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#in case it isn't clear this is a little character study (kind of
stellamancer · 7 months
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(though we may) fall apart - reader x satoru gojo
notes: uh. so this started as a vent fic and it kind of evolved into this. in some ways it kind of feels like a character study, but writing from gojo's perspective is uh. a ride. additionally, this is meant to be a companion fic to between the moon's divide, though it's not required reading (especially since this fic takes place before that one).
contains: fem!reader (no gendered terms, no physical descriptions, but implied to be smaller than gojo if you look closely enough), gojo's absolutely bonkers pov, hurt/comfort, physical violence (in which reader punches gojo), mentions of anxiety and mental breakdowns
wc: 4.3k -> [read on ao3; account required]
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Satoru has good eyes.
Not just in the sense that they're beautiful— because they are: clear as the daytime sky and bright as the stars in the night. His eyes, a breathtaking shade of blue, have been a source of admiration and envy all his life, captivating and entrancing people left and right, but their sheer beauty isn't even the best thing about them.
It's the fact that his eyes let him see, let him really see.
Perceptiveness is not a skill that Satoru Gojo has ever had to learn, but one that's been thrust upon him, branded into the hue of his eyes. There's very little that he doesn't notice– that he doesn't see. From subtle shifts in body language to the ebb and flow of cursed energy, there is almost nothing that isn't laid bare before Satoru's Six Eyes.
That's how Satoru knows that something is wrong.
To your credit, you’re very good at hiding it— years of practice paying off in full. No one seems none the wiser when you smile and say you’re fine. Satoru wonders if they actually believe you or if they just don’t want to open that can of worms, but he can tell— from the faint, yet dissonant undercurrent in your voice that you are anything but fine.
The fact that your cursed energy is wound tightly around your form, like a protective cocoon doesn’t help your case either.
But that’s probably something only Satoru, with his Six Eyes, can discern.
He makes it a point to not call you out for your deception in front of everyone— you like to wear a brave face, so he’ll be nice enough to not tear it down in front of everyone to see. Besides, if he did that, he would lose major brownie points with you, and he can’t be having that.
Satoru watches with careful eyes as you take the first chance you possibly can to dip from the conversation the other sorcerers have roped you into about recent missions. You say you’re going to go find food, but Satoru knows that you’re really saying that you’re going to go find somewhere to fall apart in peace, in solitude.
He’s nice enough to let you have your lies, but letting you have that is going way too far.
Satoru follows after you at a distance, feeling generous enough to let you have some semblance of space as you amble down the hallways of the school. Must be looking for some secluded classroom or something. It would probably be better for you to go home— that would probably be the best place for you to cry your little heart out, but you’re probably not thinking straight.
Lucky him.
You arrive at your destination, a classroom tucked away in the corner of the building and scurry inside, not even looking back as you slide the door shut behind you. Would you have even noticed Satoru standing there if you had looked? Or would your despair have clouded your vision? Satoru’s eyes narrow just slightly at the thought of that; somehow, he doesn’t like it.
All the more reason to rip that facade right off your face.
It takes everything in him to not march straight into that classroom and terrorize you until you forget whatever it is that’s upsetting you. Satoru reminds himself that he’s being kind— being generous and letting you have a few moments for yourself. Not that he’d really know, but he’s heard crying is cathartic, so it’s probably best to let you shed a few tears before he swoops in like the dashing leading man that he is. For now, he’ll just wait at the door and give you a few minutes.
But then he hears it— the sound of a soft, strangled sob, and before Satoru knows it, the door is flying open and he’s entering the threshold of the classroom.
You glare at Satoru and he knows you’re trying your best to look as furious as possible, but the watery eyes and wobbly lips really dampen the heat of your gaze.
He shuts the door behind him before he speaks, “It’s kind of creepy to cry alone in a classroom.”
Your eyes grow wide for a fraction of a second and you scowl at him before whirling around to turn your back to him. “If you’re going to be an asshole, then you can walk right back out that door and pretend you never saw me.”
Satoru can’t help but chuckle a little. No chance of that. Not in a million years. He steps toward you, circling around so that you’re facing one another again. Leaning down, he grins and says, “Now why would I do that?”
Stubbornly, you refuse to look at him as you struggle to answer. Satoru is well aware of the fact that you and he both know that he wouldn’t do that, but he’s interested in seeing what you have to say.
Finally, you answer, expression twisted and almost unwilling as you speak, “To prove that you are the nice and awesome teacher that you claim to be?”
“Oh, but I am,” Satoru says, rising with a laugh. “You see, the students were all scared because they heard crying, and thought maybe this classroom’s haunted. Naturally, being the very brave and super cool teacher that I am, I came to check it out.”
You stare at him, looking completely and wholly unimpressed as usual. “Do you just enjoy lying?”
“It hurts me that you don’t believe that I’m concerned about the students’ mental well being!” Satoru bemoans dramatically.
“Because you’re not!” you shoot back. Something flickers in your eyes, and looking embarrassed, you quickly add. “At least not right now.”
Satoru smiles, pleased at the implications of your addendum. He's well aware that his easy-going demeanor makes it hard to believe any claims of sincerity. Most people, which sometimes includes you, think he's full of hot air— but he really does have the students' best interest at heart and he's glad to know that, deep down, you remember he does too.
"You're right," he says nonchalantly, his smile only widening as the surprise makes itself apparent on your face. He bets that you thought he would stick to the usual script: insist that he's always concerned about the students. You should know better though since Satoru revels in making unpredictable plays. "Right now, I'm concerned about you."
The completely stunned look on your face is priceless. Your lips are slightly parted, your eyes blown as wide can be, still a little red from the tears you shed before he walked in. Something about your expression is softer and Satoru wishes he could immortalize it in a more tangible sense, but for now he decides to settle by committing it to memory.
Quickly, your shock gives way to your typical annoyance, your defenses rising in response to Satoru’s earnestness. There’s something about it— about the thought of tearing them back down that's almost exciting. “You really do like lying, huh?”
“I’m not lying,” Satoru says plainly. “You are my favorite colleague, you know.”
It’s not a lie. Your eyes narrow in clear disbelief though. He would expect nothing different from you. “You know, I’ve heard you say the same thing to Nanami.”
Satoru smiles, unshaken by your accusation. “Okay, so maybe I have. Who says I can’t have two favorites?”
You give him a pointed look. “So what am I, the flavor of the day or something?”
“Sure,” Satoru agrees with ease. He likes that analogy— reminds him of ice cream. If you were a flavor, what would you be? Something with a lot of different textures? Definitely something that’s subtly sweet, though. Not that it matters, it would be his favorite all the same— his only favorite. “So what’s with the waterworks?”
There’s a split second of hesitation before you respond. “Nothing. It’s— I’m fine.”
If Satoru wasn’t sure before, he is now, more than ever; you’re not fine. In the stillness of this otherwise empty classroom it’s easier to hear the strained notes in your voice, the lie weaved into the melody of your words. He tilts his head, a wry grin playing at his lips. “So, who’s the liar now?”
A scowl blooms across your features and the sight of it stirs something in Satoru’s chest. Satisfaction, maybe? It doesn’t seem quite right, but he is pleased that he’s read you so effortlessly.
“I— just— it’s nothing,” you grind out. It looks almost as if you’re going to add something else, but you don’t, as if you think better of it. Can’t have that. Your reticence is kind of annoying, but Satoru doesn’t care all that much; he’s sure he can coax it out of you.
He leans back down so that he’s at eye level, reaching up to pull his blindfold down and reveal his eyes. Your entire body goes tense, but Satoru ignores it as he places a hand on his chin, making an elaborate show of examining your face. “You sure about that? You seem kinda agitated.”
You don’t respond right away, your gaze transfixed on the hue of his eyes. Of all the weapons at his disposal, Satoru’s eyes are the most effective against you. You’d never admit it, but you’re weak against them; the brilliant blue of his irises never failing to entrance you. It might be a little mean of him to wield them against you, but Satoru is known for being ruthless.
“That’s—” you start, the words catching in your throat before you force them out. “That’s because you’re all up in my face right now, Gojo.”
Another lie. Mostly. Some of your agitation is definitely proximity based right now.
“Then let me rephrase; you’ve been kinda agitated since you got back from your mission earlier.” His hand moves from his chin to his ear and he taps it lightly. “Could hear it in your voice.”
The revelation leaves you looking absolutely mortified. Satoru is almost delighted because he can practically hear you asking if you were really that obvious. He plays with the thought of telling you that you were. It’s not a complete lie, but not a whole truth either, after all, not everyone is as adept at reading you as he is.
You recover fairly quickly, shoving your embarrassment aside as you say. “Don’t worry about it.”
He grins a little. “Worry about what?”
Your expression shifts to the very definition of exasperation. Satoru thinks that if you were intent on keeping whatever it is to yourself it would have been better for you to just double down on saying it’s nothing and that things are fine. Unfortunately, you just gave him something new to latch on to pry you open with. Of course he’s going to use it. In clear frustration, you sigh, “Just… just drop it, Gojo.”
“I really am worried though, you know.”
You eye him warily, not bothering to conceal your suspicion and doubt. “You don’t look very worried. In fact, you almost look like you’re enjoying yourself.”
Satoru’s eyes widen just a tiny bit. You most definitely don’t realize it, but his persistence is wearing you down. Even though you’re still denying him the words he’s trying to wheedle out of you, you’re no longer handing him the absolutes of ‘it’s fine’ and ‘it’s nothing.’ You’re giving him something he can work with, something he can use, like a puzzle he’s just started to figure out, so of course he’s enjoying himself. And of course, you caught him. He grins at you, guilty. “Maybe a little.”
You rip your gaze from Satoru, jaw clenching as you bite back whatever foul words you want to hurl in his direction. It’s pretty obvious that you’re pissed by what he said and while he could have lied to you, he doubts you would have believed him. Besides, Satoru’s trying to show that he’s the honest one here.
It takes you a second to wrangle your rage back under your control as you defuse yourself with one deep, deep breath. Even though you lash out at Satoru all the time in response to his antics, he doesn’t think he’s ever seen you explode in actual anger. You’ve gotten close dozens of times, sure, but each and every time Satoru has seen you swallow your feelings, forcing them down into parts unknown. It’s not like he can blame you; as sorcerers, you’re trained to control your emotions because losing control could very well be the difference between life and death.
He can’t help but wonder: what would happen if you lost control? If you let your feelings— all the sorrow and all the rage, burst from your body? Would you feel better? Would you fall apart? Would you—
Would you let him see?
It’s not until that very moment that Satoru realizes how badly he wants that— to see you come apart at the seams, to be the one to stitch you back up again. The realization brings almost all thought and emotion to a startling halt, a split second of silence before Satoru’s mind is back online, the thrum of desire running hot in his veins.
“My feelings aren’t for your entertainment, Gojo,” you say coolly.
You’re right. You’re wrong. You’re misreading this entire thing. “That’s not it. Not entirely anyway.”
It's obvious you don't believe him. Rolling your eyes, you say, "Gojo, you are such a—"
"I'm not lying."
The interruption stops you short, drawing your gaze to him and finally, finally the two of you are actually seeing eye to eye. Your pupils are blown wide, defenses demolished in the wake of Satoru’s earnestness. He watches as your eyes dart around, your mouth gaping wordlessly as you try to find something to deflect, to deny him.
Eventually, a scowl returns to your face, agitation at its very peak. “You are just—! Look, I’ll be fine, okay? You don’t need to worry about it.”
There’s a note of finality in your voice that makes it obvious that you do not want to have this conversation any more. Satoru doesn’t care, even though he knows at this point the two of you will just end up talking in circles. It’s kind of annoying, and even though he could do it all day, it’s time.
It’s time to rip that mask of yours right off.
“It doesn’t matter if I need to or not,” Satoru says, his tone serious. “Because, whether you want to believe it or not, the fact of the matter is that I am worried.”
You don’t challenge his words. In fact, you don’t say anything at all, but there is a shift in your energy and something about it doesn't seem quite right. Something in Satoru’s stomach shifts uncomfortably and it takes him a second to realize why.
Your silence reminds him of Suguru.
Of all the things Suguru didn’t say. Of all the things that Suguru swallowed— his curses, his feelings, his worries, forcing them down, down, down into parts unknown until he just couldn’t any more, until they came bursting from him, like bile, like vitriol consuming Suguru, twisting him until even Satoru could not recognize his best friend any more.
Satoru had seen the signs, after all, there is almost nothing that isn’t laid bare before the hue of his eyes. He’d seen the exhaustion set in Suguru’s face. He’d seen the way his cursed energy would wind so tightly around his form. He’d seen something was wrong.
But Suguru had said he was fine. That it was nothing. And Satoru—
Satoru had accepted that. Perceptiveness is not a skill that he has ever had to learn, but what to do with that which his eyes see, to comprehend that information, understand it, and act accordingly— those are skills he’s still working on. He saw Suguru was struggling, but Satoru thought that it was fine because Suguru said so. If something was really wrong, then Suguru would have told him because—
“We’re friends, aren’t we?”
Satoru is quiet. You are quiet. The room is quiet. Everything is too damn quiet.
So, Satoru does what he does best: he fills the air with the sound of his voice. He prattles on and on, knowing somewhere in his mind that it might not make you more amenable to opening up to him, but he can’t stop the words from spewing his mouth, like bile, like desperation, begging you to not turn out like his best friend. “Friends talk to one another, they rely on one another, so you don’t have to feel scared or shy about it. So—”
“...shut up.”
“Huh?” Satoru pretends he didn’t hear you. Your voice is quiet enough.
“I said ‘shut up!’” you repeat, your voice far louder. You take a half step back, one of your arms winding back, your hand balled into a fist like you’re about to punch him.
Satoru lets you.
The loud smack of skin on skin contact echoes throughout the room as your fist collides with his cheek. He reels back a bit, it didn’t hurt all that much, but… “Man, you really know how to throw a punch.”
Satoru rubs his cheek a little. Now that he thinks about it, maybe he really did need that for a second there. He looks down at you and the look on your face is absolutely horrified. It looks like someone just dumped ice cold water and now you’re frozen to the spot, scared, soggy, and surprised. There’s no doubt that you thought that your punch wouldn’t connect, that you thought the hit would get lost in the infinite space between you.
Your fist drops to your side like a sack of potatoes. As it does, your energy finally begins to unravel. Like a puppet whose strings have been cut, your entire body wobbles, and Satoru steps forward, wrapping his arms around you before you crumble to the ground.
He expects you to complain about the fact he’s holding you.
You don’t.
Instead you grumble, your voice muffled by his clothes, “You are such a dirty hypocrite, you know that? Do you talk to people? Do you rely on them?”
“Excuse me, I—”
“Yeah, fine, sure, you talk so damn much that people can’t get you to shut up. But you and I both know that it’s not like you’re saying anything of actual substance most of the time.”
He smiles wryly, though you can’t see it. “And what about right now? We’re talking, aren’t we?
“I’m talking.”
“But are you saying anything?”
You scoff a little bit. “About the same amount as you, I guess.”
Satoru hums. Sounds about right. “I do rely on other people, though. You don’t see me taking on every mission, do you? Not like I can do everything on my own.”
“People act like you can.” Something in your voice sounds almost bitter and for some reason Satoru’s chest aches at the sound. “I just feel like everyone depends on you too much because you’re the ‘strongest.’ Like, what are they going to do if you’re not around?”
“Your lack of confidence in me is kinda rude, you know,” Satoru says dryly. “Do you think something’s going to happen to me?”
“...no,” you answer, reluctant in your honesty. “But I don’t want to be one of those people, not if I can help it.”
He can’t help but laugh. “Don’t think I can handle it?”
“I don’t want you to,” you admit and Satoru frowns, silent as you continue, “I feel like you’ve got enough to worry about already. I don’t want to be adding my crap to it.”
Satoru is more than aware of the burden on his shoulders. Carrying the weight of the world is no easy feat, but Satoru has always been up to the task— accepted it, embraced it even, his waiting hands ever ready and willing to take on more.
Satoru wouldn't mind if you gave him something more to hold.
“What if I want to?” he asks, sounding a little cheeky.
You start to push on his chest, trying to free yourself from his grip. He doesn’t let you. “I don’t care."
Satoru's arms tighten around you in retribution. Your body is a pleasant sort of warm and in the back of his mind Satoru thinks that he wouldn't mind basking in it a little. "Now, that's not very nice at all."
"I don't care!" you repeat, voice still muffled as you struggle against him. "I’m not going to be responsible for contributing to any of your possible mental breakdowns.”
“I don’t have mental breakdowns," Satoru points out. He’s not sure if you realize it, but he’s very good at compartmentalizing, prioritizing his thoughts, his feelings. And more than that—
“Yeah," you say, that bitter sound saturating your tone once more. "I imagine the strongest sorcerer can’t afford to.”
“...something like that, yeah,” he says with another laugh, loosening his grip on you. But he doesn’t let you go completely. Not yet.
You pull back enough so that he can see your face, and your frown almost looks like a pout. It’s kind of cute. “Maybe you should think about it some time. I think it would do you a world of good.”
Satoru pretends to consider it. He sees what you’re saying, and maybe you're right, but he can't. He's built different from you. Different from Suguru. “I thought about it and sorry, but no can do.”
You snort, but you don’t seem all that upset by his refusal; honestly, you probably figured as much. “Must be nice to be you."
"Could be nicer though." Satoru gives you an exaggerated sigh.
You eye him suspiciously, but ultimately take the bait and indulge him. "How so? Do you want everyone to worship the ground you walk on?"
He frowns. He's almost insulted. Almost. "You really think I'm that conceited?"
"Sometimes," you answer with a sassy sort of smile.
Satoru cannot help but stare at you— at the face you're making. Committing the image to memory is just not enough. Taking a picture wouldn't be either. Satoru's fingers twitch, desperate to reach out as if your smile is something he can grab— something he can hold and keep all to himself.
He pouts, "Well, you're wrong."
"Uh-huh…"
"What would make my life nicer," Satoru enunciates slowly, mostly for dramatic effect, "is a nice sorcerer friend who relies on me, tells me their problems and thinks I'm very cool."
You gawk at him before you start laughing. Hard. So hard that tears start forming at the corner of your eyes— that, by the time you're done your breaths are labored and heavy. Satoru is a little offended because he's being honest, but that pales in comparison to the relief he feels seeing that whatever was bothering you seems all but forgotten now. It's less likely now that you'll tell him what that was but Satoru thinks it's a small price to pay to know that you're feeling better.
Besides, he has a feeling about what it could be and so there's next time.
For better or worse, there will always be a next time.
"I'm afraid you're a little shit out of luck there, Gojo," you say once you've caught your breath. "I think your standards are a little high."
He grins. "I only deserve the best, you know."
"Then maybe you should be better first."
"I'm a great friend," Satoru insists. He knows it's not quite the truth, there are ways he could be better, could have been better. For you. For Shoko. For Nanami.
For Suguru.
But he's trying. Here and now. He's trying.
"Are you?" you ask.
"Maybe you should tell me," Satoru retorts playfully. "You know, you never did answer my question earlier."
You blink and then look away, looking a little ashamed.
"You didn't forget, did you? I'm hurt!" Satoru exclaims, exaggerating as he always does.
"I didn't forget!" you say.
"You so forgot!" Satoru shoots back. "But you can make it up to me by answering me now. And no lying this time, got it?"
You scowl at him, looking petulant and it's adorable enough that Satoru is willing to consider giving you a pass if you refuse to answer. Because, even if you don't say it, Satoru knows— no matter how rude you are to him, no matter how much you bicker with him, no matter how much you deny him, he knows the truth.
He doesn't think you'll admit it.
But to his surprise, you do.
Your answer is barely audible, a quiet sort of grumble. "Of course, we're friends… I can't believe you're actually asking me."
Satoru can't help the smile that spreads across his face, elated to hear you acknowledge the friendship between you however reluctant you may be about it. Despite that, there's something, clawing at the back of his mind, demanding and insatiable. You've just admitted to friendship, but Satoru quickly realizes that that's not enough. His fingers twitch again, striving to grasp something else, something more.
"How am I supposed to know that if you don't confide in me a little more?" Satoru asks.
You don't answer. He knows that you know he has a point.
"Listen, you don't have to tell me everything." Even though he wishes you would. "But, if something is seriously bothering you, don't go running into a classroom to cry alone. Just come to me instead."
You groan. Reluctant as always. But it's not a no, and that's good enough for Satoru.
At least for right now.
"Promise?" His voice is soft and gentle, almost a plea.
Satoru couldn't be there for Suguru, but the least he can do is be there for you.
"Okay," you answer, your voice matching his and Satoru wonders if you know, if you realize. "I promise."
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extra scene/epilogue
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invinciblerodent · 4 months
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About the altered animations in Astarion's first romance scene
I already knew that there's something of a precedent for large updates to change camera angles and facial animations around a little bit, so, on a lark, I loaded in my save from before the first romance scene in my current, Astarionmance playthrough, just to see and compare it to my recorded version, see if there's been any changes since then.
Well... honestly? My feeling is that the two scenes are pretty much only roughly comparable to each other at this point. Like not to be dramatic, but it's kind of almost a case study in how much body language can alter the perception and interpretation of the same dialogue.
In the version of this that I got originally in my game (on october 21st so in patch 3, through high approval, quite a bit before the party), the short conversation before leaving the main campsite has him wearing sort of a... heavy, darkly suggestive, almost predatory expression. He looks, overall, very serious: head pitched strategically forward so he's both leaning towards- and looking at the PC through his lashes (maybe crowding them a little bit, stepping into their space), his eyes are more narrow and provocative, and he's not wearing even a hint of a smile. I think it makes it very clear what the intent here is: to present Desire™, and show a façade that suggests his impending performance of the "ooh, the sexy vampire is now going to steal you away to have his wicked way with you" fantasy.
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Comparing this to the latest version (as of the 4th of december, so shortly after patch 5, which from the patch notes I'm guessing is likely what brought these alterations on), it's... very strangely different.
I had not altered my settings, or the shots in any way (beyond cropping and resizing), the lighting just... seems to have been brightened. But, the most obvious change is that his entire body language is sort of... tipped more back and away from the PC now. His brows and eyes are a lot softer and more open, rounded, more like they appear later on in the confession scene, and he's smiling this.... kind of cordial, unsettlingly friendly smile, that seems (at least in retrospect) very obviously fake and plastered on. I think he's selling the illusion of the rakish debaucher, the dashing scoundrel about to rock your world, a lot less convincingly this time around.
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Even though the voicelines have not been altered in a way I can detect, his face is saying something completely different, and it recontextualizes a lot of things for me.
[Also in addition, him breaking character momentarily ("I do mean sex, to be clear") now does also lose a bit of its humor for me. Just because this new way, there isn't as large a gap between the capital letter Performance, and the little side note he gives himself in the middle of it. Now it's somehow... less theatrical overall, and so the aside is less like he knows he sounds unnatural and his real self is peeking out from behind the lines, and veers a twinge more towards "in case you're dense and didn't actually notice that I'm seducing you, I'll dumb it down for you".]
Even as he's waiting for the response in that silly "ta-dah!" pose, his face is very different: instead of that sort of blank, "haughtily and hauntingly sexy", determined kind of look, he's now gazing at the PC with what (in motion at least) looks to me like it's kinda... going rapidly back and forth between almost a pained/unsure look, and... a thinly veiled disgust, maybe?
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Like, that's... that's straight-up a grimace, man, I don't want anyone I'm considering sleeping with to be looking at me like that.
Within the scene itself that follows, the animation appears unchanged (or at least not changed significantly enough for me to notice without playing them literally side by side), but the following conversation in the morning is... also a bit odd, and has been edited heavily?
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In my original recording, he seems to be making sure to look at the PC more, though only over his shoulder, and his features are harder, more severe again, as it is in line with the conversation before. The whole little exchange, before the arcana check and before it'd segue into talking about Cazador more directily, ends on a bit of an eyeroll and a hidden smile that can be construed as conspiratory, or just a bit sly and self-satisfied.
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This kinda straddles the line between "hehe, you're caught in my web now" and "hehe, I'm SO good at sex"- the former being closer to what he's likely thinking, and the latter being one of the more obvious ways the PC can interpret that look. A+ on that, no notes.
But now, (first of all the lighting is overall much less warm, the whole scene looks cool and less afterglow-y) he doesn't really turn to face the PC, not even over his shoulder. This keeps his expressions concealed from them, but open to the player, which is an interesting choice, and his expressions are, again, a lot more in line with those from later scenes, when the relationship is well underway: it's less openly performative, and more just a... a sad, unguarded, almost forlorn, private look. My guy looks like he is speedrunning through all his emotions over the span of like 10 seconds here-
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-and lands notably on this kind of unsettling shot, of this expression that's, while somewhat similar to the old one for the line "I didn't want to go too far" (that the PC can halfway see), is both more exaggerated, and kept entirely to himself:
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I for one find this one a little.... creepy and cartoonish, tbh???? Which, I guess while it's in line with the whole "I'm such an evil mastermind, they've fallen right into my honeypot" way of thinking he is supposed to have in this precise moment, it, uh.
Listen, it just conjures in my mind a violently clear image of Robbie Rotten from Lazytown. Because it's just such an "I'm clearly being a villainous villain with a nefarious scheme and agendas aplenty" expression, he's all but twirling his mustache, and the fact that it's turned right to the player's face rather than being only hinted at for both person and character, makes it look... pretty heavy-handed. Which I guess is more indicative of this man having a charisma score of a whopping 10, but it takes away from the subtlety of the entire exchange, and kind of creates a rift between what the player, and what the PC can know/suspect.
Overall, these new animations look... very different, bit more like they're trying to drive the point all the way home? Now there seems to be a big neon sign that says "HE IS NOT DOING THIS FOR PLEASURE" over his head, rather than letting your figure things out for yourself later on.
Needless to say, I.... personally prefer the old version of this scene over this new one, lol.
(...... One final, mildly notable change I noticed is that they seem to have taken out the little moan they had my character make as he bit into her neck? In my old recording, there was a tiny, barely audible little "a-aah!", and that's just.... not there now. I'm not sure what that's about, if it's a bug or a feature, and I don't know if they had it for other player voices or not, but prior to now, they did go pretty hard into how getting bitten is, to many, quite pleasurable, so downplaying that now comes off as a tiny bit odd to me.)
(I do like how her tits look less squashed though. They perked my girl's girls up a little bit, which is kinda nice lol.)
Editing to say this: it seems like these animations are the same as the goblin party ones, only... in the daylight? Which, it could be a bug of some sorts. I reloaded it once and it was the same once more, but... it could be that my save is kinda weird there for some reason. Idk. Turning reblogs off because it could just be a bug.
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vagabond-umlaut · 11 months
Text
⁙ tv taught me how to feel; now real life has no appeal
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jjk boys and men as k-drama boyfriend archetypes, ft. yuuji, suguru, megumi, kento, satoru and sukuna.
▸ seperate character x gn! reader headcanons and/or scenarios; 4.3k wc; use of gn! nicknames; fluff [the tooth-rotting, butterfly-inducing kind]; implied smut in case of suguru & sukuna; implied war in case of satoru.
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▸ my shoulders are hurting from typing for so long, ow, ow, ow!!!! got the inspiration for this from so many posts floating on my dash and 'for you' page; though i'm pretty sure this kind of post has never been done before. ▸ also, the author [blehhh, that's me!] knows very little to almost nothing on the k-dramas quoted in the link used for reference [this], apart from what info's on the wiki page. so this piece of writing might bear similarities to the original k-drama plot; it might bear differences to it. please don't be mad or upset with me! 🥰 ▸ anyways, the title's from the song 'oh no!' by marina. neither the characters nor the image nor the divider used are mine. [the divider is by @benkeibear.] please don't plagiarize or translate or repost this. enjoy reading! ❤️
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itadori yuuji as 'the above-average country guy'
[c'mon, are you really surprised?]
the day you leave the city life for the tiny town your grandpa lives in, because your mom loses her job, you think that's exactly when everything good in your life reaches its end.
the school is far and you've got to walk to it; the students are weird and kind of old-fashioned; the town is sooo boring... ugh.
or was, before you meet the grandson of one of your grandpa's old friends. itadori yuuji - or yuuji-kun, as the boy insists you call him.
studying in the same year as you, your new friend acquaintance is nothing less than an angel, a pure beam of sunshine.
from greeting everyone - even you, the titled snob of the school - with a grin so wide, it dimples his cheeks;
to assisting those needing help - be it getting your cat off the tree or sharing the pretty heavy load of notebooks you are originally tasked to carry back to the class [while ignoring your protests the entire duration];
to accompanying you to the school and back home after one off-handed remark of yours of you missing travelling with your friends...
you're more than a little surprised, why's the supposed golden boy of the town being kind and friendly with a grump like you?
however... what's more surprising than his cordial manner with you is... as you spend more time in his company, you find the way you perceive the world changing, bit by bit.
the walk to school is no longer strenuous and dreaded, thanks to yuuji's constant chatter and not-so-funny-as-silly jokes.
your classmates too seem to be more open and welcoming of you, and you find yourself smiling more and more with them and slowly getting involved in many of their shenanigans. [gosh! who the hell ever said village people are boring? they're so freaking fun!]
and guess what? even the town slowly grows brighter in your eyes.
thanks to your best friend [yes, now you accept him as so] showing you so many 'awesome' places in the town!!
the ice cream shop which supposedly sells the best ice cream in the world [the claim isn't really wrong, you guess];
the scariest haunted mansion on the far end of the town [it isn't scary; but you don't tell him that. you act scared just so yuuji'll hold your hand throughout the tour];
the tallest tree in the woods nearby, perched on a branch of which, you can get a clear view of your idyllic little town below and of the tiny twinkling stars above [you fall in love with the spot the second you experience the sheer beauty of the sights from it].
[you reckon, your feelings for your companion too solidify into 'something more' the second you tear your eyes away from the visual feast before, to the boy beside, only to find his gaze not on the scenery but on you, a soft smile in place of his usual boisterous grin — yet you don't say anything.]
[not 'cause you feel insecure or worried, he might not return your affection; but 'cause you realize yuuji does. the look on his face tells you enough... that, and the way he silently asks for permission, shy gaze darting between your eyes and lips – a permission you're all too eager to grant with a nod and a meek smile of your own.]
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geto suguru as 'the k-pop star'
attractiveness = 100. singing skills = 100. attitude = 0.
[or, maybe, 10. the group's visual - wtf is his name? oh, yes, sukuna. that guy's getting get a solid zero in this.] [anyways–]
the first time you meet geto is when you're accompanying your elder brother, satoru to the auditions.
you're simply standing there, trying to cheer your brother up before his number is called [he might appear to be unafraid but you know your nii-chan better than that], when a smooth voice interrupts you followed by a sharp angular face appearing with even sharper eyes, glancing at you for a beat before falling on satoru.
that's the first time you meet him and that's the last time you view him in a light which isn't tinted with hatred.
you reckon it begins the evening of the party celebrating satoru's selection into the band. [it isn't a big matter; kind of small, in fact, given it's just you, your brother, your best friend shoko and satoru's new teammates - bubbly haibara, serious nanami, irritating sukuna and fucking bastard geto.]
to be more precise, it begins the moment satoru dozes off after his fifth glass of beer [you wonder, how, being your brother, he is such a lightweight] and sukuna, sensing the sliver of opportunity, starts flirting with you — a situation, annoying, yes, but one you're more than capable of handling — if only not for that long-haired bastard 'new best friend' of your brother.
the said asshole strolls in with a condenscending smirk, saying how one must never go for someone like you, so plain and boring.
now, generally, you don't let other's opinions of you get to yourself, but when it's from a guy you might've got a mild crush on... it's so infuriating, you can really feel your blood boiling within your veins.
and to your greatest chagrin, you find your blood boiling so many more times in the future, you think it's a miracle you haven't turned into a pressure cooker yet.
from an informal get-together to a launch party to an award show, geto never fails to get under your skin. sometimes, it's a concealed smirk; sometimes, a fleeting touch; sometimes, a lilting whisper - and you're left, fuming and flustered.
yet, just like everything good and bad, this hatred of yours towards the leader of your brother's band too reaches an end — yet not the way you might have expected it to be – with an apology [certainly not by you, but to you] and a clinking of two wine glasses.
it reaches an end with the two of you in a dimly-lit corridor, away from the crowd of the party, your hands grabbing on geto's coat lapels for dear life while his hands roam over your back, leaving a scorching feeling in their wake.
a thought rushes to the forefront of your mind and you break the kiss, panting. geto's brows furrow a tad from behind his mussed up hair; silencing the voice calling him cute, you ask, "so what's next? hate sex?"
a bright blush floods into his cheeks, you observe, as he opens his mouth to answer, then falters. "hate sex?" he gapes at you, "why on earth would it be hate sex?"
"'cause you and i hate each other...?" the answer leaves you, less as a statement and more as a question; you watch geto take a second to let it sink in before a chuckle erupts from him. "oh, sweetheart," he croons, placing a warm palm on your cheek, "i don't hate you. i never have. what made you-"
"you once told sukuna i'm plain and boring, and that no one should date me," you cut him off, feeling irritated again. [what the hell? is he gaslighting you??]
a short beat passes, wherein you glare up at him while he simply peers down at you, before a contrite smile flits onto his lips. voice dropping to a mere whisper, he says, "i'm sorry i made you feel that way, but i swear, that wasn't my intention. i was simply lying to get sukuna off your back. i was scared he might get you to fall in love with him, before i ever got a chance. i'm so very sorry."
this time, a long beat passes and ultimately, a loud whoosh of air leaves you.
you don't know whether it's the glimmer of sincerity in his feline eyes or your feelings for him which you've filed away for so long, which prompts you; whatever it is, you find yourself saying, "hmph, okay. that's stupid in a twisted way, but still, okay. however..."
you narrow your eyes at him.
geto blinks back at you, attentive and patient.
you let the anger melt away a bit from your expression. "don't expect me to forgive you after a couple of sorry's. i need a lot more than them to forgive you entirely."
"and a lot more, i promise to give you, oh divine being from above," geto responds with a cheeky smile and a kiss to your knuckles, "starting with some real nice loving tonight."
you beam back at him - not upset but kind of happy, for the very first time in your life, with the flutters in your chest elicited by that your smooth bastard.
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fushiguro megumi as 'the supportive co-worker'
[you might've seen a grumpy x sunshine couple; but have you ever seen a grumpy-and-sunshine person? no?? well, continue reading!]
first impression: rude.
the only response the boy gives you, when you greet your cute new co-worker at the coffee shop you just joined, is a nod. no name, no 'welcome', not even a single 'hi'. just. a. small. nod. [huh?]
second impression: quiet.
you strike out your 1st impression of fushiguro megumi [thank god, name tags exist; anyways-] with your 2nd impression of him.
a week or two after you join, yuuta and maki call you into the break room after your shift ends and ask if you can decorate the room, since it's toge's birthday today. they explain they want to help you, but with the sudden rush of the customers, it's nearly impossible to leave the counter.
being the polite person you're, you obviously say yes, without even considering for a beat, just how much you might have to decorate.
and this is where you form your second impression of megumi.
ten minutes might have passed since you started working, before the boy strolls into the room, the ever-present frown on his face, gives the room one long look and joins in decorating, wordlessly.
you're astonished, to say the least; yet you don't breathe a word in return.
some help is better than no help, and if we're being honest here, you're more than a bit pissed at the boy.
thus, this is the way the two of you continue working, silently, and before long, you find your work done, the room prettily decorated.
a smile on your face, you twist – to find megumi hurrying out the room, soon followed by your other two co-workers entering it, confusion etched on their faces.
"megumi didn't leave for his baseball practice yet?" yuuta inquires, gaze darting from the door to you. your brows furrow. "baseball?"
"yeah," maki hums, "the kid's got some important match tomorrow morning, because of which we did not even consider asking him for help. plus, with how reluctant he always is in these matters..."
"the boy always makes an excuse to worm his way out of these parties and stuff," finsihing for her with a chuckle, yuuta throws you a curious look. "did you ask him for help?"
"nope!" comes the instant reply from you. the two colleagues share a knowing smile between them, you observe - however, before you get a second to process it, both of them sling an arm around your shoulders and thanking you for your efforts, drag you to the front of the now-empty coffee shop, where you see nobara and yuuji enter, carrying a large rectangular box.
a call of your name breaks your focus on the bickering duo and you turn to find yuuta smiling down at you. "megumi is actually a sweet boy, deep inside. give him a chance, please."
"more like a sweet coward," maki pipes in from the other side with a grin, "but, yeah, giving him a chance won't hurt you."
at that point of time, you wonder why the fuck your two seniors are blabbering this nonsense to you — yet now...
after weeks during which you silently watch the boy open up to you, first with a smile to you greeting him [you initially don't want to talk to him, but something the other two said leaves a mark and you find yourself treating him the same way you treat others]...
... which slowly grows into a smile and a question on your day, which grows into a smile, a question and lessons for the bumbling newbie you, on the ins-and-outs of working in a café, often paired with a pretty long, refreshing conversation...
... which slowly but steadily furthers beyond the confines of the coffee shop and your shared working hours...
..into now, the present moment, where you find megumi dressed to a tee, a shy smile on his lips and a lovely bouquet of roses in his hands, waiting to take you out on your first date—
yeah, now you realize why they were 'blabbering' to you that day, something you'll always be thankful to yuuta and maki for.
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nanami kento as 'the hardworking entrepreneur'
your ken-chan has always been the best in your eyes.
the best in studies, the best in sports, the best neighbour, the best friend to you – one you're desperate to stay in touch with when you shift abroad for your higher studies.
time, however, is unforgiving and despite your wish, the weekly-thrice phone calls and emails dwindle down to weekly-once, then monthly-once, then to customary e-mails on special occasions like birthdays.
so, imagine your surprise [and joy, obviously] when one morning - a good eight years since you left for the states and a good month since you returned home - you open your laptop to find an e-mail from a nanami kento waiting in your inbox, the subject being 'let's meet up? :)'.
meet him, you do – except for the fact your ken-chan is no longer your ken-chan, yet is so much your ken-chan. [confusing, isn't it? you too feel really confused on meeting him after ages.]
the cute boy you knew has grown into a fine man - more than fine, if you're speaking the truth, given the way his facial features are sharper, shoulders broader, voice deeper – but with the same old personality as in high school.
frowning, solemn, no-nonsense – just, this time, your friend isn't discussing the science project but an idea to start a new company.
with him. the two of you. right from scratch.
you reckon you've never said 'yes' faster in your life!
and how can you not actually?
your ken-chan's genius has always awed you... and now that you're getting an opportunity to view it in all its glory, again, after so many years - how on earth can you not agree in an instant?
within a pretty short time [wow, efficient!], your company is set up and good to go; and you begin to witness a... not-really-new but... let's say, a better side of your friend.
kento has always been extremely sincere and hard-working since your school days together; yet now, as you watch him do overtime, day after day after day – inspite of his claimed vehement hatred for it – you realize the intensity of his dedication towards his work.
then, add to that, his communication skills.
utterly flawless.
you've worked with many amazing companies before and you're being unbiased here [no joke] but this man's got some insane skills in communication.
be it securing a deal with the clients or addressing a problem with the employees, there's nothing kento can't handle in perfect poise.
however, what steals the show for you, is neither of these but your ken-chan's golden heart.
the company goes through more than its fair share of troubles – yet, you don't see him, not even once, compromise with any ideals or ethics of his. be it with the clients, or with the employees, or with you - his company's co-founder whom he agrees to give a respectable exit, with a decent pay, when the company is passing a particularly rough patch – he never deviates an inch from his moral code.
needless to say, you deny his request firmly in an instant.
a decision you know you'll always be proud of – not for the fact the company is now one of the largest in the country and making huge profits regularly; it was a given the company will be successful with kento at it's head [the man says you deserve the equal amount of credit as him, but being who you are, you're wont to shush him; anyways-]
– but because you will never have forgiven yourself for abandoning an angel-like person like him in his time of need; something you deem kento never deserves after years of being a wonderful friend to you.
though... now, as you watch him approach you with a tiny smile and two bags of take-out for a late dinner [meetings, ugh]... you can't help but hope he'll become a friend plus someone else to you in the future...
'cause, after all, your ken-chan has always been the best in your eyes.
the best in studies, the best in sports, the best neighbour, the best friend, the best colleague - and the best person ever, you know you can entrust your heart to.
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gojo satoru as 'the brave soldier'
[*sigh* where should i even begin...]
the first meeting the two of you have is less than ideal.
it's less of a meeting and more of a crash, to be honest — and i ain't even being metaphorical here.
you're on your morning jog for the day, smiling and listening to the song you're currently obsessed with, when out of thin air, a bicycle appears and comes careening down the slope you're at the base of, right into you — not giving you the time to react, or at the very least, process what the fuck just happened.
the deities above must have been pleased with you that day, you guess, 'cause you're discharged from the hospital with merely a wrist sprain and a few scratches on your arms and legs.
though... you reckon they must have been harbouring a grudge on you too... for if they aren't, why is the cause behind your injury such an annoying, obstinate, dumb manchild, hm?
a sigh leaves you, the umpteenth time in the last hour, as you limp back to your home. the whining from the broken bicycle beside you doesn't stop one bit.
"c'mon, sweetheart-" "don't call me that-" "fine, c'mon, babe-" "ew, don't call me that either-" "ooh, playing hard to get, are-" "fuck off!"
reaching an abrupt stop, you whirl on your feet, face contorted in a furious scowl. the stranger takes a step back from you, shrinking; you know you must school your features a bit, this is a public place for heaven's sake—
utterly uncaring, you begin, "listen, mister. i've been telling you for a good half an hour, from the hospital till now, that i don't wanna go on an apology date with you. it was an accident for fuck's sake," your voice grows louder with wilder hand gestures.
the man keeps staring at you in response, rooted to the spot. you don't even stop to breathe, "just say sorry for it and get on with your goddamn life. why the hell you ain't leaving me alone, man? don't you understand the meaning of 'no'? single word – n, o?"
a long beat passes in silence after your tirade, post which the man recedes, shrugging, with a mumbled apology and nothing more, leaving you confused and a little contrite(??).
whatever!
with time and tide and the woes and worries of your daily life, that odd little encounter slips to the back of your mind before it resurfaces, two years later, while you're posted in a foreign country.
"sweetheart!" the endearment rings through the military camp. the cameraman beside you stifles a shocked gasp; sharing a confused look with him, you send your interviewee a small smile before turning your gaze in search of the source of the noise.
the same white-haired goggles-wearing man from long before rushes tumbling down the dirt track, you watch, appalled, bringing unpleasant flashbacks to your mind, then stops, a good distance from you.
brows a tad pinched, you see him brush his bangs away from his forehead and open his mouth to speak; but another person beats him to it. you twist back to face your interviewee.
geto gives you a harmless grin. "aha! so you're the mystery person gojo here fell in love with, huh?" a series of indignant sputters and coughs sound from behind you, accompanied by giggles from next to you. you seriously consider elbowing yuuji.
the black-haired man, meanwhile, continues with a request, "hey, can you please rethink your decision of not wanting go on a date with him? please- it's just one date," he adds in a hurry when you open your mouth with a glare, his grin falling to a helpless look. you close your mouth, willing your glare to go away and return a neutral expression.
"satoru's my best friend and brother-in-arms but at times, at night especially, when he starts lamenting over how he scared you off... y'know, at those times, i just wanna kill him, frankly speaking," the man pleads guilty.
a sigh escapes you as you cast a glance at gojo, noting the poorly hidden apprehension in his eyes. yet another sigh escapes you-
"of course," yuuji's energetic voice pipes in.
you stamp his foot pretty hard; that idiot, undeterred, proceeds to rattle, "this person here too wouldn't shut up after that incident. on how one should be more polite, more considerate, more tolerant, more forgiving. even going as far as to say that one date would've been fine; it was just a date that, that poor man asked for— isn't it so?"
"really?" gojo's voice wafts over to your ears; you squeeze your eyes shut and open them, cheeks feeling awfully warm.
"yes," you grit out, pinning your alleged admirer down with a glare, which softens when you catch the spark of happiness in his eyes. you decide to relent.
"if the two of us survive this, let's go to that patisserie you were speaking of that day. how does this sound to you?"
said man rewards you a dazzling beam with a thumbs-up. "sounds like the perfect way to waltz into my heart, sweetness."
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ryomen sukuna as 'the cold chaebol'
[c'mon, are you really surprised?]
utterly cold, utterly ruthless, utterly a monster – is what one might- nope! one 'will' call sukuna.
and they aren't really wrong, you muse as you watch the man in question talk business with two executives from another company, the latter looking one step away from fainting.
you muffle your expression beneath the guise of a cough, earning you two startled looks and a frown. a polite smile flits onto your lips as a soft apology leaves them, and you return to your silence–
which lasts till the second you step out of the room, accompanying the pair of men and one of them turns to you, sheer terror in his eyes.
"take this," he mumbles, pressing something into your palm; you look down to find it's a business card. forehead creasing into lines, you look back up at him.
the other man sighs. "listen, kid, that man sukuna ain't good news. before anything wrong happens, just quit this job and come to our company. we'll pay you well... okay, maybe not as well as they pay you here, but at the very least, an axe won't be hanging over your neck every minute of your working hours there."
you blink, then press the button to the elevator.
gratitude floods your expression. "thank you. i'll keep your words in mind," you say, bidding them goodbye.
the men give you a smile, then with one last petrified look at the closed doors of the ceo's room, file into the elevator and shut it in an instant, too scared to spend even a millisecond more here than what's required of them.
your secretarial smile burns away into a majestic scowl.
"again?"
you click your tongue, closing the doors you opened behind you and go and plop on the sofa. a sigh sounds from next to you, soon followed by the weight of a heavy head on your shoulder. "what do we do?"
"you're the boss here. you tell me."
sukuna makes a noise of disapproval in his throat before nestling a little closer to you. you open your arms a bit, oddly reminded of an overgrown kitten, then bite back your words. the teasing can be for later.
an annoyed grunt reaches you in response. "as the boss, i'm asking you. c'mon, tell me. what do we do?"
the answer arrives from your end within a fraction of an instant.
"we cut our ties with them, obviously," you say. "anyone who can be so insolent as to think they can steal me away from you can do just almost anything. too bold for my liking," you tsk.
"oh, you don't like someone bold, kitten?" a crimson eye opens at you, mischief shining in its depths. your nose wrinkles in distaste.
you shove him away. "firstly- ew, never call me kitten; secondly- careful, mr. ceo or people might think we're fucking."
a deep chuckle with an 'okay' are the only response sukuna gives you as he drags you close to himself and you let him; letting your thoughts too to drown you in them.
yeah, sukuna is the utterly cold, utterly ruthless, utterly monstrous person everyone makes him to be.
yet, what they overlook is that the man's got a leash, one held by the demure personal assistant always at his side–
the assistant being none other than 'you'.
the fearsome businessman's other half in every sense of the term except the fact the two of you have never shared a bed.
[though... you think... if you decide to listen to uraume's advice to get your shit together and make a move on their master – one whose gaze, you note, has been fixed on your lips for a duration too long now to be decent – you reckon the unfulfilled criterion will be fulfilled way before tomorrow.]
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▸ masterlist
▸ taglist: @afortoru, @guccirosegold, @heresan, @luckimoon, @megu-meow, @nanamikentoseyebags, @pupkashi, @ritsatoru, @softsatoru, @sweetdreamssatoru, @nkogneatho, @sugies, @poe-daydreams, @sukustar. :))
480 notes · View notes
zykamiliah · 22 days
Note
Hey, sorry to bother you, but I've been seeing something in the fandom that kind of confuses me, so I'm leaving this ask to my favorite svsss blogs.
I've been trying to get more into Shen Jiu's character, as he is pretty interesting and arguably a fan favorite, and I've noticed that, so far of the fanfics I've read, he is more often than not depicted as a good teacher. A harsh one, but still good? Or not terrible?
One that likes teaching, is involved with his students, taking the little of what we've seen of Shen Yuan's teaching methods and just, giving them a twist, "improving" them even sometimes.
Often it ends up being a show of how Shen Yuan was clumsy, not that good of a teacher (or of a Shen Qingqiu) and I'm... Kind of confused by this trend? Like, is it rooted in canon? Obviously this is still more interesting to read than the "SJ is just a tsundere that never did anything wrong ever" thing, but it feels kind of similar.
I cannot imagine a character as genuinely bitter and angry as Shen Jiu enjoying being a teacher, having a nurturing bone in his body or even being hands on in the teaching of his disciples, several of which he literally bullied out of his peak. But maybe it's just me and I'm wrong?
Was Shen Jiu a good teacher?
I guess I'm just curious of where it comes from. I like Shen Yuan's character, and it often feels like people take Shen Jiu's to show how bad at everything SY is, even if it isn't consistent with SJ's character and often lack nuances, in my opinion.
(Or even if the story claims loving SY while also stripping him away of everything that makes him interesting other than his obliviousness, but that's a whole other thing.)
Sorry again, and I also apologize for the long ask, I'd just figured you or someone that follows you might have an answer.
(Also, I get that fandoms gotta fandom, and I'm not saying people shouldn't write it or anything, I may be a strickler for canon but I'm not the police. Write what you want. I just wonder where it comes from, as I figure that knowing its origins might help me in the future, but I promise I'm not trying to start discourse or anything, so I hope I've made my point clear enough without offending anyone.)
hello!! :DD
well sj being ooc in fics is a common thing by now. people tend to portray him softer than he's in canon, to the point it sometimes turns his whole character upside down. in extreme cases, you'll be dealing with a bitter, more tsundere version of sy with sj's backstory, which is secretly what many people want IMO lol often this people also perceive sy as an incompetent dumb nerd that only knows about monster lore and has no other skills or abilities aside from that-- essentially, they fall for the unreliable narrator's trap of believing every lie he tells about himself.
it's never outright stated, but sj didn't like children, so is fair to assume he didn't like teaching or caring for them either. taking into account qing jing peak's toxic atmosphere pre sy's transmigration, AND the fact that sj was paranoid about being overthrown since he hadn't developed a golden core even after becoming a peak lord and taking lbh in, I don't think he'd be interested in teaching anyone anything. in a lot of cultivation novels, disciples are just given manuals and left to self-study them (like he let lbh use the fake manual, expecting lbh would die from using it. haha. such a good teacher!). this could be the case. aside from that, I don't personally think sj would want to provide any kid guidance. and that's not mentioning how he allowed and enabled bullying, targeted talented disciples, and overall was more worried about his own cultivation and survival and reputation than other things or people.
so where this fanon sj comes from? I'm not sure, really, but I think some people just want a version of him that's palatable AND defensible, like my friend furby says, a declawed sj that's just a poor misunderstood meowmeow who deep inside is secretly good and nice. it's a thing that people who struggle with liking "villainous" or "morally bad" characters do: twisting the narrative around to justify this character's actions. It doesn't help that he's SO complicated, and people who have very black-and-white thinking struggle to place him in either side of the spectrum-- it's the problem mxtx outlined through sqh and sqq's voices
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ch.14 house arrest
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ch.19 shen jiu
really, the fandom has just proved mxtx's point xD
anyway, there's a lot of misconceptions about sj. there are some pretty wild theories around. some fans also treat his abuse as The Worst Abuse in comparison to the Child Abuse he did, because of the (unconfirmed) hints that sj was sexually assaulted by qiu jianluo, as if SA is the worst kind of abuse and child abuse falls back on the tier-list ¯_(ツ)_/¯ because obviously anything that involves sex in inherently worse, apparently
in other cases, people are simply more familiar with the fanon version of the characters, and that's who they portray in their writing. after all, many people read the novel once and then go on to read dozen of fics; it's normal the fanon sticks more on the brain than canon (not judging! it happens to me as well lol) and those fanon versions are more popular because, as i said, this version of sj is more morally palatable (and bland and less fun ┐(︶▽︶)┌)
thank you for the ask!! :DDDD ❤️❤️❤️ i love receiving asks~
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vanofasgard · 8 months
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i have to rant about this or i might cease to exist. 
lokius...
for one, i love queer ships (canon or not) but i also like to stay true to the show i’m watching, and i personally don’t have a big problem with sylki (just a little underwhelmed with it if i’m being honest). but the more i look at loki and mobius’ relationship, the clues and that damn song, the more it feels actually plausible that this could turn into something real.
i’m going to somewhat rank these from 1 downward, 1 being its probably coincidental, down to this is too spot on to be nothing. all while i sip leisurely at my tea.
1. “i’ve studied almost every moment of your life..”
it kind of speaks for itself. its a pretty simple bit of dialogue, and most likely doesn’t mean all that much, but what is mobius’ fascination with loki variants? this is higher on the list mainly because mobius has been assigned this case, he's a detective and its his job to dig deep, he's consumed by his work, therefore it isn't strange for him to know so much about loki's life on the sacred timeline.
2. the tie adjustment scene
trust me, i'd love to put this lower on the list, but theres one thing that makes me believe this is-- albeit disappointingly-- a coincidence. it was improv. maybe that, for some people, is more of an indicator of canon lokius, that tom hiddleston felt that that scene was being led in such a flirtatious direction, however, this scene was more his following along owen's playful presence on set, which just makes it kind of sweet. but this is one of my favourites scenes, regardless of the intention behind it. loki will always be a flirt, after all.
3. loki's bisexuality
as much as i would have loved to see more on loki's sexuality-- perhaps slightly more explicitly given his status as the god of mischief-- i'm not going to hate on sylvie and loki, because that would simply erase the existence of bisexuality, hetero-presenting relationships exist and to deny so would again, erase the meaning of bisexuality. however, the ending of season 1 does raise some questions. loki and sylvie's separation sets up the future of marvel, it needed to happen, so this might not mean much at all and we now know that season 2 will focus on loki searching for sylvie through timelines. but how purely queer would it be for loki to realise some stronger feelings toward one agent mobius, and perhaps loki and sylvie's relationship was something that was meant to stay platonic, who knows? this is considerably more fanon than my other theories, but i had to include it, given that to me, its a reasonable arguement. lgbtq+ characters need to be introduced and this was kate herron's goal from the beginning. she also said that she hoped marvel went further with this new information and explored more thoroughly. forgive me for this more outlandish inclusion, but it has been on mind for awhile now.
4. the presence of the dagger / "love is a dagger..."
we all know this one, we've all screamed over it and we all hope it means something more than just a coincidence. with marvel's history of in-depth attention to detail (comic references, foreshadowing years prior to a movie's release), it feels a little too purposeful, doesn't it? again, i'm trying to keep rank these into something somewhat believable with viable evidence, so something i will mention is that loki has lacked any close friendships his whole life. gaining a relationship like this would hold deep value to him, and parting ways would likely pull forth some deep bittersweet emotions. platonic love is arguably more important than romantic, the need to be understood without judgement and that is what both mobius and loki have given each other. the tears in loki's eyes during this scene is a clear indicator of their care for each other, but whether that goes deeper is unclear.
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my thoughts fluctuate on this one. for one, its simply so beautiful and meaningful to loki's development (and mobius') that whether its meant platonic or with an underlying romance, feels like it hardly matters, because it holds as much meaning either way. "love is a dagger", it appears in so many forms throughout the series: mobius giving loki his daggers, only for them to be taken away by B-15 a second later, this hug scene and loki and sylvie's fight in the citadel. its so prominent in this scene, its hard to dismiss, yet marvel fluctuates so much with their details that its hard to tell if this was intended the way i'm seeing. regardless, its beautiful and definitely a worthy inclusion.
5. the lokius song / mobius' apparent jealousy
lets get one thing straight, natalie holt is an amazing composer and i will back that to no end with my spotify wrapped this year, trust me on this. so when i first started listening through the second album, like a true neurodivergent kid, i was memorising every song name and i have to say, i lost it a little when i saw the name of this song. natalie confirmed that sif and loki had a 'thing' during the point that the time loop scene was set, so one cannot dismiss the possibility that she could know a little more about the prior scenes than we realise. i was skeptical when i first saw people's impressions of these scenes, after all, they had all reunited after loki technically betrayed mobius, so it was understandable that mobius wouldn't exactly be pleased with the circumstances that they're meeting again. but something about the way he looks at loki and sylvie when he's leading them down the hall, he just looks kind of heartbroken and disappointed. again, this could have been the result of loki's betrayal, if the way he calls him a bad friend is anything to go by, but the substance of this scene holds so much in it. and his little rant about loki and sylvie's "twisted romantic relationship" breaking his reality, hits a little hard. maybe this wouldn't have meant much if it hadn't been with that bloody song, because tell how just an angry, hurt mobius = lokius? it can be jealousy regardless of romantic feelings, friendships feel it too, but this feel a little more substantial.
worthy inclusions:
sylvie's "he cares about you" comment in the void, and loki's near dismissal of it.
loki falling asleep in the archives, he trusts mobius.
am i the only one that finds it cute how loki hangs out at mobius' desk while mobius is off doing other work?
conclusion:
look, i'm going to be honest here, i grow sceptical of my own arguments at times. these are very minor things, and i didn't even realise they were pushing loki and sylvie in the direction they were until they kiss (in other words, i'm a little oblivious), so i want you all to take this with a grain of salt. i like to stay true to the actual characters and their makers, i don't have unrealistic expectations and i am no director, actor or screenwriter. i am not saying how i think the next season should go, i just wish it could go to in this direction to some degree. i have my doubts, but my hopes too. regardless, i'm just happy to see these characters at all!
this is what so many seem to forget. there may be restrictions (cough cough disney), but everyone working on these shows and movies have put their hearts into it and i want to appreciate that for what it is! this doesn't mean you aren't entitled to your own opinion, of course you are! but just remember the show/characters you've fallen in love with and if you didn't have them at all. i'm overjoyed to see loki with a close friendship after so many years of watching him being proverbially kicked while he was down. ultimately, loki and mobius' friendship (and possible romance) is what technically saved loki and that's something beautiful in and of itself.
I don't think its impossible! but i keep an open mind for both directions their stories could take.
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heartbeatbookclub · 2 months
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There's a lot of ambiguity present in DDLC, and although + does elaborate on a lot of it, it presents some new ambiguity, too. I've already discussed the Protagonist and his entire existence, but I think something people don't even really think about is Natsuki's home life.
In case that doesn't make it obvious, CW: this mini-essay is going to talk a lot about abuse. Take care of yourselves.
Within the original Doki Doki Literature Club, there's an inherent uncertainty in the actual degree to which Monika is personally manipulating the other girls. It's somewhat unclear whether or not Monika is directly manufacturing unappealing traits to give to everyone else, or if she's just exaggerating problems that were already there to the point of catastrophe. In other words, it's unclear as to exactly how much of the game from its outset was something which would happen naturally, or an element of Monika's manipulation.
I think that Plus simultaneously plays into this ambiguity and clarifies a lot of it. There are definitely gray areas left, but the Side Stories in particular answer a lot of questions.
I think what the Side Stories are intent on doing is showcasing all of the girls as characters independent of any potential 4th wall/Monika meddling, and it answers a lot of questions regarding the true depth of each of the girls independent of that manipulation. This includes Monika, actually, and I think what it displays is that Monika's manipulation is far reaching, but she worked with material which was already there.
I've already discussed how the Protagonist is implied to exist within the Side Stories, but vitally, the Side Stories indicate the raw personality (and problems, motivations, etc) of every one of the girls. This includes Monika, and I think makes for a very interesting character study for how Monika became who she is in the main game. That's something I played with a good bit in Coil, if you haven't read it. Monika isn't aware she's being watched and in fact isn't aware of any of the nature of her reality, and thusly puts significantly more of who she actually is as a flawed person on display.
I'm digressing, but only a little bit. Something else this clarifies is the question I asked earlier regarding whether or not Monika was explicitly adding negative traits to the other girls, though it isn't an exact answer: Sayori does have a lot of the same mental health issues displayed in the main game, though clearly not to the same degree. Yuri clearly demonstrates a more obsessive personality, but it's in more of an autistic hyperfixation "I am incredibly passionate about my interests and will talk about them for hours if you don't shut me up" kind of way. I think there's definitely still some factors which are up in the air about Yuri (knives...that's all I'll say), but I think it's clear to see the basis of what was done to her here.
And Natsuki is, well...still pretty ambiguous.
I should be clear; Natsuki's raw personality is still very readily apparent here, and it does do a great deal of exploration of her character, showcasing the real depth of who she is and why she acts the way she does, but there is one critical question which isn't explicitly referred to.
The obvious thing you're thinking of, probably because I mentioned it at the start. Any reference to Natsuki's home life is absent, and it was all I could think about throughout the entirety of her story.
What it's instead "replaced" by in this instance is bullying from a toxic group of mean girls esque "friends". I put replaced in quotes because they are clearly what the emphasis is placed on in lieu of an explicitly bad home life, but I'm not sure I'd call them a one to one replacement. (I put friends in quotes, because...well.)
To be more specific, I'm not sure they're a replacement at all. I think what they are is more a suggestion of deeper issues Natsuki has.
I think Natsuki's behavior and overall attitude when talking about her other friends is very telling with regards to how she views relationships in general. Her immediate knee-jerk reaction whenever anyone says anything negative about them is to, in the first place, minimize anything they did or said as "just playing around", or "making fun of something stupid". Her next response is to immediately place the blame on herself for being so sensitive.
The way she immediately seeks to dismiss and push off any attempts to address any issues with how her friends treat her is heart-wrenching, and constantly blaming herself for responding poorly is doubly so. I think it's also behavior we'd commonly expect of people undergoing abuse, and I'll be frank in saying that I think that her relationship with these people isn't just toxic, it's outright emotionally abusive.
But being in one destructive relationship doesn't necessarily mean she's in another, does it? What is it about this entire situation in particular that leads me to believe there's something deeper here?
It's maybe a little bit of a stretch, but follow me here.
I think Natsuki demonstrates that she is attached to these people, despite their actions toward her. Her immediate defense of their actions, the particular way she chooses to defend them, and her intense fear to even the prospect of cutting them off tell me she doesn't want to let them go. Even further, I'd say her immediate response being to defend them when others attack them is multifaceted, and I think that one of those facets is that someone pointing out how her friends shouldn't treat her that way is probably giving voice to a feeling Natsuki herself has. I think one of the reasons she's so quick to defend them is in order to suppress her own urge to say something.
But why is she so hesitant to say something in the first place?
She doesn't want them to leave her.
This is something which, on the surface, might sound a little strange, but I think more than anything else, greater than any fear of the abuse she might endure at the hands of these heartless weirdos, is a crippling fear of being alone.
There are various things I think underline this trait, big and small (I mean, she outright brings it up when she talks about cutting them off), but I think her entire attitude regarding her friends is representative of someone who desperately wants attention from someone, anyone, whether positive or not. The reason she places all of the blame on herself and defends all of their actions is because she thinks if she brings it up at all, they won't want to hang out with her anymore. She's the problem, because she can't bring herself to put up with it, but she doesn't want them to leave her.
And I think that this, in conjunction with a lot of other elements to her personality, indicate that Natsuki likely doesn't have a very kind home life, either.
I think the biggest thing that illustrates this to me is her sheer willingness to treat the entire situation as normal. To everybody else looking at Natsuki's situation from the outside, particularly as she describes and defends a variety of their actions, it's blatantly obvious what's happening, and Natsuki finds herself confused not only over how other people respond, but how she herself feels.
The amount of time she spends excusing the emotional torment they put her through, and her constant insistence that this is normal, and that she's perfectly fine, she just needs to grow a thicker skin, demonstrate to me that Natsuki doesn't really have a good concept of what "normal" is. I don't think this is all just a conscious denial of reality; I think she genuinely has trouble understanding what's wrong with the situation, beyond that they're acting mean towards her.
"It's just the way things are!"
"I'm the only one who ever has a problem with it."
I think her ready ability to normalize this kind of abuse speaks volumes to how she views relationships in general. I think this is indicative that she doesn't have many good models for what a "normal", healthy relationship would be.
I think that a lot of Natsuki's broader personality, particularly in how she responds to the situation with her friends, and Monika and Sayori's attempts to connect with her, is a pretty fair indication that she doesn't really have a good space outside of her interactions with people at school.
I'm, rather ironically, finding it increasingly difficult to really express everything which showcases it to me in a way which all fits together nicely, but I think if nothing else, that's the point I really want to drive home. It really seems to me based on the way that Natsuki acts that at the very least, she doesn't have a good, safe space at home.
If she did, she would have a much better point of reference for all of this, and I don't think she would be so quick to trap herself in this situation. I think that a big reason she turns to the Literature Club and is so insistent on trying to be friends with everybody in it, despite herself, despite all of the problems and conflicts they have, is because she's desperately searching for a safe place where she can just be herself.
I think she constantly feels like she needs to be on the defensive--in my opinion, a big part of why she finds it so hard to just be nice, outside of something simple like baking for other people, is because her only experience is other people being mean to her, and needing to make a biting comment back. I think that's also why it's so difficult for her to accept others being kind to her: She is so used to just shutting out other people and ignoring them because they're mean to her, that when someone is nice to her, despite her desire to accept it and return it in kind, she instinctively snaps at it, because if she lets anyone in, if she shows any sign of vulnerability, someone will hurt her. Maybe she'll have to admit that the other things people said hurt her, too.
It's like a feral kitten instinctively clawing and biting at the hand of someone just trying to pet it. It's so unusual to them that someone could touch them for any reason other than to hurt them that they feel the need to strike first, until they eventually realize there's nothing to be afraid of.
I think that all of this, in conjunction with how everything else in the Side Stories is presented in reference to the original game, suggest that Natsuki likely doesn't have a very good situation at home.
I think it's vitally important to acknowledge that most people's perception of Natsuki's home life, if it's at all fleshed out, is based on fanon, not canon, similarly to how this whole analysis is really just fan theorizing, and not necessarily 100% accurate. While there are certainly some things explicitly said in the main game, we don't know all of the particulars which go into her home life, and I think this is another example of intentional gaps left by canon that I talked about in my blurb on the Protagonist.
In this case, from what we're able to glean about Natsuki's home, her father is the main parental figure in her life (At the very least, there is no mention of her mother {to my knowledge, it's been a while since I played it}), and from Act 1, he's implied to be extremely strict. Details here are actually one of the reasons I assume this to be correct, because explicitly, Natsuki keeps her manga collection in the clubroom because she doesn't want her dad to find it. In Act 2, this is pushed even further, which is where we get a certain famous line about him physically abusing her, but of course, it's more likely that this is Monika's doing.
I think it's virtually impossible to get an actual understanding of Natsuki's home situation in the Side Stories, because...well, they don't bring it up, but I think it's safe to say that there is reason to believe it's not good. I think it isn't as bad as it is in Act 2, but judging by how things play out in Natsuki's story across the Side Stories...well, let's just say I'm glad she has the Literature Club.
I think excluding any mention of this is probably intentional too, and not because it's an intentional gap being left. I think it would be incredibly out of character based on what we've seen of Natsuki here for her to bring it up at all, both because of her warped sense of normal, and because she wouldn't want everybody around her worrying about it.
This is a subject for fanfiction, I think. Is that foreshadowing? Who knows.
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ystrike1 · 2 years
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I'm Dating A Psychopath - By NoSleepAreWe (8.5/10)
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This is an independently published series, and the team behind it is not messing around. The artist behind it has a reputation already and a Patreon and experience+++. This has the potential to go mainstream because it's a crime drama. It's not a romance. Obsession and disturbing themes will be involved, and the author has specifically warned the audience. They seem to know that their art has lured in romance lovers, but that's not what is happening here.
This is not fluff.
Finn is weird.
She's an unpleasant, unsociable girl that doesn't like to look people in the eye. She's pretty enough, and she has a decent job but she's introverted in an unhealthy way. When people do try to speak to her she gets annoyed.
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Unpleasant female characters are a thing for me. When I see one I expect good or higher quality writing. Why? Well in most webtoons of this nature the female characters tend to fall into achetypes. Finn doesn't fit into one. She makes people uncomfortable. She's not a cute girl or a sweet older sister or a broke college student. She doesn't fit in...but not in the usual way. Finn cannot be fixed with a makeover or a date. You'll get it if you read it.
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Finn is really into serial killer documentaries. She can also take insults like a champ. The two women in front of her are NOT malicious. They are NOT stereotype fueled bullies. They're two friends who sometimes eat lunch with the quiet Finn. Finn is the outlier. The woman with no close friends. The women whisper about how Finn doesn't listen when people talk, but it's not in a mean way. They don't know how to deal with her. They're all adults so they just quietly eat and stop trying to talk to Finn.
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Finn sometimes does feel...regret about her weirdness. She wishes she could grin easily like everyone. She practices smiling in a window, and that's when we see her stalker. His name is Isaac, and he's her co-worker. He's popular and handsome and brand new in the office. She isn't interested in him or anyone, so she doesn't even greet him. This scene is a little off, but I didn't think he was stalking her at first. He might not be. Isaac wants to "play games" with Finn. That doesn't mean he's interested in her personally. That just means she's a fun target.
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There's been a sting of violent murders. The cops know it's a serial killer. Finn boldly confronts Isaac when he follows her home, and he has a lineup of excuses ready. Isaac is very good at acting normal. He also tries to use romance as a tool to get close to Finn
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Isaac insists he's not following her. He has proof. His new apartment is in her building. He starts talking about destiny and how unlikely and romantic their meeting is. Finn just wants to go inside and ignore him, but he keeps talking. Finn says destiny is nonsense, and Isaac changes course. He praises her for her logical thinking. He says he was lying, and that she's right. This isn't destiny. He's stalking her, and he knows alot about her. Then, before she leaves he says he's just kidding.
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There's alot of arrogance lurking inside Isaac. I don't think he's the wealthy genius type, so he has to blend in and have a job. He can't do anything drastic, but it seems like he wants to. I don't know if he's the serial killer. He is connected to Finn though. Finn was traumatized by a killer, who has resurfaced. Her obsession with studying killers is a way to cope. In my opinion being arrogant is much worse than being awkward, but...society doesn't work that way. Finn won't be able to expose Isaac easily, because she's weird and he's popular.
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Finn is in contact with the detective on the case. Scott is like an uncle to her. He's a frazzled man who has seen alot of shit, but he's very kind. Finn visits him at the station because that's where she feels safe.
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Finn dreams about getting beaten sometimes.
Is the killer on the loose her father?
We don't know.
Finn doesn't know Isaac, so there's no clear connection between them. The beginning is just snapshots from Finn's perspective, and she doesn't know anything.
She's afraid.
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Isaac is extremely bold, arrogant and manipulative. He told Finn's manager that he wanted to ask Finn out. Finn's manager is a nosy, kind thirty something that thinks a date will fix Finn. Isaac uses that. The manager accidentally/casually??? reveals Finn's address. She's a sucker for love stories. She is the reason why Finn has a dangerous neighbor.
Isaac even tells that manager about his I'm-your-stalker "prank". This is where dread seriously sets in. The manager smacks his arm and tells him he won't get a date with creepy jokes.
That confirms it.
He can do what he wants for the time being. He does things like this as a test. I'm certain of it. He wants to know what he can get away with. A weird person like Finn would get whispers if she made a stalker joke. Stalking is not a joke, but apparently it's a silly mistake if you're sweet enough.
If you're handsome enough.
If you can blend in well enough.
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squids-comics · 2 months
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This set of panels right here is a great case study on what makes a comic action scene truly great. The action of this scene is amazing, but it doesn't feel that way to read. Doctor Doom catching Cap's shield and throwing it back at him is a huge move that, when played right, could have the impact that Cap grabbing Mjolnir in Endgame had on audiences. This set of panels makes that jaw dropping scene feel awkward and clunky. Lets dissect why!!
Before we get started, a quick reminder and introduction for everyone new, I am an aspiring comic writer!! I have read thousands of comics and even written a few of my own! If you like my analysis, you should check out my writing! I've got all my comic scripts up on my Wattpad and I'm slowly posting them on my Tumblr as well! Now, on with the analysis!!
The first thing that jumps out to me is the focus of the panels. Comic panels can only show you a brief snapshot of the action, leaving you to fill in the spaces between, kind of like a real bad flip book animation. Because it can only show a few key frames of the action, it's very important to be critical about the action they showcase. We have three panels for this brief action stunt:
Cap throws the shield, Doom gloats
The shield flies at Doom, Doom gloats
Doom throws it back, Doom gloats, Cap narrates
The main purpose of this stunt is to show how dangerous Doom is. Not only is he a genius with enough sci-fi weaponry to make a Mandalorian jealous, he's a tough fighter with real fast reflexes. This is shown by having him catch the shield, something Cap has never had to deal with before! So isn't it weird that we don't actually get to see the catch itself? We know it happens based on Doom throwing it back and Cap's narration, but we don't even get to see Doom touch the shield. If I could redo the three panels, they'd go a little something like this:
Cap throws the shield
Doom catches the shield, Doom gloats
Doom throws it back, Doom gloats
Now you might have noticed that I also changed the structure of the dialogue. This is to fix a major problem I have with all comics from this era, the over reliance on dialogue. Have you ever heard of show don't tell? Well apparently Stan Lee hasn't. In every fight scene, there is always at least one person spelling out the action for the reader. It gets kind of annoying after a while. I would definitely cut out Cap's narration because with a good panel layout and good pacing, it's completely unnecessary. I'd also tone down Doom's taunting, as five speech bubbles in three panels just to berate someone is a lot. I'd lower it to three bubbles.
Panel one Doom doesn't say a word, not wanting to give his hand away. This silence would make Doom's actions more mysterious. By insulting Cap, the reader can guess that Doom has a plan. By staying silent, Cap (and by proxy, the reader) could be led to assume that they caught Doom off guard. This would lend even more impact to Doom's big catch, as it shows Doom is a menacing foe even when he seems unprepared.
Panel two, Doom would get two bubbles. He's a very arrogant and prideful man, so he would definitely hurl some insults Cap's way. Especially after catching his shield. I would have his first bubble say "Masked fool! You still do not suspect the true extent of my power!", with the second saying "I am any man's master!". These are good lines for sure, but I feel like they'd have a much bigger impact after the catch, rather than before.
And finally for panel three, I'd keep the "Do I make myself clear, you witless peasant?" line because it's a wonderful line in the perfect spot.
One other potential change you could do is in the actual action itself. This stunt is a great way to show off Doom's character, both in terms of physical ability and his personality through his taunting. We are meant to see how arrogant and prideful and overconfident he is through his constant insults. But any character can talk the talk. A real good character can walk the walk. Any character can speak, a real good character doesn't need to. Their actions speak for them. In panel three, Doom throws Cap's shield back at him, turning Cap's offensive into his own. But what if instead, he showcased his arrogance by giving Cap another chance? Instead of attacking Cap with the shield, Doom could slide it along the floor, passing it back to Cap. This would show how Doom is so full of himself that he doesn't even consider Cap a threat. He would essentially be saying "That attack won't work on me. Try something better.". And if that level of arrogance doesn't scream Doom, then I don't know what does!
But anyways, those are just my thoughts! Let me know what you think of them, and what changes you would do! Thank you for reading!!
Panels from: Avengers #25
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writing-whump · 5 months
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Character meta - Sortinghatschats
Based on the sortinghatschats system that describes the why and the how of characters and is the best personality system I know. For more info check out @wisteria-lodge and @sortinghatchats
Isaiah
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Isaiah Wolfson is a bird primary. No other primary is this good in designing a completely new personality to go with a new system and this is exactly what Isaiah did, when he left his family at 18. He was eager too follow his father's system, his pack's system, until he witnessed it falling down. He saw the worst from his father, the double face, the masks, the paranoia and control, the abuse. Isaiah saw him at his lowest and he covered for him, cause he didn't want his brothers to know.
This brought him an existential crisis though. Cause obviously his father's system was flawed and so was his. Leaving gave him space to find himself, or rather, to completely rebuild himself. He gathered information. Studied psychology to learn more about the human psyche, to understand his own issues, his own confusion. And then it built into fascination. He got new role models, new work, new thoughts and figured out new codes for himself to live by. To be someone he can be proud of.
This new system led him to really embrace his badger secondary. Very untypical for a wolves, who like to posture, who need to have clear power ranks before they are capable of functioning in one room with others, who have their insistent shadows reflecting their deepest desires, raw, ruthless and always, no matter the rationality of it.
But Isaiah's method is caretaking. He bonds with people, offers help, considers their needs, remembers names. He bonds and community builds, throwing himself at young wolves, problematic cases. Seeing a person, he can't help but be kind and considerate. This is something he can only afford because of how insanely powerful and well-trained his shadow is. He gets respect for his power and skill - and that's how he gets away with acting out for character. Being polite, nice and kind, because he wants to. Because he can put people in place if they take it as a weakness.
His emphasis on politeness and good manners, on being gallant and well-dressed, orderly and systematic are all expressions of his smooth courtier badger wanting to be respectful and pleasant to people. And it works, cause man, this guy has contacts. He knows someone, who knows someone, who will help out. He doesn't live in packs or whole communities, he doesn't need it, but when he starts calling in for favours, the city bend itself over for him to fulfill his wish.
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It's ironic Isaiah got to deal with an abusive exploded lion badger (his goal of keeping the pack strong is everything and he is willing to sacrifice everyone for it with a very sly badger secondary including the general opinion in his favour) for a father and a glory hound lion for a brother, only to meet and fall for Seline. Seline Silverstein, a proud loud lion primary.
There is steady certainty in how she trusts her instincts, her gut decisions and feelings. She doesn't do anything she absolutely doesn't want to do, following her dream as a cultural studies student and researcher at the university. She believes in being responsible for your own happiness, she has a clear goal and purpose and follows it.
Her outspoken morals, her inability to be silent, the need to provoke and challenge people when something doesn't feel right get her into trouble frequently. True to her primary she is very willing to go against the flow, her friends, people around her. Society won't pressure her away from what she feels is right and she backs it up with research. And she isn't loyal to people or sides either, she follows thoughts. Idealist to the core.
So when the family situation with her brother being a spoiled little brat as a wolf and using his puberty and wolf shadow as excuses made the situation unbearable, she didn't have qualms to move out. She isn't sorry to not belong in any witch coven or wolf pack, if they can't lower their pressure of her being a nice, soothing little witch. The classic role would be a very gentle, caring, tolerant female to calm the wolf tempers in the pack. Thanks, but no thanks. And even though this provokes and irritates the wolf society around her, she values her independence and he beliefs too much to back out.
The lion sometimes gets covered by a very strong and passionate bird secondary though. Seline researches, plans, strategizes and analyses. She is a prepper for all kinds of situations. The tendency to prepare is too much at times, the way she researchers every new skill, verifies information, reads herself into discourses before getting onto something.
Very fitting little bird secondary for her research work. A lion goal and determination followed by a meticulously prepared bird? She is a force to be reconed with, no matter her gentle sweet appearance.
Now as for the pairing, Seline is very attracted to Isaiah's thought out intellectual bird thinking. Isaiah has everything reasoned out, overexplains his tiniest beliefs and habits and Seline digs that stuff. She just loves to reason and think and she likes to back her feelings with clear evidence and eloquent thoughts and loads of reseach, true to her bird secondary. Bird Isaiah is an ideal intellectual sparring partner for her.
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Matthew Blackwell has a very straightforward snake lion sorting. The lion secondary is very loud and direct, goes with his tough guy persona and angry wolf image. He has his temper issues and a very blood knight kind of passion for fighting. It's just fun for him, like a sport or a game. Getting into boxing and running really helped him find a good outlet for it instead of just causing him trouble.
The snake is more subdued and living in a rather neutral zone. Matthew didn't have people in his corner for a long time, and with no snake circle he relief on his agressive lion instead. Finding Isaiah, befriending Seline, getting a sort of maybe pack with them was a key moment for him. Now his snake is adopting people and though he is sometimes awkward in caring for them as well as he would like out of sheer inexperience, he is getting there. Maybe even on the way to built a useful badger secondary model for the caretaking required around his people who are strong and yet havr vulnerbilitied he can cover for.
And Matthew is a sweet marshmallow inside who will put his people above everything. He is the only loyalist in the trio, with Isaiah and Seline being idealists. As long as he fits Seline's felt goals and Isaiah's built system of how the world works, it's a stable combination.
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Hector Wolfson is a double lion. Very intense sorting. His lion primary has a very Badger like flavour, influence of how he had been brought up in the pack. Duty, greater good of the whole, community. He accepts and tries to follow this, but inside he is a loud glory hound lion in it for himself, for acknowledgement of his strength, his leadership, him being the best.
Hector struggled with the idea that as the second oldest brother Isaiah had a stronger claim to succeed their father for the leadership of the pack than him. Not to mention that catching up to Isaiah was difficult on its own, but Hector never stopped trying. He worked his butt off in training, control, education. For how arrogant, ambitious and self-centered he is, there is lots of hard work, skill and determination to back him up. Lion willpower, let me tell you.
Hector never recovered from Isaiah abandoning what he considered his greatest goal and honour. Isaiah basically spit on what had been unfairly handed to him by leaving the pack instead of leading it. Hector should be happy about this, now he will most likely be the successor. Except Isaiah's reasoning doesn't make sense and Hector now never got to defeat him in a fair fight. He will never be able to prove he was better and more suited, when Isaiah doesn't consider his life long goal worth the fight. It angers him to no end.
Add to this the lion secondary that likes to power through, kick down doors, burn down bridges and say everything directly...not effective in schemer politics of the wolves, but very much so in getting respect and recognition for power and posturing alone. Wolves respect him. Not to mention his double lion has a very inspiring leadership quality to it. Lions are intense, loud and easy to make people follow them.
At the same time his lion secondary isn't destructive or aggressive to the point he couldn't fulfill his obligations. At civilised wolf parties and strategic meetings, Hector can keep his cool and insult people in a very polite measured manner no one can dispute. He cuts the pleasantries and talks around it short and gets things moving. No-one said lions couldn't be polite. They are just very direct and no nonsense about it.
By the way, his second in the pack, Delaney, shares the double lion sorting. Idealistic, goal-oriented, steady in her determination and very on par with Hector's direct approach.
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The Wolfson trio (Hector has brown eyes though) is rounded up by a double snake youngest brother. Arnold "Arnie" Wolfson really got an unfortunate hand. A human brother in the family, he wasn't interesting for his father's ambitions and was left out of lot of the wolf pack business and power struggles.
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Arnie has that air of shameless self-worth and self-interest of a young snake though. He likes fun, joy and the pretty things in life. He is here to enjoy himself. And he doesn't care about politics. The most he cares about other than himself is his tiny circle. The pack doesn't matter to him as a whole, he doesn't feel obliged to it. Isaiah and Hector are his people, and he wants them back and nice to each other. That's it. Where Hector can't forgive Isaiah for betraying their common goal and can't move past this to try to understand or figure out his mysteries, Arnie just longs to get back to his brother and reconcile. Isaiah can betray them or leave them or do incomprehensible stuff for wolf standards, but he is Arnie's person so he will be forgiven and given the benefit of the doubt. Arnie, in contrast to Hector, wants to understand, wants to find out, wants to get along.
His secondary is a playful snake. Arnie likes to tease, lie, push and change strategies in the middle if they don't work. Silver-tounged with mischief in his eyes, he enjoys the freedom of his humanity. He might not matter for the wolves, but he knows them and their etiquette enough to play at whatever situation to turn it in his favour. While wolves are busy figuring out ranks and fighting off their shadows, he will design the positions and talks to support his agenda. Quick on his feet and sneaky and very much enjoys it. Sonny Carter is a double snake as well - it's just very handy for charming behind the scene schemers.
Isaiah - Bird/Badger
Seline - Lion/Bird
Matthew - Snake/Lion with a Badger model on the way
Hector - Lion/Lion
Arnie - Snake/Snake
Delaney - Lion/Lion
Sonny - Snake/Snake
Caleb - Lion/Snake
Mr Wolfson - exploded Lion/Badger
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daedalusdavinci · 5 months
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ok here it is. here is my little intro to the main characters im kind of working on rn w my oc stuff. image descs are all in the alt text bu ti fucking forgot to add that theyre all like pixel images and now i dont feel like going back and adding it so. now you know. thiiis took me too long to put together so @redactedcrow @ashysiashy YOU ASKED FOR THIS
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Rogue
More infamously known as the Beast of Mariana, Rogue is an arms dealer known for his ruthless fighting style, his constantly cycling crew, and his beastly appearance. It's rumored he goes through henchmen so fast because he eats them, but he does have a small, core crew of specialists that he keeps on staff full-time. He's quiet, guarded, and distant, but intensely loyal to those close to him. While his past is a mystery, it's clear he bears it with great difficulty, turning fear into an unending hunger for power. When that hunger drives him to hire on a thief, Rogue's fear of vulnerability threatens to destroy the world, or at least himself.
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Tom Johnson, AKA, The Spectre
Tommy isn't what he seems. A retail worker by day, and the most prolific thief in Mariana by night, Tommy's lust for adventure drives him in most things. Hedonism is the name of the game, and Tommy's never found a thrill he could deny himself. Skydiving, spelunking, mountain biking, parasailing- anything that gets his blood pumping, he's up for. On the surface, he's friendly and flirtatious, but he lives a life of isolation, his secrets keeping everyone at a safe distance. Rogue is the first person he thinks might be able to understand, if he can break through that hard shell. Or, Tommy's reckless lifestyle might finally mean consequences he can't come back from.
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Barbara Fiske
Rogue's right hand, Barbie is often described as serious, unemotive, and intimidating by those who meet her. She handles most of Rogue's administrative work, and possesses a seemingly uncanny ability to anticipate exactly what Rogue's thinking at any given moment. Those who really know her know that she has a passion for plants, a fondness for messing around with her fellow crew, and a loyalty to Rogue that can't be severed by anything.
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Ben "Benny" Parks
A retired thief and Rogue's current mechanic, Ben is eager to set the more exciting days of his youth aside and make a- for him, if not for Rogue's enemies- peaceful living. His ability to produce metal-melting acid is nothing more than a nuisance for someone who works with his hands, and he suffers from chronic pain caused by permanent acid reflux. Still, Rogue's crew has been exactly what he needed, and they've adopted him happily as a target of their frequent harassment, and to some, a mentor figure.
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Em
The youngest of Rogue's crew, Em handles cyber security and studies under Barbie and Ben, helping out wherever help is needed. He's bright, enthusiastic, and an easy source of laughter in Rogue's group, with a passion for all things video games, anime, and fashion. After biting off more than he could chew as a teen and pissing off one of the most powerful men in Mariana, Rogue's crew offers a safety net he hasn't broken out of yet, but his remaining grudge against the rich and powerful is one that promises a dangerous future.
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Wen Xiaming and Mandi "Shortcut" Williams
As Rogue's resident tanks, Wen and Shortcut are the ones seen with him in the most, always armed to the teeth and ready to fight. Affectionately referred to as "dumb and dumber," the girls aren't known for their smarts, but they're deadly and ruthless, willing to gun down anyone on Rogue's command. One is never seen without the other, and their flirting is a source of irritation for many who trade with Rogue.
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Nita Vasani, AKA, The Reporter
Overachiever by day, vigilante by night, Nita strains to balance her retail job, education, and secret identity. Her life's passion is to be a journalist, and when encouragement from the wrong person ended in a case gone wrong and a dip in a chemical spill, opportunity presented itself in the form of powers. Now, she investigates crimes and exposes them in exposes, shining light on the darkest parts of Mariana. Her passion for the truth makes her a confusing companion for Tommy, who thrives on secrets and commits the very crimes she attempts to reveal, but something has always kept her from giving him up.
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meili-sheep · 1 year
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You know, the Teyvat Detective Club is a couple of legal files, some authentications, and a small retail building away from being a legitimate force:
Yanfei has her own law firm/legal advising sthick already and will make anyone pay through their teeth for her services.
Shinobu has graduated from law school, along with all of her other certifications and her golden streak with her gigs and jobs.
Heizou was a private detective before he went to the Tenryou Commission because they had more resources.
Cyno has studied extensively and trained vigorously to be able to investigate, judge, and hunt down certain scholars.
These guys are also quite active when it comes to going to their locations and getting stuff done as well as (mostly) doing the paperwork and operating on the legal side of things, and they also know specialized people and have access to their resources as well:
Hu Tao has definitely been called upon to examine the state of victim’s bodies as well as give further details that some people can miss
Tighnari can be trusted to identify certain plants and their potential effects on the body, specifically with inhalation, consumption, and contact with skin
Kazuha is an excellent tracker, especially when it comes to more remote areas where people like to try and disappear or hide from authorities
Xiangling knows anyone that comes in, as she has a encyclopedic memory of every single order and their specifications down to the individual person
Albedo usually helps them out when the inquiry is particularly interesting as well as if there’s any signs of the use of certain types of alchemy
Sucrose is typically to one that identifies the individuals if the bodies are too far gone for simple examination, using bones and cells to find specific details concerning the person
Sayu quietly passes on small details on observations, sightings, and persons of interest as she’s going about her own jobs and tasks
The collection of these specific skills and the individuals who possess them make for a very specialized network of people that make whatever cases the detectives have that much easier. So essentially, you’ve got:
Legal Unit (original members) - Yanfei, Shinobu, Cyno, Heizou
Investigative Unit - Kazuha, Sayu, Heizou
Forensics Unit - Albedo, Tighnari
Mortuary Unit - Hu Tao, Sucrose
Informantion Unit - Sayu, Xiangling, Yanfei, Shinobu
‘Specialized’ Operations (finding people) - Cyno, Shinobu, Kazuha
So this is a whole operation if you really wanna think about it.
Now
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While I love this. And agree with this. Each detective club member has their own little specialist that helps them, and the other solve their cases.
I am just noticing a trend of people forgetting Diluc is in this club. And y'all can't keep calling him mondstadt batman and not recognize in this club when batman is called "world's greatest detective". Now I am a champion of "batman isn't really a detective" and "Diluc is more of a Jason Todd" But that's side the point. My original Idea for this group was
Diluc, Yanfei, Heizou and Cyno.
Because these are reps of each nation that focuses on justice and truth. This is why I'm meh oh Shinobu, an official club member, because while extremely useful and qualified. She doesn't value truth like the others. If this was the full Leverage AU, then yeah, I would put Shinobu in here.
But ultimately. I am the Diluc Pain Train. And While I love talking about other characters. Diluc is the king of my heart. So Let's not For get He's here.
So If you'll let me, I'm gonna make some tweaks.
Main Crew Diluc (Boss), Yanfei, Heizou, and Cyno
Legal Unit Yanfei (Lead) and Shinobu
Investigation Heizou (Lead) and Sayu
Pursuit Unit Cyno (Lead), Beidou, and Kazuha
Forensics Unit Albedo, Sucrose, Tighnari, and Hu Tao
Now I'm very open to people playing with this idea themselves. But I just want to make clear kind of what my original intention was. And That was a weird group of characters from each nation who bond over their pursuit of the truth.
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restlesshush · 2 years
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do you have like. a fic that deals with the soulless jack arc the way u want
Hiii anon this ask absolutely made my day. Very excited to answer this.
Okay so, I don’t have a fic of this but I do have the secret better soulless Jack arc that exists in my head. This originated from me brainstorming it in DMs to @autisticandroids (so there is stuff in here that is from them) around the time I watched the canon version for the first time a couple of months ago. It diverges fairly significantly for 14x16-14x18 and then sticks more closely to canon for 14x19-14x20, but like, the things I've changed mean that those episodes are put in a different light by the time we get to them, and so the main point of this soulless Jack arc is “okay, what actually is the best way to deal with this?” and the answer is compassion!!
(About 2k under the cut)
Obviously, Mary doesn’t die in this au, because it undercuts stuff to the extent that I don’t think it can have been the original plan. That doesn't mean, though, that I'm reverting to the improved soulless Jack arc I think s14 was building to before it got derailed by Mary's death, because that focusses a lot on Dean and Dean & Jack parallels, which isn't really the most interesting to me. This is a very Cas & Jack centric soulless Jack arc, as it should be.
So, the major structural diverging for me starts in 14x16 – in this version, instead of Cas being off screen, him trying to find a way to fix Jack’s soul is the focus of the episode. He gets to have two episodes getting increasingly desperate and probably physically threatening people (because I will forever be mad about the fact that in the entire show he punches 1 (one) car for Jack and that’s it). The idea of this – in addition the fact that Cas’s pov here is the most compelling objectively – is to help to maintain the sense of foreboding re soulless Jack, but also crucially to keep it in the right context of this being specifically something devastating for Jack and people who care about him. The idea of him as a potential ‘threat’ isn’t the point.
Then, I’m a little torn because I do think the s14 Nick stuff is the stupidest writing decision spn ever made, but I do also think Jack killing someone intentionally (as opposed to the stuff with Mary) is an escalation point that makes sense, because like, the issue with soullessness is that his moral reasoning’s off, but with a trustworthy guide he would still be fine! So I think while the emotional core of 14x17 is Cas still trying in vain to find a solution to Jack’s soul, this is the background to salmondean having taken Jack on some kind of motw case, explicitly as a test-drive for him, effectively. So the question the episode is asking – while it becomes increasingly clear that Cas’s mission going to be fruitless – is “is Jack’s soullessness going to be a problem?”, and then when he (well-meaningly!) brutally kills some malevolent civilian and flies off in a panic, we get the answer “apparently yes”.
Okay so NOW we get to my alternate 14x18 which is my favourite bit. In the canon soulless Jack arc, obviously we get Hallucifer 2.0, which I find pretty insulting tbh – I think it smacks of the writers being like “oops! We don’t know how to convey Jack interiority properly so we’re going to make him hallucinate someone to talk to instead!” (From the point of view that Nick’s death was probably meant to be the escalating event rather than Mary’s, this would make slightly more sense as a fossil of that, but it’s still annoying.) SO my solution to this is to convey Jack interiority by co-opting a bunch of other characters to voice his worst fears to him, in a way which escalates the situation, but like, in a way that makes it clear that the situation is being escalated because it’s being handled poorly. We’ve turned this into a Jack character study episode and all of the other characters are tools to serve this goal <3
Firstly, we ideally have a morally dubious ally. Annoyingly, I think Rowena's already too good by this point, and while an Uncle Crowley would be perfect, he has been killed off leaving his slot vacant. Anyway, we have [whoever. A not-dead Aunt Meg would also be great] make a spike btvs “I’m not good but I’m okay” style argument – “it’s fine that you don’t have a soul, you’re just like me and I’m fine”, which is kindly meant but still upsetting to (an already pretty distressed) Jack.
Then we get apocalypse world Bobby, with some other hunters in tow (including non-fridged Mary trying to talk him down), and (in line with the vibe from him at the beginning of 14x19, which was just never followed through on) he’s like “you are just a monster now, and we’re therefore going to kill you”. Which is clearly completely the wrong approach and just escalates things further as it reinforces Jack’s fears about himself and makes him more upset. Jack sends out some sort of shockwave in his panic to get away, and injures a couple of the apocalypse world hunters as well, but not intentionally. By this point he’s so upset that he’s leaving a bit of a trail of destruction in general, and that obviously increases people’s belief that he’s dangerous but like – he’s just distressed! They just need to be kind to him and tell him it’s okay and that they’ll help him!
And then we get to salmondean driving to intercept Jack. Cas is racing back from where he was of trying to fix Jack's soul, but they’re still a lot closer than Cas is, so Cas is begging Dean on the phone like “please please wait till I get there to talk to him. Please.” But Dean’s like “no, we need to sort this out right now” and so he and Sam barrel into the situation without Cas. They try to holy fire ring Jack to contain him while they try to talk him down, which obviously just makes Jack even more upset. (Sam is uncomfortable with this and tries to talk Dean out of it / tries to use waiting for Cas as an excuse, but he does ultimately fall in line.) And then when they’ve got Jack in the holy fire, Dean is taking what he genuinely thinks is a tough love approach of “well you’re not a monster, if you can get this under control” (voicing Jack’s fears to him. We’ve co-opted the avatar of the narrative to serve the end of expressing Jack interiority <3), and Jack’s like “otherwise you’ll kill me?” and Dean’s like “yeah. If I have to”. It eventually escalates to the point that Jack feels so overwhelmed that he is about to give up and just walk through the holy fire, not knowing whether it’s going to hurt him, but just before he does Sam caves and breaks the circle, so we don’t actually know what would have happened, just that he was prepared to do it. Salmondean don’t quite realise what was about to happen, but the audience do.
So we finish 14x18 with Jack still at large, and still upset and therefore out of control, and the crucial takeaway is that all of these attempts to talk him down failed because everyone was making the same misapprehensions about how to help Jack, making Jack’s non-monster status conditional, just feeding into his fear that he can’t avoid being a monster, and the destructive distress it’s resulting its, whereas Cas’s approach would have been “no you’re not a monster, and I’m going to help you” which is why it’s the only one that would have worked.
Then, when we get to 14x19, escalating to trapping Jack in the box makes more sense, because they have already tried talking to him. At the same time, the audience knows that trapping him in the box is still the wrong approach, because Cas's compassion that he didn't get to exercise is still in clear contrast to all of the other failed approaches. The Dumah stuff in this episode probably gets replaced by something where Jack has a little more agency, because the point is “yeah he might do dubious stuff in a well-meaning way without a guide, but if he is looked after he’s fine", so it makes sense to show him doing some well-meaning 'bad things' – having stuff that he's purely manipulated into is a little dull.
In addition to the fact that salmondean wanting to trap Jack in the box makes more sense in this version, because Sam let Jack out of the holy fire ring, Dean can leverage Sam’s ~responsibility in whatever chaos Jack has causes since, to persuade him to go along with the box plan, so the character dynamics make a little more sense there. Also obviously, removing the revenge motive that comes from Jack having killed Mary makes Dean come off as less callously vindictive, and more (very poorly, but still) trying to deal with this very difficult situation. Like, he's still not behaving particularly sympathetically, and he has fallen back pretty quickly into his earlier ways of viewing Jack, but it's much more earned, and less "woah! Where did that come from?!" than in canon 14x19. Another thing that's fixed by Jack not having killed Mary is that he looks much less gullible for being tricked into the box, as opposed to the canon portrayal of which is sublty ooc in a really insulting way.
And then, like in canon, Cas is away while all this is happening, and stuff plays out pretty much the same when he returns, except that Dean tries to physically restrain him from going to get Jack from the box, and Cas shoves him out of the way, because I do have an agenda re the angel and (here, very mild, but still) violence in defence of his child <3
For Moriah, the actual Jack stuff can play out pretty much the same (but of course with the prevailing sense that "no, Dean is wrong to think he has to kill Jack! Cas will be able to sort it!"), only obviously Chuck doesn’t kill Jack. This is for several reasons: 1) Chuck killing Jack is a massive cop-out in that it avoids dealing with the repercussions of Dean nearly killing Jack, which is lazy, boring writing; 2) if the point of this rewritten soulless Jack arc is “what is the solution? Is there an alternative to trapping/killing him?” we need him to survive so that we can see that the solution would have worked, have the cruel approaches refuted; 3) for there to have been something gained from all this, the arc needs to conclude with Cas leaving with Jack. Cas has had major revelations re the situation his child would be in continuing to live at the bunker, and also been shown the extent to which his drive to take care of Jack differs from Sam and Dean's, both of which are reasons for him to realise that he does need to step up as Jack’s parent, in order to do right by Jack, the way he wants to. Like, Cas has learned stuff from this, and he should get to act on it, rather than just having his child killed in front of him. Also, I get a real kick out of getting to say to the audience “look, only one of these three can reasonably be considered Jack’s parent after all that! It's only Cas!”
Not sure what really happens after that. Certainly I am super enamoured with the whole “Cas caring for soulless Jack” vibe – it compels me greatly. I also have in the back of my mind a character-stuff-masked-as-lore solution which could happen either instead of or following that, where Cas sacrifices his grace to fix Jack’s soul, and then Jack is able to restore Cas’s grace via giving him a little of his own (given it’s turbocharged nephilim juice), and it doesn’t give Cas angel terminal illness this time specifically because it’s the grace of his son. Like, their chosen relationship being recognised metaphysically in a way that resolves the situation.
Anyway crucially, the soulless Jack arc has been rewritten so that the instead of the clumsy canon version, the focus is “what does it truly mean for him to be soulless? How do we resolve this situation?” and the answer is that while his moral reasoning is a little out of whack, he does still mean well, and we can resolve things by being kind and having his dad take care of him <3
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joshisurcrush · 11 months
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'The Host' by Stephanie Meyer
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Dawg I'm gonna be really honest, I hated the novel for the first 200 pages. It was so edgy for no reason, the author was so mysterious and cryptic with it, but not in an appealing way; more in an edgy 13-year-old's angst fanfiction. I read this book because it was literally the only English book left in the school library that I hadn't read yet, and I didn't want to sit around bored at break. I'm gonna cover a lot of stuff in the book, that isn't mentioned on the cover or in most reviews, so here's a fat spoiler warning, since I'll be discussing things even more thoroughly than I would in other reviews.
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First off, I wanna make it very clear to fellow aromantic individuals that this book is going to be either a) very funny, b) a case study, or c) hard to read. For me it was all three of those things. See, Stephenie Meyer, author of The Host, also wrote "Twilight" which y'all may have heard of. I saw "written by Stephenie Meyer, author of the *twilight saga*" on the cover of the book and gagged. Well, she's good at what she does, I'm gonna say, but that doesn't necessarily mean that I like it. Some parts of the book just had me frowning at the words on the page, the parts where one of the two main characters makes out with her partner (Melanie and Jared), for example. That part had me sitting in my chair thinking "Are people actually like this?" and "What the fu(dge), this is so cheesy." Right? But then there were other parts, (Wanda and Ian), where I found the romantic moments cute/funny. I think it’s mainly because the Wanda-Ian bond is more of the lighthearted cutesy friends-to-lovers bond, and not the “rah hot sexy ownership mmm sex” bond the way that Melanie and Jarend’s is written.
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I digress, well, I think I should get to explaining. I'm not going to explain exactly why everything happens, but I'm going to list facts that you just have to believe me. Wanda is an alien parasite in Melanie's body, who controls Melanie's body entirely, but they're friends and can hear each other's thoughts. Jared is in love with Melanie, Jeb is Melanie's uncle and owns a secret underground base where most of the story takes place, and Jamie is Melanie's little (teenage) brother. Then there's super-sexy Ian who's in love with Wanda (the parasite) and somewhat-sexy Kyle, twin brother of Ian, who happens to be really violent and tried to kill Wanda (in Melanie's body) twice. Oh, and there's Doc, the kind surgeon. There's other characters but I don't think they'll be all that relevant to my review. 
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Well, I like Wanda, the main character. Ironically, it's in her parasite species' nature to attempt to please everyone, be nice and always keep everyone's best interest in mind, even at her own expense. Also, unrelated, but this is one of the stories with female characters that I thoroughly enjoy. As a guy I prefer stories with strong male leads, it's just my personal preference, and stories with female leads tend to feel flat and weak, or "forced-strong", or stereotypical in some way. Mosquitoland had a good female lead, along with Falling Into Place, and The Host. These are some good female leads/characters that I can thoroughly enjoy because there's inner conflict, backstory dimension and history, more than just a single objective or focus (a lot of love-stories tend to make the female character into this caricature of what a girl is, and I hate it because women have vivid internal lives and a boiled-down simplification simply doesn’t do it justice imo). Back to Wanda, though. 
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She becomes more and more human throughout the book (which is supposed to be like, a big thing. I bet Meyer was proud of that one.) It's underlined as the story goes on; Wanda compares herself and her emotions to the human ones and talks about how Earth is so unique and different from the other planets she's lived on, etc. You definitely feel an interesting but slight shift in her narration as the novel progresses, evolving with the number of connections she makes with the people around her. 
Also, I like how Stephenie Meyer managed to separate Mel and Wanda from each other so distinctly. You get a feeling for how different the two of them are from each other, and how they each have their own principles and ideas, and they're like night and day, even though their actions are the same throughout the story. Talking about characters also, I like the way that all characters a) serve a purpose/role, and b) they're fleshed out well enough for me and c) they're not all written the same way, which is a fat pet peeve of mine. I hate when a story has three sarcastic characters, four strong men, and three quirky girls. They're all characterized differently, which makes Stephanie Meyer better at writing than whoever was behind the new arrangement of Marvel movies. Do not crucify me in the notes for having said that, I’ll get very sad. 
LMAO Imagine being a Marvel superfan and trying to read a normal thriller or something, I feel like a Marvel superfan would gasp and flail on the floor like a fish on land if the murderer doesn’t go “erm.. Well that just happened 🤓” after brutally snuffing the lives out of his victim(s).
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Plus, the story had the first good love triangle (tm) consisting of one body shared by Mel and Wanda, Jared and Ian. And the thing that makes it interesting to me is the fact that it's two couples (Wanda + Ian, and Jared + Melanie) who sort of have to work around the fact that both of the girls share the same body, which leads to jealousy between the two guys and Melanie and things like that. I found it interesting, it's so much better than the usual, and wildly annoying trope of "who will they pick! woo! two choices!" type of love triangle that I couldn't give two sharts about. 
The one thing, though, that bumps this story up to its rating, from a six, is the ending. The ending is genuinely the happiest ending I've ever read. Nobody dies. Everyone wins. Everyone is happy and complete; nobody is left alone or heartbroken, and it ends on a good note (since this book doesn't and will not have a sequel.) It just wraps everything up really nicely, it actually had me grinning and screaming "Good for them!" internally. It's the best ending to a book I've gotten to read in a really, really long time.
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3wisellamas · 1 year
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Deltarune Halloween Prompts Day 24: Creepypasta
(Sorry this one's a little late, stuff...happened. ^^; But, I kinda wanted to post this one with today's anyway, so it worked out!)
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"...Berdly? Are you okay?" Noelle looked at the bluebird on the front steps, panting and with sweat glistening on the tips of his feathers, like he'd just run completely across town. "We, um, said we'd study together tomorrow afternoon..."
"Didn't you get my email?!"
"Uh...I don't think so?"
Berdly looked up at her, disappointed, but tried his best not to show it. He didn't have time to coach her on the proper points of checking one's email every few minutes in case an unsolicited invitation from an ivy league school came in; rather, he cut right to the chase. "I need to use your console to play Dragon Blazers!"
Tilting her head to the side curiously, Noelle led him inside, to where she kept her games. "I thought you had your own console?"
"I ditched it when I upgraded to the Gamestation 360! You know I can't play without achievements or my Playertag, how else would I be able to prove what a superior gamer I am?!" He cleared his throat. "But, well...I have a need to play the older version, and I knew just the doe to help me! I accept your 'You're welcome's in advance!" Smirking, he ignored the dirty look Noelle shot him as she started up the game, and pulled over her laptop to finish the blog post she'd been writing when she'd been interrupted.
"Oh, good idea! I'll need to use your laptop too, to make sure I'm doing this right!" Sighing, Noelle saved her draft and passed it along, so that Berdly could show her that email that had been so important.
"So...you want to try recreating this story you found?"
"I couldn't have said it better myself, my dear Noelle! Except...I kind of did," he replied, clicking the link he'd included.
The web page opened to a listing of stories, rather difficult to read in red text on a black background, but Noelle read down to the one Berdly pointed to. "Drowned Elf Boy, Space Kaiju...these are all about video games?" She snickered, passing the laptop back to him. "These are...just creepypastas, Berdly. I've read all of them a million times!"
"Really?! I-I'm amazed you're so cultured, but then, we geniuses usually are!" Berdly finally found the one he wanted, letting Noelle see. "I found this one last night, and HAD to try it out!"
He'd opened an older story about Dragon Blazers, and it didn't take Noelle long to recognize its contents, nor the author, "holidaygirl1225."
"Um...Berdly?"
"Yes, I know it's probably a long shot, but if we could find whatever the author was talking about, it could be an amazing discovery! And we'd get all the credit!" All too late, though, Berdly realized the flaw in his plan, as he started a new game and watched three entire minutes of opening cutscenes. "Oh no, wait...this is in the ice area, isn't it? That's over six hours into the game..."
"Oh! Hang on a second!" Noelle held out her hand, motioning for Berdly to hand her the controller, and she loaded her old save file right outside the area. "I...still have this."
"You kept a file here?!" His eyes wide, Berdly looked up at her with new appreciation. "You must've known this area had its secrets! That's why you're the smartest person I know, aside from myself of course!"
"Of course..." Deciding it'd be best not to let on exactly why she had the file, Noelle watched as Berdly tried retracing the creepypasta author's steps, getting more frustrated with each moment his character spent lost in the icy maze. "It's not working! They must've copied these directions wrong, or deliberately made it so you couldn't follow them..."
"Here, let me try." Again, Berdly handed off the controller, and Noelle reloaded her save to start from scratch. Taking a few moments to remember the steps, she made her way through the maze, but as she did so the realization of what she was doing hit her, and yet again she panicked, going down instead of up at the end.
"Oh...whoops, I guess that wasn't it!" She passed the controller back to Berdly. "You can try again, but I guess it's impossible."
"Yeah..." Sighing, Berdly made a few more attempts, but then gave up, switching off the console. "Guess it was just a made-up story after all. Oh well! I'll go see if there's any secrets in Dragon Blazers VII, or at least get that 'No Damage on Any Boss' achievement I've been working on!"
Once he left, Noelle booted the game again, going through the maze just as she had a few minutes before, the only difference being her going up instead of down, and there it was. Pushing down the reflex to scream and shut off the game just like when she was a kid, she approached the gray door, checking it, poking it, prodding it, trying every way she could think of to open it, but without the key she was once again stuck.
"Someday..." Making sure her save file was still in place, she shut off the game.
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lenteur · 25 days
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random thoughts about tell me that you love me, episode fourteen
(the rest is under the cut because i'm worried about your eyes having to read ALL OF THAT and this post might contain spoilers)
The domesticity between mo eun and jin woo gives me butterflies AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Especially the guitar scene. It reminds me of when mo eun put jin woo's hand on her neck just so he could feel the vibrations when she was singing <3 (i don't remember the episode sorry) It's the little details that make a big difference. The efforts mo eun puts in just so jin woo could feel included in her life... everyone deserves a mo eun in their lives
I didn't need any more convincing to support mo eun and jin woo but the fact that the first time mo eun managed to play the song without making any mistake is when she's with jin woo................. THE BUTTERFLIES ARE COMING BACK
I am a mo eun x jin woo supporter if you didn't know
Wait! I'm trying to connect the dots... Isn't the woman who visited jin woo's exhibit at the last minute jin woo's biological mother? Looking back, it was a bit strange (for lack of a better word) to see her cry when looking at his paintings. It felt like there was more to it than "being moved by art". If that is true, I should become a professional detective.
Wait! (pt.2) If the woman I mentioned above is the rude man's wife, then I am a genius and I should be hired as a kdrama scenarist (jk obv). You know the rude man seo kyung had to face because he wanted to buy the most expansive painting that would be a great investment in the future? The man who didn't care about the paintings, only about their monetary value? Yeah, that man! I'm 99.9% sure it's him because mo eun has only asked for the woman's number. So why is it that he came instead of her? I'm sure they're married and the reason why the husband was insistent is because the woman is jin woo's mother and she was scared to go to the exhibit in case she met her son there. I'm betting nothing (I'm broke and have nothing expansive in my possession) that I cracked the code. I connected the dots.
I previous statements are wrong, please pretend you didn't see them
Looking back on the man's behaviour, I can see why he was so insistent on buying jin woo's paintings. His wife only remembers jin woo's name and the husband wants to gift it to her so she could have a piece of jin woo with her. It's a beautiful gesture, but the behaviour could have been a bit more gentle and polite.
I did NOT expect the whole explanation of the fire incident to go that way. So, in the end do hun was not the "bad guy" who followed seo kyung. I don't know what to think of it all.
It seems strange to me. I kind of understand writing a character who seems like perfect culprit but then proving they're innocent in the end but the way the drama portrayed do hun makes no sense to me. We're practically at the end of the show and they give us this plot twist right now? It would have made more sense if this was explained earlier. The only way I could look past that flaw is if they find the real culprit by the end of the show. I doubt this will happen but a girl can dream right? Do hun is a way more complex character than what I thought. Don't get me wrong, I would still categorise him as the "villain" in this drama (not really THE Villain but still leaning towards it) but now that we got the whole picture of the burning school incident, I can understand some of his actions. After all, he was alone for a long long long time. The whole world was against him. When the rumour about him stalking seo kyung started, he didn't try and stop it because jin woo disappeared and seo kyung was in France for her studies. The consequences of the rumours were a lot to bear for one set of shoulders. Yet he just carried all of that weight on his own because he chose to. I don't know if he had a way to contact seo kyung (phone number, mail, etc.) so he could try and clear his name. I am torn because on one hand, I can understand why he didn't tell them about it (one person disappearing and the other being at the other end of the planet). On the other hand, I wish he tried, at least, to contact one of them. I'm not sure if it would've saved seo kyung and jin woo's relationship, but it would've saved everyone a lot of anger and resentment. All of that to say I can understand do hun a little bit more and some of his previous actions make a lot more sense now. I still don't know what to think of it.
One thing I'll agree with do hun on is how he points out seo kyung's behaviour as well. Ever since they showed us her break up with jin woo, the only thing she's ever said is "Back then, I was young." She is right, but she seems to forget the people around were young as well and they have suffered too. She is so focused on her own suffering, she completely ignores other people's feelings. That's one thing that has been bothering me for a while. Jin woo and do hun were the same age as her yet, they don't dwell on it. I'm trying to say something but I feel like I'm failing miserably to get my point across. But at the same time, she didn't have all the knowledge she has now so it's understandable for her to still say that. Also, everyone reacts to trauma in their own way. For some, it takes longer than others. And we don't know if she has ever seeked help for all that happened during uni.
Do hun revealing everything seems to have a good effect on seo kyung because she went and told jin woo the truth. I'm glad she was honest and recognized the break up was her fault and she wasn't being honest with jin woo. She admitted she just wanted to break up and used the incident as an excuse. I'm relieved this is out of the way. At least, jin woo knows the truth now. I can't even begin to imagine how jin woo feels after the revelation. But at least now he can properly move on.
Mo eun's feelings are understandable. She feels excluded because whenever she sees seo kyung and jin woo together, she can't help but feel like the odd one out. Jin woo and seo kyung can communicate in sign language without much difficulty. They have a history that dates back to decades ago. So, seeing this, mo eun can't help but feel like she's intruding, like she won't be able to live up to seo kyung because she still has a hard time communicating with jin woo fluently. One thing she doesn't notice is how she has one thing seo kyung doesn't have: she's patient with jin woo, she lets him reveal parts of himself at his own pace.
I KNEW IT!!! I have connected all the dots. I'm just so smart teehee
Overall this was a good episode so 8.5/10
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pochipop · 2 years
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i dont know if i have you confused with another account(?), and if so im sorry!! and feel free to ignore this!! but if you're okay with writing for bnha, could i get a 'reaction/advice giving type thing to the reader whos trying to change herself to please a guy'? (todoroki, kirishima, bakugo, tenya, & shinsou) thank you so much in advance!!
#BNHA !! ♡ — WORRYING FOR YOU AFTER A SUDDEN PERSONALITY CHANGE.
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#. synopsis! — their concern for you grows after noticing a sudden and questionable shift in your personality .
#. characters! — todoroki, bakugo, kirishima, tenya, shinso .
#. warnings! — none .
#. alt accounts! — @ddollipop (nsfw) @yyolkchi (reblog/spam) .
#. others! — navigation & masterlist .
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# TODOROKI !! ♡
Todoroki isn't sure how to approach this conversation, but he swallows all the pride he's built up just to offer you some words of advice. He doesn't like admitting that he's noticed the differences, even if they haven't been the most subtle. . . It's difficult for him to admit that he cares, nonetheless have to show it. But he feels, deep within his heart, that this is important, —not just for you, but for himself, as well. He knows he won't be able to sleep soundly at night or look himself square in the mirror without nipping this in the bud. So he knocks on your door roughly half an hour before curfew, still wracking his brain for the right words to say. He's still at a loss by the time you open the door.
"Oh, hi Todoroki," you greet him, offering up a polite smile, "something I can do for you?"
He hates that you're asking that so quickly, as if he always needs something from you every time he steps foot in your dorm room. Although, that's not entirely incorrect. Most of the time, he's asking for your notes, or for your assistance with studying for an upcoming test. He doesn't mean for this to be the way you see him or his interactions, but he understands why things are the way they are. . . And he's not sure how to deal with that, either.
"No, nothing like that," Todoroki answers, shaking his head, "—I just. . . I've noticed that you haven't really been yourself lately, is all. I thought something might be going on, and that it would be better to ask, just in case."
By the look on your face, he can tell you're surprised by his words. He can't blame you. Even Todoroki himself is a little put off by all of this.
You shift your weight from one foot to another nervously.
"I guess I have made some changes recently," you admit, avoiding his eyes, "a third year student took me on a date a few weeks ago, and he mentioned that I seem to naïve to be a hero. Since then I've. . . I've been trying to grow up a little more, you know? To make it clear that I'm capable too. Some of the things he said just made me feel small. I want to prove myself to everyone who sees me that way."
Todoroki isn't sure what kind of reasoning he was really expecting, but that certainly wasn't it. He's never been particularly good with giving advice, but he doesn't want to stay silent now. That would just make everything ten times more awkward.
"For what it's worth, I really don't agree with him," Todoroki says, calm as ever on the outside, but panicked on the inside.
"It's always good to want to do better for yourself and those around you, but changing your personality to fit into what someone else thinks a hero should look like. . . You don't need to do that. Everyone can do better and be better, but that doesn't have to come at the cost of your own sense of self."
You get the feeling that those words aren't just for you, but for himself as well. Maybe in more ways than one.
"Thank you, Todoroki," you say, offering him a more genuine smile the second time around, "—I'll take your words into consideration, and I appreciate you coming all the way here just to say them."
His cheeks dust themselves a light pink, and he can only pray that you won't notice.
"If you wanna come in, Sato dropped some chocolate chip cookies off earlier. I'm sure he wouldn't mind if I share a few," you offer.
Though Todoroki isn't particularly hungry, he accepts. He loves Sato's baking enough to make room for it. Curfew is drawing near, and he knows as much, but for the time being, he stands beside you and listens as you talk about the upcoming training course. This is the you he's known since the beginning of the year, and he hopes it won't disappear anytime soon.
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# BAKUGO !! ♡
Bakugo points out the difference in your behavior as if it were a bitter inconvenience to him. It's just how he is, and you know that, but the way he says things tends to sting, and this is no different. Somehow, he seems a million times more blunt than usual.
"You're acting weird," his eyes narrow in disapproval, "so what the hell is up with you?"
Really, you're just thankful that he took you aside to do this rather than starting this conversation in front of the entire class. The anxiety that welled up inside you when he pulled you away from the others quickly disappeared, and all's well that ends well, you suppose.
"It's nothing," you tell him, though it's clear he doesn't believe that, —and even more obvious that he won't be accepting that as an answer, "I'm just still getting used to living away from home is all."
"That's not it," he growls out, so matter-of-factly that it stings.
"It really is," you insist, "I just need to adjust! There's really nothing to be worried about!"
The truth feels pathetic now that someone is confronting you about it. You don't want to say it so easily.
"I'm not worried," Bakugo scoffs, though the both of you know that's not the case, "but seeing you mope around in class is even more annoying than hearing you giggle like an idiot in the back of the room every morning."
You bite the inside of your cheek, unsure of how to respond. Bakugo doesn't scare you, (at least not anymore, now that you've been classmates for so long,) but his prying feels. . . Conflicting, to say the least.
"If this has anything to do with that stupid third year you were with last weekend, then just say so," he prompts dryly.
How does he know about that. . . ? You want to ask, but can't find the nerve to do so, worried that it might come across as accusatory, which is the last thing you want right now. It's not like you were trying to keep it a secret. You told Uraraka and Tsu, and never mentioned keeping it to themselves, so if it got out, then so be it.
"He said that I'm childish," you avert your gaze, embarrassment practically seeping out of your pores.
You hate this feeling.
"That I talk too much. I was just nervous and trying to keep conversation going at the time, but I guess that I went overboard. But it was my first time going on a date, and I just wanted him to like me."
"Who cares if he likes you?" Bakugo answers so quickly that it makes you flinch, "—he's a loser. You're a million times more aggravating when you're just sitting, staring out the window like a kicked puppy. So stop doing that. Talk as much as you want and say whatever you want, and forget whatever he said, because his opinion is just as stupid as he is."
You try to stifle a smile, but it doesn't work. Bakugo's scowl is still etched into his face, just as it always is. It's comforting, somehow.
"Thank you," you say to him, "I appreciate it. Very much."
"Whatever," he rolls his eyes, "just stop sulking. It pisses me off."
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# KIRISHIMA !! ♡
Kirishima isn't one for subtlety. You could notice his concerned glances and worried expressions from miles away. It makes you feel awful, but you can't seem to help it. If these feelings weren't there, it would be so much easier to push the insecurities away and smile brightly. . . But life just isn't that easy. A shame that is, really.
"Hey," Kirishima says to you with that same troubled look in his eyes that he's had for quite a few days now.
You feel guilty for being the cause of it, —probably more guilty than he'll ever know.
"Hi," you force a smile, but it doesn't reach your irises, "do you want to walk back to the dorms together?"
He nods, but he doesn't smile in return. Your heart aches. The two of you are halfway there before he speaks up, having spent the entirety of the time trying to find the right words to say. He's still not sure what he's going to tell you is going to be of any help, but he wants to try. That's how he's always been since the day you first met him.
"You seem down lately," Kirishima notes, "—or just different, I guess. Not like yourself at all."
An "oh" escapes your lips almost automatically, flat and somber, your gaze falling to your shoes as you walk, counting the steps you take in hopes of calming the nerves that wrap around your heart.
"You haven't been hanging out in the lounge with us lately either. A lot of us are wondering what's been going on."
Maybe it's just that you've been so caught up in your own feelings, trying to change your behaviors to please someone who hasn't thrown you a bone since the day he decided to crush a large portion of your confidence, but you really hadn't noticed you'd been worrying anyone. Other than Kirishima, that is, because he wasn't good at hiding it.
"I just don't want to be overbearing," you tell him, your stare still focused on the steps you're taking just so that you don't have to look Kirishima in the eyes.
"Overbearing?" He asked, genuine confusion lacing through his tone, "—why would you be worried about that?"
You feel so silly for all of this, and you want to apologize, not just to Kirishima, but to everyone. The feelings remain, but his concern for you really touches your heart.
"I went on a date with an upperclassman a bit ago, and he left early. He said I was overbearing, and that I didn't know when to shut up. Ever since then I. . . I just wanted to prove that I'm not. To him, to myself. . . To everyone."
"He's a jerk," Kirishima states firmly, and you're not sure you've ever heard him be this serious in an everyday conversation, "so don't let his words get to you, or make you change who you are. You're awesome enough when you're just being yourself. He doesn't know what he's talking about."
The certainty with which he says those words makes your heart flutter. You say a quiet "thank you," and he slips a comforting arm around your shoulders.
"Cheer up," he says, giving you a wide smile to illustrate his point.
You like the way his eyes turn into little crescent moons as he does so, and you offer him one of your own, albeit much softer.
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# TENYA !! ♡
Iida notices, but only worries from afar at first. As the class representative, he knows everyone fairly well, —more than well enough to notice when someone kind and hardworking seems to almost shrink into themselves all at once. He offers you good mornings each day, but your responses never satisfy him. You say it back, but the smile you offer him never reaches your eyes, and he doesn't like that. He doesn't like the dejected way you seem to be viewing yourself.
After a week, he decides that he can't take it anymore. The pressure has built up enough, right alongside the guilt he harbors for not asking you about things sooner, and before the start of class, he asks you to step into the hallway with him, assuring you that you're not in trouble. You nod and follow him along, not bothering to ask questions, because you have a sneaking suspicion that you already know what he's going to say.
"If I'm crossing any boundaries, you can feel free to not answer," he prefaces, "but are you okay? Your mood and demeanor seems completely different, and it has all week long. . ."
You swallow roughly. The fact that you had a hunch about the conversation topic doesn't seem to make this any easier.
"I've been working on being less immature," you tell him, and the furrow of his brows knitting together in confusion sinks your heart a little deeper into the pit of your stomach.
"Immature?" Tenya inquires further, "that's not a word that comes to mind when I think of you. What made you think like this?"
"An upperclassman took me out on a date last weekend. I was really excited, but he. . . He told me that I was too immature for him, and that he didn't want to see me again."
Just the memory of it is enough to sting the heart inside you. The wound is still fresh, and recounting it is only stuffing salt inside.
"So you're pulling yourself away to. . . Win him over?" Tenya raises an eyebrow inquisitively.
"No, it's not that," you shake your head, "it's more that I'm worried he was right. I don't want him to like me if he doesn't, but if what he said is really true, it's something I should know and be able to work on, right? I've been mulling over it a lot is all. I didn't mean to pull away from anyone or anything."
Tenya places a large, comforting hand on your shoulder.
"It's okay to be a little immature," he tells you earnestly, "we're all still growing up. It would be more shocking if you were the picture perfect image of adulthood at this age. Every single one of us is still learning and growing, and that's why we're here. You're fine the way you are. Your desire to self-reflect and make changes where it's needed is really admirable, but this time, I think you can let whatever that guy said roll off your back."
The warmth of his grip seems to sink into your skin almost as deeply as the weight of his words.
"Thank you," you tell him, "that means a lot to me."
Probably more than you even realize.
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# SHINSO !! ♡
Shinso is a strange balance of confused and concerned. He doesn't know how to ask, but someone as everlastingly observant as him is bound to notice the changes, —and he does. At first, he tells himself that you're dealing with personal issues, something is happening in the background of your life that he can't see, and it's hurting you. Still, he doesn't think it's his place to say anything. So he doesn't. Not for a week or so. He just watches from afar, keeps an eye on you passively, telling himself that you'll go back to normal when your feelings settle.
But things don't work out that way. You're more withdrawn, speaking less, laughing less, goofing around less, and it's so unlike you that he's beginning to get worried out of his mind. He might not be the closest person to you, and he's painfully aware of that, —but he knows you nonetheless. He's good at reading people, and you're by no means an exception. Shinso thinks so highly of you that it feels wrong to not give you a hand, because he knows you'd do the same for him if the shoe were on the other foot. So he works up the nerve and he approaches you after school, unsure of how to go about this, but certain that it's the right thing to do.
The small talk he makes feels suffocating. Your answers are bland, just as his questions are, and he sucks in a quick breath before getting to the point.
"Listen. . . I know that we aren't the best of friends, but you've seemed really different lately. Like you're always off somewhere else. It's not like you at all," he tells you, taking you by surprise.
He's the last person you thought would approach you about any of this.
"I've been thinking more," you admit, "so I guess that's why."
"Thinking?" He dares to pry, hoping that you won't shut him down now that he's come this far.
"Worrying," you correct, "that's probably a better way to put it."
"What are you worried about?" Shinso pushes.
You've been somewhat receptive so far, and he hopes you'll let him in. He knows he's not the type of person most would think to confide in, but you've never been one to judge him.
"About myself," you sigh, and he can't help but to think that it sounds so heavy, like you've been carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders this whole time.
"About whether or not I'm really cut out for all of this after all."
Shinso wasn't expecting that.
"Why would you worry about something like that? You've never slipped below the top five of our class," he notes.
"It's not so much academic or physical things that I'm worried about. It's the personal aspect of it all. . . You know, the mindset. The emotional capacity," you elaborate.
Even people like you think about things like that? It shouldn't surprise him, but it does. Shinso has always seen you as someone so far away from him. . . Someone destined to just be better. It shocks him that you're so down on yourself now of all times, you of all people.
"I had my first date with a third year boy, and he said a lot of things that have given me a lot to think about. Whether or not I really am too lackluster for this, or if I'm too childish to make it. I want to show him that he's wrong, make him eat those words. . . But maybe he's right."
"He's wrong," Shinso states, "and someone like that should look at himself first. If he wants to be a hero, that means lifting people up and making them feel like they can really be the best version of themselves. Saying that kind of thing to you isn't to make you better. He did that to be cruel, and he's wrong about everything he said. And you shouldn't worry about changing yourself for him. The way you are now is just fine, and you'll only get better from here. You've been growing stronger all year, and everyone has seen it. Everyone admires you."
His words hit you like a truck. If the two of you were alone and not surrounded by your peers walking by, you'd have probably broken down into tears.
"Thank you for saying so, Shinso," you give him a soft smile, "I'll take those words to heart."
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