#imo its a little easier to read but there is a lot of text

[familyabolisher]

hi! im new to theory, as in (imo) hard, non-fiction books. when reading some, i realise I lose track of the points inside the book, so recently I have been (attempting) to make notes. however, im a complete amateur, and I don't know exactly how to. back in school, i used to just skim these type of books finding whatever was 'useful' ie. relevant to my assignment/essay/class discussion and would simply dismiss the rest. i dunno if it's just me but I feel like these books are overwhelmingly packed with information - and useful information at that! do you have any tips to organise points mentioned in these books without getting bogged down on details/focus shifting on one line of thinking? if not, it's completely fine. love your blog, and have a great day!

hey! i actually think the best thing you can do is to keep taking notes as you go, because in my experience that's the best way to keep track of information and the best way to identify discrepancies in the text. obviously this can make reading nonfiction a bit of a slog, but ime it's a lot better to have a thorough critical position on a handful of texts than to have skim-read and half-absorbed a lot of them; if you're reading in around the same subject area, it's also pretty likely that you'll gain greater familiarity with texts/scholars/arguments/points of reference over time, such that you won't need to keep writing down Every Little Thing.

i find that the best way to take notes is to identify the key argument(s) in a particular section and to break down the evidence being used to substantiate those arguments. so my notes often look something like:

[ARGUMENT]

sub-argument/supporting evidence

sub-argument/supporting evidence

sub-argument/supporting evidence

and so on. kind of like trying to reverse-engineer the essay/chapter plan that the author was working with.

imo, if you're just looking to get the gist of an argument, it's actually fine to just read the introduction and conclusion to a text. obviously this is not always the case, and if you're looking to seriously posit a position on one particular text then you ought to read the whole thing, but there's a lot of theoretical work which tends to set out the significant points of its argument(s) in the intro + conclusion and use the main body of text for detailing examples + evidence. in my experience, the best subject to get away with this in is lit theory - a lot of the central body of lit theory will be detailing application of the theoretical framework laid out at the start, which, whilst obviously helpful (in the same way that all explanatory/evidentiary content is obviously helpful), probably won't do much for you beyond giving you a greater sense of how applicable the theoretical framework in question actually is.

another way to make the process a little easier + more engaging for you could be to think about the sorts of questions you want to ask about the text in question. some of those could be:

what are my expectations for this text? what do i already know about this subject matter & the scholarship surrounding it, and how might i expect this text to respond to that?

what key things do i think a text of this nature must identify in order for me to consider it credible?

what am i looking to get out of this text? what am i interested in? what am i hoping it might clarify?

i think approaching nonfiction with a significant sense of a) what you might expect it to argue (and of course, a willingness to be proven wrong) and b) what you want to get out of it can be helpful in identifying which parts of it you want to prioritise. imo, it's better to think of nonfiction/theory texts as something you are engaging with to the ends of formulating a critical response, rather than a wall of information that you have to take in. hopefully this kind of approach lets you circumvent that concern about focus shifting - it still requires that you look at and think about everything, but the way in which you think about it & the material you deem helpful in articulating the response to the text ought to change a little.

i completely feel you though lol i find it incredibly difficult to keep track of information + arguments if i don't write it all down and i still don't 100% trust my opinions on nonfiction texts after the fact if i don't think i was thorough enough with my reading. i tried to read a physical copy of g. aloysius' nationalism without a nation in india the other month & whilst it was clearly so helpful & so thorough, i had to give up because i couldn't find a pdf online and i can't really take notes from physical copies. it's annoying but, like. it works!

#ask #also lol i also did the like find the argument that's useful for you and disregard the rest thing in uni #this is BAD don't do it but also i never got caught. so. :)

[elkian]

I've seen a few of my Murderbot posts reblogged with tags to the effect of "I don't go here but I know of it" and for people who are interested in the Murderbot series looking to break in:

Tor.com (now Reactor Mag) has the entire first chapter of the first book, All Systems Red, available free to read on their site.

Link to the article.

ASR is a novella, so this not only covers a lot of ground, but is a pretty good litmus test imo if this book is for you or not.

(I read ASR twice before getting Artificial Condition, and that was the book that got me totally hooked on the series, for what that's worth.)

I'm also just going to post the text under this readmore because free Murderbot.

---

---

I could have become a mass murderer after I hacked my governor module, but then I realized I could access the combined feed of entertainment channels carried on the company satellites. It had been well over 35,000 hours or so since then, with still not much murdering, but probably, I don’t know, a little under 35,000 hours of movies, serials, books, plays, and music consumed. As a heartless killing machine, I was a terrible failure.

I was also still doing my job, on a new contract, and hoping Dr. Volescu and Dr. Bharadwaj finished their survey soon so we could get back to the habitat and I could watch episode 397 of Rise and Fall of Sanctuary Moon.

I admit I was distracted. It was a boring contract so far and I was thinking about backburnering the status alert channel and trying to access music on the entertainment feed without HubSystem logging the extra activity. It was trickier to do it in the field than it was in the habitat.

This assessment zone was a barren stretch of coastal island, with low, flat hills rising and falling and thick greenish-black grass up to my ankles, not much in the way of flora or fauna, except a bunch of different-sized birdlike things and some puffy floaty things that were harmless as far as we knew. The coast was dotted with big bare craters, one of which Bharadwaj and Volescu were taking samples in. The planet had a ring, which from our current position dominated the horizon when you looked out to sea. I was looking at the sky and mentally poking at the feed when the bottom of the crater exploded.

I didn’t bother to make a verbal emergency call. I sent the visual feed from my field camera to Dr. Mensah’s, and jumped down into the crater. As I scrambled down the sandy slope, I could already hear Mensah over the emergency comm channel, yelling at someone to get the hopper in the air now. They were about ten kilos away, working on another part of the island, so there was no way they were going to get here in time to help.

Conflicting commands filled my feed but I didn’t pay attention. Even if I hadn’t borked my own governor module, the emergency feed took priority, and it was chaotic, too, with the automated HubSystem wanting data and trying to send me data I didn’t need yet and Mensah sending me telemetry from the hopper. Which I also didn’t need, but it was easier to ignore than HubSystem simultaneously demanding answers and trying to supply them.

In the middle of all that, I hit the bottom of the crater. I have small energy weapons built into both arms, but the one I went for was the big projectile weapon clamped to my back. The hostile that had just exploded up out of the ground had a really big mouth, so I felt I needed a really big gun.

I dragged Bharadwaj out of its mouth and shoved myself in there instead, and discharged my weapon down its throat and then up toward where I hoped the brain would be. I’m not sure if that all happened in that order; I’d have to replay my own field camera feed. All I knew was that I had Bharadwaj, and it didn’t, and it had disappeared back down the tunnel.

She was unconscious and bleeding through her suit from massive wounds in her right leg and side. I clamped the weapon back into its harness so I could lift her with both arms. I had lost the armor on my left arm and a lot of the flesh underneath, but my non-organic parts were still working. Another burst of commands from the governor module came through and I backburnered it without bothering to decode them. Bharadwaj, not having non-organic parts and not as easily repaired as me, was definitely a priority here and I was mainly interested in what the MedSystem was trying to tell me on the emergency feed. But first I needed to get her out of the crater.

During all this, Volescu was huddled on the churned up rock, losing his shit, not that I was unsympathetic. I was far less vulnerable in this situation than he was and I wasn’t exactly having a great time either. I said, “Dr. Volescu, you need to come with me now.”

He didn’t respond. MedSystem was advising a tranq shot and blah blah blah, but I was clamping one arm on Dr. Bharadwaj’s suit to keep her from bleeding out and supporting her head with the other, and despite everything I only have two hands. I told my helmet to retract so he could see my human face. If the hostile came back and bit me again, this would be a bad mistake, because I did need the organic parts of my head. I made my voice firm and warm and gentle, and said, “Dr. Volescu, it’s gonna be fine, okay? But you need to get up and come help me get her out of here.”

That did it. He shoved to his feet and staggered over to me, still shaking. I turned my good side toward him and said, “Grab my arm, okay? Hold on.”

He managed to loop his arm around the crook of my elbow and I started up the crater towing him, holding Bharadwaj against my chest. Her breathing was rough and desperate and I couldn’t get any info from her suit. Mine was torn across my chest so I upped the warmth on my body, hoping it would help. The feed was quiet now, Mensah having managed to use her leadership priority to mute everything but MedSystem and the hopper, and all I could hear on the hopper feed was the others frantically shushing each other.

The footing on the side of the crater was lousy, soft sand and loose pebbles, but my legs weren’t damaged and I got up to the top with both humans still alive. Volescu tried to collapse and I coaxed him away from the edge a few meters, just in case whatever was down there had a longer reach than it looked.

I didn’t want to put Bharadwaj down because something in my abdomen was severely damaged and I wasn’t sure I could pick her up again. I ran my field camera back a little and saw I had gotten stabbed with a tooth, or maybe a cilia. Did I mean a cilia or was that something else? They don’t give murderbots decent education modules on anything except murdering, and even those are the cheap versions. I was looking it up in HubSystem’s language center when the little hopper landed nearby. I let my helmet seal and go opaque as it settled on the grass.

We had two standard hoppers: a big one for emergencies and this little one for getting to the assessment locations. It had three compartments: one big one in the middle for the human crew and two smaller ones to each side for cargo, supplies, and me. Mensah was at the controls. I started walking, slower than I normally would have because I didn’t want to lose Volescu. As the ramp started to drop, Pin-Lee and Arada jumped out and I switched to voice comm to say, “Dr. Mensah, I can’t let go of her suit.”

It took her a second to realize what I meant. She said hurriedly, “That’s all right, bring her up into the crew cabin.”

Murderbots aren’t allowed to ride with the humans and I had to have verbal permission to enter. With my cracked governor there was nothing to stop me, but not letting anybody, especially the people who held my contract, know that I was a free agent was kind of important. Like, not having my organic components destroyed and the rest of me cut up for parts important.

I carried Bharadwaj up the ramp into the cabin, where Overse and Ratthi were frantically unclipping seats to make room. They had their helmets off and their suit hoods pulled back, so I got to see their horrified expressions when they took in what was left of my upper body through my torn suit. I was glad I had sealed my helmet.

This is why I actually like riding with the cargo. Humans and augmented humans in close quarters with murderbots is too awkward. At least, it’s awkward for this murderbot. I sat down on the deck with Bharadwaj in my lap while Pin-Lee and Arada dragged Volescu inside.

We left two pacs of field equipment and a couple of instruments behind, still sitting on the grass where Bharadwaj and Volescu had been working before they went down to the crater for samples. Normally I’d help carry them, but MedSystem, which was monitoring Bharadwaj through what was left of her suit, was pretty clear that letting go of her would be a bad idea. But no one mentioned the equipment. Leaving easily replaceable items behind may seem obvious in an emergency, but I had been on contracts where the clients would have told me to put the bleeding human down to go get the stuff.

On this contract, Dr. Ratthi jumped up and said, “I’ll get the cases!”

I yelled, “No!” which I’m not supposed to do; I’m always supposed to speak respectfully to the clients, even when they’re about to accidentally commit suicide. HubSystem could log it and it could trigger punishment through the governor module. If it wasn’t hacked.

Fortunately, the rest of the humans yelled “No!” at the same time, and Pin-Lee added, “For fuck’s sake, Ratthi!”

Ratthi said, “Oh, no time, of course. I’m sorry!” and hit the quick-close sequence on the hatch.

So we didn’t lose our ramp when the hostile came up under it, big mouth full of teeth or cilia or whatever chewing right through the ground. There was a great view of it on the hopper’s cameras, which its system helpfully sent straight to everybody’s feed. The humans screamed.

Mensah pushed us up into the air so fast and hard I nearly leaned over and everybody who wasn’t on the floor ended up there.

In the quiet afterward, as they gasped with relief, Pin-Lee said, “Ratthi, if you get yourself killed—”

“You’ll be very cross with me, I know.” Ratthi slid down the wall a little more and waved weakly at her.

“That’s an order, Ratthi, don’t get yourself killed,” Mensah said from the pilot’s seat. She sounded calm, but I have security priority, and I could see her racing heartbeat through MedSystem.

Arada pulled out the emergency medical kit so they could stop the bleeding and try to stabilize Bharadwaj. I tried to be as much like an appliance as possible, clamping the wounds where they told me to, using my failing body temperature to try to keep her warm, and keeping my head down so I couldn’t see them staring at me.

PERFORMANCE RELIABILITY AT 60% AND DROPPING

Our habitat is a pretty standard model, seven interconnected domes set down on a relatively flat plain above a narrow river valley, with our power and recycling system connected on one side. We had an environmental system, but no air locks, as the planet’s atmosphere was breathable, just not particularly good for humans for the long term. I don’t know why, because it’s one of those things I’m not contractually obligated to care about.

We picked the location because it’s right in the middle of the assessment area, and while there are trees scattered through the plain, each one is fifteen or so meters tall, very skinny, with a single layer of spreading canopy, so it’s hard for anything approaching to use them as cover. Of course, that didn’t take into account anything approaching via tunnel.

We have security doors on the habitat for safety but HubSystem told me the main one was already open as the hopper landed. Dr. Gurathin had a lift gurney ready and guided it out to us. Overse and Arada had managed to get Bharadwaj stabilized, so I was able to put her down on it and follow the others into the habitat.

The humans headed for Medical and I stopped to send the little hopper commands to lock and seal itself, then I locked the outer doors. Through the security feed, I told the drones to widen our perimeter so I’d have more warning if something big came at us. I also set some monitors on the seismic sensors to alert me to anomalies just in case the hypothetical something big decided to tunnel in.

After I secured the habitat, I went back to what was called the security ready room, which was where weapons, ammo, perimeter alarms, drones, and all the other supplies pertaining to security were stored, including me. I shed what was left of the armor and on MedSystem’s advice sprayed wound sealant all over my bad side. I wasn’t dripping with blood, because my arteries and veins seal automatically, but it wasn’t nice to look at. And it hurt, though the wound seal did numb it a little. I had already set an eight-hour security interdiction through HubSystem, so nobody could go outside without me, and then set myself as off-duty. I checked the main feed but no one was filing any objections to that.

I was freezing because my temperature controls had given out at some point on the way here, and the protective skin that went under my armor was in pieces. I had a couple of spares but pulling one on right now would not be practical, or easy. The only other clothing I had was a uniform I hadn’t worn yet, and I didn’t think I could get it on, either. (I hadn’t needed the uniform because I hadn’t been patrolling inside the habitat. Nobody had asked for that, because with only eight of them and all friends, it would be a stupid waste of resources, namely me.) I dug around one handed in the storage case until I found the extra human-rated medical kit I’m allowed in case of emergencies, and opened it and got the survival blanket out. I wrapped up in it, then climbed into the plastic bed of my cubicle. I let the door seal as the white light flickered on.

It wasn’t much warmer in there, but at least it was cozy. I connected myself to the resupply and repair leads, leaned back against the wall and shivered. MedSystem helpfully informed me that my performance reliability was now at 58 percent and dropping, which was not a surprise. I could definitely repair in eight hours, and probably mostly regrow my damaged organic components, but at 58 percent, I doubted I could get any analysis done in the meantime. So I set all the security feeds to alert me if anything tried to eat the habitat and started to call up the supply of media I’d downloaded from the entertainment feed. I hurt too much to pay attention to anything with a story, but the friendly noise would keep me company.

Then someone knocked on the cubicle door.

I stared at it and lost track of all my neatly arrayed inputs. Like an idiot, I said, “Uh, yes?”

Dr. Mensah opened the door and peered in at me. I’m not good at guessing actual humans’ ages, even with all the visual entertainment I watch. People in the shows don’t usually look much like people in real life, at least not in the good shows. She had dark brown skin and lighter brown hair, cut very short, and I’m guessing she wasn’t young or she wouldn’t be in charge. She said, “Are you all right? I saw your status report.”

“Uh.” That was the point where I realized that I should have just not answered and pretended to be in stasis. I pulled the blanket around my chest, hoping she hadn’t seen any of the missing chunks. Without the armor holding me together, it was much worse. “Fine.”

So, I’m awkward with actual humans. It’s not paranoia about my hacked governor module, and it’s not them; it’s me. I know I’m a horrifying murderbot, and they know it, and it makes both of us nervous, which makes me even more nervous. Also, if I’m not in the armor then it’s because I’m wounded and one of my organic parts may fall off and plop on the floor at any moment and no one wants to see that.

“Fine?” She frowned. “The report said you lost 20 percent of your body mass.”

“It’ll grow back,” I said. I know to an actual human I probably looked like I was dying. My injuries were the equivalent of a human losing a limb or two plus most of their blood volume.

“I know, but still.” She eyed me for a long moment, so long I tapped the security feed for the mess, where the non-wounded members of the group were sitting around the table talking. They were discussing the possibility of more underground fauna and wishing they had intoxicants. That seemed pretty normal. She continued, “You were very good with Dr. Volescu. I don’t think the others realized . . . They were very impressed.”

“It’s part of the emergency med instructions, calming victims.” I tugged the blanket tighter so she didn’t see anything awful. I could feel something lower down leaking.

“Yes, but the MedSystem was prioritizing Bharadwaj and didn’t check Volescu’s vital signs. It didn’t take into account the shock of the event, and it expected him to be able to leave the scene on his own.”

On the feed it was clear that the others had reviewed Volescu’s field camera video. They were saying things like I didn’t even know it had a face. I’d been in armor since we arrived, and I hadn’t unsealed the helmet when I was around them. There was no specific reason. The only part of me they would have seen was my head, and it’s standard, generic human. But they didn’t want to talk to me and I definitely didn’t want to talk to them; on duty it would distract me and off duty . . . I didn’t want to talk to them. Mensah had seen me when she signed the rental contract. But she had barely looked at me and I had barely looked at her because again, murderbot + actual human = awkwardness. Keeping the armor on all the time cuts down on unnecessary interaction.

I said, “It’s part of my job, not to listen to the System feeds when they . . . make mistakes.” That’s why you need constructs, SecUnits with organic components. But she should know that. Before she accepted delivery of me, she had logged about ten protests, trying to get out of having to have me. I didn’t hold it against her. I wouldn’t have wanted me either.

Seriously, I don’t know why I didn’t just say you’re welcome and please get out of my cubicle so I can sit here and leak in peace.

“All right,” she said, and looked at me for what objectively I knew was 2.4 seconds and subjectively about twenty excruciating minutes. “I’ll see you in eight hours. If you need anything before then, please send me an alert on the feed.” She stepped back and let the door slide closed.

It left me wondering what they were all marveling at so I called up the recording of the incident. Okay, wow. I had talked to Volescu all the way up the side of the crater. I had been mostly concerned with the hopper’s trajectory and Bharadwaj not bleeding out and what might come out of that crater for a second try; I hadn’t been listening to myself, basically. I had asked him if he had kids. It was boggling. Maybe I had been watching too much media. (He did have kids. He was in a four-way marriage and had seven, all back home with his partners.)

All my levels were too elevated now for a rest period, so I decided I might as well get some use out of it and look at the other recordings. Then I found something weird. There was an “abort” order in the HubSystem command feed, the one that controlled, or currently believed it controlled, my governor module. It had to be a glitch. It didn’t matter, because when MedSystem has priority—

PERFORMANCE RELIABILITY AT 39%, STASIS INITIATED FOR EMERGENCY REPAIR SEQUENCE.

#elk text #tmd #the murderbot diaries #if you aren't in a position to purchase the books check out (hehe) whether your local library has anything #i know there's audiobooks too and apparently they're pretty good #i tried to indent it and tungl did not like that #tried to make the opening break obvious

[egg-emperor]

Your analysis has been really interesting to read through, but ngl the whole mess around text interpretation has led me to ruminate on the fandom's doings a little. This probably will turn into disjointed ramblings, so please bear with me.

What I think is causing this cognitive dissonance is exactly that cutesy framing of some of Eggman and Sage's moments. Like, I don't believe that Sage was intentionally made to soften Eggman up or something, I believe that he can play the "family" act to keep her loyal to him. However, I won't deny that during my watch of a friend playing it, this specific framing left a slightly weird aftertaste, which I now see is what can easily cause so many misinterpretations of the scenes. Like, for example, the memo with Sage's pronouns. After seeing a lot of talk around the memos in general, what seems to throw people off from thinking that Eggman could be just using this as yet another play into her view of him as her father to keep her loyal is "why does he suddenly care about endearing himself to his own creation when he freely disregarded his previous creations". It can be interpreted in character, but there's just a smidge of off-ness that can be hard to wash out for some.

Not gonna lie, I kinda envy the ability of people like to at least mostly ignore the majority of the fandom's shenanigans and drama, cause I think that also plays a part imo, specifically this weird need to somehow ingratiate Sonic as a series to the mainstream, generally non-fan crowd. Like, the onus obviously should be on the people who misinterpret the text and see what's not there, yet these people also tend to be the loudest. And most non-fans seeing it just assume that's what the fandom as a whole thinks, and that's what the text actually is about. After all, nowadays Sonic is all but advertised as "its a kids game for babies so don't think about the story too much, it doesnt make sense in the end anyway", even by fans trying to genuinely recommend the series sometimes. And you'd think that there'd be pushback against this sort of mentality, but somehow, a majority of the Sonic fandom remains almost... defeatist? Like, either they can't argue to save their lives or just passively accept the misinformation. The people actually doing the analysis and all get disregarded as no-life nerds and are told that "no amount of analysis can make a product worth the money".

It's just... I dunno how or why or when it all started going like this, but at some point, the way people talked about media in general just caused immensely screwed. Discussions only seem to happen when someone wants to further validate their pre-established biases about a thing and it all just feels wrong.

Thank you, I appreciate you taking the time to read and consider my analysis.

We seem to feel quite similarly. I'm not a fan of the cutesy framing of certain moments because it's not my thing and definitely makes it easier for fans to misinterpret. The casual fan, especially if they don't catch all context in the memos and apply them to the scenes to notice the undertones and understand Eggman's side of the dynamic, or if they're the kind who that stuff can appeal to and affect emotionally/they'd rather ignore the more unsettling aspects in discomfort, they're going to get it wrong.

I think the cutscenes mostly have the issue of focusing too much on Sage's side of the dynamic over Eggman's. A bunch of most important details of Eggman's side comes from the memos, which is great from the standpoint of being right from his personal perspective and words, so we get to know exactly how he thinks and feels- but not so great for those who won't listen or piece together what they learned from them with the scenes for needed context.

But Sage wasn't supposed to soften Eggman up. In the story he's still a bad guy wanting to do bad, wishing he could get out of Cyber Space to, and Sage appeals because of what she can do for him, how she's crucial to his survival, supports his desire for world domination and shows undying loyalty. The way some moments are framed as cute doesn't take away from it, a unhealthy dynamic can appear as cute and wholesome with unsettling undertones.

Ian Flynn pretty much describes it that way by saying you're supposed to feel happy for Sage but Eggman is a bad person and warming up to it for all the wrong reasons. It's intentionally more complex than what the loudest people who love and hate it are saying. I can see what Flynn means because all the pieces are there in the actual game for me to point out and analyze. They just could've been emphasized a bit more.

All you need is the memo where he talks about liking how Sage is loyal and efficient and accepting the father role because it can emphasize his genius and the pride he can take as her creator, then apply it to every interaction and you can see it. Eggman can play the act to appeal to Sage's desire for that dynamic and praise her actions as a way to further encourage her for her loyalty and efficiency, all for those selfish benefits.

It's how manipulation works and Eggman absolutely can and will play up the part with these conditions for the benefits, he's done similarly in the past. It's intentionally not done in the common verbal and physical abns!ve way like he does most commonly with his other creations, it's more emotionally manipulative. It makes the most sense for how he wants to further encourage her good work and loyalty, not lose it.

I can get why you felt that way. It's part of why I had the wrong idea of Frontiers Eggman's at first and it ruined my first experience playing it. The cute framing of certain moments, combined with fans taking these scenes and latching onto the misinterpretations from the moment it dropped and drilling into your head how they think we should think and feel while ignoring key details that disprove it, made me believe it for too long.

But had I not seen the misinterpretation and paid attention and did my usual analysis, which I closed my mind to in my first playthrough in ignorance, I would've caught on a lot faster. Just like how knowing what I know now after properly analyzing it then going into Final Horizon and avoiding what fandom was saying, made my experience more pleasant and let me think and interpret for myself. The fandom is still mostly to blame.

Yeah, the cute moments can give the wrong idea when you don't have all the context. But the context is in the game to piece together and understand why it's happening in a way that works for Eggman's character. I also think while he is of course playing the act, it's also framed cute as it is because we're seeing it more from Sage's side in the scenes, as it's a very different vibe in the memos where it's actually Eggman's side.

Maybe always being able to see the worst in Eggman (positively and affectionately lol 🥰💜) helps but I only see the memos as unsettling now. His creation starts to appear as more of a person to him so he thinks about how he can use it to his benefit by taking pride in his impressive scientific ability to create something so life-like as an artificial creation over the unimpressive traditional organic way he scoffs at and expresses aversion to.

He says if he created life it'd be "loyal and perfectly effective", which is fucked up thing to look for in your child, and says it's specifically because he's the genius creator/father, giving himself all credit and taking pride in her accomplishments as a reflection of his genius. It's selfish, egotistical, creepy, everything a parent shouldn't do. I can see what makes it unsettling in all his words. So many things are wrong with him I love it 😋💘

I really don't have much of an issue with that memo. It's one of the most misinterpreted but it's simply where he starts to realize that almost the whole time he's been calling her a "she" instead of an "it" like the program she was created to be. He actually starts just five after first mentioning her, in memo 13. He subconsciously sees her as a person and refers to her like such that fast due to how human and life-like she is.

Three memos after he's like wait why am I calling it a she? And wonders whether to call her an it like the program she was created to be or a she like he's seeing her as instead. Then another three after comes the disturbing memo about him creating life, so him establishing whether he's going to call her "she" or not leads to him thinking about how he can take pride and credit in her by establishing himself as her genius creator/father.

It's another of those cases where if context is removed it's more likely for people to get the wrong idea, especially if they're the type to be blinded by the cuteness factor but when you have the context of before and after and considering the important terms of why he values her at all with the she's an impressive life-like loyal and efficient creation and her dad is a genius memo, again it makes sense and is in character.

The "she's the best" line is one of the only parts I'd change, he's far too egotistical to say that about anyone else. It doesn't make sense because the whole reason he values her is what she does for him and the pride he can take in her, literally because he sees himself as the best person ever lol. Just specifying what she's the best of, like of his creations or something would've worked, not making it sound like he's saying in general.

But guess what? Apparently it was changed in Japanese in the translation I saw, to say she was just doing great or something lol. It's a case where I can make sense of it in English as her being the best in a specific area can again give himself credit as the creator as he's intentionally supposed to but the word choice was poor. But every time I felt a line should've been changed a bit, the Japanese version had me covered. XD

Back to the point- it's also important to consider that he's praising her in this memo with the important preface of saying that Sage has been crucial to his survival in Cyber Space and listing the ways she has served him well. It's on the condition of him getting something out of it every time. And in memo 19 we know he wants to take pride in her skill and accomplishments and take credit as her creator, so any praise is self praise.

So I can't be mad at the game, I think even in moments that had some level of cuteness factor to appeal to those into that which certainly worked on them, there was established context that made it work and in character, enough to piece it together and understand it. But some people's minds go blank with the "aww so cute" reaction and desire for it to be simply pure and wholesome so they don't think about it any more to do so.

I've been learning to avoid it just by stepping back from fandom because I'm less interested the more I see the drama and bad takes. Now I only see things if I'm forcibly subjected through someone else putting it on my dash/it's recommended/etc. A large majority of fandom is anti canon and literally admit it so I feel like I don't belong in it as a huge fan of it that enjoys celebrating it in my fan creations and discussions.

It suffers from the simplification and sanitization that modern fandom tends to do now, so they can fit all characters and stories into certain boxes and use them as bases to project fan character traits and concepts onto instead of celebrating canon. It makes it more appealing and mainstream and easier to consume by the crowd that stuff succeeds in appealing to. It's to the point it replaces people's memory/idea of it.

So of course from the outside looking in especially, non fans are going to believe that's what the text actually contains, especially since they get exposure to the fandom's twisting of canon and it's drilled into their heads how to think and feel about it by them, before they've even seen the games themselves. Then they find it hard to shut that out and look at the games alone for what they are. That happened to me with Frontiers.

Then of course you have people acting like the series "is just for babies and inconsistent and not good anyway you shouldn't think too hard about it", as if Sega JP especially haven't shown themselves to be incredibly passionate about the stories and characters they write. It is supposed to be that deep lol. And thinking that deeply is a good thing, as if it's better than just shutting our minds off and consume product.

That's why I've allowed myself to think as deeply as I want about Frontiers. I love analyzing every moment and line down to the last word and detail. Regardless of opinion on the concepts and how they were executed, it was intended to be thought about. I don't think it should be considered micro analyzing and thinking too hard about something ever. I'm looking at it in ways official writers have described it to be anyway.

The mentality is popular so there isn't much pushback. Plus I'm starting to see it in both people who say they don't like the games and those who say they're fans so I feel alienated for wanting to think deeper and seeing there can be more than meets the eye with characters and scenes. While clarification can be important so things aren't misinterpreted quite as easily, it's nice for there to be stuff to think about.

Nobody really wants to debate and discuss now. A majority intentionally oppose learning more about the media or hearing out other people. They take the challenging of one's perspective or a disagreement as an argument and act like it's intended as hate from the other person when that's not the case. They're like "I don't want to change my opinion, nobody can convince me, let me enjoy things how I want", etc.

I myself was a bit ignorant at first on the topic of Frontiers. I was convinced I didn't like Eggman's portrayal but it was all based on what fandom was telling me it was and how to feel when the actual game was actually way different. When I finally took suggestions of new perspectives, then shut fandom out and focused solely on canon with my mind open and willing to analyze it again, I saw it in a new light and enjoyed it.

Now some certainly think I'm a low life nerd, as I've been told "it's nice to be a fan until it "becomes serious" and by people saying they don't care what I have to say as if I have to do exactly what they want- because it's bad to be passionate and wanting to think deeply about something I guess. :P I'd rather be doing that than shutting it down. Canon is cool, analysis is good, being passionate and thinking about stuff is fun.

You really hit the nail on the head with that. I've always enjoyed being open minded, analyzing media carefully, hearing out different perspectives, and having discussions. But I made the mistake myself at one point with Frontiers and I regret it because as soon as I realized I almost became what I was against and changed it for the better, it became a lot more enjoyable again. It's always good to stay open minded!

#dr eggman #eggman #dr robotnik #dr. eggman #asks #my post #sonic frontiers

[trilobi-te]

Chipspeech Twitter Archive Update

Hi I should have done this months ago.. I do not know when (or if) I am going to finish that website lmao. So I am just going to share my notes from Google Docs. Should be easier to read than the original posts and helpful as a starting point if anyone else decides to make a website :3

The documents are all on commenting mode so feel free to make comments to bookmark things for yourself or write your thoughts or whatever. Under the cut I have put some formatting notes.

It's a folder, each year of Twitter posts is its own document (I tried to compile them into one but it lagged too much). There is also a document with all of the original Tumblr posts (from the accounts I could find, no tags yet but I will go back and get them eventually, also no dates but they're all from 2015), and one with the bios from the official website for ease of access.

The formatting is a little (a lot) weird and there are probably pictures that need resizing/transcription but I figured it's better to give people access now. The text is small (to keep the page count as low as possible) so you will have to zoom in.

It goes by day, organized with a bulleted list. The top level bullets are each character that tweeted that day. The second level bullets are original tweets/retweets by that character. The third+ level bullets are comment threads under that tweet, the organization here is inconsistent but imo still readable (if you think something needs an edit for clarity let me know and I'll fix it).

For each character's section of the list, normal text is that character's tweets/comments. Italicized text is anyone who is not that character. If it is labeled with unitalicized text, it is that character/important account (e.g. the official Chipspeech account), otherwise it is a fan. I also included some labels and/or clarifying comments for Vocaloid producers I like, they're not central to the story though

I got rid of the line breaks within the tweets when copying them down because it was easier to format. Sorry about that. Idk how to fix it other than going through everything again but it doesn't take away from the story so I'm leaving it for now.

If something came from a website other than Twitter, I tried to provide the link (unless its content was deleted). I did my best to transcribe the Clyp posts that were not deleted.

If something is a text-only retweet, it is marked with [retweet]. If it includes an image, it's probably a screenshot of the whole thing. I only included retweets that felt story-relevant (so no miscellaneous cat pictures, Apple-related aesthetic images, etc.), but if people really want it I can go back and add the rest.

Deleted tweets are noted with [deleted tweet], with the characters they came from if applicable. Idk how Twitter works but it the person in the thread is replying to the username of a certain character, I assumed it was that character's tweet that had been deleted. If something says [deleted Dandy thread], assume there is a deleted Dandy tweet in between each of the listed tweets (or another character, but it's usually Dandy). That was meant to be a temporary time-saver and I've gone back and fixed the ones I've found, but there's probably more I accidentally skipped.

Anything not in English is translated in a comment. Except the X-Sampa (I will fix that sometime but there's not much of it). Also it was done with the built-in Google Translate feature so it may be a little incorrect. Unclear pictures and whatnot also have clarifying comments. I can add more clarifying comments (or image IDs) if anyone needs them.

I tried not to include any unattributed fanart but there are some that I forgot to copy the handle for (I am also fixing these when I find them).

As for any future updates to this folder as a whole, I kind of want to go back through each account's liked tweets to see if there's anything funny in there but idk when that will be. That would probably be its own document.

Honestly I should have given everyone access back in June.. oops. If you have any questions you can put them in a comment on this post (or reach out to me another way, idk). As I mentioned before, feel free to use all of this as a starting point if you're making your own website.

I'll pin this post so it's findable in the future. Also sorry for disappearing for several months (it will happen again).

#chipspeech #chipspeech archive #posts by the bug

[qrowscant-art]

What artists/books/movies/music/etc would you say have been most formative to your style/subject matter? What inspires you most?

oh maaaannnn there’s a lot. what inspires me most is the fact that if i don’t draw or create regularly i turn evil <3 (thats mostly a joke, but i do get very irritable if i dont have some kind of creative outlet haha)

but here’s a too-long list of things that have rewritten my brain chemistry 🥰 dont take this as a list of reccs because some of these are 100% not for everyone LOL

for movies,

the alien franchise (except three fuck 3), the thing, 2001: ASO, colossus: the forbin project, videodrome, and mad god have all done irreparable psychic damage to me. if you can handle it, pleaaaaseeeeee watch mad god. absolutely gorgeous movie. i wish i looked like the assassin (shoutout 2 data for showing me it)

electric dreams is also good but it feels weird sliding it between those other reccs 😭 the tonal whiplash

for books,

house of leaves, obviously. absolutely disorienting narrative that was very fun to pick through and jump around. johnny’s sections are some of my favorite pieces of character writing, and i adore how the text and formatting turns the book into a labyrinth. my only complaint is figuring out similar things in css is HARD.

things have gotten worse since we last spoke is a disgusting novella (said with the utmost affection). its not something i can recommend to most people because it deals with some sickening topics, but it def shaped my love of horror

ihnmaims and tuf voyaging are two short story collections i read when i was far too young, and still enjoy today. also colossus the forbin project (the book). good 👍

the locked tomb series! what else is there to say but Jod Damn! alecto please

for games,

marathon trilogy! me when the ai have issues disorder🥰🫶 it can be difficult to play (use walkthroughs or mods to make things a little easier if you arent in the mood to be frustrated), but its worth it imo. shotgun and mousetrap if you even care btw

cecile richard and kitty horrorshow have been integralllll to my artistic development. cycles and gutless by cecile is the reason I started writing in twine, actually. still some of my favorite works :^)

disco elysium is amazing but everyone knows that. i think making readers feel uncomfortable and kind of pathetic is good, actually.

scorn is like. absolutely gorgeous. the game plays awful imo but its worth it for the eyecandy of lovingly crafted biomechanical horror. i got the art book as a gift and now it permanently resides on my desk.

signalis is a recent one but i watched my friend play through some of it and am itching to try it because AUGH. the vibes are immaculate (even if some of the combat is annoying hehe). @ that one anon who sent me a signalis recc, YOU WERE RIGHT. IT IS 100% MY KIND OF THING

there’s a LOTTT more, many of my inspirations i often forget about because i have an awful memory. i approach a lot of media consumption with the intent of “what can i learn from this?” (both narratively and mechanically) and fucking loooooveeee deconstructing things i enjoy. my toys 🥰

#mrdraws #inquiries #this kept me busy at work HAHA. sorry for the word salad

[lemongingerart]

Chapter 2 - Shooting lessons (I)

Fic summary: The second arc of my Armitage Hux x OC fanfic, “chocolate cookies and tarine tea”, in which both need to deal with the mess they got into (and each other, eh eh eh). Involves cookies that won't be eaten and tea that will get spilled. Same goes for certain feelings... they are going to be hungry ant thirsty 😏

You can find the link to AO3 and other chapters on Tumblr in the pinned message on my dash, both for the first and second arc 😊

Rating: Explicit. This is going to be very NSFW. So, Minors, do NOT read or interact. 18+. Family, friends and colleagues, please don’t read this. :’-)

Tags & warnings: TRoS fix-it (kind of), Hux!lives, Hux doesn’t like Kylo, Not a Redemption Arc, maybe a little bit, shameless fem!OC insert (there are cliches but entertaining ones imo), slow emotional burn, medium sexual burn, Enemies to Enemies With Benefits to Lovers, Hux is still a villain don't forget, Virgin Characters, masturbation against the door, pinv, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Awkward Sexual Situations, Past Child Abuse, dubious first kiss, Dom/sub Undertones, Mental Breakdown, Unprotected Sex, wet Hux, that deserves a tag/warning on its own, Minor Character Death

I will add tags as we proceed in the story, please let me know if I forgot one!

Taglist: @mylifeisactuallyamess, @morby and anyone who’d like to join 🥰

A/N:    I swear I tried finishing the review this chapter so many times, but each time I got interrupted and I had to start over. It’s a pity, because this is one of my favourite moments 😬 Short chapter this time, but Hux’s POV is next and hopefully soon 👀👀👀

Miko stood still in the middle of the loading bridge. The available crates from the small hangar were positioned at the other end of the room, on which Hux had placed a few empty canisters. PC was impatiently patrolling the walls behind her, reflecting her restlessness and keeping an eye on her and Hux from the distance.

The latter had just given her some kind of weapon. She didn’t like the feeling; it weighed so heavy, as did the power that came with it. She didn’t want this responsibility, convinced that it could only make matters worse. But if things were going to get heated up out there, she didn’t want to lose her life either. Especially not when she was doing this for this Worst Order criminal.

Armitage was now pacing around in the hangar with a steady tread. He started reciting a text he probably had said so many times before: 

‘This is the SE-44C, it’s one of my personal choices. It’s a lightweight blaster but still sturdy, and hasn’t got a lot of recoil. It’s easier to hide and carry with you than the standard trooper’s F-11D. It’s less obvious and this customised version isn’t white like the regulars, so it won’t draw attention.'

He walked towards her, back straight and head up, took the weapon on its barrel and coerced her to turn it sideways. The left flank was visible now and Miko noticed the different buttons and indents. 

“This is the safety pal." Hux pointed out and continued. "You remove it this way. Never forget to put it on when you put it back in your holster. This one’s for the power. This is stun, this is full power. Try the mechanisms,’ he instructed and gave control back to her. She nodded and tried to concentrate on memorising the functions. Changing the settings wasn’t hard, but she suspected this was only the easy part of the course.

Hux walked away to the back, the heels of his boots making a clicking sound that resonated through the hangar. He then stopped and turned to stand behind her, paused to take a breath and put his hands behind his back. 

‘Try to aim.’ he commanded. 

Miko unexpectedly felt a strange chill climb up her spine. An involuntary shiver she was unable to stop.

Where did it originate from? She started to wonder. Out of her stubbornness towards him? She really didn’t like getting orders like that, that was for certain. The whole authoritative strut had already almost made her eyes roll.

But, he was also standing really close to her and just out of her sight, and she somehow suddenly became aware of both their breathing. It was as if her senses were promptly heightened, because she was quite sure that hearing his breath should be impossible even from this close. 

Not only that, the way he just spoke out loud… the overbearing speech combined with the rolling r and the slight crack in his voice…  it was signalling those strange electric chills to her, a mirror of the ones she already experienced a few days ago. 

Nothing good could come from those.

Miko gulped, looked at the crates and canisters again and tried to regain focus. She pulled up the blaster like she saw the troopers do, that time they were attempting to escape the Steadfast . But in all honesty, she had no idea what she was doing. 

She heard Hux sigh from behind, letting her know he was still close by and still out of sight. And not content with this first feeble attempt.

Oh, I must really look like a total failure in his eyes already . The thought stung, she didn't want to let him down after he conceded in letting her go to the rendezvous point, and even making an effort to train her.

Realisation struck that somewhere deeply tucked away, she did want to get his appraisal and meet with his expectations, at least for a little bit. She hated the idea that she was looking for some form of validation from him, and she couldn't place why she wanted it in the first place. 

Did she agree to these shooting lessons, just to be able to get out of the ship for a while? Or…

Looking more inward, she wondered if this wasn’t about something else than just being able to visit Taris. 

Her self-secure demeanour has always only been a front and deep down, she knew that. Since the Steadfast up till now, that front had saved her from more trouble. But more than sometimes, she had been insecure and scared as kriffing hell . Getting some reassurance, even from Hux, would at least make her feel a bit better. Some positive feedback might actually help, to make her believe that she had some control over her integrity and what was going to happen.

Frack , she hoped her little weak moments hadn't shown yet. This Worst Order scum seemed to be able to make cracks in her shield and he definitely should not have all these troublesome effects on her. She wished he would never catch onto this subconscious need for praise and her other misplaced feelings. But the way he had treated her before, still made her indecisive about whether he was perceptive about others or not. How much of the little worrisome signals did he catch onto already?

Hux walked from her back to her side, taking the blaster in his right hand from above, while she was still holding it. When he tried to pull up the weapon, the tip of his gloves brushed her phalanges. Her mind went blank for a moment, before she realised he coerced her to heighten the weapon's position. After she silently complied, he took her hands and adjusted them finger by finger, each pull making her lose focus and even making her feel a bit dizzy. 

The placement of her arm and at last her shoulder needed a correction too, his gloved hands expertly starting to execute the job and her feet involuntarily becoming more and more unstable. 

The ex-general didn’t give her a break though, and continued to adjust her posture through a very effective grip on her shoulder with his right hand, while pointing his left hand’s index and middle finger at the dip of her back, straight on the knuckles of her spine. Gah, she could feel her skin flush and blinked her eyes in an effort to get out of the spell he placed her in.

After that, he let go, and she finally was able to breathe again. Miko abruptly felt very self conscious, once the initial shock response to his fingers had died out. 

It took only a moment for him to concentrate on her hands and arms again, coercing her forearm up by putting his right hand under it, then continuing his path towards her upper arm. 

In another effort to subdue the reverberations her body was having on his touch, Miko tried to breathe evenly and think clearly. Maybe, she needed to focus on what was actually happening and not on what she was feeling, she thought, while directing her gaze to his right hand. The whole point of standing here was to learn how to shoot, so she should pay attention to that and stop getting distracted. 

From what she understood, he had been supervising training of those horrible first order troopers in the past, and what she observed now was a man who had done this kind of readjusting several times before. He was doing a routine job, correcting the way her fingers gripped the weapon, how she had to place her elbow a bit more to the outside. 

But to her, this wasn’t routine at all. 

Both learning how to hold a blaster and a man touching her like this. Oh dank.

Becoming lightheaded again but still mesmerised by his gestures, she was now looking at the way his hands moved from her elbow over her upper arm, adding light pressure at the base. His touch was rather soft, she absently noticed, which she didn’t expect after the last time they had made actual physical contact. 

Now that she thought back to that encounter, those gloved hands making contact with the skin of her arms made her shiver again, and involuntarily made her wonder how they would feel on other parts of her body. 

Goosebumps appeared on the visible parts of her lower arm and she promptly remembered how she thought he would be, from that time in the shower. Now though, she realised her assumptions were probably wrong, seeing how his fingers raked over her elbow right at this moment. Soft, but with purpose. Succeeding in making her change her stance with just the slightest pressure. 

The strange chill she got before returned, but way worse. 

She gulped when she realised that she would’ve liked such physical contact even more. Oh kriffing mynocs , why did she allow those fantasies in the shower? 

And why the frack was she reliving them now? How in the galaxy was she going to act normal around him now?

“Remember this position. The stance of your arm will catch up the recoil. Now, try to aim and shoot.” Hux said, and she quickly jerked her head up, feeling caught, and fairly certain that she had an obvious blush on her face.

Although it wasn’t her intention to look at him - she wouldn’t dare to do so this moment - her startling aligned her face with his. He seemed to be fully concentrating on her stance, a deep frown sporting his face and his eyes turned downwards. From up close, she could spot the smallest freckles… and a curious flush on his cheeks. 

Oh.

A/N: Okay, I genuinely want to know if you appreciate all the thoughts and feelings being written out so elaborately… Initially I didn't write them down so detailed, but when I reviewed this and the previous chapters, I started reworking…and reworking… and reworking… And in all honesty, I can't read this with a fresh mind anymore to decide if it's well balanced or just too much 😭 Your opinion counts! It might come in handy when I continue reviewing the next chapters 😄

#armitage hux x oc #general hux x oc #star wars fanfiction #generalginger #gingergeneral #lemonginger #armitage hux #star wars fanfic #sw fanfic

[hauntedpearl]

doe. THOUGHTS. on desi amara, u must share <3

okay. so. here's the thing:

i usually shy away from incorporating desi things into the show in my HCs beyond them being some romantic parallels with shayari or whatever and. like. the canonical presence of hinduism in the show (with the exception of the recent hennanatural madness) because i think it would require an overhaul of the show where you have to essentially redo the foundation and go from there. dean and sam being on the fringes of suburban america does make adaptation a little more easier, but, at the end of the day, they are upholding the tenets of racism and are White Men doing White Men Things.

Similarly, when i think about desi-fying Amara, i can't really place her in a role that's not aligned with the mythos of the show. which is very much an interpretation of Christianity. like. you can't have her be Hindu, for instance, because our religions are very different. we don't behold Destruction™ with fear, for instance. it's just how it is. like. if you have shakti (power/life) you have shiva (destruction). and they're both revered in equal measure. and Amara is essentially Chuck's Shiva, right? like. she's the yin to his yang etc etc. not that either religion is right or doesn't have its flaws, but the ideas of what's good and evil vary. our relationships with those ideas also vary. so it's like. you can't change one thing in the show without basically knocking this house of cards down.

i have a lot of trouble envisioning her — and a lot of other characters, similarly — as desi because i most of the time think in terms of adaptation rather than indulgence. and like. that's a lot of work and i don't even know if i have the fortitude to redo 15 years worth of story that, despite all its flaws, does tend to have a compelling vein running through it.

that being said, a very vague tendril of an idea that I have (if we do manage to undo and redo this mess) is like:

She Could Be Kali.

I'm not talking Durga — I'm talking Kali. wild haired, dark skinned, wears the skulls of demons around her neck and dances the apocalypse in with a tandav Kali.

(i don't want to think too hard about how it would read because it can and does read as awful if you're not changing who Chuck is. But LET'S ASSUME WE DO CHANGE THAT ALSO. FOR THIS HEADCANON)

anyway. Kali. right.

So the version of her depicted in Supernatural is racist and awful, yes, but also. She's not the Kali that we all grew up learning about.

She's just Durga.

There are interpretations of the religious texts that place Durga and Kali as separate entities, and then there are interpretations that say that Kali is just Durga when she's overcome with rage and bloodlust. Both interpretations lend themselves to paint a picture of Kali that is visceral and horrific and terrifying and beautiful in the way that gods have always been supposed to be.

Kali comes to dance when the world is overrun with evil. She sheds her clothes and her inhibitions with them. She eats the hearts of demons she slays and drinks their blood. She wears their bones as adornment. To evoke her is to evoke the apocalypse because she doesn't stop once she starts. Her tandav is said to be just as — if not more — powerful than Shiva's and would break the world apart if it reaches its crescendo.

^ this is one popular rendition of Kali in tandav. Note how shiva lays in her path so she can step on his chest instead of the ground. This is the only way to protect the world, and to remind her of who she is outside of the hunger that she becomes in this form.

ALL THIS TO SAY: AMARA.

the only possible desi version of her that I see is a Kali left to rage and stew for centuries, locked away in a pocket dimension in an attempt to keep the universe from collapsing. Releasing her would bring destruction of unknowable measure. The only Darkness parallel that makes sense, imo.

Things that could be interesting in this AU if we rearranged all of canon around it also:

Durga can be back in the picture! Like I said, some interpretations place them as separate entities, some as the same. ALSO. they're gods. It could be similar to a Dark Charlie/Good Charlie situation where Durga is aware of this part of her raging and struggling to comprehend that rage and chasing after a destruction that she, as her more calm form, knows that she doesn't want. The ending of this arc could be a beautiful scene too where Kali and Durga embrace and emerge as one combined entity — call her what you will, Shakti, Devi, etc etc

Dean Can Be The Shiva Like For A Second: Here's a way to keep the White Boys involved in the story! The only way to stop Kali (see there was a reason i was telling you stories) is when Shiva steps into her path and de-Hulks her and lets her take it out on him basically. So there. She could have somehow imprinted on Dean. But Dean, as a human, would not survive the sheer power of her being. Still, he would offer. (it's the Soul Bomb Sacrifice Parallel Moment!) And like. Durga who has been denying to help all season will show up in a deus-ex-machina moment and save the day! YAAY!!

COOL AS FUCK WARDROBE HELLO! I'm talking fusion outfits instead of that boring — if beautiful — black gown. also. the accessories omg! SILVER SKULL NECKLACE. ALWAYS A LITTLE PAPIDI BILLA (what's the Hindi word for it i don't remember. the thing you put in your hair and it hands on your forehead). ANKLETS! KAJAL!! OH MAN!!!!!! SHE'D LOOK SO AMAZING!!!!

It's hard to do a Tandav Moment™ but it would look so badass if they did. I think they wouldn't, realistically, so it's a metaphor. or whatever boring shit. But it's like with each step she takes on this world with deliberate intent, something or the other starts to go wrong.

She would also introduce a Very Important And Interesting Aspect into the show because. Despite everything. Kali is not inherently evil. Neither is she considered as such. She is literally *killing demons*. That's what brings her to light. It's like Godstiel, but 100x cooler. So to have them deal with her in a way that's not entirely placing her in a rigid black and white role might be super fun to see.

ALSO. DID I MENTION THE CLOTHES? YES?

ANYWAY.

Of course this headcanon is still very flawed but, again, I'm a little fussy about this shit unfortunately. So this is the best i can do. I'm so sorry this turned out to be a longass post with many tangents but i hope it was fun enough! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE ASK MWAH! 💕

#I GOT A LITTLE NERDY AND ALSO A LITTLE CARRIED AWAY SORRY ABOUT THAT #asks #desinatural #amara studies #varsh 💕 #hindunatural. #THIS IS AN IMPOSSIBLE QUESTION BUT I TRIED OKAY BYE GOOD DAY #long post

[chut-je-dors]

(1/3) hey friend, i’ve been wanting to bring this up but haven’t totally known how to approach it… have you n puck ever considered taking down chap 21 of “10 minutes” until the next chapter is ready to be posted? i know that the fic is heavily and appropriately tagged for violence against sws, but it’s such a drag to have a great fic (imo as a former sw, it breaks a lot of stereotypes/fear-mongering/romanticization of the profession) that effectively “ends” on a scene of brutality.

(2/3) i know there’s a plan to finish the fic at some point and i don’t want this to be interpreted as pressure on y’all to change the direction of the story -violence is a real threat for many workers, not just sws, so there are stories to be told- but so often violence is connected to sw specifically, and in quite exploitative ways: murdered sw plot lines n all that. as this fic sits, one which has done so many things right in its portrayal of sw, john could be yet another dead h**ker.

(3/3) makes for a cliff hanger, sure, but also uses violence against sws as a “juicy” hook to keep folks reading. holding on to chap 21 until chap 22 is ready to be published wouldn’t change the plot/flow of the story but would get rid of this weird violent limbo that john is currently in… ahhggh not sure if any of this makes sense lol, getting my thoughts out of my adhd brain is difficult. things to ponder maybe?

hi!! thank you for the ask! first things first, JOHN IS NOT DEAD AND WILL NOT DIE, this is not that kind of a story, we wouldn't write that, he is MODERATELY BRUISED but will be FINE.

we discussed this with puck this morning, and we both understand so well where you're coming from! we talked about potentially taking chapter 21 down, but decided against it since that wouldn't be possible without losing all the comments it has so far gathered, and we'd hate to have that (they're my emotional support comments, i go and read them whenever i have a bad day and i'm Attached). however what we decided to do, is move things around a little bit in what we had originally planned for the chapter structure. the scene at the end of chp 21 exists to further the plot (sorry john, needs must) and to create tension in the story, as a plot beat. which is to build up tension that will then resolve and ykno, give us all a ton of dopamine? after this ask we decided to draw the tension from a different bit than this, and as such will resolve the scene like, next thing in chapter 22. we can also put in the author end notes of chp 21 that john will be absolutely fine (at least physically, but well, mentally he hasn't been fine for a............ w h i l e (again, sorry john)), how does that sound?

we are so very sorry that the next chapter is taking so long, we never anticipated there would be this kind of a break in our writing at this exact point in the story. i cringe even thinking about it, ending the chapter on that note and then vanishing for over a year, jesus christ i'm so sorry. we've just been both so busy that we haven't had much time to write at all, or energy to do so, and if we do have time and energy it's never at the same time. puck is currently busy with uni stuff, she's cramming in So Much Studies that i'm feeling anxious just hearing her list all that stuff, and i've been up to my neck in finishing up my studies and doing traineeships. i'm nearly done now though with my studies (woooo!) and have some free time for the next week or so, so i'm attempting to write the chapter on my own now, and then hurl it at puck for editing, which is easier than creating completely new text and she hopefully will have time for it. also she'll delight in fixing my awful sentence structures and telling me how bad my writing is, which is a plus.

i still can't promise an update soon though, because it's been over a year since we have looked at the chapter, and i first need to read back on the story a bit and then also get back to writing, which is Very Difficult if you haven't done it in a while. BUT things are now advancing at least, for the first time in a while. i really hope we don't keep you guys waiting for much longer. i think about this fic every few days and wallow in guilt, knowing people are eager to read the rest - and I'M TOO, HECK!!

lol re: adhd, i'll just quote you: "ahhggh not sure if any of this makes sense lol, getting my thoughts out of my adhd brain is difficult." i hope i'm making sense at all 😂

thank you so much for this ask! if anything, it's motivated me to take this drastic action of writing it ALONE since puck is going to be busy at least till january.

#i'd love to hear your further thoughts! #also thanks so much for the whole 'breaking stereotypes' stuff you said #which is what we've aimed for when writing this fic <3 #it means a lot especially coming from someone who's worked as a sw! #so thank you <3 #also really thanks for the ask #it cranked the old machine into spinning #into a slow spin but eh a spin still #incidentally i now have time to write but i'm also suffering from an eye infection that makes looking at a screen D i f f i c u l t #literally been like this for a year. there's ALWAYS something. ugh #anonymous #answered #ten minutes #fic comment #bless u mate <33

[doubleddenden]

So, day 1 with Digimon Survive

It's a fun experience. It's not quite what I'm used to from the franchise or from games in general, but it is fun and new yet... nostalgic somehow. I mean aside from Agumon and the rest of the typecast characters. There's something about the game itself that feels new but also reminds me of something long forgotten. Probably just that I've been waiting 4 damn years for it.

But anyway, so far the whole "70% VN 30% TRPG" thing isn't too inaccurate? But I'd say it's more 60/40. There's definitely room for battles when you're given the chance, but the beginning is pretty long. The Tutorial for battle is quick but the Tutorial for exploration and dialog choices is about a couple of hours long

As far as story, it's both typical and not typical for Digimon at all. 8 kids at a summer camp get trapped in another world, including resident goggle head, a brother and his younger sibling, the responsible one, etc- but this has a supernatural, vaguely religious and terrifying twist to it. Literally in the tutorial you see these devs aren't playing around with one of the most horrifying ways for a character to die- and again, this is the tutorial, maybe 10 minutes in.

The story and Characters are unsurprisingly going to carry the game for the most part. I mentioned that they're typecast pretty similarly to the Adventure cast, but they're not quite the same. Takuma is a lot more calm and chill than Tai, and his personality is more liquid, depending on choices. I think my favorite of the bunch is Minoru, who is somewhat a mix of Mimi, Sora, and Tai at the same time and is brimming with personality and meme potential. The best Digimon though is Aoi's partner, Labramon, who exhibits all of the expected traits of a doggo that loves you after just meeting you and having severe separation anxiety. I would like to push Ryo into a mud puddle though- he's a realistic character, mind you, but he's tsundere and a coward at the same time, which just makes him annoying.

There's choices to be made, but I'm not quite sure how they affect the story just yet. But they pop up depending on how much time you spend with a character, at points in the story to decide whether you fight or run, etc.

Because my friend keeps asking about monster taming elements in it compared to Cyber Sleuth- I would strongly advise to curb your expectations. For one, there's only 117 monsters in the game vs close to 400 in CS and HM. That, and recruiting is more like an SMT game, but a bit easier imo so far. I haven't gotten too deep yet, but I believe the evolution tree is also a lot more tailored to specific monsters and smaller.

As for the Visual Novel experience, it's not too hard to get into and there's actual gameplay elements too. Also there's a lot of voice acting (no dub) and the characters are actually animated in some places, so it's a bit like playing an anime.

Overall with first impressions, I'm very impressed. I was a little worried I wouldn't be into this, but it's not hard to pick up at all. But it is a lot of reading- I'm surprised that I'm actually okay with it sense I usually hate reading (I think the enlarged letters help a bunch), but if you're one of those people that complained about too much text in the Story games, you're gonna have a bad time. Like a REALLY bad one.

As far as my own gripes, I wish BAMCO would fire their localizers and get a new one, because every fucking game from them has sloppy typos or errors that would easily be fixed if they spent a little more time scanning for errors, and Survive is no exception- granted its not a ton so far, but it really takes me out of it when I have to stop and decipher what was meant. I can't remember an exact instance, but one was something like "He is ain't going there," but more complicated and harder for me with a reading disability to decipher.

Another gripe is that the game has long load times- which I thought would be fixed by swapping to a Switch cartridge instead of a PS4 disc, but nope. It's not Sonic 06 levels long, but still pretty irritating.

Then there's a lack of polish to controls. They work fine, but you'll definitely feel that using the stick in combat to set directions could be better.

But other than this, there's a lot, and I mean a LOT of soul here. They're taking a very different approach here compared to usual, but it's fun and I'd ask anyone on the fence to give it it's fair chance. In fact, if you would as a personal favor, consider at the least adding it to your wishlists so BAMCO will see the interest the west has in their games. Their marketing has been atrocious and they don't treat the series with the same respect they do towards their other games, so if more interest is generated, they'll follow the money!

Please give it a shot! I'm going to hold off on rating it because I'm only in part 1, but it's fun so far.

#digimon #digimon survive #doubled plays games #den reviews stuff

[lenasai]

rating my blaseball works on the parker scale

a little under a week ago, i made a post detailing a 1-5 metric for evaluating the amount of knowledge of various aspects of blaseball asked of a reader to understand the events and narrative driving the work. this can be anything from actual game mechanics and plot events to character/team lore.

tl;dr explanation: a rating of 1 means you can understand it with little to no prior knowledge of blaseball, a rating of 3 means the average blaseball fan should be able to understand what's going on, and a rating of 5 means the reader should be well-versed in the subject in order to understand the work properly. this refers to prior knowledge assumed of the reader. if the events are somehow explained in the text or in a beginning/end note, it can justify a lower rating.

for the purpose of self-evaluation and to provide examples of what i personally would consider something that falls under each rating, i will be rating my own fics below the cut. you don't have to be familiar with my writing - i'll give an explanation of why i gave it the rating i did.

so, here we go! i'll rate them in chronological order.

---

that which you cannot kill - 3

reasoning: this is an example of a work which has its rating lowered by an explanation of the events at the beginning. even if you didn't know anything about the second wyatt masoning, the excerpt from the season 14 blaseball beat explaning the details in full is at the beginning. additionally, max and ivy's names are color coded in the blaseball beat excerpt so you know who's who when they speak individually.

while it does help to know a little bit about the characters before going into it, this isn't absolutely necessary to understanding what's going on. additionally, there are some bits of team lore included, these are not central to the plot and aren't required knowledge.

---

blasetober 2021 (poetry collection) - 4

reasoning: it's hard to rate a collection of short poems as a whole, but this covers a lot of characters and their individual stories, as well as plot events and individual games. without the character tags to serve as a guide for who/what each individual poem is about, you're kind of going off vibes. these were initially posted individually on discord and had a background included with each one, which is not present in the collective work published to ao3. however, even without the background knowledge, it's mostly possible to just vibe with poetry, so it's not a solid 5.

---

snippets from the immaterial plane (poetry collection) - 4

reasoning: same as above re: rating a poetry collection as a whole. however, here i would like to provide examples of individual poems that would fit each rating:

-salmon: 1 (you don't need to know anything about blaseball to vibe with this one. hell, you could read it as being about actual salmon and still get the vibe.)

-a soul is a heavy burden: 2 (even if you're unfamiliar with chorby soul's story, it's a pretty basic rundown of what happened to them. the reader should have a basic understanding of what happens to players who are brought back from the dead and perhaps also consumers, but it's still pretty easy to vibe with this one imo)

-save situation: 3 (this assumes knowledge of the season 24 earlsiesta. italicized lines are taken directly from parker macmillan iiiii's speech. it also indirectly references the coin and the original parker macmillan. basically, if you know the general plot of season 24, you should be able to get this one.)

-on knives and how to use them: 4 (there's a bit more background knowledge required here, but context clues can help with that. the season 15 day 37 garages vs. lovers game is directly referenced, and looking through the character tags listed at the top would probably help the reader figure out max is the speaker. if you know the "you" in the poem is nan, and you know what happened on s15d37, then it becomes easier to understand.)

-fourteen days: 5 (the only context clues here might come from carefully looking at the character tags, which would indicate this poem is about mike townsend and jaylen hotdogfingers. however, that's about it. in order to really get what's going on, the reader would need to know about jaylen's season 17 career, in which she was on the rotation next to mike townsend for fourteen days before being involved in a feedback swap on s17d15. there is also reference to a game involving betsy trombone and pitching machine getting into a fight, which probably only hits as a funny moment if you know that's what it's about. basically, most people who aren't garages fans familar with the characters and their backstories might miss out on this one.)

---

don't forget them when they're gone - 3

reasoning: this one is pretty easy to understand with an average knowledge of blaseball (specifically, short circuits.) many of the plot events show the first two short circuits playing out. knowing the backstories of any of the three main characters isn't necessary here, as all of the relevant parts are explained in some detail during the story.

---

lucky number 81 (what if) - 4

reasoning: this one would be a solid 5 without the end note. it references a lot of election results and very specific "what if" scenarios (hence the title) that get explained in an end note.

---

the merry exit (un?)memorial dimension traveling club - 3

reasoning: the beginning note explains this fic is about merry exit meeting the version of themself from the tutorial game (which is currently unavailable on the actual website, so the reader can't currently go looking for that knowledge prior to reading.) it's not impossible to understand without knowing what happened in the tutorial game because it gets explained at some point, which is the only thing keeping me from giving it a higher rating. if you have a basic understanding of short circuits, even without knowing what happened during the tutorial game, it should still be understandable.

---

ghost stories - 2

reasoning: honestly, i think even if you don't know much about ken loser and the klongs, this one's solid vibes. it does help to know about those things, though.

---

hold on, you'll live to play again - 3

reasoning: even though it's not finished (i'll write the last chapter eventually, i promise lmao) i don't expect to write anything that's gonna give it a higher rating. it does help to know a little bit about the characters, but it's not absolutely essential to understanding the story because their situation is briefly explained at the beginning. while there is a bit of core mechanics lore included in the story, it's not required knowledge and is mostly there for worldbuilding purposes. the first chapter loosely follows the s20d111 steaks vs. mechs game, which the reader also does not need to be familiar with.

---

ashes, dust, and other reminders of what once was - 3

reasoning: the reader is mostly just expected to have a general understanding of the vault and legendary players. the fic follows chorby soul from season 18 to the semi-centennial. you can be just as confused as they are and learn about parker macmillan along with them if you're not familar with the later part of the expansion era.

---

the tragedy of the fire eater - 3

reasoning: probably doesn't make much sense if you don't know about the fire eater modifier and what it does. it could take on a different interpretation if you want to include the fact that incineration attempts are not related to fire eater at all (perhaps the idea that they're protecting their teammates is just an illusion)

---

so uh...yeah. if you read all of this, thanks. here is a cookie because you deserve it 🍪

(also if you're interested in stuff i wrote, i have a tag for that!)

#i'm not putting this in the tag #original text post do not steal

[suckishima]

Kim!! I have a gripe disguised as a question! The season 4 English dub is out, and the Miya twins don't have even a twinge of a southern/country boy accent. I am more than a little disappointed. I understand Japanese dialects cannot be mapped one-to-one to American ones, but given that class and privilege discrepancy is a major theme in Haikyuu, I would think that giving the twins an accent that USAmericans tend to view as "lazy" (since from what I've read that's how Kansai dialect is viewed) would have been a great move. What are your thoughts, if any?

Hi Moth!! I haven't watched any of the s4 dub, but I am actually a little surprised too that there isn't any accent change for the twins (and I'm assuming Inarizaki in general too), especially when I've watched a few interviews of the Japanese voice cast talking about how important it was to them to get the Kansai dialect right, and how both the sub and manga translation make a good effort to try and portray the difference in written English.

The subtlety of the class/privilege discrepancy is one of my favorite things about Haikyuu, and about the Karasuno vs. Inarizaki match as a whole, because I feel like it really does add a lot of depth and atmosphere and just, realism to the series and the hard work we see Karasuno put in. Like, the matches against Shiratorizawa and Inarizaki always had a fundamentally different feel to me, despite the fact that both teams are portrayed as behemoths of skill. But they way they're portrayed gives off a different impression of each of them, with us being told that Shiratorizawa is the ultimate powerhouse of stability while we also get a grand tour of their academy with its horses and multiple gyms and dedicated volleyball club buses, but then the way Inarizaki's level of class is shown to the audience is much more subtle (partly, imo, because their level of privilege is closer to Karasuno's and since they're our primary POV, there aren't as many differences to point out to our lead characters). Despite Inarizaki's skills as a team being told to us as being relatively on par with Shiratorizawa (they've got one of the top 5 aces in the country with Aran, and Ukai even compares him directly to Ushijima a few times I believe), they feel much scrappier—they aren't an academy, but just a regular high school, and they get identifiers like "the ultimate challengers" (again, something Karasuno is also called), and unlike Shiratorizawa, they don't seem to have a signature "time-tested" playstyle to maintain. And for me (even though I personally can't actually hear the difference when listening to the anime), the emphasis of their dialect in the text of the manga/subs adds to this portrayal. Of course, accents and dialects don't actually have any bearing or indication on work ethic, intelligence, or necessarily even class, but based on my (albeit very limited) understanding of Japanese culture, the average Japanese viewer would hear the Kansai dialect and it would add to that portrayal as well.

So I am a little bummed that viewers that only watch the English dub will be missing out on that aspect of their portrayal, especially because the class discrepancies in Haikyuu are already so subtle. I personally consider it a fairly major theme that drives and shapes a lot of the course of the narrative, but it is pretty subtle—the audience is never once directly told anything about Karasuno, or any of the other schools, being less well-off than others (the closest thing I can think of are the quick scenes of Yachi overhearing Takeda needing more funding so the team can get a bus), so my best guess as for why the dub wouldn't bother to give the Inarizaki players a different accent is because of that subtleness. That, and also probably because of what you mentioned about accents/dialects not being one-to-one translations/comparisons and it's probably just easier for the studio to avoid any potential negativity and leave out the differences entirely.

#i feel like i got a bit off track and im not entirely sure i answered your question lol but overall i agree #even though i think there could be some issues with giving them southern accents in the dub i think overall something is definitely lost in #translation by not giving any indication that they speak differently. and i think that's just kinda the nature of translating unfortunately #hq #hq meta #ask #mothric

[doberbutts]

Gotcha! Thanks for the advice!

What are your favorite places to research various breeds if you have any?

In the end I'll probably strongly consider hiring your friend when I get closer to being ready tho! I didn't even know that was a thing you could do, that's awesome!

When I was a little kid I used to read breed books, like just pages and pages and pages of lists of different breeds and their descriptions and little things about them. I have two big text-book sized copies on my bookshelf still to this day. Probably an outdated way of doing things but you can always look up breed lists off registry websites (in the US, the AKC and UKC probably are the best bet for that) and start reading from there.

Once you figure out a breed or a handful of breeds, my next suggestion is always the breed club/s responsible for the breeds. A lot of people think it's "the AKC" that determines what breeds do what but it's actually usually the breed club's job. For instance the AKC has nothing to do with the requirement for dobermans to be cropped and docked in the ring- that is 100% on the breed club responsible for the breed, the DPCA [doberman pinscher club of america]. The AKC has no hand in this and just follows what the DPCA tells them to do. Rarely does it work the other way around. So once you have a breed in mind, it's important to keep up with the breed club so you can have a good idea of what's expected. Most breed club websites have lists for breed specific events, breeders that are members of the breed club, resources for new buyers, information on history and health and temperament, and more! Some breed clubs imo are better for newbies than others so it really can depend on what breed you're interested in.

Some breeds also have multiple breed clubs! In the US there is the DPCA but also the UDC (united doberman club) which is its own registry that exists separately from AKC. Often times breeds with enough members will form smaller, local versions of their breed clubs as well- these people are usually members of the larger, national breed clubs and hold breed specific events more localized to a specific area. For instance there is the GSMDCA (greater swiss mountain dog club of america) but in my local area there is also SCONE (swissy club of new england) which is filled with GSMDCA members that host swissy events localized to New England. This is to make it easier for folks like us, newbies within breeds that are looking for breed-specific events but maybe can't fly all the way to the other side of the country for a dog show.

I also recommend finding as many breed books and especially breed history books as possible on your chosen breed! You can learn some really interesting things by doing this, things that may be lost to time otherwise.

Often once you have put in some amount of effort to research, most people within a breed are eager for new blood because they recognize the old guard is dying, so they will be more than happy to mentor you directly so you can learn more!

[narahairline]

how to u stucture ur comics? and would it be okay if i studied it?

hiya!! <33 that would be absolutely fine with me, yeah!!

to be fair tho there's is no actual technique or anything involved 😭 i'm too lazy to actively study professional works or read guides lol orz

i'll type up a little bit about my (fairly unstructured) process below tho!! <3

if it's a longer comic i'll first write up a short script! nothing fancy, just dialogue with a few pointers on characters' actions the img below is my script for this comic :-)

next i sketch out specific moments and try to structure them in a way they'd fit pages of equal size. if it's a shorter comic/i dont write a script i just start with this step lol.

i know there's things to watch out for with panel layout, amount of panels per page, etc but i just go by gut feeling 😭 and even if you're someone who likes to follow tips and guides, always remember to play around, bend rules and just have fun with it!!

there are three things about structuring tho that i do think are helpful and easy to keep in mind!

the same character should stay on the same side of the panel (e.g. during conversations), just makes it easier to follow imo

plan your speech bubbles as a part of the panel!! theyre just as important as characters, action lines, sound effects, backgrounds, etc.! if you neglect them until you've finalized the panel you'll most likely end up with a cluttered panel that's hard to read something i find helpful here is (if you're working digitally) to actually type and position your text before you get started on the linework cant count the times i've positioned my text and noticed that i've left way too little space for the coresponding speech bubble LOL

try to keep panels evenly spaced, the reader's eye can easily be led by how far apart individual panels are! i don't think the below comic is an ideal example LOL but by leaving bigger/smaller spaces between panels you can divide the page into sections. its not always necessary imo but does help with pacing, especially with single page comics

aaand.. that’s pretty much all the layout work/structuring i do LOL

as for my entire process from script to finished page(s), i actually recorded a timelapse of the first comic i mentioned! a rough breakdown of my steps would be:

write script

sketch out important panels/panels i just really wanna include lol

organize panel sketches in pages

ink panel borders

type/position text

(send to friend for beta reading and hope my english is somewhat comprehensible, edit text)

ink speech bubbles

ink characters

ink backgrounds

hand letter sound effects

block out colors (i usually divide into background, characters and speech bubbles at this point)

figure out color scheme/technique on one page (just a lot of trial and error in my case LOL, trying to see how much/little color i wanna use, which color scheme, if i wanna shade, use screentones, etc.)

color rest of pages

done!

professionals do not perceive me pls thx

i hope this helped somewhat!! if you have any other questions feel free to shoot me a message! 🌼

#a #me bullshitting my way through art: haha sure hope nobody notices me bullshitting my way through this

[sawtual]

wow thanks! that was a really in depth post about it you make good points! when I played I definitely got the sense that monika had encouraged sayori to kill herself and I didn’t get the sense of any remorse when natsuki or yuri died or got fucked up but I guess u do make some good points there about how she was just trying to make them less desirable rather than kill them. I’m new to the game and the fandom so im not super familiar with everything yet but is there anything in the canon or lore that points away from monika having pushed sayori to commit suicide or is it mostly just fan theories and personal readings? either way thank u so much for answering!

yes i can absolutely find you some info on that!

there's quite a bit of information hidden within the games files, so I'm kind of assuming if you're new to the game, that you might not have seen these things? so ill dive into them too!

I'm gona do this under the cut so i can like, dissect things from the game !

(also i found stuff thats specifically pointing away from her meaning actual harm/death for Both yuri and sayori, jsyk)

iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii.txt (discovered in game files during act 2)

“All I want is for you to hate them. Why is that so hard.”

not, all i want for them is to die. she doesnt want to kill them. she wants to separate us from them so we are with Her, not them. things spiral out of control, but it was never her intention for things to get this bad. ntm its repeated over and over in this game how badly monika wants to die. she's hanging on by a thread, keeping on only because she wants to be with us, to be in contact with reality. this leads to really unfortunate circumstances but i really strongly believe everything in the text alludes to the fact she did Not want things to get this bad

ACT 3 INTRO:

(im copy pasting a transcript of the monologue here, but this is taken from the very beginning of act 3, which you can see in this video starting at 25:56)

imo this is all the proof needed to show that she really had no intention of ‘killing’ sayori and yuri. things spiraled out of control far beyond what she was capable of handling. 

her goals with making sayori more depressed and yuri more obsessive were, in here words “to just try to make them as unlikable as possible”. she didnt want her friends to brutally die!! she loved them q_q i feel like a lot of people really dont look at this specific part of what she says and take it to heart. its very telling for her character and important for understanding what she does and why she does it

ACT 3 MONOLOGUES:

sayori's hanging (cw: graphic descriptions of suicide)

dialogue of importance:

"I was thinking about Sayori earlier... I still wish I could have handled that whole thing a little more tactfully."

+

"Come to think of it, it was probably less 'changing her mind' and more just her survival instincts kicking in." "So you can't really fault her for that." "It's easier to think that she probably wouldn't have changed her mind anyway, right?" "It's not healthy to think about the things you could have done differently." "So just remember that even though you could have saved her, it's technically not your fault she killed herself." "I may have exacerbated it a little bit, but Sayori was already mentally ill." "Still, though..." "I wonder how things would be if you and I just started dating from the get-go?" "I guess we'd all still be in the clubroom, writing poems and having fun together." "But what's the point when none of it is even real?" "I mean, it's the same ending either way, right?"

ok so whats important here, is monika is essentially using us, the player, as a mirror in act 3? the things she says i believe, very strongly show her sense of uncertainty in her actions, and her fears of what if she could have done something else??

"even though you could have saved her, its technically not your fault she killed herself" reads SO much to me like shes trying to comfort herself with this, she doesnt want it to be her fault. nothings real, sayori's a character in a game. but she wishes so badly they could have just been normal girls living together.

happy end poem

OK SO LIKE. this is actual proof of Why she does everything she does. she's scared if she reaches out and tells us she's trapped in a game, we'll stop playing, we'll kill her. she tinkers with the game, trying to make herself look the best, trying to make us choose her, and nothing works. and this leads to her becoming frustrated and scared, and screwing with the game more and more desperately trying to do anything to save herself.

if you recall, in act 2, she gives you a poem which bluescreen the computer. this was actually an attempt she makes to escape the game q_q she never wanted to kill yuri, she never wanted things to escalate like that. she wanted to get out but she had no idea how to program her way out of the game, resulting in everything crumbling around her, and her friends dying.

my own route

hang on this one genuinely makes me so upset.

it very much relates back to how in the conversation about sayori's suicide, she's still clearly thinking about how things could be Different. shes thinking about how they could be normal. "I may not have needed to take such drastic measures to be with you. Maybe the rest of the club would still be around..." , and then immediately trying to convince herself it doesnt matter, and that she doesnt care.

its so so obvious shes hurting and she misses her friends. the additional "i really dont (miss them)" at the end really shows that shes desperately trying to convince herself that it was worth it, that she did everything she should have, and her friends dont matter. but they clearly do matter to her. she loved them (she couldnt even delete them if u recall)

also another important part about this monologue, a lot of people say she killed the other girls out of jealousy, but this shows thats not true??

"I think I would end up forcing you onto my route anyway." "It has less to do with me not having a route, and more to do with me knowing that nothing is real."

this wasnt because shes 'in love' with us. she wanted to be close to something real, something tangible. she's clinging onto us, the player character, like someone lost at sea with a piece of driftwood, doing everything she can to stay afloat

wine

ok this isnt on the surface level as important as the other ones, but literally look at how she talks about this memory.. she misses them so much and talking about this memory she clearly cherishes brings her so much joy. she doesnt belittle any of them, she doesnt talk down on them, she’s just reliving this memory because it makes her happy 

I HOPE THIS HELPS?? im sure theres a few more things im forgetting, but i did my best to scrabble up everything i could to show how monika’s not an evil mastermind, shes a scared girl who didnt realize what she was doing and when things got too bad, she did her best to fix it, only for it to get worse n worse

edit: oh heres the proof that monika always loved the girls and never actually deleted them

:’)

edit 2: haha.. um ouch

“It’s not right for me to miss things that weren’t even real in the first place.” shes forcing herself to try and ignore her feelings for the other girls

#asks #anon #ddlc #monika #oh i put warnings in the post but also #suicide mention

[librarycards]

Hi! I've really appreciated reading your views on the education system and higher education in general, and I don't exactly have a question about that but I guess I am asking for some tips on reading dense academic text. basically I desperately want to consume this book called Authoring Autism, by Melanie Yegeau published in 2018 but it feels so inaccessible to me as someone who hasn't attended college and learned how to read shit like that. it's about neuroqueerness and neurodivergence as an---

identity presented in a queer theory framework and seems like something that would really be up my alley as a queer/trans autistic person and I guess I'm just pissed that it feels hard. do you have any tips on learning how to read academic text and actually stay interested and enjoy it while readily absorbing the knowledge therein? maybe this is a big ask and not something you really have an answer to, but I'm still curious as to your thoughts on it! thx for reading!

hey! this is a really good question, and you’re right that i don’t have one right answer for you, but i can try to give some of the advice that worked for me.

first off, on academic texts and specifically on the yergeau, which i’ve read & adore –– they’re often hard, and authoring autism is dense; this stuff is harder when you aren’t practiced in engaging these type of texts. this is actually my first recommendation –– practice! the *only* reason i feel accustomed to spending time with dense scholarly work is because i’ve done it a ton of times before and i have a plan. there are definitely different degrees of difficulty in various texts, too; you, for example, might want to start with liat ben-moshe or margaret price in terms of Mad/critical ND studies, as i think both are easier accesspoints than yergeau’s highly specific (and also largely unfamiliar to me) rhetoric studies language.

but, yeah. practice! it’s helpful on several levels to start with the seminal texts, not least because there’s also a ton of work by other people elucidating them, and often study guides and questions to help you figure out what’s going on. for example, i’m in a reading group tackling the entirety of Capital this term, which is incredibly challenging for someone (me) unfamiliar with economic theory -- luckily, there are a ton of study guides out there, lectures, videos, and more experienced people in the group to explain terms to me, and i find myself better and better able to understand Marx through all these different interlocutors. even “in my field,” like, you’d best believe i’m reading derrida with at least 3 other tabs open at any given time to cross-check and make sure i’m Getting It. 

also, there’s the fact that yergeau themself is building on multiple traditions, but especially w/in queer theory –– these are way easier to get and get through quickly having built up knowledge of heavy hitters like butler, foucault, sedgwick, halberstam (who is cancelled but unfortunately still important in the field), and others. i know some professors of queer studies/gender studies have syllabi up online for intro courses, i’d check out some of those, as well as the bibliography of Authoring Autism, for an idea of who you can read with before turning back to yergeau.

reading shorter chapters, essays, and articles feels more doable in one go than a whole book, and you have a better sense early on of what an argument is going to be (check the abstract and the end of the intro for a “roadmap”). from here, it might be easier to work up to an entire work. with whole books, especially if the topic is unfamiliar, spend a lot of time with the intro, take notes on the structure and organization of the book, the methodology, the examples the author notes from the jump, the terminology they lead with -- taking notes in general is CRUCIAL imo, and having a little base of keywords and ideas to move through the rest of the chapters with is so helpful. also, the intro will have a little summary of every chapter as well as the main argument of the text, which is helpful if you feel lost anywhere in the middle. remember that most of these academic books are composites: they’re built out of dissertations and collections of papers and presentations first given separately. they’re bound for a reason, but can usually be read as standalones.

so we have practicing, chunking, and note-taking so far. i’d also go a step further with the note-taking: a helpful assignment i’ve had in the past is to write a precís, or a general summation of what a text is about, what is it doing, what arguments the author is making, etc, for a given book. these are no more than a paragraph or two. i believe in the saying that “if you can teach it, then you really know it,” and that principle also works for the precís -- if you can get a book down to its bare necessities, it means you really know what it’s doing. think after each chapter you read, could i write a precís on this? can i use 5-7 sentences to sum up what the author is doing? if it feels jumbled, go back to your notes, go back to your highlighted sections, and try again –– and remember that every time you re-read is NOT (NOT!!!!!!!!!!! EVER!!!!!!!) a sign of incompetence, but rather a dedication to the author’s work and a respect for their time and knowledge. 

i really want to stress that. struggle, reengagement, rereading, changing perspective....these are very, very good things. necessary. it is completely normal and healthy to have a hard time with scholarly work, even work about one’s own experience. contrary to what a lot of people assume, just because a book is in [ x ] studies doesn’t mean [ x ] is going to understand it; this often comes as a rude awakening when people enter queer studies classes believing it to be an easy A simply because they also happen to be queer. these fields are built on decades / centuries of intellectual tradition that no one inherently Knows, any more than being part of a lineage means you know every single person in your family. what really matters here is a curiosity and dedication to take up a text day after day with the same critical, compassionate eye with which you took up the project of neuroqueer self-determination that brought you here.

lastly, relatedly (and most challengingly for me): accept that you’re never going to understand 100% of anything, ever. as a professor of mine says, give up the patriarchal, colonial desire to “master” a text, to make it submit to you its full, transparent meaning. not only is it not going to happen, but it’s a violent relationship to have with knowledge, both to yourself and your “object.” learning is a lifelong process (hence the importance of re-reading) and Authoring Autism, etc. will stick around regardless of when you’re able to tackle it and in what capacity. i definitely relate to the anger and frustration at feeling “incompetent” in the face of a difficult text, but i try to reframe it as an opportunity to learn, like i’m on a new date and listening to someone tell me about their life for the first time. i won’t get it all on the first try but if it catches my interest, i’ll stick around.

idk if any of this was helpful, and please feel free to message with any other qs, i’m really really really really passionate about ensuring scholarly work is available to those outside the academy & that everyone has the opportunity to engage with it so please consider me a resource in all regards!!

#ask #mosslibrary #ref #academia

[gamesception]

So, the Infinity Train is bad, right? Not the show, the show is great, but the train itself within the show.

Spoilers, below.

Including spoilers for the end of season 3.

Like, ok, it's trying to help people work through emotional problems and maladjusted/antisocial personality traits.  Benevolent intentions, at least when humans are concerned, seem sincere enough.  And sure, it worked for Tulip & Jesse.  But while maybe not deliberately malicious, the train is trying to serve a moral function with an automated, amoral system that doesn’t work and is fundamentally inhumane.

Especially to the denizens it creates.  However artificial they may be, seasons 2 and 3 especially make clear that they are fully realized actual people, and the train just makes them up on a whim and suborns their entire existence to the passenger's personal growth. Life for a lot of denizens is pretty horrific. Not just Lake being hunted, but kick-me toad, the wind guy, several denizens seem created to suffer an existentially nightmarish existence so that their suffering can teach some passenger a moral. Even the ones that aren't created to suffer still face perpetual risk from ghoms, passengers, & other dangers of the train, and are still trapped in a single car, or risk being forever separated from that home by the movement of cars if they ever leave it. Even if the system works to help humans, creating an entire subordinate class of fully sapient creatures and then treating them as expendable tools in furtherance of that goal is kind of horrific & bad?

And that's before you consider that therapy train isn't even very good at what it does. Like, looking at the memory tapes we've seen, the things that land people on the train aren't that bad? Like, they're bad and all, but they're still things that people can and do work through and overcome in the plain old regular ass world. None of that shit seems like stuff that would be easier to work through with the help of isolation from human contact and regular mortal peril. The success rate among characters we've met isn't especially high, and one one himself has admitted that, statistically, passengers are more likely to die than they are to get their numbers to zero and get off the train.

Which would be bad enough if the passengers were adults, but most of them are little children! Which, like, of course. Because whatever inhuman system is choosing the passengers seems to key in on self centered behavior and uncontrolled emotional outbursts as criteria for passengers, and sure those are signs of maladjustment in adults, but they're also just normal conditions of children and young teens who are still developing socially and emotionally?

In season one, it could be readily imagined that the train only picked up people who were otherwise going to die. Tulip ran off into the snowy night in Wisconsin & easily could have frozen if not picked up by the train. Amelia, standing next to the tracks before the train even appeared, seemed like she could have been contemplating suicide. And based on that reading, the risk of death is slightly more forgivable. But implied in season 2 and explicitly in season 3, the train can pick up anyone at any time, so yeah, you could easily imagine a kid lashing out from some traumatic abuse they can’t process ending up on the train to become monster food when without the train some teacher or counselor could have intervened to actually help them.

We don't get to see Simon's backstory before the train, but according to the numbers, it wasn't as bad as what happened to Grace, and wasn't all that far removed from Tulip's issues with her parents. Could any bad thing he did before entering the train have justified the traumas he was subjected to from the moment he got there?  Did he really have a better chance on the train than he would have had off of it? Yeah, he made his choices, I'm not saying he "didn't deserve" his fate, but how did any of the stuff he went through constitute helping him?  Not all of this can be blamed on Amelia’s usurpation of the train.  Even without One One, Tulip shows that the train was more or less working as normal outside of the cars Amelia directly tampered with, and even after One One was back as conductor, the dangers of the train - from flecs to ghoms to laval moles - were still very real.

And if the train wasn’t helping Simon, that only makes all the suffering that it allowed various denizens to experience at his hands by abducting him in the first place all the more unforgivable, since there was never a point to him being on the train at all. Unless he was only there to serve Grace's growth?  There’s not a lot of reason to think that, but it is a possibility since without Simon reflecting her worst actions back to her, Grace might never have grown in the way she did.  Was that an accident, or intentional on the train’s part, with Simon’s fate an acceptable cost of Grace’s redemption?  If it was that would only be worse, since then the train then wouldn’t just be failing to recognize that it's own creations matter as much as humans that exist apart from it, it's also actively choosing to damn some humans to save others.  Either the train is dangerously incompetent, or actively malicious here.

Or consider the flecs, the ‘mirror police’ antagonists for most of season 2. I doubt many felt bad for them when they died. After all, they chose to become flecs, and chose to repeatedly try to murder Lake just for wanting her own life.  Unlike Simon we don't see a string of humanizing traumas driving them towards those choices. But did they actually choose any of that?

In s2e8, Mace questions not just Lake's existence, but the entire existence of the mirror world, implying that their memories and personalities are as artificial as their bodies, constructs created by the train to teach a passenger a lesson. He drives the questions at Lake, but the same reasoning could be applied to him. Did Mace become a flec after his prime died, or are those memories fake, and he was always a flec, created by the train to be a villain in a little morality play for Tulip's & later Jesse's benefit? Did Mace ever really have the choice to be anything other than the monster he was? And even if he did, would that absolve the train of a measure of guilt in creating Mace to be that monster in the first place? Did the train intend for him to catch and kill Lake after Tulip & Jesse had returned home, cleaning up loose ends? One One seemed to jump at the chance to let Lake off the train once her trick of reflecting Jesse's number provided an adequate excuse, but before that he also seemed perfectly willing to go with Sieve's suggestion of resolving the conflict by just killing her.

Again, that’s not to say the flecs didn’t deserve their fates, or that it was wrong of Lake to kill them.  Mace in particular questioned the entire purpose and reality of the mirror world, which means he had the self awareness and philosophical insight needed to question and reject the role the train had created him for, and even while dying he instead chooses to use that insight as just another way to vindictively deny Lake’s person-hood. He chooses to be every bit the monster he was created to be, and Sieve makes the same choice even seeing the fate that it led Mace to.  They didn’t “deserve better”, but them choosing to embrace their predetermined villainous roles doesn’t reduce the train’s accountability for creating them to fill those roles in the first place.

So yeah, Trauma Train is a fantastic show - imo s2 is still the best, but s1 and s3 are both very solid. But within that show the train itself is a dangerously negligent therapist and a willfully unjust deity, and if Infinity Train does get future seasons I hope that aspect gets further explored and deconstructed.  And I think it will be.  Like, I don’t think any of this analysis is an unintended edgy dark reading for the heck of it.  Season one could have left you with a neutral or positive impression of the train, but the fundamental systemic injustice of the train is, like, the explicit text of season 2, and while Lake managed to trick her way free, the underlying system she fought to free herself from is still in place in season 3.

That said, I kind of hope one way or the other that the show is done with grizzly on-screen deaths. There's a lot of good lessons for kids in the show, important stuff about handling life changes, dealing with grief, the importance of self identity & self determination. And much like the train is a bad therapist for trying to traumatize its victims into self improvement, the show becomes a bad vehicle for the lessons it's trying to teach if the scenes of shocking violence are what stick most firmly in younger viewers memories.

#infinity train #spoilers #infinity train spoilers #call out post #for a fictional mass transit system