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prodigal-explorer · 4 months

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my roleplay information/application!

hey guyssss, so like i'm kinda desperate for rp partners so i'm just gonna try my luck here and see if any of y'all are interested in rping with me! feel free to read through this information and message me if you are interested!! as long as you meet my requirements, i would love to rp with you!!

basic information

i am 18 (19 in a few weeks) and i'm okay rping with any age, but i will not rp anything relating to nsfw with a minor. not even implied nsfw, it's just very uncomfortable. but if you're 18+, i'll rp anything on this list with you!

i only rp semi-lit/descriptive. this means at least five sentences, detailed responses that aren't just surface level. it's hard to respond to stuff that's lazy, so please please please just put in the effort if you want high quality responses in return!

the fandoms i roleplay are sanders sides, undertale, your turn to die, and omori. i dabble in oc rp, but it's not very common for me since i don't really have many ocs that i like enough to rp with.

my favorite types of roleplay are heavy angst and whump. i love really dark concepts, and it's rare that i won't do something that's dark and angsty. i struggle with concepts that are just fluff because i prefer rps with a lot of conflict and struggle.

my only triggers are constant discussion about body type/comparing body types and descriptive talk of medical needles. other than that i will do literally anything lol.

i am filipino-american, audhd, physically disabled, and i love to incorporate these aspects of my identity into the characters i play. if you don't like that, we probably won't make very good rp partners.

i hate hate HATE poking. please don't remind me of the rp after ten minutes of me not responding. please don't remind me of the rp after ten HOURS of me not responding. i know it exists, i just need time to reply. if you nag me about responding, i probably will wait even longer to reply because it's intimidating.

i love to chat oorp! feel free to leave a silly message, even if it has nothing to do with rp!

scroll all the way to the bottom of the post if you want to see writing examples!! below are just specific tidbits of information pertaining to each fandom i rp!

sanders sides specific information

the main side i love to play is roman. i will always want to play roman in every single tss rp, he's just me, he's my number one homie, my favorite character of all time.

i can also play any of the other sides, but my characterization for them is not as solid as roman.

i don't really like patton in roleplays unless he's a minor character or an antagonist/villain. i am very good at playing patton as a villain, but i don't really like playing him in any other context. i have so many aus where patton is a villain or antagonist, so if that's your jam, you've come to the right place!

i will do mindscape or human aus, i love both!

i am okay with ocs but i will not do canon side x female oc. it just makes me very uncomfortable to ship sides with female characters.

some of my favorite ships are roceit, prinxiety, logince, anaroceit, analogical, intrulogical, and loceit.

the only ships i WILL NOT do are moxiety, royality, moceit, logicality, intruality, and remrom. every other ship, i'm completely okay with.

i love rping as remy or emile picani!!

i have SO MANY IDEAS for this fandom. like literally hundreds of aus. so please message me if you want to rp anything with angst, or drama, or anything like that because i have SO MUCH.

undertale specific information

so fun fact i'm actually kind of bad at undertale rp.

it's not that i'm awful i just don't have a lot of experience, but i'm working on it!

the main characters i like to play are papyrus, undyne, alphys, toriel, asgore, and gaster.

i can also play asriel/flowey, sans, frisk, mettaton, grillby, and chara if necessary.

i am totally fine with ocs, bring them on!

i don't really like rps with the au sans stuff? nothing against it, i just don't really know much about it and in the nicest way possible i don't really care. i prefer to stick with canon and prequel/sequel aus instead of aus that change up the characters' personalities and stuff.

my favorite undertale au of all time is handplates i have so many thoughts about it and i would love to rp it!

i love angsty rps but undertale is actually one of the only fandoms where i love to rp fluff for it. undertale is just such a goofy game and i love emulating that style of humor in rp!

ships i enjoy are soriel, papyton, alphyne, sansby, and whatever the ship name for alphys x gaster is?

the only undertale ships i WILL NOT rp are anything involving the child characters (frisk, chara, asriel, monster kid), and anything that ships undyne with a guy. i'm also not a huge fan of asgore x toriel but i'll do it if you really want me to!

your turn to die specific information

i am so new to rping in this fandom but i really want to anyway!! trust, i know all the lore, i just need some solid experience!

my favorite characters to play are jou, reko, nao, gin, kai, shin, hiyori, and sara.

i will play q-taro, mishima, or alice if necessary!

i am very bad at keiji, i don't think i can play him well.

i love canon and au roleplays equally! i would love to do either way!

i like pretty much all the ships, it would be easier to list ships i don't like.

i don't like any ships that involve the little kids (kanna, gin, hinako), any ships with a huge age gap (especially sara x keiji), and shin x hiyori. it's just...no.

omori specific information

i am very new to the fandom, so please have mercy on me if i get something wrong lol!

my favorite characters to play are kel, hero, aubrey, and mari!

i can play sunny if necessary.

i will not play basil. i actually don't like basil being present in roleplays, he's just a character i personally dislike. i'm fine with him showing up occasionally as a minor character, but i just don't like him being a big part of roleplays.

i will roleplay canon and aus! i love both! but bear in mind i am a bit more hesitant to rp ships in canon, but in aus i have zero reservations!

my favorite ships are anything involving sunny, kel, and aubrey being together, but my number one otp is hero x mari!

the only ships i WILL NOT do are ships that have basil in them, especially basil x sunny or basil x kel. they just don't sit right with me personally.

i don't really know much about the minor characters of the game...i might need a bit of guidance if you want to use a character that isn't a part of the main six! but i am completely fine with it as long as you're okay with me being a bit clueless.

writing samples!!!

The streets were soft, the dusty sidewalks concealed by powdery snow that made Brooklyn look like a wedding. Roman stepped lightly, wondering how high he would have to hold himself to keep his foot from sinking in the snow, ruining the shiny white blanket that protected his bare feet from the cruel asphalt.

His book remained tucked under his jacket, as if it needed protection from the biting wind. Roman didn’t think it was possible for something that carried such beautiful notions and ideas to be unfeeling, so he acted as though there was a beating heart somewhere between the pages. Nobody had ever told him there wasn’t one, so what was the harm in believing if it made the sky feel brighter, and the air feel warmer, and the world feel more connected?

When he came back to the small, tucked-away alley that he and his brothers were currently living in, he was happy to see a little fire that he could warm himself beside while he opened his new book, aching to see what was inside.

"Protect...me?"

Roman was unfamiliar. He was always used to protecting other people. He was tall, graceful and beautiful. Couldn't really throw a punch, but he had a way with his words that could get him absolutely anything he wanted. Including peace. He was used to standing between bullies and victims, seducing with his sweet smile and long eyelashes. Making anybody feel like they've been blessed just looking at him. With his parents always gone, and nobody to hold him during nightmares, Roman had gotten used to holding himself. But now, he just wanted to be protected so badly. He wanted to be truly loved by somebody besides himself.

"Okay..." he whispered, "Okay."

"Oh! Do you guys want to go to that restaurant across the street?" Patton asked, "We performed so well tonight, I think we all deserve a treat! Virgil, you hit that syncopation perfectly, and Janus, that riff was amazing! The crowd went wild for us! Drinks will be on me, as long as you all promise not to drink too much. I'll be the designated driver too. What do you say??"

Of course, this invitation was not extended to Logan. Patton didn't even notice Logan in the area, assuming that he was off sweeping the stage or packing up the van. Patton was the one who decided what everybody did, and he usually gave Logan the grease-work like that. He didn't really care very much about Logan, just because Logan wasn't as close to the group. There wasn't that bond of performing show after show, having fans that requested autographs, being followed and gushed over by paparazzi.

Since Logan was never onstage, nobody knew the face or identity of the man who wrote the songs that all these fans were so crazy about. And Patton sort of preferred it that way. He didn't really like the idea of Logan being a face of their band. Unlike Janus and Virgil, Patton wasn't sure how the public eye would recieve Logan. The man wasn't remotely ugly, but he was rather plain-looking. He tended to blend into the background of the rooms he occupied. He wasn't the type of look one would expect to be in a hugely successful band.

All the others had their "niche". Patton was the sweetheart, the nice one, the innocent one. Virgil was the quiet, brooding, mysterious one. And Janus was the charmer, able to seduce anyone with a wink and a smile. What was Logan? He didn't talk very much, he wasn't particularly nice, brooding, or seductive. Patton didn't like that Logan didn't exactly have an archetype. He didn't quite fit in.

Roman tilted his head with a polite smile and an appropriate amount of interest as Logan disclosed his name. It was nothing familiar to him, but he did think it was a beautiful-sounding name. He always loved when people's first and last names started with the same letter. It felt like a name out of a fairy-tale when it had that feature.

Listening to what Logan was saying, Roman couldn't help but go red, very embarrassed. He was bad at English, but he certainly wasn't stupid. He could tell that Logan was euphemizing heavily in order to preserve Roman's feelings, which made Roman both embarrassed that Logan felt the need to do this, and honored that Logan cared so much about how he felt. It was a really sweet gesture, honestly.

"You write music too?" he asked, very curious. "I would love to sing a song by you wrote. You will...pay me? Money?"

Roman wondered if Logan was offering him a job, or just wanting to have a jam session as friends and colleagues. He would be happy with either option, but he wanted to manage his expectations there and then, so there would be less awkwardness from false assumptions.

Roman looked at it and smiled as he read through the lyrics, his eyes carefully scanning from left to right as he ingested each lyric. His smile only grew.

"It is okay," he said, "I like messy handwriting. It means...it means your brain moves fast, and your hand must hurry to follow. I like this song. I think...I want to sing it. Do you want me to sing here? In front of everyone?"

Roman would definitely be willing to give Logan's song some publicity. And he adored the thrill of singing a song for the first time in front of a whole crowd of people. Roman wasn't the type to get stage fright. The more risky a performance was, the more excited he was to try and execute it. Roman had a bit of a shame deficiency, such was obvious with him singing those lyrics he wrote out loud multiple times.

His eyes were shining with enthusiasm, but also, with gratitude. He was thankful to Logan for the opportunity he had to bring this song to life, this brand new song that no one had ever heard before. The idea that its first breath of auditory life would be coming from Roman's own voice was so romantic that it almost made Roman want to sing it right there and then so he wouldn't have to wait anymore.

#roleplay #sanders sides roleplay #undertale roleplay #yttd roleplay #omori roleplay #sanders sides rp #undertale rp #yttd rp #omori rp #sanders sides #thomas sanders #tss #sanders sides fandom #undertale fandom #yttd fandom #omori fandom

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pencilpat · 6 months

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Sanders Sides: College AU

Part two of this AU! Here are the character sheets for everyone. Both Logan & Janus are transfem in this AU. Prequel, Part 1

Featuring queerplatonic logince and implied future dukeceit!

Janus and Remus have some realizations about each other as they begin to settle into sharing a space. Roman attempts a confession again, with much more success. Virgil and Patton are doing well, and enjoying pulling the strings behind getting their friends together.

3,970 words

CW: brief mention of ableism from a parent, character living in poverty, swearing

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Janus leans against her wall, pinching her eyebrows with a sigh. “So, a whole coffee shop right at your disposal wasn’t enough?”

Remus barely acknowledges her, simply continuing to set up the coffee maker he purchased while she was at school, humming to himself.

“Remus, I don’t even drink coffee. How do you expect this to be of use to me? In my apartment.”

“Ah please, it’s fine! If anything, I’ll just take it with me when I leave!”

“Yeah. Leave.” She pans her gaze over what once was her living room, however small and crappy it was. It’s now covered in folded piles of Remus’s clothing and miscellaneous junk. Sighing, she stumbles out of her crutches to rest them by the door, pressing her weight on the kitchen counter. “Remus…” she begins, but doesn’t even know what to say.

Hell, this is just as strange and surreal as it was last night when she got the text. Remus looks different, older, and healthier, with significantly more piercings and obscene tattoos. She can’t tell if he did them himself or got them done, but they do suit his ‘quirky’ nature. The wisp of a mustache above his lip is now filled out and curled. Him being entirely shirtless when she got home was also a surprise. When he said he needed a place to sleep she had assumed he would be sleeping here and not much else. It makes sense that the twin’s shitty parents got rid of Remus eventually, and the thought makes her pinch her lips together tightly. She observes him working to screw tiny screws into plastic, ashamed as she finds herself eyeing his lean muscular build. She scoffs at herself and walks the rest of the way over. It's just Remus, same idiot as he was in high school – she knows him and how to handle his eccentricity.

“Remus, the instructions call for the bigger screw for that hole-“

“Oh, I bet they do!” Remus chuckles, standing up with his hands on his hips to glare at the machine like it purposefully caused him to pick up the wrong screw. “Everyone’s always looking for a bigger screw aren’t they,” he says, this dramatic, pouting lilt coating the words. She snorts out a small laugh, a sound that seems uncharacteristic for her, yet one that Remus always used to draw forth.

“I’m sure they are with you, maybe,” she says in mock sympathy. Remus stands up straight and gasps at her, mockingly offended.

“Are you only good for witty quips or are you gonna help me build this thing?”

“I don’t drink coffee.”

“Huh, makes sense you don’t have the energy to help then!” Remus sticks his tongue out at her and goes back to his fiddling. She laughs breathily, and walks along the walls to her bedroom, overwhelmed.

She drops against her bed like a sack, muscles aching from a day of walking. She lays against her pillows and listens to her own breathing rasp slightly. Living with the mildew is taking its toll as well, she assumes. She blindly fumbles on her bedside table for the familiar feel of her over-the-counter pain medicine, taking two dry. Too tired to get a drink. Too tired to get up much more at all for the day, most likely.

Ah, but she does have to. She groans. Bananaconda, curse you and your feeding schedule, she grits her teeth, cursing her beloved pet for being so beloved. Her snake’s cage takes up and entire wall of her room pretty much, always present in her mind. She’s one of her main joys in life though, and God damn her if she doesn’t take better care of Banana than herself. She sits up again, giving herself a moment before pulling herself up fully to standing, stumbling over to the minifridge full of mice.

Bananaconda eats very willingly, thankfully, making her life slightly easier in its turmoil. She made sure to stroke her scales gently for a moment a bit before feeding her as well. Anyone who says snakes don’t thrive on affection is an idiot in her eyes. Janus sighs, watching the monthly lump of food slip along her pet’s belly. “I’m jealous of you, baby. If only I could sleep that much.” She laughs at her own murmured words, and half-stumbles half-crawls back to bed.

She’s resolved to study in the morning already when there’s a knock on her door. She hides her face in her pillow and groans. Loudly.

“Janus! There’s a whole horror movie marathon on! Remember watching all those old things? You should come watch!” Before she can say anything, her doorknob is turning. At the very least Remus has the decency to have his eyes covered as he opens the door, but he was seemingly too excited to talk through a door.

“Remus, I’m… very tired right now.”

“Huh? It’s only like 7!”

“Remus, please.” She holds up a hand, trying to pause him. “I… I can’t even get up right now, let alone get to the living room. I’d prefer to rest.”

“Oh.” Remus pauses, blinking behind his hand. “Well, I just know you used to love them a lot. I saw you lookin’ all sad and figured it might cheer you up?”

“Even if I do want to… I can’t get up, ok? I’m sorry, I know it’s annoying and inconvenient and whatever else, I’ve heard it before-“

“Why don’t I just carry you!”

Now that does pause her. “Remus, what?”

“Y’know, pick you up! Er, if you’re decent and all.”

“Yes, I’m decent.”

Remus immediately uncovers his eyes, still seemingly slightly disappointed as she says it. “I can carry you out here! You’re not heavy!”

“What, am I going to grow extra arms to hold on or something?” She can’t help laughing. She’s a grown woman only a few inches shorter than him – he can’t be serious.

He most definitely is, she realizes, as he steps over and begins putting his arms under her legs and back. She lets out a tiny yelp, and is up in the air before she knows it. Thank god the room is dark, because her entire face goes half dark half pink with flush. “Remus!”

Remus just cackles, and starts carrying her into the living room. The lights are also off out here, and she sees in the light of the TV screen that her cabinets have been scoured as there are packets of hot cocoa on the counter along with two mugs. Remus sets her on the pull-out bed with surprising gentleness, and she sees the beginning of the first Scream playing already. Remus goes to the kitchen and comes back with a cream yellow mug held out to her, steam glimmering in the TV light. She accepts it, still a bit breathless. Remus crawls over the bed, careful with his own mug of coffee – coffee, at 7 pm, she notes – and settles beside her. Their backs are pressed onto the backing cushions of the sofa.

She watches his face, glowing excitedly as he blows on his mug. He looks enraptured by a movie she knows he’s seen at least 6 times. It’s bizarrely cute to her, and she refocuses her gaze onto the movie, though not really watching. Was he always like this? She finds it hard to remember. She doesn’t remember being so… taken with him? She used to find him more of an annoying side-piece to the friendship with Virgil and Roman – a jester to their catty monarchy - though he was genuinely good to her and enjoyed being around her. She glances again at his brown eyes, seeming slightly red when lit up. He’s laughing through the first kill of the film, that high pitched cackle he’s always done. She supposes neither of them really knew what it was like to have people enjoy being around you before that little group.

She can’t help a light chuff of a laugh at herself, taking a drink of hot cocoa. What is she thinking about right now? It’s just Remus, that dumb kid from her high school. Any amount of loneliness on her part wouldn’t be a fair reason to tug at his heart, anyways.

Janus does enjoy the cocoa, and the movies – well, the three of them she makes it through. Remus made sure she was laughing and made as many inappropriate jokes as he could. He noticed her drifting to sleep as it got fully dark outside, and didn’t interrupt her, letting her fall to sleep. Her cocoa was fully drunk, and he lets her just… rest, for a while. He’s not an idiot, he did notice how exhausted she looked from the moment she opened the door. His eyes glance away from The Bride of Chucky onto her crutches. She didn’t have those in high school. Flitting back over to her face, Remus sighs out a low breath. Three years is longer than he thought, truly.

The molded apartment and impoverished conditions aren’t… new, for her, either. Virgil brought up to him once, during a panic attack, noticing Janus living in her car through most of the time they’d known her. Of course, himself and his brother were too rich and privileged to notice something like that. He glares at the television spitefully. If he had known, if she had ever mentioned it, if, if, if. Whatever. It’s unchangeable, and now he’s also cut off from that money and lifestyle. Turns out rich actors aren’t fond of ‘schizo’ sons. He shakes his head out from the thoughts as the marathon’s end title pops up, downs the last of his coffee, and then crawls off the bed. It doesn’t feel right to physically move her, so he sets the two blankets and pillow down on the kitchen floor and resolves to sleep there. Faces flit at him from the shadows of a new environment, but he's too at peace to feel distress.

“Heh, night Janus,” he whispers into the silent room. “Enjoy the bed.”

---

Apparently 9 pm on a Friday was the best Logan could manage, as their texts show, and Roman is chugging coffee just in case. Patton and Virgil will not stop being lovebirds in the living room, and Roman seethes over his mug at them from the chair across from the sofa.

“Geeze, Rom, if you glare any harder you might actually put holes in us,” Virgil chuckles, sitting up just slightly, laying against Patton’s chest and stomach. This only makes Roman glare harder at him, and Virgil rolls his eyes. “Roman, dude, it’s ok. We have the plan remember? Subtly clearing out once she gets here?”

“You could just go now!” Roman whines, very loudly.

Patton giggles at him. “Roman, c’mon, you know she thinks it’s a friendly hang out! She would be confused if it’s just you when she gets here.”

Roman groans, but he knows they’re right. It feels… icky? Just weird, to do to her, but if Patton thinks she’ll be ok with it, he trusts their advice. Roman takes a large drink of lukewarm coffee and pulls out his phone again. He is still in dress pants, his black gloves, and a slightly undone blouse despite Virgil and Patton having chosen to be in pyjamas. Casual elegance is always his expectation for himself, even when a cutie isn’t due over any minute. His phone has yet to show any signs of Logan getting any closer though.

Only a few minutes later, it seems Logan just doesn’t announce her arrival. Roman lets out a startled squeal as a knock comes on the door. He instinctively hides behind his hands for a moment, and Virgil laughs at him. He huffs and stands up to open it to her, coaxing his cheeks to lose their flush. He pulls the door open with a smile, and finds her standing calmly, dressed in a simple black polo shirt and jeans, the porch lights glinting off her piercings. Shockingly it’s the most casual he’s ever seen her, and he’s caught staring at her. The undone top button may as well be pornography as far as her usual attire is concerned.

She clears her throat. “Roman? Are you ok?”

He stands up straight, nodding. “Yeah- Yes! Yes, I’m fine. Why don’t you come in.” He bows to the side and gives her room to enter. She raises and eyebrow and smiles just slightly and his unnecessary grandiosity. Logan walks inside, already knowing where the living room is due to visiting Patton here once or twice. Roman trails behind her, brushing at his white streak of hair, tucking it behind his ear. He tries to watch her move without actually staring, her light and poised way of walking enrapturing him as always.

“Hello Patton, hello Virgil,” she waves as she walks in, settling on one of the other free chairs that doesn’t have Roman’s cup on the table beside.

“I made coffee if you would like a cup? I even let it cool so I can put some ice in it!”

“That’s very kind, Roman, thank you.”

Roman smiles, proud of himself, and practically skips to the kitchen to get her a glass. Virgil turns his head to look at her, picking up the remote to turn off whatever gameshow was on previously. He switches to Netflix and smiles. “Going for the classic Doctor Who tonight, L? Or did you have anything new you wanted to check out?”

“I actually have not watched any of Doctor 12, my studies really picked up before I could get that far.”

“Actually shocking you haven’t seen Matt Smith yet,” Virgil teases. Logan raises her eyebrows at him with a playful smile. “Just saying, you’re a nerd for this show, I figured you would have seen literally everything it has to offer.”

“Eh, school has always been top priority, even if it means not doing much else.”

“Still, you should schedule in a free day, or something. Just like, a day for doing things for fun.”

Logan seems to consider it, touching her chin. “That is true, doing things for enjoyment is a necessary part of life – it’s just difficult to fit it in, what with work and school taking up almost every day I have.” She shrugs, closing her eyes with a sigh.

“You need something fun, Lo!” Patton calls, obviously already sleepy based on their voice. “Even if it’s a silly show or just going out to eat instead of… well, eating oatmeal for every meal.”

“I like oatmeal,” she retorts, sitting up slightly and crossing her arms.

“You like other things too, though!”

She sighs and nods, conceding. “You’re right, Patton. Other foods can be enjoyable.”

Virgil and Patton exchange a glance as Roman reenters the room. “Y’know, me and Pat are busy most of the week too, but Roman has pretty light courses – you two should go get dinner some time.”

“Oh! Why yes, Virge, that does sound lovely!” Roman hands her the cold caffeine and she smiles in thanks. Their hands touch slightly, and Roman rushes back to the other chair to try hiding the way his face darkens.

“Mm, very well. Getting food is an acceptable activity to lose time on, considering I would need to eat either way.”

“And I will be paying, of course!” Roman touches his chest as it puffs out proudly.

“Roman, I make my own money, I assure you I can-“

“Ugh, just let me do something nice for you!” he says, a bit too aggressively. Paton giggles at him and hides their face against Virgil. “You deserve someone to treat you, Logan.”

Logan sighs, not fully grasping the reason he wants to, but supposing that it won’t hurt. “Alright, Roman, if you insist. We can alternate who pays.”

Roman’s mouth shuts, and he tries not to look annoyed at Logan’s refusal to be spoiled. Patton and Virgil certainly never complain, considering his incredibly large allowance from his parents. Even with all the clothing he buys, it would still be difficult to spend $7,000 monthly without friends to support. He chooses to gripe in silence though, as Virgil turns on Doctor Who and the title theme sounds its sci-fi score through the room. Roman glances over at Logan again, pleased to see a relaxed grin on her lips as she drinks coffee.

They all relax through the first four episodes of the season, Logan occasionally asking for clarification on the emotional themes and Patton in return requesting clarification on the scientific themes. Roman makes occasional compliments to certain shot framing and lighting choices, and Virgil remains mostly silent.

After the end of the fourth episode, Virgil yawns exaggeratedly. “Well, L, I think me and Patton are going to head to bed, but since you don’t work until like 2 tomorrow, you and Roman should stay up and keep watching. If needed you can stay over, too, you know the couches rock.”

Logan smirks slightly. “Yes, the couches are quite comfortable. Very well, you two. Rest well, remember to brush your teeth.”

“If the couches are so nice, perhaps we should slide over onto that one now that they’ve cleared off!” Roman declares as the couple disappears down the hall to the bedrooms. Logan hums in agreement and they both move over. Their coffees are gone, and Roman finds himself with nothing to fidget with. He ends up picking at the leg of his pants and tapping his foot, barely able to pay attention to the show. How could he when she’s right there, breathing and shifting so close to him? He tries sneaking his hand closer to her own, trying to build tension. She doesn’t seem to notice, focused on the show.

Roman takes a breath, and fully slides his hand over to rest on top of hers. She immediately begins to pull it away, turning to glance at him. “Do you need something, Roman?”

“U-uh- Nothing, no! Your… hands… just look soft?”

She pauses, tilting her head at him. “Soft?”

Roman is screaming curses at himself in his head, but he tries to smile casually through it. “Y-yes! They look,” he picks one up gently, lightly running his gloved fingers over the back of her hand, “really smooth, and your fingers are very long and thin… They are quite dainty.”

“Um. Thank you, Roman.” Logan seems taken aback; her face confused. “Why do you bring it up?”

Roman meets her eyes, her light blue ones clear enough to hold his reflection, and a small sigh leaves him. “I don’t know. All of you has always looked quite soft to me. Truthfully… I think about it probably a bit too often.” He smiles bashfully, glancing down away from her eyes. “I think about you a bit too often.”

Logan tries to piece together what he’s talking about in her mind. Thinks about her? Her being soft? It’s not tracking with her – Roman thinking of her often doesn’t seem like a characteristic she would expect. “What do you mean by that, Roman?”

“I- I mean,” Roman glances up to her face again, something passionate and soft filling his features. “What I mean is that- is that I like you, Logan.”

“I like you too, Roman, you’re an excellent friend.”

“No! No, as- as more than that. I like you in ways beyond friendship.”

Logan blinks rapidly, mouth falling open slightly. “Oh- Goodness, Roman- I’m sorry, I- I don’t- I’m not exactly interested in romance. With anyone, not just you in particular.”

“Ah. Oh.” Roman chews at his lip awkwardly. Of course she wouldn’t be. It makes sense given how romantically illiterate she is. “I mean… we don’t necessarily have to be romantic?” he proposes.

“What do you mean?”

Roman licks his lips, sighing, trying to put his words in order. “What I mean is, while I do like you as more than a friend, that doesn’t necessarily mean we have to be romantic partners!”

“How so?”

“Well- There are other types of attraction! Like how I’m mostly homoromantic, but sexually I don’t have much preference at all!”

“So… you are implying we would only be sexual?”

“Er, well no! Not necessarily. Oh, goshdarnit, words can be hard. There’s more than just romance and sex too! Like, even though you are feminine in your gender and not my typical type, aesthetically I find you incredibly beautiful! And- and I picture you erotically or sensually quite often as well.”

It’s Logan’s turn to go pink, glancing away to process her thoughts. Before Roman mentioned experiencing these feelings, she hadn’t thought to consider him in that way at all. But she quickly glances him over again, his dark skin with light markings glowing in the television lights and his perfect, slightly long hair. His golden jewelry and greenish eyes, filled with hope and warmth as he looks at her. Perhaps she gets what he means by aesthetic beauty.

Logan breathes in slowly, and fully meets his gaze once again. “Well, Roman- I suppose- I mean, I understand your thoughts. You are also a very attractive person.” Doctor Who is nothing but background noise now, their gazes locked solely on each other. Roman is clinging to every word she speaks, holding her hand in his own trembling ones. “If it would make you happy, I would… be willing to attempt non-romantic partnership. I need to do further research on this whole subject of attraction, I think. There seems to be more to it than I realized.” Logan touches her chin. “What do you call a partnership like this? I don’t know, ‘non-romantic partner’ seems a mouth full.”

Roman tries to tamper down the joy for a moment to properly explain the topic to her - it’s rare he’s the one to teach Logan something. “Well, in queer spaces most of the time they call it a ‘queerplatonic’ or ‘queererotic’ relationship.”

“That is also a mouthful.”

“Hence why they shorten it! ‘QPR’, ‘QPP’- er, as in ‘queerplatonic partnership’.”

Logan hums, seeming to rotate the words over in her mind. “Very well. I suppose, then, that you are my queerplatonic partner.”

Roman grins at her widely, his slightly crooked teeth shining in the low light. She smiles back, a bit shocked with herself. Roman squeezes her hand, and chuckles. “Er, for boundary reasons- Am I allowed to kiss you?”

Logan can’t help a single sharp syllable of an embarrassed laugh slipping out of her, her face blushing deeper. “Sure, Roman, if it’s quick. I’m not very big on physical affection most times.”

Roman nods, and plants a quick respectful kiss on her cheek, giggling at himself. “This is so stupid- I’m being so awkward, I’m sorry!”

“It’s quite alright, I also feel awkward.”

“I can tell, nerd, your face is so bright it’s shining.”

Logan looks away, adjusting her glasses on her nose. “You don’t look much better, frankly.”

They meet eyes again, exchanging tiny smiles. “I suppose those dinner plans are a definite now, hm?”

“I suppose they are.”

“Want to finish watching this stupid nerd show?”

“Of course I do.”

“Can I cuddle you during it?”

“Of course you can.”

Roman and Logan lay against each other, their bodies warm with embarrassment. Logan lets herself get so wrapped up that she does end up having to stay the night for time’s sake, and Roman leaves her to rest on the sofa for the night with one more quick, flushed kiss. Logan curls into the throw blanket and lets a geeky smile fully fill her face in the cover of darkness. She doesn’t know how she got here, with a careless, dramatic theatre major of all things. Logically they’ll be incompatible, right? She doesn’t know.

What Logan does know is that Roman’s confession felt right, in some way – like it was meant to happen. And the brief kisses certainly didn’t feel bad either. She falls asleep warmly, with no idea what the future might hold for the first time in years.

#logince #dukeceit #sanders sides #college au #sanders sides au #tss au #janus sanders #remus sanders #roman sanders #logan sanders #my writing #sanders sides fanfic #tss fanfic

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i-am-bitterly-jittery · 1 year

Text

Day 2: Birthday/Surprise

For @moxiety-week

Word Count: 825

Rating: Teen

Pairings: Moxiety 💙💜 implied Logince and Dukeceit

Warnings: mildly suggestive flirting, a generous amount of Pokémon puns

~~~START~~~

Patton told Roman that he shouldn’t be the one to keep Virgil away from his surprise party, he told him that he was no good at keeping secrets and that Virgil would see right through him in two seconds flat, but Roman had insisted. Roman and logan couldn’t do it because they had to set up the party — Roman in charge of the festive stuff and Logan in charge of the logistical stuff; Remus couldn’t do it because he would either tell Virgil about the party without trying to hide it, or skip the party entirely for shits and giggles; Janus couldn’t do it because Virgil would accuse him of trying to kidnap him as soon as Janus tried to get him to go to the party; Remy couldn’t do it because he would get Virgil too jacked up on caffeine; and Emile couldn’t do it because he wouldn’t get off work until right before the party.

Besides, Patton was Virgil’s boyfriend, it would look weird if Patton was avoiding him on his birthday.

So far keeping Virgil out of their apartment was going pretty smoothly, he’d put up a little bit of a fuss when Patton had begged to go to the mall, but he’d given in once he was assured that they’d go to Hot Topic. Normally, Patton would just follow Virgil around the store and let him look at things at his leisure, but today he pointed out every little thing he saw in the hopes of keeping them in the store longer.

“Oh! Look at this!” Patton said, grabbing a Poké ball necklace off the wall and showing it to Virgil. He pressed a small button and the Poké ball snapped open, revealing a small pikachu inside. “It’s a pika-boo!”

Virgil smirked at the joke. “That was bad, Pat.”

“You’re right, I should have just kept my meowth shut!”

That elicited a snort.

“Are you a-mew-sed?” Patton grinned. “Did my pun tickle your cubone?”

“Call me cubone cuz I want to c u bone,” Virgil whispered just loud enough for Patton to hear him.

Patton was struck dumb by the pun as he felt his face heat up.

Flirting? With puns? As if he couldn’t love Virgil more.

Virgil, shifting uncomfortably in the ever-expanding silence, opened his mouth to apologize, but Patton cut him off.

“Are you a ninetales? Because you’re hot and foxy.”

Both of them lost it at that, giggling up a storm in the middle of the Hot Topic.

“Pat, why?” Virgil wheezed, tears streaming down his face.

“Wynaut?” Patton giggled, setting Virgil off again.

It was a while before they left the Hot Topic.

“What should we do now?” Patton asked once they were back in the busy walkway of the mall. He had a few more hours before the others would be ready for him to bring Virgil back, he would have to fill the time doing more birthday activities with Virgil.

“I kinda just want to go home,” Virgil shrugged. “Maybe cuddle for a few hours.”

Literally any other time, Patton would love nothing more than to cuddle with Virgil in their home, but today he had a job to do.

“We’re already out,” he insisted. “We should do things!”

“Like?” Virgil asked expectantly, the faintest traces of a smile pulling at the corner of his mouth.

“Like… like… get lunch! We should get lunch! At that Thai place you like!”

“We could just get takeout,” Virgil pointed out. “Eat it at home in front of the tv.”

“But then it’s not special!” Patton pouted, hoping that would be enough to convince his boyfriend to stay out a while longer.

“Well, what if,” Virgil started, a smirk that Patton did not trust creeping across his face. “What if we get takeout and go to Ro and Lo’s? We haven’t hung out all four of us in weeks!”

“Well, um…” Patton floundered. “They’re– uh, they’re busy today.”

“They are?”

“Y-yeah, Logan has that thing today. That, uh, engineering thing.”

“Oh, right,” Virgil laughed. “‘That engineering thing’. Maybe we should see what Remus and Janus are doing then.”

Patton opened his mouth to stutter through another excuse when he noticed the twinkle in Virgil’s eyes.

“You’re messing with me!” He accused, pouting.

“Maybe a little bit,” Virgil chuckled. “I couldn’t help it, you’re cute when you’re trying to be sneaky.”

Patton pouted even more. “I thought I was doing a good job at distracting you.”

“You were,” Virgil assured him, kissing his pout away. “But I saw the texts on Princey’s phone when I was over there last weekend. Don’t worry, I’ll still act surprised when we get to the party.”

“You promise it wasn’t me who gave it away?”

“I promise. Now, if I'm not mistaken, someone promised me Thai food, and I’m guessing we’ve got a few more hours to fill.”

“Anything for the birthday boy!” Patton grinned, dragging Virgil out towards the Thai place.

~~~END~~~

General taglist:

@royalty-of-all-things-snuggly @pixelated-pineapple @arsonic-knight @misunderstood-shadowling

#Moxiety week 2022 #Moxiety week #Moxiety #virgil sanders #patton sanders #sanders sides #ts sanders sides #logince #dukeceit #thursday writes #my writing #sanders sides fanfiction

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loganslowdown4 · 1 year

Text

Roman: Hey baby, in the mood to spice things up?

Logan: You know I can’t eat spicy foods, I tried once, it was awful.

Roman: No hun, I meant like upstairs...

Logan: I can’t eat spicy foods anywhere, Roman.

#oh logan #incorrect sander sides #thomas sanders #sanders sides #roman sanders #logan sanders #ts roman #ts logan #logince #ts logince #implied smut

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shsl-fander · 1 year

Text

Our Secret-A logince oneshot

Pairing: Logan x Roman

Au: None/Canon Universe

Tw: Food mention, Implie nsfw at very end

Word Count: 1226

Summary: Roman and Logan have been trying to hide their relationship, however they realize soon they must find a way to tell the others

@spacedouterri @autisticlogankin

Quick small glances across the room. A shy reach of a hand underneath a table, whispered breaths behind closed doors. It certainly wasn't the relationship Roman was used to, but it was a happy one nonetheless.

It had started as a one night stand, Logan had been extremely frustrated about Thomas's work which eventually led to an argument between the two of them that night, as usual. However, there are alot of emotions that develop during an argument, especially with someone who you know you don't hate and they just know how to get you fired up. Eventually the gap between them began to shorten the closer they got to each other. And soon before he knew it, Logan felt himself gasping for air as his lungs began to ache, his lips pressed against Roman's soft lips.

And plus, the two had naturally been getting closer for a while as well, not that they hadn't always been close. They always had been, an odd little duo but it worked quite well, prince and teacher, creativity and logic, red and blue, drama queen and voice of reason, Logan and Roman. Even Thomas himself had voiced that he believes they work as an amazing team. It was the small things that Roman loved about Logan and vise versa, how they could bond over poetry and nerd out together, how Logan could SO EASILY infuriate him and yet he could playfully tease him nearly minutes after. They had a dynamic that just fit, whether it was because they were so opposite or because hidden deep down they were actually extremely similar, who knows. All they knew is they had had repressed feelings for each other for lord knows how long.

However, one night soon turned into many, which eventually molded into a full relationship. Now, Roman snuggled up next to Logan under his covers, beauty and the beast playing faintly in the background as the two chomped on popcorn.

Roman hummed, struggling to keep his eyes open he could feel the weight of his eyelids causing him to blink them closed repeatedly. "Mmm I love you," he breathed, head resting on Logan's chest.

Logan gently stroked Roman's hair, smiling down at him fondly. He opened his mouth to whisper a response when he perked up due to the sudden knocknon his door.

Roman yelped, jumping up from his position with a quiet gasp.

Logan however, just shook his head. "Stay here," he ordered, quickly pecking Roman's forehead before getting back up. Logan sighed, running his fingers through his hair. He knew Roman wanted to be more open about their relationship, but Logan just wasn't sure if he was ready for that amount of vulnerability quite yet.

Roman scoffed, adjusting his sitting with a huff, his bangs blowing out of his eyes, "Wowww you ordering a prince around?" he teases jokingly, before burrying himself under Logan's blanket.

Logan slowly inched his door open, blinking in surprise when he saw Virgil on the other side.

"Uh sup Lo, I was just wondering if you've seen my eyeliner? I can't find it and I would ask Roman because he wears makeup but I can't find him- sorry to bother you, " he mumbles, hands in his pockets.

After a few minutes of casual chatting, Virgil scurried off and Logan slowly closed the door once again, waiting for that comforting click.

"Now, where were we?" Logan asks, climbing back onto his bed before placing a soft peck against Roman's lips. He could feel the slight give Roman's lips had to them, and even if the contact was brief it sent a chill down his spine. Roman's lips were soft and plump, coated in a familiar strawberry lipgloss that Roman applied almost daily. Logan loved the feeling of them against his own, the spark that appearened whenever they kissed.

Roman's breath hovered over Logan's lips once he pulled away. "Uhm excuse me? One quick kiss? That will not do, Teach," he scoffs,"Especially for a prince? " Roman adds teasingly, leaning himself closer towards the other, reducing the gap between them.

Logan sighed, rolling his eyes,"You are so needy, Prep, " he counters, smiling tenderly at his boyfriend. "You're lucky I love you," he whispers leaning in to initiate the kiss. Logan arms draped around Roman's neck, melting into the contact. He could feel the tension in his body begin to melt away and the two shifted their position. Logan allows his eyes to blink closed and to move his hands away from his neck and to his side, softly rubbing at Roman's hips as they kissed.

Roman slowly pulls away with a gasp, panting as he attempted to regain his breath. "We're gonna have to tell the others at some point Nerd," he points out, "I mean we can't keep it a secret forever," he admits.

Logan simply nods, connecting their foreheads together with a sigh. He exhaled, "I know Roman, surprisingly you're being smart right now, which is unlike you," he replies.

Roman scoffed, he stammererd, "ignoring your JAB AT ME MICROSOFT," he gawked, "we should probably tell them soon, maybe tonight at dinner?" he offered, slowly ghosting his hand over Logan's befor intertwining their fingers.

Logan squeezes Roman's hand, he leans his head against Roman's shoulder and he can feel his boyfriend gently rub his thumb over his hand.

Roman sighs, "I know its hard for you," he starts, "but I promise you we can still take it slow if thats more comfortable for you, and honestly I want to tell them. It's EXHAUSTING not being able to scream to the ENTIRE WORLD that you're mine and that I'm your prince!" he exclaims dramatically.

Logan opened his mouth to speak when their moment was cut short by Patton's yelling from the kitchen.

"Dinner Kiddos!" Patton calls out, placing four plates around a small circular table.

Roman glanced over at Logan, "are you ready Specs?" he asks softly, his voice quiet and tender. Roman wanted this so badly, but he didn't want to force Logan into anything.

The dinner table was loud as usual, constant chatting between the four of them as they all scarfed down the food Patton had made them. However, Roman could tell Logan was deep in thought as he ate. Roman himself even could notice the thoughts spiralling around his head.

Roman fidgeted with his food, gripping his fork tight as he just moved around his pasta around the plate. Which was odd for him, since pasta was his favorite food.

Roman inhaled, clearing his throat, "I wanted to tell you guys something," he announced, eyeing Logan across the table. "Well actually, we wanted to tell you something," he corrects, gesturing towards Logan.

Silence lingered in the air for a moment as eyes darted to focus on Logan. Logan swallowed the saliva building up in his mouth, "We're dating. Roman and I have been together for months now," he explains.

Patton and Virgil made eye contact, Virgil biting his tounge in attempt not to laugh.

"Oh Kiddos, "Patton starts,"We already know. You two aren't as secretive as you think you are. "

Virgil rolled his eyes, huffing,"The walls also arent necessarily quiet, and I stay up late, " he narrows his eyes, eyeing them up and down.

"And clearly so do you two, "he smirks, amused with himself as he noticed Logan's glasses begin to fog.

#sanders sides #sanders sides fanfic #sanders sides fanfiction #logince #logince fanfiction #logince fanfic #roman sanders #logan sanders #tssides #ts sides #ts sides fanfic #logince fluff

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onthevirgeofdestruction · 10 months

Text

Words: 7,493 Warnings: Implied Bullying, Food (& Touching Raw Food), Fear, Yelling, Accusations, Anger/Frustration (Both with Foster Child and with Foster Guardians), Disappointment, Self-Doubt, Panic Attack, Graphic Flashback, Dissociation, Age Regression (Not implicitly stated), Implied Prior Child Abuse, Non-food things in mouth, Minor Unintentional Self-Harm (chewing on self), Minor blood (bleeding cuticle), Heavy Mental Health Discussions, Family Struggles Characters: Virgil, Roman, Logan Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort Additional Tags: Virgil Sanders is soaking in PTSD, Good Dads Logince

A Whole Castle - Chapter 26

Playlist

“Ugh!” Virgil cried in frustration as he mopped the raw egg yolk off his face that nearly dripped into his eye as he struggled to unlock the front door. Today he put up with shitty grades, teachers who had lost their patience with him, bigots, bullies, and every time he tried to relax, he thought of his mother. It wasn’t even the egg in his hair that soured his mood so deeply. He was just so painfully done with life, and that was just the egg on top. More raw egg ran into his eyebrow and he wiped it off and flung it off his hands and he finally worked his key into the lock to come inside.

He slammed the door shut and adjusted his backpack to walk down the hall to clean up this mess and attempt to not have to be alive for a few minutes, with his eyes staunchly to the floor. He ended up bumping into Roman, instead of making it to his room without a fuss, however.

“Virgil?” Roman greeted curiously and Virgil groaned in response, backing up to find a way around him. “Oh my goodness, how did you get an egg in your hair? Did someone do that to you? Who do I need to talk to? Do you need help?” Roman asked in quick succession, and each word grated Virgil even rawer than the last.

“Shut up! You don’t even really care, so stop pretending!” Virgil shot loudly, throwing up his arms and stepping to the side to get around Roman, but he continued to stand there. More egg dribbled into Virgil’s face, and he screamed in frustration. Roman sullenly stepped aside, gripping his arms, and Virgil marched ahead to his bedroom, accidentally jostling Roman with his backpack on the way. Virgil slammed the door closed behind him without a single glance back.

Roman stared despondently at the closed bedroom door, feeling lost. He had thought they’d made progress last week. They had watched a movie together, and Virgil even got a small amount of help with his math homework from Logan. Roman thought Virgil was finally getting used to them and starting to trust them.

Virgil came out of his room a few moments later and stomped into the hall bathroom, slamming that door shut as well. Roman didn’t know what to do. Virgil was clearly too overwhelmed to talk, and removing the egg from his hair would be Roman’s priority, too. He didn’t want to leave things like this, but it didn’t feel like there was anything to do. Especially if Virgil still hated them just as much as he always did, and they had made no progress with him at all. Roman exhaled a sharp breath and left for his bedroom.

Roman plopped onto the edge of the bed with a small bounce of the mattress and put his elbows on his knees to drop his face into his hands. If there was nothing to do, could Roman even call himself a parent? A guardian? Or is he just a person who lives with Virgil? When Virgil was even present, that was. He’d run away three times already and seemed to be a master at hiding.

What was it about Roman that Virgil hated so much? Or was that an overreaction? He knows Virgil is going through something, and at an age when kids already have so much to deal with. Roman even knows it’s probably not even about him and just how Virgil feels about adults. He’s gotten into trouble at school for arguing with the teachers, too. But hearing Virgil accuse Roman of not caring at all stung. Did Virgil actually think that?

The bathroom door opened with a click and a frustrated teenage sigh, but Roman stayed where he sat on the bed. He didn’t know what to say to fix any of this or if Virgil would even listen if he tried. Virgil skulked back to his bedroom, feeling better with the egg out of his hair and washing the day off of him. He noticed Roman and Logan’s bedroom door was closed, which was abnormal for them, but he was grateful to not have to deal with more people today. Virgil closed his door behind him quietly and kicked his backpack out of the way to go lie down, but he paused just before reclining.

Roman had never done this before. He normally tried to ‘solve’ the problem and would annoyingly stick around, hovering over Virgil like some kind of vulture waiting for his demise. Did Virgil finally fuck up enough to get their attention? He wasn’t even trying to find his foster parent’s boundaries today. He was just sick of today and sick of life and couldn’t take anything else. But now he was going to have to tolerate something else. He was finally enough of an ass to cause Roman to change his tune, and that tune would probably be much darker now.

Would apologizing even help? Could Virgil even apologize? He wasn’t even sure what he said anymore. His brain was feeling hazy and malfunctioning. He couldn’t handle being punished today. His skin and brain were already on fire with stress firing on all of his nerve endings. If anybody touched him, it would hurt twice as much. He wasn’t sure his brain could even take it. He was already at his wit’s end today. And Roman is so much bigger than his mother was. And Roman and Logan both exercised. They tried to get Virgil to join them multiple times. Roman was probably stronger than his mom was, too. With a harder fist and a stronger grip, yanking him by his clothes and choking the air out of his throat. The stale smell of his mother’s perfume laced with a sharp coppery smell hit his nose and Virgil gripped at his hair in a panic.

He backed up, trying to get away from her. He could see her looming closer, but he rammed into something behind him. There wasn’t supposed to be anything there, but things clattered loudly down to the floor as he was cornered. His mom reached for that book and his breath caught in his throat and he balled up on the floor, striving to make himself smaller and harder to hit. There was nowhere to go, just try to protect the parts that hurt most when hit. Virgil’s muscles all tensed painfully as he held himself on the floor and struggled to breathe through his clenched throat. The blood pounded so hard against his skin that every pulse stung. The gripping pain in his head caused him to be afraid to open his eyes enough to even let in a sliver of light. Every breath he took was so sharp, it scared him it would be his last.

The commotion from down the hall made Roman raise his head, but he wasn’t sure what to do. Was Virgil throwing things in his room again? He broke nothing last time and Roman genuinely didn’t know how to stop him from doing that, so maybe letting Virgil wear himself out was the best call. He couldn’t tell anymore. Continuing to allow Virgil to do that was dangerous and a major issue, and leaving it alone made Roman feel even more deficient, but he simply didn’t know what he could even say. He ran his hand through his hair and sighed, leaning back on the bed before slipping and lying flat to stare up at the ceiling, feeling like he had failed.

After a short eternity, the bedroom door clicked open and Roman shot his head over to see if it was Virgil. It wasn’t Virgil, though, it was his mildly haggard-looking husband coming into his bedroom, so Roman sighed and looked back at the ceiling. It seemed everyone was having a hard day. “Good evening, darling,” he greeted Logan sullenly.

Logan leaned down and kissed Roman’s hand in greeting, letting out a weary sigh. “Is there a problem, love?” He asked, sitting down on the bed next to Roman.

“I’m not cut out to be a parent,” Roman stated plainly, still staring up ahead at the ceiling. “I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. You said I’d settle into it, but I still feel like I’m stumbling in the dark and doing more harm than good.”

“You are perfectly capable of being an excellent father, Roman. The fact that you are concerned about the repercussions of your actions is a sign enough alone,” Logan rebuked, reaching out to put his hand over Roman’s.

“Being worried about messing up isn’t what makes a good father. And it isn’t so much about the consequences of my actions as it is that I just don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like I’ve tried everything and Virgil would still throw me off a moving train for a nickel, jettisoning me into some ancient mining quarry. I’ll watch the smoke billow from the train as I fall to my death for a shiny coin and Virgil won’t feel a thing,” Roman explained bitterly, gripping at the comforter.

“I doubt he would trade your life for five cents,” Logan chuckled through his nose.

“You didn’t see him scream at me for not caring,” Roman grumbled, reaching up to rub his face.

“He did what?” Logan bristled, looking at Roman intensely.

“He shouted at me, accusing me of only pretending to care about him, then literally screamed until I let him pass. I was too hurt to respond, so I just let him go,” Roman explained quietly, gripping at the sheet with his free hand while Logan gripped his other one. “I don’t know what to do. I’m not a suitable parent for him. I don’t think I’m a proper parent to anyone. You told me I’d be brilliant at this and that parenting would be fulfilling, and I believed you, but right now I just feel hollow. I really, truly believe that Virgil can be helped, but I just don’t think I’m the one. I have too much baggage with my own father. I barely know what it means to be a good parent. I feel like ‘just don’t be my father’ isn’t enough. Especially not for Virgil. He needs—”

“Someone kind. And you are, Roman. You didn’t engage Virgil when he was lashing out, which is hard to do. You’re not an inadequate parent, and you’re not incapable of helping him. You know your father would have engaged Virgil and shouted back. In this situation, not being your father was enough. Other times will need more than knowing what not to do, but we will learn that. He is human and has human needs foremost, and treating him that way is an important part of parenting you excel at. Nobody knows how to do this universally. There is no professional class not run by charlatans, and the guides all say ‘do your best’. It is okay to feel lost. What’s imperative is to support Virgil, and I believe we are both capable. Virgil needing time and space to trust us is reasonable after what he went through,” Logan explained emphatically and put both hands on Roman’s.

Roman sniffled and teared up a bit, nodding in response. He felt choked up suddenly at Logan’s sincere response to his panic. Roman swallowed heavily and sat up, pulling Logan in for a hug that Logan quickly reciprocated. He hugged Roman tightly, rubbing his back. “Thank you, love,” Roman creaked out. Logan just held him tighter while Roman’s eyes seemed to flounder on wanting to cry. A single tear escaped, and his throat felt tight, but that was all there was. “I wish I knew how to show him I cared and it wasn’t just an elaborate act,” he added under his breath.

“We are working on trust with him. It will come in time. For now, I imagine he has cooled down, and I will go talk to him about his behaviour and see if I can find out why he felt the need to lash out in the first place,” Logan said softly, still feeling emotionally raw from seeing his husband hurt like that.

“If it helps, there was a large egg crushed into his hair when he got in. He might have gotten bullied again.” Roman sniffled, pressing his head in to Logan’s neck for comfort. Logan rested his chin on Roman’s head affectionately and sighed, still stroking Roman’s back.

“I wish he would let us help him with that. I could easily solve his harassment situation if he just told me who it was. He doesn’t have to suffer like this, and he still has no reason to take it out on you,” Logan groused slightly. He kissed Roman’s hair and pulled back, looking at Roman one more time. “Hopefully this won’t devolve into him shouting again, but it often does, so be prepared for that,” Logan warned him warily. Roman nodded and rubbed his eye on his sleeve. Logan stood up from off the bed and steeled himself for Virgil’s misplaced anger before heading down the hall and knocking on Virgil’s door twice.

There was a small shuffling from behind the door, but there was no response. Logan waited for the shuffle to quiet before announcing that he was coming in and opening the bedroom door. “Virgil, I understand you likely had a hard day, but we need to talk,” Logan stated plainly, taking a deep breath. He needed to try his best to stay impartial, but making his husband cry was not something that Logan wanted to allow to continue.

“Shouting at Roman because you had a hard time when he is only trying to help you is not alright. Please speak at a reasonable volume and tell us you need space before you’re comfortable discussing a subject. It is alright to not be ready to talk, but it is never okay to scream at someone. Please be mindful that we are also people with emotions, just like you, and we’re happy to help you find other outlets for your feelings than treating us terribly.” Logan explained as genially as he could, but he realized that his last statement ended up sounding passive aggressive. He took another deep breath and waited for Virgil to yell back, but nothing came.

Logan watched Virgil ball up on the floor, chewing on his thumb and looking completely wracked. His hair was standing straight up in some parts, extremely tousled instead of Virgil’s normal bedhead. His face was red and swollen, and he looked hollow and utterly exhausted. He was holding a throw from his bed in his other hand and even though he was facing Logan’s general direction, his eyes were glazed and Logan wasn’t even sure he was paying Logan any heed. Logan balked slightly at Virgil’s appearance, but ignoring Logan completely wasn’t much better than yelling back.

“Virgil, I need you to listen and pay attention to me, please. Avoiding the problem doesn’t make it go away,” Logan spoke categorically, but there was still no response from Virgil. Logan expected something like ‘I sure wish you would’, or at least an angry grumble, but there was nothing. This was very odd behaviour. He just continued chewing on his thumb and staring. “Virgil,” he said flatly. “At least get your thumb out of your mouth. That is an unhealthy habit. It is bad for your teeth and obviously causes harm to your hand,” Logan chided, and Virgil switched his thumb for the blanket instead. He was at least listening, yet Logan would have preferred a form of acknowledgment.

“Will you tell me what the issue was in the first place that caused you to lash out so that we can treat the problem at its core?” Logan asked with a sigh, running his hand through his hair. Virgil made a small ‘I don’t know’ noise from his throat, but he still didn’t speak. Was Virgil taking him seriously at all? He didn’t understand what was going on. This manner of conduct was abnormal for Virgil or any teenager. There wasn’t even a frustrated huff that Logan heard so much as a math teacher that the noise felt ingrained into his brain.

“Virgil, are you paying attention to me?” Logan asked, and Virgil stared blankly at Logan for a moment. Logan took a deep breath to settle down, and Virgil nodded deliberately, making another soft noise from his throat. Was Virgil being obstinate in a new way? This wasn’t exactly objectionable behaviour, but it was an extremely one-sided conversation.

“It is… very quiet over here,” Roman stated cautiously, walking up behind Logan. “What’s going on?” He peered into the room and saw Virgil on the floor, and slumped immediately. “Virgil…” Roman spoke softly. Virgil glanced slowly at him, looking absolutely terrible. Roman might have cried a little, but it seemed to him like he took the entire interaction much poorer than Roman did.

“Roman, I love your soft heart, but he pushed a boundary,” Logan said firmly, putting a hand on Roman’s shoulder as he stepped further into the bedroom.

“He’s clearly been through it, honey. He looks worse than when he got here. And they told us he literally fought the social worker trying to escape,” Roman stated compassionately, and Logan wilted. That was an accurate recollection. “Virgil, how about you help me clean up in here, then be my sous-chef for dinner, and we’ll call it even, okay?” Roman offered kindly, and Logan bristled again.

“That doesn’t seem fair to you in the slightest,” Logan stated plainly, getting more frustrated at the situation.

“They’re my hurt emotions, and I can decide what works for me for an apology. He had a hard day, and he didn’t deal with it well. I can’t say I’ve never done the same. We can talk more about it when he’s feeling better, but right now, I think we could all use a little comfort,” Roman replied, taking Logan’s hand briefly before letting go and moving closer to Virgil. Virgil stared at him blankly, but Roman moved to pick up the items that tumbled from Virgil’s shelf and motioned for Virgil to come over and join him.

Virgil moved sluggishly and dragged the blanket with him, but he started picking things up and putting them back on the shelf along with Roman. They gathered the fallen objects and put them away together while Logan watched curiously, stepping out of their way so they could clean unimpaired. They gathered and returned things to their proper place up in short order, even with Virgil moving sluggishly. Roman began making the bed and Virgil followed suit, mostly just mirroring what Roman was doing. Roman tried to take the blanket that Virgil was holding to fold it, but Virgil’s mostly blank face morphed quickly to concern, still gripping onto the hem. Virgil made a weak noise of dissent and Roman stopped and released the throw.

“Did you want to hold on to that?” Roman asked softly and Virgil nodded, his thumb making its way back between his teeth. “Alright, you can take it with you while we cook, as long as you keep it away from the food. Let’s go start dinner now,” Roman requested, and Virgil just continued to stare at him. “Come on,” he added when Virgil didn’t follow him out of the room right away.

Virgil followed when Roman asked him to, and Logan watched with mild bewilderment as he complied. All three went to the kitchen in silence, with Virgil dragging along the blanket with him. It was new and interesting, to say the least. Roman rubbed his chin and stared at the fridge door briefly, examining the ingredients they had available on the list Logan kept posted on the door. He hummed, glancing at Virgil standing in the kitchen who was looking very lost and wringing his blanket slightly. Logan crossed his arms and watched them work, settling near the table and out of the way.

“Virgil, will you get the pasta noodles out of the pantry? Not spaghetti, something smaller and shaped like rotini or farfalle,” Roman said distractedly, opening up the fridge. Logan observed Virgil blink a few times before going into the pantry, looking around like he was unfamiliar. He retrieved a box of cavatappi, dropping it immediately with a rattle of the dry pasta. Virgil bent over to pick it up, then walked over to hold it up to Roman. “Put it on the counter, darling.” Roman waved and Virgil went to the counter and gently slid it on the counter, knocking the box over and standing it up again. He went back to chewing his thumb while Roman withdrew cheese, a head of broccoli, and a few carrots from the refrigerator. He placed them all on the counter by the sink and started washing the vegetables.

“Pull out a pot, a pan, and a measuring cup, Virgil,” Roman requested, and Virgil’s eyes followed his pointer finger before heading to the cabinet next to the stove to do as asked. Logan watched as Virgil seemed to continue to struggle over a simple task, but he put them on the counter without dropping anything this time, looking nervous again and chewing his thumb, stepping out of the way when he was done. “Thank you. Would you pour out a cup of milk for the béchamel?” Roman followed up with the next request. Virgil made a small noise and went to the fridge, extracting the milk and taking it over to the counter with the measuring cup.

Virgil slowly tilted the carton into the measuring cup, but he splashed some milk on the counter. Logan grimaced and Virgil continued to pour, measuring out a loose cup but leaving a mess all over the counter and down the side of the container.

“Virgil, are you feigning incompetence to not have to do things?” Logan asked shortly, but Virgil glanced at him in confusion, then looked down at his hands briefly. Virgil’s hands were shaking visibly.

“It’s a full carton, love, it’s just an accident,” Roman replied airily. “Wet the kitchen rag and clean that up, alright?” He added, looking at Virgil. He did as asked, cleaning up carefully, including the dribbled milk down the side of the carton before Logan took it and put it away for him. Virgil went back to chewing his thumb with one hand and gripping the blanket like his life depended on it with the other, and Logan uncrossed his arms. Virgil still looked straight ahead, like he wasn’t seeing anything in front of him while he stood next to the counter, gnawing on his thumb. “Are you that hungry, Virgil?” Roman asked playfully, shaking off the extra moisture from the vegetables in the sink.

Logan suspiciously moved closer to Virgil to check on Virgil, but blood spattered down Virgil’s cuticle immediately drew his attention. “Virgil, go wash your hands,” Logan pointed to the sink, and Virgil looked at him in confusion. “Virgil.” He said slower, miming washing his hands. “Please wash your hands with hand soap,” he directed. Roman stepped out of the way and Virgil did as asked as Logan got the first aid kit out of the pantry and pulled out the triple antibiotic and a finger bandage.

“Is everything alright?” Roman asked in confusion, dropping off the vegetables on the counter.

“… Roman, have you ever witnessed Virgil have an issue with chewing on his hands before?” Logan asked, taking Virgil’s hand away from him before it ended back up in his mouth and bandaged up the bleeding cuticle.

“I’ve seen him chew his nails and pick his cuticles, but not the actual skin, though. But why are you asking me? You know he doesn’t appreciate it when we talk about him as if he’s not in the room. I’m sure he’d rather you ask him,” Roman asked, bending down to pull out a cutting board for the vegetables.

“I’m not positive he can answer right now. Virgil, can you talk?” Logan asked, making certain the bandage was securely in place. Virgil’s mouth opened and a noise somewhere between a gasp and a squeak came out. He closed his mouth again and shook his head. Logan smoothed over the bandage a few times before letting go of Virgil’s hand.

“Is he okay?” Roman asked with concern.

“I’m not sure. Virgil, what’s two plus two?” Logan inquired, causing Roman to make a baffled face, but Virgil held up four fingers in response after a pause. “Three times three,” he asked next. Virgil processed much longer this time, looking strained, before holding up nine fingers, pinching the blanket to his hand with his thumb. “What is one hundred divided by twenty?” Virgil’s face furrowed up as he tried to think it through, and he looked ill before the blank expression washed over his face once more. “Virgil?” Logan asked, but Virgil didn’t even seem to hear him that time, absently already picking at the bandage on his thumb. Logan tapped his hand and carefully pushed Virgil’s other hand away from the bandage, but he still was not present. “Virgil,” Logan said once more, tapping Virgil’s hand more firmly this time. Virgil blinked and finally looked at Logan in the face.

Roman watched with confusion the entire time, not sure what was happening. “What does that establish, doc?” Roman urged with concern, turning to lean on the counter.

“I’m not positive, but I think Virgil is severely dissociated. I suppose it could be an elaborate ruse, but I doubt a teenager could be this thorough about it.” Logan rubbed his face, feeling mildly distraught at this turn of events.

“Is that something that he needs to see a doctor for?” Roman asked, examining Virgil with worry.

“A mental doctor, yes. There is nothing on his medical record that indicated he’s ever had an issue even relating to this,” Logan answered, sounding distracted.

“We’ve already been trying to take him to a therapist and he keeps disappearing when it’s time for his appointments. What are we supposed to do?” Roman asked, gripping at the countertop and frowning deeply.

“Tricking him might make him hate us or, even worse, he could run away somewhere far from the house and be more at risk of harm than he is hiding in the suburb.” Logan took in a deep breath, letting it out with a forlorn sigh. Roman moved the cookware to the stove and grabbed a knife for the cutting board to continue with dinner while he thought. Virgil’s fingers ended up in his mouth again, and Logan gently pulled them out, and he went to the fridge to pull out a carrot stick and handed it off to Virgil. Virgil took it and looked at it like it was an alien object. Logan mimed chewing on the carrot stick and Virgil followed suit, now gnawing on that instead of his hand.

“Is spacing out one of those innocuous things that are a sign of an underlying problem?” Roman asked, sorting out everything to chop up on the cutting board.

“Dissociation isn’t just ‘spacing out’, Roman,” Logan corrected him distractedly, watching Virgil gnaw at the baby carrot while he processed.

“Oh, I thought it was the medical term for it. You drop those out of nowhere on me.” Roman chuckled breathily, his humour not returned to him enough for a genuine laugh.

“No, dissociation is the brain’s response to enough stress that the brain shuts down to protect itself from being traumatized. It looks like spacing out, but is a more severe version of it and is functionally different,” Logan explained tiredly.

“Wait, what? Logan, I swear, I didn’t even respond and just let him be! I certainly did nothing that wicked!” Roman shot in a defensive manner, his hands slamming on the counter.

“No, I believe you, darling. Children who have an issue with dissociating are often doing it because they have no other coping mechanisms, and it doesn’t have to be caused by anything major occurring or universally traumatizing. In the past, he possibly…” Logan trailed off while Roman took a deep breath to calm back down. “Oh. I knew he had mental health issues because no healthy child lashes out as much as he does—”

“Or would run away when you make him his favourite food,” Roman added, slightly exasperated.

“Yes, that too. But I mean… hold on. Virgil?” Logan tapped Virgil’s hand again, and Virgil’s eyes moved up to look at Logan. “Would you like to colour while we finish making dinner?” Logan asked, and Virgil took another moment to process before nodding. His head moved without his hand, and it knocked the gnawed carrot stick out of his mouth. Logan bent down to pick up the carrot and chucked it in the garbage, then went to gather Roman’s mandala colouring book and markers from the living room. He placed the collected items on the kitchen table and put his hand on Virgil’s back to lead him to the table. “You can colour with these on any empty page.” Logan handed Virgil a marker, and Virgil took it carefully, sitting down on a dining chair.

“Did he actually do something you suggested for fun without fighting about us not knowing him?” Roman asked warily, a single nervous chuckle breaking out. Virgil put the blanket on his lap and popped open the marker cap and clicked it closed.

“I do not want to cause him further stress by our discussion, and I am not sure if he can pay attention to more than one thing at a time,” Logan informed him why he temporarily derailed the conversation now that Virgil had something to do other than chew on himself.

Roman watched Virgil play with the marker caps a few more times, while Logan flipped to a random page in the colouring book for him. Virgil didn’t seem to notice, completely enthralled by the clicking pen cap until Logan took another marker and put a mark on the page, which drew Virgil’s attention. “You’re probably right about that,” Roman said, his tone mixed with amusement and apprehension.

“Roman, we might have made a mistake,” Logan stated plainly, pulling out a chair to sit sideways and face Roman. He didn’t sound upset, but Roman bristled at the idea alone.

“You said I did the right thing by not engaging when he screamed at me.” Roman’s face fell further, looking heartbroken.

“No, not about that. That was correct. He is still learning emotional regulation and giving him time to cool down was the correct thing to do, this situation aside. But I think we’ve been interpreting his behaviours wrong.” Logan quickly assuaged his husband’s insecurity, though he was feeling a little emotionally worn out himself.

“In what way?” Roman asked, already looking much better.

“I’m not saying all the episodes aren’t him lashing out due to frustration with his situation. Some of them still could be. He is in a difficult position as a foster child, and has limited resources to cope with all the things he has no agency in and his past houses that did not treat him well. But anger doesn’t always come from a sense of injustice or unfairness for your situation,” Logan answered, feeling more exhausted and guilty as things settled into place in his mind.

“I mean, he certainly has a good reason to feel the world isn’t fair to him,” Roman interjected matter-of-factly.

“While that is true, I mean that anger can sometimes just be a mask for the fear response. He’s afraid. More deeply than he might even know. Dissociation, at its core, is a stress response. And dissociating this severely when there wasn’t even a fight might be an indicator that Virgil has PTSD.” Logan rubbed his face and leaned back on the table, glancing at Virgil who had his tongue slightly out while colouring at the mandala messily with an indigo marker.

“Oh…” Roman uttered softly. “Oh, no.”

Logan watched Virgil colour as if there was nothing else happening in the kitchen at all. “Indeed.” Logan looked over to Roman, who was also watching Virgil with deep concern. “Instead of just trying to give him the space he requires to realize we’re here to support him and not control or hurt him, we should switch our focus to make him feel safer. Obviously, he still needs boundaries about his aggressive behaviour enforced. He cannot continue going through life being mad at the world and making it everyone else’s problem. But step one has to be that he recognizes he is safe before we even do that.”

“How do we do that? We’ve been trying to do so already,” Roman asked, his voice tinted with exasperation.

“Comfort and careful words, I suppose. I am unsure. I am not a mental health professional and there is sadly not a formula for this,” Logan replied, glancing over to Roman, who seemed amused, a small smile on his lips. Logan arched an eyebrow at him at that incredibly out-of-place reaction.

“Of course you’d want a formula for trust, teach.” Roman snickered slightly, turning back to the counter to return to preparing dinner.

“Well, one would certainly be nice!” Logan expressed sourly, running his hand through his hair.

Roman paused while cooking to lean and glance at Virgil, who had a blank look again, just holding the marker and staring at the colouring book. “... Do we need to take him to a clinic? He really doesn’t seem like he normally does,” he asked warily.

“No, that may stress him out more. A quiet evening should help. If he wakes up tomorrow still dissociated, then we should consider that to make sure he is okay, but shutting down from a stressful day is fairly normal, even if it rarely includes someone being this dissociated,” Logan answered, leaning on the table and feeling somewhat battered.

“I suppose it’s a good thing I’m already making comfort food. A movie after dinner, then? Virgil agreed to watch one before, so he might be more comfortable with it now,” Roman suggested, slightly more upbeat at the concept as he got back to cooking dinner.

“Yes, I’m not sure if he can do much else. We will just try to keep an eye to make sure he isn’t getting distressed. A lighthearted movie with low stakes, ideally. It would be best to monitor him until he seems more present. Him chewing into his cuticle enough for it to bleed without reacting might mean he’s not feeling pain right now, so he could seriously injure himself if left alone.” Logan ran his hand through his hair and adjusted his glasses.

“Will he be able to eat?” Roman asked warily.

“I believe so. He can colour and wash his hands, so he should be able to put a fork to his mouth and chew just as well,” Logan replied, feeling mildly relieved about that fact alone. He could feel reassured Virgil’s needs are met, if nothing else. It was difficult for Logan to not feel ineffectual and helpless in this situation.

Roman snorted a little laugh through his nose and Logan looked to Roman in puzzlement, and Roman was looking over to Virgil. Logan looked over and Virgil was chewing on a marker cap. Logan sighed and took it out of Virgil’s fingers and guided the hand holding the blanket back up to his mouth, which Virgil started chewing on the fabric without hesitation. “I don’t think getting him to put things in his mouth will be hard in hindsight, no,” Roman remarked with humour and smoothly returned to deftly cooking dinner.

“We might need to get him something designed to chew on. Though many people do not remember what happened during a dissociative episode, he might not understand why we are giving it to him.” Logan rubbed the bridge of his nose just under his glasses pads. “He doesn’t appreciate being treated like a child, so it might be another argument,” he added wearily.

“He might not remember this?” Roman asked with a pause, continuing to prepare food a few moments later. “He could probably use the calm evening after his day. I wonder how he even got an egg in his hair. He didn’t come home late enough to go to someone’s house,” he pointed out.

“It may have happened anywhere, things are chaotic when school gets out, and it is easy to miss student misconduct among the hoards of evacuating teens,” Logan stated with a small sigh, tossing a glance to Virgil who was still colouring and chewing his blanket. He was looking slightly better, though could use a hairbrush.

“It looked very wet still. It might have happened on the bus. Hopefully, he’ll be willing to answer who, so we can solve this. Whoever he’s been jousting with at school seems to keep escalating, and I am worried that Virgil may do the same,” Roman pointed out with a bitter twinge to his words.

“He… may very well be doing that. I would like to avoid Virgil getting in trouble at the school, but until we know what’s going on or who it is, there isn’t much we can do. We can try bribing him for information, but I do not want to set a precedent of doing that every time we need to communicate,” Logan agreed, feeling very lost on how to proceed. “I am used to things being straight-forward. Having a clear step to take to solve an issue. This is… very messy.”

“So might be Virgil once he gets a fork and this mac and cheese,” Roman joked airily, lifting the mood a little.

“He does seem to be acting very young at the moment. A napkin bib could be helpful since he has already showered,” Logan said with a small nod. “Hopefully, he will not bite me if I put one on him.” He smiled at the thought.

“Entering the chew-zone seems perilous for fingers,” Roman concurred cheekily. “I want a picture of him in a bib so badly, but he may very well try to kill me if he ever discovers it.” He shrugged his shoulders a little while he kept cooking.

“Getting pictures to show a therapist the dissociation might be a good idea.” Logan hummed, rubbing his chin in contemplation. “Perhaps just for medical purposes, though, just to avoid stoking his ire further. I doubt he would consent to us keeping those photos. I am sure you can get photos with him in the future, Roman. He just needs time,” he tried to reassure his moping husband.

“How does he not see how adorable he is?” Roman asked incredulously, moving over to the stove with his prepped ingredients and supplies. “I just want pictures to show my friends! And maybe the internet, though I don’t want his identity to get mixed up with my career. But my fans would love him, even with his identity hidden, I’m sure!” He declared enthusiastically. Roman gasped delightedly. “We could take a post mani-pedi selfie together!”

“Virgil most likely doesn’t want to be on your social media, darling. He has been adamantly against photos of himself,” Logan replied warily. Roman sagged slightly at the rebuttal.

“That is… very fair, considering. I hope he opens up about his interests soon. He could still want to try out new fashion and glamour products,” Roman stated slyly, stirring on the stove.

“I am aware you are enthusiastic, love, but please do not buy twenty outfits in the hopes he picks one. He could very well burn them in a pyre.” Logan rolled his eyes slightly, checking on Virgil again after Roman scoffed. He still seemed okay, at least for someone possibly not aware he was even in reality. The blanket looked wet with spittle, which caused Logan to grimace a little.

“Playing with fashion is important to figuring out your style, darling. I just want him to learn how fun self-expression can be. I’ve seen him glare at himself in the mirror. It’s just a shame, and it was fun for me when I was younger to try on being new people,” Roman explained himself, waving with his free hand while he stirred.

“Fair point, love. I perhaps am feeling sensitive about this whole situation. It is very hard to help someone who doesn’t want to be helped,” Logan conceded softly, casting a glance at Virgil again, who still didn’t seem aware of very much, but had switched markers.

“Showing him it is okay to be helped could be a good start. You were certainly very resistant to help when we met. What helped you decide to accept it?” Roman inquired, keeping his focus on the cooking.

“Largely your tenacity. I wanted you to shut up about it,” Logan said teasingly, but Roman only chuckled in response. “But perhaps also the concept of help being available and beneficial settling in. I had gotten too used to receiving poor help that resulted in more things I had to solve. We would have to learn what Virgil’s issue is. He could associate it with being rejected, punishment, or any other negative thing without knowing.” Logan weighed the options a moment. “Perhaps we could get him to play a word association game,” he suggested brightly, enticed by the concept.

“A great future plan for when he isn’t drooling on a blanket or screaming at us. One step at a time, my miraculous ray of light,” Roman reminded him softly, and Logan sighed and sagged at the table. There was a long pause of nothing but the sounds of cooking and the smells in the kitchen growing progressively tastier as they both stewed on the subject after that.

Roman was nearly done with cooking when he had the idea, and it hit him so suddenly he dropped the cooking utensil, which caused Logan to jump out of his solemn reverie. “Are you alright, Roman?”

“Do you know what is fun, rebellious, cool, and could give Virgil a sense of control over himself?” Roman asked cheerily, feeling very pleased with himself for coming up with the idea.

“We’re not getting him a motorcycle, Roman,” Logan joked flatly, causing Roman to chortle.

“No, no. We let him dye his own hair. He picks the colours and does it himself. If he could choose something about himself and make the change himself, he could be more open to trying it with other things in his life,” Roman explained his idea with glowing pride while he prepared dinner.

“Those chemicals could be very dangerous to children, Roman. I am not a fan of that idea. And what if it looks horrendous? He had no experience in hair dying and bullies at school could harass him over it,” Logan disapproved of the idea outright, pointing out what Roman seemed to overlook.

“We can either dye it back or just let it grow out and cut it off. It’s hair, it’s not permanent. And surely you can do it safely. I am absolutely positive that with enough research we can avoid issues, or so many children wouldn’t have it. And well, for the bullies… there’s not much they’re already not doing. I’m not sure that it matters unless he tells us who it is to help him. Maybe if they bully him for it, he might get mad enough at them to fess up, too.”

Logan stared at Roman for a moment, processing all that information. “That is a fair assessment. On the condition that we only provide him the dye if I can find a safer method, and he agrees to learn how to use it properly, it has the chance to have a very positive effect on Virgil’s life, as well. It may be worth the risk if he is enthusiastic about the idea,” Logan conceded to Roman, though his tone still wasn’t particularly agreeable. Roman beamed anyway, happy to win an argument and try something new.

Roman finished the meal humming a tune as Logan relaxed at the table, enjoying the smells of the kitchen while he rested, continuing to monitor Virgil. He seemed to have phases of coming slightly back to the present, including sniffing the air and looking around the room, but mostly he stayed focused on colouring and gnawing on his blanket. Roman’s cheer was infectious, and Logan couldn’t help but feel more hopeful as well. More information is always a good thing for Logan, and he now knew more of what the core issue was and Roman’s admittedly excellent suggestion to try. Perhaps it was a long day for everyone, but there was a warming dinner nearly ready, and they were all here together. They could still move forward, even if nobody knew how yet.

#tsss #sanders sides #ts sides #tsss fanfiction #sanders sides fanfiction #tsss fanfic #tss #tss fanfic #SaSi #SaSi fanfic #ts sides fanfic #ayri writes #teen!virgil #dad!logan #dad!roman #angst #hurt/comfort #foster to adoption au #whole castle

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a-small-batch-of-dragons · 2 years

Text

You Just Need to be Supported

Prompts: idk if you're still taking requests (or if this is even the right place to do it haha) but I just recently re-read You Don't Need To Be Cured and it stirred up A Lot of Feels (tm). I was wondering if I could request a sequel, or even just another work in that world of Logan with epilepsy. - anon

Hello :) Too shy so staying anon lol. Been following you for a while and I adore your writing! But if you're taking prompts I would love some hurt comfort logince? Pls? Doesn't really matter who is comforting who even if I have a bit of a Roman bias

Thanks :) - anon

Read on Ao3 Part 1

Warnings: discussion of epilepsy and seizures

Pairings: logince mainly

Word Count: 2816

Logan takes a deep breath and looks at the table once more. The solution looks so innocuous, barely darker then the water he has next to it. The flask is cool to the touch in his hand.

In the aftermath of a seizure, Roman and Logan talk.

Eventually, Logan’s arm begins to fall asleep and he sighs.

“I suppose I’d better get this over with.”

Roman frowns. “What, sorry?”

“Seeing everyone,” Logan grumbles, trying to push himself up, “talking to them.”

Roman doesn’t comment, not until Logan reaches out to steady himself as he heaves his head off the ground. “Is there a reason you said it like it was making Remus clean up all the snot he left on the couch?”

The memory of Remus’s truly impressive pout tugs at the corner of his mouth. “You may have one perspective on helping me, I do not anticipate everyone sharing yours. Nor your level of…understanding.”

“I feel like you’re not naming names for a reason.”

“You would be correct.”

Roman raises his hands. “Alright, fine, I get that. Do you want help standing right now or do you need another second to adjust to sitting up?”

Logan closes his eyes for a second, fighting the wave of dizziness. “One moment, if you please.”

Roman waits patiently, only adjusting his own costume where it pulled tight over his shoulders. Strange. Logan had assumed that the costume was designed to allow for a maximum range of movement, but the way it’s pulling at the seams under his arms and around his ribs implies that—

He closes his eyes again. Focus.

“Logan?”

“I’m here.” He opens his eyes to see Roman a respectful distance away. “Yes?”

“I was wondering if you wanted me to stay or if you wanted me to wait outside.” Roman nods toward the door. “I think you’re—well, I hope you’re comfortable with me remaining until I”m certain you’ll be fine to make it downstairs, but if me hovering will make it worse…”

Logan frowns.

“What?”

“Why are you…doing that?”

“Doing…what?”

“Being so transparent.” He narrows his eyes. “You’ve never spoken to me like that before.”

“Well, then I’ve been a shitty friend and it’s high time I start.”

“Yes. That.”

Roman sighs. “Logan, I’m—look, not being transparent with you is what got us—me—you know what I mean—into this mess in the first place.”

“…and you’re suddenly receptive to doing things differently now?”

Roman winces. “…yes?”

Logan glares at him until Roman pinches the bridge of his nose.

“I am not trying to pity you. I am worried because a dear friend of mine and someone who I consider my family just had a seizure that lasted almost half an hour. Said person has now expressed that my previous gestures of concern have been received badly and I am trying my best to change them. One of those attempts includes being franker about my intentions so that they can tell me what it is that would be more helpful and make them feel more supported.”

Oh.

He reaches out a hand. “Can you help me stand, please?”

Roman grasps his hand and pulls him up, remaining still and solid as Logan gets his bearings. He looks down and adjusts his costume, falling into what Logan has termed an ‘idle stance.’ Roman is…waiting for further instructions.

“…may I have my tie back, please?”

Roman passes it over and goes back to fiddling with his costume. Logan begins to try and fix his tie back around his neck, but he can’t stop himself from glancing back up at Roman who is doing an impressive job of paying just enough attention but not smothering him.

How he’s learned to do that is beyond Logan at the moment.

His hands start to shake.

He watches Roman’s hand twitch and quickly adjusts course to smooth his sash over his chest, checking for invisible wrinkles. He even turns, checking it all the way from his shoulder to his waist.

When Logan’s finished tying his tie, he adjusts his glasses and clears his throat. “I suppose we should go to the living room now.”

“If you want.”

“Roman…”

“I just don’t know where the others are going to be. I can—I mean, yeah. That’s it.”

“Being overly accommodating and appeasing is not helping.”

“Okay. Yeah. Let’s go to the living room.”

Logan follows Roman down the stairs, pausing when there isn’t anyone else around. Roman goes to the kitchen and fills a glass, taking a sip. He leans against the counter and pulls out his phone. Logan follows, filling his own glass and taking a long drink. He slumps next to Roman, head falling unconsciously onto his shoulder.

Roman stiffens slightly, but only for a moment. “You good?”

“Mm.” He furrows his brow. “Did you change your shampoo?”

“Uh, yeah. Yeah, I did.”

“This one is better.”

Roman snorts. “Thanks. Why, the smell?”

“Yes. The citrus suits you much better than the musk.”

A proper chuckle this time. “Remind me to consult you whenever I have to go to something in the Imagination that requires a fancy aftershave.”

They stand there for a few moments, accompanied by the low hum of the refrigerator and the occasional click of Roman’s phone. This is…nice.

“Roman?”

“Yeah?”

“Why don’t we…spend time together anymore?”

Roman’s shoulder moves slightly as he sets the phone down. “What do you mean?”

“We used to spend time together brainstorming,” Logan continues, his eyes slipping shut, “or going for walks in the Imagination, why don’t we do that anymore?”

There’s a pause. Then Roman shifts. “Part of it was because you started having seizures on the walks and they’re more dangerous in the Imagination.”

“How did you come to that conclusion?”

“I panic and I have less control over what gets made and it’s more likely that you get hurt.”

“Oh.” He adjusts his head. “What about outside the Imagination?”

A longer pause. Then he feels Roman’s head move and another sigh warms the top of his head. “Logan, up until a few minutes ago, I was convinced you hated me.”

Logan stiffens. “You what?”

“Or were at least indifferent to verging on annoyed toward me.”

He lifts his head up. Roman’s not looking at him. “Why?”

Roman’s expression twitches. “We fight all the time, Logan. Over stuff that doesn’t even matter, over stuff that does matter. You…well, you don’t get as outwardly emotional as I do in fights and when I am emotional you refuse to acknowledge me.”

That…is true.

“And you’re busy a lot of the time—which is fine, I mean, I am too—and when you’re not busy…” He hesitates. “Logan, you make spending time with me seem like a chore.”

His eyes widen. “I make you feel like you’re a chore?”

Roman looks at him. “Why, is that how I make you feel?”

“When it comes to my epilepsy, yes.”

He winces. “I did apologize for that, right?”

“You did.” Roman nods and looks away. “I…should also apologize. It was not my intention to make you feel as though spending time with you was a chore.”

“I figured as much.”

“And…you are not the only one who…treats me this way.”

“I know.”

Logan leans against the counter, hands behind his back. Roman stands with him, silent but unmoving. He can still smell the shampoo.

“I would like to start spending time together again,” he says carefully after a moment, “perhaps not in the Imagination, but…together.”

Roman turns his head, a small smile on his face. “Yeah, I’d like that.”

Logan nods. “Right, then.”

“Okay.”

He fiddles with his watch. “I…am a fan of this level of transparency.”

Roman chuckles. “I think Janus might not be.”

“Janus only cares if Thomas is lying, not us.”

“Aren’t we part of Thomas?”

Logan turns to level a death glare at Roman who, of course, bursts out laughing. He rolls his eyes. “You’re insufferable.”

“Aw, come on, Logan,” Roman says, gently nudging him, “if I wasn’t, you’d get bored.”

“…perhaps I would.”

“Hey, I heard noise, what the fuck is for—“

Virgil stumbles to a halt against the wall by the kitchen.

“Uh, hey.” He scratches the back of his head. “I, uh, didn’t realize you were up, L.”

He straightens a bit. “Yes, Virgil, I’m up.”

“Good. Good. You, uh…you okay?”

“Yes, Virgil. I’m fine.”

“Cool. Yeah, that’s…that’s real cool.” He fidgets with the end of his sleeves. “I, uh, I was coming to ask Princey what we’re doing for movie night but if you guys are busy—“

“No, it’s fine.”

“Oh.” Virgil glances at Roman. “Do we…have movie night plans?”

“Not that I’m aware of.”

“Oh.”

An awkward silence falls across the kitchen. Virgil shuffles. “What, um, what were you guys talking about?”

“Nothing.”

And, of course, Janus strides out of the shadows. “You called?”

“Jesus fuck,” Virgil hisses, “don’t do that, J.”

“Language!”

“F—“ Virgil’s hand slams over his mouth and he stomps on Janus’s foot.

“Ow!”

He gestures at his mouth until Janus rolls his eyes and waves a hand.

“Don’t do that either.”

“You’re the one with the foul mouth, kiddo.” Patton glances around the kitchen and his eyes land on Logan. “O-oh! Logan, you’re up!”

And so it begins.

“Yes, Patton, I am fine.”

“Oh, good, that’s really good, kiddo,” Patton beams. “It’s a relief to see you up and walking around.”

Logan hears Roman mutter something like ‘was I ever that bad? Jeez,’ and adjusts his glasses. “I suppose now is as good a time as any for this.”

“Oh, there’s no rush for anything, kiddo, take your time—“

“Patton,” Logan says over him, “if you could all gather in the living room, please?”

Roman is moving without protest, going to his normal place and sitting down. Virgil and Janus side-eye each other before shrugging and sitting down too. Patton lingers the longest, but when Logan steps past him he sits on the couch. Logan takes a deep breath and sits in his normal space.

“It’s come to my attention that there has been a lack of communication between us,” he starts, “and I would like to remedy it so that we do not have a repeat of today’s events.”

“Logan, we—“

“If I could finish.”

Virgil nods and sits on his hands.

“Thank you.” He takes a deep breath. “Roman has…mentioned that he was not aware of the fact that I have been interpreting your attempts to accommodate and support me as pity.”

Patton opens his mouth but Janus shakes his head.

“I understand that your intentions are good, but you have not—“ Logan pauses— “my apologies. Instead of making me feel supported, they have made me feel pitied. And as though it is a chore to deal with.”

“You’re not a chore,” Virgil mutters under his breath.

“I know, but that is how it makes me feel. Additionally—“ he glances at Roman who nods encouragingly— “there have been moments where you view me as just my disability and not as a person. You do not seem to trust that I know my limits and am capable of setting my own boundaries.”

“That isn’t my intention,” Patton says quietly, “but that doesn’t change the fact that you got hurt by it. I’m sorry, kiddo.”

“Me too.”

Everyone looks at Janus who shifts on the couch. “This is a…surprising amount of honesty from you, Logan.”

Roman mouths ‘told you’ over his shoulder.

“Not that it’s a bad thing,” Janus says quickly, “just…wasn’t expecting it.”

“Seeing as how a lack of communication is the reason this issue has become so out of control, I fail to see the logic in how continuing to not communicate will resolve it.”

“I suppose that’s fair.” He bows his head. “I apologize.”

Logan nods.

“What would you like us to do,” Roman asks, “or change?”

“Don’t have conversations about me or my epilepsy without me. If you have a question, ask me directly.”

Virgil nods. “Anything else?”

“When we compile trigger lists for media to consume, continue including epilepsy warnings, but that should not discount something entirely. Make note of when it appears and let me know.”

“Can do.”

Patton raises his hand. “What about when you do have a seizure?”

“Putting me in the recovery position works, ensuring I don’t succumb to any serious injury is good, but you do not all need to be there every time.” He nods to Roman. “What Roman did after this particular episode was most helpful.”

“Princey? What’d you do?”

“I waited until he spoke to me and asked for help before I did anything. Then we talked about GABA.”

“GABA? What’s that?”

“Primary inhibitory neurotransmitter.” He jerks his head toward Logan. “When you don’t have enough of it, it can cause epilepsy.”

Logan’s chest swells. He was paying attention.

“Huh. That’s cool.” Virgil looks back at Logan. “Anything else for afterward?”

“I don’t require all of the…soft voices and looks of concern. Simply asking if I’m alright and providing assistance when needed is sufficient.”

Patton nods. “Thank you for telling us, Logan. Is there…anything else we should know?”

“That’s all that’s coming to mind at the moment.”

“Okay.”

Roman claps his hands. “Great! Now, Virgil said something about movie night?”

“Right. We, uh, is it supposed to be today? My calendar got all messed up when I updated my phone.”

“Oh, the iOS upgrade?”

“Yeah. I shouldn’t have done it yet, a bunch of people were saying it totally bricked their phones.”

Logan frowns. “’Bricked?’”

“Made them useless. Shut them down, they don’t work anymore.”

“Ah.”

“I think we had a movie night scheduled,” Janus muses, scrolling through his phone, “but that’s not until later. After dinner.”

“What’re we doing for dinner?”

“Patton and I were going to make pizza.”

Roman snickers. “Again? After what happened last time?”

Janus chucks a pillow at his head. “For your information, dear, that wasn’t my fault at all.”

“I don’t know, Bananaconda, I’m pretty sure that—“

“Hey!”

“Kiddos,” Patton scolds, “enough. If the pizza doesn’t work, we have enough for sandwiches and the fries should be just fine.”

Roman takes the pillow off his face and grins. “Works for me. What are we watching?”

Logan clears his throat. “What about Venom?”

A pause. A long pause. Logan braces himself for someone to say it when—

“Ooh, wait, can we do a double movie night with Carnage afterward?” Roman bounces up and down. “Pretty please?”

Patton shrugs. “I don’t see why not. I don’t think Thomas has plans tomorrow.”

“I don’t know if I’ve still got the squick list from last time,” Virgil says, pulling out his phone, “but I gotta put together the Carnage one anyway, so it’s fine.”

The pressure in Logan’s chest releases as they continue planning the movie night. They listened to him. They actually listened.

Only when Roman’s expression softens infinitesimally does he realize he’s smiling.

“Okay, deal,” Virgil says, stowing his phone in his pocket, “so we’re doing both after dinner. You wanna get started at what, like, 6?”

“Can we eat while we watch the first one?”

“Sure, works for me.”

“In that case—“ Patton gets up and rubs his hands together— “Janus, we should get started soon.”

Janus gets up and heads to the kitchen with Patton as Virgil tips them a lazy salute and sinks out. Roman looks up at him and grins.

“I think that went well, don’t you?”

“Mm.” Logan shifts. “I…there are still several hours before we are scheduled to begin.”

“Yeah?”

“Would you…be opposed to a brainstorm?”

Roman’s grin widens. “I thought you’d never ask.”

He bounces to his feet and follows Logan up the stairs, pausing when they get to the top.

“Can I meet you? I need to grab my notebook.”

Logan nods. “Roman?”

He pauses, turning. “What is it?”

Transparency. Transparency. Transparency. “I…if you were the one doing the comforting, I do not believe I would…mind as much.”

Roman frowns, coming closer. “What do you mean?”

Logan twists his hands together, looking away. “What you did today was…good.”

“You said as much,” Roman says, but his voice has already dropped into the low comforting register and they both realize it at the same time. Roman’s eyes widen and he steps back. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to.”

Logan catches his arm as he goes to pull away. “No, that’s—that’s what I mean.”

He takes a deep breath.

“If…if it’s you…I’ll know what you mean.”

He feels more than sees Roman’s gaze roaming his face before understanding clicks. “If I—the way I normally comfort people, if I do that after a bad episode, is that…?”

Logan nods.

“Okay. Thank you for telling me.”

“Only bad ones.”

“Only bad ones.” Roman squeezes his hand. “Should I still go get my notebook?”

“Yes. Shall we meet in my room?”

“Whatever you say, Specs.”

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