We can’t let our best friends suffer from allergies.  Raine has a little kitty named Pufflewink!”
 “Jemal, I can pet kitties!” exclaimed Kayla with even more enthusiasm.
 “Has this stuff been tested?” asked Jemal dubiously.
 “You can relax, Jemal.  Everything will be fine.” insisted James.
 They started walking down the hall, and I considered running before they got here.  There were so many valid reasons to leave before they arrived.  But… I didn’t want to leave.  Leaving now would be rude, and I couldn’t be rude to James… or the others.  I didn’t want to make Princess Aaliyah mad.  As my latest scenarios played out, James spoke to me, quietly reassuring me that everything would be fine.  I wanted to believe him, but I’d always be a monster even if he didn’t see me that way.  No matter what we wanted, there was always a chance of someone getting hurt because I exist.
 “How is she supposed to hear you?  Is Mila telling her or something?” inquired Jemal a few eternities into James’ assurances.
 “I can hear across a hallway just fine.  Raine’s hearing is vastly better.” explained James.
 Nodding Jemal said, “Maybe this is a bad question, but I gotta know… are you human?”
 James laughed before saying, “Yes, with a few perks of my own.”
 “Like… what?” persisted Jemal.
 “One you’ve been feeling for a while.  You want to trust me and generally like me.  That’s due to a magical field I emanate.  Unfortunately, I cannot suppress it.” explained James.
 I was thankful his magic wasn’t suppressed, knowing it was affecting me even now.  James could pin me down with a glance if he chose, because I couldn’t intentionally hurt him.  Not giving him a chance after the constant support he had shown me would hurt him.  I couldn’t leave without talking with him.  Departure request completely denied.
 “What?  You’re using magic on us and can’t help it!?” exclaimed Jemal in surprise.
 “Correct.  I’ve been assured a number of times not to worry about it, but the idea still bothers me.  I also can move far faster than an average human and am considerably stronger.  Lifting a car, for example, is easy.” continued James.
 The car example was amusing.  I knew cars were heavy for most people, but the flimsy things couldn’t stand a heavy breath.  Luckily, the planet could.  I once sighed too hard when I was little… Luckily, no one had been around.  I spent months trying to discreetly help with the damages, but the guilt lived on.
 “And you call that human!?” asked Jemal in a tone that clearly said he did not agree.
 If James wasn’t considered human because of his abilities, Jemal clearly wouldn’t be able to handle knowing much about me.  Scenarios played out, showing me his shock and horror at what I could do.  Information access denied for him.
 “I think it sounds amazing!” insisted Kayla.
 Unfazed, James said, “I also have considerable aptitude with a type of magic, using what we call residual energy.  Through its use, I can manipulate energy in numerous ways, such as lifting things at a distance as you can do.”
 “So you’re like a superhero?” suggested Kayla excitedly.  “You sound like the strongest person ever!”
 James laughed and said, “No.  Calamity’s this city’s superhero.  I’m just a businessman.  Raine, by the way, is far stronger and faster than me.  She’s far more than an average werecat and equally wonderful as a person.”
 I almost wanted him to explain about the monster they were about to visit.  Everything came better from James.  If he told them that a monster lived here, they might not run away screaming.
 “This is a bit much to take in.” stated Jemal.
 Disagreeing, Kayla exclaimed “But it’s so cool!”
 “There will be an acclimation period, but I have faith that you’ll get there.  I know you haven’t met Cosette yet, given how her schedule hasn’t lined up well for meeting her yet, but she’s our resident vampire.  Fair warning, she might play a prank on you.” cautioned James.
 I could easily imagine Cosette’s pranks.  She embraced vampirism, a condition that many would find monstrous, with a passion, even making her Ancient Tribes of Earth character a vampire.  In comparison with me, she was still practically human, though she should live a very long life.
 A flash of anger went through me at the idea that someone might try harming Cosette eventually.  If I noticed…  I pushed down the thoughts and the scenarios that went along with them.  Bad Raine.  I couldn’t allow myself to be angry.  Very bad things would happen.  Allowing myself revenge against someone who hurt my friends would still be monstrous, like a person torturing an incredibly sentient and rude daffodil kept in a pot.  There could be no fighting back against this monster.  If I screamed at them, they’d die from the force of my voice alone.  Yes, I was capable of making a passably human yell, but holding back if my emotions were truly riled could be difficult.  Hurting my friends would not be allowed...  I shoved the darkness back into its container, locking it once more.  Calm thoughts.  Be a good kitty.
 “Like what sort of prank?” questioned Jemal worriedly.
 James shrugged and said, “I wouldn’t put slitting Portentia’s throat and drinking her blood in front of you past her.”
 “She’d what!?” exclaimed Jemal, horrified by the idea.
 “Portentia can’t be killed and has abnormally beneficial blood for vampires, so the two have an interesting relationship.” explained James, sounding slightly amused.
 Kayla’s wide eyes looked excitedly at James as she ignored her brother’s discomfort.
 “Ask Portentia about her experiences if you wish.  She’s been stabbed, shot, blown up, decapitated, and many other things without sign of injury a moment later.” continued James.
 “I-I don���t think my sister should be hearing all this.” stated Jemal nervously.
 “Oh.  Sorry.  I figured she’d have seen as much in video games.” suggested James in surprise.
 “Well, maybe, but still…” argued Jemal.
 Their conversation had carried them to my door, and James knocked.
 Hardly waiting for a response, he said, “Raine, we’d like to speak with you.”
 I mumbled my agreement, knowing Mila would open the door, and continued petting Pufflewink.
 “Have I mentioned that Raine speaks cat?” questioned James.
 Sounding intrigued now, Jemal asked “Cats have a language?”
 “Cool!” exclaimed Kayla, excitable as ever.
 “I don’t know about a language precisely, but she can communicate with them.” replied James.  “How would you describe it Raine?”
 “I-I….” I started, considering all of the ways that I could attempt explaining the bond between werecats and other cats, but the explanations never seemed like enough.  Eventually, I just said what was on my mind.  “S-Sorry.”
 “No-no.  I’m sorry.  I really didn’t mean to make you run.  I just got a bit worked up worrying about my sister is all.” insisted Jemal.  Surprisingly, he didn’t smell afraid anymore.
 “Can I see your kitty!?” begged Kayla.  “I won’t sneeze or anything!  Aaliyah told me!”
 “I-I heard…” I told her, feeling uncertain about what to do.  More scenarios played out, and Kayla’s joy in them almost made me cry again.  She wouldn’t hold anything against me without knowing more about me, but I still had more to say to her brother.  I handed Pufflewink over, assuring my kitty that Kayla was nice.  Forcing myself to make the words slowly enough to be understood, I said, “I-I d-didn’t… k-know.  S-sorry.  I-I’d never h-hurt… K-Kayla.”
 “Really, don’t worry.  Look at her.  I can’t even worry when I see her smiling like that.” replied Jemal with a big smile.  He really did look happy as he watched his sister pet Pufflewink
 I nodded and eventually smiled, watching how happy Kayla seemed now.  James was happy as well; I could feel it in his presence.  I shoved away the thoughts of leaving for now, not wanting to hurt his mood.  He’d certainly argue against me leaving.  He always would, because James would never think ill of me without reason shoved in his face.  This monster would live here for a while yet.
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thejase · 5 years
Text
Some Thoughts on 2018
Every year I scribble a few random thoughts on the events of the previous twelve months. I always try and dig deep into the pit of human absurdity in an effort to be amusing. Every year the dig becomes little easier. This year I feel like there’s no need to dig at all. Years from now if people want a good laugh they will simply point at the number 2018 on a calendar and descend into a fit of hysterics. Assuming of course, that years from now there still are human beings.
The year kicked off with controversy when YouTuber Logan Paul, a man with a hairstyle that combines Farrah Fawcett’s perm with a Bobby Charlton comb-over, had a bloody good laugh over a suicide victim. Logan is the type of person that is so ridiculously entitled they believe that all of humanity, no matter how great their suffering, merely exists to provide them with likes on social media. Logan offered a heartfelt apology which seemed about as sincere as Jeremy Clarkson saying sorry for doing 40 in a 30 zone. Logan’s career continues, the guy in the forest continues to be dead.
I finally learnt which one was Ant & which one was Dec after TV presenter Ant McPartlin was charged with drink driving. This set into motion the obligatory series of events which now follows a celebrity fall from grace. The headlines, the stint in rehab, the endless tabloid scrum, the descent into Shakespearean tragedy. He must’ve wished it was the seventies - the police would have just asked him for an autograph and told him to be a bit more careful driving home.
There was a summit held between Kim Jong-un and Donald Trump which come across as the equivalent of two dogs meeting in a park and sniffing each other’s anuses. Nothing seems to have come of this other than both men believing themselves to be the world’s greatest diplomats after managing to sit across a dining table from each other for ten minutes whilst they had some pictures taken.   Donald Trump left North Korea believing it had gone well, much like the time Gary Glitter left PC World feeling relieved that his computer was going to be fixed.
Brexit was downgraded from ‘great opportunity’ to ‘chance to relive the Blitz spirit’. The new argument from Brexiteers was that the impending food, water, medicines and fuel shortages would bring about a sense of national unity as we all gathered round the piano to enjoy an old-fashioned cockney knees up in the face of adversity. They may do well to reflect that things have changed a bit since World War II and we now live in country in which the second biggest airport is brought to a standstill by a toy plane and people regularly fight over wide screen TVs in Asda.
Speaking of Brexit, that continued to be the gift that keeps on giving. Imagine if we could go back and have never had a referendum. Imagine a world in which you never have to hear the word Brexit over and over and over again. After two years of chaos the only conclusion that’s been arrived at is the ‘Brexit means Brexit!’. Unfortunately because no one knows what Brexit actually means the phrase has become a sort of political Möbius strip - endlessly folding back on itself for infinity. We could decide it’s a bad mistake and simply not bother, a bit like on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire when the contestant asks the audience but then decides to go with their own answer after realising that that audience might be ‘a bit thick.’
Still, blue passports eh.
Over the pond America gave Britain a run for its money in the stupidity stakes. As the year ends the ‘World’s Greatest Businessman’ (TM) demonstrated his business skills by shutting down his own government after it refused to pay for a wall (or ’steel slats’) that Mexico was supposed to pay for. If he was on The Apprentice surely he would fire himself.
The world became increasingly complex as we all divide ourselves into ever decreasing circles separated by a labyrinth of confusing terminology. I discovered I was ‘Cisgendered’, though I had to look it up and I’m still not entirely sure what it means.  It’s a bloomin’ nightmare trying to keep up with just the language - TERFs, gender neutral, woke, alt right, cultural appropriation, Incels, mansplaining, agency, virtue signalling, etc - the lexicon of modern life is bewildering. I thought Bill & Ted had it all sorted in the nineties. All you had to do was ‘be excellent to each other’ - if we just all did that the world would be fine. Now I feel like I need an app to help me navigate the choppy waters of a culture that feels like it’s become an A Level sociology exam.
Perhaps it’s because we’ve lost any flexibility in our arguments. For or against, black or white, ying or yang, in or out, Blur or Oasis - everyone has their own intractable position from which there can be no deviation. In 1994 I was a participant in the ‘Rest of the World’ team in the All Japan Dodgeball Tournament (despite never having played dodgeball before). The mayor of Yanagawa threw a party for our team and was clearly having a lovely time. Towards the end of the night his wife asked if we could help him home as he’d overdone the Ashahi a little. We found the mayor asleep in a dining chair and gave him a nudge to wake him up. His eyes opened, he looked contemplatively off into the distance, whispered the word ‘nuance’ then wet himself and passed out again. Looking back I now realise this was a premonition of the death of nuance some 20 years later.
Meanwhile whilst everyone was having a good old ding dong online the world continued to simultaneously sink and burn. Scientist (those foolhardy people who rely on facts and data rather than opinion) said that if we don’t do something drastic about climate change then there may not even be a habitable planet for the next generation.  And for those so concerned about immigration now, forget your walls and Brexit - just wait until half of the continents are under water! 30 years from now, as we drown in a flood of our own making, we’ll still be too busy arguing about whether or not Axl Rose’s kilt was cultural appropriation to notice.
The year ended into typical pantomime fashion with Jeremy Corbyn providing an entertaining diversion from Brexit with the year’s equivalent of the ‘Gold Dress/Blue Dress’ debate. Did his lips move to form the words ‘stupid person’ or ‘stupid woman’. No one seemed very concerned about the ‘stupid’ bit as clearly that was something of a given. Whether or not Theresa May is a ‘woman’ or a ‘person’, or indeed any form of human being, I’m not so sure. The whole thing prompted the predictable media frenzy for a few days with an army of lip readers employed to decipher words which were never actually spoken. This begs a question similar to the age old ‘if a tree falls in a forest and no one is there to listen, does it make a sound?’.
If lips move with no sound was anything actually said?
Answers on a postcard please to:
PO Box
Does Anybody Actually Care
And so endeth my thoughts on 2018.
Be excellent to each other…
And party on ‘people’.
The Jase.x
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