#in a few days we can try again

[simgerale]

me after attempting to get back into sims and realizing i had a lot more to do than play the game

#hi everyone #I’m going around hugging you all #okay now that we are gathered here today #i will simply acknowledge that i have been gone for a very long time and then also acknowledge that maybe it was for the best #i relied on sims to be my only creative activity even if i tried to write a book at the same time #and also. i prioritized sims over real life responsibilities. that’s just a deadly combination lol #but I recently noticed I just replaced sims with Netflix. with YouTube. with anything that gave me quick dopamine #literally became addicted in a sense. still am but I’ve been cut cold turkey from most everything #I get off work and go. okay I’ve done the dishes and the laundry……..I could read or write or bake…. #I try to write and sometimes i get a good hour #then I read for a few hours and then get tired of it #and I made cookies Tuesday so I’m waiting for those to be gone before baking again #I’m just so pitiful that I feel BORED and don’t know what to do #so I said….. okay what if I do sims for an hour. #I downloaded some new cc Tuesday and tried to play yesterday #y’all ……………….. I can’t find the energy anymore to set up elaborate scenes and pose my sims and plan posts #I said wow… this is boring without my intervention and fake story #I said wow…….. all this for what? for tumblr? yes I created cool things and provided joy. but is that inherintly important compared to my #own joy? my own everyday activities I should be doing? #y’all I do not leave the house unless we got out to eat or shop or travel to our parents #.. I have little desire to. I’m trying to find that desire #but my husband is busy with grad school and work and I don’t want to do anything by myself #I’ve found myself in one heck of a slump #I didn’t want to be human for awhile. just had no desires no interests no ambitions #I was slacking off SO HARD at work. I just had no drive to do well #I’m still working on it. I’m still trying to get caught up. I’m still trying to force myself to move every day. #but I am struggling y’all. and I can tell you that sims… sims isn’t helping rn but I want it to so bad. I want to get back into it #I didn’t mean to disappear on everyone. I got married and then life got busy and then I fell into this hole of nothing #I didn’t even WANT to crawl my way out. but my husband has helped a lot. I feel like such a child!!!! #I reached max tags. 🙃 bye love you all. till next time

[ineed-to-sleep]

Just as a general life update bc I'm a bit absent lately, but I went on a date on sunday!!! First date with a stranger I ever went to and I nearly died of anxiety I was shaking like a chihuahua but I did it!!!!!!!! LOOK AT ME GO

#ok he wasn't a total stranger I'd talked to him for a few days prior on tinder #but I'd never even seen him before so it was v scary!! I had no idea what he'd be like irl #but it was very nice and he actually seemed more nervous than me fjcjkvkf which I didn't think would be the case but well #that's the way it was #it went super well like we got along really well #talking face to face was way better than through text #and we kissed!! I really went in expecting nothing and got a few smooches out of it would you look at that #plus he's bi and has adhd too so it was like bi to bi communication clown to clown communication yk how it is #honestly after this I'm never getting involved with a heterosexual man again. only bi men understand me #he was NICE he was POLITE he was interested in what I had to say he was respectful he was cute he appreciated my masculinity AND. #he smelled good #a cishet man could never #sleep.txt #anyway sorry for the gushing rant djfkkckv in conclusion I just wanted to say that #I realized that pushing through the anxiety pays off(as opposed to trying to like. 'fix it' first) #and getting involved w queer ppl as a queer person can really pay off too #ofc there's situations where it might not go well but when it does. then it really does

[anandasamsara]

SIMPLE COMMISSIONS OPEN

Ok, i cant find any other job nor other way to make some money rn. I still have to pay 450 for credit card, that we used to buy groceries, 450 for electricity and at least mom's phone. Ideally, 700 that we owe for the apartment payments, but we can keep pretending it doesnt matter as much.

So, opening sketch and whump comms bc i cant bring myself to do more than that rn. I can barely bring myself to draw at all. I could even toss some notion of nsfw for an extra 10 bucks.

Prices, how-to's and more info >>here<<

Im relatively desperate, bc even tho i managed to pay the internet bill, it doesnt matter if electricity is cut down, specially as we're having heat waves of about 40C for the last week with no end in sight.

(I listed the amount i need in brazilian real, so it would be around 250usd. 400usd if we count the apartment things that im ignoring.)

#emergency commissions #commissions #help an artist #thankfully my aunt decided to buy us some groceries but it wont last much #paid a few bills with money my friends gave me as a christmas present but im still very embarassed by the need #even more so that i didnt manage to make it last more than a month #also my dad being home is becoming a problem #me and mom are trying to eat less so we can keep having food for longer #and he spends the whole day eating everything he sees #its been hard and i dont want to ask for help but i dont know what else to do #no one else will help bc we have a capable man at the house and why cant he go back to the job HE ACTUALLY HAS to keep us afloat #but he doesnt want to so now i have to take care of the bills myself #doesnt matter that i was fired bc the computer can do the same work i did #im very tired and trying to not spiral into depression yet again

[piplupod]

also while im at it (and by it i mean probably making a fool of myself) i do want to say when i say that i am kind of stupid i am being so genuine. my reading comprehension is so dirt poor.

school did a shit job of teaching me anything and i suppose then it should've been on me to fill in the gaps (grand canyon sized gaps in this case but i digress) but i was struggling just to get thru the days as it was. in english class i learned to just ask my classmates what they thought the answer was to symbolism/meaning questions and then sift thru what they said to find the bits that seemed correct (based on patterns i'd noticed in previous assignments of books/plays/films/etc) and then mash it together until it resembled an original idea. so i never actually learned to think for myself and i'm SOOO MAD at myself for that. did i get thru school with decent grades because of it? yeah sure. but now i haven't even done anything w those good grades except take a couple office admin and accounting/bookkeeping college certificates that im never going to use bc [gestures at my whole situation].

and now i've got piss poor reading comprehension, and i feel foolishly proud of myself when i watch a movie and i figure smth out independently that i then end up learning is like... baby's first symbolism. just skimming the surface of understanding. the sort of thing that everyone else figured out right off the bat and it took me maybe two days of analyzing the movie to figure it out.

head in my hands !!!!!!

#i vaguely attempted to bring this up to my mother the other day #in a sort of . laughing at myself way. #and she basically said ''oh well we all have our strengths :)'' and implied that i would not be able to like... improve this #anyways i need to go start reading books again properly and get into fucking highschool reading lists or smth #where they've got like. book club questions written at the back of the book sort of thing. #if anyone wants to join me in my endeavour we can start a little book club or smth. i say knowing full well im terrified of socializing #i miss when there was a book club in like... grade 5 or 6... it was so fun to discuss books with a few classmates ;-; #also im writing this as if im talking to someone who is going to bite my head off - sorry if it comes across as aggressive or caustic 😭 #i get nervous and start thinking everyone is shaking their heads at me and being annoyed by me constantly #and then end up writing things sarcastically to like. try to avoid ppl being shitty. but that never works so idk why i keep doing that fjks #pippen needs 2nd breakfast

[batsinurbelfrey]

.

#I hate when someone you really care for decides your friendship is over For You #because of a perceived wrong on their end that you would never hold against them #but they assume you simply MUST be secretly #its such a self sabotage and it hurts BOTH parties and yet theres nothing the other person can do because you took that choice from them #i want to stay by your side. YOU want me by your side! and YET...... #i miss her. we are BOTH disabled i never had and never WILL hold flaking on plans for health reasons against her #yet every time she had to i could tell there was such GUILT and FEAR no matter WHAT i said to try to dispell it #that i really understood and that her health is ALWAYS more important and that i'll be here whenever shes ready #she had to cancel on me a few months ago again. and she hasnt answered a single call or text from me since... #and i can just......Feel It..... #i hope she lets me back in some day. i care for her so deeply #and i miss her.

[tianhai03]

another C’s coloring post! my sparda twins body type headcanons but now in Color

#im running out of things to say for their submissions im so sorry <///3 #C is like single handedly keeping my blog alive rn while i struggle with getting work done everyone thank them #also the flags werent there originally but their additions mean a lot to me thank you C :') #fan's colorings #devil may cry #vergil(dmc) #dante(dmc) #beep beep from here on out it's gonna be my ramblings for C bc once again i have no other ways to talk to them so you guys can stop reading #C your speed in doing these is like. scaring me youre almost submitting one every other day ASJKDHASKJDHJASK #and as much as i want people to appreciate your stuff i think we should slow things down a bit #(and i think its about time i drew something new for you to color as well lmao i havent posted any new drawings in a while) #so maybe you should try spending more time on each piece! maybe try experimenting with new coloring style! smth like that idk #if you dont want to thats understandable too youve been improving already #but i think i'll wait till you submit a few more first before i post them together #yknow just so im not posting way too frequently; and you wont feel like you need to keep making more! #remember to take breaks! take care and have a nice day :) #allyart

[sharkneto]

I just browsed through your anti-mcu tag and now am filled with fury (at disney ofc, not you)👍🏼

god it's so disappointing. i genuinely loved the mcu movies and all of that back in their heyday - captain america until... hmmm, antman? maybe? i was a big fan. yeah there were some clunkers in there, but overall they felt fun and i liked the characters.

and then they just ran it into the fucking ground. i feel like them introducing spiderman was the real turning point for me (tom holland is a great peter parker, i just don't like how they've written him/what they've done with the character and that's not his fault. why is he a tiny tony stark why did they do that put him back in his natural habitat of broke normal teen). i'm all for different interpretations of characters, but it felt like that was the point where i realized "oh, they don't care, do they". and then it was a long slide from there, with the final straw being goddamn Endgame (fuck that movie, it's so bad, i'm still angry about it).

the most frustrating thing is how avoidable the slide was. they got too greedy, reached to fast, were more worried about setting up their next movie than making the movie you're currently watching good. on top of that, their insane rate of release and how unplanned all their shit is exasperates how shit they treat their animators, plus their ridiculous fear of spoilers so they treat their actors like shit. if your movie is going to fall apart because of One Single Spoiler, maybe write a better movie???? just a suggestion

it's absolutely insane. marvel really should have been the cashcow that kept on giving forever, but they milked it too hard and still haven't stopped and we're all begging them to either give the cow a break or shoot the damn cow and put it out of its misery, but here we are getting a new marvel movie every month and people are still going to them and making them shitloads of money. it's exhausting

i'm willing to watch bad movies, i don't mind bad movies (Venom, my fucking beloved), but i'm not going to enjoy bad movies that don't have any passion to them and actively make people's lives worse. if you're exploiting people to this degree and you're still turning out shit, what's the fucking point

#i miss being excited for superhero movies #i really do #i love the characters! #i still use the avengers as backup immediate characters and plot device when i'm daydreaming stories in my head #to fill time and i'm not working on plotting actual fic #those early days of superhero movies were so much fun #x-men and the original spideys #maybe one day animators will get a union and they can strike and then it will make marvel take a step back #and they will slow down and actually give their actors entire scripts and let them act together on actual sets instead of greenscreen #and we'll get a good movie again #before anyone comes at me i know a few have been good #i hear black panther 2 was very good #but we all know the overall trajectory and what's been put out has been Not Good #stop trying to tie everythign together and just let a self contained story happen! i'm begging! #anti mcu #ask response

[chennnington]

It's kinda pathetic how I just googled "how to call in sick" cause I have never done this in my entire life. What do I say? How hard will the doctor judge me? Will she agree that I'm sick enough? Do I just go "okay" and go back home to my desk and work if she thinks I'm fine? And even if she agrees I'm sick enough, is there any paperwork? Do I have to make any additional phone calls? Won't it be easier to just work instead of trying to figure this out?

#by now I think I know how things work and I have some coworkers I can ask who won't laugh at me #my main issue is that it'd feel like lying #I mean sure I cry at work every day or feel paralyzed and I have some physical stuff going on that may be the result of stress #but I'm also alive and breathing and my job is just being on the computer and reading and typing #you can pretty much always do that unless you're in a coma #and a doctor is mainly focused on physical health. maybe they have the same opinion on mental health as the external dude? #like 'we all have problems. deal with them yourself and don't bring them into work cause that affects the entire team' #I guess you could call 'pull yourself together' my life motto cause I've heard that from so many people for my entire life #and as they say: if you have the same problem everywhere then you might be the problem #I guess I just have to try harder instead of whining and running away #I always sucked at running anyway #and I have an entire weekend to beat myself back into shape for the next week #haha actually I have a sword seminar and tournament on Sunday so others will do the beating up #unfortunately it's unlikely that I'll suffer any serious injuries that'll put me in hospital #but maybe breaking a few fingers would be enough for a short break? #cause with my lack of proper gloves that's not impossible #but then again I once broke my hand and it didn't count as being sick and I just kept attending my college lessons #maybe if they break all my fingers so I can't type. but that's unlikely and takes at least two hits I think

[nimue-hidden-lake]

I'm growing more desperate...

I saw both unevolved and evolved artworks... I'm getting beyond desperate here! I need this card augh! Please Gentaro, just come home!

It wouldn't be so bad if this had not happened yesterday...

Two SSRs, but both are the wrong one... GENTARO! PLEASE STOP MESSING WITH ME AND JUST COME HOME! I'M ON MY KNEES HERE!

#Nimue's Whispers #Nimue's Beloved #Sweet Words #We are back to 'Eve is being messed with'... Great... This man is onto driving me insane again... #The card looks so good though (in my opinion) I REALLY NEED IT AAA! #I will try to grind more and pull as much as I can. I only got a few days left... Oh the misery... #Luckily Dice's birthday is a bit away after this... So I can save (in b4 they screw me over by releasing his Ultimate shortly after) #f/o community #fictional other community #romantic f/o #hypnosis mic alternative rap battle #hypnosis mic arb #hypmic arb #gentaro yumeno #yumeno gentaro #hypmic gentaro

[dbphantom]

LUFFY CHARM'S CHAIN SNAPPED 😭😭😭

#I got VERY lucky tonight. Oh my god. It broke in my pocket on the car ride home and not during the concert #A problem for tomorrow (while I'm watching the new episode) because I have not slept in 3 days. Gonna go do that now 👍 #Does Amazon sell replacement phone charm straps? I feel like they would #Ignore my bag o masks in the background lol I keep a handful of disposable/reusable ones in there so I can grab one when I'm going out #Cruddy rambles #I'm seriously about to start crying over how grateful I am I didn't lose him. He was a gift from Callie!! #He's been with me since high school! #That's at least 7 years! Probably more! #Okay. Granted. When we lost contact I put him on my model pirate ship for a few years. #But still now that we're in touch again he's been coming out with me again #HE MEANS A LOT TO ME THATS WHAT IM TRYING TO SAY

[scionshtola]

man h*rmes really just. did not have the tools to help m*teion properly process all that despair. and how could he! no one else had them (the flowers were always white!). but he cared about her. and he wanted her to go out and learn how to deal with despair and more (in the course of your long journey you will learn from those you meet. learn to walk and run and so much more). and it’s just so sad to me. if he knew how to handle his own despair, if he knew that everyone had to find their own reason for living, he wouldn’t have needed to send her out in the first place.

#sorry about the asterisks but once i made a half joking post about v*nat and a few days later someone was talking about it in the tags like #i was serious. and if that happens to me again i’ll implode so #anyway i think about this alllll the time 😭 like how could he help her!! he didn’t know! and no one else gets it! #after ktisis they just wear him down saying over and over ‘you can just remake those creatures that died’ as if that were the point #until he just conformed to what everyone else did #the first time he ever saw the flowers change color for someone else was meeting the wol 😭 #anyway this is why i’m firm in my belief that if the ancients knew about m*teion and found a way to reach her they would not have treated #her the way we do. they were already being unkind to her before any of this happened bc they don’t see her as a real person #btw speaking of not seeing someone as a real person you know who didn’t see cori as real— #[i am forcibly yanked offstage] #i need a text post tag #while i was trying to remember an exact quote i saw someone call him a hypocrite which is a whole other post i’ll leave it at this for now

[impossible-rat-babies]

tank cheese leads to funny crab time

#it was a lot of fun actually I adore getting up to stuff w my friend #we’re like. hey you wanna try this? and then we go do it #sigmascape savage was still my favorite of us saying fuck it we ball #it was so much fun figuring it out with the two of us #and then a few months later we did it again w another friend + my friends alt and it was fun yet again #but yeah the cheese w two well geared tanks + food went so nice #I’ve wanted this sucker since we did the fight many months ago w an actual party and we only eeked out two clears #maybe one day kefka can be cheesed by alas it is still a struggle w him #you can’t be as disrespectful w his mechanics as you can others #Owen plays ffxiv

[chemicalbrew]

achievement get (for the billionth time): take one look at an assignment and get severely overwhelmed AND discouraged for the rest of the day and do nothing

#it's so much and it's dishonest work!! literally dishonest because all i can think of is how bullshit a lot of it sounds. instead of #you know? #actually learning anything? #but this thorough lack of motivation is just gonna get me in trouble isnt it. how do i swallow my emotions and figure things out #its getting harder every year and the feeling that the few people i have close by do not ever truly understand - like at all - is horrifyin #yes sorry this is all i could think of for the past six hours. im having a great day (no im not. i also hate myself for feeling this way) #zero.txt #im sure it hurts the few people who care and who thought i'd actually go on to do things to see me constantly wallowing for reasons #that they refuse to comprehend or have compassion for. #just stop being sad! just get to work piece by piece! have some resilience #meanwhile all ive done is cry. maybe a part of me just likes feeling like this i DONT KNOW #and ofc so often im like. the only reason im still around is im quiet and they havent invented thought police #yet. #how can i have hope when the moment i decide to pluck a silver of it out of my core i read something that in a better world would not even- #-be a nightmare #like. you say things like that with your mouth and expect us to mindlessly repeat if we want anything in life... #fuck my stupid baka life <3 #ugh im just going in yet another circle now when i know trying to put my feelings in words is not helpful. what IS helpful #negative #again sorry. at least you dont have to open this wall of tags #delete later #maybe

[johndonneswife]

someone really should be talking about how difficult it is to plan a wedding - a gay wedding - when both of your families fucking suck

#who is talking about this!!!! let me know #idk i have 0 expectations for my family but they still somehow always manage to let me down which #i was anticipating #and i didn’t think i would care because i have never cared before #but liiiiiike. #i wasn’t expecting to feel sad rofl but my family is so fucking flaky. again i KNOW THIS i know i cannot rely on any of them #it’s annoying when i have given them a year and a half to make plans and i have had so many people tell me they would be there #just to back out or ghost or come up with some excuse #like do you know how expensive weddings are 😭 JUST fucking be honest with me and rsvp no #anyway i was very intentional with the few family members i did invite #and specifically invited people i have a rapport with / had a good (ish lol) relationship with growing up #people i have bent over backwards trying to please!!! and dropping everything to help them out #and they can’t even be bothered to communicate with me lol it’s fine. like. i do feel like it’s internalized homophobia at this point #or maybe they have hated me this entire time which is totally plausible #but they KNOW how much ayesha means to me and knows that no one from her family is coming to our wedding #at the end of the day it’s going to be like. 5 people from my family 1 from ayesha’s (her brother) and like 30-40 friends #which i am so grateful for obviously #i sound like such a brat but it’s also like - watching your family continuously choose drugs/alcohol over showing up for you - lol #AGAIN i’m used to this and expected as much but i’m still feeling bad #just rsvp so i can move on with my life please. stop telling me you’re trying to make it work when we both know you aren’t #i have so much more to say but i’m going to sound crazy even though i knooooow it is homophobia like i Know it #i think there are certain people i will finally go no contact with for good after this #which is a freeing thought but i only invited v few family members to begin with. there’s abt to be no one left lmao #probably for the best #ugh whatever #again i can’t help but feel a certain way when they have done more/traveled further for relatives they hardly know #meanwhile i was forced to spend so much of my life living for these people and for them alone #AAAAAAAA i just want to scream #text

[thefearhas]

get to know me tag game

Saw this and now I'm doing it, thank you @loserlesbianongsa!

RULES: bold the ones that are true and tag 15 people to do it.

APPEARANCE

Blonde hair // I prefer loose(ish) clothing to tight clothing // I have one or more piercings // I have at least one tattoo // I have dyed or highlighted my hair // I have gotten plastic surgery // I have or had braces // I sunburn easily // I have freckles // I paint my nails // I typically wear makeup // I don’t often smile // I am pleased with how I look // I prefer Nike to Adidas // I wear baseball hats backwards

HOBBIES AND TALENTS

I play a sport // I can play an instrument // I am artistic // I know more than one language // I have won a trophy in some sort of competition // I can cook or bake without a recipe // I know how to swim // I enjoy writing // I can do origami // I prefer movies to tv shows // I can execute a perfect somersault // I enjoy singing // I could survive in the wild on my own // I have read a new book series this year // I enjoy spending time with (a) friends // I travel during work or school breaks // I can do a handstand

RELATIONSHIP

I am in a relationship // I have been single for over a year // I have a crush // I have a best friend who I’ve known for ten years // My parents are together // I have dated my best friend // I am adopted // My crush has confessed to me // I have a long distance relationship // I am an only child // I give advice to my friends // I have made an online friend // I met up with someone I have met online

AESTHETICS

I have heard the ocean in a conch shell // I have watched the sun rise // I enjoy rainy days // I have slept under the stars // I meditate outside // the sound of chirping calms me // I enjoy the smell of the beach // I know what snow tastes like // I listen to music to fall asleep // I enjoy thunderstorms // I enjoy cloud watching // I have attended a bonfire // I pay close attention to colors // I find mystery in the ocean // I enjoy hiking on nature paths // autumn is my favorite season

MISCELLANEOUS

I can fall asleep in a moving vehicle // I am the mom friend // I live by a certain quote // I like the smell of sharpies // I am involved in extracurricular activities // I enjoy Mexican food // I can drive a stick shift // I believe in true love // I make up scenarios to fall asleep // I sing in the shower // I wish I lived in a video game // I have a canopy above my bed // I am multiracial // I am a redhead // I own at least 3 dogs

Tagging @hoppipolla and @zerberosa and anyone who sees this and wants to do it :), no pressure though!

#I thought I would bold more but I guess this is it :)) #Changed my nose stud to a nose ring a few weeks ago I think my face and nose really suit a nose piercing I'm glad I decided to get one :)) #Ngl at first I thought hm.. I don't travel too much but even going to the same place very often can actually be described as travelling.. #Those very very long car drives are kind of travelling I can't deny it.😭 #I want to be able to confidently say I can speak three languages kind of fluently. But my skills are not good enough.. yet. #I'm working on it. And even if my English is not fluent I am able to speak it and that's enough for now :) #I bleached my hair for the third time last year and now it's a bit damaged.. #The first two times my hair did not get this damaged..😔 But it's okay thankfully I love my natural hair colour too much to bleach all #my hair so I only ever got a few blonde strands :) #Also the Mexican food one.. it's not like I dislike it I just don't think I have ever really tried something authentic? #I don't know. I kind of want to try food from cultures I've never tried before but I need someone to come with. #There is actually a friend who suggested to go to a Mexican restaurant and she also said that she wants to try Vietnamese food.. #I'm gonna text her when I have time again. #It's getting really unrelated here but I would really like to try homemade kimchi one day because I want to compare it to something #I know from my culture bc I read that it's a bit similar. #I watched a Korean street food video with my mum a few months ago and there were a few dishes that locked similar to food we know. #Everything looked so interesting. I'm rambling but it's okay.

[likegoldintheair]

i think i've been experiencing some kind of anticipatory grief this past week (or two weeks or maybe even months; but especially these past few days) where it felt like every moment i spent doing anything other than memorizing my dad's voice or his hugs or even the smell of his laundry detergent was a moment wasted like i've been scrambling to try to piece together all these fragmented memories i have of him in my childhood asking him questions about everything and anything and spending hours listening to him talk about his photographies about his memories about him and his life because what if i don't and then it's too late and then i'll never know and it's such a strange thing because i was talking to him today making plans for next weekend and for the summer and all i could think was i miss you i miss you i miss you which is ridiculous because he's still here

#i think it might hit a little bit harder this week #because it was the anniversary of my grandma's death a few days ago #which is another kind of grief in and of itself #what with the whole realizing that i can barely remember her voice anymore no matter how hard i try #i just hear my own voice trying to impersonate her instead #and i talked to my mom about it #which. another kind of grief again #for a million different reasons #but i talked to her about it and we haven't really talked about any of it ever #so maybe this is both an open wound and a healing one all at the same time #who knows #personal